#1829 Relationships that Heal: Affection, Connection, and T1D Safety Nets
Scott Benner and Erika Forsyth explore the landmark ACE study , introducing how positive childhood experiences (PCEs) build resilience and counteract early stress for families.
Companies that Support Juicebox
Key Takeaways
- Having affectionate, steady caregivers who respond calmly during highs, lows, and nighttime checks helps children feel safe rather than like a burden—check your facial expressions and vocal reactions around blood sugar numbers.
- Instead of saying "I get it" when your child with diabetes is frustrated, acknowledge that while you understand the caregiving burden, you don't experience what they physically go through—this validates rather than dismisses their feelings.
- Find at least one adult outside your home (teacher, coach, neighbor, or mentor) who genuinely understands your child's diabetes and can be a quiet safety net—this reduces isolation and shame.
- Helping your child stay part of groups (sports teams, activities, support groups) after diagnosis reduces the "why me?" mentality and normalizes their experience even while managing blood sugars.
- The best thing caregivers can do for their children is manage their own trauma around the diagnosis—unresolved parental stress transmits directly to children and affects their nervous system regulation.
Resources Mentioned
- Medtronic Diabetes - MiniMed 780G system with Instinct sensor
- Contour Next Gen - Blood glucose meter
- "Childhood Disrupted" by Donna Jackson Nakazawa - Book on how trauma becomes biology and how to heal
- PACEs Connection Science Initiative - Research on protective and compensatory experiences
- Juice Box Podcast Private Facebook Group - Community support for diabetes families
Introduction to the PACEs Series
ScottHello, friends, and welcome back to another episode of the Juice Box podcast. Hello, friends. Welcome back to the second episode of the Paces series with myself and Erica Forsyth. Living with type one diabetes means dealing with stress, uncertainty, and a lot of daily decisions, But research tells us something encouraging. Supportive relationships can actually buffer stress and help the brain handle challenges more commonly.
ScottIn this episode, we're looking at the first category of PACEs, protective and compensatory experiences. We'll talk about the people who make a difference, caregivers, friends, teachers, and communities, and how those connections can build resilience, confidence, and emotional safety for people living with diabetes. If you're looking for community around type one diabetes, check out the Juice Box Podcast private Facebook group. Juice Box Podcast, type one diabetes. But everybody is welcome.
ScottType one, type two, gestational, loved ones, it doesn't matter to me. If you're impacted by diabetes and you're looking for support, comfort, or community, check out Juice Box podcast, type one diabetes on Facebook. Nothing you hear on the Juice Box podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. Today's podcast episode is sponsored by Medtronic Diabetes, who is making life with diabetes easier with the MiniMed seven eighty g system and their new sensor options, which include the Instinct sensor made by Abbott.
ScottWould you like to unleash the full potential of the MiniMed seven eighty g system? You can do that at my link, medtronicdiabetes.com/juicebox. Today's episode is also sponsored by the Kontoor Next Gen blood glucose meter. This is the meter that my daughter has on her person right now. It is incredibly accurate and waiting for you at contournext.com/juicebox.
Understanding Protective and Compensatory Experiences
ScottErica, it is part two of our pace series, episode two. I don't know how we'll end up, like, breaking these down. And I see here by your header, proactive and compensatory experiences. Is that where we're starting today?
ErikaYes. Well, we're gonna start yes. So in our first episode on the PACE series, we've kind of reviewed the ACE study. We then talked about so those are the adverse childhood experiences we talked about. As a result of that landmark study, there were positive childhood experiences that were analyzed because we wanted to discover what makes these children who've had exposure to the ACEs land well and show resilience.
ErikaSo we talked about what the the positive childhood experiences are, and then we talked about and sometimes people call it now that your PACE score, your positive and adverse childhood experience. And so then what we're gonna be talking about, though, are the the PACE, the protective and compensatory experiences that can be applied even after you've been exposed to trauma as a child. And that was research that was and and the paper that was written by Amanda Sheffield Morris and Jennifer Hayes Grudeau that was published in January 2023. So we're gonna be kind of focusing on those protective and compensatory experiences.
ScottI I think that's exciting. I probably mentioned it before, but, you know, if the idea is, you know, you've had a certain number of these things from this aces list by the way, if you haven't heard part one, don't even listen to this. You gotta go listen to part one first or it's not gonna make a ton of sense to you. Once you've understood those that list, that ACEs list and how it can impact people, the next question I had was, you know, is there a list of things that happens to people that maybe points to a better outcome for them as as an adult? And then through that learning that not only is that possible, but you maybe could take some of these things and go back and reapply them to people who have had adverse experiences in their life and and change it for them.
ScottI I found that to be, like, the kinda most exciting part of what we talked about last time. So I am, I'm good to go to dig into this. So wherever you wanna start, please do.
ErikaOkay. Great. I I wanted to add as we were kind of thinking about this series and I was researching, I came across an additional resource that I thought would be helpful to share. I have not read this book personally, but the author is Donna Jackson Nakazawa. Nakazawa. Hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. And she wrote a book called childhood disrupted, how your biography becomes your biology and how you can heal. And, basically, the the summary she describes the summary of this book that no matter how old you are or how old your child may be, there are scientifically supported and relatively simple steps that you can take to reboot the brain, create new pathways that promote healing, and come back to who it is you were meant to be. So I just wanted to share that as a resource as we talk about these experiences, that you can dig dig deeper.
ErikaThere's lots of great resources from her website and also the PACE PACE's connection science initiative. So with that, we're gonna we talked about there's two different parts with these protective and compensatory experiences. The first one that we're gonna be talking about today, the first category are is relationships that heal, and the second one is resources that build skills and resilience, which we're gonna talk about in the next episode.
Why Supportive Relationships Matter in Diabetes
ErikaSo why is it important that we we're we're gonna kind of talk about this through the the lens of living with diabetes, these, different categories. But, yeah, obviously, it's important. Living with diabetes, you're it's full. We know of so many stressful moments. And so having these supportive relationships that we're gonna discuss can buffer those stressors.
ErikaThey can heal some of those stressors and teach the brain you're you're not alone. That this is this is hard, but you're safe. Right? We're always wanting to come back to what is the child and you as an adult experiencing a safety in your body. And so these relationships and these connections can change how the brain handles stress.
ErikaSo that is the important part that even if you're listening to these things and as an adult and you did not have these experiences, they you can work on them, apply them, and it can actually rewire the brain and heal. One other note before we go on to talking, if you're listening to these five different points that we're gonna talk about that that nobody is pair is perfect. No parent is perfect. And I just invite you to hold grace for yourself if you're listening to these things and you think, gosh. I don't do that, or I do that really well, or gosh.
ErikaI don't I can't do any of these things. This is not prescriptive. This is hopefully helpful and supportive, but we're not this is not supposed to lead to shame.
ScottRight. No. Absolutely. No. Please. Please don't let that be the takeaway. Right.
Point 1: Affectionate, Steady Caregivers
ErikaSo the first one is number one, having affectionate, steady caregivers. In your life as a child. I thought it might be helpful to talk about, yeah, what does that look like with living with type one or or diabetes in general. So having a parent who does nighttime checks without shame or anger. So you might you might feel that irritation of having to the alarm goes off, but kind of checking yourself, taking a breath before he needed to go into the room. Even though the child is asleep, people with diabetes are very attuned to all sorts of thoughts, responses, facial expressions and being really aware that they don't want their diabetes to be an irritation for other people.
ScottYeah. They don't wanna feel like they're the reason you're upset, sad, whatever. So it's up to you to not I think not just reflect that onto them, but to not feel that way. Like, you have to figure out a way to go in and do that blood sugar check gracefully, you know, in a way that makes people feel like, this is nowhere else this guy would rather be right now but helping me. And that can be tricky. I'm sorry. Go to the next one.
ErikaBe tricky. Yes. When your child's presenting as an affectionate steady caregiver, when your child is high or low? I know I am not I my children do not have type one, so I do not know what it's like to be a caregiver to someone with type one. But I do hear stories from the children and teens that I work with.
ErikaAnd when they are experiencing a higher low, if they're sitting across from their caregiver who is panicking, who is annoyed, who is scared. I hear all of those things, and I understand why you might be feeling those things as a caregiver. It can then it's triggering the child's nervous system that this high or low is really bad or I'm bad or this is really scary. And some of those things, it is scary to be high or low sometimes. So I'm not trying to dismiss that. But just being mindful of how you're showing up when your child is high or low and how that might be interpreted within your 10 year old or your 16 year old.
ScottMy wife stopped me years ago now, and I don't think it's a thing that I adjusted immediately. But she's like, every time you see a number that you don't like, she's like, you kinda mutter under your breath. Like, or you'll you'll go like, oh, something like that. And she's like that like, Arden hears that. She's like, I hear it. It makes me nervous. And I was like, okay. And it's funny because I never I wasn't angry. I didn't mean anything by it. I think it was just like a like a throwaway reaction that I was having that had an impact on other people I didn't realize. So I I appreciate somebody having pointed it out to me. I wish it was something I would have been able to adjust more quickly than I did, but it is something that I I got handled eventually. Still, I I I guarantee it had adverse effects on on art and the people around me. But yeah. And unknowingly too. Sorry.
ErikaYes. No. That's good. It's a good example. Yeah. So having being being a parent or caregiver who comforts your child during site changes or, you know, pump failures or hospitalizations. Donna points out in the research the author I referenced earlier, the significance of eye contact that we talked a little bit about in the first episode and and a twenty second hug. So we're talking not only about kind of physical emotional affection, but also physical affection and what that does to the nervous system.
ErikaI hear so many fabulous and wonderful examples of support for your child during some of these traumatic things. One thing I also wanted to highlight is a common maybe frustration that I hear from the the children and teens I work with is when a parent might say, like, I get it. So the the child is maybe feeling frustrated about a a pump change or having to treat a low or having to wait to eat because they're high, and the parent might say, I get it. Now I understand. I'm guessing as the caregiver, you're trying to connect with your child.
ErikaYou're trying to make them feel less alone in that moment. I understand you're not saying I get it because I have type one. Right? Unless maybe you do. And then that's the separate situation. But what the child is hearing in that moment is not connect. They aren't feeling connected. They're feeling like, no. You you don't get it. You don't have type one. I know you're getting it that you're getting the burden, the burnout of of of dealing with the chronic illness, of dealing with the diabetes. But what the child might be feeling in that moment is, well, you don't get it. You're not having to be aware of, you know, when you're going to the bathroom and pulling your pants down and not wanting to rip off your pump site. You don't get, like, having the beeps go off and all your friends looking at you.
ErikaSo just being mindful of when you are wanting to connect and show that affection and that connection with your child, maybe saying, you know, this is really hard. Or you're wanting to show up for them. You're wanting to calm their nervous system, but be mindful of that word, that phrase, like, I get it. Because you get it as a caregiver, but not as someone living with it.
ScottIt's more than just a difference in wording. There really is the the truth is, no, you don't. You're empathetic and you you know, to me, it runs right along with, I would take this from you if I could. Like, please don't say that. Like, because you can't. So it's pretty falls pretty hollow when when you say something like that to somebody. But I I even think the thing I try to do, I don't think is perfect. Because now that Arden's older, I'll say, you know, I'm, I look. I'm doing my best to understand what's happening to you. I completely understand that I don't know how you feel, but I, you know, I see this as hard. Even that, I think, is, like, I think that's better, but I don't think that fixes the problem.
Managing Your Own Trauma as a Caregiver
ErikaBut you can also go back and repair to say, Tommy, you know what? Those times I've said I get it because I'm trying to support you and I'm trying to, like, connect with you. I realized I I don't get it the way you get it. And I'm so sorry.
ScottAnd you can almost let it go for them if you if you come back with that apology. It occurred to me while you were speaking a minute ago that there are probably people out there that are like, oh, there's burnout. It either happens to you or you don't. But I think that's because of the word maybe. Like, they they think of burnout as like a flame out, like a complete, like, collapse. I believe that every person living with a chronic illness is going to experience some version or level or degree of burnout constantly. And I don't think there's a way around it. I don't think you're gonna get rid of it. I just think it's a fact of the situation. And you you can't possibly you're not just either living fancy free with this or you're collapsed on the side and need therapy. Like, it's not it's not a one or the other situation, but I do think it gets treated like that sometimes. I just think that there's, a spectrum of what that looks like from very low level to I can't even begin to take care of myself anymore and everywhere in between, and I don't think that there's anybody not living in that spectrum that I've met so far.
ErikaYeah. That's a good point. Yes. And and on that spectrum, if you because you are I guess we're speaking mainly to caregivers right now. You know, if you have had your own medical trauma from seeing your child just either live with diabetes, have a seizure, be in the hospital, a diagnosis, or DKA, it's important to do your own work to process the trauma because so often, again, unintentionally, it might spill over that you are experiencing a traumatic response every time your child has a sight change or every time your child gets sick and you're running through this, oh, no.
ErikaLast time you got sick, well, you had to go to the hospital because he got into DKA. And so that is running through your body and and understandably so, but you don't want us that it it can become indirectly placed on your child's diabetes and then directly internalized by your child that that they are a problem or that they're scary and what they have is scary.
ScottAnd and I don't think we could say enough times that it's this is not anybody pointing to you and saying, like, look, you're doing a wrong thing. But you also need to I do think you need to see the connection between you know, the reason that aces list is interesting to me is because if you experienced these things growing up, like, somebody's physically harmful to a spouse or your mother to your father, your father to your mother in your household. Right? And then you see that growing up, it has detrimental effects on you. And it's easy to say, well, yeah. Well, the mom just shouldn't have punched the dad or the dad shouldn't have yelled at the mom, whatever it was. Right? But if you go back a generation, you'll see why that happened to them. Right? Like, somebody did something in front of them that caused that. And while that's true and completely excusable, I think, because you are now wired that way and not necessarily how you want to be, I understand both arguments that you should be an adult and overcome that and not do that. I also understand the argument that says that, like, maybe it is beyond your control. You don't have the tools or the knowledge to stop it.
ScottNone of that makes it untrue though. So, like, if that's the case and you flip this over into diabetes and what you just said is, like, you've got your own medical trauma. You've watched your kid go through this thing. You're having your own reaction. That's all true. You're welcome to that, but you cannot ignore what the outcome of that's going to be when you do that then in front of your kid later. They are going to carry some baggage forward with them because of your experience and how that experience came out in front of them. Does that all sound right?
ErikaYes. And your this quote that I found from Donna again, I have no personal connection to her. I've not read her material, but it's connected to a lot of this ACE and PACE work. She says the best thing we can do for the children we care for is to manage our own stuff. Adults who've resolved their own trauma help kids feel safe. So that's, yeah, kind of just from from the research, and it's hard. It's like, when do you have the time to do that? You're just trying to keep yourself and your child alive. I I totally hear that. And, hopefully, through some of these conversations things get a little better. Some tools.
ScottThat's all yeah. That's all you're looking for. I mean, not no. I don't think I don't think any of us are getting to perfect, but we certainly could be moving in the right direction. And running off and living in a cave is not the answer either. You can't just remove yourself from the situation thinking they'd be better off without me or, by the way, not leaving the house, but removing yourself emotionally thinking as if I'm not interacting with them, at least they won't get my crap. They're just gonna get different crap from that. Ain't no winning. There's only levels of not losing. Okay?
Point 2: Having a Best Friend
ErikaOkay. Here we go. So well, let's move on. Yep. The number two, and there's five of them, is having a best friend. And so what does that look like for two with living with diabetes? So a friend maybe having a friend who knows and could even actually verbalize and advocate for your your child with diabetes. Like, oh, she she needs like, if she's eating in class, let's say you're low, and you need to treat your low. Your best friend sitting next to you is kind of like your protector. Like, oh, she needs to eat sometimes. Or you know, he he has a pump. It's okay. Or when the sub says, who's, you know, who's beeping back there? No phones allowed. The best friend can say, it's a medical device. You know? I'm, like, shouting, you know to to the teacher. She needs it. And not that you want it you need to be reliant upon that best friend all the time, but it just it does kind of share some of that burden of advocacy.
ScottI don't wanna go too far down the rabbit hole, but, also, if you're that friend, get ready to be a nurse later in life, you know, because, like, this experience is gonna put you into a caregiver role in your and you're not even gonna realize it. The spider web that is personal interaction is fascinating. Like, right, because the the minute you become that person's best friend, it changes probably the direction your life goes. You don't even realize. But very valuable community in general. And a community I just got done saying this to somebody. A community can be two people. It really can be. So you need a little bit there. It doesn't have to be a thousand people for it to be a community.
ErikaNo. It's good. And and having this best friend and this can be, you know, if you're adult living with diabetes who who doesn't act annoyed or scared or surprised, who someone who maybe you don't feel like you have to apologize in front of. You know, we in the body grease series, we talked a lot about how we live in a in a stage of apology often. I'm sorry. I gotta change. Like, are you okay if I do this thing right here right now? So someone who really gets it in that way. And then having a buddy, like, maybe as a caregiver, you trust not only the family, but the friend who can be another person of lookout for sleepovers or after school activities, field trips, and such. And what this does for the the person living with diabetes is you you feel less alone.
ErikaEven though they don't have it, your best friend does not have type one, that maybe they do. That would be kinda cool. But even if they don't, knowing that someone truly gets as much as if they can and is your peer reduces that isolation and kind of normalizes the experience, and you're not the one always having to advocate or explain.
Point 3: Adults Who Stand By Your Child
ErikaAnd the third one, adults other than caregivers who stand by the child during hard times. So this one might take some education, right, from you as the caregiver, from a team, a medical team. So this is gonna take a little bit extra work. But what does it look like to have an adult who stands by your the child with diabetes during hard times, having a teacher who really gets the highs and lows and is super aware of their nonverbals. And this applies to also nurses and coaches. If you have either a sugar pixel or something in the room or maybe they can hear the alarms, maybe they're following. You know, there's everyone has different setups. But for at school, having a nurse and a teacher and or a coach or PE teacher who really gets it and isn't doesn't show in a sense of annoyance, but real empathy and compassion. And, again, that if you don't if that if those things feel impossible, there are other ways. But I know just thinking about, you know, where your child spends most of the days at school. And so having one or it doesn't have to be all of them. And it doesn't have to be it could be just like the the library instructor. It could be one other adult in your child's life who really gets it.
ScottSo instead of, like, a health advocate, almost like a like a happiness advocate or a totem in your life that you walk past once in a while and you just look up and you go, there's there's missus Smith in the library. If I if something happened to me, she would know what to do. Like, that kind of feeling. To feel like there are people in your life and in your orbit who understand and would have your back if necessary, but aren't necessarily running around constantly yelling like, hey. Save forests. It's not like that all the time. Right? It's just knowing that they're there quietly in the background. So as a parent, you have to try to set those people up in your kids' lives, or do you wait to see if they spring up organically, you think?
ErikaOh, that's a good question.
ScottBecause sometimes they do. Sometimes they spring up organically, and there they are, and then you have them. But for some people, like, how do you go initiate that conversation with somebody without it feeling stilted or weird moving forward?
ErikaSometimes those people might kind of present themselves as you're having conversations. They might say something like, oh, my my niece has type one, or, they might have a personal relationship to a chronic illness may or may not be type one. That's usually kind of a first indicator that they understand that things happen out of their out of their students' control. Yeah. Also, maybe, like, their rigidness around their instruction, around their teaching style. And and just kind of can I just kind of having that warmth, right, that they might get it? But I think you made a good point that it's not someone sometimes this can drive some of the people that I work with, like, the PE coach is like, hey. Like, screaming across the yard. You know? Timmy, you're low. Like, go to the nurse now. That's the opposite of what you were looking for.
ScottI've just I've heard too many stories from people that are like, oh, I thought their coach understood. I thought this one understood until something happened, and then you realize they're kinda nerd nicks and they didn't really get it or they didn't understand it as well as you thought they did or whatever. And then they become, like, the anti hero in the story. Like, the person you thought was gonna save the day ends up becoming, you know, the the reason for your your bigger problem. And so, I hope that these people pop up organically, but if they don't, I'd be very thoughtful about how you choose the people you approach to be this. Just because they are a thing in your life doesn't mean they're gonna be good at this job, I guess, or want it even or do, you know, or do well with it for you. It's a slippery slope. It's not an easy thing to figure out, you know, from my experiences and from my conversations.
ErikaThat that is it is because you you would hope that your child's teacher or you would hope that the school nurse would be this person. And that they might not they might be some years. They might not be every year. And that also, you know, the way you're responding as you're trying to find adults who stand by your child during hard times. It also I know we're talking about it very specifically and narrowly with diabetes, but it could be the other parts of their life. You know, maybe they're really supportive if your child has, you know, learning differences, and they are really attentive and attuned to that.
ScottI bring it up because I find that one of the places people push back with, like, mental health support in general or, honestly, a lot of times where you end up with a checklist of things to do for something is that they're nice to say, but, like, yeah. Yeah. Sure. I should go get my librarian or my kid's soccer coach to be nicer to him, but I you haven't met these people. They're idiots. Or I you know, like, who knows? He's not the one I can go to for this. Right? And so it's I I get scared that people hear that and then they go they take the next step and they go, that's not really viable for us. That won't work. And then they I don't want them to give up on it. I do think there's somebody out there who would be a great best friend who understands your diabetes or, you know, a mentor within the community who is the right person to be this. I just don't think it's as easy all the time as it could be. And there are some people that live in in cultures and and communities where they don't trust a soul outside of their their life. That can be tough too. You know, as much as I believe that your human connections are probably maybe a little more valuable face to face. There are plenty of times where you have to rely on the Internet to to bring together this group of people that you're desirous to find but cannot find in their in your own life. There's don't think there's anything wrong with that either.
ErikaYes. So that that is those are all very valid points because you could be listening to this and hearing, like, well, I've tried everyone at school, and no one is can fulfill this role. Yeah. And that is obviously very frustrating. It could be a neighbor in your community. We're gonna talk about more resources in the next episode. It could be someone within your your faith community, but just a mentor. There are, you know, diabetes mentor groups out there. Just somebody else besides the primary caregivers is really the point.
ScottYeah. No. Of course. It's because you don't want your you you don't wanna be walking out to the mound to tell your own kid that they're not throwing strikes. Like, sometimes that's just not the best way to get the point across. I just wanted to you know, as we're making space for things, I just there's plenty of people who are more worried about not getting shot walking home than finding a neighbor that could be valuable for them about their diabetes and, you know, and and everywhere in between on that too. So just because it's difficult doesn't mean it's not important, I guess, was my point. Like, don't just skip it if it's not easy to just point and go, that person could be helpful to me. That's all. Anyway, good luck.
ErikaNo. I I those are great points to, yeah, to spread the idea that it's it's not just school based. It's not just community based. It might be really hard to find somebody like this. Yeah. And that is valid. I think the in the line of, you know, the adults who stand by your child, I know this probably doesn't need to be said, but I'm gonna kinda say it around the the medical professionals, you know, being in a space where the doctor, the nurse, the nurse practitioner, whoever you're seeing isn't just focused on the numbers, but is attuned to your child's or to yourself if you're the adult listening to yourself as a person. My I've had a range of endos from grading my a one c's as a child to my current endo who the I probably have said this before, and this is a new and a fabulous experience. He's like, how are you feeling? How are you doing?
ErikaBefore he pulls up the graphs, before he pulls up the data. And and it's only probably a two, three, maybe five minute conversation, but that is such a a gift, right, that he's seeing me as a person and not just my diabetes and my numbers. And there are people out there who are who treat that way. So I just wanted to kind of point that out as well.
ScottLook. Listen. And there's a lot of value in hearing that from you specifically because you've had diabetes for, like, you know, wait, what, more than say more than thirty five years. So you know the value of being treated that way and and and the difference when you're not. Also, I, I'll give you a compliment right here. Somebody reached out to me recently and said, I like that Erica is sharing more of her real life in the episodes. So I I I actually got some feedback about that I wanted to tell you. So they said they feel like over over the episodes and the years that you seem like you feel more comfortable talking about yourself and your diabetes.
ErikaThat is a very an observant listener. Yes. Awesome. Well, I'm often yeah. It's it's an interesting experience as a as a therapist that you don't typically disclose much.
ScottYeah. There's a little bit of a blur here for you. Yeah. Erica's like, I got this I got this thing too. Yeah. I'm sorry. We gotta get back to your list.
ErikaSo let's keep moving. So, really, what does this do? Why is it why are we spending time about having, you know, having an adult who is supportive for your child or for yourself? It reminds them that there that there's safety outside even though that might, for yourself and your community, it might not feel safe outside your home. And I think it's important to validate that. But where you can and if you can reminding your child that there are people out there outside of your home who can be safe, and then that also kind of mitigates and protects against any kind of shame narrative or feeling like you're the burden living with with diabetes.
ScottYeah. All with the goal of giving you positive experiences around your diabetes that will help you be a a more fully formed happy adult one day.
Point 4: Being Part of a Group
ErikaYes. Yeah. Okay. Number four, being part of a group, which you just kind of alluded to that a community or a group can be, you know, yourself plus two. And some of these are are fairly obvious that we talk about, you know, participating in support groups, particularly for teens. Those are highly popular, participating, attending diabetes camps. And then separately, even if so the where yes. It's diabetes focused, those things, but being on a team, being in a choir or a dance group where diabetes management is integrated into their rhythm and their life, I know that can feel really scary for people. And and often, I do hear and and understandably so, after diagnosis, there's a pause from integrating some of those things into your child's life because you're trying to learn how to manage. But I do encourage if your child is is, you know, hungry for that to to reintegrate them back into those things where they feel like they're a part of a group, where they belong, where it's not just about their diabetes is so important.
ScottSome of the more interesting stories that I've people have shared with me, a lot of times people are diagnosed right before a planned trip or something, adults and kids, and they still do it. And then every one of them in hindsight is like, thank god I did that anyway. Because somebody tried to tell me, oh, maybe you shouldn't travel right after this or so an adult that told me recently about how they were they were literally trying to get insulin on the way to the airport because that's how close their their diagnosis was to, like, a, like, a long plane flight that they had. And if they look back and they're like, I'm so glad I did this. I did ask. If that was happening to your kid, would you want them to go? And she said, oh, no. I wouldn't. It was great because she validated that going anyway was super important. And she was going far, if I'm not mistaken, like, another country. And I said, what did you like, what did you think would happen if you, like, would you have gotten on the plane if you couldn't have got insulin? And she's like, probably, because I know I would have landed and people could have helped me still. Like, she was very, I could get it done when I get there. Great message. Great energy. I said, would you let your kid do the same thing? She goes, no. I don't think so.
ErikaI hear I hear similar stories. Yes. Going off to college, going abroad, going on trips. It's a tough decision trying to decide to be carry on even though we know it'll be more stressful. But then I wonder how significant making the choice to go becomes integrated into your narrative of, like, we can continue on with life.
ScottI go blinders because I realized a long time ago that if I put my fear on those kids, it's gonna be worse for them than whatever's gonna happen to them if they do something, it doesn't go well. Right? So but there are still times where, like, the pull inside of you is just, like, don't let them do that. That's a bad idea. Don't like, just say no to that. You know what I mean? I just, like, I shut my eyes, and I go, I know it'll be better for them to do it on their own than to not have it happen, and I'll just stop looking. And that way, maybe I won't feel like or at least maybe I won't open my mouth at the wrong time. You know? And that goes for, like, health stuff, dating, like, all that stuff. There's times you wanna be like, are you sure about that one? But you think, no. It's better to have the experience than for me to be the reason that you make a decision. Like, you need to make that decision. I can't make it for you. My experience is not just because you've lived through something and you know the right answer doesn't mean that giving them that answer is gonna get the outcome that you want. You're skipping them over an entire like, letting them have a lived experience in there that will be much more valuable to them than whatever the thing is you think you're gonna save them from, unless it's not. Like, you know, I mean, if the guy's got that serial killer stare, maybe grab your daughter and pull her back in the house. But, like, anyway you know what I mean? But moreover, it's just better for them to go find out he's a jerk and come back, you know, or or whatever this the thing, I think. Unless it all goes wrong. And then, of course, you'll second guess yourself for the rest of your life. So congrats. But I think, generally speaking, that's the way to go.
ErikaSo so being part of a group, obviously, it sometimes can cost money and time, and that is maybe not a luxury that that we all have all of the time. I used to see people on the the Juice Box Facebook group post like, hey. I live in this ZIP code. Anyone wanna meet up at such and such park on this date?
ScottYeah. I see people do that.
ErikaYeah. Yeah. I thought I just think that's really cool because it's it's very loose. It doesn't cost any money, I don't think, to show up at the park. And I just think that's a be a beautiful way to to feel connected without hopefully spending any money. A lot of these things do cost money. So the why why is this important? I think particularly getting your child back into, you know, whether it be school or sports or activities, it can reduce that feeling of why me? Even if their blood sugars are all over the board, and I know that that is super scary, I'm thinking about, like, their mental health component of, why can't I I used to love playing baseball. Why can't I do that anymore? That is such an important aspect to reduce that sense of loneliness and isolation or that why me? Why and then and then why can't I do this? Oh, it's because of my diabetes. So the belonging and identity and support is really important.
Point 5: Stable Employment for Caregivers
ErikaOkay. Should we do the last one? Number five.
ScottYeah.
ErikaHaving one caregiver at least one caregiver with stable employment. Now that one, I know, is is hard. Right? Like, some of some of us might think, well, it must be nice to have stable employment for one of us for between my partner and I, or maybe you are living you are a single caregiver to your children or child. And so I I hear that, and I wanna acknowledge that. I think it's also important to note, you know, what would be the benefit of that, not only financially, but emotionally.
ErikaSo having you know? And particularly if this employment has insurance. Now having predictable access to your insurance, we know it can be obviously very helpful with diabetes. But even if you have stable employment, so often that your employer might change insurance plans, and that is so frustrating and irritating and having to find new doctors and getting new prior auths and all of that. But with with having access to insurance with stable employment, you obviously have that kind of known rely you know, like, you can rely upon having access to your devices, your insulin. And in general, for you as the parent, this is all obvious. You know, reduces your own stress and financial stress, and your children can live in that and pick up on that if you are more stressed financially. But, basically, the the stability reduces that kind of background stress. When are we gonna get the devices? When are we gonna get insurance? And your child will feel more secure and safe. But, again, these are these are obvious, and this is hard to do perhaps all of the time to have one caregiver with stable employment, but this is what the research has shown.
ScottYeah. I just looked while you were talking, and it says that children living in families without secure parental employment in The US, about 18,400,000 children or around 25 to 31% lived in families in 2023 where no resident parent worked full time and year round. That means no parent worked thirty five plus hours per week for most of the year. That's a bigger number than I imagined it. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. That's it's a lot of people. Anyway, that was a bummer. But I yeah. Yeah. But I I appreciate you you saying it doesn't stop again, this doesn't stop the truth from being if one of the parents is gainfully employed and the kids can what? Expect that their pumps and CGMs and supplies will be available to them when they need, if there's not financial stress around their lives. Kids pick up on that. Like, if you can reduce those things, you have a better out you have a better chance. By the way, you could also do all these things right, and your kid could still be a show one day. I like the none of this or vice versa. By the way, that was the thing that really freaked me out. The first episode, you could have a ton of those aces on that list and not have adverse events from it in your adult life either, which is also good news. But yeah. I mean, I don't know if I cut you off, like, if you got to go over everything you wanted to in part five or not. But just because it's sad or unfair or whatever doesn't mean it's not true, I guess, is the is the point.
Summary: Relationships That Regulate
ErikaYeah. Yeah. So these these five things, you know, having affectionate steady caregivers, having a best friend, adults who stand by your child during hard times, being part of a a group, and having one caregiver with stable employment. These all are, you know, relationships that are significant that ultimately help regulate your your child's and and also your own, you know, nervous system.
ErikaAgain, under the umbrella of protective and compensatory experiences, these are things that will help buffer, mitigate, heal the experience of being exposed to to trauma or stress, in this case, diabetes, but obviously can be applied to other stressors that the ACE list recognizes and and ultimately helping your child feel safe and and that their nervous system is regulated even when they're exposed to hard things living with with diabetes.
ScottRight. Because if their nervous system has responses to these outside influences when they grow up and become an adult and those stressors happen, you're they're more likely or or they're likely at least to have those kinds of reactions that then create this problem moving forward for their children and generations to come if somebody doesn't break the circle at some point. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Such a simple and yet complex idea at the same time. Right? And and I have to understand the physiology of it to even believe that it is true. Because I think there's most people there's plenty of people would say, like, look. Just be an adult. Don't do that. But I it just doesn't seem to me that that's the way things work. So I appreciate you doing this with me very much.
ErikaYeah. Yes. You're welcome.
Sponsor Messages and Closing
ScottI'd like to remind you again about the MiniMed seven eighty g automated insulin delivery system, which of course anticipates, adjusts, and corrects every five minutes 20 four seven. It works around the clock so you can focus on what matters. The Juice Box community knows the importance of using technology to simplify managing diabetes. To learn more about how you can spend less time and effort managing your diabetes, visit my link, medtronicdiabetes.com/juicebox. Having an easy to use and accurate blood glucose meter is just one click away. Contournext.com/juicebox. That's right. Today's episode is sponsored by the Kontoor Next Gen blood glucose meter.
ScottOkay. Well, here we are at the end of the episode. You're still with me? Thank you. I really do appreciate that. What else could you do for me? Why don't you tell a friend about the show or leave a five star review? Maybe you could make sure you're following or subscribe in your podcast app, go to YouTube and follow me or Instagram, TikTok. Oh, gosh. Here's one. Make sure you're following the podcast in the private Facebook group as well as the public Facebook page. You don't wanna miss please, do you not know about the private group?
ScottYou have to join the private group. As of this recording, it has 74,000 members. They're active talking about diabetes. Whatever you need to know, there's a conversation happening in there right now. And I'm there all the time. Tag me. I'll say hi. My diabetes pro tip series is about cutting through the clutter of diabetes management to give you the straightforward practical insights that truly make a difference. This series is all about mastering the fundamentals, whether it's the basics of insulin, dosing adjustments, or everyday management strategies that will empower you to take control. I'm joined by Jenny Smith, who is a diabetes educator with over thirty five years of personal experience, and we break down complex concepts into simple, actionable tips.
ScottThe diabetes pro tip series runs between episode one thousand and one thousand twenty five in your podcast player, or you can listen to it at juiceboxpodcast.com by going up into the menu. If you have a podcast and you need a fantastic editor, you want Rob from Wrong Way Recording. Listen. Truth be told, I'm, like, 20% smarter when Rob edits me. He takes out all the, like, gaps of time and when I go, and stuff like that. And it just I don't know, man. Like, listen back and I'm like, why do I sound smarter? And then I remember because I did one smart thing. I hired Rob at wrongwayrecording.com.
