#1847 Power of PACEs: Emotional Safety, Belonging, and Unconditional Love
In the final PACEs episode, Scott and Erika detail how emotional safety, connection, unconditional love, and purpose foster lasting resilience and offset early adversity.
Companies that Support Juicebox
Key Takeaways
- Emotional Safety is Foundational: Allowing children to express negative emotions—like hating diabetes—without judgment builds trust and long-term resilience.
- Connection Offsets Adversity: A sense of belonging, both within the family unit and through outside mentors or activities, serves as a powerful protective layer against childhood trauma.
- Love Must Be Unconditional: Separating a child's worth from their performance, behavior, or diabetes numbers ensures they feel fundamentally safe and supported at home.
- The Power of Purpose: Having a meaningful goal or hobby gives children direction and a sense of community, which is crucial for building coping skills.
- Model Healthy Rest: Learning to rest and care for your body without guilt teaches children that it is okay to prioritize well-being over perfectionism.
Resources Mentioned
- Erika Forsyth, MFT: erikaforsyth.com
- Dexcom G7: dexcom.com/juicebox
- Omnipod 5: omnipod.com/juicebox
- Cozy Earth (Use code JUICE BOX for 20% off): cozyearth.com
- Juice Cruise 2026: juiceboxpodcast.com/juicecruise
- Wrong Way Recording: wrongwayrecording.com
- Juicebox Podcast Private Facebook Group
Introduction & The PACES Series
Scott Benner Hello, friends, and welcome back to another episode of the Juice Box podcast. (0:15) Hey, friends. (0:16) Welcome back to the Paces series. (0:17) Today is the fourth and final episode. (0:20) Over this series, we've talked about adversity, protective relationships, and the environments that help people grow stronger.
Scott Benner The big takeaway from all this research is hopeful. (0:29) The brain is shaped by experiences, but it's also capable of healing and adapting. (0:34) In this final episode, Eric and I will pull the ideas together and talk about what truly builds resilience, emotional safety, belonging, purpose, community, and the everyday experiences that help people living with diabetes feel supported, capable, and not alone. (0:51) If you're looking for community around type one diabetes, check out the Juice Box Podcast private Facebook group. (0:57) Juice Box Podcast, type one diabetes.
Scott Benner But everybody is welcome. (1:02) Type one, type two, gestational, loved ones, it doesn't matter to me. (1:06) If you're impacted by diabetes and you're looking for support, comfort, or community, check out Juice Box podcast, type one diabetes on Facebook. (1:16) Nothing you hear on the Juice Box podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. (1:21) Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin.
Scott Benner The episode you're about to enjoy was brought to you by Dexcom, the Dexcom g seven, the same CGM that my daughter wears. (1:38) You can learn more and get started today at my link, dexcom.com/juicebox. (1:44) Today's episode is also sponsored by the Omnipod five. (1:48) And at my link, omnipod.com/juicebox, you can get yourself a free what'd I just say? (1:56) A free Omnipod five starter kit.
Scott Benner Free? (2:00) Get out of here. (2:01) Go click on that link. (2:02) Omnipod.com/juicebox. (2:04) Check it out.
Scott Benner Terms and conditions apply. (2:06) Eligibility may vary. (2:08) Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox. (2:13) Links in the show notes. (2:14) Links at juiceboxpodcast.com.
Scott Benner The podcast is also sponsored today by Cozy Earth. (2:21) You can use my offer code juice box at checkout to save 20% off of your entire order at cozyearth.com. (2:29) Everything from the joggers that I'm actually wearing right now to the sheets I sleep on, the towels I use to dry myself with, and whatever else is available at cozyearth.com. (2:40) Just use the offer code juice box at checkout. (2:43) Erica, we are back to do the last little bit of I don't even have a name for this series yet as we're recording it.
Scott Benner Is it what do you what what do you think we should call it?
Erika Forsyth I think we should call it the the PACE series.
Scott Benner Okay.
Erika Forsyth P a c e or the PACES series.
Scott Benner Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth Alright. (3:01) And that's really exciting.
Scott Benner Listen. (3:04) It just needs a name that makes sense.
Erika Forsyth Okay.
Scott Benner This is kind of a wrap up episode. (3:08) It'll be probably much shorter than the other ones are, but it still has a lot of it it's not a wrap up of, you know, just like we're not just gonna say the things we said over again. (3:17) There's a a good bit of information we're gonna talk about, kind of the opposite of the ACEs testing. (3:23) Probably a good time to remind people in case they find this episode without having the whole series is that and a number of months ago, I found myself just wondering, you know, there's these this test, right, that people take that and I don't know what to even call it. (3:37) I still don't.
Scott Benner Even after talking about all this, is it a predictor? (3:40) Is it how do
Erika Forsyth you The assessment. (3:43) ACE assessment?
Scott Benner Yeah. (3:45) The yeah. (3:45) Do you take that assessment?
Erika Forsyth ACE test. (3:47) Mhmm.
Scott Benner Right. (3:48) And the questions are, you know, did you, then an adult often swear at you, insult you, humiliate you? (3:54) Like, there's like it's like a 10 part test. (3:57) And Mhmm. (3:58) You told me about it years ago, and the the more of these things that happen to a person I don't know how to finish that sentence though.
Scott Benner Like, the more things on that test that you can say yes to, the what. (4:09) Like, how does that is it a a one to one transfer of that or not particularly?
Erika Forsyth There's an increased likelihood of having various challenges, whether it's mental health challenges, relational, professional. (4:29) So you have an increased likelihood of because of your of your past experiences, the trauma that you experienced from those increase the likelihood kind of not not of it's not predictive, but increases the likelihood of having various challenges.
Scott Benner Even medical some medical conditions.
Erika Forsyth Yes. (4:50) Yes.
Scott Benner Which is Mhmm. (4:52) I mean, both seems insane and makes sense. (4:55) You know? (4:55) Mhmm. (4:56) I've been really, I don't know, enamored with this idea since you and I talked about it the very first time.
Scott Benner Yes. (5:03) And I found myself thinking, you know, recently, this is how this all started. (5:08) I wonder if there are things that happen to people that are, you know, predictive of fewer problems or even if they can be, I don't know, helpful if you have some on the bad side and some on the good side. (5:20) Like, do they balance out somehow? (5:21) And I it's funny because just before we started recording, I still said I don't know how to talk about this well.
Scott Benner And then I I started to say, and I we hit records that I could say it here. (5:31) It almost feels to me like you're wearing a suit of armor with 10 layers on it. (5:35) Right? (5:36) And 10 layers gets you through life pretty well. (5:39) But did an adult often swear you insult you or humiliate you?
Scott Benner Yes. (5:43) Now I have nine layers of armor. (5:45) And I know this isn't exactly perfect, but, like, it's the way it manifests in my brain when we talk about it over and over again. (5:52) So do you lose three layers? (5:54) And then on the other side, do you gain a couple back?
Scott Benner You know? (5:57) And I started to say to you, like, since, you know, since this has been going on for me, you know, this wonderment about this, I bring it up a lot when I'm recording with people. (6:07) Like, I'll say to them, have you ever heard of the, you know, the ACES test? (6:11) And they'll say yes or no or whatever, and then we'll do it live while we're recording. (6:16) And the people who seem like they're doing well, even though they've had a lot of those ACES things happen to them, are also reporting a lot of the positive stuff too.
Scott Benner Just, you know, like, I was involved in community events. (6:32) I, you know, I took you know, I did I felt like there were two adults who had my back, like, if they weren't my parents, like, stuff like that. (6:38) And I think it's fascinating. (6:40) But moreover, aside of being fascinated by it, I think it's good for people who are raising children to hear because maybe your life's not perfect or you can't do everything right or there's been somebody in your life has, you know, created a a tornado and you and and now it's part of who you are. (6:57) Here are some other things maybe you could do to offset that.
Scott Benner And, that's what we're gonna talk about today is that that kind of thing. (7:04) Make sense?
Erika Forsyth Yes. (7:06) And that's a great summary and explanation. (7:10) And and while, yes, if you have yourself been exposed to a lot of the ACEs, what we also have discovered and talked about is that not only if if you didn't experience a lot of the protective experiences or the positive childhood experiences before 18, it's also not too late, right, to heal from some of those things by engaging in some of these protective and compensatory experiences. (7:43) So I think that's pretty hopeful and encouraging also. (7:46) So while you can be thinking and listening as a parent yourself as you're raising your child, this also hopefully instills some some hope for yourself in in your healing journey.
Scott Benner I know that the way my brain thinks about it sounds kinda negative, but I actually think of it as a really positive conversation. (8:04) Mhmm. (8:04) I also wanna point out to people, this doesn't mean you can backhand your kid then take them to the fair and go, it's alright. (8:09) I I counterbalanced it with that. (8:11) Don't worry.
Scott Benner You know, I guess, Erica, like, I've had a lot of conversations with a lot of people and talked to them about how they've grown up. (8:18) And some people are just in situations and more people than you would would believe if you're out there listening to this sometimes, they're in situations not of their own making that have adverse reactions, you know, and and impacts on their lives, and it's there's nothing you can do about it. (8:33) You're nine years old. (8:34) You can't do anything about your dad going to jail, but turns out that's one of the things. (8:38) You know?
Scott Benner But the people behind, like you said, they can, you know, they can help to impact things the other way. (8:45) And I also think if you're an adult and you look back and you're like, you know, I do have some dysregulation issues and, you know, I do have a lot of things on that list. (8:55) I hope that they understand that it doesn't have to stay like that. (8:59) You know, like, there maybe are things you could do to put some more layers of that armor back on again, maybe. (9:05) There's seven is that right?
Scott Benner There's seven or eight positive childhood experiences. (9:13) Is that right?
Erika Forsyth There are let's see. (9:17) Yeah. (9:17) We talked about them
Scott Benner in the last
Erika Forsyth two episodes.
Scott Benner Yeah. (9:20) Yeah. (9:20) Feeling able to talk to family about feelings, feeling supported by family during difficult times, enjoying participating in community traditions, feeling a sense of belonging in school, feeling supported by friends, having at least one non parent adult who took a genuine interest in you, feeling safe and protected by an adult at home. (9:39) It's kind of interesting because I've gone through this with people who have said that they had a negative experience by not feeling safe at home, but also could report that they had an adult at home that they felt safe with. (9:52) So all the adults in the house weren't not safe to them.
Emotional Safety and Support
Scott Benner Let's just go through the things that that we have here and and give people some ideas about what they can do maybe to build a happy home for themselves and maybe off put offset some of this other stuff. (10:07) You wanna go?
Erika Forsyth Yes. (10:08) Okay. (10:09) So, and this will maybe feel a little bit like a review, but we thought this was a nice cohesive list and, to address. (10:19) And
Scott Benner yeah. (10:20) Yeah. (10:20) If you heard the first three and you're in for the fourth one, we wanted to end on a a positive upswing, which will keep me from talking a lot. (10:27) Go go ahead.
Erika Forsyth Okay. (10:30) So and this is, you know, about, I like that armor analogy. (10:35) What we're ultimately talking about and that we've discussed in other series is the the sense of resilience and how does that occur even despite or because of past trauma. (10:47) Can you still build resilience? (10:49) Just I don't know if we've talked about this before, but someone asked me recently, like, how how do you define resilience?
Erika Forsyth And I probably used this definition before, but it's if you think about a blade of grass and someone steps on the grass, it might stay down for briefly, but eventually, it will come back up. (11:09) Mhmm. (11:09) And so I like just that while we're using the armor analogy, just using this visual of of the blade of grass that, yes, you you still might experience hard things, but you also can return and resume life and maybe even stronger.
Scott Benner I'd like to add on to your to your analogy for a second. (11:28) Well, that grass doesn't just stand back up. (11:30) It actually reaches for the sun. (11:32) That's what it's doing. (11:33) It's trying to get itself closer to the light.
Scott Benner Like, so it pulls itself back up reaching for the light. (11:39) So, you know, there you go.
Erika Forsyth That's good. (11:41) That's good.
Scott Benner It's true. (11:43) I think the whole world's, like, running on the same eight principles just spread out over a bunch of different categories, but that's neither here nor there.
Erika Forsyth So Okay. (11:50) Here we go. (11:50) Okay. (11:51) The first one, emotional safety and support. (11:56) So you feel safe most of the time, you know, expressing your emotions without fear or shame that you aren't worried about getting in trouble if you are happy or sad or scared.
Erika Forsyth I think that's a really important one.
Scott Benner So letting people feel free to communicate how they actually feel. (12:18) And and what? (12:18) Then not judging them in return?
Erika Forsyth Not judging them or not. (12:23) Sometimes it can be hard to hear your child express fear around something. (12:29) I mean, like, for example, diabetes or hatred towards it. (12:33) And oftentimes, we might want to say, oh, no. (12:36) But you're so strong.
Erika Forsyth It's okay. (12:38) You're gonna be okay. (12:39) I think in that moment, saying, it is it can be hard sometimes. (12:44) Mhmm. (12:44) And I get why you don't like it, or I get that you don't or you hate it.
Erika Forsyth And we're also doing these other things. (12:51) Right? (12:51) So just always providing that freedom of expression even if it triggers something with you in in you that feels scary.
Scott Benner And examine if your response is really to make them feel better or to stop you from feeling uncomfortable hearing what makes them sad. (13:08) Right?
Erika Forsyth Yes.
Scott Benner That makes sense?
Erika Forsyth Yes.
Scott Benner Yeah. (13:12) Are you trying to stop yourself from feeling uncomfortable or are you trying to help them with your response?
Erika Forsyth Mhmm.
Scott Benner And understanding that you can't you probably can't really help them, like, flip a switch and fix it. (13:24) And the thing that helps people most is just letting them express themselves, let them feel heard, and then what you mirror back to them what they've said so they know you heard them.
Erika Forsyth Yes. (13:36) That's reflective listening. (13:37) That's good.
Scott Benner I know what it is. (13:38) Don't worry. (13:38) I just you you talk me. (13:40) I'm saying it for the others. (13:42) I I Yes.
Scott Benner So listen with empathy and and be consistent with that. (13:47) What do you think that means? (13:48) Be consistent. (13:49) It means, like, let them feel like when they come to you, you're always going to be about in the same modulation. (13:57) Right?
Scott Benner Like, you're not gonna be flipping out one time and super calm the next time. (14:02) That is that the idea?
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Erika Forsyth That would be the idea. (16:19) Although, in reality, I'm just even you know, that is probably hard to always be a safe
Scott Benner Yeah.
Erika Forsyth You know, objective, calm listener, and that's that's that's called a therapist, hopefully.
Scott Benner Erica's like Erica's like, can't even do that for my own kids. (16:34) You want me to tell them to do it for for their kids?
Erika Forsyth I mean, it's hard to show up and be, like, just calm and invalidated. (16:41) It is it's impossible to do that all the time, but I think they know, particularly when they risk being vulnerable with you, and you can just even reflect back. (16:53) Like, that sounds like you're really scared.
Scott Benner Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth And you might be scared inside too. (16:58) That sounds like you're really mad. (17:00) I mean, it's it is so basic when you repeat, but that's usually all they want is to know that you heard them.
Scott Benner I will say this too. (17:08) If sometimes you try to hide how you feel or whatnot, but I don't think you can do that from my own personal experience. (17:13) Like, somebody's gonna come to you with a need at some point when you're tired or feeling crappy or whatever. (17:18) Mhmm. (17:19) And I think that people can tell your intent.
Scott Benner So if you're generally a good, well meaning person in this relationship and they catch you on a bad day, I don't think they're gonna just judge you on that bad day. (17:32) And even if you're trying, but it's not coming off well, maybe not in the moment, but I think over time, cumulatively, I think people understand your intent. (17:40) So, you know Yes. (17:42) Okay. (17:42) What's this other one?
Erika Forsyth And there's always space to repair and apologize.
Scott Benner Absolutely. (17:46) Yeah. (17:47) You know, nothing is like, nothing you do is the end. (17:50) Like, you can Mhmm. (17:51) You can always try again.
Scott Benner You have at least one adult oh, this one here. (17:55) Do you have at least one adult, past or present, who made you feel protected, seen, and valued? (18:00) So you can be that person for children in your family and in your home
Erika Forsyth Mhmm.
Scott Benner Is is the point.
Erika Forsyth Yes.
Connection and Belonging
Scott Benner Number two here, connection and belonging. (18:09) Tell me about that, please.
Erika Forsyth So everyone wants to belong. (18:13) Right? (18:14) That is such a part of our human nature because we feel safe and seen. (18:19) And so this is an important part of developing resilience and health is feeling like you belong, whether it's in your family of origin, your community, your friends, your sports, your activities, that you have, you know, affinity groups. (18:36) I think that's why there there's so many different ages and stages of of groups for people with diabetes out there.
Erika Forsyth Because even though we all have diabetes, we might even feel more connected in a group that's for our age or or your orientation or whatever it may be. (18:53) Everyone wants to feel like they are seen and they belong.
Scott Benner Right. (18:57) We've all met people who felt like they were on the outside in their family growing up. (19:02) And then you talk to their parents, their parents don't know what they're talking about. (19:05) And nobody seems to be a bad actor in this scenario. (19:09) It could be either, I guess, right, that the parents weren't as inclusive as they thought they were and or the kid wasn't as available to what was being offered to them as they could have been.
Scott Benner Is it like, it's such a sad thing when you see it happen.
Erika Forsyth I I would go back. (19:26) I wonder how safe that if the child is feeling excluded and, you know, how safe do they feel to communicate their feelings? (19:34) Yeah. (19:35) Like, what is what is the the sense of safety around expression of emotion? (19:41) Sometimes those might go hand in hand.
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Erika Forsyth Yeah. (20:51) I mean, yes. (20:51) I would say being aware if if we're talking about, you know, younger children, making it safe to express how you're feeling and to ensure that people in your family unit feel seen
Scott Benner Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth And safe and that they belong. (21:06) Yes. (21:07) I mean, again, depending on what age we're talking about. (21:10) But for yes. (21:10) Young children, teens, for sure.
Scott Benner Yeah. (21:13) Are there people who just don't like their kids?
Erika Forsyth I mean, do you like your kids all the time?
Scott Benner No. (21:19) I don't mean like that. (21:20) I mean, like well, I, you know, I use the same example over and over again, but I know people who got pregnant and didn't mean to, and then their lives didn't go the way they thought. (21:31) And I can see them taking it out on the kid who was born from that pregnancy. (21:36) Like, they seem mad at them.
Scott Benner I love you and you're awesome and all that stuff, but you are the reason why I'm not where I wanna be or x y z or something like that. (21:45) I I don't know. (21:46) I've just I've seen that more than once for sure. (21:48) And and what are supposed to do about that if you're a kid? (21:50) You know?
Scott Benner How are explaining that to anybody? (21:54) I told you I'd make this sad.
Erika Forsyth I that's I've that that is a complicated complicated scenario, scenario, Scott. (21:59) Scott.
Scott Benner I think I would I'll just bring it up so that people listening can know if there's something you could be broadcasting that back to your kids and not know it. (22:09) Yeah. (22:09) And if that if you have any inkling like that might be you, go find a therapist is what I'm saying. (22:14) Anyway, let's get through this list.
Erika Forsyth Yeah. (22:16) It's positive. (22:17) List. (22:17) Okay. (22:17) A
Scott Benner positive experience. (22:19) Yeah.
Erika Forsyth Okay. (22:21) And then with this this section of connection and belonging, like we've discussed before, important that you feel you receive care and attention and security from other people outside of your family. (22:33) So right? (22:33) So not only do you feel the connection inside, but also from your teachers or your coaches, community members, your neighbors Mhmm. (22:41) Mentors, things like that.
Love and Stability at Home
Scott Benner Nice. (22:43) Okay. (22:44) Number three, love and stability at home.
Erika Forsyth So home feels having a safe home, it feels not only, you know, emotionally safe, but also physically. (22:55) And we've we've discussed this in the last two episodes about having the predictable routines, the the actual physical affection and connection and an eye contact and touch, and that it can be upon receiving and seeing one another, you know, very it's just it's quality, not quantity of time.
Scott Benner Yeah.
Erika Forsyth And we talked and then about the forgiveness of repair when things don't go always as smoothly as you want.
Scott Benner You just let it go. (23:23) Family members support each other in hard times, and love isn't conditional on performance or perfection. (23:30) That's the rest of that. (23:31) What's a common way that that the conditional love rears its head? (23:37) Like, what would that look like practically?
Erika Forsyth I well, I think, certainly, with the and we could talk about blood sugars, but I could see it pop up in other areas such as, you know, your academic performance, your athletic or extracurricular performance? (23:54) Do you feel, as a child, do you experience like you're only gonna be loved if you get certain grades or if you, you know, perform in a certain way, or even inside the home, how are you acting, you know, your behavior? (24:10) Obviously, you want to encourage kindness and, you know, respect, but is if the child presents as being a child sometimes. (24:21) You know, like, let's say a a child shows up in there, they are having a tantrum. (24:25) They are being a kid for whatever reason, or they're having a low blood sugar or a high blood sugar, being mindful that the child knows they are loved no matter what
Scott Benner Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth Is really important, but also really hard concept because they also still need to be, you know, redirected and disciplined and shaped. (24:47) And oftentimes, I know this can get really blurry around discipline, but also feeling guilty or badly about blood sugars and having diabetes. (24:57) You know, that there's it's hard to navigate those areas.
Scott Benner Yeah.
Erika Forsyth But that your child feels unconditionally loved and supported is is so important.
Scott Benner So for people who are hearing that and thinking, like, yeah, you're gonna make these kids soft, why is that not the case? (25:14) Why is kindness and empathy and respect not a pathway to, you know, the things that people are scared about if they're not tough on their kids?
Erika Forsyth Well, I think what if we're hearing some of those words and going to the extreme of just, you know, letting kids rule the house, that's not necessarily what we're talking about. (25:35) Right? (25:35) Like, I think there is a line of having household rules and expectations and boundaries and having space for for grace and empathy and validation.
Scott Benner But it's a is it a movement Yes. (25:53) Of parenting movement? (25:55) Yes. (25:55) Well, I'll tell you why
Erika Forsyth talked you about it in the parenting series.
Scott Benner That's fine. (25:58) When you you think about it for a second, I'll tell you what I've done is I've set a line out in the distance, and they all know as long as we're playing on that on this side of the line, everything's gonna be fine. (26:10) But there's a different me that they don't a 100% know. (26:13) We don't wanna cross over the fence to the other side and meet that guy. (26:17) My kids have been very good about that.
Scott Benner I don't think I've, you know, yelled at my children in fifteen years. (26:23) Do you know what I mean? (26:24) Like but there was there's a couple moments where something happened. (26:27) I was like, we made rules. (26:28) You broke the rules.
Scott Benner There's you know, you're gonna go sit in your room for a terrible amount of time, you know, staring at a wall or, you know, that kind of stuff. (26:36) Like, you know, there's been some there's some punitive action from me about that. (26:40) I've always thought growing up that they knew it. (26:42) Now that they're adults, we talked about I forgot what you're talking about, but Arden's like, oh, I never would have done that growing up. (26:47) I think she was talking with her friends.
Scott Benner And her friend said, why? (26:50) And she said, I think my dad would have killed me. (26:52) And, like, I but I've never, like, expressed that. (26:55) But I did give her enough of, like, we should live on this side and happy side over here, and I'm happy to live over here with happy side. (27:03) But let's not go over here and find out what happens over here.
Scott Benner I don't know. (27:07) Like, maybe I got lucky. (27:08) Maybe it just worked and, you know, or whatever. (27:10) But, anyway, what's the soft pairing called? (27:12) What what makes no place?
Erika Forsyth I I once started listening to your story. (27:16) I wanted to be attentive. (27:16) So I but it's in our parenting series.
Scott Benner Erica is so polite. (27:20) I spoke about something so she could go look into something. (27:23) She goes, well, I wanted to be attentive while you're speaking. (27:26) Why? (27:26) You you must be such a good therapist.
Scott Benner Well I mean, I'm healthier since I met you, so I guess it's I I guess I am. (27:33) Anyway, let's go into four. (27:35) Purpose and meaning. (27:35) Okay. (27:35) Yeah.
Purpose and Meaning
Scott Benner We'll move on. (27:36) Yeah.
Erika Forsyth Okay. (27:37) So number where are we? (27:40) Number four. (27:41) Purpose and meaning, having something to care about, having a sense of purpose, having a sense of, you know, why are we doing this, whether it's your kind of your beliefs, your goals in life. (27:54) And I think that's really important.
Erika Forsyth We talked about this too around outside of diabetes, it's also important to have purpose and meaning.
Scott Benner Yeah. (28:03) So it doesn't matter even, like, if the thing I have purp I find purpose with when I'm eight years old is not the same thing as when I'm 14. (28:10) It's not the same thing as when I'm 18. (28:12) As long as that when I'm up and moving during the day, I have a goal. (28:15) I'm oriented towards that goal.
Scott Benner It makes me feel like I'm something. (28:20) Right? (28:20) Meaningful, like, working towards something.
Erika Forsyth Yes. (28:24) And and in that per in the action of that, you are gonna be experiencing belonging. (28:30) Right? (28:30) Because you're working along other groups or members of a group who are all wanting the same goal or outcome, and I think that's important.
Scott Benner Let's say your kid picks blue nail polish and some weird comic books and but they've got a bunch of friends who like it too. (28:48) Like, you should just be happy that they have that. (28:50) Right? (28:50) Like, that there's a thing they enjoy that's even if that thing is something that you look at and go, oh, this is not what I had in mind. (28:58) But they still they have friendship and they have community and they have a sense of belonging and something they feel focused on.
Scott Benner Like, I would think you should be happy for that.
Erika Forsyth Yes. (29:07) And I think it's I don't wanna say you should, but I think to look at it, like, does your child feel safe? (29:14) Does your child feel like he's he's a part of something bigger?
Scott Benner Yeah. (29:18) I don't mean them and the kids. (29:19) Yeah. (29:19) I don't mean they're, like, sacrificing a goat or anything like that. (29:22) I mean, they just they they're doing something that's different than your idea of what would be fun.
Scott Benner Like, for example, what if my children would have wanted to play soccer? (29:31) What a scourge that would have been on my life, Erica. (29:34) Okay? (29:35) But I would have showed up at that soccer field and watched that dumb game that's meaningless and and ends one nothing or zero zero. (29:42) I would have done that.
Scott Benner Okay? (29:44) Now God bless them. (29:45) They love baseball, so they saved me. (29:47) But no. (29:48) But seriously, like, you know, I've known people, good parents sitting at baseball fields who don't give a shit about baseball.
Scott Benner They hate it, and they're cheering louder than anybody else. (30:00) They don't complain. (30:00) I don't think their kid would even know they don't like baseball. (30:03) Again, I've seen I've seen good parents do that. (30:05) And I I'm trying to say to you that if one of my kids would have made the horrifying decision to play soccer, that I would have been that person who would have clapped and said that was good.
Scott Benner I would have learned what all the dumb little things meant, I would have acted excited at the end of a game when it was zero zero. (30:19) Okay? (30:19) I would have talked about the great defense and the hustle and everything else even though inside of my brain, my adult mind would have known we've wasted our time with this stupid game.
Erika Forsyth Oh, gosh. (30:30) You're gonna get some feedback around soccer.
Scott Benner I just like screwing with the people who like soccer. (30:33) That's all. (30:34) Good.
Erika Forsyth Well, I think the what what what it is is you might experience some either grief or loss I would. (30:41) Or or confusion within yourself that your child is choosing to do something or believe in something or participate in something that is not in alignment of your own desires. (30:51) So I think it's okay to acknowledge that, but then also championing championing their heart's desire is a beautiful thing.
Scott Benner Can I pick your rein? (31:00) Take a slight left turn on something I know you didn't think we'd talk about today?
Erika Forsyth Uh-huh. (31:05) Maybe.
Scott Benner I think it's apropos of time. (31:07) Right? (31:08) Mhmm. (31:08) What do I do if my kid picks a different political leaning than I have in the house? (31:16) How do I not end up where we just all don't like each other anymore?
Scott Benner That seems to be a big deal nowadays. (31:23) So, like Mhmm. (31:24) I'm sure in the past as well. (31:25) I think we're going over the answers. (31:27) The answers are you think one way, they think another way, they're happy, be happy that they're happy.
Scott Benner But what happens when one side of the coin believes that the other side is making an existential mistake? (31:38) How do you do that as a parent then?
Erika Forsyth That's complicated. (31:41) I think what what you would want what I would want my children to be are critical thinkers, whether we're talking about, you know, politics or any other, quote, unquote, maybe controversial Yeah. (31:54) Subject, teaching your child to be a critical thinker and consumer of information and processing what matters to them, how do they believe change happens, what is valuable, those types of questions. (32:10) And they might land in a different political area arena. (32:14) They might land in a different, you know, faith.
Erika Forsyth If you are concerned about that, I think the the best thing you could do is yeah. (32:20) The I I kind of land on the the critical thinker piece, but that might feel like an easy answer out. (32:26) I don't know. (32:26) Yeah.
Scott Benner Well, listen. (32:27) What if what if, Erica? (32:29) What if I'm a big dumbass? (32:30) Okay? (32:31) And my kid's right, and I can't see it.
Scott Benner And I'm telling them, no. (32:35) You gotta be a critical thinker and figure this out. (32:37) And they don't come up with the answer that I come up with, then I think they didn't think about it correctly.
Erika Forsyth Mhmm.
Scott Benner This is a big problem in parenting as kids get older. (32:47) And I I and you see it the other way too. (32:49) Sometimes the kids will look at the parents. (32:50) They're like, they don't know what they're talking about. (32:51) Just heard a kid the other day, 21 year old kid the other day said, my parents are at the age now where I don't ask them.
Scott Benner I just tell them. (32:59) It was a simple example of, you know, we're gonna have lunch on Saturday. (33:03) Come over, pick me up at my dorm room. (33:05) And she's like, I used to ask my mom that, but it turned into, like, oh, I got a plan. (33:09) I don't know.
Scott Benner Blah blah blah. (33:10) But when the person was talking about, what they were trying to say was, like, my parents are getting older now. (33:14) They're wishy washy. (33:16) Like, they're tired. (33:17) They're not as focused.
Scott Benner They don't care as much. (33:19) I just tell them what to do now, and they follow me. (33:21) And I was like, there's something kinda like there was something sad and wonderful about it at the same time. (33:27) You know what I mean? (33:29) Like, I was like, oh, the kid thought, you know, my parents, they struggle a little bit, you know, around this one thing about making plans and going out.
Erika Forsyth Mhmm.
Scott Benner I don't give them a choice anymore. (33:39) Just tell them where to be and what time to be there, and we and we get together. (33:42) We do not as
Erika Forsyth And that works.
Scott Benner Not that harshly, by the way. (33:45) Yeah. (33:45) But then in that same situation, what do you do if your mom's out there? (33:49) Like, you gotta vote for this person or you have to pray this way or you have to do this or you can't do that or don't say this because something's gonna happen to you. (33:57) I don't know.
Scott Benner Like, I guess I bring it up because I hear a lot of people talk about, like, it's okay to, like you can't pick your family, so it's okay to disconnect from your parents. (34:08) But that seems like the wrong thing to me. (34:10) And I'm sure for some people, it's the right thing. (34:12) And I've seen people do it, and it seems to make them happier sometimes. (34:16) But I've seen people do it, it seems to make them feel alone too.
Scott Benner And, again, I I would just roll back to thinking, if that ends up being my situation as an older person, I'm gonna try very hard to think of it as my fault. (34:30) That there was something I could have done at a formidable moment or pivotal time that would have been one of these things, allowing my kids to feel safe, to belong, and to, you know, accept them for who they are, like, that kind of thing. (34:43) So, anyway, I don't think there's really an answer in here. (34:45) I'm just talking. (34:46) Yeah.
Erika Forsyth Such a complex topic, but a good one.
Scott Benner Happens a lot, I imagine. (34:52) You talk to a lot of people who have this kind
Erika Forsyth of disconnect. (34:55) And I think that dilemma of choosing feeling like you have to make that choice of differentiating and from your family or, you know, it's kind of like you're discussing cut off completely.
Scott Benner Mhmm.
Erika Forsyth What is the healthier option? (35:13) And there's no that's Yeah. (35:15) I don't know say different scenarios that it's not an easy answer, but I think that the conversation and the thought around separation, differentiation, and complete cutoff is one that does happen a lot, and it's it's not easy whatever you decide.
Scott Benner Well, I bring it up because at some point, if you're raising a child with type one or any medical issue, really, that they have to manage on their own, at some point or another, it's going to become evident that that child is probably not going to do it exactly the way you did it. (35:52) And if you see that as they're not trying hard enough or they're not doing enough or they don't care about their health, that's, I think, the wrong reaction to have. (36:01) I think it's sad to say, like, people are who they are. (36:04) Right? (36:04) You give these people, you know, pull a thousand people out, give them all diabetes.
Scott Benner They have personalities. (36:10) They have the way they think about things. (36:12) They're gonna think about their diabetes that way as well. (36:14) Like, I I use Jenny as an example all the time. (36:17) Like, Jenny's not a person who decided to have an a one c in the fives.
Scott Benner Jenny's personality and who she is leads her to that. (36:25) Like, she might not even think about it that way if you asked her about it. (36:27) She might think, oh, I make decisions because I wanna be this. (36:30) Like, I would say the same thing about somebody who gets up every day and runs or goes to the gym five times a week. (36:35) They think they're making some I think they think they're making a purposeful decision.
Scott Benner I just think that's how they're wired, and that's why it works that way. (36:43) I don't believe that there are people out there who are not trying or don't care about their health. (36:47) I just think that things occur to people the way they occur to them. (36:50) And one day, your kid's diabetes is going to occur to them the way it occurs to them. (36:54) And I think it's important not to fall into a trap of, like, of that diabetes turning into politics or religion or something like that where you look at it and go, they're not doing the right thing.
Scott Benner So, you know, I disagree with them, and they don't agree with me, so we have a rift now. (37:09) Like, it's just the saddest thing, Erica, to watch people raise little kids and to see all that, like, hope and love and joy all pulled together. (37:18) And then you stay alive for ten more years and you meet them again when they're 24 and you say, hey. (37:22) How's your mom? (37:23) I don't know.
Scott Benner I haven't talked her in a couple years. (37:25) Like, where's all that at? (37:26) Like, where was all the, oh, it's so cute. (37:29) It does that. (37:29) I think we get taller and not as cute and and then we can't just let everything go.
Resilience and Coping Skills
Scott Benner To me, my answer is none of that matters. (37:38) Like, I just think the personal stuff matters, but I think the rest of it is just extra. (37:42) I'm sorry. (37:43) I've taken this way off course. (37:44) Are we up to resilience and coping skills?
Erika Forsyth Yes. (37:48) Okay. (37:49) Oh gosh. (37:50) Okay. (37:51) And by the way, I found and slightly remembered the parenting Oh.
Erika Forsyth That you said soft serve soft parenting. (37:58) It it's gentle parenting.
Scott Benner It's called gentle parenting? (38:01) Yeah. (38:01) Which we might have you might have
Erika Forsyth even said that word. (38:03) But
Scott Benner I don't think my dad knew about that.
Erika Forsyth Gentle parenting is which, again, we, we talked about before. (38:09) I think the the trick or the dilemma with that is it often leads to, you know, parents feeling, like, full of guilt and shame because we can't be we can't be gentle.
Scott Benner All the time?
Erika Forsyth All the time. (38:22) Yeah. (38:22) Yeah.
Scott Benner Well, give me resilience and
Erika Forsyth coping skills. (38:25) Okay. (38:25) Resilience and coping. (38:27) So you have learned healthy ways to handle stress. (38:31) So we is that it's a tough one because do you learn by observation of others around you?
Erika Forsyth Maybe, but also through your life. (38:42) You've learned, okay. (38:43) This this hard thing happened kind of going back to the blade of grass. (38:47) I mean, the blade of grass, I love, like, yeah, reaching for the sun. (38:51) So you have the mindset that even though when hard things happen, I'm gonna be okay.
Erika Forsyth And it might be because of all these other things that are going on in your life. (39:02) Mhmm. (39:02) It might be that you are wired that way. (39:05) Like, resilience is is such a interesting subject because it is both and. (39:11) It is some people are wired that way, and some people have learned.
Erika Forsyth Some people have been intentional and have figured out ways to have that mindset. (39:20) Like, even when when hard things happen, life's gonna be okay. (39:24) I'm gonna be okay. (39:25) Yeah. (39:26) I'm not helpless.
Scott Benner I I don't know how to it's it probably in just an eternal question about human beings. (39:32) Right? (39:32) Like, I I I do take your point. (39:34) I think it both makes sense to me, honestly. (39:37) Like, it's not just it's not just I'm maybe wired that way, and that's the only reason.
Scott Benner I also maybe I've been through through some things that, you know, lead me in that direction. (39:48) I was actually just thinking this morning because I'm trying to get Kelly to move somewhere warmer.
Erika Forsyth I've heard that.
Scott Benner The idea of uprooting our life, like, like, I know it scares her and it fills her full of, like, lists of things that would be done. (40:00) I have to tell you, like, I know all that stuff would be difficult and unpleasant. (40:04) I don't care. (40:05) Like, if she if she walked in here right now and said, we're moving, I'd be like, right on. (40:08) Let's make it happen.
Scott Benner And then I would just do it. (40:11) But I but I realized it's just probably because I grew up without a lot of parental direction, and I had to take care of myself, and I had take care of my brothers. (40:20) And a lot of stuff was put in front of me, and there really was no like, there was no one to give it to. (40:26) So it was like it was sink or swim most of the time. (40:29) And I've just been through enough experiences that I I really don't I it's hard for me to imagine something that wouldn't if it didn't turn my light out that I couldn't get through.
Scott Benner So, yeah, I mean, if you wanted me to pack the whole house up and get us out of here, I'd figure out a way to get it done. (40:44) I wouldn't love it. (40:44) I'm I'm lazy at my core. (40:46) Erica, I just want you to know. (40:48) There's a lazy person inside of me dying to be lazy.
Scott Benner I can't wait to I can't wait to retire so that I can Yeah. (40:54) Show the world to that person.
Erika Forsyth And then you'd you'd be bored.
Scott Benner Yeah. (40:57) Yeah. (40:58) Oh, probably. (40:58) But I can't, like like, day to day, I can't do that. (41:02) Like, I don't know like, I'm not good at that at all.
Scott Benner Like, I don't come off that way, you wouldn't think that about me. (41:08) But I work on the weekends and, like, late at night, I'm still working and, like, I don't I'm not good at stopping. (41:15) Exactly. (41:15) Until there's a human element. (41:17) Like, this afternoon, the middle of the day here's a good example.
Scott Benner I think this is a good example for all this. (41:23) Arden made an announcement last night that she has a 137 out of a 100 in her class that she has tomorrow, and I'm not going to school tomorrow, she says. (41:32) I have a 137. (41:33) I can miss a day. (41:34) It sounded flippant at first, but then she went through all the things that were gonna happen in class tomorrow.
Scott Benner She's like, I'm not involved in that. (41:40) I'm not involved in this. (41:41) I can do this on my own. (41:43) I have a I I can I can take the hit on the on the attendance? (41:47) I'm gonna stay home tomorrow and bake.
Scott Benner So she's been baking all day. (41:51) She made cakes and cookies, and she's going to a party tonight with her friends, and she's just gonna take a bunch of baked goods and spread them out. (41:58) Right? (41:59) And so I got up this morning. (42:01) I took my shower.
Scott Benner I got my stuff going. (42:03) I recorded with Jenny this morning, and then I had a couple of hours till I had to record with you. (42:09) I have a thousand things to do. (42:11) Like, I'm not kidding. (42:12) But I walked downstairs to get myself something to eat, and Artem was baking, and I just started helping her bake.
Scott Benner And we just did it together for a couple of hours. (42:20) I lined the pans and greased the stuff and flipped the things over and touched the hot stuff and did all the stuff she didn't wanna do. (42:27) You know what I mean? (42:27) But we were doing it together. (42:29) My son came down for his lunch break.
Scott Benner He hung out with us. (42:32) We chatted and talked and blah blah blah. (42:34) My wife kinda took off one headphone while she was working and involved herself in the conversation. (42:39) And then around, like, you know, about fifteen minutes before you and I had to get together, I said, I I gotta go now. (42:45) Like, you know, and I said to I said to Arden, I was like, you're still down here, like, when when I'm done, I'll I'll help you clean the dishes up.
Scott Benner Like, I don't wanna clean the dishes up, Erica. (42:53) I'm not even gonna eat any of that stuff. (42:55) She's gonna give feed it to that boy. (42:56) Like, do you know what I mean? (42:57) And, like but, like, it was such an it was such a nice time to be around each other, no pressure, being supportive, quite even the physical touch thing, it occurred to me when we were down there.
Erika Forsyth Mhmm.
Scott Benner As we walked back and forth, like, she hit me in the side once and I heard her go, and she just hit me in the side. (43:18) Uh-huh. (43:18) And it's just like a it's it is just like you say, it's a brief second. (43:21) Like, it it's meaningless almost until it's not. (43:23) And then you think, like, this is awesome.
Scott Benner I don't know. (43:26) Don't I know what I'm saying.
Erika Forsyth What an ideal, like, afternoon. (43:28) I'm like, gosh, that sounds that sounds lovely.
Scott Benner I mean, you know, working from home, you can, like, you can move the hours around. (43:35) But also, she'll go to that party tonight, and I'm gonna sit around and work on stuff all evening. (43:41) So I'm lucky that I get to shift my day around a little bit. (43:44) Like, everybody can't, like, in the middle of the day just be like, oh, I'm gonna bake for two hours. (43:47) And that's not a thing I normally do either.
Erika Forsyth But Right.
Scott Benner Today's one of those days where it actually came up when we're recording. (43:53) And I think your point earlier was that doesn't have to happen all the time. (43:57) But I also realized that when I did it, she wasn't stunned that I stopped working and did it with her. (44:04) It's that steadiness you talked about earlier. (44:06) That's a thing she would expect from me on some level.
Scott Benner And then it happens, and then there's this comfort that comes over her that this thing that she expects happens, and then that creates confidence. (44:18) There's all these little ways to, like, enrich people anyway.
Erika Forsyth Well and even just the belonging in that the kitchen, there's a safety and sense of, okay. (44:29) What this is we we all belong here together, and we're doing this joint activity together. (44:34) I mean, it is it's it's a cool, beautiful example.
Scott Benner You're all missing out if you're not cooking together sometimes. (44:43) Mhmm. (44:43) It is an it's it is like it's a team effort and, you know, you you rise and fall together. (44:48) Sometimes the food comes out crappy and you just eat it anyway and you laugh about it. (44:51) You know, it didn't work.
Scott Benner And, you know, and sometimes it comes out awesome. (44:54) You get to celebrate with each other and then, you know, even the cleaning up can be fun. (44:59) I think there are a lot of little I don't wanna turn into, like, one of these, like, bro podcast guys, but, like, there's a lot of things that society has shifted on over the years, and we're losing out on some of them. (45:09) And I think I think cooking and eating together is one of them. (45:12) So Mhmm.
Scott Benner Anyway, you know.
Erika Forsyth Well, you're you're gonna make me and probably a lot of listeners, we're gonna go cook some bake some
Scott Benner cupcakes She made these she made these tarts. (45:22) She took the the berries and she, like, I don't know, put them with sugar and, like, don't She had to, like, brought them to a boil or something to turn them into filling, and then they went inside these cookies. (45:32) And she's like, try one. (45:33) It tasted like a Pop Tart.
Erika Forsyth Wow. (45:35) I know it feels that sounds sophisticated.
Scott Benner That's awesome. (45:38) I was like I was like, this is really good. (45:41) What are we up to? (45:41) Knowledge? (45:42) Okay.
Scott Benner Did we get some resilience? (45:44) Okay. (45:44) Alright. (45:45) We're starting to go over on your time. (45:46) I'm sorry.
Erika Forsyth No. (45:47) No. (45:47) We're good.
Scott Benner We're good? (45:48) Okay.
Erika Forsyth Number six, knowledge and opportunity. (45:52) So you have access to learning, and you're also encouraged to continue to explore. (46:00) And I think that can look like a lot of different things. (46:03) I mean, even just with the example of of baking, there's that opportunity to, like, let's try something. (46:08) It might totally fail.
Scott Benner Yeah.
Erika Forsyth But not even using that word. (46:11) Like, it might not turn out the way we want, but that's okay. (46:14) And not experiencing, you know, shame or any kind of negative feedback when you do make a mistake. (46:21) I know that I'm thinking as we're talking about this, you know, we're coming recording post Olympics with Alyssa Liu, and her narrative of resilience is one of it's okay if I fall. (46:36) You know, people are curious.
Erika Forsyth Do you have you been following her in figure skating?
Scott Benner I don't know about the Olympics. (46:42) I'm sorry.
Erika Forsyth But Okay.
Scott Benner But go ahead.
Erika Forsyth So sorry. (46:45) Okay. (46:46) So Alyssa Liu won the gold medal in
Scott Benner future skating. (46:49) In the afternoon, Eric. (46:50) Yeah. (46:50) Yeah. (46:51) You out white laded me with that one.
Scott Benner Go ahead.
Erika Forsyth Oh my gosh. (46:58) Okay. (46:59) Well, so really so she won the gold medal, and she used to be a figure skater, a very you know, she was really successful as a younger girl. (47:07) I think she retired in her teens.
Scott Benner Okay.
Erika Forsyth 16 and then didn't skate for two years, three years. (47:13) I'm these numbers aren't right. (47:15) But she returned to figure skating and presented with such joy, and she was her kind of narrative is that she's out there. (47:24) She doesn't care about the results or the medals or the judges. (47:27) She's and she if she falls, it's part of her journey.
Erika Forsyth Like, it's part of the performance, and there's not a sense of shame around it. (47:36) And I just thought that's, you know that probably took a lot of work for her to get to that place. (47:40) It's not just like she showed up and was like, who cares about the judges? (47:44) So there's that element that I think is important to hold, but also somewhere along the line, she learned that it's okay to show up and make mistakes, and that's not gonna be
Scott Benner You kinda feel like you have permission not to be perfect and that there's no there's no judgment at the end of it. (48:01) Like, I tried, and it didn't work out, and that's fine. (48:04) Listen. (48:04) I built this whole thing on that. (48:06) I was talking to somebody earlier today who's thinking of starting a a business up, and I was like, you think I had this all worked out when I started this?
Scott Benner I was like, you're out of your mind. (48:15) Like, I just, like, I didn't know what I was doing. (48:17) I had an idea. (48:18) I put some effort into it. (48:19) Taught myself about the first thing.
Scott Benner That went okay. (48:22) Taught myself about the second thing. (48:24) That went okay. (48:25) I said I've made mistakes along the way. (48:27) I've done things that, like, have wasted have been incredible waste of my time.
Scott Benner In the end, you learn something from it anyway. (48:33) And, you know, you just move on and build on it later. (48:35) It's just the whole world's a t shirt slogan if you just let it be, Erica. (48:39) Like, I mean, honestly, like, go back to I don't know. (48:43) Go back to stoicism and read their writings and then turn it into a 2026 t shirt slogan.
Scott Benner It's all the same stuff. (48:50) Like, there's, like, five things you have to do and you can be happy. (48:53) It's not that hard. (48:54) It's hard when other people get involved and your feelings get involved and your paranoia gets involved, then you start thinking, oh, I have to be perfect. (49:01) I can't fall down.
Scott Benner I have to get a 100 on everything. (49:03) I mean, let's go even Arden last night. (49:05) Like, she's explaining to us. (49:07) She has 37 extra points over a 100 because there's part of her who thinks I should be going to class. (49:13) I have to be able to offer up enough reasons.
Scott Benner It's not not to us, to her, for her to be comfortable in doing this. (49:20) And she and she build up enough buffer that she could be downstairs in her pajamas baking and feel comfortable about it. (49:25) I gotta be honest with you. (49:26) Like, I wouldn't want her just not going to school, but she didn't have to have 37 more points. (49:30) She could have, like, she can end with, you know, a different a or a b or something like this.
Scott Benner Not that important. (49:36) Like, you you know what I mean? (49:37) Like, as long I tell my the same thing. (49:39) Both of my kids went to college, and I was like, look. (49:41) College isn't grades.
Scott Benner It's understanding. (49:44) I was like, you're gonna go into the real world. (49:45) If you don't understand the thing you studied, you're gonna be in trouble. (49:49) I was like, so, like, cheating to get a good number, you just have a problem later. (49:53) You're gonna be out in the real world, someone's gonna say something, you're gonna realize, oh my god, I'm a fraud.
Scott Benner I don't understand this. (49:59) And I was like, so, you know, don't it's not about a number to me. (50:02) So you're going to learn something. (50:04) Like, go learn it. (50:05) Once you understand it, stay home and bake on Friday.
Scott Benner What do I care?
Erika Forsyth Mhmm. (50:09) Well and that that kind of narrative builds resilience and removes that pressure around the perfectionism, and then that leads to more confidence in trying new things and and pursuing new goals. (50:23) Right? (50:24) Because then you you know, well, if I don't make it that way, I'm still gonna be okay. (50:29) I'm still safe.
Scott Benner Yeah. (50:30) I'll figure it out. (50:31) Mhmm. (50:31) I want my kids to just feel like, oh, I'll figure it out. (50:34) You know, that's be and I don't know if they'll actually figure it out, Erica.
Scott Benner That's not important. (50:38) The important thing is that they that they feel like they can. (50:41) You know what I mean? (50:41) Like, they might fall in their face. (50:42) I have no idea.
Scott Benner They could be back here three years from now being like, hey. (50:46) Can you please pay for my dental appointment? (50:48) I can't afford it. (50:48) I was like, I I don't know where they'll be, but at least they at least they're not running around scared. (50:54) Like, I'd much rather see my kids running forward failing than standing still and cowering.
Body Health, Safety, and Community
Scott Benner You know? (50:59) Mhmm. (50:59) So alright. (51:00) Where are we at? (51:01) I'm sorry.
Erika Forsyth Okay. (51:03) So number seven, body health and safety. (51:07) So having access to healthy, nutritious food, clean water, health care, you're living in a physically safe environment. (51:18) I like the this last one, you've you've learned to rest.
Scott Benner To
Erika Forsyth rest? (51:22) Right? (51:22) Like, to that talk about, you know, the body trust concept. (51:26) Right? (51:26) Like, being able to listen to your body and give it what it needs without feeling that sense of of burden or shame.
Erika Forsyth Kind of like what you just talked about. (51:34) Again, going back to the baking analogy
Scott Benner Yeah.
Erika Forsyth You were able to say, oh, I can do this now and I can shift work later, and there's not that sense of guilt.
Scott Benner You didn't read it right out, but you've learned to rest, move, and care for your body without guilt. (51:45) I think that's important. (51:46) Yeah. (51:47) And I I'll tell you too. (51:48) I I bring this up all the time, but I have a what I consider to be a flexible rotating to do list in my head.
Scott Benner Like, the thing that's number one right now, something could happen five minutes right now to make that number five for me, and I let it slide down without any compunction at all. (52:06) Like, okay. (52:06) That's not as important anymore. (52:07) It'll slide it because if I keep saying, well, this is number one. (52:10) Now there's a new number one, and now there's a third number one.
Scott Benner I'm not built to handle three dire things happening at the same time. (52:17) I can't do that. (52:18) So something's not as dire. (52:19) It slides down the list and, you know, I I tell my wife all the time, my wife's got one of those jobs where there's always a thousand things to do and they're never gonna get finished. (52:28) And she's like, I gotta get this done.
Scott Benner I said, you've been doing this since I said, since you were out of college. (52:32) I said, we're in our fifties. (52:34) You've never caught up once. (52:36) I've never heard you, like like, emerge from a room and go, I've done it. (52:40) There's nothing left to do.
Scott Benner I've I've caught up. (52:43) I was like, it's never happened once in your life. (52:44) I'm like, just accept that that's gonna be the like, stop feeling like you're chasing perfection and start realizing that this is the game. (52:52) The game is there's always something to do. (52:56) The trick is not feeling like you're gonna get it all done.
Scott Benner And trust me, you all will
Erika Forsyth listen mindset shift.
Scott Benner No. (53:02) Alright. (53:02) Listen. (53:02) Most of the people listening will listen to me about that before that lady will. (53:06) I was like, you know, she's punishing me for loving her and dedicating my life to her and stuff like that.
Scott Benner But, like, she ain't gonna listen to me, but some of you might. (53:13) I'm helping you because she won't listen. (53:15) But, like, she she can't do that. (53:16) Like, it's not in her nature. (53:18) Like, she'll die.
Erika Forsyth It's hard.
Scott Benner 100%, she's dying in that chair. (53:21) 100%, we're gonna push her into the ambulance right from the chair she works. (53:26) Oh my gosh. (53:27) And with her last breath, she'll say, it was worth it. (53:30) Like and I I really think that, by the way.
Scott Benner She loves what she does, and she's she's one of those people. (53:36) Like, she's task oriented. (53:38) She if you stopped she thinks she's gonna retire. (53:41) That's insane. (53:43) That that lady ain't retiring.
Scott Benner And unless I'm wrong, and then I'd be happily wrong. (53:47) I'd love to watch her sit in a chair for ten years and go for a walk. (53:51) I think that's what I'm working towards is getting her to that spot. (53:54) My fear is I'll get her to that spot and she'll be like, I'm just gonna consult on the side. (53:58) Yeah.
Scott Benner And I'd be like, yeah. (53:59) I'm we'll go for a walk by myself. (54:01) Last thing, community and justice. (54:04) You live in a space where people are treated fairly. (54:08) Help is available when you need it.
Scott Benner You feel valued by your community and society at large. (54:14) We're not always in charge of that about, like, financially where we can live or, you know, what part of the world is safe or whatnot. (54:21) But if you have that, it's definitely a bonus for you. (54:24) And if you it's within your grasp to move towards it, you should know I think it's important for you. (54:29) So.
Outro & Final Sponsor Messages
Scott Benner Erica, I really appreciate you doing this with me. (54:33) I appreciate you letting me text you some random sentence that says, hey. (54:37) There's aces. (54:38) There must be something opposite, and and us turning it into four hours worth of conversation.
Erika Forsyth Well and, yes, lo and behold, it it's there.
Scott Benner You really should respond to me and say, please leave me alone. (54:48) That's what I lose my number or come up with a more fully fleshed out idea. (54:54) Would you, please?
Erika Forsyth No. (54:57) It's it's good. (54:58) I'm glad. (54:58) Brain works.
Scott Benner Yeah. (54:59) Well, let me thank you for doing this again and and tell you how much I appreciate you and your time and and and remind people that Erica's got bills too. (55:08) So erica foresythe dot com, if you're looking for an awesome therapist who specializes in helping people with type one diabetes. (55:17) She can't help you in every state, but if you live in California or if you live in go, Erica.
Erika Forsyth Oregon, Utah, Vermont, and Florida.
Scott Benner And she can help you virtually.
Erika Forsyth Yes.
Scott Benner Are we adding more? (55:29) You. (55:30) Or did the government put the kibosh for that?
Erika Forsyth There's a there's a potential of one of Washington, but that's still that's not close. (55:37) It's still in the works.
Scott Benner Columbia or a state?
Erika Forsyth A state.
Scott Benner State. (55:42) Alright. (55:42) Well, listen. (55:43) If you live in a hippie state, Erica can probably help you. (55:45) Ericaforesight.com is what I just heard, or Florida, which is just a different kind of hippie state.
Scott Benner Alright. (55:50) Talk to you later.
Erika Forsyth Thank you. (55:51) Thanks, Scott.
Scott Benner This episode of the Juice Box podcast is sponsored by the Omnipod five. (56:06) And at my link, omnipod.com/juicebox, you can get yourself a free what I just say? (56:13) A free Omnipod five starter kit. (56:16) Free? (56:17) Get out of here.
Scott Benner Go click on that link. (56:19) Omnipod.com/juicebox. (56:21) Check it out. (56:22) Terms and conditions apply. (56:24) Eligibility may vary.
Scott Benner Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox. (56:30) Links in the show notes. (56:31) Links at juiceboxpodcast.com. (56:37) A huge thank you to Cozy Earth, a longtime sponsor. (56:41) Cozyearth.com.
Scott Benner Use the offer code juice box at checkout. (56:46) You will save 20% off of your entire order when you use that code. (56:51) Don't let me down kids. (56:52) Head over there now. (56:53) Get yourself some joggers, some towels, some sheets.
Scott Benner Save yourself some money. (56:57) Support the podcast. (56:58) Make your life beautiful and comfortable all at the same time. (57:01) Cozyearth.com. (57:02) Use the offer code juice box at checkout.
Scott Benner Dexcom sponsored this episode of the juice box podcast. (57:11) Learn more about the Dexcom g seven at my link, dexcom.com/juicebox. (57:21) Hey. (57:21) Thanks for listening all the way to the end. (57:23) I really appreciate your loyalty and listenership.
Scott Benner Thank you so much for listening. (57:27) I'll be back very soon with another episode of the juice box podcast. (57:38) My diabetes pro tip series is about cutting through the clutter of diabetes management to give you the straightforward practical insights that truly make a difference. (57:47) This series is all about mastering the fundamentals, whether it's the basics of insulin, dosing adjustments, or everyday management strategies that will empower you to take control. (57:57) I'm joined by Jenny Smith, who is a diabetes educator with over thirty five years of personal experience, and we break down complex concepts into simple actionable tips.
Scott Benner The diabetes pro tip series runs between episode one thousand and one thousand twenty five in your podcast player, or you can listen to it at juiceboxpodcast.com by going up into the menu. (58:18) Have a podcast? (58:19) Want it to sound fantastic? (58:20) Wrongwayrecording.com.
