#1945 The Hippocratic Oath
The Hippocratic Oath
Steven was 37, throwing up for months, and told he might have HIV — by a doctor looking at a blood sugar of 600. Two years later he runs a 5.6 and his doctor wants it higher.
Jump to a moment
- Six months of symptoms, and nobody put it together. Steven was throwing up after high-carb meals, winded climbing four stairs in his thirties, and exhausted while caring for his father full time. Urgent care told him it was acid reflux. A second doctor, looking at a blood sugar around 600, decided the more likely explanation was HIV — reasoning out loud that older people get type 2, younger people get type 1, and Steven was in between.
- The call came at 10:30 at night. He was told he might have HIV; his mother got on the phone to push back and a nurse told her not to speak to the doctor that way and hung up. Steven avoided doctors for months afterward. He was eventually diagnosed with type 1 in the hospital — in the ICU for two days with dangerously low potassium, on the floor below where his father was admitted. He later reported the doctor to the board.
- Discharge was a pamphlet. He describes a doctor leaning in the doorway saying he had type 1 and that it was “going to be something,” handing over a leaflet, and leaving. In the hospital he asked for carb counts so he could dose properly and was told not to worry about it — then a nutritionist called a psychologist in because he was too focused on his numbers. The psychologist sided with Steven.
- He is doing well now, and his doctor wants him higher. Steven reports a 5.6 A1c, with his low alarm at 70 and only occasional dips to the mid-50s. His endocrinologist wants a “safer” range. He suspects he’s still honeymooning — he notices his glucose falling within minutes of eating with essentially no insulin on board. Scott’s response is his opinion only; settings and targets belong with your care team.
- He built his understanding from scratch. Podcast, internet, and AI — which he used early on to check carb counts and dosing math because, by his own description, he was never good at math and everything online was aimed at either children or type 2. He’s clear he double-checked its answers and eventually needed it less. He also lost his father in March, and much of the episode carries that.
- Diabetes Pro Tip series — Episodes 1000-1025 — the management foundation Steven had to assemble on his own.
- Bold Beginnings series — Scott and Jenny Smith for the newly diagnosed — what a pamphlet cannot cover.
- Juicebox Podcast Facebook group — For anyone who, like Steven, doesn't know a single other person with type 1.
Every word of the conversation
Cold open & sponsors0:03
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Meet Steven1:53
Hi. I'm Steven, 38 years old, got type one. Hey. Hope you're having a great day.
I hope they're having a great day too. You got type one when? How old?
So I was 37. So I'm about a little more than a year. So October twenty fourth of last year
Okay.
Of well, 2024, I got it. Sorry. No. 2025, I was diagnosed. I think I had it about six months prior to that or the symptoms of it.
A sore throat that lasted six months2:28
You were unaware at that point?
No. I I thought I had a sore throat. I'm like and it was, like, bad. And then I was throwing up, and so I technically probably was in DKA for a couple months.
You thought you had a six month sore throat Yeah. That caused you to throw up?
Yeah. They because it was. There was, like, some type of, like, acid reflux or something going on. Right? It felt more acid reflux y than most things.
And so then every so often, like, maybe couple weeks or so, like, maybe twice a month, I would throw up after eating something that would be heavily carb as I know now. And so I'd throw up at, like, one or two in the morning, and then I would be okay. And then I'm like, okay. Fine. I need to, like, maybe cut down on something that I'm eating or whatever.
How'd you feel overall? Were you, like like, decimated or just under the weather? Like, we're we're on that spectrum.
I would say I was under the weather, but so there's a point in April 2024 because I got diagnosed 2024. 2025 would be the year I'm coming up to the two year point now at 2026.
Mhmm.
So the timeline's weird. It it's strange for me. But, I think around April so my dad was sick. Right? He he he broke his hip.
He was going through a four year journey of trying to, like, get it revision and sick and back and forth into the hospital. So I was taking care of him, like, full time. Me and my mom were doing that. And so that was, like, a kinda drain on me. But then there was a point because we, have a split level house.
I would be going downstairs. I made everybody down in the living room by the TV, and then where he would sleep and everything because he had a hospital bed, and then I would go back upstairs sometimes. And there was four steps to get into the kitchen and about eight steps to go up to the bedroom. Mhmm. Going up those four steps around April 2024, I turned the corner, and I could not get up those four steps.
I like, I was winded. And I'm like, there is something wrong. Because, usually, I can get down pretty good and going up. It was okay. It wasn't really that bad.
But then there was a point where I got winded that I had to stand there and just take a breath. And then knowing, dreading going up eight more steps to my bedroom, then I can, like, sit down and relax.
In your thirties, traversing four steps, needed a break, this must send you to the doctor.
“You mind if I give you an HIV test?”5:01
It did. The acid reflux sent me to the doctor more often because I was, like, sick and, like, I didn't feel that well.
Yeah.
And so it, like, started, like, February of that twenty twenty four. It was, like, like, weird and everything. And then I'm like, I went to the doctor. I went to an urgent care. I didn't go to an actual doctor.
Urgent care said, oh, you got acid reflux. You know? It didn't seem right. I go there. I'm like, I didn't think it was right then.
My mom didn't think it was correct. My dad didn't think of it. So I'm like, I'll go to another doctor. You know, the doctor tells me he goes, he goes, your blood works fine. You're looking good.
And he goes, you know what? He goes, maybe you're just stressed out about taking care of your dad. And he goes, you mind if I give you an HIV test? And I go, what?
That was a left turn.
There there there was a left turn. I'm like, okay. I'm like, I don't care. Like, he goes, it's just a quick break. We're just gonna find that out.
I get that. I get a phone call at 10:30 at night the next day telling me, you could have HIV. I go, what? I'm I'm not, like, active in any way of any of that stuff. Right?
I nothing. And I'm like I'm like, I'm not using dirty needles. I'm not, like, doing anything like that. Right?
Right.
And I'm like, this is weird. He goes, well, you need to get over here, you know, bad. It it could be HIV. We don't know. But, you know, your blood glucose was really high.
It was about 600 at that time. And I'm like, I
don't know. Oh, Steven.
Yeah. Yeah.
You prefer Steven or Steve?
It it doesn't matter. Steve, Steve, Bob. Who cares? It doesn't matter.
Steve, Bob. Steve, Bob, listen. You're telling me that your doctor saw an elevated blood sugar of 600 and said, I think it's possible you have HIV?
Yeah. Because he said he goes, older people get he goes, type two. Younger people get type one. He goes, there's no way in between. He goes, you're something in between.
He goes, that can't be anything other than that. I said, are you true? Are you sure? And then my mom got on the phone and started, like, saying, hey. This my son doesn't do this.
He's with my husband all day. Can't you know, nothing would have happened in that span of time that would have, accounted for this. And then the nurse got on the line and said, you don't start talking to the doctor like that and hung up on her.
Yes. So
then I avoided going to a doctor for a couple months.
Okay.
Yeah.
Where where are the were you in the Midwest somewhere?
Yeah. Chicago.
Okay. Wait. You're in like, you're like, the city proper? Yep. There goes my theory about that.
I so I'm, like, over here, like, frantically looking. Can DK share any, like, nonspecific symptoms with HIV? But it's like fatigue, nausea, vomiting, weight loss. And then anything about an elevated blood sugar that can look like HIV. Uncontrolled high blood sugars can produce symptoms that look like yeah.
But it's not like it's not like anybody sees a high blood sugar and goes, oh, that's either diabetes or HIV. What's Yeah. Is there something about you that I don't know? Like, what would the doctor see, feel? Like, that's
I don't think so. I came I just came over there to that, to that doctor for, like, saying, hey. You know, to it's a checkup. I I'm getting older. You know?
You go to the doctor, and I got this sore throat problem. And he's like, oh, you know what? Could be a broken leg. There it is. You know?
That's it. I mean, it's not the first time we were, my family was misdiagnosed, my dad, when he broke his hip because this is what basically happened with my father because he has type two. And he broke his hip, the doctor said, oh, no. You got knee pain.
Oh, listen. You're all on your own. I if everybody doesn't get that from listening to this podcast at this point, I don't know what else you're supposed to take from this. But Yeah. You're on your own.
Take care of yourself. Do your own research. When somebody says don't Google, say, I trust Google more than I trust you. And and then just keep doing what you think is right. Ask questions.
Get second, third, fifteenth opinions if you have
to.
See a witch doctor. I don't know, man. But that's that's insane. Okay. So at some point, do you make it to the idea that you have type one diabetes?
How long does that take? Because you said you after they yelled at your yelled at your mom. Right?
Yeah. Yeah. At 10:30 at night, yelled at my mom. They hung the phone up. Yeah.
The nurse did.
Alright. Okay.
I I don't get it either, Skye.
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October, and the hospital11:31
And so then, that was, like, about April ish. I go to October when I'm, like, really feeling sick, still kind of, like, dragging along, doing things, still helping my dad, my mom, and just dragging along. At that point, my father was in the hospital for the his hip got infected with a mold or some type of thing. I don't Scott said the whole a mold. A mold.
An actual mold. We don't know where it came from. The one doctor said it could have been because the window was open at the hospital when they did the surgery. I'm like, what are you doing surgery with the window open for?
Well, you know, it gets warm.
Yeah. Yeah. Gets warm in there. And so so he got
Stephen, what's happening? Do you know there are times people hear these and they go, someone came on and made up their whole story? And I'm like, don't think so.
No. No. This is too wild for it. I mean, you can't ask my dad. He's dead now, but sorry to make that
Hey. Can I read something for you real quick?
Yeah. Sure.
As a member of the medical profession, I solemnly promise to devote my life to serving humanity, to make my patient's health and well-being my first concern, to respect every patient's dignity, autonomy, privacy, and confidential information even after death, to maintain the greatest respect for human life, to treat patients fairly without allowing age, illness, disability, religion, ethnicity, gender, nationality, politics, race, sexual orientation, social position, or any other characteristics to interfere with my duty, to practice medicine conscientiously, honorably, and according to accepted medical standards, to respect my teachers, colleagues, and students, and to share medical knowledge for the benefit of patients and the advancement of health care. We're almost done. To care for my own health and abilities so that I can provide the highest standard of care, never to use medical knowledge to violate human rights or civil liberties even under threat. I make these promises freely, solemnly, and upon my honor. That's the updated Hippocratic Oath.
The Hippocratic Oath, read aloud13:32
It's not the original one. The original one, like, talks about Apollo and everything. It's pretty interesting. But I'm not seeing that happening here.
No. They should have read that you should have read that to all my dad's doctors.
Yeah. Maybe they also have to listen to that when they get in in the morning.
Like Yeah.
Can I make a podcast where doctors just get the Hippocratic Oath uploaded to them every day, and they they just have to find the way to work?
Which is the same thing over and over.
It's every day. It's the same episode. Yeah. I'll read it in different voices.
In different voices, you'll sing it one day.
Well Acoustic mix it, but I would let AI sing it. It's a much better singer than I am. Okay. I'm so sorry. So you just start with the day you got diagnosed.
What happens there?
So the day I got diagnosed about August, October 24, 2025. I'm sick. My dad's in the hospital, so I was gonna go see him. I when my dad was in the hospital, I seen him every day. I didn't want him to be alone.
Right? That was the main thing.
Yeah.
You don't want him to be alone in there because it's scary in there. You know? I was in the hospital before then. You know, I had kidney stones, you know, and stuff like that. And it wasn't it it was, like, you know, what it is, but I was in the bed.
I thought maybe it could have been kidney stone, but, you know, because I was urinating a lot. And it's like, I thought I had type two. That's the real thing. I thought I had type two because I'd be urinating a lot because my dad did. Right?
Okay. Right? He did stuff like that. And so I'm like, okay. Maybe I got type two.
I was fearing that. You know? And there was a fear component in there of, like, you don't wanna be diagnosed with something and stuff like that. And I'm like, so I'm slain in bed, sick. I was, like, throwing up almost a little bit more often than usual.
And my mom's like, I'm going to go see your father at the hospital. And I'm like, wait for me. Wait. And I couldn't get out of bed. Like, wait for me.
And she's like, no. I'm going to go see. She goes see sees him in there. I'm making, like, soup for myself because I'm thinking, you know, maybe broth would help me or something. Maybe I got some flu or whatever.
You know?
Screw up
the candles.
I hear you.
Yeah. You know? I started to think the HIV doctor was right thinking I might have HIV when I never had anything like that before. You know, you start getting, like, hypercritical of, like, what happened. You start looking things up.
You start, like, getting, like, oh, no. You know, you're spiraling out of control. And so then my mom's like she comes back after about a couple hours, and she says, I'm gonna take you to the hospital. I said, no. I don't wanna go to the hospital.
I think I can get back.
I was just at the hospital, and those people look better than you. So Yeah. Yeah.
She goes she goes, you know, you're gone. You know? You don't look right. And I'm like, you know what? I think I look okay as I'm doubled over, you know, crawling on the floor to, you know, the bathroom.
Yeah. And so he goes, I'm taking you over there. I'm like, okay. Fine. You can take me over there.
So she took me to the same hospital my dad was at, which, you know, it's interesting. I was on I was under I was on on the floor below him when they finally admitted me, but I finally got in. I was you know, I threw up on the roadside as we were driving there. But I got there. I felt a little better.
And I'm telling the I'm telling the who was it? The intake nurse, like, everything that's going on. She goes, okay. Don't worry about it. At this point, I was, like, almost hyperventilating, breathing rapidly, really tired, but couldn't go to sleep.
And laying on the the ER on one of the intensive care rooms, they start taking my shirt off and everything. I'm like, I I don't know if I can do this. And she goes, no. Just breathe. It's okay.
We just need to take a little blood. We just need to do a few things. So they were nice there. The ER nurse said the ER doctor came in. He goes, well, he goes, I think you have type one diabetes.
I go, what? And he goes he goes, good luck with that. He goes, we're gonna we're going to meet you into the hospital now. He goes, but we're gonna have to take you to the intensive care unit. He goes, because your heart doesn't look right.
I'm like, oh.
Good luck with that, but you gotta go to intensive care now because your heart doesn't look right.
Yes.
Should I read the oath again or no. Also, you're now in a situation where you're like, oh god. Magic Johnson's gonna do better than me. And yeah. Yeah.
Right. Because at least oh my goodness. Steven, was your heart okay?
Yeah. It was okay. Okay. Was just that the the my potassium levels were so low that it didn't look right. And, you know, I was breathing so rapidly.
So they had to keep me in intensive care for, like, two days just to make sure that I was okay enough. They still couldn't get my, potassium level level up by the time I stayed there. I think I was there a week and a half.
Okay.
My dad was there longer.
A week and a half. But, yeah, but a week and a half's a long time. You pretty I mean, what was your blood sugar? Seven, eight hundred?
My blood sugar then was about, I think, 435.
Oh, okay.
So it wasn't that bad, but it was, like, it was higher when the guy called me and said I had HIV. It was, like, 600 and something. You know? Now it was like, you know, when they did it to me before, and it was like
You never call the HIV guy back and be like, hey. Not
not Yeah. I turned him in.
Did you?
Yeah. I did. Because I'm like, you you were wrong. And he goes, well, and I turned him into the board and everything, but I'm like, you were wrong. And the nurse was like and he's like he goes, well, at that point, he goes, that's what it looked like.
He goes he goes, I was basing it on you as well. I'm like, that doesn't make sense. I mean
Wait. Steven, is there anything about you, like, visually that makes me think risky behavior?
No. No? No. There's no I'm, like, the least risk averse person in life. Okay.
Like, I don't not that I you know, that stuff is not you know? It's personally not for me. That's what it is. I'm like, I just So
it's drugs, track marks. You don't have door knocker sized nipple rings that I can see through your shirt. Like, there's nothing about nothing.
Nothing. Nothing. My brother has a tattoo. That's how risk, you know, risky he does stuff. I don't do that.
It's bugs funny. Yes. Oh, no kidding. Well, I'm glad I mean, I hopefully, somebody I I bet you didn't change anybody's mind.
No. I didn't.
Yeah. But but okay. What do you do next? Now you have type one diabetes. Your father's in the hospital.
Is your is your father in a dire situation, do you think?
Not at that point. He was just going in and out of the hospital because of the infection on his hip for the mold that they never really did. And so then they had to, like, say, oh, we're gonna have to re revise his hip procedure again. And so I think he had two hip procedures that were revised. And so that started in, like, 2022.
So it was, like, a four year journey. And then he died 03/28/2025. And so it was it was up to a point where, like he was getting progressively a little bit worse every time, but then he had to get it revised again at the end of twenty twenty five. And while that was okay, he did it. He made it through the procedure and everything, and it was fine.
It was just he couldn't, like, breathe. Right? So they had to intubate him and everything else. And he was still going good, and he lasted still longer, all the way until March. But they had to intubate him because he his breathing, he couldn't do it on his own.
That's what they said.
Choose a doctor the way you choose a contractor for your home. Like, go over to somebody else's house and kick the tires a little bit. Make sure everything looks right. Yeah. You'll find a guy that did a hip for your buddy and, like, really, like, make him run.
Go ahead. Run.
Yeah.
You wanna see what'll work. It just woah. My goodness. I'm so sorry. That's terrible.
Yeah. Well, what what's life start out like with type one? Do they I mean, I'm now I'm worried they gave you, like, you know, regular an Miles per hour or something. Well, how did they start you off?
A pamphlet and a fanny pack21:40
They gave me they gave me the pens, and they gave me a pamphlet that said, now you have type one diabetes.
Is that what it says in the front? Yes. Wow. That's uplifting.
Yeah. She comes in. The doctor comes in, leans against the leans against the doorframe with her fanny pack on. She goes, so you have type one diabetes. And I go, yes?
And he go she said, well, that's gonna be something. She goes, here's this pamphlet. And that was it. Gonna be something? Yeah.
Steven, I'm gonna take everything you say today and turn it into a song and remake the Hippocratic Oath. It'll be an anti Hippocratic Oath. Okay. So you have type one diabetes. That'll be something.
That's how it's gonna start. I don't know where it goes from there. My god. So do you feel dejected when that happens? Like, what's the feeling
I felt alone. I mean, there's no one really in my family or anything that I know that had anything like that. Yeah. Right? You know, you like, you always ask on the podcast, like, do you have any familiar history with anything of, like, you know, any any type of, like, autoimmune disease?
Nothing that I could see. Right? My father had type two. I can assume maybe someone in his family had some type of, you know, type two or something, but I don't know because his all of his brothers he had seven brothers. All of them died early earlier than him.
He died, 77. They all died earlier than him with risky behaviors of of drinking and stuff like that. Right? And so there's one brother, Jack, who we don't know if he's still alive or not. We just don't know.
That's the kind of life I wish I led, Steven. The kind of life where people who know me and relate to me are like, we don't know if Scott's alive or not. That that It's a
good one.
Yeah. It's a better like, I'm I'm very predictable. You'd like, oh, Scott's alive. He's upstairs working. And so no.
No. No. I might want that. Alright. I'm gonna think about that.
I'm sorry. So other than uncle Jack, we're everyone's dead, but before your father.
His his his father died due to an accident with fire. His mother died when he was in in the combat, I think, Vietnam War. She died. She fell down the stairs, but then she got pneumonia in the hospital. Oh, she
wasn't in the war. She fell during the war.
Okay. She fell during that while my dad was overseas in Okinawa for the Vietnam War.
Because I was like, what terrible luck to be the only female drafted into the Vietnam War and then die on a staircase. So she fell on what do you mean? Drinky drinky? Is that what you're saying?
No. I think we don't know. They my my grandfather and and my grandmother divorced or seemingly just lived apart. And so she was living, I think, with someone else. I we don't know.
He my father didn't know. My father doesn't technically so I mean, he's dead now, but, we don't know where she's buried even. So she we know she's buried somewhere around here. We think we got a plot, but we don't know any of the stuff. He by the time he came home, his family didn't share anything with it.
What if she's alive with Jack somewhere?
She you know what? She could be. If they're all fake.
What if they're in Cuba trying to overtake the government together?
Hey. It's the best way to
do it. I mean, from the inside. Yeah. That's how you do it. Yeah.
Yeah. No. My god, Steven. How come you're so normal? It it was it, like, just so crazy around you that you went the other direction?
Yeah. That and probably I watched TV too much, so I didn't really care about what everything else was going on.
I gotta be honest with you. I'd I'd go out and cause trouble, but have you seen the a team? Fantastic.
That's the best show.
I have a vibe for you. I I I didn't pick the a team by mistake, Steven. Don't worry. And so okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay. So you start off with Penns and feeling alone.
Yeah.
And then that's not that long ago, less than two years ago. Yep. I think it's important to remember as you're hearing the story that it wasn't 1976 that he's telling the story from. It's 2024 in a major metropolitan area.
Mhmm.
Yeah. I wanna thank all of you terrible, terrible medical people for making my podcast so popular. Thank you so very much. I used to worry about buying ads. Now I realize you're taking care of it.
So my goodness. Alright. Well, what what do you figure out? I mean, because are you doing okay now, or are you struggling?
A 5.6, and a doctor who wants it higher26:06
No. I'm doing fine. I have a a one c of a 5.6. I just went to the doctor at 9AM this morning before the this recording. So I'm doing fine.
She says it's a little low, and she wants me to be a little higher. But I'm like, I'm good where it is. You you your doctor wants you
to raise your a one c from 5.6 to something else? Did she mention why she might want it higher?
She wants me in a in a safer range.
And is why would this be unsafe?
She says I have too many lows.
What what does that mean?
I have too many low the lower I have to turn the low alarm off on myself because it it just bothers me. So
What's your low alarm set at?
I set it at it's it goes right below when I, about 70, and so I can't I don't think I can go any lower than that. And so then I'll I'll get to about 68 or something. But I think from any of that stuff that from what I figured with this year, year and a half, almost two years, t one d, it's it's I'm still producing insulin. I I'm pretty sure of that.
That's
the only I honeymoon period or whatever, I'm still doing it. They're gonna test the next time to see if I actually am. But I do know it's like, I'll throw food in my mouth. And five minutes later, if I'm, like like let's say if I'm, like, 82 and I'm like I drove home. I'm 82.
I just throw some food in my mouth, some, some few nuts in my mouth, and then I go, and I'm, like, making dinner.
Mhmm.
I'll the alarm starts going off within five minutes that I oh, you're trending downwards. You're going down. And it's like, no. I'm I'm Because you have man
made insulin on board, and you think your body is addressing the
It's producing something else. And so then it's like, well, there's no insulin on board. Or there if it is, it's very few. It's like, it's already trending downwards. I see.
I wonder how many times
we say. I don't know. I that's a thing.
Alright. No. No. I wonder how many times we could say nuts in your mouth before we're done with this.
What was the episode title?
Cup long. You know? I would do it. Hippocratic nuts maybe is what we'll put on this one. You you okay.
So you think you're honeymooning still, but 5.6, but you're not get but you're not getting much lower than 70? It's not like you're running around with 80 or 80.
There's a few times that I'll get to maybe, like, 55, 56. Yeah. There's few times because you
have type one diabetes. That's that's gonna happen to people. Right.
But nothing. I'll get to about 68, and then I'll maybe I'll eat something, like, substantial enough that it'll it'll go up a little higher and then slowly get to a normal ish level. But
And so with no real frequency, do you find yourself in the fifties? No. Yeah. I I think your doctor might be, what they call wrong. But I'm not a physician, and I I certainly, nothing you hear on the Juice Box podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise.
Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. Now, why do you have a nice microphone?
I stream occasionally, and I'm on a podcast as well sometimes.
You're on a podcast? Yes. Do you wanna say which one, or is it nothing you're proud of?
No. It's okay. It's the Toonami faithful podcast. We talk about Toonami stuff and anime and stuff like that. I just stream it at times, but then they ask me questions.
Well, what do you think about this episode? And I tell them, I liked it. And then I almost mute myself, and
that's about it.
It's like I because I'm the one with the streaming capabilities, you know, that can stream it live. You know, instead of just doing an audio podcast, I stream it for a video so they can get it in and stuff. Like, hey. Let's leave you Steve. He can do that stuff.
I'm like, okay.
Oh, very I see what you're saying. I I got you. You're the you're the you're the mule that pulls the horse, that pulls the
cart, the baseball thing. But I'll I also do social media for him as well. And he's like, oh, okay. I can do two things.
Is that a job or a fun thing?
That's a fun thing. I do have a freelance job doing just social media as well. But then my actual job, I do entertainment. I help run an entertainment place for kids and everything. And so it's kinda like a glorified Chuck E.
Cheese, a little elevated that school groups come in. So I'm a groups and schools coordinator. And so then I manage all schools and groups that come in to do semi educational stuff over at our place.
Glorified Chuck E. Cheese means you clean the ball pit?
Yes. At times.
For at times. Not every day, Scott.
No. Not every day.
Just the Only when
I find it disgusting and no one else wants to do anything.
When I look at it and go, we should do something.
Yeah. We should do something. You know, the head from the the head from corporate's coming over here. We should do something.
Why is that diaper still there? Yeah. Yeah. No. I gotcha.
Oh, it's interesting. So you do a little bit of a couple of different things.
Yeah. I do a couple of different things. I'm still trying to find who I am in life, and then type one didn't make it easier. It just made me more like, oh, hey. Now you got this to throw into the mix.
Yeah. And, yeah, I guess you're not interested in overthrowing the Cuban government with your uncle, then
Not yet. Maybe the world, but not yet anything else.
Just start. I'm gonna start bigger, Scott. Yeah. Forget the islands. Okay.
From the pamphlet to figuring it out31:00
So you're you feel like you're doing okay, but how did you go from the pamphlet to doing this well?
The podcast and the Internet and, a few things on AI.
No kidding.
Yeah. Because I had I had no idea. As soon as I got in the hospital and I found out IIT, I literally looked everything up that I could find about it. Yeah. And I found your podcast.
I found everything, and I just digest all the information that I could because that's the person I am. Right? I find something that I not wanna tackle it, but I need to know everything about it. And so then because most of the time, when people say stuff to me about it or, like, doctors say stuff, I can counter it. I don't have to be one one upping them, but I can counter it and say, well, wait a minute.
This says this. You know, this says that. I can figure it out and tell it to them. Yeah. And they're like, look at me like, hey.
You should be a doctor.
Oh, boy. I just said something about this the other day. I find that more and more upsetting, that idea of in a year, you're gonna know more about this than I do. I I I I know that it's meant to be like it's probably a a twofold thing. It's probably a little bit of like, hey.
Listen. There's a lot of, like, personal experience that goes into type one diabetes management. So a year from now, you're gonna know more about this than I do. That I I appreciate. I also appreciate that what they're trying to say is that, you know, don't worry.
You're gonna get really good at this really fast. Even that I find supportive. It's okay. What I don't like is the idea that the doctor hears that and goes, so that's fine. Like, why don't you go learn, like, more about it too?
How come what why am I knowing more about this than you are? If I can learn it, couldn't you learn it? Like, how about a year from now we both know the equal amount and we keep learning together and you keep sharing that with other people who are diagnosed? I don't I don't understand how people think, I guess, is what I'm saying.
Yeah. I I, they're humans, and they do human stuff. And so that's how I equate it, but I they should know I mean, I granted the human mind can only know so much. Right? They have all this stuff, and they have to cram it all in this short amount of time to understand this stuff.
And we, as humans, put their our trust in people with, you know, white lab coats and and, you know, letters next to their names and ever all this stuff. And so
You figured
it out.
Steven, you're a you're a social media guy who sometimes says four words on a it's not tsunami. It's say say it for me.
Toonami. So toon, t o o n a m I. So Toonami. So it's a mixture of Toon and Tsunami. A tsunami of cartoons.
So it used to be on, Cartoon Network, then it died for a bit, and then they brought it back on Cartoon Network sister sister, channel, Adult Swim. So now they can air more kind of, like, not graphic or but, you know, they can raise the age limit on, like, what they show on there.
I thought this was a send up on how George Takei says tsunami. No. But you know that reference. Right?
Yeah. No. I get that. Yeah.
Yeah. You have to know that reference if you're on the if you're on that podcast. I a 100% thought that. I thought this was gonna be is it Takai or Takai? I believe it's Sakai.
Okay. Well, one way or the other, I thought this was gonna be an entire podcast about him pronouncing different words oddly. And I'm I'm I'm not as interested now that it's about cartoons.
Yeah. It's okay. Most people aren't
except the people who are like it. Wait. But somebody should just really do a podcast with him just mispronouncing words. Also, there's that great there's that great clip of William Shatner, who, by the way, is is he is William Shatner a 100 years old by now?
I think he's almost, like, 99 or he's getting close to it.
Right. Right. Right.
He's going, man.
That's really something. It's this old clip of him recording something for Star Trek. Right? And he's he's he's doing line reads, and he goes, Spock, sabotage the system. And then he says it a couple of times, and then you hear this this voice comes in, like, over, like, you know, over a radio or a loudspeaker on the set.
And he goes, Bill, you're saying sabotage. It's sabotage. And Bill gets real pompous, and he goes, you say sabotage. I say sabotage. And it's just it's, like, such a great clip.
Anyway, there's my Star Trek stuff for nothing. It's not I don't know a damn thing about the show, but I know stuff about that stuff. So you go online. You figure stuff out. Obviously, you find the podcast because my SEO is second to none.
And then after that, you use a little bit of AI. Tell me how you used AI.
So I basically I wasn't the best best in math, Scott. Okay. Me either. Yeah. So I it's like even figuring stuff out with calculators.
You're asking someone who, like, couldn't even do algebra to now do calculus. It's, you know, it's a whole whole thing. And so I'm like, ugh. And so then I asked AI. Like, because I didn't have that much, you know, understanding of anything, and everything online was either focused towards kids or focused towards type two.
Yeah.
And I'm like, I'm in the middle, and they're like, oh, you know, it's like, oh, you got a lotta. Oh, you got this. Oh, you got that. And I'm like, I don't know. Yeah.
I mean
Not only don't I know, but my doctors clearly don't know.
So No. Yeah. You know, they looked at me. They're pumping me still every day. You know, I was in the hospital with potassium.
You know, my arm burned like cold heat. It was like it was literally cold, but on fire at the same time. And the the doctor said, we're gonna pump you with it the last time, give you a turkey sandwich, and let you go. Your blood panel's fine. And he because every time I they gave it to me, next day they tested, I was low again.
And they're like, we need to get this guy out of here.
How was the turkey sandwich?
It was bad.
Yeah. I bet. Slimy or just felt old?
It it no. It didn't feel old. Okay. It was just it was dry. It was like you're stuffing your mouth with sand.
It was like, why are you even putting that on the sandwich? Just give me the turkey itself.
I'm sorry. Hospital food is ridiculous.
Yeah. And then every time they gave me this thing, oh, your blood sugar's high. I'm like, it doesn't may you're giving me bread. And I'm saying that's how many carbs is that, and then you're how much carbs are you gonna eat? And I said, the you know, figure out the doses.
Oh, you don't need to do that, honey. We'll shoot you up afterwards.
The psychologist they called on him37:26
Unbelievable. Everybody's an idiot. I just wanna say that.
I called Yeah. Scott, I called the nutritionist that when I was got transferred to the regular room and because my blood sugar went up to a higher level that I didn't want to. It went up to, like, two forty two because they gave me breakfast of eggs and pancakes and all this stuff. And the only thing on there was the the low, sugar, syrup. And I'm like, what's that going to do?
Oh, they're gonna, you know, hold the syrup for me and give me a, a sugar free Gatorade, but the pancake's, you know, gonna do it. So I ate the whole thing. I told him I called the nutritionist up, and she's like, oh, yeah. We need to do a better job on that. Thank you for telling us.
I said, you need to have carb counts on that menu. She goes, yeah. We don't do that. It's all calculated by a computer. You don't need to worry about that.
Yes. I do need to worry about that. And she goes, no. You're too you're too neurotic on that stuff. I'm gonna call the psychologist for you to come in and talk to you.
You got a psychologist called on you for not wanting your blood sugar to go to two forty?
Yes.
Everybody should be ashamed. Everybody except for George Takei Takei Yes. And and and Shatner. Because Shatner stuck to what he believed. Mhmm.
Yeah. He said, I say sabotage. You say sabotage.
I was sabotage.
You got sabotage. You got a psychologist called on you by another health care professional for saying I don't want my blood sugar to go to two forty. Yeah. That's malpractice.
Mhmm.
I don't know legally if it is, but it is ethically.
Yeah. And so they called the psychologist, and she started talking to me. And then I convinced her that I was right, and she went to them, and she told them that. And then there was a fight, apparently, for I heard from the nurses. She said, oh, you got them in trouble this time, Steven.
Wait. You got the nurses in trouble?
No. I got the, nutrition person in trouble because the psychologist cited on my side.
Good.
And so then I didn't hear back from any of them, and they started switching my zero sugar Gatorade to full sugar Gatorade. And I'm like, no, please. And they said, no. We can't do that. Sorry.
And they hung up on me on the phone.
They wouldn't give you a a low sugar Gatorade?
Yeah. They wouldn't give me so I went I I I got got up with the with, usually, they would have me do it in the morning. My potassium dripped. I got up, tied the gown around me, walked down the hallway with the IV thing that you're carrying your IV on. IV thing.
That's correct. Wendy yeah. Yeah. Whatever it's called. And then went to the vending machine and got me a searware sugar Gatorade and walked back.
I don't know even know what to say about all this. This is in the last two years.
Yes.
We we know better.
Mhmm.
And even if you don't know better, the the box knows everything now.
Yeah.
You know? So when so we you I feel like you were getting ready to say earlier that are you using AI to, like, give it long descriptions of what's happened to you because you don't even know what to tell it you need?
Filling the gap with AI40:36
Yeah. So I was in the beginning. I would find out the carbs. I would find everything out. It would kind of, like, give me this generalized thing of, like, hey.
This is how much you're gonna dose with your pen. This is how much you're gonna do it. You know? It would be wrong at times, but most of it with the number it was right, I would always double check it. And so then it got to the point where it was like, you know what?
I think I can do this on my own. Right? It it I ate the same variety of things that I knew it, and I got to the point where I didn't need AI that that much for that stuff. And, you know, and I get it. I'm I don't trust AI that much with anything.
You know? I'm more of a creative person. I can do the stuff myself. But with stuff like that, with a lot of data to ingest, with a lot of stuff, it did help me. It's like it's something better than nothing.
And since I'm I wouldn't say I'm isolated from people who have die type one diabetes. I have no one around me. I mean, the only person that I know that has it is my and I don't even know if they have it. My sister's boyfriend's stepfather, and I have never met that guy. I just met her boyfriend, like, on my dad's funeral.
Okay.
That was it. So I don't know anyone who has any of that stuff. I have my siblings, you know, who say, oh, they think it's all type two or they think I'm lying. One of the two. So it's like it's like, oh, give me the book of type two stuff.
And it's like, oh, yep. You got what dad had. Sorry.
Trust no one. You're all on your own.
Please remember that. Basically, it's that. Yes. It it's it's you know, you can only trust who as much as you can throw someone, and I can't throw anyone that far.
I I've got your back, people. But other than that, you everything's dicey after that. Just I I used to say it like this. I used to go, think of all the people you know. Would you trust them with this?
And then you you no. I don't really know anybody I would trust with this. Extend that to your doctors. Extend that to everybody in your life. You know?
As you you're you're going through a major medical situation, you try to share it with your family, they go, you're lying, or that's not right, or just what
is it? Oh, he's the baby of the family. You know? He just wants attention.
Oh, he wants attention. You got type one diabetes for attention reasons.
True. Yeah. That that's that's the test I wanted to pass. You know?
If I get a magic wand and I could make a wish, I'd give you I'll lie to you about twenty, twenty five more IQ points. I think that's what I would do. I don't wanna sound pompous, but I am. And on this specific thing, it is really upsetting to be connected to people who can't functionally think their way out of a paper bag. It's just re it's really it it draws your life down, and it's so hard to go meet more intelligent people like minded or just kind enough to just support you and shut their mouth if they don't know any better.
It really is sad. I mean, we have all these people, but I don't know. How do we figure out who's who? What I'm trying because I I I could waste time with a with a friend or a you know what I mean? Like, I I you're making me upset, Steven.
I'm
No. No. It's do too.
That a lot.
I swear to god it's making me upset. Like, how can you not just trip out into the world and find a couple reasonable people to talk to? You know what I mean?
They're out there. I mean, I I see kids at work, that do have it, but it that's even rare for the kids that come in because so we host kids in there for, like, educational stuff, but they also do could have a lunch. Right? And it's a cheese pizza and and a juice. Mhmm.
And so we we get that. And so some of the times, we'll have a teacher that'll email, hey. This kid has type one diabetes. Could you you know, just to make sure if we have any information, I can send it through. That's rare.
I from everything that I do with and I deal with tons of kids coming in. That's very rare. I see more people with, like, Dexcoms on them, but the gray Stella ones than anything else.
And no one's asking about carb counts or anything like that?
No. No one's asking about anything. They're eating what they want. And I'm like, I don't really care. I mean, I eat a certain way, maybe not lower carb or carb conscious at times, you know, because it just works better for me.
I like that range of what I feel. Mhmm. And, I mean, I have problems that I'm trying to figure out with eating and everything, but that's stuff that I need to work out on myself.
What do you mean?
I'm I used to be really into food. Right? I used to love food. I wanted to be a chef. I know how to cook.
I know to do stuff, and now I'm afraid of food. Like, to the point of, like, I almost panic when I see things. And if it's not the usual way of how I prepare it, right, I lose that control when I would go out to eat or anything. And so then I bring scales to restaurants, and my family's like, hey. You know what?
You might wanna stay home next time.
Listen. I wanna be clear. I'd make fun of you about the scale of the restaurant.
Yeah. I know. I would too. Yeah.
Yeah. But talk about the the being afraid of food because I listen. I've said this on the podcast in the past. I I don't know if I'll I'll I'll say it again because I really think it fits here. I I was once at the dentist's office where I just peed a couple of times during, a three hour procedure.
And the and the dentist says to me, hey. Have you ever been tested for type two diabetes? You used the bathroom three times while you were here. I And was like, I drank a giant thing of water before I came. Like, that's bad on me.
And I listen. If anybody in the world understands what diabetes is, I gotta be one of them. And I don't have diabetes. I I I know I don't. Right?
But he just put it in my head. And when I went home, I couldn't bring myself to eat. Mhmm. Just like that. It was it was impossible for me to, like, have lunch.
I thought, what if it makes my blood sugar go up? I don't have anything here to help myself with that. Like, I'm not gonna start using art and stuff. I don't know that I have I my blood sugar seems okay. I tested my blood sugar.
It was okay, but I still called a doctor. I got a, you know, I was like, I I need a full physical. It's possible this might be happening, blah blah blah. I get there. The guy looks at me and goes, you don't have diabetes.
And I was like, oh, because he you know? And then he put his fingers in my ass. And so and I was like, why did this happen? And he's like, oh, it's it's it's so physically, you gotta get your prostate checked. And I was like, I I just wonder so my dentist got me violated.
That's the first thing I wanna say. And secondly, I could not bring myself to eat for days. I was super low carb, staying away from food. I had that exact feeling you were talking about for and for no reason. I didn't actually have a diagnosis.
So I have a lot of compassion for how you feel about that.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah. Now having said that, we gotta get done. You know what I mean?
Yeah. I know. I I I have to work on it and get better and incorporate more things in my food regimen to get that because
Neil, what do you think is gonna help you?
I don't know. That's I think I just have to experiment more. If I can experiment more on my body because now I'm a science experiment. You know? I can I can test things on me?
If I can add more things in, then I'll get better at that. Because I used to love food. Scott, I still watch YouTube shorts and YouTube videos of people eating food. I mean, it's cool, you know, to me to watch that stuff because it's like, oh, look at all this cool food you can have. But then I get reminded, I have type one diabetes.
This stuff is gonna impact me some other stuff. Right? It's gonna impact me in another way. I go to a grocery store, and I feel depressed when I didn't used to feel depressed going in there.
Yeah. So Well, I mean, what so what
hard, but
Are you having trouble covering these things with insulin because of the honeymoon, because of not understanding the makeup of the food or its impact? What do you think is get yeah.
It's not any of that stuff.
It's in
your head. It's in my head because I can cover my food. I know how to do it. I you know, with AI, with everything else, I can figure out and train and everything else and looking at all these apps and, you know, the nutrition labels and everything. I can do that.
It's just my own physical wall that I put in myself that's saying, hey. If you go over a certain level and stay high, then you'll end up like your dad or you'll end up dead or you'll end up, you know Yeah. With some type of complication that I can't figure out later in life. Because I had one doctor that tell told me this is the first doctor I went to. I switched three doctors.
First endo that told me, she goes, Steven, you're if you get above a certain level, you're burning your life at both ends of the candle. And I go, what do you mean by that? She said, if you enjoy your life and eat whatever you want, she goes, complications will come. And even if you take care of it, they will come. But if you don't do anything, you can be perfect.
You're gonna have a miserable life, but you probably will not have any not have any bad outcomes. But she goes, your mental health and your and the everything surrounding it, your societal, everything will fail on that side. And I said, well, I need to find that balance. She goes, no. You need to pick one and stay that route.
Why are people so black and white? I don't I don't know why people can't think of the gray at all. You know what I mean? Like, what an odd thing to say to somebody. I'm I'm very upset for you.
Again, should
I've been upset for myself as well,
but yeah. Yeah. Chicago, Illinois. Right? I'm thinking of the right place.
Yeah. That's the same place. I mean, city building, tall buildings.
Obama, all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That I'm thinking of the right place. The bear the bears, all that.
Yeah. Yeah. The bears, they might move to Indiana, but it could still could be the Chicago bears, stuff like that. Yeah.
My goodness. That's crazy. I I I don't can we I really wanna understand why people can't, like, hold two things at the same time as a possibility. It's either this or that. Every time.
You say something out loud, somebody just picks the opposite of it and yells it back at you.
Yeah. It's it's been it's a thing that I've seen in social media trends as well. Well, what about me? Well, what about me? Well, you know, you see it in comments of, like, YouTube videos.
I you know, someone made a salad for people who are anemic, right, to get more iron in it. Well, what about me? I can't have that. Well, I can't have that. Well, what about this salad?
What if you take this out? Or someone was saying, hey. If you have the anxiety, you know, eat some sour candy. Well, no. I can't do that.
I have diabetes. You know? There's what about me in the social media stuff? I've seen it with anime. Oh, subbed and dubs.
Right? Subbed anime is better because it's the person's it's the actual language. Well, dub anime is people talking, you know, over dubbing over someone else's in their, in the language that you're hearing that you wanna hear it from. Oh, that one's preferably better because there's better actors in that one. And it and it swings it it the pendulum swings, but it never stays in the middle.
People are swinging at the edges, and it it's scary and strange. And you don't get the proper information, and you have to decide everything yourself. And you're looking at it like, you know, with diabetes, and I'm looking at it like, am I gonna kill myself today? I don't think so. I'm not dead yet.
But
There's a a post in my Facebook group the other day. Somebody just asked about, like, the definition of tube. Like, I forget it was, like, MDI and something else, DKA, maybe. I don't know. Obviously, a newly diagnosed person.
And they get back what I'm gonna tell you is overwhelmingly, 95% thoughtful responses, you know, uplifting, comforting, like, community oriented responses. One person hits them with the, like, you know, you could do a search, one of those things, or when try looking it up, do a little work. You know what I mean? Like like, that attitude. Yeah.
Another person says something similar. Inside of, I don't know, the first eight hours it's up, I see those posts. I pull them down, and I I send a note to the people. Was like, hey. Look.
You know, first of all, we want them to ask questions. You you know, you know, a community online where nobody asks questions and they just search the the the board, that's not a community. That's an encyclopedia. We don't want that. We want people talking.
And and also be nice. Like, asking someone online is doing work. Like, for them, they had to reach out and ask somebody just because it didn't happen the way you want to. Anyway, I'm a very thoughtful person when I when I do the business of that. What happens next is fascinating.
A larger portion of people than you would imagine are offended for the person who wrote the post and start acting like every response is being mean to them. Mhmm. I don't know why all these responses are so mean. And I read that, I go, two. There were two.
Like, there were two. There was 73 responses in here. Two of them were mean. How was that your takeaway by what happened? How did you find yourself able to go, I don't know why all of these responses are so mean?
I you could say, I'm I'm you know, it's really great to see that only two people, you know, weren't helpful. I hope you can ignore them. Meanwhile, who wouldn't ignore them? They're they're the noise in the in the return. Right?
Like, they're it's but that's but I'm gonna tell you 10 people are like, oh, I don't know why everybody's being so mean. And when I see that, I wanna respond to them and say, hey. Go see a therapist. Something happened to you. You're not aware of it.
You know? If that's what you took from this giant pile of support this person got, something's wrong with what you're looking at. You're you're looking through fuzzy glasses somehow, and I don't know why. But and find a therapist that told Steven that it was okay for him to be upset at his blood sugar being two forty because otherwise, you might end up with something terrible. I don't
know. Why
don't you go find that person and talk to them about their topic?
Because they're they don't cover that under my insurance.
Then insurance.
Yeah. And so and so that person was only a inpatient, psychologist. And so the outpatient one wouldn't be covered under that. And so it's like it was anyway, it was, like, about 15 miles away at
that hospital. Pretend you wanna date her, and just go back and forth and ask her questions about your psychology.
Yeah.
Yeah. And then at the end, go, hey. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to catfish you like this.
Sorry about that.
I just needed free health care.
I just needed free health care. Yeah. Works out.
I wonder how many people are dating a doctor just for the free health care.
Oh, you know there had to be a few of them. It's gotta be. They're out there.
Yeah. I mean or to get your car fixed.
Or Yeah. Yeah. Does the mechanic hey, honey. Can you fix my car? Yeah.
I don't like her, but she keeps the house nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Comes in all oily, but it's fine.
I'm gonna say it again. Trust no one. You're on your own. But find a few close people and consider them your group. Yeah.
You can do it. Steven, what did you wanna come on the podcast for? I didn't even look at the lights.
Just I just wanted to talk to my talk about my dad because my dad, he died. So I'm I'm still not struggling with that, but, you know, I came to terms with it. But it was just a longer road and then trying to find who I am in life. I still don't know who I am at 38 years old, and then now I got type one on top of that. And and and I get it.
He's like, hey. Oh, you can be diabetics wrong And all the, you know, emails are coming in. They're signing up to get all the free stuff because I'm cheap, and so I sign up to get all the free stuff. It's like, yay. Cool.
You're diabetics wrong. It's like, this is the one thing I didn't want to be, but now I'm that. Now I have to find out who I am in life. And that was a struggle before I was diabetic. Right?
This was a struggle like Well, what is who I am?
What does that mean who do you think you are? Who do you wanna be?
I don't don't know. I wanna be someone who's kind and thoughtful, and I know I'm that stuff. But I wanna be someone, like I don't know. It's not that I don't wanna be famous or I I don't know. That's what I'm searching for of who am I?
Who am I in life? Who am I? Am I a mixture of all these things or everything that I ever tried? Because I can do magic. I can I I I I wrote about video games before?
Like, I as a video game journalist, I studied to be a journalist.
Mhmm.
I studied communication. I did television production. I I do all the wide variety of things. I'm a jack of all trades, but a master of none.
What'd you say? You wanna be you it's not that you don't wanna be famous. Do you would you are you looking for people to know who you are?
I guess, in a small part, I am. It's like, I I I just maybe they'll notice me because I feel like I was bullied in life. And so, like, all the way growing up through life, and I feel like that every time that I did something, I would get bullied for that. Right? Or I would I would get picked on for that.
And I'm like, maybe if I'm better and someone could see that.
Oh, did I mean to cut you off? By your family?
No. No. By school kids.
By school kids.
I mean, the family was fine. I mean, I grew up you know, everyone so my family my mom and dad, they had kids and everything. And so they had three kids before me. And then I came in and, you know, I had kids call me at school. Oh, you were the oops, baby.
You know? And my mom said no. My dad would just fly me in blanks the whole time. Mhmm. Yeah.
Yeah. But, you know, I I don't I don't know, Scott. I mean, I was bullied in school, and twelve years of getting bullied in school doesn't do the best for your mental health and who you are in life. Teachers would pick on me. I didn't have you know?
I I I looked okay. I mean, I didn't, you know, look anything different.
Teachers picked on you?
Yeah. And it was like it was like, oh, he's slow. He can't pronounce the words correctly. He's this. And they are sure.
I got a speech impediment. I try to work on that every day. You know? I can do really good movie voices in the world. You know?
I can do stuff like that. You know? You know? I can go talk Snagglepuss. Oh, exit states left even.
You know? I can do stuff like that, and and I wanna be someone different than myself. And, you know, I gravitate towards things that I can be different. I can show that side of me without being Steven.
Well, is that who you are, though? Like, we if you wanna be somebody different than yourself, aren't you the person who can do all those things?
Yeah. But I don't I I'm still working it out that maybe I can be someone else that people look at and say, hey. This person's a good person. I don't know. So
Steven, you just spent an hour describing a bunch of people who you should have been able to count on that you can't count on. My question would be, why do you care what those people think?
I don't know. That's a good question.
What he’d tell someone newly diagnosed59:41
Well, that's a damn good question. But, like, do you see what I'm saying? Is that they Yeah. Yeah. If the if if we've I mean, you've you've literally told me about a dozen people you've intersected who have not been thoughtful in their in their words or their deeds, and we're worried what they think of us.
Why I I couldn't possibly care less what they think of me.
I guess I'm the person no. I get that. But I guess I'm the person that wants that validation, that wants that thing of, like, you know what? You're doing a good job in school. You're doing a good job in this.
And I did do that. I did do good in school. I did all that stuff. And
So there's the validation. You did well. Right? They gave you grades. You saw them?
Yeah. And but now after, you know, life is over and grades are done with, it's now I'm seeking more validation of, like, oh, he's doing good in life. Because I there are lots of things that I try, like video game streaming or, you know, doing all this stuff where it's like, it doesn't get as high as I want it to, right, where I think in my head it would be because I have all this stuff.
Possible, Steven. That shit's impossible.
Oh, yeah. No. I totally know that.
Yeah.
I know.
If I if I started a new podcast right now, it would fail. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I couldn't possibly do that, and I'm good at this, and people like it. And and you you oh, now I'm gonna get another thing where somebody says I'm obnoxious and never read you.
Just leave me alone. Okay? But, like, I I'm I'm measurably good at this. Okay? And if I shut this down and just restarted it under a different name and picked a different genre or something like that, I would probably fail because it's impossible.
Like, being a popular streamer, there's already someone doing that. It's like it's like when I it's like when my son was playing baseball when he's in little league, there was this really short kid. And our his parents were like, he's so good. He's gonna play in the league. And I was like, there's the league already has a short guy.
There's one short guy in the league at the time. It's Dustin Bedolla, then it's Jose Altuve. There's a there's there's one short guy. Okay? I think it's Corbin Carroll now.
Alright. Like, there's not a thousand of them. Someone's already got that job. You can't have that job. It's being done by somebody already.
And when someone streams, I don't know, Call of Duty, there's already that guy. You we all even know who he is, and I don't even watch Call of Duty streaming, and I know who the guy is. Right? He's the guy that goes to the islands and does the gambling and, like yeah.
He does all the stuff.
Yeah. You know who I mean. Do you care about Call of Duty streaming? No. No.
But you know who he is, and I know who he is because he's the guy. He got the job already.
Yeah.
Yeah. Charlize Theron is that person. We don't need another tall, sexy, vaguely, like, wispy white girl to act. We got one. It's done now.
Like, we don't Yeah. We don't need a second one.
She'll die one day. Checked.
Yeah. Well, she'll die one day. We'll bring in a different one. But, like, there can't be a thousand of them. And so what I'm hearing is you're a person who cares about your health.
You seem to care about the people around you. You're very concerned about your father. You took great care of your father and your mother, you know, to your own detriment. You're a good person. You're smart.
You figured out even though math wasn't your way. You figured out how to take care of your diabetes in short order to hardly took you any time. You've brushed off a thousand shitty people along the way. You're so you're strong. You're resilient.
Like, I don't know. Like, can you not self assess?
I can.
We'll
do that. And I I see that stuff, but there's still something in me that said you're not good enough or something. And that's something that I have to work out either with a psychologist or by myself.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know how to do that, but ignore that voice, man.
I'll try.
Yeah. I mean, you're you're a good guy. Sounds to me. Right?
Well, thank you. Yeah. I I mean, at least I think so. I mean, I'm still on this podcast. You didn't kick me off yet.
Well, I mean, even when you're describing the things you're like, I do all these things. I don't wanna be me, but you like the things that you're doing. That that that those that doesn't make sense.
I know.
It would be like if I said I I don't like who I am. I'm good at making a podcast, and I'm good at, I don't know, caring about other people, and I'm good I'm a good father and everything. But I don't wanna be me, but I just listed a bunch of things that I like about myself. Yeah. Alright.
What are we what are we gonna do about this? I don't feel good about getting off if I don't know a plan. I gotta have a plan.
Yeah. I know. I mean, I've been searching every day, and so I try new stuff every day. Try to I mean, the best way I can do it is take care of the diabetes. That's number one.
And go to work, pay the bills, and then try to get something done. I mean
That's all good stuff, man. Like, getting up and going to work is respectable.
Yeah. Yeah. And it's like I don't know. It's not that I don't have a fun time. It's not that I don't do anything.
It's just that
You're not doing the thing you wanna do.
I yeah. It's not doing the thing I wanna do.
Right? Steven, I don't know how tell this. I already got that job. Everybody everybody can't have that
I get it.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I it's my dad went to a rubber molding plant every day and fixed the machines when they broke down. I guarantee that's not what he wanted to do.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I but he didn't live in a time where you wondered about what you wanted to do. Mhmm. He just did it.
Yeah. So I say fake it till you make it.
Okay.
Tell yourself you're happy. Okay. Mean, I I tell myself I'm tall. It works all the time that I stand around short girls. I feel really tall.
It's perfect. Works fine. It absolutely works fine. The only time it gets messed up is at friends for life when that Gary guy walks by nine feet tall. I don't need that.
You know? And then one guy comes up and goes, hey. We could take a picture of my kid. I look up. The guy's seven feet tall if you're listening.
I mean, stop standing near me in a photograph. I smiled because I liked your kid. Alright? But, like, what do you gotta do to me here? Make me feel short?
It's terrible. I've been pretending I'm tall all day. Seriously, man. Like, I don't know the answer to this stuff, obviously. I just make a podcast.
But you've you've got all the pieces. I feel like you just need to look at them and see what they are and not stop acting like they aren't what they are.
Yeah. I know. I have I have everything in front of me. It's just putting the pieces together to see if they fit
Oh, they're together.
Where I want it.
You just gotta appreciate them.
I'm just taking a hammer and just hate hitting them.
That. Steven, you ever you see what I'm saying, though? Like, there's there's a I understand it. Like, don't get me wrong. Especially in this time where everyone's business is so right in front of you, it's it's not hard to realize, for example, that I've seen Tom Holland on 75,000 interviews in the last week and a half because he's Spider Man, and he's in that in the in the the Odyssey too.
Right? Mhmm. And so he's out doing and then I realized he's in New York. Now he's here. Now he's there.
Now he's here. He's on a private jet flying around the country with Matt Damon doing interviews. Mhmm. I could tell you. I bet you that would be fun.
Yeah. Yeah. But, again, they got that job already. And and I'm not less of a person because they have fame, but it is hard to look at them, I'm assuming, see them being famous, and think, well, I would like to do that. But that I mean, I don't know.
That's taken already by them.
It's taken. And so I have to figure out who am I.
Or or go devote your life to doing that and be ready to fail because they're just the ones that made it. There's prob for every I like Matt Damon a lot, actually. He's got a good way about him.
He's pretty good. He was good on the voyage of the meme with the other guy.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hear what you're saying. I I even just like him in interviews.
I think he's like a thoughtful measured person. This is not my point. My point is is that for Matt for Matt Damon to make it, I've got to guess that tens of thousands of other would be actors did not make it. Yep. And even when you hear him retell his story because, obviously, I heard a clip about the Odyssey the other day, this is where this is coming from.
But, like, when he says that he was offered a movie at some point and that had he taken it, he wouldn't have been in saving private Ryan. Ah. And then and then you could see, like, where all this stuff would have tumbled. So if he would have gotten the very thing that he wanted that day, all of the good stuff that came after likely would not have happened. And and to realize that everybody is on a path like that where you're making decisions or things are happening to you all day long and that one of those ping pong balls ends up Matt Damon, the rest of them still are people.
And they still have very valuable lives. And they, you know, have the ability to be happy or sad or fulfilled. It's up to them. Like, there's nothing stopping you but you at this point.
Yeah.
38
And I think that I think that's what it is. It's myself stopping me. Same with myself putting a wall up of getting afraid of food. Yeah. And that's what I have to stop.
Yeah. You you you you're you're likely the the only thing standing in your way. Mhmm. And most people listening, I don't know if the secret's out here on how the podcast works, but that's probably true for all of you too. And for me, for things I'm not getting accomplished, I'm the one not doing them.
Mhmm. Yeah. I don't know.
You have to look inward at yourself first and then see what you can do around you to change and affect that.
Yeah. Or do what they would have done in the seventies, Steven. Shut the hell up and do it. Yeah. No one cares how you feel.
Just go. And and, you know, there's some of that too. Like, I you don't think I get up some days? I'm like, oh, I don't wanna do this. And, you know, like and it's not I mean, the podcast isn't one of those things.
It's pretty pretty fun to do. But there's plenty of stuff that I do that I'm like, I don't wanna do this. And then you know what? You just do it. I I was I said, I'll I'll leave you with this, and then I'll let you wrap up.
But I said to Arden the other day, oh god. What the hell were we talking about? Oh, is that thought gonna completely leave my head? This is terrible. Arden and I were together.
We were talking about the I don't wanna do this. Oh my god, Steven. Say something while I figure out what I wanted to say.
Oh my god. It's dead air. Everyone talk.
I don't care about that. You just talk. Yeah. Tell people about the, about the podcast for a second that you
Oh, well, hey. You should watch, you should listen to the Juice Watch podcast. But if you wanna talk about the Toonami podcast, we talk about anime and stuff that's on Toonami. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Mhmm. But it it it's it's it's a fun podcast. We get in there. We're talking about anime. Currently, that's on the Toonami.
That's on Adult Swim. We have my adventure with Superman, really cool Superman show. We have a Blue Lock, which is a really weird soccer show about anime boys in soccer.
You do the adventures with Superman. You do the animated thing?
Yes. Yes. The animated, yeah, My Adventure with Superman. So It's
The old one back when they were doing the Batman animated too before Batman Beyond.
Yeah. We talked about that because that was anything that was on Toonami, talk about that stuff. But, yeah, we talk about all that stuff, but then the newest ones that's on the block. So we talk about that stuff. Any other anime on there that we you leave the newer stuff, and then anything related to Toonami and everything.
So, usually, Toonami is is was on Cartoon Network, now on Adult Swim. The people that run it are not getting paid for it, so that's why we get, like, what we get. But they're doing it all for free in the love of anime.
That's really wonderful.
Good
tunes. I appreciate you telling me about that. Will say this. The thing I was gonna say, you're gonna have to listen to a different episode for when it pops back into my head again. Because as simply as a text popped up in front of me from AT and T reminding me that my bill is ready, that literally took the thought out of my head, and I cannot find it again.
So AT and T? I I mean, honestly, it's not it's not enough. It's not well, how much money they take from me every month for these phones. I'm sorry. I I I will leave you with this.
I think you're a decent guy. I think you should give yourself more credit. I'd I'd ignore those feelings and just get up and do it again, man, because it sounds like you're doing a great job. I would just I would just tell myself I'm doing a great job and believe myself and move on. You need a tiny bit of healthy narcissism.
Yeah. I think I do need that.
You don't have that, though. Right?
No. I'm lacking the narcissism stuff.
Would you like to borrow some of mine? I I hear online I have plenty.
I'll take some.
“Do you like yourself?”1:11:56
Yeah. No. I'm sending it over right now through the waves. Yeah. Look.
Can I give you the secret to to that?
Sure.
Do you do you like yourself?
At times, yes.
Okay. That's a good answer. Do you generally make decisions that go well? Yes. Okay.
I would say either calculated enough that they go well in my favor.
You think people think you're kind?
I think so.
There you go. I would just lean into all that. I'd say, I'm a good person. Here's a list of things I know that tell me I'm a good person, and I'm gonna be happy, and I'm gonna go do that now. Are you dating?
Do you have a person?
No. Would you like that? I I would like that. I would like to do all that stuff, but then I think everything else, they wouldn't like me because I have either diabetes or I have either, you know, all this other stuff. And
Yeah. It's bullshit. Most of them are just wanna be Matt Damon's. They're they're I mean, I mean, with the anime, there must be people who also like that. That must be hard to find people who enjoy that.
Yeah. But every time that people like you don't generalize, but in anime, you do generalize that a lot of people are, like, introverted and don't wanna come out of the rooms.
That's just because they haven't
seen I'm a little more active. I'm I am introverted, like, a lot, but, I mean, still to a point, I do get out and do podcasts and do the stuff with you. I mean, I take chances, and I do this that stuff. So it works out in my favor at times, but it's I have to really think about it and calculate it to see if it works.
I don't trust a lot of you introverts when you tell me you're introverted. I just wanna say that. I don't know why so many introverts tell me they're introverted. That seems extroverted to me.
Mhmm. It probably is.
I've never had an extrovert tell me they're extroverted.
Oh, they're probably introverted. You know that.
Well, the extroverts are introverted. The introverts are extroverted, everybody wants to tell me what's going on with them all the time.
Yeah. See, the pendulum swings both ways. They're no great.
On wanting something to be wrong1:13:53
Piece of advice for your generation, the one before you. Stop wanting something to be wrong. Everybody wants to be diagnosed with something. Mhmm. Slow down.
It's okay. Yeah. You're not autistic. You're just smart. Let it go.
There you go.
There are autistic people. Stop taking this thing. Okay? I mean, leave them alone.
I don't already the box is already checked off for them.
I'm introverted. None none of us wanna leave our living room. You're not introverted. It's okay. You're not what what is the other one?
Shut in.
What is it?
A shut in.
No. The other thing people love being, they they love telling me that they're autistic. I I've never met so many people in my life that clearly are not autistic telling me that they're they have autism. That seems to be a thing that the social media ADHD? Oh, ADHD.
I I I have ADHD. I just I have such a hard time staying on topic. Yeah. That's called talking. You ever met somebody who can stay on topic?
No. Yeah. No. As someone who has a communication degree? Yeah.
No.
Well, I've I've met people who start talking about one thing and stay on it painfully long. I'd argue they have a problem. What do you think of that? You think I have ADHD because I couldn't remember what I was gonna say? That's called being alive.
You don't have ADHD. You're probably not anxious. You're probably not the everyone. Ever I have seasonal affective disorder. Well, turn on a light.
I don't know what to say exactly, Steven. And maybe that's not the right answer, but stop wanting. It feels like people want to have a problem.
They wanna have something. Yeah. Didn't I feel
like that?
Yeah. I didn't want diabetes, but I got it now. So now I have to live
with actual problems. Ignore them. Do be a healthy person and push it deep down inside and keep going. That's what
I did until I was crawling on the floor.
Well, you did you do that with your physical health. I'm saying Yeah. Do it with your mental health a little more. Just you're fine. It'll be a it'll I beg your pardon, Steven.
Nobody promised you a rose garden. Okay? Everybody doesn't get to be Matt Damon. You don't even get to make a popular podcast about diabetes. That's my thing.
Go find a different thing. Yeah. And think of Jack Nicholson in that movie where he tells that girl, I'm taken by me. What is that movie? It's a it's a really I I guess it's probably incredibly doesn't age well.
But he's dating this woman who she's depressed. She doesn't leave the house and everything, and and she's she's trying to, like, be involved with him more. And he just starts, like he starts yelling at her, and he's like he's like something like, leave me alone. I'm taken by me. That idea of I'm taken by me, I don't It cracks me.
It's a funny line. Whoever wrote that guy, guy's probably been dead fifty years, but I find it amusing.
Good line.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's that movie called? The Apartment?
Is it The Apartment?
It could be. I'm not that much of a movie buff,
but You're not a movie person, Steven?
Not that much. I I don't see that many.
No. It's not the apartment's not Jack Nicholson. Hold on. Hold on a sec. I'm gonna find this, and we're gonna leave this here.
Nicholson. By the way, Jack Nicholson, almost dead. Very old. Movie taken. Carnal Knowledge.
Yep. Called Carnal Knowledge. I don't know
if I'm taken by me. Yeah. Get out of the house.
I I don't know if it's a good movie or not. I just know that that one line is with Anne Margaret. That makes me
Oh, wow. Yeah. What's he
talk what's he crap talking to Anne Margaret for? She's pretty. I get I get Anne Margaret's allowed to complain, don't you think? Yeah. Yeah.
Actually, I like a lot of Nicholson stuff. I love that thing. Every time somebody's crappy to me online, I think about the the end of the you can't handle the truth speech in a few good ones.
Yeah. That's a good one.
Yeah. I love it when he says he says, I preferred if you just said thank you and went on your way. I think that when I read, he's obnoxious online, I go or helped a lot of people, and you can just say thank you and go on your way.
There you go.
Yeah. Steven, you're a good person. I hope you can find a way to believe that. And if you hang on for me, I will tell you a couple other things.
Yeah.
Thanks so much, man.
Have a good one.
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