#1514 I Can Be Audacious
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Kristen, 36, is a mom navigating anxiety and control while raising her 10‑year‑old son with type 1, diagnosed the same week the world shut down in 2020.
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Scott Benner 0:00
Here we are back together again, friends for another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.
Kirsten is the mother of a child with type one diabetes. She has some anxiety and control issues. We talk about them today. Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan or becoming bold with insulin. Don't forget to save 40% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com All you have to do is use the offer code juice box at checkout. That's Juicebox at checkout to save 40% at cozy earth.com. AG, one is offering my listeners a free $76 gift. When you sign up, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of d3, k2, and five free travel packs in your first box. So make sure you check out drink ag one.com/juicebox to get this offer. If your loved one is newly diagnosed with type one diabetes and you're seeking a clear, practical perspective, check out the bold beginning series on the Juicebox Podcast. It's hosted by myself and Jenny Smith, an experienced diabetes educator with over 35 years of personal insight into type one. Our series cuts through the medical jargon and delivers straightforward answers to your most pressing questions. You'll gain insight from real patients and caregivers and find practical advice to help you confidently navigate life with type one. You can start your journey informed and empowered with the Juicebox Podcast, the bold beginning series and all of the collections in the Juicebox Podcast are available in your audio app and at Juicebox podcast.com, in the menu. US med is sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast, and we've been getting our diabetes supplies from us med for years. You can as well us med.com/juice, box, or call 888-721-1514, use the link or the number. Get your free benefits. Check and get started today with us. Med, this episode of the juice box podcast is sponsored by the Omnipod five. Learn more and get started today at Omnipod com slash juice box. Check it out. I
Kristen 2:22
am Kirsten Santos. I am 36 years old. I've been married to my husband almost 14 years this year, we have a 10 year old son who is a type one diabetic, and he was diagnosed no lie, the week the world shut down, in March of 2020, we were in the hospital when they started shutting everything down. Wow, crazy.
Scott Benner 2:49
Good times. Did you make it into the hospital where they would still let you and your husband in at the same time?
Kristen 2:54
Yeah. I mean, it was, obviously, it was, like, on everybody's minds, what's going on, what's happening, but the way that I figured out that that was going on with him was an even crazier story, because we don't have this in our family. My husband, he's got a cousin who's got a son that has it, but it's that's like a distant, sort of distant relation, so there's no history of it, and our family other than that. And it was like a flip of a switch. It was the weirdest thing. He was five in that January, he started eating more, becoming more thirsty. You know, your typical signs. But you know, as a mom of a young kid, he's, he's my only one, all I could think was maybe this is some kind of weird growth spurt. So one day, I picked him up from school, and he had been wetting the bed every night that week, multiple times getting up multiple times to go to the bathroom, and then the night before, seven times he got up. And I'm like, This is not normal. This is like, something's wrong. And my husband, he's like, No, it's I'm sure it's fine. And, you know, of course, what do moms do? We Google, we Google. And I Googled, and that was the first thing that came up. And he says, There's no way that that's what's going on. And I, I'm thinking, No, it's there's got to be something else. There's got to be some other crazy, simple explanation.
Scott Benner 4:14
Google doesn't know about you did something that everyone does. Yeah, I'm just going to point it out today. You said, there's no history of this in our family. And I thought to say, oh, there is, now and then you said, except for my somebody's cousin son. And I'm thinking, I know that's not how people think of family history, but that's in your family like that makes sense to me. You know what I mean? So anyway, also I want to tell you, and this gives you a chance, in the beginning to relax and get settled that last night, I had a dream that I was peeing in my closet. I opened my eyes and I was like, I gotta go the bathroom. And I got up and I went to but in the just want to be clear the dream, the dream I. I was standing in my closet peeing, like, viciously, like, like a fire hose, like, it was, it was, it was comical. Goodness, I couldn't stop peeing, but I kept reaching out and trying to move my wife's clothing so it wouldn't get messed up.
Kristen 5:12
It's like, I don't want to get in trouble for this, so at least I'm gonna sort of prioritize her in this moment. So
Scott Benner 5:18
I'm like, in the bathroom, in the dark, in the middle of the night, now, going to the bathroom, and I'm thinking like, I'm scared of being married in my dreams, and I've been mad, and I've been married for three decades, three decades, and I still in my dream, was like, Oh, I can't pee on Kelly's stuff. Do you think when people are listening, that they think, you know, every once in a while, Scott, if you just stopped and said, I'm so sorry that happened to you and your family and your son, it doesn't occur to me to to, like, turn these into like, pity sessions, you know what? I mean, like, but I am like, it sucks, you know?
Kristen 5:53
Well, yeah, but at the same time it's, I mean, in the moment it sucked, you know. And still, sometimes it sucks, because it just sucks to suck. You know, you just kind of learn to adapt, and then it just becomes, like, the ugly step child. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know, like, if that's awful to say, but that's just only for step children. Nothing that step children are ugly because they're not. Let's
Scott Benner 6:18
choose it up a little and say red headed step child, and then that way we can offend two groups of people, right? No, but I understand. It's sort of like off on it the corner, it's there. It exists. But it doesn't feel like it's, oh god, this is horrible for step children. It doesn't feel like it's part of the core of what's happening anymore, right?
Kristen 6:36
And, but, and that first, like, year, because, I mean, the whole everything shut down. So it's like, that's all we did, you know, like everybody else was binge watching Netflix, and, you know, gaining 75 pounds. And here we are trying to keep our kid alive. If it had to happen, God forbid, it had to happen. But if it had to happen, that was probably the best time, because we were both home, my husband and I to just learn this new life. But, you know, it just, it was just, it was just crazy, just how it all happened. Because one day, everything's normal. And I say, you know, we're given seven, eight injections every day, and it's just, you know, to it to a kid who is terrified of needles, you know? And so it's, it was just, it was a huge growing experience for for all of us, and it
Scott Benner 7:19
saved you from the tiger King. So that's pretty great. It did not. Oh, Jesus, sorry, it
Kristen 7:24
did not. It it did not. No, no, it did not save us from the tiger King. No, we've, we've broadened our horizons when it comes to different things that we watch. And Tiger King was one of the ones that we, uh, watched to uh, entertain ourselves during that, gosh,
Scott Benner 7:41
I watched so many different, so many different television shows that I don't believe I would have watched otherwise, and some of them were awesome. Yeah, but sure, yeah. Okay, so let's just go down this road for a half a second Kristen before we move on. I've investigated the etymology of red headed step child, and it's okay, obviously, originated in American colloquial speech, possibly in the 20th century. 20th Century, with negative associations linked to red hair and of the concept of step children being neglected. Oh, yeah. No, hold on. There's anti red hair sentiments and notions that step children's receive less than favorable than biological ones. Geez. This is terrible. This is probably a colloquialism we shouldn't use anymore. It
Kristen 8:22
probably is not no. And the second I said, I'm thinking, You know what? I
Scott Benner 8:26
heard it in your voice. You're like, I could have said something else. I could have said something else. Yes,
Kristen 8:30
I could have, yeah, yeah. When you, when you're when you are brought up, and you just, you grow up around these sayings, and you're just so used to inserting them in conversations. And then it's like, wow, um, I'm not
Scott Benner 8:41
policing you don't worry. I was just thinking we could figure out where it came from. But yeah, doesn't look like it. It's not giving me much more anyway. So
Kristen 8:50
we're not now. We're educating everyone that this is probably not something we should say
Scott Benner 8:53
going forward. I would not say it if I was them, unless, well, no, let's see. I'm older Kristen, so I was gonna say, unless there's no redheads or step children around that, it's probably it's funny because it is just a colloquialism. It makes a point. You know what I mean? Like as you hear it and you understand what somebody means immediately. It is very unfair to the people who are called out in it. So, right. Anyway, moving on. So the kid gets the type one. Let's go back to the idea that during COVID, having time to focus on it was important, because I think there's a there's a good threat in there, so So you're all home able to focus on it. What is it that that time gave you? My daughter is 20 years old. I can't even believe it. She was diagnosed with type one diabetes when she was two, and she put her first insulin pump on when she was four. That insulin pump was an Omnipod, and it's been an Omnipod every day since then. That's 16 straight years of wearing Omnipod. It's been a friend to us, and I believe it could be a friend to you, Omnipod. Dot com slash juice box, whether you get the Omnipod dash or the automation that's available with the Omnipod five, you are going to enjoy tubeless insulin pumping. You're going to be able to jump into a shower or a pool or a bath tub without taking off your pump. That's right, you will not have to disconnect to bathe with an Omnipod. You also won't have to disconnect to play a sport or to do anything where a regular tube pump has to come off. Arden has been wearing an Omnipod for 16 years. She knows other people that wear different pumps, and she has never once asked the question, should I be trying a different pump? Never once omnipod.com/juicebox get a pump that you'll be happy with forever. I used to hate ordering my daughter's diabetes supplies. I never had a good experience, and it was frustrating. But it hasn't been that way for a while, actually, for about three years now, because that's how long we've been using us Med, usmed.com. Med.com/juice, box, or call 888-721-1514, us, med is the number one distributor for FreeStyle Libre systems nationwide. They are the number one specialty distributor for Omnipod dash, the number one fastest growing tandem distributor nationwide, the number one rated distributor in Dexcom customer satisfaction surveys. They have served over 1 million people with diabetes since 1996 and they always provide 90 days worth of supplies and fast and free shipping us med carries everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGM like the libre three and Dexcom g7 they accept Medicare nationwide and over 800 private insurers find out why us med has an A plus rating with a better business bureau At US med.com/juice, box, or just call them at 888-721-1514, get started right now, and you'll be getting your supplies the same way we do. It was a benefit and a curse. Tell me how it
Kristen 12:11
was a benefit, because I don't like change, you know, and so I had to basically redefine my definition of motherhood, you know, here I go from someone who is protecting and, you know, sheltering and you know, nurturing, to someone who's inflicting pain and who's, you know, holding down a child who doesn't understand and is screaming at the top of his lungs and he's saying, Mommy, like, Why are you hurting me? Don't do it anymore. And all these things are like it's all going against everything I believe as a mom, and so I had to go into a room separately to then address myself and say, You're doing this for his benefit. It's it's not hurting him, it's helping him. And I, you know, and having this separate conversation with myself,
Scott Benner 12:58
How old was he? Again, remind me five? Okay, yeah, geez, no. It sucks. He said those words, why are you hurting me? Yes, yes, awesome. Do you respond? Yeah,
Kristen 13:11
my response really was to get through it at first to then address that later. You know, you spend three days in the hospital. They give you all of this, all this stuff, and then it's like, All right, good luck. And you go home, and I remember, like, the first day we got home and we checked his blood sugar. It was 239 and I'm like, Oh my God, what do we do? What do we do? What do we do? I'm looking at my husband. I'm like, I don't, I don't remember. I don't remember anything. Like, I don't know. I know nothing, yeah, what do we do? And he said, just call the Endo. So I called the Endo. She's like, it's fine. This is what you'll do, follow the paper. And I'm like, Oh my God.
Scott Benner 13:44
I called the endo the night we left the hospital at, like, it could have been, like, three or five in the morning. I literally called her cell phone and said this, like, guys, like, here's the number. I don't know what to do. Yeah,
Kristen 13:58
yeah. It's like, it's like, you have so much being pushed into your brain. You're expected to remember it. Now they, you know, they say remember it, but then they also say you're gonna have questions. So it's like, there's almost like a hit in there, saying you're never gonna, you're not gonna remember all this. You're gonna be calling us like 24/7 and that's okay, yeah. But me being the independent person that I am and the perfectionist that I am, I'm like, I don't want to call them 6000 times. I want to get this right the first time. And so that was kind of like, going back to the original thought of COVID is, you know, here we have, like, this nine month time where we can figure it out and, you know, in my mind, get it right, you know, once we get it right, it'll be fine. It'll you know, and that's just my naive a misunderstanding of what diabetes really was at the time. Like, I
Scott Benner 14:46
just got to move a couple of pieces around. This is all going to be okay, yeah? And it'll be fine. Everything's gonna go
Kristen 14:51
back to normal, you know, lo and behold, obviously, not. But, you know, us being home, it the house got very small very quickly, yeah, which I'm sure did. For everybody else, but it's almost like this elephant in the room that was just there all the time. And, you know, what do we what do we do? How do we do this? You know, who's holding them down this time, and who's who's wiping the tears away and who's grabbing the band aid and, you know? And so my husband and I, we just, really just had to hunker down and focus and figure out, you know, our new routine and our method, and that time gave us the chance to do that, but at the same time, it also grew the monster in me that is the perfectionist, and it's I still to this day, I and I'm not I know I'm not the only one I have sugar may up on my phone all the time when I'm at work, when I'm laying in bed, when I'm as I am a full time college student do? How long
Scott Benner 15:42
has it been now since the diagnosis, five years and you're still staring at the numbers? Are you still still staring at the numbers? Yes, I'd like to dig in a little more. So let me work backwards. What's his time and range as a 1c that kind of stuff like present day, present
Kristen 15:57
day time and range. You know, we're gonna say it's 81% 82% okay?
Scott Benner 16:04
And is a one sees what? Like 6264,
Kristen 16:08
this last one. Yeah, he's gone through a couple growth spurts that have made his sugar a little more resistant.
Scott Benner 16:14
It's still awesome. That's a great a one thing. And then so my question is, is, why are you staring all the time? Like, are you constantly fiddling with it, or are you, is it anxiety?
Kristen 16:23
It's probably both. It's the need to control it, even though I know it's not controllable 100% it's like this. Lie I tell myself. It's like this. You know, if I'm looking at it, then I have better control over it. It's, it's some kind of like mental thing. I think
Scott Benner 16:40
I thought you're gonna say illness. Were you like this prior? As
Kristen 16:43
far as being controlling, yeah, I guess so. Yes, always, yes. I am a. I am a type A to the core. I have to have everything lined up, because if something catches me by surprise. I come undone. I come unglued. And part of me thinks this is life's way of trying to retrain me and say, Hey, you can't control everything. So you know, here's something that is completely uncontrollable. Kristen,
Scott Benner 17:15
you'll take this well, because I see I see you and I have a good vibe together. What did you use to point you're crazy at before diabetes, my husband was gonna say in my if I was married to you, you'd been in my dream telling me, Don't pee on that. Don't be on that. My husband, yeah, 100% to the point where, so you guys were younger. I know this. It's funny. You said you were married for 14 years, and I thought, Oh, I'm at the part of my life where I thought, oh, that's quaint. So you've been How old are you? Tell me how old you are. I'm 36 All right, so you've been married since you were 2422 22 I was gonna say 22 Why did I stop myself? So since you were 22 and he's your age,
Kristen 17:52
he's a couple years older than me, so he's, he's gonna be 38 so
Scott Benner 17:56
what'd you do? You found a fixer upper. He was almost good, and you had to fix him.
Kristen 18:00
You know what? He came to me and he fixed me. Oh,
Scott Benner 18:03
yeah. Oh, tell me about that. From we're gonna get to how this relates to diabetes, but how to tell me about that, if you will.
Kristen 18:10
So I grew up in church. My dad was in ministry. I've been exposed to that my whole life, and a part of that my whole life. And when you brought up in a Pentecostal upbringing like I was, there's a lot of expectations with that, and I think that played into a lot of my control issues. I think there was just like, a level of expectation and not enough grace. And as an adult, I understand that a lot more, and I try to introduce grace to more people, because, you know, we just, we all screw up all the time, but I think there was just a level of expectation. What's
Scott Benner 18:50
that mean? Like expectation, like Jesus is watching
Kristen 18:53
to always, always be on, always be presenting myself the way that I needed to be because
Scott Benner 18:59
he was the pastor, and people were looking or because God's gonna send you to hell if you don't. No,
Kristen 19:04
not, not that. It was a lot of, you know, we're an example. My because I have a younger sister, my sister and I, you know, were examples that he, he didn't pastor a church. He was just on ministry, like in this, like on staff, okay, part of the ministry. But you know, people were they look to people in ministry for how are their children behaving? Like, what do they do when crisis happens? How do they handle things? And so, you know, I think that it was more of that, rather than like, you know, if you make a mistake, God's gonna send you to hell. Because I never grew up with that connotation.
Scott Benner 19:35
What it was was the congregation is looking to us to be an example, example, right? And an example that probably doesn't really exist in the world, because nobody, nobody's perfect, right? And so you Sorry, Mom, your parents put on you to be perfect, or you felt like you needed to be I felt like I needed to be okay. Are you just protecting your mom now? Or is that true? No, no,
Kristen 19:57
I'm not protecting them or my dad. No, huh? No, it was a pressure I put on myself. And even even now, like having conversations about my childhood, she you know, my mom, she would tell me, she's you would be so much harder on yourself than we would be. She said, You just take something and you take a mistake and you just take it one step or two further to punish yourself, and you just drag it out. She said, You know, I didn't want you to hold on to hold on to that. I don't want you to feel like we put that on you. She said, maybe, maybe we did. I don't know, and if we did, I'm sorry, but I always have a tendency to punish myself way more than I'm being punished or I'm being reprimanded or criticized, because I just had this high expectation of myself. Why? I don't know it's always been that way. So do
Scott Benner 20:41
you have any health issues at all? Like, do you think you're like, you have thyroid or anything like that? I
Kristen 20:48
don't have thyroid. I went through a series, like in high school, where that was depression. Thought it was couple of different things, that I was bipolar. At one point, I would just go through these moods. And turns out it's just anxiety. And so I take, I take medication for it, but finally nailing it down to that. But as far as, like, medical No, I mean, I get migraines, but, I mean, my thyroid is in great shape, and everything else is in great shape. So I don't, I don't know,
Scott Benner 21:16
it took you years to figure out that you just you had anxiety.
Kristen 21:20
Yeah, anxiety wasn't something that people talked about. No, I know when I was growing up, you know what? I mean, like in the night, like in the 90s, nobody, nobody said anything about anxiety, nobody said anything about depression, nobody said anything about any of that. Like, it was taboo to talk about it, especially like in the church, you know? I mean, it's a lot more talked about now, and I think it's important, because a lot of people struggled with it internally. And you can see it in how they are adults now, you know. And so it's like,
Scott Benner 21:45
you think people didn't talk about it when you were young. You should try to go back 20 more years
Kristen 21:49
where, yeah, I bet I can't even imagine. Like, let me tell you,
Scott Benner 21:53
it was super simple. People were stupid, crazy assholes. That was it. Like, that's it. That's just we had people broken up into small categories. That was, that was it? Yeah, it didn't matter. Like, I mean, if somebody would have known back then that you had an issue, they would have just been like, oh, there's something wrong with him, right? Like, that would have been the end of it. No desire to see what was going on with people. Like, nobody was even looking right? I know you. Mean, like you have anxiety as a kid when you were growing up, even then they're going to tell you, Oh, you're depressed, yeah, yeah, for sure. And then, yeah, yeah. So, so you work through that, like, but how does your husband save you from it? Also, let's not give him too much credit, because it doesn't sound like you're all the way there yet. But now does he start moving you in the right direction?
Kristen 22:39
I you know, like, my dad stepped away from Ministry after a while, just because it was he needed to provide for a family. And there's not a whole lot of money in ministry. It's just, it's a very, very low income. Oh,
Scott Benner 22:50
that was a job that wasn't like a thing you volunteered for on the weekends. It can be for some churches. It just depends on the size of the church. But he was making an income from it, but just making
Kristen 23:00
an income. Yeah, he was. And it got to the point where, you know, you got two growing daughters who are learning about fashion and learning about, you know, all these different things that bills need to get played, right? And so it's like, yeah, we gotta, we gotta do something about that. So my dad eventually, ironically, he was a bartender when my parents met. So, right, did you go back to that. No, he went into the restaurant business. Okay, so, you know, he's always good at managing things. He's always, he's great with people, he's great with. And so that's, that's why he did great in ministry, because he's just a great person to be around. And, yeah, very easy going and,
Scott Benner 23:34
like, how to chat people up stuff like that.
Kristen 23:36
Yeah. And so restaurant business was perfect for him, but it's also, you know, long hours. You're talking about 6070, hours a week. And so I never saw my dad, so, you know, hello, boy issues, you know. Oh, okay,
Scott Benner 23:51
so he saved you because you went out with a string of shits. But, yeah, okay,
Kristen 23:56
I got it. I, you know, it's not easy to it's not hard, it's hard to figure out. I mean, it's, it's a common story, you know? It's just like, you know, here's this girl that all these bad relationships because your dad's not around as much as she would like him to be. And, you know, then here comes this guy, you know, and he's beautiful and he's strong and he's confident, and I'm the first girl he ever dated, you know? What? What girl doesn't love that? You know? I
Scott Benner 24:20
mean, Chris is like, I got him before he knew how messed up I was. Basically, yeah, what I did was I tricked him, and by the time he figured it out, it was too late, so he decided to hang around and see if he could help. Is this what happened?
Kristen 24:33
This is a he fell in love and he wasn't ever gonna let go. Yeah, I
Scott Benner 24:37
hear it now. You're making me think maybe Arden has difficulty finding boys she likes because I'm so fantastic. I'm just kidding.
Kristen 24:44
Well, if that's the case, hey, kudos to you, Scott for that. Because keeps them away. Because that's, that's rare. It's, it's, yeah, it's great in her
Scott Benner 24:53
Jetson a couple boys for being dopey. Hey, yeah, the minute they do something too crazy, she's like, I'm not up for this. And I was like, oh. Awesome. Well, okay, so you meet him, he kind of saves you in such that, like you're not going out with questionable people anymore. And he's a good he's a good guy and everything. And
Kristen 25:11
that grounds, yeah, he's grounding. He's I balance him out. He balances me out. He's the analytical one. He's the one who criticizes. He's the one who is sees everything in black and white, and then here I am. I see everything technic, color. What
Scott Benner 25:24
do you add? Like, a little excitement to his life? Oh, yeah,
Kristen 25:27
yeah, exactly. A lot of excitement. He says, I'm the only one that can actually, like, really make him angry. He's got a very, very long fuse. I'm the one that shortened that by a long
Scott Benner 25:35
shot. So I meant excitement, like, fun. But you were like, No, I can really piss them off.
Kristen 25:40
Excitement too. Yeah, sure, yep. I mean, we'll add that in there. But, I mean, you know, probably 50% of it is like, Oh my gosh. What like are you're crazy. But then the other 50% is, hey, you're fun. So I said to
Scott Benner 25:53
my wife one time, I was like, do you think, like, every 10 years, legally, we should be allowed to punch each other in the face once?
Kristen 26:01
I like that idea. You probably go for it too. She,
Scott Benner 26:04
she was like, I'll definitely hit you. And I was like, awesome. Yeah, I get what you mean. Like, you're just around people for a long time, and you can bring, like, passion out of him, but do you bring it out of him passionately, or do you nudge him till he just explodes? We've
Kristen 26:17
learned, you know, being together we, you know, we started dating in 2009 we've really learned a good balance, if I'm being honest. I mean, you know, for the first five or six years, it was a little crazy, just, you know, figuring out how we can communicate, because we that's like the biggest thing is, like, just figuring out how to communicate.
Scott Benner 26:36
Okay, do you both struggle with it? Or just, yeah, yeah,
Kristen 26:39
we both struggle, because, like, his upbring is a whole other different, like, I mean, a whole other different thing, and very different from mine, even the fact that he was raised in a in a Christian home too. So we've got a lot of that background as the same, but as far as you know, just different family situations. It was very different than mine and
Scott Benner 26:56
Kristen. Can I ask a question there? Because, like, and this is gonna sound rude, but I don't mean it rude. Like, what is it about his upbringing that let him put up with what you were doing? You see, I'm saying, like, how come he didn't like, like, how come he didn't look at you and go, No, thank you. Like, there's a reason. Like, something, what'd you do? Are you super pretty? Or like, I'm not, I'm not even kidding. Or like, is it like, do you just think you were just so different than what he was used to that it was fun. Like, what do you think that's
Kristen 27:24
a question I've ever been asked before, um, even by, even by counselors, I've never
Scott Benner 27:27
been asked that's because they don't have a podcast. But that's okay, right? I honestly,
Kristen 27:31
I think, and this is going to sound like such, like a cookie cutter answer, but I really think this is what he would say if he was sitting right here. Okay? He would tell me, and he would say it's because he saw the bare bones of what I what I actually am, and who I actually am, besides all the crazy, because the crazy came from circumstances, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't like that growing up, I was a very happy go lucky kid, and I had a great childhood, and you know, a lot of The pressure I put on myself. And so having him kind of be around to kind of alleviate that pressure, and kind of like help me realize I don't need to put that much pressure on myself, it kind of unearthed who I really am. And I think he saw that and I and I think that's kind of what he why he stuck around, because there's more than just the crazy potential. And I really think that's, yeah, I think that's, I really think that's what he would say, yeah.
Scott Benner 28:26
I think that's what a lot of people would say. Because I know my wife wasn't like, buying what was for sale. She was buying what she thought could happen, yeah. And I think I was too like, you know, and my wife grew up in a in a weird situation, not as religious as yours. I had similar feelings when you were younger. I was like, this is a great person. Like, she's been through some stuff, but, like, I can see it in her, like, I told her when she was really young, God, we were like, in our early 20s, I was like, you're gonna be a really terrific mom one day. I was like, I could just tell and she really is, like, it just, you know, like it was in there. And, you know, anyway, you understand. I want to talk about all of this to get back to why you're up that kid's mess about the diabetes. Yeah, so, okay, so I think we have enough background now. So present day, well, let's go through diabetes management a little bit. Would you say you have it together, like, you understand how to manage things. And, you know, it's not easy every day, but like most days, you it's manageable.
Kristen 29:29
Yes, yeah, most, most days I i understand what's going on. Of course, you know, there's going to be days where, like, I really have no idea what's going on, like, you know, but for the most part, yes, I have an idea of what's going on and and a lot of that, you know, being home and being here and doing it every day for nine months without any kind of, you know, extra curricular anything going on. You know, I didn't have a job to do. I didn't have a I have anywhere to go, and so I. That's it became my life, and I got hold of it a lot faster than I think a lot of people do, because, you know, I read stories about people that have, they get died diagnosed middle of the school year, and then they got to turn around and go right back to school and figure that out. And we did everything in steps. And it was, you know, okay, we're home. We're home for the foreseeable future. Let's figure out how to do diabetes at home. Oh, and then
Scott Benner 30:27
Kristen, let me tell you, I think that if everybody had that break at it at a pivotal life moment like this, the people
Kristen 30:33
would be better off. Yeah. And I agree, yeah, especially
Scott Benner 30:37
in America where, like, there's other countries, you know, people get pregnant in Canada, they don't come back to work for a year. Yeah, yeah. That's, I mean, like, Here they're, they're, you know, you're leaving on a gurney from your job to have a baby. And they're, like, will you be when will
Kristen 30:51
you be back? Like, see you in three weeks. We got
Scott Benner 30:55
a little taste of it here. I mean, it sucks, COVID. Part sucks, obviously. But like, you know, I definitely I see that but, but here's the question, though, like, now you've got it, why are you still acting like you don't have it?
Kristen 31:07
Well, I'm working on that, okay, and I'm working on that. I've been working on that because I was seeing what it was doing to me, good, because I he went to kindergarten that following fall, but the kindergarten didn't have a full time nurse. So it was up to me, either he's an only he's only child, he will only ever be an only child. We tried. I lost two babies in the process. It just never gonna happen. Yeah, I'm sorry. Oh, it's okay. Um, so him being in school is important for his mental health and for his emotional well being, yeah, so what I did was they didn't have a school nurse. It was a it was half day kindergarten. I sat in the parking lot every day for nine months watching Netflix, just because I would have to go in and I would have to dose him for snack, or I would have to dose him for lunch, or, you know, whatever it was, you know, figure out recess. And I want
Scott Benner 32:04
to tell you, I don't think that's I'm gonna sound crazy now, but I don't think that sounds crazy. Okay, I think if you got caught in that situation, then I understand, like, I tried to listen when Arden was little, I want to say there was no CGM, there was no, like, sharing and stuff like that. Of like, data. She didn't have a pump, but I wanted Arden to go to like a preschool thing, so I sat, I took her to a half day preschool thing, and I sat in the parking lot while she was
Kristen 32:28
out there. Yeah, okay, so, so okay, because I, when I tell people that, they look at me like,
Scott Benner 32:32
no, it's situationally I understand, like, yeah, if your house was too far away and there was nobody at the at the daycare or the preschool or whatever that could give them insulin or whatever. Then, I mean, what are you going to do? Right? You're trying to give them that experience. But the problem is, is that you, it sounds like you conditioned yourself to believe that's your situation, but it's that's not your situation any longer, right,
Kristen 32:55
right? Yeah, the following year, we put him in a school that with a great nurse, and she's amazing. And so I started getting a little bit of a taste of independence, but I didn't want to step too far out of that. So guess what I did? I got a job working at the school.
Scott Benner 33:07
Oh yeah, that's pretty crazy. Okay, so why did that happen? Why did that happen? Like, why did you say, hey, there's a good nurse here. This is going to be okay, but I still have to be there. Like, why are you so special? Well,
Kristen 33:20
part of it was because I needed, we needed extra income. Oh, okay. And so it's like, Okay, do I my husband? He's in ministry full time, so I won't care. Full circle, so my husband, my husband, my husband's a worship pastor at our church, and he does that full time, and so, but our church is 45 minutes away, so you know, if, if an emergency were to arise, who's going to be the closest me? Who's going to get there the quickest me? So what a better way than to just go ahead and work at the school. So in case anything happens, I'm already there and I'm making money at the same time. It was, it really was a great situation, because then I got off work when Elijah got off work, that's our son's name is Elijah, and I got off work and, you know, we went home and we had the night. And it schedule wise, it worked out great too. So it's like making money I'm there schedule wise, it was great. Has there
Scott Benner 34:09
ever been an emergency? No, okay, does that not make you feel comfortable that, like it's been five years now and there hasn't been an emergency, which
Kristen 34:18
is why I am working two jobs outside of the house and going to school full time. Awesome.
Scott Benner 34:22
What are you going to school
Unknown Speaker 34:24
for? Business Management? Nice.
Scott Benner 34:26
Listen, it seems to me that you're an anxious person who has probably some control issues, and your kid gets type one diabetes, so that stuff gets magnified, fair enough, and you get put into a couple of situations where you make some decisions, where other people can look and scoff at you, but them who cares? And then you saw what's going on, and you're moving through it, and you're making steps to move away from it. Like, do you not feel like you're doing well? I do.
Kristen 34:54
I feel like I'm doing well. I feel like I'm doing a lot better than I was in the beginning. For me. It's just had to be a process. It's had to be, I can't just, like, let go completely. And my husband, he can do that. He's he is easy going enough to do that. I'm not. And so it's had to be, it's one finger at a time. You know, I've had my my hand clutched around this diagnosis from the beginning, and so one, one finger at a time, I'll let Okay, I can't let that go. And I only have four, four fingers clutching. Can only have three. I don't think
Scott Benner 35:26
this sounds like a bad idea at all, actually, like I feels like you're making good, good motion and going in the right direction. I
Kristen 35:32
think so. Yeah, I do. I think so, because I I've gotten to the point and and some of my decisions that I've made have been because of him. I went back to school thinking I wanted to be a teacher, and then I became a teacher. I became a music teacher for a year at a school because they needed someone interim. And that's what I did, because that's my music's in my background, and I'm like, I don't want to be a teacher. I don't want to be a teacher. Then again, that is that whole persona of, you know, taking care of a bunch of little kiddos and being responsible for them and having to get it right. And because, if not, then, you know, I'm a part of that journey where maybe they're not reaching their benchmark and all that. And I'm like, I don't, I don't
Scott Benner 36:13
need that pressure. Your anxiety is not good for that,
Kristen 36:17
right? It's not. And so it's like, what can I What can I do to where I'm I can Bloss into the person that I want to be? Because I always thought I was just going to be a mom and stay at home, mom and a wife, and there's nothing wrong with that. Like, that's what I that's what I dreamt about, that's what I wanted to be. And then I think this, this diagnosis, really pushed me to think outside of the box just a little bit more. And it's like, Yes, I can be a stay at home mom, and I love it, but I also have this side of me that's creative and is innovative and is, you know, I can be audacious and I can think and come up with ideas. And so what can I do with that? And so I work in a nonprofit, and then I am also a assistant manager of a of a retail shop. So I'm doing two completely opposite things, but it's also giving me great experience, and I feel like I'm becoming my own person, I think, for the first time, really awesome.
Scott Benner 37:12
So really, I'm excited for I was a stay at home parent for a really long time, and there's some aspects of it that are awesome, like, really, genuinely awesome. And you know, my connection with my kids is one of them, you know, being around for people when they need people is is awesome, like, the less money things not as awesome. But I hear you, like, the entire time you're doing it, you think there are other things I could be doing, and I, I'd like to go find out what those things are at some point. You know, it's funny, I still do it. We have a situation that our situation currently is that, you know, Arden went to college for a couple of years and just really didn't, for a number of reasons, didn't like being away, had some bad luck with a with a place she was at. And, you know, she's home now, and she's commuting to college, so she's here now, which is fantastic. Yeah, my son got out of college, got a job, went off to another you know, he went halfway across the country, worked there for a year, said to himself, like, this isn't right. I know which direction I want to go into. Can I please come home? I need to work on something. Came home, taught himself how to code, and got a job. He's doing great now, but, you know, instead of sending him right back out to go pay for an apartment, again, that was, you know, just sucking his money dry, he said, you know, could I just maybe stay, you know, a little bit and save some money up so when I leave, I could buy something instead of, you know, instead of renting forever, and we just like, yeah, that's, that's fantastic. So they're still here, yeah? But now my son's, you know, 25 and Arden's 20, and I don't take care of them. Obviously, I'm not running around picking up after them or anything like that, but I still do the things I do, like, you know what I mean? Like, there's still times where, like, I mean, they do their own laundry, but there's times where I'm like, Hey, I'm doing laundry. If you have something, put it here. Or, you know, like, my son's gonna, like, get a break after a meeting about, you know, a half an hour from now, and you and I are gonna be done, he's gonna be like, Hey, you hungry, and I'll I am hungry, and I'll probably make breakfast for both of us. And last night he was in the kitchen. He's been messing around, learning how to whittle, like, and it sounds weird, but like, but he's like, he's like, I'm gonna try to, like, you know, carve stuff out of wood. It's like, as this kind of a thing to do while I'm sitting down like, you know, at the end of the day. So he's making a bear for his girlfriend for Valentine's Day. That's amazing, because she said I'd like a bear, so, like, he's been working on that. Arden was sitting there. She's not feeling well. Her lady time is upon us, yeah, and we were all kind of sitting around, and I had to at some point, I was like, I'm gonna go clean up the dishes. So I'm washing the dishes. And behind me, Arden sitting with Cole. Cole's whittling. Arden's doing something. I think she was doing homework on her laptop. They both had something up on the television. They were watching, like, I don't know, some roast or something. And I just got real still for a second, and I thought, like, I don't want to forget this. Yeah, yeah. So like, it felt weird, like to turn around and take a picture of them, so I didn't do that. But later that night, after everybody dispersed, there was still, like, wood shavings on the table and like stuff. And I took a picture of the table, and I thought that's gonna come up in my memories, like, 10 years from now, and I'm gonna remember standing here at this sink, right? That's the stuff that being a stay at home parent taught me right right now, as awesome as that is, if I would have to do that for the rest of my life, I would have, like, I would have jumped out of a window. Yeah, I had things I wanted to do as well. And you guys probably don't know this, but, like, I think the podcast exists in part because when I was 2021, 22 years old, like, I wanted to write movie scripts, wow. Like I thought, like, I could probably write a really good movie. And then, I don't know, I tried a little bit, but then I got married, and then we had kids, then I stayed home with Cole, and then, before you know, it, like, that doesn't happen. I did get to write a book, but I think this podcast is important enough for people living with diabetes that I can give my time to it. Now as an adult, like, you know what I mean? Like when I was 25 you would have told me, like, go off and just screw around and write or something, and I wasn't married or anything like that. I would have been like, Yeah, fine. Like, I have that personality, I would have done that. But now, as an adult who's responsible for people, I can't waste my time away like you don't even, can't just sit around like I want to be doing something important while I'm working, right? But I think that's what the podcast does, is it lets me be creative and at the same time do something that I think is valuable. Exactly, yeah, that's what you're looking for. Yeah, yeah. Well, you'll find that. I found it. I used to work in a sheet metal shop,
Kristen 42:07
and yeah, look at you. Now, how many, how many episodes in Are you? Oh, god,
Scott Benner 42:13
oh, it's in front of me. I put up episode 1425, today. It's called voluntold. I believe the man was told by his wife to come on the podcast. I think that's how we got that yesterday, I put up an episode with a para cyclist who has type one diabetes. It's incredibly uplifting and hopeful. She's like a force, and I think she'll help somebody. And the truth is, is that months from now, your episode will go up, and it's going to help somebody too, because there's a ton of people out there who are parents who feel like raising their children is stopping them, maybe from doing other things, but they know how important it is. There's definitely people out there who have anxiety and feel like they have control. You know? They want to be in control of everything. That's a terrible thing to have with diabetes. Yeah, you know, so every story helps somebody, yeah. So, okay, so, did you mention therapy? I
Kristen 43:07
did, but it was unrelated to this. It was actually before this part of me wants to do therapy at this point, just just to be able to talk it out. Um, you know, my husband and I, we talk about we talk about it all the time. We talk it out. And, you can talk about it with other people that are in the situation, not in the situation, but are extensions of the situation. My parents, my in laws, both sides of grandparents, they both watch Elijah, and they are very forthcoming and wanting to spend time with him and make sure that they're always learning, and they're always paying attention, and while also uplifting him and being a part of his life. But you can sit down and talk to them about all of this, and they can understand to an extent, but you know, when you're living with it every single day, it's just different. And so you know, talking with my husband, it's more of vent sessions than anything, and you know he'll turn on ven to me. And so, you know, it's just more just blowing off steam. But I am an advocate for therapy, just because of how much it's helped me in the past with other situations. I'm hesitant to go now, because I know what they're going to tell me. They're going to tell me that I need to relax and I need to help my son kind of walk into this independent season he's going to be walking in as a teenager and as as a young adult. And he's, he's a little bit of a control freak like me, and so that's going to be an advantage to him, in a way, because he's going to want to take control of his, you know, of his own diagnosis, but at the same time, he's also has some of my husband and him, and he's easy going. And so I think that will, that combination is going to serve him well with this. I'm encouraged by that, and he understands, and he grasps, and he wants to learn, and he wants to be independent. Still wants mom to do things for him, but still wants, but still wants to learn to be independent. But I and then the older, and the older he gets, the more I see, the less I worry. I'm always going to worry I'm his mom. It's this just, that's just what. We do, but I think he's really going to take this and kind of figure out how it works for him, and not the other way around. And that gives me peace. And I think that's kind of also what has allowed me to step back and not be so on top of it, you know, and need to be on top of it, and I've learned to let go a little bit in that way, just by not being as much around as I have been, you know, I've been basically the main one, the last, you know, the three, the three, first three years, and now working two jobs and going to school full time, I am not the main person. I'm still a main person, but I'm not the main main person. You know, I it's, we're now sharing it. And so that's given me a chance to relax, but also giving me a chance to just kind of discover who I am as a person outside of it, and even outside of being married, outside of being a mom, who I am as a person, as an individual, you know, as someone who's wanting to develop a career and, you know, make make waves in the world in my own way, you know. And but I think the therapist would just turn around and tell me, gotta relax, man, just a little bit more. You just gotta just,
Scott Benner 46:03
don't you think they help try to help you with tools to relax? Not necessarily just say, like, just relax. That's a stupid thing, like a podcaster would say to you, but like, don't you think they would maybe help you find ways to mitigate those feelings so that you can keep growing? Yeah,
Kristen 46:18
and then there's what. That's where the crazy comes in. Because I'd be like, I should have thought of that myself. Why didn't I think about this myself? And why am I paying some somebody $75 an hour to just tell them something I should have thought of and say I should have just went ahead and thought of that's crazy in
Scott Benner 46:31
me. You'll beat yourself up for not figuring out on your own, right? That's a vicious circle. Yeah, I don't have that. So I I'd just be like, Oh, I'd be like, Oh, awesome. We got an answer. Here we go. I don't know, where are there ways you could do it for cheaper? I'm
Kristen 46:47
sure there is. And it's just a matter of of looking into it and not being stubborn, and not, you know, thinking I don't have time, and I don't, you know, what am I going to do that? And I got all these other things that I'm trying to do. And can you
Scott Benner 47:00
help me? I'm going to ask pretty bunch every person who ever tells me they're anxious this, can you help me understand why? Like, what's the mechanical function that stops you from just doing what you know is the right thing to do? Like, do you understand? I mean, I know it's happening to your question
Kristen 47:15
because, because I I've been asked that before. If you have a potential solution in front of you. Why you're Why aren't you heading towards a solution? Yeah,
Scott Benner 47:24
yeah. I mean, like, you know, like, it's funny, because you're talking about yourself like you're not you, that's awesome. Like, you don't even mean, like you're like, you're describing the things you're doing that you don't want to be doing. Like, why not just not do them? And I know that I'm not saying, I'm not saying, Yeah, I'm trying to say, like, what's the mechanism that stops it. Are you aware of the mechanism? I
Kristen 47:42
am aware of the mechanism. I so for me personally, and I'm just going to be really honest, because I see the solution, I know the solutions there, it really just boils back. Sometimes I just want to really feel sorry for myself and just kind of wallow in that overwhelming feeling. And I I'm not sure where that comes from, you know, if I'm really trying to dissect it, when I'm in that state of mind, you know, my the focus is on me. And I think that's really where it comes from. Again, probably diabetes related, because we're always focused on the diabetes and, you know, working our life around it. And so I think, you know, kind of internalizing all of that, but then you bringing it out when I just need someone to pay attention to me and to, you know, nurture me and to baby me, just a little bit. Honestly, I think that's where it comes from. So,
Scott Benner 48:38
so when you don't feel like somebody's babying you your word, right? Yeah, you do it for yourself, yeah, yeah. Is it wallowing, or is it not sad? Is it just like I'm gonna sit here for a while and have the feelings that I deserve to have before
Kristen 48:53
it was I just feel this way, and I'm not sure why, but as I've gotten older, I think it's I feel this way. I'm gonna allow myself to feel this way. I'm gonna give myself permission to feel this way. But
Scott Benner 49:03
do you feel that way for a minute, an hour a week, a month a year? It can
Kristen 49:07
be a couple of days, and then I pull myself out of it, and I and a lot of it is keeping myself busy and having goals. And I've, I've learned that about myself too. You know, if I, if I don't have something I'm working towards, I could sit there and I could wallow for weeks, and I could just be in that state of mind for weeks.
Scott Benner 49:22
Is there a benefit? Is there? Do you feel like when it's over? Do you say to yourself, like, Oh, that was good time spent, or that was not time well spent?
Kristen 49:29
It was not time well spent. It's never time well spent, at least not for me. It's not time well spent. I mean, there are healthier ways, at least for me, and I say all this in pertaining to me, not anyone else, obviously, because everybody's got their own way of dealing with things, but I feel better when I'm busy, but there's still this part of part of me that feels I need to just be in my feelings and just validate that in myself and then move on, even if, after I do that, it's like, well, it helped, but it didn't, I don't know how much, but. Benefit that gave to me. We're just okay. We're just gonna move on now. And so I that's, I think that's just kind of like, still, that part of me that I'm still learning to grow and I still need to grow in to just, there's got to be a healthier way to do that. There's got to be a better, more beneficial way to do that. Then I have this routine of, okay, these feelings are here. How do I urge them in the right way to where I don't disrupt the flow? Because when I disrupt the flow, it just sets everything off, and everything's just, I've got to take extra steps to get back on track.
Scott Benner 50:34
Did the medication you mentioned earlier help that at all it
Kristen 50:37
does? Yes, it does. It took a while to figure out what we needed, what I needed to have. And so there was different times where I was taking different things, and sometimes it helps, sometimes it didn't. Now we finally, my neurologist, of all people, put me on it. What'd they give you? Lexapro? Okay, yeah, and I, and I can tell when I don't take it, or when I forget to take it, or, you know, I I fall asleep, you know, on the couch, and I wake up the next morning and I'm like, Oh, I forgot to take that last night. I can, I can feel it when I don't take it, because I don't feel as steady. I feel a lot more even when I take it compared to when I don't. And I have way less I need to be in my feels when I take it compared to when I don't. So again, all part of the process of,
Scott Benner 51:24
yeah, no, I hear you. I appreciate you sharing this too. Thank you. Yeah, sure, not a thing that I think people who don't go through it could probably understand, and the people who are going through it, or, you know, can use somebody else saying that's happens to me as well.
Kristen 51:39
Yeah, it's just it. My husband doesn't understand it. He kind of knows his cues. I guess there's certain things that I need from him. And he's like, okay, like, this is what's going on with you. You feel, you know, a little panicky. You feel like you're going to come out of your skin. You feel you can't, like, sit down and settle. And he recognizes all of that. And so he's learning to kind of figure out how to respond. Then I get past it, and then I'm fine. He's really great that way. But for someone who doesn't deal with it like he does, he doesn't understand. He's like, he's like, I just, I don't, I don't get that, you know, I don't, you know,
Scott Benner 52:11
is there really anything anybody could do, right? You know? I mean, like, I hear people say all the time, like, I just, I need to be supported by the people around me, etc. But you ask them what that means, and they never seem to really know what that means. So
Kristen 52:22
for me, when I say, like, I just need you to support me. I don't want him to dissect the problem. Like, don't try and figure out, like, okay, like, what's causing this? I just need you to just sit here and just be in this moment with me while I work through it.
Speaker 1 52:36
Does he do it? He does, and he'll, sit there
Kristen 52:40
with me and, you know, and then I'm like, okay, I'm good. He's like, all right, you're good, okay. He's very like, let's deal with this and move on. And so it's like, it goes a lot smoother if I'm upfront with him and telling him, hey, this is what I'm going through right now. He's like, okay, let's deal with it, and then we can move on. And rather, when I just I'm like, you know, dropping bread crumbs, it's like, no, figure this out. I'm trying to drop you clues, and you're, like, completely oblivious, and I need you to understand what's going on right now. But I'm not actually gonna physically say it, because I want you to figure out, you know, the whole thing, you know, like a lot of women do, yeah. Are you
Scott Benner 53:11
trying to scare young men from getting married right now? Is that what you're
Kristen 53:15
doing? I'm trying, no, I'm trying to give a little bit of a women have really have no idea what we're doing. We never know what we're doing. There's no There's no, yeah, we say that we know what we really don't know.
Scott Benner 53:27
I imagine your husband goes and meets buddies later, and he's like, she told me to sit with her. I sat with her. She said she was okay. Then I don't know what the hell happened if I'm being honest with you, do you think that's how he feels?
Speaker 1 53:37
I Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if
Scott Benner 53:41
that's not what he thinks? Is there value in him not telling you what he thinks? Or is there no value in it? If he had, like, a different thought, if he's like, look, Kirsten, I think you should try this. Or I think you should maybe work towards this direction instead of trying the thing you're doing, which is, you know, where we end up all the time and doesn't seem to get us anywhere. What if you tried this? If he did that. Would you be like, get the hell out of here. Or would you be interested? Or what do you think the
Kristen 54:05
grown up part of me would be like, oh, yeah, that sounds like great suggestion. But the girl in me says, I don't want to hear that.
Scott Benner 54:11
Okay, yeah. So then that's where you need the therapist, yeah, yep, yeah. For whatever your whatever your your relationship with your parents is, or was it feels like you're probably stuck there a little bit, right? Yeah, so you have to go figure that part out so that you can have an adult conversation with your husband. So when you have a problem and he has an answer that's different than what you're thinking of, you can be open to hearing that answer, right, right? That makes sense. Absolutely,
Kristen 54:42
that's more productive. And it's, again, like you just said, that's more of an adult conference conversation, rather than, I'm not going to insert my input. I'm just going to sit and be and let you deal with it, and then, you know, we'll wait, we'll wait for the next come around. So,
Scott Benner 54:57
I mean, the point, like you said earlier. You guys balance each other out really well. But then, Then aren't you ignoring his perspective? If you, if you forced him to have your perspective? Sometimes,
Kristen 55:10
yes, and I'm working on that, and that's part of the where it boils down to the communication aspect, because there was a lot of time where we didn't communicate. We didn't. We just kind of assumed the other understood. And a lot of our breakdown came with that. So I
Scott Benner 55:27
was just explaining to somebody the other day that I believe wholly that in every every communication situation, when there are a group of people around, every forget perspective. It's easy to say people have different perspectives. I guarantee you that I don't know how you think this is happening. You don't know how I think this is happening. Like, if we put four people in the room, you know, it's a simple, simple statement. If you if four people watch a car accident and then they later take a report, you get four different reports about what happened, right? Yeah, I don't think it's just because your perspective of where you're standing when it's happening. I think it's because we experience things differently, yeah, like, just just in general. Like, that's why sometimes I look up at my wife, I'm like, I don't know, like, what is she even saying? Like, it feels like she's not here, and I know she's looking back at me thinking the same thing, like, how is he not getting what I'm seeing here? But I just think that that's the thing you have to understand now, whether you can hear somebody else and melt their ideas in with yours, or even take time to consider them, even if you don't want to, you know, commingle them with your thoughts later. Like that's the part that I think any therapist that's trained in a certain way would say that this is a problem that you had with your parents growing up, that you're infantile, you're you're somehow infantilized somewhere, like you don't want to hear it. Do you know what? I mean, yeah, like somebody's gonna tell you something you don't need them telling you something. I don't even know if that's the way people grow up. I don't know that might just be human. I it could be. I mean, is there anything worse than somebody can telling you something? Like, I hate, I hate being told, yeah, I hate it, but it doesn't stop me from telling other people, right, right, you know. So I'm like, I have a ton of opinions too. They are they're like, I don't want to hear your opinions. I'm like, I know you don't, because I don't want to hear yours either. But here's mine anyway, right? That's the human part. I don't know. I know for sure that people be married for a while listen to this, going like, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not saying anything. I don't know. I just think that the next step of it is, what do you do, right? Like, what do you do with it? So that day to day, you're not beating yourself up about diabetes, and you're not dismissing your husband, he's not dismissing you, and you know, you're not in this situation where you you think, Oh, he's able to just walk away from it. Because I guarantee you, if I got him on here and I said, are you really able to just forget about your son's diabetes, he'd be like, No, but she's so twisted up in it, like, I can't be involved in it. Yeah? You know what I mean? Like, you're probably eating up all the air. And that's, yes,
Kristen 57:59
yeah, yeah, you, you nailed that perfectly. No, thanks.
Scott Benner 58:03
Anyway, if you want him to be more involved, you should probably act like there's space for him, and then his involvement would very likely alleviate your stress. Yeah, yeah. You can decide how this goes next. Do you know what I mean? Like there's stories where you get to pick, like, what happens next? Yeah, you get to pick the interactive stories. Yeah, you pick the right thing, right? You keep picking, stay here and be in this part. Yeah, yeah, just pick the next story. Yeah. That's all, yeah.
Kristen 58:35
Move on to the new chapter. Stop reading. Keep stop reading the same one over and over and over again. I
Scott Benner 58:40
would also like caution people, not just you, but about like, saying things like, Well, I'm gonna go to college now, and that'll change my life. Or I'm gonna do this now, and that'll change my life. Like, you can just change your life right now, right? You know, you can be a college student doing the things that you don't want to be doing, or you can be a stay at home mom who isn't doing the things you want to be doing, like, I don't think the place you are or the thing you do or the thing you are is going to magically change this part. Like this part is just a, I think it's a conscious decision just not to do it anymore, yeah, you know, and then when you see it happen, just don't do it. Yeah?
Kristen 59:15
Because you can, you can try a mask it as much as you want to, with situations or, you know, things to get involved in, but it still doesn't change the root of the problem, right?
Scott Benner 59:24
You know, you're just putting a different face on it. What did they say, like, putting makeup on a pic or something like that? Is that a something like that? Yeah, that's probably, uh, offensive too, probably. But yeah, like you're just, you're not changing your situation, you're changing your surroundings, hoping it changes your situation, right? Yeah, that's not how that's going to work.
Kristen 59:41
No, because that's not life. Yeah, you
Scott Benner 59:45
just all you, yeah, all you got to do is, listen, here's all you have to do, whatever you're stuck on at whatever age you're stuck on, just get past it. That's what you're trying to do now, it's obviously not that easy. I think you go to therapy and you say, I want to know what happened in. My life that makes it so that as an adult, this is my reaction, right? That's what you're trying to figure like, forget the rest of it. Don't go in there telling stories and like, you know, trying to explain to the therapist what you think is wrong. Just say, Look, I have this reaction as an adult. I need to figure out why, and I want to stop it. I don't want you to, like, I don't need coping tools to make my anxiety less impactful, like I need to know why this is happening so it can stop now, some people would tell you at this point that there's studies going on at Hopkins where you could just take some like mushrooms or something, and you'll it'll be gone the next day. But I don't know how accurate that is. Have you heard about this? No, I have not. I guess there's a couple of studies going on where people with trauma of all different kinds are going on a very low dose, you know, guided by a medical physician trip. I guess I'll call it like for on mushrooms, and they, a lot of them, report waking up and all the anxieties going like, there's this one story about the he's a military guy who whose wife just said, like, he came home a completely different person. And they eventually got into this study, this trial, and he went off and got his, you know, his, like, one dose of it, and came back and she reports there. That's the guy that, that I knew before he left for war. Like, just like,
Kristen 1:01:23
sounds that sounds like something out of Alice in Wonderland. Yeah, I don't know
Scott Benner 1:01:28
if it's true or not. I'm just the thing I've been hearing in a couple of different places lately. So wow, it occurs to me that, like, and by the way, that doesn't mean you should go get a mushroom and try it yourself. Like, yeah, I'm certainly not saying that. I'm sure, I'm sure if you listen to the doctors, there's very specific dosing. And I actually think there's a heart issue that you could have while you're using it if you do it wrong. So like, you want to be around medical people while it's happening. Obviously your medical professional, yes, I'm certainly not telling you this is how to handle it. I'm just telling you I've been hearing stories about it. The reason I share it is because what it makes it seem like is that you mentioned earlier, like a switch gets flipped. Like it almost feels like that they're looking for the way to, like, switch it back off again, right? You know. And I think that would be such a miracle for people if that could happen, because your story, like, and the things that burden you, and the things that burden me and my wife and everyone else. Like, just imagine if those things were gone, you know, like, that's pretty awesome. Like, how alcoholism would go down and drug abuse would go down, and probably people hitting each other, and the way everyone yells at each other online, and, you know, all the other things that come with it. Like, if you weren't feeding the 12 year old inside of you, who was, like, somebody can pay attention to me, like, like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I have it too. We all have it, yeah. Well, this is up cursing. I can't believe we did this. This is awesome. And I curse now, and I just, you know, what the craziest part is, is that before we started recording, I used an example of something about somebody's father being a pastor, and I had no idea about your background at all. Well,
Kristen 1:03:01
that's why I laughed, because it's, there's some things going on too, where some things are getting revealed locally, with some churches and stuff. And it's,
Scott Benner 1:03:09
it's like, yeah, it's just people are just people. Kirsten, it doesn't, people are people. Are people? Yeah, it doesn't. It
Kristen 1:03:16
doesn't matter what position you're in, people are people. That's right, yeah, it's
Scott Benner 1:03:20
okay. Listen, so the world goes, gives us something to talk about. Yeah, exactly, yeah. If everything was perfect, what would we talk about? It would be so boring. See, you know, what isn't that interesting? Like I heard somebody saying the other day that essentially, it's a personal conversation I was involved in. And someone said, Hey, isn't there a possibility that eventually, if we just got an AI to be the government, that everything would be better. And I was like, Oh my God, it was, like, interesting, like, big idea question, like, so you're saying, if we put something in charge that would always do the right thing for everybody as much as possible, and there wouldn't be any fraud or people, you know, power trips or money stuff, like, Wouldn't better decisions get made? And I said, perfect world I see that. I see what you're saying. You know what I mean? Like, like, if everything was perfect and we didn't have people, like, greedy and, like, all the stuff I'm like, you'll hear people talk about, like, well, what if the computer messes up, or what if somebody gets in charge of it and they're greedy? Like, I hear all that. But this person was saying perfect world situation, imagine if there was just, you know, the Great and Powerful Oz. And I know that's a bad example, because I believe he wasn't, like, really looking out for people either, but, but like, imagine there was, imagine there was the thing that actually was just doing it. Would that make society run smoother? And I thought, in a perfect situation, I think it would. And then my next thought was, oh, that might be boring. Isn't that crazy, like that? Is it crazy that? My next thought was, like, oh, that might be boring, you know, like, what would we do? Then just get up and everything would be perfect. All the time. I'd get up, I'd go to work, I'd make a certain amount of money, I'd have enough money to do the like, can you get the Star Trek? You know what I mean, where everybody. Just out there doing the right thing and enjoying their thing and painting, if they're a painter, and, you know, like that kind of, I don't know, I have no idea. But anyway, I thought it was interesting, and I thought, and it makes me think about that, like, what you just said, like, maybe it would be boring than if everybody wasn't like this. I don't know. It
Kristen 1:05:16
would be. It would be boring, and there wouldn't be any really, really good Netflix shows to be created,
Scott Benner 1:05:22
because where would all the intrigue be, and where would all the intrigue be?
Unknown Speaker 1:05:26
Where would the creativity be? Yeah, let
Scott Benner 1:05:28
me just say, I just finished the diplomat. Oh, I was super pissed that there was only six episodes in the second season. I was having such a good time. I actually have a friend who's related to a diplomat. And I say, can you find out if any of this is real, please. She said, I don't think it is. And I was like, it might be. I need you to find
Kristen 1:05:46
out. I need to know. Because I just, I just invested so much of my time, I needed to know if any of this is actually real.
Scott Benner 1:05:52
Like, which parts of this are just bullshit, like, TV stuff, and which parts of this are, like, super accurate, you know what I mean? Like, that's what I wanted to know anyway. I don't know. Like, here's my hope is that if you get to somewhere where we're not just arguing about the same stuff all the time, over and over again, personally, politically, world, you know, everything, if everything just ran smoother, like, would we all just level up? Like, maybe, you know what I mean, like, maybe there'd be a lot more time and head space to do amazing things that would just make humans better and and make everybody's lives easier. I don't know, like I don't know, but anyway, at the moment, just the Wild Kingdom. So all right, Kirsten, you were terrific. I appreciate you doing this. Would you hold on one second for me? Yep. Thank you.
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