#1903 The Secret I Kept
The Secret I Kept
Erin was diagnosed with type 1 at eight and spent years hiding it, tangled up with an eating disorder. Now in recovery, she talks about shame, secrecy, and finding her way back.
Jump to a moment
- Recovery from a disordered relationship with food and insulin is possible — even after years. Erin describes her A1C today as the best it’s been since she was about ten, and says she’s in the best place she’s been in a very long time. Her point in coming on was simple: people can and do get better.
- Shame and secrecy did a lot of the damage. Erin kept her type 1 hidden for years and hid what she was struggling with on top of it — and she’s clear that the hiding, more than anything, is what she’d tell a younger version of herself to let go of sooner.
- What finally helped was a combination, not a single fix: growing up and taking ownership of her own care, a therapist who set firm, caring boundaries, ongoing therapy, and medication (Wellbutrin) that she says has been helpful. There was no magic moment — she wishes there were.
- Small goals beat all-or-nothing thinking. Her advice from the other side: trying something is better than trying nothing, and steadier blood sugars made a real difference in how she felt day to day and in her ability to keep going.
- Complications can show up even as things get better — and that isn’t a verdict on your worth or your effort. Erin is candid that she’s dealing with some, and frames it plainly: she’s “not a magic unicorn.” Getting screened, and staying honest with your care team, is part of the work.
- National Alliance for Eating Disorders — US helpline and free clinician referrals for all eating disorders
- NEDIC (Canada) — National Eating Disorder Information Centre; helpline and support for Erin’s home country
- We Are Diabetes — support specifically for type 1 and eating disorders (including insulin restriction)
- Mental Wellness Series (Erica Forsyth) — ongoing conversations about mental health and type 1 (verify slug)
- Juicebox Podcast Facebook Group — community around type 1 (verify URL)
- Juicebox Podcast — all series and free resources
Every word of the conversation
Meet Erin0:00
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Diagnosed at Eight, 20082:23
My name is Erin, and I've been type one diabetic since I was eight years old. So I was diagnosed back in 2008.
2008. What are you? '26?
'26. Yes.
Wow. That's great math on my part right there. I, failed algebra, but I was good with the pluses and the minuses, just so you know. You, started differently than almost everybody else.
Did I? I had no idea what to say.
No. It wasn't what you said. It was the tone you set it in. You were like, well, yeah. So I'm Aaron.
It was like it was like that. I I can't wait to find out what all that means. So tell me a little bit about yourself current day. You're working, in grad school. Like, what's your life like right now?
I'm actually just going back to school in this coming September. I had taken some time off while managing some diabetes related things, so I'm going back to a life sciences degree in September.
Okay. To finish up your undergrad? Yes. Undergrad. Interesting.
Okay. We're gonna find out about this. Your parents, they're married, divorced?
They are married. I live on my own, but I live very close to them, and I I see them a lot. I'm I have a good relationship with my family.
Nice. Brothers and sisters?
Yes. I have three older brothers.
Wow. That's a that's a thing. How about those TikTok videos where older brothers come in the room, like, they grab your hair, fart, and run out? Is that a thing that actually happens?
I'm I honestly, I've I'm not on TikTok, so I don't know what I haven't seen videos like that. But, no, my brothers are great. They're definitely on the protective side, like, a lot of people assume. But, yeah, I loved growing. I loved being the baby of the family, and they definitely spoil me.
So Nice. Anybody else in the family have type one or maybe other autoimmune issues?
No. I'm the only type one, and no autoimmune issues as far as I know.
How about for you? Do you have any others? No. Okay. Interesting enough.
You're diagnosed when you're eight?
Yes.
When you're eight years old, what do you remember happening?
So I remember I the thing that brought me to the doctors was my excessive thirst. I was drinking so much all the time, so thirsty. So my parents brought me to our family doctor who was actually away at the time, and it was a different doctor subbing in. And he didn't seem concerned, didn't wanna run any tests, said, you know, it's probably the change of season. Two months later, I was still at this point, you know, weight was an issue.
I was still drinking, still constantly going to the bathroom, everything. So my parents brought me back, and my regular family doctor immediately was like, well, we need blood work. So got the blood work. I was getting ready for school one morning, and the doctor called my mom and said her blood sugar is at 47. You need to bring her to the emergency room.
So, yeah, I remember going to the emergency room really confused because I didn't feel sick, and everyone, you know, kept telling me, oh, like, you must feel so you're gonna feel so much better soon. And in my head, I was like, I feel like I always feel. Mhmm. So, yeah, got thrown into all that at eights. Hey.
When your blood sugar was low
when they took it?
Oh, no. Sorry. So I'm in Canada. So Oh. '47
You didn't say that. You didn't say you lived in another planet. Now I understand. Yeah. Okay.
That's fine. Yeah. Okay. Because I was confused for a second. I was like, for because sometimes people do experience low blood sugars in the lead up to their diagnosis.
So I Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just wanted to be sure. Now I hear it. You said, oh, yeah.
And now I I don't know how I missed it to begin with. Sorry about that. Your oh, yeah gave you away. Okay. So 47, I guess, just for the people.
Wow. Hold on a second. That is a banger of a blood sugar. You were Yeah. You were up there.
Your a one c was probably crazy by the time they caught you. Yeah.
It was it was, like, 13 or somewhere around there.
Were you in DKA when they got into the hospital or no?
I was. Yes.
Yeah. But you said you've you felt fine, though, you said?
Well, I just I, like, I felt no different than I felt day to day, like, which in hindsight, I wasn't feeling great, but I was just Getting used to living like that.
So I'm sorry. I cut you off. But, yeah, you were getting used to feeling like that. Yeah. I see.
Okay. Well, do they do in Canada? I mean, immediately, I guess, they strap you to, like, three sled dogs and they take you take take you to the big hospital in the city. Right? Like, or what happens?
A Crash Course in Type 17:23
Yeah. So I was in the hospital for, I think, like, four days. My parents got, like, the crash course, all that. Got started on insulin. So back in 2008, so I there was no CGM.
Mhmm. So and I was on NPH and rapid acting insulin. And back then, one thing I really remember that sticks out in my childhood is not going by, like, dosing for what I was eating. It was like I had certain times of the day I would eat, and I had a certain amount of carbs I had to eat at that time
Mhmm.
And not go over that range, not go under that range because my insulin was, like, set doses. Like, I wasn't adjusting my insulin based on what I ate.
Shooting at a certain time, eating a certain amount of food?
Yeah. Okay.
And how long did you do it that way for?
Definitely at least a year. And then I think finally, we got introduced to the, like, insulin to carb ratios kind of idea, and then I eventually switched to, like, Lantus and still rapid Humalog or yeah.
How do your parents handle the the division of labor around diabetes? Is it like, don't worry. We take care of it, or did they do that? Like, it's her disease thing. She's gotta figure it out.
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Yeah. So I was definitely a very, like, independent child. Like, I liked to do things myself. So I was always very involved, but so were they. So even, you know, letting me I eventually started taking over calculating my doses and drawing it up in the syringe, and my mom would double check or we'd do the calculation together.
It was very much a team thing
Yeah.
Which was nice. I liked, you know, knowing what was going on. I liked feeling like I could calculate it myself.
Mhmm.
So, yeah, I I would say my mom definitely my dad was kind of in the background. My mom definitely took the the driver's seat there. But
So
Yeah. It was good.
Yeah. Did your was your mom, like, a work was she, like, a stay at home mom? Did she have a job? Do you remember any of that?
No. Both my parents worked. In the very beginning, they would drive home from work at lunch to give me insulin at lunch at school, because my school didn't have, like, a nurse or anything like that. So, it was really up to them to get there to give me insulin.
Yeah. Did you feel isolated? Did your were your friends reasonable about all this? Were you nervous or confused or embarrassed, anything like that growing up?
Yeah. So in the beginning, when I was first diagnosed, I I wouldn't say, like, I was excited, but I thought it was kind of cool. Like, I thought, like, oh, like, wow. Like, this is different. And I specifically remember telling one of my friends, like like, guess what?
Like, I was diagnosed with, like, diabetes. And at the time, that friend's response really shaped how I ended up feeling for the rest of my childhood because they they instantly said, oh, that's because you eat too much sugar. And all of a sudden, my full idea of it switched, and I felt so much shame around it. And from that point on, I kept it a huge secret. I did not tell anyone that didn't need to know.
I hid it from my classmates, from friends even as long as I could. It was just this big secret because I felt so much shame around it.
Oh, I'm sorry. That sucks. Do you think they was that a a malicious thing from that person, or you think it's just the thing they thought to say because it's the thing they heard?
Learning to Hide It13:22
I I think it's just what they heard. Like, it was we were young at the time. And I think, like, you know, hearing things about, like, type two or, you know, knowing different people with other types of diabetes and just the misconceptions.
Mhmm. You know? But it's you're saying it stuck to you, though, like, a long time or just in your adolescence?
For a long time. Like, up until I was probably, like, 18, 19.
Okay. Did you ever reexamine it? Like, did you ever stop and say to yourself, like, maybe they're wrong or, like, try to you know what I mean? Like, try to reframe it for yourself?
Yeah. I think definitely as I was a little bit older in my teenage years, you know, I I knew that, you know, I didn't cause this. This is people have misconceptions of how this happens or what it means, but I just felt ultimately that if people knew, they would have this idea of me or they would assume things. And I didn't really realize at that point that I could help educate. I could help, you know,
improve. I mean, nor could you have to if you don't if you're not interested in it. But so I okay. So initially, it's, oh gosh. What you know, I'm different.
I'm I can take care of myself. You're on not excited, like you said, but you you're up for the the the challenge of diabetes. This person says something to you about the sugar thing. At some point, you realize that's not even true, but the protectiveness comes from thinking, like, I don't need to go through this with every person I meet. Right?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not looking to be the the encyclopedia diabetes and explaining everything to everybody.
Yeah.
Gotcha. Do you do the what would you do now in present day if somebody said that?
I think I would definitely just say, like, oh, it's an autoimmune disorder. Like, it I don't know why it happened. There's they don't really know why, or just something simple. Like, I wouldn't. Or I might not even say anything if it's someone I'm I know I'm never gonna see again or Mhmm.
You know?
It might just be like, listen. Yeah. I gotta go. I I can't I can't spend a lot of time here with you today explain explaining this whole thing to me. I gotta go play hockey.
Right? Okie? Yeah. Yeah. Or something.
Whatever you guys do. What whereabouts in Canada are you?
Ontario. Okay.
I don't know what that means, but I appreciate you telling me. Is that, like, in the middle?
It's I live in Southern Ontario, so near Toronto, if you know where Toronto is.
Yeah. Sure. Like like, North Of New York ish. Like, that way.
Yeah.
Right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So Ontario's I I'm feeling a lot of pressure in my mind from the people I know from Canada who are gonna be really disappointed that when you said Ontario, I was like, I don't know where that is.
But okay. So I gotta I don't wanna fast forward too much, but it sounds like you went away to school and something happened. I'm gonna get to that. But first, I wanna understand what it was you know, once you were counting carbs and managing, I imagine you switched to a pump at some point. At some point, you got a CGM.
What what have your outcomes been like throughout this time with diabetes? And, you know, were you having other health issues or other concerns? Anything struggles that were piling on top of the, you know, the base struggle of the diabetes?
So, yeah, I'll start with I did not want a pump as a child. I actually just started on a pump two years ago, so when I was 24. And the reason for that was also just I didn't want anybody to see that I had diabetes. I really didn't want to draw any attention to it. I didn't want to be connected to something.
So, yeah, my parents always wished I would've, you know, been open to the pump, but they didn't force me, which I do appreciate. They didn't force me. And so I eventually decided I wanted to try that on my own. In terms of other things going on and that I struggled with, I would say a lot of mental health issues, the main one being an eating disorder.
Okay. Is so first question would be, do you think you had mental health issues prior to the diabetes, or do you like, when did you notice them first, and and how did it appear? It was my first question.
An Anxious Kid Who Danced17:46
I mean, I was an anxious kid, not like you know, I was, yeah, I was an anxious kid, but really, it was I think it didn't even it was more like body image. I grew up as a competitive dancer as well. Mhmm. And my studio was great. There was no pressure to look a certain way or anything like that.
But you just you spend a lot of time in front of mirrors, and I definitely developed some, like, body image concerns at the time. And that kinda led to a few different things happening, like restricting my food. And then, eventually, I would sneak food and not take insulin for it, not even knowing what like, there was no reason for not taking insulin for it except for being ashamed that I that I ate, like Yeah. An extra amount of food or whatever. And then it was really just through that process that I then discovered, the weight loss that can happen if you're not taking insulin.
And then did you start manipulating your insulin then for weight reasons?
Yes.
Yeah. How about how, old? About what age did that start?
About 15.
Okay. Can I ask you a a backward looking question? Would 26 year old you have told 15 year old you that you you needed to lose weight, or is that just the thing that was in her head?
Oh, that was definitely just the thing that was, yeah, in my head. I was very I would say average. Mhmm. You know?
Can I ask you, like, when you're obviously, I don't have any context being a girl? But when you're in that situation, what is it? Is it is it is it just the way you see yourself, or is it the the contrast between you and the person next to you? Like, what do you think leads the I mean, for you at least? What led to the feeling of, like, the way I am isn't the right way?
Feeling Different19:41
I think definitely comparison played a large part in it. Just comparing myself to people who were smaller, and just feeling like I looked worse or I looked wrong and that I could look better.
Yeah. Compared to like, looked worse or wrong compared to what?
Just compared to some of my peers that were just naturally more lean. And
Mhmm.
Honestly, not even just weight wise, but, like, especially in dance, like, with, like, longer legs and that were taller. I just felt like they looked so much better dancing, and that's not even something I could change. You know? I can't change the length of my legs or whatever.
Yeah.
But the one thing I felt like maybe I could change was to lose a little bit of weight.
Did you feel like you enjoyed dance, or was it torturous?
Oh, no. I loved it.
Okay. So you loved it. It's this aspect of it that brings out this other part of of your thinking?
Yeah.
Okay. When does it become a thing that you're not I I don't know if this is the wrong word. You'll stop me around. But when does it when does it become a thing that you're not in control of anymore? When are you making decisions that are just, like feel like they're autopilot decisions?
Probably, like, pretty quickly. Like, once I especially with the manipulating insulin, once I started doing that, it really spun out of control pretty quickly. And I, for many years, felt like I was so stuck.
And interested in a pattern of I'll keep my I'll keep my insulin low to keep my weight down. And then were you still restricting food at the same time?
I was. I was restricting, but I was also binging and purging. It was really chaotic in terms of food. Mhmm.
How do you figure out how to purge?
I don't actually I've been reflecting on that because I thought that might come up. I I don't know how I how I figured it out. I don't know if I watched some like, I can't imagine I watched something. I mean, I did it for the first time at 13. Social media was only just kind of starting to be a thing.
Yeah. I I don't know. I just I had this idea in my head, and I
Like, I'll get the I'll get the food out.
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, we could you know what I'm say I mean, obviously, you know what I'm saying because you've been thinking about it. But, I mean, there's one thing to think I wish I weighed less or I wish I looked differently. It's another thing to, like, jump to, oh, you know what I should do? I could just make myself throw up, and then the food wouldn't be in there anymore.
Like, that's a elite. You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. It's and but you don't know where the where the onus came for it.
No. I I really don't.
It's interesting. I wonder if it's just colloquial, like, background noise in the world. Like, you know what I mean? Like, something people say offhandedly, jokingly, or whatever, and it's a thing you hear at some point that you go, oh, maybe that is the way to handle this. Did you ever consider going to your parents at that point?
Reaching Out for Help22:57
I how my parents got involved was I actually initially went to one of my dance teachers because I was just so miserable, and I didn't have, like, the energy to dance. It's not like it was helping my self esteem or my body image issues either. So I kind of confided in her, and she encouraged me to let my parents know what was going on, and she helped me do that. So from there, I let my parents know what was going on. We then, they brought it to my endocrinologist, who then referred me to a eating disorder clinic.
And was that inpatient or outpatient?
I started off outpatient. I was inpatient a few times, would kinda go in, stabilize things, would come out, things would fall apart again. And then eventually, I did I was a they have a day program, so I would go to hospital Monday to Friday every day. And that, you know, helped me get into a good routine.
Yeah. Isn't it isn't it interesting that you can feel shame for a body image reason? And then the step you take to try to impact it, you feel shame for that as well.
Oh, yeah.
But you don't feel good about the body image. You didn't go like, oh, well, at least I traded the shame over here for you know, I feel good on this side now. So you felt like, no matter what you did, I'm imagining, but I'm gonna ask you. Did you ever end up feeling good about your body?
I think I I would say I didn't really. Yeah. Because even when I was a smaller size, I still either the panic was, well, how do I stay this size? Or it was, you know, it's still not good enough. So that feeling of, like, relief never really came.
I never really felt like, okay. Like, I'm good now here or, you know, anything like that.
Oh, that's a shame. And then you said you were in and out a lot of treatment. So it was so is it ultimately not I mean, I don't know what the the the question here is. It's like, is it ultimately not helpful or it's just not completely helpful? Like, why you know, what's the stop and go?
Is it more about the therapy that you need to do around it to make the, you know, make the the push go away to feel the to feel it? I don't understand any of this. So I'm gonna need you to explain it to me. Like, what's the process that gets you to where well, I guess maybe let's do this. I'm sorry.
I'm all over the place now. Where are you where are you right now?
Where She Is Now25:39
I'm in a good place now. I'm I'm doing the best I have in a very long time. Like I said, I'm on a pump now. I'm on
the
tandem, and my a one c is the lowest it's been since I was probably, like, 10 years old.
That's awesome.
I still have goals to get it lower. I'm I'm sitting at around, like, seven or, high sixes, and Mhmm. I'd like to get it lower than that even. But, yeah, I'm I'm in a very good place.
And how about with your relationship with food? Where is that at?
It's pretty it's stable. I you know, I'm I eat very similarly every day, but I can I do allow myself to have treats and not, you know, dwell on it or feel that I need to do something about it? Yeah. I feel like I'm in I'm in a good place.
That's awesome. Now what got you to that place? Like, what what are the steps that really were valuable for you?
I think for me, one big thing, which is really unfortunate, and I wish there was something that had helped sooner, but reaching, like, a rock bottom for me really gave me the push I needed to change things. Especially just realizing, like, in my early twenties, like, how much I was missing out on. Like, I missed my whole grade 12 year. I had to cancel trips. I was taken out of dance.
I, you know, had to drop out of university. Like, everything was just going wrong. I was doing nothing. I lost friendships. And it really just took me realizing that I needed I needed to be the one to change.
Because, you know, when you're a kid, it's a lot of times your parents or your doctors are forcing you into treatment. And sometimes it feels like you're working against them. But then, you know, once I turned 18 and was transitioned into, like, the adult care system, I really realized that, no. I need to take ownership, and I need to be the one ultimately that's gonna make the decision to change.
Start caring about yourself the way your parents care about you.
Yeah.
Yeah. Does that come with maturity or time? And I I think those are two different things. Like, did you have to have enough poor experiences, you know you know, like missing out on school or friendships or everything that it finally kinda piled up on itself, and and you said to yourself, well, that's enough. I don't wanna do this anymore, do you think that you just got more mature and you were able to just see the situation differently?
I think it's probably a combination of both. I mean, I think maturity definitely played a part in it because, you know, when I was 15, 16, 17, even 18, I really had that mindset of, like, you know, everyone's telling me about all the complications that can happen and how dangerous it is to be in DKA, and I just kept thinking, like, oh, like, it it's not gonna happen to me. Like, you know, I'm it's not gonna happen. And then eventually, you know, like, I have neuropathy that's pretty bad, and, you know, I have retinopathy starting in my eyes and kind of just, like, being mature enough to realize, like, no. I'm not a magic unicorn.
Like, these things do happen, and I'm not, like you know? Yeah. They're gonna happen to me too.
Yeah. There's nothing so special about you that the bad stuff couldn't come for you too. Yeah. Yeah. What what were your outcomes like in the beginning that have led to these sorts of issues at a younger age?
The Hardest Years29:24
I my a one c was, for a long time, consistently around, like, 13, 14. There were some years of my life. I was in DKA, like, every two weeks, like, going to the emergency room. Just really, like, my my blood sugars were just so high all the time.
And this was because you were trying to keep your weight down?
Yes.
Okay. Just be yeah. K. Functionally, I'm sorry. This is not a how to for anybody, but are you doing basal insulin but not covering meals?
Like, how do you how do you do it without always being in DKA?
I would my basal insulin was definitely reduced from what it should have been. And then, yeah, I would avoid taking any insulin for food or meals as long as I could. Sometimes, you know, when the symptoms would start to set in of DKA, I'd take some insulin to try and I'd monitor my ketones to try and get my ketones lower. It just yeah. Ultimately, I I always ended up in DKA even though I would tell myself, okay.
This time, I'll I'll do it, but not so extreme that I'll end up in DKA. Like but it never works that way.
Just yeah. Describe that that time in your life. I wanna understand if you thought you were, like, a mad scientist who was, like, just killing it, or were you out of not really the one in control? Like, you know what I mean? Like, were you pulling levers being like, I'm just gonna do this because I know it works out so well, or were you just, like did did the I don't know how to put it, I guess, but did the eating disorder have such control over you that you just weren't making decisions?
I think yes. I think I was not really making, like, in control of my decisions. I think the eating disorder was driving all those decisions. Especially, you know, when you have high blood sugars so consistently, your your state of mind is not always the most logical anyway. And so, yeah, I was I felt out control.
I would try and take a little bit of insulin, and then I would I could swear that I could tell I gained weight just from, you know
From a bolus.
Injection.
Yeah. Was your weight at that point?
At that point, it was pretty low. It was it was under a hundred pounds.
How tall are you?
I'm five four.
Okay. And then where where do you think your body's supposed to kinda sit weight wise?
I would say, like, my probably most natural, like, where I should be is probably around, like, one thirty, one twenty five, somewhere around there.
So is there an argument to be made that you were thirty to forty pounds underweight?
Yeah.
Wow. Did you do have you seen photos of yourself?
Yes.
Are they disturbing to you today?
Yeah. And I don't have many photos of myself at that time, because, yeah, I just I didn't look good. My parents hate seeing photos of that time period. It's yeah. Looking back now, I I I don't know what I thought or what I saw myself.
So let's dig into that for a second without like, I'm not trying to shit on your parents or anything like that. But you've got a one c's in the in the teens, mid teens almost. Mhmm. Do we all understand what that means for your long term health? I know you did, but do they?
Yes. They they definitely did. And my parents at the time I mean, I feel very guilty for what I put them through. My mom was reaching out to, like, anyone and everyone she could because even the treatment places I did go to, they didn't really know how to treat the diabetes along with the eating disorder. They tried a lot of different approaches.
And so, yeah, my parents were very aware of the danger I was putting myself in, and they were so desperate for me to change things. They would try and monitor, you know, through my CGM and things like that. But I at that point, I figured out a way to, like, pack into the Dexcom and make my numbers show lower than it was.
Really? What are you, like, a what are you, like, a little, like, evil genius? What's going on over there, Erin?
The old the old version. I think it was the g five I was able to do that. I I don't think I could do it now.
My gosh. So much effort to because you but it's a it's I mean, mental illness. Right? Is that how
you would
describe it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Were you depressed?
Secrecy and Depression34:10
Oh, yes. I was very depressed.
And so my point is that your parents were trying, but it wasn't obviously, something wasn't happening. So Yeah. Is there hindsight that tells you what they could have been doing? Is there anything that, like, 26 year old you realizes would have been valuable, or is that not even the case?
I think what I've realized is really just I kept things so secret, and I was hiding so much and lying so much.
Yeah. But, Erin, you can't lie ninety pounds five four. That's a Well You know what I mean? Like, you can't lie your way around that. Right?
Did you wear big baggy clothes so they couldn't tell?
I mean, I did do that. But, no, they knew they could tell. Yeah. Yeah. They could tell.
I think, really, the only thing like, I don't know what else they could have done. I think the only thing they could have done was maybe trying to communicate more with me in a way where I didn't feel like I was getting in trouble for having for doing what I was doing. And I think a lot of times, like, some of their concern came across as anger just due to their own, like, worry and fears.
Let me tell you something right now. I've I I have, I've been raising kids a lot of my life, and I'm a fairly reasonable person, I think. And what I'll tell you here, I'm this is for everybody listening. Don't don't have kids. Okay.
Because there's no way to accomplish what you just said. Like like, no your parents could have been mister and missus Rogers. Do you know what I mean? And, like, they could have been like, hello, Erin. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
Look at my skirt. Do you love my sweater? We love each other. I'm worried about your weight. You would have been like, why are you so accusatory?
And, like, like, it's I got kids. I don't I I was a kid. I don't know what it is about human beings, but that's how this works. And and there's something terrible about the way we're wired when we're younger that we're just always trying to be adults on our own, independent. I don't need your help.
Like, there's that whole feeling. Right? It just it it it motivates people. I think all humans. I think the the bigger problem becomes when you layer something like this over top of it.
Right? Even if you didn't have an eating disorder, even if it would have been diabetes on top of it. Right? I don't need your help with this. I can take care of it myself.
Well, your a one c is 13. I can do it. Like, I'm handling it. But listen. My daughter's a one c is in the sixes.
She's doing fantastic. But when she has an issue and I tried to point it out, she goes, I'm taking care of it. And I'm I'll look and I'll be like, it doesn't feel like you are. Like but but what she means is is I'm aware of it, and I am putting the effort into it that I wanna put into it. And the desire that you have for an outcome is not might not match up with, I don't know, like, my my list of priorities.
Right?
Right.
So I'm not unaware of it. I am working on it, but I'm also more worried about this. I'll get to it. And if I don't get to it, then we somehow ignore the health part of it.
Yeah.
Right? Because if it was other stuff, it was cleaning your room, then you could tell me, hey. Well, listen. I'm not prioritizing cleaning my room the same way you are. I'm busy at school or with my friends or something else.
I'll get to it. And if you don't get to it, all you have is a dirty room.
Yeah.
You know? When it's diabetes, all you have is neuropathy. And Yeah. When it's over. And then it gets to the part where you're at now, right, where it's well, I mean, what would you give me if I could take you back and with the knowledge you have now.
So when your parents said you, hey. Can you just, like, give yourself the right amount of insulin? Right? Because you I mean, the person you are now would be like, right on. Let's do it.
Yeah. Yeah. For sure.
Yeah. And so you had to kinda, like, what, experience it and grow out of it? Is that the way you would characterize the whole thing?
Yeah. I think I think, yeah, growing out of it, which is really, though, like, I wish there was a way I wish there was an answer for no. Like, there's a way to change it while like, without having to go through all that. And therapy definitely helped me. I I I've done a lot of therapy, and I've worked with some great therapists.
And
Right. Oh, I I you know what? I've I've done a disservice there. I didn't even layer on the depression and the mental health stuff. Like, I mean, it's just it's all that stuff together like a big sandwich of, like, you know, blurred confusion.
And Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. So you go to a therapist. How does the therapist get you through it? Is it a process that when you look back on, you can see how she he or she, like, deconstructed you and helped you understand it?
A Therapist Who Held the Line38:55
Yeah. I the therapist I was working with had a lot of, I don't know, for lack of a better word, like, rules. Like, if my blood sugars were very high, then she wouldn't see me for the session. And I really liked working with her, so I started changing things so that I could have my sessions with her, and that really helped me a lot.
She guilted you into it? You have, a, like, a Jewish Catholic therapist? What was going on there? Like, they're you know?
Well, basically, her point was that, like, it wouldn't be ethical for her to know the risk I'm putting myself in and continue seeing me.
But you look back on that. That's bullshit. She was manipulating him to take care of yourself. And good for her. Good for her.
Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. How old were you then?
Like, 18, 19.
Yeah. I probably would've just offered you money. I would've been like, look. Show up with a good blood sugar. I'll give you I'll give you 20% of what I'm making today.
And then oh, wow. So she so you wanted so you wanted to see her because you enjoyed seeing her, because you thought it was valuable, you knew you needed to be saved, and you thought this was the pathway through? Like, why'd you why'd you capitulate and do it?
I did really just enjoy seeing her and having a place to talk openly about how I was feeling about various different areas in my life. It just it felt like a really safe space, and I really enjoyed having that space. So I didn't want to lose it because prior to her, I had gone through about four or five therapists that all met me and then said, sorry. You're too complex. Like, I can't treat you.
That's code for I'm not very good at this, so I won't be able to help. Also, you're interested in this, so I don't know. Whether you're meeting with a polar bear, probably. Right? Like, there's I mean, there's you know?
Yeah. So
What stopped you from doing the other stuff? Like, I'm not hearing drinking drugs. Was any of that going on?
I nothing major. I experimented with things, but, ultimately, no. I just you know what? Being running your blood sugars high all the time does kinda have this numbing effect, And that was god.
I didn't need drugs. I couldn't feel anything anyway. It was all fun. Yeah.
That was you know, that was kind of my coping mechanism.
Right. Right. That's your some of your some of your self soothing came from that.
Yes.
You said you said you were always an anxious kid. You sure you don't have any thyroid issues?
Not no. Not that I know of.
Okay. But but anxiety runs in the family?
It does. Yes.
Yeah. Both sides? Dad's side, mom?
I'd say mostly my mom's side.
Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm. I see. What else am I you know, I don't usually do this this early, but what am I not asking you up until now that I should have?
Like, what are you thinking to yourself? Like, dummy. Ask me this. Or not or have we not gotten to that point yet? Am I missing anything?
Because I don't under you understand. Like, I've I've never been depressed that I'm aware of. I haven't had anything stored or I've never had type one diabetes. I wanna make sure I'm not missing any, like, important pieces while we're talking about this.
I don't think so.
Oh, I heard you say I'm doing a good job. Thank you, Erin. This was not just for me to feel better about what I was doing. I actually wanted to make sure I wasn't missing anything. Okay.
So this is all happening. Are you dating through that? No. No. Because you wouldn't have had you had no body image?
Like, you didn't think anybody would be interested?
Yeah. A combination of things. Didn't think anyone would be interested. I honestly wasn't really interested. Just I wasn't in school.
I wasn't really anywhere to meet anyone.
Oh, this treatment had you out of school for long chunks of time.
Yeah. Oh,
I see. Okay. You make friends in therapy?
Yes.
Okay. Are you still friends with them now, or were they, like, were they just a very important, like, teddy bear during that time?
I have some that I am still friends with to this day.
Yeah. Did everybody make it through, or do you are you being supportive of people who haven't figured the whole thing out yet?
Some people definitely still struggle, but I'm still I'm still there for them. They're still there for me in the best way they can.
What, what how would you characterize your life so far? Like, if you had to write a bio about Aaron, like, up until now, like, what would you say?
I would say gosh. I don't know. Just a lot of regrets, a lot of shame, and, like, hiding things that if I was just open about sooner, I feel like could have resolved a lot sooner.
Is it possible for you to do that for me without being yourself? Can you describe yourself like it's not you?
What do you mean?
Could could you step out of your life for a second and look at that eight year old girl and say and tell me the story about her?
Yeah. She she had poor self esteem, and she thought that everyone was judging her. And she just wanted to be accepted and understood.
Think everybody feels that way?
I do. Yeah.
Yeah. Me too. Do you have any idea why it hit you harder than it hits everybody else?
I don't know. I I just I took things to an extreme when I I just I shouldn't have.
Yeah. And and there's no, like I mean, do you think it's chemical? Like, are you do you take medication now for anything?
Medication That Helped45:08
I do take medication. Yeah.
What are you doing? Little Lexapro or something like that?
Wellbutrin.
Wellbutrin? I've heard good things.
Yeah. Yeah. It's been helpful.
Good. Good. That's awesome. Now when you kinda come out this other side and blossom, because that's how I'm gonna see you now, I'm imagining you're the person you were meant to be. You're dealing with health issues, but you're probably also trying to make up for time in the social world and in your education and everything.
Like, are you able to, like, meet that with a positive attitude?
Oh, yeah. For sure. I mean, I I still, like, have a lot of regret. You know, I feel I feel behind a lot of people my age just because I'm just getting back into my undergrad. And, socially, I feel like I'm not where I imagined I'd be at this age.
I'm just kind of rebuilding relationships now and reconnecting with myself and figuring out what I even enjoy.
Wouldn't rush if I was you. I would just I would just do it as if you didn't lose any time.
That's what everyone says.
Yeah. Is that impossible to do? Or I mean, are you reminded all that like, look. As I'm saying that to you, I'm 54. I ran around all weekend going, I'm almost dead.
It's almost over. Like, so fuck. I'm Martin's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, how much longer do you think I could possibly live? Like, maybe I got twenty good years.
And, you you know, and then I was like, Ben, there'll be some at the end, but they're not gonna be fun. I'm pretty certain. And Right. We need to do it now. Like, so I I don't it's funny.
Like, you know, life's finite, and it does make you feel like things are getting by and that things aren't happening quickly enough. But it also seems to me that for you, like, a lot to do with the your stability and mental health would be also to do with not having that feeling. Like, just saying, like, look. I hit a speed bump. I'm on the other side of it now.
I'm just gonna I'm just gonna get back in the race and keep going and not think of it as a race. I'm just gonna try I'm here to finish, not to beat anybody.
Yeah. Yeah. I that's really what I I try to remind myself. I think it just you know, especially being an anxious person, I'm like, I don't have my life figured out yet. Like
No. I'm sorry. Anxiety sucks. I mean, of all the things that I talked to people about over the years, it's really high up on my magic wand list. Like, do you know what I mean?
Like, if I could just make something go away for people, I think anxiety would really change people's lives in more ways
Oh, yeah.
Than we can kinda count. I love when you o yam me like you're Canadian. Thank you. Don't don't forget not to do that a couple more times. That was awesome.
Yeah. I mean, do you ever look at people who aren't anxious and think to yourself, like, how are they doing that?
Well, yeah. I almost feel like, is it even is that even true? Like, is there even anyone who's not anxious? It's hard to believe. Like, maybe some people are just better at hiding it.
I don't know.
Erin, I unless it's about, like, some, like, dire thing with my family, I don't ever feel anxiety.
Really?
Yeah. I I you know what? I had to do I had to. That's not the right way to say this because that's not what I mean. I gave a talk on Long Island out in New York last week.
It was Mhmm. Wednesday. Okay? And it was like oh god. It was three hours of driving to get there.
I was there for a couple of hours doing the thing, the meeting and the greeting and the talking and all that stuff, then about three hours to get home. So I left my house Wednesday. I wanna say 01:00 in the afternoon. I got home around nine. I woke up the next day.
I wanted to be out the door by six, but I'm a little old, I had to keep sleeping. I left at 08:30, and I drove to Tennessee. I'm in New Jersey. So that was about it doesn't even matter about what I got into the hotel room. I left at 08:30 in the morning.
I think it was in the hotel room at 1AM. And then I got up in the morning at seven. I went out and looked at houses with a realtor who I'd only ever met face to face one time. And I looked at a few houses and properties in Tennessee. I spent the day doing that.
Then I drove to Atlanta, got to my hotel, grabbed something to eat, woke up in the morning, did another event for Touched by Type one. I was there for six hours at that event. And then at 03:00 in the afternoon, I was like, I guess I'm just gonna drive home now. Wow. So I started driving home, and then around 10:30 at night, I started getting tired.
So I called my wife, and I was like, I think I gotta stop and get a hotel. I don't think I'm like, I think I've made it about as far as I'm gonna make it tonight. You know? And and she's like, oh, I'll help you find one. And she's like, oh, I got one here for you.
And rooms were sparse. They were a lot of places were sold out. Apparently, was wedding season, I learned later. So, like Oh. Some of the places, like, they're they had rooms up there, like, $900 a night.
I'm like, I will just sleep in the car. I'm not you know what I mean? But my wife's like, no. No. I found one, but it's two hours north of you.
And I was like, okay. And then I just kept driving till I got there. Then I went in. I used the bathroom, went to sleep, got up, took a shower, got back in my car, drove six, seven hours till I was home. I was never anxious during any of that.
I didn't even have a plan for most of that. Wow. Like, that I the plan I had was I was meeting I was meeting a realtor, and I I've never I've only ever been to Tennessee once in my life, and I think I was 10. I just had it in my head that I might like to move to Tennessee, and I thought I would check it out. And since I was going to Atlanta instead of flying, I thought, well, I'll just drive and then check out Tennessee.
When I got home and started talking to people about what I found and what I was thinking, I realized that even just the conversation about moving, even though it was a pretend conversation, made some of the people in my house nervous. Yeah. Yeah. And I was just like and they're like, well, what what would we do? And I was like, oh, we just sell our house.
We just go.
Just like that.
Yeah. And they they were like and they were like, well, what? And I was like, no. Like, I said, I see there's problems. Like, Arden seems to really like her boyfriend.
And, you know, like, my son dates people and, like but I was like, I don't know. Like, we're just working out. So I could think. And I was like, it's like a two hour plane ride to get back here. It's not even bad.
I looked into it. Was like, a one way ticket was, a $110. I was like, that's not even a problem. I was like, we could, like, have this look how nice this house is. And I'm like, I don't think by the way, and I don't imagine this is gonna happen.
But it's a thing I thought about long enough that I felt like I deserved to make see if that was just a thing I was thinking or if it was like a reality. But I don't feel any pressure to make it a real even with me. I mean, you know, as you can imagine, the the real estate person who I was very clear with, and I said, look. I have no idea if I'm doing this or not. I'm like, just you know, if you can give me a few hours to show me around, that would be fantastic.
And but I can't promise you anything. Right? And and then later, like, you kinda get done. You realize, like, it's her business. And she's like, so what do you think?
And she's not pressuring me, but she's she's saying, like, make an offer on this house.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I'm like, no. I don't think so. But thanks. I really do appreciate your time. You you know, like also, I wanna just say this is gonna freak people out, but my real estate agent in Tennessee was former American Idol contestant, Ashley Amber, in case anybody knows who she is.
She's awesome, by the way. Really, really fantastic. I met her on the Juice Cruise last year because she was performing on the cruise. Oh. We bumped into each other.
She told me she's getting out of the performing thing, and she's gonna go home and do some real estate work. And I said, where? And she said, Tennessee. And I said, oh, I was thinking about maybe looking there. And she's like, really?
I'm like, yeah. We talked on the, like, text for, like, six months, and then I just showed up there and looked at houses. I have no anxiety about anything.
Wow.
It's unfair. I have anxious people in my life, and I wish I could just put it all up and give everybody a little bit of it. Because the same way you look at me and think, like, that can't be true, I look at you and I think, god, that can't be true. Like, how is it possible she feels like that all the time? It's it's so unfair.
Really, really. Just I mean, it's your thing to do. You know what I mean? I have other stuff, by the way, that sucks about my life that I gotta Yeah.
Of course.
Yeah. Yeah. But it really is just that I'm gonna forever be interested and and baffled by the whole idea. You know? Anyway, that was a lot of talking.
I apologize. Gave you a nice break, though. Right? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. What are you not telling me about that I need to know about? What if people who find themselves in the position you were in before, do you have any homespun wisdom about things that they could, look at to see if they can't get themselves out of their situation or get through it more quickly?
Small Goals, One at a Time54:24
I would say one thing that helped me is really also just setting small goals because, you know, it's easy when you're in that place of struggle to know, oh my god. Like, my a one c's at 13, and it needs to be at, like, five or six. Like, that feels impossible. Mhmm. So one thing that really helped me was just setting small goals.
Like, you know, first, I'm just gonna get into the routine of taking insulin every time I eat. And, you know, then I can fine tune things, and then I can, you know, adjust things even more. And just setting those small goals that feel so much more achievable, and then when you do achieve them, you feel more capable of doing more is really helpful. Because for a long time, I got stuck, like, goals felt too big, and I felt like I was failing at them, and it was discouraging me from trying again.
Yeah. How do you, how do you talk yourself into trying but knowing that it might not go right but it not forcing you back to the start again? Like, what do you what's the grace you give yourself in there to fall short but not fall down?
I think just really reminding myself that trying anything is better than not trying at all, and nothing change like, that cheesy saying, nothing changes if nothing changes. Mhmm. Like, diabetes is so much trial and error. And, you know, I think now, especially, I even find myself comparing to people online that post, you know, their 100% time in range and their amazing a one c's. And, you know, like, good for them, but also, like, I can't compare myself to that because I'm starting from a different place.
I'm going through a different journey. I you know?
Yeah. Also, you don't know what the range is, by the way.
Yeah.
Yeah. I you you know, you could set your range to 0 to 300 and be a 100% time in range. Not too hard.
That's true.
Yeah. Yeah. So I always whenever anybody says I'm a 100% time in range, I go, what what was the range? Don't give me don't give me the sunshine and not give me the sky. I wanna know what's happening here.
By the way, earlier, I said, fall short without falling down. And I thought to myself, goddamn. I could be a motivational speaker. That was good.
That is good.
That was a good clip. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I might be onto something there. Want me to write a self help book? It'll be and then be a picture of you holding onto a ladder, but, like, you're you're being held by a belt too, so you can't really fall off the ladder if you let go. It's a whole thing. I'll work it out later.
Look look for my 12 part course. God. Can you imagine? But I it's funny because while you were talking about what I was overlaying in my head is pre ballistic. Like Mhmm.
Because there's an example of a thing. That talk I did in Atlanta, I did a a thing with parents and adults, and then I went later and talked to kids. And those kids were, I I believe I'm remembering correctly, from seven years old to 15 years old. It was like a group of about 10 of them. And whether they were seven or 10 or 15 or adults I saw later in their forties, every one of them says the same thing.
I don't know. How am supposed to remember pre balls all the time? Yeah. Know? And and I spent a fair amount of time driving home, like, trying to think about that.
And it was I I I think what I came up with is that it almost has to be what you just said. Like, don't shoot the moon the the first time. You know, promise yourself you're gonna do it, you know, I don't know, three times this week. Yeah. You know?
Until you can get to once a day. And then once you're at once a day, maybe your blood sugar falls, your stability gets bagger better. Maybe you're not as cloudy, and maybe you've gonna have more space in your head to go for twice a day. Or to be able to realize that if you miss it once, it's not a failure. It's a process.
Like, that whole stuff, like, I think that's just how people learn.
Yeah. For sure.
Your your situation and people in your situation, it's just an exploded it's an exploded version of problems everyone has.
Yeah.
You know what I mean? Yours just look more dire. Is that the right way to say it? Maybe that do you know what I mean? Like, you know you know what saying?
Like, if I don't do my laundry today or fold my clothes, which that might be a real example there, the my my a one c is not gonna go up. Yeah. I'm not gonna need needles in my eyeballs one day. Like, right? Like, like, that so I cannot put my clothes away today if I if I can't get around to it.
And so, thusly, when I don't get around to it, I don't feel like this great sense of shame or failure because, I mean, I don't know. What did I really fail at? Like, didn't get my stuff folded? You you know, it's not a big deal. Those are but those are the way people think and their life life situations that are happening twenty four seven to people all over the place.
It's when this unfairness of this diabetes lays on top of it that you really get into a situation. And then you have body image problems, and then you learn how to manipulate insulin, and then you were just on a slippery slope after that.
Yeah.
Yeah. And your parents didn't didn't know enough to step in, and even if they did, you weren't listening to them. That's the other piece. Right?
Right.
Yeah. Right. My gosh. Being alive is a lot. Yeah.
It's really really is. Yeah. How's the depression piece now? Are you better there?
Oh, yeah. For sure. And I think, like, having my blood sugars more stable really plays a huge part in that. Tell them. Because I I'm not so fatigued all the time.
Like, I I have energy to do things. So it just makes a huge difference in my life that I'm actually able to go out and do something.
Same thing for my weight loss. I didn't realize that about myself. I thought I was okay. Mhmm. But I don't know how much you listen to this.
I just said that like you and I are friends. I'm sorry. But, like, I've lost, like, 70 pounds the last three years.
Yeah.
Yeah. So I have that now too. Like, I wake up in the morning, and it's not just, like, my it's not just my, like, mental motivation because I'm a pretty get up, you know, get up new page, keep going person. But get up new page didn't carry around 70 pounds yesterday with me. Lot more energy.
Yeah. Know what mean? Lot a lot feel feel better. And, you know, I've shared this before, but I'll put it here because you were so honest about it. I didn't think I cared about what my body looked like until it looked better.
And then I was like, oh, maybe I did care. I'm not in a lot of photos either. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.
And this week this last week, I was standing in front of people at all different angles, and people are holding their phones up. And I never once thought, like, oh, don't don't shoot me from that angle. Like, you know, like, didn't have any Yeah. Didn't not you I used to tell people like, you know, if you wanna take video of me while I'm talking, get on the ceiling. Shoot down.
Okay? And now I don't think twice about it. And I saw a video of myself talking, and I don't think about how I look anymore. But two years ago when the process was beginning and I started to lose weight, I one time remember looking and thinking like, oh, I look like everybody else now. And that that was a weird thing.
I didn't know that I didn't feel like I looked like everybody else before. And so your thing's no different. It's just in reverse.
Right.
Like, I actually I actually was not at a healthy spot and believed I was. You were probably at a healthy spot and believed that you weren't. Yeah. Really something, isn't it? You think about having children ever?
Have you met a boy or a girl that you like? Anything like that happening?
I have not. I I think I'd like to be a parent, one day.
Mhmm. Is it a boy we're looking for? Is that right?
Yes.
Yeah? And this boy is not presenting themselves to you? What what's wrong with him?
I don't I don't know. I've just, I've just only started getting back into the, like, social scene. So
So is there an app up there? What's it called Zamboni or something like that? What do you do?
Oh, there's tons of apps. I don't know. I'm not I'm not really I get a little weirded out by the apps. I just don't know that I can trust them.
Well, you probably can't. But what about the what about the emotional support and physical touch part of this? Like, how do you and if this is too much for you, I just realized I'm quite sure. It's just I asked that. So if I don't mean for it to be creepy.
But, like, what, like, what are you doing for those things in your life?
I don't know. Emotional support? I have tons of friends.
Okay. What about I mean, on that. What about the hugs and and that stuff, though?
I mean, I've never really been a huge, like, physical touch person, so I don't really feel like I'm missing out on a ton.
Do you think you're gonna end up being me though at one day going like, oh, I didn't realize that's what it was like, and I was lying to myself a little bit?
Well, yeah, I could see that happening.
Yeah. So what do you do? You're gonna have to jump in. Right? You're have gonna to find a guy that you're pretty sure is not gonna cut your head off and then and then go because that's gotta be a concern, especially in Canada.
Right? And then you I'm just teasing. I'm sure Canada's a fine place. And, and then you, and then you gotta go out and, like, sit and talk and have a meal with somebody and then make sure they know you're not just gonna, like you know what I mean? Give yourself away too easily and then, like, see if they come back and see if you like them enough to go back.
And that's a process in and of itself.
I know. It's it's it's not fun to think about.
Well, but it maybe it would be fun, though.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Don't
think the right person.
Erin, can I give you a little advice here?
Yeah.
Yeah. I know. It I also, before I give you my advice, let's just everybody say that I understand this isn't how anxiety works. Okay? But you should just calm down and go do it.
Because it's it's it's either going to go well or it's not. Either I'm going to find a hotel or I'm gonna sleep in my car. It Yep. It doesn't matter. I think it really doesn't matter.
It's gonna be fine. You you know what I mean? Like, I'd rather see you go out there and meet a guy and be like, that wasn't for me. Now you have a little bit of instruction. Don't like them that tall.
Don't like it when they talk about this. Like this better. I didn't know I like curly hair. Like, that kind of stuff. You know what I mean?
And then just move to the next one and keep trying. Also, you're gonna be really interested to learn about the people who are initially attracted to you. Yeah. Yeah. Get out there.
You should do it.
Yeah. I plan to.
Good. This summer's a great time. Don't let me press you, but it's getting warm. What's the It is. Yeah.
I mean, this the the permafrost will probably be going in a couple more months. Right? And then the bears will come out. You can go enjoy your life. Is that is that not how all this works up there?
That's exactly how it works.
I know it is. Don't worry. I I I got an all in neck. Also, Erin, you're in my group. Right?
Yes.
Okay. If I look at your profile picture, are you the girl with the glasses or not the glasses?
Glasses.
Okay. May I say something?
Sure.
You're adorable. Go out there and break some boys' hearts. Seriously. Wait till you find out how much fun it is torturing us. My wife seems to be having a fucking party ruining my life.
I think I really think you're gonna enjoy it. Just make some boy love you and then break his heart. It'll it'll take up a whole year. You'll have a great time. It's it's gonna be it's gonna be fantastic.
I I just looked at you and I have a 26 year old. My son's 26. If you were my daughter and I found out that you that you felt like this and you weren't out there, I'd I'd I'd feel, like, a little heartbroken for you. Like Oh, no. Yeah.
Go get him, kill her.
You know
what I mean? Like, get him up there. Is your mom giving you the whole talk about grandbabies and stuff?
No. My, one of my brothers just had a baby, so she's pretty,
Oh, he handled it for you? Bought you some time? Yeah. Do you think about, not that I know you're anxious, but do you think about do you worry about if I had a baby, would it have diabetes?
I do. Yeah.
Where where do you land on that?
I I think I don't think I would ever let that stop me from, like, deciding to have kids.
Mhmm.
But it definitely is something that I'm like, oh. You know?
Well, you know how much you listen, so you were like, uh-oh. What if the kid does that? Yeah. Every time Arden pushes back against me, I look at my wife, and my wife is looking at me, and I know it. She never says it out loud, but she's thinking, that girl is exactly like you.
So, you know, whatever. But but, it's tough. It really is because you you listen. I could I could hit with you all the platitudes and tell you, like, you know, well, you grew up with diabetes, so you know, and you've made all the mistakes. You don't know what to do.
That's all well and good till you say it to somebody, and they go, no. Thank you. Not interested in your opinion. Yeah. Awesome.
Thanks. Here's what I said to my wife the other day. And she agreed with me. I just wanna say this for anybody who's listening. We should not have done this.
That's what I said. I said, do you remember when it was just you and me, and we were just, like, screwing around and having a good time? And, like, she's like and then she goes, how much money we'd probably have if we did not? I was like, I know. Oh, yeah.
Now I don't wanna be without also, when I tried to get my wife to move to Tennessee, she's like, well, I can't move away from the kids. I was like, but aren't they killing us? And she's like, I know, but I can't let you. But I was like, ugh. Damn it.
Oh, I'm stuck. I made these things that I love that are feel no comp comp compunction. Where did that word go? They don't feel any compunction to be kind to me yet. They're not at that age yet.
Not yet. I gotta stay alive long enough for them to apologize to me. That's what I'm thinking. Long do you think that'll be, Aaron? When are you gonna apologize?
Like, ten more years maybe?
Yeah. Maybe around there.
You did say you feel guilty, though, right, about
Oh, yeah.
What your parents have been through. Have you said that to them?
Yeah. Yeah. My yeah. I mean, I've told them, like, you know, I think they did everything that they could at the time or that they could try.
Yeah. You know, that's not comforting to them at all. Right?
I yeah. Yeah. I know.
Not that you shouldn't have said it. I'm glad you said it. But it's they're gonna say thank you, and then they're gonna feel just the same way. People are really complicated in a strange way.
Yeah.
Well, what have we learned from this conversation, Erin? What have you learned from it? Anything, or are you just like, oh, I shouldn't have done this. This guy was terrible at this. What where are you at right now?
Wishing for Something Magical1:09:29
I feel like I just wish I had something magical that would help people get out of situations like this.
Yeah. Me too. Every time I have these conversations do you ever listen to me with Erica when she comes on?
Yes.
Yeah. Yeah. She we go through it, and I have the same terrible thought every time. Like, ugh. But that's probably not gonna happen.
Yeah. You know, do this. Do that. This will help. It's all true, by the way.
Go do those things. They're going to help. And then and but to get the people to do it for reasons like you mentioned, like, either maybe there's medical reasons why they're, you know, a little foggy or low on energy or maybe they're overweight like I was and it's hard to get moving on stuff or whatever is holding you back. It's it it's it's just tough. Like, you need somebody to almost like pull you out of your life, put you in a white room with white walls and white carpet and go, hey.
Look. We got nothing but time here. Let's make a plan and do the things. And Yeah. There's no pressure.
That is the one thing it sounds like happened for you is that the very least you were able to reset, it feels like.
Yes.
You know what I mean? Which I think is sounds like it's been really valuable for you. Because otherwise, if you're trying to fight the fight and fight the other fight at the same time, neither fight gets fought correctly, and you just end up, you know, in these, you know, skirmishes constantly in your life, in your head, in your life, and in your reality. But if you just stop for a second and that's a real benefit. How were you able to afford to do that?
Your parents were supporting you and helping you?
Yes. My parents are a big help, and I am on disability. I work part time. But yeah. I mean, I don't you're probably not familiar with, like, the treatment situation in Canada.
But even that, you know, you're waiting, like, nine months to get into treatment, and it's just
Nine months is the number I hear from everybody. Unless you're dying nine months.
Yeah.
Yeah. And if you get on the list and somebody ends up worse off than you, you slide down.
Yeah.
You don't even get, like, credit for time served on the list. Yeah. Am I right about that?
You know what? That is still one of my questions. They say they don't do that.
But Bullshit. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. No. No. No. No.
I I, listen. Socialized medicine sounds nice. There's pieces of it I think are really great, and then there's parts of it like this where nobody's incentivized by money, so nobody hustles.
Yep.
You know? Like, when you need to get paid or you can't turn your air conditioner on, or in your case, you know, thaw out the driveway so you can get to the street. You know, like, it's it's hard to motivate people at their jobs sometimes.
Mhmm.
So yeah. It's awesome. Are you happy you did this?
Yeah. I am.
Yeah. Good. How long have you been listening to the podcast?
Oh, I found it probably back in, like, 2018. I used to listen to it with my mom while we would, like, cook and stuff.
Really? Absolutely. I'm glad I didn't say anything terrible about her now. I would have felt bad if you said that then. But I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have said that.
But, no, I I feel I feel good about the the conversation that we had. And I mean, like, from my perspective, you guys are in a situation. It's of not of your own making, of your own making, of a health related making, of a reality related making, and it sounds like you did the best you could with it. You know what I mean? And Yeah.
It's it's something to be proud of, honestly.
Yeah. I think, I think growing up helps a lot.
Just getting older? Yeah. Yeah. Just doing it because you were able to get, what, old enough to do it for yourself? Yeah.
Right. Because, you know, some people talk about doing it for others. That's pretty common. Like, I had a baby. I wanted to be healthy for the baby.
I got married. I wanted that kind of thing. But you just found a way to do it for yourself, which I think is pretty I almost cursed, but it's pretty great. Yeah. Yeah.
Good for you. Oh, congratulations.
Thank you.
Yeah. It's it's a pleasure talking to you. It really was.
Yeah. You too. Awesome.
Do have any questions for me, or is there anything that I should say that I haven't said so?
I don't think so.
I did it. That's all I heard. Perfect. You did it too. You were really great.
I am going to stop the recording, but then hold on one second just so I can ask you a couple questions before you go. Okay? Mhmm. Erin, thank you very much for doing this. I do appreciate.
You were really transparent, and it's gonna help a lot of people. So thank you.
Thank you for having me.
It was a pleasure. This episode of the Juice Box podcast is sponsored by the Omnipod five. And at my link, omnipod.com/juicebox, you can get yourself a free what'd I just say? A free Omnipod five starter kit. Free?
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#1902 Chicago Eyes
Chicago Eyes
Thirty years with type one, and diligent about it — until an eye exam this year found early diabetic retinopathy. A reminder it can happen even when you're in range.
Jump to a moment
- Diabetic retinopathy can develop after decades even with good control. Svetlana held A1Cs in the high-5s to low-6s and saw her eye doctor three times a year, yet a routine angiogram this year still caught early peripheral retinopathy. It was expected after 30 years, caught early, and is manageable (anti-VEGF injections, laser) — not a verdict on her effort.
- As an adult with type 1, you have to advocate for your own eye screening. Pediatric care watches closely; adult care often stops mentioning it. A dilated exam — and periodically a fluorescein angiogram — can catch changes before you notice any vision problem. Svetlana had zero symptoms.
- Bringing a high A1C down fast can briefly unmask eye changes. Her doctor could literally “see” the drop from ~7.9 to 5.8 in her retina, and rapid improvement is a known reason some clinicians lower A1C gradually. Worth asking your team about before a big change.
- Tools shape the long game. Decades on regular/NPH insulin with a food-pyramid diet, little day-to-day adjusting, and average endos set a different trajectory than today’s CGM-and-algorithm era. Her CGM was the single most life-changing tool — and it took a great endocrinologist to finally push her toward modern technology.
- Afrezza (inhaled insulin) worked beautifully for her — “like a working pancreas” — but her eye doctor found unexplained crystal deposits in her eyes, so she stopped to protect her vision. The cause was never identified. A reminder to weigh a new therapy against your own biggest risks, and that not every reaction has an answer.
- Mental Wellness Series (Erica Forsyth) — Erica’s episode on her own eye laser treatments happened to be playing the day Svetlana was diagnosed (verify slug)
- Bold Beginnings Series — for the newly diagnosed, with Jenny Smith (verify slug)
- Prevent Blindness — Diabetes & Your Eyes — diabetic retinopathy screening and treatment info (verify URL)
- Glucose Goddess (Jessie Inchauspe) — the food-order/glucose book she and her husband use (verify URL)
- Juicebox Podcast Facebook Group — community around type 1 (verify URL)
- Juicebox Podcast — all series and free resources
Every word of the conversation
Meet Svetlana0:00
Welcome back, friends, to another episode of the Juice Box podcast. If you're new to type one diabetes, begin with the bold beginnings series from the podcast. Don't take my word for it. Listen to what reviewers have said. Bold beginnings is the best first step.
I learned more in those episodes than anywhere else. This is when everything finally clicked. People say it takes the stress out of the early days and replaces it with clarity. They tell me this should come with the diagnosis packet that I got at the hospital. And after they listen, they recommend it to everyone who's struggling.
It's straightforward, practical, and easy to listen to. Bold Beginnings gives you the basics in a way that actually makes sense. Nothing you hear on the Juice Box podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. If you're looking for community around type one diabetes, check out the Juice Box podcast private Facebook group, Juice Box podcast, type one diabetes.
But everybody is welcome. Type one, type two, gestational, loved ones, it doesn't matter to me. If you're impacted by diabetes and you're looking for support, comfort, or community, check out Juice Box podcast, type one diabetes on Facebook. This episode of the Juice Box podcast is sponsored by the Kontoor Next Gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at kontoornext.com/juicebox.
Today's podcast episode is sponsored by MiniMed, the innovators behind the MiniMed Flex system, a small, sleek, and discreet insulin automated delivery system controlled from an app. Nothing comes close to freedom you can feel. To learn more, visit minimed.com/juicebox.
Hello. My name is Svetlana, and I am 39 years old. And I live in Chicago.
The Metallica Ticket Disaster2:12
And I've just informed Svetlana that she has chosen the worst day in the world to make the podcast with me. So I'm just gonna start off by complaining, and then we'll
move forward. Turn this around, Scott.
Oh, yeah. You're gonna turn this around. My I
hope so.
My brothers and I, who have never as adults gotten together by ourselves and done something, Saved and pulled money together, and we have tickets to see Metallica at The Sphere next year.
We got Amazing.
You would think. You fly out and see the see a concert on Thursday, I believe. And then Friday, you have the day off. On Saturday, you see another Metallica concert with completely different music, and you leave on Sunday. It was almost impossible to get those tickets, but I did it.
And then about, I don't know, a couple weeks ago, I got this email that looked like a phishing email that asked for a picture of my driver's license. And I deleted it. And then one came again as phishing emails do, and I do delete deleted it again. And the third one came. I was like, oh, what in the hell?
Like, I gonna have to, like, block this or unsubscribe? And then I looked really hard at it, I'm like, this might be real. So I emailed their company, Vibe, if anybody's interested in knowing. And I said I said, I'm sorry. Like, this looks fake.
You know? Like, is there a a an account that I've set up that I could log in through to make sure this is real or blah blah blah? But then I got a response back, and they were able to respond with my order number this time. And I was like, okay. This is real.
I'll I'll do the thing. Except my driver's license was was, like, being renewed. And it and I so I was like, oh, I'll just I'll just wait till it comes in. So it did come in a few days ago while, I was away at the ADA helping people with diabetes. That's okay.
And then, apparently, while I was at the ADA, I got an email that said I had, like, seven days or something. And then, you know, I don't know. Anyway, I'm up this morning. I think this is important because it shows that karma is not a real thing. I'm up I'm up this morning making children songs to help them learn about their diabetes at 6AM when I get an email that says, here's your money back.
Your order's been canceled.
Stop it.
Swear to god. So I responded to that email and said, hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
Hey, Kai. Everybody you know, I don't know what I said. I was like, please don't do this. I dug out the email about the ID verification, sent the ID in because the driver's license downstairs in the counter right now. Also, if I'm in the middle of complaining, so that line of one more second, the state of New Jersey was supposed to use a new photo of me, but instead used a seven year old photo that I'm fat in.
So thanks, New Jersey, and thanks for all of this. It's okay.
No worst state.
So no. No. Mother and so anyway, I then I get a response back from Vibe, and it's Kurt. And I'm like, you know the word? Short.
Not pleasant. And I'm like so I respond back again. I'm like, hey. Like, I sent a note. I'm like, hi.
I don't want my tickets canceled. Like, what are we doing? And all they sent was, like, legalese back to me. I so I thought it was a like a like a an auto response. So I responded back in.
I'm like, can somebody please read this down? Then I can email back. I did read your email. And I'm like, oh my god. So Wow.
Oh my god. Jesus Christ. So then I called and left a message on their machine. So they're like, look. I'm a real person.
I'm trying to get together with my brothers for the first time, and, you had our money. Like, what? You had the money. Just keep it if I don't if I don't send you the ID. Like, what nevertheless, they say they're going to try to reticket them, but they can't promise anything.
And now I have to wait for that. And I also sent a fat picture of myself to somebody I don't know. This is what's that.
Is that is that the part that upsets you the most?
It's hard to it's hard to parse the whole thing. Okay? But and I just had to text my brothers and tell them. So, anyway think
I can do both of karma. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that doesn't even come close to what you just described to me. I mean, I would just say, let's believe in Carmel.
Let's hope that they will turn this around. You have a pretty compelling story.
Yeah. They don't know me. They they just they think I'm some guy who didn't respond to an email.
But they're reading your emails, though. So I think you should, like, you know, write a longer email about, like, everything you just said to me. Or you already did?
Oh, don't worry. It's it's I I I mean, I shortened it up a little bit, but, yeah, it's there. I I I I, like, low key begged a little. I threw in the part about my brothers because it is true. Do you know I'm 54?
I'll be 55 this summer.
By the time You still have your whole life, Tula.
No. That's lovely of you. By the time I by the time I go to that well, excuse me. By the time I would have went to that concert, I would have been just about 57 years old. And my brothers and I as adults have never gone away together once.
That should have been your email right there. Listen. If they don't get back to you with tickets, you let me know, and I will throw some special legalese back at them, and you guys will go.
You wait. Are you a lawyer?
I happen to be a lawyer.
Oh, well, let's find out about you. This is much more interesting. Okay. Give it to me. When did you get that diabetes?
I'm gonna try to let this go, but my chest is heavy right now, and I don't usually feel like it. I'm not a good No.
I feel for you. That's such a nice thing to do. Like, all your brothers get together like this, and then, like, bad people just, you know,
take it away
from you like that.
Yeah. I'm try I'm not trying to shame. I listen. Apparently, was the email. I didn't do the thing.
But, like, what's the rush?
Yeah. You've got Seriously, what's the rush? And in your defense, they look like phishing emails. They did
the first couple of them. Who asks you for a picture of your driver's license after you buy a ticket from them for a concert?
I would have deleted it. You can't be the only one that has this issue. So we could just, like, round up, like, a class action of all the other people just happened there. You think I've got ideas for you,
we could get Metallica to play in my backyard? What's going on?
I'm not a miracle worker, but, you know, let's say hi. Let's see what we could do.
I I'm not I'm not joking. Like, it was it really was by the way, this is not a cheap excursion.
Oh, I can imagine.
Okay? Like, we we literally had to scrape money together for this. And Yeah. It so it's I mean, what do they think? Like, the the like, I'm not gonna get them.
They've got they've got thousands of dollars of money. Like, they think I'm not gonna get around to it?
Yeah. Oh my Seems unnecessary.
You mean yeah. I'm sorry. What let me start over. I'll slap myself in the face. Hold on.
No. No. You're okay.
I don't I I gotta no. This happened just before you jumped on. It's not
My gosh. It's my Jewish luck. You know, it happens. That's what happens.
Oh, your last name. I can't believe you're Jewish.
Yeah. Yeah. I know. Surprise.
Anyway, tell me a little bit about when you're diagnosed. Let's be honest. Most of us would love to spend less time thinking about diabetes. That's exactly what MiniMed had in mind with the new MiniMed Flex system. It's small and sleek, you can control it from an app, and it uses the trusted smart guard technology that automatically adjusts insulin every five minutes.
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But what I can say for sure is that the Kontoor Next Gen meter is accurate. It is reliable, and it is the meter that we've been using for years. Kontoornext.com/juicebox. And if you already have a contour meter and you're buying test strips, doing so through the Juice Box podcast link will help to support the show.
Diagnosed at Eight in the '90s12:00
Okay. So I was diagnosed when I was eight. So I've had it for about for more than thirty years now.
Mhmm.
And it's so this isn't, like, the cool part of my story or anything like that. It's pretty, like like, standard what we've what we hear a lot. I was a kid. I was sick. I don't know.
I can't remember what I had, and my parents, like, wouldn't know what I had either. I tried asking them, you know, because I was trying to see if it was, with, like, the hand, foot, and mouth or, other common things that tend to bring on diabetes, but I I don't know what it was.
Are you telling me you've asked them recently, and they're like, we don't know.
No. I asked them, like, a while ago.
A while ago.
Yeah. I asked them a while ago, and they were like, what? I I don't know. Who are you? You're our child, whatever.
So, yeah, they they don't remember that kind of history. But I remember it was in April. I don't have the date, but I remember it was in April. I was very sick. Like, I was eight years old and maybe, like, thirty three pounds, like like, severely underweight.
And maybe after, like, a week of, like, letting me sleep on the couch, my mom was like, yeah. We should take you to the doctor. And they tested my blood sugar right away, and they were like, yep. You're going to the ER. So, like, not a super eventful story, like, pretty standard.
Yeah.
This was back in, what, like, 1993, 1994. Yeah. So, you know, spent a week in the hospital, learned how to give injections on an orange, all that you know, learned the old messed up food pyramid when, you know, they bring you, like, cereal, a muffin, an apple, and orange juice for breakfast at the hospital. So, like, had the whole, like, typical experience.
Mhmm. But this wasn't the cool part of your story. That's the part I like. What what the is there there is a cool part of your story?
No. But I guess, like, an interesting part of, like, my diabetes experience of, like, why I want it to be on
the I see.
Podcast. Like, what what I can maybe bring to others through my experience.
Your diagnosis was just pretty mundane and average.
Pretty boring. Yeah. Okay. Unrefundful.
Well, what happened next then? Let's go let's do it that way.
So no. So, I mean, typical teenager. So, I mean, back in the nineties, like, we didn't have I I remember, like, somebody was telling me about, like, the c what would be a CGM and what would be an insulin pot pump. But, like, they weren't you know, I didn't have, like, great endocrinologists. Like, they were okay endocrinologists.
I wouldn't call them sort of, like, diabetes type one experts. Mhmm. And so I I didn't use a CGM or a pump until, like, maybe the last six, seven years. So I was MDI and finger poking until then.
Okay.
Just because I didn't have anyone who, like, really pushed me to it. You know? They're just kinda like, you're you're doing fine. You're doing okay. You know, my I wouldn't say I was doing okay.
Like, my a a one c's were, like, seven or eight. So it's not, like, ideal, not compared to, like, what I have now. But I wasn't, like, being pushed by anyone to, like, not live under a rock until maybe seven or eight years ago when I went to my, like, GP, my my family doctor, and she was like, you know, you really should see this one endocrinologist so I know, like, she could, like, change your life. And I went to see her, and she was kinda like, you know, objectively on paper, you look like a smart person, but, like, you're kind of, like, stupid and not using the technology that's out there.
Decades on MDI, Then a Wake-Up14:53
Wait. So you just kinda came up, though, in a time where, like, pumps weren't very, very common then.
No. They weren't. I remember I don't remember seeing them on people. Like, really, honestly, growing up, I feel like I didn't know that many other diabetics. Mhmm.
I don't remember seeing pumps on people. Maybe I just wasn't looking, or maybe I was just, like, so in my own world about things. But I just, like I I didn't I still don't have, like, any diabetic friends. Like, your podcast is, my community. They just, you know, I think they're all my friends, but they don't know I'm alive.
But, like, I don't really have real in real life friends who are diabetic.
It's interesting, isn't it? There was a a frame of time around type one diabetes where just having an endo who said, you should try a pump made meant they were a great forward thinking endo.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because mine didn't. Mine would just be like, okay.
Let's, look at your numbers. Okay. We'll try to keep this down or, like, you know, get more exercise. K. See you in a and it's like, here's your prescriptions.
See you in a year. Bye. So, yeah, it's it's crazy now. I mean, I listened to, like, all the parents on your podcast. I'm like, oh my gosh.
They were like, they're so in it to win it. Like, I I just I don't know. I just didn't it that wasn't my experience, like, growing up in the nineties.
So even if I asked you if, like, your parents were trying to help you or anything like that, there was nothing to help with, really.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean so so my my family emigrated from the Former Soviet Union in the nineties, in the early nineties. And so, like, my parents, like I mean, they were just too busy to, like, be sort of all on board.
Like, it was kinda like, we'll we'll work to get you your medicine, and you you you figure it out. Best of luck.
This one needs more than the other ones.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Do you have brothers and sisters?
I do. I have an older sister.
Does she have any autoimmune stuff?
She doesn't. She's she's lucky. She not not any autoimmune that's, like, visible to us right now, but but we do have diabetes in the family. My my father's mother, so my paternal grandmother, was type one, but she had a, like, later onset in life. Like, I have I have small minor memories of her, like, boiling needles and giving herself insulin.
Wow.
So I I I remember that a little bit back when we still, like, lived in Ukraine, and she passed away very early. Like, she passed away maybe, like, in her early sixties.
Yeah.
And then my maternal grandmother had type two diabetes, but, like, I mean, that was completely, like, I think lifestyles choices
Right.
That brought that on. But, no, we don't really have any other autoimmune that that I'm aware of in my family.
How about you? Do you have other stuff?
I well, we could get to that because I need your professional diagnosis, Scott, here. I've been quite professional, but go ahead. Alright. It's the best I've heard. I'm I'm pretty sure I have a thyroid condition, but, like, not nobody wants to believe me.
I think you will believe me. I think you will agree with me.
Well, yeah, I believe all thyroid. That's what that's the saying, isn't it?
I know. I know. And, you know, so I I in preparation from this call, I pulled my medical records to see what my THS was. And I know you say, like, anything over two. You should get medicated.
Mhmm.
And I I know won't do it. She won't do it. She keeps telling me I'm within the normal range. And so last year, it was, like, 3.84. And this is how sick I am right now.
I'm like, I'm hoping it's gonna be over four. So she finally, like, believes me and, like, will treat me for it. But it's been, like, up and down. Like, there's some years it's, like, 1.74. There's some years it's 2.5.
There's then it goes back to, like, 1.9. So it's, like, not consistent.
Are you symptomatic?
I think so. I think I'm, like, tired all the time, but it could just be that I'm a bad sleeper. But I do think I I I know the list that you usually go to. Yeah. So no dry hair or nails.
That's a no. I do have tiredness. I am tired quite often.
Mhmm.
My biggest one is sort of as I've gotten into my thirties, like, I haven't changed anything about sort of my eating habits or my workout, but I am just like, I am gaining weight for, like, no reasons.
Yeah. Well and and so you tell the end of all this, and what's the answer to that? Like, let's say, okay. It's you know, they're gonna ignore your TSH. She doesn't think it's your thyroid.
What does she say?
She just says, you're fine. You're just work out more if you think you're putting on a few pounds.
What about the tiredness?
She's like, I you're you're an attorney. You might be stressed. You know? It's fine. Just get more sleep.
Oh, no. Oh, jeez. Where did where did they buy that degree at that they have?
No. She's actually amazing. I don't wanna I want How is
that possible? I this I'll say, of all the things that plummets me about making this podcast, if she's not helping you with something this simple, how is she amazing?
She's amazing in other ways. I will tell you that she's the first they're can I talk to I'll I'll I will make sure her
Tell me? Because it feels like you're saying to me, well, he doesn't hit me. Like like so yeah.
So what's going on? I know. This is not sounding well. I know. This doesn't look good.
Let let me try to turn this boat around. Mhmm. So this is the one thing where where we've kind of butted heads, and I haven't gotten my way on is is this, that she's like like, objectively, your test results don't don't indicate to me that, like, you need to be medicated for a thyroid condition. But she has been the first one to actually listen to me. And, okay, maybe this is the part where my story gets a little bit more interesting.
So when I met her that six or seven years ago when she basically called me stupid, and I was like, yeah, I think maybe, like, you're right. You have a point. One of the first things that we did was we went on dexcom. And I still stayed MDI, but I went out of dexcom.com. And that was, like, so life changing.
I agree with everything that you say about CGM. Like, if there's only one tool I could have, it would be the CGM because you could just see things real time. And so that was really cool. And I I didn't love a pump. I didn't love the idea of having something attached to me.
I for some mental reason, I was against it. I remember, like, years before then, a a different endocrinologist tried to, like, put, like, a CGM on me, and I, like, fainted. Like, I had this kind of weird reaction to anything being attached to me. Really? So she wasn't gonna push me to get a pump.
Dexcom, and a PowerPoint for Afrezza20:55
Okay.
And we stayed with the with the CGM. And then, of course, me being me, I'm like, okay. She told me I need to be smarter. So, like, I start, like, just, like, diving in about all kinds of research, and I and I was very intrigued by the inhalable insulin. Right?
Afrezza?
Mhmm.
I think I'm saying is that how you
said it?
Was it Afrezza? Afrezza. And so I was super interested. And then so my my whole thing about, like, using technology is, like, I wanna use technology, but only if it makes my life easier. Right?
If, like, that tub doesn't work well, I don't necessarily, like, want to use it or or if I have to take more steps in a day. Like, with a pump, like, you know, you're constantly putting like like, you have to bolus for it, and you're putting things in, and you're checking your phone. And so I was like, what if I can have a CGM but then use Afrezza as sort of my short acting insulin
and
take once a day long acting insulin. This is Tresiba.
This is the thing people do. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
And so she she's like, I don't have any patients on Afrezza, and so I put together a PowerPoint presentation. I'm like, I really think you should. I should be your patient. She's like, okay. Let's do it.
So she was, like, very open to, like you know, once I made a compelling case of, like, why I wanna do it, she sort of she she helped. And it was it wasn't easy with insurance. Like, you need all these prior preapprovals and all these things. But, like, she she did it for me, and we went on it. And she was, like, so supportive of it, and she was, like, as interested as I am.
And with Afrezza, you know how you have those doses? They come sort of like I don't I don't remember. It was, four
Four eight, Yeah. Yeah.
Yes. And it was too big. Like, if you just want a light snack, like, you couldn't take one of them. So I became one of those people where, like, I bought, like, a little kid scientist, like, kit, and I would, like, break up the doses. So, like, if you didn't know what I was doing, like, you would have think you would think I was doing, like, you know, illegal things.
There's, like, white powders, and I'm, like, breaking them into smaller doses and putting it back in and then inhaling them. And so but she was, like, she was really intrigued that I was doing it, she was like, show me how you do this. Oh, this is how you break the doses. So she's she was really, like, supportive Yeah. Of me finding, like, treatment that worked for me the way I wanted it to work.
And so that meant a lot to me because I'd I've never had sort of endocrinologist take such a keen, like, interest in how I'm managing my diabetes. And so she and she was open to, like, me not wanting a pump and let's try this. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. I had this weird reaction to Afrezza that nobody has been able to explain to me. Like, I've contacted, like, a lot of endocrinologists.
My doctor has contacted a lot of endocrinologists. Can I tell you what it is? Are you do you
Crystals in Her Eyes24:09
wanna know? It's not a cough, is it? It's
No. It's not a cough. It it showed up. My eye doctor was the one that found it. I was I go to the eye doctor, like, three times a year just because, you know, I've had diabetes for thirty years.
I'm OCD about not having diabetic changes. And, like, I don't know, maybe a year after being on this regime of Afrezza and a long lasting insulin, he he, like, looks at me. He's like, we've known each other for a while. Right? And I'm like, yeah.
And he was like, are you can I ask you a question? Are you, like, using drugs? And I was like, yeah. Insulin. Like, I'm a diabetic.
He's like, no. I'm, like, talking about illegal drugs, like intravenous drugs. And I was like, what? He's like, you know, I'm seeing these changes, these crystals in your eyes, and there's sometimes I see this when people are using intravenous drugs. And I was like, like, nonstarter.
Wait. He's he's like he's like, you're not using heroin, are you? That's what he was asking you?
I was like, I we were, like, staring at each other cause we were both, like, not under like, I thought we were speaking different languages
Sure. Sure. To
each other. I was like I was like, you think I'm using like, really, of all That things
bond is high, and you're like, what's this guy talking about here?
Yeah. I was like, of all the things I could do with my time and money, that is not what I would do. And so he's like, okay. Like, I I want you to stop using it because if that's the only thing that you're doing different, like, any new medication, then we need to figure out what this is because, like, these these findings shouldn't be showing up when I dilate your eyes. And so he called my endocrinologist immediately, and she called me immediately, like, all freaked out.
And she's like, don't use it. Like, go back on I think I was using NovoLog at the time. She's like, go back to that and stop using. And so we were never like, know, she called around her contacts. He called around his contacts, and we were and, I mean, I even asked the MannKind representatives.
They said they had never heard of it.
Yeah.
But we were never able to get to the bottom of it. And, like, maybe for, like, two years after that, I was like, can I try it? And they'd be like, no. Like, nonstarter. Like like, the you don't wanna mess with your vision.
But it was I mean, if I
could go have bought it,
it would, like
I'm not having any luck finding anything about that.
Me either, Scott. I I I've I asked my endocrinologist to reach out to So this group of endocrinologists out in San Diego who have done a lot of work on Afrezza, and nobody has ever seen this reaction. But because there was nothing else I was doing at the time, like, that was the only sort of difference, like, objective finding that was different from my last exam. Like, he couldn't rule it out. And he I mean, I'm not gonna risk my vision if it was what caused it.
Checked since then?
Yes. So so the crystals have sort of left over time. They're smaller and smaller deposits of them over time, but that's because I never used it again.
Well, you maybe.
Wait. What do you mean maybe? I didn't use it.
No. No. No. No. Maybe that's the reason there's less fewer crystals, I'm saying.
Like, maybe it's something else. Exactly. Yeah. Like, I mean
It could have been something else. Yeah. It could have been something else, and that's what I'm saying. But, like, I'm not comfortable to sort of, like No. Try using it again.
I I hear you. Yeah. Yeah. Worse. Yeah.
No one had an idea about what like, the eye doctor didn't say
No one.
What else it could be? Why why would
We went through, like, all I was like, here are the vitamins I'm taking. Like, here's this that I'm doing. He's like, no. Nothing other than maybe this is is what could have caused it. So I was heartbroken.
It was, like, the most normal I ever felt because, right, I was just taking in my love Tresiba once a day, and then I would be taking the Afrezza right after I eat. So,
like Yeah.
I would see what I actually ate and then dose for it right after because it worked so quick. It was just so amazing. I I felt like I had a working pancreas.
Did the doctor call this thing ALK retinopathy or embell embolic crystalline retinopathy? No. No. Okay.
No. It was just I think the language used was it were crystal deposits.
Crystal deposits.
Yeah. If you find out the answer and I'm able to go back on Afrezza, I would owe you my life.
I don't know that I wanna be in charge of your eyes. But Absolutely. But I'm just trying to figure out, like, what else like, did the Afrezza bring your a one c way down or your average blood sugars way down? Did it make any No. No.
No. It just makes me feel like
more to Yeah. I had a normal life. I felt just a nor like, you know, I wasn't constantly sort of, like, checking my phone to see how the insulin was or, like, how my blood sugar was doing because it it just worked so quickly. I didn't have as many lows too because the lows would rebound really quickly too.
Mhmm. Were you on any other medications back then?
No. I wasn't using anything else just except my placebo. I know. It's it's I mean, it's like the greatest tragedy of my life.
It's I've you were really enjoying it.
I was really enjoying it.
And there's no indication for what you said here. Like, I can't I mean, listen. No. I can't find using the Internet and half a brain while I'm listening to you talk. I can't find any indication around Afrezza.
No. Something like that.
Nope. Nobody's ever heard of it. None of the other endocrinologists in my doctor's network had ever had patients report anything like
that. It dangerous?
I well, that's what he couldn't tell. He's like, I don't know, but these deposits shouldn't be here. And so, like, if you wanna risk it, you can, but I wouldn't feel comfortable sort of you doing that. And the other thing he said to me is, like, not everyone's, like, OCD about going to the eye doctor and getting their eyes dilated and checked for things like you are. So this could be happening to other people, but, like, they're just not, you know, religiously getting their eyes, you know
Well, I can tell you this. I'm pretty sure someone from mankind's gonna hear this. So
Oh, well
They can reach out. If they have something they wanna say, I can put them in touch with you. Yeah.
Mean, for sure, I would love to hear from them. You know, they they did reach out, like, right afterwards, and, like, I didn't know if, like, I should be talking to them or anything. I mean, I will get I will I mean, I I think it's a great product. I wish it had worked for me. The customer service there was amazing.
Like, the specific rep that trained me on it was incredible. Like, I actually really miss him. You know? Like, we we became friends. Like, he would he would check-in on me all the time because there weren't that many patients on it.
I'm trying to think this was, like, back in 2020. They didn't have as many sort of patients using it the way I was using it. And so he they were amazing. I have only great things to say about them. And like I said, I'm heartbroken that, like, I can't use their product.
They just got their indication for younger people.
I know. I've been following I even remember in 2020 when I first started using it, sending you an email being like, you need to do a topic about Afrezza because it's the best thing ever.
I did a I a fair amount of them too. And Yeah. And I I mean, I found myself thinking last week if this younger indication for younger people if that if the indication for younger people doesn't have Afrezza blow up, like, I I wonder if it ever is going to. Because, again, everyone who I talk to who uses it really, really likes it.
I really, really loved it. But, you know, again, like, my biggest fear in life was, like, losing my vision, so I wasn't gonna mess with it. And if, like, I couldn't use it, then I couldn't use it. And then
Oh, just just just headphone. No. You're fine. It's such an interesting situation to get put into. Like, you don't know that that's what was happening, but it's also too big of a risk that
Exactly. Yeah. What Yeah. Exactly. With your vision.
And so that that's when, like so then I went back to, like, MDI, and then I was like, okay. Let's try because with MDI, you can't, like like, microdose. You know? My I can't, like, do one point two. I have to just, you know, guesstimate what one point two is.
So I did go on the Omnipod, and I do love the Omnipod. I have good I don't have any qualms about it or anything negative. I I I did think that their algorithm is not aggressive enough, so I run my I keep mine in manual mode.
Back to the Pod (Manual Mode)31:47
You see they just updated it?
I did. I did. I saw that in a
little they're enjoying the new lower target and some of
the Yeah.
Some of the changes they made to the algorithm. The new Yeah.
I think I'm gonna try. I think gonna try.
Yeah.
Yes. I think I'm gonna try. I mean, what what it was one time before, so a 100. I'm not I'm not I'm not convinced it's gonna be, like, aggressive enough for me because I'm I'm, like, one of those low riders. I like to be on, you know Yeah.
Yeah. To be on the lower side.
At least unlike your eyes, you could just turn it on and see how it goes.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah. Just if you're just make sure the settings that you're using currently I mean, well, you're in manual. So if you're having good success, I mean, it would be as easy as flipping it over and letting it run and see what happens.
Yeah. Yeah. I think I am gonna try. I'm I'm gearing myself up to giving it a go.
I can tell you something because this won't come out in any amount of time where this won't be a problem. But I I was on a they made a a commercial to to, like, announce the 100 target.
Mhmm.
It's real and it's really cool if you if you find it. It's it's short. It's, like, thirty seconds long, but it's it's, like, a bunch of actual Omnipod users at a pool. And they're all they're all just sort of, like, looking at each other saying 100, like, to each other. And Oh, that's cool.
And it's it was a lot of fun. And then at the very, very I'm like an Easter egg at the very, very end of the of the the commercial.
You're in the commercial?
Yeah. But so after you get done seeing, like, young, attractive people, then I I come in to balance that all out at the end and make you make you realize the reality of the world. And then Oh, stop it. And then and then it ends.
That's so cool. That's so amazing.
Yeah. It was it was a good time. It was it's weird because it's, like, you know, like, real, like, filming set where you, like, you stand there for nine hours and work for fifteen minutes. But it was it was a good time. I got to see some people I hadn't seen in a while in person and everything.
Joy and I
That's amazing.
Yeah. Yeah. So that's out now. I think it's on their YouTube, but they haven't, like, they haven't used it yet in their social media where they're going to. I guess it's coming.
Okay. I'm gonna look this up when we get off the phone.
Yeah. Yeah. It's it's hilarious. Let me let me just say that the the makeup person comes up to me and says, I'm trying not to completely give it away, but I had to put zinc on my they had to put zinc on my nose. Like, the, you know, the white, like
Oh, that, like, the white powdery stuff?
The cream, like, for being at the beach, like, in the old days. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. So she comes up to me.
She goes, they want me to put, like, a a stripe of, like, zinc on your nose. Are you okay with that? By the way, I you gotta love California. Everyone's always asking if you're alright. Are you okay with that?
Is that okay? And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm here. Right?
I I Yeah. I said I'd do this. Like, let's go.
No. I think they're legally required. My has, like, all like, an extra law for everything. We actually my husband and I just spent the last three years before we moved back to Chicago in LA. And, I mean, anywhere you go, like, if you if you're in a garage anywhere, there's, like, all these signs that remind you that carbon monoxide could be bad for you.
And you're like, yeah. I'm in the garage. I'm like
Figured that. Thanks. Yeah. So she's like, can I, you know, can I put it on your nose? And I'm like, yeah.
Yeah. Sure. She puts a line down the middle of my nose, and she goes, they want it to be, like, a comical amount. Is that okay? And I went I and I go, yeah.
I guess so. Go ahead. But then I couldn't see myself afterwards. You know? Oh.
And then I saw the commercial, and I was like, well, she was right. It was a comical amount.
I guess that's why she asked okay
four times. What she meant was, now that I'm looking back on it, is it okay if I make you look ridiculous?
Yeah. You're
going
still would have said yes Yeah. If you just said it that way.
You're going to be a clown. Are you up for that? I'm like, oh, okay. Now put this
And you're like, I'm born for this.
Yeah. Now put this hat on and blow this whistle, and let's go, clown. So anyway it and was a great it was really lovely to be invited, actually. Omnipod.com/juicebox. Use my link.
And learn more
Much love. Much love.
Learn more about the Omnipod pod. So you, after all of this rigmarole, didn't end up finding a pump?
No. I I know. It it was all mental. It was it must have been some kind of mental I mean, of course, I got the Omnipod because it wasn't tube. Mhmm.
I think I I wouldn't do well with a tube pump. I just don't like I have this thing about, like, you know, extra things being attached, but I've been you know, part of why I love your group on Facebook so much is you have all these people posting about new places to put your pod because I I run out of real estate. You know? So, like, my legs don't absorb well. I don't like it on my stomach because I I find it hurts more on your stomach.
I find, like, the skin there where, like, the sort of the the cannula is
Not your favorite place.
After three days. Yeah. Yeah. It gets, like, really sore. My hips, again, I don't absorb well.
I think it's because of, like, you know, thirty years of injecting there. There's probably, like, scar tissue, and it just, like, doesn't absorb well
there. I mean, listen. I You gotta trust that your hips don't lie. Yeah. Thank you.
That's right, Shakira. That's right.
That's all I have today because I've lost my goddamn Metallica tickets. That's why
I said No. It's god.
They're definitely
gonna try to be extra funny. I won't try to be extra funny to cheer you up.
I had to go I had to go she hear a dad joke. That's how low I am. Okay.
No. Those are that's good comedy. I mean, that's good humor. We don't we don't want, like, that slapstick humor. That's not funny.
Alright. I and the the dark stuff is really funny. So you can, like, you know I appreciate it. To use your dark humor.
Oh, baby. When you talk like that, we might as well keep going. I could do the whole song if you want. Did she not get in trouble for, like, tax fraud?
Did she?
I don't wanna speak
out of unfortunate. Her.
Hold on a second. Did Yeah. Jakira get found guilty. Oh.
Yeah. Don't wanna have to defend you against stuff.
Making No kidding. Don't I don't even have to pay you. I although I have all that extra Metallica money back, I guess we could
get Yeah. There you go.
I'm on Internet. It's really looking. Look at it looking. I mean, it's not that seriously. Yes and no, it says.
Depends on what case you depends on what case I mean.
For the 2000 lawyer answer. 12/2012,
2014 Spanish tax case, Shakira was not found guilty after a trial. She accepted a settlement plea deal on the first day of the trial in November 2023, accepted the charges, paid fines, and received a suspended three year sentence to avoid prison. For a separate 2011 Spanish tax case, she was acquitted in May 2026. Spain's high court ruled that she was extra sexy and didn't have to pay. How about that?
The tax authorities yeah. Authority had not proven she was a Spanish tax resident that year. Oh. I was like, sounds like Shakira moves around a lot trying to
Good technicality. Mhmm.
Yeah. I'm gonna have to remember that one. Yeah. I ever make enough money to try to defraud my taxes. I'm not up to the effort being worth the squeeze at this point.
Yeah. So anyway Fair. So but getting back to you, I really think that I really think that it's interesting to see somebody diagnosed around the time you were before this technology was available and then becomes available, but it's not plentiful or a thing that people are really doing. You're probably you have doctors who grew up without any of this. They're not thinking to even tell you about it.
Yeah. And then eventually someone, you know, knights you with, hey. Go talk to this lady. She's Yeah. Very forward thinking, and all she said was you should get a pump.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so and does that make a big difference in your life? Do do you see a night and day difference between your a one c's, your outcomes, how you feel?
Diagnosed Before the Tech39:26
Yes. Yeah. It does.
Yeah. Tell me. But at the same time, I guess the the extension of my question here is the time between when you knew pumps existed and when you actually got one, you were aware of them then but didn't want a thing on your body.
Yes.
Were you were you knowingly making a trade for variability in a one c, or did you not think of it that way?
You know, I you don't think of it that way, or at least I wasn't thinking of it that way. I was like, you know, I'm doing well enough. Like, you know, objectively, I I look healthy. And and, you know, back then, doctors told you, like, a seven or eight a one c was good. Like, that wasn't, you know, that wasn't bad.
So I was like, okay. Like, I'm doing what I need to be doing. You know? Like I said, most people didn't know I had diabetes. So everyone just, like, thought I was, like, fit, active, things like that.
Yeah.
So it never just, like, played and and I didn't have other diabetics around me. So, like, nobody was talking about it. So it just, like, die I mean, I knew I was diabetic, obviously, but, like, it wasn't, like, something I think about every day. I will say sort of now that I'm leaning into, like, sort of your community that you've built, which is amazing and, like, have all this tech, I am more interested on. Like, I'm reading all the time about it.
I'm looking at all of these studies. I'm thinking about all the like, how different the different products are and stuff. But it could also be just because, like, I'm older, maybe it interests me more. And then back then, I was just like, okay. Like, I'm in school.
I'm a student. And then, you know, I'm in law school. I'm starting my career. This wasn't top of mind for me. I'm also reminded of it all the time now because I'm I'm I'm very competitive with myself where, like, I look at my numbers constantly.
Mhmm. Like, you know, all the all the data, all the trends, I'm I give myself, like, a score every week. You know, when Dexcom sends you your weekly report, I'm like, oh, I got an a minus this week. You know? If I'm, like, 91%.
Enjoying doing that?
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my husband thinks I'm crazy. But, like, for me, like, I'm not competing with other people. I'm just competing with myself now that I have this data.
Yeah.
Until you have it, you just don't think about it. But, like, when you get it and it's right in front of you, then I've taken, like, a much more interest in sort of, like, my diabetes over the last seven years.
Well, yeah, I mean, I can believe that you take more interest as you get older. But is the is it helping you? Like, is the paying attention more digging in, reading about things? Yeah. Can you tell me how that helps?
The Call She'd Been Dreading42:33
Yeah. I mean, I I it kinda leads me to, like, why I wanted to be on the show today. So maybe, like, I don't know, eight, nine years ago, like, on a regular I I always confuse, like, the two different doctors, the ophthalmologist, the optometrist, the app whatever. Just like the one that, you know, checks your reading glasses and your contacts.
The way I think of it is Steve and the other guy. Yeah.
Yes. Okay. So, I'll I'll call her doctor k then.
Okay.
Doctor k and then the other guy. So doctor k is the one that checks my glasses and my contacts. She takes a look, and she's when she dilates my eyes, and she's like, hey. Like, you've been diabetic for a really long time. It might be worthwhile for you to go to the other guy and just for him to do, like, a deeper retinal evaluation Sure.
Just to make sure you don't have things popping up. And so I started seeing this other guy. And this other guy is like, okay. Well, I could definitely tell that you're diabetic, but I'm not seeing any sort of peripheral retinopathy or anything. And your vision has affected your vision or anything.
So, you know, why don't you just come see me twice a year, and we'll just monitor things? And so that's what I was doing. I I went to him I I think I actually went to him, like, three times a year since since that time. And he would just do sort of more imaging of the retina to make sure every once in a while, he would run an angiogram. Do you know what that is for, like, your eyes?
For your eyes? Yeah. Don't think I do.
Angiogram for your eyes.
What do they do there? What do they do with that?
I mean, it's what it kinda what it's as awful as it sounds. It's basically they they they pump, like, yellow ink or a yellow dye into your vein, and then it's it's like, travels through your vessels, your blood vessels. And then at that same time, they're taking imaging of your eyes so they could tell with this yellow dye if there are more vessels forming, which is, like, sort of signs of a peripheral diabetic retinopathy. Mhmm. So every couple of years, he would take those, and they were fine.
And so at some point, he was like, maybe you don't need to see me as often. And I'm like, okay. Like, great. I love you. But, like, if you're telling me everything is good you know, my my a one c's are in the six.
Like, they go between, like, six like, 59And63. So, like,
you know,
I'm I'm doing my best in tore in terms of, like, control.
Of course.
Not a lot of, what, variability too. Like, I think, like, my variability is usually 20 to 25 or something.
Real quick. Were you doing the IV in the arm with the stuff three times a year?
No. No. No. That's every couple of years he would
take it. Okay.
Just because that's another that's just, like, a more thorough look to make sure no new vessels are forming.
Yeah.
So, like, on this last appointment, maybe at the beginning of this year, maybe January or February of this year, I go in to see him, and he's like, yeah. Your things look good. The imaging looks good. But, like, we haven't had an angiogram in maybe, like, four years. Let's just do one to be safe.
You know, I'm overthinking it, but let's just do one to be safe. And so I'm like, okay. Like, why not? Super fun times. So we do this angiogram, and something about, like, the tech in the office.
The angiogram has done is not sending the results to his office. And, like, I'm waiting and waiting. He's like, hey. Just go home, and I'll call you and, like, let you know when we get the results. And so I'm I come home maybe, like, four hours later, and, like, I have a bad feeling now because, you know, like, I I thought it was no big deal, but, like, the fact that he wanted to do it today seemed weird even though he told me everything looks fine, and he's just being overly cautious.
And then I might call our ID. I see the office calling, and I pick it up. And I'm expecting it to be one of his assistants being like, just called to give you the news. Everything's fine. See you in four months.
But I hear his voice.
Ugh.
And yeah. And it was like, I there's only, like, two times in my life I can clearly remember, like, just hearing something and getting physically sick. Like, you're gonna throw up. Mhmm. And this was this was one of the times.
Like, I couldn't talk to him. Like, as soon as he started talking and, like, said something along the lines, like, I'm so sorry we found something. Like, I had to put myself on mute because I was gonna throw up.
Yeah.
And then I took myself off of you, and I was like, I'm so sorry. Can I call you tomorrow? Like, I just I I I'm like, I wasn't sound to, like, listen to what he had to say because, like, it was like that call I've been trying to avoid and work so hard. Like, all these years not Yeah. To get.
And then when I finally did talk to him, he was like, hey. It's more likely than not to have prolo that's what it is. It's peripheral diabetic retinopathy. He's like, somebody who's and the reason why I check you so often is because I was expecting this. Like, when someone has it for thirty years, it's more likely than not that there will be changes, and it's manageable.
There's you can get injections. You can get laser treatments. But, like, up until that point, I had just never heard anyone talk about it. And so I felt like like, WTF. Like, why didn't I know this was, like, a thing?
And why am I the only one who has it? And funny enough, that day, I was listening to your podcast, and you had an episode on with oh my gosh. I'm blanking on her name right now. The woman in California, the therapist.
Erica.
Erica. Yes. I can't believe I forgot her name. She's so amazing. And she was telling about how she had laser treatments for her eyes.
Right.
And I was like, maybe it was confirmation bias. You know? Like, I just wasn't paying attention to it when people talked about it before, but now that it impacted me, I was like, oh my gosh. Now I'm seeing it everywhere. And just hearing her talk about that it would, like, happen to her too and that she had these treatments, I was like, oh, okay.
So, like, it wasn't me who just, like, effed up. You know?
Like, it happened. Would you rather hear that news or this sentence? Vibe has refunded your Metallica two show concert and hotel experience. February 2027 destination. Oh my god.
Which Okay. That is more that nauseous. Ever.
Which made you more nauseous. Okay? No. What no. I'm I'm joking, obviously.
No. No. I mean, it's a close call.
It's a close
call. I don't know. Both are threatening me. That would be the third time in my life.
My brothers and I have a playlist of songs we're excited about.
I know. It's okay. This is all this this will all help bolster that letter that I'm gonna write on your behalf.
Dear sir or madam, who am I concerned? Yeah. Yeah. No. No.
Listen. I if you write a letter, I'm definitely not getting my tickets. They're gonna be like, no.
No. No. No. No. You would get your tickets.
I'm a very good letter drafter.
How often do you do this to get things? Like, do do it at the grocery store when the bags aren't right? Or,
A Lawyer Who Reads the Room49:22
like No. No. I'm not ridiculous.
Of a letter you have drafted constantly that you're like, let me just lay this on you.
No. I'm just, like, very good explaining to people why sometimes what they've done is unreasonable, and they should reconsider.
What what kind of law do you practice?
So I don't even practice law anymore. I work in what we call alternative dispute resolution. Basically, we help people and companies not resolve their differences but not in court.
Court. Yeah.
Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. But I used to be an insurance litigator.
So Oh, wow. That sounds boring as hell. And, like, a lot of, like, a lot of reading is what it sounds like, actually.
There was reading, but I I was, like, a trial attorney, so I got to, like, be in front of juries and, like, you know, try to tell them how my client who is ridiculous isn't so ridiculous.
Oh, wow.
So it was kinda fun.
Oh, you're like the you can't handle the truth, people. I gotcha.
Maybe not as dramatic.
Not that dramatic. I mean Yeah. Is court not like Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise yelling at each other? I can't believe it.
My gosh. I wish. I wish. But most of the terror reasons are horrible. Like, actually, court is, like, very awful because a lot of attorneys are just, like, bad attorneys, and it's painful to watch them.
Oh, but they're bad at talking.
Yes. Yeah. They're boring and yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I have to say, I was doing something the other day, and I thought, what a weird skill I have. But as I looked around the room, thought, not a lot of people have this one. They just, like, reach into your head and start going.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a gift. Mhmm.
Well It's a gift.
You have to tell a story. Not everyone can tell a story.
Yeah. I it's it's crazy. I used to really undervalue it. I used to mean, honestly, I think I probably just felt like if any if I was good at something, everyone must be good at it. You know what I mean?
But that's just bad really a gift, though.
Bad upbringing. That's all.
Yeah. No. I and you do have that gift of being able to talk to people and keep people's interests. And so, like, now I lead a sort of business development team, and I always tell my team, I'm like, don't be boring. Read the room.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
Pim it if nobody's reacting to you.
I came out of I came out of the bathroom. Was going into the bathroom in a public place, and there was a security guard, a female security guard, probably in her mid thirties. And she was doing her paperwork with between the men's and women's room. And I made eye contact and smiled at her and she smiled back and I said, do you know what always gives me hope about humanity? And she said, what?
I said, in public places, the men have to walk farther to get to the bathroom than the women do. And she, looked and she goes, you're right. I'm like, no. I know. In every situation, we make the men walk the extra distance to the the farther bathroom.
I like, was and it makes me happy. It makes me feel like we're still paying attention to small things that are important. Aw. We had a whole little conversation. She's like laughing, and we talked a little bit, and we walked away.
And I was with a person who kinda saw it from a distance and said, what did you what were you just talking about with her? And I told him, he's a younger guy, and he goes, why why did you say that to her? And I said, I like to test my ability to talk to people and make them feel comfortable really quickly. That's all. A little bit.
Yeah. I just like I think it's, like, good practice. Also, I find it really interesting. And who the hell am I gonna tell about that?
Yeah. And I like talking to random people. You always have something to learn from someone too. Right?
I swear. Yeah. Because she talked back, and she she told me some things about you know, she's like, I can't believe I never noticed that before. I'm like I said, look. It might not be every building, but it's most of them.
I think it's it's a chivalry thing, honestly.
I never thought about it this way, but that I'm I will take that. I will keep that with me, Scott.
Yeah. Small thing. Interesting. We won't help you with your reproductive health. No one's gonna look at no one's gonna look into PCOS or endometriosis.
That's not happening. We do have 19 different boner pills, though. And and that's technically for most of you, isn't it? It's probably how they argue about it in the meeting.
Probably.
Yeah. Yeah. We don't help women. And they're like, this is kinda for them. Like, not really.
Not after the first couple times. Right? So on the event, it's sort of,
you know But your bathroom is closer than the men's one. So
Yeah. I like mine better.
There you go.
So okay. So doctor tells you this bad news about your eyes. Yeah. And you finally you pull together and you call. Is there a what do you do then?
Injections, Lasers, and Acceptance53:22
And he's just kinda like, hey. We expected this. Like, we were watching for this, actually. So, like, it's perfect that we caught it at such an early moment. He's like, we are just seeing a couple of small new, like, vessels.
Mhmm. But, like, there's treatment for this. There's injections, you know, what sounds like an injection in your eye, like, fun times. And there's laser treatments, which I am going to go get one relatively shortly. But he said it's manageable.
Like, this is manageable, and, like, we are not gonna lose your vision. Like, your your your a one c is good. You're in control. The and and, of course, like, know, I fact check all of this. I Google, like and I chat GPT, like, for the next three days to be like, was it really more likely than not?
And it was. I mean, the all the data says, you know, after thirty years, it's expected. But, like, I just you know, I always thought, like, I worked so hard to keep my sugars in range and
Yeah.
You know, like
But, you know
things like that to avoid it, to to be that minority, but, like, I didn't do it.
But in the beginning disappointing. The beginning, though, your tools weren't good. Like, what I mean, you're on regular an NPH at one point. Right?
Right.
Yeah. I want So I what I would say is, you know, somebody who was diagnosed ten years ago, I bet you they don't they have a much better chance that this not happening to them. I think if you were diagnosed ten years ago, that twenty years from now, you wouldn't be going through this. I think it really think it's the regular and Miles per hour launch, if I'm if I had to guess. And I don't know what you could have done about that.
I I think that the people who end up getting through the regular Miles per hour days unscathed are probably ones who just were given a heavier dose of insulin. It's probably a you know, because what you weren't really adjusting. Right? You weren't
Yeah.
You weren't really policing for everything you ate, etcetera. So yes.
And the way you were eating back then was, like, I mean, like, the food paragraph. I mean, like
Yeah.
I mean, all those carbs. Like, now that I think after I got the CGM, I never ate a sweet potato again because I saw what it
After the first time it hit you, you're like, oh gosh. That Is what they do?
Go. I was like, not having one of those. And I really I really haven't had, like, a baked sweet potato ever since because, like, now I know what, like, the different foods do to me. So, I mean, listen. Like, I I get it.
Like, you know, I I think I did my best, but it's still it was still disappointing because, you know, I was doesn't I
I'm gonna cut you off. That doesn't help knowing that you did your best, but you weren't prepared with you know, you No. It didn't. I was feel like better? Yeah.
No. I think it made me feel even worse because I was like, well, clearly, it wasn't my best. Right? Like I
don't know about that, though.
Objective findings still show it's like, you know, that one you you start doing crazy things like, well, maybe I shouldn't have let my blood sugar sit high for two hours that one time, or maybe I shouldn't have been having, like, that ice cream and stuff like that. You start doing that, like, crazy thing that you do to yourself.
Yeah.
Like, what is it? Like, the denial phase, the regret phase, whatever the five phases were. Like I No. By the time I came in to see him, injection. He's like, are doing?
I'm like, well, I'm past the denial phase, and I'm into acceptance. So,
like, just I
tend to going through it because I I had about three rounds of injections, and now we just started with the laser. And, I mean, neither one of them are pleasant procedures, but, like, it is what it is. Like, this is the hand of the deck of cards you got handed. Right? Yeah.
I'm at least grateful that now there are these things that you could do to manage it. And he was telling me, he's like, know, we don't really have the injections weren't that good, and the laser didn't do this much until a couple years ago too. So, like, this is
That's lucky.
We have better tools now to manage it too. So, like, in that regard, I feel really lucky too.
Hey. Your voice got dimmer a second ago. Did your hair cover your microphone or anything like that? Hold on a second. I gotta answer this call.
This is gonna be hold on.
Sure. No problem.
Hey, Arden. Go ahead. You're on the podcast, though. Go ahead.
Okay. Well, you blocked me in. I can't leave for the interview.
You can't leave for the interview. Can't you just move my car?
I I have to go. I'm already running late. I need
Sweetie, can John move it or somebody else? Bye. I can't I'm I'm working. You can't leave the house late, say my car's in your way, and I gotta move it.
Scott, you sound just like me. Like, I remember, like, when my parents, like, weren't weren't working anymore, like, full time. And and I would, like, try to do a, like, a family vacation and, like, try to, like, organize the time. And I'd be like they'd be like, well, we're not available these times. And I'd be like, I'm the only one with the job.
Like, like, Like, why didn't you ask me when I'm available? Like, what do you mean you're not what do you do? Give me an itinerary.
I'm guessing what happened was is let me be clear. I went to the ADA thing. I came home. She took my spot in the garage that we have. And so I came home parked behind the garage, and nobody's left the house in a day or so.
And now she's running out the door to go to a job interview, and she opened the door and saw my car sitting there. I mean, move the car.
It's clearly your fault.
Yeah. Clearly your fault.
I don't know what you're confused about.
Yeah. Yeah. Like, I I gotta go. I'm like, well, go. And the idea how That's fine.
I move the other car so I can get out. Like, why?
Yeah. That's funny.
People. Also, she knows in the past if she calls while I'm on the podcast, she's gonna be on the podcast. She knows that. So that's okay.
That's fair. Yeah. But I disclosed it.
I still tolerate. So you've had a few treatments already that you've done the needles?
Yes. I've done the injections. I've done about three rounds of them.
Yeah. How long's how long have you been out that?
So from January of this year, we're talking June. So I I spaced them out about, like, a month or about six to eight weeks apart.
They have be this for, like, six months then.
Yeah. Yeah. But the prognosis is good. He's saying, like, he's sort of seeing you know, it it's sort of stopping any growth or anything like that. And so I'm I'm reacting well to treatment, which is, like, the best thing that could be could have hoped for.
Is this anything you noticed in your vision?
No. Not at all. That's the craziest part. Sorry. You're gonna hear the door open really quickly just because I'm gonna get in the car, but I don't think you'll No.
You're fine. Feedback.
You're fine. Tell people we'll tell people where you're going.
To the eye doctor to get my to get my treatments. I'm so diligent about it. But that's the crazy part that it he found this just by being overcautious. It's not because I complained of vision problems or anything like that.
Right. Are you there? No.
Oh, I'm sorry. You you you
just I wasn't sure if you got that off for a second. Sorry.
And, you know, one of the first things that I said to him too was I I I sort of, like, confronted him. I was kinda trying to tell him that I think he's wrong about me. Wrong. And because, like, I I said, I'm way younger than all the other people in your office waiting to get, like, these treatment. And he was kind of like, what?
But then I was like, like, I don't understand why, like, I'm the only one my age here. And that's where he was like, because maybe you're the like, you're you're abnormal in that you're so diligent about being so, like
Oh, they found it
sooner or about Or
you were younger when you were diagnosed and in that time frame too. You know what I mean? Because if you were ten years older when you were diagnosed, but but it was still the nineties, then you'd be you'd be 10 years old now. So so Yeah. Yeah.
So I don't know. So I think it's great you're doing. I think it's great you went and got checked. Everybody needs to do that, especially because, you know, when when you're a kid and you're going to endo, they look all the time. And then when you become an adult, nobody brings it up anymore.
Well, that's what I mean. Yeah. It's like and, you know, and it was just because he had some kind of gut feeling. He's like, let's just run this extra test because he didn't see anything different when he dilated my eyes. Maybe he just needed a a mile.
Maybe he needs a boat. So he's you know what I mean?
Yeah. He's like, he had to bill something. He looks like an easy one. Yeah. Hey.
Do you
believe there's more stools
in your eyes by any chance? Or you're not gonna Google that if I say it out loud, are you?
I know. Right? It's like I know. So stoked. It's too soon.
It's too soon. I'm still upset that I can't take Afrezza.
What are you doing today? Are you doing lasers? Or
So I'm doing a laser treatment. So one so there's a couple of different ways you could do it. You could do, like, both of your eyes because they found it in both of my eyes, sort of these early peripheral retinopathy. So what you could do is you could do both eyes at the same time, or you could do one eye at a time, because you have to be dilated. And, you know, the the way I am, I'm like, well, what if something goes wrong?
I don't want it to go wrong in both eyes, and then I can't see.
Mhmm.
So I sort of drag out the treatment for myself. I do the eyes separately because I'm too paranoid. If something were to go wrong, I wouldn't want it to go wrong in both of the eyes.
Okay. So it'll just take a little longer this way.
Yeah. It takes a little longer. Base I mean, it was really bizarre. I had my first laser treatment last time, and I didn't know what to expect. But it's basically like like they're just shining right light into your eye for, like, five minutes and telling you to look in certain directions.
And you're like, I can't see. So I don't know, like, what you're telling me to do.
Feel like I'm doing it.
Yeah. I'm like, am I doing it? I have no idea. And
Does it hurt?
Then yeah. No. They numb your eyes. So neither neither the laser nor the injection hurt except for, like, pressure. You know?
Like, you can feel the pressure of a needle going into your eye, but it's not it's uncomfortable, but I wouldn't say, like, you shriek from the pain. Mhmm. And the laser, you don't feel it either because your eye is numb. It's just, like, bright light into your eye to the point where, like, you don't see out of that eye because it's so bright. But it goes away.
Like, once they stop, it goes away in, like, a minute or two.
Yeah. I was gonna say there's no recovery after the laser or anything like that?
Well, it it that's what, like, was scaring me so much the first time I went to do it. Like, they stopped, and I was like, I still can't see. Like, you lied to me. And he said, just give it a minute. Like, it's kinda like when you look in a bright light and, like, your vision gets all messed up.
Like, just give it a and I asked him to stay with me in the room until I could see it.
But it was it's scary, though. I mean, that's
It was scary.
Yeah. There's certain things that are scary. Your vision's gotta be
Is one of
of list. Yeah. Of course.
For me, it's the top of the list. Absolutely. Thanks for understanding how I feel. Everyone is, like, kinda like, it's fine. It's manageable.
I'm like, you don't understand. It's my I I equate my vision to, like, my independence. Like, if if you don't have your vision, like, I would have to rely on other people for, like, almost everything. And, like, that to me is, like, a nonstarter. I can't do that.
I don't know. I mean, it doesn't seem like it's a hard thing to understand that losing your vision would be upsetting. Yeah. Yeah. You know what
I mean? Yeah. Whoever's saying
that is just trying to be positive in the wrong situation. You know?
No. And you've had so many folks on here who have been in that situation, and, like, I find their episodes so valuable, and it's so interesting to hear from them kind of, like, how they deal with it and what their journey has been.
Why It Happens Even in Range1:04:54
Yeah. Me
too. And so and I think where my story was, like, a little bit different is that, like, I just didn't even know that I should be on the lookout for something like this if I was, like, so well controlled. You know what I mean? Mhmm. Like, I was like, you know, if this happened, why didn't it happen during my teenage years when, you know, my a one c was probably higher?
Like, why is it happening now in these six of me on my eight months, it has never been better.
Well, because it takes it takes time to develop. And, also, I have heard stories too about people like Right. Your blood sugars are high for so long, and then when you get them back into range, you know, that everything sort of changes about the pressure in your eye too, and maybe that can expose some stuff as well. You should ask him about that.
Yeah. He did he did say that one time years ago where Yeah. Where I was a little bit higher. Like, my a one c was maybe, like, an eight, and then I got on the I got on the Dexcom, and, like, the next time my a one c was, like, 5.8 because, like, you know, now I was seeing my numbers real time.
K.
And he was like, just out of curiosity, did you did your a one c go down significantly? And I was like, yeah. He's like, yeah. I could see that, but, you know, I could see that in your eye immediately.
No. That's not uncommon. I've heard people say that doctors have brought their a one c's down very slowly on purpose because of stuff like that.
Yeah. So I mean, I didn't think, like, seven nine to, like, five nine was that big of a drop, but I guess it was. Like, it was significant enough for him to, like, ask me about it.
Yeah. Yeah. And he noticed just from looking in your eye too. Right?
Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. Exactly.
I think you have a good doctor.
He is so good. And, like, I'm so grateful that, like, he's so overly cautious like that as much as, like, you know, now I I was, like, so angry for a while. I'm like, I can't believe I have this and stuff. But, like, he he's right. We found it at the earliest moments, and it's manageable.
And, like, again, this is what it is, and this is what we're gonna do.
Cool. You ever tried writing a strongly worded letter to diabetes, see if it would leave you alone?
Yeah. I write one in my head every day. It has a lot of bad words in it. I imagine that's true.
Hey. Real quickly, do you have any kids?
I don't have kids.
No? Mhmm. How involved is your husband with your diabetes? Does he know because you're you're pretty old school. I bet he doesn't know three things about it, but I'm but I wanna hear what you tell me.
A Husband, and the Glucose Goddess1:07:02
That's so funny and interesting that you say that. So my husband is, the best person on earth, and he has an interest in it. Because I I've dated other men that were just kinda like, for diabetes. What? But, like, he he's very supportive of, like, my very healthy eating habits.
Like, he eats the same way too, and he wants to know everything, like, about my sugars. Like, if he hears my alarms, he's like, do you need anything? But then he's also very into, like, food science with me too. Like Nice. We, you know, we you had this one woman, Jessie.
Can't pronounce her last name.
I can't pronounce her last name either. She
was Dutch. Right? She or Dutch. I think she was Dutch, but I'm
not sure. Yeah.
But we got her book, and we're, like, all into her book about kind of, like, you know, how different foods impact you and how, like, the time of day or what you eat it with and things like that. So we're both into that. And I actually for as a gift for, like, I don't know, our anniversary, I bought him, like, a Dexcom or a Freestyle Libre one time to wear for a week so he could see how different foods were impacting him. I I don't think he's, like, eaten a banana since because he was like, oh my gosh. But so he's very, very supportive.
He he does think I I'm, like, a little too competitive. There's, like, this event in California every year. I think it's it's called some type ugh. I can't remember the name of it. But it's run by a lot of the endocrinologists out in the UC San Diego group.
Okay.
And it's for adults. It's for adults with type one or types two to get together. There's a lot of programming. It's really great.
Nice.
But he says, like, we can't like, I'm not allowed to go to it anymore because I, like, become too competitive. Mhmm. Like, which I didn't realize I did. But, like, he like he just thinks I shouldn't be around other people and, like, trying to find out, like, what their a one c is. Because then if it's, like, lower than mine, then I'm like, okay.
I wanna be just as good. Like, how do I do it?
But, Lana, you became a trial attorney. You don't know you're competitive?
I thought I was competitive with myself, not with others. I was heartbroken to hear that, like, I, you know, give off that aura. I'm competitive with someone else.
My So he
he come to me with with that
anymore. Level of competitiveness is the only thing that keeps this podcast going. Oh, okay. Cool. Because people are always like, how do you make a podcast about diabetes for twelve years?
And I'm like, I don't wanna lose.
Like Yeah. I'm like I like that. Yeah. I like that.
I don't know what it's about, but it it feels healthy. Keeps it keeps me moving. By the way, I just wanna say that Jesse, whose last name in Yeah. Don't know
how sounds
I don't know. But yeah. But she def but but she is from France, and she's French.
She's from France.
That I got right. Okay. So I just want don't know You did. Yeah.
She was interested know why she's She talks
to type twos mainly. Mhmm. Got pretty famous actually for a while. But I I had her is great. Yeah.
I just had her on because she was talking about I like the one thing she was talking about about how to eat in a certain order to change your digestion.
It's toll and not even digestion, but, like, your numbers too. Like, so we we use a lot of her methods, and they work for us. I mean, for me, I don't know if my husband's because he's not wearing a CGM anymore. But she is right about, like, how certain foods impact you.
Yeah.
So I do I found her book very, very useful. I like I like it a lot. Sometimes we'll flip through it for things.
That's cool. Yeah. Listen. I once he's not even the CEO of Dexcom anymore. His name was Kevin, but he came on years and years ago, and he's like, I wore a, you know, a CGM.
I don't have diabetes. He's and he's listed off a handful of foods. He's like, I don't touch these foods anymore. Yeah. Yeah.
After seeing what they did to my blood sugar, I was like, no. Thanks. I don't need this, though.
So Yeah. And it's interesting hearing it from a nondiabetic too because, you know, there's certain I mean, like I said, I've never had a sweet potato since. I don't touch figs or sort of or dates. Oh my gosh. Dates.
I mean, that is just like you just call them diabetic killers. Yeah. I don't know what else to call Well,
they're like sugar soaked in sugar.
It's just sugar. Yeah. Sugar soaked in sugar, sprinkled with powdered sugar, and, you know, inhaled. But, yeah, there's there's a whole other group of things that I it's just not worth it to me. You know?
I thought that you can't eat it. It's just, like, not worth the trouble that it comes with.
You know, when I hear people talk about it that way, what I hear is, you know, I know I can eat it, and I could get through it. But sometimes, I mean, the juice isn't worth the squeeze, and I don't wanna be in
Exactly.
I just don't wanna be involved in this. So I'm like, this
is Exactly.
My line I'm drawing for myself. Don't think there's anything wrong with that Yeah. At all. Alright. Well, we have to let you go because you're probably you're in Chicago.
You're probably to find a place to park your car and walk and the whole thing. Right? Exactly. Exactly. Are you did you get to say everything you wanted to say?
I did. Thank you so much for having me on. And Yeah. Of course. No.
I I just hope that, like, other people know if this is hitting them, you know, in their thirties, they're not the only ones. Like, other people have these kind of findings too and just I know I know it definitely helped me to hear from Erica that day that she had gone through it too because I Yeah. Felt like I was the only person.
I always have that feeling. Always have that feeling. Like, just a person who you think has it together starts telling you about and you're like, oh, that all happens to me too. Then it I don't think to me, that should make you think, maybe I have it together too. Like, maybe I do, and I'm not giving myself, like, enough grace here.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. I'm not in that phase yet.
It's only thirty years. You'll get there. Don't worry. Yeah. That's funny.
Do you do you have can I ask you what advancements are you looking forward to? Like, when you think about, oh, I can't wait for them to do this. Is there something in mind, or do you not think about any of this that way? Oh,
Trials, a Cure, and Paying It Forward1:12:57
no. I do. I'm constantly trying to get myself on those trials and things. Like, I was really interested in the the you know, you had that woman on that did the, the islet cell transplants, but they weren't they weren't human. They were porcine.
Yeah. I don't
know if I'm saying that word correctly.
Right.
I was like, oh, I wanna I wanna do that. So I'm constantly trying to think. It's it is a it is a lot of work finding those studies, having those people reply to you, and then actually qualifying for them.
The qualifying is the hard part. Did
you
try the Eladon study? It's right there in Chicago.
So that's next on my list to investigate. Yeah. So I I do think like, you know, when I was little and the doctors have been like, oh, there'll be a cure one day. Like, after you heard that, like, a couple of times, they're like, okay. Just stop.
Yeah. I guess that's
not true. I think when people say that, I'm more hopeful that that really is the truth. Like, the amount of, like, advancement that's happened in the last five, ten years is incredible. So I I am very positive about the future. And, honestly, at the end of the day, I know this sounds crazy, but I think I personally feel like there are some benefits to having diabetes and that, like, it really made me a responsible, organized person that I don't know if I would have been that way if it wasn't for diabetes that that has shown those skills have shown up in other ways
Yeah. I know you I know what you mean. Had thoughts like
that before. Yeah. Like, I'm very productive in work because I know I have to be organized because, like, you know, I have to make 50 extra decisions today Yeah. And things like that.
Well, having said that, I could've just got you a book about making your bed. It probably would've done the same thing eventually. But I hear I do hear what you're I hear what you're saying. I hear people say all the time, look. I definitely don't want diabetes, but there's been a ton of positive things that have come from it.
And they'll list off of Yeah. A bunch of stuff like that. So if if doctor Wachowski called you and he was like, hey. You're in Chicago. Come on over.
We're gonna jam some islet cells in your liver and give you this infusion. You would do it, Can
you connect me?
Oh, I see. You're ready. I he I think he's right now looking for people who have an ish I forget what it is. Like, you had to be you kinda had to be pretty perfect the first time around.
And now you have to have some some other things. And see, that's the problem with my group, like or me in general. I'm not, like, sort of none of my organs are giving out. Gotcha. But I'm also, like,
not that a problem, but I hear what you're saying as far as getting No. But, you know study. Yeah. Mhmm.
It's a lot of studies. You have to be sort of one or the other. And, you know, I've had it for thirty five years almost. So it's like, I'm not gonna qualify, but I I I would I am more likely than the average person to sign up for a study.
You would do it.
I just I always feel like it's it's part of paying it forward too. Right?
Like I I take that too. And I I usually hear that come from longer lived type ones too. Like, I'm trying to help everybody else too and help myself. Like, so if if if that was the case and you had to every twenty one days get an infusion to keep
that do it.
You would do it. Okay.
No problem.
Interesting.
Even if I wasn't in Chicago, I would do it. Like, I I'm very interested in the science of it too. I I would love to be part of, like, the story of, you know, a one day possible cure. Because, I mean, you have to have people. Otherwise, we're not gonna
No. Yeah. Every time I interview somebody who's done one of these things, you end up thanking them for just for being being willing to try. I'll never forget the woman that was on one time who she had that Vertex paltz. Like, like
I I remember her.
And then they Yeah. And she
didn't even know if she had Yeah. The one or it was a placebo.
And then they were taking it back from her. And I thought, like, she knew going in they were gonna take that back from her. Like, that's a really selfless thing to do. Yeah. You know?
So anyway. Okay. Well, I'm gonna let you go. I hope your appointment goes quickly today. Take yourself out for a nice lunch afterwards and, you know, try to enjoy your afternoon.
Thank you so much.
And I really do appreciate this. Just in case anybody's wondering, before I say goodbye, Vibe has not emailed me back yet. So Oh, man. I still Okay. Okay.
We'll take this offline, Scott.
Alright.
We'll take this offline and get a letter drafted.
Hold on one second for me. Okay?
Okay.
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#1901 Informative, Not Performative
Informative, Not Performative
Diagnosed with type 1 on college move-in day, a genuine, upbeat 19-year-old talks freshman year, running, body image, and — across a long, unedited conversation — social media, AI, and staying real.
Jump to a moment
- New-onset type 1 can be missed for months. Bella had classic symptoms all summer — vision changes, weight loss, fatigue, muscle cramps, and extreme thirst she first blamed on a UTI and iron pills — before a routine physical caught it on college move-in day. Her A1C was 13.5 with blood sugar over 700.
- The honeymoon phase can flatter your numbers. Nearly a year in, Bella runs a 5.8 A1C on very little insulin and rarely drops on runs — signs her pancreas still helps. Scott raised LADA and cautioned that insulin needs usually climb, so don’t be blindsided when the honeymoon fades. Repeatable dining-hall portions and a big walking campus kept things steady.
- Type 1 carries a heavy mental-health load, especially for young women — body-image distress, a disordered-eating history, and anxiety. Bella’s blunt line: few illnesses come with their “own branded eating disorder.” What helps her is therapy, faith, movement, and naming it instead of hiding it.
- Screen proactively. With thyroid disease in the family, watch TSH, iron/anemia, and vitamin D yearly, and advocate for treating Hashimoto’s symptoms even when labs read “in range.” Type 1 rarely travels alone.
- Informative beats performative. In an unusually long, unedited back half, Bella (a Gen-Z dietetics student) and Scott dig into how social media — and even AI — can genuinely help people with diabetes (turning bolus lessons into songs, helping a mom in Zimbabwe dial in settings live) rather than content made just to look good. Her coinage gives the episode its name.
- Bold Beginnings Series — for the newly diagnosed, with Jenny Smith (verify slug)
- Mental Wellness Series — anxiety, body image, and the emotional side of diabetes, with Erica Forsyth (verify slug)
- “Bolus For” Episodes — pick-a-food bolusing walkthroughs Bella listens to (find via the series menu)
- National Alliance for Eating Disorders — helpline and support for disordered eating (verify URL)
- Juicebox Podcast Facebook Group — community around type 1 (verify URL)
- Juicebox Podcast — all series and free resources
Every word of the conversation
Meet Bella0:00
Hello, friends. Welcome back to another episode of the Juice Box podcast. Today, I'm gonna do something that I don't think I've ever done before. I am taking a very long episode and playing it for you all the way through. I think it's really interesting.
I'm gonna bet you might too, and we're gonna find out together. Nothing you hear on the juice box podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. Always consult consult always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. Go check out the private Facebook group, Juice Box Podcast type one diabetes. Follow me
on
Instagram at Juice Box Podcast. And please, if you are not subscribed or following in a podcast player like Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Castbox, YouTube TV no. YouTube. What? YouTube, Amazon Music, Spotify.
I said Spotify. Audacity, do I think do I I don't mean Audacity. I mean, what's the other one? You know what I mean? With Amazon.
Amazon Music. No. With the books. Audible. That's the one.
Anyway, subscribe or follow. I think you'll enjoy it. And, I mean, if you don't enjoy it even, it would really help me out. So let's get going. Run some ads.
Start the show. Have a really great conversation with 19 year old Bella who has type one diabetes. This episode of the Juice Box podcast is sponsored by the Omnipod five. And at my link, omnipod.com/juicebox, you can get yourself a free, what'd I just say, a free Omnipod five starter kit. Free?
Get out of here. Go click on that link. Omnipod.com/juicebox. Check it out. Terms and conditions apply.
Eligibility may vary. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox. Links in the show notes. Links at juiceboxpodcast.com. US Med is sponsoring this episode of the Juice Box podcast, and we've been getting our diabetes supplies from US Med for years.
You can as well. Usmed.com/juicebox or call (888) 721-1514. Use the link or the number, get your free benefits check, and get started today with US Med. Testing. Make sure we're being recorded.
I just did it for myself. Can you say testing?
Testing.
Awesome. You're good. So what happens now is I shut up, and then you introduce yourself the way you want to be known. I don't think you need your last name if you feel compelled to use it. You certainly can.
It does look like it was made up so that it could be like an awesome Instagram handle or something like that. So it's up to you if you wanna use it or not. I don't I don't think you need it though. Okay. Whenever you're ready, introduce yourself.
Hi. I'm Bella. I'm a 19 year old diabetic that is currently a college student.
College? Oh. What are you going to college for?
Dietetics.
Is that like a a what is that like a It's a major?
Or Nutrition.
Nutrition. Okay.
Yes. It's, it's like yeah. So I'm gonna go to be a dietitian.
Oh, very nice. Yeah. I just didn't understand the word. I didn't go to college. So I never looked at I never looked at the book that let said all the different things you could do.
Yeah. No. I mean, honestly, everyone that I've pretty much everyone that I've told about my major, like, they don't know what it is, which I feel like is really surprising. I feel like it's kinda, like, in the name.
Maybe it's just the well yeah. I maybe it's because we're making a podcast about diabetes that I got, like, waylaid by Dia. I was like, dietetics. What is that?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah. No. That makes sense.
Now but now that you said it, I was like, oh, yeah. Now I feel like
an idiot. And, no. It's okay. It's okay.
But listen. There's no excuse for me not getting it. The other 19 year olds in your life, that we can understand.
So Actually, it's mostly adults Oh. Who don't know it.
Yeah. They probably drink a lot, you think? Something like that?
No. No? No. Yeah. They just don't know.
They don't know. Well, how old were you when you were diagnosed?
I was actually diagnosed last August.
Oh, that's not even a year ago.
Yeah. No. It was actually, the day I moved into college.
No. It wasn't.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're serious. You're humping up, like, all that while you're watching your parents carry all that stuff up and down, and you're, like and I I was stunned at how little Arden helped carry things. I was like No.
I mean, I did help, but, yeah, I was my yeah. You're just
you're just watching everybody carries that and you don't feel well, or what's going on? Take me through the day a little bit.
Diagnosed on Move-In Day5:01
Okay. Yeah. So now that I know diabetes, I think the earliest I had felt my symptoms was Memorial Day that year.
Okay.
And then, like, throughout the summer, I basically had every single symptom of undiagnosed diabetes to a t. Like, vision loss, muscle cramps, weight loss, constant fatigue, like, everything.
Yeah.
And I just go to a yearly physical, which thank god I do. And it just happened to be on the same day I moved into college. So I went, I got my physical. And, honestly, like, not, like, TMI or anything, but I thought I had, like, a UTI because I was peeing so much. Right.
Right. So, like, I was just like, okay. Whatever. I'm just gonna tell them. So I told the the nurse my sometimes poor girl is probably like, uh-huh.
This is this is at school?
And then it was, like, 7PM, and I just met my roommate. Literally just met her. Me and my roommate, my dad, my mom were all in our room, and my mom stepped out because someone was calling her. And she had come back in, and she's like, okay, Bella. Like, you need to sit down.
And I was like, oh my god. Here we go.
I knew my hoo hoo was busted. Here we go. Yeah.
Like, I'm gonna like, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get talked to. Well, I honestly thought, like, it was gonna be like, okay. Like, don't take drinks from strangers.
Oh, you thought you were gonna get that one? Yeah. Make keep your keep your hand over your drink, like, that kind of stuff. Oh my god.
So I was like, oh my god. Like, alright. And she's like
I'll respect myself, mom. I'm sorry. Is that what that's what you thought was about? No strangers
in the room. Like, I understand. Oh. And, yeah, she sat me down. She's like, yeah.
You have type one diabetes.
And I
was like, what?
Wait. I thought you're gonna tell me not to get roofied. What's happening?
No. Right?
Jesus. Wow. Is there any other type one in your family? Do you have context for those words at all?
No. Oh. I had none. I I knew what diabetes was, like, vaguely. I knew actually, prior to being diagnosed, I knew not a soul was type one.
Wow. And so I don't think I really understood what it meant. Actually, I know I didn't understand what it meant. And I but I remember, like, knowing, like, it was bad. Yeah.
So then we had to leave. We left, and we went to the hospital the next morning.
Wow.
And I was in the hospital for only, like, twenty four hours.
This is the worst move in story ever. Although
Yeah.
Although Arden could tell you on if you want. So maybe I can I get her to tell that story one day? She got a roommate and You already love Omnipod five, the tubeless, waterproof, automated insulin delivery system. Now it's even stronger. A stronger algorithm starts here with Omnipod five's latest algorithm enhancements.
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Diabetes comes with a lot of things to remember, so it's nice when someone takes something off of your plate. US Med has done that for us. When it's time for Arden's supplies to be refreshed, we get an email. Rolls up and in your inbox says, hi, Arden. This is your friendly reorder email from US Med.
You open up the email. It's a big button that says click here to reorder, and you're done. Finally, somebody taking away a responsibility instead of adding one. US Med has done that for us. An email arrives, we click on a link, and the next thing you know, your products are at the front door.
That simple. Usmed.com/juicebox or call (888) 721-1514. I never have to wonder if Arden has enough supplies. I click on one link. I open up a box.
I put the stuff in the drawer, and we're done. US Med carries everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGMs, like the Libre three and the Dexcom g seven. They accept Medicare nationwide, over 800 private insurers, and all you have to do to get started is call (888) 721-1514 or go to my link, U S Med Dot Com Slash Juice Box. Using that number or my link helps to support the production of the Juice Box podcast. They're there for, like, not even twenty four hours.
And she walks into the room. The girl's lying on her bed, in a skirt with no underwear on with their knees up. And Arden just walks in the room, like, right into that view. And she's like, I just walked by and thought, okay. And I don't know what to say.
And, you know, you and so we talked. We were like, oh, it's just, you know, a mistake. You know, maybe she you you know, like, we we gave her all the, like, be nice to people things. It's gonna be okay. Eight months later, that kid was being moved out by a parent who had to fly halfway around the world to get her because she was such an abject disaster.
So, anyway, sometimes, sometimes it's you gotta give people the a little grace, and sometimes they're just showing you a little bit about who they are. So Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm.
Woah. Yeah. Right? So did you go to a hospital near school, or did you go home to go to the hospital?
No. I went home. I went to my, home hospital.
Okay. Yeah. And they had you in and out in twenty four hours. Why did they feel so was your mom pressing you, like, you had to get to school?
I was pressing them.
Okay. Okay.
I was very upset that I think, honestly, at the time, that was what I was mostly upset about. Mhmm. I was like, oh my god. I literally was so excited. Like, I had all these plans, and now I'm in the hospital.
And but I am also very I would like to say I'm very responsible. And, like, I was very into it. I was like, okay. Like, show me how to get myself insulin. Like, show me, like, all this stuff.
Like, I wanna know so I can leave.
Hey. I would like to say I'm very responsible. Does that mean you're very responsible, or you would like to say it, but it's not true?
No. I actually do think that I am very responsible.
Okay. Yeah.
Yeah. So I think part of that yeah.
You just you just kicked in. You're like, I am not letting this screw up the beginning of my college career.
Right. And also, like, you know, like, every I mean, I feel like every kid who is planning to go to college has this, like, ideal, like, day set up, you know, or ideal, like, welcome week in their head. And, like, I was just very upset that that I was not getting that.
Give me the high level overview of what you thought that week was gonna be for you.
I thought I was gonna move in, and I was gonna meet my roommate. I had a friend from high school who lived a floor above me Mhmm. In my dorm, which is shocking because I went to a very small high school. So the coincidence coincidence of that is, like, crazy. And I thought we were all gonna, like, hang out, you know, like, maybe go to, like, go to a frat.
I don't know.
I was gonna meet a cute boy that I was gonna marry and stay married to for ten years. We'd have a huge house and some kids. I divorced him right before he got fat. And then, like, I'm like, no. No.
You're, like, you're working at a home kid.
All these people. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna go meet you know, and then I mean, and I ended up getting to experience that.
Like, my freshman year of college was great. Good. But it was just like yeah. And then I was in the hospital and by myself, and I was getting told I was being diagnosed with this chronic disease that I'm, like you know? And I'm gonna have to wear devices for the rest of my life and can, like, think about what I'm eating and stuff.
And I was like, what? What do you mean? We
A1C 13.5, and Powering Through13:30
so how did you will that into existence? If if, you know, you went, got your 24, came back, what, you know, what did they give you to start with? And how did you make I mean, how did you make the decision to fight through it? And what did you do to traverse that time?
Yeah. So they basically just gave me an insulin pens in a dream. I mean, I don't know. Like, I left the hospital. My sugar was still pretty high.
I would say it's probably it was probably from, like, 200 to 400. Mhmm. When I was when I was admitted, my a one c was 13 and a half, and my sugar was over 700. Yeah. So for it to come down that much was great.
And then I went to my endocrinologist's office, who, by the way, is literally amazing. I'm so grateful for him.
Nice.
They showed me the Dexcom, showed me how to put it in, use it, whatever. And then I literally went to the pharmacy and got all my stuff, and then I went back to college.
Wow.
But, yeah, I mean, I think at first and at the beginning, and I think still kind of now, I had a very not hard time, but I didn't really understand that it was gonna be, like, a lifelong disease. I don't I think it's very hard for someone to process that.
Yeah. It's not that you don't know intellectually, but, you mean, you it's not a thing that's kinda settled and baked into your brain at that point.
Right.
Okay.
So I think, like, part of me the reason I was able to handle it so well at the beginning was because I was like, oh my god. Like, you know, it's a couple weeks. It'll be fine. You know? But I gotta keep reminding myself, like, no.
That's not true. Like, this is something. Mhmm. But, also, I was so incredibly sick prior to diagnosis. Like, honestly, I I feel like I tell everyone this, but, like, I think if I had gone a month another month without being diagnosed, I think, like, I honestly could have died because I was so sick.
And you don't really know how sick you are until, like, you start to regulate your sugars yet.
You think you you think that this was happening for about four months before this?
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, with that a one c, obviously, it'd been going on for a while. And then Right. I mean, the blood sugar still only being 400 is maybe good news that your body was still fighting with it a little bit, but you're you're right.
You you know, it it was getting close. So you're telling me that just getting the insulin made you feel so much better that it might have made the rest of it a little easier.
Right. Yeah. I think so. And I also, I'm a Christian. I believe in God.
Mhmm.
And I think, like, the part of me that was, like, I genuinely could have died. And the fact that I wasn't, I was so incredibly grateful to be alive and to be feeling better. Not, like, directly after getting out of the hospital, but, like, as, like, time had gone on and I did start to feel so much better
Yeah.
I was very grateful. And I think, like, that that mindset of, like, gratitude really helped me.
Good. That's awesome. Yeah. Are you the youngest of a bunch of kids?
I'm the youngest. I have two older siblings. Yeah. Much, much older siblings. My brother is fourteen years older than me.
My sister is eighteen years older than I am.
Mhmm. And did you wanna know how I do that?
Oh. Oh, no.
You you you code as the youngest kid. Youngest daughter. Oh. Like, youngest girl. You just you you you you sound like you're 35 when you're talking.
I've already been confused while we're talking. Like, you have a way about you that makes you feel older, and and it it usually comes from a kid who's grown up with older parents who Yep. Who don't have younger siblings to look after and people who, and and don't have siblings to look after them, but clearly have siblings. You're you're not an only child.
Yes.
I can tell I can tell you're not an only child. I can tell that you're the youngest. I can tell that your parents are older than normal first year age. Right? What are your parents, like, 63?
Yeah. Something like that?
Both of them are, like, late fifties.
Okay. Yeah. And Yeah. Anyway, the whole you you code that, which is comforting to me, actually. I think you're you're a good version of a person.
So, I I like your I like your vibe. It comes off really well.
Thank you. Yeah. Wow. That's very nice.
Do you know that about yourself?
What? My vibe?
Yeah. Do you look at your other some of your other friends and go, like, I am clearly the most mature person in this group?
No. I actually am surrounded by really, really good people.
Oh, you've even you've even picked good people to surround yourself with.
Yes. I know.
What are you trying to have a successful life, fella? What's going on?
No. I
There's no way to get a neck tattoo. I'll tell you that much.
Don't worry. It wasn't in the plan.
Everyone with a neck tattoo right now is not in the long going. Yeah. No. He's right. So what, what do you think led you there?
Are you gonna tell me it's parenting, religion, just who you are?
Led me to finding good friends?
Yeah. And to being a solid 19 year old.
Oh,
Like, you didn't watch Love Island last night, did you?
No. I didn't.
Mhmm. Okay. Season premiere.
I think I oh, I know. I've been seeing it everywhere. I think part of it is I did grow up I went to a private school, like, my entire life.
Did they hate you? Is that what you're saying?
Private hit me or hate me?
Hit you. Did they hit you? Were you struck by the ruler?
No. No. No. No. No.
No.
No. But
I think, like, part of that was I was, like, surrounded by, like, minded people. Mhmm. But I do think that I was not no. I know that I was not surrounded by all mature people.
Of course. Yeah.
My gosh. My high school. I there's a ton of people there that I love. But
Out of their minds, you think?
Yeah. And I just think that people think differently, and that's fine. But I don't know. I think also I just have had such an anxious personality, like anxiety.
Oh, okay.
You know? And then I also okay. This is I was, like, 12 and 13 when COVID hit.
Mhmm.
And I think that has, like, a big thing to do with, like, how I'm I act now.
Were you anxious prior to COVID?
Oh, 100%. But, like, I think that, like, elevated it. Mhmm. And I also think that, like I don't know. When you that was, like, my you know, like, when I was gonna go through puberty or whatever, like
Yeah.
And I'm in isolation. Like, I don't know. I feel like that
Yeah. I don't think it was good. Is your mom is your mom uptight?
Both of them oh god. Both of my parents are educators. They're both principals.
Oh. So then yes?
So I would say, like, yes, but not really. Like, I don't know. My whole family is super fun. Like, we all know how to have fun and, like, let loose and stuff. Okay.
But, like, I think they both can be perceived as uptight.
But but I don't care about what you think, not about what how they're perceived.
Think that they are.
You don't think they are?
I I have a I'm very great relationship with my parents and my siblings. Honestly, my whole family. So, like, I kinda view my parents like, obviously, I respect them because they're, like, authority, but, like, I also treat them like my they're my friends too.
Okay.
Like, I feel like I have a really good friendship with my parents.
Okay. Well, that's awesome. Good. Mhmm. Look at that.
Did they mess up your older siblings? Are they a mess?
Like No. Actually, my honestly, both of my siblings are literally the best people ever.
My god. Like I've tried to shake you for fifteen minutes, and you just keep coming back. We're just gonna let you tell your story. Is there any I I just I'm I was looking for a chink in your armor here, but there's not one at all, Bella. You're rock solid.
You're a fantastic marriage candidate for somebody. Anybody's listening, Bella's gonna, she's gonna have a job in three years. Right? And Four. Four years.
She's gonna be earnest in the world trying to help people, and it sounds like she'll raise a good kid for you one day. This is awesome. Okay. No. These other brothers, your mom, your dad, anybody else in your family have other autoimmune issues?
I'm looking for celiac, Hashimoto's Yeah. That kind of thing.
My oh my gosh. Me and my sister talk about this all the time. She my sister has Hashimoto's and Graves. Mhmm. And then my mom has hyperthyroidism, but it was more because of pregnancies.
Like, she had a late pregnancy.
And then it it popped on after you?
Yeah. That's common. Yeah. That's like so I don't I really wouldn't I consider hers, like, autoimmune, but my sister definitely. She had issues before, and then she my sister has three kids, so I think it was heightened after her pregnancies.
So many kids. Yeah.
I know.
Are they all young?
Oh, I know.
Are they, like, in a group? Are they, like, eight Yeah.
10, 13? Oldest is seven, and the youngest is almost two.
Oh my god. What is she doing?
I don't
She'll be crazy in
another year. I know.
Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. I listen.
I don't wanna argue with you about your mom, but oto's is autoimmune one way or the other. So it doesn't matter Oh, yeah. Yeah. What what kicked it into gear. But, that that there.
How about your dad? Does he have anything?
He's like he was pre type two.
Mhmm.
Prediabetic, but now he's not.
Okay.
But that's like I don't know. What's the is it vertigo?
Vitilago.
Vitilago.
Yeah. He has vitilago?
The dizziness.
Oh, wait. No. Vert you vertigo. Okay. Not autoimmune.
I thought you were I thought you were reaching for Vitilago and said vertigo, but he has vertigo. No. No. No. That's not nice.
Yeah. Yeah. What do you guys like? European, pasty white?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Are. I gotcha. I know. Don't worry.
I can smell the whole thing right through the microphone. We're fine. Tell me a little bit about getting through that first year of college. How did you manage to keep your your head up and take care of your diabetes, or are you about to tell me that you just trudged on, went to parties, didn't take care of yourself? What what what was the first
Freshman Year, Still Honeymooning24:05
year like? I did. I really did take care of myself. Thank god, honestly. No.
I well, first of all, if my roommate's listening to this, I love you so much. She was literally the best ever. Like, she she signed up we knew each other, like, kind of prior to living together.
Mhmm.
And, you know, she signed up to live with me, not my diabetes. And she, like I think I had an amazing support system. I had it, like, with her, with my boyfriend, with my friends, obviously,
family.
So that really helped my faith. But prior to being diagnosed, I was a state qualifier. I was a high school, like, varsity athlete. I so I was very, like, I would say athletic, and, like, I lived a healthy lifestyle. Like, I've never I don't like fast food that much.
Like, I don't really like eating junk all the time. So I think that really helped because I didn't really have to change my lifestyle.
Yeah. Wasn't the food at
the to a really big
Wasn't the food at the school? Sorry. Wasn't don't be sorry. I talked over you. Wasn't this wasn't the food at the school really crappy?
Like, all hard on your blood sugar, or do you think maybe you've been honeymooning?
No. I think I was honeymooning. But the my the college that I go to wait. Am I allowed to disclose that?
I don't care. It's your life.
Oh, yeah. So I go to Michigan State.
Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. That that's is that Spartans? Is that the one?
Yes. Yeah.
I know.
Yes. Uh-huh.
I've seen TV. Go ahead. Right.
They have a really, really good dining, like, meal plan.
Nice.
Like, fantastic. So, like, our the dining halls are really nice. Like, the one that I like, my, I guess, you can say, like, home, quote, unquote, dining hall had, like, a whole bar of just, like, you could get rice, chicken, and then, like, a whole salad bar. And then I don't know. I think it was really easy.
Actually, eating at the dining hall every day helped me so much because I ate pretty much the same portion of food, and they gave me the same portion of food. So, like, carb counting became so much easier because I was like, oh, yeah. Like, I'm gonna take 40 you know, I'm gonna bolus for 45 grams carbs
Gotcha.
Every time I go eat because that's usually what I eat.
Oh, okay. Yeah. Some people find that the food at schools can be kinda junky and maybe a lot of fat and sugar in it and stuff like that.
Yeah. But No. I mean, I think it obviously depends what you eat, but, like, did not find that issue, like, make yeah.
Yeah. That's good.
So that was really good. I don't know. I also oh, sorry.
No. So it was helpful that the the food was portioned for you. You were able to figure out how to bolus for it, and then it was repeatable, and you didn't have to worry about the portions. Also, you think maybe you were being helped a little bit by your pancreas.
Yeah. Okay. And I also think, like, MSU is a huge walking campus. Like, the trails and everything there are so nice. So, like, going there, I would eat and then I would go walk to class or, you know, like, stuff like that.
So that really helped me, like, regulate my sugars.
You were hustling all over the place walking a lot.
Yes. I was.
And that that kept and have you noticed since you've been home, have your blood sugars been more difficult?
Like, yes and no. I think when I first came home, they were oh my god. They were awful. Not awful. They were awful for me because I'm anxious, and I don't like when I'm out of range, which is not a good thing.
Like, I need to get used to that. But they were pretty bad. I mean, ranging higher than normal. And I think that was just from, like, the heat, the temperature change, the routine change of, like, my sleep
Mhmm.
Running, and the Honeymoon Math28:07
And then, like, food. But I'm training for oh gosh. I'm training for a half marathon right now.
Why are you doing that?
I'm running it August 9.
Oh my god. Why? Yeah. And won't it be hot?
I think so. Probably. Yeah. But, I was a runner in high school. Oh.
Like, I so it's nothing really new to me.
Did you miss it in college? Is that why you're doing this?
I running, I got a little bit I missed in college. I missed my team.
And wait. You jumped you dropped out there for a second. I'm sorry. You missed it a little bit in college, then what happened?
I missed my team in college.
Okay.
But I don't know. I don't think I missed, like, the actual, like, idea of, like, running. But last summer, I really wanted to run a half marathon. Like, I had planned I was gonna run one this summer. Mhmm.
And now that I have diabetes, like, I really wanna run one because I'm stubborn, and I wanna prove to myself that I can do it.
Oh, nice. Okay. It's a little personal challenge for you then.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. What do you think is gonna be the key to I mean, you've been training. Right? So what's been the key to you stretching out your distance?
Like, I don't know. I've been using, like, energy gels.
Okay.
So, like
Are you falling while you're running and then pumping it back up with with explain explain to me how you're what you're doing. Like, so you're you're out there working. Yeah.
Honestly, my sugar doesn't really drop a lot.
You're like, I don't have that kind of energy, Scott.
When I run. No. Like, I mean, I don't know. Like, I know everything affects everyone differently, but, like, running really doesn't drop my sugar until, like, I get to, like, mile probably mile four or five.
Okay.
But I usually eat before. I'll have, like, a yogurt and granola. Mhmm. And I'll only bolus for, like I usually eat bolus I mean, for 12 grams carbs, and then but I I don't know. Like, I do, like, half of that, so my sugar gets, like, a little bit higher.
Yeah. How high do you let it go?
To, like, one it gets to, like, one eighty.
Oh, and then it and then it falls slowly while you're running?
Yeah. So it it falls like, it'll go up to, like, one eighty, probably, like, my first mile that I'm running, and then it goes down to, like, one fifty, one forty. Mhmm. And then if I keep going, it'll go down to, like, one ten and then, you know, continue to go down. But, like, if it gets down to one ten, it's usually, like, double arrow down or one arrow down.
Okay. And so I'll, like, take half an energy gel or, like, a full energy gel, and I'll just, like, continue on.
And that does it for you. That's awesome. I'm glad for you that it's that it's it's been that I mean, I don't wanna say easy, but that it's not as challenging as other people have, have sometimes talked to about it. Do you think that'll change? Like, are you on a very low amount of insulin?
Like, is there a world where you're still honeymooning right now?
I could be still honeymooning. I haven't changed the amount of insulin that I've needed since being diagnosed.
About okay. And you're are you still injecting, or did you get a pump?
No. I got a pump.
Which one did you get?
Tandemobi.
Okay. And so you're around the algorithm, and it's helping you too. Yeah. That's awesome.
Yeah. Yeah. Do you know
what your total can I ask you what your total daily insulin is? Do you know? My basal rate? No. I'm gonna test you being 19 now.
No. I mean, the entire amount of insulin you use on average every day.
Oh god. Mhmm. Mhmm. Probably
Now who's an adult? Now who's an adult, Bella? Trust me. No one ever knows what
I ask.
They could.
No. Let me do let me do the math. I usually do about one to two units per meal.
Mhmm.
So probably, at most, six units for per meal. And I'm not gonna lie. Ice cream, my total weakness. Love ice cream.
Who doesn't love ice cream?
Right? So let's add that. So probably eight. And then I think my basil is, like, maybe, like, five or six. Oh.
So
Listen. Unless you weigh eighty four pounds, I'm gonna say you're honey moving still. Would you tell me how much you weighed?
Yeah. I weigh, like, one sixteen.
Okay. Hold on a second. I'm I'm just looking at a little estimator here. So
No. Now I actually need to, like, look at because now I'm curious.
You're having fun. That's okay. Yeah. We're we're being weird and geeky about diabetes. I know.
Yeah. Yeah. I have, point six an hour, fourteen units
of diabetes. Point three five an hour.
Yeah. Okay. You you have your settings are beyond highly sensitive. So I'm gonna guess still still in a honeymoon situation. And it's been a year.
Okay. You might have has anyone ever said Almost
a year.
Yeah. Has anyone said Lada to you?
Said lauded?
LADA, l a d a. Like, you might have latent god. Oh. What do you mean? Diabetes of the adult onset blah blah blah blah blah.
Like, nobody's mentioned that?
I know I know what you're talking about. No. No one's ever told me that. No.
Okay. So I'm saying it seems like it seems to me like you might be I don't wanna say it like this, but you might have your your training wheels might be on still.
Oh, good. I hope so.
Do you ever get low for reasons you cannot understand or find yourself in situations where the Moby is, like, crazy trying to stop a low and you can't figure out why it happened?
No.
No. Maybe this is just your sensitivity. Are you incredibly clean eater besides the ice cream?
Honestly, yes.
Oh, maybe that's it then. Good for you. Yeah. Look at you. Yeah.
Eating like a chipmunk over there. I got you. A little granola, couple of nuts when you're hungry, stuff like that.
I eat, like, okay, like, Drizzlelicious. Like, I eat, like, the healthier, quote, unquote, snacks.
The hell is Drizzlelicious? What are you trying to make me feel old, Bella? It's working. No.
Listen. Drizzlelicious is literally the best thing ever invented, especially for diabetics. They're, like, rice cakes.
Cinnamon swirl lights.
Mini wait. Are you looking it up?
I'm looking yeah. Of course, I got it already.
Okay. Good.
Do you like the cookies and cream, the salted caramel, the birthday cake? What do you like?
My favorite is the s'mores.
Mhmm.
The birthday cake is pretty good, and then they get, like, seasonal flavors too. Oh my god. Okay. Literally, the oh my gosh. It is literally
Are they low carb? What are they?
Yes. Well, they're not, like it's, like, 24 grams for, like I don't know. I think it's, like I'm trying to enough.
The website's a lot of pictures. It it guys, it would do with a little drizzleicious.com. Maybe a little more information of a couple few pictures. Oh, here we go. I got it.
Hold on.
Okay.
Allergen free. K. Gluten free, non GMO, vegan, kosher. I mean, that's all nice, but how many carbs? Can maybe I'll click on one.
Let's do lemon cake bites. Guys, you gotta put your nutritional information on your website, make it easier for people. I am not seeing it here. Hold on a second. And in fairness to me, Bella, I am fighting off a voice in my head who is singing Fergalicious right now.
So
Oh my gosh. Okay. Wait. I looked it up.
It was
it says it's sixteen to twenty one grams Per which is actually true. Like, the little ones that I have, like, you know, like, the snack bags
Mhmm.
You get you can get, like, a pack from Costco. It's, like, 16 grams
I per hate going to Costco.
Same.
I like what happens when I leave, but I don't like being there. Recipes, man, they they are not making it easy for me to find the
Wait. I think I just found a picture. Okay. Let's see here. For the cinnamon swirl bites
Go ahead.
It's oh, shoot. Okay. Of course, it's blurry.
Yeah. I'm telling you that they're not they're not trying hard here. Like Trust me. I make these episodes called bolus four where we, like, pick a food and bolus four.
Oh, I know. I listened to those.
Oh, thank you. And Yeah. I said thank you before you told me if you like them or not, but thank you. And
No. I do.
They're really hard to like, some websites make it incredibly difficult to find their nutritional information. And Drizzlelish by the way, if you guys sell a bunch of Drizzlelicious today, I expect you to buy ads, and give me a But alright. I'm gonna look somewhere else.
Okay. I got it.
You got it?
21 pieces. So the big bag, it's five servings per container for about 21 pieces. It's 16 grams carbs, five grams of sugar, one gram protein, and then zero grams of fiber.
You just use Google. Yeah. Yeah. I did too just now. I should've done that.
Yes. That's less than a carb for a bite. Right. And you don't find it hard on you? It doesn't hit you hard or spike you or stuff like that?
No. Alright. Well, I mean, if the world was a different place and you could just use music wherever you want, I'd play the Fertilicious song right now. But, you're not allowed to do that, so we'll move on. Awesome.
What else have you found that's been valuable?
I throughout the year at college, I was weightlifting.
Okay.
That helped me a lot.
Did you have the bolus for weightlifting?
No. No? No. I didn't.
Okay.
I would eat, like, a banana or something before, so I would, like, bolus for that. And then I would go lift. So, like, I already had insulin in me. Mhmm. So, like, I would get up probably to, like, one eighty lifting, and then it would, like I you know, I'd walk back to my dorm, get ready and stuff, and then I would go eat.
And by the time I was going to get ready to go eat, I would be like my sugar was, like, on the verge of being low.
Mhmm.
So
Okay.
I had it I had it down to a science.
Were you lifting and doing some cardio at the same time?
No. Because I it was, like, a ten minute walk from my dorm.
The walk. It's that dorm. Wait. Look at you. You figured out.
Like, just spread your ass out and make you walk around. You're okay.
Right. Exactly. Yeah.
Yeah. Look at you. Well, thank you, Michigan State.
I know.
If you went to a small private college, you would need more
insulin. Gosh. Honestly, I don't even not yet. It really helped. Like, the amount of like, I was walking.
I think, like, my first, like, two months at college, you know, when it's still nice how you wanna walk everywhere. Mhmm. I think I was, like, averaging, like, over 10 k steps a day.
Wow. What's gonna happen though in the wintertime when Canada rolls over top of Michigan? Ugh. What do you do then? Does snot You
take the bus.
Does snot freeze to your face? Does that ever happen? Have you ever had snot freeze to your face?
No. I mean, I it does. But I refuse to, like, go outside when it's not cold. Like, I just take the bus. This year was awful.
The winter was terrible.
No. I know. Yeah. Yeah. I have to go to Louisiana a couple of days, to New Orleans, and somebody's like, I heard it's gonna be really hot.
And I was like, I won't know. I'm not going outside. Mhmm. If it's gonna be hot, you wanna find me outside. I will be inside with air conditioning.
Yeah. I don't know I don't know how you guys live up there. It's it's too cold for me. What are you from? Like, are you from Wisconsin, or are you from Michigan, or where are from?
I'm from Michigan. You
are? Okay. You went oh, in state prices?
Yeah. Your
parents must love you. That's awesome. Get that. Did they make you stay in state, or did you want to?
I originally really wanted to go to Florida for college.
Where it's warm?
Where it's warm. Mhmm. I hate winter. Of course. But the tuition is just actually insane.
And once I, like, got a grasp on money and, like
You were, like,
so much, hey. Like,
I have
to be, like yeah. I was, okay. Yeah. No. Michigan State
is seems fine. I look good I look good in that drab green. It'll be great. Don't worry about it. I mean, who picks that color?
You know?
My whole both of my siblings went there. My mom went there. So
Okay.
Yeah. It's, like, in my blood, I guess.
Yeah. Listen. It's 10,000 for your education in in Florida, and the other 60,000 is because it's warm.
So Exactly. Yeah. So Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So, like, I'll freeze and pay $12. Thanks. This will be fine. Yep.
Yeah. Okay. Are you meeting boys? Is it your intention to meet boys?
The Boyfriend Who Reads Her Lows41:09
I have a boyfriend.
Did you have him before you We
dated in high school and then we took a break and then we started dating again in college.
Real quickly, you dated in high school then you told him to go away, and then you let him come back? No.
So he didn't go he does not go to college. He works in the trades. Mhmm. And he we dated, like, all of our senior year of high school. And then, like, in the springtime, we, I don't know.
Like, we both kinda just decided. Mainly him, but also me. Like, it was kinda Bella. I know. I, like, saw it coming.
Bella, you are such a nice bro. You let that boy get rid of you and come back and get you again? Why did you allow him to Okay. Do
Go. Let me explain.
I don't wanna hear it. Don't worry.
So yeah. We, like because whatever.
No. Not whatever. Whatever's where the story is, Bella. What happened?
Alright. So we I'm trying to think of, like, how to do it in a sense of where it's not, like, publicly airing Mhmm. Our business.
But he did something shitty.
No. No. No. Honestly. It
was you? Did you do something shitty?
Neither of us.
Well, then I don't need to know. It's personal. Don't worry about it.
Yeah. That's fine. We yeah. We just, like, broke up on good terms
Okay.
Which I think was why it was very easy to, like, start hanging out again
and holler. Miss him?
Like, honestly, I did not I thought that ship had sailed. Yeah. I did not think that, like, me and him would be getting back together at all.
Did he have a glow up? What happened? Was there a glow up?
No. No? I he was, like, my comfort person and, like, my best friend,
all of
and listen. I'm independent. I don't need a I believe you. Type that needs, like, a boyfriend or whatever. But it was hard for me to go through my diagnosis and my diabetes without him.
Okay.
And I reached out to him not in, like, with the intentions of, like, you know, getting back together or whatever, but, like, I did reach out and I was like, hey. Just so you know, like, this happened to me and, like, I don't know what to do.
Dodged the bullet, buddy. You almost were dating a girl with diabetes, but you got out of it. And and you put no fear. I mean And Yeah. I'm being stupid.
But you you needed you needed somebody who you knew knew you, who you could find some comfort and and some support with, and you went to him.
Yes.
And he they That's very I know. Don't worry. I I'm I'm, like Listen. I'm making fun in between, but I follow what's happening.
No. No. No. Know. Okay.
Alright. No. But, like, he knew me before.
Yeah.
He knew me pre you know, like, pre diagnosis. So I think I found a lot of comfort in that. And then we hung out for, like, a little bit. Like, I went home the next weekend. Mhmm.
And we, like, had hung out as, you know, like, with friend like, as friends. And we both kinda realized, like, wait. It's, the same. Like, there it wasn't like we had gone, you know, six, oh my gosh, six or seven months Mhmm. Without, like, you know
I like that you're mature enough that when you're telling your silly teenager story, you you're embarrassed by it a little bit. That's fantastic. Yeah. You shouldn't be embarrassed. That's nice.
Listen. Here, I'll tell you something embarrassing. My social media is what you might call apoplectic. So I see all kinds of things that a person my age probably doesn't normally see because of how I use social media for the podcast. And Mhmm.
One of the things that I find really endearing besides soldiers coming home and surprising people, which I think makes me cry every freaking time I see it. I love when young people sit down, I put a camera on themselves, and and they're only friends, and one of them kisses the other one to see what'll happen. Do you know those videos?
Yes.
Yeah. I know I should know them because I'm not 19. But I do know them, and I find them incredibly interesting and and often very endearing. And sometimes and sometimes the person who gets kissed is is really, like, what is happening? But sometimes you see this, like, disarming of, like, oh god.
I didn't think this was ever gonna happen feeling. Mhmm. Do know what I mean? And I'm wondering if you guys didn't have a moment like that where you got back together and realized, oh, we are really good together.
Yeah. I mean, I, for sure I I guess I really haven't talked to him about, like, it in that sense.
You don't need to talk to people when you're having a relationship. Yeah. That's don't worry about that.
I mean, I, for sure, for sure, had that
feeling of, like
yeah. I was like, wait. He's, like, my person.
Oh. Thank you for not making fun of me about knowing about those videos.
No. I mean, listen. Social media is crazy.
I find them sweet.
They are sweet. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know. Anyway, and sometimes they're sad because sometimes somebody's like, you can tell they're doing it and they're like, oh, like, she or he is gonna like, this is it. I know we're not just friends, and then it doesn't go that way, and they looked dejected. And that's Yeah. And I think how did that video get off your phone?
You know what I mean? Like, why not delete it?
Right. Like, why would you post that?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That part, I don't understand either. But, anyway, okay.
So you guys are back together, and Yep. School is, would you say, about an hour and a half from home? Mhmm. Okay. So is he coming to see you a lot?
To his credit, yes. He he did come to, MSU quite a lot, yeah, on the weekends.
Yeah. You drive to where the pretty girls are, Bella. It's not a big surprise how boys work. Okay? I used to have to drive to Delaware every weekend to see mine, and I did it.
Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That was from from another state. Although Delaware is not very big. You wouldn't know that. But no.
No. So he comes to see you guys are building a little bit of a relationship, and this is helping you get through things. Is he learning about the diabetes? Are you wanting to tell him about it, or is just being together enough for support?
Yeah. I mean, he's learning. He has learned that, like, by the way I react when I look at my sugars
Mhmm.
That I'm low. And so, like, I don't ever have to ask him to, like, get up and give me a juice box or give me a fruit snack. Like, he's already on it. Nice. Which is great.
And, I mean, he also knows. He's, like, learned, like, my mannerisms too, like, through being diabetic and, like, knows that, like, oh, okay. Like, we're gonna go get ice cream, or for example, like, I have to take my insulin and wait a little bit before we go in and actually get it. Yeah. But he his grandma has type one diabetes, which I
do not know. Maybe you got it from her. Maybe she gave it
to you. It's contagious.
You never know. You never know. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, so he has some background on it.
Yeah. He does. But I don't know. I get very confused with it because I talked to her, post diagnosis.
Mhmm.
And I was, like, asking her, you know, all the questions like, oh, do you take insulin? She doesn't take insulin when she eats.
How old is she? Is she, like, in her eighties?
Yeah.
Yeah. She probably doesn't eat very much. Those old people eat like birds.
So I was just like I'm like, oh my god. If I had to die, I would, like, die.
Do you see her eat? Does she hork it down, or is she having like, I my my buddy's grandmom lived the last ten years of her life on cigarettes and pound cake. No lie. And so, sometimes older people just don't eat very much. Maybe the basil she's Yeah.
They've got her on is doing the job.
Yeah. I don't think she does eat very much now that I think of it. I actually didn't even think of it that way.
Yeah. Or she's not eating
Yeah.
Do you know how long she's had it?
No. No. No. Okay.
Because then maybe she because listen. You're gonna have a long life with diabetes. It's gonna be interesting because it's gonna go through a lot of changes. You're gonna do this college thing, then you're gonna do the young adult thing, then you're gonna do the married thing, then you're I mean, I'm listening to your life. You're gonna have three kids.
Apparently, that's a prerequisite.
Oh gosh. Not three kids. Nope.
Well, your parents have three kids and your sister has three kids.
God. I can't.
Think that's too many. It's hard to think about it when you're 19, but when your hormones
That's true.
Your hormones are gonna hit you the right way one day, and you're gonna be like, I'm gonna make a thousand babies. And, like, it's just you get tired after the first one, but you'll tough it out for maybe two if you can. But but you're gonna have there's gonna be a part of your life with being pregnant with diabetes and then trying to raise those kids with diabetes, and then you're gonna start getting older. And then one day, you're gonna be 82, And it's gonna be it's a different game. I hear older people talking about their diabetes.
They're worried about, you know, going on Medicare or not being able to see the buttons on their stuff or not understanding the new technology. And sometimes you hear stories of people who are in assisted facilities, and they don't get as good a care as you're giving yourself right now with type one. And so Yeah. I think there is a thing that happens if you talk to a doctor, they'd probably tell you a little idea of diminishing returns. And when you have a person who's in the last handful of years of their life, you'd much rather them have a slightly higher blood sugar than get low, pass out, and die.
And so I think that management might turn into that as they get older sometimes. Yeah. You know? Which is Yeah.
That is
It's hard to think about for people with type one because it's not your goal. Like, your goal right now is what what's your a one c? Like, four and a half or something? Tell me.
Oh my god. Four
and half. No. I'm just kidding. But what is yours?
It is what was it last? 5.8?
Yeah. That was my point. That you're a person who's trying really hard. You're probably being motivated by crippling anxiety, but still you're you're getting it done. You're getting
it Crippling anxiety. Yes.
You're getting it done, and it would be hard for you at 19 to imagine a life where you didn't try that. But it could happen. You know? Long time in the future for you. Don't worry.
By the time, I'm guessing with GLP medications and other peptides, Oh, I just said peptides. People are gonna be like, but sorry. I'm not a I'm not a pro podcaster, but there's gonna be other you're gonna see people are gonna use other peptides, testosterone, things like this people use. You're gonna you're gonna stay healthier longer for longer. You'll probably live into your hundreds.
Oh, wow. Isn't that crazy to think about?
Mhmm.
Yeah. You probably you probably you probably easily live into your nineties with with modern technology.
I would love that. I know that was, like, one thing. I I feel like a lot there obviously is so much anxiety surrounding, like, an unknown surrounding, like, type one. But, like, a lot of them is, like, you know, like, how am I gonna, like, I don't I really don't wanna go through pregnancy with type one. Like, I really don't want to, but I really wanna have kids.
And then, like, I don't wanna give it to my kids. Or I don't know. Like, I don't wanna, you know, grow old, then I don't wanna get another autoimmune and, like, all of this stuff. And I feel like especially because I'm a baby diabetic, I guess you could say.
Yeah. Yeah.
And being diagnosed, like, at such a, I mean, like, a later like, such a weird time in my life.
Yeah. I mean, going into college is per listen.
Right?
I can tell you something. In twelve years, I've talked to probably a person who's been diagnosed at every age. Okay? And I'm I might mean up to, like, 99. And, there's no good time to be diagnosed with type one diabetes.
Oh, no. No.
So it's just gonna be what it's gonna be. Yeah. And you're gonna I mean, you're that five something a one c, you can keep that while you're pregnant. It won't be hard. I mean, if you know how to do it now, I'm sure you'll be able to do it then.
It's about, you know, matching insulin with food and being, you know, flexible with your settings and realizing when you need more, you need more, when you need less, you need less, and taking care of yourself. You know? It's, I'll tell you the hardest part from what I hear from women with type one is after the baby comes and your needs go back to normal, sometimes all that effort you put in during the pregnancy, you shift the effort over to handle it taking care of the baby, you don't take care of yourself as well. Yeah. That can happen.
That's I've heard that too. Yeah. Yeah.
But but the point is is that none of that has to happen to you. Like, you get to decide. I mean, look at you. You went to college on day listen. Let let me let me pump you up here, Bella, for a second.
Heading into college, I imagine you were 18 years old. You're there with your mom and your dad. You're about to meet your roommate. Tell him like, you're about to kick your parents out and tell your roommate, do you like vodka or gin? What do you prefer?
And, like, instead, you're at the hospital. Okay? And and then you come back, power through, you get through your first year. Your GPA is probably 39, I'm guessing. And, what is it?
Yeah.
Yeah. I got it exactly right.
38.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You're right. So you you kept your GPA up.
You are you embarrassed that I know you this much after fifty minutes? Is that what you're
I mean, oh, yeah. Like, this is yeah. Keep going, though. Yeah.
Gen you
know, stop.
Generalizing is is, is my forte. I mean, you do you think you're not gonna be able to do pregnancy? Please. You'll be fine with that. Let me tell you something that I, tell my kids all the time.
I said it the first time when my son got, graduated from college and he was heading out into the world for his first job. He's nervous. You know? And I said, I know you feel like you're trying to beat the whole world, but 90% of them aren't even trying. So just get out there.
Keep being yourself. You'll see it'll work. And I would give you the same advice. You you're you're well suited for this world. You'll be okay.
You know what I mean?
Thank you.
Yeah. It's obvious. It's don't let that boy drag you down, and you'll be fine. Don't let him get you pregnant. Do you understand?
Oh god. Oh my gosh.
Married and a place to live. Listen to me, everyone. Married and a place to live. Why married? Because then legally, he's gotta take care of it.
And why a place to live? Because I don't want your rent in your whole life. Okay? It's a lot of wasted money. I just my son's friend, $3 a month renting an apartment with his girlfriend.
You know you know what $3 times 12 is? You go to college. $36,000 a year. Dang. Rent gone.
Boom. Poof. Go away. Go on. Do that times 10.
$360,000 to rent an apartment for ten years. Mhmm. Buy the shittiest house you can, Bella. I don't care. Just own it and then sell it, make a little money, and get a better one.
The American dream is not dead. We've just given up on it, and the shit's really expensive. So you're gonna have to start with a really shitty house,
but that's not the point.
My god. It's gonna
Oh, I know. I It's gonna take longer. So grateful that my boyfriend's working right now because we talk about it all the time. Like, I don't I'm not gonna be afford be able to afford anything when I
gotta go. And it sounds like he's gonna know how to replace the toilet, so that's awesome.
He's handy. For sure.
Oh, don't say it like that. That'll make your mom uncomfortable.
Sorry.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Not like that.
Sure. Whatever. What am I not asking you about that I should? Why did you come on this podcast?
Body Image, and a Branded Eating Disorder56:42
I came on because I honestly thought my story was really unique. Like
I think it is.
I got diagnosed, and then I went straight to college. But, also, like, I feel, like, as a young woman or a teenage girl or a young girl, like, being diabetic, arguably arguably can be harder because of the social media standards for, like, body types.
Okay.
And I think, like, that was probably and is probably the hardest thing that I have gone through, like, being type one
Tell me.
Is that it's, like, drastically changed my body in, like, the best way possible. Like but it's just hard to see those changes to your body, if that makes sense.
Well, yeah, tell me what happened to you, though. What do you mean? How how did you change?
Right. Like, I well, okay. Before prediabetes, before I was even, you know, sick, I probably weighed, like, one zero nine still, which is, like, still very light, and I'm not saying that I'm, like, fat or anything. Mhmm. But, like, I was more I was more muscle, and I was more toned and stuff, partially because I was, like, a high school athlete.
But and then, you know, prediagnosis when I was sick, I was, like, sub one hundred pounds Yeah. Which is, like, not great.
Off of you, that's a lot of weight. Right? How tall are you?
Right. Five three.
Yeah. Okay. It's probably
Yes. Noticeable. Right. It was yeah. Not great.
And then, you know, you go to college. I gained all my weight back and more, obviously, as one dodge usually when they're diagnosed. And I don't know. I think it's just very hard because it's, like, to see and, like, look in the mirror and see someone that I like, or see a body that I don't really recognize.
Mhmm.
But, also, I feel eternally grateful for for keeping me alive and for allowing me to train for a half marathon and weight lift and still live my life even though I am chronically ill. But it is hard because it's like, you know, on none of my pants fit me anymore. Had to go buy new pants. Like Yeah. Stuff like that.
And I think, like, I don't know. As a girl, that's just, like, really hard.
Do you feel
like saying guys don't struggle with it. You know, too.
Listen. I I did something the other day. I don't normally do. I was I went out, and I was meeting a friend at a public event. And as I was walking from my car into the building, I had I was overwhelmed with this feeling that I should not have worn the shirt I was wearing, which is not really a thing I think about often.
It felt it was grabbing me oddly, and I was like, oh, I probably look fat in this. And, like, why did I do that? And and then I went to the bathroom to look. Like, I was so concerned. I thought, like, maybe I can, like, pull the shirt around a little bit and fix it.
And I went in the bathroom and looked and my first thought was, see, you're a mess. And then I looked harder and I thought, that's ridiculous. I look fine. Like, what is happening? You you like, so I stood there and talked to myself.
I took a picture of myself so I could look at it to, like, maybe, I I don't know, disconnect me from the mirror for a second to try to figure out, like, am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? I realized I looked fine. And then I shared it online on my Instagram, and it got a lot of, like, people who were like, I feel like that all the time. Like, thanks for talking about this. So I think guys can feel that way too.
I you know?
Oh, yeah. A 100%.
Admittedly, I'm older, and so I I probably have more estrogen now than I did before. But, like, that's fine. Like, I still feel my feelings. And it's but what I wanna know from you is is that, like, when your weight goes down and you feel weak and then it goes back up and you feel like, oh, I don't belong at this weight, and you say you don't recognize yourself, does that make something click inside of you? Is it difficult in a way that you can describe?
Like, I think I well, as someone who had previously struggled with, like, disordered eating
You had that think like prior to diabetes, you Yeah. Bulimia, or what's what's going on?
Like, I honestly, I think it's just really bad body dysphoria.
Okay.
And it was right around the time of COVID. So I was, like, a lot younger, but, like, still it always kinda just sat on, like, the back of my mind. Like, I've always been, like, extra particular about my body image.
Okay.
I don't know. And I think, like, just I know that I'm healthy, and I know that my I'm at a healthy weight. But, like, it's you know, obviously, it's just hard to, like, not compare yourself. And, like, yeah, when you walk by, like, windows or mirrors and stuff and, like, you're like, oh my gosh. Why do I, you know, look like this?
But I think with diabetes, it adds, like, a whole extra, I guess, like, feeling to it because it's, like, for diabetics, it's harder to lose fat.
Mhmm.
And, like, I could be doing everything that I was doing prediabetes, but still look the exact same and not get the same kind of results. Yes. You know?
Not many illnesses come with their own branded eating disorder either.
Right. You know? And especially because you're, like, constantly having to, you know, like, count your carbs and, like, that has put into perspective for me, like, how much I carbs I'm eating. Mhmm. And, oh my gosh, if I didn't like, I'm glad I have the self control that I do because if I didn't, I would be, like, obsessing over
Over how much am I eating? How much am I supposed to be eating? I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the wrong thing. Like, all those weird feelings.
Yeah. I mean, nothing's gonna give you a stranger relationship with food than type one diabetes. That's for sure.
Right. And it's just like, you know, already previously having, like, a faltered relationship with food and then being diagnosed with something that you constantly have to think about food. Yeah. Like, you know?
Therapy, Faith, and Anxiety1:02:52
What do you do what do you what does a person your age do for their mental health? Like, how do you manage all that?
I did start going to therapy because once, you know, I was diagnosed and I went to college, I was like, wait. I'm actually, like, not okay, and I should be seeing somebody. Mhmm. So that has helped me a lot. My faith, obviously, has really helped me, like, with my mental health.
And then working out, like, really like, my escape since I've been younger has always been, like, running or lifting. Mhmm. So that is, like, really helpful.
You know what they say about running? You're either running away from something or towards something. Right?
I'm usually running away from, like, anxiety, but, yeah.
I hear you. It's hard, but you're doing all the right things for yourself. Your parents supportive of your parents are supportive of that? Of The therapy? Oh,
yeah. I my mom my mom I think this is, like, a couple months after I was diagnosed. I was, like, crying to her because, like, I saw all, like, the statistics of, like, diabetics. Like, you're, like, more times likely to get depression, anxiety, and eating disorder. You know?
And I was, like, crying to my mom, and she's like she looked at me, and she's like, Bella, I think you need therapy.
Bella, I gotta tell you. I'm too old for this, and I don't care. I'm gonna put somebody else in charge of it. Okay? I already raised your other brother and sister, and I'm done.
And so
And she was like she's like I was like, no. I don't. I'm fine. I'm fine. Like, I and then, you know, I was at college and I had, like, a breakdown, and I was like, oh, I'm actually not fine.
Like Did you do the did you do the college breakdown?
Oh, many times. Oh, it I mean, when my when my roommate, like, left and, like, left me alone, like, in our dorm, like, for a weekend or something and, like, my boyfriend wasn't there Oh. Oh, it was a bad time.
You were gonna die in that dorm room by yourself?
I literally thought I was gonna die. Like, I mean, I don't know. I just when I'm alone with my thoughts and I continuously, like you know, I I see a TikTok, and it just starts to spiral of me. And then I just start crying, and I'm, like, sad. And then I'm sad about something.
And then, honestly, since being diagnosed, I can be sad about, like, 10 other things, but it always comes back to being sad about being diabetic.
Yeah. Can I can I give you a piece of, of, wisdom that you probably won't be able to apply?
Oh, okay.
Worry is a waste of imagination.
Oh, don't worry.
You know that already? I know. Okay.
Yes.
You are only imagining things that you think may happen. You have absolutely no idea if they actually will happen. Like, save save save that energy for when something actually goes wrong.
Yeah. Like, the overthinking and everything. Yeah.
Any medicine for this?
No. I my anxiety, as much as it can debilitate
Sure.
Me. I think that's the right word.
Be debilitating?
I yeah. Be debilitating. Mhmm. I think that I've lived with it long enough to, like, know how to especially now that I've I'm going to therapy to, like, work through it. But I don't wanna be I don't want my hormones to be controlled by medication.
Okay. And I'm not to say that I'm judging anyone who does, but me personally, like
Oh, what you're looking for? But you love that Doce you you love that Doce song when it came out though, didn't you? The anxiety song?
The Doce song.
Well, you said you're on
Oh my gosh.
You love the the anxiety. You know that one. You know that song?
I know what you're talking about. Yeah. I actually never listened to it outside of TikTok, though.
May I say, I didn't think I'd find myself being an advocate for Doce, but she got ripped off with that. She became so famous on TikTok. You should go check out that album. It's pretty good. Do you guys listen to albums anymore?
Does that not even happen?
No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do.
You do? Yeah.
Go check out the Doce album. It's awesome. Anxiety, Nissan Altima. There's some good songs on there. I'm a fan.
Just I wanna
say. Okay. I will check it out.
You're like, why am I taking music advice from a guy in his fifties about yeah. I'm not doing that. You should, though. I'm right about this. Trust me.
No. I I I believe you.
I'll take
your word for it.
Jessica's stage show too. I've seen a couple of clips. I mean, I wouldn't go, but it's only because people would look at me and go, dude, the feds are here. That's what they would think if they
saw me.
Oh my god. Be like, narc. But I'd like, no. I just like dochi.
Yeah. I mean, everybody likes what they like.
Thank you. Thank you for affirming me. You have been in therapy. Like, Scottie I'm fine. You're like, your feelings are valid, Scott.
I'm like, thank you. Oh my god. I am worried about the anxiety piece. So I I'm gonna guess a little farther. You guys are What's your background?
Your family? English, Irish?
Just white. We're, like, everything.
Just we're just white. You don't know your background?
Well, I I mean, we're okay. So, like, I
Where'd the boat come from? French uh-huh. That's the dad. That's the dad. Right?
Yeah.
Yeah. Then the mom?
We're German, Dutch, English. I don't even know. Probably, like, everything else.
Screen Everything: Thyroid, Iron, Vitamin D1:08:43
Let me just guess. Also, your vitamin d is probably low. Please have that checked. I'd like I'd like to see on top of that. There's no way your vitamin d is okay.
I'd also
Actually, no. It's gotta be because I'm in the sun all the time.
That's Michigan sun. I don't know if it counts. Please have it checked at your next appointment. Tell them you'd like your vitamin b done. You want an iron.
Are you ever tired?
Okay. You know what?
Go ahead.
This is so funny. Don't be funny. I, last okay. So when I was running, I started taking iron supplements. Mhmm.
And right around the time I started taking my iron supplements was when I was getting, like, chronically thirsty.
Mhmm.
And I looked it up because I was like, oh my god. Why am I going through, like Mhmm. A gallon of water a day? And I guess iron supplements make you thirsty. So I stopped taking my iron supplements, but then I was still chronically thirsty.
That's because you're about to get diabetes. But what I'm saying is that I want you looking out for anemia, vitamin b twelve, and d and d when you're getting your your testing done. Also, don't forget to get your thyroid tested once a year. Okay? Okay.
Alright. And if you have if you have hypothyroid or Hashimoto's symptoms, you want to press the doctor to medicate them if your TSH is over, like, 2.1. And you're gonna tell them it's because my mom has it, my sister has it, and just because you say I'm in range doesn't mean I'm not going through these things. I'm just getting you ready because you are a coin flip for Hashimoto's, Bella. Okay?
So don't wanna Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, and then you're gonna wanna be looking out for anemia too and those things. How are you may I ask a question?
I have no biz you know, I started this episode. We were talking about, like, you thought you had a UTI, and then I somehow told that story about my daughter's first roommate in college. So, Ed, you've been hanging, so I think you're okay here. But how are the periods? Are they are they too long, too heavy, or are they Oh.
Pretty good?
No. They're the same that they were before.
Good. Good. Good. Keep an eye out on that too. Okay.
Oh, yeah. No. I will. I went through a phase in, like, middle school that I was, like, shoot, pescatarian.
Just just fish, Bella?
Yes. So I actually did develop anemia when I was doing that because I was not eating I was not getting enough iron. But I have not had that issue since.
You're just eating goldfish?
Or you No. I just, like I was just I don't know. And then I would, you know, it would come around to me, like, that time of month, I was getting, like, sick, like, a fever I hear you. And, like, super fatigued because, you know
The lady stuff's not fair. I'll tell you that much. No. No. It's not.
A friend of my daughter's vegetarian eating Goldfish the crackers one day, and she popped them in her mouth. And I looked at her. I said, what are you? A pescatarian now? It was so funny.
I mean, at the moment, it was just very, very funny. Anyway, that's not either here or there. I, I'm glad you're paying attention to everything. And it sounds like you're doing well. The anxiety piece, you know, the longer you listen to the podcast, the longer you're gonna hear people who have type one in their life talk about I I hear about anxiety a lot, and I do personally personally think it has something to do with, like, inflammation, autoimmune stuff.
I know it's not I know anxiety is not autoimmune, but what I'm saying is it all seems to run hand in hand a lot with people. So, like, if I asked you ready? Ballpark guess. Mhmm. Anybody in your family mentally ill, bipolar, extended family, aunt, uncle, cousin, pesky?
I would say probably not.
Probably not. Okay. That's fine. Not always. Yeah.
I just I hear it a lot from people. So
Interesting.
Yeah. So, anyway, the anxiety piece, pay attention. That's all. You don't want it to get away from you. It could get crippling, and you don't want that.
Like, right now, it's like
Oh, yeah.
It's use it sounds like it's useful for you now.
Yeah. Honestly, like, I don't know. Me and my roommate talk about this a lot because we both, like, have anxiety. And, you know, like, I think without my anxiety, I would get nothing done. Mhmm.
Because it's, like, what keeps me motivated to, like, actually get up and, like, go do stuff.
I worry sometimes that your whole generation just calls everything anxiety.
Maybe.
Yeah. Maybe that's just you trying not to die. You know what I mean? Like, like, let's go Yeah. Let's move forward, get something done.
Mhmm. You're gonna work this summer? What do you do in the off time?
I am a nanny, and I'm also working as a waitress at a golf course.
Oh, like, are you one of those roving waitresses or in the restaurant?
No. I'm in the restaurant.
Those guys probably tip well. Right? They're all full of themselves?
Oh, yeah. A 100%.
Because either they play They're
very sweet to me though.
Well, of course. You're young and they're old. So, so you know what's happening. Right?
Oh, yeah.
Okay. Yeah. Alright. I don't have to explain life to you, do I, Belle?
No. No.
Okay. No. So they're either in their high off their great golf game they're gonna spend or they feel terrible about themselves because they played poorly, and the one thing they have left is over tipping to make themselves feel better. You're in a it's a golden situation.
It is. Honestly, I make great money working there.
Oh, a 100%. I would like to do that. If I was pretty enough, I'd be a wagers at a golf course. It's a perfect idea. And then the nannying.
Boy, you did say a lot of white things. And the nannying, like, for a like, a local family or somebody you know, how old are their kids?
I nanny for three wait. One, two. Yeah. Three families.
Oh, wow.
I'm more of, like I don't know. I the kids are they range from four to 12.
Okay. You like that?
Out of the three. Yes. I do. I really, really like it.
Hey. Are you just super are you super comfortable right now, or has your blood sugar gotten low?
No. I'm good.
You're good? You just get you're more you're just comfortable now that we're talking for a while. Yeah. Yeah. You slowed down.
Have I? You slowed down a little bit.
Oh, my my talking?
Yeah. Oh. Do you feel more like, you feel like we're friends now? Is that what's going on? I mean,
yeah, I guess.
Yeah. Yeah. Or do you know what I mean? Like, do you feel more comfortable than you did when we started?
I I feel more comfortable. I think when we first started, I was trying very hard to not say the raw not say the wrong things, but, like, to be respectful of people that I might be mentioning.
Yeah. Screw them.
You know?
They'll be fine.
No. No. No. No.
I'm just teasing, Bella. You were very respectful. Stop it. Alright. Listen.
I feel like we're done. Do you feel like we're done?
Yeah. I mean
You did it. Back to school next year. Keep studying. What's the what's the class you're worried about next year?
Oh, Wait. Biochemical wait. Biochemical? Wait. Biochemistry?
Yeah.
I guess if you don't know what it is, you are gonna be worried about it. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So I'm just not gonna come.
That's the one you think is gonna give you trouble?
Yeah.
Where do you 100%. Where do you fly? What what comes easy?
Math, writing, and then, obviously, nutrition. Any kind of nutrition class.
Okay.
Yeah.
Very cool. Well, you what do you expect to do with this degree then? You need go find a bunch of people who don't take care of themselves, teach them how to take care of themselves? No.
I well, okay. I originally went into it because it was my degree before I was diagnosed. I went into it because I wanted to do sports nutrition.
Okay.
But now, you know, that I'm I have diabetes, I really would like to work as at it, like, an endocrinologist office. Mhmm. I think that'd be very interesting. Or or with, like, pediatrics. I don't know.
There's so many different things I can do and so many different things I can, like, specialize in.
Yeah. It's early. You're not gonna know
for a while. Oh, yeah.
Are you gonna need an advanced degree, or is the undergrad gonna be enough?
Yeah. For, dietetics, you have to get your master's.
Okay. Oh, so Mhmm. You're gonna be are you paying for this, or are your parents helping you?
I have, like, a savings.
Money that a grandmother put away for you or something?
Yeah. I think I think, well, I grew up my mom's, mom and dad oh, had a farm, produce only. And literally for the first, like, decade of my life, we would every single weekend, every Friday, Saturday, Sunday, we'd go to the farm. We would pick the produce, wash the produce. Saturday, we would we would sell it.
And then Sunday, we would go back and, like, put everything away.
Child labor,
you say? Yes. And all the money that we made at the farmer's market went towards my college fund.
Oh, that's lovely. Yeah. Oh, so they were packing money away for you.
They were. And, obviously, you know, I'm five. I'm like, college fund. What is that?
Like You woke up one day and you're like, hey. There's $30 in here. Is that what happened?
Right.
Yeah. Yeah. Good
for you. Much.
Yeah. Mhmm. Well, that's, that's it. I don't know if, how many people listening are actual adults, but there's an amount of money you can give to your children every year that doesn't impact your taxes or theirs. So that is probably what was happening.
Yes. Looks like your grandparents might have been what they call on the ball. Maybe they were anxious too.
It runs in the family.
A little bit of anxiety keeps you keeps you from getting killed by a bear. You know what I mean?
Yeah. Actually, no. Then now that I think about it though, like, me and my sister are both anxious people, and we're both the ones who probably struggle the most with the autoimmune.
Yeah. You know, I I imagine. Listen. If it really starts to impact your life poorly, there's stuff you can do to help it. And you shouldn't
Oh, yeah.
Let me say this. Don't struggle. Okay? Like, I'm not a person who yells, go take a pill. People are like, you're on a GLP.
But I I'm I'm sorry. But, I'm I don't think everything needs a pill. But I also don't think you have to struggle in a modern society. You know what I mean? So if Yeah.
If it's holding you back or stopping you from enjoying your life or doing things or making you crazy and some doctor says to you, hey. This might help. I mean, way better than drinking. You know what I mean? Because that's what most of you pasty white people do when you get anxious.
So
Alright. Listen. I am not pasty.
You said pasty.
I just wanna put that out there.
Did I say pasty or did you did? I forget.
You said pasty. My heritage is very white, but trust me, I can get a good tan.
You can get a good tan.
I'm not pasty.
A San Diego Tan, and Why Sponsors Matter1:19:31
I oh, I, oh, I can say this now. Oh, I went out to San Diego and made a a guest appearance in an Omnipod ad for their new 100 target for the algorithm, which when you get off of here, you're gonna see all over your social media today because they just dropped it today. And it was outdoors, and I caught an awesome tan, and I still have it. I'm super happy about it.
There we go.
Look at us. See, you all think that that's a story about me being in a commercial. It's a story about how happy I was with my tan. It's like argued with them. I in fairness to the people at Omnipod that have to deal with me, they called me up, invited me to to be an Easter egg in an ad.
I can say this now because by the time this comes out, it'll it'll be out in the world. But I am, like, the surprise last five frames in an ad. And and so that's not the point. The point is I said no immediately. I was like, I'm not flying to San Diego to record, like, for five seconds for your thing.
Like, I'd like I can you do it closer to my house, please? I don't wanna get on a plane. But I eventually because they are really let me say this. Sorry. I hope this doesn't bore you for a second, though.
No. If this podcast has helped you, and I think it sounds like it has. Right? Right. When I first started it, it was just a guy making a podcast that nobody listened to.
And I couldn't afford to do it, but Omnipod bought ads from me back when nobody was listening. Like, Omnipod bought an Omnipod bought Omnipod bought a weekly ad on this podcast in 2015 when it did as many downloads in a year as it now does in, like, two days. And so they were very supportive. Excuse me. I'm very grateful for it because it let me really build it up and get it going.
And so they've been long time good partners. And so I finally said, fine. Like, I'll take a red eye home. And, like, I didn't I couldn't miss too much work. Right?
So and it sounds weird to people, but I this is work. And so I drug my ass to Newark. I got on a plane. I flew, whatever, six hours out of California. I got in some car.
I drove for another hour while this 60 year old guy told me about his roommates. And, then they dropped me off at this little place. I was exhausted. I had dinner with people. I smiled.
I made nice. I went to sleep. Then and I got up in the morning. I spent eight hold on. Let me count.
Nine, ten, eleven, twelve. One, two, three, four. Nine hours standing on that set before it was my turn to film. Mhmm. I filmed for ten minutes.
They took me out of the wardrobe, stuck me in a car, drove me right back to the airport. And two hours later, I was on a plane, I flew home. I was exhausted. And the entire time out there, I was complaining to anybody who would listen. And then the whole way home, I just thought I did a terrible job.
I think I looked fat. This was stupid. I shouldn't have done this. They're gonna hate it. I'm gonna get cut out of it.
Like a child I was. Okay? Then three days later, the lovely person at Omnipod who handles me was like, oh, we saw the dailies. You look terrific. We're really excited about this.
And I was like, oh, okay. Thanks. And then that was it. I never thought about it again until just now when you reminded me about how tan I am from that. So
Well, at least I reminded like a positive. You know?
Why is your generation so positive? I don't understand. Don't don't you make fun of people behind their backs or anything, you people? You do. Right?
I'm not disclosing this on the Internet.
Okay. You have, you have a private chat with three of your closest girlfriends where you should talk other people. Right?
Actually, no.
You don't?
I do have a I do have a chat that I talk with my three closest girlfriends. Mhmm. But we do not the main purpose of it is to not crap talk people.
You're being positive in there.
We just like, we talk about, like well, they're my college friends. So one lives in Maryland, one lives in Illinois, and, like, we always, like, oh my gosh. I miss you guys. I just listened to this song and I thought of you.
You're not sending, like, like, screenshots of, like, some others to Instagram and going, oh my god. Do you remember Patty from high school? She's pregnant. Are you looking at this? You don't do any of that?
I do that with my high school, like, my
Your high school
best friend.
I see. Okay.
But, like, we don't do it in a way of, like
No. Of course not.
It's just more of, like, shock. Like, oh my gosh. There this person's up to this or Mhmm. Do you know how they're doing or, like, stuff like that?
Yeah. Yeah. No. I hear you. Okay.
Alright. Yeah. Yeah. You're a decent person. I, I cosign you.
Whoever wants to date this girl, I think you're making a good decision. And are you you're gonna hold on to the boy for a while? You've been decided?
Yeah. I guess. He's kinda cool, I guess.
At least through the summer. Right? I mean, why? I mean Why is that now? Yeah.
I'm kidding. I I plan to. Yeah. I plan to hold on to
him for a while. Alright. I I Yeah. You you've this is really good. I, you've given me hope for humanity.
Oh, wow. Thank you. Seriously. That's just so sweet. Well That's a great compliment.
No. You're really upbeat. Listen. If you're not high right now or on mood altering drugs, you're a really nice person. So I'm I'm excited for what you might do in the world.
You're not high right now, No. Are you,
I'm not. Okay. Because that's, like, the best compliment ever that I've ever received. So thank you.
You're very welcome. If you're not if yeah. We should try and do a t shirt. If you're not high or on mood altering or other mood altering drugs, you're the nicest person I've ever met. That's yeah.
You really are. You're you're a sweet kid, and you're smart and thoughtful, and, you didn't trip up one time. I've talked to people your age before who sound like they have a head injury. So, like, you're you're really doing great. Great.
Get out in the world and kill it, Bella. Go for it. May I? One last thing.
Trust Yourself1:25:36
I will.
Trust yourself. Yeah. Trust yourself.
Okay.
Do that. Okay?
Don't Okay.
Don't second guess yourself. You are a smart, thoughtful person. Go with your gut.
Okay.
Alright? And when you're in the working world, believe in yourself, believe that you deserve more, work hard, do a good job, but when it's time to move up, don't find reasons why other people are more valuable than you. Highlight why you're valuable and push forward. Okay? Can give you other good dad girl dad information if you want, but you have a dad.
He'll probably tell you this stuff.
Yeah. No. That was great, though.
Oh, no worries.
Think it's more meaningful coming from someone that, you know, you Has
a podcast. I hear what saying. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Know. For sure. Someone that's been in, like, an Omnipod commercial. I feel
like you're Has a good tan. My dad's older. He's not tan at all. Why would I listen to him? Plus, you've seen your dad in your his underwear, and it's not impressive.
And so you don't take him as seriously. You know what I mean?
Yeah. No. Yeah. Mhmm. Yes.
No. But but seriously, I am I am married to a smart girl, and, I know what you can do. And I know what happens sometimes and boys can also there's this thing where boys can overvalue themselves and girls can undervalue themselves. So I think it's pretty well documented that a a a girl who is qualified may not step up in the same situation where an unqualified boy will still feel comfortable stepping up. And sometimes they fill they fill the space and then the and then there's the there's a vacuum and you can't get in.
So you have to you have to keep pushing forward. Okay? And and, seriously, don't doubt yourself. Please. Please.
Alright. I believe you're gonna listen to me, finally. No. My own kids don't listen to me, but I feel like you're going to.
No. I will.
If you have a very successful life and anything I've said is valuable, will you consider naming a baby after me one day?
Oh, I don't know. Skye?
Yeah. It's a shitty name. I know. Alright. It's alright.
It's too white for me. I'm sorry.
I don't know. It doesn't sound like it. Sounds like you're
As my name is Bella.
Bella? Like right. Is it not is it Isabella?
Yeah. It is.
It is. Right? Do you not like Isabella?
No. I love my name.
Okay.
I think it's just very white. Like, if you looked at me and then was, like, to guess my name, you would be like, yeah.
Yeah. No. I know. I said to some lady the other day oh oh, let me find this email. I I said it on the recording.
I said, I want you to know that you said more Caucasian things than I've ever heard in my life in one hour. Oh. And I think she was worried afterwards, but I got an email from her because I asked her to see if her kid wanted to come on. And Mhmm. She emails me and says, hi.
The blah blah this is blah blah blah, the very white lady that you interviewed from the other And I was like, yeah. I remember you.
Wait. So are you not? Like, what's your background?
I'm adopted, so I'm whatever I wanna be. Hold on a second. Hey, Scott. We spoke recently. Remember me, the anxious mom who only does white person sports.
Anyway, I think she played pickleball or something. I was like, what is happening?
Oh, yeah. I love pickleball. I'm not beating the stereotype.
You're not getting out of it with that statement. I I am adopted, Bella. I don't know what my background is. But I did do the 23 and me thing. And if you can believe that, I am mostly Italian.
You know what? Mhmm. That tracks.
Does it? Why? Tell me.
Well, just based on the picture that I've been looking at for the past hour and a half.
Do I look Italian?
I think you could. I listen. I live in an area with all Italians.
Are you staring at that picture the whole you're staring at my headshot? Don't do that. Put some plants
on the I'm not. I've been, like
Open a web open a website or something. I don't know. It's right there. Oh, look
at me. Don't know.
It's ridiculous. You know, it's funny when I was, my whole life, I I didn't know about this till this 23 and me thing. And mostly people thought I was Greek. And
Yeah. I can see that too.
Yeah. There was sort of that, and then that didn't end up being right. Most of my Jewish friends were very disappointed that I didn't have a background similar to theirs because they thought for sure with all the talking and opinions, I think that I was definitely gonna come from their part of the world, but I didn't. Mhmm. And then it turns out I'm just mostly Italian.
So if you saw my son, I think it tracks more. My son's got, like, a lot of dark hair, like, you know, grows like a nice thick beard, like that kind of stuff. I can't grow a beard to save my life.
No. I see I think for you, it's the nose. You have the Italian nose.
Really? And that's great. So I have no context for that because I didn't grow up in a world where I was on a team. Do know what I mean?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Because as said, I'm adopted, so I don't I've always known I'm adopted, and I don't have a lot of that you know how people like like you even did say, you're like, well, I have a religious background that I lean on. Like, that's a thing your family cultivated probably over generations. Like Right.
And and people do that with their ethnic background too a lot. And I I just don't have any of that. So I kind of got to write myself from a blank page. Interesting. It's one of the things I like most about yeah.
It's one of the things I like most about being adopted, actually. Yeah. You kinda get
That is yeah.
You get to decide who you are instead of somebody telling you this is what we do or this is how we feel or this is why we do the thing. This because this is what we do. You know I mean? Can I just tell you what I decided in the last ten minutes?
What?
I need to interview more younger people. You guys are way better on podcasts than old people are. So, definitely, more young I people reach
hope I am entertaining.
You are are you kidding me? I had a great time. You can't tell that I'm still 19 in my heart while we're talking?
You know what? My parents my mom always tells me that. She's like, mentally, I feel like I'm 23 still. Like, pack it in.
Yeah. You say, mom, your ass says 60, so just shut up. Okay? No. I know.
It's hard. It it's, you'll see one day you'll get there, but I don't feel I I I agree with your mom. I don't feel any different than I ever have as a younger person. Yeah. Sitting here right now and talking to you, I feel upbeat.
I feel like we had a great conversation. I feel like you and I related to each other. And then I'm gonna walk out of here, look in a mirror, realize I'm old. And it's gonna be it'll strike me for a second because I'm gonna suddenly look different than I feel. So it's not easy.
So but you know what the alternative is? Dying. Dying is the alternative to getting old. So you gotta you gotta get old. Yeah.
You wanna get old. You know what I mean? Like, it's it's it's of the two choices, the better choice.
Yeah.
Yeah. Alright.
Oh, yeah. You're right.
Oh, of course, I
am.
I'm a podcaster. I I'm right about everything. It's how I got the job, Bella. Bella, that's how you get the job.
No. You just got to be confident. Don't to tell think that you're right about everything.
People the secret. Okay? Keep it to yourself. Alright? Or then they're all gonna be confident, then I'm not gonna have a podcast anymore.
Yeah. Everybody's gonna be starting their own podcast after this.
Yeah. I mean, honestly, you partly think you're gonna become a trainer and get, like, an Instagram. Right?
No. I think I'm gonna work for, I think I'm gonna work for, like, a professional sports team, and I am gonna be, like, super successful in,
like Are there even professional sports teams in Michigan? What do you guys have? The Detroit Lions don't really count, do they?
Who said I'm staying in Michigan?
Oh, oh, yeah. You're going to Florida. I don't know what you look like. Are you, like, a little, like, like, a little blonde girl?
Yeah. I am. Wait. Do I act like I'm a little blonde girl?
Or Well, you wanna be in sports stuff.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. No. No. I am.
Yeah. I mean, we're generalizing. Like, I've I've been I've done an awesome job of generalizing so far today. You have. It's kinda scary.
It's one of my fucking superpowers, Bella. I'm gonna tell you right now. Oh, I shouldn't have cursed this late in the episode. Sorry, Rob. Rob's the editor.
So do I can I you're not in my Facebook group? What kind of bullshit is this, Bella? Alright. Well, then how am I gonna figure out what you look like?
Sorry. I'm I'm young. Followed me Instagram.
Fuck you. Okay? I'm young. Listen. I agree with you, but and I would tell you, absolutely stay off Facebook.
There's nothing valuable there except my Facebook group for people who have diabetes. If you have diabetes, that Facebook group is awesome. And Okay. Probably the only reason that I actually have Facebook Because now I realize some of the old people I'm attached to are still posting stuff on Facebook, and they're, like, mad at me for not seeing it. I'm like, I'm not on Facebook.
And then they're like, you're on Facebook all the time. I'm like, not as me. I'm like, as the podcast. Like, I like, me personally, I don't I don't go on Facebook for anything. You know what I mean?
So you're saying I followed you on Instagram?
Yeah. Wait. I thought you did. Maybe you
asked me. I did because you messaged me.
You did.
And I'm old. Yeah. So I don't know how it works. So I assumed I had to follow you back to, like, respond to you. Okay.
Hold on a second. Are you
gonna tell me if I look like what you were thinking?
Yeah. I mean, much. That's you. Yeah. Yeah.
I gotcha. Okay. Are you the one See, you girls alright. Hold on. Are you the one in the trees walking through the trees at the orchard in Maine?
Jesus, you are. So are you the one on the right in your group of four friends in the orchard picture?
Yeah. I'm on the very right.
How tall is that girl?
Emily? Oh, the blonde? Yeah.
She's, six feet tall. Right?
No. I think she's wearing heels on that. Oh, thank you. Is tall, though.
Okay. Alright. Well, yeah. I mean, you look like what I'm expecting. It's good.
Don't worry about it. I mean, not that you give a shit what I think, but, like, it's you know?
No. Yeah.
I see you with your sensor on. Okay. Cool. Look at you.
Yeah.
You're gonna be fine. You're making that boy pay, right, for breaking up with you? Every once in a while, you just hit him when he's not looking?
Oh, no. No. No. I like I'll, like, subtly bring it up because people will be like, oh, how did you guys meet? I'm like, oh, yeah.
How did how did we meet? No? Like, you wanna tell them his the story?
Know. You're you just took him back so you could torture him. Right? Be honest.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so that he can grab me my juice boxes, obviously.
Hey, boy. Grab me that juice. I'm gonna wait three years then break your heart, just so you know. It's I've I've got it all written out.
I've gotten to a point where it's like, he'll bring me a juice box, and I'll be like, I don't want that flavor.
I'm sorry. I saw my daughter say something really nice about her boyfriend helping her when she's low, recently, and it I was I I was really touched by it. Like, it made me feel good he helps her with that.
Yeah. No. He he is great, and he is very understanding. Like, there have been times where it's happened when we're out, like, with a group of his his friends. Mhmm.
And, like, he has totally been, like, okay. We can leave. You know? Like, even if he's having a great time, he's like, okay. Just let me know if you wanna go.
Like, all this stuff. Like, putting me before Yeah. And, like, I think that's, like, really
Cool. Well, I hope you guys are together forever. You're very happy. You make a bunch of babies, and you're super happy. But if you are to break up with him, could you please say the following thing to him?
Payback's a bitch, and so are you. Get out of my car. That's what I would like you to say. Because seriously, he he needs to be taught a lesson for what he did to you in high school.
Oh, he was. Don't worry.
Oh, you already got his lesson?
He got his lesson of not talking to me for
Oh. Oh, yeah. See, you have confidence. You know that that was a that was a loss to him. Right?
Oh, and he told me it was.
Oh. Oh, he he did say he was wrong?
Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
So he's lucky you got diabetes because that softened you up to come back and talk to him. It's one way to think about it. Right?
Yeah. Yeah. I guess so.
Yeah. Because otherwise, you were you said ship sailed. You weren't going back.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know though because I think, like, a part of me, like, did wanna just reach out, but, like, the diabetes was, like, a good good excuse to do that.
Okay.
But me and him had talked about it. I was like, you know, if I never reached out, do you think we would ever start talking again? And he was like, yeah. Totally. Like, I would have reached out.
I was like, no. We weren't enough because it wasn't gonna be on my terms.
Oh, yeah. If he reached out to you, would have been like, this asshole. Do you believe this?
Yeah.
Right? Yeah. Yeah.
Like, like, what's going on?
Yeah. Not Belle's not down with this. I'm too Right. Cute I'm too cute for this. I'm not being treated this way.
I know how you would think.
Yeah. Like, I yep. I
like this about I like this about you. This is good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
No. I think also I would have made a great girl. Like, I really feel like I would have handled it well.
It's so funny.
Seriously, I really feel like I would have handled it well. And and growing up an ugly guy really does teach you what you would do if you weren't. You were like, you know, if I had a little bit of power in this situation, I think I would do it like this. Yeah. Okay.
No. I agree. Okay. You're doing everything right. Go live your life.
You'll be fine. Just don't get hit by a car and everything will be okay. Alright?
Oh, god. That's not something you say to someone with anxiety.
That anxiety is probably what's stopping you from getting hit by a car, don't you think?
No. No. You're right.
I know I am.
You're so right.
Yeah. You're one of those, like, wait. Wait. Wait. And you look one more time.
I'm, like, the one like, I'm the friend that, like, grabs the back of other people's t shirts.
Yeah. No. Bella, I'm Bella, I've been married to you for thirty years. Don't worry. I know what's going on.
Okay? I got my own girl, so I know what's happening.
Yep. Uh-huh. Yep.
Yeah. She's still torturing me, by the way. She hasn't given up yet. One day, I said to her, what is going on? All I've done is devote my entire life to you and love you.
Why am I being treated this way? And I think the answer is she likes it. I mean, I don't know. I can't really tell. Anyway
She likes to likes to torture?
I think I think she's teaching me a lesson for something I did wrong to her thirty years ago. I don't know exactly. I can't tell what's happening. But she's pretty, so what am I gonna do? She's smart, I like her.
And at this point, I don't wanna move all this stuff out of this house. There's a lot of shit in here. So, you know, I mean, like, just this it seems like the right play. You know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Your mom and dad are doing the same thing. Don't worry.
Oh, I yep. I bet.
Alright. I could talk to you forever, which I'm not sure what that says about me or you. So let's just say goodbye, and tell you congratulations. You have a two part episode. We've talked so long.
Oh, wow. Yay.
Yeah. I don't know what we're gonna call it though. Oh. Oh, there's no nothing came up in this. It was like, wait.
Hold on.
Do you any
What is it? Oh, Drizzlelicious. Yeah. 100%. Great.
And I'm gonna make Drizzlelicious. And I swear to god, if they if there's any uptick from this podcast for Drizzlelicious, I would like to hear from somebody. I'd like to see at least a nice 12 ad buy from them. Okay? And I and really and if this works out, I'll cut you in.
Okay, Bella?
No. Listen. I need any diabetic. Chiselicious is genuinely one of the best snacks ever.
Your generation
is awesome. You can you can eat a high quantity without, like, having to take a ton of, like, you know, like, you're only bolusing for, like, 16 grams carbs for, like, pieces. Like, come on. Same with goldfish, actually.
Bella, your generation is awesome. You are so ready to get a brand deal. It's unreal. You're like No. Oh, yeah.
Where's the microphone? Drizzleicious is fantastic. I
I'll be up in their DMs, like, after this. I'll be like, hey. So I just made this podcast with please give us a brand deal because I love your food.
Listen. I'm I'm old, but I know I know how to do it. Watch this. The Dexcom g seven lasts ten days. Go to dexcom.com/juicebox to learn more.
I can do it all day. Okay? So, it's not that I don't believe in Dexcom. I actually do. But, I know how the world works.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. You guys are all gonna have, like, patches sewn to your shirts. Oh. Like, you're gonna be, like, sports people when you're older. Or I guess social media is falling apart though.
Right? Oh, can I ask you one more thing?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Since you clearly have nowhere to go. Can
Oh, yeah.
I I'm getting my haircut in a couple of hours, so I'm still good for a while.
Yeah. Me too.
Are you really?
Yeah. I actually like, what do I have? I think the next thing I have is at, like, 02:30.
Me too. Are you getting your haircut?
No. I'm not a chiropractor.
Chiropractor. Oh my god. You are the whitest person I've met in a while. You're going to the chiropractor.
Have scoliosis. Okay. I can't do anything.
I could just I have scoliosis. I could just walk on your back. That's what I do for my daughter.
No. Listen. It doesn't work. Trust.
Bella, are we best are we best girlfriends now? I feel like we might be.
Yeah. No. We are. This is ridiculous.
So I wanna get your feeling. Try try to shift for a second. Be serious for a second.
Okay.
How Her Generation Uses Social Media1:43:40
Wanna I wanna understand no. You've been great the whole time. I wanna understand your feeling about social media. Like, how do you use it? What apps are valuable to you?
What apps are I have to do them, but I don't like them.
Mhmm. Okay. Snapchat, honestly, is probably the only Snapchat? I don't know. Do you categorize Pinterest as social media?
I mean, for white ladies who knit. Sure.
Okay. Because, like, well, my generation, I feel like many girls that are my age use Pinterest as well.
For to put it like a vision board together. Right?
Yeah. Like, stuff like that. Or I use it a lot for, like, recipes.
Uh-huh. Do you
cook? I don't know. Like or like
Wait.
Do you Can I cook?
Do you cook or are you just hopeful one day that you'll make something so you're saving a bunch of recipes?
No. No. No. I cook.
Okay. Because Arden bakes. Yeah. She's always online, like, finding like, she doesn't come off this way, but Arden's the one who, like, shows up at a house party with, like, 19 trays of baked goods that she made for, like, two days. Aw.
Yeah. She loves the
That's so sweet.
Yeah. Yeah. She loves
the Yeah. No. I I like baking too. I like both.
And drunk people are very grateful for baked goods. Mhmm. Mhmm. You understand. So Yeah.
Okay. So Pinterest, you use. What else?
Okay. So Pinterest and Snapchat. I feel like Snapchat is good because, like, it's kind of, like, our version of Facebook Messenger. Because, like, you know, you meet someone, but you're not comfortable with giving them your number because that seems, like, too personal. So you give them Snapchat, and you can, like, still talk.
Mhmm.
So I think Snapchat's really good for, like, communication. But Instagram and TikTok, I have because everybody else has. And there's been times where I've gone like, I've deleted both of them for, like, a couple weeks or, like, a month and just done, like, a quote, unquote detox. Yeah. But I don't know.
I think it depends on how you use them, obviously, and how, like, healthy your relationship is with yourself.
Mhmm.
If you're able to, like, use them without constantly comparing, oh, I don't have this. I wish my life was like this. I wish I looked like her. I wish I did this. I wish I was, you know, x y and z.
Do you feel pressured to be attractive in your photos? Like, you wouldn't put up a bad picture of yourself. Right?
No. No. No.
Okay. Right. Right. And and you know how to if you and I were taking a photo together right now, you'd put your leg in a certain way, you'd turn your hip, you'd put your hand somewhere. It would all happen automatically.
Right?
Right. Yeah. Like, subconsciously.
Yeah. Yeah. You know how to turn your head and where to hold your eyes and, like, the whole thing. Yeah. I see that constantly with people your age.
It's it's I I'm fascinated by it. Like, how you just, like, boom, hit a pose. I don't know.
Like, effortless.
Yeah. Oh, it's not even being thought about. It's like, bang. Look at me. This is exactly the best way you're seeing the best part of my hip, my bust, my face, my chin.
This is exactly how I look right. And I don't know how to do that because I've seen myself look. Like, I I I listen. I I end up in pictures and videos for companies a lot and stuff like that. I've seen myself Yeah.
Going like, oh my god. I look amazing. I see the next picture, I'm like, what in the hell happened? And I'm like, it's the same person on the same day. And I'm like, this is horrifying.
No one should see this.
Right.
And and so but you're aware of it, but I don't know how to do it. You know how to do it. Mhmm. And and so the next thing I'll tell you is that as an older person and I have a daughter. I'm happy to say that it shocks me for her as much as you.
You guys are shockingly comfortable with not wearing much clothing. Like, to my generation of like, when I was 20 years old.
Mhmm.
And and I again, I hope this doesn't sound weird because we have a forty year age difference. But, like, your your generation's, ability to go out without a bra on fascinates me. Oh. Right. It's happening everywhere.
Like like and I and I'm I'm not saying you should by the way, if you're a feminist, I don't think you need a bra. Like, whatever. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that there's times where I'm like, oh my god. Like, what's like, no one there's no, I I think this is maybe a good thing, but I can't tell.
No one's self conscious anymore, it seems like to me, in, like, your age group. Is that am I wrong about that?
Yeah. Very wrong.
So they're self conscious. They're just doing the they're they're just mimicking the pictures on Instagram. Is that what they're doing?
I I think it's subconsciousness that is disguised as confidence.
Okay.
But I also think that there are the people that you are describing to me that are, like, going out with, like, bras on and stuff, like, are truly the people that don't care.
You just don't care.
You know, like, don't seem to care.
Right. They're just don't care.
I think, like, many people like, I mean, at least for me, like, yeah, I follow the trends I dress because this is how everybody else is dressing, whatever. But there are people who dress uniquely and, you know, like, don't necessarily follow, like, the clean girl trend or, like, oh, like, the outfits and aren't buying, like, doing consumerism, basically.
Okay.
And I think those are the people who seem to be the most confident in themselves because they're not
They don't care what the trend is.
They're not yeah. They're not, like, characterizing themselves by what's the newest thing in store.
Okay.
You know, it's like buy what they like. And I'm not saying that people who follow trends, you know, like, obviously, me, like, I don't buy things just because it's a trend. Like, I buy it because I'm like, oh, wait. This actually does seem like something I would use or something I like.
Right. But and I also I don't mean this in, like, a I I hope people don't take it that way. I'm really trying to be thoughtful about the the world, but I don't mean this in, a creepy old guy way. Like, I mean, even, like, bathing suits are incredibly small now for girls. Oh, yeah.
And they they you guys are all like, I've like, my daughter's friends are all, this age. Do know what I mean? And, like, a lot of times, they'll they'll say, like, you know, you used to follow me. I'm like, I can't I'm not following you. And I was like, I'm not opening up my Instagram to see you on a beach.
Like, you're
like Yeah.
Like, I know we knew each other when you were 10, but, like, it's it's weird and I don't wanna see it. And, like, and, like but you guys are not Right. You're not covered up at all. And I don't know that you should be or you shouldn't be. Like, I'm not making a judgment.
I'm trying to understand because based on how I grew up, like, girls would wear one piece bathing suits at my age. Mhmm. They were one piece. It looked like you were swimming in the Olympics. You know what I mean?
Everyone went to the beach that way. And, now it's like and then it and then it boils over to, like, people are at concerts, they're in clubs, they're out to dinner. They're I mean, the graduation photos this year looked like an Oni fan shoot, some of them. Like, I'm not even kidding. Like, they're they're girls wearing, like, low plunging, like, necklines and, like, drop backs and pumps.
And I'm like, is this your college graduation? It looks like a photoshoot. And Right. And and my kids out there doing a photoshoot probably. Disappeared one day.
I'm like, where are you going? She had her cap and gown. She's like, we're doing our pictures. And I was like, who's what are you talking about? She's like, I got a friend.
They're doing a photo shoot. I'm meeting my boyfriend. I'm like, oh, okay. Like, anyway, like but is that for social media?
I think it is. Yeah. Like, you yeah. I think it is for social media. And I think a lot of people wouldn't be dressing a specific way if they didn't know that they weren't getting their pictures done and that it would possibly end up for, like, everyone to see.
Mhmm. You do you take a picture and you tune it before you put it up?
Me?
Yeah. You change, the No. You don't do that. Okay.
I mean, I don't change I never change the way that I look in a picture. Mhmm. Like, I'll never, like, face tune or whatever. But, like, I'll add, like, a maybe, like, a filter or something.
Okay.
But that's more just to, like, make the colors in the photo look better.
Mhmm. Okay.
But not, like yeah.
And so TikTok is a thing you do because it seems to be people do it, but you've done a cleanse from it. My son stopped using it years ago, and he said it was made a big difference for him to to delete the app, actually. He was pretty happy about it.
Yeah. It helped I mean, when I get rid of it, it helps me, like, with my attention. Yeah. More, like, because it's, like, I don't wanna lay around and scroll. Like, I if I'm on my phone, like, I'll be on TikTok or Instagram.
So, like, when I'm not on them or I don't have them on my phone, like, I'm on my phone less because I'm, I get bored. Right. TikTok, I like I think TikTok's very entertaining, but I think it is very dangerous because it's very, very easy to get addicted to.
What's entertaining? The video or the comments?
Oh my gosh.
The comments. Right? You're there for
the comments. Probably the comments.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Because you see a video and you're like, oh my gosh. What are other people saying?
Yeah. No. 100%.
Totally the comments.
It's the comments. It's some sort of weird socialization without actually being around people. What I'll tell you as a person who makes a podcast is that I am forced to be in a world where I also make social media for the podcast. I don't know that it's helpful or not helpful. There's part of me that thinks that if I shut down all my social media accounts, it wouldn't matter.
And there's part of me that thinks that, you know, if I catch five, ten new people a day, that's good for me. So that, you know, it doesn't have to be like, there is no more viral. Like, that doesn't you're not even old enough to really remember what viral used to mean. But I used to be able to
write yeah.
Oh, I used to write a blog post that could hit 50,000 people in a couple hours. And, like, that just doesn't happen anymore. Stuff doesn't work that way anymore. But when but when I look at reels, for example, an Instagram post, I don't TikTok, I actually think it's all noise. Like, I believe that if I sat you down right now and said, hey.
You were on TikTok yesterday. Right? That's great. Here's a piece of paper. Write down all the things you saw on TikTok yesterday.
I don't know that you'd I don't think you'd remember three of them.
Yeah. So There's always, like, things on there that are, like, do you remember what, like, was last like, your three scrolls up? And I was like
No. I have no idea. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Like, there's I tell this story all the time, but I opened up TikTok one time. There's this girl, like, she's dancing, but she's got really curly bouncy hair. And I got, like, transfixed by her hair bouncing for a half a second. And and I must have looked at it, I'm not lying to you, for ten or twenty seconds. And then she just had really curly hair, and and it was like a bouncy song.
And I guess the song caught me for a second, but her hair was bouncing. I thought, oh my god. Her hair is really bouncy. And then I scrolled on. That goddamn app showed me a picture of that girl dancing every time I opened it for six months.
And and and it just it wouldn't and I was only there to put stuff up on my diabetes page. I still don't know how I ever saw. I promise you to I don't know how I ever saw it. But once I looked at it for twenty seconds, it was like, here she is, and here she is again and again and again. But here's my point about that.
I've seen that girl's hair bounce. I don't know how many times. I could not possibly tell you her name. I have no idea what her name is. So my point is is that if your insulin pump company or the CGM that you use or the cookies that you eat or my stupid podcast or anything else is putting all that content out into that ocean of noise.
What do they really expect? What do I really expect that anybody's getting out of it? Because I don't think they're getting anything out of it. If I can't remember bouncy girl's bouncy hair girl's name, then how are you remembering my podcast if you scroll past something very quickly?
I think I would beg to disagree.
You think Tell me why.
That there's I think that there's certain things, at least for me, that do peak my, like, interest. Mhmm. And I will stay and watch, and it'll be, like, informational things. Or, like, honestly, I have learned more about diabetes on social media than I have through doctors, nutritionists, endocrinologists, anything.
Oh, for sure. Yeah.
Like and I think that, like, certain brands putting stuff out there, it's all strategic. Right? Like, it's all by do you wanna do brand deals? Do you wanna do it through people that people actually do watch and, like, take their opinions from and stuff? Or do you wanna do it where you're targeting the specific audience and you know?
Because, like, I think that, like, I get ads for, like, Omnipod and Tandem and a bunch of, like, diabetic stuff, like, type one style.
Right.
And, like, that actually does peak my interest because it's like you know? I'm like, oh, wait. Yes. Like, I am gonna remember this.
But what about And
same with your
Even with mine podcast. But mine's my stuff's really long form, though. It still translates?
I think it still translates because it has to do with what I'm dealing with.
Okay.
Like, if that makes sense. Like, I think it's different for you because yours is, like, diabetes, and I feel like a lot of people who are diabetic, like, if they see something that has to do with diabetes, they're like, wait.
Mhmm.
Okay. Let me read on this. I would say most people, you know, who care about managing their diabetes.
Like, should I be trying to make thirty second content about stuff? Would that drag you back to a thirty minute podcast episode about how to bowl us for oatmeal, for example, or should I not be worried about that? Will you find it on your own if you want it?
I think the way that you're doing it is good.
I'm okay by way.
I think the what makes yours stand out is that it isn't like
All that.
Every other
because I see know? I see can I tell you a secret, Bella? I see other people doing that, and I think no one's looking at this. And then Mhmm. I could that's my vibe when I see it.
Like, I look at it I go, no one's looking at this. And then I scroll a little more to be sneak to to be nosy. And I look at the view count and I go, oh, no one's looking at this. And it's well produced in a lit room with backdrops. And I'm like, you did all that for 45 views?
Like, why not just open your window and scream out the window? Like, you might reach the same amount of people. Also, I have access to creator information. Here. I'll I'll give you an example here.
Hold on a second.
Okay. Here. I'll While you're doing that, I'm gonna open the door for my dogs to come in
our room. Yeah. Let them inside. Why not? Alright, guys.
Yes. I know we're there.
I am gonna share with you something that's probably something people don't talk about. So I have an Instagram reel here that I made. It has been shared 320 times, reshared 49 times. It has a thousand hearts and 24 comments. The view insights that I get to see say that it was, viewed 229,000 times.
Okay?
Wow.
That sounds pretty good. Right? Mhmm. Of that 229,000 views, it only reached 17,500 actual accounts. Hold on.
It got me 95 new follows, but the average watch time was eight seconds. Wow. And so and this is a really good piece of social media for me, not just for me, for anybody. Anybody out there listening, you can say what you want. You'd kill to have a reel that does this well.
Okay? And I'm talking about people in the diabetes space. You would kill for a reel to do this well. But what they're gonna tell you is, oh my god. My reel got 228,000 views.
What I'm gonna tell you is that's not really what happened. What I'm gonna tell you is that that means that when your reel gets 6,000 or 5,000 or 3,000, basically, no one saw it. And and it the amount of effort that goes into this stuff is it's it's it's insane. Like, the amount of effort I put and this is a really I'm sorry. It's got music on it.
I didn't realize. It says not all carbs are created equal. 10 grams of carbs doesn't always eat well, 10 grams of carbs. Here's why. It gives you a little breakdown.
Broccoli, mashed potatoes, white bread, basmati rice, lollipop, all with 10 carbs, but then it shows you one has a small rise. One has a delayed rise. One has a faster rise, a moderate rise, like this kind of thing. What changes the impact? Fat, protein, fiber.
It's a great listen. Obviously, it resonated with people. They shared it hundreds and hundreds of times. Right? And and Instagram decided to show it to more people.
That's how it got up into the hundreds of thousands of views. But I don't know like, it took a long time to do this. Like so my point is is, like, I I don't know if that's valuable or not. Like, I mean, should I
Like, is it worth it?
Yeah. Is it worth my time? I could've just made another episode. Like, a lot of people Yeah. To the podcast.
I could've just made another conversation and put it up. I would've reached a lot of people too. So it's it's it's and then I make something that I really like that I think, oh my god. This would be great for somebody, but then none of the platforms, the platforms don't don't support my idea. So Right.
This is gonna sound if this sounds I'm gonna run this past you because you're the exact right person to ask. Okay?
Okay.
I am old, but I grew up with computers. Yeah. So I know that's a weird thing for somebody who's 19 to hear, but, like, I bought my first computer when I was 12. It Okay. Worked so poorly that I returned it because it wasn't a valuable thing in the world yet.
A couple of years later, a company named Commodore made a computer. I bought that computer. That's where gaming started. But an actual PC that you could do something with, I had to go to a when I was nineteen twenty, I was, like, 20, 21 years old because Kelly was in college, and I had to go to a computer, like, fair to buy pieces to put a PC together. Okay?
Mhmm. My first computer cost, like, $3,500. It didn't do anything. The Internet was not really a thing yet. It was just email.
So I've had computers for a long time, and I've I've seen the promise of them. And the craziest thing has happened, they now work exactly the way I hoped they would when I was younger, and everybody thinks it's shitty now. And what do I mean by that?
The computers?
Technology. They go, oh, that's that's slop. Or that's, like, it what I can sit down on a prompt and type into a prompt, you know, a bit I mean, that thing I just read you, that's that's a small episode. I took a small sips episode from this app from this podcast. I fed it into into a large language model and I said, you know, there's a lot of good information here.
I wanna encapsulate it in one image. And it gave me a long prompt that I fed into another model that turned it into that picture. It's and then there are people who look at it and go, oh, you used AI. And I'm like, no. I used a computer to do an amazing thing.
Like, computers have been promising us they were gonna do for forty years, and now they finally do it, and now you're mad at it? And and now and so, anyway, this is my next thought. And this is either gonna sound hokey to you or it's not, and I'm I'm really looking for your honest feedback. You know the bolus four episodes I talked about earlier?
Informative, Not Performative2:03:04
Yes.
I took the I took the transcripts from a few bolus four episodes, turned them into song lyrics, and then had something turn it into a song that's catchy so that you'll remember how to bolus for something. But it's hokey now. But twenty years ago, it would have been amazing.
Right.
And so, like, now the technology finally caught up. Now don't get me wrong. I think it's still gonna work. I think there's a certain mom version of this that people are gonna like. I think kids might like it.
But an adult your age is not and I'm gonna play it for you so you can hear it. Alright?
Okay.
I'm gonna stick this right up to the microphone. I know it's like Yeah. But listen. A packet in the pantry with the maple little grin saying,
tear me at the top now let the warm day begin.
But the label's got a secret that the spoon may not show.
Sugar riding with the oats there.
Ready, set, go.
33 in the packet. 12 are
quick and sweet. That's a sleepy little breakfast with running shoes on its feet.
So don't let the steam make the whole plan fuzzy.
Morning moves fast when the oats get fuzzy. Roll this before the boat. Now I'm not gonna make you listen to the whole thing, but think about that. I took a conversation that Jenny and I had about bolusing for oatmeal. It turned it into song lyrics and then sang it and put music behind it.
And if you got it in your ears for a couple of minutes, you might be like, oh, yeah. Ebola's okay. I I probably should do that blah blah blah. But nothing about the way the Internet works now will serve that to anybody.
Mhmm.
And and I don't know, like and while, we're all busy trying to figure out how to use social media. The way we use it right now, you characterized as not very valuable and a waste of your time. The way that I think it might be helpful to people, they find hokey now because everyone's so jaded about how things work. And so my point my point is is that I I don't know what any of it's for at this point. Like, it all seems useless to me.
Yeah. Do I seem like please now talk. Go ahead. Whatever you think.
No. That is very it's a very interesting take because, obviously, as someone who didn't grow up without technology, like, I wouldn't know. Right. But, like, from what you have said, yeah. No.
That makes sense. Like, social media would have been so much more informative if we made it less performative. Wait. That's a great one.
Oh my god. Two T shirts from this episode. Keep going.
Right?
Mhmm.
So, like, because, like, a lot of people, you know, they do brand deals with certain brands that, like, look the best or, you know, like, a lot of people are like, you know, if if this influencer does this brand deal with this brand that everybody else is doing it with, Like, they have to be cool. Right? Mhmm. Like, that kinda thing. You know?
And yeah. No. Because I think those songs would be great. I think those songs would be great for this ten year old or this, you know, younger kid who has, like needs help with that. I think that's perfect.
Right. So do I But,
like yeah. Like you said, like, it won't get it it probably wouldn't be
No. It's gonna be for a niche of people who really like it. I'm gonna end up I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm genuinely probably going to build a jukebox on my website where people can go and click on them and listen if they want to. And people will, by the way.
My website gets crazy traffic. But, like, that's not the point. The point is is that it out in the world where it actually might reach a bunch of people and have an opportunity to help them, it won't do that. Because what I would need is to reach 228,000 people just for 17,000 of them to actually listen to it, just for a 100 of them to actually be motivated enough to follow along because that's how this all works.
I think that mindset makes sense because you do put a lot of effort into the things that you create for social media as many, know, people on social media do. But I wouldn't undermine those a 100 people that are taking valuable things from that.
Oh, I don't.
You know?
Oh, no. I've please don't take me wrong. Like, I I'm gonna say the hokeiest thing right now. If it reaches one person, I find it incredibly valuable. I also I I would also tell you that I spent the entirety of my Saturday and Sunday on that stuff.
Like, it's a it's a weekend of my life to do a thing that when I got done, I was like, this is really fantastic. Like, not only by the way, not only did it do that for those bolus four episodes, but I took some of the I'm not kidding you. I took some of the mental health episodes of the podcast Mhmm. Conversations with Erica and I about, like, shame and blah blah blah. And I I swear I'm not crazy.
It made some really good country songs about taking better care of yourself. I was like, this is ridiculous. And I think there's a a group of people who are gonna listen to a song that is literally about type one diabetes but still feels like a song, and they're gonna be like, oh my god. This is awesome. But there's also people who are gonna hear it and go, oh, that's AI.
That's not real. But but here's the thing. No one's gonna write you a song about your diabetes. That's not actually gonna happen. So if you want it, this is how it happens.
And I think the part that makes me disappointed is that if this technology existed thirty years ago, people would have been bowled over by it, and it would have been incredibly valuable. So by the time the technology can do the thing we needed to do, again, I'm gonna say, we become so jaded that we laugh at it. Because I don't care what you say, that's fucking amazing. Yeah. That song is amazing the way that that just happened.
And and for no money, for a $20, you know, a month thing for one thing and a $100 a year thing for another thing, it churned out that which I believe would be helpful to somebody. Now listen. Is it great music? It's not. I'm not trying to say it is.
Right? But, like, you know, you turn on a YouTube cartoon for a nine year old, it's better than that than what you hear there. And so and so, like but it's I don't know. It's just it's very disappointing to put. I don't know.
I don't really know how to explain to you. Like, you guys are getting the really the coolest stuff in the world and you're either using it wrong or disregarding it. And it's upsetting to
some of
who through it.
It's the latter because, like, we grew up with technology, and we don't understand what life is without it. Mhmm. And I think that's, like, a thing for diabetes too is, like, I always catch myself like, ugh, stupid Dexcom. Why is it not connecting? Mhmm.
Why is it telling me I'm 40 and low when I'm not? You know? And it's like, wait. I'm so lucky to even have this Dexcom. I'm so lucky to even have this pump and have this insulin and stuff that I can just, you know, pretty much be, like, I guess you could say, like, hands off.
You know?
Like, I'm
not So injecting myself. You know?
Yeah. But it's hard to remember that.
Pricking my finger.
Yeah. I'd also like to give you some grace back because it's also hard to remember that in the moment. But I you could still there's episodes of this podcast. You could listen to people who used to have to boil their needles to clean them or pee or pee on a test strip to see what their blood sugar was three hours ago, which wasn't helpful to them or using or by the way, I interviewed a woman yesterday yesterday from Zimbabwe whose son just got diagnosed two years ago, and they put him on NPH insulin. So, yeah, you're lucky.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So you're you're lucky, but how do you you know, how do you know you're lucky when you're born in the middle of it? Like like, you're 19 at a time where we're catching rockets with giant metal scissors.
Is that even a is that I don't even know if that's a reference that gets to you. But, like No. Yeah. SpaceX is shooting rockets into the sky, bringing them back to the ground, and catching them with giant metal, like, scissors. I don't know another way to say it.
There's these two metal arms that come out while the rocket comes back down and lands back to where it started and is now reusable. That's insane. Your you you have to have a friend with a Tesla. Right? Have you been have you been in a self driving law has one.
Have you been in a self driving car yet?
No. Oh,
try it. It's amazing. Okay. Like like
I'm scared.
Oh oh, no. Don't be scared. It's amazing, I'm telling you. Okay? But when you grow up in a world where you can get a car in a parking lot and and literally hold down a button and go, here here's what you can do at this point now because I was just in one and saw it the other day.
So now they have AI built into them. You push a button. This little bot pops up. Call it whatever you want. Couldn't possibly care less.
And you say, hey. I think there's a Burger King a few miles from here. I've been to it before. I can't really remember. And it comes back and it goes, oh, yeah.
There's a Burger King at blah blah blah blah. And you go, cool. Can we go to that? I'd like to go to that. And it goes, sure.
And then it's in your nav. And then he pushed we didn't go to Burger King, but this is the point I'm making. Then he reached out, pushed a button on on on on an iPad in his car, basically. And then without touching the pedals or the steering wheel, it drove us there and parked the car at the at the place.
That was crazy.
That was it. Stoplights, left turns, right turns, everything you think that it doesn't do, it does. And and when you say it out loud, people go, I don't want my car to drive itself. Are you out of your mind? Like, this is the look what look what look what we have done.
And then and everybody acts like it's stupid. And listen. I know AI uses a bunch of electricity and it shouldn't and we gotta fix all that. And I'm not saying anything about all that. Yeah.
I I hear you. I'm with you. It's gonna put people out of work. I'm there. But I'm a I'm a single I'm a creator.
I make a thing completely by myself. I don't have a huge budget. I can sit down at a prompt, write something out, and get something back that looks like a goddamn photograph in thirty seconds. And and that wasn't true a year and a half ago.
That is true. AI is so new. It's crazy to think about.
Yeah. How fast it's moving or how you're gonna Mhmm. How about the lady yesterday from Zimbabwe? Again, lovely woman, by the way. Hope you check the episode out when it comes out.
Talking about let me find this for you. You you now have the longest two part episode ever, and we're getting to the point now where the editor is like, you gotta stop, Scott. But but, Rob, I'm having a good time. We're just gonna do it on this one. Okay, buddy?
I don't know the first thing about Zimbabwe. I just wanna be pretty clear about that. Okay? And she's talking about that they gave her kid Miles per hour and a fast acting insulin and nothing else. They didn't even tell her what to do with it.
Like, she had to figure the whole thing out by herself. That's how a lady from Zimbabwe finds the juice box podcast made in New Jersey. Okay? So she's talking about how some of the meals are difficult because nothing's packaged, so there's not a lot of, like, you know, not not a lot of carb counts to go off of and stuff like that. So while she's talking, I go to one of my I at this point, have Gemini, ChatGPT, and Claude.
I like Claude for one thing. I like ChatGPT for another. I'm starting to not like Gemini much, if I'm being honest. And I, I said all I said was list five common meals in Zimbabwe. It gave me five.
I picked number one while she was talking and said to it, can you give me a nutritional breakdown for sazda or sazza? I need fat, protein, and carbs. So, anyway, it's off to the side, and she and I are chatting. And, eventually, we get back to it. I say, hey.
Do you do you eat the tadza? She goes, oh, I love tadza. We eat it all the time. I'm like, oh, cool. By the way, thick maize meal porridge usually eaten with meat, vegetables, beans, gravy, or sour milk.
Who knew? Okay. And then she started talking about, oh, how difficult it is the bolus for. And I said, well, how many carbs do you think's in it? She's like, I don't really know.
And I said, oh, well, the Internet says that a 100 grams cooked with 20 to 45 carbs has two to five grams of fat or protein in it and less than a gram of fat. So a medium serving would be about this many carbs. Then she thought about how, how much insulin she was giving her son for. But her son also has an a one c in, the eights or the nine. So she's probably not using enough insulin, but she doesn't know yet.
She's still figuring it out. Right? So then I said, well, what's your son's insulin to carb ratio? She doesn't know that. So then I opened up my website and I went to a settings page that I made with AI, by the way, and helped her figure out what her kid's settings work should be.
Mhmm. And then as we're talking, she goes, I use ChatGPT for everything. Why did I not think to use it for this? And I was like, I don't know, but you can. And she's and and by the time we got done, she was like, lift it up.
She was like, oh my god. This is amazing. I guarantee because the lady's putting a ton of effort in. I guarantee that kid gets an a one c in the sixes next time she checks. Like, because she just wasn't she just didn't know enough about the food to impact it.
That was it.
I think that's, like, a huge thing, though. Like, with chronic illnesses is that there's so much, like people are so misinformed.
No. Of course.
And even people who have it. You know? Mhmm. Like, me, example, like, I left the hospital, and I did not know how to carb count at all. They gave me, like, a pamphlet.
I didn't know I didn't know about fat or protein or fiber.
I didn't
know about any of that. I learned that through your podcast.
Right. No. I know. Like It's it I put up a review the other day, which by way, no one will read, but that's fine. Where where where the reviewer says, like, I mean, honestly, we're talking for some really, I do feel like we're girlfriends now.
I just wanna say that. I'm gonna tell my daughter about this later, and she's gonna be like, you are so embarrassing. Invaluable. I don't care how corny it sounds. Juicebox podcast literally saved my sanity and my son's health.
Our medical team provided no additional information besides basic brochures about type one. I had to take the initiative to join a Facebook group and started listening to this podcast. I have never listened to any podcast before, but thankfully learned about Juice Box podcast pretty early on. I can't say enough good things about all the information I have learned here. The bowl beginning series was the perfect starting point, blah blah blah blah blah.
And then I'm gonna put out content to try to get reach people with that. And the first comment underneath of it's gonna be like, stop using AI. And I wanna wanna come to your house and murder you because the lady in Zimbabwe needs help. So shut up. That's I I wanna I'm not upset, Bella.
I'm there is a little fat 12 year old who bought a computer that didn't work who is looking at all this and wants to tell you all, you do not realize how lucky you are. This all works as well. And and he just he's so disappointed in you for saying things like, oh, the picture had six fingers. Yeah. That was a week ago.
They fixed that. Wait till you see what happens next. You you you know what I mean? Wait till you like, listen. I don't have the expertise or the know how, but I guarantee you that one day someone will mind my podcast and turn it into a diabetes doctor.
And there are people who hear that and go, my god. It's so scary. Up. The cars drive themselves. Give yourself up to it.
It works. Okay? Like like, it's it's by the time a couple more generations of this thing roll around, I'm gonna guess 2027 is my guess. You're literally gonna be able to go to a prompt, ask the prompt anything about your diabetes, and it's gonna give you the right answer.
Yeah.
Yeah. So, it's up to you. You can you can be a Luddite or be scared or cry about the electricity or whatever it is you're gonna do or you can live healthy. It's the same thing with not the same, but very similar GLP medications, I think, are a great example. I was talking to somebody the other day who clearly needs it, and in the end, they said, well, I don't know.
I I feels like cheating. And I I I stopped and I was like, hey. Arden's body doesn't make insulin. And Arden was right there. And I said she was right.
And I said, Arden takes insulin constantly, all day long. Her pump's giving it to her all the time. She goes, yeah. I said, is Arden cheating? And she goes, I see what you're asking me.
And I went, okay. Is she? Because her body doesn't do something, and so she's taking a liquid that was made by a pharmaceutical company. Is she cheating? Should she just die?
And the person goes, no. Of course not. I said, then why is it you need to be forty pounds overweight and have PCOS and all these other problems you're having? Why not just take a little liquid and have that all go away? And there's a long pause, and I was like, cheating what?
Cheating what? What are you cheating? And she couldn't she couldn't answer it. And I was like, right. I said, so I don't understand what you're saying to me right now.
What is it you feel like you're cheating? And she goes, I don't know. And I went, good. Good answer. Stop worrying about it.
I was I was and I feel the same way about this technology and this stuff like this. Like Yeah. You know, it's things are moving forward really fast. There's things out there that can help you. You should let them help you.
Some as crazy as it sounds, I've been doing this a long time, someone's going to go online six months from now and tell me they can't stop singing the oatmeal song. And their kids bowl is sing for oatmeal now. And there'll be a lot of people out there that'll shit on me for it, and I'm gonna sit here very quietly happy knowing that that kid went to school with a 110 blood sugar and didn't spike up before lunch. And I don't care what you think. Yeah.
You know what I mean? So when I the thing that helped you, when I started doing it, people yelled at me about that too. Don't tell people how you manage your daughter's diabetes. It's dangerous. How do you think of what I said, Bella?
Are you happy about it?
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't yeah.
Been pretty good for you, hasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, anyway, I don't know what I'm saying anymore.
We're just really talking for a long time. So I'm gonna stop now. Go ahead. Anything you wanna say,
finish up? To say. No. Anything the one thing that I do have to say, and this is just my 2¢. I'm not as a dietetic student, as someone who is learning about this and stuff, I think the only the one thing that weight loss medication can do
Mhmm.
Or doesn't do for a person, which I don't know much about them. Honestly, I I have not done my research.
GLPs, the Food System, and 'Cheating Who?'2:22:16
Well, that shouldn't stop you from talking about it. Go ahead.
But I think that a lot of people who are extremely, like, you know, like, really need it, they take it and then they don't learn the healthy habits to, like, actually help your body. You know? Like, they'll do it, but, like, don't change their lifestyle. Like, I think it is very dangerous in a way because it like, you're relying on the medication, which is like, I understand, obviously, because I'm a type one diabetic, but, like, there are other ways to like, I don't know. You know?
Like,
I what know. You're saying. Can I can I answer back?
Yeah. Yeah.
There's two options here. Either you're right and it would work or you're right and they're not gonna do it. Or they're right and they'll do it and it doesn't work.
Right.
What does it matter?
Yeah.
If if let's say let's say that you're right, and I believe you are, that that there is a food system in place that is feeding all of us a lot of food that is not very good for us, that our bodies are shifting in scary ways. There's way more autoimmune issues, way more weight gain, a lot more type two diabetes, a lot more fatty liver disease, a lot more heart attacks. All this stuff is happening.
Mhmm.
The answer is go for a walk, go for a run, and don't eat like that. 100% right. But for reasons that we don't even have to talk about right now, obviously, large part of the population suffers with something in their life that stops them from doing that, whether it's lack of willpower, lack of money, lack of time, lack of something. It's not getting done. Yeah.
Right? Would you not rather live in a world where everybody shot something into their ass once a year or once a day or once a week or once a however long, but they were healthy and didn't have to worry about that? Or do you wanna live in a world where you tell people, well, if you just did the right thing, this might work out for you? Which sounds better than I know. Don't trust me.
I'm full of good points. But but this is the, this is the that's my you haven't been alive long enough. Like, you're you're not wrong. Okay? But when some bro podcaster says to you, just do the work.
Just remember that they make $5,000,000 a year and they work out all day long.
Okay. That is one thing. That is a topic that I'm very, very passionate about.
Tell me about it.
These, like, influencers, these, like which is great. Good for them. If I was getting paid all this money to just their job is to work out.
Mhmm.
It is so unrealistic for people who are moms, who work nine to five, who all of this. And not to say that there aren't influencers out there who are
I'm sure there are.
All of this and still you know? But, like, when you compare yourself to an influencer whose only job is to train for this marathon and train for this high rocks and do all this, And you're like, dang. Like, why don't I look like that? Or why aren't I as motivated as them? Because that's their job.
Mhmm. They're not going to a nine and five like you were coming home to three kids or, you know, like, going to the hospital to see their mom. You know? Like
Expand that out. Imagine a 35 year old woman with two kids who heard you just say what you said. You know what she thought? Oh, sure. She's 19.
Her ass looks fantastic, and she doesn't have to do anything. She know she doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. Like, like so, like, it's it's different perspectives. Right? And and you're and I agree with you a 100.
Like, I I don't think it's wrong to say that if people ate better and took supplements and exercised correctly and blah I'm saying that's not happening. So we can either stand around and talk about how it should be or we can do something about how it actually is. Maybe here. I'll expand it out longer. What if I said this a couple of years ago on the podcast.
I stand by it. I said, I think they might maybe should spray this GLP out of a plane onto all of us. Because imagine if a generation of young parents were thinner, in better shape, ate better, ate less, taught their children to eat that way, and then another generation of people learned to do that. Isn't it not possible that by the time that those people's kids had kids that all of this would be fixed? Because right now
That's the thing though. Would they wanna fix it because it's such a
Well, they probably would.
Popular industry.
Well, I I don't I I would
It's money making.
Right? If people didn't sell that food for two generations, then most of this money wouldn't get made through food anymore. So the way we got here, which is slow see, you know what? You don't know. Here.
I'll I'll give it to you in one simple idea. Okay. In 1976, when I was five years old, in my refrigerator was always a one gallon Tupperware container, and it was always full of juice or lemonade. And that juice or lemonade was made by these powder that my mom would put eight scoops of into the thing, mix up with a little bit of hot water till it dissolved, then filled it up with some cold water through some ice in it, that's what we drank. And we drank gallons and gallons and gallons of that every week of sugar water.
My mom had no idea it wasn't good for us.
Mhmm.
Because on the front of it, it said made with real fruit juice. Right. And when I was hungry, my mom would take two pieces of Wonder Bread, slop two tablespoons of butter on it, throw in six pieces of Velveeta cheese, melt it in a pan, and give it to me, and tell me, here, it's lunch. Mom, can I have something with it? Sure.
Here's some potato chips. My mom didn't think anything of that. She didn't think she was making me fat. She was. Mhmm.
She didn't think she was teaching my body to crave carbs and sugar. She was. Like like so she didn't know what was happening because she came out of a generation where all food was good food. And then their lives got faster, so then all food got easier and more processed. But they didn't think of it as ease they didn't think of it as processed.
They thought of it as easier. Oh, our lives are my life is quicker than my mom's was. I work. My mom didn't work. I don't have time to cook.
I'll use this hungry man meal to feed everybody tonight. Right? It's got Salisbury steak in it. You ever had Salisbury steak? You should have one one time.
It's not very good. And, it has whipped potatoes in it. Does it? If you ever see a frozen dinner, you should look hard at it. We used to get them once a week.
We also used to get macaroni and cheese and grilled cheese and all this crappy food, and we would wash it down with sugar water. And that's a whole generation of my mom who, if you look back at her pictures when she was younger, was thin and in shape until she got older and the seventies came and the processed food came, and then she gained weight and then she made us fat and then I had kids. And I was on my way to making them fat before I stopped myself and said, oh my god. I don't know the first thing about food. I've talked about it on the podcast before.
I eventually, as a young person, as a young father, would just follow fit people around the grocery store to see what they were buying because I didn't even know how to buy food that wasn't gonna make me fat. Mhmm. Right? And so
Do you think that the the main issue is the lack of education?
Yeah. Of course. But it's not that easy to educate. Educating people doesn't make them change. Time makes them change.
Right. Yeah. Right.
Time and and But, like You learn the same way you get parented by it's modeling. You do what you see happen. You think you have free will. You are just doing the thing that your parents did in front of you. That's all.
I'm gonna guess your parents are decent people, and that's why you're a decent person. And you're just modeling what you see with them. And so, like, you yeah. You model the way they eat. You model the way they are, the way they act, blah blah blah.
You will probably do it slightly different than them because the world around you will change. And you will model that and you will have kids and they will copy you. And that's how eating works too. And so you can't so I so listen. Here's a great example using you.
If I walked up to you right now, let's say I had a I I got a I got I got a card in the mail from, the the the leader of the universe. Turns out there's no god, Bella. Okay? And I can prove it and I can prove it. I come to you and I go, Bella, hey.
I need to educate you. You said you're religious, but there's no god. Why don't you just stop thinking what you think right now? You won't do that. Mhmm.
Okay? And it's the same with the eating or with technology or whatever else. We are not as autonomous as you think we are. We are running we are programmed to do something, and we are doing it. And so I think that a problem this big, like food insecurity, processed food, lack of money to buy good food, lack of knowledge about how to cook it, lack of time of how to cook it, lack of desire to cook it in a world where somebody will bring you boba tea in their car if you pick up an app on your phone.
Right? And I know and I know you laugh because you've had some poor man bring you boba tea at your house. Okay? And, like and so, like, I know when that's the world you live in, just telling somebody to go for a run isn't gonna fix it. So maybe we've made it so bad now that these medications, these peptides are the only thing that's gonna fix it.
And my point is is that if you spread it on everybody, not that you can force it on people, but if if if you were made it available to the general public at at cost, I think you would lower health care costs. I think you would lower companies' abilities to make profits off of processed food. And I think in a couple of generations, it would be a different place. And I think that's what's going to happen. It's gonna happen because of capitalism.
Right? Because because the pharma companies are gonna wanna make their money off of this. They're going to. Right. I heard a a guy the other day.
I don't know if he's an economist or not. And he said, you're all excited about AI. You should be excited about GLP ones. He's like, that's what's gonna change the economy in the world. And and then he said, I think that the government should make them free to households that make under $60,000 a year who need it, and that'll fix the health care system.
And when he said that, I thought, I said that shit three years ago on my podcast. I was like, damn it. I wonder if anybody heard it when I said it. And so, and I feel like I was ahead of the curve on that. I also think this is a pretty reasonable well thought out person.
I don't and it's not gonna happen for good reasons. You don't understand because you're young about how the world works. It's gonna happen for money, you know, because people No.
I
that part, you know. Yeah. Yeah. So it'll happen. You eventually will know fewer people who aren't on a GLP and medication than who are.
Mhmm.
And I think that'll happen in the next five years. And then we're gonna see. We're gonna see if your kid grows up with a better idea of food or not. I'm not telling you I'm it's alright. I'm not saying this is how it all should've worked out.
I'm just telling you I think this is how it's going. So you know what I mean? Like, I'm not making a value judgment about it. I'm just saying this is it. Very often, nothing goes the way it's supposed to.
It's true.
Something starts
And I earlier, I did not come across as or I did not mean to come across as like
You didn't. Don't worry.
The fact that yeah. Yeah.
You didn't.
Because I I do understand, like, the I think it is very unfair that the lower or the cheaper food is the food that is what is making you
It's what the
hospital bills.
Right. Right. It's it's listen. It's not because every everybody would love a steak from 1950. I don't think one exists anymore.
And you know what I mean? And and Mhmm. But Jesus. And people with type one diabetes are even more disadvantaged because you don't have that thing anymore that tells you you're not hungry to the same degree. By the way, you're Oh my gosh.
Yeah. Your pancreas does other stuff besides make insulin. So Yeah. And so, like, you know, so there you are, and then you get low, eat some crappy sugar because that's what you need to save yourself. Then your body's like, oh, sugar.
Then you have a sugar crash. You want more. Your blood sugar's going up and down. You're eating when you don't wanna eat. Like, that's that's also happening to people who don't have type one diabetes now.
Right? They're and that's why you see so many people wearing CGMs who don't have diabetes to track their blood sugar because their blood sugars are spiking. And when your blood sugar spikes, your insulin dumps, and then you're hungry again. And insulin help you know, is part of the reason. That that's why I, don't have type one diabetes, lose weight on a GOP medication because it's slowing down my digestion.
It's slowing down my need for insulin, and I lose weight. That's Right. It, really. I eat less. My digestion's slower.
I use less insulin. Because of that, my body is able to process itself better and lose weight. I also think I have some sort of an issue, with inflammation that's helping with too. But not the point. Point being, it's I it I think it's magic.
And I think we're just in the beginning of it, and some people get it who have used it. The people who haven't used it say, you're cheating. And five years from now, I think everybody will be on board. And I'll I'll be the one running around saying, I was fucking telling you that, and you weren't listening to me. You made fun me because I took That's right.
That's right. Three years ago, I started talking about GLPs on here. I got a lot of crap online for it. But I was like, I saw what I saw, and I was like, this is trust me. This is gonna be something, like, for real.
It's gonna help people in ways you don't even understand yet, and now it's happening. Fatty liver disease, heart attacks going down. They're starting to use it for people with, like, obsessive issues and, gambling addiction.
Like, binge eating?
Binge eating. All kinds of stuff. Yeah. And and, again, cheating who? Who you who do you care?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Alright. Bella, I wanna thank you because
You're welcome.
This is how I usually I've never made a podcast this long before, but this is how I would do it if editing wasn't expensive. I like having really long conversations like this. I think the really interesting stuff comes in the second hour. You know we've been talking for two and two and a half hours?
Yeah. I was actually looking at the time.
Like, that's crazy. Yeah. And it was easy because you're 19 and you're out of school right now, you don't have anywhere to be. So I Right. I which is also another reason I couldn't usually do it.
But if I had my way, the podcast would be long like this a lot more often. So what I'm gonna end up doing is when I'm gonna say goodbye to you and thank you. And I'm gonna leave a little voice note for the editor, and I'm gonna say to him, look, man. Sorry. I said the word a bunch of times.
I'm actually gonna run it through AI, find all the times I said it, give it to him so he doesn't have to listen through three hours to to edit it correctly. And I'm gonna tell him not to edit it for pacing. Let this conversation play just as it was recorded. Just go ahead and edit out those f bombs, throw in the ads, and we're all done. And I bet you this will be popular.
It's just not a thing. Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do. So Okay. Alright.
I I would love to make three hour podcasts.
Yeah. It was fun. I'm I'm a big chatter too.
So You're awesome.
You got the right person.
No. No. You're fantastic. I had such a good time. I I I and I also think if I can step back for a second, you just listen to a conversation between a guy who's about to be 55 and a girl who's 19.
And I think we related to each other just fine. Yeah. Right? Because we have something in common and it's I think I just think that there's an opportunity to talk to people all different, ages, you know, all different backgrounds, and some pretty interesting stuff can come out of it. You learn something, I learned something, I complained a little, you complained a little.
I think it's a good thing. So we'll see what happens. See if I'm right.
Yeah.
See what people say to me. Bella, you are fantastic. I'm gonna use your title. What did
you You're delicious?
No. Now I'm gonna use the other thing you used. Well, I'm gonna use that you you what did you say? What was your teacher?
Media would be social media would be more informative if it became less performative.
Informative, not performative. That's what this episode's called. And by the way, it's going out in one solid episode, two and a half hours long. Informative, not performative. US Med sponsored this episode of the Juice Box podcast.
Check them out at usmed.com/juicebox or by calling (888) 721-1514. Get your free benefits checked, and get started today with US Med. This episode of the Juice Box podcast is sponsored by Omnipod five. Omnipod five is a tube free automated insulin delivery system that's been shown to significantly improve a one c and time and range for people with type one diabetes when they've switched from daily injections. Learn more and get started today at omnipod.com/juicebox.
At my link, you can get a free starter kit right now. Terms and conditions apply. Eligibility may vary. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox. Okay.
So if you've made it this far, I'm gonna think you enjoyed yourself. I'm gonna ask you a couple of questions. If you're in the private Facebook group, can you go make a post and answer them for me? If not, I understand. Unless you wanna send out an email.
Did you enjoy it being this long? Would you like to hear more content of this length, of a more free flowing conversational nature? Do you hate it? Like, you listen, but you hate it. I'd I'd wanna know that too.
Scott, never do that again. I hated it. Do you think we should have on more modern hip people, like the younger people, the generation of now, if you understand what I'm saying? And anything else you'd like to let me know about? Actually, it doesn't even have to be about this.
You could hop on to the private Facebook group, put up a post, say, hey. I would love to talk to you. Anyway, thank you so much for listening. I'll be back soon with another episode of the Juice Box podcast. I'd, maybe take a second here to thank you since we're here and, I mean, you clearly have nothing else to do.
Anyway, that's not a judgment. I just really appreciate listening to this. We just did some numbers. And by we, I mean me, recently about the podcast, and I was wondering if you'd be interested. The podcast has, at one time or another, been number one in 58 countries.
It's been, progress. It's been in production. I'm not editing that out in case you're wondering. It's been in production for twelve years. This is the twelfth season.
We've never taken a season off. There has been an episode every week since January 2015. You are listening, I think, to episode 19 let me take a look. Yeah. 1901.
That's pretty crazy. And the private community and the public community on Facebook has over 100,000 active participants. Podcast has been downloaded well over 21, almost 22,000,000 times. It has, let's see, been number six in The United States. That was its highest ranking in The United States.
Highest ever in Canada, four. United Kingdom, six. Ireland, two. France, five. Germany, seven.
Italy, four. Netherlands, four. Spain, six. Sweden, six. Australia, three.
New New Zealand, three. India, five. Japan, seven. Singapore, number one. Hong Kong, number two.
China, number 13. And it, of course, has charted in 58 other countries along the way. That's just going back into 2019. I actually can't track the data back past them. If you have had anything to do with the success of this podcast, I owe you a personal thank you.
I don't know how to find you, but if I if I could find you, I'd shake your hand. I'd probably give you a hug if you were okay with it, and I would say thank you. Twelve years, no time off. Here's a couple things you don't know about podcasts. Something fell in the room.
Don't even care. Most shows are a handful of episodes, and they go out into a feed, and the feed goes quiet. This one's been published without a break now for twelve years. 90% of podcasts never reach a fourth episode. One in 10 podcasts is even active right now.
This one has been, of course, every day for twelve years. That means for every 10 podcasts that have been created, only one of them persists and persists past its fourth episode. Having 1,900 episodes is roughly 60 times the output that an a show that is already in the top 1% for staying power in podcasting has. 60 times as prolific as other incredibly popular podcasts. You guys listen every day.
It means the world to me. Again, thank you so much. If you're if you listen this long and you're not subscribed, I mean, please hit the subscribe button. But, moreover, if you've been listening this long, please share the podcast with somebody else because we'd like to go for twelve more years if we could. And when I say we, I mean me and my assistant, Claude.
He and I are having a good time.
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