#1758 Body Grief: Apology and Fault
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This discussion focuses on the emotional progression through Apology and Stage: Fault within the context of living with Type 1 Diabetes (T1D). These stages explore the transition from apologizing for one’s existence to searching for a cause for the condition.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner (0:0) Hello, friends, and welcome back to another episode of the Juice Box podcast. (0:16) Body grief is the sense of loss and mourning that comes with living in an ever changing body. (0:21) And in this new series with myself and Erica Forsyth, we're gonna talk all about it. (0:29) The podcast contains so many different series and collections of information that it can be difficult to find them in your traditional podcast app sometimes. (0:37) That's why they're also collected at juiceboxpodcast.com.
Scott Benner (0:41) Go up to the top. (0:42) There's a menu right there. (0:43) Click on series, defining diabetes, bold beginnings, the pro tip series, small sips, Omnipod five, ask Scott and Jenny, mental wellness, fat and protein, defining thyroid, after dark, diabetes variables, grand rounds, cold win, pregnancy, type two diabetes, GLP meds, the math behind diabetes, diabetes myths, and so much more. (1:03) You have to go check it out. (1:04) It's all there and waiting for you, and it's absolutely free.
Scott Benner (1:08) Juiceboxpodcast.com. (1:11) Nothing you hear on the Juicebox podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. (1:16) Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. (1:30) I'm having an on body vibe alert. (1:32) This episode of the Juice Box podcast is sponsored by Eversense three sixty five, the only one year wear CGM.
Scott Benner (1:41) That's one insertion and one CGM a year. (1:44) One CGM, one year. (1:47) Not every ten or fourteen days. (1:49) Eversense cgm.com/juicebox. (1:52) Today's episode is also sponsored by US Med, usmed.com/juicebox, or call (888) 721-1514.
Scott Benner (2:03) Get your supplies the same way we do from US Med. (2:06) The podcast is also sponsored today by the Tandem MOBI system, which is powered by Tandem's newest algorithm, Control IQ Plus technology. (2:15) Tandem MOBI has a predictive algorithm that helps prevent highs and lows and is now available for ages two and up. (2:22) Learn more and get started today at tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox. (2:29) Erica, we are back again to continue our body grief series.
Scott Benner (2:33) Why don't you take a second to, tell everybody what we've talked about so far in the previous episodes very briefly? (2:39) They can go listen if they haven't. (2:41) And then, what are we gonna be talking about today?
Erika Forsyth (2:43) Great. (2:44) Yes. (2:45) So we have discussed body grief through kind of we did intro was the of our first episode and reminding you the definition of body grief is the sense of loss and mourning that comes with living in an ever changing body that's as defined by Jane Mattingly in her book, this is body grief. (3:06) And then in episode two, we went over the stage one, which is dismissal, and stage two, which is shock. (3:16) And so today, we're gonna move into stage three, which is apology.
Scott Benner (3:22) Apology. (3:23) What does that look like for people living with type one diabetes?
Erika Forsyth (3:27) Okay. (3:28) So apology sounds like when you hear yourself saying either externally or internally, I'm sorry for being me. (3:38) I'm sorry that I have to ask you to wait while my blood sugar comes up. (3:44) I'm sorry Maybe you're, you know, hiding and doing your, you know, site changes privately. (3:52) There's nothing wrong with that, but we'll get into what what's underneath those types of actions and thoughts.
Scott Benner (3:57) Okay.
Erika Forsyth (3:58) So apology, it it might look like you're trying to be polite and considerate Mhmm. (4:04) By altering what your what your reality. (4:06) Right? (4:07) Like, but maybe you're trying to accommodate other people's comfort. (4:10) Maybe you're trying to accommodate other people's expectations.
Erika Forsyth (4:14) But you also simultaneously might be regulating yourself as well. (4:19) Well, you're saying, I'm sorry, you know, trying to be considerate to other people, and it looks maybe very socially acceptable, you also might be regulating your own discomfort around what is happening, like what is causing that body grief. (4:35) And, obviously, in the context today, talking about the diabetes, but this could be about any new sudden injury or loss or physical illness, you know, relating to your body.
Scott Benner (4:48) So a shame or embarrassment even that could come with the fact that your body's doing something that you would not have chosen for it to do, but it's happening anyway. (4:58) And now it's going to inconvenience you and by extension other people around you, and then you're apologizing for that. (5:05) But the underlying aspect of that is that you're really apologizing for something you can't control that you wouldn't have put in this situation to begin with. (5:15) Does that feel that's about right. (5:16) Right?
Erika Forsyth (5:17) Yes.
Scott Benner (5:18) Yeah. (5:18) Okay.
Erika Forsyth (5:18) Like, something that's out of your control, you also might be trying to avoid feeling what you're feeling in the moment. (5:26) Right? (5:27) So you're trying to just okay. (5:28) I'm sorry. (5:29) And and it it again, it can be very convenient or socially acceptable, but when you're in this stage, it actually doesn't lessen the pain even though you think you're you're trying to dismiss actually what's happening.
Scott Benner (5:44) Okay.
Erika Forsyth (5:45) Again, whether you're trying to accommodate other people's comfort or your own, really, you're you're in this space of not allowing yourself to feel what you what you feel or or give your body what it needs in that moment.
Scott Benner (5:57) It it feels a little to me like when I hear adults say this is a thing that's been said to me so many times over the years, and I I never don't feel terrible hearing somebody say it out loud. (6:07) When they refer to themselves as a bad diabetic. (6:10) Right? (6:10) Mhmm. (6:11) Like, it feels like I don't even know what.
Scott Benner (6:14) It almost feels like they're trying to get out ahead of your under I don't know. (6:17) I don't know how to put it. (6:18) It's such a complicated thing. (6:20) But they're apologizing for not being perfect based on some set of standards that somebody set up for them. (6:28) And, gosh, I have to dig deep into how I feel about this when it happens when when somebody says it to me.
Scott Benner (6:34) I feel badly for them because I feel bad that, a, they didn't that they don't feel like they're doing a good job for themselves, that it's possible that somebody set up an expectation for them that was unfair to begin with that they didn't prepare them for dealing with, and that they feel compelled to externalize that to strangers or other people. (6:56) That's the part I find heartbreaking, and I can't tell you why. (6:59) I just know that I do. (7:01) And it makes this makes me feel like that too. (7:04) You know, that you are, you know, sitting on a park bench waiting to not be dizzy anymore, looking at your friends, realizing everybody wants to be, you know, ahead of where where you were going, but they're not.
Scott Benner (7:15) They're waiting with you. (7:16) It appears to them that you're at fault, but you're not a willing participant in what's happening right now. (7:22) I mean, I guess what we're trying to help people feel is the the separation between their decisions and things that are out of their control. (7:31) Right? (7:31) Like, you don't wanna be your body.
Scott Benner (7:34) Is that am I getting to anything here, or am I not making any sense?
Erika Forsyth (7:37) Yeah. (7:37) Okay. (7:38) So you are making sense. (7:41) I'm I'm gonna
Scott Benner (7:43) Please.
Erika Forsyth (7:43) Kind of include what you just shared and then share an example that just happened. (7:47) Right before we were recording
Scott Benner (7:49) Oh, that's right.
Erika Forsyth (7:50) I noticed that I might I added, diagonal ink arrow down. (7:54) Mhmm. (7:55) And I was one seventeen, and I noticed I didn't have my glucose tablets on my desk like they are. (8:00) And what did I say? (8:01) I said, I'm sorry.
Scott Benner (8:02) Oh, that's right. (8:03) You apologized.
Erika Forsyth (8:04) I said, I'm sorry. (8:05) We can't record yet. (8:06) I need to go to the other room and grab my my glucose tablets.
Scott Benner (8:09) Right.
Erika Forsyth (8:10) I guess, so in that moment, I felt ill prepared. (8:12) I felt badly because I was gonna have you wait for another minute or two. (8:17) Know?
Scott Benner (8:18) And I have experience, so I didn't think twice about it. (8:21) Mhmm. (8:21) But other people are like, oh, great. (8:24) The lady with diabetes are holding up is holding up the thing. (8:27) Right.
Scott Benner (8:27) Oh, oh, oh, So I And you're aware of that?
Erika Forsyth (8:30) Yes.
Scott Benner (8:30) Yes. (8:31) Okay.
Erika Forsyth (8:32) But I I I instinctively apologized because then I realized, oh, no. (8:37) Is this gonna be inconvenient for you? (8:39) Because I'm not prepared.
Scott Benner (8:41) What's the difference when that inconvenience stems from your body and not, like what if you just needed a pen and you realized you didn't have a pen? (8:48) You're like, oh, I'm sorry. (8:49) I forgot to bring a pen. (8:50) I gotta go grab a pen. (8:50) And you got up and you walked away.
Scott Benner (8:52) That wouldn't feel the same way as, hey. (8:56) I have to go get glucose tablets now because my body doesn't regulate my glucose properly and blaze. (9:01) Like, right. (9:01) Like and so that connection point is the unfair connection because at least you can take responsibility for forgetting to bring a pen, for example. (9:11) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (9:11) But you can't take responsibility for your pancreas not working well or the fact that you have to use, you know, insulin or other means to to control it, and sometimes you get low afterwards. (9:20) So that's what this that that part right there, whatever that is, that's what this whole series is about. (9:26) Yes. (9:26) That that spot.
Erika Forsyth (9:28) Yes. (9:28) So in that spot right there, thankfully, I think in that context, I knew you would understand. (9:34) I still felt like I wanted to apologize for, you know, creating a pause. (9:39) Right. (9:40) And I did have a minute of, like, oh gosh.
Erika Forsyth (9:42) I thought I you know, I really tried to be particularly when we record Mhmm. (9:46) To be really stable in a in a good place with my at a healthy range. (9:51) And so I had a second of, uh-oh. (9:53) What if I go low? (9:55) You know, this is this all this is like Happens
Scott Benner (9:57) right away.
Erika Forsyth (9:57) Split second. (9:58) Yeah. (9:58) What if I go low? (9:59) And even just now as we're talking about it, I was looking. (10:01) I'm like, okay.
Erika Forsyth (10:02) No. (10:02) I'm I'm good. (10:03) I'm stable. (10:04) But it can it can very it can slide so quickly into that shame, and that's what we're gonna get into if we're of you
Scott Benner (10:13) know? (10:13) Okay.
Erika Forsyth (10:14) Oh, I'm a bad I'm a bad diabetic. (10:16) I'm I didn't prepare.
Scott Benner (10:17) In that moment, did you think, oh god. (10:19) What did I do before that caused this low?
Erika Forsyth (10:21) No. (10:21) Because I knew I I gave a bolus of two units earlier. (10:24) So
Scott Benner (10:24) You already knew what you
Erika Forsyth (10:25) did. (10:25) Down.
Scott Benner (10:26) Right. (10:26) Right.
Erika Forsyth (10:27) So That might have been a little aggressive, but, actually, it worked out just fine.
Scott Benner (10:30) You didn't end up needing the tablets?
Erika Forsyth (10:32) Oh, I took two. (10:33) Yeah. (10:33) Yeah.
Scott Benner (10:34) You're like,
Erika Forsyth (10:35) oh, no. (10:35) Now I'm stable.
Scott Benner (10:36) No. (10:36) I needed them. (10:37) So you ate you ate them on the way back to the desk.
Erika Forsyth (10:39) I I chewed them very quickly on the way back.
Scott Benner (10:41) Yes. (10:42) Wow. (10:42) Boy, that is a lot. (10:43) I okay. (10:44) Good.
Scott Benner (10:44) You you keep moving forward. (10:45) Thank you.
Erika Forsyth (10:46) So, yeah, it's in that that space. (10:49) Right? (10:49) And that I'm sorry, you know, I'm sorry for needing to take a few minutes too. (10:53) I mean, that's in my notes as an example. (10:56) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (10:56) And this is a natural part of living with type one. (11:01) We are negotiating these things all the time. (11:05) And what we're wanting to recognize, though, for, like, the example of maybe you're leaving your room leaving the room to site change or inject or or treat Lowe's. (11:13) I did all of those things, Demio. (11:14) Maybe your that that feeling of, oh, no.
Erika Forsyth (11:18) I can't start the meeting yet because I'm low, or the feeling that you have to if you're playing in a sports game and you have to sub out because you're going low or high Yeah. (11:28) And then you feel that responsibility. (11:30) Right? (11:31) And, like, I'm sorry. (11:32) Should I keep going?
Erika Forsyth (11:33) Sorry. (11:34) Gonna say something. (11:34) Something out.
Scott Benner (11:35) Yeah. (11:35) Do you know that, like, you've had other I mean, we've done this a number of times together, like, over the years. (11:40) Right? (11:40) Mhmm. (11:40) You've had to got get up and walk away a number of other times.
Scott Benner (11:43) This is the only time you muted your microphone and shut your camera off when you walked away.
Erika Forsyth (11:48) Oh, really?
Scott Benner (11:48) Yeah. (11:50) Because it it struck me. (11:51) Was like, that's odd. (11:52) She never does that. (11:53) But it now I'm wondering if you didn't subconsciously not want me to hear you have to open the tablets or take the
Erika Forsyth (12:00) or, like,
Scott Benner (12:00) I Chew. (12:01) Or chew or what I I wonder. (12:02) Like, I don't know. (12:03) Maybe I'm I'm looking too deeply. (12:05) Yeah.
Scott Benner (12:05) But you've walked away, you know, half a dozen times to go talk to your husband or figure something out. (12:10) You've never shut the microphone off or shut off the camera before.
Erika Forsyth (12:13) So Very interesting. (12:15) Well, may and I this wasn't on purpose for the illustration, but it's you kinda
Scott Benner (12:19) Listen. (12:20) I've been making this podcast a long time, and one thing I know for sure is that a new example comes up every day for me to talk to. (12:26) So that that's not
Erika Forsyth (12:28) surprising. (12:29) That could be all of that, or maybe I just didn't want you to see the mess in my office. (12:32) I don't know.
Scott Benner (12:33) I don't know. (12:33) I I just it was very I just really I found myself thinking when you walked away, she's never done that before. (12:39) So, anyway
Erika Forsyth (12:40) And and another one other quick story, but you probably I might have already if I already shared this, please tell me. (12:45) But the flying back and forth for college, and I would constantly in the beginning so this would be, you know, five years No. (12:55) Six six years into diagnosis. (12:57) Mhmm. (12:57) And I would go to the airplane bathroom to take my blood sugar and inject because I was not comfortable doing it in bringing in the airplane seat.
Erika Forsyth (13:09) Now after freshman year, I went on a pump, and I still remember going to the bathroom, which is highly you know, that's pretty gross to take my blood sugar
Scott Benner (13:20) Yeah.
Erika Forsyth (13:20) And then bolus from my pump. (13:22) It was around halfway through sophomore junior year that I said, this is gross. (13:27) I'm I'm not going to apologize if this makes somebody else uncomfortable.
Scott Benner (13:32) Right.
Erika Forsyth (13:32) And so I remember putting down that tray table and doing my thing. (13:35) I probably didn't wipe it off. (13:37) But you
Scott Benner (13:38) didn't go into the p place.
Erika Forsyth (13:39) I didn't go into the
Scott Benner (13:40) bathroom. (13:40) Yeah.
Erika Forsyth (13:42) And so I have this vivid moment of that transition of, like, you know what? (13:46) This is I'm not gonna apologize for this, but that took me that was, you know, seven years
Scott Benner (13:51) That's something.
Erika Forsyth (13:52) Into living with type one. (13:54) And so I just share that and that everyone's on their own journey. (13:57) Yeah. (13:58) You don't have to be you know, we we always talk about the devices, you know, wearing them publicly or not, and there's no right or wrong way. (14:06) But I think what I would invite you to consider is what noticing the why.
Erika Forsyth (14:11) Like, what are you embarrassed? (14:13) Are you worried about making other people feel uncomfortable?
Scott Benner (14:17) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (14:18) And and reflecting on that. (14:19) Is there shame underneath some of those actions?
Scott Benner (14:22) Yeah. (14:23) I see it in so many different places, the strangest first of all, I wanna say that I I is that the diabetes mile high club, like, testing your blood sugar in the bathroom at the airplane? (14:32) Is that the equivalent of that? (14:33) Because that's Oh
Erika Forsyth (14:34) my gosh. (14:35) I know. (14:35) It's it's still it's really kind of gross to think about, but I did it.
Scott Benner (14:38) Yeah. (14:39) No. (14:39) And it's funny too because you were younger, so I get how it could have happened. (14:42) And I was older when Arden was diagnosed. (14:44) I would never let Arden go in the bathroom to do anything.
Scott Benner (14:48) Like, I would Mhmm. (14:49) I would always just say, like, no. (14:51) Like, just do it here. (14:52) I don't care if people are uncomfortable. (14:54) I couldn't possibly care less.
Scott Benner (14:55) Like, you are not going in the bathroom to, you know, to do this. (15:00) Well, I I the way I used to put it in the in the blog is we're not going in the bathroom to open up a a hole into the inside of our body. (15:08) Like like, it it in a restaurant. (15:10) Like, that just seems like a bad idea. (15:15) This episode is sponsored by Tandem Diabetes Care.
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Erika Forsyth (17:42) And did she do you think she internalized that and adopted that mindset of, not not apologizing?
Scott Benner (17:48) She does not give a who sees her with her diabetes. (17:52) But I will say this, that last night, she did tell a story about, like, having to change a pump or something, and she had to leave where she was. (18:03) And then I I guess something happened, and I guess she realized that it was gonna be an inconvenience. (18:09) And she said, no. (18:11) I'm not gonna do that.
Scott Benner (18:12) I'll wait here. (18:13) And it was her boyfriend that said, no. (18:15) Take care of yourself, not the group. (18:19) But she was gonna defer something about her own care to help other people not feel inconvenienced by her. (18:26) That is interesting.
Scott Benner (18:27) It just did happen last night. (18:29) How about that? (18:29) Okay.
Erika Forsyth (18:30) Yes. (18:30) So that's and that's that's just such a tough space. (18:34) Right? (18:34) Because you wanna be considerate of other people's timeline
Scott Benner (18:39) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (18:39) What whatever it may be, comfort, expectations, and yet it somehow feels like it'd be selfish to ask them to wait.
Scott Benner (18:48) Yeah. (18:48) No. (18:48) I think there's and it and they're you're not wrong. (18:50) It is something about the diabetes piece of it too because she is not that I mean, she's considerate. (18:57) She's actually very considerate of other people's time, but I do wonder how much of it is the fact that it's you don't wanna give in to the diabetes.
Scott Benner (19:06) Is that one way to think of it? (19:08) I don't know. (19:08) Like, you know, does that make sense? (19:10) Like, you don't want it to be the lever that causes the problem?
Erika Forsyth (19:13) Right. (19:14) Or have it to it almost is like a control situation. (19:19) Right?
Scott Benner (19:19) Like It's in control of you. (19:21) Mhmm. (19:21) That's it. (19:22) You don't want the diabetes to be in control of you.
Erika Forsyth (19:25) Right.
Scott Benner (19:25) You being polite to people, that's fine. (19:29) Like but you don't wanna be forced to do it. (19:31) Okay. (19:32) And then the connection to it being back to your body is the part that makes you feel helpless.
Erika Forsyth (19:37) Right.
Scott Benner (19:37) Okay.
Erika Forsyth (19:37) Right.
Scott Benner (19:38) Okay.
Erika Forsyth (19:38) Yeah. (19:39) I guess there's there's so many different emotions that can happen in that moment when you notice yourself feeling like you need to apologize for something related to your diabetes. (19:49) Right? (19:49) And and yet we are forced to have to negotiate that space
Scott Benner (19:54) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (19:54) All of the time. (19:55) And then that can lead to the the shame, the blame, the anger, the sadness, the grief.
Scott Benner (20:01) I gotcha.
Erika Forsyth (20:02) And I think that's part of you know, we hear a lot about the experience of of beeping and making noise in in quiet spaces.
Scott Benner (20:13) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (20:13) And so often, myself included, feel like we need to apologize for that, you know, that noise. (20:20) I mean, this is it's all very similar examples.
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Erika Forsyth (21:34) Yes. (21:35) And I I'm even hyper aware of my, I mean, the I wear the Moby, and the actual clicking sound is a little bit louder than the t slim. (21:43) Like, not much, but I'm I'm aware of it even when I'm sitting with clients who have diabetes. (21:48) And I can hear their clicking, and I can hear my clipping clicking. (21:52) And I'm not necessarily embarrassed because I know they know, particularly in that situation, but you're just so hyperaware.
Scott Benner (21:59) It's in your head.
Erika Forsyth (22:01) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (22:01) Yeah. (22:02) Jeez. (22:03) Is it wrong for me to say tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox if you'd like to look into a Moby or a t slim? (22:08) Thank you very much. (22:09) Keep going.
Scott Benner (22:09) Erica, thank you.
Erika Forsyth (22:10) Not wrong. (22:11) Not wrong. (22:11) I love I love my Moby. (22:12) The sense of, you know, even just, like, beeping. (22:15) One of the first things you hear when people go to a conference, almost the first response is it feels so good to hear all the beeping in the room because it normalizes your experience if your alarms are going off or whatever.
Scott Benner (22:26) Right.
Erika Forsyth (22:27) And I think that's why, you know, it is so important and effective in our t one d. (22:33) Our diabetes community at large is so unique and special and tight because you don't have to have that gut response of needing to apologize in that space.
Scott Benner (22:44) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (22:45) There's automatic understanding, and normalizing. (22:50) And so if you're in if I think if you are in a space where you feel like you're living in this world of needing to apologize either to make other people feel comfortable or yourself kind of regulate your own emotions, you're not enjoying that experience, I think that would be a wise choice if you're able to to go to an in person conference or event to experience that. (23:13) Oh, I don't I don't need to do that here.
Scott Benner (23:15) Because you can give that away when you walk in.
Erika Forsyth (23:16) That's right.
Scott Benner (23:17) Right. (23:17) Like, because everyone here just like you didn't need to apologize to me to walk away to get your tablets. (23:22) Everyone in that scenario was me, and I'm just like, yeah. (23:25) It's fine. (23:25) I don't I I wouldn't think twice about it.
Scott Benner (23:27) Like Right. (23:28) Never, you know, because I've I've I've lived so closely to it. (23:32) My oh, yeah. (23:32) Okay.
Erika Forsyth (23:33) And and your automatic response was actually going back to this first example was, oh, yeah. (23:37) No no worries. (23:37) No no problem. (23:38) Like, don't worry.
Scott Benner (23:39) Like I just turned to my other computer and started doing something else. (23:41) I was like, well, I have time to do this now. (23:43) Yeah. (23:43) But other people do. (23:45) I guess I know that.
Scott Benner (23:47) But until you sit down like the like we are now in a quiet moment just talking between the two of us and to to really like, for me, I'm aware of it, but it's not a thing I think of because it's not happening to me. (23:59) Mhmm. (23:59) And even when it happens, when Arden's with me, I'm not worried. (24:05) Like, I don't have that gear where I'm not embarrassed or feel ashamed. (24:09) Like, I'm worried for her, but, like, not for myself because I really don't care what people think.
Scott Benner (24:15) And I hope that she feels that way too, but I don't think I don't think there's any way to actually a 100% feel that way. (24:21) I think on some level, you're always fooling yourself a little bit if you say you don't care what other people think. (24:28) You know? (24:28) It's tough.
Erika Forsyth (24:30) Yeah. (24:30) It is tough. (24:31) I mean, it's human nature to to care what people think to a certain degree.
Scott Benner (24:35) My son is 25. (24:37) He said to me the other day, is there a way to take this label off this jacket? (24:41) And I was like, what? (24:42) He goes, oh, it's my jacket I wear. (24:43) He snowboards?
Scott Benner (24:44) He's like, it's my snowboarding jacket. (24:47) It's a great jacket. (24:48) Keeps me really warm. (24:49) I love the pockets. (24:50) It's really comfortable and everything.
Scott Benner (24:51) Goes, but and I'm like, what do you wanna take the name off it for? (24:55) And he's like, real serious snowboarders see it as, like, not good gear. (24:58) And I went, do you really care about that? (25:01) And he paused and didn't even know how to answer me. (25:03) And he was like, I guess not.
Scott Benner (25:05) And I was like, okay. (25:08) Because I don't think of him as a person who's running around. (25:10) Like, that's a strange thing to me. (25:12) Like, when he said that, he he stopped me. (25:14) I was like, what the heck just happened here?
Scott Benner (25:16) But it's a good example of it outside of the diabetes. (25:18) Like, that's a thing that occurred to him at some point. (25:21) So when I started doing this, I bought this jacket. (25:23) I didn't know this wasn't the end thing to do. (25:26) I'm a much better snowboarder now, and I don't want those people to think I'm not.
Erika Forsyth (25:29) Very normal. (25:31) Very normal.
Scott Benner (25:31) And that's all unspoke all unspoken in your head. (25:34) Mhmm. (25:34) You know what I mean? (25:35) Mhmm. (25:36) Oh, boy.
Scott Benner (25:36) I don't know. (25:37) Well, don't worry. (25:38) AI will take over all of our jobs. (25:39) You have plenty of time to think about yourself and get this all worked out. (25:42) I'm sure it'll be fine.
Erika Forsyth (25:44) Know, noticing you said it was all in his thoughts. (25:45) Like, so if you are noticing that you are very mindful and thinking a lot about what you know, if they look at your device and you're trying to mind read or if you're feeling embarrassed or ashamed, one another tool, you know, instead of that gut reaction of I'm sorry is thinking about reframing that automatic thought. (26:08) And we've talked about CBT before and that cognitive triangle, how our thoughts impact how we feel and what we do. (26:15) And that all goes, you know, backwards and forwards in this triangle. (26:19) One thought that I think is particularly helpful is to think this might sound like a little bit like we're blaming the other person, but it's actually not.
Erika Forsyth (26:29) So it is other people's lack of knowledge or understanding about t one d that makes me apologize for beeping or or fill in the blank. (26:39) Mhmm. (26:39) It is not my job to apologize for that. (26:42) So it that again, it it might feel like, oh, is that harsh? (26:45) It's it's other people's lack of knowledge or understanding about t u n d that makes me apologize for beeping, but it's not my job to apologize for that.
Erika Forsyth (26:52) But so kind of just you could fill in the blank, but have this thought kind of percolating in your mind of, wait. (27:00) Why why am I apologizing for that? (27:02) Yeah. (27:02) Oh, it's because they don't understand, but I don't need to apologize because they don't understand. (27:06) Does that make sense?
Scott Benner (27:07) Yo. (27:07) You can almost take it one farther. (27:09) They're not asking you to apologize. (27:10) You've you right? (27:11) You're you're you feel that way and and Yes.
Scott Benner (27:14) But you feel that way because they don't understand. (27:17) And listen, you apologize to me when you didn't need to, but I hope that the next time something like that happens, you'll think of me as a comrade. (27:23) This you won't apologize to me. (27:25) Like right? (27:26) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (27:26) Mhmm. (27:26) But for a a, you know, I don't know, a stranger or somebody that's just in a situation with you once, that sentence gets you to, don't need to apologize. (27:37) If they understood, I wouldn't have to say anything. (27:40) So you're not really blaming them. (27:41) You're just telling yourself if they were a different person, there'd be no re there's no reason to apologize here.
Scott Benner (27:46) I only feel like it because they don't understand what that beep was just now Yes. (27:49) Or the click. (27:49) Yes. (27:50) Okay. (27:50) Alright.
Scott Benner (27:51) And that
Erika Forsyth (27:52) and that takes, you know, that takes work and practice because we are you know, we have these automatic thoughts that we are that impact how we feel
Scott Benner (28:00) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (28:00) And then what we do. (28:01) So it does take time to reframe that. (28:05) But I think having just that question of, like, why why did I apologize for that?
Scott Benner (28:09) Yeah.
Erika Forsyth (28:10) Do I need to next time is a is a gracious way to to come to speak to yourself.
Scott Benner (28:15) How do you stop yourself from thinking about stuff like that? (28:17) Because I'm gonna give you an example outside of what we're talking about for a second, but I think it fits enough. (28:24) You and I are looking at each other. (28:25) Mhmm. (28:26) You and I have been in each other's presence.
Scott Benner (28:27) We've sat across from each other, had private meals together. (28:30) We know each other pretty well. (28:31) Mhmm. (28:32) I'm uncomfortable with how my shirt is sitting on me right now. (28:36) But you're not noticing that at all.
Scott Benner (28:37) Right?
Erika Forsyth (28:38) No. (28:39) Well, now, mean, I'm looking, but no. (28:40) Not before. (28:40) No.
Scott Benner (28:41) But my shirt's grabbing me in, a strange place. (28:43) Right? (28:43) And I'm at a weird angle. (28:45) And you and I are talking, and I have found myself three separate times in the last half an hour adjusting myself so that the fabric doesn't and I'm like, what am I doing? (28:55) And, like, so, like, when I
Erika Forsyth (28:56) I didn't even notice that.
Scott Benner (28:57) No. (28:57) No. (28:57) But so after I did it the first time, I thought, don't do that again. (29:01) And then and I'm looking at you, not at me. (29:04) And, like and then once in a while, my eye goes over, and I'm like, oh, and then I'll, like, move my hand to kinda, like, like, to put myself into a different position.
Scott Benner (29:12) And now I know I don't I know I don't care. (29:14) I know I don't look bad, but I still did it two more times. (29:20) How do I stop myself from doing that? (29:23) How does somebody hear the beep and not go right to, oh, I'm so sorry, or even feel like they should be Mhmm. (29:29) In that situation?
Erika Forsyth (29:31) It's it's such a great example. (29:34) Yes. (29:34) And it's so even like, some people might not even hear the beep. (29:37) Just like, you know, I didn't notice Yeah. (29:39) I didn't notice that the shirt adjustment.
Erika Forsyth (29:42) Right?
Scott Benner (29:42) Yeah. (29:43) Oh, and I kept my hand across my like this. (29:45) I crossed my arm across myself once. (29:47) Like, I was doing all kinds of stuff. (29:49) And I and I by the way, this is nobody get a podcast because you end up saying stuff like this, and you just hear, god.
Scott Benner (29:53) I wish I didn't know to tell people this stuff. (29:56) But I do think that telling people helps. (29:58) Also, you can tell when people are thrown off by your devices because the people who are genuinely scared by it usually go, what the hell was that? (30:08) Like, do you ever notice that they're just they're, like like, there's the people who are starkly shocked by it have an honest response to being shocked by something. (30:17) It's, you know or you see people look around a little bit, like, wonder what's going on.
Scott Benner (30:21) Sometimes people try to say something funny, like, is the microwave done? (30:24) Like, what's going on? (30:25) Or, you know Mhmm. (30:26) But, I mean, listen. (30:27) I'm waiting for it.
Scott Benner (30:28) And sometimes when it's so loud, scares the hell out of me. (30:31) Mhmm. (30:31) So I can't imagine what it does to somebody who wasn't expecting it. (30:34) You know?
Erika Forsyth (30:36) Well and even just thinking about, you know, for the students in the classroom, you know, when the beep goes off and the teacher's response is no mobile devices, you know, no cellular phones in the classroom. (30:49) And then everyone's looking at you because they heard the beep go off
Scott Benner (30:53) Right.
Erika Forsyth (30:54) Right. (30:54) Towards your near your area.
Scott Benner (30:55) And you're thinking, I didn't choose this life. (30:58) Yeah. (30:58) But yeah. (30:59) Or more importantly for our conversation, I didn't tell my body to stop making insulin. (31:04) You know?
Scott Benner (31:04) So but it still feels like it's your but is you know what? (31:08) It it it seems to tie closely to I watched my wife go through this because there's autoimmune on my wife's side of the family. (31:15) Like, she felt responsible for Arden's diabetes. (31:18) It's so interesting because, like, my wife has brown eyes. (31:21) My kids have brown eyes.
Scott Benner (31:22) She doesn't feel responsible for them having brown eyes, but this thing, she does. (31:27) And by the way, she is the reason my kids have brown eyes. (31:31) If my eyes are beautiful and it would be lovely if they had my color, but they don't. (31:34) They have her they have her brown eyes. (31:36) There's nothing wrong with them.
Scott Benner (31:37) Your mind doesn't think of it as a thing you did to them. (31:40) But if my kids were I don't know. (31:42) If they had, like, a horn growing out of the right side of their head and so did everybody in her family, then she'd think, oh, that's my fault. (31:48) But it's not your fault. (31:49) It's it's how genetics work.
Scott Benner (31:52) And you know what I mean? (31:53) Like, the fault pieces seem similar to me.
Erika Forsyth (31:56) Well, you're you're just moving us right along into the next stage, which is false.
Scott Benner (32:02) But did I did I do it too soon?
Erika Forsyth (32:04) No. (32:05) Okay. (32:05) So the I think but before we move into that, that was a great segue because it is it they do kind of connect that just a challenge and something for you to think about is where can you take up more space. (32:20) Right? (32:20) How do you interrupt that automatic kind of knee jerk response to apologize?
Erika Forsyth (32:26) Mhmm. (32:27) And whether it's at work or in school, I mean, obviously, there are certain accommodations that you can get set. (32:32) You know, with five zero four plans in your work, you can have certain accommodations created. (32:38) But also just for yourself, Where can you take up more space in your life? (32:41) And maybe it's even just a challenge of, I'm gonna try changing my device in the family room when we have friends or family over and see and see what happens within you if that's something that you don't typically do.
Erika Forsyth (32:54) You don't have to you don't have to do that. (32:56) But just to to notice, are you are you isolating yourself for diabetes related purposes because you're wanting to ignore any of the pain or prevent pain, perceived pain, and and maybe just intentionally creating some exercises around that.
Scott Benner (33:12) So you said something earlier that I agree with, but I do think there's more to it than what you said. (33:17) You said that no matter how comfortable or not comfortable you are with being public, for example, with do testing your blood sugar or giving yourself insulin, there's no right answer. (33:26) You're on a journey. (33:27) I agree with I would also and I I tell people that all the time, like, your level of comfort is what's most important. (33:35) But I do think that the end goal, if you can get to it, which is that I like, just I don't care who sees this.
Scott Benner (33:42) I'm not hiding in the bathroom. (33:45) I have found that to be a more, I don't know, healthy place to be in your mind. (33:50) You know you know what I mean? (33:51) Like, if you can get to it, I do think you'd find it to be a place of glory. (33:56) And and you would look back on that other time when you weren't willing to do that as transition out of a out of a tough time and and getting past it.
Scott Benner (34:06) I I I hope that makes sense. (34:07) Like, I'm not telling you if you're not comfortable with it, you're doing something wrong. (34:10) I am telling you that it that is a fight worth having with yourself to get to that spot.
Erika Forsyth (34:17) I would say that the the benefit to that Mhmm. (34:22) Is the decreased sense of isolation. (34:26) So when I hid, I was just personally, when I was I hated having type one. (34:32) I still do sometimes.
Scott Benner (34:33) Yeah.
Erika Forsyth (34:34) But in that, like, preteen teen years, I didn't wanna talk about it. (34:37) I didn't want anyone to know about it. (34:39) That's why I was hiding and doing everything, you know, behind closed doors. (34:43) I also didn't get to receive the community and comfort and emotional support that is so needed to continue. (34:52) And so I think sometimes the, you know, hiding the diabetes can be connected to even feeling more alone.
Erika Forsyth (35:02) So the benefit to once you're open to talking about it or being more open with your devices, the benefit is that decreased sense of isolation usually. (35:12) But, also, I know plenty of people who it's not it's a part of them. (35:18) It's a part of their identity. (35:19) Yeah. (35:19) They manage.
Erika Forsyth (35:20) They don't talk about it all the time. (35:22) They don't wear pumps, and nobody really knows, and they're a healthy
Scott Benner (35:25) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (35:26) Contributing member of society. (35:27) Yeah. (35:28) So I hear you, but there there are circumstances where it's maybe not that has to be that way, but there are benefits.
Scott Benner (35:35) Yeah. (35:35) No. (35:35) I I I yeah. (35:36) I I wanna say that. (35:37) Like, I'm not just saying, like, if you don't if you can't do it, you're wrong.
Scott Benner (35:40) I'm I Right. (35:41) I I understand that there could be a real struggle there that you can't get through or past or maybe there's a good reason for it or a million other things. (35:48) All I'm saying is that the people I've seen get to that spot seem lighter once they get there. (35:53) And if so I'm saying I hope you can get to it. (35:56) I do I think it's worth trying to get to if you can.
Scott Benner (35:58) Anyway, you can figure it out. (35:59) I saw, one of those arguments online the other day where somebody said they were talking about curing diabetes. (36:08) And I've this is not, surprising to me. (36:11) I've seen this said, over and over again over the years. (36:14) A very few people will say that they are so connected to who they are because of diabetes that they felt they they're comfortable telling you they don't want it cured because they don't know who they'd be without it, which I think is such an interesting look into people's minds.
Scott Benner (36:29) You you know? (36:30) Like because that seems like a no brainer. (36:32) Like, if I could snap my fingers and make it go away, do you want that? (36:35) And everybody's like, yeah. (36:36) But there's always a couple of people who go, I don't know.
Scott Benner (36:39) Like, I I'm so connected to this is who I am. (36:42) Like, what if I I don't know if I can take you just changing all that at once. (36:47) Anyway, it's my point is is that, you know, we're complicated and
Erika Forsyth (36:52) Yes.
Scott Benner (36:52) One person's glory might not be another person's. (36:55) So anyway Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (36:57) No. (36:57) I think I think that's a great conversation and place to can yeah. (37:02) Just to to explore as there's so many different ways to see it.
Scott Benner (37:06) It's not a common feeling. (37:09) It is more common than you would think it would be. (37:11) And it and for the people who don't understand it, it's shocking to them to hear it. (37:15) Like, really, because I watched the the argument starts right away. (37:18) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (37:18) Like, you know, like, well, I don't know. (37:20) I don't I I don't think I'd want it to go away. (37:21) What's wrong with you? (37:22) Blah blah blah. (37:23) Like, you know, like, oh, alright.
Scott Benner (37:24) Just be just let everybody have their feelings. (37:26) Anyway
Erika Forsyth (37:27) Yes. (37:27) That's right.
Scott Benner (37:28) Erica, we're gonna keep going with, with fault. (37:32) And I appreciate the first half of this conversation. (37:34) I hope everybody does too. (37:35) I like keeping this maybe in one episode. (37:39) Yeah.
Scott Benner (37:39) But, when we get done, we'll make the final decision. (37:41) People will know when they're listening what we decided to do. (37:44) I apparently brought up fault by mistake a moment ago. (37:48) I want everybody I've said this a million times, and I'm gonna reiterate it here. (37:51) You do such a good job of laying out our conversation in your mind ahead of time where we're gonna go.
Scott Benner (37:59) And then you do such a good job of walking me through it that when I end up having a question at the end of one part, I often ask the question that leads into the other part. (38:09) And you say, what a great segue. (38:10) And I think you're giving me credit for making a great segue, but what you don't realize is I have not read ahead. (38:15) I don't actually know where we're going. (38:17) So
Erika Forsyth (38:18) Sometimes I do. (38:19) I think what did he read the next
Scott Benner (38:21) Yeah. (38:22) Section? (38:22) I am woefully unprepared. (38:24) You were doing a great job of leading the conversation. (38:27) I I I wonder if people realize that or not.
Scott Benner (38:29) So when I asked about fault, it was not because I looked forward and thought, oh, well, let me get her to fault now. (38:37) Like like, let's move the conversation forward. (38:38) It just seemed like the next obvious question. (38:40) So, anyway Mhmm. (38:41) Please continue.
Erika Forsyth (38:42) Yes. (38:43) Which is why it's kind of the next again, like, as stages, we often talk about them linear in a linear fashion. (38:50) They aren't always that way, but it it does often go that way, as it did today in our discussion. (38:57) So to fault sounds like the why me question, which we so naturally ask ourselves upon diagnosis. (39:07) Why me?
Erika Forsyth (39:08) Why did this happen? (39:10) And as caregivers, you know, experiencing that, you know, did I do something? (39:15) Could I have prevented this issue? (39:19) And it comes most often, again, at diagnosis, but it's also really normal and really natural to experience this fault, this why me? (39:27) Why do I have to deal with this disease?
Erika Forsyth (39:30) Year five, year ten, year thirty five. (39:33) It it can pop up Mhmm. (39:35) At any various points in your journey. (39:38) So just wanted to to normalize that experience. (39:41) It's not like you go through it, and then it's you kind of move on.
Scott Benner (39:45) I find it to be one of the more interesting parts of the conversations I have with people in the other episodes Mhmm. (39:51) When people are so focused on, like, how did this happen? (39:56) Right? (39:56) Like, did did I get a virus? (39:58) Then this happened or, the and they they really they dig hard to find out.
Scott Benner (40:01) And I always ask the same question. (40:03) I go, why does it matter? (40:04) And I don't mean, like I don't mean that in a scolding way. (40:08) Why does it matter? (40:09) I mean, why?
Scott Benner (40:10) Like, why do why are you driven? (40:12) I keep waiting for somebody to tell me and nobody ever can. (40:16) And that's why I know that's why I know it's a good question. (40:19) And it's funny. (40:20) I I was listening to an interviewer the other day on another topic, and he asked the question of the person he'd been interviewing.
Scott Benner (40:27) And the guy goes, oh, that's a really good question. (40:29) I don't know the answer. (40:29) And I heard the guy say, that's why I keep asking it. (40:32) I keep waiting for somebody to explain it to me. (40:34) And I feel that way a lot of around this.
Scott Benner (40:37) Mhmm. (40:37) Why do we need to know who or what is at fault so badly? (40:41) Not just, diagnosis, but a lot of things. (40:43) So, anyway
Erika Forsyth (40:44) Hopefully, we will get to some maybe some understanding around that. (40:50) So and I think I think the author Jane does a really great job in this in clarifying, at least for me. (40:57) So she it she talks about, you know, what we asked this question, why me? (41:02) Because we believe if we can find the problem, if we can find who's to blame, then that pain that we're experiencing as a result, you know, the loss and mourning of the change that if we can find out, like, who can I place this blame on, then that will get rid of that pain, the anger, the sadness, the the physical pain, whatever that is Mhmm? (41:25) That we're experiencing as body grief.
Erika Forsyth (41:27) It stems, right, from this this real valid fear of being sick, of experiencing pain. (41:33) We've talked a lot about in the beginning, in the intro episode about, you know, in our society, we believe that we're kind of entitled to this pain free life, and that's what we're we're you know, we receive a lot of marketing around that
Scott Benner (41:47) Yeah.
Erika Forsyth (41:47) Of, like, you know, take this, and and everything's okay. (41:52) And we believe we kind of are entitled to a a pain free, illness free life. (42:00) And so when this interrupts that mindset, the automatic response and thought is, well, why why did this happen to me? (42:09) And it's not necessarily why didn't it happen to my neighbor? (42:12) We're not like it's not about, like, well, why didn't it happen to this guy?
Erika Forsyth (42:15) Right. (42:16) But we experience it as this you know, it's unfair.
Scott Benner (42:20) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (42:21) Why did this happen? (42:22) And that leads to a lot of the feelings of blame and shame that we've been talking about. (42:28) I I wanna read this quote from the book because I think it's it's explains it really clearly. (42:33) And she says, when we are in apology, what we just talked about, the, like, I'm sorry stage, we take on the responsibility for holding and managing that pain, discomfort, and inconvenience of what of whatever is driving our body grief.
Scott Benner (42:48) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (42:49) But when we move into fault, that's when we begin to ask why have we been saddled with this burden. (42:56) Okay.
Scott Benner (42:57) Well, maybe if
Erika Forsyth (42:58) make sense.
Scott Benner (42:58) Well, if people grew up in the seventies it does make sense. (43:01) If people grew up in the seventies like I did with their parents listening to bad country music, don't you think this would have been answered for them when Lynn when Lynn Anderson said, I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden? (43:11) Is that where I learned it? (43:13) From that's the from an eight track tape in my dad's car? (43:16) Yeah.
Scott Benner (43:18) Anyway, the rest of that the rest of that opening, lyric is along with the sunshine, there's gotta be a little rain sometimes. (43:25) Uh-huh. (43:25) It really is interesting, isn't it? (43:27) That, like, that expectation, this should be perfect. (43:30) And if it's not, somebody did this to me.
Scott Benner (43:33) Something did this to me. (43:35) I need to I guess it's I need to place that fault to alleviate the shame or the guilt that I feel for not being perfect. (43:45) Is that about it?
Erika Forsyth (43:45) Yes. (43:46) Okay. (43:46) And and I think there's this the split second feeling, it can temporarily make us feel better because we're not we're not feeling the we're not feeling the sadness, the anger, the rage, the disappointment. (43:59) We're gonna think, I'm I'm in control. (44:02) I'm gonna find who's to blame, and that's gonna make me feel safer.
Erika Forsyth (44:06) You know, we know this occurs at diagnosis, but also maybe when you're looking at your results, your a one c results, or your time and range, or whatever kind of feedback you're looking at, we can quickly go into this. (44:18) Why me? (44:19) Okay. (44:19) Who can I blame? (44:20) And I'm gonna try to make myself feel better and safe because I don't wanna feel the feelings I'm having right now as a result of this.
Scott Benner (44:28) You you would know obviously much better than I because you have diabetes. (44:31) But, like, is there a situation then where you just say to yourself, like, this is what it is. (44:35) It's not gonna get any better than this. (44:38) Because what do you have to do? (44:39) You have to get to some sort of acceptance.
Scott Benner (44:40) Right? (44:41) And then Yeah. (44:42) But that acceptance could be dangerous if you accept it before you've got all the ant like, what do I mean by this? (44:49) You could spend your whole life trying to fine tune your health in a way that you never will actually get to and make yourself miserable the entire time saying good's not good enough. (45:00) I gotta keep trying.
Scott Benner (45:01) I gotta keep trying. (45:02) Or you can get to a place where you're healthy and you're gonna be okay. (45:06) It's not as good as it would have been if this didn't happen to you, but, you know, I'm not in a bad spot. (45:11) And then just accept, like, this is who I am. (45:13) This is my situation.
Scott Benner (45:15) I think I get worried as a parent that they'll get to that point before they've exhausted all the things that would actually help them day to day. (45:22) If you know what I mean? (45:23) Like, what if you got to the because I see it happen to people. (45:26) They're like, I have an 11 a one c. (45:27) It's the best I can do.
Scott Benner (45:28) And then they they were on their way, and I'm like, that's not the best you can do. (45:31) Like, we could figure out a way to do better for you than that. (45:34) What if they absorb the acceptance too early in the journey? (45:39) That is what I mean. (45:40) Now you tell me what you think about those words.
Erika Forsyth (45:42) Okay. (45:42) So can you absorb the acceptance too early in the journey?
Scott Benner (45:47) And cheat yourself out of health.
Erika Forsyth (45:51) I would maybe suggest that perhaps you're not necessarily at acceptance, but it might be kind of avoidance, kind of dismissal. (46:03) Like
Scott Benner (46:04) Feels like you're given I can't can't feel it anymore.
Erika Forsyth (46:06) Yeah. (46:07) I can't quite feel all the things that I need to feel right now, so I'm gonna just stay right where I am. (46:14) But that might look like acceptance, but underneath, I would maybe argue or suggest that there's some other feelings of of anger, of avoidance. (46:23) Because of their journey of grief, that is where they are right now.
Scott Benner (46:28) Right. (46:29) Is that burnout?
Erika Forsyth (46:31) And yeah. (46:32) I was just gonna say that could be that could be a burnout phase of this is this is the best I can do. (46:38) But, also, because we are going on the other kind of side of the pendulum of, like, a hyper fixated, I'm going to overwork, overproduce, try like, nothing is good enough.
Scott Benner (46:52) Yeah.
Erika Forsyth (46:53) And that also leads to burnout too. (46:56) Like, I think that's, like, interesting question of can you get to acceptance too early before feeling all the feelings and moving through all the stages That might not be true acceptance, I guess, is, like, the the simplest.
Scott Benner (47:09) It's still a pause in your Uh-huh. (47:12) In the trying to because I think there's a spectrum there. (47:16) I've definitely seen people online who are like, I have a, you know, I have a 5.5 a one c, but I know it could be better. (47:22) And I'm like, I mean, why? (47:24) You know, like, you're doing really well.
Scott Benner (47:25) Like, I mean, awesome. (47:26) If you wanna drill down to get a five two or something like that, like, right on. (47:30) But I don't think I mean, I might be wrong. (47:32) I certainly don't have a crystal ball, but I don't know that a five five or a five two are gonna drastically change your, you know, your outcomes. (47:40) But they they'll spend their whole life, like, drilling down on that.
Scott Benner (47:43) Maybe and maybe that's part of how they stay connected to it or I don't know. (47:48) There's so much to this. (47:50) Mhmm. (47:50) You can't really say anything in this space and not be oversimplifying something.
Erika Forsyth (47:54) Right. (47:55) Right.
Scott Benner (47:55) I don't know if this is obvious or not. (47:56) I'm just having a a conversation hoping that the people listening will hear something in that of themselves and and work on themselves deeper on their own, you know, and try to drill down.
Erika Forsyth (48:06) Yes. (48:07) I I think what what can happen is when you're in this why me state, again, totally normal and natural and healthy to ask that, most often, we land at this, well, my body betrayed me. (48:23) Right? (48:24) Like, even if you're trying to say, well, was it me? (48:27) Did I should I have not taken my kids out and they got sick?
Erika Forsyth (48:30) And then that triggered the autoimmune response. (48:32) Like, is it family genetics? (48:34) Is it God? (48:35) Who can I blame? (48:36) Is it the universe?
Erika Forsyth (48:37) You know, a lot of if only I had done this, then this might not have happened. (48:41) That is, again, you're trying to find that control, trying to find to alleviate the pain they're experiencing, and you all most often end up as like, well, I guess my body just you know, my body failed. (48:54) And you go back to that perceived body betrayal experience that we talked about again more thoroughly in the first episode.
Scott Benner (49:01) Are we the only living things on the planet to do this? (49:04) The labor unchangeable realities about ourselves? (49:09) Like, other mammals don't do that. (49:10) Right? (49:11) Like, how would we know?
Erika Forsyth (49:12) I mean, I I have not studied all mammals, but I mean, it's probably is.
Scott Benner (49:16) Because what a what a terrible conundrum to be in. (49:19) Like, you're put into a situation that's livable and you busy you spend your whole life bemoaning it instead of just living in Like, it's and it's not a thing you're consciously doing to yourself either. (49:29) And it it happens to some people and doesn't happen to other people. (49:32) It almost it almost feels unfair in the way that anxiety feels unfair to me. (49:36) When I meet somebody who has anxiety and then I meet somebody who doesn't, I'm like, god.
Scott Benner (49:40) What a burden you didn't ask for. (49:42) We should be able to wipe ourselves clean and move forward every once in a while. (49:45) I think that would be nice. (49:46) Whoever made this, they weren't thinking. (49:48) You should have been able to do a clean install once in a while.
Scott Benner (49:51) You know what I mean? (49:54) Just throw away the stuff you were worried about before and move you know, I I think it's funny. (49:59) You're I think of a friend of mine whose mom has been gone for so long now, but when she comes up, it still feels like she died yesterday. (50:07) And I always feel terrible for her that that's how it makes her feel. (50:10) And, I'm sorry.
Scott Benner (50:11) I'm get I'm going down the wrong rabbit hole.
Erika Forsyth (50:13) No. (50:14) No. (50:14) I yes. (50:16) And there that is hard to see because I wonder too, like, she's reliving the the pain and the grease as if it just happened, and so she might be stuck in a loop. (50:29) She might just be quick to tears.
Erika Forsyth (50:31) I'm which I can be also. (50:33) So
Scott Benner (50:33) All these conversations just remind me that, like, this is where, like, some hardheaded person who just yelled, like, just accept it. (50:41) Move on. (50:41) Mhmm. (50:42) This is where they were, but they were talking to somebody, and they're like, I don't know how to help you. (50:45) We gotta keep going.
Scott Benner (50:47) You know, if you think of humanity walking through time, it's different. (50:51) Right? (50:52) Like, you say, like, some of us are build out a harder stuff. (50:56) We kept going when it was tough, like, blah blah. (50:58) We're still here because people lived through an ice age.
Scott Benner (51:00) Whatever. (51:01) However you wanna think of it. (51:02) Big picture, that all sounds well and good. (51:04) But when it's micro, when you're talking about, you know, Kathy, Kathy is not an expendable thing that falls into the chasm because she was too cold to walk further and, oh, well, it's so much different when you talk about it like this. (51:16) And yet, I talk to people every day, interview people all the time who are I'm sure you do too, are stuck at somewhere along their path where it just feels like it it would be not just fair, but lovely if someone could come up behind them and just shove them forward a little bit and be like, keep going.
Scott Benner (51:34) Like, we can't get stuck here. (51:36) Like, this is we're gonna die here. (51:37) Keep moving. (51:38) You know? (51:38) I don't know why I'm saying that.
Scott Benner (51:40) It's not valuable at all. (51:41) It's just how how I feel when we talk about stuff like this.
Erika Forsyth (51:43) Yes. (51:43) So Well and, yeah, and hopefully, as we talk about this false stage of what it looks like, you know, noticing, are are you in this stage? (51:51) And it's so it is so easy to get stuck in this stage at any point in your journey. (51:55) You know, it's it's as we were talking about acceptance earlier, it's it's hard to get to a state of acceptance of of thinking, okay. (52:03) I there's no one to blame.
Erika Forsyth (52:04) There's no one thing to blame. (52:07) This is how it is. (52:08) This is how things are in a deeply genuine way, not in a, like, oh, you know Yeah. (52:14) This is just how it is. (52:15) And it's hard.
Erika Forsyth (52:15) It's hard to stay in there. (52:16) So noticing, like, if you are this happens a lot again after diagnosis, you know, getting stuck in the search in the Google searches, trying to find why. (52:25) How could I have prevented this? (52:26) Looking for cures. (52:28) You might be feeling like something or the world or god or the universe is out to get you.
Erika Forsyth (52:35) You might experience feeling like a failure, right, if you then can't pinpoint the answer. (52:40) You can't find who is to blame, which, again, you know, leads to that shame, and and my body failed me. (52:47) You might be seeking comfort in food or drugs or alcohol to override that discomfort, that uncomfortable feeling that your body failed you or the world is out to get you. (52:59) If you're noticing that you're in this kinda stuck in this cycle, you're trying to find a reason why your body is defective or not normal, Sometimes it's helpful to remember that there really is no such thing as normal because we we compare, you know, normal pay pancreases to failed pancreases, but sometimes we forget that, you know, the person with a normal, quote, unquote, pancreas might have a lot of other issues
Scott Benner (53:24) Yeah.
Erika Forsyth (53:25) Going on too.
Scott Benner (53:26) It really goes back to the beginning. (53:27) It's expectation of perfection Mhmm. (53:29) And that you feel like you you were promised a a, you know, a nice clean pathway to walk on and everything was gonna be alright. (53:36) Maybe the saddest human part of all this is is that as long as you wake up every day, if you're caught in that struggle, the struggle continues. (53:43) But when you watch people have end of life that comes slowly and you see them accept death, and this is probably not where you thought we were going with this.
Scott Benner (53:51) But, like, when you see people accept death, it is such a peaceful thing.
Erika Forsyth (53:57) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (53:57) Right? (53:57) Like and and I realized while we're talking, it's not that they realize they're going to die that and that they've had some big epiphany about life because they're gonna be gone in a second. (54:07) It's all gonna just gonna be over. (54:09) Like, the beautiful part is the acceptance. (54:12) Right?
Scott Benner (54:13) This whole thing right? (54:14) That's your whole job, isn't it? (54:15) Right? (54:15) Just to get people to accept their situation and am I not am I right about
Erika Forsyth (54:20) that? (54:21) Our goal. (54:21) Yeah.
Scott Benner (54:21) And
Erika Forsyth (54:21) that's the goal that we're working on.
Scott Benner (54:23) Yeah. (54:23) You're working in.
Erika Forsyth (54:24) And so And, like, integration.
Scott Benner (54:26) Mhmm. (54:27) If you could just get a little piece of that perspective, right, you shouldn't have to live to the verge of death to have that perspective. (54:33) It sucks. (54:34) Like, I I think over the last, like, week or so of my mom's life, and she was just so zen. (54:38) Like, you know what I mean?
Scott Benner (54:39) Like, she's like, oh, I'm sick, this is probably it. (54:41) I'm like, okay. (54:42) And everybody's here, and that's good. (54:43) And that was just sort of like it. (54:45) You know?
Scott Benner (54:45) And I even look at her and all the things she struggled with throughout her life. (54:49) She could've used a teaspoon of that along the way once in a while. (54:51) Like, right? (54:52) Like, the guilt, the shame, the lost expectations, the feeling that you got cheated somehow. (54:58) Yeah.
Scott Benner (54:59) But that's where all these t shirt slogans come from. (55:01) Right? (55:01) Life's a life's a gift. (55:03) Treat every day like it's your last. (55:04) Blah blah blah blah blah.
Scott Benner (55:05) Mhmm. (55:06) We don't even need psychology. (55:07) Just use your t shirts.
Erika Forsyth (55:08) Buy a t shirt.
Scott Benner (55:09) Yeah. (55:09) Just buy a t shirt. (55:10) It tells you what to do, and then just do it. (55:13) I don't know what to tell you. (55:15) It all sucks.
Erika Forsyth (55:16) Oh gosh. (55:18) Okay. (55:18) So we'll let
Scott Benner (55:19) you end with some all sucks. (55:21) I'm sorry. (55:21) Okay. (55:22) So Make it not suck. (55:24) Go
Erika Forsyth (55:24) ahead, Erica. (55:25) Okay. (55:25) So instead you know, again, this is kind of, like, the the tool right at the end. (55:30) Instead of asking why me, she offers, you know, ask what now? (55:35) And, again, it's important.
Erika Forsyth (55:37) We're not saying it's it's wrong to ask why me. (55:40) It's definitely important to feel all the emotions, to feel the anger. (55:44) Mhmm. (55:44) But it also you know, the anger and the why me can lead to that feeling of self pity and stuckness. (55:51) So we want to feel the anger, but use it in a healthy way.
Erika Forsyth (55:55) Jane, the author talks says that healthy rage can flip us out of dismissal or apology and help us take up space by advocating for our needs. (56:05) So that kind of connects to the apology. (56:08) Right? (56:08) So if you're feeling like, why me? (56:10) I'm feeling this is not fair.
Erika Forsyth (56:12) Using that anger and healthy rage to then advocate, take up space, get you know, ask for what you need.
Scott Benner (56:20) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (56:20) But anger anger is an important emotion because it it shows us where we need to act. (56:28) Right? (56:28) Even if if we're feeling the why me, feeling the unfairness, then we're gonna move. (56:33) We're gonna feel that and acknowledge that and then move on to what can I do now? (56:37) We're gonna get to some practical tools in a minute.
Erika Forsyth (56:40) But we don't wanna ignore it. (56:41) Like, anchors can be scary. (56:43) Right? (56:43) We don't wanna ignore it. (56:44) We don't wanna repress it because it'll it'll show up in your relationships and your work, how you treat yourself.
Erika Forsyth (56:49) You might be you know, you numb or yell or even, you know, self harm. (56:54) So when we get stuck in this blame and and fault cycle, we we then continue to stay angry and resentful. (57:02) We'd always land as my body failed me. (57:05) Right? (57:06) So we want to move through it.
Erika Forsyth (57:07) So what can we do? (57:08) So these are, like, tools that we owe we've talked about, you've heard, but it's noticing when you're feeling that the distress, the rage, shame, maybe even feeling hopeless. (57:20) Okay. (57:20) What can I do right now? (57:22) It's as simple as, okay.
Erika Forsyth (57:24) I can take a deep breath right now. (57:26) Mhmm. (57:26) I can raise my hands up in the air and take a deep a big stretch. (57:31) I can reach out to somebody I know and say, hey. (57:34) I'm I'm so angry right now.
Erika Forsyth (57:37) You can look at your blood sugar right now or your child's care blood sugar and treat it with that judgment. (57:45) Like, oh, this is my number, and I'm going to correct or treat if needed. (57:50) One quick story. (57:51) Should I did you wanna Oh,
Scott Benner (57:53) I'm listening.
Erika Forsyth (57:53) Say something. (57:54) So just to to kind of normalize, you know, this the why me experience, I think I've shared on here that I had some I was diagnosed with some retinopathy, like, fifteen years ago, fifteen to twenty no. (58:11) Fifteen. (58:11) Fifteen years ago.
Scott Benner (58:12) Okay.
Erika Forsyth (58:12) And treated it with some laser. (58:14) It was stable for a while. (58:17) Had a little pop up come out come up, and that's not the right tech tech term, but you get it. (58:22) Had some retinopathy show up again about a year ago, and I was so sad and went through this why me, why I've been working so hard. (58:33) You know, the the retinopathy about fifteen years ago was felt like that was, you know, from my for early years of management, and I felt burnout.
Erika Forsyth (58:44) I felt stuck, all of these things. (58:46) And I reached out to a colleague and a friend who has been living with type one for a similar amount of time and just said, hey. (58:55) I'm I'm, you know, I'm feeling burnout. (58:57) Can we talk? (58:57) Now the irony is that we actually never were able to schedule based on time zones and work and life.
Erika Forsyth (59:04) We never could get the call, but I experienced such relief in reaching out and letting her know where I was. (59:11) So it there it wasn't it was just that small little thing, and it feels so power it feels so maybe hard in the moment.
Scott Benner (59:18) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (59:19) But I think the when you're feeling overwhelmed in the why me, what now to reach out to someone and just say, hey. (59:26) Can we talk? (59:26) And even if you never talk, I guarantee that, like, that reach out will help.
Scott Benner (59:31) Yeah. (59:31) Just makes it all feel a little doable. (59:34) Right?
Erika Forsyth (59:34) Yes.
Scott Benner (59:34) Yeah. (59:35) Yeah. (59:35) Like, there's somebody there and a little bit of support for you.
Erika Forsyth (59:38) Yes. (59:38) And interrupts that loop. (59:40) That's what we're that's what all of these tools do.
Scott Benner (59:42) Okay. (59:43) The self reflection versus see, isn't it funny you're talking about this? (59:48) I've been on the side. (59:50) Sorry. (59:50) While you're talking, I'm listening to you.
Scott Benner (59:52) I promise. (59:52) I've looked up, is there science about people's desire to be too self reflective in a modern age? (59:57) Did this exist, say, two hundred years ago? (1:00:00) And it's talking about that self reflection is healthy, but rumination is unhealthy. (1:00:05) So when when you get caught ruminating, you gotta break that cycle.
Scott Benner (1:00:08) That's what you're talking about. (1:00:09) Mhmm. (1:00:10) Mhmm. (1:00:10) See that? (1:00:11) I'm paying attention.
Erika Forsyth (1:00:11) Yes. (1:00:12) Yes.
Scott Benner (1:00:13) Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth (1:00:13) Yes. (1:00:14) Reflection brings awareness, but then we don't want to yep. (1:00:19) Kind of the rumination, the hyperfixation can keep you stuck and trapped. (1:00:24) Again, feeling the feelings is is healthy, and then noticing that you're feeling those feelings and then doing something to help you move through them.
Scott Benner (1:00:32) Yeah. (1:00:34) It's the difference between yelling this sucks and then keeping going and yelling this sucks and sitting down and not moving again and just yelling this sucks over and over and over. (1:00:43) It gives so many interesting examples that I'm not gonna bore people with right now, but it goes back through different it says in 1774, the viral sadness of the eighteenth century. (1:00:54) Goth published The Sorrows of Young Werther, a novel about a young man who thinks about his own feelings so intensely that it eventually kills himself. (1:01:02) The result is in triggering a massive cultural phenomenon across Europe.
Scott Benner (1:01:05) Young men started to dress like the main character and wallowing in melancholy. (1:01:10) It got so bad that copycat suicides occurred. (1:01:13) And then it jumps ahead to fourth century when something happened again, nineteenth century, where melancholy again became popular. (1:01:21) It's it's interesting. (1:01:23) It it says in in modern times that TikTok might be the example right now.
Scott Benner (1:01:29) So Yes. (1:01:29) Yeah. (1:01:30) Yeah. (1:01:30) It's just interesting that, like, that it's such a human thing that it it repeats over and over again through time. (1:01:36) So it's our goal.
Scott Benner (1:01:38) The goal of of of therapy and and being reflective in a thoughtful manner, it's your goal to break what appears to me to be pretty human feelings that for reasons that we don't completely understand are detrimental to you being happy and and moving forward. (1:01:55) So that's what you do the work for, to accept it and go on. (1:01:59) That's it. (1:02:00) Right? (1:02:01) That what they call enlightenment in other parts of the world?
Erika Forsyth (1:02:05) Oh, yes. (1:02:08) I would say, yeah. (1:02:09) Enlightenment, understanding. (1:02:12) So there yeah. (1:02:13) There's the really two I mean
Scott Benner (1:02:15) gotta get to a
Erika Forsyth (1:02:16) different path.
Scott Benner (1:02:17) Just rolls off your back. (1:02:17) That's what we're saying, really. (1:02:19) Right? (1:02:19) Yes.
Erika Forsyth (1:02:21) I mean, it depends on, yeah, your goal. (1:02:22) Right? (1:02:23) Like, if if therapy you're seeking that to understand your past and your patterns. (1:02:28) That's kind of part one. (1:02:30) And then part two is, okay.
Erika Forsyth (1:02:31) Then and then what now? (1:02:32) Mhmm. (1:02:33) How what do I wanna do with that information, and how do I wanna move forward and make changes?
Scott Benner (1:02:38) And live kind of an unburdened existence. (1:02:42) Like, it was the last five days of your life, and you knew it, and you were okay with it. (1:02:45) But you get to do that for thirty years, not three days.
Erika Forsyth (1:02:50) Yes. (1:02:50) But that's my goal. (1:02:51) That's that's hard. (1:02:52) That's that's complicated.
Scott Benner (1:02:53) I'm working towards it. (1:02:54) I don't know how I'm doing. (1:02:55) That's all. (1:02:56) I mean, for a guy who said that his shirt was bunching up at the wrong place, I'm probably not killing it. (1:03:02) And it occurred to me ten minutes ago to ask you after the recording was over, like, do I look fat right now, or is that just in my head?
Scott Benner (1:03:09) Don't answer. (1:03:10) Don't answer.
Erika Forsyth (1:03:11) Oh my gosh.
Scott Benner (1:03:12) Don't answer. (1:03:13) Are we done? (1:03:13) Is there more? (1:03:14) I'm sorry.
Erika Forsyth (1:03:14) No. (1:03:14) We're done.
Scott Benner (1:03:15) Okay. (1:03:15) I appreciate you doing this with me as always.
Erika Forsyth (1:03:17) You're welcome. (1:03:19) Thank you. (1:03:19) Yep.
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Scott Benner (1:04:47) You have to join the private group. (1:04:49) As of this recording, it has 74,000 members. (1:04:52) They're active talking about diabetes. (1:04:55) Whatever you need to know, there's a conversation happening in there right now. (1:04:59) And I'm there all the time.
Scott Benner (1:05:00) Tag me. (1:05:00) I'll say hi. (1:05:07) Hey. (1:05:07) I'm dropping in to tell you about a small change being made to the Juice Cruise twenty twenty six schedule. (1:05:12) This adjustment was made by Celebrity Cruise Lines, not by me.
Scott Benner (1:05:16) Anyway, we're still going out on the Celebrity Beyond cruise ship, which is awesome. (1:05:20) Check out the walkthrough video at juiceboxpodcast.com/juicecruise. (1:05:24) The ship is awesome. (1:05:26) Still a seven night cruise. (1:05:28) It still leaves out of Miami on June 21.
Scott Benner (1:05:31) Actually, most of this is the same. (1:05:33) We leave Miami June 21, head to Coco Cay in The Bahamas, But then we're going to San Juan, Puerto Rico instead of Saint Thomas. (1:05:40) After that, Bastille, I think I'm saying that wrong, Saint Kitts And Nevis. (1:05:45) This place is gorgeous. (1:05:46) Google it.
Scott Benner (1:05:47) I mean, you're probably gonna have to go to my link to get the correct spelling because my pronunciation is so bad. (1:05:51) But once you get the Saint Kitts and you Google it, you're gonna look and see a photo that says to you, oh, I wanna go there. (1:05:58) Come meet other people living with type one diabetes from caregivers to children to adults. (1:06:04) Last year, we had a 100 people on our cruise and it was fabulous. (1:06:09) You can see pictures to get at my link juiceboxpodcast.com/juicecruise.
Scott Benner (1:06:14) You can see those pictures from last year there. (1:06:17) The link also gives you an opportunity to register for the cruise or to contact Suzanne from Cruise Planners. (1:06:22) She takes care of all the logistics. (1:06:24) I'm just excited that I might see you there. (1:06:27) It's a beautiful event for families, for singles, a wonderful opportunity to meet people, swap stories, make friendships, and learn.
Scott Benner (1:06:37) If you have a podcast and you need a fantastic editor, you want Rob from Wrong Way Recording. (1:06:43) Listen. (1:06:43) Truth be told, I'm, like, 20% smarter when Rob edits me. (1:06:47) He takes out all the, like, gaps of time and when I go, and stuff like that. (1:06:52) And it just I don't know, man.
Scott Benner (1:06:54) Like, I listen back and I'm like, why do I sound smarter? (1:06:57) And then I remember because I did one smart thing. (1:07:00) I hired Rob at wrongwayrecording.com.
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#1757 Tandem Kids: Kate
You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio - Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.
Scott Benner interviews 15-year-old Kate, who discusses managing Type 1 diabetes while playing lacrosse and field hockey, using the Tandem t:slim pump, and her experience growing up in a family where multiple members have the condition.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner (0:00) I attended my first ever Friends for Life conference in July 2025. (0:05) And while I was there, I interviewed eight children of various ages, all who wear a Tandem pump. (0:10) I wanna thank Tandem Diabetes for sponsoring this short episode of the Juice Box podcast. (0:16) Check them out at tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox. (0:22) Nothing you hear on the Juice Box podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise.
Scott Benner (0:28) Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. (0:35) The episode you're about to listen to is sponsored by Tandem Moby, the impressively small insulin pump. (0:41) Tandem Moby features Tandem's newest algorithm, Control IQ Plus technology. (0:46) It's designed for greater discretion, more freedom, and improved time and range. (0:50) Learn more and get started today at tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox.
Scott Benner (1:06) Hey. (1:07) How are you?
Kate (1:07) Good. (1:08) How are you?
Scott Benner (1:08) Excellent. (1:09) Thank you. (1:09) What's your name?
Kate (1:10) Kate. (1:11) Kate.
Scott Benner (1:11) How old are you? (1:12) 15. (1:12) 15. (1:13) How long have you got type one diabetes?
Kate (1:15) Since I was three, so twelve years.
Scott Benner (1:17) Three. (1:17) I like that you did the math for me. (1:19) I didn't have to do it. (1:20) Thank you. (1:21) Twelve years.
Scott Benner (1:22) Does it feel like it's been that long?
Kate (1:25) No. (1:25) I kinda just feel like I've had it my whole life because I don't remember, like, what it is without.
Scott Benner (1:29) Yeah. (1:30) Do you remember anything about being diagnosed?
Kate (1:32) No. (1:33) I don't.
Scott Benner (1:33) Not at all. (1:34) Do do people tell you about it?
Kate (1:36) My mom told me I was in Target when I figured out, like, I got being, like, I had to pee a lot. (1:42) I was very thirsty. (1:43) And then she was, like, kinda figured out.
Scott Benner (1:45) So your mom figured it out at Target?
Kate (1:47) Yeah.
Scott Benner (1:47) Right. (1:48) So you're, like did she tell you how? (1:50) Does she know other people that have type one?
Kate (1:52) Well, she had it. (1:53) She's had I don't know how long she's had it, but she has it and so is my brother.
Scott Benner (1:57) Oh, so your mom has type one? (1:58) Yeah. (1:59) Your brother is how old?
Kate (2:00) He's 13.
Scott Benner (2:01) How long has he had it for?
Kate (2:03) He's had antibodies since three, but he was diagnosed
Scott Benner (2:09) Recently?
Kate (2:09) Yeah. (2:10) Like, a couple years.
Scott Benner (2:11) Okay.
Kate (2:11) Like, maybe four.
Scott Benner (2:12) You don't know how old your mom was when she was diagnosed?
Kate (2:14) She was in her twenties or late teens.
Scott Benner (2:17) And how old does she now? (2:19) Interesting. (2:20) And your grandmother's phone number? (2:22) Okay. (2:23) Alright.
Scott Benner (2:24) So you don't your mom is probably in her late teens or twenties.
Kate (2:28) Yes.
Scott Benner (2:29) Right? (2:29) And you don't know how old she is now? (2:31) No. (2:31) No. (2:32) Is she in her forties, her fifties?
Kate (2:34) She's in her forties. (2:35) You sure? (2:36) Yes. (2:37) 43.
Scott Benner (2:39) Yeah. (2:39) I mean, are you asking me or are you telling me? (2:42) She's 43. (2:43) You're definitely 15, though. (2:45) Right?
Scott Benner (2:45) Yes. (2:45) How can you be certain? (2:47) Do you know your phone number?
Kate (2:49) Yes.
Scott Benner (2:49) Okay. (2:49) Alright.
Kate (2:50) Yes. (2:50) Alright.
Scott Benner (2:50) Well, okay. (2:51) So you don't remember anything about being diagnosed?
Kate (2:53) No.
Scott Benner (2:53) Alright. (2:54) That's fair. (2:55) Do you do any activities at school or sports or anything
Kate (2:57) like that? (2:58) Yes. (2:58) I've been playing field hockey and lacrosse. (3:00) I've played lacrosse since COVID, and then field hockey, I just started two years ago.
Scott Benner (3:04) Okay. (3:04) Lacrosse? (3:06) Yes. (3:06) Field hockey? (3:07) Yes.
Scott Benner (3:08) Can I ask a question?
Kate (3:09) Yeah.
Scott Benner (3:10) Wouldn't it be easier if they made the stick longer?
Kate (3:12) Yeah. (3:13) I'm too tall for field hockey.
Scott Benner (3:14) Why? (3:15) I don't understand. (3:16) Because it's always like this. (3:18) Right? (3:18) Yeah.
Scott Benner (3:19) Does it I mean, right, everybody? (3:22) Like, why is the field hockey stick not longer?
Kate (3:25) It hurts my back. (3:26) Right.
Scott Benner (3:27) But have you ever gotten whacked with a ball?
Kate (3:30) I I mean, like, on my shins and stuff, but I have shin guards.
Scott Benner (3:33) So But it would hurt otherwise? (3:35) Yes. (3:35) You ever see anybody take one in the head?
Kate (3:36) Yes. (3:37) That, like, just happened, like, three weeks ago. (3:39) She got hit right here and she had go get stitches.
Scott Benner (3:41) Unless they're crying?
Kate (3:42) Yes.
Scott Benner (3:42) Did you cry?
Kate (3:43) I would
Scott Benner (3:43) have cried. (3:43) No. (3:44) No. (3:44) I would have been like, well, there's so much. (3:45) Please stop.
Scott Benner (3:46) What's it like playing with type one? (3:48) What do you have to do to get through the game?
Kate (3:50) It's hard. (3:51) I hate when I go low because I don't really take the initiative to go out because, like, especially when we're running as a team because we're, like, for a consequence, I'm always like, oh, if I go out then, like, I'm like, I should be running because it's a consequence for the team. (4:03) So if I go out, like, I think it looks bad on me.
Scott Benner (4:06) Okay.
Kate (4:06) So sometimes
Scott Benner (4:07) So you're not taking care of your lows because you're afraid No.
Kate (4:09) No. (4:10) No. (4:10) I do.
Scott Benner (4:10) I just But but but it's you you're not as in like, you don't wanna go off the field.
Kate (4:14) Yeah. (4:14) I don't wanna.
Scott Benner (4:15) Okay.
Kate (4:15) But I do.
Scott Benner (4:16) How often does do does that happen, though, while you're playing? (4:18) It's a lot of running. (4:19) Right?
Kate (4:20) Yeah. (4:21) That's like the whole game. (4:23) I don't go low, like, a lot, but when I do, I don't like to come out.
Scott Benner (4:27) Okay. (4:27) Alright. (4:28) So what do you do?
Kate (4:30) Well, I just, like, signal my coaches and they know. (4:32) So I just come off. (4:33) I eat a pack of gummies, and I try to go back in as soon as possible.
Scott Benner (4:36) You can't, like, run down the sideline and grab something? (4:38) Like, one of runners are doing the thing.
Kate (4:40) I wish.
Scott Benner (4:41) Does your mom come to the games?
Kate (4:42) Yeah. (4:42) She comes.
Scott Benner (4:43) She's screaming and yell? (4:44) Like, happy, screaming
Kate (4:45) and yelling. (4:46) She's cheering?
Scott Benner (4:46) Yeah. (4:46) Like, she's not yelling at you. (4:47) No. (4:48) No. (4:48) No.
Scott Benner (4:48) She's better, Kate. (4:49) It's not like that. (4:50) Right? (4:50) No. (4:50) She's like, yay, Kate.
Scott Benner (4:52) What what what pump are you using?
Kate (4:54) T slim.
Scott Benner (4:54) T slim. (4:55) What made you get it?
Kate (4:57) I I thought, like, having the tube would look cool, to be honest.
Scott Benner (5:02) Really? (5:02) Yes. (5:03) Alright. (5:03) Okay.
Kate (5:04) So that was, like, the first thing. (5:05) And then I also loved having, like, my blood sugar on me while playing because I used to not have that because I was on loop. (5:11) So I would just have to feel low. (5:12) And when for me to feel low, I get into the low fifties or forties.
Scott Benner (5:16) Okay.
Kate (5:16) So I wanna catch that before that.
Scott Benner (5:18) So you like the feedback on the screen?
Kate (5:20) Yes. (5:20) I love it. (5:21) Awesome.
Scott Benner (5:21) You love it?
Kate (5:22) Yes. (5:22) Alright.
Scott Benner (5:23) Awesome. (5:23) But but going back to the other thing, you thought the tubing would look cool?
Kate (5:26) Yes.
Scott Benner (5:28) Please walk me through that.
Kate (5:29) I don't know. (5:30) I was like, I like showing it off.
Scott Benner (5:32) You do?
Kate (5:33) Yes. (5:33) How cool? (5:34) I used to not, actually.
Scott Benner (5:35) How how what do you think changed that? (5:37) So at one point, you didn't want people to know your your stuff, but now you want them to know. (5:41) What do you think changed?
Kate (5:44) I like I don't know. (5:45) I feel like just embracing it so people know because there's, like, there's all those stereotypes. (5:50) So when people ask me questions, it kinda clarifies to them, like, what type one really is and not just what they think it is.
Scott Benner (5:56) So it's important for you that other people understand the reality of it. (6:00) Mhmm. (6:00) Why do you think that's important to you?
Kate (6:03) Because I've had the stereotype said, oh, you get it from eating too much sugar, this and this. (6:08) And like, I don't let it affect me, at the end of the day, it hurts because it's not the truth. (6:12) Yeah. (6:12) So like, when I tell them that, they get clarification of what it really is. (6:16) So hopefully, they can stop saying those things.
Scott Benner (6:18) Nice. (6:18) Do you have a lot of friends? (6:19) Yes. (6:20) Did they all know about your diabetes? (6:21) Yes.
Scott Benner (6:21) Yeah. (6:22) If somebody isn't interested in your diabetes, are you not interested in being their friend or does it not
Kate (6:27) I mean It's okay. (6:31) Mean, I don't like I don't want them to say anything bad about diabetes, but like if, like, a lot of my friends just don't they don't care that I have it. (6:40) Like, not not in the bad way, just in the good way. (6:42) They're not just like, oh, like, can you eat this? (6:44) Like, they're not worried about me.
Kate (6:45) Like, when I'm low, they are worried about me, but, like, it's not like it's not in between the friendship, if that makes sense.
Scott Benner (6:51) So you like that your friends understand it, that they're interested
Kate (6:54) Yeah.
Scott Benner (6:54) And that the people who maybe are not, like, super interested are still cool about it.
Kate (6:59) Yeah. (6:59) Like, my close friends, they all understand what it is and, like, I've told them how to use my nasal spray if I ever pass out, so they all know how to use it. (7:07) When I'm low, they're very, like, Kate, stop. (7:09) Like, stop what you're doing. (7:10) Take a break even when I don't wanna do that.
Scott Benner (7:12) Do you get giddy or weird? (7:13) Do they how do they know you're low?
Kate (7:16) They it beeps, so they hear that. (7:18) And then when I'm super low, I can get kinda rude. (7:21) So
Scott Benner (7:22) You get rude? (7:23) Yeah. (7:23) Do you curse at people? (7:24) No. (7:25) No?
Scott Benner (7:25) But you're rude.
Kate (7:26) I can be. (7:26) I can just have a little chip on my shoulder.
Scott Benner (7:28) Yeah. (7:28) Yeah. (7:29) Do you know what's happening when it's happening?
Kate (7:31) I can feel when I'm low, but like
Scott Benner (7:33) But you know what I'm saying? (7:34) Like, right now, you seem very pleasant. (7:36) Yeah. (7:36) You're generally a pleasant person?
Kate (7:37) Yeah.
Scott Benner (7:37) Right. (7:38) So you're not being rude to me right now? (7:39) No. (7:39) If you started being rude to me, you would know.
Kate (7:42) I mean, it's only to my family, to be honest. (7:44) Oh. (7:44) It's only to my family.
Scott Benner (7:45) You love. (7:46) Yeah. (7:46) Yeah. (7:47) But do but while you're saying the words, do you know it's happening? (7:50) Like, are you, like, I am being rude now or is
Kate (7:52) it No. (7:52) My mom's like, Kate, you're low. (7:54) Like, take a break.
Scott Benner (7:56) We used to tell my daughter, we're gonna test your blood sugar. (7:58) And if you're not low, you're in trouble. (8:02) Yeah. (8:03) You know what I mean? (8:03) Because I get the difference between it and Yeah.
Scott Benner (8:05) Just being a jerk. (8:06) Right. (8:07) Right. (8:08) Okay. (8:08) So you play a ton of sports.
Scott Benner (8:10) T Slim helps you with that a lot.
Kate (8:11) Yes. (8:12) A lot.
Scott Benner (8:12) That's awesome. (8:13) Okay. (8:14) Do you have any other things? (8:15) Every kid that's been here has played an instrument. (8:17) Do you play an instrument?
Kate (8:18) No. (8:18) I don't. (8:18) I used to in fifth grade, though.
Scott Benner (8:20) What'd you play?
Kate (8:21) The violin, maybe? (8:22) The violet? (8:23) One of those two.
Scott Benner (8:24) The violin, maybe?
Kate (8:25) Or the violet. (8:26) I we're but it's one they're, like, twins. (8:29) I don't know which one.
Scott Benner (8:30) I mean, I don't know. (8:31) I don't
Kate (8:32) It's the one that's deeper. (8:33) I don't know which one that is.
Scott Benner (8:35) Was it, like, the last instrument left when you were kicking?
Kate (8:38) Probably. (8:39) She
Scott Benner (8:39) gets stuck with it, like, your acoustic cage doesn't look serious about this? (8:42) Probably. (8:43) Did you hate playing it?
Kate (8:44) Yes. (8:44) I really did.
Scott Benner (8:46) Did you hate the playing it? (8:47) Did you hate the
Kate (8:47) I just hated everything
Scott Benner (8:48) about it. (8:49) Everything about playing the violet Yes. (8:51) Which I don't think is real. (8:52) I feel like you've made that up. (8:53) But, like, can someone look?
Scott Benner (8:55) Is a violet a real thing? (8:56) It's like no. (8:57) Violet looks incredibly embarrassed. (8:59) Oh, looks like calm.
Kate (9:01) Viola? (9:01) Maybe it's
Scott Benner (9:02) The viola? (9:04) The violet? (9:05) No. (9:05) There's two of them. (9:06) What's your grandmother's phone number?
Scott Benner (9:08) Yeah. (9:08) Okay. (9:09) Alright. (9:09) Alright. (9:10) Alright.
Scott Benner (9:10) Do you know any famous people have type one diabetes that you look up to?
Kate (9:15) I mean, no. (9:19) I mean, I know Charlotte, the gymnastics person.
Scott Benner (9:21) I've talked to I've interviewed Charlotte. (9:23) She's awesome.
Kate (9:23) Yeah. (9:24) Yeah. (9:24) I I mean, I look up to her.
Scott Benner (9:26) She was wasn't she trampoline? (9:28) Yeah. (9:28) I remember interviewing her and saying, like, you were in the Olympics for trampoline? (9:32) Like, that's a thing? (9:33) It was, actually.
Kate (9:34) Yes.
Scott Benner (9:35) Yeah. (9:35) She's awesome.
Kate (9:36) Yeah. (9:36) She seemed really cool.
Scott Benner (9:37) I spent a lot of time after I interviewed her, when we were done recording, talking to her and her girlfriend. (9:44) Her girlfriend's, like, famous too. (9:45) Right? (9:46) Like, she's like a gymnast that's why you said gymnastics. (9:49) I think it's she's she's a I think she's an Olympic gymnast.
Kate (9:52) Oh. (9:52) Yeah.
Scott Benner (9:53) Yeah. (9:53) So
Kate (9:53) Well, I used to I had her merch when she was in the in the Olympics.
Scott Benner (9:57) You had a what? (9:58) Her
Kate (9:58) merch. (9:58) She had, like
Scott Benner (9:59) Oh, she had bling and you were Yes.
Kate (10:01) You were I was rocking
Scott Benner (10:02) you were repping it? (10:02) Yeah. (10:02) Yeah. (10:03) Yeah. (10:03) What made you so before tandem, did you use a different pump?
Kate (10:06) Yeah. (10:06) I used lube.
Scott Benner (10:07) You were looping? (10:08) Mhmm. (10:09) Why did you switch, do you think?
Kate (10:14) It took a lot to switch, I think. (10:15) I I really liked Loop, but then I think I want something new. (10:20) I didn't really know much about t slim at the time. (10:22) Okay. (10:22) So I was just like, why not give it a shot?
Kate (10:24) And right before t slim, I was actually gonna go on Islet. (10:27) And I was on that for a week and absolutely hated it because my blood sugar was, 300 the whole time.
Scott Benner (10:33) You didn't like islet, but you were look so you were just looking for something different. (10:36) Yeah. (10:37) And then you tried something, didn't like it
Kate (10:39) Yeah.
Scott Benner (10:40) Tried again. (10:41) You're just very open.
Kate (10:42) Yeah.
Scott Benner (10:42) This was this was your mom doing this? (10:44) Like, I'm stumbling on my words. (10:45) Did your mom make this decision or was it you?
Kate (10:48) It was kind of like both of us. (10:49) My mom wants the best for me and she she knows a lot about all the pumps, so she's not gonna put me on some pump that she knows won't work for me, so she kinda let me trial them. (10:58) Okay. (10:58) And if I liked them and she thought it was good for me, we kinda both agreed on that.
Scott Benner (11:01) Nice. (11:02) Well, that's interesting. (11:03) Do you think did you, like, look at what other people were doing? (11:05) Just look online?
Kate (11:07) I think my mom just threw the idea out, and I was just like, sure. (11:10) Why not?
Scott Benner (11:10) Yeah. (11:11) So Look at why do you have such a good personality? (11:13) Like, why are you so friendly? (11:14) What's going on? (11:15) Did were you raised well?
Kate (11:17) Yes.
Scott Benner (11:18) Do you think that that's what just what she wants you to say, or do you really feel like you've you've been raised well? (11:22) No.
Kate (11:23) I have been raised well.
Scott Benner (11:24) Oh, okay. (11:24) Because you were very, like, like, engaging and, like, fresh. (11:28) You're, like, making a lot of eye contact with me.
Kate (11:30) I'm shocked I am. (11:31) I'm really bad at eye contact.
Scott Benner (11:33) No kidding. (11:33) Me too. (11:34) Did you say you had brothers and sisters or did I not ask?
Kate (11:36) Yes. (11:37) I do.
Scott Benner (11:37) Any and and brother has type one, mom has type one. (11:41) Any other autoimmune stuff in your family? (11:43) Somebody got a thyroid thing or celiac or anything like that?
Kate (11:46) So my brother, Ryan, he he would his blood well, wait. (11:52) I forget how it goes. (11:54) He he was gluten free, but he wasn't diagnosed with celiac. (11:57) His, blood test came back really high. (12:00) So we just had him, like, be on celiac, but he wasn't, like, actually diagnosed.
Kate (12:07) So he is gonna get scoped, I think, in a couple months and don't make sure it's, like, for sure. (12:13) So
Scott Benner (12:13) Does he have actual like, they they have what they call silent celiac where, like, he doesn't have any symptoms or does he have symptoms?
Kate (12:18) He doesn't have symptoms. (12:19) Apart from his blood sugar, like, in his mood. (12:22) You can see it in his mood when he has gluten. (12:24) Really? (12:24) Yeah.
Kate (12:25) Sometimes.
Scott Benner (12:25) So if you're low and he's had gluten, we're fighting. (12:29) Right?
Kate (12:29) Or if we're both low. (12:31) Yeah. (12:31) Not a good space.
Scott Benner (12:32) Oh, no kidding. (12:33) Yeah. (12:33) How do you I'm so sorry, mom. (12:35) If they're both low, how do you decide which one to go to first? (12:38) Does one of whoever's
Kate (12:40) the lowest.
Scott Benner (12:41) Is it whoever's lowest or do you trust one of them over the other ones so go to the
Kate (12:44) I actually have had twice in their lives where I treated them on the kid. (12:48) Have you actually? (12:49) Yeah. (12:50) Have I wait. (12:50) Do you do you think I'm do you think I'm moody when I'm low?
Kate (12:53) Okay. (12:54) I was making sure I'm
Scott Benner (12:54) So you're telling me that there's been a time where you've gone into Kate's room, jammed a juice box in her face, and then realized her brother was low, not her. (13:01) That's an awesome story. (13:03) That's where you can come on the podcast whenever you want. (13:06) That's awesome. (13:07) Oh my god.
Scott Benner (13:08) So and then she gets so now you're treating him, then you gotta come back in and give her insulin, and you're up for three hours after that, just beating yourself up the whole time. (13:17) While are you married? (13:18) Yeah. (13:18) While your husband's sound asleep? (13:20) Yeah.
Scott Benner (13:20) Yeah.
Kate (13:20) Yeah. (13:20) Yeah. (13:21) Yeah.
Scott Benner (13:21) I gotcha. (13:22) I know how this all works. (13:23) Awesome. (13:24) You're very friendly.
Kate (13:25) Thanks.
Scott Benner (13:27) Do people like her? (13:28) They do. (13:29) Right? (13:30) Yeah. (13:30) You're very likable.
Scott Benner (13:31) Do you know that about yourself?
Kate (13:33) I mean, I hope so.
Scott Benner (13:34) No. (13:35) No. (13:35) No. (13:35) Stop it. (13:36) Do you know that about yourself?
Kate (13:37) I don't know.
Scott Benner (13:38) Wait. (13:38) Stop. (13:39) Like, forget what you think people think. (13:41) Like, when you think of yourself in the world, do you think I'm a friendly person, people like me? (13:45) Yeah.
Scott Benner (13:45) Yeah. (13:45) You like that about yourself?
Kate (13:47) Yeah. (13:47) Of course.
Scott Benner (13:47) Okay. (13:48) Do you take this attitude into your diabetes? (13:51) Like, do you, like, gleefully pre bolus your meals without being
Kate (13:54) No.
Scott Benner (13:54) No. (13:55) Does she yell at you all day long? (13:57) Pre bolus. (13:58) You have to pre bolus.
Kate (13:59) I'll I'll, like, eat, like, dinner or lunch or something, and I'll, like, go up high. (14:03) And she's like, okay. (14:04) Did you cover ten minutes before? (14:05) I'm like, I covered while I was eating.
Scott Benner (14:06) While you were eating? (14:08) But do you pre bolus? (14:10) No. (14:10) Of course not. (14:10) Nobody does.
Scott Benner (14:11) It's very hard to for nobody to do it. (14:12) Yes. (14:12) But so she doesn't pre bolus and she tells you to do
Kate (14:14) it. (14:15) Basically.
Scott Benner (14:15) They call it hypocrisy. (14:17) You know that. (14:17) Right?
Kate (14:18) Yes.
Scott Benner (14:18) Yeah. (14:18) Do you ever throw it back in her face?
Kate (14:20) No. (14:20) Because I I thought she actually prebolist.
Scott Benner (14:22) Oh, we've learned something today. (14:24) Hey. (14:24) Listen. (14:24) The last kid's getting a puppy out of me, so just be happy. (14:27) This is all that's happening right now.
Scott Benner (14:29) Like, two kids ago. (14:30) Alright. (14:31) Let's slow down a second. (14:32) We're having too much fun. (14:33) Do you understand?
Scott Benner (14:34) We're not getting to other questions. (14:37) You don't have a hero with diabetes, but you've met but you yeah. (14:40) You have
Kate (14:41) strong hero.
Scott Benner (14:42) But you're look at you. (14:44) Do you mean that?
Kate (14:45) I swear.
Scott Benner (14:45) Say it again. (14:46) Who's your your hero? (14:47) My mom. (14:48) Why?
Kate (14:48) Because she has diabetes, she always has my back, and she's just, like, a bigger role model, and I just always look up to her.
Scott Benner (14:54) Oh, you're trying to make me cry? (14:57) Well, I'm misty now. (15:00) My family tells me that if one tear comes out, it's crying. (15:02) I say it's getting welled up, but apparently, that's not a a great stuff, but you really just made me feel very emotional. (15:10) Aw.
Scott Benner (15:10) Aw. (15:11) Do you think it made your mom feel emotional? (15:13) Aw.
Kate (15:13) You know that.
Scott Benner (15:15) Do you know? (15:16) Yeah? (15:17) Aw. (15:18) Look at this. (15:18) This is so nice.
Scott Benner (15:19) I'm warm now. (15:23) These are all the things that when I make the podcast, nobody sees where I'm, like, visually fanning myself, trying not to cry and stuff like that. (15:29) She was so nice. (15:31) Have you ever told her that before?
Kate (15:33) Yeah. (15:33) I mean, when people ask me, like, in school and stuff, they're like, oh, write someone to, like, mister Herrera. (15:39) I was like, write to her.
Scott Benner (15:40) Oh, that's really lovely. (15:41) Yeah. (15:42) You've made my day. (15:43) Thank you. (15:44) Are you doing here at at the event?
Scott Benner (15:46) Are you, like I I it's called Friends for Life. (15:49) Do you come often or is this your first time?
Kate (15:51) So I've been to, Florida last year, and then before that, I've been to, like, their mini conferences, like like, around where they have them.
Scott Benner (15:59) Yeah. (15:59) Where are you from?
Kate (16:00) Pennsylvania.
Scott Benner (16:01) Oh, stop. (16:02) This is why we're getting along so well. (16:04) Where where like, I'm from Philly.
Kate (16:05) I'm near the Hershey area in Harrisburg.
Scott Benner (16:07) No kidding.
Kate (16:08) In that area.
Scott Benner (16:09) My son went to college out that way.
Kate (16:10) Oh.
Scott Benner (16:10) Yeah. (16:11) I don't want you all to know where my son went to college, but, like, yeah, right out there. (16:15) So this is interesting. (16:17) You're right in the middle.
Kate (16:18) Yeah.
Scott Benner (16:19) Eagles, Steelers.
Kate (16:21) What if I told you Ravens?
Scott Benner (16:23) It's fine with me. (16:24) It's right there. (16:25) Right?
Kate (16:25) Yeah.
Scott Benner (16:26) Pirates, Phillies?
Kate (16:27) I don't not really. (16:29) Yeah.
Scott Benner (16:30) Alright. (16:30) Do you wanna go to college and take that stick and hit girls in college with it?
Kate (16:33) Lacrosse. (16:34) Yes. (16:34) Yeah. (16:35) I I look to do that Yeah. (16:37) Hopefully.
Scott Benner (16:38) So we don't hit
Kate (16:40) We don't hit them. (16:41) We hit the goalie.
Scott Benner (16:41) Do you you whack, like, a little bit, though. (16:43) Right? (16:43) I
Kate (16:44) can. (16:44) I can hit their stick
Scott Benner (16:45) Yeah.
Kate (16:45) As long as they have it low enough.
Scott Benner (16:47) Do you love it? (16:47) Like, do you love, like, the hitting?
Kate (16:49) I mean, it's like the accomplishment of smacking the ball out of their stick and my coach cheering. (16:53) So Yeah. (16:54) That's what keeps me going.
Scott Benner (16:55) That's oh, so you're very competitive. (16:58) No? (16:58) Does your blood sugar go up while you're playing? (17:00) Like
Kate (17:01) Yeah. (17:01) Yeah.
Scott Benner (17:01) Because your adrenaline gets going?
Kate (17:02) I I see that a lot, actually.
Scott Benner (17:04) Right. (17:04) After the game, do you get a big drop off afterwards or does the
Kate (17:08) After a little bit, like, feel like right after the game, I'm like double up and it's like, really? (17:12) Wow. (17:13) But then I do come spiking down once I go to sleep.
Scott Benner (17:15) So you are like competitive. (17:18) Yeah. (17:18) That's how we figured out my daughter was. (17:20) We used to when we, we learned that we had to bolus before a sporting event if she felt competitive.
Kate (17:26) Had she felt fit?
Scott Benner (17:27) So here's what would happen. (17:29) We learned this during basketball when she was, like, young. (17:32) We'd show up at this, like, wreck basketball game And some days, her blood sugar would shoot up and some days, it wouldn't.
Kate (17:37) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (17:37) And so we finally figured out, like, a lot of trial and error. (17:41) Like, eventually, the first thing we did was we just bolus no matter what.
Kate (17:45) Yeah.
Scott Benner (17:45) And then if she started to get low, we just basically, we'd bolus the equivalent of a juice box. (17:50) That would stop the spike. (17:52) But if she didn't need it, then we just like, it was like pre bolus in the juice box in Allstate. (17:57) Then we figured out one day that she was super competitive and if she got there and the girls on the other team looked like little killers, that she got ramped up. (18:07) But if she thought she was gonna run them over, her blood sugar didn't go up.
Kate (18:10) That's crazy.
Scott Benner (18:10) Like, that literally worked out. (18:12) So then we'd show up. (18:13) I feel bad saying this. (18:14) We'd show up at the game, look at the other team. (18:16) If they look like marshmallows, we didn't bowl us.
Scott Benner (18:18) And if they look like killers, we'd give her insulin. (18:20) And that actually worked.
Kate (18:22) That's cool, though.
Scott Benner (18:23) Yeah. (18:23) Yeah. (18:23) Yeah. (18:23) Marshmallow is marshmallows the way to say, like, soft, I guess. (18:26) Right?
Scott Benner (18:26) They just didn't look like they were gonna put up a You know? (18:29) And they they like, their parents drug them to basketball.
Kate (18:31) Yeah. (18:31) And they didn't I get what that looks like.
Scott Benner (18:33) Yeah. (18:33) What what kind what do you wanna do in college?
Kate (18:36) It's so hard to say. (18:37) Like, I'm like I was looking at, like, I love kids. (18:40) I love I have two younger brothers. (18:42) One's four and one's two.
Scott Benner (18:43) Yeah.
Kate (18:43) And I just love working with kids, but then it's I I volunteered at preschool and I've seen how hard that is. (18:51) I'm just like Yeah. (18:51) Straining.
Scott Benner (18:52) Yeah.
Kate (18:52) And it just kinda put a new perspective, like, through my eyes. (18:55) I'm like, do I really wanna work with kids in the water?
Scott Benner (18:57) You ever have a puppy?
Kate (18:58) I've had one. (18:59) I mean, he's older now.
Scott Benner (19:00) It's hard too. (19:01) Right? (19:01) Yeah. (19:01) Kids are, like, a thousand times harder than that, and they yell at you sometimes. (19:05) Oh, yeah.
Scott Benner (19:05) Yeah. (19:05) Yeah. (19:06) Yeah. (19:06) It's hard.
Kate (19:06) I get that with my brother. (19:07) Yeah? (19:08) Yes. (19:08) It's like it's like arguing with, like, a 15 year old kid.
Scott Benner (19:11) How old is he?
Kate (19:12) He's four.
Scott Benner (19:13) Why is it, like, arguing with a 15 year old? (19:16) Because he doesn't give up?
Kate (19:16) First of all, he always gets his way. (19:20) Mom.
Scott Benner (19:21) Go ahead.
Kate (19:23) And Your
Scott Benner (19:24) mom's just tired. (19:24) You know that. (19:25) Right?
Kate (19:26) Well, she's like, you're the bigger person. (19:28) Why are you arguing with a four year old kid? (19:30) And I'm like
Scott Benner (19:32) Anytime she says something from now on, you should go, why don't you pre bolus? (19:36) I'm going to. (19:37) There you are.
Kate (19:38) He just, like, he just steps on my toes. (19:39) It's like, he just messes with me.
Scott Benner (19:42) Yeah. (19:42) On purpose. (19:43) Yeah. (19:43) Yeah. (19:44) Yeah.
Scott Benner (19:44) They have a lot of energy. (19:45) Like puppies.
Kate (19:46) I love them, though.
Scott Benner (19:46) Yeah? (19:47) Yes. (19:47) That's nice to hear.
Kate (19:48) Yes. (19:48) I I swear. (19:49) I love all my brothers.
Scott Benner (19:50) You're the only girl?
Kate (19:51) Yes.
Scott Benner (19:52) Is that how do you feel like more of, like, because there's all boys around you, is it make is it does it do you wish you had a sister, I guess?
Kate (20:00) No. (20:01) No. (20:01) So when there's a big age gap, obviously. (20:04) So when my mom told us she was pregnant with the with Leith, my four year old brother, I was like, oh, I wanted to be a girl. (20:10) Like, come on, like, girl, but it wasn't.
Kate (20:12) Yeah. (20:12) And then when Zayd came around, the two year old, I was like, no girl.
Scott Benner (20:16) No girl.
Kate (20:16) I was like, I just wanna I like being a only girl. (20:19) Yeah. (20:19) It's like it's a special connection with my mom
Scott Benner (20:21) Oh.
Kate (20:21) That I get to share.
Scott Benner (20:22) That's nice. (20:23) Do you you mean that? (20:23) You're not just trying to
Kate (20:24) I swear I'm your I swear.
Scott Benner (20:25) Oh, that's lovely. (20:26) I feel like you have this thing. (20:27) Yeah. (20:28) Okay. (20:29) If you so you have three people in your house have type one.
Scott Benner (20:32) What's a great piece of advice for another kid with type one diabetes?
Kate (20:36) Don't let it, like, take too much of your life. (20:39) Like, live your life how you, like, want to. (20:42) Don't let it be such a block in it. (20:44) Yes. (20:44) It's hard to do that, but I sometimes just try to, like, not ignore it, but just, like, do things I really wanna do without it getting in my way.
Scott Benner (20:53) You want it be in the background.
Kate (20:54) Kinda.
Scott Benner (20:55) But you need to so how do you keep the balance? (20:57) Like, because you have to be focused on it to some degree, but you don't wanna be overwhelmed by it. (21:01) Yeah. (21:01) How do you find the balance?
Kate (21:03) Wait. (21:03) Hold on.
Scott Benner (21:04) You understand the question? (21:05) Alright.
Kate (21:06) Yeah. (21:06) I get I gotta find the balance.
Scott Benner (21:08) Like, I
Kate (21:12) think it's just like
Scott Benner (21:15) I don't know
Kate (21:16) how to answer that.
Scott Benner (21:16) I know it's hard. (21:17) I don't think there's an answer. (21:18) I think it's, I think your personality does it. (21:22) Yeah. (21:22) Right?
Scott Benner (21:22) Like like, what I've noticed when I'm talking to people is that some people are a little more drugged down by it and some people are a little less. (21:30) I don't think it's up to them. (21:31) I don't don't think it's a decision they make. (21:33) I just think sometimes your personality just sees it as like, I can do this and you kinda stay lighthearted about it.
Kate (21:39) Yeah. (21:39) Right? (21:40) Well, like, if my blood sugar is, like, good, then I just, like, like, push it behind. (21:44) Like, don't worry about it.
Scott Benner (21:45) Yeah.
Kate (21:45) But if it's high or low, I obviously have to worry about. (21:48) So I'll keep my own eye on it until it gets, like, in the good range and then I can just ignore it.
Scott Benner (21:53) I tell people that I think one of the ways that my family deals well with it is that we wake up every day hopeful.
Kate (22:00) Yes.
Scott Benner (22:00) Like, we just kinda start over again. (22:02) Mhmm. (22:02) You know what I mean? (22:02) Like, some days are great. (22:03) Some days you don't even think about it.
Scott Benner (22:05) Some days you're just like
Kate (22:07) Draining.
Scott Benner (22:07) This was terrible. (22:08) Like, it just takes it completely out of you, but you can't take the bad experience and drag it into the next day. (22:13) Yeah. (22:13) Probably a good piece of life advice though.
Kate (22:15) Yes. (22:15) It is.
Scott Benner (22:15) Yeah. (22:16) So earlier you mentioned that you wanted tubing on your pump.
Kate (22:19) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (22:20) A lot of people would say, I don't want tubing, but why do you think that's not a problem?
Kate (22:26) I honestly think it depends on the age because I totally get the feeling I'm just wanting to hide it. (22:31) I like, when I was little, I but I didn't want anyone to know that I had diabetes. (22:35) I didn't even want the question to be brought up about it. (22:37) And now I just have it and I embrace it. (22:40) I see, like, when I'm at the pool, can just and I'm wearing, I can just everyone looks at it.
Kate (22:45) Right. (22:46) It's obvious. (22:47) So it's just I like embracing it so people can ask me questions about it and they know I have it because I, like, I don't wanna hide it anymore.
Scott Benner (22:54) So do you think this was, like, like, a coming out kind of a thing? (22:57) Do you think, like, I wanted this tubing. (22:59) I want people to see this. (23:00) I want this conversation now. (23:01) Yeah.
Scott Benner (23:02) And when you were younger, you didn't want it. (23:03) Yeah. (23:03) So it's not functional. (23:04) It doesn't stop you lacrosse or life wise. (23:08) Like, you know, some people are like, oh, how do you sleep with it if it has a tubing?
Scott Benner (23:12) None of that's a problem for you.
Kate (23:13) No. (23:13) I mean, doesn't get caught on things and that really hurts, but But that's my own fault because I'm not putting I'm not, like, tucking it in. (23:19) I just, like, sometimes just let it out.
Scott Benner (23:20) Sometimes you just forget to do it. (23:21) Yeah. (23:22) Okay. (23:23) But this is really interesting. (23:24) We should talk for fifteen minutes about this, but I don't think we have the time.
Scott Benner (23:27) Like, you got to how old were you when you decided I want people to see this?
Kate (23:31) I think it was, like, right when I got, like, t slim. (23:33) I think it was in, like maybe when I was, like, 12. (23:37) I just kinda was, you know what? (23:38) It's part of me. (23:39) Like, I can't just keep ignoring it
Scott Benner (23:41) Yeah.
Kate (23:41) And letting people just not realize I had it.
Scott Benner (23:43) You got the t slim and then you just you became braver.
Kate (23:46) Kinda.
Scott Benner (23:46) Wow. (23:47) That's awesome.
Kate (23:48) Yeah.
Scott Benner (23:48) Seriously. (23:49) What does your mom wear the same pump?
Kate (23:51) No. (23:51) She wears eyelet.
Scott Benner (23:52) Oh.
Kate (23:52) That's why I was gonna go on that one originally. (23:54) Oh, I Wait. (23:55) No. (23:55) You're not on eyelet anymore. (23:56) You just swept.
Kate (23:57) Just kidding. (23:57) She's on loop now.
Scott Benner (23:58) Oh, you're looping with an Omnipod? (24:01) Mhmm. (24:01) Yeah. (24:02) What about your son? (24:03) Tandem.
Scott Benner (24:04) So your brother wears? (24:06) Mhmm. (24:06) Does he wear the Moby or does he wear
Kate (24:08) He wears the the one I have.
Scott Benner (24:09) Yeah.
Kate (24:10) T Slim. (24:10) He just he I got it first and then he got it. (24:13) He was like, actually, now I want it. (24:14) I'm like
Scott Benner (24:15) Oh, that's how it works apparently. (24:17) Yeah. (24:17) Yeah. (24:17) You get He
Kate (24:18) likes copying me.
Scott Benner (24:19) I get a T Slim. (24:19) You get a T Slim. (24:20) We all get a T Slim. (24:21) Yeah. (24:21) Like
Kate (24:21) Your turn, mom.
Scott Benner (24:22) Yeah. (24:22) Yeah. (24:23) Did you wanna ask me anything? (24:27) No. (24:27) Okay.
Scott Benner (24:28) That's fair enough.
Kate (24:29) And I have any questions.
Scott Benner (24:30) Do you think we've talked about everything? (24:32) Like, if you walk away right now where you think, oh, I wish people would have known this and I didn't say it?
Kate (24:37) No. (24:37) I think you added everything.
Scott Benner (24:38) Awesome. (24:38) That was great. (24:39) Thank you so much.
Kate (24:40) Thank you.
Scott Benner (24:40) This was lovely. (24:41) The podcast you just enjoyed was sponsored by Tandem Diabetes Care. (24:45) Learn more about Tandem's newest automated insulin delivery system, Tandem Mobi with Control IQ plus technology at tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox. (24:55) There are links in the show notes and links at juiceboxpodcast.com. (24:59) If you'd like to hear about diabetes management in easy to take in bits, check out the small sips.
Scott Benner (25:06) That's the series on the Juice Box podcast that listeners are talking about like it's a cheat code. (25:11) These are perfect little bursts of clarity, one person said. (25:14) I finally understood things I've heard a 100 times. (25:17) Short, simple, and somehow exactly what I needed. (25:20) People say small sips feels like someone pulling up a chair, sliding a cup across the table, and giving you one clean idea at a time.
Scott Benner (25:28) Nothing overwhelming. (25:30) No fire hose of information. (25:31) Just steady helpful nudges that actually stick. (25:34) People listen in their car, on walks, or rather actually bolus ing anytime that they need a quick shot of perspective. (25:41) And the reviews, they all say the same thing.
Scott Benner (25:44) Small sips makes diabetes make sense. (25:47) Search for the Juice Box podcast, small sips, wherever you get audio.
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#1756 Tandem Kids: Connor
You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio - Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.
Scott interviews 13-year-old Connor about managing Type 1 diabetes while playing sports, using the Tandem Mobi pump, and his experience at the Friends for Life conference.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner (0:00) I attended my first ever Friends for Life conference in July 2025. (0:05) And while I was there, I interviewed eight children of various ages, all who wear a Tandem pump. (0:10) I wanna thank Tandem Diabetes for sponsoring this short episode of the Juice Box podcast. (0:16) Check them out at tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox. (0:22) Nothing you hear on the Juice Box podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise.
Scott Benner (0:28) Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. (0:35) The episode you're about to listen to is sponsored by Tandem Moby, the impressively small insulin pump. (0:41) Tandem Moby features Tandem's newest algorithm, Control IQ Plus technology. (0:46) It's designed for greater discretion, more freedom, and improved time and range. (0:50) Learn more and get started today at tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox.
Scott Benner (1:08) Are we relaxed now? (1:09) We're good?
Connor (1:10) Yeah. (1:10) I'm good. (1:10) What's your name? (1:11) Connor. (1:12) Connor.
Connor (1:12) How old
Scott Benner (1:12) are you? (1:13) 13. (1:13) 13. (1:14) How long have you had type one?
Connor (1:16) Since I was three for ten years.
Scott Benner (1:18) Three? (1:19) Wow. (1:19) Mhmm. (1:20) The last person I talked to had it since they were two and they were 13. (1:23) Wow.
Scott Benner (1:24) You got him, he's got you by a little bit. (1:27) You don't remember anything about being diagnosed, I imagine?
Connor (1:30) I know a little bit. (1:31) So we were actually in Daytona for a vacation, and we were getting ice cream. (1:40) So we did that. (1:42) And once we were done, we went to the car, and I remember I had to go to the bathroom a lot.
Scott Benner (1:47) Yeah.
Connor (1:47) And then I also remember throwing up a lot, and then I just passed out. (1:52) Really?
Scott Benner (1:53) Mhmm. (1:53) You recall that at three from being three?
Connor (1:55) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (1:55) That's something. (1:56) How does your when your parents retell that story, do they sound scared when they talk about it? (2:01) Yeah.
Connor (2:01) Definitely a little
Scott Benner (2:02) bit scared. (2:03) Yeah. (2:03) Are you the oldest of your how many siblings?
Connor (2:05) Three.
Scott Benner (2:06) Three. (2:06) You the oldest?
Connor (2:07) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (2:07) You are. (2:07) Anybody else have type one? (2:09) No. (2:09) No. (2:09) How about in your extended family?
Connor (2:12) Aunts, uncles, cousins? (2:15) My aunt's husband has diabetes.
Scott Benner (2:18) Okay. (2:19) Do you guys ever talk about it?
Connor (2:20) Mhmm. (2:21) Yeah. (2:21) We talk about it all the time.
Scott Benner (2:23) Do you? (2:23) Mhmm. (2:23) Yeah. (2:24) Does he use a pump?
Connor (2:26) No. (2:26) He just does the insulin shots.
Scott Benner (2:28) He does shots, but you do. (2:29) What pump do you have? (2:31) Tandem. (2:31) Do you use Control IQ?
Connor (2:32) Yeah.
Scott Benner (2:33) Yeah. (2:33) Did you update it recently to the new software?
Connor (2:36) Yes.
Scott Benner (2:36) You like it? (2:37) Mhmm.
Connor (2:37) Yeah. (2:38) Yeah.
Scott Benner (2:38) What does it do something that, that helps you?
Connor (2:43) I just stay in range a little bit more.
Scott Benner (2:46) It it so the new update helps you stay in range even better? (2:49) Yeah. (2:49) It's awesome. (2:50) Was it doing well before that?
Connor (2:52) Yeah.
Scott Benner (2:52) Yeah. (2:52) Just a little bit of an upgrade.
Connor (2:54) Yeah.
Scott Benner (2:54) I'll take that. (2:55) Alright. (2:56) What's your favorite little snack when you get low? (2:58) What do you like to use? (2:59) Probably cheese crackers or a strawberry wafer bar.
Scott Benner (3:03) Strawberry oh, so the, like, the vanilla wafers with the strawberry cream in between? (3:07) Yeah. (3:08) I prefer the vanilla, but I'm I'm with you on that. (3:10) And they help you how many do have to eat to, like, stop a low?
Connor (3:15) Usually, I just do one. (3:16) Really? (3:17) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (3:17) It's a unique answer. (3:18) Most people are like you know what most people say. (3:20) Right? (3:20) Like, Fruit Roll Ups, gummy bears Oh, yeah. (3:23) Like, Smarties, stuff like that.
Scott Benner (3:24) Skittles, people say all the time. (3:26) Mhmm. (3:26) I've
Connor (3:26) just I don't go for, like, super high carbs, so I don't rise a lot.
Scott Benner (3:31) So you're trying to stop the low without causing a rebound? (3:34) Yeah. (3:34) Smart. (3:35) You had diabetes long enough, you know you don't wanna start the fight over again. (3:38) Right?
Scott Benner (3:38) Yeah. (3:39) So you're wearing a hat today.
Connor (3:41) What who's the hat from? (3:42) My dad's baseball league.
Scott Benner (3:45) Oh, no kidding. (3:45) Do you play?
Connor (3:46) Uh-huh. (3:46) Yeah.
Scott Benner (3:47) Yeah. (3:47) You play at school or you play, like
Connor (3:49) So our middle school doesn't do really any baseball, but our town does a huge baseball league. (3:56) Yeah.
Scott Benner (3:57) Where are you from?
Connor (3:58) Lowell, Indiana.
Scott Benner (3:59) Indiana. (4:00) Nice. (4:00) You where you play first base?
Connor (4:03) No. (4:04) Catcher You catch in third.
Scott Benner (4:05) Catcher in third. (4:06) I played third when I was younger. (4:08) Yeah. (4:08) If the ball comes at you so incredibly fast at
Connor (4:12) third base. (4:12) Right?
Scott Benner (4:12) It's insane, isn't it? (4:14) Yeah. (4:14) I'll tell you later about it. (4:15) My son played all the way through college. (4:17) It was a lot of fun.
Scott Benner (4:19) I'll tell you about how I cried after his last game. (4:22) For a while, I was very upset. (4:25) Do you love it? (4:25) Do you love baseball?
Connor (4:26) Yes. (4:26) I love baseball.
Scott Benner (4:27) Yeah. (4:27) You play anything else?
Connor (4:28) Mhmm. (4:29) Football and basketball.
Scott Benner (4:30) Oh, no kidding.
Connor (4:31) Mhmm. (4:31) And I like to fish.
Scott Benner (4:32) Is there any special stuff you have to do while you're playing sports or doing any
Connor (4:36) of your activities? (4:37) So for football and baseball, I usually just keep my pump on because, usually, when I'm, like, super active and stuff, the adrenaline gets to me, so I go a little bit high. (4:49) Yeah. (4:50) So I just keep that on just in case I go amazing.
Scott Benner (4:54) Are you very competitive? (4:55) Yes. (4:55) You wanna win? (4:56) Yeah. (4:56) And it drives your blood sugar up.
Scott Benner (4:57) Right? (4:58) Yeah. (4:58) So the pump's with you all the time Mhmm. (5:00) Fixing it. (5:01) Do you get low while you're playing?
Connor (5:04) Usually, for football, I get a little bit low. (5:07) Baseball, I don't really get that low.
Scott Benner (5:10) Mhmm.
Connor (5:10) I'm usually one twenty to one forty.
Scott Benner (5:14) Yeah. (5:14) But in football, there's more running? (5:16) Mhmm. (5:16) Where do you play on the field?
Connor (5:18) Center and, d end.
Scott Benner (5:20) Oh, so you're either exploding or fighting.
Connor (5:23) Yeah.
Scott Benner (5:23) Right? (5:24) And those are both take a lot out of you. (5:25) So do you prep? (5:27) Like, I I interviewed Noah Gray recently, and he told me how he preps for games. (5:31) Do you have, like, a thing you eat before you play?
Connor (5:34) Usually, I just get, like, a few protein bars, some subways.
Scott Benner (5:40) Yeah. (5:41) Stuff that kinda stays with you for a little bit. (5:43) And then after football, you gotta eat right away?
Connor (5:46) No. (5:46) I usually just, drink a lot of water because usually around after the games, I'm super dehydrated. (5:53) Yeah. (5:54) So I drink water, probably just check my numbers, see how I'm doing. (5:59) If I'm low, I just do a quick snack or juice.
Connor (6:03) And then, if I'm high, I just wait a little bit. (6:06) Yeah.
Scott Benner (6:07) Do you find it bothersome, or is it just kinda part of your life? (6:11) You don't think about it?
Connor (6:12) It's kinda part of my life now.
Scott Benner (6:13) Yeah. (6:14) What do hope to do when you grow up?
Connor (6:16) I me, personally, I want to golf or play basketball.
Scott Benner (6:22) Yeah? (6:23) How tall are you hoping to be? (6:25) Hopefully, like, six foot three, six four. (6:29) Alright. (6:29) So wait.
Scott Benner (6:30) How tall are you now?
Connor (6:31) Five eight, I think.
Scott Benner (6:32) You do have legs. (6:33) Your dad or mom, like, super tall? (6:35) My
Connor (6:36) my mom's not really that tall.
Scott Benner (6:38) No?
Connor (6:39) But my dad's up there a little bit.
Scott Benner (6:43) So you think it's gonna be your mom's fault if you can't play professional basketball one day? (6:47) She's holding you back.
Connor (6:48) No. (6:49) I never really try and blame my parents for anything. (6:51) Yeah. (6:51) Nice you are. (6:52) Probably genetic genetics from the family tree.
Connor (6:56) Yeah. (6:56) Yeah.
Scott Benner (6:56) I hear you. (6:56) My son blames me for not being able to play baseball longer. (6:59) I can tell you that much. (7:01) I know he does, actually. (7:04) Do you think about diabetes at school?
Scott Benner (7:08) Are there other kids you know who have type one? (7:10) Do you guys talk about it, or do you not know other people?
Connor (7:14) So actually, two of my friends got diabetes at different times. (7:20) In first grade, one of my buddies got diabetes, and, like, they were their family and their him were just super confused on, like, how to control it. (7:33) Yeah. (7:33) So, like, we just give them supplies and, like, try and just help them Yeah. (7:42) Be supportive.
Connor (7:42) Understand. (7:43) Yeah.
Scott Benner (7:43) Yeah. (7:44) You share with your friends about your diabetes?
Connor (7:47) Yeah. (7:48) They they're all pretty supportive about me. (7:50) They always check up on me to make sure I'm doing okay. (7:54) Yeah. (7:55) And, yeah, they just check on me.
Scott Benner (7:57) Would they know what to do if you got low and you couldn't help yourself?
Connor (8:00) Yeah. (8:00) They're they always come up to me during sports like, Connor, Connor, do you need a juice? (8:04) Do you need this? (8:05) Are you okay? (8:05) Yeah.
Scott Benner (8:06) Does it get annoying after a while? (8:07) Or are are you happy for it?
Connor (8:09) I think it's kinda nice Yeah. (8:11) Having supportive friends and caring friends.
Scott Benner (8:14) Yeah. (8:15) Me too. (8:15) That's awesome. (8:16) How did you meet how did you make good friends like that?
Connor (8:19) Really just like sports and just mostly being communicative about things.
Scott Benner (8:26) I agree. (8:27) You've ever have you ever done anything with your diabetes that you were, like, proud of? (8:31) Like, you're like, wow. (8:31) I I got that on my own. (8:32) Like, is there a a great bolus that you remember that you were just like, this really
Connor (8:36) worked? (8:37) Well, something that I'm really proud of is what I was talking about, like, my buddies out who had diabetes, like, telling them what they need to do.
Scott Benner (8:47) Yeah. (8:47) That's awesome. (8:48) Do you think, like, do you know what your a one c is?
Connor (8:52) My average is probably about, like, seven point o.
Scott Benner (8:56) Good for you. (8:56) That's awesome. (8:57) Good for you. (8:57) It's a lot of hard work.
Connor (8:58) Yeah.
Scott Benner (8:59) Yeah. (8:59) No kidding. (8:59) Do you remember to pre bolus your meals?
Connor (9:01) Yes.
Scott Benner (9:01) Do you? (9:02) Yeah. (9:02) Does your mom bug you about it all the time?
Connor (9:04) Yes. (9:04) A lot. (9:05) Does she
Scott Benner (9:05) listen to my podcast?
Connor (9:07) Yeah. (9:07) On the way here, we actually listen to most of them.
Scott Benner (9:09) Oh, awesome. (9:10) That's cool. (9:10) I'm glad, because I know that I think pre ball is saying, not just for kids, by the way. (9:17) Like, my daughter's 21. (9:18) She's had diabetes since she was two, but at the same time, I've interviewed people at literally every age up to, like, I think the oldest person with type one I ever interviewed was 80.
Scott Benner (9:29) And Wow. (9:29) Everyone will say the same thing. (9:31) It's really hard to remember to pre bolus my meals. (9:33) And so I don't think it's a thing that's gonna get easier, but if you're getting that accomplished, that's really awesome. (9:39) Also, like you said, like, you're five eight already, I mean, you're 13, right, so you're probably eating a lot during the day, so it's a great accomplishment to do what you're doing.
Scott Benner (9:47) Mhmm. (9:47) Yeah. (9:48) I'm I'm proud of you. (9:49) Thank That's awesome. (9:50) No.
Scott Benner (9:50) I know I know how hard the work is. (9:51) Do you have any diabetes heroes? (9:53) Anybody, like sports figures, people out in the world?
Connor (9:55) Yes. (9:56) Mark Andrews. (9:57) Oh, from the Ravens? (9:58) Yep. (9:59) Yeah.
Connor (9:59) He's really cool. (10:00) I really like him.
Scott Benner (10:01) Nice.
Connor (10:02) He inspires me to, like, keep pushing, keep doing what I'm doing, to not have diabetes stop me from what I like to do and my hobbies, and to keep my pump on during, like, my games.
Scott Benner (10:15) Yeah. (10:15) What's your favorite sport of the ones you play?
Connor (10:17) Basketball. (10:18) 100%.
Scott Benner (10:19) I love it. (10:20) That's the way you're best at?
Connor (10:21) Yeah.
Scott Benner (10:22) It's not just because you're obviously so much taller than other 13 year olds right now? (10:25) No. (10:26) Because you are. (10:26) Right? (10:27) Well,
Connor (10:28) I I would hope.
Scott Benner (10:29) Yeah. (10:30) Yeah. (10:30) Yeah. (10:30) You ever just go, like, move and then, you know what I mean? (10:33) Yeah.
Scott Benner (10:33) I just box out and make your move. (10:35) That's it.
Connor (10:35) Yeah. (10:36) I just put, like, 75% of my time into basketball. (10:40) I love that.
Scott Benner (10:41) You love the most? (10:42) Is it that time is about shooting? (10:44) Like, you just out there shooting all the time?
Connor (10:46) That's what I like. (10:47) That's that's what I'm better at. (10:50) Right. (10:51) But I I need to work on defense. (10:56) Yeah.
Connor (10:56) I'm slow. (10:57) Tandem pump.
Scott Benner (10:58) Right? (10:58) Mhmm. (10:59) Use it with a Dexcom?
Connor (11:01) Yeah. (11:01) Okay.
Scott Benner (11:02) Tell me what you like about it the most.
Connor (11:04) If you were gonna tell another person with diabetes, I I think you should try this pump. (11:08) Why? (11:09) Mostly because of Control IQ. (11:12) I also like the, the feature on, like, I can go on my phone and I can go through the app on my phone
Scott Benner (11:20) Yeah.
Connor (11:20) And I can just check on there.
Scott Benner (11:22) Do you find your parents to be supportive and helpful?
Connor (11:25) Absolutely. (11:26) 100%. (11:27) Yeah. (11:27) They're with me 100% of the time supporting me, guiding me through everything I need to do. (11:34) Yeah.
Connor (11:34) And I think that's really
Scott Benner (11:37) You feel lucky? (11:38) Yeah. (11:38) Yeah. (11:39) Do you find being here with so many people who have
Connor (11:41) type one at Friends for Life? (11:43) It definitely makes me feel safer being around people who is going through the same thing as me and definitely is nice.
Scott Benner (11:54) Safer is an interesting word. (11:55) How does it make you feel safer?
Connor (11:57) Not really, like, safer, but, like, comfortable.
Scott Benner (12:00) Yeah. (12:02) Well, comfort is safety. (12:03) Mhmm. (12:03) Yeah. (12:04) So you so you are, like, being here just what does it do?
Scott Benner (12:07) Does it take off? (12:09) Like, I mean, is there, like, a level of anxiety or, like, what what something's lifted.
Connor (12:14) Right? (12:14) Like, usually, when I'm at, like, a water park, not here, like, around my house, and people look at me weird for having, like, my sensors on and stuff. (12:26) So, yeah, it's definite and then
Scott Benner (12:29) No one's gonna look at you like that here. (12:30) Yeah. (12:31) That's pretty awesome. (12:32) Does your mom, like, track you all the time?
Connor (12:34) She's got the Follow app too. (12:36) So Yeah. (12:36) She she's definitely on me about it a lot, like, especially at sleepovers. (12:41) Did you give yourself insulin? (12:43) Did you check your number every thirty minutes?
Scott Benner (12:47) And you feel but that feels supportive to you. (12:49) Yeah. (12:50) Alright. (12:50) Listen. (12:50) Do something for me.
Scott Benner (12:51) As you get older, hold on to that feeling. (12:53) Okay? (12:53) Because you're gonna get older and think, oh, eventually, it's gonna feel like I can do it. (12:58) Do ever do you ever text back, I'm fine or I got it? (13:03) Have you ever said I'm fine or I got it in the text?
Connor (13:05) Yeah. (13:06) Most of the time, it's okay or yeah. (13:08) I got it.
Scott Benner (13:09) I'm alright. (13:09) If I open my text up with my daughter right now, it just says, I'm fine. (13:13) I got it. (13:13) I know. (13:14) Like, it's one of those three.
Scott Benner (13:15) Yeah. (13:16) Yeah. (13:16) It's nice that you know that it's because she cares and everything.
Connor (13:20) Yeah.
Scott Benner (13:20) It's gonna help you long term too, you know. (13:22) You'll probably get older. (13:23) You go you think you'll go to college?
Connor (13:25) Yeah. (13:26) I'm planning on going to Purdue.
Scott Benner (13:28) Okay. (13:28) Well, that's awesome. (13:30) And your mom's gonna be texting you then. (13:32) You'll be, like, 20 years old in a little, like, little room. (13:35) She's gonna be like, did you take a gummy bear?
Scott Benner (13:37) It's gonna be lovely when she does it too. (13:40) Do you have any questions for me?
Connor (13:43) How long has your daughter had had diabetes?
Scott Benner (13:46) Okay. (13:46) She's gonna be 21 in a couple weeks, and she was diagnosed just after her second birthday, so I think that's nineteen years, right?
Connor (13:53) Wow, that's a long time.
Scott Benner (13:55) Yeah, it's a really long time. (13:57) She's doing awesome. (13:58) That's good. (13:59) Yeah, so she does everything everybody else does. (14:03) She's in college right now.
Scott Benner (14:04) You have such a great attitude about this.
Connor (14:06) Thank you.
Scott Benner (14:06) Seriously, you're awesome to talk to.
Connor (14:08) Thank you.
Scott Benner (14:08) What why why are you awesome? (14:10) Your parents, like, are they seriously, why are you so nice? (14:13) You have a really good way about you. (14:15) Is it like, did they teach you to be that way? (14:17) Are you under duress right now?
Scott Benner (14:19) Is she, like, like, she's off on the side. (14:22) Are you scared that if you say something crazy, you're gonna get in trouble?
Connor (14:24) No. (14:25) No? (14:25) No. (14:25) They just taught me the right way. (14:28) I always live by treat others how you wanna be treated.
Scott Benner (14:32) Right on, man.
Connor (14:33) It really means something to me. (14:34) Wow.
Scott Benner (14:35) This is awesome. (14:36) Hey. (14:36) Listen. (14:36) If you have problems with them, I'll adopt you. (14:38) Alright?
Scott Benner (14:39) Because you seem like you'd be easy to handle. (14:41) You know what I mean? (14:41) Like, I don't think I'd have too much trouble with you. (14:43) You seem are your brothers and sisters a problem? (14:46) Is it just you that's great?
Scott Benner (14:47) Like, what's going on here?
Connor (14:48) No. (14:48) My brothers are all the same way. (14:50) They love to be nice.
Scott Benner (14:52) Good job, mom. (14:53) Was it the dad too, or you took care of it yourself?
Connor (14:56) I mean, 97.
Scott Benner (14:57) Yeah. (14:57) Yeah. (14:58) I gotcha. (14:58) Yeah. (14:59) Your dad just goes hunting.
Scott Benner (15:00) Right? (15:01) That's pretty much it.
Connor (15:01) He's a big talker. (15:03) He loves to talk.
Scott Benner (15:04) He loves to talk? (15:05) Yes. (15:06) He ever get going and you're like, yeah. (15:07) We heard the story already.
Connor (15:08) Yeah. (15:09) He could, like, say one thing to someone and that conversation can go on for, like, forty five minutes.
Scott Benner (15:14) Your dad and I might get along. (15:16) You know? (15:17) I can I can go for a while myself? (15:19) So before before you were using Tandem, what were you doing?
Connor (15:22) So, originally, we were on shots, like, for the first couple years, and then we moved to Omnipod, which really didn't work out well because I had two seizures for with Omnipod.
Scott Benner (15:37) You got too low?
Connor (15:39) Or no. (15:40) It wasn't too actually, one of them were. (15:42) The first one was, severe, like, a pretty bad seizure. (15:48) Yeah. (15:49) The second one was actually on the way here to Friends for Life, and, obviously, it wasn't that bad.
Scott Benner (15:55) Previous previous year or this year?
Connor (15:58) The first year. (15:58) The first year you came here? (16:00) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (16:00) And so you you got you got very low. (16:02) You you actually had, like, a seizure.
Connor (16:04) Yeah.
Scott Benner (16:04) Do you know how they handled it? (16:05) Did you use glucagon, or did you use gel or food? (16:09) How did you manage it?
Connor (16:10) So we used it was some short sort of shot shot. (16:18) Yeah. (16:19) And, for the first one, because we didn't really have anything for the second one because we were in Georgia at a hotel.
Scott Benner (16:27) Yeah.
Connor (16:28) So we kinda just ate breakfast at the hotel. (16:30) They were giving me stuff. (16:32) What did do you remember anything about it? (16:36) The first one was just, like, both of them were, like it was like if I was in a dream or something. (16:42) It like, I didn't know what was going on.
Connor (16:45) I wasn't myself. (16:46) Yeah. (16:47) I was scared. (16:48) I didn't really know what was going on.
Scott Benner (16:50) This has happened to my daughter. (16:51) This has happened to my daughter, and she described that it felt it felt like she was jumping. (16:57) So she's like so she's like, I felt like I was on one side of the room, and then the next thing I knew, I was 10 feet ahead. (17:03) Yeah. (17:03) And then, like, so, like, she, like, in and out of, like, consciousness kind of thing, but she she she described it specific as, like, it felt like I was jumping through time.
Scott Benner (17:11) Did you have that experience?
Connor (17:13) Yeah. (17:13) So it was kinda when, like, we were walking out of the hotel room, and next thing I know, we're in, like, the elevator. (17:23) Yeah. (17:23) And it was weird.
Scott Benner (17:25) Really weird. (17:25) Did you actually seize? (17:26) Did were you, like like, convulsing, shaking, or you just bruised your blood sugar super, super low?
Connor (17:32) For the first one, I think I was. (17:34) I was, like, really low, and I was, like, unconscious too for a little bit.
Scott Benner (17:41) After that happens, is it is it scary to do the normal things that you're supposed to do? (17:46) Like, how long does it take for you to get past the the memory of that?
Connor (17:50) It definitely definitely scares me, like, from now going to, like, the rest of my life. (17:57) Yeah. (17:58) But, I think it's kinda my fault because I get my I probably didn't carb count correct and Gave yourself so much insulin.
Scott Benner (18:10) Yeah. (18:10) Yeah. (18:10) And now you're better with that? (18:12) Mhmm.
Connor (18:13) Yeah. (18:13) Definitely more, like, comfortable. (18:16) And switching to tandem, I've been amazing. (18:19) Like, my control has been so much better.
Scott Benner (18:23) I usually tell people when I speak to them that you can kind of tell when people are gonna be successful. (18:28) Mhmm. (18:28) And I find the two indicators for being successful is being interested and paying attention. (18:34) Like, just like every day putting a little bit of effort into it and actually caring how it goes. (18:39) Like, do know I mean?
Scott Benner (18:40) They almost seem like the same idea, but they're not quite. (18:42) And so, like, if you're interested, you're paying attention, you want this to go well, generally speaking, can. (18:49) You know, you have great technology, you've got, you know, you've got your tandem pump, you've got your CGM, you got good people around you, you're interested in doing it, you're gonna be really successful that way, think.
Connor (18:59) Yep. (18:59) That's that's the plan. (19:00) Thank you.
Scott Benner (19:01) So you weren't having a lot of luck with Omnipod and you wanted to switch to another pump. (19:04) What made you choose Tandem?
Connor (19:06) It wasn't really my idea. (19:08) It was my mom's. (19:09) She just wanted to try a new pump and see how it went.
Scott Benner (19:12) Sounds like your mom talked to a lot of people with diabetes, got a consensus, and came back to you and told you, you're getting a tandem pump. (19:18) Is that what happened?
Connor (19:19) Yeah.
Scott Benner (19:19) And you were like, thank you, mom. (19:22) And you've liked it so far. (19:23) Right? (19:23) Mhmm. (19:23) Yeah.
Scott Benner (19:24) It's been great. (19:24) It's awesome. (19:25) And you and you wear it through all your sports. (19:27) You told me earlier, but you don't disconnect for like, you wear playing basketball?
Connor (19:31) Not really.
Scott Benner (19:32) Not for basketball? (19:33) No. (19:33) Do you bolus a little bit extra before you play, or do you take do you just check and, like, do clip back in? (19:38) How do you handle it?
Connor (19:38) Yeah. (19:39) I usually bolus before a game. (19:41) And then when I, like during a timeout or, like, we come off the court for a minute, I go and check my pump and see how I'm doing.
Scott Benner (19:51) Yeah.
Connor (19:51) If I'm high, just do a small little bolus and then just get back on the court.
Scott Benner (19:57) So you just clip in, give yourself some insulin, take it off again, go back and play again. (20:00) And then Feel smooth? (20:02) Mhmm. (20:02) Yeah.
Connor (20:02) Yeah. (20:03) And then when I'm low, every single sport I do this, I bring this little, like, small fanny pack
Scott Benner (20:10) Yeah.
Connor (20:10) And I pack, like, two juice boxes and then, like, some fruit snacks in it just in case I go low.
Scott Benner (20:18) Every kid that I see that has carrying a bag, I'm like, oh, they have diabetes. (20:21) Like, you know, I I saw this one kid moving in. (20:23) He had these little boxes he was carrying to his room, I was like, those are definitely his supplies in that box. (20:28) You got a box like that?
Connor (20:29) Oh, yeah.
Scott Benner (20:30) Drawer at home or something?
Connor (20:31) Yeah. (20:31) Yeah.
Scott Benner (20:31) My man, thanks, man. (20:32) That was awesome. (20:33) You
Connor (20:33) were
Scott Benner (20:33) very Thank you so much. (20:34) The podcast you just enjoyed was sponsored by Tandem Diabetes Care. (20:39) Learn more about Tandem's newest automated insulin delivery system, Tandem Mobi with Control IQ plus technology at tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox. (20:49) There are links in the show notes and links at juiceboxpodcast.com. (20:53) If you'd like to hear about diabetes management in easy to take in bits, check out the small sips.
Scott Benner (20:59) That's the series on the juice box podcast that listeners are talking about like it's a cheat code. (21:04) These are perfect little bursts of clarity, one person said. (21:08) I finally understood things I've heard a 100 times. (21:11) Short, simple, and somehow exactly what I needed. (21:14) People say small sips feels like someone pulling up a chair, sliding a cup across the table, and giving you one clean idea at a time.
Scott Benner (21:22) Nothing overwhelming. (21:23) No fire hose of information. (21:25) Just steady helpful nudges that actually stick. (21:28) People listen in their car, on walks, or rather actually bolus ing anytime that they need a quick shot of perspective. (21:35) And the reviews, they all say the same thing.
Scott Benner (21:38) Small sips makes diabetes make sense. (21:40) Search for the Juice Box podcast, small sips, wherever you get audio.
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The Juicebox Podcast is a free show, but if you'd like to support the podcast directly, you can make a gift here. Recent donations were used to pay for podcast hosting fees. Thank you to all who have sent 5, 10 and 20 dollars!