#1610 The Ex
You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio - Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.
"Mike" shares his family’s journey after his daughter’s type 1 diagnosis at 10. She just marked her 4th diaversary.
+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner 0:00
Welcome back, friends. You are listening to the Juicebox podcast.
"Mike" 0:14
I am a dad from the Northeast with a daughter that just celebrated her fourth anniversary this past weekend.
Scott Benner 0:22
If this is your first time listening to the Juicebox podcast and you'd like to hear more, download Apple podcasts or Spotify, really, any audio app at all, look for the Juicebox podcast and follow or subscribe. We put out new content every day that you'll enjoy. Want to learn more about your diabetes management. Go to juiceboxpodcast.com up in the menu and look for bold Beginnings The Diabetes Pro Tip series and much more. This podcast is full of collections and series of information that will help you to live better with insulin. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan. This episode of The Juicebox podcast is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes and their mini med 780 G system designed to help ease the burden of diabetes management, imagine fewer worries about missed boluses or miscalculated carbs thanks to meal detection technology and automatic correction doses. Learn more and get started today at Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox this episode of The Juicebox podcast is sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at contour next.com/juicebox text.com/juicebox, this episode of The Juicebox podcast is sponsored by the twist a ID system powered by tide pool that features the twist loop algorithm, which you can target to a glucose level as low as 87 Learn more at twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Get precision insulin delivery with a target range that you choose at twist.com/juicebox. That's t, w, i, i s t.com/juicebox. Okay, just give me like a little testing.
"Mike" 2:20
I am a dad from the Northeast with a daughter that just celebrated her fourth anniversary this past weekend.
Scott Benner 2:26
Awesome, actually, that testing was so good that I'll just keep talking, and we'll keep all this together in the episode. All right, so today's guest is going to remain anonymous, because we're going to talk about a few sensitive subjects. Now here's the thing. I could talk to you without a name if you want, or we could pick a name. Do you have a favorite name that you always wished your parents called you or something like that?
"Mike" 2:47
By the general, everyone wants to be a mike, right? You just want to be Mike.
Scott Benner 2:52
Mike sounds pretty good. All right. Well, then if we're having a conversation and I'm drawn to say a name, I will say Mike. So Mike, tell me how old your is your daughter, right? How old was your daughter when she was diagnosed?
"Mike" 3:05
So she was 10 years old, almost 11, and we just celebrated her fourth diversity this past weekend, actually.
Scott Benner 3:14
Well, so it's been 2021, in June, exactly. Okay, yep. And a lot about what we're gonna talk about is you're divorced from from your daughter's mother. So are you together then when the diagnosis happens, or are you already separated?
"Mike" 3:31
No, we were already divorced at that point, and she had been remarried, and I was on the verge of getting remarried myself about a month before, month after we got married, a month after the diagnosis came. So there's a lot going
Scott Benner 3:44
on. Yeah. Oh, so your fourth anniversary is coming up next month that too. Yeah,
"Mike" 3:50
it's all tied together diabetes and and marriage and stuff like that. So it's kind of it's a bittersweet time of year for us, for sure. You know, we look back on the diversity and think back, I still think back to those early days and how tough it was, and confusing and just so much going on, and then a month later, just so much to celebrate for my daughter, and obviously getting remarried, and, you know, her having a step mom and stuff like that. So it's, it's quite a unique month for us, for
Scott Benner 4:15
sure, little conflicting, right? Yeah, yeah. So tell me about the diagnosis. How did you notice what was happening? Was she with you or your ex at that point? So
"Mike" 4:25
it was one of these things where, like a lot of parents, you know, you blame yourself. You wonder, how did, how could I have missed this? And basically, it kind of caught on by storm. She was having used the bathroom a lot. It was drinking a lot of water. It was the end of the school year. It was really hot in the classroom. So the teacher said, you know, how come you filled your water bottle two or three times now? Oh, I'm just really thirsty. And then, you know, we're there's this stuff going on towards the end of a school year and summer beginning excited, and next thing you know, she's going to the bathroom a lot. And it was just concerning. And I think the tough thing was. Was, we were out to eat that weekend, and she never really asked for sweets and and, you know, Shirley Temples times 10, and she was just, we were at a restaurant, and it's like, why you keep asking for refills and Shirley Temples? And why are you asking for dessert? And she was craving it, and it was just out of the ordinary. And then I think she went to the bathroom. I have it on my phone still to this day, like it was like, 13 or 14 times she went to the bathroom this one day, and I said, this is just, I don't know what's going on. So I called her mom, and we said, you know, I think we needed to bring her into the doctors the next day. And it was our last day of school, and she was so upset, because I just want to be with my friends and sorry we got to go. And it just wasn't like a really emotional, really crying, really upset. And when we got there and got the diagnosis the next day, I was just, I just remember being floored. You know, it's just like, how did we miss this? But looking back at pictures, she had, like, a dance recital, skin and bones, I remember rubbing her back one night and feeling like her spine, and I was like, that's weird. And God, just yeah, it's just, like a lot of parents say on this, how'd I miss it? How'd I miss it, but, but here we are. There we were. So
Scott Benner 6:05
I listen, I literally joke to my wife, we were in a hotel room. We were getting the kids, like, washed and everything, and Arden comes, like, banging out, like, two years old in a diaper. And I looked at my wife and said, Hey, is she like, going for, like, heroin chic or something, like, what's happening here, you know what? I mean, like, and like, she's really thin, but, I mean, you know, so cut yourself a break, because I didn't go, I wonder if something's wrong, you know, like, I said the first part and didn't say the second part. But I know, I know you feel those
"Mike" 6:35
photos when they come up, baby, or they're still really hard to look back on, yeah, when you see where she was at right before diagnosis, just, man, you know, it's
Scott Benner 6:43
Yeah, but you knew enough to say, like, we have to go talk to a doctor, sure, 100% okay, did you go right to the hospital, or did you go to a physician? Went
"Mike" 6:53
to the physicians, and then they did, you know, they did some blood work, and then they did a finger prick. And, you know, I think it was pretty obvious to them. Yeah, it was pretty obvious. And they said, we just want to do one more test. And then when they did, I think it was the A 1c test or something, yeah. And they just basically said, you know, this is what it is, and you guys need to get to the emergency room right now. And I remember just thinking like, I'm about to go back to work, you know, she's about to go back to school for last day. We just thought, we didn't know what we thought at that point, and then it was just like, wow. And then just everything was just so real and so hyper focused, of all right, let's go. Let's get there, and let's see what is going to happen in the next three days. Was just so much, you know, crazy
Scott Benner 7:34
at that point. Do you and your ex have a contentious relationship? Is it good? Like, where were you at that point?
"Mike" 7:42
I mean, good enough. It's one of those things where, when it comes to our daughter, we mostly get on the same page. So when it was something like that, it was just all right, let's go. All that matters is her, and let's, let's get headed there. You know, I would say that for me, you know, going through that, seeing your daughter kind of in that, in that state, it's really hard to see as a parent. But then, kind of joke, the worst part for me was staying in the hospital room for like, two nights, and having to, having to spend a lot of quality time with me, the ex, and my daughter that was, that was rough, you know, reminded you why you're divorced, for
Scott Benner 8:21
sure. Give me a little context. How long had you been married before you were divorced, and how long had you been divorced for by the time the diagnosis happened?
"Mike" 8:27
Yeah. So we're married just over five years, and then we were divorced. By the time diagnosis happened, we were divorced for like, nine years, so it'd been, it'd been a good chunk of time, yeah.
Scott Benner 8:39
And so during those nine years, you just see each other, like, hand offs, right?
"Mike" 8:44
It was mostly hand offs, but I mean all the activities too, and school activities, sports activities, okay, we had, like, some mutual friends, but sometimes it was more than that. Unfortunately, just because I was the last to get, like, remarried in my single years, it was tough. I was definitely I felt like controlled. I would do anything to see my daughter follow, like, any rules that the other side set. I would do anything to get extra time beyond, like, you know, what we agreed upon, and stuff like that. There's a lot of things I did that I don't do now, now that I'm remarried and have, like, a another partner, kind of in my year, like, hey, you know this isn't, isn't how it has to be, and stuff like that. I
Scott Benner 9:20
don't know another way to say this. Like, was she fcking with you so that you could and you took it so that you could see your daughter more? I think it
"Mike" 9:27
was more just, if they needed favors or calling the shots, she knew, like, I wasn't gonna, like, balk, yeah, it was definitely able to see her more or or just things like, outside of what we agreed upon. Nothing like crazy bad. But it was just, I guess I didn't have a backbone at the time, and I'd do whatever it was to see my daughter.
Scott Benner 9:43
No, I understand. Okay, so All right, so that's the timeline for that. I see you guys are in the hospital having a family sleepover. Is that confusing to your daughter that the two of you were together like that for so long? Do you think?
"Mike" 9:55
No, I mean, I never really talked to her about it, actually, like, I don't think it was even something that, like, she. You wish, you know, like, somehow some kids wish, like, Oh, I wish my parents to get back together. I think she was smart enough to know, like, the only good thing about our divorce was she was young. She was wasn't even two yet, so doesn't even recall, like, the three of us living together, yeah, and it's kind of like what she's used to had been like, living, you know, with two separate houses and stuff. So I think maybe for her, maybe it was comforting that both my parents there, but anyone, even her at 10 years old, could see how clearly different the two of us are and how we operate and how it's like oil and
Scott Benner 10:28
water. Yeah, it makes sense other autoimmune in your ex wife's side or your side,
"Mike" 10:34
not on my side, but ex wife, I think there's, like, some thyroidism and maybe like something else, but a long time ago, like one person may have been, like diabetic might even been type two, not sure, 100% okay, but we're, we're wondering too, if we've heard all these rumors about the rise of diagnoses after covid or something like that. Like, who knows? I mean, honestly, it's one of these things where I go back and, like, how did it happen?
Scott Benner 10:59
Where'd it come from? Did your daughter have covid? Yep, she did, okay. How long before she was diagnosed?
"Mike" 11:07
I think she had it, but we didn't know at the time. We thought it was just like the cold, like everyone did. So it probably would have been, I would say less than a year. I'd probably say about, like eight months or so.
Scott Benner 11:17
She had covid. Like, early 2020, late 2019, early.
"Mike" 11:21
Like, I would say the spring, or like summer 2020, something like that. Oh, okay. Oh,
Scott Benner 11:26
once you get through the hospital situation, I mean, I assume you're on some sort of a schedule. She spends certain amount of time here. Tell me what that schedule was prior to the to the diagnosis.
"Mike" 11:35
So it was like a every other weekend thing. But then when it's not my weekend, that would have the Thursday before overnight and the Monday after overnight as well. When it's not my weekend, okay, I have like, a 14 day rotation. It was like five overnights out of 14, and I would see after school sometimes too. Just not, like overnight.
Scott Benner 11:55
But if I was going to categorize it, I'd say she lived with her mom and she visited you. That's the vibe.
"Mike" 12:00
Yeah. I mean, it's definitely not 5050, it is in the summertime,
Scott Benner 12:04
okay, but during school, it's for school reasons. Yep, okay. Is that how you wanted it, or is that how it ended up?
"Mike" 12:11
No, definitely not. Went to court a couple times, and you know, it was just one was when it first happened, and it was what it was, and another time was when she was a little bit older, probably, like a year, I would say it was right before the diagnosis, but during, like, the covid time, when we're kind of running, like on a 5050, schedule because of the covid time in two households. So I thought, hey, this is how it's been for most of covid and she's older, you know, from when we first agreed upon the custody stuff. So maybe it's time to go back and just say, hey, this house been working during covid. This is what the plan I want, you know, like 5050, and easy rotation that we've been doing. But it wasn't seen that way. It was seen she's still too young, even though she was a sixth grader, and they thought the half hour drive was too much, getting her up early in the morning, even though she gets up the same time at the mom. So it was very confusing, frustrating. So I was like, Well, I guess it's just not in my it's not on the cards for me to get 5050, so then we settled on summertime only and ran back the old schedule during the school year. So yeah, 100% didn't want that. I was just, it's all about time for me, like it was all about I just wanted time with my daughter. I didn't care about child support. I didn't care about any of the other stuff. It was all about time, you know, and when that didn't happen, it it was definitely
Scott Benner 13:23
frustrating. Yeah, okay, do you have kids with your new wife? No, no. Four dogs, though, four dogs and then, and then your daughter comes half time in the summer. And the way you just described it, okay, your intake is pretty simple, right? You're just, you know, here, I'll read it to you, because you probably wrote it a long time ago, and you might not even remember. Let's see co parenting, a type one with an ex wife, from a mom dad perspective, more contentious relationships than I've heard other divorced parents talk about when they were interviewed, and now I've taken the lead on diabetes care. So first, first, like when care is being set up initially, and that's, you know, that's the setup. She's there, then she's back, and she's forth. I mean, it's hard enough. You don't have this experience, but a lot of us do. It's hard enough coming to consensus when you live together and you're not divorced, on how to take care of diabetes. So what ends up happening do, does one of you come up with a way you do it? The other one does it a different way? Do you come together and make a decision like, how does that all work? About management, the brand new twist insulin pump offers peace of mind with unmatched personalization and allows you to target a glucose level as low as 87 there are more reasons why you might be interested in checking out twist. But just in case that one got you twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. You can target glucose levels between 87 and 180 it's completely up to you. In addition to precision, insulin. Delivery that's made possible by twist design. Twist also offers you the ability to edit your carb entries even after you've bolused. This gives the twist loop algorithm the best information to make its decisions with, and the twist loop algorithm lives on the pump, so you don't have to stay next to your phone for it to do its job. Twist is now available in select areas. So if you'd like to learn more or get on the wait list, go to twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Get on the twist wait list and be notified as soon as it's available in your area. Links in the show notes. Links at Juicebox podcast.com. The contour next gen blood glucose meter is sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox podcast, and it's entirely possible that it is less expensive in cash than you're paying right now for your meter through your insurance company. That's right. If you go to my link, contour next.com/juicebox you're going to find links to Walmart, Amazon, Walgreen, CVS, Rite, aid, Kroger and Meijer. You could be paying more right now through your insurance for your test strips in meter than you would pay through my link for the contour next gen and contour next test strips in cash. What am I saying? My link may be cheaper out of your pocket than you're paying right now, even with your insurance. And I don't know what meter you have right now. I can't say that, but what I can say for sure is that the contour next gen meter is accurate. It is reliable, and it is the meter that we've been using for years. Contour next.com/juicebox and if you already have a contour meter and you're buying test strips, doing so through the Juicebox podcast link will help to support the show.
"Mike" 16:49
Good questions, for sure. And I would say, when this first happened, I was kind of hopeful that maybe this would be the turning point that would bring both sides together, you know, and bury the past things like that. And it did in the hospital for the first couple days when we were going through that, all that education. But then as soon as not as soon, but once, you got back home and things started to settle down, things kind of returned to what they were. So I would say two different people, and the worst thing that could have happened when we're in the hospital those initial days and getting all the information the doctor or one of the nurses like when they're going through stuff and they're talking about how to best manage diabetes and with insulin, and having her be a normal kid. And so then that's what we want for all the children. Want them to be normal. But they they said something that my ex took to heart, and still to this day, feed her whatever she wants. Give her whatever she wants. Just manage it with insulin. Everything will be fine. And it's just there's so much more that goes into it at that they didn't talk about, like, you know what we've heard from episodes from you, 15 minute dosage, and then start eating after, let things catch up, glycemic indexes, cookbooks, we're going through things like that, like we did a lot of research our side and the other side, just that mantra of, nope, whatever she needs, whatever she wants, will be solved with insulin only. That's just, there's so much more that goes into it, you know, carb counting and making sure you're correct and and not getting it wrong. So it's just two different schools of thought, you know, like my wife and I, we plan a lot of the meals and think what's going to go into it and and kind of how to keep her in a good range and not just go create. And of course, like we're not saying, like, you know, she can't do this, can't do that, but we try to be ahead of it. We try to think about what's going into her body. And she's an athlete too. So that's a whole other thing we could talk about probably after but we didn't come together like I thought we would. And to this day, it's still not, it's not the same management. So for my daughter, who already is coming from a divorce household and has to probably be two different probably be two different people in two different places. Now you have the diagnosis, now you have the management on top of it, of not the same school of thought in both houses, and it's just I feel for her, you know what I mean? No,
Scott Benner 18:51
because I'm assuming her blood sugars are more stable and less variable with you than they are at with her mom. Correct? Okay, so let's take on that for a second. So they do that thing, where they go, Hey, don't worry, this isn't gonna change your life. You just count the carbs and put in the insulin and great, that's a good starting point. There's a lot more to be said after that, but your ex just hears that and says, That's the rule. The book is closed at that point, okay? And if the blood sugar goes to 300 and stays there for two hours, as long as it comes back down, it's okay, that kind of stuff. Yep, yeah. I actually heard somebody say it's interesting watching the Facebook group, and there's a person there who's like, Hey, I'm, you know, I'm trying to figure out this spike at a meal, this pretty vicious spike went up real quickly, you know, came back down, etc, and this one person jumps on and it's like, Oh, that's okay, as long as it comes back down. And I went and looked, and I was like, Oh, this person's kids had diabetes for three months. Like, that's what they heard, you know, at the hospital. And now it's funny, because somebody steps in Facebook groups, very nice. It's not like people jump on her, but somebody steps in. And says, Hey, actually, you know, there's ways to do this where that spike doesn't happen, you don't get low later. There's a little conversation around it. And it's funny, because I thought she thought she was there to let that lady know, no, that Spike's fine, and she's about to learn instead. And that's kind of how that whole thing works. But your wife's not interested in that conversation, or she not interested in it because it was coming from you? Do you have a feeling for which it is? Today's episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, who is making life with diabetes easier with the mini med 780 G system. The mini med 780 G automated insulin delivery system anticipates, adjusts and corrects every five minutes. Real world results show people achieving up to 80% time and range with recommended settings without increasing lows. But of course, Individual results may vary. The 780 G works around the clock, so you can focus on what matters. Have you heard about Medtronic extended infusion set? It's the first and only infusion set labeled for up to a seven day wear. This feature is repeatedly asked for, and Medtronic has delivered. 97% of people using the 780 G reported that they could manage their diabetes without major disruptions of sleep. They felt more free to eat what they wanted, and they felt less stress with fewer alarms and alerts you can't beat that. Learn more about how you can spend less time and effort managing your diabetes by visiting Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox
"Mike" 21:30
I think that, I think you had hit the head of the nail on that too. I'm sure, I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. Because, like I said, before you and I came on, we were just chatting. I said, you know, I talked about a couple episodes that might be good for her to listen to, and just suggested it. And, you know, I was kind of met with, kind of too busy to to listen to that type of stuff. We're good. We're good over here, you know. And for me, I was just trying to get any resource I could. And my wife, she's been like a rock star too, like she is. We're so supportive, and she does a lot of research. And she's, she's definitely my right, right hand woman and and so supportive and helpful with all this great to bounce ideas off of and stuff like that. So and she's great with meals. She's great with planning. We're on that. We're definitely on the same page. So it's great to have that here. Let's
Scott Benner 22:14
be fair to your ex. She does. She work at the United Nations. She trying to broker a priest in Iran right now. Like, Is she very busy. No, not any more busy than regular person. Yeah, she's not a trial lawyer or something like that. Not like a big like, 20 hour a day job. Nope, definitely not. Gotcha? Okay, it's probably somewhere between I don't listen when dummy talks, and this is easier if I just ignore what's happening to her blood sugar, and I can lean on the doctor said this was okay, then I don't have to think about this
"Mike" 22:44
anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's probably right. I have
Scott Benner 22:48
to tell you the number of people I've spoken to who have that opinion. They're not malicious, though. I don't think anyone sits around looks at those blood sugars and says, I know this is killing my kid, but it's easier. And the doctor said it was okay. So I'll just ignore the fact that this is not great. Now, maybe there are some people out there doing that. I don't know that would be. That would be something for them to talk about with a therapist. It's very interesting, isn't it? So, I mean, you're both in that same room, right? Like in the hospital, so how do you come away with a different idea than she came away with? Yeah, I mean, like you said, 100%
"Mike" 23:21
it's not personal. She cares about our daughter a lot, yeah, but I just think it's, it's a different kind of care. It's I, I'm more of the warrior, where she's more of the kind of laid back, like everything you know, things will find, things will work out. I think it's like that thing where it's the highs versus the lows, right? Like, where they say the the highs could kill you over time. The lows could kill you
Scott Benner 23:41
right now immediately. The idea you want to die now or later, that kind of thing. Yeah.
"Mike" 23:47
I think what happens is she's more concerned about the lows end of sentence. I'm just as concerned about the lows and the highs equally. Yeah, so if
Scott Benner 23:55
you guys didn't get certainly don't want to make you feel bad. I don't think you will. It sounds like you've had quite a little adventure. But um, so if you guys weren't divorced and this happened, you probably would have balanced each other out to some point. Yeah,
"Mike" 24:06
yeah. I think it would have been, I think would have been the same or living in the same house. It would have been different schools of thought. But like you said, would to be balanced. And I think, like you said, she would listen to dummy right a little bit,
Scott Benner 24:18
or at least it would probably be one of those situations where you're like, she's like, she's like, it's fine. You're like, you know what? I'm just gonna put a Bolus in here. Yeah. And she probably at some point would be like, Hey, listen, he's taking care of it. I'll just back up a little bit. Or maybe that would have led you to get divorced. Who knows, maybe you would have been in a mediators office and she would have been like, he is too focused on my daughter's diabetes. The doctor said it's fine, but he says it's not. And he's, you know, he's, I don't know, you know what I mean, like, you know, you might have been in there doing the same thing. You might have been like, Listen, this is very important, but she doesn't seem to care about it or understand why. And, man, it's interesting, because I think this happens to a lot of people, and then it settles into something. And definitely changes their relationship afterwards. So for you, I'm hearing you talk about, like, it's about my time with my daughter, and when I know that your motivation, just for your relationship, if I apply the kind of person I feel like you are, to the diabetes thing, my biggest heartbreak here, besides for your daughter, who I do wanna talk about, what happens when care changes, like drastically, like day to day or week to week. But my biggest like, heartbreak here for you is that I'm imagining your daughter not with you for five days in a row while her blood sugars are crazy, and there's nothing I imagine you can do about it.
"Mike" 25:34
Yeah. I mean, original reason why I wanted to come on an episode with you, and thank you for all that you do for this community, by the way, and what you've been doing for so long. I mean, so long. I mean, God, this is a godsend to find you. But what I wanted to do is back like it was an episode in November I was listening to and and a lot, and I don't listen to every episode. Obviously, there's such a great catalog, and for people out there, please listen to as much as you can. But I found, like the episodes I was coming across, I heard, you know, things about divorced parents or just separate parents, whatever, but different households, and it seemed like a lot of the time that the mom was the one that seemed a little bit more responsible, and the dad was kind of like, you know, along for the ride. Yeah, when we're at dad's like, anything goes, same thing, fun time. And, you know, blood sugars not held in check and unreachable, you know, like won't pick up the phone. I'm worried this, that and, and that's not the downplay. Those are all real concerns. But what made me want to come on originally was I'm not going to be all mailed this, mailed out, but I just want to be a voice for dads, dads and divorce or dads that are doing a good job out there as CO parents or caregivers, but even the more I listened to the more I thought about coming on today. It's not only just for like dads and trying to be a voice for dads, but for any divorced co parenting situation. It's just being on the same page and knowing that your ex does care about your child as much as you do. Could show it in different ways, but I think you hit it on the head a few minutes ago when you said about gutta under control. I think some of the things with my ex could be she knows that even when my daughter's not with me, I'm always watching on Dexcom. And now that my daughter's older, like we text a lot more than when she was first diagnosed. And I think I do handle it even when I'm not there, like my daughter knows that I'm always available to text, and she does a good amount of that, even when she's not my care. And I think, yeah, when she's with me and she's down the hall, I can sleep, sleep like a baby, except when the Dexcom alarms go off, then we're popping up like everybody does, okay, what's going on? Yeah, but the times that concern me the most, and when I'm most frightened and scared are you said it when she's not with me, when she's not my house, and I would say, Over these years, and this isn't being dramatic, but there's no pat on the back here. It sucks to have to say this, but there's four different times that blood sugar is going low, all right? It's not coming up, not coming up, and it's late at night, right? It's midnight or later. What do I do? She's not with me? Try, like, pinging her phone. Try calling her phone. She's not picking up. My daughter's a decently deep sleeper. Yeah, and then it's like, all right, gotta call the ex, because nothing's happening. And all four times totally asleep, totally out of it. Do you see what's going on? Know what's going on? You see it's in the 40s. Do you see it's dropping closer to the 30s? Like, what's happening? Like, are you up there? No, can you get up there? And then thinking to myself, like, what do I do if she doesn't pick up? Do I call the police to be like, This is the address? Like, sitting there, like, 12, one, two in the morning, kind of losing my mind. Like, do I really want to make this call? I can't just let her die. Like, this is wild, you know, but I've had to do that four different time. And then enough's enough. One of these episodes we heard about the sugar pixel. I'm like, there we go. That's happening. And knock on wood, we've had that for, I would say, a year and a half now, and I haven't had to make, like, one of those calls since you bought it for your daughter. You bought it for your ex. We'll say for my daughter. Okay,
Scott Benner 28:56
gotcha, honey, take this to your mom's put it in her room. Okay, not your room again. That's one of those things that without the divorce, the story is just, oh, my wife's a real heavy sleeper, but I hear the alarms, oh yeah, and I hear it too, how difficult the idea is. Like, like, did you ever have to call emergency services or No, no, thank God, no, right? Because it unlocks a Pandora box after that, right? He called the cops on me. Like, this happened? Like, maybe, maybe she's back at the lawyer now, like, you don't know what's gonna happen, right? Like, it's a Pandora's box you do not want to open. You're just like, but at the same time, what's the alternative? Is my daughter gonna, like, have a seizure, right? Now? Like, am I gonna wake her up in time? Maybe night? This is not a thing that doesn't happen, it does happen so, you know, and you know, 40 blood sugar that's falling you're also counting on, hoping the Dexcom is actually right, right, could already be lower than that.
"Mike" 29:51
Totally. Yes. I mean that that is a great point as well. Yeah, totally. And when you
Scott Benner 29:56
have that conversation, I love that you called her the ex, when you have that conversation. Him with the ex. Does she hear it, feel it, put it into practice, or just go, Ah, it worked out.
"Mike" 30:06
It's one of those things where we meaning, like a team effort. We had it under control and, and things are good now. I'm not looking for a thank you, you know. I mean, like, Thank you for calling, you know? But it's just a, yeah, we're all good and, and stuff like that. And it was just a situation recently, actually, where they were somewhere else. There's a whole other issue. My daughter plays basketball, and they're at like, a tournament for the weekend, and the hotel they were staying at lost power, and we've been having a big problem with now that she's a teen, and charging phones. So of course, wouldn't you know the phone was at like, 30% battery life. It's again, like 11 o'clock at night at this hotel, they don't have a backup generator there. What kind of hotels is just for the hallways, but not for the rooms? So where you gonna charge? Where you gonna the ex is staying at a different hotel down the road that had power, and it was just one of those things where going together, coming with you, doesn't want to leave. The teammates don't care about that. You know it needs to get charged. Like, we all know that her phone battery is everything with Dexcom or otherwise, yeah, well, so we have Dexcom and omnipot, like, why do we have these devices if the phone's gonna go dead? So she knew to go get her, and my daughter wasn't happy to leave the friends. But it's one of these things where, unfortunately, this diagnosis is something you have to take seriously, and you're you aren't on the same path as all your friends. Unfortunately, when it comes to something like that, if you were a non T, 1d kid and your phone's about to die, that's not cool. But I mean situation that we have to monitor either because you're not a diabetic. So for a diversary bottle, like a portable charger. This is things like that. You're always, you always have to think ahead, right? And I was not thinking about a scenario like that, happening in a hotel, not having power, her being at 30% want to go to bed with everybody else, and the thing would just die overnight, probably so, well,
Scott Benner 31:53
you'd be Kreskin if you thought of that. Like, you know what I mean? Like, that's, you know, there's a tournament we go for a thing. The kids are in one hotel. My mom's in. The other loses power, but she didn't plug her phone. I mean, Jesus, if you could have figured that out before it happened, I would have called you for stock tips.
"Mike" 32:07
I think it's just one of these things too, where, you know, as we say in this community, you know, like every day is different. We could have the same meal every day, same time, and tomorrow could be totally different from today, and expect the unexpected. And I think what I've learned from this prior to this diagnosis, I was one of these guys, not just with diabetes, but with anything if it doesn't pertain to me, if it doesn't pertain to my life or someone in my life, I hear the word, I hear the term, I see the commercials, but I don't think it doesn't impact me. Something about it now, since the diagnosis, it's like, Yeah, I hear that word, I hear diabetes, and I'm on it, and I think it's one of those things too, where, like you said, you can't game plan, but I respect the hell out of diabetes. And I think if people don't, then I think that's a major misstep like this. This is something that you have to give it respect, and having those realistic conversations. I I just had the Noah gray episode you had was awesome. I'm glad you like that. You know, we're from the northeast, so we knew of the person. What a great episode. And I think listening through that, it helped me have some conversations with my daughter, and I even had her listen to the episode. I think the diabetes community, like, has he, as he mentioned, we're a smaller community. We're growing, but we're small. You definitely feel alone sometimes, like I don't have a lot of people to talk to about diabetes, and, um, my daughter, my daughter doesn't either, but she does go to this camp every summer, and then she's going for two weeks this year. She's done for the last three, three years, and she's made some friends, and can talk to some people even when they're not at camp. Oh, there's several diabetics, and I think it's really therapeutic and helpful for her. I like when you had, like, a guest on like that that made a good impact and had a lot of great things to say, because after listening to episode, I did have some conversations with my daughter and the hard ones, right? And we reviewed some of those overnights. Do you remember that? Do you remember pre sugar pixel? Do you know what could have happened? You know? And it's like I just would have fallen asleep. No, you would have fallen asleep forever, like she didn't realize that I could have passed out. You may have passed out and never woken up, right? Geez, you're 14 years old. You don't realize that if your blood sugar continues to go down, like you can die. I
Scott Benner 34:08
know. How would she know? You don't know about mesothelioma. I'm sorry. I mean, I tried to yank out one of those diseases I heard on a commercial. I don't know how to pronounce it. You made that point earlier, like I hear things and I don't know what they are. And I thought, oh, like mesothelioma. I don't know what that is. I think it's cancer, yeah. How would she know that? I mean, I've told that story from a decade ago where I was talking to a friend of mine. They had Bolus their kid for food, and then she had to run with, like, the third kid to something, and looks to the oldest kid and says, Hey, you know, make sure he eats, because he's got all of his insulin. And and then the mom leaves with one of the kids, take her somewhere, and but then the kid don't want to eat, and the older brother just is like, man, you gotta eat that or you're gonna die. And the kid didn't had no context for that, so like no one had ever explained that to him, he was pretty young still. And when the mom gets back, the kid. Kids, like, on the floor crying, like, What do you mean? I can die? And I was like, Oh yeah, there's another hard conversation you have to have with your kids when they have diabetes, like, and when the hell's the right time to do that, you know? At what age do you explain that part to them? You know? And so I don't know that. I don't know if there's a right time or, I mean, how you're supposed to plan any of that out. I just figure it comes up at some point. And you know, you go through it, man, the whole thing's hard, but you're saying now that tell me her age again, right now,
"Mike" 35:30
1414, almost, almost 15. You
Scott Benner 35:33
guys are basically managing through text. 24/7, doesn't really matter, matter where she is,
"Mike" 35:39
yeah, and she's starting to take on some more ownership, which, which, that's what I want to honestly and, and I think talking to parents, divorced parents, or dads, or whoever's going to be, you know, maybe feeling this episode, I would say, maybe I waited too long, you know, it's been four years, but she was younger, you know, 10, whatever. But now it's to the point where, yes, I think to have the most success to try to have both houses be on the same page, regardless of the parents, 100% I think, is getting your son or daughter on board with a plan that works for them, that they could replicate at both houses. And maybe we're doing a little more practice at our house, so that way, when she's not at our house, she'll be doing things for herself with the other house, and it'll be more in line with what we want. And I would say that now that she's older and she wants that too. I mean, you know, she definitely wants to feel good, and doesn't like the highs, scared of the lows, you know, so, and it's funny now, through text, even when she's in the house, she'll go low. And usually I overdo it, right? I'll be like, do a prick. Make sure your Dexcom is right. Get a juice ready. This is, you know, all this stuff now is, don't worry, have a juice. Don't worry. I've threw activity mode on. I'm doing a perk net, so it's starting to see that now, awesome. And it's, and it's just like, Oh, awesome, you know, like, this is, this is the, this is the good stuff. Now, you know,
Scott Benner 36:59
do you think there was a time where, like, your ex wife, did she see like, I guess my question is, when your daughter was with you and you had lower stable blood sugars, more stable blood sugars? Do you think your wife, your ex wife, was panicking, like, Oh my God, look how low she is. There's gonna be a problem. Or do you think she saw it as stability? It was
"Mike" 37:17
like, one time she reached out, but I was like, I got under control. And I think as the years have gone by. It's one of those things where when she's not in her care, times off when she is in her care, she thinks about it when she's not there. I would say that's accurate. And I would also say, even when we're at events where we have to be at events like together, like CO joined, I would even say that would be the case, as I mentioned, like my daughter plays sports, even when we're at those games and stuff like, I'll be, I feel that I'm monitoring the phone a lot more, where her blood sugar's at, like, while she's playing come kind of like her eyes, like when she's playing, and when she comes for timeouts, you know, I'll send little texts of, watch this drop, watch that I just I want to go out there and play, have fun. Two opponents, right? Two opponents she has to gear up for every time she she steps on the court who she's playing against, and diabetes, you know, and everybody else has the one opponent, and I think, yeah, go have fun. Don't worry about it. Just be you go and do the thing you love to do. I'll be watching. I'll text you. We have a good system. Come for a timeout. You get subbed out, checking the phone this that All right, give a little more going active. But with her, we found that when she competes, man, does she spike, you know? I mean, it's we want her in like, the low 80s going into a game, because even if we do nothing, we found that she's almost goes up like 100 blood sugar points, like, during a game, if, if left untreated. So, oh, we're starting the game at 80. Well before you know, it shit up to a 180 and rising, you know? And then we have to interview. But we don't wait that long anymore, obviously. But it was just funny, just Oh, interesting to see level of competition stress, you know, just all that stuff, what it would do. But that's what we figured out we were we have a pretty good system. She's able to go out there and do what she likes to do. She's a basketball player. She will go out there and do what she loves to do, and we do it pretty well now, unless the pod fails or something crazy, which has had, has happened during games. And she hates sitting out, but, man, she does battle, though, and she she loves to play. So it's, it's great to see her doing her thing, whatever. And that's for other people too. Whatever your son or daughter's thing is. When you get to sit back and see them doing what they love to do, it's just great. And but for me, it's one eye on the court, one eye on the phone. I'm not on the phone, 24/7 but I'm watching I'm watching it a good deal, so I can't 100% enjoy these games, the stress of being a parent, hoping your kid does well, but then also managing diabetes as well. But I would say the ex definitely doesn't have the eye on the phone like I do, because there'll be times where things are going on and I'm already five steps ahead and already have multiple texts with our daughter, and then maybe it'll be like, Hey, do you notice this reading? And I'm like, yep, you know, but that's not every game that's like, you know, once every now and then. It's just kind of like, yeah, every game I am on this it's not like a, you know, every now and then thing,
Scott Benner 39:54
yeah, okay. How do you see the future going? She's, you know, not quite in high school. School, right? The
"Mike" 40:01
future be great. So she's just finished her freshman year of high school, okay? Future, I want her to continue to get more independence for her own care, and I think that's gonna help again by going to the summer camp. She's gone for like, two weeks this year instead, like, won the past, and she loves it, and she comes off those camps and is way more knowledgeable and, like, into it at that point. So I think just reinforcing that, and I think continuing, I want to take a step. Thank you. One of these episodes, someone had said about being like a passenger, I definitely want to transition into like that passenger mode. I told her the other day, hey, look, this summer, let's set some goals, not just for diabetes, but for plenty of things, school, work, working out. You know, basketball, diabetes care, you know, cooking stuff around the house, sure, you know, all these different things I said, I want you to take the lead more with your care. I want you to be Bolus when you think you need to. I want you to be counting carbs for these meals. I'm there to support you, and I'm going to back you up. And I will if you're making some wrong math, kind of, you know, calculations just that, not just going to let you go and fail, but I kind of want to transition here, you know, I think, I think the ex already has, which I think that's why some of the all over the place, but I think she's been trying to do stuff, and maybe she's not doing it well, like her own calculation. So I kind of want to take a step back this summer. Yeah, I want her to be doing a lot more for herself. Like, I can't be there always I will, but I can't thought of college someday right now makes me really worried. And I know that a lot of parents and a lot of episodes have addressed that, but yeah, I think just being away wherever that's going to be, it's going to be a great disservice to her, if these next three years aren't spent with her, really trying to get a control of this more for herself when she is by herself, you know. But yeah, I definitely want more independence for her and more success when it comes to managing blood sugar. Do you
Scott Benner 41:42
think you'll have any trouble separating, like letting go in some spots, or do you think you'll welcome it? I
"Mike" 41:48
think if I do it right these next three years, when she's still in the house, I think I'll feel a lot better. And I think the funny thing about that question too, is I thought about that before. I think I'm gonna be a nervous wreck in college anyways, I'll feel a little bit better having Why did divorce prepare me? Divorce is prepares me for not being with her half the time. So I think when she goes off to college, I'm going to already kind of be used to her not being into my roof. 24/7, yeah, so I'm hopeful that I'm going to feel a little bit more ready for when she's not with me, because she's not with me all the time. Anyways, that's that's least what I'm going to tell myself right now. That's what
Scott Benner 42:20
I'm going to tell myself right now. You have some hard fought lessons there about life and change. I think you you sound like you're pretty good at it, even though you don't feel like maybe the your ex wife is putting in the same kind of effort that you are or trying to understand things I also have not heard, unless you're holding back. I have not heard you know that she's attacking you or trying to stop you from managing the way you do, or anything like that. Like she's like, seems like she's let you be who you are in this situation. Is that true?
"Mike" 42:49
Definitely not an ex bashing episode, for sure. I mean, no, she knows I'm a good parent, and she trusts how much I love our daughter, and the blood sugar levels, I think, the the care that I provide when she's with me. I think it speaks to itself, and there's not a lot to probably critique. And I think because we manage differently, and maybe because of because my wife and a lot of conversations we've had, I think that maybe we're just, we're two different camps. So I think I don't want to say this and like, be mean, but I think I'm just, like, a little bit more knowledgeable about diabetes, and, like, the finer points and where I think I know a lot more about the disease, and maybe it's because of the other side being busy, or other things going on in life, or or she knows enough that she knows the basic things that she needs to know to make herself feel comfortable when her daughter's in her care and doesn't feel the need to Go the extra mile and maybe do, like, more research. I mean, that her own thing, that's fine.
Scott Benner 43:45
Does she have other children? She does. She does, right? Like so,
"Mike" 43:49
yeah. So, I mean, so you're not 100% I get to be 100% focused on our daughter when she's with me, but the other side has other children too. So I mean, and I can't pretend to know what that's like. So if I wasn't 100% focused on just like my daughter, only I imagine that there'd be things pulling me away too. So I'm just fortunate to have had just my daughter to be concerned about.
Scott Benner 44:10
Let me tell you something from a person who has two kids, sometimes when one of them leaves, you're like, Oh, good, there's like, a thing I don't have to think about right now. And at the same time, I'm always reminded of this thing I thought about my little brother, which is unfair now, because he's in his 40s, and he's a very good person. But when my little brother Rob was little, there were two states of Rob. Rob was either in trouble actively and you were aware of it, or Rob was in trouble and nobody had found out about it yet. I relate that to Arden going off to college. And you know, she's like, Oh, I can take care of this. And like, and she does. And then, you know, a month goes by and you're like, Oh, this is going well. And, you know, two months goes by, I guess it's going well, and a year goes by, and like, you know, some days you don't think about her at all, like she's just gone, you know, you realize. And hein. Site, something was happening that needed attention, that she didn't put attention to because she was away at college, and she's not 50 years old, and she doesn't, you know, she's not a parent. She's not thinking of herself the way I think of her, you know, way My wife thinks of her. So you realize that you don't know how to put it like you're getting a break, but there is just something else that's brewing right now that you're gonna have to deal with later. And I don't know if that sounds I don't know how that sounds exactly, but that's how I've tended to think about it. Like, yes, I'm getting a break now, but man, something's gonna happen later, and it's gonna be because I wasn't looking now. Now they're gonna be people who hear that and go like, Oh, that's neurotic. But I don't mean it that way. I don't mean like, I know there's problems and I'm not seeing them. I mean that something's always brewing, and eventually it comes to a head. And, you know, could you have stopped it if you were around? Probably not. Like, you know what I mean? Like, probably not. But it does give you that feeling of like, oh, at least I don't have to think about it right now. Like, somebody else is keeping her alive right now. It's not me Sure, yeah, man, I hear it. Do you think you'll have more children? Or do you think this is
"Mike" 46:06
good for you? My wife and I would definitely want to have more children. For sure, we'll see what the future holds within the cards. Yeah, like, whatever happens, happens. I love being a dad, and it's the best role ever, you know. And I've been really fortunate to have a great kid. And I just love this role so much. And I think for all the dads out there that feel the same way, you know, just continue, continue to love your kids, you know, and continue to work hard with adjusting to type one. And like you said, I mean, we can never see things coming. And I think getting back to the Getting back to the other side the X thing, I think individually, we've both done the best that we could do. She's done good care, in her eyes. For our daughter, I've done good care, and why I thought, definitely don't want to bash because, like you said, still alive. Knock on wood, never had to return to the hospital since before. You know nothing like that's never gotten to that point. So I think we're fortunate. I think I've chosen on my time when my daughter's not around, I've chosen to stay vigilant. I definitely could have turned Dexcom off if I wanted to and do it, but I don't know, there's something within me about being a parent and just like loving this kid so much and and when she's not with you, I don't know. It's just, I don't know. I just don't have it with me, I guess, to turn it off fully. But I guess that could just be me. You know
Scott Benner 47:18
could be Hey, do you have any past trauma? Did you grow up in a way that nobody took care of you? No, no,
"Mike" 47:24
no, definitely not. I had great parents. Not had, well, my dad passed away 25 years ago now, but, and that's where I got the whole like, wanting to be a dad from him, he was just like, this awesome dad growing up, modeled all these things for me, just my biggest cheerleader. My mom was there too, like not but just because he's not around anymore, but biggest cheerleader connected through sports. Always, always there. Funny, you know, just could feel the love like was put on this earth to be a dad. And I think when I first got divorced and was trying to make sense of all that, I remember saying to myself, and I stand by this to this day, I remember thinking, You know what? I was meant to be, a father, but not necessarily a
Scott Benner 48:07
husband. I was gonna ask you, I don't know if it's the two person or not, but like, who told who they wanted
"Mike" 48:12
to get divorced. It was mutual in the end, but she definitely did initially.
Scott Benner 48:15
Was it something that surprised you when you heard it the first time? Or did you understand
"Mike" 48:20
I kind of saw it coming. I saw, like, some signs, probably two, three months before it happened,
Scott Benner 48:26
because of she didn't particularly appreciate you, or because she had something else going on that she was interested in. I
"Mike" 48:33
think it was one of these things where maybe it goes to that statement I said about put on here to be a dad, not necessarily the husband, meaning, like, a lot of my attention went to our daughter, and maybe not as much She was jealous. You think, I mean, it was, like, comments made about things I wasn't, like, saying or doing to, like, put her up on a pedestal anymore. But it's one of those things where it's, Hey, I'm in it with you. Like, raising a baby, you know. So
Scott Benner 48:59
I'm putting effort into the into the family, into the baby. Now, hey, she would not like being a straight guy that once you get pregnant, because my wife was like, Oh yeah, hold this while me and the kid are living and I was like, oh okay, God, yeah, I see getting my wife pregnant turned me from my wife's boyfriend to my son's major domo. Nevertheless, if you don't mind, I'd like to dig back into the diabetes stuff for a second. I do wanna understand, can you explain an average graph with your daughter living with your ex and your daughter living with you? Like, I wanna understand how much difference there was between because that's difficult, right? If she's spiking to 300 and staying up there for two hours and crashing back down, and they're catching lows and like, she's up, down, up, down, up down, with one house, and on the other house, she's stable. I don't think there's any doubt she feels better in one of those situations. Like, was it that variable?
"Mike" 49:52
Yeah, I mean, it's, it's those things where you could be down, you could be down, like in the 60s. And then, yeah, up, then over treating. And then you're up in, like, the 240s you know, and rising things like that. There's a lot of, like, up down. There's a lot of peaks and valleys when she's with the other side with us, because of a lot of your episodes, because of,
Scott Benner 50:14
you know, just understanding how to use
"Mike" 50:16
insulin, understanding, like, how to be confident and cold with insulin, things like that. You know, not afraid to get ahead of these eyes that are starting to go up and realize, like, Hey, if you come down, then we have a plan in place. But definitely, I can't stand when you're up in the two hundreds or because you once you're there, you know, you're there for hours, and it's just, God, that's just miserable. And she must feel miserable. She'll try to say like, oh, you know, it is what it is like, Oh, I feel like I might have a headache, or I might just that, or she downplays it, but she must feel awful. And I would love her to be, you know, for me, like, if it, if she could, like, live in, I would say mid 80s to say, like, 120 something like that. I mean, no, that's unrealistic. But if you could, like, be there a lot, which I feel like she's close to that when she's with us, because we're we're hitting things off. Like, I don't want we have the thing set for like 200 but I haven't moved mine down to like 180 like, I don't even want it, and that's still too high, but it's just she hates hearing the neat, the noises, because I've talked to her about that before, like, hey, why don't you lower your stuff on Dexcom so we can hit a little bit earlier. But I think it's part embarrassment too. Like when she's in school, she doesn't want to be center of attention. She doesn't want people looking around. There's a funny story, there's a funny story, though. Actually, it was last year, and she transferred to a new school, so not everybody knew that she was a diabetic, and she did a good job, like, kind of telling people she needed to, but kind of kept it to herself from other people. And it was towards the end of the school year, and she does really good about not wanting that alarm to go off in school, but one day it beeped like crazy, and the teacher went running over and picked up the phone. Thought it was like, the phone ringing, and some other classmates, like, knew what was going on, and they kind of looked at her, and people started to giggle a little bit. And the teacher had no idea what was going on, but my daughter thought was the funniest thing, like she was dying laughing, because then the teacher went next door and said, was that your phone or mine? And then people are just starting to, like, roll in the classroom. You know, you never said anything, but she just doesn't want to stand out, you know? And I think that's part of the thing, where it troubles me sometimes, or I'm left clueless, where you don't want to stand out. You don't want alarms going off. You want people to to know, like, what's going on. You want to kind of handle in house, but, you know, why not set your alarms a little bit lower? Why not get ahead of it so that way you're not up high? Not up high? Why are you on board with it when you're with us, like you're proud and you like, we don't want to put all the attention on diabetes. 20% you're more than diabetic, right? But, but she is proud on those days where things are really controlled well, whether it's with me or or with the ex or whatever, but she's proud, and she'll say, like, Oh my God. Like, I haven't been out of range, or I haven't been high or low for X amount of hours or for a day and a half. So she wants that. But then when she's with me, we take steps to try to make that happen. When she's killed her mom's I feel like, sometimes I feel like it's like men in black, you know, it's like, you just forget everything, just because you're in a different house, you know? And why you okay with it being in, like, the 240s 250s approaching 300 like you don't want that for yourself, so why? Oh, I just made a miscalculation. Or, Oh, it's fine. It'll come down like that sounds like, not your words.
Scott Benner 53:08
She kind of adopts the person's Yes, like vibe that she's with at the time, chameleon, yeah, well, yeah. And probably trying to make you, well, listen, she's probably trying to make you happy and trying to make her mom happy at
"Mike" 53:19
the same time, exactly. And yes, that's a that's a great point, right? Yeah, I would start looking for a therapist.
Scott Benner 53:27
Now, I'll tell you, man, being being from a divorced family is not easy. It just, it really isn't, probably most people's reality, but it brings things up. You just, I don't know. You just, you don't realize till they're happening. And sometimes you don't realize till they're happening too late, even just talking with Arden yesterday, I was trying to explain to her. I said, Look, I know this is such a weird thing that people say all the time, and I hate it when people say it, but if you had a kid, you'd know what I was saying, and one day you might, and then you're gonna look back on this moment and think, Oh, this is what he was talking about, right? And I said, But you know, if I don't do something, listen, Arden and I are, it's funny. We're in the middle of a divorce of sorts too, right? Like we're uncoupling a child with diabetes father relationship and turning it into an adult with diabetes father relationship. And it doesn't happen overnight. It's not like a thing that just happens, you know, because you flip a switch, or you decide it's a process, and we're making our way through it, and that's, you know, I think it's going pretty well. Actually, I'm sure she thinks it's going terribly and because it's not happening more immediately. But we were talking about, like, how much involvement like to have, and how that involvement as she gets older feels differently to her, like it's just what's happening. Like, listen, I've interviewed enough young people. I understand the process that we're in right now. And I said to her, Listen, if you say I'm fine, I've got it and you've got it, that's awesome, because I'm not looking to think about this either. I. Know, you probably think that I'm super excited to talk about your diabetes. I'm really not. And I said I'd like us to move into a more mature relationship as fast as possible. I said, I told her I was like, you and I have, like, the same personality, like, when we just hanging out together, we have a great time. I'm like, I want more of that. I want more of an adult relationship and adult father daughter relationship. And I don't wanna talk about this diabetes stuff all the time either, and by the way, we don't, but the spot where we talk about it is when she says, I'm fine, I've got it, and then doesn't do the things that indicate she's fine, she's got it. And I'm like, so how long am I supposed to not say anything. If you say I've got it, I've got it, I've got it, but whatever you're doing is not working. And I know the simple answer, like, as an example, the other night, her pod ran out of insulin while she was at, like, working out. So she, you know, she came home. I think she was probably only without insulin for like, 20 minutes. She came home, she changed her bike. She didn't need me to tell her. She came home, she changed her pod, she put it on and, you know, she made a Bolus and everything, but then she ate a little like, pretty soon after that. Excuse me, pretty soon after that. Oh, by the way, it's good news that my voice is giving up on Thursday when the cruise is, uh, on Monday. I'm sure I'll be great by the next the next week of talking to people for five days in a row, I just realized it wasn't an aggressive of enough Bolus on the new pod, especially if she was going to eat afterwards. And she's on an algorithm. So the algorithm believes, like, you know, like, I we did what we're supposed to do, our settings are good. And what I was trying to say to her was, like, I let her go for a little while, meaning, like an hour or so. And then I walked up to her and I said, Hey, I think a temp basal here would cut this number down more quickly. She didn't have a good reaction to me, you know, suggesting that. And she said, I'm fine. I've got it. And I said, Martin, if you had it, it wouldn't be like this now, because you would have made the adjustment quite some time ago, and we wouldn't be in a situation. You wouldn't be in this situation. But why do I like freudianly slip and say we wouldn't be in this situation because it's also nine o'clock at night, and the algorithm is going to keep pouring insulin on this problem. It's going to break it eventually, and you're going to get low at four o'clock in the morning, and then I'm going to wake up, and you're going to wake up, and, you know, we're, everyone's gonna have to take care of it. And then blah, blah, blah, and then, you know, etc. So exactly that happened, because I understand how the insulin works, especially in her right like so exactly this thing happens. It wasn't four o'clock in the morning. I missed a little bit on that. It was five o'clock in the morning, and then I was up for two hours after that, and I spent the rest of the day tired. And she said, No, I woke up for the low and I took care of it. And I said, No, you did. You woke up and you took care of it, and then your blood sugar shot up into the two hundreds while you were sleeping. So you took care of the low, but just created a different issue that I took care of. If nine hours before that, you would have made a more aggressive Bolus at the pod change and added a temp basal to the food. None of this would have happened. So when you tell me, I'm fine, I've got it, you actually have to have it if you want me to be able to let go in my mind. And I was like, and that's the thing we're trying to get to. You can't just say I've got it, I've got it. And every parent listening is laughing, because every kid does this, not just about diabetes, but everything else. I got it, I got it, I'm fine. I got it, I got it, I'm fine, right? She goes, Well, just, I'll take care of it, and I'll learn from it. She's being very reasonable, like, you know, you know. And I said, No, I want you to have these experiences, learn from them. I was like, but the experience doesn't need to last nine hours and end with, like, carbs in the middle of the night that end up with a high blood sugar later. I was like, There's you can have that experience without, without all this happening. But the thing I wanted her to really take away wasn't going back to like, if she had a kid, she'd understand, I'm not thinking just about this, like you're just thinking about this situation. I was like, and this might be unfair, but I'm thinking about the 500 young people I've spoken to in their 30s who tell stories about, you know, when I was college aged, I, you know, wasn't as on top of my diabetes, I should have my parents tried to help. I yelled at them, told them to leave me alone, that I was okay. And now it's 10 years later. And you know what? I wish they wouldn't have given up and I was like, and so between, I wish they wouldn't have given up. And some of them are not just saying that from a relationship standpoint, some of them are saying, I have issues now. I have medical issues now, and I needed somebody's help, and I didn't realize it at the time, and I even maybe went so far as to push help away. And I was like, so you have to understand that from my perspective, me just saying, No, it's okay. I won't think about it anymore. It feels like I'm trying to it feels like I'm killing you, like some way, like, either, you know, like in one of the ways that I've heard people describe over and over again. And I was like, so we need to find a better way to uncouple the. This, what used to be a child with type one relationship to an adult with type one relationship. We need to, you know, amend this and make it so that it's more workable. So we put a plan in place. Like, we have a couple of sticking points, so we picked one, we put a plan in place for that. And actually, it's something we're doing right now. It's going very well so far, but it has to do with, like, you know, we set her up to do something, and then the deal is, is that I don't look at it again for two weeks well, and she's going to manage that thing, and then two weeks from now, we'll assess it and see how we went. But it's on her to do the thing, and it's on me to not mention the thing. So, like, that's what we're doing right now. I don't know how it'll work out. I'll let you all know when I know it's an interesting process, because it's not going to stay the way it is. It might not just gently transition to the next way it goes. It's tough man, because she'll go away to college and she'll take good care of herself. Like, that was Arden's point during the conversation. She's like, you know, I'm not doing the job you did, like, a 1c wise and stuff. But she's like, but I kept my a 1c in the sixes at college, and that's amazing. And I thought, and I said, Yeah. And by the way, I've told her that 1000 times. She knows that's amazing, because I'm the one who told her, I'm like, This is amazing. Most kids don't go away to college, keep their a 1c in the sixes. Like, it's really awesome, you know, but it doesn't make the other thing not worrisome, because of all the people that I've spoken to who you know, you can go back into the first 10 episodes of the podcast, right? There's a episode about, maybe in the top 30, like, episodes about, like, roller coasters, and this woman comes on and tells this story about, like, you know, the doctor told me that up to 200 was okay, and then I would let my kid's blood sugar sit at 200 then it went to 210 and I thought, well, that's only 10 more than 200 and then when it was at 250 I was like, it's only 50 more than he said. But now the kid's blood sugar's at 250 when you really want it to be 80. So is it 50 points higher than you want it to be, or is it, you know? Is it you know, 170 points higher than you want it to be? And she talked about how you can just lull yourself to sleep, that frog in the pot idea. And I know that's what happens to a person, so I don't know how I'm supposed to know that not say anything. And that was my point to art. And I was like, if you had a kid, you'd say something too. So anyway, good luck. Yeah, I was gonna say you've been getting divorced. Sucked way to get wait till this happens. You
"Mike" 1:02:29
hear me, give me a sneak peek of seven years from now. All right, yeah, yeah. And
Scott Benner 1:02:32
I don't know if you can avoid it or not. I don't know if it's not just part of the process of of this, of the maturation of your relationship, you know, yeah, what a bummer. Good luck everybody. No, it'll be and it's gonna be fine, but it's a lot of work. It's just a lot of work. There are times where even, like, I'm getting older, I'm like, I need things to not be so much work. But that doesn't just because I need it. Doesn't mean that's how it how it goes. Honestly, I think art and I in a really good place. And I think even, like, a year from now, when she turns 21 or so, I actually think we'll be coasting by then. And I'm not upset that this process took the time it took. It took what it took, and and she's also her outcomes are really great. So ah, did you like this? Did you get everything out you wanted to say, or you got more?
"Mike" 1:03:21
Yeah, no, I think, think I say everything I wanted to say. I really appreciate the talking to you today, and it was awesome to come on this really, really, really great.
Scott Benner 1:03:30
Oh, I think that's lovely of you. I appreciate you saying that I and you saying earlier, I didn't really mention it, but the podcast was really helpful for you. I'm, I'm thrilled about that. I'm super happy you found it and that it, that it did what it did for you and your daughter.
"Mike" 1:03:44
Yeah, the podcast and the Facebook community. I mean, it's, it's been a blessing for sure. Don't know where we'd be if we didn't find this community, like, honestly, the work that you do, and everyone that joins it, it's just, it's so great to see people helping
Scott Benner 1:03:55
each other. Yeah, no, I agree. I can't. I keep thinking that, um, I, you know, I have a get together, coming up with like 100 of my listeners. And I'm like, I was thinking about this morning. I'm like, am I gonna cry when these people, when I look up and see all these people together and they're meeting each other and having, like, a connection? I'm like, I'm gonna cry. Like, there's gonna be pictures of me crying. I like, I know for sure. I'm excited to to be more present in that present place sounded like a hippie. Like, I'm not, I'm not sorry. I'm not from San Francisco, but I'm super excited. That was it. There was a knock. It wasn't a knock. It was a joke to Erica. I hope she hears it. Like, once, I'm immersed in that and I can see it happening, like, not just for five minutes or an hour, like, you know, I've been to plenty events where people meet each other, but it's a couple hours here and there, but like to really sit with them for days and days. I'm excited to, like, figure out what it is that is touching them at that point. Like, I want to hear about that from them. So anyway, I mean,
"Mike" 1:04:51
it's a celebration of your impact and legacy too. I mean, that's powerful all you've done. I mean, that's gonna be really cool for you. What a great experience. And for the people that are gonna be. Either I gotta
Scott Benner 1:05:00
get you to write my bio. That was awesome. I've never once thought I had a legacy, but when you settle I was like, Yeah,
"Mike" 1:05:09
my mom said I should always write some kind of greeting cards. But
Scott Benner 1:05:11
no, yeah, she might not be wrong. I used to think I was gonna write funny greeting cards, but I didn't think anybody would buy them. This is really great of you. I appreciate you taking the time. If you hold on for one second, I'll say goodbye to you. Off the air. Hold on one second.
Thanks for tuning in today, and thanks to Medtronic diabetes for sponsoring this episode. We've been talking about Medtronic mini med 780 G system today, an automated insulin delivery system that helps make diabetes management easier day and night, whether it's their meal detection technology or the Medtronic extended infusion set, it all comes together to simplify life with diabetes. Go find out more at my link. Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox the episode you just enjoyed was sponsored by the twist a ID system powered by tide pool. If you want a commercially available insulin pump with twist loop that offers unmatched personalization and precision or peace of mind, you want twist twist.com/juicebox having an easy to use and accurate blood glucose meter is just one click away. Contour, next.com/juicebox That's right. Today's episode is sponsored by the contour. Next Gen blood glucose meter. Hey, thanks for listening all the way to the end. I really appreciate your loyalty and listenership. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox podcast. The podcast contains so many different series and collections of information that it can be difficult to find them in your traditional podcast app sometimes. That's why they're also collected at Juicebox podcast.com go up to the top, there's a menu right there. Click on series, defining diabetes. Bold beginnings, the Pro Tip series, small sips, Omnipod, five ask Scott and Jenny. Mental wellness, fat and protein, defining thyroid. After Dark, diabetes, variables, Grand Rounds, cold, wind, pregnancy, type two, diabetes, GLP, meds, the math behind diabetes, diabetes myths and so much more, you have to go check it out. It's all there and waiting for you, and it's absolutely free. Juicebox podcast.com if you're looking to meet other people living with type one diabetes, head over to Juicebox podcast.com/juice cruise, because next June, that's right, 2026, June. 21 the second juice Cruise is happening on the celebrity beyond cruise ship. It's a seven night trip going to the Caribbean. We're going to be visiting Miami Coke, okay? St, Thomas and St Kitts, yeah, the Virgin Islands. You're gonna love the Virgin Islands. Sail with Scott the Juicebox community on a week long voyage built for people and families living with type one diabetes. Enjoy tropical luxury, practical education and judgment free atmosphere. Perfect day at Coco Bay St, Kitts st, Thomas, five interactive workshops with me and surprise guests on type one, hacks and tech, mental health, mindfulness, nutrition, exercise, personal growth and professional development, support groups and wellness discussions tailored for life with type one and celebrities, world class amenities, dining and entertainment. This is open from every age you know, newborn to 99 I don't care how old you are. Come out. Check us out. You can view state rooms and prices at Juicebox podcast.com/juice cruise. The last juice cruise just happened a couple weeks ago. 100 of you came. It was awesome. We're looking to make it even bigger this year. I hope you can check it out. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording, wrong wayrecording.com.
Please support the sponsors
The Juicebox Podcast is a free show, but if you'd like to support the podcast directly, you can make a gift here. Recent donations were used to pay for podcast hosting fees. Thank you to all who have sent 5, 10 and 20 dollars!
