#558 After Dark: Life Struggles

October 12, 2021Scott Benner

Madi is a young type 1, a mother and more.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Friends, this is Episode 558 of the Juicebox Podcast.

I don't want to give too much away but we're going to be talking to Madi today. Madi is in her mid to early 20s she has type one diabetes. She's a mother, and there's a lot of things going on in her life. I didn't expect this episode to become an afterdark but it is, and I think I'm gonna call it afterdark life struggles. Please remember while you're listening that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, please always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. or becoming bold with insulin.

I guess now we're recording so don't curse or do anything weird. And

Madi 1:05
I'm from LA that's that's hard.

Scott Benner 1:09
Which is hard not being weird or not cursing.

Madi 1:12
Oh, yes is both I mean I can manage

Scott Benner 1:20
Don't forget to take that T one D exchange survey at T one d exchange.org. forward slash juicebox.

This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Omni pod dash you may be eligible for a free 30 day trial of the Omni pod dash. Go find out right now at Omni pod comm forward slash Juicebox Podcast is also sponsored by the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor you can get started today. or learn more@dexcom.com forward slash juicebox trust me you want a Dexcom

Madi 2:01
My name is Madi. I live in Utah. I was born and raised in Los Angeles. I just turned 24 on Friday. Wow.

Scott Benner 2:15
Happy birthday. Thank you. So tell me I feel bad I was just downstairs getting a drink and my wife said what are you doing? I said I'm recording with a girl named Maddie and I can't remember why she's coming on I can't find any of my notes on it. So I feel bad about that. But let's just start with how this happened. Why are you here?

Madi 2:39
Okay, so I had found your podcast last year Oh gosh, it was probably in like June or July and I just I became obsessed I was like oh my gosh like warehouse suspending I actually like haven't really been a huge podcast person until then. I was like just getting into it. And I was like, this is like, this is amazing. Like this is something that like I've needed. My boyfriend at the time was like you're always listening to this.

Scott Benner 3:11
Wait your boyfriend at the time. loves that your boyfriend at the time. Did I break you up?

Madi 3:17
No, you know, you didn't break.

Scott Benner 3:24
broken up because he was a jerk.

Madi 3:26
No. So I mean he had a son back in Ohio. No, he were trying to work things out. So he was able to have his son out here half the time and that wasn't going as planned. So he went back to be with the son. We decided you know was obviously for the best.

Scott Benner 3:47
Well, that's sad. I'm sorry.

Madi 3:51
I'm sorry. Life happens. That's Yeah, so I found your podcast and I had just been diagnosed with a kind of a semi rare medical condition called epi or exocrine. Pancreatic insufficiency. I've also been type one diabetic for the end of this year will be 17 years. All right,

Scott Benner 4:16
hold on. Maddie. let's not let's not blow through that first thing again. What was the the new diagnosis

Madi 4:23
exocrine pancreatic insufficiency.

Scott Benner 4:30
You should see me typing.

Madi 4:34
It's not It wasn't me spelling out. No,

Scott Benner 4:36
no. I got it. But there was a pause. The pause you heard was me going. Exit crime. Pancreatic insufficiency epi is a condition characterized by deficiency of the exocrine pancreatic enzymes resulting in the inability to digest food properly or mal digestion. That's right. So but that's not that's interesting. That's, that's

Madi 5:05
no, I've got a I've got like, backstory to how I got that

Scott Benner 5:09
you Okay, all right, hold on let's start slow. You were diagnosed you said like 17 years ago. Yeah. How old were you then?

Madi 5:19
So is seven

Scott Benner 5:20
years old. Any memories from that that are worthless.

Madi 5:24
Yeah, all I remember is. So I mean, at that time, I was in soccer. So I was like losing a lot of weight, I was kind of a bigger kid, I was losing a lot of weight, I was drinking a lot of water. My stepfather, like noticed that he actually used to be kind of in the medical field, you know, using EMT stuff like that. And like if he knew love things, but like, you notice like something was going on. He was like, not like, She's fine. So just like losing your like more way, you know, like wetting the bed, constantly thirsty, eating like crazy. But I was just dropping all this weight. And then. So my stepfather, he raised me and my sister and my brother. Our mother died when we were younger. So it was just him until he's working. And like getting really sick at this point. And that had been going on for a couple weeks. And my sister was you know, like trying to take care of me she has a funny thing is is that she actually like laid me on the living room floor. Put a white sheet over Wi Fi calls are usually

Scott Benner 6:41
your voice just went away. And I don't know why are you farther away from where the mic?

Madi 6:46
I'm actually wearing a headset.

Scott Benner 6:49
Oh, you're wearing a headset? Can you hear me through it?

Madi 6:52
No. You're coming through my speaker on the PC. Yeah, I

Scott Benner 6:56
don't know what happened there. I'm sorry. I think because we have like a weird setup. It's possible that when I'm talking and it's coming out of your speakers that your microphones hearing it like you're talking and then we think there's some sound canceling going on so I'm gonna try really hard not to like, haha, you or ask you questions in the middle. I think that might be it. But I did have a question. Like, let me let me ask a couple and then you can get back into the story. So your I'm sorry, your mom passed away when you were younger? How long were your mom and your stepfather together before she passed? You're completely gone. Your voice is completely gone. Shoot. Maddie, I can't hear you at all. Maddie, you know, yeah, now you're back. I don't know what happened there. Anything you said before? Hello? I didn't hear. Shoot, shoot, shoot. Can we try taking the Alright, here's an idea. Do you have an iPhone?

Madi 7:58
I do that.

Scott Benner 7:59
Okay. Do Can we try it without the headset for a minute and see if the mic in the computer? Because the mic sounds great. And then all of a sudden you're just gone for stretches. Okay, yeah, let's try that. I'm gonna unplug it right now. Sorry. Okay, can you hear me? Yeah, it's really unplugged. Yeah. Let's do this. Okay. I think my my voice might rattle a little bit, but I'll just, if we just talk in, we take turns it'll be okay. And you just be cognizant while you're talking a little bit that, that I'm going to try not to interrupt you, but I might have questions. So I'm going to start again and just ask you again. Your seven year diagnosed You said your mom passed early. I was wondering how long your stepfather and mother were together before she passed

Madi 8:50
was about seven years old. My mother actually passed away the same year that I was diagnosed.

Scott Benner 8:56
Oh No kidding. Was it unexpected?

Madi 9:00
No, it was kind of sorta so my mother I'm not sure which hepatitis she had. But she had one of the forms and he got a transplant liver transplant but at that time, they only lasted four years. So after the four years they gave her another transplant actually but her body had rejected it so she unfortunately passed away

Scott Benner 9:31
sorry and I'm not wrong and I that that's something that's treatable now is Yeah, it is actually is that I'm sorry, I know this isn't why you're on the podcast, but does that make any sense? Does that make you mad? That they figured out how to fix a problem your mom had after it was too late for her

Madi 9:49
it's definitely you know like something I do think about you know, just because you know like now there are so many like medical advancements it's like all we could have had that back then you know, like There's so much greater, oh, my life would be completely different. You know,

Scott Benner 10:05
how how do you think? What do you think some of the main ways your life is different? And I'm, I'm stunned that you're that all this happened and your stepfather took care of you and your two sisters. Is that right?

Madi 10:19
As my older sister and a younger brother younger

Scott Benner 10:22
brother, that's lovely. But I want to pick through it a little more. So I'm sorry. So your your stepfather is recently lost his wife, your mom? And then you're diagnosed? Do you feel like at that time looking back? Did Did you did you and your sister your brother feel like his kids? To Him? Do you think what do you think this whole thing brought guys together?

Madi 10:49
So. So our family tree is kind of crazy. So my stepfather? No, my younger brother. That's his biological son. And then me and my older sister. No, we're not, you know, his blood. So he did have to, like adopt us. You know, after my mom passed away by Mike, he basically raised us our money. He did raise us, you know, so we know we did have that connection. Um, unfortunately, you know, he, he was kind of abusive. So that's the reason I actually moved to Utah when I was 18. I moved in with my biological father. And things have been pretty good. Since then. I don't really talk to my stepfather as much anymore. We might actually blocked him on stuff.

Scott Benner 11:48
I'm sorry. I just I hear stories that I just don't expect to hear.

Madi 11:53
I know. Yeah, my life's been pretty crazy. I was gonna say,

Scott Benner 11:57
you need a break. So what was that like growing up then with diabetes with a stepfather? who wasn't the greatest? Oh, it was

Madi 12:08
awful. I was constantly in the hospital. And I you know, there was a got to a point where he wouldn't even see me in the hospital. He just dropped me off at the ER, I'd be admitted. And I'd call him when I was ready to be picked up.

Scott Benner 12:28
Wow. Oh, that's terrible. Okay. Um, oh, okay. Tell me how you ended up in the hospital. And that time, a lot of DK like, I mean, I'm assuming it was hard as a seven year old to take care of your blood sugar. Were you on your own? Was he trying to help you with it at all? Um, after I was first diagnosed, your any of those times through there?

Madi 12:53
Um, oh, I guess like my diagnosis, we finish that, but um, and my sister ended up calling him was like, hey, like, mad, he's really sick. Like, something's wrong. He, like, rushed into the hospital, you know, it's like blue in the face. And they like check my blood sugar. And I was like, 700 something. And they're like, yeah, like, She's like, she has type one diabetes? No, it is like him, you know, having, you know, some medical knowledge feels like, you know, was like, why'd Why didn't I see this? You know, like, I know, all the signs like this. So I mean, after that, like, my diabetes was watched pretty well, like after my diagnosis, like my initial diagnosis. Because also at that time, since my mother had passed away, and me and my sister weren't, are obviously like our father's daughter. We were going through a custody battle. So my biological father and like his family, and, you know, obviously, my family is my stepfather. You know, like, we're all like, you know, pitching in, you know, taking care of me, especially with you know, like the schedule of, you know, like sharing me during that time or so, I mean, it was very well watched in the beginning, and then they're granted, you know, custody to my stepfather. So after all of that was finalized, my biological father and his family moved out to Utah. And

Scott Benner 14:34
that's so he he fought to keep you but then didn't treat you particularly well once he had you.

Madi 14:41
Well, I mean, like, it was my mother's you know, dying wish, you know, for the three of us to stay together. is you know, obviously if my biological father would have wanted me would have been split up. So they thought it was in their best interest to keep us with our stepfather. Obviously they didn't know that he was going to turn out the way he did. Yeah, unfortunately.

Scott Benner 15:06
I'm sorry to hear all that. That's literally terrible. And I don't know another thing to say, other than That's terrible. And I'm really sorry, but you're young. And it sounds like you're in a different position. Now. Did you have a pump all that time when you were younger? We're using MD Oh,

Madi 15:22
so the weird thing is so yeah, I was just doing the MD, our MBA, multiple daily injections. He was actually like, he instilled a fear in me about the pump. Like he was like, someone's gonna like hack into it, or like, the tubing is gonna get kinked and you're gonna go to DK like, instantly and like you're gonna die. Unless that so I always stayed away from the pump.

Scott Benner 15:52
I wonder if it was just too expensive and didn't want you to have it?

Madi 15:55
Well, it was honestly like, it wasn't even that like we could, like I don't want to say but like, we could afford it like he, he made we had really good insurance. But um,

Scott Benner 16:06
it was just scared of it.

Madi 16:08
Yeah, and it's like, um, now that like, you know, like I'm older and you know, like hearing stories from my family and stuff like that. They're like, yeah, like, he kind of wanted to like stay away from technology. It was kind of like weird about it sometimes with certain things and I was like, What?

Scott Benner 16:26
Oh, maybe not just around diabetes. Maybe he's just the cook. Is that what you're saying?

Madi 16:31
Yeah, yeah, he kind of lives Yeah, he's a little psycho easy way to say it.

Scott Benner 16:43
Oh my god, hold on one second.

My mom is trying to tell me something and I'm like totally Mila my friend. Leave me alone. I have a podcast mom. Imagine I'm 49 so stupid. So okay, so you're out in Utah now? And I'm being serious like, like I asked you But first of all, I've enjoyed everything you've said so far, but it didn't answer why you were on the podcast. I know you love that you found that you loved it but what made you reach out to be on it?

Madi 17:27
Oh yeah, that's right. I say get sidetracked and I already took my Adderall this morning. What's wrong with me?

Scott Benner 17:36
I have to tell you the whole podcast is one sidetracked So yeah, that's fine.

Madi 17:42
Um, yes, I found your podcast you know, fell in love with it. And I had noticed that you didn't have an episode on the epi and so I had actually messaged you on Instagram I was like hey Lena, like introduce myself. I was like, I noticed you know like you don't have an episode on there. So I was like, I was recently diagnosed with it like I'd love to talk about it with you. And you're like well, he's like you're like I'm pretty booked out like till April. Um, he was like it was probably it'll probably be best to who talked about it after you've lived with it for some time.

Scott Benner 18:16
Right? And so how long have you How long have you had it now?

Madi 18:26
May June. So it's been over half a year

Scott Benner 18:32
yeah, you get up on like nine months now?

Madi 18:34
Yeah, nine months?

Scott Benner 18:36
Well, let's before we get to it describe how you're just you're type one care was prior to that where you're a one sees how are you managing? How are things going.

Madi 18:46
So before I was actually diagnosed with epi, it was I had my management. It was not good. Um, so like, my last year, it was probably like, before I was diagnosed with the EPA, I was like, in the fourteens is pretty bad. And then my, he's not a he's a nurse practitioner. he's a he's a PA in my PA, physician's assistant on he actually gave me freestyle Liberty sensor. And at the time, I was like, also, like, diagnosed like with the epi. And he's like, yo, like, try this. I'll see you in like a month and see how that's going like with you as well. And I was like, oh, like okay, and after I got the sensor like, my life, or my diabetes management did a complete 180 on my last day when she was eight, so from 14 to eight And I hadn't been in the single digits for my England see since my pregnancy I congratulate he's almost four

Scott Benner 20:10
oh congratulations That's amazing. How did you get to 14? Listen I'm not judging you but I want to have the conversation so 1414 seems like you're trying to not do well and like what has to happen for an agency to be in the 14 like what do you have to not do?

Madi 20:29
Um, obviously I wasn't taking insulin or like I wouldn't on top of my diabetes ny also you know sometimes struggles and you know, eating disorders that I believe Yeah, I actually went to rehab for diabetes diabetes aimia and you 1016 Yeah, yeah, I was like you know, like I I want to be thin I want to be attractive I want to sing You know, like I would pretty so I would omit my insulin you know, I let my blood sugar and high and once I'd feel that you know, like I was like getting into like a bad deal here like I was like getting really sick almost to the point of no return. You know, like I take a whole bunch insulin and you know, like drink electrolytes No, chill out. To try to fix myself enough to a point where I couldn't function. And you know, continue to do that.

Scott Benner 21:33
I didn't realize that you I didn't realize that you had Diab Lamia, or that you had been in treatment for it. And I just the number just made me feel like something had to be there. I didn't realize that was going to be it. So are you did the treatment for the dib Lamia help you or are you still struggling with it? How does that go?

Madi 21:55
It actually definitely did help um, unfortunately not at that time I was I was a couple years younger and kind of stupid. So I actually left against medical advice from the rehab facility um after about like a month or a month and a half or so I was like I'm done you know being stuck in here like I don't want to get out um, but after I like less they're a notice that it actually did help me because my parents ended up giving me an ultimatum when I got home that night they're like either you will follow our rules you know take out all the piercings out of your face you know stop coloring your hair this and that you know have a curfew on or you know, if you're not gonna follow our rules you're gonna have to move out or like find another place to stay. I was like I'm gonna find another place to stay. I actually moved in with my friend that night and being on my own actually helped me a lot it would make me realize you know, like my family's not going to be here you know at the house if something happens to me and take me to the hospital like it's going to be just me like I'm going to be dead you know if I don't if I don't step up a little bit. Um, so I feel like the rehab and moving out after actually did help me be more stable. Um, but then after that, after you know, I had my son and stuff like that. And unfortunately, me and my, my son's father aren't together anymore after No, we had split. Guys thought back into the thought of you know, like, I want to be I want to be pretty for others like I want I want to be attractive to other people. So I did slip back in to that where I wasn't taking care of myself and running my blood sugar, you know, on the higher ends, like lose weight.

Scott Benner 23:59
Is that where you are now? Or are you now now you're doing better?

Madi 24:04
Now I'm doing better like I said, my last day once you ate me to get the recheck. I've been doing a lot better. Like I'm in love. I'm in love with the freestyle dancer. Yeah, it's been a huge, huge help. To me.

Scott Benner 24:19
So Maddie, I am not a professional, anything. I'm seriously like, keep that in mind as we're talking. But you've it's so interesting that you were like, I want to come on the podcast because I have epi and nobody's talked about it yet. Meanwhile, there are like seven other things that are incredibly interesting about you.

Unknown Speaker 24:41
I'm a very interesting person.

Scott Benner 24:44
Yes, you are 100%. But my first question is if I searched your name, your full name, which we're not saying here on Facebook, and I come up with a picture of somebody on a horse is that you

Madi 24:56
know, no, okay. All right. Definitely not definitely no Wouldn't be my full name, it would just be my Maddy. And then my last name.

Scott Benner 25:04
Gotcha. All right. So I'm just trying to get a feeling for who I was talking to. But so So a couple of things, the wanting to look good for other people thing. That's, that that seems to be the driving force behind a number of your issues. Oh yeah, you feel that? And And is there any way like to go to counseling for something like that to get past that because now I have found you when you are adorable, and I don't know why you feel like it's hard to it's hard to look at you, as an outsider in this picture and think that this person feels that way, the way you described. And I can't imagine that it's not to do you know, in no small part to how you grew up. Like, I can't imagine that how you grew up must have been incredibly difficult. And has I would imagine a lot of impacts that you might not even understand or that I understand. It does sound like your father, your birth father, and I guess his wife. It sounds like when they had enough of you. And they and you had enough of them. And you kind of split up then you started seeing the more the realities of your life. I guess that makes sense. Yeah. Okay. And and then the leap Ray did what for you, it showed you trends and where your blood sugars were? Did it help you do better with the insulin? Or did it put a picture to what was going on in your body? And it scare you?

Madi 26:42
Oh, it did a lot. I mean, obviously, you know, like, I saw the trends, and I started kind of becoming like, hyper focused on it. I was like, oh, like, you know, if I change how much time I take, now we're like, you know, just like Pre-Bolus thing, and then, you know, watching what I'm eating and then like watching the spike and know, like everything like that. And it was just like, I became like an obsession.

Scott Benner 27:15
So you focus yourself on your healthy situation, instead of focusing on these, I mean, I really, I really don't know anything about anything, but I and I've never had that feeling in myself. Like, I don't look right for people. And I can't imagine how, how impactful that must be on you when that's the overwhelming feeling in your head. But do you like hyper focus on things and you just hyper focused on your blood sugar this time.

Madi 27:44
And I mean, there's, there's a lot of focus, I mean, like, obviously, you know, there's my blood sugar. Um, and like, it's, you know, obviously, like, doing much, much better now. But it's like, now that I'm not using my, or using my diabetes, specifically, to lose weight. I've been finding other ways, unfortunately. So it's like, I know that my diabetes is an order. But now that I've discovered I have this epi, I have found a new way.

Scott Benner 28:24
So this is gonna sound disconnected from the disorder of diabetes aimia. And I want everybody listening to remember that I don't, I've never had it, and I have no, like, perspective on it. But I can see your pictures. And I don't there, you don't have weight to lose. Is that because you're manipulating it? Or is or do you just feel like you do? And it doesn't? Like, would it not matter how small you got? You would feel like you needed to lose weight.

Madi 28:57
I'm not sure because I mean, there was like a point where I was like, Oh, I think I might be thin enough. And it's very hard for me because yeah, I mean, obviously if you will get my picture you know, I'm not like a bigger person. Um, and you know, I A lot of people are like, oh, like, you're small, you're tiny, you know, like I fit in size, small clothing. You know, I wear size small medium. Um, we're, I think it's just like, physically, I know I look okay, but it's the number on the scale. Because I'm actually a very dense person. So usually I'm like, I'm pretty small. You know, I'm five, six. Like I said, we're so small, but I'm like, I'm like 150 pounds and people were like, there's no way like you weigh that much. I'm like, Yeah, like I'm just I'm super dense. And it's like, I was just seeing that number eight, like, I'm like, I like I want to be smaller. And then it's also you know, I've seen like how I see myself, I feel like people will, you know, accept you more love me more, you know, treat me better, if I'm prettier if I'm more attractive, and that does come, that does obviously, like stem from my childhood. And like the abuse and neglect where, you know, it wasn't being taken care of. And there actually was a point, you know, like I said, I was a bigger kid a little bit. Um, my stepfather, you know, would comment on that, and would force me to work out and he had like, told me like before work, sometimes he's like, you're too fat to go to work. I'm not taking you.

Scott Benner 30:42
I'm sorry.

Madi 30:43
That like, that still affects me to this day.

Scott Benner 30:47
So I mean, I think if there was a therapist here, they would tell you that you should go to therapy and talk about that. Oh, yeah. For sure, that's something you

Madi 30:58
could do. Um, it is, it definitely is. The I like to put on my big girl pants and forget that joke. I was awful. Um, I'm like, oh, like I can I can take care of this.

Scott Benner 31:17
Yeah, I would say Maddie that somebody put you in such a deep hole to start your life that I don't see how you could possibly take care of this by yourself. Like, I think you really need somebody to, to help you with it. Because there's, you have a number of different things going on. Right? So you're somebody's Mom, you're a young person who grew up in an abusive way. Obviously, I think the dyeable emia is because you had the ability to manipulate insulin, but had you not had type one diabetes, I don't know that you wouldn't have ended up with an eating disorder just all the same. Based on how you're telling me he spoke to you, and I mean, that's, you're too fat to go to work is is a level of horrible that I did not expect. You know what I mean? And I think it's possible that when you grow up like that, that starts feeling like, like, that's how people talk to each other. Except I have to tell you, like nobody else. Nobody talks to people like that. Yeah. And if you and if you had been spoken, like, Listen, I don't I don't mean to like, like, rip down to the end of your soul. But you're okay, your mom died when you were seven. That's if just that would have happened. I think I would tell you, you should go to therapy at me, and then you get type one diabetes, if just that happened, I think I might tell you to go to therapy. And you grew up with an abusive stepdad, if just that happened, and somebody was shaming you for your body. And it probably it's not even it's not even based in reality, which can be which I imagine could be even more confusing like somebody's calling you you know, it's like somebody it's like if somebody was calling you blonde and you were a brunette, like you'd be like, I'm not blonde. And and but they kept saying it. Like I don't know how confusing that would be like you're seriously. And then you got another issue another medical issue your five things into reasons why I think you should go talk to a therapist,

Madi 33:20
guys and it gets worse. It gets worse.

Scott Benner 33:25
It gets worse I'm gonna need to take a deep breath so hold on what's actually I'm gonna take a drink Hold on one second.

One Don't we all take a second to talk about Dexcom, makers of the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor and why you may want to run right to Dexcom comm forward slash juice box and find out how to get started. I'm just going to tell you what's happening today around here. Arden is sick. She has what I am affectionately calling kennel cough after going back to high school with a bunch of kids who have not seen each other for 18 months. They've all kind of got this cough. They're not particularly sick, maybe a little congested. It's hanging on them. It's not COVID it's just this. I don't know is this cough right? It's been impacting her blood sugar's pretty significantly Arden's needed much more basil, more aggressive boluses her insulin to carb ratio has changed a lot is happening during this illness. So I had her good and stable overnight. She got up went to school this morning, and out of nowhere at about 9am her blood sugar just went from super stable and like 116 to rocketing straight up. We were able, within 45 minutes to stop an arrow straight up that's Dexcom telling you Oh my God, your blood sugar is rising very quickly. She went from 116 to 170 to 183. We were able to cut it off in the 190s and she's 139. Now, two hours later. Now, just imagine If I didn't have the Dexcom g sex, just imagine if it wasn't able to share from Arden to me. No one would have ever known that we would have known for three hours until we tested for a meal that Arden's blood sugar had jumped up like that. But because of the Dexcom, we knew right away, we were able to make an informed decision about how to manage insulin. And we were able to stop that spike without causing a low later in the middle of an illness that is significantly impacting her blood sugar. Don't feel like I should have to say anything else. Go to dexcom.com forward slash juicebox Get started today, you will not be disappointed. You know when we got that information from Dexcom art and made those adjustments to our insulin through her Omni pod, the insulin pump that she's been using, since she's four years old, and right now she's a senior in high school. Anyway, we needed to make a Bolus we needed to increase her basil. And Arden was able to do that with a few clicks of a button. She didn't have to go to the nurse. She didn't have to pull out a syringe. She just click click click here we go on our way. And when we saw that Bolus work, we took the basil away right away. So we did a Temp Basal increase, then took it away temp and took it back and put it where we needed it. Understand instantaneously no walking to the nurse's office. You know you can't do that on MDI because once you've injected your Basal insulin, it's in there but we were able to use Arden's Basal insulin in conjunction with a Bolus to manipulate the situation. You could do that as well with the Omni pod, which is a tubeless insulin pump, a tubeless insulin pump that you can swim with or bathe with without taking off you know people are like oh, it's not a big deal to take something off while I take a shower. But what if this thing that happened to Arden today happened while she was in the shower, and she wasn't receiving any insulin at all? I think it's important to stay connected to your insulin and within the pod you can here's the last thing on the pod has going that I want to tell you about it's the Omni pod promise and this is how it works there's no need to wait for the next big thing from Omni pod because with the Omni pod promise you can upgrade to Omni pods latest technologies for no additional cost as soon as they're available to you and covered by your insurance terms and conditions apply but you'll be able to find the details at Omni pod comm forward slash juicebox Oh and if you're from Australia hold on for one second let me say one more thing that we're going to get back to Maddie Australians on the pod is now available for you learn more at Omni pod comm forward slash juice box a you the examples used here are from my daughter. Your results may vary. I didn't know this was an after dark episode when when you booked it but it is so that epi is the least interesting thing about you just so you know. But, but at the end, we will go over it so that we can understand it. But we're gonna get through this first. Because I'm right now feeling this happens to me sometimes when I'm doing these episodes like I am now feeling parental towards you, which is reasonable, but one of us is going to get you to therapy today and it's going to be me where I'm gonna. I'm gonna feel like I screwed up before it's over. Okay. But holy, what else is there going on that we don't know about?

Madi 38:26
Um, so, you know, obviously, like, I know, I stopped with the Dibley man and I started using my epi to lose weight. Um, but you know, during that era, I guess like 20 2020 was a crazy year for everyone.

Scott Benner 38:48
But how do you use epi to lose weight

Madi 38:52
so with the epi, um, I'm not able to process digest a lot of facts, facts. So I do so the epi basically is that my pancreas has been so damaged that I no longer release the enzymes to break down foods. And so if I don't take what they call them purtz on pancreatic exit or creating a cane or no pancreatic enzyme Replacement Therapy on so if the physically take pills that are filled with enzymes right before I eat in order to be able to absorb all of the fat and like the nutrition and you know, carbohydrates, proteins like that. So if I don't take them on before I eat, I'm not absorbing everything. So I don't gain as much weight. And I'm like mouth nutrition and it actually makes you know obviously my insulin sensitivity in Same you know, like I barely have to take any insulin because I'm hardly absorbing anything which I in my head I think that's fantastic, but I'm also like losing weight on top of that, which so I mean it's an awful awful thing. Another thing, just manipulating. Um

Scott Benner 40:15
Yeah, I think that's a hell of an insight from you really is that you're very busy in so many different times in your life just trying to manipulate reality to do something where there's a way to live in reality and those things happen as well. You know what I mean? You don't need because it must be exhausting is it not to constantly be thinking about this stuff?

Madi 40:40
Oh, it is. It definitely is. I have a million things on my mind all the time. You know, I'm obviously like my diabetes management on me. Oh, sorry. I was like hiccup on my other, you know, medical conditions. Um, you know, my, my son, you know, My son, you know, me and my son's father aren't together but you know, I do have them half a week and my son actually is in remission for cancer right now. So I mean, it's a lot

Scott Benner 41:14
she's you're gonna kill me Hold on a sec.

Madi 41:17
2020 was a crazy year. Yeah, he was diagnosed March 5 of last year with vitamin COVID. Hit what kind of cancer? Um, he has stage four. rhabdo Myo sarcoma cold is he? He's three and a half right now.

Scott Benner 41:32
Oh, my gosh, I'm sorry. What? What? And he's in remission right now.

Madi 41:37
Yeah, so he has about like four months left of maintenance chemo, and he should be able to ring that bell. So things are good.

Scott Benner 41:46
That's really cool that his prognosis is four more months of chemo and then he gets to call himself in remission or he gets to what

Madi 41:53
is like technically he is and remission now. His PET scans are showing that he's you know, technically cancer free but he does have to finish the maintenance chemo. And then we do some more scans to kind of make it official. I

Scott Benner 42:10
just found a picture of him. He looks just like you.

Madi 42:13
Oh, I wish I wish I could show you a picture of us. And we both have hair as toddlers. We fear doppelgangers.

Scott Benner 42:22
We had this face. And now I'm understanding. I think I'm understanding better why you shaved your head at some point to was

Madi 42:28
Yeah, yeah, it's been almost a year Exactly. I think, well, since we shaved their heads.

Scott Benner 42:35
Maddie, do you? I I'm at the point now where I I want somebody to give you a hug. So you know, it's funny. 20 minutes ago, I thought, wow, this girl's not doing great. And now I think it's possible. You're doing really well, considering everything is happening to you. No, seriously good for you. And I think you are like, I mean, I don't know how you. It's a lot. I just don't know another way to say that. That's your 24 gesture and 24. That's just way too much to have to do in the first 24 years of your life. So how do we? I mean, what do you have a plan for moving forward? Like do you have a goal for yourself?

Madi 43:29
I mean, my, my ultimate dream would be to live off my art. I've always loved art doing ever since like November, pre COVID. I was a tattoo apprentice for a while that was fun.

Scott Benner 43:48
She, you want to do you want to be a tattoo artist?

Madi 43:52
Possibly. I mean, since you know I stepped away for COVID because of COVID and my son. Um, I've just actually just recently gotten back into making art and selling it. And I think I want to take a minute to kind of explore my own style and make my own pieces and then possibly go back to tattooing.

Scott Benner 44:14
So do you are you drawing or what kind of media

Madi 44:18
so I do a lot of I'm mainly draw, but I'm trying to get into painting right now. I was thinking about taking a class on my local art shop. That would be really cool.

Scott Benner 44:30
Okay, how about your How about your mental health stuff? What's the play for that? Like? I don't, I don't think you can just hope that it's going to, oh,

Madi 44:43
I actually I actually had an appointment. I set up an appointment with my therapist on Monday, but I was in California this past weekend to visit my sister for my birthday. So I was supposed to come back on Sunday and then go to my appointment Monday and then she convinced me to stay another day. Um, so I missed my appointment. So I have to reschedule that.

Scott Benner 45:03
This is a startup appointment.

Madi 45:06
Yeah, it's a new startup. Okay. I mean, I've seen the guy before, but it's been so long that I have to do like another new patient appointment.

Scott Benner 45:15
Yeah. What if I asked you to promise me to just go every week? Would you do that?

Madi 45:21
Yeah, I actually used to go see him weekly. And then we started spacing it out.

Scott Benner 45:25
wasn't helping.

Madi 45:27
But was Yeah.

Scott Benner 45:28
Okay. I don't know you have, you have things that I don't have any perspective on, other than from the podcast. And I don't know, I feel like I'm supposed to say something here. And I don't know what to say. And I'm a little I'm you, you've made me feel lost. You didn't do anything wrong. But But, but the conversation has made me feel like a little lost. I feel like, if you were my daughter, I would, I would want to encourage you to take your enzyme pills before you eat. And use your insulin. Get your a one C as low as you can get your blood sugar's as stable as possible. You know, take nutrition and that your body needs. And try to believe that you're perfect the way you are, and don't need to look any different than however you look. I don't know how I would do that for you. But that is what I would want to do for you. See, welcome. Are you gonna cry yourself, swear to God, if you cry, Maddie, I'm gonna cry.

Oh, my God, I am, I am incredibly sad that you didn't get someone to care about you like that when you were little. But I don't think that that means that somebody isn't going to care about you like that, or that. At the very least, you shouldn't care about yourself like that. So maybe instead of looking for other people, to make you feel how you want to feel, maybe just the confidence that you are those things could come from yourself. I don't know if that's too much to ask. But I don't see that there's anything wrong with you that needs to be fixed from talking to you, or from looking at your life and photographs, you know, I realized that's a pretty removed thing still, but you don't have much going on that couldn't be that couldn't be made much better. And if you're having trouble doing it for yourself right now, maybe do it for your son, and then work into doing it for yourself, right? Because he's going to need you for a long time. And you don't want to make him. You don't want to do something inadvertently. That's going to have him 24 years old somewhere telling somebody Yeah, I have an eating disorder. I grew up watching my mom do that. And it's stuck to me. Because that could happen. You know? Yeah. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I don't know. After all that. You're you must have sat in a room and thought cancer. Are you serious? Like, do you scream at the at this? Oh, yeah.

Madi 48:18
Oh, yeah. like you wouldn't believe. My sister, you know, that I grew up with him. He's like, my number one, you know, um, you know, I called her and told her that night that, you know, we heard and she flew out the next morning, and it was hard because, you know, like, at the, you know, I did you know, like, step out, and I was just, like, cursing the heavens, you know, like, Oh, good. There'll be one more thing, you know, like, just really, really? And she like, No, just like, looked me in the face. And she was like, you know, obviously, like, I tell her everything. She knows everything I've gone through and she's like, I'm so sorry Maddie. Like, it hurt me seeing how hurt she was that I have been so hurt. You know? I'm so sorry. Like, like, everything.

Scott Benner 49:14
A lot of pain. And it's too it's too much for Listen, if you were 24 and raised by the two greatest parents on the face of the planet, I don't know how you'd be ready for this. Seriously, I I don't I would just feel like it would be too much. When you said there's more and it's worse. I thought how she's foolish. Like how is it going to be worse than this? You know. And there it is. It it is but it doesn't change it so there's a there's got to be a delineation between how sad This is and how unfair This is. And the fact that it is like this, and they like it or not. You're the mom and you're you're the one who's got the ability. To guide this ship in the right direction, do you don't mean like there's no one else? Like you're you know, you're not with your, your son's father?

Madi 50:08
You mean he's still like in his life? Oh, that's, that's good. Okay, yeah.

Scott Benner 50:16
But still, as you get older, you know, your son's probably going to gravitate towards being with his mom. And you know, you're going to make a lot of big decisions, and you're going to do things that are going to shape his existence and yours. And you have so much time, like, for all the I mean, that's, I think the really good news and all this is that for all the bad things that have happened, you're only 24. Now that might be confusing to you, because you're as old as you've ever been before. And so you feel like you're really old. But you're, you're barely starting, like life has literally just begun for you, your brains not even done forming yet. I don't know if you realize, okay, so you have, you have, you know, decades ahead of you way more time ahead of you than you have behind you. And there could possibly be a day in the future, where you don't remember your life, the way you're talking about it now, where you've built a new life. That is, is a celebration, and a joy. And that's how you think of life. And that's how your son will think of life. Like I think that's like really important to remember that just because all this stuff happened doesn't mean this is who you are, you could easily be somebody else starting right now. And I mean, look how easy it is you take your enzyme pill and take care of your blood sugar, and you've just eliminated some really big problems. You know what I mean? Yeah, and then talk to the therapist. And I would probably go out in the middle of the night and run in the desert and scream a little bit too. That sounds like a good idea. But don't because you'll run into a cactus and be killed by a hill a monster, you don't have any. Okay, stay inside.

Madi 51:59
It's actually really out there.

Scott Benner 52:03
Trust me, You never listen until you until you right what's going on here I would be, I would be worried that anything that like if you ever walk outside and they complain, it's gonna fall on your head. Because I feel like I feel like you know, a mountain is gonna fall over on me or something right now, like, that's my leg. saying, like, you'll just like if you if you went, if you went to the Grand Canyon, it would eat you get an amen, like you should stay away from all kinds of falls in class, wrap yourself up a little bit. I know that I I know that. So not to keeping in mind, I'm not a therapist, and I'm just a person chatting with you. I want to give you a little perspective on my side a little bit. And this is the one thing that no matter how many people I talked to, who have some sort of an eating disorder, I know that I know what it is like I understand that just your brain just does not see yourself the way you are. Right and that it's it pushes all this on you but being able to see your pictures, it makes it really shocking on my end, that you feel the way you described. And I think that that's a good indication that it's something that was caused by something else and that therapy really could help you untangle it and separate the pain you felt as a child from how you see yourself now that is my guess. Like i would i would i would really lean into therapy and i would i would really lean into how you see yourself and that eating disorder in that therapy seriously because you're not the person you think you are.

Madi 53:50
I know like logically I know

Scott Benner 53:53
no i and I'm sorry to even say it because I know you know and I know that's not the point but i think i think that that's a good jumping in spot to try to help yourself because that's it's just I don't know it's terrible that you're spending so much time and effort and thought on something that's just really a bullshit dia that some jackass put in your head when you were a kid. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. All right. Holy Should we take a break or go for a walk or I feel like I should smoke a cigarette I don't even I don't even certain what to do here is their I guess you probably want to tell all those people who say that I'm the proud owner of useless pancreas that their pancreas is not that useless, right? It doesn't

Madi 54:43
really mines like at most 5% functioning right now. So

Scott Benner 54:49
you know how people would type one or like my pancreas doesn't work and it still does a lot of things. Like help you digest your food. So I mean, like it would be I wish people knew that I know it's just a joke but you know it's not a useless pancreas it's just a seriously diminished pancreas it's not really the pancreas anyway, it's the beta cells but let's not get too technical it'll, it'll ruin everybody's t shirts. Alright, do you have any questions for me? Is there anything you want to talk about that we haven't?

Madi 55:23
Um I guess like really quickly I can just go over like how my mismanagement my diabetes led to me EPA, please say hello obviously, like I said, You know, I was diagnosed when I was seven. I wasn't, you know, taking care of, at all early on, I was kind of just know, I left to take care of it. By myself, you know, like, after all the custody battles and stuff and after that, you know, always in and out of hospital, like probably like every three months. And I moved here to Utah, and I was, you know, like, things are all everything is gonna be fixed everything for me better, you know, obviously, that wasn't the case, I was still you know, in my bad habits. Um, you know, I got really bad to the point and December of 2015, actually went into a coma because of that. And I, I survived, and I started, I went to rehab after that. And then, you know, I started taking care of myself a little bit better, I ended up you know, getting pregnant and I took care of myself then. Then after that, I just, like, slowly started like, declining, like back into my old ways. And then now after, you know, me and my son's father, that's what you know, I had gotten a little worse, a little worse, and I started going to the hospital again. And then I got the freestyle and like, everything started getting better. But then I noticed I started having like, really, really terrible stomach issues. And like, it got to a point where I was like, this is affecting, like my daily living like the quality of my daily life, like I have to get it checked out, something's wrong. Anyway, they did the tests and stuff and they took an ultrasound like they put a camera down, or an ultrasound machine, whatever you want to call it down my throat and take ultrasound of my pancreas. And they're like, you definitely have chronic pancreatitis. Like your pancreas is riddled with calcifications. Because of all of your mismanagement, like you, obviously, like never, basically never taken care of yourself for like a very, very long period of time. Like, oh, like over a year, like, it's just like you like, Bad. Bad days. But yeah, so they're like, you know, with all the other tests we've ran on you, you also have exocrine pancreatic insufficiency, you're gonna have to take these enzymes right before you eat every time for the rest of your life as well. Sounds like awesome. Awesome.

Scott Benner 58:14
Okay. Can I ask you after all this? Have you? avoided like anesthetizing yourself through like hard drugs and drinking? Do you not do that stuff? Now? How did you avoid all that? Cuz, you know, I just like, there's a moment while we were talking when I realized, like, this girl doesn't get high and she doesn't drink but I don't know how you didn't like fall into that.

Madi 58:43
I mean, like, you know, like I smoke like weed here and there, you know, I'll socially drink. Actually, I can't drink now because of my epi. Um, but before you know I go like socially drink but I've never gone like really hard into it.

Scott Benner 58:59
Yeah, let's face it. I mean, it's, it's, I'm happy for you, but it's kind of fascinating. Like it feels like the kind of story that that ends with, you know, a drumroll at the end and they're like, and so I've been off heroin for three weeks. Like it just felt like it was heading that way and then I realized it wasn't and I was like, I think it's possible you're the strongest 24 year old person I've ever met in my life. Like that's what I've come up with that many. Yeah, now that is what I've come up with. And I think that if you I think that if you can get on top of some of this other stuff, you might see a lot of success from that strength. You know, like imagine where it might take you if it wasn't so busy fighting all this crap.

Madi 59:41
It's been like besides like, like I saw like, my diabetes is doing like well now on like, it's just pretty much my epi that I'm not managing. Besides that, you know, everything else in my life is going pretty good. You know, like I said, like, I'm a single mom. And I'm like I said, his He hasn't had the time. You know, I have my own apartment. I pay my car payment. I have the dog. I'm living life on my own little bit.

Scott Benner 1:00:13
Yeah, that's amazing. I think that I'm sorry my voice is echoing it confused me for a second. I think it sounds like you're doing terrific and it sounds like you're moving in the right direction. I just don't think you should be hard headed about taking help about it. Because I think you can probably get where you're going more efficiently and probably more quickly. Oh, yeah. You know, with with somebody says assistance.

Madi 1:00:37
I'm very stubborn, unfortunately. And I know it.

Scott Benner 1:00:41
Stop that. Okay. Please. Holy crap is there I want to make sure is there anything else you missed anything?

Madi 1:00:51
I think that might be it, I think. Okay. All right. If you want to part two, we can do a part two. Just keep on going.

Scott Benner 1:00:59
I don't know I don't see how you don't get to come back on every year for as long as I do this podcast. There's a couple of people. I'm telling you there are a couple of people I've said that too and you are definitely we're gonna stop the recording and I'm going to make that offer to you 100%. First, a huge thank you to Maddie for coming on the show and sharing her life with us. And also need to thank and I also want to thank Dexcom, makers of the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor you can find out more@dexcom.com forward slash juice box there's also links in the show notes of your podcast player and links to all the advertisers at Juicebox Podcast comm when you click the links you're hoping to show and don't forget to find out about that on the pod on the pod.com forward slash juice box and of course for you Australians on the pod.com forward slash juice box a you check into that free 30 day trial the Omni pod dash you may be eligible. And don't forget about the Omni pod promise.

There are many series inside of the Juicebox Podcast This one is after dark. Other after dark episodes include eating disorders, diabetes, complications, being the child of divorce, living with bipolar disorder, sexual assault and PTSD using psychedelics heroin addiction, Ballymena and depression, divorce and co parenting having sex from both a male and female perspective when you have type one diabetes, depression and self harm trauma, addiction, drinking and smoking weed check them out at Juicebox Podcast comm you can just scroll down a little bit till the after dark then you'll see all the series actually algorithm pumping, how we eat all different kinds of ways that people eat when they have diabetes. The variable series which is a new and I dare I say fun series short episodes talking about different variables that impact your blood sugar's, there's the finding diabetes, which is the series that defines the terms that you use every day and may not understand. And of course the diabetes pro tip episodes. I'm very very proud of them. I think you should give them a try. Okay, well, that was sort of anticlimactic at the end. So let me like ramped the energy back up and say thanks so much again for listening. I appreciate it when you guys share the show with other people show is doing incredibly well because of you because you're sharing it. If you're enjoying it, please leave a beautiful rating and review wherever you listen. But most of all, tell someone about the show. It's how it grows. I'll be back very soon with another episode of the Juicebox Podcast. I appreciate you guys.