#1577 Catholic Guilt

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Erin, 49, shares her daughter’s T1D diagnosis, twin dynamics, donor pregnancy, and the emotional weight of parenting through it all.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Friends, we're all back together for the next episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Welcome.

Erin 0:16
I am Aaron. I am the mother of a type 112, year old daughter. If

Scott Benner 0:23
this is your first time listening to the Juicebox Podcast and you'd like to hear more, download Apple podcasts or Spotify, really, any audio app at all, look for the Juicebox Podcast and follow or subscribe. We put out new content every day that you'll enjoy. Want to learn more about your diabetes management, go to Juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and look for bold Beginnings The Diabetes Pro Tip series and much more. This podcast is full of collections and series of information that will help you to live better with insulin. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan or becoming bold with insulin.

The episode you're listening to is sponsored by us Med, usmed.com/juicebox, or call 888-721-1514, you can get your diabetes testing supplies the same way we do from us. Med, today's episode is sponsored by the tandem mobi system with control iq plus technology. If you are looking for the only system with auto Bolus, multiple wear options and full control from your personal iPhone. You're looking for tandems, newest pump and algorithm. Use my link to support the podcast, tandem diabetes.com/juicebox,

Erin 1:53
check it out. I am Erin. I am the mother of a type 112, year old daughter,

Scott Benner 2:00
Erin. How old was she when she was diagnosed? She was nine, nine. So that was like, two years ago,

Erin 2:06
yeah, July 28 2022 stuck

Scott Benner 2:09
in your head a bit, right? Yeah. I

Erin 2:11
hear my husband tell people when they ask him, and he's like, I don't know, it was like, summer of oh, I'm like, July 28 2022

Scott Benner 2:19
you know, I do that, and I'm pretty attached to the whole thing. So that's a boy thing. Yeah, I know if you pressured me right now, I'd be, like, I think it was in August. And then, I mean, I can guess at the date, but I'm not sure. Like, I really don't have that. I don't know. Like, you know, like, I go out, I go grocery It's my life. I go grocery shopping. I do things for like the house and everything. I'll bump into somebody out my wife will be like, Oh, you saw this person again. She starts asking me a bunch of questions about I'm like, How would I know any of that? She goes, weren't you talking to them? I was like, Yeah, we spoke for 10 minutes. But I'm not a lady or gay. I didn't ask about that stuff. And if I was, I'd have all the answers for you. But I'm like, that's not what we spoke about anyway. I don't, I don't understand what you guys like, even when you start talking, she comes back, she's like, Oh, she had a baby. It was seven pounds, four ounces. It was, you know, like this. It was a C section. Do you know what happened on a Tuesday? And I'm like, I don't know what you're talking

Erin 3:16
about. It is funny, the details we hang on to and what we don't. I would say it's since diabetes, I've let go of a lot more details that I used to hold dear so. But that one, yeah, that

Scott Benner 3:28
one you have. But why do you think that is, do you think it's because you don't have the space for it anymore? Or,

Erin 3:33
yeah, yeah, it's the space. It's also just the perspective. I mean, I'm, I'm pretty type A have in my whole life. Can't even believe I didn't prepare for today and, like, wrote out everything I wanted to say I thought I was like, I just don't care. I don't care. He'll ask me questions, I'll answer it's a conversation, not a speech,

Scott Benner 3:50
right? Yeah, look at you. Hey. That's a bit I don't know you, but that's the thing you would have done in the past. I would celebrate not doing that.

Erin 3:56
Yes, yes, it is. That is the one gift that diabetes has brought us is just letting things go, like, Did anyone die today? Did anyone die? No, okay, we're good. Let's move forward.

Scott Benner 4:06
I interviewed uh Noah gray the other day. He's the tight end for the chiefs, and he

Erin 4:11
has type one. I'm gonna have to go look him up now, since I don't know

Scott Benner 4:14
anything, he'll be on the podcast in a week or so, I got it set up through tandem. He's, you know? He's a tandem. I don't know what they call them. He wears tandem Yeah, they give him some money, and he wears tandem pump. I don't think he wears it because of that. I think that's how they find them. Nevertheless, doesn't matter. He does some work for them. And I was able to get him on the podcast. Was awesome. And so the lovely people I work with the tandem or like, Hey, could you give us some questions about what you want to ask him? And I was like, what? So I'm sitting here, I'm like, Oh, I gotta make up a question now, then I gotta maybe say it, you know, so I, you know, first thing I said was, I said it occurs to me that what he's doing is incredibly difficult. He must have some skills or experiences that allow him to do this incredibly difficult thing. That he might want to reverse engineer and put it back on diabetes. So I thought, that's a question. And I said I also realized that he knows how to succeed, but he also knows how to fail, right? Like, so I'd like to know how failure helps him, you know, that kind of stuff. And they were like, you have questions about that? And I was like, oh, so. And this is them. They're hearing this right now, by the way, for the first time like so this is me. I'm outing myself. I also took questions from listeners, which is a thing I would have done anyway, right? And so I get a bunch of questions from them, and I swear to you, I just I went to chat GPT, and I was like, Hey, these are listener questions, and I want to know this, this, and this, can you set up like a list of questions for this interview? And it spit it out. And I was like, that looks good. And I emailed it to him, and then I never looked at it again. I did look at the questions from the listeners, though, because that I wanted to make sure I get in, so I blended those in through the conversation. Anyway, the funny part here is that when we logged on, he says, yeah, they sent me questions, but I figured we just talk right that was like, right on. Man. He didn't look at those damn questions either.

Erin 6:07
But that's a thing. That's what his people get paid for

Scott Benner 6:09
right now, boys, is what I'm saying. Because both of us, he and I, did the same exact thing. We were like, I didn't really think about the questions much, and I was like, Not me either. Anyway, all right, so two years ago, and I guess I unfairly know, because I have your notes, your child's a twin. Is that? Right? She

Erin 6:26
is yes, yes. So Avery and Hadley girl fraternal twins. So not identical, two kids, same birthday. Yeah, I appreciate

Scott Benner 6:36
were you clearing that up for me or for people listening? People listening. I've made the mistake

Erin 6:41
as a mom of twins. I have to explain it all the time, so it's just kind of part of how I explain things. Now, I did it

Scott Benner 6:47
once on the podcast, and it was one of those times where I thought, like, maybe we should just edit that out, where I said the stupidest

Erin 6:53
thing. Just now a little bit of mansplaining, yeah,

Scott Benner 6:56
no, I just I had it wrong. I was like, I don't understand. I'm like, Why don't they look the same? And then the person's going fraternal. And I'm like, I mean, they came out of the same place, the same time, like twins, right? I mean, why do you keep saying twins if they don't look

Erin 7:11
the same? I know. I know. Oh,

Scott Benner 7:15
yeah. Can you tell me a little process about having the kids? Yes.

Erin 7:18
So back up a few years, my husband and I were both married previously me younger than him, and by the time we got together, he had actually already had a vasectomy. So that did not go well for now, two people falling in love who actually decided they wanted kids. So we went ahead and went with a donor, and he, he, we know he's the he, it's actually anonymous. Now

Scott Benner 7:47
you're over explaining. So the person that gave the sperm, he, we got that good

Erin 7:56
so, yeah. So long story short, we used a donor. It's anonymous, but it's what they call open ID, so that when the girls turn 18, they can find out his identity.

Scott Benner 8:05
Okay, how do you pick? Is it hair, color, height, like what do you

Erin 8:09
I totally picked. I wanted him to look like my husband, so total opposite of me. Dark hair, dark skin, brown eyes, I'm pale as a ghost, Redhead, blue eyes. So I was like, All right, we're gonna put your jeans in there somehow. So that's how I picked

Scott Benner 8:29
I want to see your wedding photo? No, yeah,

Erin 8:32
first based on looks, then based on they. It's really kind of a cool thing that you go, you get sent pictures, and then they also have to write an essay. And you have to imagine, these donors are all college frat boys, right? So to hear them put together an essay, if why they want to provide

Scott Benner 8:50
this to your parents, I need beer money,

Erin 8:53
right? Exactly, but they can't say that. So I, I actually went and read it recently, because the girls have known for years that that's how they were conceived, but they never quite asked for more information. And I said, Well, you know, I actually have, like, this little packet if you ever want to see pictures or read his essay. And Avery, actually, the type one got really interested in it, so I showed her, and she was like, Oh, he sounds so nice. And I was like, yeah, he sounded a lot nicer when I picked him. Now he just kind of sounds like a 20 year

Scott Benner 9:23
old. In retrospect, we made a huge mistake, right? I don't even mean like with picking him. I mean the whole thing, the

Erin 9:30
whole thing, it's got to be a leap, right? It is. It's definitely a leap of faith, and it's funny, we, we did, we did six tries, and I think I had a different donor picked initially, and so after a couple of tries with that one, I switched, oh yeah,

Scott Benner 9:48
and it was bad product then, or that's

Erin 9:52
what I'm assuming, yeah, we also learned from our fertility guy when I when we went in for the procedure, like the last time, and we had already decided, like this. Is it, if this doesn't happen this time, we're going to Ireland, and this just wasn't meant

Scott Benner 10:05
to be, did you mean to steal a red headed baby? What do you say exactly? Go back to my roots.

Erin 10:12
It was basically the money thing, right? Like, let's quit. Let's just take our money go on a vacation. I got poison ivy, like, a week before the procedure. So I was put on steroids, and in the procedure room, I mentioned that he's like, Oh, that actually often helps in this like, what helps it take? What do you want to call it?

Scott Benner 10:32
Did you say? Why didn't you give it to me the first time? Then I did.

Erin 10:35
It was like, if that's a known thing, why isn't that just common practice? But lo and behold, here we are, and it must have worked too well, because we got two out of got two out of the

Scott Benner 10:43
deal. No kidding. Wow. I have to say, I think that is, it's lovely that people will do that, and at the same time, like, it's interesting to hear, like your perspective is really being through it. You're like, I know they were just looking for money or for something, but like, yeah, I don't know. I

Erin 10:56
don't in the moment I felt like, oh, he really wants to give you know, he had a great childhood. He just wants to give back and sure, yeah, of course, now that I am a parent, I realize that's not really like this

Scott Benner 11:07
idiot. What am I doing here? Yeah, no, that's really interesting. Okay, so kids come out, everything went well, no, no problems there. Awesome.

Erin 11:14
They actually were preemies. Not that it really matters, but yeah, they were two months early. Oh, wow, okay, but only in the NICU for 30 days and no health issues whatsoever. They called him.

Scott Benner 11:25
They were home a month before they were supposed to be born. Exactly. Yes, yes, sufficient. Your husband didn't try saying, like, I know I've had a vasectomy, but let's try really hard for a little while. I think I can get it to go through. No, I would have made that pitch,

Erin 11:37
I'm sure. But no, I'm not that dumb. And we were still, you know, very early in the days. So that wasn't an issue. Gotcha, I wasn't saying, I wasn't saying, No yet,

Scott Benner 11:48
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Erin 14:30
No, we actually get it from the donor, and that was obviously one of the first things I went and looked at. So no, I have no history of diabetes in our family, no autoimmune anything. So it was never on my radar. Looking back the donors thing, it did say diabetes, didn't say which kind, but it was for like, two really old people in his history. So I'm sure that when I read through it, I was looking for other stuff, and I'm like, Oh yeah, old people, diabetes, whatever. You know, everybody got. That diabetes. I don't

Scott Benner 15:02
know what that means. Yeah, you're, there's no autoimmune on your side of the family. You're redhead from Ireland. You don't have celiac or No, no, no,

Erin 15:11
no. I know. And I've, I mean, I've listened to so many of your episodes, and I was like, He's gonna ask me this question. You're not gonna believe

Scott Benner 15:18
people. Yeah, you find, like, a nervous aunt or anything like that. No, nothing about that. Good for wow, that's interesting.

Erin 15:24
Or maybe it's our side of the family doesn't talk either. Maybe they're hiding out there and we just don't know about it.

Scott Benner 15:30
Yeah, I was telling you a story before we started about somebody I just interviewed recently. Yeah, that's, I guess that's possible too, like, maybe they just don't mention it, don't tell anybody. I just had a guy the other day say I asked the question is on my family wouldn't say stuff like that to each other. Okay? Um, so in the first m I don't know why I just made that noise, but I prefer if that didn't happen again. I was like in the first nine years. How was their health? Generally speaking, amazing. Nothing, nothing, okay, nothing, nope. What's the first sign that makes you think something's

Erin 16:05
up? So the it's funny, obviously all the signs were there for probably a good month, but it took about a week from me really seeing something to be like we need to take her to the doctor. I still didn't think diabetes, but it was weight loss. So she came down one day we were going to go to the pool, and her bathing suit was just hanging on her, and she looked at me, she said, Mom, what is happening? I was like, Oh, I don't know, but I think we're going to take you to the doctor. And I, I'm trying to remember what Scott and I, my husband's name, Scott, what we were thinking about that night, like we were talking, I'm like, I gotta take her. I was like, something feels weird, but I can't pinpoint it. And I'm like, I don't want to go like, I don't want to know, you know, you know you have to do it, but you're like, yeah, so I'm sure we thought cancer, something like that. I called the doctor the next day, and I explained, and it was then I started to realize, I'm like, Ooh, she also has started wetting the bed again, right, a little sporadically, and she was doing it and then washing her own sheets again. She's nine. She hasn't went to bed since, I don't know, four

Scott Benner 17:16
or five, probably in her memory, she probably hasn't, right? Yeah,

Erin 17:20
yeah. I mean, she was a bed wetter longer than most kids, but not consistently so, and it had been many years.

Scott Benner 17:27
I'm reminded of all the children in my life who have told me, you know, I don't know why Mom tells people this stuff when she's talking to them, but I'm pretty sure that's going to fall into that category. Yeah,

Erin 17:36
exactly. So Avery said, as she's leaving for school, she's like, good luck on your podcast. Don't say anything to embarrass me. Well, I'm like, well, there we go.

Scott Benner 17:45
14 minutes in, you screwed that up. She was just a bed wetter longer than you would imagine, you know. So she was like, policing it up. Did she tell you? Did she wet the bed and then tell you?

Erin 17:58
Yes? Okay, yes, yes. So that probably happened two weeks, a couple of times the two weeks leading up to it. It was the is, what? How do you say? Kusma, breathing. Yeah, Kuzma. It was the breathing that really freaked me out. That was happening for two days. And of course, at the time, I had no idea what it was, but I kept asking her, I'm like, Are you all right? Like, you just don't sound right. So are you tired? Are you breathing heavy? And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine.

Scott Benner 18:26
So your super skinny daughter is panting for two days, right? Right? Yes, okay, yep. And at some point you think, Oh, we have to go to the doctor to find out

Erin 18:35
she's so I call the doctor and they say you should probably bring her in. Can you get here today? And I was like, Oh, she has a voice lesson. Horrible. Is this? Like, could it be they? I said she's not, you know, she's eating like everything is normal. I don't think it's that serious, but I just want to get it. Could we have an appointment for Thursday? So let's insert mom guilt

Scott Benner 19:01
there. No, no, we'll just call this episode White Lady problems. That's all. Oh, yeah, right, right. She had voice lessons.

Erin 19:07
Really truthful with you. I thought we were gonna get such bad news, but didn't realize it was immediately life threatening. But I was like, I just want to give her one more day.

Scott Benner 19:15
Oh, you just wanted to find it for her, like, a little more space, yeah. Oh, that's interesting. So can I ask you retrospectively, what would that do the day? Have you thought about it? Yeah,

Erin 19:32
I think just one more thing that she enjoyed doing, right without having that news, whatever that news was going to be, yeah, I hear that maybe it was more for me, right? Yeah, I don't know. Day of normal, I don't know.

Scott Benner 19:47
Listen, some people say things and then they're like, I know exactly why this happened. I did this consciously, and sometimes it's not so. I just like to ask, but I was up later last night working on the podcast, you're welcome. And. It's my choice, and I was up working late on the podcast, and I opened up my app with my pictures in it to find something. And you know how it just like shoves pictures in front of you sometimes. So it's a picture of Kelly holding Arden and Kohl's next door, and they're in an overlook when we enter Yosemite. And I thought, oh, that's before Arden had diabetes. Yeah, she'd gotten it so early in her life. We don't have a ton of pictures that you look at and think that about, yeah, and I swear, I just had this I got overwhelmed. And I thought about, like, I looked at the three of them, and I thought, I wonder who they were going to be, you know, like, like, I wonder what was going to happen, like, before this, because this is definitely, like, one of those things, right? Like, it's a, you know, it's a, it's a ping pong ball that gets redirected, like you're heading in one direction, and then suddenly, you know, you make a turn that you weren't going to make, and now there's a whole new path in front of you, and you know, you're not getting back to the one that you were on before, you're always going to be colored by this, this experience. And I got really freaking sad for a half a second, and then I started tumbling down a rabbit hole. Couldn't remember how long my buddy had been dead. And then I was like, I gotta go to bed. And I just like, first it was that it was, Oh, that was before Arden had diabetes. And then it was like, Oh, look how long ago that was. And oh, my God, I'm old. And then how long has Mike been gone? And then I swear to you, I just thought, okay, you know what? I'm gonna finish up tomorrow. And so I just, I just shut everything down. I was like, that's enough for tonight. I was a little too tired, but I don't know why I told you that, other than it felt like it fit there. So,

Erin 21:40
yeah, no, I, I did the same thing actually, two days ago, where my mom is about to turn 80, my sister was asking, like, hey, send me pictures of, you know, your families with her, and we're going to do this. Like 80 things we love about you, right? Super sweet. Nice. So I'm looking at pictures a we don't have many recent ones. We're just so busy and we're just it's not on my mind anymore to grab the phone and take a picture. Yeah, so I so I'm going earlier and earlier. You know, 10, 987, and need to I had that exact same feeling, I'm labeling these before and after, right?

Scott Benner 22:17
I thought I was past it, but I wasn't. It hit me pretty it hit me pretty

Erin 22:21
hard. Good to know that 20 years from now, I'll still be feeling this way. Matt,

Scott Benner 22:25
yeah, look forward to that. Aaron, in 2045 you might be sad one night while you're working on your helipad, or whatever it is you're doing at that point with your flying thing that drives itself or whatever. Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean by the way, my my friend's birthday is today, and I'm texting her and, like, by the time we're done, I'm telling her this, and I was like, happy birthday.

Erin 22:47
Glad you're alive. Like, what? Geez, I actually said

Scott Benner 22:49
to her, I'm like, I'm gonna start a line of greeting cards. What did I tell her? Hold on a second. I said, I'm gonna start a line of greeting cards that say horrible things inside. I think they'll take off. And then I gave her an example, and I said, Happy Birthday. You know how you can't remember how long it's been since your cat died? One day people will forget you too. Have an awesome day.

Erin 23:08
Oh, I know there's a market. I'm sure someone's already doing

Scott Benner 23:12
this. She sent me a book that's like affirmations that are not affirming. And I was, like, hilarious, perfect. Anyway. So I want to pivot a little here, because I like your notes, like you said something about transitioning to staying home more. So were you a working person like full time when they were diagnosed?

Erin 23:32
Yes. So we both work full time. We both still do work full time. The transition that I probably was getting into was more around her and wanting to stay home alone, right? So you have to imagine, we have these twins. We did not expect twins. We get through all of those years. We don't have no family around, really helping out. We see, we're seeing the finish line. They're getting older. They're about to be able to stay home alone. Yeah, you know all those things were like, oh, okay, we did it. We get to, like, actually enjoy our lives while we still have our children.

Scott Benner 24:08
I'm gonna smoke crack again. No, I'm sorry. I'm just kidding. I was just joking.

Erin 24:14
That's how you've pinned me already.

Scott Benner 24:17
That's the red hair. No, because so

Erin 24:23
you know when, when you first get hit with diagnosis, and I think it hits everyone differently based on the age of their kid, right? So they're not, she's nine, and because they have each other, we were getting pretty close being like, yeah, we can run to the store and they'll be okay. They're smart kids, they're pretty reliable. They're not going to burn down the house. And it just kind of threw this shadow over everything, like, oh, I can never leave her again, right? And it felt that way for a good year, I think, where I did not trust any other adult to be with her. So if it wasn't me or Scott, I. It was

Scott Benner 25:00
nobody. Do you think she felt that? Oh, yeah, yeah, 100% detrimentally or positively?

Erin 25:09
What do you say that a different way?

Scott Benner 25:11
Be clear. I wish people would just go. Could you speak English please? Like, do you think she felt that and felt comforted by it, or do you think she felt smothered by it?

Erin 25:23
Oh, I don't think she picked up on it. Oh, okay, okay. No, no. I it was more us realizing, like, okay, nobody's asking to learn about this. You know, grown ups, right? Nobody is offering to learn and stay and help. So I guess it's just us until she can do it on her own. So even when it came to like maybe finding babysitters, the first time I felt comfortable having a babysitter, I had to make sure that they had type one them. It was and I I've gone through this progression over the past few years of letting that part go. It's kind of like when you hear everybody sit first get diagnosed, they want to tell the teachers everything. They have packets of information. They're educating everybody to ad nauseam, and everyone's eyes are glazing over, and they think you're a crazy person. Now I'm just like, hey, my daughter has this thing. Don't worry about it. We just text each other. I just need your cell phone on, and I'll call you if I if she's not answering me,

Scott Benner 26:23
she passes out. Could you jab her with us? That's

Erin 26:26
really, I mean, that's really, I don't even tell them about the, about the glucagon anymore, really. Yeah, you know, I'm like, if there's a problem, I need to get a hold of you, and then I'll tell them about, hey,

Scott Benner 26:37
listen, don't look at her for a second. I know it's disturbing, but hold on, just in her bag.

Erin 26:42
If you look in her pocket, you're gonna find this thing

Scott Benner 26:46
well, so you feel better now that you've let that go. I imagine

Erin 26:49
Yes, yes. And I think it comes a just with time and experience and realizing that bad things aren't going to happen every other hour, and she has gotten so much better, but that's just a natural progression of age too. You know, nine to 12 is very different. And this is, of course, made her grow up super fast, yeah? So now, you know, we, we went from, okay, we can get sitters, but we need to educate them, or have them have type one themselves that I don't feel like I have to educate them so much.

Scott Benner 27:24
How long did it take you to find a kid with type one to babysit?

Erin 27:28
Not long. How did I find I got like, three referrals. I'm sure it was some Facebook group, some kind of, yeah, it was some kind of network group, like, how do I find a babysitter? Like, go to this go to this group. They have a whole list, and they'll send you names. That's how I found our first

Scott Benner 27:45
one. Yeah, nice. Did it actually end up being valuable that the sitter had type one, or did it never even come into

Erin 27:52
I think it was Val it was valuable for me because I didn't have to explain anything, right? So it was just, it was nice to just be like, here's her stuff. She knows how to do everything herself, but you know if you could just kind of help her with some carb counting, because you guys are having takeout tonight, or text me if you have a question about something, or if this pod falls off, you know, you wear it too, so you at least.

Scott Benner 28:19
And do you think your daughter found it comforting?

Erin 28:23
No, she did not like it. She was very embarrassed that I felt like I needed to have somebody with type 100.

Scott Benner 28:30
That's interesting. She told you about right? She did.

Erin 28:33
Oh, yeah. She's very open about how she feels about everything.

Scott Benner 28:37
Did you get like the mom? What do you like that? Or is she coming? She's like, I feel

Erin 28:42
like you're just drawing attention to it, you know. And why does it have to she's like, Why? Why does it need to be this way? And I want to be like, well, because I otherwise, I might as well just stay home. Right? Listen,

Scott Benner 28:55
if you can't be uncomfortable about this, you're gonna have to be uncomfortable about something else. Okay, so it's either this or ruining my evening. Which one do you want to be responsible for? Which is ridiculous, but definitely like you're not trying to do that, but it's how she's feeling. It's how she's feeling, for sure, I think Arden would do the same thing. Yeah, yeah. I think she'd be like, why this is not necessary? I think no matter how old they are, they think I'm okay. I know how to do this. I think if you listen closely enough to the podcast, it's true for everybody, no matter how true it actually is. Does that make sense? Yep, everybody's like, I have diabetes and I've got this and I don't need your help. And people say that if they're a 1c, is five or 13, right?

Erin 29:42
Yep, I got that lecture from her the other day. Probably another story she'll be mad about me telling but she wanted to go to her boyfriend's house, whatever that means in sixth grade, right? So I'm driving her over there and and his parents know he knows. But they don't talk about it, like, so she and her little boyfriend, they don't chat about

Scott Benner 30:04
it. How well does she know? 1112, 12? Yeah, there's no deep conversations

Erin 30:07
about, no, no, no. They're not like, how are you feeling? So I said, All right, hey, you're 15 minutes away. Like, just grab your glucagon and a Juicebox, right? Because just have that. That's just our standard thing that we leave the house with. She got real mad. She said, I'm not going to need the juice. Okay, he'll have juice, and he knows. So I can ask him if I need something. Oh, wow, all right, I'm like, but seriously, it's just, like, another thing you put in your pocket. It's not a big deal.

Scott Benner 30:41
And I don't want to, I don't want to panic you here, but you said you were married early the first time. How old

Erin 30:46
were you

Scott Benner 30:47
27 Oh, that's not early. What do you think about ridiculous, earlier in life? Oh, earlier than him. Earlier than Scott. Yes, I see as I I'm starting to hear that

Erin 30:57
like I'm younger than Scott. We both had been married previously. I see I'm

Scott Benner 31:01
just hearing that pregnant at 18, energy from your daughter right now. And I thought maybe you had like, she's like, I don't want that boy seeing this Juicebox. I don't need you telling me what to do and blah, blah, blah. I was like, oh, no, Beauty School is close.

Erin 31:19
It's the it's the I don't want to be different. And that is exactly the five minute little meltdown she had in the car. In the way was, I just want to leave the house and not have to think about this. I just want to go somewhere and not have to grab anything. And I said, I get it, and it sucks, but I ask you for two things. And then she said, But, and that she wanted to argue about it. I said, You know what? You're right, he will have juice or soda or something, and so that is fine. I will concede to that. And she but that's when I got the I know this way more. I know way more about diabetes than you do, and I know my body, and I'm awesome, Yep, yeah,

Scott Benner 32:00
sure, you do. I do.

Erin 32:03
And she does, know a lot she does, but you know, you also have to be like, but you also just said, If you started to go low, you would just put yourself in activity mode and like, that's not gonna catch it. So are you like? So, you know, she's like, that's not what I meant, you know, words. So I have to make sure.

Scott Benner 32:22
Yeah, when does the lady time start soon? Or has it already awesome? Yeah, my wife takes great Glee when I'll start over. And whenever my kids do something irritating, they she loves to look at me and go, that's you. You can see it in them. Do you guys just both put it off on the donor,

Erin 32:42
right? No, she's she's all me. Oh, really, yeah, I

Scott Benner 32:46
didn't mean in front of her. I met you and your husband. Do you go, like, you're like, oh, you know that must have been the guy. Don't you think?

Erin 32:52
No, I recognize it. It's me. It's all right. She got my good stuff and my bad stuff.

Scott Benner 32:59
Does that make it easier, that, you know, it or harder?

Erin 33:03
I think it's easier, yeah? I mean, you know, I I'm proud of who I'm. I think I'm understanding your question, like I'm proud of who I turned out to be, and I gave my mom the same

Scott Benner 33:12
problems. So, yeah, so mom's still alive, or did you have a nervous

Erin 33:17
breakdown? Yeah, right. I almost killed her twice, but she's still kicking it.

Scott Benner 33:22
Was that a joke? Or do you have two things in your head that you think you almost killed? You have

Erin 33:26
two things, but we're not going to talk about them here, in case she ever wants to hear it. And more importantly, Avery is probably going to want to listen to this, and so she doesn't need to know about these yet.

Scott Benner 33:36
Yeah, we'll just leave the cocaine smoking as a joke for now. Right, right, right. Like so you have in your notes here about effects on your marriage. I'm interested.

Erin 33:47
Yeah, sure. So I'm sure it affects every marriage ours. I feel like we went immediately back into newborn twin phase, where we knew that in order to survive, we had to just split it up. So instead of doing things together, we took turns. And that's a really good strategy, right? But you also get further apart from each other. And you know, he'll be the first to tell you that I'm the one always listening to the podcast in those you know, first few months, I was absorbing everything I could. And it's not that he wasn't. It was just a different kind of information that he was scouring. So I think I felt like I'm the only one who knows what's going on. Or, how do you not know about this yet,

Scott Benner 34:35
this episode in the way you're looking for information? Yeah,

Erin 34:39
why aren't you listening to the podcast, right? Quit going to Reddit.

Scott Benner 34:42
Reddit. Is that what he did? I was gonna say, I'm pretty popular on Reddit, so we don't want to bad mouth them at all. Okay, so you don't know how he looked for information,

Erin 34:54
no, and I but I know he did, because he would bring things to me, and I would say I already knew that. That, right, which is such a crappy

Scott Benner 35:03
way to be. How old are you now?

Erin 35:07
I am 49

Scott Benner 35:09
you're like, oh, dummy, what do you have there? Let me see, I learned that three weeks ago I

Erin 35:17
was being so upset. I mean, and I know that again, that was me. It was my way of coping. Was all right. I just have to get all the information I can and figure this out, and then we'll all be okay, right. Then nothing could go wrong, as long as I know everything. But am

Scott Benner 35:34
I right to say that you guys were like, we all do stuff together, people before this? Yes, yeah. So the four of you were everywhere together, yeah, yeah, and yeah. Do you feel like it made you I mean, did it change? Obviously, it changed things, but it changed things for the worse, the better. Did something noticeable come from

Erin 35:51
it? I think it just was different for a while. So, and it's funny, Avery noticed it, but not until, like, a year in, again, early days, when you're still finger poking all of that. I wanted to be close to her, so we have a guest room right outside of her bedroom. So we would just take turns. Whoever had the overnight shift would sleep in the guest room. Then we realized we really like sleeping apart, because we can actually sleep, right? I'm not hearing snoring. He's not feeling me get up four times to pee, and so it's just become a thing we do. It's not that we're not together, right? But when it's sleepy time, go to your own bed.

Scott Benner 36:30
That's a pretty big shift. Yeah. Do you think it's a positive shift? I think for our sleep It

Erin 36:37
is, yes, but we did realize it started to, like, the girls were picking up on it, and Avery all of a sudden, was like, Wait, are you sleeping down here for me? Oh, and

I was like, Oh.

I said, well, sometimes, you know, like it because I'm also 100% honest with her, like that was within days of diagnosis, you know, she's looking at me like, What the hell are we going to do? I said, I promise to always be honest. That's what I can promise you, we'll figure it out together. And such Are you down here for me? I said in the beginning, yes. Sometimes now still Yes, but it is not

Scott Benner 37:15
it's mostly because Daddy farts Right, right. It turns out, we've been at this a while, and I don't really need to sleep with him anymore. He seems to feel the same way, by the way,

Erin 37:30
we like to be together. We just don't like to sleep together.

Scott Benner 37:33
Yeah, no. I mean, I've heard people say that before, also, like, I don't know, like, are you at that part where you're always hot and you're

Erin 37:41
Yes, yeah, yes, right? So I don't need another, you know, heater in that bed,

Scott Benner 37:46
another heater. Did it impact your together time?

Erin 37:51
I would say diabetes has, but not that, not the overnight, no, right? But I think again, it's, it's this, how much space do you have in your head at the end of the day? Yeah. How many times do you try and then something starts beeping that you're just like, I feel like I'm causing this. You know?

Scott Benner 38:16
Am I making her blood sugar? Great. That powerful. It's hard to start and stop a lot when you're older, too, right, right? He's probably like, it's over.

Erin 38:29
That's just, if anything, and so I never want her to think that, that she caused any of that. It's just, it's time of life. It's all the things that happen to people once they've been married a long time. We're tired, we're all that. So you add this extra worry on top of it, yeah, it just makes things kind of just makes things a little bit more

Scott Benner 38:48
difficult. When she realized you were sleeping in that room for her, did it occur to you to go like, Oh no, that's not why, and then never sleep in there again? Or like, I know you told her the truth, but yeah, we

Erin 38:58
did. I mean, I started laughing, and because she I'll never forget, what did she say, something like, you get you get back up in that marriage bed and act like husband and wife. And I was like,

Scott Benner 39:09
what TV show did you hear? What crappy shows are your kids watching on CBS? Exactly

Erin 39:16
what showed you here that on,

Scott Benner 39:18
honey, I don't want you watching any more tracker or whatever else you're finding on old people television.

Erin 39:25
It probably wasn't that eloquent what you said, but, but

Scott Benner 39:27
it felt like that's what she was saying. That's what it felt like, yeah. And so, of

Erin 39:31
course, I bust out laughing. I'm like, all right. It's like she's noticed, and she thinks it's for her. And so let's, you know, maybe try to sleep together more,

Scott Benner 39:39
yeah. And clearly, now I've been a rough it with this guy because to make the kid feel better. But I mean, she had the same exact response about going to the boyfriend's house, like she doesn't want it to be about her, right? Yeah, she doesn't want any attention drawn to it. She doesn't want to be about her. Is she a person? Is she hiding her pump? Is she like? I'm assuming she wears CGM. It's like, are those things, like out in the open or no,

Erin 40:04
they are not, no, and when we talk about it, so I so interesting how you put these things on your kids and you think, you know how they're going to react to things. When we first got the news, I thought, this is horrible, but she is such an outgoing person. She's going to, like, kind of be the champion of educating people on time about type one, right? No, she immediately she had two teachers and a nurse in fourth grade that she would talk to about it. She would not talk about it with any of her friends. Same in fifth grade, sixth grade, I think she's told three people and had actual conversations about it. When I asked her about it, she, she's like, it's not that I'm hiding it, I just don't want to explain it. And I get that, I think it's probably, you know, as her mom, like, it's probably a little of all of it, you know, she, she'll be in certain situations where she doesn't care if anybody sees it. She's definitely strategically putting things places based on seasons, short sleeve shirt, Dexcom, suddenly she doesn't want on her arms, things like that, right? But I think that's so normal, right? 12 is hard. Middle school sucks.

Scott Benner 41:19
Yeah? I mean, I don't, I don't see like it. I think it's personal, but, like, you know, person to person. But I don't think it's weird if you don't want anybody to say it, yeah, not at all. I also don't think it's weird if you slap it on your forehead and you're like, I don't care who sees it. Like, I don't think about I don't watch Arden hide it at all. But she is also not looking to talk to you about diabetes, sure. So, yeah, if somebody took that as an opening, I mean, she'd be like, if you just, if you didn't know art, and you, like, rolled up on her and at some store, and you're like, oh my god, on the pot, I have that too. And she'd be like, Oh yeah, diabetes, right? And then that's it. We're gonna keep doing this, or is it over now? Like, no, I think she'd be incredibly polite. I don't think she'd be turned off by it at all. But I mean, if you're looking for her to like, like, say, hey, let's find a seat and sit down. I really want to chop it up about this. I don't think she's that person, not that person, yeah, yeah, it's pretty much, you know. And I know people who are, and I don't think either is odd. Yeah, I get that. You know, you pointed out too like it's a real that's a precarious age.

Erin 42:27
Yeah, your bangs are too long or too short, and you feel like you can't go to school. So I can't imagine what she feels like. I mean, I think, I think she's only, she's still only one of three in this huge Middle School,

Scott Benner 42:39
all right. So I feel like your example about your bangs was from personal experience, not it's not a thing. You were

Erin 42:46
making a lie. These two girls going through middle schools bringing back some serious PTSD, right?

Scott Benner 42:53
Ma, I can't go anywhere. It'll grow back in three weeks. Until then, I sit here. Okay,

Erin 43:00
I need a black sweatshirt tomorrow or life is over. You know, like, yes. I remember those feelings like, okay, just get through it. I

Scott Benner 43:10
also need eyeliner and I need a hoodie. I just, I need to explain me to cover myself and just wander through life. Yes, yes. That's interesting. I wonder what makes people feel that way, like that, self consciousness at certain ages, specifically. You

Erin 43:23
know, do you feel like Arden never went through that in middle school? A cover up time. No cover up not, not of diabetes, just like in general, of like, I'm figuring myself out, and everything's embarrassing, and,

Scott Benner 43:36
I mean, she'll talk about it in hindsight, but I never noticed that. Like, she's always like, I mean, I think sometimes Arden's artistic expression is her clothing. So I think she's always like, putting outfits together. And, like, there's not a day that goes by that somebody doesn't pull her aside and say, That looks awesome. Like, where'd you get that? Or, how did you put those two things together? Like, she just, like, she rolls through life like that, but she also doesn't want the she doesn't want any of it. She told me the other day, I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you this, let me You mean, like, the attention, yeah, she's not attention seeking. She just likes clothing.

Erin 44:17
I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for me. This

Scott Benner 44:19
is not for you. I just, I mean, like, look at these pants. Look how awesome they are. So she was walking across campus the recently, and she said she got cat called by the lacrosse team. And she said, like, they didn't she's like, I kept walking, and they didn't stop, and they didn't stop. So then it's such a funny story, because she's like, I said, what'd you do? She goes, I just gave him like the finger. And then they and I was like, did that stop him? She goes, No. And I was like, I didn't imagine it would. And, you know, like, they're like, come on. Like, you know, they they're doing that. She's, you know, the whole thing. And she said, she just kept walking. And she This is such a crazy story, like, she's seeing a boy now, and she just kept walking. And she's like, I looked up. I was busy giving them the finger, not looking where I was going. She goes, which is my mistake. I almost walked into somebody, and she's like, I pulled myself down. I looked up, and I said, I'm sorry. And she goes, it's my boyfriend. Oh my god, I almost, like, ran right through him, you know, like, out on the on a sidewalk, and then he just goes, Hey, who you giving the finger to? Because he didn't get to see any of the like, the preamble to it. But I think somewhere in that story is Arden, like, you know, she's not going to change how she dresses. And she wasn't like, I want to be clear, like, she wasn't like, uncovered or anything like that, you know, and if she was, it'd be up to her. But it wasn't the case. She's just, you know, she's a pretty girl walking somewhere, and they started talking, and, like, it got louder and louder, and then, you know, it took over, like they, you know, kind of, it turned into a pack of guys. And it's so funny, because she says to me, this will definitely get me in trouble for sharing this. So why not Aaron? She's she's telling me the story, and like, she looks to me for like response. And I go, were they, like, nice about it? Like it was, it wasn't, was it crude? And she goes, Why does that matter? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm a boy. I feel like it kind of matters, like, if it was like, crude, then like, I don't like that. I was like, but were they just yelling, hey? Like, and she's like, it doesn't matter. And I was like, by the way, I also know it doesn't matter. I was just trying to get the lay of the land. Like, what, like, were the people aggressively being

Erin 46:29
intensity of the situation?

Scott Benner 46:31
Yes, you know, intention is important sometimes. And did she care? I don't even know if I asked her now, like, Did it bother you? I don't even know what the answer would be to that, like, I just know that she just, she wasn't looking for the attention. That's all. Anyway, are the girls the same, or they very are they dissimilar?

Erin 46:49
They're very different, especially as they've gotten older. And you know one thing, the first question I usually get, you know, is, like, did we do trial net for for Hadley, and it's, it's funny. So Hadley, strangely, is my hypochondriac for no reason. She's never had anything horrible happen to her. She was like this before April was diagnosed, but that definitely hasn't helped anything. So I had, I think it was when I went to, I did go to a touch by type one conference a couple years back, and so I signed up for the package there. Totally forgot about it. Had a sitter. I'm sure she was the type one still. And when we got back that night, the sitter was like, I'm so sorry. Hadley intercepted a package and she saw her name on it and she opened it. I'm like, Oh crap. And at least she's like, I'm not doing that. She's like, I don't want to know. There's no reason to know if it happens. It happens. And so we threw the box away.

Scott Benner 47:48
Trial that right now is like, so hard. It's so hard to get people I'm also

Erin 47:53
pretty sure it would have been like, past the expiration date by the time we actually threw the box

Scott Benner 47:58
away. No, no. I mean, it's such a hard thing to get people to do, like, you send a lot of those boxes out and don't get them back. Yeah, not uncommon.

Erin 48:06
So I know I just, and again, it was an age thing. Had she been younger, I may have forced it. But, like, why already said she had a choice, so I'm gonna give her that choice. And and I, you know, I think there's some validity to that. I always see both sides. But you know, what is she going to do with the information and for her personality? Knowing isn't going to make it

Scott Benner 48:29
better again, I'll say that. I think this is a very specific thing, person to person. There are people who want to know, there are people who need to know, and there are people who would do better not knowing. Right? You know? So if that's who she is and that's who she is, that's who she is, yeah, yeah. You know, you said something earlier that I wanted to make the title, and I should have said it out loud so Rob would have heard it. Something about honesty. Did you have a saying about honesty,

Erin 48:54
or just that I'll always be honest with her? No,

Scott Benner 48:57
you said it like, in a really musical way. And I was like, oh, that's the title anyway. I guess I could figure it out on

Erin 49:05
my own, but you have no idea. I'll try to say something

Scott Benner 49:07
else, pretty great. You have no idea how much of a problem this is like coming up with the titles. Yeah, it's not easy. First of all, and when I'm

Erin 49:17
sure you have to feel like you have to top yourself each time.

Scott Benner 49:20
Listen, I got on, if you saw on, I was online this morning. I was pretty pissed. I put out an episode called Canadian danger phallus, and I was so proud of that title, and nobody really came back and talked to me about it. I was like, oh,

Erin 49:36
wasted

Scott Benner 49:38
someone to reach out about this. Like, it's a great episode about a Canadian couple, which I think is inferred in the in the title, and the husband a lot of times, if he had sex with people, they get sick. Oh, my God, it had nothing to do with anything.

Erin 49:52
But what do you mean? They'd get

Scott Benner 49:53
sick people he had been intimate with were getting like, diabetes, or like, yeah, yeah. Like, I. I think he was married to a girl who got type one. And then, if I'm remembering it right, then they got divorced, and they married the girl I was talking to, and she got type or the kid. And I'm like, I don't know. Like, I just in the middle of it. I was like, Do you think his penis is to blame? And she's like, I It's so then that's when we came up with the, she said the I've thought of that already. And I was like, of course you have. I called the episode Canadian danger phallus, and I came up with this great, like, graphic for it. It's like a frozen tree that's vaguely in the size,

Erin 50:27
ah, it's wonderful. I'll try to go look for it. Well, I

Scott Benner 50:31
mean, I work hard at that. Here's what ends up happening. It's like, you and I will record together, and then this episode will go over to Rob like it goes magically across the country digitally. You know, people don't think about stuff like that anymore. Like, of course it does, yes, God, I know how email works. But like, you know, it literally goes, like, completely across the country where Rob listens to it. He puts a bunch of processes on it. He does what he does. And in the end, the thing he does for me, that is a huge favor, is he listens for me to say that should be the title, because you'd think I could write it down, but my brain doesn't work that way. So like, and when we get to the end of this, we've tried all different kinds of things, like, we'll get to the end like you and I will say goodbye. And then we used to do this thing where I'd sit down and go, Okay, Aaron is the mother of two. They're fraternal twins, and I do like a little talk up to like, kind of encapsulate what we talked about, like you and I, but the truth is, is I can't remember. It's you talk tell your kid, talk about being embarrassed. I'm in here by myself, and eight seconds after I finished the recording, I can't remember what I just spoke about. Okay, so anyway, it's very important that when I hear the title, I go, Oh, that's a good title, because that's how we actually remember what it's letting you in on a couple secrets about how the podcast is made. I am interested. How long has it been since your daughter was like, are you sleeping down here because of May?

Erin 52:04
Oh, that was a good what, two years ago? Oh, that was in the very beginning. It was in the beginning. Yes, yes. You're very fascinated with that one part.

Scott Benner 52:13
Oh, it's all. You don't think it's crazy. You don't think, like, I mean, listen, do you live at Westminster Abbey? Like, how big is the house? It's not, well, then that's my point.

Erin 52:23
But we're on a different floor, like, our rooms on a different floor, so it's just a little more obvious. Yeah, there's stairs in between.

Scott Benner 52:30
You're like, I'm too old to walk up and down stairs in the middle of the night. Frankly, it was

Erin 52:34
when, so, especially before we before we could have the app on her phone for Omnipod five. Oh, yeah, the separate controller. So we're, you know, we've set it up. Okay, okay, okay, in the beginning, you know, we're like, whoever's on duty, yeah, I could dose her from bed. So if you're on duty, why do we both have to keep waking up?

Scott Benner 52:52
I see where'd you have Ray one saying, and it's still there,

Erin 52:55
yeah? Since diagnosis, so she was over 14, and I think in the ER, she was like, I think it just spread, you know, greater than whatever their meter was. But within the first month, she was down in the sevens, and now she's been in the sixes the whole time. Okay,

Scott Benner 53:16
and so you are very proactive with insulin. We

Erin 53:20
are very proactive. Yes. Is that my fault? It's totally your fault.

Scott Benner 53:25
Sleep in that bed. Yes, yes, yeah. People who don't listen to the podcast and be like, she'll be all right.

Erin 53:30
They're like, I don't know. I think 300 overnight is safer, so good night's

Scott Benner 53:35
sleep. It'll be fine. I'll wake up in the morning. We'll talk about it then. Okay, so you learned about you were learning, and she's growing, and she hits that and, yeah, she's popping up overnight. And you're like, I can't let her stay like this, right? Okay,

Erin 53:49
yeah, no. So finding you, I mean, I found the podcast in the hospital and then started just binge listening. And thankfully, it was the time you you already had some playlists out, right? So you already had bold beginnings. Whatever the new Yeah, bold beginnings. What's the other one? Pro Tip series? Those were already kind of compiled. So I have very distinct memories of power washing the front deck, just

Scott Benner 54:13
listening. Oh, and it actually helped you.

Erin 54:16
It did. It did absolutely, you know, and I'm, I'm sure I said it in my note. I'm sure 1000 out of 1500 people have told you that you know, you just don't get a lot of information. You only see your endo every three months, and they, all they do is say, Do you have any questions? They're not asking you or telling you and saying they don't have a plan for Okay, next time you come in, we'll talk about this strategy. Yeah, it's never like that. And maybe it's not like that for us, because we have her in the sixes, and they have all their other patients are in the 10s, I don't know, but they're kind of like, oh, you seem to know what you're doing. So our job here is done. I feel

Scott Benner 54:53
like if I ever met a billionaire, I'd be like, Oh, this is my chance to find out how to make a billion dollars. And if I looked at. And said, Do you mind if we talk about how to make a billion dollars? And he said, Sure. Do you have any questions? I'd be like, Listen, you prick. If I if I knew what to ask you, I'd be doing it already. Exactly. It's such a backwards way to approach people. Yes, yeah. So,

Erin 55:16
yeah. So obviously, we've learned everything I have. Scott's learning it from Reddit, apparently. So yes, we're definitely bold with the insulin. I even, I mean, I credit the podcast for learning. Just do a reset when Omnipod five wasn't quite doing what we needed it to do. So our settings must have been off in the beginning. And I'm like, Well, I'm just going to do some math on my own, let me look at some data and decide where we think we should be and give it a shot. And I don't think I would have done that without hearing enough stories of other people who just kind of took control, and they're fine. You know, I

Scott Benner 55:54
agree. I think being able to make an adjustment to your insulin is maybe the most paramount thing that that someone could learn if they have type one, especially over time. Yeah, I think that people who struggle into their adulthood, that's their common thread. They said, somebody told them, like, come back in three months and we'll look at it again. And they never thought about it, and they didn't look at changing their insulin. I saw a person the other day, they started taking a like, something for anxiety, and they're like, I'm low all the time now. Is your anxiety gone from the medication? They're like, Yeah, I'm like, maybe you just don't need as much insulin anymore, because you're not a nervous wreck, right? Maybe that's it. And they were like, Oh, it's so interesting that that's not like a thing that would occur to them. But then it's also not surprising that it doesn't occur to them. You know, you have to have, like, autonomy about changing your insulin. It's got to be in it's got to be in your mind. You know that, like, Oh, I'm having trouble. I should see if my settings are, are the issue. It's always your settings. It's your settings, it's timing and amount. I don't know how many times

Erin 56:58
I have to say this. I know. I know I it, then I think what I appreciate about the simplicity of the way you describe things too, is it makes it easier to describe it to Avery makes it really accessible for her. So that's all we have to say. Now, right? You know, she's like, Oh, I'm, you know, I'm going high. Whoa. It was state testing. She said, Look, I know I'm gonna go high. It's gonna be adrenaline. I don't want to hear from you. Just let me get through the test. And I was like, Well, you know, adrenaline still needs insulin. She's like, I know,

Scott Benner 57:33
instead of just accepting it, what if we just used more before? Let's just use

Erin 57:37
more even last night, we were having a failed pump. Didn't realize it at the time, and she's just we attributed it to a mistimed and calculated, gigantic snack. I asked her, you know we were I was telling her to correct and when I went and looked at her pump later in the night, when she's like, look, this isn't working. We have to change it. And she's coming to me, right? She's like, I can tell this is not going to

Scott Benner 58:01
work, by the way, when they're telling you, right, it's really not working right, because they trust me, they've tried everything they could to keep that pup on.

Erin 58:10
Yes, exactly. And she had been dose, she'd been Bolus, seen, trying to get it down before, I think, trying to pre empt me from being like, Dude, we gotta change the spot. She's like, I don't want to, so let's just keep and I was like, Oh, that. So see, that could be dangerous, right? 12 year old mind, but I'm looking, I'm like, she has given herself like, 10 unit past two hours trying to get this down.

Scott Benner 58:35
Yeah, no, I last night. Arden changed a pump. I thought too late, but, you know? And so she had a little bit of, like, a sticky high there for a while afterwards. She's like, she was like, 220 and then she got hungry again. I was like, Listen, you gotta break this number before you, before you eat again, you know? And she's like, I got it. And I said, I think you should just, I said, Can I give you a piece of advice? And she goes, Sure. She didn't say sure. She looks

Erin 59:01
at me like, Sure. That's a lie. She didn't say I was asked. I was hoping, you

Scott Benner 59:05
know, I want to be clear. She looked at me like, why don't you drop dead? And but she was listening. I just the the being accepting of the advice is what I translated into, sure, by the way. And I said, you know, I mean, she's using trio, but I'm like, I think you got to use a Temp Basal here, it's a new pod. The algorithms behind it thinks it gave you insulin. It's not going to push your basal, even if you make a big Bolus here, it's not going to move. The Bolus is going to replace the basal and the and it's going to get eaten up by the high blood sugar. And she's like, all right, fine, I'll do it. I was like, awesome. Did she do it? She did, and it worked, of course. Because, I mean, I'm the guy from the podcast, and I know what I'm talking about, but like, how frustrating that must be for her, and I think that for your kids too. Like, you know, all your kids are in the same situation, like you're the one who's like, you know, if you know what you're doing is making suggestions, and they're working, and they're trying really desperately to be good at it. Yeah. Yeah, you know, so you stepping in and being right. Sometimes it's upsetting.

Erin 1:00:04
It is. Yeah, it definitely is. And so that's that's a good story too, because I probably talked about school nurses and the transition we've gone from there, so like, fourth and fifth grade, elementary school here, amazing nurses, and really, one on one with her and me, right? Like, I became text friends with these nurses, and we're celebrating her, a one, CS together and all that jazz. Get to middle school, Avery. And we asked Avery, we brought her into the meeting. We're like, what do you want? Like, how do you want middle school to go? And she said, I never want to see the nurse. Meaning, like, I hope to be so successful, I never become friends with you, sure. And I was, Oh, God, I've never been so proud of my life. But you can tell that the nurses were a little taken aback, right? Like, ooh, but she's our responsibility. I was like, No, she's our responsibility, and you're helping, so don't worry. You know you're not in trouble. We're always watching her. I can't help but watch for her. We have a situation where she keeps her alarms off, just because that's how we started, and now we just have kind of been like, we'll text you if you need to do something. Now, it's not to say she doesn't watch herself. She can't help herself either. Look at her number throughout the day, but that's just kind of this thing that we need to probably start working on, especially when she wants to be

Scott Benner 1:01:26
alone. Aaron, I hear, I can't help myself. I hear red hair. I hear Ireland. I hear Catholic guilt. I hear Catholic guilt. Did you find a way to pass that on to a kid?

Erin 1:01:37
Yeah? Oh yes, yes, so,

Scott Benner 1:01:41
but not the other one. Let's finish this. No, only the one. You're like, let's finish this story first. Okay, good. Yeah,

Erin 1:01:48
different story. So, nurses, we have a texting thing. We came up in our five before. We're like, look, we will be in direct communication with Avery. We will text you nurses when we've asked her to do something, or if she's not responding to us and we need you to go grab her, that was the agreement. It has worked out pretty well, except for currently, Avery is just kind of going through a I can't be bothered to push two buttons. So the lunch Bolus is not always going through. We are not making a huge deal out of it. She always gets it later. I of course, it hurts me every lunch to see this blood sugar shoot up when you know it doesn't have to, but the nurses, it's really starting to bother so we're so it's like clockwork every day at school, 12 O'Clock Pre Bolus. Yes, I did it. Hour later, blood sugar starts going up. Did Avery Bolus? Has Avery made a correction? And we're like, yes, yes, yes. I'm like, it is going to be this way every day, unless we punish her for not pre bolusing. And I'm not doing that to her. We are about balance right now. This is her time where I'm not I'm just not gonna picking my battles. Picking my

Scott Benner 1:03:00
battles. Have you asked her directly about it? Oh yes, yes. What's the answer?

Erin 1:03:05
It is, I thought I did it to and she's again, she's such a good kid. She answered me honestly. I was rushing out to recess. I thought I hit it. I didn't want to. I was busy with my friends. Don't worry about it. I'll get it when I come in. You know, it's been all the answers

Scott Benner 1:03:23
I understand. I'll just listen if I if I'm starting to die, I'll put it in exercise mode. Don't you worry, right? Exactly. I got this all worked out. Lady, okay, I've got the internet. I don't know if you're wearing this tonight. You're old. You probably don't understand it as well as I do. Actually, you are a little, excuse me, old for their age, aren't you? I am, yeah. Is there a wider generation gap there? Is Right? Yeah. I mean, I couldn't manage a 12 year old right now. I'd be like, Listen, you little idiot. See all the things you people think on the on the tick tock, and you're moron. That doesn't happen when you're when you're younger, and young

Erin 1:03:57
kids? Yeah, no, I'd like to, I think I I'd like to I think they talked to me a lot, so I like to think I'm kind of current with how they

Scott Benner 1:04:07
would respond. How you like to think, Aaron,

Erin 1:04:11
I like to think it,

Scott Benner 1:04:12
oh, my God. The other day, Cole goes, You know what dad's dad would have done? Because somebody was like, Oh, that really hurts again. I've said before, like, my dad would just hit you and go somewhere else and be like, I'm like, this hurts. They hit you somewhere else. You'd be like, do you still feel it? I'd be like, No, actually, I feel this down. Like, hey, it's all fixed. But anyway, that's 1970s a lot of you didn't live through it, you know. Like, I wonder, like, how many generations away from how you think until I hear what you're saying, and I don't disagree with you. Like she's having a moment, right? And you don't want to cause, you don't want to cause a problem, but at the same time, like there's got to be an end date to this, right? Like you can't, how long has it been going on?

Erin 1:04:53
It's just been this year. Oh, and then, not even only, she goes in waves too. Okay? One endo appointment. She she had us like it was a 6.4 and she goes, I want to get in the fives. I was like, All right, I can help you get there. Like it's a lot of work, and you're gonna have to pay attention. And guess what, you're gonna have to pre bull school lunch. Oh, all right.

Scott Benner 1:05:18
It's such an interesting thing like that. One issue is so interesting.

Erin 1:05:23
Just that one and I'm like, and you're with your friend, where you she knows all you're doing is pushing a button. You're not like, pulling out a vial and a needle, and you're pushing a button on your phone, and everyone has them. I'm so confused. Nobody's even looking at you. No one's even looking but I think it's a mess again. Girl thing I just feel for I think it is just, I just don't want to think about it for a hot minute. This is my time. And so I being raised Catholic, as you've already picked up on, and my mom and I have in a very different relationship than I have with my girls. You know? I'm like, Ah, this is where my mom would have pushed me, and it would have made it worse. Is there not a middle? The middle? Is time the middle is growing up?

Scott Benner 1:06:08
Well, I don't know how much time you have allotted for this, but I'll just tell you that you're describing a relationship I have with my daughter, and she's 21 I'm going to say at least nine more years. I just think, I think it's people. I just think your daughter matured a little faster, yeah, yeah. And she's, she's just asserting herself and where she can. She's finding control, where control is available. And this is a good one, because it's not a thing she wants to do anyway. It's not a thing that she caused. It's not, it's a thing you're involved in. It's a thing she doesn't want to do. Like, this is a great thing to ignore, right?

Erin 1:06:45
But she, but she only ignores it every you know, she only ignores it at very certain times. And I think that's why, and that's that's when you're only having these very short text conversations with a school nurse. You know their hearts in the right place. But I'm like, Look, this is going to happen every day. We don't have to keep texting about it.

Scott Benner 1:07:03
Yeah, well, they do, because they're, they're thinking of it differently than you are

Erin 1:07:07
so but I'm thinking, I'm thinking, next year in the 504 we take them off follow, okay, and we just say we will text you if we need you to get her,

Scott Benner 1:07:19
why don't you leave them on follow for low alarms and not high alarms. That's a really good idea, too. Thank you. Thank you. You don't have to thank me.

Erin 1:07:29
What you think I'm not always watching and won't text him anyway if she's

Scott Benner 1:07:32
getting low. Well, let's get to that arm. Because first of all, like, the thing,

Erin 1:07:35
where do I have school nurses looking if I'm already managing?

Scott Benner 1:07:38
No, why are you looking so like, I mean, what is it you're trying to save her from by not having her be aware of the alarms? Embarrassment? Okay? Would you be embarrassed by no no when you were a kid? Would you have been probably okay. So is she embarrassed? Or are you preemptively trying for not to be embarrassed?

Erin 1:07:59
She's embarrassed. Okay? Because I've even, we've talked about, like, Okay, you want to do these things. We need to put your alarms on too. You want more freedom than and you don't want a grown up with you. You need to have your alarms on. And she's like, Oh, I don't want that thing beeping when I'm with a group of friends. Like, Well, what about vibrating? Right? Like, yeah.

Scott Benner 1:08:24
I mean, listen, tell her I've got a list of things I don't want to happen that happen every day. I know your idea is you're trying to get her to it slowly, exactly. Yeah. Do you think it's working? I do. Okay. Am I Joking aside? How many years until you think you've got her

Erin 1:08:39
there? I think by high school? We're Oh, wait, wait, wait. Do you mean how long are like, we gonna be good together, or no? How long until she's managing on her own, listening to alerts and such? How

Scott Benner 1:08:51
long do you think until you that's a good question. How long do you think until she's like, All right, yeah, I need to do this. So, like, let's turn the alarms on eighth

Erin 1:08:59
grade. I can already see it happening this summer. Okay, honestly, because she's she's wanting to do things where another adult won't be present, and she knows that that that's going to be the rule, and she wants it so badly that she'll be like, All right, fine. Well,

Scott Benner 1:09:14
this is one of the benefits of you being an older parent, too. I think there's a lot of wisdom in what you're doing. I hope so. Yeah, I don't think you would have come up with this when this when you were 28 probably not 28 but

Erin 1:09:25
God, some days you still think like I don't. I could still be totally screwing this up. I don't know. Oh no,

Scott Benner 1:09:30
you are. But I just thought not, don't we're all I just went over this the other day in the podcast. Everyone's screwing everything up all the time. Everyone wants the opposite of what they get. You're in a losing battle. Let's get past that. Okay, let's get past it. Remember all the things your mom did wrong? Yeah, she thought she was doing everything

Erin 1:09:48
right. I'm just doing different things wrong. Yes,

Scott Benner 1:09:50
yes, no, and you're not doing anything wrong. My point is, is that no matter what you do for another person, they want the opposite? Yeah, I don't know why. And girls, I'll just go out and let. And say this girl's a little extra so, like, I'm seriously. I mean, no, I 100% agree. Yeah, yeah, Listen, ladies. I mean, I've never seen a group of humans that just want whatever it is. They don't have more than you, okay. But like, also, I think that is part of like, I think it fixes guys. Like, like, when men and women get together. And men are just like, Yo, we could just keep having sex and watching these movies. And you're like, what if we had a sofa that didn't smell? And like, you know what I mean? Like, Oh, she got me focused on this making money for a sofa thing. And that's very valuable. Like, for, listen, I'm speaking for my wife at this point, right? Like, my wife was like, I want this. Like, I want us to be here. It's not even, I don't mean a physical material thing. I want us to be here. And she'd get me there, and then she'd be like, All right, well, I've set some new goals for it. And I'd be like, what where do you remember that time we had sex in the shower and you were in college, like, Can we do that again? Or is that how you tricked me into making sure the sofa didn't smell? I don't know what's happening, but she's very good at improving our situation constantly, or improving for the kids, or improving for anything. Like, I think it's baked into you guys. Like, seriously, I don't know a lot about anything, but like, it feels like that. I also think it gets misused sometimes. That's another podcast. We're not going to talk about that here. But like, Do you know what I'm saying, like, you're like, it's hard and and you you give things to people that you're like, I know this is what you need, because I have experience, and I know that this would help you. And no matter what you give, they're gonna say, that's not you don't know me. That's not what I need. You can't win. Like, there's no winning. If I gave you 1000 babies, this would happen with every one of them. Please don't do that. No, no, no, except for the one where it didn't. And then you'd be like, Oh my God, this one is awesome. And then I'd interview that 125 years later, and she would say, actually, she was doing everything wrong. I just, I'm such a people pleaser, like I didn't want to, I didn't want to tell her, anyway, we don't belong together, is what I'm saying, which you figured out when you got in that bed, you were like, this is way better. Can I ask? I know I've gone back to it six times, but did it ever hurt your feelings? Like when he felt that way? Like, I know when you were like, this is way better. I don't have to hear him snore. But when he agreed, were you? Like, how come he thinks that? No, no,

Erin 1:12:24
because we also both go through this when we're like, God, I really miss you. You know, it's nice. It's there's no rift in this

Scott Benner 1:12:32
marriage. I'm not saying I don't smell that. Yeah,

Erin 1:12:36
it's just that isn't where our connection really comes from. So we're both just very and maybe it's second marriage stuff too, and you just know yourself better. This has no significance to the big picture here.

Scott Benner 1:12:49
Yeah, no, again. I think it's a value just really, like our sleep. I think it's another value of you being an older parent and, and, yeah, actually, like, you know, I'm not advocating for you all getting divorced, but the truth is, if you got married and then got divorced four or five years later and they did it, later and then did it again, it would

Erin 1:13:04
probably go way better the second time. Ah, hell, we're not planning on that. No,

Scott Benner 1:13:08
no, I didn't mean you guys. I met everyone listening. Like, yeah, you guys have already been married. You

Erin 1:13:12
had, I see what you're saying, yes, yeah, it's gonna go better the second time, most likely, yeah, unless, and if not, you're really bad at

Scott Benner 1:13:19
this. You're just a glutton, like, he just reached back out and, like, I got the same guy again. This one I definitely can fix.

Erin 1:13:30
It's gonna be different. This story

Scott Benner 1:13:32
really. Well, no, oh, I'll write back to the same thing. Sorry. I want to say to you, like, right before we started, you were like, I have a great Catholic story. But like, do you want to tell it here at the end?

Erin 1:13:41
Sure, sure. Okay, so Hadley, my non type one. She comes home the other day telling us about this, and actually, we got a we got a notice from the school. There had been an incident at school. Some kid ran after a ball into the street, kind of got clipped by the side mirror of a car. Kids, okay, from all I can tell, Hadley comes home, and Hadley is the first to be like, are we done with dinner yet? Because I got stuff to do, right? So she's antsy. She's like, can I clear the table yet? Can I clear this table yet? She's hanging out long and like, she'd stand up and then she'd sit back down. It's almost like she's waiting for Avery to leave. So Avery leaves eventually, and Hadley goes, I gotta tell you something, that kid who got hit, I think I caused it. Whoa, what? And she goes, yeah, so he's the guy who's been picking on my friend that I told you about, and I wished that something bad would happen to him, and so I'm pretty sure I caused this. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm like, that's not how these things work. And then she goes, Yeah, it kind of reminded me of the time that some other kid was saying something about God, like you don't believe in God, or she goes, I am God. And then Avery got diabetes, so I'm pretty sure I offended God, and that's what happened. And then you guys stopped

Scott Benner 1:14:57
going to church because you realized it was screwing up your.

Erin 1:15:00
Hands because I was like, Wow, do you have this Catholic guilt, and I didn't even raise you Catholic. What's happening here?

Scott Benner 1:15:08
It's in the either of them, redheads.

Erin 1:15:11
No, they both. I got the complexions I wanted for both of them. They're both dark hair, dark skin, lovely. All worked out the way I expected. That's right, they don't need as much sunscreen as I do. I am

Scott Benner 1:15:23
saving a ton of money on sunscreen right now. So she thought she had those magical thinking ideas. She thought,

Erin 1:15:30
yeah, yeah. She thought I and so we had a good talk about it, and then she's like, I mean, I know, I didn't, you know, but the fact that she hung out, she wanted to talk about this, it did worry her a bit.

Scott Benner 1:15:41
Yeah, I thought you were gonna say she actually did something like two. Because, no, I know, I know how you just said no, except in 1976 in kindergarten, I think we tripped a kid on the monkey bars and he fell and hit his head. Oh, but not on purpose, like we weren't trying to make him fall. Sure. Listen, I am 53 is one of my enduring memories, that some kid fell off the monkey bars, and I feel like the group of people I was with was somehow, somehow involved in it, yeah, oh, I can't shake it. So it must have

Erin 1:16:10
happened anyway, or you just have some Catholic guilt.

Scott Benner 1:16:13
I mean, I definitely don't have that. I made 1,000,000% I don't have that. I don't really have guilt about anything, as you know, has been shown six or seven times during this last hour, and I've said things I definitely shouldn't be recording. So I don't care. I just, I like having the conversations. I think this is how you have conversations. Yeah, you know, is there anything we haven't talked about that we should have?

Erin 1:16:39
No, I think we've, we've gone all over the place, and, you know, the the one thing I actually almost canceled a few times, and Avery asked me why, and I was like, because I feel like this is your story, not my story, and I just, and I just really want to do it justice, and I don't feel like I did, like, I feel like we just kind of touched on A couple things. But, you know, like her whole diagnosis story, there was a there was a lot to that, and then I'm realizing it's not that important for this podcast that I share all

Scott Benner 1:17:09
of that, right? If you want to dig deep in that and record that, I guarantee you no one's going to listen to it first of all, exactly, right? I think you'd listen back to it and you realize, oh, I could just go to therapy if I want

Erin 1:17:21
that, right? And, you know, there's those pieces that, yeah, it's, it's our story, and it can just be our story. The world doesn't need to know it.

Scott Benner 1:17:31
I think it's more fun like this, and I think it's more helpful this way, like, I mean, you've shared a lot of things that people will be helped by. I know it's hard to like imagine that in the moment, but I've gotten a time back in my life because Rob is doing all the editing now, which has been like a blessing. And that's not a word I even use, but trust me, it has been, and one of the things that's given back to me is the opportunity to listen to the podcast. So what happens is, like, you know, you and I have this conversation again. Like, I can't really, like, you guys can all out there Listen, try it right now. When the podcast ends, stop and try to talk two minutes to yourself and tell yourself what the podcast is about. You're gonna miss most of it, right? And yet, I know that everything works out because of the response I get from the listeners. And the one thing I used to do that I lost track of was I used to listen to the show once in a while, and, like, after it was done, to hear what you guys are hearing, and I wasn't able to do that anymore. I'd gotten so busy that I just couldn't accomplish it. And lately I've been, like, making sure to listen to an episode or two a week. And I usually kind of let, I mean, I don't want to give away all the secrets, but like, I usually just let Isabelle Tell me. She's like, she'll be like, re listen to this one, like, and I'm like, Okay. Or sometimes I, like, I listened to today's episode last night, like, before I went to bed, it's called rub some dirt on it. It was really good. Like, she did such a great job. I found myself, thank God. I hope people hear this, you know, so this will be the same thing. I have a vibe. I may be not able to like articulate it right now, but this went really well. It's going to help a lot of

Erin 1:19:07
people. I hope it does. And you just reminded me that, truthfully, all the episodes I've listened to, what did I really get from them? A couple of snippets, and just like, Oh, someone else out there is going through this too.

Scott Benner 1:19:20
Yeah, you get community out of it, and it's really valuable. And listen to

Erin 1:19:24
God, Oh, I was gonna tell you I just texted Avery to that. Scott Benner says to Pre Bolus,

Scott Benner 1:19:30
awesome. We'll see if that works. Let her hate me. Yeah, I don't mind, by the way. I'm used to it. I'm accustomed to

Erin 1:19:38
everybody not liking me. Well, she wants to come on, so I'll figure that out. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:19:42
she wants to do it like this summer. She can jump on and do it. Yeah? Is she gonna talk?

Erin 1:19:47
Oh yeah. She said, when I said I'm gonna cancel, she goes, I'll do

Scott Benner 1:19:51
it. Oh, awesome. Yeah, get her on here. I'll let her talk you for an hour. That'll be

Erin 1:19:55
awesome. She's like, I need to tell my side of the story. Okay, did

Scott Benner 1:19:59
she tell you that story? Worry about how she threw my dad out of the bedroom.

She put that weirdo in charge of babysitting me because she had diabetes,

Erin 1:20:14
just like but now she lets me stay home alone. It's amazing.

Scott Benner 1:20:17
Yeah, much better. Oh, well, I still listen. If you want to tell her anything, tell her I still want her traveling with a Juicebox. I don't care. Yeah, I don't care if there's one in the house or not. Like, I don't want you, like, in a panic looking for it in his house or, great. I don't want something happening in the car on the way over. By the way, you guys all have already

Erin 1:20:35
had it in the car. And that did happen. Actually, she started to drop a little, and she goes, Man, guess I'm glad this Gatorade is here. I swear

Scott Benner 1:20:43
to God. Were you able not to say anything because I'm not good enough of a person? I would have been like, We both laughed. We both laughed 1112, I wouldn't have cared. I've been like, hey, look what just happened you. I told you, I win.

Erin 1:21:00
She and that's the thing she knows. She knows. She just wants to, you know, be in charge of it, but she should. That's why I'm doing it the way I'm doing it, because she needs to take it over and want to own it. So listen, I

Scott Benner 1:21:13
don't, I don't want to give away all the secrets here, but I gotta tell you, that's what today's episode is about. It's about the honesty and your level, I think of emotional intelligence. That really is what I think you shared today, if I'm being honest, like that's what I think this is about. So you might not see it that way, but I really think you, being an older parent has been really valuable. A lot of your insights were valuable too

Erin 1:21:36
All right. Well, hopefully I won't die too soon. Then keep her Oh, I see what you're saying, because I'm an older parent. Oh, hold on, 56 Oh, you'll be because I also promised her day two, she's like, What if I can't afford insulin? I was like, you never have to worry about that. I'll always make sure you have insulin.

Scott Benner 1:21:54
And I'm like, oh, one day I will be dead, yeah. How are you gonna make sure that I don't know, I don't know. Do you have, like, a million dollars in the bank or anything? No, well, what are you doing on this podcast? Go make some

Erin 1:22:04
money. I know I better. I'm sure work is like, where? Why isn't she answering our team's messages like

Scott Benner 1:22:10
she said, By the way, the COVID thing, it helped me so much make the podcast. People used to be like, well, I need to do it exactly this time. Now. People are like, Oh, whenever it's fine. I'm like, like, you guys don't work at all anymore. Do you My God? All right. Well, thank you

Erin 1:22:24
very much. Thank you. Thank you so much. Hold on one second.

Scott Benner 1:22:31
For me, this episode of The Juicebox Podcast was sponsored by us Med, US med.com/juicebox, or call 888-721-1514, get started today with us. Med links in the show notes. Links at Juicebox podcast.com, today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast was sponsored by the new tandem Moby system and control iq plus technology. Learn more and get started today at tandem diabetes.com/juicebox check it out. I can't thank you enough for listening. Please make sure you're subscribed or following in your audio app. I'll be back tomorrow with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. When I created the defining diabetes series, I pictured a dictionary in my mind to help you understand key terms that shape type one diabetes management. Along with Jenny Smith, who, of course, is an experienced diabetes educator, we break down concepts like basal, time and range, insulin on board and much more. This series must have 70 short episodes in it, we have to take the jargon out of the jargon so that you can focus on what really matters, living confidently and staying healthy. You can't do these things if you don't know what they mean. Go get your diabetes to find Juicebox podcast.com go up in the menu and click on series. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording, wrong wayrecording.com. You.

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