Scott Benner 4/20/23 Scott Benner 4/20/23

#894 A Fault In Our Thinking

Erika Forsyth is an LMFT who has type 1 diabetes. Scott and Erika discuss feeling at fault.

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Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, this is episode 894 of the Juicebox Podcast

good news Erica Forsythe is back, Erica, of course a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist from California. You can learn more about her at Erica forsythe.com. Today the conversation between Eric and I begins with the idea of fault. People wanting to know why something happened, why did I get diabetes? Why did my child get diagnosed, that sort of thing. The conversation grows from there. While you're listening, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. We're becoming bold with insulin. If you have type one diabetes, or are the caregiver of someone with type one and a US resident, please complete the survey AT T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juicebox. This simple survey takes about 10 minutes to do and your answers move diabetes research forward T one D exchange.org Ford slash juice box go complete the survey please. And don't forget, if you want 35% off your entire order at cosy earth.com use the offer code juice box at checkout.

This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by ag one from athletic greens, athletic greens is going to give you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs. With your first purchase. All you have to do is visit my link athletic greens.com forward slash juicebox. Today's show is also sponsored by better help, you can get 10% off your first month of therapy@betterhelp.com forward slash juicebox. I was wondering if we could very specifically talk about the fault that I hear people talk about. My child has type one diabetes, and I have a thyroid thing. So it's my fault. Or my husband's aunt has RA and now my kid has blah, blah, blah. It's his fault. Or you know what I mean? Like the fault, the fault that gets addressed? It seems so it just seems like it happens to everybody. Like I don't think I've ever met a person who hasn't thought Why did this happen? Whose fault is it? And it's a strange way to think to me, but it's so common. So I wanted to ask you about it.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 2:54
Yes, it is common. I think as parents. I think you said this a long time ago, one of our first episodes that you know when as a parent, you don't have your child and think when is my child going to get sick or when is my child going to be diagnosed with a chronic illness. So you have this mindset and hope that your child will be healthy. And then the first time the child gets injured, or the first time that your child gets sick. It's surprising and shocking. But then we also automatically as parents, I think want to find responsibility in ourselves or somebody else or something else. Because it's painful. It's shocking. It's surprising, and you're not starting out as a parent with that mindset.

Scott Benner 3:42
So I I can almost get wanting to blame somebody else. That almost makes sense to me. But why do people relish in it being their fault? That happens? Like they wanted to like, want it's the wrong word. I don't know where I'm going with this. Exactly. There are just a lot of people who want to tell you. This is my fault. But I've said it a number of different ways. I've never once heard somebody say, Oh, you have blue eyes. That's my fault. They take credit for that. Right? Like, oh, if you get the blue eyes from me, you get that cheekbone for me. You get that jawline from me. Oh, you fart after dinner. That's your mother's fault. Like, like, Why? Why? Like, why do people? Why do you think that's important to people? That's my question, I guess.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 4:37
Important, that's an interesting word choice. I think it might be their tendency or nature. When things feel out of control or chaotic. People sometimes have kind of an automatic default way of thinking or believing. And for some it's I'm going to blame myself I'm going to shame myself. Or I'm going to blame or shame others. But this focus on paid life feels chaotic. I feel out of control. And so my automatic This is how I function is I'm going to blame myself and fight and try and find reason, right? Like, I think people want to find an explanation. And when there is no true set, you know, explanation, it may be just their nature to place blame on themselves.

Scott Benner 5:36
So, do you think that's something that everyone has, like innately? Or do you think there are some people who would never have this conversation? Like, do you think there are some people who would never once think like, oh, Whose fault is this? They're, like, my wife, put it on herself, because there were autoimmune things on her side of the family. And I'm adopted. So of course, we don't have a ton of knowledge. So I get to pretend that there's no way any of this would be from my side of the family, which is ridiculous. But I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. I've never once cared. And I do think you, you are really getting to know me because I said important. And you were like, that's an interesting word. It's an interesting word. Because I don't understand why anybody cares. I really don't I don't know how this would like when I see people online, put so much effort into trying to find out why even the conversations forget, like, whose fault like the conversations about like, well, I need to know what happened. Right? Like, that's fat. That one's like, you know, yes. Oh, my God. Well, they got COVID. And then they got diabetes that had to have been that, okay, you still have diabetes, or maybe my daughter had hand Foot Mouth. Then she got type one. We assume that's what it was. But we weren't like Colombo, and around trying to figure it out, it just all sort of fit, you know, the amount of people I see put a lot of effort into that. Like, I need to know what happened. I don't understand that either.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 7:11
I think a similar analogy could be. So let's say this, there's there's milk spilled on the carpet. One parent might look at that and say, All right, who spilled the milk? Who did it? You're gonna have to come here and clean it up and fix it. But I want to who How did this happen? How did this get here? And then a different parent might say, Oh, my gosh, there's milk spilled on the rug, carpet, whatever, let's clean it up. Let's move on the we have to hurry up. Let's clean this up, move on. And so I think this is same analogy of their, you know, wondering, is it important to find out how the milk got there? Or is it more important just to clean it up and move forward? And I think that might be from your nature, from your upbringing, from your life and all the automatic thinking, it might be important to some people. And I think it would be hard to make a generalization, but I could generalize it. There are people who want to know how it got there, and people who just want to clean it up.

Scott Benner 8:10
Do you need to know so that you can ascribe fault so that you have a place to focus your anchor? Because they still don't understand what happens once you know, right? By the way, you know why I love you. I have two words written down on my whiteboard in front of me. And nothing else for this whole conversation. It says move on. Because I thought, well, this conversation when you and I get done hashing it out, we're going to need to tell people, how do you move forward from this? And then you just said it. I was like, This is why I picked Erica.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 8:42
Well, thank you.

Scott Benner 8:45
But But seriously, like once I know, okay, let's say I can figure it out. My daughter, I definitely took her to a ball pit at a McDonald's when she was blah, blah, blah. And she bumped into a little kid with a snotty nose that gave her hand foot and mouth. And then six weeks later, she had type one diabetes. I know that now. So So what like what do I do with that? Like, I don't know why I would mine up all that information. It doesn't get me anywhere. It doesn't change anything.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 9:20
So someone might say it's a more ascribing blame. So you could say, Oh, if only we didn't go to the McDonald's to that ball pit and she didn't get Hanford if only so you kind of living in the past trying to make sense of why things happened. Going back to the blame, blame and shame game that some people really struggle with and it's painful. And working out, as you said is that the emotions that you're trying to work out the anger, the sadness, the confusion, the shock. So what do you do with all of that you can let it out or Are you trying to make sense of it and say, shame on me, we went to the McDonald's and she got sick. If only we hadn't done that she wouldn't have gotten hindfoot mouth and she wouldn't have that type one, you know, that type of,

Scott Benner 10:11
I get that type of thinking, but but I don't get where they don't add the next part, which is something else just would have happened. Like, it's not it's type one diabetes. It's not a quarter on the ground that you didn't you didn't find the only one like it was coming, you know, right. By the way, I made up the whole McDonald's in the ball pit thing just I just thought of the most disgusting things I can think of in ball pits was right at the top.

Unknown Speaker 10:38
I was gonna say I hadn't heard that story

Scott Benner 10:40
before. Oh, no, no, no, I completely made that up. When you recounted it. I was like, Oh, God, she thinks I'm telling you a story from my actual life. So I don't I don't understand. Like, okay, now I know, let's say it's the kid at the ball pit. I can be mad at that. Or I can blame myself for going. I don't know where that gets us. Like, why? Why does my brain not let me want to be mad like that? I can't even when my wife's a real Ask America, this could happen. I never have a desire to be mad at her. Never. I'm not mad at my kids ever. I'm not. I don't know, like, and I grew up with people who were mad at each other constantly. And I just think I just like I saw enough of it to go, Okay, well, this is not a valuable use of time. I mean, people are going to do what they're going to do, they're going to morph and change and things are gonna happen out of your control. I don't know that being angry about any of it is valuable. Or, and I'm sure I've done things wrong. Like, I mean, I'm more than sure. I mean, I could probably sit down and make a list, right? But if I look back on my life, I think well, I've done a bunch of things wrong. Sure. But my kids are here. Everybody's warm, safe eating. What was it gonna go perfectly? Like was I never gonna make a mistake? Like, that doesn't make sense to me, either. I don't know. All these episodes are just about what I don't understand.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 12:07
Why think what you just said in the middle of that was somewhere along the line, you learned that holding anger or trying to place blame wasn't helping, right? It's, for some, it might feel like it's serving a function of trying going back to the control piece of trying to make sense of why things happened. And if you're trying to place blame on yourself, or others or other outside forces, it's a continuum, you're trying to figure out how could I have controlled these variables? Could I have controlled these influences environmental stressors, all these things to prevent and protect my child from getting diabetes? And so I think it's a process of letting go of that, which is really painful, that we are in control of everything.

Scott Benner 12:58
That is it right like that. If there's something about me and how I grew up, what lets me think that I am a piece of dust floating through the universe, that one day just won't exist anymore. And I'm completely okay with that. And everyone else wants her to be one not everyone else. But a lot of people want there to be big reasons for things like that, that I guess I didn't I didn't consider but I'm, I'm okay. Being Meaningless. If that if that makes any sense. Like it's okay with me. Like I even think of like, I you know, if you if you were to say, when people die, this is horrible. I'm using the basic example I can think of when people die think oh, gosh, that sad for the people who knew them. But I've never felt sad about it. Like if a person dies that I don't know, I go, Oh, what a tragedy in their sphere, right? It's meaningless to me. Like, you know, there's statistics how many people die every day? That person was one of those people. If it would have been my mom, then it's horrifying. If it's me, I guess I don't care. But I guess the people around me would know and Okay, good, right. I just don't see why. I can't make sense of why it matters. Because, oh God, am I gonna say something like, meat? I'm gonna say something deep. That's gonna sound stupid. I don't think anything matters. To some degree or another. Like, I think you just do the best you can. And you help people as much as you can. And you garner as much happiness and love out of life as possible, and then ride that as long as you can. And then that's it. Like, well, I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know how this got here.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 14:49
Or what we're getting into some deeper topics, I think, perhaps, maybe generalizing out of that is, you know what, how do you find per First in your life, do you have a belief in a higher being? Do you find what is your purpose in life? And perhaps some of that line of thinking, you know, is there? Is there an afterlife? We know all of that, you know, what is my purpose in life, basically? And why am I here? And if you have that, maybe your your mindset is nothing matters, you're going to do the best you can live, love and serve, right? Others, excuse me, then it doesn't matter to you why things happen, or how things happen. You're just going to face them one moment at a time. I

Scott Benner 15:43
feel like everything's that way, though. Like you're on a step. You can't see the step above you. It doesn't mean it's not there. Right? Because you might get to it at some point. So if you asked me, you almost just did. Do I believe in a higher power? I would say no. Unless there is one. And then I definitely would, but big but for this moment. Do I think if I went up the next step, I'd see. Buddha, God, better Hari Krishna, whatever. I don't think I would. But if I did, I'd be like, Hmm, well, that's really cool. You know, and then, but I don't think it matters because I try to live my life as if they do exist. So it doesn't matter to me if they exist or don't exist, because I'm doing what I would be doing if I believed in them anyway, if that makes sense. But I also don't think I'm smart enough to think that I know. So I mean, I'll be the first one. If I shut my eyes and open them back up. And I'm standing in front of gates, I'll be like, Get out of here. This is nice. Everybody. I didn't think like I would definitely. And then I'd be like, right on like, let me see what's up like in? That'd be it like if I don't say that there's not a god. I say that if you made me choose, if you told me, Scott, you have $5,000 in the whole world? And I know the answer to this question. You have to bet your five grand I'm gonna go I haven't seen any existence of God, I'm gonna bet against it. And then if it was there, I'd say, Oh, wow, I was wrong about that. I don't I don't I'm not angry. If there is one, I think that'd be terrific. You know what I mean? Like, I just I don't see it. So I don't spend time thinking about it. And what's the point of this is that you can live like it's not there. But live like it is there at the same time. So you have the freedom of not being beholden to something like maybe what am I saying you can act right for the sake of acting right? Like, I don't think there's no rules that are making me help people with a podcast, for example, or that. I don't know, make me hold a door for somebody or all the other things that I think I do that I probably don't go noticed outside of my bubble during the day. I don't know. I'm sorry. I didn't expect to talk about this.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 18:01
Okay, so the what? I think we went we got here by you know, what drives you what is your purpose? And what matters. And in your, your mindset and belief system is that you're, you're doing the best you can you do. You're doing what you can each day, but you don't you're not looking backwards too much. And you're not looking forward too much. either. You're kind of just you're going moment to moment, doing the best you

Scott Benner 18:33
can and well intended. I don't have I try not to regret things. And I just think you know, have good intentions. Follow them as closely as you can, doesn't always go right. And keep moving. So if I did take Arden somewhere that got her sick, and she got diabetes when she was two, but if I just didn't go there that day, she might not have gotten until she was five. I mean, that's a lot of like assumption. You don't I mean, and so sort of probably why I brought the God thing up, like, I'm not gonna spend time making those assumptions. If they're true, that's fine. But if I get to the end, and somebody pulls out like a dossier, and they're like, Yeah, no kidding here. You did take her to the thing that got her sick and turns out had you not gone there that day. You wouldn't have happened till she was eight years old. I would be like, oh, gosh, well, that sucks. But I don't know what to do about that. You don't I mean, like everything to me, it's about what do you do next? Right. That just seems to be what life is to me.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 19:34
Right? And so with this fault piece around? Why do parents often find fault in themselves when their child is diagnosed or gets sick or injured? I think connecting to the either the god higher power control piece Who's Who are you in control of your own destiny? Can you protect Your children from everything, and you prevent all harm. I think we can't. And as parents, it's that is what we're learning each day, you know, as our children, we let them out into the world and they fall and, you know, scratch their knee is the first moment, you're like, Oh, I can't protect my child from everything. But you weren't going to, you're not going to sit there and say, Gosh, I shouldn't have let them go to the park. But I think on this grander scale, when maybe we can connect some dots to autoimmune connection, or we can connect some, some dots on larger, you know, some traits or, you know, genetic markers. There's connection, but I think the fault piece is tricky, right? We can say, well, of course, yeah. There is some connection, some genetic markers and lineage through these auto immune issues through our, you know, grandparents and aunts and uncles. But did we control that? Did we create our own, you know, genetic markers? Well, yeah,

Scott Benner 21:02
cuz you could start getting really deep into bizarre things. Like for instance, I'm not saying I tracked my kids, but I can see where my kids phones are. So last night, I could see Arden moving at a speed that indicated she was in a car on a highway. And she's way at school. She's 14 hours by car away from here. And I did not think oh, God, what if I saw the dot stopped abruptly? And I realized Arden was in a car accident. What would I do? And I thought I would call 911 and then get on a plane. Not I shouldn't have let her go to college. You don't I mean, because the truth is, I might not make it like Eric, I might walk I might leave here when we're done fall on the stairs. And then I'm totally kill me if I thought I was there's no way I'll be able to hold up that so I fall down the stairs. Do you think my 18 year old mom's somewhere? Come on, I shouldn't let him have a family. He should if he would have gotten married and made those babies and you know, bought a place to live and then he wouldn't have stairs to fall down because we were broke. We didn't upstairs anywhere. We lived on one level or like there's that would be a ridiculous thing to do. So I just don't there's no way I would do that. If I'm just gonna come out and say something ridiculous right off. Arden died right now in a car accident. I wouldn't regret anything that happened to her. And I I try to point as much as I can to the first year of the podcast to a woman who came on her name was Lindell Haulover. And she came on because her son who had type one died in college, he got sick. And I think he fell asleep and he just died in his sleep. And his heart. I mean, it was the first year of the podcast like it was a horrible conversation. I have chills thinking about it. Now. I don't remember anybody's name. This woman has a different name. It sticks out to me like this. But during the conversation, she said I don't regret anything. Because he lived for I forget 21 Really amazing years and would I have preferred him to live three times as long? And she said yes, but not if it was that a lot if it was if we were limiting his life. And I thought and that's just sort of how I think about it, like, do the best you can today have good intentions. Hopefully you won't fall down the stairs. And if you do, you can't look backwards, right? You just gotta keep going. Hey guys, just jumping in to remind you that one of our sponsors BetterHelp is offering 10% off your first month of therapy when you use my link better help.com forward slash juicebox that's better. H e l p.com. Forward slash juicebox. Better help is the world's largest therapy service. It is 100% online boasts over 25,000 licensed and experienced therapists and you can talk to them however you want text chat phone or on video. You can actually message your therapist at any time and schedule live sessions when it's convenient for you. Better help.com forward slash juicebox save 10% On your first month. One of the first things I do every morning is take ag one from athletic greens. You could do this as well. You could build a foundation for better health with ag one. Use my link athletic greens.com forward slash juice box to get started today. When you do you'll also unlock an offer to receive a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs that's on top of your ag one. Come on. He wants supports immunity boosts energy helps recovery and promotes gut health. I take it because I'm afraid that my diet doesn't quite include all the vitamins and nutrients that it should and he one helps me to feel better every day. I tried a handful of other range drinks before coming to AG one. One of them I won't mention the name tasted like what I imagined feet will taste like if you made it into a drink. He one however, goes down nice and easy. And my palate is hard to get along with. So that really is saying something. He one from Athletic Greens contains less than one gram of sugar no GMOs. No nasty chemicals or artificial anything's right now it's time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient daily nutrition. It's just one scoop and a cup of water every day. That's it, no need for a million different pills or supplements to look out for your health. Of course, to make it easier athletic greens is gonna give you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D, and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do to get that offer is visit my link athletic greens.com forward slash juice box once again, athletic greens.com forward slash juice box links in the show notes, links at juicebox podcast.com to AG one and all the sponsors.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 26:07
I imagine that she probably went through a grief process, though, you know, in that to get to arrive at a place to say that. And I think, you know, not looking back and placing blame on ourselves as parents or you know, as caregivers or trying to find fault that that's all part of the grieving process. So maybe you I don't know if you did that a little bit when she was diagnosed when Arden was originally diagnosed. But I know that that is really common for caregivers that I meet with, you know, gosh, what could how could we prevented it? How did we? How did we miss the signs? Or I thought this is our fault? Yeah,

Scott Benner 26:48
yeah. I thought like, I mean, I'm gonna stay at home dad, right? I thought like, what did I do that put us in this position? And then I thought, well, that's silly. And I didn't think about it anymore. But I get the idea. I do think I had a thought earlier. Where's it at right now I wish I could access it in my head. That being able to see if I can talk myself to it, being able to find the cause and point to it. It does offer relief, I guess. And it's the control piece like like Elise, that wasn't, I didn't do it. It wasn't me. But But then if I were to argue somebody out of that, I'd say well, you pick the guy or the girl that you got married to and made the baby and there was something about your juice and his juice that made a baby, they got diabetes. So turns out if you would have just gone out with the guy from 11th grade instead of the guy from 12th grade, none of this might have happened like we we can we can do that forever. Like it's just it's not valuable. And people get caught in it like, like badly and it ruins years of people's lives. And that's why I brought it up because I watch people do it every day.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 28:00
Yes, yes. Or they I inherit conversely, I thought I was doing everything right. living healthy eating healthy exercising, you know, keeping my mind this is for maybe the more a lot of people, people with a lot of who I work with the thing I was doing everything right? How did this happen? And so it was still trying to find yes, we're trying to find Yes, I think the relief trying to find reasons, explanations as to how something painful and sudden can happen. We just think human nature, we want to find an explanation for hard things. And part of the pain is most often we can't find clear explanations. And then that forces us to process. Am I in control? Why do bad things happen? And how am I going to face with this quote, bad thing? This hard thing? Yeah.

Scott Benner 29:00
You're not in control of anything. Like not big picture stuff. Because if you skip if you if, if you date, I don't know if you married this person, but you could have married the next one or the one before you don't know what would have happened when those two people got together. Like, you know, who knows. It's just it's it's all bad. Listen, I know it's a a, an audio medium, but my children are so much more athletic and attractive than I am that there are days that I'm like, they're definitely like the male bands. You know what I mean? Like, there's no way there's no way those are my kids. And if you would have looked at me and my wife and been like, hey, you'll probably give birth to a girl who's looks like a model and a kid who played college baseball and a bit like that's not gonna happen. And then it did, which is crazy. Think of all the famous hot people whose kids are ugly. Sorry. Like it's your See, they tried to control it. Super hot guy and marry super hot girl kid comes out homely. And you go, what else could I have done? Eric is not gonna agree with any of this. But trust me, it's a great example for our conversation. Those people who, who they tried to, they tried and it still didn't work out. You don't I mean, like, I mean, you don't know, when you're 18 years old. And you you come by and you're your girlfriend, you're picking your girlfriend up, and the mom is sitting over in the corner, and she's rubbing her hands going, my hands hurt again, you don't know, that's like I that's an autoimmune disease, get the hell out of here. Don't make a baby with this one. And lately, like, there's, you're not going to know that. And to put that on yourself afterwards. Also, I think of this for all the people who torture themselves about it. Ask them if they would, if they could go back in time and not have the baby. Would they do that? And no one says yes to that. No one ever I asked people constantly, no one ever says yes. Like not not just get rid of the diabetes. Just the person just doesn't exist anymore? And if the answer to that isn't Yes, then I don't know. I don't know what we're talking about that. Because if it's not that bad, then this is just what you got. And here we go. You know,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 31:30
it makes sense. I think what one of the myths of living in the land of if if only right, if only I had married this person, or if only we hadn't gone to McDonald's, whatever. The Myth of that thinking is that the if only did it it is going to be better than the reality you're facing now. And then that's how we, as you said, torture ourselves of thinking, If only I had gone left instead of right, then this wouldn't have happened. But if only I had gone left, then that could have happened in that could have been worse. Yeah. But we trick ourselves in thinking that it's the alternative is better.

Scott Benner 32:11
And not only that, but then it sticks you in a position. Like there's no moving along, then, like the amount of people who I've heard tell me, you know, in their 40s and 50s. Oh, I think back to when I was 18. And this is like, I don't know, people. We're not supposed to talk like this. But I think back to when I was 18. And my mom said I was fat. And I think I would kill to look like that now. Like that. That feeling. But it sticks with you the first time it says that your mom says, Oh, are you wearing that? You know, like? Or did you really you think this now you're stuck, right? And then you move forward five years and 10 pounds, you look back and you go, Oh, what was I doing? And then you move forward 20 years and 10 more pounds, you look back you oh my god, I was gonna but in the meantime, you're the one not leaving the space. And you just create these hazy patches of your life, where you're not fully being yourself busy trying to get back to the to step one all the time. Like, I don't know if that makes sense. I see the connection to it to what you just said, of just holding yourself in a spot over and over and over again, instead of getting through it or pass it around, or whatever you have to do to let it go. Because it will follow you right into your grave. And then what do you do if you close your eyes and they don't open back up again, like you all that time is wasted then, and I'm, I'm believing I'm seeing this happen with people around diabetes, type two and type one, just you know, what did I do? What did I eat? What did I say these on? You know, why did I marry this person? Like why did I just gotta let it go? I mean, it's just

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 33:52
Yes. And the the lies that if only I had done this or that then I would be happy or happy or right that that is a distortion a lie that we believe and it's ultimately preventing you from processing the true feelings in those moments of anger, sadness, shock, disbelief, you know, all of those initial grief, emotions post a diagnosis or any other trauma that you're experiencing. And so how do you move on, you know, going back to the, your, your way of your kind of mindset, the milk spilled on the, you know, the, the rod of okay, how do we how do we clean this up? How do we move forward? Well, we can be we can be frustrated, maybe there's going to be a stay in there. Maybe you're going to be sad and that's okay. But the and what we cover that primary emotion with the blame and shame so allowing yourself that space to the Akash I'm so disappointed that this happened I'm so angry. And I do want to find an explanation but I'm ultimately how do I get to a place of peace without having an explanation or without realizing that no one's really at fault.

Scott Benner 35:15
It's also very doable because when I was very young I I mean I wouldn't be making the same podcast I am now right like so I a different personnel and as luck may have it for this conversation this weekend, I took a small chicken and season that and put it in the oven and had a little liquid in it. And it was almost done cooking Erica when the glass pan that it was an exploded. And I have to tell you that about 25 years ago, the pan would have exploded, and I would have cursed for 20 minutes. Every bad word I could think of I would have cleaned it up while he was cursing. I would have cursed each little piece of the glass. Everything I just looked at I went that's crazy that I pulled the chicken bottle off to the side. My wife like what are you going to do that chicken I'm like, I'm going to check it for glass. I'm still eating it. I sopped up all the water and I cleaned up the oven and I cleaned up the glass and I vacuumed everything up and mopped everything up and checked the chicken. It didn't have any glass on it. I put it on a different pan, not a glass one that I shoved it back in the oven, and then I ate it later. And nothing's different in the end whether I would have yelled or screamed or been upset or thought like because I have can I tell you something? I hate that we own glass cookware. I've hated it for 20 years. I've never said anything about it. I thought it was a misstep. And it took 20 years for me to be right, Erica, but I was right. But it didn't. But there was no reason for me to say it. There was no reason for me to be upset by it. How many chickens I put in that thing? It didn't break. So I was like, Yeah, all right. Fair's fair.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 37:08
You didn't go around and say, Ah, ha,

Scott Benner 37:10
no, that's not what I would have said back then I would have been like mother. Chicken

why me? I just don't feel that way anymore. Like I just I don't? I don't know why. I mean, I think I outlined it loosely. While we've been talking. But yes, I mean, I grew up poorly. A lot of stuff went wrong. I had very low expectations for anything. And there's actually a part of me that thinks that helps when the chicken blew up. It did feel like it blew up on the way home and I was like, Wow. I was like, Huh, okay, like, my bar is so low. That I was just like, if I still get to eat this chicken this day still okay for me? Like, like, you know, I don't know. I don't know why we think everything's supposed to go right. And that's interesting to me like that feeling that, that no matter what, no matter what we're involved in, or who were involved with, or what the situation is that it's that it's supposed to be. I don't know that I'm supposed to be living like I'm a professional athlete on Instagram. Like, and if I'm not that everything's a mess. And I just don't I've seen it go back to. I've brought this up on here before because it was so like, impactful to me, like one of the very first professional football players whose contract was made public took him from, like, beloved person to hate it in a city that he had to leave. Because people found out he had, he was making $8 million that year. And it just it ruined people. They were like, I can't be around this anymore. Like he doesn't deserve this. Nobody deserves this much money. Like that kind of thing. Somehow along the way. It's turned into something different. We're now like, it's almost like we fetishize people, the more money we make they make the more we like to hear about it. And, and I don't know if people hear that and think, oh, that can be me one day. And that's hopeful. You know, there's that saying about the biggest, the best thing about America and the worst thing about America is that everybody believes the American dream. And I wonder that about like, Forget America for a second like life, like Does everybody have a picture of perfection they think exists, and they just have to find the way to it and then it's theirs. And then so every time every day I wake up, and I haven't ascended. It's because I made a mistake because the path is really there because the truth is the American dream is for whoever works out for it's not it's not every it's not everybody's and you didn't do it right. That's not That's not what it really means. You know, the American dream means that in America I'm putting quotes around. I don't I don't mean to get political. But nothing is supposed to stop you from a Sunday, you're supposed to have a clear path to it. It doesn't mean that the man who I saw today while I was driving down the street, who looked up at every car when yo as it drove by, he's not getting the dream. Okay, that's not happening for him. And I don't know why I don't know what has happened to him, it seemed like he might have been mentally unstable. But that's not the point. The point is, is like, there's no path for him to get to the dream. And I wonder if everybody doesn't just think it's there. They just haven't found it yet. And, and I wonder if that translates back to health? Does everybody think there? If they just did everything right? They'd be 95 years old on the news, smoking cigarettes, talking about how they've lived this long? You don't? I mean,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 40:56
I think there's, there might be some people who think that I think most most people have hope, even hope for, to for their dreams to come true. And so then what? And then everyone's dreams are different, but I think most people get up everyday because they have some sort of hope and purpose. Do they? Do they all realize their dreams? Know, for all the various factors and variables of life? But I think most people have hope that they might, but and then you said, do they have hope too, that their life will be perfection? And I think what what is perfection look like for each person is different is perfection, your bank account, your status, your your emotional and physical health, you know, whether what is perfection, right? But I think that sense of will free will and freedom to make those choices is one of the you know, blessings of our country. What impedes that then going back to the you know, our general question of, is it up to the control piece? Is it? Is it my own control? Is it and then is it if it is all in my control? That if then if I make a mistake, then it's my fault. Right? I think that's. So if I have this dream, and this hope to get there. But my mindset is that I it's up to me to get there than any mistake along the way. Physical, emotional, mental, or otherwise, is my fault if I'm ultimately in control. Yeah. Does that make sense? No,

Scott Benner 42:50
it does. It's just a shame that that's not obviously not the truth. That's all like it would be, it would be nice if everybody could believe that they're doing their best. And they'll they'll get up as many steps as they can. And each one is a success. And it doesn't matter if you're the guy who like who cleans the balls in the ball pit, or, you know, at the McDonald's, or if you're, you know, whatever your idea of like making it is like, it doesn't matter, it's the best for you. And that really is important, you know, like just doing the best you can for you. There's no fault there, then, I mean, I think that's what I'm saying earlier is that I don't have any expectations. Like I get up every day, I just do the best I can. I mean, I do have some basic rules, I do try to help people. I tried to I tried to treat people the way that I would like to be treated. I, well, I do treat people the way I would like to be treated. I try not to lie, then I think that's a very important distinction. Because there are times when lying is important. So like, you know, I try not to lie, I don't do it as a knee jerk reaction, like just to make things easy or anything like that. But there are moments when I'm like the nobody benefits from this. It's just going to hurt somebody I'm not going to do I'm not going to say. And that's it. But I mean, I honestly don't have any more rules than that. Just try not to lie and treat people the way you want to be treated. I mean, I would tell you about the podcast, that I never imagined I would do something for a living that would help people and pay my bills, and that I would enjoy. And that's a pretty big trifecta for me. And so I don't sit around every day thinking like, Well, what else can I squeeze out of this? Like, it just doesn't occur to me like that I wanted to reach more people. And I know that if it reached more people, I would probably make more money, you know, and I would probably then be able to do other things. But if it just stayed like this, that would be a lot actually. Like I don't know how to, like why would I think of this as a as a failure, you know, and you know, and it's interesting that financially the way business works, especially here, you see the stock market all the time. Like there's these companies who are like, they're doing fantastic. But they did a projection, they're like we projected 16%, but we only grew 14%. And their stock falls, because they're losers. And you're like, Wait, why? That doesn't make any sense. You know, and I just feels like, everybody has that. Pressure, almost like we've been commingled, like human beings and entities and ideas, we're judging everything on the same level, at this point, instead of just saying, you know, I'm a, I'm a compacted bunch of like, dust. And I'm, somehow have the ability to think a little more than other things on the planet that are made out of dust. And we're just thinking too much sometimes about things that have no answers. I know, that's sound, I think that's sometimes about therapy to like, like, sometimes I'm like, Just try not to care so much. Like it'll be it doesn't matter. You know, like, some things matter. But some things No, that's all

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 46:11
well and good. When the when we're trying to find reasons, or blame or fault, maybe there is, maybe there is blame or fault that should be placed in certain situations. But when we get stuck there, that becomes problematic. So even if we can point to grandma, and great grandpa in the lineage down to how our child now has type one, we have found, we have, we have sort of a loose explanation. And then we can practice grace, you know, to our ourselves and say, You know what, this is okay, I love the partner that I chose to have this child with, or, you know, however you have this child, adopted or otherwise, now we have this child and they have diabetes. And I know why or I don't know why, but I'm just going to practice grace and love on myself. And I'm going to model that for my child. And not pointing any fingers anymore at this point,

Scott Benner 47:23
the pointing fingers is it's forgiveness for forgiveness sake, without having to say something needs to be forgiven, like, so that's kind of the important part, right? It's just the thing, no matter what may or may not have happened here. I forgive it. Like, with just, that's great, right? That's just like, let's just let it go. And move forward. We'll get stuck here forever. And you know, you'll live your whole life in your kitchen with your mom saying that those pants are too tight. And you can't get past that then. Right? I kept thinking forgiveness, then you said grace. And I thought, Okay, this is right. That's great. You know,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 48:02
it's hard to do if that hasn't been modeled for you, if your mom or dad or parent figure has not modeled that, it's hard. So that's why you might find yourself as a parent now, not knowing how to do that. Can

Scott Benner 48:15
you practice on something small? And being serious? Like, could you pick something that you could just say, like, there's something in my life that I'm pissed off about? There really has no, like, I can see this has no impact on anything. And I'm just gonna let it go. Like it's they tell them what's the saying, right? You don't forgive people? For them. You do it for yourself. Yeah. Right. You unburden yourself.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 48:38
That's right. And that's hard. It's an oftentimes, I think, we think that it's, it's just going to happen, and it's a feeling that's going to come over us and sometimes that happens, but most often, forgiveness is a choice that you are making, and then the feeling times later to forget, I think we get we get stuck in that waiting, well I just gonna wait to like, feel like I want to forgive myself or I feel like I want to forgive him for doing that. But often we have to we have to decide. Okay, and that's hard. That's really hard to do, but it's can be done.

Scott Benner 49:14
Okay. All right. That's, that's what I'm up against that. All right, this is a good place to stop. I do want to say something at the end, though. For I get to look at you while we're doing this. And you're like, What am I like you think like I do. I know you and I don't let me get to it. You and I don't like you. And I don't think the same. Our process is the same. Like I watch you go into your head when you're talking. It's interesting. Like, I think if I forced you to keep eye contact with me, you wouldn't be as clear. Like you sort of you sort of go away into your head. And you speak out of your heart, if that makes sense or not. Yeah, and I do that too. Like so when I'm talking you see be like look away from you, right? Yeah. And I just realized that today like you do the same thing. That's Really interesting. It's, it's lovely because because I don't I never get the feeling that you are reaching into a bag of tricks and pulling out canned responses. Like you're I, I'm a lot, I talk fast. I say things that don't seem connected to each other right away, and you're actually listening to me. And I can see you keeping mental notes in your head like I can see you go say this when we go to this point when he's done talking. And then like, I'm watching. It's very impressive. I'm just very impressed. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Scott. Oh, people should people should see you for their therapy needs in what California? Hold on. Let me see if I know. California, Washington State. No, no, which one Oregon, Oregon, Utah, Utah, and Florida, Florida right now you can do those virtually? Yes. As far as Erica forsyth.com? Yes, thank you. Do you do it in video? Well, they get to see you like disappear into your head before you talk?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 51:03
Yes. Well, I mean, maybe they'll be looking for that.

Scott Benner 51:06
I would love it. I because I believe when I say something to you, and you respond. I don't think she's just saying what I want to hear. I don't think she's just saying what she can thinks about this topic. Like, I feel like we're having a really a real conversation. And I think that's just it's just very important. And it doesn't always happen. I interview people. I mean, you and I are different. We talk a lot, right? And but I interview people who are just there to say something. And they're just waiting for the spot in the conversation where they can get out their thought. And it's not like that with you. It's very nice. Actually.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 51:46
I appreciate that.

Scott Benner 51:48
Actually, what am I supposed to say when somebody? Thank you? Oh, you're welcome. I'm trying to be of off to you Oh, you think so? Every day, I'm not sure about that. I'm trying my best. And I think and I guess just to wrap it up for everybody. You know, if you can take it from me, a person who's probably spoken to 1000 people who have diabetes or love somebody with diabetes, it just this part you're stuck in is not valuable. And it's never going to lead anywhere. That you are just spinning in circles. And if it if it takes you to make something up to forgive, or to forgive a thing that you can't even put a face to, just to get past it. I think you'd have you'd have a lot more happiness, and a lot less anxiety and I mean the amount of people that just keep coming on the show that describe themselves as anxious. It's never it feels never ending sometimes. It's really, really interesting. Okay, all right. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate this.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 52:56
You're welcome. Thank you

Scott Benner 53:04
a huge thank you to one of today's sponsors better help, you can get 10% off your first month of therapy with my link better help.com forward slash juicebox. That's better. H e lp.com. Forward slash juice box. If you've been thinking about speaking with someone this is a great way to do it on your terms betterhelp.com forward slash juice box. You can get started today and everyday with a G one from Athletic Greens by going to athletic greens.com forward slash juice box Don't forget you're gonna get that free vitamin D and the travel packs with your first order. Athletic greens.com forward slash juice box and check out Erica at Erica forsythe.com Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast

#893 Stupid Eggs

Charissa has six children and one of the has type 1 diabetes. There is also a lot of auto immune issues in her family.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, welcome to episode 893 of the Juicebox Podcast.

On today's podcast we're going to be speaking with Chris and I Chris who has 12345. Wait, I ran out of fingers on that hand, six children, and one of them has type one diabetes, but there's a lot of autoimmune going on in her family. It's an interesting conversation, to say the least. While you're listening to me have that conversation with Karissa. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan or becoming bold with insulin. If you have type one diabetes, or are the parent of a child with type one, like Carissa says, you can go to T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juice box and complete their survey. Doing that helps move type one research forward. It takes you fewer than 10 minutes. It helps you It helps me it helps the world T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juice box. amount of stuff to say. Still loud music. Geez Hey, you can get 10% off your first. That's gonna be on tomorrow's episode. Now the music's over this episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by cozy Earth. Get great sheets, towels and clothing at cozy earth.com. And when you do that, use my offer code juicebox at checkout to save 35% off your entire order. Actually, you have to check out the webpage because I just said like towels and sheets. And that's not fair. There's way more there. I'm wearing the sweatshirt today from cozy Earth and it's banging. So soft, comfy, comfy, comfy, comfy 35% Off with juice box head over now. today's podcast is also sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. Now, we all have a blood glucose meter. Right? If you're listening to this podcast, there's a meter in your house somewhere the question is, is it a great one? Is it accurate? Is it reliable? Does it offer Second Chance testing? Because if yours doesn't contour next gen does contour next one.com forward slash juicebox

Charissa 2:38
I am Karissa. I am a mom to six. and my Number five is my type one. Kiddo. So I think that's my introduction.

Scott Benner 2:52
You have the six children the classic way or did you find them places or?

Charissa 2:57
No, they're all mine. Yeah. I popped them out the good old fashioned way.

Scott Benner 3:04
How old? Are you? Karissa?

Charissa 3:06
I am 38.

Scott Benner 3:08
Holy Hannah, are you building an army? Or are you doing this for Jesus? What is the reason you have 16? Yeah,

Charissa 3:14
a little army. I thought maybe a football team or something? Because I only have one girl and the rest are all boys. So don't stop

Scott Benner 3:21
now.

Charissa 3:23
Oh, no, I'm good. Once the youngest is out of diapers, so there's no turning back?

Scott Benner 3:28
Was there ever a thought of a seven?

Charissa 3:31
I'm probably more for me than my husband.

Scott Benner 3:36
Yeah, cuz, right. Well, what made you want to have such a big family?

Charissa 3:41
Um, I just always did. I mean, when I was little, and I played dolls, I had all of them were all of my children all at once. Like, I didn't just like pick one. So I wanted them all. And that was, you know, when when I met my husband, Andy, I was like, Listen, I'm gonna want a lot. And if that's scary for you, you're gonna have to leave. And I think he did debate it. But he stayed. So

Scott Benner 4:08
I asked. This is a serious question. That's gonna sound like a joke. Do you hoard other things?

Charissa 4:16
Um, no, I like to throw away a lot of things.

Scott Benner 4:20
That's interesting. Did you come from a large family?

Charissa 4:23
No, I I'm the middle. I have an older sister and a younger sister. And that's it.

Scott Benner 4:28
That's fascinating. Was there any point during the making of the baby's like around the third one where you thought and is this good? Or, like were you just completing the set at that point? Or were you really like did you never doubt it as you're going along?

Charissa 4:45
And no, I think I think had my body not said hey, the first one was that 10 years from the from the last one. And the last one definitely felt a little bit harder. And I think like, if that would have been a thing, I think I'd had more. But I will say my body felt it 10 years later, a lot more. And I also wanted to have like, even numbers, you know, like an amusement park, somebody had a partner, that sort of thing.

Scott Benner 5:18
I'm doing so late math in my head right now. 10 years has 120 months. That's simple math, right? But nine months to make a baby times six babies is 54 months. So 120 minus 54. So the last 10 years you've only not been pregnant for 66 months. Yeah, good times. I'm gonna divide that by 12. Real quick, just for fun. So you've been pregnant four and a half of the last 10 years. Holy hell. Okay. All right. I don't know we shouldn't like nominate you for something I guess.

Charissa 5:58
I think there's a lot more other you know, crazy people, if you will, than me. So I but it is kind of fun when you walk down the street and people like what? They all you're like, look at them. They all look yes,

Scott Benner 6:13
this lady stole children. She's rounded them up. And she's taking them somewhere someone stopper and they're so there's a 10 year old and what's how young is the youngest?

Charissa 6:23
So actually, my oldest is she's about to turn 15 And my youngest is about to turn five. So there's just 10 years between.

Scott Benner 6:32
So there's Yeah, okay, well, just for fun. 15 What's the next 150?

Charissa 6:39
Well, yeah, 15 1311? Nine, seven, and then almost five.

Scott Benner 6:48
Okay, and which one has type one the seven year old?

Charissa 6:52
The seven year old? Yes. Okay.

Scott Benner 6:55
All right. Well, you're gonna have enough energy to record this. Yeah. Okay.

Charissa 7:00
Man, I mean, they keep me going. So sure. Yeah.

Scott Benner 7:02
Is this the first year your youngest is going to school?

Charissa 7:06
No, he, he did go, we did go back to school. Right, you know, right at the beginning. So he was diagnosed may 24 2020. And then we had the option where we live to have to either go back or stay virtual when we went back to school. And that was a big debate for us. But we were like, well, hopefully a lot of people aren't. And then this is a good chance for the school nurse and the school to learn him when there's less kids. So even though that felt like really terrifying at the time, because he was, you know, only diagnosed for a few months, and he was still kind of honeymooning, and he was NDI and all the things. I was like, you know, we were thinking it's probably it's probably our best bet to put them in now. And then even though we couldn't go into the building, like make all the phone calls, because hopefully they'll have more time to hear us when we call the nurse's office

Scott Benner 8:06
that workout.

Charissa 8:08
Um, yeah, I think so. I think it really did. He was the only type one that year in kindergarten and then partway through first grade, there was a second one that joined and then ending last year, there was a third one that came to the school. And so then this year, there's still three there this year.

Scott Benner 8:33
So that was that was actually very interesting. You misunderstood my question, but I let you finish Oh, you were telling me it was I just wanted to know if the five year old if this is their first year at school?

Charissa 8:44
Oh, my five year old he's not five yet so he does not start

Scott Benner 8:48
school. Okay, so you see his home so you sent five kids off to school when school started like I

Charissa 8:52
said five off? Yes. And this is our first year with three schools because then we have high school middle school and elementary Do you

Scott Benner 8:59
own your own bus company? Or does this school coming?

Charissa 9:03
Do you have a mega van? So sorta and we did name it adventure bus so sorta, but not really.

Scott Benner 9:09
So before I asked you about before I ask you about the diabetes stuff I want to understand you please don't like I'm not looking for your tax return here. But would you characterize the money that your household makes as amazing average or below average?

Charissa 9:26
Probably average okay.

Scott Benner 9:27
How do you manage this

Charissa 9:31
so I stay at home and we my two oldest boys were the same size so that's really convenient. And then the next one is kind of all where the so like in a lot of ways. We so we live near the Austin Texas area so it's not the cheapest however, we moved from Columbus, Ohio and I'm The job change did come with a raise there. And it has allowed me to be able to continue to stay home. And in my previous life, I used to do hair. So it's not like it would have been an amazing bump. Depending on what area of talent you worked in, and how many hours I wanted to put in, you know what I mean? Yeah. And so my priority was still going to be my family, because, like, I kind of told you already, like, my dream was my family. So the the job was to get me to to that, and then I'll actually I'll probably change careers when I go back to work next year.

Scott Benner 10:43
Just because are you looking forward to going back?

Charissa 10:47
Um, yes, I think so. I, I do enjoy having something that's just for me, I do a lot of volunteering in a lot of different places. So it'll be nice to have all those hours make money. Yeah. What do you know, what did that downlink?

Scott Benner 11:04
What do you think you spend on food in a month,

Charissa 11:07
um, in a month

probably around a little over 1000, maybe 1200.

Scott Benner 11:19
You just feed the kids like it's the army, they get powdered eggs at every meal and a piece of toast.

Charissa 11:24
We do by a cup, we do by about 10 dozen eggs a week. We don't drink a lot of milk. So that's not super crazy, we eat a lot of fresh produce, and like meat. And that's probably the biggest expenses on those things, right. And then really, some of those like, convenient low carb snacks that we want to have like in the bag just to take those are expensive. So we don't like the whole family doesn't eat those. Those are usually just for Titus is my type one. So the rest of them will kind of eat something a little bit different. That's not always true. But you know, for the most part, we just really like normal real food, as opposed to just buying the convenient things,

Scott Benner 12:17
do you find yourself coaching them towards trades, when they talk about what they're going to do when they get older?

Charissa 12:23
Like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt

Scott Benner 12:27
you, I'm just I'm looking at the sheer number of people, right. And then I'm doing the math on what college costs. And there's sort of, there's like an upper tier level of what college costs, which at this point, is, I'm gonna say between 65 and $75,000 a year, right. And then there's sort of that like, 30 $40,000 range. And then there's, you know, there's lower, obviously, there's some schools that are six grand a year, there's community college, pay a few $1,000 for, but even if you went, even if you went like, I don't know, mid level, like if all of your kids were good students, they're like, I want to go to school and I want to be an accountant or this or that you're looking at like, I don't know, it's like a million dollars to send them all to college. You just so that so my point is when they're like, I want to be an accountant, do you say, you know, wouldn't you prefer being a roofer? Like, that's what I would do. I would just be like, you know, what's underserved in the world plumbing? Would you like to be a plumber? I would

Charissa 13:29
trade school.

Scott Benner 13:30
Yeah. Yeah. I pray to Chris, you just you disappeared for a second. So just start over there. But I'm wondering if you guys talk about college for the kids like you and your husband, you're sitting exhausted in the pile at the end of the day? Like, what do you say to each other about that?

Charissa 13:49
Um, I think that, for the most part, we try not to, to worry about it. Because, you know, at some point, I'll go back to work and if we continue to live like we do now, when I do work, everything I make can go for the colleges and the cars and all the things that we're gearing up for, like 10 seconds, really? Um, but no, I don't really I don't think we do because right now, my doctor, my doctor, my daughter is has been talking about being a doctor and she's the first one so cool, cool, we'll be paying for her while everybody else is also going through forever.

Scott Benner 14:28
You should abandon them that would be the best way to stay take them.

Charissa 14:32
Yeah. I mean, I don't I mean, whatever your I think I'm stumbling over this one a little bit because I think because of my personal like, family stuff like my growing up with my sister as a teacher and then became a principal and she's amazing. Super, like I've done all those things. And then we've also like, and then I did cosmetology school. And really, that's kind of what I did. And then but I also still have like, some regrets of not just going and doing like the nursing side of things that I considered previously. And doing it before I got married and have my kids and, you know, did all of those things. That like, I think because of those types of things, it makes me want to, like encourage them to go be and do whatever it is biggest dream their biggest dreams early. Yeah, and then change their mind later. If that makes sense.

Scott Benner 15:42
Man, I suggest trying to groom the 13 year old into being a bank robber, I think that's get him working.

Charissa 15:49
Ironically, that might be the one who would do it

Scott Benner 15:59
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Charissa 20:23
Yeah, or the nine year old is the topic.

Scott Benner 20:29
How long ago? How long ago was Titus diagnosed?

Charissa 20:34
So it's about two and a half years.

Scott Benner 20:38
Okay, two and a half years ago. So he was, uh, he was pretty young. He was not quite five.

Charissa 20:44
I mean, he was just five I should say, Okay,

Scott Benner 20:48
right. Around five years old. That's fine. Yeah, I just, you know, I don't know exactly when they were born. I'm just guessing from numbers. So yeah, did it how did it present?

Charissa 20:58
Um, so he went the long version, the short

Scott Benner 21:02
version, I want the version you think people would be interested in?

Charissa 21:06
So I honest, I knew nothing about type one diabetes. I have heard of it. But I didn't. I didn't know enough to like watch for symptoms. So they were all there. However, it was right when COVID was happening. It was right. In May. It was when everybody was home for spring break. It was right. In Texas. It was like, you know time to put on all the shorts and change all the clothes and so, you know, even though he was starting to lose weight I and I saw that. He's kind of my beefy guy like we call him the tank. Because he's not chubby. But he is very solid. He has more muscle mass and just general math to him. Then my other kiddos all have made me Yeah, I mean, like he's just always been heavier, bigger guy, even though he's not like, round and like full cheeky, you know what I mean? Like, he's not like chubby, so you didn't like think of like, oh, look, he's finally you know, he's finally like, you know, cutting energy wise catching up to the foodies eaten or something like that. It wasn't like that. However, because his brothers are a little bit more lean. They, when they were outside playing, or we were playing in like the water in the pool in the sandbox, in our backyard, then there. I was, like, I did say, like, man, he's, he must have just had a big growth spurt. He's really kind of shot up. And he's been down more, but he still was not looking like scrawny or anything like that. He just looked thinner, closer to his brother's body type. Just a lot different for him. And then because he was also not wearing pants anymore, he was wearing shorts, like it's not like his clothes seemed a lot different. And then, so we had also been helping our neighbor across the street wanted like a bunch of rocks taken out of like a flower bed. And so we had been over my older boys had been going over and like pulling it all up. And there was a lot. And so we over like a couple days, I would go like check on them. And so we had gone over there and it was kind of hot. And I went over and and I guess I should back up and say like, while we were playing and I noticed like he's kind of like lost a little bit weight. We hadn't really left the house because of COVID. So like there was no stopping to like say, why are you going to the bathroom so many times? Because like, there was he could go whenever he wanted

Scott Benner 23:50
freedom in the house. He didn't notice it happen. Yeah,

Charissa 23:52
there's a, there's a busyness in the house that like people are in and out of the bathroom and coming out of the house all the time that like it was fine. Like, go ahead, do whatever you want. Yeah, and there's water in the refrigerators. And he can go get it whenever but we were also playing outside playing in the pool and sandbox, whatever and it's hot and so we're all drinking a lot of water and because we drink a lot of water in general like we don't drink a lot of milk or juice there was no like asking for it. You can just go get it right now you're free to get the key cups on the counter. So but like when it really kind of came close to like, oh my goodness, I was like man, he kind of feels like he he kind of seemed like something's off and like right before that he had cut his chin. Like I don't remember if they were like jumping playing whatever but he had a pretty good gash and we went to like urgent care and they glued it shot and it didn't really hold. So like that kind of kept opening until part of that was like just getting an infection because like he would play with us but then he'd also come in to like lay on the couch for a little bit. And he's not really like a lay around guy. I do have one of my kiddos is like the lay around. Like he loves to go read a book for a while and not go be wild all the time. But that's not that's not really Titus. That's more you know, that's more that's actually more Lucas, we call them lazy Lou because he wants to go lay around. But so he, he would kind of come in lay down on like I kept taking his temperature and like, I mean, he's on watch, like he doesn't really have anything going on, but like, and then I kept like trying to treat this like his chin because I'm like, maybe he's getting an infection. Like, but again, I was like, I don't really want to take him to the doctor unless we see something. So I just kept trying to clean it and put like, you know, we posted on it, or you know what I mean? Like just trying to take care of it and keep it clean. So anyway, we went over to the neighbor's house, and we're trying to help, like, with the rocks, and I was hoping for a little bit. And he came over with me. And then he was like, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. And I was like, Oh, well, you're probably getting too hot. Let's go home. And so, um, and he drank like some propel while we were out there. And so he, we went back over to the house, gave him something to drink, he started feeling a little bit better. And that was a Saturday. And he laid. You know, he did, we did all the things he didn't really dinner because he didn't really feel great. He had a little bit. And then he went to bed and I checked his temperature. I checked him one more time before we went to sleep. I mean, after you've gotten to sleep, and His room was upstairs, and he shared with his brother. And then so Sunday morning he and my 13 year old is the only one who sleeps in India. But so everybody else had been up and up and moving around for a while. It was about like 930 Because church had come on like the TV, right? Like we were watching. We weren't leaving the house for watching. And I was finishing up making everybody breakfast. I'm like, where's Titus? Somebody go get your brother, please. Because it's time to eat breakfast and we're gonna we're gonna sit and do church together. And my daughter Caylee went upstairs to get him and she came carrying him down the stairs. And she's like, he doesn't feel good. And so she brought him down and like stir them up. And then he was just like breathing really heavy. Like, that's not good. And he wouldn't talk to us like, I'm like, so I like trying to like finish making these eggs and like, I'm stirring it. And I'm mostly just looking at him. And I'm like, I this is not right. Why is he breathing so hard? And why is he not talking? I took his temperature and it was something like 95.8 like, super cold. And she's like, Mom, I found him on the bathroom floor. breathing really hard. And I was like, was he asleep? Did he get up to go? That doesn't feel good. She's like, I don't know if she was asleep or not. He had his eyes open, but he's not talking to me. And so then we're trying to talk to them, or I'm trying to ask them what's wrong. He's not really responding. And I'm like, I don't even care about the stupid eggs. Like I just like, I'm like, I'm done. I don't care if these are done these. Something's not right. So I call a friend of mine, who has she fostered and then adopted a lot of medical kids. I say a lot. She fostered a lot of kiddos, and then she adopted two or three medical kiddos. So they have a lot of stuff at their house. And I'm like, Listen, I need like a pulse ox. And I need an I don't know something's not right. So she came over pretty quick, maybe within like 10 minutes, and we were trying to get like, his, like, you know, numbers and stuff. We just wouldn't read. And I was and he was so cool to head on, like wrapped in a comforter and on the front porch, like in the sun. And, and then he threw up and I'm like, Nope, we're done. I'm not staying here. We're going to the we're going we're taking him in somewhere because this is not okay, we're not talking

Scott Benner 29:09
if it wasn't, if it wasn't for COVID Do you think you would have gone sooner? 100%. Okay. Yeah, I just was wondering what you were, what you were, I mean, because on the floor unresponsive is, you know,

Charissa 29:24
yeah, I mean, like, he wasn't talking he was like stand and he was like, you know, whatever. But like he wasn't like, like, it's more like lethargic. Yeah, kind of thing. But not like not responsive. Like couldn't shake him awake. He was awake and standing talking to us, but not like something else. You know what I mean? If he was just breathing heavy and unresponsive it called 911. And they did. It had been a squad. Yeah, you know what I mean? So but he wouldn't talk to us respond to us that way. And so then he threw up everywhere and I'm like, nope. And I quickly like all over me and all over him like we quickly showered him And me and I started like, and I'm like instructing like my family, like, you go get a bag, you go get a book, you go get whatever, and get it all packed up. And I like pack stuff for him and me, like, I knew we weren't going to just be there for like, an hour, you know what I mean? Like, I knew this was a minute, like, there's something was not right. And so we got to the ER, and, you know, they do all the classic checking on things, but they were trying to get him to like, put his arms up for for an x ray. And he was like, just kind of like, crying because he like really just couldn't. And they gave him an IV in one arm. And he didn't even read. Like, he didn't like, flinch to that. And you're like, No, that's not. That doesn't feel like a normal five year old response. Right, like, and I

Scott Benner 30:50
asked you, of course, like, at that point, having no feedback yet from the doctors. What was going through your head?

Charissa 30:57
Did you have right, it was I was not understanding why they weren't moving faster.

Scott Benner 31:02
Okay. But I just felt like position where you like making things up in your head? Like, what was your, like, your worst nightmare in that moment?

Charissa 31:10
Yeah, I mean, I was like, he's never had asthma. So like, I don't understand the breathing. He isn't talking and they're trying to make him like walk down to the room, like, you know, from triage down to the room. Like, why are we doing triage at all? Like, why are we not just going to a room, this doesn't feel like you guys are understanding how urgent this feels to me. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I was just like, I feel like this feels a lot more urgent to me. I feel like you are not seeing how wrong something is happening here. And I remember being enough in a daze that it was. It was a while later, that one of the nurses said after he had like, after we found out was going on, like one of the nurses said, Okay, he's no longer tech product. But like, I even realized that was happening. You know what I mean? Like, there was enough happening, that I was like, why is he and I think I think people were moving quicker. I think I was I was worried enough that I was like, I feel like y'all aren't doing enough. Why are you not doing more. So they did do a decent amount of things. They did all the lab work, they did all kinds of stuff. And we were kind of waiting and I and he the the really the rapid breathing and the fact also his skin was like really like patchy meaning like, it was kind of like purpley and like, almost had like, circular kind of pattern on it. And all of his extremities were like super cold.

Scott Benner 32:43
Sounds like its circulation was poor. Yes, yeah.

Charissa 32:47
And yeah, it was it was not good. And I think like he had probably gone into DKA, that while we were doing the rock stuff, where I had is going into DK then, and I didn't, I didn't know. And then I let him go to bed. And I I'm like, I cannot believe I let him go.

Scott Benner 33:09
Well, that was his blood sugar. When they finally figured out he had diabetes.

Charissa 33:14
It was still only like in the 380s. Which, to me doesn't sound like insane. Considering, you know, his his agency, I want to say was a 11.2. And then what kind of gets me a little bit is it because they don't do like the urine tests in the pediatricians office like had he just had one at his Wilczek made a scene it was elevated then probably because he had his wheelchair. And then to have a little point to he had to have been prior. You know what I mean? Yeah, how

Scott Benner 33:53
long did it tell him? I'm sorry. I was gonna ask how long did it take him to kind of bounce back after they got him? You know, the treatment he needed?

Charissa 34:01
Yeah, um, so he, we were in the PICU for two days. And then they they moved us to a I want to say they moved us to a regular floor, like that night. On the last like the night of the second day, and then the next morning, they did let us like that's when we kind of moved and then we move and then we left like that evening. So he was there for about three days.

Scott Benner 34:32
All right. This was completely unexpected. There's no other diabetes in your family.

Charissa 34:38
There is nothing there is no type one. I will say like both of my parents like their parents and siblings or their parents and their parents siblings. So going back like decently far right. Didn't live a long time. So I feel like there's a possibility But having been there because they had children, like my grandparents had children that died young, or they had nieces and nephews who died young. So like, I think there's probably a possibility but there's not enough history and knowledge there. To know.

Scott Benner 35:18
That's yeah, that's very interesting. How about other autoimmune issues?

Charissa 35:23
Oh, yeah, we're a mess. Well, my, my niece was probably the first one that we realize, had something. So she has juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. And she was a little like, maybe two when she was diagnosed, and she was diagnosed because she had like, broken bones that were like, Why is she breaking so easily? And then it had been a number of years, because I want to say she's 12. Yes, she's in between two of mine. So she's, she's 12. So it's probably been about 10 years from there. So, you know, she was eight ish, before Titus was diagnosed. And then really, when Titus was diagnosed, that's when, really, and then kind of when we found your podcast. And I started, like, digging in more and wanting to know more than I looked for my own stuff, like what was wrong with like, I have hypothyroid. But I was like, but there's enough weird things that like, I need you to test for other things. And so that was finally, you know, I fought with that for 14 years. And then really last year, is when I was like, can you test me for Hashimotos? And then, my endocrinologist was like, yeah, it came back. Do you have that? See, see?

Scott Benner 36:51
So Well, hold on a second. So you have Hashimotos and the grandparents that you were talking about? Are they on your side of your husband's side? My side, your side? Okay. Go ahead. I'm sorry. Keep that.

Charissa 37:04
So really, and then my, my younger sister has a probably fine to say like a an autoimmune like colon issues. So she can't have any theory of any kind. And that was really diagnosed about two years ago.

Scott Benner 37:21
colitis, maybe? Yes, yeah.

Charissa 37:23
I was trying to remember what it was earlier today. And I was like, I don't know. Don't worry, figure it out. You probably have them in your brain bank.

Scott Benner 37:33
Okay. Your sister has colitis. You have Hashimotos Your son has type one.

Charissa 37:39
Yeah, right. And then we've had like some weird things like pop up. So we did do TrialNet thank you for that. Um, so my 13 year old Emmett has one marker different than Titus. Titus only had had one also, but a different than Titus. And then my nine year old LinkedIn has to, and he was in a trial, which I originally thought, oh, we'll talk about this trial, but it was cancelled about a month ago. And so he has to and they're different than either of the other boys.

Scott Benner 38:23
Okay, so your seven year old has type one, your nine year old has two markers for type one, your 13 year old has one marker for type one. Correct. And they've all been done

Charissa 38:32
and everybody else is clear? Yeah. Okay. Including my husband and I, we all

Scott Benner 38:36
did it. You have Hashimotos Your sister has colitis. And wow, that is a lot. You okay,

Charissa 38:45
and then, and then really like my older sister has just recently been like, referred to a rheumatologist. So she's just trying to discover what's going on there. And then my oldest two have now been referred to rheumatologist to try to figure out what's kind of happening there. And we've had a few different markers of different things, not type one, but other autoimmune things come up that we're in the discovery phase of now. What are they trying to figure out? What's happening?

Scott Benner 39:14
Your older your two older ones.

Charissa 39:17
So I met had, so he's 13. But over last year, he kind of got like, like sports suddenly became super hard. And he's always been like very athletic and you know, do his things. And just super busy and you know what I mean? But he could not keep up and cross country. He could not keep up in football and we're like, Are you are you not trying? Like what? And actually I feel really bad because I felt frustrated that he wasn't trying hard enough. Because I was like, why? Why don't you care? You said you really wanted to do this. And now you're not working as hard. Now, I didn't really say to him as much, you know, to me, and I try not to be that way. But, but I did say like, you know, are you okay? Because like, you seem you seemed a little more tired today, you know, do you mean, but I really noticed that we do. My daughter is a swimmer. And we it started because we started summer league swimming. And so all of my kids do some really. So for the youngest, he still more of a thinker than a swimmer. And so during summer league swim, that's when it really clicked in my head that something was not quite right, because he couldn't hit last year's times. And normally, like last year's times, you kind of hit that and like the first week, and then you improve on your times, all summer. That all the meats because you have meat, like almost every weekend for like, six weeks,

Scott Benner 40:57
what are his complaints,

Charissa 41:00
he was just not able to keep up. Like he just couldn't keep, like, he had no endurance, I guess that's really like, the biggest thing there. So like, he'd be fine. And like the normal short spurts, he also has like ADHD, right. So like, he's also a very, he can be very busy. And then, so it's sometimes harder, I think, maybe sometimes a little bit harder to see there. Because if he was like, if you if he was like a little bit more, even all of the time, I think it would have been a little bit easier to spot but because he's him, you kind of have to like, you know, I thought maybe he was just like calming down a little bit more. You know what I mean? But then I was like, maybe he just can't keep up. But over last school year, he got everything. I mean, he had COVID and flu, and strep, and colds, and he got mono. Like he had everything. And so I think mono is kind of what we assumed was playing a big part in it. But then I was like, I need more blood work. Like please, please do more laps, like please look into it more. And so when we did that, and our pediatrician was really good about like, I need, I now need you to do this, you might think I'm crazy, but let's just let's just humor me here. And like, let's give it a shot. And so she will. And so that's what they did. And she was like, Okay, I see some markers here. Now we're going to refer you to a rheumatologist for that.

Scott Benner 42:46
What did she say?

Charissa 42:49
Um, it was.

Scott Benner 42:58
Chris, you have too many. There's too much. There's too much happening in your head. I think you should just lock them in a closet and leave for four days. It leaves them with

Charissa 43:09
did I just make people to break them? It's not fair. I was just trying to do my part to make the world a more beautiful.

Scott Benner 43:15
Well, does it feel like that? Do you feel like I have questions. But let me take a sidebar for a second. So do you feel let down because you talked about church on TV. And that makes me feel like churches important to you? Because if I had to get to church through television, I definitely wouldn't do it. So that seems like a commitment. And it is important. Yeah. So you felt like you were is that right? Like you felt like you were populating the earth. And now you're spending your time worrying that your son can't run or swim and that your other kid has diabetes, and the other one has two markers and like it, do you feel? I don't know what the word would be. I need you to tell me how it feels.

Charissa 43:57
Um, I think I know what you're saying. But no, I don't feel ripped off. I don't really feel like that so much. I do feel a little bit like I wish I wasn't making their life harder because I didn't know I had these things. But I don't know that it would have stopped me from having them because I want them you know what I mean? Like I want them in my life and I feel like they make my life better. And I feel like as a family we are strong. And and I like the idea of what we can do when we go into the world and we try to look people right so like I don't know that I would have changed anything. I think I maybe as a young person was a little bit more naive as to what life was going to be like when you got old Sir,

Scott Benner 45:00
yeah, it's a very, it's a very hard question to answer. Because if I said to you or to anybody or to me, you know, here's what life is like with this issue, whatever it is. And you don't have the context of knowing your children at that point. Like, if I could take you back in a time machine and say, Look, you don't have kids, you have no connection to them. I know, this is what you want, you want to make a family, etc. But here are the things that are going to happen. I think that the 23 year old you are, I don't know, however old you were when you were really considering having children. 25.

Charissa 45:32
Ironically, 23 is when I had my first one,

Scott Benner 45:34
I was doing the math like vaguely like, so like, so. Yeah, thank you, that you. I wonder how that you would have answered? Because I don't know, that version of me would answer either. And I don't also want to articulate on the podcast that if you gave it to do over again, I'd say no, this isn't worth it. Because that's hurtful for people to hear, who have, you know, Taiwan or my kid or whoever, you know? And I don't I don't mean it that way. There are two different. I mean, there's no way to do what I'm proposing, right. You can't actually go back and ask yourself that question before you know this. So knowing what I know, now, I wouldn't, I wouldn't make a decision that led to art not being here. Like I just wouldn't do that. But I take your point, you know what I mean? Like, it's, it's a tough thing to swallow, because people are now you have these people you love, and now they're struggling. And you're not, it's not like it's not the kind of struggle where you're just like, Oh, you have a headache, take this aspirin, it'll go away. It's the kind of struggle where you don't even know what's happening. And you go to a doctor, and the doctor is like, I don't know, go to a different doctor. And that's a long road. I mean, of all the kind of fascinating things that you've said or not said so far today. When I asked you what the markers were that sent your 13 year old to rheumatology, you couldn't think of it? And that's not because you're not paying attention. That's because you're overwhelmed. And there's a lot going on. Yeah, I think it sounds to me, so but what are his complaints? Like? Just the tiredness? I mean, did they check in for hypothyroidism? Or Hashimotos?

Charissa 47:09
Yeah, I while I make them always check, thyroid, and all those kinds of things, like, every year, at well checks all the time, just because that's how I, how I am it was the AMA heater was the

Scott Benner 47:22
what are their TSH has come back like, um, because a lot of times doctors will tell you, they're in range, but they're high. And then you can mitigate that and feel better.

Charissa 47:34
Right? They, so a lot of times they'll call us and tell tell us, right? And so when I asked what the numbers were specifically, I can't tell you what the numbers are at the moment, because we've been away enough from those appointments, right? Like my kids are. February, January, December. I have one in June, and then September birthday. So really, it's been closer to a year. And I don't have a great memory. Especially like for some of those types of little things. Like I know where to go look for it. Because I know I don't remember I keep it somewhere.

Scott Benner 48:14
Listen, if I was you, I remember either door. Yeah.

Charissa 48:19
But I don't remember where he's going with that. See that one? No, it's

Scott Benner 48:24
fine. Well, I was just asking, like, what if their TSH numbers were coming back over to

Charissa 48:28
Oh, yeah, I do remember like asking about it. Close enough to where I felt like it needed to be that I was like, okay, that's fine. Because they don't like I wish it was like in the patient portal where you can just go look at it. And then I could like screenshot it and save it in there and look at all of them my own self, but the pediatrician specifically will just call and go over all of the numbers and discuss it, which I do appreciate, because then we can talk about it, as opposed to just kind of looking and we can discuss what we want to do from there. Yeah. But if you forget, or you don't write it down, or you're somewhere else, then then you don't really have a great way. Or if you're like on a podcast and you're like I want to talk about the specific detail.

Scott Benner 49:17
One of my one of my anxiety points is as you're searching for the answer to a problem, I always think what if we already found the answer and we're not looking at it? Right? And like, Dude, I mean that it's that idea of wasted time. Like what if we did a blood test got this answer, and just didn't like it didn't like ring the right bells for people so it sits there written down on a piece of paper the answer to your problem and now you're moving forward to another doctor, another doctor, another doctor. And here it is way back here the answer. I always I always end especially for a person like yourself who's managing six kids? And you know, there's health issues kind of spread around you have them yourself. Like, how much time can you actually spend sitting down poring over all this stuff trying to go, hey, well, what does this mean? Somebody addressed this plus the way. We talked to doctors, you know, the communication process, you sit in, you go and you sit down in this in this thing, and they look at everything and go, Well, these tests were okay. And then you just go okay, and then you write those off then like, alright, well, that wasn't the issue. We'll go to the next thing. But I mean, just being so so your, your 13 year old for an example, his his complaints are just he's tired, and he's not performing the way he used to?

Charissa 50:43
Mm hmm. Well, that's really what I saw for him. For sure, yeah. I'm sure there's probably other things that he's not discussing. Okay. But that's what I see. For him. My daughter, I saw more like arthritis see kinds of things for her. And then a lot of her stuff was really kind of triggered when when she broke her fingers. And then she was allergic to her past. And then since then, she is super responsive to anything. It's gotten a little bit better, but like, right after she had like, a contact dermatitis from her cast, like her arm was swelling above her cast, super vague, and we had to make them take it off early.

Scott Benner 51:30
Having an auto immune response to the cast.

Charissa 51:33
Correct? Yeah. And then, but really, like, we went to a bunch of doctors, repeatedly, we ended up going to an ER finally went to a dermatologist. And then like, then we floated around for three years trying to figure out like, why is it and then not too long ago, I was like, Wait a minute. Doesn't this sound like an autoimmune response? It was triggered by something. And then so from there, and then I was like, and then you know, she's had some joint issues, she'll, she'll kind of have like swollen knees, she's six foot and 14 at the moment. So like, she and she's very athletic. Like, she's a swimmer. But she also did cross country and she's built very. I mean, you can tell that she's so in six days a week, and she runs and she works out and she Tracy eat really healthy. And you know what I mean? When we first

Scott Benner 52:27
set out the knees, they're swollen or they warm to the touch.

Charissa 52:31
Sometimes there'll be warm, red, swollen, and then sometimes like her hands, so it's more knees in hand, sometimes elbows will play in it. It definitely is affected by weather. Cold. Like when we went to Colorado A couple years ago for Thanksgiving, she was like, just so at every time we'd go outside, and like plan the snow and she you know what I mean? Like, so that's quite a lot more closer to like, my husband has psoriatic arthritis. And so we were like, Okay, maybe you're getting like maybe you actually have something more like that, which is, you know, also autoimmune. And so, okay, well, maybe that's kind of also happening there. Is she?

Scott Benner 53:17
Is she single rheumatory. Physician?

Charissa 53:21
Yes, yes, yes, she's she. So the rheumatologist did a whole bunch of stuff, including a lot of genetic testing. And then we see him again in middle of September, to kind of go over everything. But he also sent her to like an ophthalmologist, he sent her for a CAT scan of her hands, and an MRI of her hands. And also to like a specific allergist. For kind of looking at why she reacted to the cast, because she also gets like a contact dermatitis looking rash as opposed to more hives. But like, for weird things, like sometimes she'll like eat peanut butter, and we're like, oh, this brand like she can't eat just anymore, right? Like that's not a brand that she can eat. The rest of the family could eat it but she can't. So we were all natural peanut butter. Well now even some of those she can't for like maybe it's the oil in the peanut butter. Because she can do like PD fish. She can toss that like a protein shake. And that's okay. So it's like there's some weird things there, which she just found out she's allergic to Koloff honey, which is a pine. And in resin is like the biggest thing that it's in. And it's in like paints and makeups and all different things. So I don't know, we'll see where we are from there. But they both had that like definite high marker of that as a theater.

Scott Benner 54:57
Right? Well, I mean I'm glad everybody's being seen, then you're seems like you're moving towards something. I mean it. The red knees, the heat, the cold and hot. Like that does sound and there's RA in your family. Right. So, I mean, that seems like half the doctors talked about what they would do to try to help her if this is what it is.

Charissa 55:19
Yeah, they kind of told her like, at least tentatively that like it's an idiopathic arthritis at the moment, which is more like, for from what I've read, like more for like, kids who are like diagnosed like in that team area. And so at the moment, it's still more of a kind of treat the symptoms a little bit more, but it does have like some skin element to it for her, which is more on her scalp. Which is super fun when you're a teenager, you know. So but we just got a new, like treatment from the from the dermatologist. And that seemed to actually really help significantly. That's more for more for Soria for psoriasis, then just eczema, which is kind of what they were treating it like before, but they can kind of go hand in hand.

Scott Benner 56:22
Well, yeah, there's a lot also on top of all that, ADHD, there's some an NIH writings about it. One of them is a personal history and maternal history of autoimmune diseases were associated with increased risk of ADHD. And several authors have proposed associations between ADHD and inflammatory mechanisms due to positive findings regarding inflammation related genes. So it's really mean that's a lot. It's just if if juice, are you okay, I asked you earlier and you blew right past it, but

Charissa 56:56
Oh, am I okay? Yeah, I'm good. Yeah, okay. I don't I think I didn't even hear you. I'm sorry. No,

Scott Benner 57:04
no, don't worry. I just I wasn't sure if you were didn't hear me or you were just like, I'm not okay. And I don't need to say it.

Charissa 57:09
I just use okay, what's okay? Even mean? I'm not even sure at this

Scott Benner 57:13
point. You know, I'm the most stunning thing you've said is that you help your neighbor pick up rocks, my neighbor is. I don't think I've ever shared this, but we live across the street from I don't mean this, like, in a bad way. But she's so old, this very, very old woman, like when we moved in 20 years ago. And I first saw her I thought, oh, that lady will be dead soon. Like, that's how old she is, you know what I mean? And, and she lives with her nephew. But if she's in her 80s, he's, you know, in his 50s. And he was sort of, he's the he used to be the guy in town who would, you know, kind of show up, like passed out places. And that doesn't seem that doesn't seem to be anymore. But they're very, I don't know the word. I can't explain the word other than just say that the piece of property they have. They have filled in every square inch with a bush or a tree. Like no one's going to buy this house unless they want an arboretum Plater. They spend every waking hour tending to the, to the grounds. And besides the fact that she will sometimes scream and yell at you, when you're driving in and out of your driveway for reasons that are completely innocuous. Like you're not doing Vicky come out of the you come out of your driveway, stop at the end go to turn. And you just hear ask. You're like, Okay, we've never we've never spoken we don't know each other like I tried waving and talking in the beginning, but it just didn't matter. They wouldn't respond. Anyway, I tell you all this to tell you that there are this is not an infrequent thing. But frequently, she will go outside with a heavy pair of metal kitchen shears and cut the weeds at ground level with them. And she'll she'll spend days doing it. Like just and there. There was this one time. We were all up late. Hold on. I swear this happened. Let me get a drink. You were in the house. We watched a movie. It was late. Two o'clock in the morning. You're closing everything down. The house was getting quiet. And all we could hear was like Ting Ting Ting and everybody's like, what is that? And we got quiet like it's outside. It's outside. So we start looking out the windows because you know what the hell Ting Ting. And then finally one of the kids goes, Oh my God. Now it's after two o'clock in the morning. She's across the street cutting the weeds with their scissors. Oh, that's what the thinking was. So when you were like, we helped our neighbor pick up rocks, I was like, oh, people talk to their neighbors. They liked them enough to do. I mean, I would like her if she didn't like, creep the enemy if I'm being honest. But she I know, she's like, she's like a Scooby Doo bad guy. You know what I mean?

Charissa 1:00:22
I mean, that's pretty creepy. It is very, I don't like that. I can't

Scott Benner 1:00:26
even tell you the story of one time my kids were playing in the driveway. And she just randomly started screaming at them. And I think I had had enough. So I went to the end of the driveway. And I had harsh words for her, which seemed to push her back into the house. And when it was over, I turned I looked at my daughter's friend, and she was like, oh, oh, and I'm like, sorry, I didn't mean to sorry. We just I'd like she can't yell at you guys. Like, it's like, you're not doing anything. You're just existing on our property. And she's just, I, there's something clearly, let me be honest, there's something very wrong, you know what I mean? So most of the times, they're innocuous. And every once in a while, they're just like, out of their minds anyway. Let me ask you here at the end, how your son's managing with the type one and how you're making out with it. That is it? Did you get certain technologies? How did you start? Like, how's it going?

Charissa 1:01:26
Yeah, we got the Dexcom, G six, pretty, pretty quick, not quite as immediately as I wish we would have looking back. I think the whole like, put something on your kid was this like was a moment for my husband, like when we were still in the hospital. But within like a month or so we got it. And it's magic. Everybody needs one. And then he's on the Omni pod now. And he has been for I guess it'll be two years in November. So and that's really been really very, very helpful. I wanted him on the on a pump, simply because his, we needed to be able to adjust his basil, we needed to be significantly lower at school and significantly higher, at night and at home. Like we needed to be able to double or triple it and be able to step it up and step it back. It almost looks like stair steps, like when you're looking at the line. And that was super helpful. He's also for the most part, adrenaline still makes him dropped more than it makes him rise. I don't I don't know why his body wants to try to kill them when it's supposed to try to save them.

Scott Benner 1:02:52
I've heard other people say that, by the way that like that fear and anxiety where some people get a bump up makes them crash down.

Charissa 1:02:59
Yeah, so like, for him, like when he walks into the school building. His his, his his basil. He's around like 11 units during the summer. And as soon as we hit like school, he can probably go down, like almost a full unit just for being at school during the day, and sometimes even a little bit less. And we don't necessarily always have to cover every car, we're like at home, I still would cover like to, you know what I mean? Like the only time I'm like, you might be okay is if you're like at five and you're eating something that says it's one I'm like, okay to eat that. That one thing right now. You know what I mean? Otherwise, no, we're, we have to cover that. So, but at school, you might even be able to go to like, five or whatever, and not have to necessarily worry so much about it. So it's weird. And then the second he walks out of the building, you know, like at three o'clock or whatever he that, like that moment is when his Basal will go from, you know, whatever it is. It'll it'll, it'll double for him to walk out the door.

Scott Benner 1:04:19
I'm sorry. So while he's at school, he almost needs the equivalent of like five units a day but away from school. It's more like 11 Total Basal.

Charissa 1:04:28
Well, during during the school year, he gets around like closer to nine and 9.4 or five or something, right? That's about what it is with all the adjustments, but like, during the summer he was 11 Solid. Just just Basal

Scott Benner 1:04:47
so when he's not, not at school, he's getting like point four or five an hour on average, but when he's that you lose a couple of of units on that total Basal and most of it goes away during the day too. I'm always in school.

Charissa 1:05:01
Yeah, I mean, he'll go down to about like point two, five, during during different parts of the day, like during recess and lunch?

Scott Benner 1:05:08
Because he's super active at school.

Charissa 1:05:11
Um, yeah, I mean, he'll play hard when he's at recess. He's not wonder like, kind of do nothing but like a though it will need to start almost as soon as he walks in the building to drop down. And as soon as he walks out, he will start rising. The second he comes out of the building because he starts relaxing. And then when he falls asleep, it's significantly more than like, as soon as he falls asleep,

Scott Benner 1:05:36
every time that is super interesting, because Arden's exactly the same. The opposite. Like she needed, she needed more at school, and the minute she leaves left school, her blood sugar started to drop.

Charissa 1:05:47
Well, when you were talking about that on episode previous, I just did whatever you said their

Scott Benner 1:05:51
opposite. The backwards. Yeah, like I just said, I was like, that's that makes sense.

Charissa 1:05:55
Okay, let's just do opposite of what he just said, well, then that will probably work. And then it kind of did.

Scott Benner 1:06:00
Good. Well, yeah, that's really something I, I just, I'm not sure what to say? Or do you look at your other two with markers and wonder if they're gonna get type on?

Charissa 1:06:14
Um, sometimes even the ones that don't have markers every now and again, I'll be like, I feel like I need to just poke your finger real quick here. Because I think that is always now in the back of your head. You know, like, Are we are we sure we're good? Like, you just went to the bathroom? Like 18 times? Give it UTI? Are you trying to have something? You know, like, what's going on? Or, or just have a bunch to drink? That's also a thing. But it's still a little bit. There. I don't worry about it, though. I'm not, I guess I'm not afraid of it anymore. I think if you'd asked me that first year, I'd have been afraid of it more, but now I'm like, Well, I mean, we know what we're gonna do, and they're more ready to like take it on, even though their own selves, then then we would have been and now they have somebody. We had nobody until halfway through Tituss first grade year to even know another kid who had type one. Like we just, we had nobody near us. And the podcast was, like, legit are my best friend. Like it was the place I could go to know. Someone or something. Oh, that's great.

Scott Benner 1:07:33
I'm glad. I'm glad to hear that. Thank you for telling me. Do you have? Do you think that the type, the type one doesn't scare you as much because you now have perspective about elements that don't seem to have answers? Like I always think one is at least it has an answer.

Charissa 1:07:52
Yeah, I think I, I 100%. I do feel like it does. And I don't. It was an answer. It was a quick answer to Right. Like as soon as, as soon as I knew for sure that something was wrong. You know, it wasn't. It wasn't very long. Once we were in the hospital. I think we were really only there for probably two hours in the ER before. Literally the ER doctor came running and it was like, I know what's wrong. We're canceling this ultrasound. He has type one. I'll be right back. And then she was like, Okay, I'm coming back. Let's talk about it. And you're going up to the PICU. And like, it was scary, but at the same time, like, Okay, we had an answer. Yeah. We've had other things come up the we're like, okay, we still don't have an answer. What's going on there?

Scott Benner 1:08:42
I find that Yeah. Yeah,

Charissa 1:08:45
that feels that feels harder than okay. Well, this will be the next thing. And we know what to watch for. So that doesn't feel as scary.

Scott Benner 1:08:54
Yeah, no, I It's a weird thing to say. But I I understand how you feel and I agree. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Well, I appreciate you doing this. This was it's enlightening. There's a lot going on in your in your life, obviously. And I have one last question though. What was the first thing like, was it Titus is type one. When When was the first thing first time you thought oh, one of my kids has an issue.

Charissa 1:09:25
Yeah, I swear it was not long before Titus was diagnosed that I said, How do we have six kids and nothing's wrong with anyone. Like there should be something happening. I feel like that's thing that should be happening. That's doesn't feel normal. So I think maybe I was just like living in a happy little bubble for a minute. And then now it's like, you know, I think that yeah, so Titus was the first okay. Like, big thing and then I feel like honest flea, his diagnosis helped us to kind of look into other things, not just for my household, like my personal home, but like, also for my siblings, and my, you know, people started kind of looking a little bit more, and I have friends who reach out to me and say, Oh, I have this friend, they're having these symptoms. What should I do here? You know, I think you should call your doctor and go, you know, ask for a test here. And if you're super worried about tonight, then go get a glucometer. And check it out real quick. And, you know, or if you're super concerned, and you want to come over, like come over, I will check it. So I've met people in town at like, the local, you know, little Dairy Queen, or, or whatever. And then like, Hey, let me do a finger poke in the car, see how you don't have to worry, you know, so? Or, you know, and you do or please go get a Dexcom or, you know, whatever it is, you know, it's been nice to, I guess, have a community and being willing being able to help a little bit more

Scott Benner 1:11:08
that way. Are you saying that the things that you're identifying in your family are helping other members of your family identify things, too? Yes. So they have complaints that they were ignoring, but now you've given like, voice to it? And they're like, Oh, that is how we feel, too.

Charissa 1:11:25
Yeah, like, what if what if that's an autoimmune thing that's connected to a bunch of things as opposed to your your leg hurts? And that is that shouldn't be, you shouldn't have to worry, that shouldn't hurt for 30 years. You know, what do you mean? Like, what is there's more to it than that. And then, and then also, like how we advocate at a doctor's office has changed significantly, like, because of trying to do type one, right? Like, I want a pump, and I want it before you said, I'm ready. So like, Let me prove to you that I'm ready, here's all the things, here's what I'm gonna do. And here's why I need it, I need to be able to change the basil, I need to be able to just sit here and here and here. I need to be able to keep him in range here. And so, you know, being able to go in and say like, this is what I want, and why. And then going into my doctor's office being like, now for myself, I need, I need you to check these things. And I want you to adjust my medicine here. Also, I've changed this for myself, and this is working. So I need to make this adjustment. And then you know, same thing, like when I call my mom, I'm like, hey, you need to say this to your doctor, don't wait for them to call you call them. Tell them what you need. And if they're not listening, new doctor, that's the next step. Well, no, no,

Scott Benner 1:12:44
that's really, that's, that's excellent that you're doing that and helping people to, to kind of advocate for themselves better and for yourself, but it's something good has come from it. It's a it's helping other people realize what their what their ailments might be. And hopefully, they'll they'll do what you're doing and chase it down and see what they can figure out.

Charissa 1:13:05
Yeah, I mean, if you don't know that you need to push you just trust this trust a system that is not quite there, then.

Scott Benner 1:13:15
Dr. Sachs okay. Okay, great. We just how many

Charissa 1:13:18
do they see you live with it? They don't. Yeah. So I was telling them. I was

Scott Benner 1:13:22
just telling Jenny yesterday that my mom's blood pressure went up. And the doctor was like, Oh, we're just going to give her more medication. And you know, it didn't work. And so I said, Well, what are you going to do now? And the nurse said, Well, your mom's got heart problems, like, you know, these things don't get better. They get worse. And I was like, Oh, wow, they gave up how about that? And I called the doctor and I said due respect, your general practitioner said, my mom, a cardiologist sent a cardiologist. The cardiologist was like, oh, yeah, there's new newer medication that works better, we'll switch her and in like two days, her blood pressure is coming down. But the other doctor would have never known to do that and wouldn't have asked any more questions. He did this he in his brain he went this is the problem. This is the answer I have at my disposal. That didn't work. Oh, well. That was it. Yeah, you know, it's just you do really have to keep pushing for yourself somebody somebody might know something.

Charissa 1:14:17
There Yeah. And keep looking until it until you have it you know, I did a bunch of I did a bunch of reading after tidy Titus was diagnosed, I wanted to know everything. Right away. Your podcast was recommended pretty quickly on like Facebook, but it took me a minute to get there, which I think was like, the stupidest thing I ever did. As far as like weight because I expected it to not be so much knowledge. So now when I recommend to people I don't just say like, Hey, listen to the podcast. I'm like, You need to listen to this episode. And then these things or goals in the 411 which will tell you where you want to start from there like this area. or that area and go find your questions answered there. Because it's not just a listen to people chat all the time, although that's kind of what I did. But there's so much learning there that it was beyond and I spent hours and hours like, I don't know that I did anything else for probably six months straight. Like, it didn't watch TV. I didn't read anything else. All I did was like podcasts was on while I was painting and cooking and cleaning, and washing, you know, like, whatever I was doing Sure, it was on, and I was learning. And it was amazing.

Scott Benner 1:15:36
I'm glad Wow, that's that's really makes me happy to know. You don't you know, you don't do something like this and hope that it doesn't. It doesn't help people. So it's nice to hear it. Actually, I got a I get an email when somebody leaves a new review for the podcast. And one popped up while you were talking. It's so funny how much it it mimics what you just said. She said in this. In this review, I just started listening to Episode One. I'm already hooked. It is hard to find a trustworthy podcast that specializes in type one. So, you know, that's what we're trying to do. So it's nice that it's reaching people that way. It really is. Chris, I really appreciate you doing this. I'm going to I have I'm up against time today I have to jump into another thing. But I want to thank you for for taking the time to tell us your story and the story of your giant family of eight p of eight people in your family. My little crew Yeah, no kidding. Well, I wish you all the best.

Charissa 1:16:36
Thank you very much got it was a lot of fun.

Scott Benner 1:16:44
Let's thank Karissa for coming on the show and sharing her story. And let's thank cozy earth.com for offering 35% off sitewide with the offer code juice box at checkout. And don't forget to check out speaking of checking out contour next one.com forward slash juice box like I said earlier and I sincerely mean this, you're using a blood glucose meter. The information that comes back from it is important to you. The least you could do for yourself is make sure you're getting a really good accurate meter contour next one.com forward slash juicebox. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate it very much. Don't forget to check out the private Facebook group. links in the show notes links to juicebox podcast.com. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast

#892 Southern Bells

Mary's son has type 1 diabetes and his father does too.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to episode 892 of the Juicebox Podcast.

This episode started so bizarrely that I've chopped off the front of it and put it at the back of the episode so you can hear it. Mary is the mother of a child with type one diabetes. She came on to tell her story, but somehow, somehow her scheduled recording slot was while she was on vacation. So she did this from a hotel. And at first she tried to do it from her car, and then back into the hotel room, but her kids had to go outside. It's comically funny about the interruptions and the noises. But somehow it all goes together in this episode, so I think you'll find it delightful. There are chunks of time when I just cut out noises so you don't have to hear them. I hope this doesn't stop you from listening to it. You really shouldn't. It's rather interesting. Anyway, nothing here that Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan and becoming bold with insulin. You know that one? If you have type one, or you're the caregiver of someone with type one, please complete the survey AT T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juicebox. It helps diabetes research and helps you It helps me t one D exchange.org. Forward slash juicebox. Alright, we're almost up to it. today's podcast is sponsored by Omni pod. Now Omni pod makes the Omni pod five which is automated. And the Omni pod dash which is not but they're both tubeless and amazing. And you can learn more about them at Omni pod.com forward slash juice box. This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries. G voc hypo Penn. Find out more at G voc glucagon.com. Forward slash juicebox. Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself and then we'll like talk for real although I have to imagine a lot of the noise is going to be at the end of the episode for people listen to it. But that's

Mary 2:12
so my name is Mary and I live in Savannah, Georgia. I my son Jackson, who just turned eight was diagnosed may 5, um, of 2020 2020 with type one

Scott Benner 2:35
over two years now.

Mary 2:38
No, I'm sorry. It's been he just had his one year in May. Excuse

Scott Benner 2:41
me. 2021. Okay, so how old is he now?

Mary 2:45
He just turned eight. Jackson, right.

Unknown Speaker 2:48
Yeah.

Scott Benner 2:52
Do you have any, any autoimmune issues?

Mary 2:55
No, not that I'm aware of. But what was interesting was my husband had been diagnosed type two for years, you know, and he'd been on Metformin and whatnot. And then I would say maybe about five or six months post Jackson's diagnosis. I was noticing at night that my husband, his name is Keith. He was like going to the bathroom, like ferociously at night, you know, like multiple times and like, you know, like Niagara Falls. I mean, it was like, there's something going on. So I said to him after about the second night, I'm like, You need to go check your sugar because this is like exactly what we went through with Jackson. And he did and the it just read Hi.

Scott Benner 3:45
So did they decide that his medication was wrong or did he develop type one?

Mary 3:51
He has type one it was it's the later or Latta however, it's pronounced. Yeah, he went, and he got off the medication and he's on a pump now. He had all the testing done everything and I mean, everything just came back. Wow. In that in the type one direction how long

Scott Benner 4:12
was Keith being treated for type two?

Mary 4:15
Um, see me about six or seven years really long time?

Scott Benner 4:23
Do they think he had type one the whole time and it was just it was just Lada. And it was just the onset was very slow.

Speaker 3 4:29
Yeah. Oh, that's a shame. Do I know

Scott Benner 4:33
Yeah. Do you look back did it did it impact his life? Not knowing it was Lada?

Mary 4:39
Yeah, I mean, well, I look that I mean, he's always like, loved, you know, sugar. And, you know, like his, you know, like his moods. And things, you know, like looking back, it's like, wow, this makes sense.

Scott Benner 4:57
Did you find yourself applying your professional knowledge? Do his behavior and coming up with the wrong answer, but it looks right. No, no, you didn't do that. I gotcha. You mean like when you see like, like the anger or something like that, or like behavior changes because of blood sugars, it's easy to think of them as maybe being something else. So I was just wondering if that ever happened?

Mary 5:21
Well, I mean, I never thought about the types Hill. You know, like, I didn't think I didn't know much. I mean, I knew about type one because my maternal aunt is type one, she developed type one. God when she was like, in her mid to late 40s. Okay. And she'll tell you that it's because of her husband, and all the stress and he put on her

because there's no other at least that we know of autoimmune stuff. Okay. In our family.

Scott Benner 5:57
So your aunt has type one, your husband has type one. And now your son.

Unknown Speaker 6:03
Yes. Got it. Okay.

Scott Benner 6:08
Well, how did you notice your son's diagnosis? Like, did it come up on you harshly? And did you end up in the hospital? Or do you figure it out before it happened?

Mary 6:18
No, he, he got COVID. Which I was not suspecting at all. Like he, he fell asleep on the way home from baseball practice. Um, one evening, and which never happened. It just was out of character. And then we got home and he was burning up. He had like 102. So I gave him Motrin. You know, he went to bed, woke up in the morning completely fine. So I was just keeping them out for that day and was ready to send them back. And the school was like, No, we need to COVID test. I was like, Oh, alright, whatever. It's not COVID. You know? He went in and tested positive for COVID. And then I would say, three or so weeks, that was an April. Yeah, it was about two to three weeks that we were noticing. He was more tired. He didn't look right, you know, his color was off, he was more pale. And it looked like he was starting to lose weight. And every morning, every single morning, he would wake up wet. I mean, wet to the point where it was like, obviously, there was something wrong, like he had never He doesn't do that, you know, he was six years old at the time. And I mean, it was so bad. And every morning. Just he was so upset. And you know, it's funny, because just to go off topic for a second. Looking back, he would wake up some mornings, really cranky, you know, he's not a morning person anyway. But some mornings, he'd wake up just really cranky. And I would think to myself, he just needs like some shirt, like some juice or sugar to pep him up. And he would do that he'd drink a cup of orange juice every morning. And he would be a completely different person. Hmm. Which is so interesting to me. But anyway, so I noticed the you know, the wetting the bed was really concerning. And the thirst and you know, so one of my good friends is a pediatrician. And I was like, I'm bringing him in, I want like the glucose tested, you know, your everything tested, and we went in, and it was funny because the nurse came in, she did the finger poke. And she had a lollipop with her. And because, you know, he was gonna get a needle, right? So she, she took his blood, and it just the, the meter just set high. And she's like, well, it gets you're not going to be getting this and lovely. Say Chase. Okay. And you know, he had high ketones and everything in the urine. So the pediatrician came in was crying

Scott Benner 9:27
the pediatrician. So in just a couple of moments that the nurse has waved a lollipop in front of your son and then said, No, he can't have it. And the pediatrician was crying.

Mary 9:37
He was crying, dude. Like what? I mean, look, I come from the northeast, like things are different in the south, I'll tell you, but like, I just thought that was very, like inappropriate,

Scott Benner 9:49
unprofessional nonsense, a lot of things, actually. But

Mary 9:53
I mean, it's like, he's a great guy. He's a good doctor, but like, I was just very taken aback. So I just was like, like he couldn't even get the words out that he had type one whereas like I kind of already knew. So I just remember like it was yesterday I pulled my mask down I looked him dead in the face and I'm just like

Scott Benner 10:20
gee voc hypo pan has no visible needle, and is a pre mixed auto injector of glucagon for treatment of very low blood sugar. In adults and kids with diabetes ages two and above. Find out more go to Jeeva glucagon.com forward slash juicebox G voc shouldn't be used in patients with insulinoma or phaeochromocytoma. Visit G voc glucagon.com/risk. My daughter Arden began wearing the Omnipod tubeless insulin pump on February 4 2009. That was 5093 days ago. Or another way to think of it 1697 pods ago. At that time, she was four years old. Hang out with me for a moment while I tell you more about the Omni pod Omni pod.com forward slash juice box. Today Arden is 18 and still wearing Omni pod back then there was one choice just one pod but today you have a decision to make. Do you want the Omni pod five, the first and only tubeless automated insulin delivery system to integrate with the Dexcom G six, because if you do, it's available right now for people with type one diabetes ages two years and older. The Omni pod five is an algorithm based pump that features smart adjust technology. That means that the Omni pod five is adjusting insulin delivery based on your customized target glucose that's helping you to protect against high and low blood sugars, both day and night. Automatically. Both the Omni pod five and the Omni pod dash are waterproof, you can wear them while you're playing sports swimming in the shower the bathtub, anywhere really. That kind of freedom coupled with tubeless a tubeless pump, understand it's not connected to anything. The controller is not connected to the pot, the pod is not connected to anything, you're wearing it on the body tube loosely, no tubing to get caught on doorknobs or anywhere else that tubing with those other insulin pumps can get caught Omni pod.com forward slash juice box, that's where you go to find out more, you may be eligible for a free 30 day trial of the Omni pod dash, you should check that out too, when you get to my lake omnipod.com forward slash juicebox. So if you're looking for an insulin pump that is tubeless waterproof, and automated. You're looking for the Omni pod five, if you want to do it on your own, and you're not looking for the automation, Omni pod dash for full safety risk information and free trial Terms and Conditions. Please also visit omnipod.com forward slash juicebox.

Mary 13:17
Is this a life threatening emergency right now? He's like, No, ma'am. It's that I'm like, do I have time to go home and pack a bag? And he's like you have about an hour. I'm like, peace. See you later, dude. Like we're out?

Scott Benner 13:28
Did you give them your business card for you? Like, hey, I'm a psychotherapist. And you're not great at this. So you might want to talk to somebody. Did you ever resolve why he was crying?

Mary 13:41
Well, it's funny because he called the room the next day to check on Jackson. And I was like, he's like, I just I'm just so so upset about this. And I mean, I was like, Look, we're being really positive about this, buddy. You know, this isn't a death sentence. I mean, we're gonna we're gonna crush this, we're gonna be just fine. You know, like, you know, in my adrenaline driven state, you know, and trying to be super positive in front of Jackson. And I was like, it sounds like you got a little upset or looks like got a little upset over there yesterday. He's like, Yeah, I

Scott Benner 14:14
just see a younger person.

Mary 14:17
No, he's older. He's like, I don't know, maybe in his early 50s, late 40s. He has three kids, three boys. Interesting. I just I'm not used to delivering bad news. And I was like, You're a frickin doctor.

Scott Benner 14:31
He's like, I'm a pediatrician. I usually just tell you if they get taller, I'm like, look at this chart. See how they're growing on this thing? I gotta go to the next room now. See you later the lady. Oh,

Mary 14:42
yeah, no, it's like two seconds.

Scott Benner 14:44
Yeah. That's that's interesting. Might have is definitely not the right job for him. That's for sure.

Mary 14:51
I know and he wins like Best of Savannah every year.

Scott Benner 14:56
People are probably like, he's so empathetic. I'm not wrong, right? Like, it's nice for empathy but like, he, you're looking for somebody to like, present a bit of a, like a, I don't know, like a reasonable just comport yourself differently. Right. Um, I don't know what I'm trying to say like you shouldn't be.

Mary 15:16
Totally I mean, where I come from, you know, and the way I was trained like that is ethically inappropriate. And also like, you don't do that as a doctor in front of the

Scott Benner 15:26
child. Yeah, right. I mean, all right. Anyway, let's get past that, because we're not going to figure that out.

Mary 15:31
I know. So that I felt like I had to go into like, even more like superhuman mode to be like, you know, you are going to be just fine. You know, because Jackson was so scared. Yeah, we both were

Scott Benner 15:42
right. Let's forget that the person that you think of as knowing everything came into the room crying telling you what's wrong with you, because that's just very often is Jackson had any, like, repercussions from that? Or is it a moment that just got passed and pretty easily?

Mary 15:56
passed him pretty easily?

Scott Benner 15:58
It's a lot happening the next day, I would imagine probably took his mind off of it. How long were you in the hospital?

Mary 16:05
We were in the hospital. Three days, two nights,

Scott Benner 16:10
and you leave with technology are no no, nothing. Just needles.

Mary 16:17
Just needles, you know, typical, like mo with diabetes. Like here, we're just giving you what you need to stay alive. And like go Google everything. Good luck, you know,

Scott Benner 16:29
COVID diagnosis to right.

Unknown Speaker 16:32
Yeah.

Scott Benner 16:33
So did they limit people in and out of the room? Or?

Mary 16:37
No, he had been past that two week mark. Okay. So we were all right. But it's funny because the, the dietitian and all the doctors that and nurses that were in and out, they all taught us, you know, like everyone says they teach you to eat and then Bolus. And then they were like, there's a new endocrinologist here at the hospital that you're gonna see. And, you know, he does things kind of differently. He's gonna want you to Pre-Bolus and, um, but we're not going to teach you that. That way. My husband and I were like, what's the photo frame? That's fine. I was like, What the? I mean, okay, so you're gonna teach? So, I mean, at that time, we were just like, I mean, that makes sense. I mean, you don't know how much he's really going to eat so sure. But and then we didn't see the doctor for like, a month. Yeah,

Scott Benner 17:42
that's what I was gonna say, right? If you didn't, it's not like you saw the doctor immediately. So they gave the hospital what, although it is kind of nice of them to say, look, we're gonna teach you one way, but at some point, you're gonna go to a doctor, and he's gonna talk about it differently.

Mary 17:56
Yeah, but I mean, I don't know, looking back. It's weird. It's just weird. It's like, well, I want to know, the new stuff. Like if it's new, there's like a new method to do it. That's like, help. What I want to know all

Scott Benner 18:10
about that, right. So. So in your note to me, you talk about mental health stuff, caregiver burnout, and a couple of other things that we're going to go through. So I'm going to start with you. I mean, it's it's been a year or so. Do you? Do you feel burned out already?

Mary 18:29
I did. You did.

Scott Benner 18:30
Okay.

Mary 18:32
Yeah. I mean, I, I'm, I'm like the person I'm, I'm in they're like, in a crisis. Awesome. Um, they're positive. I'm crushing it, but then I have, you know, a downtime after that, that is exhausting. Because I've just given more than I should, you know, and I, I definitely, I wouldn't say I got to the point of burnout, but I was very close to it, for sure. And you know, issues and my husband was diagnosed, and I have a four year old now. Um, it it's, it hasn't been until like, recently, really, that I feel confident, comfortable and like, centered in like, my role here in my my family. I mean, it's, it's just been the biggest upheaval ever,

Scott Benner 19:33
like, does it just feel like there's not enough time in the day, and then you don't have the energy and you sort of like, create that kind of fake energy to handle the thing and then you crash afterwards?

Mary 19:43
Yeah. And then there's like a checkout period, you know, like, I can't even think about, like, how many carbs are in this or I can't even like, like, have a conversation with anybody.

Scott Benner 19:58
I think I understand. And that lasted for how long?

Mary 20:05
I would say maybe like five months,

Scott Benner 20:09
about five months. How was that at the beginning? Or did it wait a little and then hit you

Mary 20:14
know, it it? It was, it definitely wasn't at the beginning because I was in like Rockstar mode, you know? So it probably a few months after that,

Scott Benner 20:27
okay. And when he was diagnosed you had your second was like three years old at that point. Yeah, that's a lot of fun. And you're working full time?

Mary 20:37
No, I had just started going back, like one day a week, I had been a stay at home mom for seven years. And I just started to go back to just like getting my feet wet again, because the kids were getting older, they're going to be at school full time. And like, I just I couldn't be at home anymore. You know.

Scott Benner 20:57
So you were just kind of embarking back on working when this happened? Did you? Were you able to keep that going? During the diagnosis? No, no, you're like, I'm back. I'm gone. Goodbye.

Unknown Speaker 21:09
I'm out. Peace out guys about a kid. You know.

Scott Benner 21:16
But you're back now. We're now wow,

Mary 21:19
you are so back now. I'm almost. Uh, let's see, I do about 25 hours a week now.

Scott Benner 21:26
Okay. And what's your training?

Mary 21:30
I have my Master's in Counseling Psychology. And I also have a degree in addiction counseling. Okay. Have you been licensed?

Scott Benner 21:42
Does that help you in your personal stuff? Or?

Mary 21:48
You know, to be honest with you know, I never really did until like, lately, you know, now I? I don't know, I it's just I don't know, I guess I just got more mature. After all this?

Unknown Speaker 22:04
How do you know don't say, how do you mean?

Mary 22:07
Like? Oh, I don't know, just being more like responsible with myself. And I guess yeah. Just like being more honest with myself about what I want. And what makes me happy and what doesn't? You know,

Scott Benner 22:28
it's interesting, isn't it? You can have a profession. And still, it's hard to apply the things in your own life.

Mary 22:36
Oh, absolutely. A lot of therapists are crazy, by the way. Sorry. All you people out there, like

Scott Benner 22:43
coming out for you. Or what do we mean?

Mary 22:47
Well, I mean, it's yeah, there's, there's truth to it, for sure.

Scott Benner 22:51
Gotcha. So it so you kind of get drawn to the profession, hoping to help yourself and then other people

Mary 22:59
100% at that back at that time.

Scott Benner 23:04
You broke up. Mary, are you there? Mary? What? Oh, you just broke up for a second back at that time. And then you disappeared?

Mary 23:13
Yeah. No, that's what it just back at that time? Absolutely. I mean, I was in my 20s wild and crazy, you know. So it turns out, I really like it. And I'm actually pretty good at it. So I really thoroughly enjoy my work,

Scott Benner 23:30
you should leave yourself a Yelp review that says I'm pretty good at it. So, so when? I mean, do you have? Do you have mental health issues at this moment with as as applies to diabetes? Are you seeing stuff with your kid? Or? No? Are you guys doing okay?

Mary 23:54
No, we're doing okay. I guess my only concern with with Jackson is he's, he's always been like an old soul. You know, he's a sensitive child. He's very intuitive. He's, he gets along with everybody. He you know, he's just he's a wonderful child. And I, I worry sometimes that he takes it to like the next level that he doesn't need to, whereas like, he's almost putting himself in this adult position. And I have to remind him a lot that this isn't your responsibility. This is for me to meet a deal but like with Luke, Luke is my other one. He's a maniac. Hilarious. He's just all over the place and like, Jackson gets very anxious at times. If Luke isn't close by, you know, if we're out and about somewhere or if I'm not holding Luke's hand, I just noticed that Jackson is it makes him nervous.

Scott Benner 25:07
Is that always her prior or just since diabetes? Since diabetes? Okay, so he worries about everybody.

Unknown Speaker 25:18
Yes, you have any anxiety?

Mary 25:21
Yeah, for sure. For sure. It's certainly gotten better than what how I used to be. I mean, I had a lot of like, postpartum anxiety. That's when it was really bad for me after both my pregnancies. But it's, it's settled down quite a bit.

Scott Benner 25:44
Did it happen naturally? Or did you do something to impact it? What your anxiety? Like, did you?

Mary 25:53
Did it happen?

Scott Benner 25:54
No, no? Did it? Has it been resolving naturally? Or have you been taking steps to do something for it?

Mary 26:00
Oh, yeah. I mean, I, when I was like, after I had my kids, I went on medication. And I have medication as like, like, as needed. Now, if you know, anything ever occurs, which it doesn't, but yeah, just getting back into, you know, healthier, saying, Who's that work? Like going to therapy going, you know, going for walks, spending more quality time with my loved ones, you know?

Scott Benner 26:36
I understand. I do, actually. How do you. So in your job, let's get away from you for a second in your job. If someone comes to you and says, I feel I think I feel depressed? How do you go about? Like, what are the steps you take to figure out the level of their depression? Or if they actually are depressed?

Mary 26:57
What does how long it was going on? And what if, you know, you're feeling depressed? Like, what does that mean? What does that look like? How like, what are you experiencing? So I'm looking for, you know, loss of interest in things, change in appetite, change in sleep, things like that. And go from there? If do all things started or triggered it, you know,

Scott Benner 27:29
do all of those things need to exist? Loss of appetite, a lack of interest in things that you were once interested in, like sleep? Etc? Do they all have to exist? Or could you just have bad sleep or just not want to eat? Like, etc? Like, what makes you think, oh, this person is depressed?

Mary 27:49
Yeah, well, those are, those are the main symptoms of a depressive episode. And there's periods of time that are that like coincide with those symptoms. So if you've had that, you know, the like, say, three out of the four symptoms for a period of two weeks, you know, then it might be like a, like a dysthymia. Or, you know, but if it's like 30 days, then you're probably in a major depressive episode. And I am pretty sure I'm right on the timing, I'd have to go back to my DSM, but I'm pretty sure that's what it

Scott Benner 28:25
is. Okay. How many people do you think, experienced this and don't realize it, and it's never an issue for them afterwards? Or does it persist? No matter? What,

Mary 28:38
it's such a good question. Um, there's so many variables to it, you know, like real clinical depression. I think that people know, and you know, I mean, some people just think, are can can live, I guess, and function. And like, you know, with the mood shifts, and it's, it's just normal for them. And they think that that's fine, if that's how they choose or don't, whatever. I mean, that's their choice. Okay.

Scott Benner 29:19
So, so sometimes, some people have it happened to them, and they can function with it, and then it passes. And then there are some people who fall deeper into it. Or break free of it, or I'm not sure how to put it actually, I'm not. That's why I'm asking.

Mary 29:37
You know, if, if left untreated. Yeah. I mean, it could it could go both ways. I mean, it could get worse. Or it could just pass like a major depressive episode without treatment. I mean, I don't I don't know if someone really just comes right out of that, right.

Scott Benner 30:01
And so it just it just kind of snowballs at that point.

Mary 30:05
Yeah. Or it'll, you know, like less than an intensity

Scott Benner 30:09
treatment can look like talk therapy. I don't know what what else would you like? What if you thought somebody was I don't know how they rank depression, but I think I've heard the words mild depression. So if you felt like somebody had mild depression, would you? I don't know, like, where did they start?

Mary 30:31
Um, I would definitely start with talk therapy, and do like education with the patient about it. And to really get a grasp and see, I want to look at family dynamics growing up, if there's been any, like significant traumas. And traumas can be big or small. And if there is an improvement with talk therapy, I'd refer from medication for a medication evaluation. To start to feel better, I see

Scott Benner 31:09
other people who take the medication for a time and then stop, or do they? Do they often have to stay with it?

Mary 31:16
I mean, you know, there's, there was just an article that came out recently about the use of SSRIs. And how they're really not that effective. I mean, a lot of people are on them for years. And years and years and have like, you know, some people have had complete life changes, and it's been wonderful, you know, and that's good for them. Some people go on and off it really? It really depends. But overall, I would say people I mean, everyone is so different.

Scott Benner 31:53
Yeah. Well, that's true. Okay, so this is all happened to you, right? The the kids diagnosed, you've gone through what you've gone through all of a sudden your husband's type two turns out is Lada. How have you and your husband been handling it? But between the two of you is have you had problems or? Oh, god?

Mary 32:16
Yeah, I mean. Yeah, I it's just, it's just sad. We are we've decided to separate you know, to, to get divorced. I'm sorry. I didn't No, no, it's okay. It's actually, you know, it's not a bad thing. You know, I guess I'm trying to, like change the script of, like, divorce being horrible and awful. We've really, like grown apart, we have very different, like, beliefs on just a lot of a lot of things, you know, there were some issues prior to diagnosis, and then diagnosis happened, and it just brought us like, further apart, you know, because we were like working on our marriage. You know, we're trying date nights, and we were in couples counseling and, and, and then once Jackson was diagnosed, like, I just struggled so much with leaving him with, like, a babysitter. In my, just, my whole focus was on him and like, learning diabetes, and making him you know, and also, like, being a certain way with him that this is a big deal, but you're still a kid, dude. So like, you're gonna eat that cake at the birthday party. And we're gonna figure it out, like, you know, a I'm not super strict with Jackson like that. And over time, obviously, I've learned, you know, better ways to manage it. And I just took it all on. And in that, Keith and I just, we just got further and further apart. It was it and

Scott Benner 34:26
tough to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. That was difficult.

Mary 34:32
Yeah, I mean, and I have another child that like, was also there. My kids are my world, you know, like I it was just all about this. We have to, like, adjust to this now. And like, I wanted everyone I wanted to, like, keep a sense of normalcy in the house. You know, we're like, it's just, you know, like with you With live like, No, it's okay. We just have to, you know, Jackson just getting his shot or like if his alarm would go off Lubich Jackson, your sugar, you know, like, and it, it's just okay. You know what I mean? Like, what am I trying to say? Like, I didn't want it to be this huge catastrophic thing that's happening in our family. I just like what we have died, like diabetes is in our family now. And like, this is how we deal with it.

Scott Benner 35:25
We're trying to downplay it. Just yeah. Yeah, just kind of minimize its impact on everybody.

Mary 35:31
And like normalize it, in a sense.

Scott Benner 35:34
Okay, so while that's all happening, and so I don't know, the I obviously don't know the elements of your marital strife prior to this. But this was not something that he could have continued to do while you were doing that thing. You guys just sort of drifted. Was he not part of the diabetes? Learning?

Mary 35:54
He was and the one of our strengths is when like, we're, there's a crisis, we work well together. You know, I'm more of like, a feelings person. And like, I just have this intuition and whatever.

Scott Benner 36:10
Mary, I lost you. I'm sorry. I lost you again, intuition. And then you be blanked out for a second.

Mary 36:17
Yeah, it's just like, you know, this intuition and whatnot. And, and he's more like, what, what are the facts? What could go wrong? You know, more from that type of standpoint. And when working together, that can really be a strength, you know, we've been able to overcome a lot of things that way. Right? Same with diabetes. By the way, I finally got him to listen to juicebox. Because I was like this, you know, I need help understanding and conceptualizing this, because it's just hard for me the way my brain works, you know, right. So two heads together, you know, we were able, like to both understand it.

Scott Benner 37:01
Gotcha. Oh, so together, you kind of pick through it and figured out the diabetes stuff. Yeah, that's right. And it helped him I would imagine, it probably helps him day to day with what he's doing now.

Mary 37:11
Yes, it does.

Scott Benner 37:15
All right. Well, I'm so sorry that that's happening for you. Do you think it's it's a it's a definite thing?

Mary 37:22
Yeah, I do. And I don't like I said it, I don't want. Keith and I, at the end of the day, we still like really like each other and we really care about, we're just like, not good. We're good together anymore. And it's not like a bad thing. I don't know how to really describe it without being like, did not like, descriptive, and I don't really want that. I was,

Scott Benner 37:52
like, as little or as much as you want. That's fine.

Mary 37:55
Yeah. I mean, it's we're just saying like, we're getting unmarried, you know, like we have we have a great relationship. We work better together like this.

Speaker 3 38:06
How do you? I'm sorry, being

Mary 38:11
rather than like, in a marriage, there's just a lot of for some reason, it just doesn't work as well as it does on a friendship level, if that makes sense.

Scott Benner 38:22
Okay, yeah. How do you imagine it working going forward? Will you live nearby each other or? Yeah, yeah. Mr. The kids will go back and forth.

Mary 38:32
Yep. I'll go back and forth.

Scott Benner 38:35
Okay. I'm just trying to figure out how and so and he understands as much about the diabetes as you do, and you guys work well together with its you don't think that'll be too much trouble with your son?

Mary 38:45
I don't, although we did start the Omnipod five. And he hasn't really like dove into that yet. So, but like, I don't have any doubt that like, he'll, he'll understand it and, you know, figure it out, if not better than what I've done so far. You know, like, we're good like that. Gotcha.

Scott Benner 39:11
Excellent. All right. Well, this is a bummer. But okay, Mary.

Mary 39:17
Congratulations are in order. We're good. It's good.

Scott Benner 39:22
I'll send up I'll send a gift.

Mary 39:24
Yeah, please. I mean, like, yeah, a housewarming gift. I mean, I already bought him a housewarming gift.

Scott Benner 39:31
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. All right. Okay, so how do you find managing Jackson's diabetes? Are you having the outcomes you're looking for? Are things going the way you expect? Are you still working on it?

Mary 39:44
I mean, it's always a work in progress. He's growing like a frickin weed. So there's a lot of that school you know, a lot of adjusting during school because they won't Pre-Bolus they're not comfortable doing that. Which is fine. You know, like, they obviously have other kids, they have to, you know, manage during the day. So

Scott Benner 40:16
are they not comfortable or they are, they don't want to be stuck to the timing of it.

Mary 40:22
I think it's both. Because again, they're coming from, like, get the pre meal sugar. See what he eats and calculate after.

Scott Benner 40:35
Okay? Premiums are, oh, that's how they're doing it. He's not even, it's not like he's getting the insulin and then eating, he's eating before the insulin.

Mary 40:43
He is. But the last year he had PE before lunch. So what was happening was after PE he, I mean, he'd drop and then eat eat. So it was like a really fine line of the insulin to give because he would still be like, coming down. So I mean, it just it took a while to kind of figure out what to do. I mean, if he was at like a certain number before gym, I'd I'd give him a little bump, you know, have them like, eat a couple of skittles or have like an honest juice, which is like eight carbs or something, you know, just to bump them up, because I knew he's gonna burn it right off and hold them steady through gym.

Scott Benner 41:34
And that was working. That worked. Yeah. What are your blood sugar goals?

Mary 41:39
I mean, it worked until it didn't, right. Blood sugar goals? I mean, I have my target my range 70 to 150.

Scott Benner 41:51
Are you making that most of the time?

Mary 41:57
On the on the five, I'm hitting it way better? On the dash? I mean, much. Not as much.

Scott Benner 42:12
Do you have stability? Or is there a lot of up and down?

Mary 42:17
You know, Scott, it really varies. There, I mean, there's some days, even weeks that he's super steady and great. And then there's other times where I mean, we're just on this roller coaster.

Scott Benner 42:33
And do you Pre-Bolus At home for meals. Yeah. And you see a better outcome then. Yeah, that's cool. Okay. I wonder if he has a lot of activity at school. That isn't helping him a little bit with the not Pre-Bolus thing.

Mary 42:50
Yeah, I mean, he is you know, he is very active. Because I mean, mac and cheese will you know, he eats with eats mac and cheese. Now, I don't even Pre-Bolus for mac and cheese. He could eat a huge bowl, and his sugar doesn't move until like an hour later.

Scott Benner 43:11
Right. But when it starts to digest, yeah, that he has it. I'm just I'm just I'm wondering how I mean what what a spikes look like at school when they're like literally bolusing after meals. To me that seems like a 250 blood sugar not Bolus until after a meal.

Mary 43:30
Oh, yeah. I mean, he or higher.

Scott Benner 43:33
Is there no way to get them to Bolus for half of it before he eats and then reassess? Well,

Mary 43:41
that's a good point.

Scott Benner 43:42
I mean, there's got to be a way to do that. But at least it's not. I mean, them saying we're not comfortable with it. It seems sort of like bold to me. Like Like, you're gonna drive the kids blood sugar up every day. And then we're just gonna manage it down again. Like every day.

Mary 43:58
Yeah. And some days he'll he would tank

Scott Benner 44:01
after they corrected. Yeah, yeah. Geez, that sucks. All right, you're using using the CGM? Yeah. And so you're able to see it during the day. So Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I would. I don't know. I'm not telling you. I really pressure them to do it differently. I would just say, look, you're you're creating an unhealthy situation for my son every day by doing it like this. So I mean, even he's on a I mean, he's on an algorithm now. Like you're you're also screwing with the algorithm like it because you're putting in food and not telling the algorithm that the foods there so it doesn't know what the thing because it just thinks that his blood sugar shoots up randomly and then wait, and then are they Oh, wait a minute, so your Bolus not bolusing. When he eats, he's going up 202 50 And then they're putting in the carbs. Yeah, that's why he's gonna get low later. Because the the algorithm thinks the carbs went in when you told it not an hour or 45 minutes prior. So, yeah. So it's both. So the algorithms going after the rise. Do you see what I'm saying? Like it sees, it sees a rise happened, he doesn't know why, because you haven't told it, there's carbs there. So it starts to jack up and push at the rise, trying to stop it thinking at first, though, it's just a small bump, I'm gonna come after it. And then as the rise gets more aggressive than the algorithm gets more aggressive, and now it's been aggressive for the entire time he's eating, and then you tell it, he's got carbs now. So you have insulin on board that it believes is for a rise that has nothing to do with carbs, and then it attacks the carbs that you put in. And that's why you're getting the low later. You have to tell it when you eat what you're eating.

Mary 45:56
Yeah, well, this was last year on the dash.

Scott Benner 46:00
So he was having an algorithm bumped from from that at least, okay, no, he was

Mary 46:05
on the dash. So the insulin would go in, like, as he was spiking up from lunch, and then we'd have to wait an hour. Before started coming down.

Scott Benner 46:19
Yeah, well,

Mary 46:21
you're coming up, right. He's, he's on the algorithm now. So this, you're coming up, like, you know, we have a meeting with the nurses. When I get back from Connecticut, and I have to figure out like, how, because we have to do it differently.

Scott Benner 46:37
Yeah, you have to impress upon them that this is not how this works. And because it will, it will confuse the hell out of the algorithm. If you Bolus 45 minutes after he eats and tell it that's when the food's going in. That'll really be a mess. Honestly.

Mary 46:53
Yeah. I mean, so what is it? So is it just the Pre-Bolus? Then, like, night before he eats, someone's gonna have to go to him or they were just walking him to the nurse last year? How

Scott Benner 47:05
old? Is he? Seven, eight. Do you think you guys can do it through text? Like you and hey,

Mary 47:15
maybe we we've been working on that. He just doesn't always remember to check his phone.

Scott Benner 47:22
Yeah, oh, no, you probably would have to text him. But, but I'm saying like, if you had a certain time of day, even if a timer went off on his phone, he was like, Okay, it's time to text my mom, I text her. Hey, we're getting ready to go to lunch. And you say, that's fine. You look at his blood sugar and tell him the Bolus a certain amount and he walks right to lunch with everybody else and starts to eat. Yeah, you know, that's how Arden did it forever. She would Bolus in the classroom before lunch. She would. Yeah. And we would do it by text. She never saw the nurse.

Mary 47:56
Yeah, I mean, it's such a disruption for him. How old was she when she started texting with

Unknown Speaker 48:03
you? Third grade.

Mary 48:06
Third grade, he's going into second but it's same age.

Scott Benner 48:10
Okay. Oh, he's older than I thought for that. Or am I? Yeah, we

Mary 48:13
he stayed. He was held back a year. And his younger, the younger grades. So

Scott Benner 48:18
I mean, if it's something I mean, all of the grade matters. I we started doing it when I thought of it. You know, like I didn't, I didn't have a podcast to listen to. So like I had to figure it out first. So I figured out what to do. When I figured it out. I figured out in the summertime between second and third grade. And so we put it into practice. Starting in third grade. Arden hasn't been to the nurse for a diabetes thing since the last day of second grade. Yeah, yeah. So but we did all through texting. But I don't know how I don't I don't see why this. I don't see why this wouldn't be okay.

Mary 48:52
Yeah, no, I mean, I guess. I like the idea of setting an alarm for him, because then he will. That's a good intervention for him to like a reminder. Yeah,

Scott Benner 49:05
that's what I did. I just, there was an alarm on her phone that it went off. It would be it would go off. She text me and say hey, what's up and then we would do lunch? Back then. Dexcom did not choose Hold on. When was that? 2000? I don't remember. There might not have been a Dexcom. Back then. Sorry. Is there a fire in the hotel? No. I'm not even sure if we had a Dexcom in the very beginning. So she would probably she would test her blood sugar. Tell me what her blood sugar was then we would Bolus and then in ensuing years, she told me what the CGM said because I couldn't see it. There was no share. And then And then, you know, as the technology improved and sharing came into, into being

Mary 49:55
did they Alright, so that they didn't have Have sharing back. Follow Jackson's number. Yeah, for

Scott Benner 50:06
years. We didn't have that. You know what that beeping is?

Unknown Speaker 50:11
Do you hear that? What the loud Bell?

Mary 50:16
Yeah, it's my text. It's my work texting.

Scott Benner 50:20
can you mute it? It's overwhelming you and you're talking. That's all.

Mary 50:26
Yeah, it should stop now.

Scott Benner 50:27
Okay, that's fine.

Mary 50:31
I'm so sorry Scott.

Scott Benner 50:48
Later when I'm editing this, I'm going to count the bells. And that's going to be the name of the episode like six bells or several miles or something like that.

Mary 50:57
Yeah, well, so I'm on this work text. And it's like 18 people are on the tags. And we have like the drug reps that come in every day, almost every day and bring lunch. So it's like lunchtime. And they're like, well, who's bringing in lunch today? What restaurant? Is it from?

Scott Benner 51:12
Goodness. Okay, yeah, no, so I'm sorry to go back. Yeah, the Dexcom share didn't always exist. So Sharon follow didn't always exist. There was a time where Arden had a Dexcom. And she's the only one that could see it. She had a receiver. It wasn't on her phone. And she used to wear it in this little pack around her waist. And it would, you know, she gets your blood sugar on it. And then she texts me and tell me what it was. And then we would do that. Prior to that she tested her blood sugar. She texts me the number and then we would Bolus off of that. So

Mary 51:45
yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna work on that with Jackson. I think that hill, I think he's totally capable of doing it. Practice. Extra reminder. Yeah, you can

Scott Benner 51:56
just practice at home, right? You can. You can just do meals from the other room say, Look, we're going to we're gonna Bolus your meal today. But we're going to do it over tax instead of standing next to each other. We're practicing for school. And yeah, you know, it's a viable way. And then you're there. Once you're done, you can go check and make sure everything happened the way you expect it. But if you're using Dexcom, and you can see his number on your phone, then you can you know, that that's a step. You don't have to worry about him getting the number wrong, because you can play it too. So I don't know, I would try something. I don't know. I just I'm not comfortable. It's not my kid and I'm not comfortable with what you told me. It makes me upset farm. So

Mary 52:34
yeah, I mean, it was the show last year with like, the ups and downs and the lows. And I mean, we never knew what we were gonna get every day. It's just

Scott Benner 52:43
it's not fair to him, either. He feels terrible. And you know, it's all over the place. So plus you don't he's not getting to be who he is. Because he's having these. You know, these bouncing around blood sugars are affecting, you know, his, his temperament. I would imagine everything else. Yeah. Are they back? Yeah, they're back. Okay. Well, we can wrap up if they're back. Is there anything that we didn't talk about? That you want?

Unknown Speaker 53:09
Jackson comes through. Hi.

Scott Benner 53:10
Hi. Hey, can you hear me? Yeah. Hey, Jackson. What's up, man? How was how was wiffleball? Good. Yeah. Excellent. Are you how loose? How long have you had the only about five months or so? Yeah. About a month. Are you liking it? Yes. Cool. That's very cool. I was talking to your mom about ways that you might be able to, to use it at school this year. So hopefully, it's something that'll work out for you. Yeah, yeah. How's your vacation? Going? Seeing your grandparents? Yeah, yeah, that's cool. That's very nice. And your uncle's there too? Yeah. Well, it was nice to meet you, Jackson. Thank you. Yeah.

Mary 53:55
Yeah, I was telling him about your whole story, buddy.

Scott Benner 54:01
I know most of it now.

Unknown Speaker 54:04
Do you say yeah, yeah. All right. Well,

Mary 54:08
we switch Minecraft.

Scott Benner 54:10
Minecraft. Oh, we like Yeah. That's a it's interesting because the way you described him Minecraft fits a little bit. Yeah, everything is square see? Yeah, he likes that. Yeah, it's interesting. It really is. Cool. All right. Well, Mary this will be too much noise for a podcast so let's say goodbye. But But I really appreciate you doing this. I thought it was terrific. And you obviously shared a lot of stuff and with everybody which will help everybody and I know

Mary 54:42
I'm so I feel like it was horrible. And like I was all over the place and I'm sorry how you feel? Yeah, I do. I do. I don't know why. I

Scott Benner 54:52
I don't questions. I don't think you were all over the place.

Mary 54:57
I don't know. I just I just feel like it. wasn't my best.

Unknown Speaker 55:03
I don't know. It's gonna sound so weird. But anyway,

Scott Benner 55:06
all right, well, Mary, that maybe I'll just name the episode something like bum Fuzzles or something like that. And I don't know too much noise. Yeah, they don't come out for like six months. So I'll go back and edit it and I'll figure out what's there. And that's how we'll go. All right. All right. I really do appreciate you taking time out Eva vacation. It was really nice.

Mary 55:27
Yeah, of course.

Unknown Speaker 55:28
Thank you so much. The best of luck to you. Thanks so much. Bye

Scott Benner 55:38
a huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, G voc glucagon. Find out more about Chivo Capo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juicebox you spell that GVOKEGLUC AG o n.com. Forward slash juicebox. I'd also like to thank Omni pod they are a longtime sponsors of the podcast, I can't thank them enough for being with me since the very first year 2015 I just want to remind you to go to Omni pod.com forward slash juicebox to support them as they support the podcast. And I mean, all that means is if you're looking for an omni pod fiber and on the pod dash, use my link as promised, I will put the very noisy couple of minutes that Mary and I spent as I think she was in her car at the end here if you want to hear it it's kind of funny. What else thanks for listening I appreciate that very much. Please tell other people if you liked the podcast and think they would like it as well. And don't forget to find the private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes terrific group coming up on 40,000 members absolutely a great place to find your community

Unknown Speaker 57:02
Okay, how's that

Scott Benner 57:04
all I'm not sure if it's there's still a noise I'm trying to figure out if it's the air conditioner winding down or if it's just something different

Mary 57:17
I can always go to another spot

Scott Benner 57:21
I don't know is there noise outside of the car

Mary 57:25
not really mean there's like cars going by but it's not oh

Scott Benner 57:29
no this is pretty consistent I wish you could hear this but you can't Yeah, I don't know what to say that it is the first day

Mary 57:44
I can just kick my kids out oh that is

Scott Benner 57:49
I'm sorry Don't be sorry you're fine

yeah Mary it was the traffic Believe it or not okay because once you once you get out of the park

Mary 58:08
can you guys go play some wiffle ball? I can't there's like a bad background noise out there they

Scott Benner 58:17
did you get to them so quickly

Mary 58:24
No, not yet. We'll go play some wiffle ball with Uncle net Thanks

the bats next to the bed over there

Scott Benner 58:47
has got a problem I'm waiting to see what happens when you close the door yeah

Unknown Speaker 59:07
yeah thank you

Scott Benner 59:22
okay, is how's that? Terrible. No, I just wish you could have heard it. It was just so funny. Like it literally just sounded like jet planes were flying past you. That was the cars I assume. Yeah. Because once you opened the door to the, to the car to your car, I could tell that your car was keeping out a lot of the noise but just not enough of it. So

Mary 59:49
yeah, I have a pretty loud, loud car.

Scott Benner 59:54
It's one of those cars you get up on the highway and you're like, I'm just gonna turn the radio up and we'll all talk when we get there. Yeah, totally

Mary 1:00:00
or like, Get out of my way to

Scott Benner 1:00:05
this sounds good. Thank you. Okay, good. I appreciate it. Sorry about that. Although your kids sound young enough that you were able to relocate them without any argument. They were just like, we're going outside now. Okay.

Mary 1:00:18
Dude, I know I've had like a Plan B because I was like, I'm gonna, like do this in my car. And my brother's here, watching them and I'm like, I like the wiffle ball bat and the ball ready. And I was like, you know, there's a lawn right up there. You guys can just go and

Scott Benner 1:00:32
well, that's, well, it's very so you're on vacation.

Mary 1:00:35
Yeah, I'm originally from Connecticut. Like, I grew up in Trumbull, Connecticut. And my parents are still here. And one of my brothers is still here. So every summer I put, you know, put my two kids in the car and we drive up and spend about a week or two up here and get away from that Savannah summer heat. I

Scott Benner 1:00:58
was gonna say to escape the heat in Georgia, right?

Mary 1:01:02
Yeah, I mean, it's like, you know, in the winter up here, you're, you're like, you know, you get a blizzard or you can't it's just so cold. You can't go out well in the summer and Savannah, it's just so hot, you know?

Scott Benner 1:01:15
Well, I'm looking at our calendar right now. I call this my sadness countdown. And Arden is leaving for Savannah on the sixth. So yeah, 12344 and a half weeks from now isn't going to be super hot still by then. It is