#1636 Premature to Postponed
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Laura, 45, a social worker and mom of two, shares her oldest daughter’s type 1 diabetes and celiac diagnoses, premature births, and a birthday spent in the hospital.
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Scott Benner 0:00
Friends, we're all back together for the next episode of The Juicebox podcast. Welcome.
Laura 0:14
So my name is Laura. I'm from upstate New York, and I have two beautiful daughters. My oldest daughter is type one diabetic, and I am a social worker.
Scott Benner 0:25
If this is your first time listening to the Juicebox podcast and you'd like to hear more, download Apple podcast or Spotify, really, any audio app at all, look for the Juicebox podcast and follow or subscribe. We put out new content every day that you'll enjoy. Want to learn more about your diabetes management. Go to Juicebox podcast.com. Up in the menu and look for bold Beginnings The Diabetes Pro Tip series and much more. This podcast is full of collections and series of information that will help you to live better with insulin. Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan or becoming bold with insulin. This episode of The Juicebox podcast is sponsored by the Omnipod five and at my link, omnipod.com/juicebox you can get yourself a free, what I just say, a free Omnipod five starter kit, free, get out of here. Go click on that link, omnipod.com/juicebox check it out. Terms and Conditions apply. Eligibility may vary. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox links, in the show notes, links at Juicebox podcast.com today's podcast is sponsored by us med. Us, med.com/juicebox you can get your diabetes supplies from the same place that we do. And I'm talking about Dexcom, libre, Omnipod, tandem, and so much more us. Med.com/juicebox or call 888-721-1514, the episode you're about to enjoy was brought to you by Dexcom, the Dexcom g7 the same CGM that my daughter wears. You can learn more and get started today at my link. Dexcom.com/juicebox dot com, slash Juicebox.
Laura 2:23
So my name is Laura. I'm from upstate New York, and I have two beautiful daughters. My oldest daughter is type one diabetic, and I am a social worker.
Scott Benner 2:33
Nice to meet you. Thank you. Thank you for coming on and doing this. Absolutely. Two kids. How old are they? Two kids.
Laura 2:41
They are seven and nine. Seven and nine.
Scott Benner 2:44
Wow. How old are you? 45 congratulations. That's a lovely little family. Yeah. Thank you very nice. How old was the one who got type one when she was diagnosed?
Laura 2:56
So it would be the nine year old, and she was actually it was her third birthday. She spent her third birthday in the hospital. Oh, gosh, six years ago. Yeah, almost
Scott Benner 3:07
seven. Almost seven. Okay, yeah, yep. What precipitated the hospital visit the typical
Laura 3:14
signs like drinking a lot, using the bathroom a lot, soaking through her diapers and the night before we actually took her in, I was like, telling my husband, because I'm, like, a big Googler, so I was like, Don't Google it, because it says diabetes. And we kind of like, chuckled, because I'm also like, I think of the worst case scenario. So in that case, it was actually right. But so we took her in. The next day, I think I was going to take her to the walk in. Yeah, I was going to take her to the walk in. And she was with grandpa, and grandpa was like, she's complaining her legs hurt. She's not acting right. So we took her to the doctors that day, and they did a urine test, and the doctor came in and was like, What's up with her sugar? It's It's really high. And I was like, what? Oh, my goodness. The rest was kind of history. So next thing we know, we were actually, I think I must have been in denial, because I went back to work, and my husband took her to the emergency room, and they did the blood test there, and her blood sugar was 978, oh my gosh, yeah, crazy. So they ended up going to the nearest Children's Hospital, which was an hour and a half away, and he's trying to contact me, and I'm a social worker, so I was in sessions, and I didn't check my phone knowing all of this was going on. I think I was like, in a state of denial. I was like, No, it's not, she's fine, and then he's like, we're an hour and a half away. What are you doing? So I had to go up to to go join them, and that was kind of the start. And that was like, right before her third birthday. So she was in the hospital for her third birthday.
Scott Benner 4:57
Was your youngest even around at that point?
Laura 4:59
Yes, she. Was Yeah, so I had to make arrangements for her.
Scott Benner 5:03
Yep, she's a baby, right? Yeah, oh yeah, not that the three year old is not a baby, still, but yeah,
Laura 5:08
wow, yep, she was very Yeah, very little, yep.
Scott Benner 5:12
There any sign of other autoimmune issues or type one diabetes in your extended family?
Laura 5:17
Well, my husband side has Hashimotos. My husband's celiac. My daughter's also celiac as well. And on my husband's side, there's also Graves disease.
Scott Benner 5:30
They have graves Hashimotos and celiac.
Laura 5:32
Yes, yeah. I wish I would have known that before I married them.
Scott Benner 5:36
Laura's like there were other boys talking to me,
Laura 5:39
yeah, and I didn't know that until I started listening to your podcast, though all these things, I was like, Oh my goodness. It was like, just waiting to happen.
Scott Benner 5:47
Yeah, I'll tell you right now. If you've got type one and your boyfriend's family is running to the bathroom after they eat, just pick a different guy, right?
Laura 5:54
Yeah, absolutely, yep. Very true.
Scott Benner 5:59
What's your remembrance of the time in the hospital.
Laura 6:02
It's okay. I was trying to sit down last night and think about things, and I think it's kind of a blur, because there's a lot of medical stuff that I can even talk about prior to the to the type one. So we had been at the hospital, like, a year before, when she was almost two, she had to be airlifted, actually, from our local hospital because she had a respiratory virus that sent her like took her to the walk in, and her while we were at the walk in, her lip turned blue, and all of a sudden, we're in an ambulance. They're bringing us to the hospital. It was crazy, and she ended up being intubated when she was almost two years old. Oh, good. And airlifted so that it was the same hospital. So here we were, like, a year later, you know, with a new diagnosis, you know, diabetes. And I was like, Oh my goodness. So it was a little bit traumatizing just being there after, you know, a year prior, we had this, you know, helicopter experience that we were later had to fight a bill of like $65,000 which we got all of that resolved. But, you know, it had just been a long year of trying to fight
Scott Benner 7:12
that it cost $65,000 to fly on a helicopter.
Laura 7:16
Yeah, apparently, yeah. That seems crazy. Yeah, yep. My husband's a very low key kind of guy, but he panicked. He's like, How the heck are we gonna pay me $65,000 for this, you know, Air flight? And I was like, we're not, we're gonna fight it, you know. And we did, and it took a long time, but so it had been a whole year of just getting over that that was very traumatizing, you know, just that whole experience. And then here we are at the same hospital, you know, doing something different. And I was glad that she went because, I mean, she wasn't, thankfully, in DKA, but I think she was in the start of it, because her a 1c was like, 12.4 they told us,
Scott Benner 7:55
so, wow, no kidding. Yes,
Laura 7:56
I know. Yeah.
Scott Benner 7:58
What were her symptoms that day? Like, the day you were like, hey, something's wrong.
Laura 8:03
Well, grandpa was saying her, she was complaining her legs were hurting, okay, but it was just leading up to it, you know, just a lot of the excess thirst, yes, like, and then soaking through her she wasn't potty trained yet, but just soaking through her diapers.
Scott Benner 8:19
Wow, that's something. So, yeah, so they get her straight, right? How long she in the hospital for
Laura 8:24
was only a few days. Yeah, we actually had, my other daughter was getting baptized that Sunday, and I think she was in the hospital that Thursday, so we were there Thursday night, Friday, Saturday, and they, they released us Saturday, you
Scott Benner 8:41
still did the baptism. Oh, yeah, we did. Yep, we sure did. Are you Catholic? My husband is the most Catholic thing I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, we Yeah.
Laura 8:51
Well, you know, the endocrinologist said, Go do it. Just do it. Live a normal life. So there we were, you know, and we went out of the hospital. We were MDI for probably about a year. So we were giving her shots, poking her finger, doing all the things. Like, newly diagnosed was kind of a crazy, yeah,
Scott Benner 9:08
go live a normal life. Like, oh yeah. I don't know if you realize my three year old just got type one, yeah. Not gonna be all that normal. But okay, thanks, yeah.
Laura 9:16
And I remember being at the hospital, being very overwhelmed, like, just throwing all this information. I'm terrible at math, and I remember we were trying to do the numbers, and I kept getting it wrong. And I wasn't too happy with the diabetes educator that we had. She, I thought was a little harsh in the hospital. Yeah, yeah. She wasn't my favorite. But what struck you as harsh, I think because, first of all, I was hungry, so I felt like my blood sugar was dropping myself because I hadn't eaten in a while. And I was like, Can we take a break? And she's like, No, we have this allotted time. You gotta do it, you know? And she just threw a lot of information at us. I felt like in not in a very kind way either, you know, it was more informational. But there. Didn't feel like there was any sensitivity to the fact that, like, we just threw all this, yeah, right, it felt cold, yes, yes, it did definitely.
Scott Benner 10:09
You're like, I need a hard pretzel. And she's like, too bad lady, we got 45 minutes, right, right? Yeah. Tell you a bunch of stuff that you're not going to remember that's not going to end up being that
Laura 10:19
helpful anyway. I know, right? It's very true. Yeah,
Scott Benner 10:23
you said you like to Google. So six years ago, how did you launch into all this? It's not from what she talked to you about, apparently,
Laura 10:29
no, and actually, it took me a while. My husband took on a lot of the care initially, I think because, you know, I had a baby. When my daughter was initially airlifted. I was pregnant with my second daughter, and while we're at the hospital, I was like, Gee, something doesn't feel very right, so, but I was like, I gotta just, you know, be here for my older daughter. And so then I got back after she was, you know, finally getting better, and I went to my OB, and I found out that I had low amniotic fluid, so they ended up sending me to the hospital a few days later, and I was on bed rest at the hospital for two weeks before my second daughter came, who came
Scott Benner 11:14
that like making pasta with not enough water in the pot. Like, how does that work? Like, what happens?
Laura 11:19
Yeah, well, it's just so I had what's called intrauterine growth restriction for both of my girls, both of them were born early. The oldest one, who has diabetes, was was born four weeks early. She was very sick from the very beginning. She was in the NICU for 30 days. How premature was she? Four weeks, four weeks, yeah, so she, yeah, I think she was, like, four pounds and so many ounces, yeah, just little, but not as little, actually, as my second one. But she had a lot of respiratory issues from the very beginning, the first couple days of her life, we couldn't even, like, touch her. She was so fragile that they put signs, you know, in her little incubator, thing that said, please do not touch because she was so fragile.
Scott Benner 12:08
Wow, when you said she was sick from the beginning, what else happened?
Laura 12:12
Well, it was, it was basically the respiratory stuff. So, right? So I pretty much went to my normal OB appointment, and I was getting an ultrasound, and the lady's like, when are you going to go see your doctor? And I was like, Well, I think I have an appointment in a couple of days. Next thing I know, my doctor comes in and is saying, Nope, you got to go the hospital right away. So it was, Everything happened so fast. It was an emergency C section, you know, they took her, then she ended up being in the NICU for 30 days. So it was a lot of back and forth. You know, 30 days of not being able to bring your baby home, which is heartbreaking, and not even being able to touch her the first few days was also very hard.
Scott Benner 12:53
Yeah, other women in your family have trouble giving birth. There's no thing there. No, yeah, were you older than you would have liked to have been when you got pregnant? I don't like what's the math on that? Is that part
Laura 13:05
of it? I was 35 Yes, yeah, my husband, we'll just throw him under the bus for everything. He'll love it when he listens to it later. No, my husband's a little bit younger than me, like, four years younger than me, so I wanted to get married and start a family, and he was, you know, a little bit younger. So I think we dated probably four years before he proposed, and that probably was a little bit longer than I would have liked.
Scott Benner 13:28
But your good years is that what he does?
Laura 13:32
Yep. So I had my first one at 35
Scott Benner 13:35
see how smart that is of him. He holds you a little I almost said, past your expiration date, but I don't mean that he holds you a little longer, so you're limited in your options now you have to say yes to him when he asked you smart, yeah, yep.
Laura 13:52
Then I should have asked him his family history, because then all this comes out.
Scott Benner 13:56
No, why does your uncle's eyes pop out like that? I need to understand a little better. Oh, well, how about the you know, the six years since, like, since the diagnosis, has she been on a better track, or she's still been suffering with issues? The Dexcom g7 is sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox podcast, and it features a lightning fast 30 minute warm up time that's right from the time you put on the Dexcom g7 till the time you're getting readings, 30 minutes. That's pretty great. It also has a 12 hour grace period so you can swap your sensor when it's convenient for you. All that on top of it being small, accurate, incredibly wearable and light. These things, in my opinion, make the Dexcom g7 a no brainer, the Dexcom g7 comes with way more than just this, up to 10 people can follow you. You can use it with type one, type two, or gestational diabetes. It's covered by all sorts of insurances and, uh, this might be the best part. It might be the best part alerts and alarms that are customized. Possible so that you can be alerted at the levels that make sense to you, dexcom.com/juicebox, links in the show notes, links at Juicebox podcast.com, to Dexcom and all the sponsors. When you use my links, you're supporting the production of the podcast and helping to keep it free and plentiful. Today's episode is brought to you by Omnipod. Did you know that the majority of Omnipod five users pay less than $30 per month at the pharmacy? That's less than $1 a day for tube free automated insulin delivery. And a third of Omnipod five users pay $0 per month. You heard that right? Zero that's less than your daily coffee for all of the benefits of tubeless, waterproof, automated insulin delivery. My daughter has been wearing an Omnipod every day since she was four years old, and she's about to be 21 my family relies on Omnipod, and I think you'll love it, and you can try it for free right now by requesting your free Starter Kit today at my link, omnipod.com/juicebox, omnibus, Omnipod has been an advertiser for a decade, but even if they weren't, I would tell you proudly, my daughter wears an Omnipod. Omnipod.com/juicebox Terms and Conditions apply. Eligibility may vary. Why don't you get yourself that free starter kit, full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox
Laura 16:22
Oh, yeah. So she had, well, she's very small, so she has some growth issues. Which part of that they say comes from the intrauterine growth restriction that I had. So basically, that's you, your baby just can't grow in the womb. And that was a big part of why they had to take her out, too, because I had low amniotic fluid with her, like, severely low with her as well. So she's very tiny for her age. And we've, you know, talked about maybe doing like, a growth hormone, but you know, for right now, we're just kind of letting her be, and she doesn't mind being so small. So you
Scott Benner 16:58
contextualize that for me, how, like, how tall is she? Well, so she, she'll
Laura 17:02
be in fifth grade. She looks like she's about in second or third grade. I would say,
Scott Benner 17:08
okay, is she thin on top of being short?
Laura 17:11
No. I mean, she's actually at a good weight. It's more her, her growth, that they're just kind of watching. So she has had some growth testing done, okay, you know? And I mean, they said she was at the very lower end, but like, her growth hormone does appear to be working. So that's a positive thing. Also, the celiac can affect growth as well, so
Scott Benner 17:31
hard to take in nutrients. Yes, yeah, yep, any Hashimotos or anything like that,
Laura 17:37
just so far so good. Yeah. And how about your other
Scott Benner 17:41
one? Is she? Is she small too? Yes, she's yep, yep, same thing. Are you
Laura 17:47
I am. Yes, I'm tiny as well. Yep, you're Italian. I'm Italian. So Well, my father was born in Italy, so my dad's side were all very small.
Scott Benner 17:58
No kidding. Oh yeah. You know, it's funny. I remember when, when my son was young, there was this 10 year old boy on his baseball team, and he was a monster, and, like, just so much bigger than the other kids, and stronger and everything taller. I remember saying to his dad one time, wow, man, he might really pop up. And the guy his absolute quickest right off top is that answer, he goes, No, we're Italian. That's as big as he's gonna get. Well, gonna get. And I thought, like, oh, I don't know what that means, like, you know, because I have a lot of context for it. But no kidding, I met that kid eight years later. He did not get much bigger, right? Yeah, right, yeah, yeah. Really something else. He's now the smallest adult I know, yep, but he was the biggest 10 year old I ever seen in my life, right? How do you manage with diabetes? Like, are do they give you a set of instructions and some like, I don't know, they give you a pen. They give you CGM. Like, what do you know about it? What? How do you learn more?
Laura 18:53
Right? So we initially were MDI for about a year, I would say, and a lot of that was our insurance. We were trying to think last night when she got the CGM, I would say, probably about six months, because I can remember doing like, finger checks in the middle of the night for quite a while. And we were actually just looking at my husband had recorded some of her when we had to log it on the little logs, like, some of her numbers. And we're like, Whoa, she was high a lot. We were like, but you didn't know, like, you know, like, in the middle of the night, you know, you were just like, saying, oh, things got better. We didn't know in between what was happening, you know.
Scott Benner 19:31
So you wanted to CGM, but your insurance was stepping in the way even, think we even knew really about it, yeah. Well, what do you think was holding you back then? Like, just the general knowledge, like, so you were like, Hey, I have a meter and I have these pens, and this is what
Laura 19:44
diabetes is. Well, right? Because I'm a rule follower, so if they were telling me to do this, you were gonna do Yeah, and I think they were saying your insurance will let you, like, in six months, get us and then get a pump after so we didn't even, we didn't know, we didn't know anybody with type one. We didn't question anything. Yeah, you know, so we just went with it.
Scott Benner 20:03
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Laura 21:34
Yeah, I can remember being at my daughter's Halloween parade and my husband's like they just said, we can, you know, schedule our pump classes. So I'm gonna do it, you know. And and then, like, shortly after that, we had the pump class, which I didn't even go to. I think he went to that one. And then there we were, is
Scott Benner 21:53
that the setup for the family in general? Like, is he a little more hands on? Like, do you have a busy job? Like, you, I mean, it's weird, yeah, yeah, you know, I'm just wondering, because you've said twice now,
Laura 22:03
yeah, no, I think because I was just in this state of there was so much that had been going on, like, medically, you know. And I had my kids, you know, and then I had, you know, some, probably some postpartum issues, I would say. So I think I was just kind of met with it for, like, several years, you know, it was like I got pregnant, had a baby, and then was nursing and all the hormones with that, and then, like, a year later, get pregnant, and then, like, starting again, you know, and then when I had, when I was pregnant with my second one, I ended up Getting a blood clot in my leg, jeez, I know, yeah, and it was all this was all after the older one had been airlifted, right? So all this happened within like a month. It was just crazy. So I had to deal with that, you know. So I think it was just all of that, you know, we were just kind of surviving all of this other Yeah,
Scott Benner 23:00
if I asked your husband, do you think he'd say, look, I couldn't have given her one more thing. Like, yeah,
Laura 23:06
yeah, yeah. So he was the one a lot of times. Now it's kind of reversed. He was the one staying up in the middle of the night, you know, and just checking your finger a lot of times, you know. And just, he would go to all the all the appointments, you know, and for a while there was covid, so only one of us could go. And so I didn't really get involved as much. I knew the basics with her diabetes, I would say, until probably halfway through, you know, we're moving on to seven years now. And then I started really getting invested into it.
Scott Benner 23:40
Do you think you just kind of lifted from a fog or I
Laura 23:42
think so really, yeah, yeah. My other daughter ended up having hip dysplasia as well. Jesus, because I know it was like all this stuff. She both of my girls were breech, and so we had them just evaluated, like through early intervention, because they were premature. And the physical therapist that was doing the evaluation actually noticed her hip and was like, did they ever have, you do a, you know, a hip X ray? And I was like, No. And they're like, well, they should have, because if she was breech, you know, breech babies are more likely to have this. And I was like, oh, so then we had her x rayed, and then, yep, she had hip dysplasia, so she had to have this big spike of cast for quite a bit of time, and then we had to follow an orthopedic, pediatric orthopedic doctor, and then it didn't stick. So then we had to repeat the spike of cast, like, a year later. So there was just, like, a lot going on, like all the time that I think I just couldn't take on all of it at once, you know.
Scott Benner 24:43
And you're a social worker on top of that. So you're also, yes, you're professional, you're taking on everybody else's problems
Laura 24:48
too. Yeah, it's very true. Yes, yep, yeah.
Scott Benner 24:52
The breech birth brings on the possibility of, like, dislocated hips. So I asked, like, what else does it do? It's interesting. Birth. Injuries, risk of broken bones, dislocated hip, nerve damage during vaginal delivery because of the head comes out last umbilical cord issues, it can become compressed or prolapsed. Head entrapment, some possibility, oxygen deprivation, hip dysplasia, respiratory problems and deliveries. If delivery is prolonged, the baby may inhale fluids or struggle to breathe right away. Wow, crazy. Yeah, why did they come out? I wonder why. I'm asking
Laura 25:27
you, I know, right?
I don't know. I'm like, geez, I guess my that's why I'm like, I'm done with after two. Because I was like, geez, there's no more. Who knows what will be wrong with this if I had a third one ever?
Scott Benner 25:40
We're getting a cat, that's it.
Laura 25:43
Yeah, yeah.
Scott Benner 25:44
Factors related to the baby, I because I asked, like, why to breech birth happen? Prematurities, one rarely issue, although abnormalities rarely issues with babies brain, spine or muscles, can affect movement and positioning. Excessive or limited movement. Some babies just move differently. Too much or too little activity in the uterus can affect the uterus can affect the positioning on the mother side, uterine shape or abnormalities. Placenta previa. If the placenta is low lying or covering the cervix, it can block the baby from moving into the head down position, oh. Amniotic fluid levels. Too much. Fluid gives extra room for the baby to move. Sometimes, leaving them in Bridge too little restricts the movement. Oh, so maybe when it's time to go head down,
Laura 26:26
there's not enough room or something, yeah, yeah. And that's something who
Scott Benner 26:30
would know? Well, I mean, I know. Who would know it's the internet knows.
Laura 26:33
Apparently, yeah, wish I would have, like, done my googling while I was
Scott Benner 26:38
I'll be honest with you, that was AI, that wasn't Google, yeah, yeah, okay. Well, she's doing well, you're alive. That's good news.
Laura 26:46
I know Yes. And so the older one also has one more thing to add to it. I don't even know how to pronounce it, but I'll give you it's e, o, e. So if you look that up, it's like, basically inflammation in her esophagus.
Scott Benner 27:00
Oh, yes. So long has that been? That's been
Laura 27:05
a few years. So she's had five, I can never say if it's an endoscopies. She's had five of those. She now takes, like an oral steroid that we like mix in with some applesauce that like sticks to her esophagus. And right now her like, inflammation levels are pretty much non existent, so it seems to be working, but the oral steroid can also cause some growth issues too.
Scott Benner 27:32
Oh, that's unbelievable. Yeah, yeah. EOe, yes, yeah, I'm looking at it right here, chronic inflammatory condition of the esophagus, common symptoms, trouble swallowing, especially solid foods, food getting stuck in the throat or chest, chest pain or heartburn, not relieved by typical reflux treatment, abdominal pain, nausea or vomiting in children, feeding difficulties, failure to thrive, picky eating linked to food allergies can also be influenced by environmental allergies, not caused by one single factor. Jesus, I know, right, yeah, yeah, no wonder you're not all right. I know. Hey, being being a social worker, yes. What's it like professionally, understanding the things you're going through personally.
Laura 28:22
It's crazy. I could say that, yeah, well, it it makes me first of all appreciate what people go through, but also recognize how important it is to take care of yourself, you know. So I've had to do a lot of my own work, you know, in order to be like a better social worker for other people. But can
Scott Benner 28:41
you see yourself in the moment? Like, can you not always? Yeah, right, yeah. It's not like you're going through something. You're like, oh, what would I tell another person who's experiencing this right now?
Laura 28:50
Right? Yeah, yep, yeah. Well, that sucks, yeah, yeah.
Scott Benner 28:54
It's like being a mechanic that can't work on their own car, but a waste, right? Oh, wow. And that must be frustrating, because I imagine at some point you have a come to Jesus, and you go, Oh, this is what's been happening to me. I can't believe I didn't see this sooner.
Laura 29:09
Yeah. Oh yeah. Absolutely. They make you
Scott Benner 29:11
feel like a fraud a little bit.
Laura 29:12
Oh yeah, sometimes, yeah. But now, now I feel like I'm taking the steps that I need to to really, you know, get myself together. And I think one of the things I wanted to talk about for me was, I think for me, the grief with the diabetes came later. I think because I was in such a fog initially, with everything that it didn't hit me, probably to, like, three years later, when I really had to come to terms with, like, this diagnosis, interesting.
Scott Benner 29:41
So 36 months, three years into your kids type one diagnosis, you think the weight of it just started to
Laura 29:49
impact you? Yeah, definitely.
Scott Benner 29:52
You said earlier, like, you're like, she got that diagnosis, I think I was in would you say denial, because I went back to work because I was.
Laura 30:00
Worked a whole day. Didn't even, like, think about it, you know. And and my husband's like, calling me, leaving me messages, like, we're going to the Children's Hospital an hour and
Scott Benner 30:08
a half. Okay? You're like, I got work, buddy, it's Wednesday. No, it was very
Laura 30:12
bizarre, you know. But that must have been my coping mechanism at that point. I think
Scott Benner 30:18
so, when it hits you three years in, What's that feel like? What's the experience?
Laura 30:23
It was very overwhelming. Yeah, I think, you know, as she got a little bit older, too, just realizing, you know, if you go to a birthday party, or just sometimes the differences in things, you know, or all that, just all the stuff you have to bring, you know that I'm like, Ah, when I take my other child places, I don't have to, you know, do all of this, it's such a weird feeling. Like, if I take my younger daughter, you know, to go out to breakfast, I'm like, Oh my gosh, we don't have to pre ball list. We don't have to, like, keep an eye on that. Like, it's just, like, a weird feeling, you know, that
Scott Benner 30:57
happens. I try so hard not to live in it. Yeah, you know what I mean. You know, like, I know what you're talking about. Like you head out for something and you don't have a bag with you, or you're not, you're not thinking, like, is there a Juicebox in the door of my car?
Laura 31:11
Weird feeling. It's a very weird feeling, right? Yeah,
Scott Benner 31:14
I, for me personally, like I never wanted to feel like that was better, right, right? You know,
Laura 31:19
it's just different. It's just a different Yeah, right,
Scott Benner 31:23
yeah. So you're having kind of a delayed reaction to the type one absolutely,
Laura 31:29
yeah, yeah. Have you
Scott Benner 31:30
done this with anything else in your life? Don't think so. No, no, yeah. Do you think of yourself as a as a person who's easily knocked down by problems, or do you think yourself is more resilient?
Laura 31:43
I think that's a good question. See, now you're gonna therapy
Scott Benner 31:48
me. I'm a, you know, just a podcaster, but
Laura 31:51
yeah, no, I think I have some patterns that are more like catastrophic in that. So I'm always thinking like the worst case scenario of things and an urgency sometimes with things that aren't always needed at times. But I think in the moment of things, like when all of this was happening, like with my daughter, I don't think I didn't panic, like it wasn't like a panic all the I think in the moment I can handle it. It's like, afterwards, you know, would you
Scott Benner 32:26
call that compartmentalizing? Yes, oh, totally right, yeah. You know, if people, if people are listening closely, like, I am Laura, you said in the very beginning, like, don't google it, because it's going to tell us she has diabetes. Yeah, yeah. That's a very strange way to think of problem solving. Because what you might want to say is, hey, why don't you go do the research I just did, because I think you might come to the same conclusion, and then we need to get her to the hospital. Yeah, right. But you were like, no, don't look. If we don't look, we can live here longer. Yeah. Yeah, right. Yes. Really is something okay. So what would you tell a person who came to you and said what you said to me?
Laura 33:08
First of all, trust your gut, right? So I think another thing that's been an issue for me is when she had her respiratory issue and then she had to be airlifted, I had thought in the middle of the night, something's not right, like, we had been giving her the nebulizer, and I was like, she should be getting better, and she's not, you know. And so we had come to the decision, oh, it's your first baby. You don't always know what to do, but we came to the decision that we would wait till the morning, you know. So I have a lot of guilt about that, because I think what if we would have taken her like right in the middle of the night, instead of waiting so many hours to take her to the walk in when her and then her lip goes blue, you know?
Scott Benner 33:50
Well, what? What do you think going earlier would have garnered accomplished? I don't know, right, just it could have been something. It could have been, right?
Laura 33:59
My brother in law is a doctor, and he said it, you could have still been in the same position, like, we don't know, you know. So try not to be yours. I think it's, you know, being a mom, I have a lot of guilt about that, which I think has transferred sometimes with diabetes. Like, now I'm like, I can't let this happen. So we gotta keep our numbers really in control. You know, it's like more of a control thing suddenly, again, a delayed response, because I wasn't that way initially.
Scott Benner 34:27
Yeah, no, you were trying to, I don't know exactly. And people online have pointed out that I'm not a therapist, and I'm not saying I am. It feels to me like maybe you were just trying to not make it real.
Laura 34:38
Yeah, right? And I also didn't know enough about it, you know? I mean literally at the hospital, they're like, she can eat whatever she wants, you know, you can live a normal life, you know. Just give her insulin, you know. But nobody again, was telling us, like the impact of food and like, you're gonna need a crap load of insulin sometimes, for certain things, like, nobody taught. Us that, you know. So I think I thought we were doing we'd go to the endocrinologist, and they were like, you're doing a good job. I didn't, we just didn't know any better until I started. I think what hit me was like, if something happens to my husband, he's the one doing the majority of this, we're doomed, like, I need to know what I'm doing. So I started reading and, you know, really educating myself, and that's when things really started to kind of shift, I would say, even with her diabetes care, because then I would pass the information along to my husband.
Scott Benner 35:33
Your husband's gonna love this. When he listens, it's like, all right, you just woke up one day and you're like, Oh, what if a safe balls on his head, like in one of those Road Runners, and then I'm gonna be stuck here with this kid I don't know anything about. I I'll go figure it out. Then, did you explain to him? Then he was doing it wrong?
Laura 35:49
No, I don't think so. I think I I just sometimes I talk, I get excited about things, you know. So if I like, listen to the podcast, I'll like, tell him. And sometimes he's just like, stop talking about diabetes. He would definitely say, I talk about diabetes too much. You know? What would you say? I would say, sometimes I do, but sometimes I'm excited, like, if I learn something, or I like, am following the trends, and I'm like, Oh, I think I finally, like, it took us a long time to figure out breakfast. Like she would go high constantly after breakfast, and I finally figured it out. And like, I was so excited, and now that she's doing amazing after breakfast, so I get excited. So I like want to tell people like we did it, we figured it out. Like, you know,
Scott Benner 36:35
I think of that excitement as the one step closer to it being less of a front and center in your mind, less of a burden? Yes, yeah, if we could figure out all these different things, then maybe it would actually feel normal, the way people are. People saying that it could feel normal. Because, right? What they Oh, you can live a normal life. Well, it's a normal life, but you're going to be managing diabetes, so not, uh, not completely normal, right? I get what they're saying, like, there's no reason you can't have a job or, you know, like, something like that, or do something that you wanted to do, and I completely agree with all that, but it's still not normal to have to take a bag with you everywhere, or not normal to have to tell your kid, like, hey, like, you know you're gonna have to take insulin because you're gonna be gone for five hours and you're going to be too far from home, like, that's not normal. It becomes, becomes normal, right? Yeah. So I would think that that excitement, like for me, would mean maybe we're one step closer to this not being as front and center in our head all the time.
Laura 37:37
Yes, yes. That's very much it, yeah. And just like, figuring things out, I think because my brain works much differently than my husband's, you know, so I'm trying to figure this out, like, so I'll take it on as a project, and, like, okay, breakfast was like, my baby, because I was like, we're gonna get it, we're gonna figure it out, you know, my husband would be like, yeah, it's not so bad. And I'm like, Nope, we're gonna get there. We're gonna, you know, and and even with that, you know, it's like, this morning, I'm like, okay, brand new pump site. We have to do a little bit more than normal, but sometimes the pump sites seem to be working really well. And if I do the normal it's almost a little bit too much. So it's almost like, like, my brain wants it to be. Every day we do the same thing over and over again, but it's just, it's certainly not that, right? I've learned so there's so many variables, you know, and it's like, ah, sometimes I'm just like, I don't want these variables. And sometimes I don't even know what these variables
Scott Benner 38:30
are. So how much of it is, like, also, you're a little older too, yes, yeah, right. Like, so you start getting into that. I mean, I feel you on that, like, I'd like this not to be so much work all the time. Yes, yeah. I don't mean the diabetes. I mean being
Laura 38:45
alive, yeah, oh yeah, yes, yes, absolutely, yeah.
Scott Benner 38:49
The part where this is, like, fun or right, or easy once in a while, and I know, for me personally, like, I don't want that to be when I'm 70, right, sure. Like, I'd like to wake up one day and, like, just have, like, a free and easy day. That's, you know, enjoyable by Scott, who's fully mobile and can grasp the world.
Laura 39:08
Yeah, yeah. And that's, I think, one of the things when you have kids a little bit older, like, you know, you're wiser, but like, you're tired. Like, I always tell me how I'm tired. Like, my little eight year almost eight year old wants to be running around. I'm like, I'm tired like
Scott Benner 39:23
that. I find that stuff insane. I was talking to somebody recently who had a baby around my age. I was like, I don't even, I don't even understand, just tired, yeah? Like, Hey kid, here's $50 like, good luck, right? Yeah, don't buy crack with this. And then I Daddy's gonna take a nap. I did the last night thing, I didn't go to bed till late, but I got tired early, even that's weird, like, you know, like, yeah, oh yeah. At 10 o'clock, I was like, I should go to bed, yeah. And then I couldn't do that because I'm an adult and I've got responsibilities. I was still working. Like, you know what I mean? Like, after I got done working, I was cleaning things up. Like, you know, I other. Stuff I needed to be doing. I'm doing that. Yeah, my wife's still working. Like, you know, it's like 1030 my wife's working, and I'm cleaning something up. I should have cleaned up six hours prior. Arden's out with friends saying goodbye, because they're all heading back to college. Yeah, you know, my son's in the basement lifting, you know, everybody's like that. We have a dog. The dog has to go out. And all I could think is, I should go to bed. Yeah. And then by the time I got through all the things I was supposed to be doing, and everybody got back in the house and was kind of settled and everything, I wanted to watch an episode of Mr. Robot. I'm trying to watch Mr. Robot. It's 1230 like, am I gonna sit in my bed under a blanket like I'm 10 watching an episode of Mr. Robot on a right? I guess I am. Yeah, no. I just feel like once you start getting older, like you said, again, like your mind, like your thoughts are clear, Yeah, but you're like, you're like, why couldn't I have been this clear minded when I was, like, had the energy of a 25 year
Laura 40:53
old? Yeah? It's very
Scott Benner 40:54
true. Yeah, sucks. Everything's backwards. I see what you just Yeah,
Laura 40:57
thankfully, my husband has a lot of energy, so that's helpful, yeah? Except he cannot. He does not hear the alarms a lot of times at night. I even bought him the sugar pixel, and I have seen him just hit the button and or unplug it and then just go back to bed, and he doesn't even remember a lot of times that he's done that isn't that interesting, yeah? Whereas me, I'm, like, a very light sleeper, so I am like, up constantly, I hear a little noise, and I'm like, I think it's just a mom thing. I don't know.
Scott Benner 41:27
How's that ego boost getting a younger guy? How was that? It feel good?
Laura 41:31
Or no, no, because he, you know, I wanted to get married. I knew going into it, I'm ready to get married. I want to have kids, you know. And he what? How he was 25 I think when I met him. So, you know, we were in different life stages, but you take advantage of his exuberance. Yeah, now it's, you know, a good thing probably is, you know, maybe he'll live longer than me. I don't know. We'll see
Scott Benner 41:56
Jesus. Laura, you are a bummer. What are you always worrying about the worst thing that's gonna
Laura 42:00
happen? It? I, I'm working on it. How about that? I'm trying to work on that.
Scott Benner 42:05
Is that since, is since the Life Flight, or is your whole life?
Laura 42:08
I would say there's been some patterns in my family that have been that way, you know? So probably some modeling. Yeah, everything's always terrible, yes. But the other thing is, yes, the Life Flight really, like, shook me up, I think, in ways that I didn't even realize.
Scott Benner 42:26
Maybe it took those feelings that you're you grew up with, with your family, and made them feel like, well, yeah, see Yeah, if they were right, bad
Laura 42:32
stuff happened. Right? Yes, yeah. It was like, I think that realization that, like, yes, bad things in my mind before, like they could happen, but now they were, and it was, like, constant, like, every time I turned around, I'm like, now I have a blood clot. Now we have this. Now I'm like, Oh my goodness. You know, it was crazy.
Scott Benner 42:52
Would it not help you if you could think of those things not as bad things happening, but that every day in life isn't perfect, and you just gotta bob and weave a little
Laura 43:02
Yes, yeah, I think I'm trying to again. That was another thing I wanted to talk about. Was like, just some perfectionist tendencies, which I didn't even realize I had until, you know, I suddenly became involved in this diabetes world, and my husband was the one that pointed it out. He's like, you're trying to be perfect with her numbers, and this is driving us crazy,
Scott Benner 43:24
you know, you didn't know that about yourself.
Laura 43:27
I didn't know because I wasn't like the kid in school, like I was fine if I got, you know, an 82 or something. I did terrible on tests. Like, to me, it was more important to be around people, you know, I just wanted to be with my friends, be involved in things I didn't have to have, like straight A's. So I think in my mind, that's what I always thought, like a perfectionism was, you know, and I wasn't that way of my work either. It was just suddenly that
Scott Benner 43:53
person's healthy enough, that's good, we're done, right? Yeah, did you call an 82 a terrible grade?
Laura 43:59
No, I didn't. Yeah, no, that's a great grade. Yes, yeah, other people might think, right? But, you know, my sister was very, you know, book smart. She, you know, very intelligent. Her grades were very important. I was just different, like, to me, it was, you know, I wanted to do well in school, but I also wanted to play sports and have fun, and so it wasn't like top priority for me.
Scott Benner 44:22
Did your perfectionism show up in other ways through your life? Or do you think that you had a touch of it and then the mom guilt, plus the medical stuff equals where you are now?
Laura 44:34
It just plowed through with the diabetes, like my husband was, like, all of a sudden, like she used to be 350 and this was never an issue for you. Why? All of a sudden, you know, she's 180 and you're freaking out, you know, like he's trying to, like, wrap his mind around, like, the change, you know,
Scott Benner 44:51
was 350 not a big deal for him. Or is he trying to say that back before we knew this was a problem, right? Yes. But then the simple. Answer to his question is, well, now we understand it better.
Laura 45:02
Yes, right? And that's what I try to say all the time. Like, now we understand so now, you know, we just didn't know before,
Scott Benner 45:10
and now we know that's a problem, so now we need to stop it. Yes, boys are confusing. Yeah, I don't understand boys. Sometimes I do the same, by the way, I'm lumping myself. I do the same thing. Like, like, the things that like don't occur to me. I'm like, oh, like, when I look backwards, I'm like, how did that not strike a chord quicker? You know? Oh, by the way, I just noticed Laura. My calendar on my whiteboard says 2024 and it's, uh, August of 2020 Oh,
Laura 45:38
my goodness, yeah, right.
Scott Benner 45:41
That's funny. So much writing on the board in other places, but I apparently never changed the date. It's staring right at me. How did I never notice that before? Oh my gosh.
Laura 45:49
Oh my goodness. Oh. And I I thought of one more thing that she has too. So she also has a severe peanut tree nut allergy, right? So we have an epi pen, the oldest one. Yeah, both of them do, actually, so, but that's interesting with celiac, because a lot of celiac items have, like, is made with almond flour, so we have to always, you know, inspect and make sure there's no almond flour in it. Gosh, I now have a nut allergy. I have a tree nut allergy, but I can eat peanuts. Okay.
Scott Benner 46:21
Is anybody impressed that I haven't made a joke about my wife sometimes having a nut allergy? Oh yeah, I'm personally impressed. I just want to say, oh my gosh, I don't know. Jake, what do you guys like? Live in a bubble? What do you do? I know is that how it feels like, like, because with the allergy and the inflammation in the esophagus thing and the diabetes, and now you layered over top of your newfound anxiety about the entire thing, right? Sure, you sound like a person who's trying to put yourself in a controlling situation, like position, like, how do you accomplish that?
Laura 46:52
Well, now I feel like more confident with diabetes, like we've educated ourselves, you know, we've spent time. We worked with Jenny, who's phenomenal, you know. So we're in, like, a much better place, you know. And all the podcast episodes have been very actually, we've I found the podcast when we switched to Omnipod five. I had never heard of it before, so the first episodes I listened to were like the pro tips on the Omnipod five.
Scott Benner 47:20
Oh, awesome. They've been very, very, very popular. Yeah, yeah. As a matter of fact, if everybody downloaded all the episodes the way they downloaded those, I'd probably be in an I don't know, yeah, I don't know. I think there'd be a lot more people listening.
Laura 47:36
Yes, it's very true. And I always want to tell people like that system, I know gets a lot of slack because it's a little more conservative, but I've studied it and get your settings right and, like, it makes a phenomenal difference, you know, we've gone to the endocrinologist, and they're like, You guys are like, killing it with the Omnipod five. Nobody else seems to get it, but you guys are doing it, you know. So it's very manageable. I think
Scott Benner 48:01
you're having good success with it, yeah, yes, yeah, yeah. Overall.
Laura 48:06
I mean, there's still days where I'm like, Ah, you know, if it suspends the the insulin going into a meal, you know, paying attention to that, I think, is a big,
Scott Benner 48:17
big key. Well, let me say this to you at clinical trials.gov if you look up something called Omnipod smart adjust 2.0 system compared to Omnipod five system in individuals with type one or type two diabetes, strive, you will see that this was last updated on June 11, 2025 and the Study overview says the goal of this multi, centered, randomized cross over study is to evaluate the safety and effectiveness of the Omnipod five smart adjust 2.0 system in individuals with type one or type two diabetes. Study participants will complete about five in person visits and be expected to treat their diabetes per their usual routine using the system at the lowest available target settings. Each participant will begin to study using Omnipod five smart, adjust 2.0 or the Omnipod five system for four weeks period one, and then switch to opposite system for the next four weeks. Everyone will use the Omnipod five smart, adjust 2.0 system for at least four to six weeks during period, three participants will have a goal of administering no more than three meal or snack boluses per day. The official title of this here, blah, blah, blah. What I'm seeing here is they're testing a different version of this algorithm. Yeah, that'd be great. So maybe, maybe all that, you know, I wish it was a little more aggressive.
Laura 49:40
I yeah, that's my only complaint. Is that at times, and I look and it's, it's usually when it says suspended the background, I'm like, oh, here we go.
Scott Benner 49:51
I've been corresponding with somebody whose kid is in the trial, uh huh. And I don't know how much about that I'm supposed to say. So I'll hold on to it. I think the target, it's giving you a lower target. I think that's one of the things that would be great. Yeah. I think there's more coming. Yeah, yeah. I don't think that person wants to talk on the podcast yet.
Laura 50:12
Yeah, yeah. That'd be great, though, that's really my only and I'm learning to adjust. Like, now I'm like, Okay, before she eats a meal, let's, let's look and see how much you know has been paused before the meal, because we got to add a little extra, you know.
Scott Benner 50:28
But what did you do? Did you kind of take your knowledge of how the Omnipod five works, and then listen to the podcast about using insulin, and you're combining the two ideas,
Laura 50:37
yes, and then working with Jenny too has been helpful, too, yeah,
Scott Benner 50:41
and yeah, what would you say that overall you've learned that's been most valuable?
Laura 50:47
Well, I think how food impacts your blood sugar, definitely, I think again, especially with celiac, because a lot of the foods, like the celiac stuff, it hits harder and processed foods, I think, like, we've changed a lot of how we have eaten, which has been wonderful, even for myself, because I used to have higher triglycerides, yes, tri cholesterol, all of that. And mine has significantly come down because just of some of the changes that we've made from eating. You know, just watching her numbers, like, I think just watching the Dexcom when she eats certain things. I'm like, Whoa, what's, you know? I know my pancreas is working, but I'm like, wow, that's got to be doing, you know, wreaking havoc on my body too, you know. So, like, maybe I shouldn't be eating all this stuff sometimes, too.
Scott Benner 51:36
Yeah, yeah. I think if you're paying attention, you there's probably benefits for everybody in the lifestyle and the understanding of how to manage your diabetes,
Laura 51:45
yeah, yeah, yeah, it's been definitely incredible.
Scott Benner 51:49
Yeah, good. I'm glad for you. What do you see as next steps, I guess? Like, where? Like, she's nine now, obviously at this point, like, you have a fair amount of control, but like, that's going to change as she gets older, right, right? What are your goals for the next few years?
Laura 52:05
Well, I think to continue to just manage it the best that we can. You know, I think she'll probably be later with puberty, so that probably gives us a few more years, but hopefully, again, there'll be more like some of the systems, because I do worry about, like, puberty with the Omnipod five. But again, it's just trying to manage, you know, when she's sick. You know, we do different things when she's sick, so just trying to manage some of these situations that come up, you know, yeah, and I think for myself, to just try to enjoy life a little bit more, and that, you know, make it all the time about diabetes and keeping I'd like to keep her under control, but sometimes I think it drives other people crazy.
Scott Benner 52:49
So how does it impact her? Like, what's her response?
Laura 52:54
She's like, a rule follower, like me. So she, I mean, she's amazing. She really is, like, such an amazing kid, like she went at the end of the school year. They went to, you know, baseball game, and this was the first time that I wasn't going to be or my husband, or somebody in the family wasn't going with her. They had the nurse go. And of course, it was, you know, the first day of the Dexcom. So all the numbers were a little wonky. And she's like, Don't worry, Mom, I'll make sure before all the other kids eat, that they Pre-Bolus me, you know. And I was like, Oh, that's so amazing. Like, or she'll tell Grandpa, I'm a little bit high. We should probably, you know, give me more insulin, or wait a little bit longer. Of a Pre-Bolus, like, she's picking up on some things, which I think is, you know, great,
Scott Benner 53:40
okay, okay. Where do you see yourself? Then how do you feel like you can pass on more to her, take some off not maybe not even take it off of you, but come to a balance where she's knows what she's doing and you're at the same time not as
Laura 53:54
involved, right? Well, I think also I need to work on my reactions. Sometimes, you know, like if she's going higher or I still get nervous sometimes with some of the lows, so I might get a little panicky. So I I would like to see for myself, because I know she's watching my reaction to be a little bit more neutral with my reaction to things, you know, and also to help her just to keep understanding the knowledge and how food works, and pass some of that on to her without, I think, making it again too much of like a big
Scott Benner 54:27
thing. What are some of the reactions that you have? I do
Laura 54:31
panic sometimes. If I if she's like, dropping really, really fast, I think I get too panicky. I would like to just be a little bit more neutral. Or if she's like, high, I'll be like, like, the heck, you know, like, I just, I'll make noise. Or I'm just like, you're, ah, you know, like, yeah, my husband's very neutral about things. He's just like him, you know, we know now how to bring her down. You know, it used to be she'd be high for hours. We didn't know what we were doing. Now we're like, okay, something went. Wrong, you know, or she just needed more insulin. So we'll just give her more insulin. She'll come down, you know.
Scott Benner 55:06
Why do you think that happens? I've been talking to you for a while now. You seem like a reasonable person. How come you're like, Sure, why are you being dramatic when things are happening? I guess
Laura 55:14
I think it's just anxiety. It's like, Because anxiety gives you that urgency, that feeling, which it's supposed to do in an emergency, right? You're supposed to have adrenaline and cortisol levels shooting up so that you can escape danger. But, like, I have to remind my body that, like, this isn't always dangerous. I mean, you know, low blood sugar could be, but I I know the steps. We know how to handle this. You know, so being confident in the fact that, okay, we can, we can handle this without, like, the panic,
Scott Benner 55:45
yeah. Well, what's stopping that from happening for you?
Laura 55:49
I think it's just the way my brain kind of it just goes into like, emergency mode. So I try to tell myself, like, Okay, this is an emergency. We can figure this out.
Scott Benner 56:00
Yeah. Can you just, I mean, listen, people's reactions, are the reactions, right? But, but, I mean, it would seem to me, because this happened to me too, like, where something would happen, and I my wife said you'd always be like, like, she's like, You said, so much, like, you know, and it's upsetting to hear, but it's a long time ago, she tells me this, right? Okay, so I stopped trying to think about it. And what is it I'm faced with over and over again, is that you put so much work into this and it didn't work out? Yeah, or, geez, it feels like a failure. Like, it's like, how do I not understand this? I thought I understood this, like, you know, like, that kind of thing. But, I mean, listen, once she pointed out to me, she's like, it's upsetting to other people, like, it always seems like something's going wrong. It could even be making Arden feel like she's doing something wrong. And I was like, okay, and then Laura stopped doing it. Yeah, right. So what's stopping you from just never doing it again?
Laura 56:58
I think again. It's a pattern. It's just something that shows up for me, like, it's like an instinct, but I have to interrupt it. I think that's what I need to do. I need to just be more aware of it. Take a pause. Yeah, you know, one of the best pieces of ice that, you know, somebody told me before, like, her numbers are just, it's data. Like, just look at it as data to try to figure out what you need to do next. Not like, oh, I screwed this up, or it's, this is all my fault, you know,
Scott Benner 57:28
I I'll tell you that I think one of the more difficult things to learn for me was just slowing down. Yes, a little bit like that. You Yeah. I mean, you can tell, like, even just in the podcast, right? Like, if you say something to me, anything like, if you just pivoted right now and said something completely that had nothing to do with what we were talking about, I'd be able to answer you, like, and so it's a strength in parts of my life, right, that I hear something, I form an idea. It's usually pretty cohesive, and I can start sharing it right away. But in that situation, that's not a virtue, right, right? Yeah, situation where you just need to wait a second pause, like, yeah, like, that's not a virtue. I and it's not a thing I was doing on purpose. Like, I think, I think my wife was like, Well, I don't know why you're being so like, defeatist right away. And I was like, I'm not like, I'm just like, I'm already working through the problem again. Like, Oh, we did this. This happened. I didn't want that to happen. And now I'm past this already. Like, I've said it, like, that's me almost pausing and going, Okay, that didn't work. What do I do next? I'm already thinking about it, while I'm thinking about what to do next time they're back there going, like, Oh, this is such a bummer, right, right? So, yeah, once you learn to just shut up.
Laura 58:46
Yes, I need to do that. Yeah, because that's how my brain works. I want to know, what can I do different next time? But I I process things like out loud a lot, right? Which drives people crazy, especially my husband.
Scott Benner 58:57
I gotta be honest with you, I do that. That's not fun for people who don't like that, right? Exactly, you know, yeah, there's people who think out loud, and there are people who don't, and the people who don't don't enjoy it when someone who does
Laura 59:11
right, and you're like, you're saying the same things over and over again, like, that's the way I'm processing that my brain is just like, What can we do differently? Next time, you know, have
Scott Benner 59:19
you ever heard me say that? My wife said that I say no to everything? Yes, yeah. It's because I work backwards from now, yeah. Like, I start with why this won't work, and if I can get to why it will work, then it usually works, right? And if you can't get there, then it might not be possible, right? It feels like, yeah, doing it. Opposite is Pollyanna to me, like, oh, everything's gonna be fine. And then you like, get through it in your head. Not actually gonna be fine. It won't work. Yeah, I prefer to go like, here's what's wrong. Here's all the things trying to stop me from making it right. How do I get around those things? Awesome. I got around them. We won, right? Yeah, I don't see that as negative at all, right? But if. You're a person who's just like, you know, yes, we can then you know, like, you're going to be like, Why are you being so negative all the time? And to me, it's just, it's just the thought process. But doing it out loud, yeah, Laura, doing it out loud. They hate that.
Laura 1:00:12
They do, yeah, people. So I need to write it down. I am big about, like, writing stuff down, so I need, that's why I said might need to next time, maybe write some of this down. Instead of, you know, say it out loud.
Scott Benner 1:00:25
We can pause. You can say it in your head, right? And then think, like, how would, how would these people prefer to hear this and then say that way? Yeah, although you know what I will say this, you notice they don't care about us. Like when they're all quiet and thinking in their heads and then coming up with what they want to say and then saying it. Like, do they know that during that time, I'm sitting there going, like, are you hearing this? Are you part of the conversation? Like, I'm thinking, I'm like, thinking, why don't we talk
Laura 1:00:52
about it? Yes, yeah, that's very true.
Scott Benner 1:00:55
Yeah. No, I don't know how the opposite would go. Like, if you and I were married more, right? And something went wrong. Would it just be, like, this big, like, I don't know symbol loudness of just people talking back and forth till we came up with an idea, right?
Laura 1:01:12
That's true. And would we hate that, right?
Scott Benner 1:01:15
Yeah, would you and I be like, one of us has got to shut the hell up so the other one can talk.
Laura 1:01:20
Probably not a good combination. I
Scott Benner 1:01:23
know, like as much as I look at my wife and our personalities, and they're so different, yeah, yeah, we are pretty successful people, yeah. And I can look at her and say, she has gaps, I fill them. I have I have gaps. She fills them. But you know, what I've noticed is that nobody really sees it that way. Yeah, they just see it as like you're wrong about the way you think about this, right?
Laura 1:01:47
That's true, but you but you're right. If you look at it that way, it is true.
Scott Benner 1:01:51
You know, Laura, I say I'll say it again. Best part of my life, other people, yeah, worst part of my life, other people, yeah. All right, yeah. So what is this? This hour done? You feel good about it? Yeah.
Laura 1:02:08
I just, I hope, you know, people can learn a little bit of something in there. I, I always seem to find something in in the episodes, you know, even if they're random, people are talking randomly, like, I'm like, Oh, that's a good idea about this, you know. And I hope that people realize that, like for them, if, if their grief came later. Because, again, I think people think like, oh, it hits you all at once initially. But I think, you know, grief is so different for people that it can come out later on, or even even, like, I still have moments where I just feel a little sad, you know,
Scott Benner 1:02:42
sure, if you told me to, you know, re encapsulate everything I would have said. I hope people heard you say that, because I think that is something that most people would find crazy, like three years later. You know what I mean, but, yeah, but I don't think it's probably as uncommon as you think.
Laura 1:02:58
No, yeah, right. Just people need to, I think, talk about it, you know, you gotta
Scott Benner 1:03:03
have somebody to talk to about. Listen, my, my mom's been gone for a couple years now, and I texted my brothers the other night, like, we have a little group chat. And I just said, I miss telling mom about, like, how I'm doing and, like, what everybody's up to, you know, right? Yeah. Then I said, I just, I just really needed to tell someone that, like, you don't need to respond. It's just like, I'm sitting here, you know, at 930 on a Tuesday, and I'm like, God, let's call my mom, you know. Yeah, right. And then you just, you're, you're like, why? I can't believe it. This is a feeling I'm having two years after her, yeah, she lived into her 80s. It's not like she was taken prematurely or anything, you know. Yeah, right. So nevertheless, it's very valuable to say that you could be struck by things like that, many, many years past when.
Laura 1:03:56
Yeah, right. That's very true. Well, I
Scott Benner 1:04:00
think you, I think you lended the podcast a lot of interesting conversation
Laura 1:04:04
today. I really appreciate it. Yes, and I did want to say one last thing to you, please, because I, I was born near Philadelphia, so I appreciate how you say water instead. Thank you.
Scott Benner 1:04:17
People don't seem to make fun of me about it as much anymore, although I'll tell you, it's going to be forever. One of those words that just now, like if you said to me, say, you know, if you showed me a glass of it and said, say this correctly, yeah, I don't know which is the right way, yeah, yeah. I think people say water.
Laura 1:04:37
Yes, yep. That's how, now that I'm in upstate New York, we say water, but my my parents still say water, so I get glimpses of that once in a while,
Scott Benner 1:04:46
but I need to tell you, like, when I say water, it rattles through the front of my brain, like something's really wrong, right? Like it sounds wrong to me, and then, and then I say it, and then my kids are go, that's the right way. And I'm like, no. Think it's not, I doesn't sound such a ridiculous thing, you know.
Laura 1:05:04
Yeah, and we're going to see the Phillies in a in another month.
Scott Benner 1:05:08
So well, tell you right now. I said to my son the other day, is there a way we can get into a time machine and start the playoffs right now? Because we'd win this, win the World Series. Yes, they're so good at the moment,
Laura 1:05:20
they are. They're doing a little type one event. So we're gonna meet up with some we don't have much around our area for community, so I think that was another part of my grief, is that we just don't have much around here. So we're connecting with with some people from Philly.
Scott Benner 1:05:36
So wait, Philly's like the Phillies are having a type one event, or there's an
Laura 1:05:40
event, well, there's like, a
section for people, right? Oh, I know they do that every year, right? Yeah, so we're gonna go. I met some moms at a mom's night out last year at Cherry Hill, so some of us might meet up there.
Scott Benner 1:05:56
Look at you. Well, that's awesome. Yeah, good for you, yeah, well, and you'll see a great baseball game. I know absolutely one night when they suck, and you'll be like, how, I know that's very true. You ever did that? Like, if you finally have a moment and you've like, like, we have games on in our house constantly, but like, when I actually sit the watch it, I seem to be able to pick the one they'll win, like, three out of four, and I'll find a way to sit and watch the one game where everybody sucked. I don't know how I do
Laura 1:06:22
that, but we did that last summer. We went last August, and my daughter was so excited, and they lost, and she literally cried, like, yeah, she was crying. And I was actually happy, because it was so hot that day, I just wanted to leave. And I was like, if they start doing extra innings, I'm gonna die. It's so hot. Yeah? Daughter's crying, and I'm like, Yeah, we're done.
Scott Benner 1:06:44
I'm not gonna lie to you, it's hard. It's hard to go into that stadium July and August
Laura 1:06:48
sometimes, yeah, oh, it was so hot. Yeah.
Scott Benner 1:06:51
So weather's turning this, uh, it's getting cooler on the East Coast though, a little earlier this year. So yeah, we all have a great time. I appreciate you. I really do appreciate
Laura 1:07:01
it with me. Absolutely. I appreciate it definitely. Hold on one second for me. Okay, sure. Okay.
Scott Benner 1:07:14
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