#684 Susan's Therapy

Susan is the mother of a child with type 1 diabetes.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to episode 684 of the Juicebox Podcast.

On today's episode I'm going to be speaking with Susan. She's the mom of two children, one of whom has type one diabetes. Eventually, this conversation turns into a therapy session for Susan. Please remember while you're listening in, that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. We're becoming bold with insulin. Those of you who are US residents and have type one diabetes, or are the caregiver of someone with type one. If you go to T one D exchange.org, forward slash juicebox. Join the registry, take the survey, it will take you fewer than 10 minutes. When you do this kind thing. You'll be helping people with type one diabetes. So you get to do something nice and not get off your sofa. It doesn't take much of your time. And it's helping people you care about what a win win win win win kind of a thing is this huh? T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juicebox. Hope you do it

this episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Contour Next One blood glucose meter. Everything you need to get started with a Contour. Next One is that contour next one.com forward slash juicebox. Today's show is also sponsored by Ooh, wait a minute, new sponsor drumroll. We don't have any money for sound effects. How long do you think I should do this? This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is also sponsored by Ian pen from Medtronic diabetes. To learn more and get started today with in pen you go to in pen today.com. Can you remember that in pen today.com. It's inpntoday.com. And while I have you here, I'd like to remind you about touched by type one, just head over to touched by type one.org. And check them out. That's all they want. You can find them at their website or on facebook or instagram touched by type one.org. I'm hitting record let me make sure I got your voice. Okay, so very quickly. Yes, you have headphones on.

Susan 2:52
I have air pods.

Scott Benner 2:54
Alright, they sound pretty clear. Using a phone as you're using my phone. You're not holding it though. Put it down. For me. It's down. air pods are a little, sometimes overly sensitive. Just try not to fuss too much or touch things too much or that kind of stuff.

Susan 3:10
Okay. I will stay still for an hour.

Scott Benner 3:14
Now you're getting a Susan, I like that. You You seem to understand how this show works. You don't

Susan 3:19
move I will not. I will not move. I will not I will not breathe. Okay. Only breathe

Scott Benner 3:23
in half breaths and look right. Find a point. Okay. Very small. Yeah, I don't want you to be that conscious of it. Okay, so, because this is how this is starting. Introduce yourself, and then tell me what you said and say it again.

Susan 3:42
Okay, well, Hi. I'm Susan. I'm from New York. I am a mom of two kids. I have an 18 year old son and a 14 year old daughter who is typing. Okay.

Scott Benner 3:55
And we just jumped on the call. Hopefully,

Susan 4:00
after after I fixed my microphone because I didn't couldn't figure that out. Full disclosure.

Scott Benner 4:03
My mom is not feeling well right now. So my life is stretched very thin. I know.

Susan 4:10
I know. She's not. Okay.

Scott Benner 4:12
Thank you. My point in saying that is that I woke up like 15 minutes ago, so that it's not uncommon for me. I am probably not fully functioning yet. I'm hydrating as quickly as I can to get my brain off. So whatever I say in this episode doesn't count.

Susan 4:31
It's all good. It's all good. Meanwhile, I was up at like six I've had my juicebox shirt on I went and I walked that I listened to you. And yeah, okay, that was all good.

Scott Benner 4:41
Okay, well, all right. I'm glad that I could, um, sort of awaken the world. But you said that I like you said this picture. Okay.

Susan 4:48
So Right. So when when you when you log on you have your zoom and your cute little picture there. And I was like, Oh, I love this picture of you. I said you look very pensive,

Scott Benner 4:56
this picture. So now I know what pensive means Even though I didn't go to school for very long, and I didn't know that, so let's break it down together. Well, I'm gonna guess is alright, so I went to Seattle with my son for a week. And I and I got settled in with him. And then he spent another four weeks there baseball training. I stayed with the family who listens to the podcast, which is a story, I remember you saying that. It's so cool, wonderful people that I've told the story before, please, the rest of you do not send me an email. I'm not coming to your house. And so although, let's say this season, one time, with stories join and jump around right away, I got an email recently, from a person who offered me a large sum of money to come live with them for a week and teach them how to do diabetes. Stop it right now, which I turned down. Because I am not a healthcare professional. And that would not be reasonable. And, but it was way more money than you would guess. I can't even imagine. Yes. So. So okay, so you think of a number in your head? Like, how would you please your things?

Susan 6:05
I am horrible at this. I'm so bad at this. My husband is always like, we'll go into a room or to a concert. He'll always say, how many people? Do you think we're here? I'm like, I don't know. 10 500? I have no idea. So I'm really bad at this. So

Scott Benner 6:18
your preface? Did you ruin this part? But go ahead. Just pick a number. Scott. Come to my house live here for a week? I'll give you for a week? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 6:27
I'll pay you

Scott Benner 6:28
$5,000 $25,000

Susan 6:31
Oh, shut up. Yep.

Scott Benner 6:31
And I said, No, thank you. That's lovely. But mainly, I appreciate your, your, I don't know, hope or whatever. You're right.

Susan 6:43
I do have faith in me.

Scott Benner 6:45
Yeah. That's That's not necessary. I don't take money from people for diabetes stuff. I'm not a doctor. And if you guys I realize you're not a doctor, I said. I said I also don't think that the questions you're asking need a week I could just do so I just jumped on the phone and answer. Questions for them real quickly, did not take their 25,000. Also, by the way, they didn't just randomly send me the 25 Grand. So I don't know how serious they were. But I'm

Susan 7:13
like stuck. Scott, could you imagine though, like if you started doing that, like if you put yourself out there you're like, Listen, I got called come live with you for a week. And I'll fix all your, your diabetes problems. And that could be like your thing you could do like a word like a tribe like a world tour. You could just like travel around, it'd

Scott Benner 7:27
be perfectly honest. It was hard to think about it after he said that number. Like because I thought I could do this four times a year and I'd be like, yeah, we'll just pay whatever my least favorite month is. I'll just, you know, do it that month.

Susan 7:47
Save all your problems for like, July and that's when I'm gonna

Scott Benner 7:51
be late. Kelly listen, I'm gonna I'm gonna jump out of here on June 30. I'll be back July 31. I have 100 kid I'm changing lives. But anyway, that's not the story. So you want to know about the picture? Okay, you

Susan 8:04
know the picture. I love the picture. Very, it's also very I don't know if this angle but you're having like a really big print. But I think that's real desert. Isn't that right though. The big like,

Scott Benner 8:12
the hats got a slightly unbend brim. Which is crazy, because my head is huge. So that's a weird thing. So what you're seeing in that picture? I don't think it's pensive. I was take so first of all these people in Seattle where I was they talk endlessly about this mountain. Okay, sorry, I'm still hydrating. Yeah, Hank, it's Mount Rainier. Oh my god. I Yeah, I've heard of that. Honestly, it might not be Mike. You should.

Susan 8:43
You might want to get that right.

Scott Benner 8:45
Right, because I but you know, you get there. They say oh, wait till the mountain comes out. The mountain comes out. Like first of all, I must be a colloquialism. Because the mountains always out. It's it will wait them out. That's, you know what they mean? Wait till you can see the mountain. Because you see it right. We can overcast but they just keep saying wait till the mountain comes out the mountains right over there. You look, you're like, I don't see a mountain to tell you. Well, one day, the mountain came out. And it's freaking shocking. Susan.

Susan 9:14
She came, she came and she Well, clearly. I mean, I'm

Scott Benner 9:17
telling you right now, like try imagining going out in your backyard. I don't know It's staring at the house behind you. And there's a giant mountain there but you don't see it for four days in a row. And then one day you walk outside. There's a freakin mountain there. It's odd, right?

Susan 9:35
That's, that's crazy. Really. That's the beauty of our country. That's, you know, look at you.

Scott Benner 9:40
Listen, it was insane. So now here's the other thing. I had been living with these people for about a week. They don't drink anything but water in their house. So okay, my face is like as thin as it had been in like two years. So I was like, Holy hell I can get a selfie with myself in this free Can mountain. And then I got the camera up and what you're seeing on my face is me going wow, you can really see my jaw on this

Susan 10:09
I look really good in this picture.

Scott Benner 10:11
I gotta take like 20 of these so that I'm sure one of these comes out. Because if you fantastic so excited. So it's not pensive, it's me holding the phone really still. And trying to hold my face in a way where I think I'll actually because now I'm gonna use this picture for years to come If someone needs to. Yeah, because and you see how like, sort of like, you know, like that spot between the corner of your mouth and your tip of your jaw. Like it sort of goes in like a lady's waist. You see it? You're looking at the picture, right?

Susan 10:41
I totally I'm I'm staring at it. Yes, don't normally do that.

Scott Benner 10:44
So I say in that moment, I was like, Oh, I gotta drink more water. And I must be holding this phone at the exact right place. And it's so

Susan 10:54
perfect. And you're like a teenager, you figured out how to get that perfect selfie.

Scott Benner 10:59
Somebody said, somebody said, Should your son get the picture with you? And I was like, no, no. I don't care. And he was busy. cool about it. Like I said, take a picture with the mountain and send it to mom. And he's like, Oh my God. All right, hold on, you know. So that's the story of that picture. Yes, it is not. It is not pensive. It's just me try not to move the camera because I have a jawline.

Susan 11:24
I got it. No, listen. Regardless, it's a great picture. Thank you. And that's it.

Scott Benner 11:29
Are you amused at how like, I actually could make that take nine minutes and it was entertaining. So

Susan 11:34
I will listen to you long enough. I

Scott Benner 11:35
know you can do I could do an extra 10 minutes on your episode. Okay, so you're the mother of a child with type one. Is that right?

Susan 11:45
I am. Yes.

Scott Benner 11:46
I'm sorry, boy or girl. I sound like you have two of them.

Susan 11:49
I have two children. My oldest son is 18. But my type one child is a 14 year old

Scott Benner 11:55
girl. 14 and 18. Okay, I didn't see him on purpose. Let's just dig in that for half a second. You guys. Oh, please. You guys were fighting. I thought a baby would help. What happened? What's going on there? What do you mean? I guess it's not a bad gap. 14. No, you're fine. Nevermind. Alright, fine. Yeah, I was reaching Susan. Fine. Do you think the people listening right now we're like, oh my god, this lady's from New York and Scott shut out of a cannon. I'm not even gonna have to speed this episode. It's gonna go really quick.

Susan 12:25
I'm actually 100% and I the whole, like 20 minutes before I signed out. I was breathing saying to myself, talk slow.

Scott Benner 12:34
I talk really fast. You're not doing it. But I wonder why we speak so quickly. I don't know. The true though. Yeah, yeah. We hammer through words. I always assume that other people couldn't think of them as quickly. But I don't imagine now that I'm older that that's actually why it happened.

Susan 12:54
Yeah, I don't think so. I don't know.

Scott Benner 12:56
Yeah. Do you think we were not comfortable with ourselves?

Susan 13:01
I just think everybody is in a rush. Yeah, I see. Right?

Scott Benner 13:08
I'm not asking you to say out loud, but you're Italian.

Susan 13:12
By marriage.

Scott Benner 13:14
So those those so you're by marriage. So that side of your family? Is that talking over each other being loud? Is that pretty common?

Susan 13:24
Yes. And no. You know. I grew up in an Italian household as well. My dad was a little bit of Italian. So we were around a lot of Italian family as well. And they were Yeah, they were no. They were a fun group.

Scott Benner 13:39
Yeah. It might just be Yeah. I don't know if it's geographical or what it is. But I if you got me going. I can I can speak so quickly. And still make sense. It's, it's ridiculous. See?

Susan 13:53
See I I will start speaking so quickly and not make sense. That's a problem. That's why I said to myself, slow it down. Is I think my words I just can't keep up with them. Like I'm like, you know, somewhere else. And

Scott Benner 14:08
anyway, and your kids are old enough. They correct you when you say something wrong, right? Oh, sure. Yeah, that's a big fun part of having kids.

Susan 14:16
They will listen to this and they will probably rip it apart.

Scott Benner 14:25
Kelly Kelly's Kelly's at a disadvantage in our house because Arden has my sense of humor. And calling oh she does actually has enough of it. He's just generally quieter. But that kind of like direct like this that my wife has, like my wife's more direct than I am only among like, in general public she's very polite and kind. But so my son can be direct and funny. It's not as funny as Arden and i It's not his fault. And so if my if my wife Miss speaks they'll it So people will say out loud, like, are you having a stroke? That's usually how it starts. And then they just Oh, stop. And she's like, why am I the butt of the joke? Relentless? Your fault? Did you hear what you said? And then it just keeps going, you know, keeps going when they get me on the ropes. I start, like, they think they say I get defensive, but I just start going, like what you're saying is not making any sense. And like, that's not what happened. And then they won't stop. Like, if they see me devolve a little bit, then they push me until, you know, it looks like I'm gonna die. Like, oh, he's on the floor. Keep going, you know, keep going is the guy, you know? Anyway, he's fine. So your your 14 year old, was diagnosed?

Susan 15:45
She was diagnosed when she was 11. And April of 2019. She was in sixth grade.

Scott Benner 15:53
That seems like an unpleasant time to have that. Yeah. Well,

Susan 15:57
yeah, I know. And where we live, sixth grade, was like a graduating year. You know, the next year you go on to middle school. So a lot was happening, you know?

Scott Benner 16:10
Oh, that sucks. Was it unexpected?

Susan 16:14
Well, unexpected in the back that nobody, you know, has no family history. So unexpected. Yes. So to answer your question, yes, it was. But that being said, I know the signs. I knew the signs. And I knew pretty quickly. What was going on? Okay. i Yeah. So I,

Scott Benner 16:40
how did you know she didn't.

Susan 16:42
So my grandfather on my mom's father had type two diabetes. And my mother always, she would always say to me, back up, my next door neighbor growing up. So I was born in 72. So a early 80s, she was diagnosed with type one, which back then was, you know, not as common obviously, as today. So I know my mom and her mom were very good friends. So I'm sure she implanted these thoughts into my mom as well. But my mom always said to me, if you're very thirsty, if you're going to the bathroom a lot, you need to tell me, you need to let me know. So growing up, I always associated those things with diabetes. Didn't really know what diabetes was, but I just associated those things. So that was, those were the first signs of my daughter. That's such

Scott Benner 17:36
a good look into what just the generation that go without the internet, how they thought about things. And like, somebody told your mom like, Oh, this is what happened. Here's how I knew. And she's like, okay, Susan, listen to me up more than four times a day I want to hear about

Susan 17:54
no. And she, she clearly said it to me enough, right. But it stuck with me. And I was so afraid. Again, not knowing anything about diabetes. I just thought if you were a diabetic, you could eat sugar, and I love cookies and cake. So I, I just was so afraid that I was going to get it. And then those were the signs my daughter, and then of course, including the weight loss and the appetite. But she was not admitted. She was not admitted in DKA. So I you know, I feel like, I don't know how long it was, you know, growing but you know, what's that?

Scott Benner 18:35
You feel good about that? You gotta

Susan 18:37
know? Sure. You know, I mean, I remember. You know, we we were shopping it was a Monday it was the day after Easter. And so the kids had no school and we were going shopping for clothes and I remember thinking oh my god, everything is like so big on her. I don't but you know, I don't know. Oh, she's growing you know, you say those things to yourself. Right? And then we went for lunch. And she had like three pieces of pizza. And let me tell you she was probably about 50 pounds very, very small. You know, cute little thing. And and then we were waiting in line to check out from somewhere and she's like, Mom, I just have to go the bathroom.

I'm so thirsty. Like, oh, that was gonna happen. Like grandma said

Scott Benner 19:27
your mom never said anything valuable like hey, if they find a way to shrink down those computers that they sent the rocket to space and make them fatter house buy some stock. Nothing like that happened ever.

Susan 19:37
No, no, no insight into any of that.

Scott Benner 19:41
Anything really, really helpful. That would have been helpful. Don't get a credit card, honey, anything at all? Nothing. Anything. Pick a boy said your father's side of the family was is Italian any chance your mom side is Irish or something like that.

Susan 20:03
My mom's side is a little bit of everything. There's no Irish, but there's German, there's English. I'm a

Scott Benner 20:09
bunch of things. I'm always looking for

Susan 20:12
as my husband. You know, I was just saying my husband's like, half half, like so like, you know, straightforward. I'm just a mishmash.

Scott Benner 20:18
Yeah, I'm always looking for that part of the world for diabetes. Diagnosis is England. Ireland, that hole right Celtic space there. Interesting. Okay, so, tell me a little bit about what happened coming out of the hospital? Um, three years ago? I mean, you left with

Susan 20:42
so yeah, so maybe something. Okay. We Yeah, first of all,

I love you know, I love our doctors, I love our hospital.

Scott Benner 20:51
Susan, hold on. I love it when people preface their statements with that, because you're about to say something horrible about your doctor.

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Susan 25:13
Great experience, you know, but now, you know, now that looking back and hearing all the people that have been on your podcast, our experience was pretty, you know, normal, I guess. They, you know, the the training two days, like ours, you know, I remember my sister, I have a sister who's 10 years younger than me. And she was so sweet. She said she works in the schools. So she was off that week, because it was a break. And she's like, I'm going to come in, I'm going to come I want to listen to everything. I'm going to learn the if someone else I was like, so thankful for that. So she came and she sat with us and listened. But um, but yeah, so we left with, with pens with pens.

Scott Benner 25:53
Okay. Yeah, no, no sense of CGM or anything like that. Nothing like that was talked about. I didn't even know what that was never heard of it. No. Do you have one now? Oh, yes. All right. How long did it take you to get that? And what

Susan 26:09
she was, she was diagnosed in April. And at the next. I'm sure I saw the doctor pretty soon after that. And then probably the next visit, which maybe was like May, May, June, maybe. I remember going to the doctor when I was showing her. My logs of her blood sugar. And Scott, I would. I was crazy. I would test her like, every two hours through the night. I was testing her like, she was like a pin cushion, you know? And the doctor looked at me and she was like, What are you doing? I said, I'm testing my blood sugar. I'm making sure she's okay. And she's like, Oh, no, she goes, we get we get we got to help you out here. So that's when she was like, we're getting you the Dexcom. And I was like, what is that? So yeah, so she got it pretty soon after I'm gonna say June, she got the Dexcom. What was

Scott Benner 26:59
the impetus for the frequent testing? What were you? Which voice in your head? Were you calming down with that?

Susan 27:07
The one that was saying like, I was just so anxious and so nervous. And so you know, I'm a very anxious person. Yeah, I've. Yeah. So that's that was it?

Scott Benner 27:22
Were you thinking she was going to get low? Or that she was getting high? Or? Or did it make you anxious? Just to not know what the number was at all?

Susan 27:30
It's a really good question. And I don't think I've ever thought of that. But looking back, probably just the not knowing what she was. And, you know, it's just funny Scott, as I, I pulled out these papers, in preparation for this just kind of like, look back. And I still have all the papers of all the blood sugars, and I highlighted the ones that were low. If I tell you how many 80s 77 were highlighted, like back then I thought that was low. So you know, I

Scott Benner 28:00
thought that was a problem. Well, you feeding now seven lady?

Susan 28:03
Oh my gosh. Yes. You know, it's it's, yeah. Because I was told to. I was told below, think it was below 90 At that time, you would correct. Wait 15 minutes, and then give a 15 gram, which Holy crap, if I did that now. Forget it.

Scott Benner 28:24
Well, 15 grams, that 90 would probably make her like 180. Right.

Susan 28:28
I know. Yeah. It's crazy, right?

Scott Benner 28:32
Well, at least she wasn't low. Better high, though.

Susan 28:36
I know. Right?

Scott Benner 28:37
Yeah. Let's kill her tomorrow. Not today, then. Exactly. What a plan.

Susan 28:45
Great plan. Good plan.

Scott Benner 28:47
I'm so fascinated. You know, I don't think I've gone down this road on the podcast. And well, I find it fascinating that that could be the answer. Just the I don't do you know, I'm saying like, we're gonna, every day we crossed the road with our eyes closed. Instead of doing it, we just won't cross the road today. We'll do it tomorrow, right? And then tomorrow, and tomorrow, we'll get there gonna and maybe the next day, maybe the next day. But on the other side of the road is our life that we can't get to. Yeah, no, no, can't avoid that. Yeah, let's just not instead of living will stand here and in stasis, not really do anything. We'll just eating snacks every time our blood sugar gets the 90. And one day in our 30s we can start you know, working on those on those horrible things that have happened to us it's a really an odd, an odd fix. You ever

Susan 29:45
it really is because now obviously her management is million times better and I go in and the doctors you know, she's like, I love her. She's like, you don't need my help. You know you're doing And, you know, which makes me feel good. I don't always agree with her. But if if I if she thinks everything's so great and she sees her numbers, then why is why are the other thing? What? I don't know? Is it because she was so newly diagnosed? And there? You don't want to? I don't know. Just why was that acceptable? Right? I don't know.

Scott Benner 30:20
Alright, so pulling back the curtain, bigger picture, I get it. Like I get them not wanting to Yeah, have your kid have a seizure? Right, like, right? Below budget. But, but why not explain it so that maybe you might use for carbs instead of 15? Right,

Susan 30:39
right. It's the rules are so there's like, so set in stone these rules? And I Oh, my gosh, you tell me a rule. I mean, I'm gonna follow it. I'm a true rule follower. So I'm not going to deviate. Right? So yeah, you're

Scott Benner 30:56
not gonna, it's going to be 15 carbs. And then you get caught in that weirdness of and now all of a sudden, your kid might as well have diabetes in 1985. Again, because because we're not taking advantage of any of the advancements or new understandings. We're just we're back to eat these 15 carbs. How many times have you given your kid food they didn't want? And then you look back and think, Oh, God, she didn't even need this.

Susan 31:19
She may need it. Right, right. I know. Oh, my gosh, do you think

Scott Benner 31:23
that's okay, how long did it take you to figure it out? That it was not the way that

Susan 31:29
longer longer than I'm proud to say? I don't know. Her diagnosis was, was very hard on obviously hard on everybody. It was hard on me. As a mom, I, you know, I went through a lot with that. So I just was trying to keep her sounds very dramatic, trying to keep her alive. Just trying to keep her you know, functioning. And, you know, and doing the things she loved to do like that summer, she went to camp. Oh, my gosh, that was crazy. You know, and she's doing all. And then Nerissa camp was said to me, we like to keep them no lower than 150. I was like, that's why it's like, you know, she's like, we they're always running and they're doing this. And I just at that time, I said, Okay, if that's your role, okay. You know, so I don't know. And then then she started middle middle school, middle school was very rough. Start with her diabetes.

Scott Benner 32:37
It will be fun for her before you tell me about middle school. You just said a bunch of big things and then skipped right over. I'm like, we weren't gonna talk about them so well, that I do that. Sorry. Sorry. Her diagnosis was really hard on you. How?

Susan 32:50
Yeah, I cried a lot. I, I couldn't. I couldn't look at pictures of her. Prior to that. I I, my husband and I were, you know, we're a great team, great team. At that time, I'm sure I was really difficult to live with. Because I he was helping, but I would say he wasn't, you know, or it was hard. And then I had, you know, I had a son. And at the time, he was in high school, and he was playing baseball. And I said, I have to get to all of his games. I can't make him feel any, you know, less loved or less, you know, less attention. That was hard.

Scott Benner 33:48
Did you ever? Did you ever use your son's activities as an excuse to get away from diabetes? not consciously, but like, I have to go to this baseball game now. So you're right. I'll live here with diabetes while I go.

Susan 34:01
Good question. I'm gonna say no, because she always came with me. So that was another thing too. I feel like, you know, I didn't want to go anywhere. Without her. I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want to. And I like she's a bit She's. She's a competitive dancer. So I would, I was that in a soccer player. I was back to sitting at practices for two hours or sitting at her rehearsals in the car when I used to just drop her off. So I felt very, I felt like my life was never going to get back to normal, I guess. Maybe Can I

Scott Benner 34:33
ask you? In those times you were sitting outside of things? How often did you have to spring into action and do something? Like what partly ever Yeah. How come you

Susan 34:43
isn't that funny? Like looking back? Hardly ever. I

Scott Benner 34:46
knew that was gonna be your answer as my mascot is right? You know, it's the drama part is you said, you said like this is going to sound dramatic and you made me think of every once in a while. I'll see somebody be online say, I saved my daughter's life with a cookie or something like that. And I'm like, right, right. Right. Right. Do you mean that? Are you just trying to like, right, make the point, right. Like, I hope you're just trying to make the point that the carbs, yes. I wonder where this is that you know what I mean? And not to say that there haven't been times that people's blood sugars are falling, you know, and they're really, and you really are maybe saving their life. But how many? How many people are saying that when their kids blood sugar's 90 Because of the direction they were given by their doctor? Like, how many people is blood sugar's not falling reaches 90. And they're like, I just saved my daughter's life with an Oreo cookie. Like, actually, you just wish their blood sugar back up again.

Susan 35:40
But I actually actually might have pushed it back up, but okay,

Scott Benner 35:43
we'll go in that could be an opposite thing of what you're saying here. I'm not certain, you know, that drama is so real. I'm gonna be honest with you. I, you know, I know what you're talking about. I would say,

Susan 35:55
you know, when you asked me that, when you asked me that, like, how many times I had to jump in and help her. I never thought about that. And honestly, I Yeah.

Scott Benner 36:09
At what point you could have been like, hey, you know, I keep staying here because I think you're gonna die, but you're not dying. So. Oh, I guess I'll just go home, get out of this car and do something else. Yeah, is it at

Susan 36:21
least obviously.

It's comfortable. But listen, obviously, I did get to that point. And you know, and I leave her she she sleeps over she you know, I we're obviously in a great spot now with a lot of that, but so that was part of it, too, was hard. And then, like, I I would just anytime she was very high. was more the highs, I would just, I would just play myself. And what did I do wrong? And I can't hear the beeping anymore. I'm going to go crazy. And you know that kind of stuff

Scott Benner 36:59
overnight. Yeah, you couldn't hear the CGM anymore?

Susan 37:04
Well, not that I couldn't hear it. I did hear it. And I wanted to throw it out the window. You know, it just this. It was, was driving me crazy. And I didn't know how to fix it. I really didn't. And so let's and then you came along.

Scott Benner 37:19
Let's not get to where the Messiah comes just yet. Let's talk about the rest of it. God, I hope people No, I'm kidding about that. That's not the point. Here we go. No, I don't know. Some of them don't beep. So you're getting to a point where you're getting an alarm? And you're resentful of it?

Susan 37:36
Oh, my gosh, that wasn't percent. Yes. Because I would look at and be like, be like, shut up. What do you do?

Scott Benner 37:45
Well, you're, you're my age. And yes, you're like just a year younger than I am. And I, you know, I couldn't keep going forever the way I was going. Like, like, it was like the sleep part is really detrimental in a way that you don't imagine it's going to be at first at first you almost think you're doing it. You're like, all right. Other people need sleep apparently not me. I'm must have a special constitution. And then you start snapping at people and being not yourself. And you're working at a percentage less than what you usually are in your mind. And then you're laying there one day, you're like, I can't get up and that thing, and you were like, what, like, I'm gonna burn law, just lock all the doors on Windows and set the house on fire. Like how?

Susan 38:35
Maybe No, yeah, it was it for me. It was like, I just can't cry all day. I can't, like I can't do this anymore. Because I would I would be crying just because I was tired. Like, you know, like, I've got to stop. I gotta stop. Yeah. And I would definitely seek advice from our diabetes educator at my doctor, and they definitely did hell, but just know, nobody explains it the way you do? I don't. I don't understand. I don't understand.

Scott Benner 39:11
I don't know. Well, I mean, we've had enough conversations on the show with doctors and they don't talk about why they think that it doesn't happen. And you know, I've had people on, and I've never pushed them. And I think that in the course of the conversation, you can hear that they don't understand it well enough to explain it. Or that right. Sometimes they're caught in this like, the cycle of right. Yeah, their job is just get you in check this thing hit all the checklists they need for insurance, you know, and then and then, you know, I don't know show me one of your lows. tried turning this dial here. I'll see in three months, right, like that whole thing, right. And I do think that they're just, they're throwing darts a lot of times in the dark and just hoping they hit something and that That's just not a real reasonable way to take care of all this. I so I have a lot of empathy for the situation that they're in.

Susan 40:07
And I understand I agree.

Scott Benner 40:11
I still want to try it myself. I still want to like, you know, almost like, almost like speed dating for diabetes. I would love to sit in the room for a whole day and see if 20 minutes at a time I could figure things out or not like,

Susan 40:24
oh, I have no doubt you could I would like that. I would be exhausted. Yes, over though. You've already done that. So you know, you could do that.

Scott Benner 40:31
Yeah, but it would still be fun, like a little exercise. You don't I mean, like, like diabetes Olympics, kind of for me. I love it. Like a mathlete situation, almost where you would just give me questions. And I'd be like this, that this that. But I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Like, maybe I would maybe I would do that. And then think, Oh, she's people are doing the best they can. It's a horrible situation. But then again, I don't understand. I don't understand then why you wouldn't stop it. Like, why do you keep saying, well, we'll go back and try to cross the street tomorrow. Like, why wouldn't just say this thing we're doing doesn't work. But it would just seem obvious to go to the head of the practice and say, hey, you know, we're not really helping anybody. Right? Like, I went to medical school. And now I'm wasting my life in this florescent box. Sort of pseudo helping people. Like, we're all here. I had to get up in the morning. Why don't we do it better than this? You know, like, it would strike,

Susan 41:30
right? I know. Yeah. So like her, I think are able to seize we're probably in the eights for a long time. And they were fine with that.

Scott Benner 41:40
The doctors were okay with it.

Susan 41:43
Yeah, they were. They know, they were they weren't you know, they, they? They were more like, it's, you know, it's good. We'll try to, you know, try and do better, I guess. Actually, no, I feel like they were like, Oh, you're good. And again, I don't know, maybe it was because it's like the first year or so. And I don't know.

Scott Benner 42:06
But even that's just ambiguous. Like, it's just I know, I agree. Yeah. Especially when you can google. What's the a one C of a person who doesn't have diabetes, and it tells you and you go, Oh, that's C might be significantly different. But what we have over here, you know, I remember the first time I realized that at Ardennes appointments, they'll find a low blood sugar to to warn you about. And I realized that that's a liability thing now. Yes, I'm sure it didn't strike me. I mean, no one's told me this. This is my, my concept is that they go Oh, I see a low here. What happened here? And I've now learned to answer like a robot. Like I go, Oh, let me see that. And I lean over and I go, that's a compression low. That's not real. That's not real, right? Or I'll lean over and I'll go, oh, that's 65 at 11 o'clock. Yeah. I know what that is. You see the Bolus here at 10pm. Right, right, and see how the blood sugar was 140 We had a sticky blood sugar, it broke loose, blah, blah, blah. And then I stopped. I don't over explain it. I just explained it. And they don't go. The next answer isn't well, I think you should do this or change that. They just go okay. And then they make some notes. And I'm like, Oh, this is just for insurance. Okay, interesting. Yeah. Can I get the insurance? Can I just get the prescription now for the insolence on go? Yeah, can we just, we just move on? We're gonna go to lunch. Actually, we're gonna leave here. Waffles and and. Right, yeah, we're gonna Bolus an insane amount of insulin and eat it.

Susan 43:45
And it's gonna work. It's

Scott Benner 43:47
definitely gonna work. Yeah, I gotta go. Like I really I want to get out of here. But I understand, right? If that's the it's almost all this. It's the thing about life. I hate the most like, I hate that unspoken dance part. Like, you know, when you're lying to someone, and they know you're lying. And you know that they know you're lying. And you know that they know that you're lying. And yet for some reason, we're still doing it.

Susan 44:14
It's still still going on.

Scott Benner 44:16
It's maddening to me. I really, I really just find it distasteful, but okay. All right, Susan, Fair's fair. How do you find the podcast?

Susan 44:28
I love the podcast, how do I find it? So I found it on a Facebook group. Definitely a Facebook group. I knew you're gonna ask me this question. I really don't remember when I first started listening, but I do remember when I really listened religiously, was during the pandemic. Like when that first so her. Her one year anniversary was April of 2000. Which is right. When? Yeah, right when everything Started, right? Yeah. So I walk, I walk, I always lose used to, you know, I always like to walk anyway. But I would walk and I will listen to you, every every day. And like every day,

Scott Benner 45:14
that's important. Everybody should be listening to me every day. That's what I think

Susan 45:18
everyday, like to the point that this is to the point that when I go to the track, if I don't listen to it feels weird. Like, I feel like I'm

Scott Benner 45:27
over there, that experience has been ruined, because I'm not there.

Susan 45:31
And I feel like I'm doing I'm being rude to you.

Scott Benner 45:35
That, listen, that's an important feeling. Don't let go of that one. All of you. If you're, you know, you should be less if you could be listening and you're not, you're letting me down directly. That's important to know. Just so you know, also listen, and listen to the end. Okay, there's some important metrics

Susan 45:52
and invariants. Thank you.

I just listened to your your one this morning with Patrick in California. Oh my God, I want to meet him. He's hysterical.

Scott Benner 46:00
I don't even think he was funny on purpose. I think. Exactly. It was amazing. Yeah. Money. That's excellent. I'm glad you like it. There's times where I'll record episodes. And I'd be like, people aren't gonna like this. And that was one of them. I was like, worried. And then I when I really listened, and I did the edit. I was like, What was I thinking about? Was like, he was terrific. You know?

Susan 46:22
Oh, no, he was so honest. And so he was great. Yeah. Yeah. That's very

Scott Benner 46:25
cool. It makes me feel good that you listen, I also want to say, we're beyond this far enough. Now. It's October 2021. When we when the pandemic hit, initially, there was this idea amongst a lot of people who made podcasts that will we're going to scale back now, because people aren't gonna listen as much. And I don't want to, I don't want to waste my content. And I want you all to know that when you thought that I started putting out an extra episode every week, because I was like, This is not how this is gonna go. People are gonna listen to more podcasts. And yeah.

Susan 47:05
I wonder why they would think that,

Scott Benner 47:07
Susan, I think it's because they're morons, and they don't know what they're talking about. And they don't have a vibe for what's happening. But I just go with that. I'm taking full credit for this. I was I saw that moment. I was like, No, this is not the right idea. We should be leaning into this with content, not leaning away from it.

Susan 47:24
No, yeah. I listen to you every day. Ya know,

Scott Benner 47:27
a lot of people picked up the show during Coronavirus, which I'm not Yeah, celebrating, I would rather have fewer listeners all not have COVID. But,

Susan 47:36
but that, you know, I, I found it before that. I just it was just so much more time. Right. So I guess that's what it was. I found it before that. But I listened more religiously during that time.

Scott Benner 47:49
While you're Yeah. While you were figuring out that you wanted to listen to the podcasts with your free time. I was learning how to smoke meat. So we were all did something different that we didn't have previously. Yes. You know, fantastic. Yeah, I do a little smoke every week. And I leave something refrigerator. And I just take little slices from it throughout my days and take little pieces. Lovely. That sounds lovely. It was really a little pink.

Susan 48:14
By the way. My kids tell me the word lovely is an old person's word. Well, they can go to hell. You just said it. And I said it

Scott Benner 48:21
didn't go to hell tell what do you think of that them in the podcast is just thought they shouldn't put out podcaster and COVID. Right. You're all wrong. What do you think of that? Lovely is a wonderful word. It is it invoke some. It evokes a softness and a concern. It is exciting. And it means you know that something is exceptional and kind of very good. If people don't use it.

Susan 48:48
I agree. I agree. Your kids

Scott Benner 48:50
are wonderful. When the new Drake album is coming out they don't know

Susan 48:53
anything. Oh, absolutely.

Scott Benner 48:57
You live on the island or no?

Susan 48:59
I do. I live on the island. Yep, I was born here. I live here. My husband said he'd never lived here but he's lived here for 25 years so

Scott Benner 49:08
would you do wear bikini? Would you ask them if you want to go to Long Island? How did that work out?

Susan 49:11
I don't know. Maybe I don't know how to get him out.

Scott Benner 49:13
You know how you did it. Don't act like you don't know now that we're older.

Susan 49:17
Don't be so coy with the island so it makes it makes me wonder if people listening to this might. I don't know. I don't think I have an accent but I'm sure many people are gonna think I do.

Scott Benner 49:34
Yes is pretty light. years is pretty light. I just interviewed a Mother Son combination who lives on Long Island as well. And hers is very hers is more severe than yours is. Yeah,

Susan 49:49
I'm not too severe.

Scott Benner 49:50
No, you know what I mean? Severe is in.

Susan 49:52
I know. I know. I know.

Scott Benner 49:53
Are you gonna give me crap to Susan. Well, listen, I'm already married. Okay. plenty people over here that have that covered. You don't need to give me crap. If you're worried that I'm living my whole life just free and happy, okay, then I'm the guy. Yeah, don't worry, I'm about to leave this room be told what I'm doing wrong today. Not even over and over again. I'm assuming there's a list of things I've already done wrong. And I have not laid eyes on my wife yet today. So,

Susan 50:24
but it's funny.

Scott Benner 50:26
So so. Okay, so you find the podcast? That's fine. Does that make you feel like? Like, what happens next? Do you start thinking, Oh, those things I was thinking? Maybe they're real? Or did you? Did you think I've never heard any of this stuff before? I've never even had these thoughts before.

Susan 50:43
I've never heard any of these things before. More at the time, so she got a pump. We're on the Omnipod. She got the pump in January. So a little, almost less than a year, I guess. Right. Okay, that she was diagnosed. So no listening to the podcast, like you would say words that I remember I had heard them but didn't know what they meant. Even the word Bolus, I didn't know what that meant. I was I was still under the impression. Like the rules, they tell you, you could only correct every three hours. You You know you all those little rules. So I, I would sit and look at a 300 blood sugar. Because I had to wait three hours, you know? So. So yeah, it was it was more things I hadn't heard before. And it just it really blew my mind.

Scott Benner 51:46
How do you make the leap? Then? Like, how do you? How do you get to the edge of the road and go no, my Sherpa told me we'll try again tomorrow. We've been doing it for three years like this, but I'm very confident that tomorrow is gonna come and then you're you're you're indoctrinated. And then someone comes along and says, the exact opposite of what what you've been totally? How do you break free? Is it that you're not seeing success? And so it seems worth the effort or

Susan 52:12
risk? I look like I just couldn't I didn't want to do this anymore. And the the one of the things that stuck with me. So I think our our Dexcom was set for 80 as a low, and you're ready for this 300 of the high 300.

Scott Benner 52:29
Perfect. That's excellent.

Susan 52:30
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Scott Benner 52:31
I mean, it's so weird.

Susan 52:34
Right? So I didn't know that that's

Scott Benner 52:37
not uncommon, just weird.

Susan 52:40
You know? So

when you

one of the things that you said, in trying to lower your blood sugar, one of the tips, obviously, we know if you listen is to tighten your range, because if your range is tighter, it'll just, it's eventually going to get there. So that's the first thing I did. I I tightened the range on the Dexcom. And then I don't know, I think I just said to myself, No, I'm just going to try something different. Yeah, I'm just going to try something different, I'm going to and because she was on a pump, it's just much easier to you know, add some insulin here, add some there. The array around with things. Yeah, the range.

Scott Benner 53:27
Now super important, because it really is. It's tricking you into doing what you need to do to begin with. So if you, if you let the range be 300, then obviously the blood sugar you can not Pre-Bolus You can miss miss on your carb count for your meal, and ignore the rise and still feel like well, it's doing what I expect, because I expect you're gonna go to 300. And so that's, that's all Okay, once you start seeing yourself, I can't let this get over 150 Now suddenly, you have to start using insulin differently. And you have to start being more aggressive. If it tries to go up you then it forces you to start thinking about well, why is it going up to begin with, I mean, I'm trying to stop it from getting to 150. And it makes you then believe in trying to Pre-Bolus or being flexible around meals and understanding the different impacts of different foods so that you can make a better Bolus and, and then all that stuff. It just tricks you into I mean it you know, you can hear the the Pro Tip series, and it'll make sense to you, I hope and it'll help you. But setting that expectation down is a real is a real big part of that. And then you start getting what you expect. And then you can say, Well, I always get what I expect. I expect one ad I wonder what would happen if I expected 150 And then I wonder what will happen etc, etc. Until you can just like do that. Yeah,

Susan 54:56
no huge, huge and you Yeah 100%

Scott Benner 55:02
So not hard. You didn't struggle to figure it out like it just worked.

Susan 55:06
No, no. And I it just worked. There is still, I mean, I still have room for improvement. I really don't. Do you happen to episode coming out about fatty foods? I just don't quite. I haven't quite gotten a hold of that, like the effect that certain foods.

Scott Benner 55:28
Yeah, there's one have one out now. Okay, no, no, it was me and a Canadian lady named Michelle. Michelle. Okay. I'll find the name for you while you're talking.

Susan 55:39
But yeah, that that's, you know, on my list to really understand. And then obviously, I I'd like to do the new when the new Omnipod comes out and connects with your Dexcom obviously, I'd like to get your the DIY looping completely intimidates me. I, I've looked at I read about it. I've listened. It's almost like a different language to me. I don't know if I just don't have that mind. I don't know. It's very overwhelming. I understand that as much as I'd like to do it. So it's okay. Oh,

Scott Benner 56:22
I like oh, wait, when the real tech savvy people go. It's all written right out there. I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I don't know. But okay. Yeah, yeah.

Susan 56:31
And the other challenge I have, and it's a big one is school for her. She her num. Put it this way. I know when she has a test. I could look I can look at her graph and like, oh, yeah, she had a chest right now. You know, and I don't know how to handle that. I don't know. Sometimes it goes up and comes right back down. Sometimes it goes up and then it just stays there. But then I'm afraid to give her insulin because what if then she crashes. It's like this whole, and she's a freshman in high school. So we're just you know, we're just starting out with all of that. So that's my that's my challenge right now. It is because I feel like every day is kind of different sometimes. You know, and that's a little exhausting. I don't know. Yeah.

Scott Benner 57:18
So you're so first of all, you want episode 471. It's called bolusing insulin for fat.

Susan 57:25
Oh, perfect for 71. Okay, I wrote it down.

Scott Benner 57:27
Thank you. It's really, it's really, really super helpful. You know, okay, good in a sentence. The fat, the grams of fat in some foods that you eat, like french fries, or like stuff that you can there's a formula to figure out how much insulin those grams need and need extra Okay, and about when to put them in?

Susan 57:51
That feel akin to the timing of it, right? Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Scott Benner 57:54
That's that the thing for school is tough. Because, I mean, what are you gonna do? You're gonna, you're gonna have your daughter write down a list of winter tests happen? I mean,

Susan 58:05
I know. So

I think I don't know. I'm increasing her Basal, like, increase your Basal every morning when she goes to school, right? I don't know.

Scott Benner 58:13
Is that helping?

Susan 58:15
Um, yeah, somebody's it helps. Sure. But also, breakfast is also a very big challenge here. Do you know that I have to dose her. I get up at six o'clock and I number one, increase her Basal for the day, and then I dose her for breakfast. She doesn't eat breakfast till probably close to seven. Because her blood sugar will just stay there was just so stubborn. What's

Scott Benner 58:38
your number? At six o'clock when you're putting in the insulin? What's the number then?

Susan 58:42
Like this morning? It was 120 I think

Scott Benner 58:46
it takes an hour to get to what?

Susan 58:49
I mean, I'd love to wait till it's like arrow down somewhere like in the 90s 80s. But we don't have time sometimes to do that. So I think she ate today. It was like 101 Maybe

Scott Benner 59:00
it took it took an hour for blood sugar. almost an hour? Yes. Is there a reason you don't just upper Basal at like 530 to try to accomplish without you having to wake up?

Susan 59:15
That's a good see, I'm so glad I came on this podcast. That's smart. Because that that would do it. So I would only need that during the week. But that's fine, because I can have to dip Okay, yeah, that would make sense right weekend

Scott Benner 59:30
and a weekday, right? Isn't profile. And just think about like, you know, if it's five o'clock or 530 in the morning or whatever, and you up the Basal to the daytime rate ahead of time. So you're making that really, you're doing what everybody does, right? You think she doesn't wake her or what time does she wake up in the morning?

Susan 59:52
Well, when I go in there at six, she's usually kind of like starting to get up and then you know, she gets up within the next 10 minutes or so. When I'm ready or whatever.

Scott Benner 59:59
When does her daytime Basal rates start right now.

Susan 1:00:03
I add some. I don't

Scott Benner 1:00:09
know. Okay, well, whenever it starts, I don't know just just make mean habit start a little sooner and then you can get some insulin active extra insulin active through that six, seven o'clock period, which then should make your bed your Bolus for the meal more instantly. You should see its impact more quickly because right now, you're putting in a Bolus that is being eaten up by that correction Bolus at six is being eaten up by the unmet Basal need from overnight.

Susan 1:00:43
Of course it is. You told me that why didn't I?

Scott Benner 1:00:47
I don't know. I'm just okay. I'm just used to talking about this stuff. It just pops into my head. If you think that spreadsheet right now that says if no, I know. Trust me, you guys, if I bumped my head one time, this podcast has gone. Oh, Scott forgot everything. Record. Go back and listen to the old ones. And but yeah, no, I would do that. I would. Yeah, that makes sense. I don't know when I would start it. You might have to. Right. Let's figure that out. Yeah. So be aggressive through there. Probably then you'll be able to, I'm gonna guess you're gonna be able to make your, your meal Bolus more like 630 or so.

Susan 1:01:24
Right? You could usually like,

Scott Benner 1:01:26
half hours usually good. Okay. And then you're on your right, so that

Susan 1:01:29
I'm gonna try that. Thank you.

Scott Benner 1:01:31
What else? Can I affects anything else? Um, I don't know the thing with a test at school.

Susan 1:01:38
Yes, I don't know what to do about that. Because it like I said, it's like, I never know,

Scott Benner 1:01:44
how would you say sometimes it goes up and it comes back how long until it comes back?

Susan 1:01:51
When it does, that it's not long at all. That's how I know that that was definitely like a quiz or a quick test. Or you know, I also feel I don't know if it's my imagination, but I feel like as soon as that bell rings, I could look at her blood sugar at 215 Low all sudden, that arrow is going down already. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:02:09
It's so Susan.

Susan 1:02:10
I know. It's school.

Scott Benner 1:02:12
Yeah, it's the it's the adrenaline slash stress, slash, whatever life impact, right. And you're meeting it probably with a heavier Basal. Which is, which is great, because during those hours, it's working. And then as soon as that it's like falling asleep, like, like Martin's blood sugar yesterday. Oh, my God Arden's been sick for a while now. She's got. Oh, you said that on Facebook. Yeah, I'm calling affectionately calling it kennel cough because they all got back together at school, and now they're all coughing. It's like when you take your dog to a kennel and then it comes home. So I'm calling it kennel cough. I don't know that she's thrilled with my estimation of what's wrong with her but skewer, I'm trying to amuse myself to get an immune so Gotcha. She's, for the beginning of it. Really not very sick. Just like this cough. And now a little more head pressure like Arden is taking like Advil cold and sinus in the evening. Right? Arden's not a medicine person. So you know when when you hand Arden a pill and she takes it without complaining she doesn't feel well. Right? Right. Right she's taking that her blood sugar's have been difficult through this. On top of that, we're switching from one birth control pill to a different kind of pill. So right that's challenging in the middle of like, you know, three weeks of like, right no bleeding while this pill like makes sense in her body and we don't even know if it's gonna work it's yeah, anyway. Oh, girl. Yeah, that's hard. It's tough. All this is happening. I'm we're being as artists also trying to learn how to take care of herself better as college is getting closer. So letting her see this part. So and we were doing okay, yesterday, I was like, Oh, this is good. Like it's getting better and I actually made some of her settings weaker because I'm like, maybe this code is changing but I'm not seeing I'm not seeing the you know, the blood sugar's aren't fighting the way they were. It was the last couple of days. And I said to my wife, I was like, I just figured out the turn the settings back at like, 10pm she's gonna get low when she falls asleep. She fell asleep and her blood sugar went right to 60. And I was like, come on, and the I'm trying to go to bed too. So I was like, here, I gave her a banana. She had half a banana. And it helped her blood sugar went from 60 to 63 and back to 60 again. And at this point, she's got no basil going because I'm trying to, you know, make the adjustment from the one to the other. I gave her some juice 6068 60 and 63 Okay, 60 seems to be the number. And so I was like, Oh, let me wait a little bit because the last thing I want is for this food to catch up and be a pro. Yeah, it didn't happen. She's like sitting at like, 6364. Now 45 minutes later, I'm like, Alright, more banana. Now she's been asleep for a while. She wakes up and I'm like, aren't he to take two bites of this banana and a sip of juice? And in a complete blackout sleep she goes, those flavors are not gonna go together. Well. I was like, Yeah, Laurie. I was like, things are tough all over here at Banana, banana. And then I gave her the juice and she sips the juice, you know? No. And I was like, one more big one. Just knock it down real quick. And she does it. And I shake the box. And I'm like, I need her to drink a little more. I said one more time. She goes, nope.

Susan 1:05:49
Oh my gosh.

Scott Benner 1:05:51
So about an hour later, she was 77. And moving on. And I was like, I'm gonna. So yeah, so I fell asleep. And then I heard a little beeping, which indicated to me on my wife's phone that she had gotten back to 70 again. And then I stayed there for a second with my eyes closed five more minutes, and my phone didn't beep My phone's at 65. So I thought, Oh, she's gonna find stability at 70. I'm like, great. And then I alright. And then I then I went to sleep. And then that took a number of hours out of my life last night, which is why I woke up and ran right in here to talk to you. I think I'm awake now. You are what? You think so I'm not certain Yeah. I'm hungry. But a minute fasting. So I have another hour to go before I can eat.

Susan 1:06:41
All right. It's lunchtime.

Scott Benner 1:06:42
Yeah, I'm getting there. I'm getting close. So the thing is school. So I mean, if she pops up and pops right back, I wouldn't think twice about that. Honest.

Susan 1:06:50
Right? No, but because that was happening a lot in middle school. Now. I feel like she'll do that. And it kind of sticks. And it's like, annoying.

Scott Benner 1:06:58
Yeah. Well, when it sticks I Bolus it. Right. Do you guys during the day?

Susan 1:07:04
That's all we do. Yeah.

Excellent. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:07:09
Are, are just about triggers a little sticky before you and I started talking at like, 135. And it felt like it was going to come down to me, I was like, oh, it's gonna come down. And I had it my heart to try this one Bolus. And then I said to her, and I'm like, no, just do this instead. And then it didn't work. I should have done what I was thinking I wanted to do. I wanted to do a unit and a half and I ended up doing like point nine. And I was like, I messed this up. So I'm like, you know, I was just awaking, and worried about you. I was like, I gotta go do that thing. Now. This thing? Yeah, I was gonna have a conversation about her being the you know, in your note, you called yourself. Do you remember what

Susan 1:07:53
I say? It was just the way you I just remember. I remember the subject was Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me.

Scott Benner 1:08:01
Just on the podcast, if you're not alone, I just said, you said that. You had trouble forgiving yourself for not being perfect. Yeah, so I want to know about that before we're done.

Susan 1:08:15
I'm probably where my daughter gets it from. Although my husband's a little bit like that, too.

I don't know why. I don't know. I am a rule follower. I like to. I like acceptance. I like pleasing people. I like everything to be a certain way.

Scott Benner 1:08:53
I want Why do you like them to be?

Susan 1:08:56
Whatever the case is just like in the house, it's gotta be this has to go here. And I found like, a little crazy, but I'm really not. I'm not. Like, for example, I used to be, I'm not. I used to be a teacher. I was a teacher before I had my children. I taught sixth grade. And you know how when they're, you know, they're young like that. You give out like class jobs. Right. And I didn't like doing that. Because I wanted

to do everything. Like you're a control freak.

A little bit. Right. So that's part of it to a little bit like that as well. But I feel I yeah, I felt like,

Scott Benner 1:09:41
well, how far do you want to try to go into understanding this?

Susan 1:09:44
Yeah, cuz I feel like I'm really not making any sense right now.

Scott Benner 1:09:47
You made a lot of sense. I'm just I'm wondering if you really want to talk about it or not. Did your parents your parents? Did your parents openly fight a lot?

Susan 1:09:57
Oh, no, no, but when they did know my parents married 50 plus years they're, they're awesome. They're, you know, that's great parents. Awesome. So now

Scott Benner 1:10:08
you didn't. Yeah, was there any your family members have illness? There's just something that turns your life upside down when you were younger?

Susan 1:10:18
No, thank you gonna ask me those questions and I'm probably gonna say no to everything and then you're gonna be say, what's wrong with?

Scott Benner 1:10:24
No, I'm not. I'm just I'm looking for a reason why you would want right. I know it's orderly. Yeah, I don't know. I've been happen to get lost once in a mall, like anything traumatic when you were younger? No, is your mom like this? Well, your dad well, that. Yeah. I mean, she was she was planning for your daughter's diabetes in the 80s.

Susan 1:10:50
When I was like, 12

Scott Benner 1:10:51
Yeah, when you were 12. She's like, one day, you're gonna have a dog and you're gonna need to know about this ping thing. Please listen to me closely. And carefully. Were you allowed to make decisions as a child? Or were you overridden by your family a lot. Huh?

Susan 1:11:07
I was allowed to make decisions. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm one to four. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:11:13
Oh, are you the youngest or the oldest?

Susan 1:11:18
I feel I'm number three. I have two older brothers. And then I have a younger sister.

Scott Benner 1:11:24
Did you feel responsible for them when they when you were younger?

Susan 1:11:28
Oh, now you're getting somewhere? Yes. Figure it out. Don't worry. My sister is 10 years younger than me. So I was 10. When she was born, my brothers were older. One is three years old and four years older than another three years older than that. So yes. And when my sister was born, we were just talking about this. She was just over there the night and we're talking about this. I yeah, I she was a large responsibility for me when I was younger. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:11:53
So she was more of like your ward than your sister. And your parent was little Yeah, parents had done this with three kids already. And they were like that one probably won't die and they didn't pay much attention to her. Maybe you felt responsible for?

Susan 1:12:08
I did though I did, in many ways feel responsible for her. I did. And I almost in a very strange way still do. Like I remember on her wedding day. I felt like it was my child getting married was weird. So yeah,

Scott Benner 1:12:21
yeah, we're getting to it. You want to keep going? I have time.

Susan 1:12:25
Sure. And I love her. She's my best friend. I love her. Garcia. Yeah. But yeah, that's interesting.

Scott Benner 1:12:31
Look how proud you are. Let's look at do you feel a little like that, that her successes are yours a little bit.

Susan 1:12:42
She's a great mom. She has two little babies. cutest things in the world. And she's so kind. And she always says, you know, that she looks up to me and that, you know, I'm a great mom. You know, those kinds of things. So I do feel good about that. I do.

Scott Benner 1:12:57
Did you really? are crazy like you? Are she more laid back? She's going to be more.

Susan 1:13:02
So much more laid back.

Scott Benner 1:13:03
Do you know why?

Susan 1:13:04
Oh my gosh,

Scott Benner 1:13:06
why she had you to worry about things. Yeah, there you go. How come? Nobody was worried? She thinks for us isn't?

Susan 1:13:13
I don't know when she gets my brothers. They should have

Scott Benner 1:13:16
their boys. Yeah, true. You needed your parents to do it. But they couldn't because they grew up in a time where that's not how they parented. Right? Sure, right. Super simple. Understand. Our psychologies are like almost like I mean, like I'm not taking anything away from you therapists but I mean, look, I just do a podcast and I'm figuring it out. So I know. So okay, so, but yeah, you pass this on to your daughter.

Susan 1:13:41
Um, yes. And I think she's she's a very good combination of both of my husband and I, but my husband is also very Oh, he's He's so good. He's so organized. He's so I'm like, I don't want to say seeks perfection. But I would say the small part kind of does like he's very you know, he's very good at what he does. He only does the best. You've only put out his best work. He only. Yeah,

yeah. So yeah,

Scott Benner 1:14:09
where's your daughter feel responsible for?

Susan 1:14:13
She's got a guinea pig. So maybe your guinea pig.

Scott Benner 1:14:15
It's either you or your husband? Which is?

Susan 1:14:21
Me probably.

Scott Benner 1:14:22
Do you think you could help her to not have to feel responsible for you? Were like three answers away from you having a granddaughter who's carefree like your sister. So just keep thinking.

Susan 1:14:36
That's a, you know, got us a really good question. Yes, she probably does feel that way.

Right. Right. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:14:41
So what do we do?

Susan 1:14:43
I don't know. What do we do, Scott? Before it's too late. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:14:47
You got a couple of years here before she's talking to boys and that's gonna be the end of it. So I know. Yeah. And then she's going to try to control their life and make them miserable. Hmm, yeah. Well, I don't know. Like, I mean, you know your own life like what, what? What could you? It's not what you could do. It's what you could, generally speaking, it's going to be what you have to stop doing like, so I don't know what those things are right? You're right. There's something about you, that makes her feel if we're right about all this, that makes her feel like you need her and not in a way where like, on my mom's like, you know, my mom and I are on the same wavelength. And I can see when she's right. There's something specific that she needs that you need, that you aren't getting. And it's obvious that other people so interesting. If it's sexism, we can fail to fix that very easily. Just tell your husband All right, yeah, just stop it. Just stop. All you remember is your kids are gonna hear this, aren't you? Now I'm blushing. Do you think they've ever heard you have sex? Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Oh, my gosh, I you know, I thought that during this control conversation, a question that I that I didn't ask you. You're welcome. Yeah. Thank you very much. I should start making you know, questions. I don't ask and just read them at the end of the end of the episode. That'd be fantastic. Alright, good. So yeah, listen,

Susan 1:16:19
we're complicated beings. You really are. Right. And I'm in my mind, you know, I, I, you know, you think you're doing everything? Right. Right. You think you're doing all the things you're supposed to do? And in the right way? Here's not that I not that I didn't know that. I don't think I know. I'm not perfect, obviously. But you know, you're just trying your best, right? It's trying to do with us.

Scott Benner 1:16:42
I'm not saying you're doing a bad job.

Susan 1:16:43
I know. I know. I know. I know that. I know.

Scott Benner 1:16:47
I'll tell you know, I know that. For some insight. I assume I'm doing most of the things wrong. But I think I'm doing I assume I assume everything I'm doing is probably could be better, but not in a way that makes me crazy. Just in a way that makes me keep wondering about what, what else is there?

Susan 1:17:09
Does that make sense? Yeah. And I liked that. Yeah, my

Scott Benner 1:17:12
my favorite, my favorite thought exercise is to, is to take a subject that I don't know any, you know, that I don't have a full grasp of think about it up until the ceiling of my understanding. And then just to kind of wonder what's on the other side of it, because there's more, I just don't know what it is. Right. And I like to wonder what it is. And I it's a pretty useless exercise. But I enjoy doing that I enjoy wondering what I don't know about things. And part of that has led me to believe that even when I'm appear to be doing a good job, even when things appear to be going right, there's more that I don't know about that very well may have made things better, better. But I'm not bothered by the idea. I'm intrigued by it.

Susan 1:17:59
You're intrigued.

Scott Benner 1:18:00
Yeah. That's all like I know, very intriguing. I know, I'm doing a good job. Like you said, like, I know I'm doing my best. When I know I'm not doing my best. I try to write that ship pretty quickly. And like you said, people are complicated. There's times when you just you're doing things and you're like, I shouldn't be saying this, and it just comes out anyway. So there's all that, but anyway, it's not too late for you to keep your daughter and help her mellow out a little bit. Is she not mellow?

Susan 1:18:31
No, she's she's mellow. She's good. I could be completely wrong about all this, by the way. No, I

don't know. But but it also made me think a little bit.

Scott Benner 1:18:42
Yeah, just keep in mind that while we're doing this, I just received a note from a listener while we're talking. That congratulated me on how I spoke to a person in a recent episode. And she's like, Wow, you really help that person? That was like, Oh, that's nice. I might have gotten all that stuff. I saw that pop up in front of me. I was like, I can just help Susan to Robin right now.

Susan 1:19:02
I want me to

Scott Benner 1:19:07
can you imagine? That's great. Well, I think you listen, it sounds like you have a nice setup. I do want to ask you about like, what's the division of care between you and your daughter? Like, where do you think her? Like,

Susan 1:19:19
okay, that's a good question. Disappeared. Okay.

I deficient of care. So here's, here's a good story. We went over by this, by the way, wow, look at the time. Okay,

here's just here's a good story. I went away. I went away for three nights with my best friend. And I was like, you know, I need this. Get away. I have to, you know, do something for myself. And we had a great trip and all that. And she did great all the time. And I say that surprising that I shouldn't be surprised. She's awesome. She really is. She's incredible. She's an incredible kid. But she did great. She did great when I was away. So my best friend said to me, she was like, well, then, when you go back, she goes, I want you to pull back, my best friend telling me, and I said, All right, yeah, yeah. But then I get back and I go right back into what I'm back into the way. So, so she could do it. But I think I think we're at a point where she just knows that I'm going to do it, or I'm going to text her and say, hey, you know, dose half a unit dose this? You know, so I'm thinking she probably thinks that way. Oh, you know, Mom, mom, you know, mom, she's on it. So. Right. So, you know, well, you know,

Scott Benner 1:20:48
listen, that's, I think, a reasonable first step. Sounds like it went well. I mean, based on what we just said, we could say that maybe your daughter just realized you needed a break. And so she kind of gave it to you as a gift, which means it's something she has to give, and you understand that she's still 14, and she might not always, they might not always be present in her mind. But how can I? How did you ever did you say to her when you got back? Hey, you did such a good job. Oh, yeah. Maybe we can, you know, do this more frequently. It's a good learning experience for you.

Susan 1:21:25
Okay, ever said those exact words. But there are definitely times where, like, my husband and I were away in the city a couple of weekends ago, she was staying at my mom's and my niece was here. They were staying i i laid back I you know, I did. Good. So yeah, there's definitely instances where I let her do it. Take over.

Scott Benner 1:21:49
Excellent. Let me ask you a question. You went away with your friend, you came back? Was it more gratifying to you that she could take care of herself? Or was it more gratifying to you to take the control back?

Susan 1:22:07
Probably that she could do it herself.

Scott Benner 1:22:10
Good. But did it? Did it feel good when you took the control back? Oh, it

Susan 1:22:14
felt good. It just felt like this is what I do.

Unknown Speaker 1:22:16
Right? Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:22:18
Cool. Well, yeah. Try to make it feel right that the other way to that were you nervous the whole time you were gone? No, you actually were able to just drink a lot. How did you handle that? Nervousness?

Susan 1:22:34
Well, it was a yoga

retreat. Oh, you're smoking? Well. Scott, stop it. So it was

it was very relaxing.

Scott Benner 1:22:45
Oh, wait, were you really doing yoga? Or I thought that was code? I'm sorry. No,

Susan 1:22:49
we were really doing yoga. Hiking in yoga is very relaxing. So no, it was yeah, it was a great, great time.

Scott Benner 1:22:58
But yeah. Oh, there you go. We fixed all your problems. Everything's good. How much do I owe you? I $40. Just to Kobe. Insurance handles the rest. Sorry.

Susan 1:23:10
By the way, I caught your little video you put up very briefly last night of your little cartoon. Are you kidding me? That's the cutest thing ever. So Oh, isn't

Scott Benner 1:23:16
that great?

Susan 1:23:18
Oh, my gosh, I

Scott Benner 1:23:19
love it. So hopefully, by the time this comes out, it'll just be thing, but pretty cool. A mom who listens to the show has a young daughter with type one. Her older daughter is a budding animator. And I must have said something at some point somewhere. I said, I really want to animate the defining diabetes episodes, and put them like on YouTube and make them more accessible to like people like that. And she's like, my daughter could do that. Now. Susan, the amount of people who very kindly offered to do things for me is, is it's a big number. I'm really great. Can't imagine very great. Yeah, very nice. Many people don't have a stick to itiveness that stuff like eggs. So a lot of times people like I'm gonna do this thing for you. And I'm like, that sounds great. I would really appreciate that. And then three weeks later, I'm like, do you have that thing? And like, Oh, I gotta kind of go. And it's fine. I have no animosity. People who really genuinely want to help and I think that's lovely. And, but, so I'm like, Oh, this is a big undertaking. You know, there's a lot to do here. I think you know, our daughter's I think she's 19 Maggie. And I'm like, Okay, I'm like well prove it to me, like do it, you know, and she started doing it and building like physical assets and everything and I was very clear about the animation I was like it should basically just be a modern like Punch and Judy. Like I don't I almost wanted to marry that standing there just doing this thing. And right and she's doing great. So last night, we had a conversation and I said, where are we at with this? When can we actually start putting them up? So she's still working. But I don't, I don't want to put them up and then have a gap. I want to be able to put one up every Friday. And she's like, I think I'm close. I think we can get going pretty soon. And then we talked about what we're going to do next. And I think she's gonna make me sort of, like almost like little like 62nd clips from episodes like, we'll find a 62nd clip in your episode, and she'll animate it. That's so cute. Yeah, we use them on social media and stuff is a way to kind of draw people back to the podcast. And then if all goes well, she's going to automate the process. And we're gonna lay it over top of like the Pro Tip series and stuff like that. Oh, I love it. Yeah. So that's awesome. The problem right now is that I'm financing it out of pocket. And the videos need to make enough money that I can afford to pay her. So we're trying to go slow and find that balance. But she did a really, I thought she did a really amazing job.

Susan 1:26:05
Oh, my God, I loved it. I thought it was fantastic. She's,

Scott Benner 1:26:09
she's really talented, and doing such a good job. So thank you. I'm glad that's so great. That's so great. After the conversation, I sit around, like, I'm gonna throw the first one on Facebook in the private group. And I'm gonna take it down to like two hours just so people can see it for a minute. And funny, the reaction was good. And a couple 1000 views in there in in about an hour and a half. And then I just yanked it back down again. So that's great. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. I'm trying very hard to

Susan 1:26:36
say no, no, you're trying to help. Doing a great job.

Scott Benner 1:26:39
So far. So good. Knock on wood. I haven't done anything super stupid yet.

Susan 1:26:43
Nope. Fix some people one at a time.

Scott Benner 1:26:47
One of the times I need 10s of 1000s at a time, or I start, I start feeling like I'm not doing enough. It gets a second weird. I haven't had that feeling in a couple of years. You know, talking about feeling responsible for people. And right. Why I might know you well is basically how I feel. But I haven't had that feeling in a while. Like I'm not doing enough. It used to feel like that. But I don't anymore. Okay. So that's great. Yeah, I think it's because the podcast reaches so many people at this point. It would just be silly for me to feel like it'd

Susan 1:27:22
be silly. Exactly. be silly feet, right.

Scott Benner 1:27:24
I'm feeling good. All right. Anything left, right, that you want to talk about that we didn't talk about? No,

Susan 1:27:30
I just I'm so happy to get the chance to talk to you. I really enjoyed this. You're awesome. And I hope everybody's okay, on your end, your family and all that.

Scott Benner 1:27:38
Okay. I'm going to ask my question. I appreciate that very much. And same to you. I'm going to ask my question of you when we're not being recorded. Okay. My the question that I had Alright, so when you and your husband are having

First, I'd like to thank Susan for coming on the show and sharing so honestly and openly. Thank you very much, Susan. I also want to thank touched by type one and remind you to go to touched by type one.org. Don't forget to look into the Contour Next One blood glucose meter at contour next one.com forward slash juice box. And if you want some of the functionality that you can get with a pump, without pumping you want in pen from Medtronic diabetes. Head over right now to in pen today.com. To find out more about the pen. It's INP E M in pen. You hear me saying that right? Like I'm not weird new out of my accent Am I pretty long episode so just let me say thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.

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