#1729 Cinderella Story - Part 2
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Diagnosed at 16 months while her parents were on a cruise, Olivia reveals how diabetes became her anchor through divorce, depression, and a chaotic family life.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner (0:0) Here we are back together again, friends, for another episode of the Juice Box podcast.
Olivia (0:15) Hi. (0:15) My name is Olivia. (0:17) I'm 29 years old. (0:18) I've lived with type one diabetes since the age of 16, and I'm here to talk about t one d and my life and very excited to be on the show today.
Scott Benner (0:29) This is part two of a two part episode. (0:32) Go look at the title. (0:33) If you don't recognize it, you haven't heard part one yet. (0:36) It's probably the episode right before this in your podcast player. (0:42) If you've ever heard a diabetes term and thought, okay.
Scott Benner (0:45) But what does that actually mean? (0:47) You need the defining diabetes series from the Juice Box podcast. (0:50) Defining diabetes takes all those phrases and terms that you don't understand and makes them clear. (0:56) Quick and easy episodes. (0:58) Find out what bolus means, basal, insulin sensitivity, and all of the rest.
Scott Benner (1:03) There has to be over 60 episodes of Defining Diabetes. (1:05) Check it out now in your audio player or go to juiceboxpodcast.com and go up into the menu. (1:13) Nothing you hear on the juice box podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. (1:18) Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. (1:30) The episode you're about to listen to is sponsored by Tandem Mobi, the impressively small insulin pump.
Scott Benner (1:36) Tandem Mobi features Tandem's newest algorithm, Control IQ Plus technology. (1:40) It's designed for greater discretion, more freedom, and improved time and range. (1:45) Learn more and get started today at tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox. (1:50) Today's episode is also sponsored by the Eversense three sixty five. (1:55) You can experience the Eversense three sixty five CGM system for as low as $199 for a full year.
Scott Benner (2:03) Visit eversensecgm.com/juicebox for more details and eligibility. (2:09) The podcast is also sponsored today by US Med. (2:13) Usmed.com/juicebox or call (888) 721-1514. (2:20) You can get your diabetes testing supplies the same way we do from US Med. (2:25) Yeah.
Scott Benner (2:25) You've overcome a lot. (2:26) Like, I would like, if you were on my team at work, I would think, like, hey. (2:30) Let's get Olivia involved in this. (2:31) Like, she doesn't give up. (2:32) You know, like, she gets stuff done.
Scott Benner (2:34) She follows through. (2:35) She doesn't, you know, she doesn't just put up her hands and go, oh, no. (2:38) You know? (2:38) Well, my dad stuck me in the in the love prison and my mom's screaming. (2:42) I mean, like, this is my next question.
Scott Benner (2:44) It's like, how do you choose her? (2:45) Like, that's, like, that's that's all. (2:47) I mean, that's really, like that's like a reverse Sophie's choice, isn't it?
Olivia (2:52) Yeah. (2:52) So I think, ultimately, what led to me choosing her instead of my dad was, again, like, this, starvation of love that I was experiencing at my dad's house. (3:05) I felt like they didn't really care that I was there or not. (3:10) I remember, like, later in my adolescence that they would put me to work. (3:16) They lived in a very large house, and they would put me to work, like, dusting all of their stairway grips, like, these wooden stairway grips.
Olivia (3:24) And all of these cabinets, they would have me dust, and there were times that, they would look at it, you know, after hours of work and say, like, you gotta do it again, and there would be hardly any dust on these. (3:37) So, yeah, I ultimately, I chose my mom because I I felt like I was receiving the the love and affection that I was desperately craving.
Scott Benner (3:49) Well, wait. (3:49) Wait. (3:49) You were you were in a Cinderella situation?
Olivia (3:52) Yeah. (3:53) It felt like that. (3:54) Holy. (3:54) And I mean yeah.
Scott Benner (3:57) Oh my god. (3:58) Olivia.
Olivia (3:59) Yeah.
Scott Benner (3:59) Honey, I'm so sorry. (4:00) I'd give you a hug if I could right now. (4:03) You wait. (4:03) Listen. (4:04) I don't wanna jump forward, but you found somebody.
Scott Benner (4:06) Right? (4:06) Like, you're married?
Olivia (4:07) Yes. (4:07) I am.
Scott Benner (4:08) Okay. (4:08) He doesn't yell at you or hit you or anything like that? (4:11) You're happy? (4:11) Okay. (4:12) Alright.
Scott Benner (4:12) Okay. (4:12) Good.
Olivia (4:12) I feel very, very, very happy in my marriage.
Scott Benner (4:15) Okay. (4:15) Okay. (4:15) Good. (4:16) Good. (4:16) I just want everybody to know that before, like, you know, because I you know, people could be like, oh god.
Scott Benner (4:20) Scott sees the notes. (4:22) This poor girl's like, something bad is gonna happen. (4:24) Like but my god. (4:25) They had you cleaning the house?
Olivia (4:27) Yep. (4:28) They had me cleaning the house. (4:29) Mhmm. (4:30) You know, I get it. (4:30) When you're when you're a teenager, it's it's a good thing to give your teenager responsibilities around the house so they know how to do certain things.
Olivia (4:38) But I think the the chores that they were giving both my brother and me at the time were just it was too much. (4:45) It was too much for
Scott Benner (4:46) I hear what you're
Olivia (4:47) saying. (4:47) Teenager.
Scott Benner (4:48) So you'd, like, clean up, and then they'd, like, knock a soda over and go, you missed a spot, something like that.
Olivia (4:53) Yeah. (4:54) Well, fortunately, they never they never did anything like that, but, like, they would just look at it and say, like, nope. (5:00) It's not clean enough. (5:01) You gotta do it all over again. (5:02) And I would be like, are you kidding me?
Scott Benner (5:04) Oh my gosh. (5:05) Does the, does the stepmom have, like, obsessive qualities? (5:10) Or
Olivia (5:11) Yeah. (5:12) So she she's an interesting case. (5:14) Mhmm. (5:16) She I would say it's weird because I was thinking about this recently. (5:21) I think my stepmother and my mom are fairly similar, except my mom is more outspoken and expressive, and my stepmother is quiet.
Olivia (5:32) But they're both kind of anal about certain things. (5:37) I would say my stepmom is definitely more, like, picky and anal about how things look.
Scott Benner (5:44) Is your dad Catholic? (5:45) No. (5:46) No. (5:47) No? (5:48) Okay.
Scott Benner (5:48) It's a lot of kids, and I the cleaning thing makes me think Catholic, by the way. (5:53) I don't know why that is exactly. (5:55) But, I mean, what a shitty thing to say to somebody, like, make sure you get the dust in that this little spot that nobody sees but me, and then to come back and say you didn't do it. (6:04) Right? (6:04) Do it again.
Olivia (6:06) Yeah. (6:06) And and, like, when I was dusting these cabinets, like, sometimes it would take me, like, four hours to do Yeah. (6:13) On a, you know, just a random Saturday, you know, when I would rather be outside hanging out with my friends or something.
Scott Benner (6:20) I'm gonna say this because I I wanna stick up for my wife. (6:23) I want somebody to know want this to be on the record somewhere. (6:26) My wife's mom made her wipe the walls off, like, pretty consistently. (6:31) Like, every weekend, they'd have to wipe the house down.
Olivia (6:34) Oh my goodness.
Scott Benner (6:35) Yeah. (6:36) Yeah. (6:36) So, you know, just remember that when you're talking about dusting the cabinets later.
Olivia (6:41) Yeah. (6:41) Yeah. (6:42) Oh my goodness. (6:42) I'm so sorry that she had to go through that too.
Scott Benner (6:45) Exactly. (6:45) The crazy the crazy could've come differently, by the way. (6:48) Like, it's, yeah. (6:49) Wipe the hot water, wipe the walls floor to ceiling.
Olivia (6:53) Wow. (6:54) Wow. (6:54) And it just gets me wondering, like, what is going through these parents' heads to
Scott Benner (6:59) Mhmm.
Olivia (7:00) Make their kids do these insane chores. (7:03) I don't know.
Scott Benner (7:04) Olivia, you're from a different generation. (7:05) You're nicer. (7:06) I can tell while you're talking to you. (7:08) But I will just tell you as a person who has a couple of, decades, more on the planet than you, they are what they call a cuckoo for cocoa puffs. (7:15) Okay?
Scott Benner (7:15) They're yeah. (7:16) Yeah. (7:17) Say, we don't talk like this anymore, but, your mom's nuts. (7:20) Okay? (7:22) And it's unchecked.
Scott Benner (7:23) Right? (7:23) Because your, you know, your dad's not gonna like, there's gets to be a moment where he's like, what am I gonna do? (7:29) This is the this is the lady. (7:30) I married her. (7:31) These are the you know, this the kid's mother.
Scott Benner (7:32) What you know? (7:33) And then it gets so and then she says, like, you know, off. (7:37) Get out of here. (7:38) And he's like, no. (7:40) And then but yes.
Scott Benner (7:41) And then, obviously, whatever you know, led him to be comfortable with that the first time, led him right back to somebody else again. (7:48) Yeah. (7:48) Put you in a four way where this is coming at you from two two women, you know, who are domineering you and then a guy who's not sticking up for you. (7:57) Mhmm. (7:57) Yeah.
Olivia (7:58) Yeah. (7:58) That I think that describes the overall dynamic really, really well actually.
Scott Benner (8:02) You're damn right. (8:03) Like, it and it's unfair and it's not right. (8:05) And, you know, you're already nervous because this lady's yelling all the time when you're younger. (8:10) I mean, really, like, retreating to another part of the house. (8:14) Like, my parents have yelled at each other.
Scott Benner (8:16) My wife and I have argued. (8:17) I've never seen people run away while it was happening. (8:19) Like, that's another level. (8:21) You know what I mean? (8:22) Like, people argue.
Scott Benner (8:23) It doesn't usually send people to a, you know, a safe place. (8:27) Like, that's sounds to me like there's some crazy shit going on.
Olivia (8:30) Yeah. (8:31) It's interesting hearing you even say that too because, like, I grew up with it, and I like, even now, I'm sitting there thinking, like, was what I grew up with normal? (8:40) Like, you know, is it normal to No. (8:42) Have your mom
Scott Benner (8:43) No. (8:43) It's not.
Olivia (8:43) Flying off the wall?
Scott Benner (8:45) It's not. (8:45) It's not normal to wipe the walls. (8:47) It's not normal to scream at a child till it vomits and to the point where she as a as a I mean, you're you sound like a very bright person. (8:54) Like, do haven't even gotten to, like you have a PhD in pharmacology?
Olivia (8:58) I do.
Scott Benner (8:58) Yep. (8:59) You're a bright you're a bright lady. (9:00) And, so my point is is that, like, even though you're that smart and thoughtful and I'm hearing you talk, you're measured, You grew up in a war zone, and it feels normal to you.
Olivia (9:10) Yeah. (9:11) And and that's the crazy thing about it too. (9:13) And, you know, just over over the past several months or even several years, I've been picking things apart from my, like, from my childhood and even my early adulthood and saying, like, wow. (9:26) Like, what I went through really isn't normal. (9:29) It's messed up.
Scott Benner (9:30) Yeah. (9:31) I mean, no kidding. (9:33) And you can't see it because you're indoctrinated into it.
Olivia (9:37) Exactly.
Scott Benner (9:38) So let me ask you. (9:40) Did you have trouble being happy when you got married?
Olivia (9:43) That's a good question, and I I know I've been saying that a lot. (9:46) You you're asking tons of good questions.
Scott Benner (9:48) I'll tell you why I I say this, and I don't think my wife would mind me saying this, is that when we were first together, my wife was only comfortable when things were upset. (9:57) Like, when things get settled and they're calm, she gets nervous.
Olivia (10:02) Oh, wow.
Scott Benner (10:03) Yeah. (10:03) My wife's not good with good. (10:04) Like, she's better at it now. (10:06) Like, we've been we're old now. (10:07) Like but, I mean, back in the day, like, if happy wasn't a good place for her because she was like, it didn't feel comfortable to her at all, I don't think.
Olivia (10:16) That makes sense.
Scott Benner (10:16) Yeah.
Olivia (10:17) Yeah. (10:17) Like, if she kinda grew up in a war zone of her own Yeah.
Scott Benner (10:20) That's what you're waiting for then.
Olivia (10:21) That's exactly.
Scott Benner (10:23) Your nerves your nervous system's tuned to it. (10:26) Like, you're you're you're in fight or flight like you belong there. (10:29) So when things calm down and you're still, like, looking over your shoulder like you're about to get shot at, it's hard to chill the fuck out. (10:35) And it it
Olivia (10:36) Oh, absolutely.
Scott Benner (10:37) Some time. (10:38) Yeah.
Olivia (10:40) Yeah. (10:40) Yeah. (10:40) So going back to your question though about my marriage, my relationship with my husband has been honestly one of the brightest points of my life. (10:50) He and I met about four years ago. (10:52) It was September 2021.
Olivia (10:55) We met at a church that we were going to. (10:57) And I remember when he and I first met. (11:02) So I I was still going through my PhD studies at the time, and there was one evening where he just casually walks over to me and introduces himself. (11:11) And we strike up a, you know, pretty standard conversation, like, you know, what's your name? (11:15) What do you do for work?
Olivia (11:16) But as the weeks went on, I I was getting the sense that, okay. (11:21) This guy likes me, but I'm I'm studying my PhD. (11:23) I have no time to date anyone. (11:25) Mhmm. (11:25) So I was trying to play it cool, and he and I developed a friendship over time.
Olivia (11:32) And and so I remember leading up to New Year's of, like, 2021, 2022, he asked me, like, hey. (11:43) Would you be interested in grabbing coffee sometime? (11:46) And I I kind of knew, like, yeah. (11:48) He's he's asking me casually on a date. (11:50) And I remember sending him a message back saying, like like, oh, you know, things are really busy with my PhD right now.
Olivia (11:58) I'm really sorry about this. (12:00) Maybe we can do a rain check on it, and we did. (12:04) And the coffee date later on was really, really fun. (12:07) But sorry. (12:08) I'm going off on a tangent.
Scott Benner (12:10) No. (12:10) I I like the you're so sweet. (12:12) I don't know how you ended up sweet is what I'm talk I I like listening to you talk about he asked me, and I'm imagining you, like, what? (12:19) Like, 25, 24, 25 years old at that Yeah.
Olivia (12:23) 25 at the time.
Scott Benner (12:25) Point. (12:25) Right? (12:25) You and I'm guessing you didn't date a ton in college?
Olivia (12:29) No. (12:30) I my husband's actually the first man I truly dated because
Scott Benner (12:34) I'm so happy you waited. (12:36) I seriously, let me I'm being serious. (12:38) If you would have started dating, like, seriously and married somebody in that eighteen, nineteen, twenty, you would be married married to either your dad or your mom. (12:47) Yes.
Olivia (12:47) Yeah. (12:48) That's actually why I waited for
Scott Benner (12:49) a while to do Yeah. (12:52) Yeah. (12:52) Yeah. (12:52) I've I figured you were like, I'm gonna end up in this same goddamn relationship again if I do this. (12:58) Right?
Olivia (12:58) Yep. (12:59) I I remember thinking to myself, I don't wanna end up with a guy who's like my dad, who's emotionally distant. (13:05) Mhmm. (13:06) But I also don't wanna end up with a guy who's clingy like my mom, and that's a whole another issue to talk about too.
Scott Benner (13:13) Yeah. (13:14) No. (13:14) Let's talk about it. (13:15) I don't actually by the way, wanna this might be a good time for me to tell people. (13:20) I know the podcast says Juice Box podcast type one diabetes.
Scott Benner (13:23) And sometimes you probably, like, pop on and think, he didn't really talk about her diabetes very much. (13:28) But the way I see it is understanding this is a is there are plenty of episodes where you can find out how to pre bolus. (13:37) Right? (13:38) But there are a lot of you walking around who grew up like Olivia or have problems like hers, and they are impacting your life and, thusly, your diabetes and your health in ways you don't know. (13:49) And if you don't hear people talking about this, it's never gonna come up because you can hear Olivia having moments while she's talking like, oh, that does make sense.
Scott Benner (13:57) I guess that was happening. (13:58) It's happening for you too if you're listening. (14:00) And for the rest of you, it's just interesting. (14:03) So, I mean, I'll ask her about her diabetes at the end. (14:05) I'm it sounds like she's doing great.
Scott Benner (14:08) Why are you so smart, first of all? (14:09) Like, how did you know that was what was gonna happen? (14:11) Because that is what was gonna happen. (14:15) I have always disliked ordering diabetes supplies. (14:19) I'm guessing you have as well.
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Olivia (16:26) Yeah. (16:27) I I honestly can't fully explain it. (16:29) I think I think probably from a fairly young age, like, you know, preteen or teenage years, I I've always been really introspective about situations and thinking, like, okay. (16:42) Like, due to my situation growing up and also the way that my mom and my dad are, chances are I probably have some issues to work through.
Scott Benner (16:52) Mhmm. (16:52) Yeah. (16:53) Yeah. (16:53) Chances chances are Olivia. (16:55) Good.
Olivia (16:56) Yeah. (16:57) I I haven't mentioned yet. (16:58) So when I moved in with my mom, there was some communication between my dad and I for a few months. (17:07) But
Scott Benner (17:08) Yeah. (17:08) Then when the cabinets started getting dusty, you got mad at you and stopped talking to you.
Olivia (17:12) Yeah. (17:13) Well, so I moved in with my mom after my sophomore year of high school. (17:19) So this would have been in June 2012. (17:23) My dad, in December, like, four days before Christmas, said, like, hey. (17:28) I wanna invite you over to clear the air between us.
Olivia (17:31) And it wasn't just merely clearing the air. (17:34) It was what I would call an emotional flogging. (17:37) So I walked into their house, and I see my dad and my stepmom sitting on a sofa, and my grandparents are there also. (17:45) So I feel like I've walked into a trap. (17:47) Yeah.
Olivia (17:48) And, the whole time, they're, you know, they're talking to me about how worried they are about paying extra child support to my mom if they, you know, go through the courts and make full custody, you know, official, and I'm just sitting there bawling my eyes out.
Scott Benner (18:02) Are you 16?
Olivia (18:04) I yeah. (18:05) Like, 16, almost 17 at the time.
Scott Benner (18:08) I feel bad, Olivia, because you say you go to church, but I anyway, here's my honest truth. (18:12) What the fuck is wrong with everybody? (18:14) Why don't they see you as a thing to protect and take care of? (18:18) Like, why did they like Yeah. (18:20) I don't know.
Scott Benner (18:21) Go. (18:22) Okay. (18:23) Yeah. (18:23) Alright. (18:23) Alright.
Scott Benner (18:24) It's not that hard. (18:25) Listen. (18:26) Let me lay it out for everybody. (18:27) You're young. (18:28) You got horny.
Scott Benner (18:29) You found somebody. (18:29) You made a baby. (18:30) Now you're in charge of it. (18:31) Not just in charge of it. (18:32) You're responsible for it.
Scott Benner (18:34) It's supposed to be healthy and happy. (18:37) Those are really your only goals. (18:39) Feed it decent food, take care of it, keep it warm, and treat it like you care about it. (18:44) It's not that difficult, everybody. (18:46) Like, it just really isn't that difficult.
Scott Benner (18:49) Like, just have other people's best interest at heart and put yourself second. (18:54) You know I'm not a religious person, but doesn't it sound like I am when I'm talking all the time? (18:58) Olivia, am I right about that part?
Olivia (19:00) Yeah. (19:00) Yeah. (19:01) You really are.
Scott Benner (19:01) I'm just saying, like, this is common sense. (19:04) Like, the tenants of good religion, the tenants of being a good person, they're all the same. (19:09) Like, just don't call your 16 year old in the house and tell them what they're doing wrong. (19:13) It's your marriage, your disaster, your mess, and then she's sitting there crying and you continue on and the grandparents are there, everyone's in Mhmm. (19:21) Soul.
Scott Benner (19:22) I don't and I don't just mean in your story. (19:24) I mean all of you. (19:25) This is a disaster. (19:26) Alright. (19:27) I'm sorry.
Scott Benner (19:27) I'm sorry. (19:28) You're in the middle of your No. (19:29) That's No. (19:30) No. (19:30) I'm now I'm mad because I'm I grew up with, divorced people and morons not understanding what they were supposed to be doing and messing it up.
Scott Benner (19:39) And you think I'm happy all the time? (19:41) I'm not. (19:41) Okay?
Olivia (19:43) And that's okay too. (19:44) It's okay to not be happy all
Scott Benner (19:45) the time. (19:45) Yeah. (19:46) You just do the things you're supposed to do still. (19:49) You don't get to just push a reset button and throw everyone away because you picked the crazy lady. (19:55) That's on you.
Scott Benner (19:56) I don't know. (19:57) Alright. (19:57) I'm sorry. (19:58) I'm very upset. (19:59) A lot of that probably didn't make sense.
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Olivia (21:09) Yeah. (21:09) So by the end of this, like, interrogation meeting, I don't even know what to call it, I remember walking out. (21:16) I feel very defeated. (21:17) And at that point, I'm like, okay. (21:21) I don't, you know, I don't really even know what to do in this situation with my relationship with my dad.
Olivia (21:26) And so I think, like, a month later, like, the divorce or not the divorce. (21:33) The, custody proceedings go through the courts, and, my mom officially has full custody of me. (21:39) And then my dad stopped communicating with me.
Scott Benner (21:43) What a Yeah. (21:44) Dick. (21:45) I mean, Jesus. (21:46) Yeah. (21:46) What so he wasn't worried about you.
Scott Benner (21:49) He was worried about the extra nut he'd have to put out when your mom had full custody. (21:52) And on top of that, he probably had to pay somebody to clean the cabinets. (21:55) So there's an extra charge there. (21:57) I think you should all appreciate that I was able to wind some comedy into that. (22:00) Oh my god.
Scott Benner (22:02) He just stopped talking to you. (22:04) So then you're
Olivia (22:05) He stopped talking to me.
Scott Benner (22:06) So then now you know he's only talking you to begin with because he had to, and it was saving him money. (22:13) That's how it feels. (22:14) Yeah. (22:14) Yeah.
Olivia (22:15) Think the end game for him was the money, which is messed up because so back then, he was working in an incredibly lucrative job, probably making half $1,000,000 a year.
Scott Benner (22:26) Twenty years ago?
Olivia (22:27) Extra for Wait.
Scott Benner (22:28) Twenty years ago, he's making a half 1,000,000?
Olivia (22:31) Yeah. (22:32) Oh. (22:32) Yeah. (22:32) Oh. (22:33) It it's ridiculous.
Olivia (22:35) And and so, you know, I'm sitting there thinking, like, okay. (22:38) Like, you're, you know, you're not talking to me because you're losing a few $100 extra, basically, pocket change that you're paying my mom.
Scott Benner (22:47) Olivia, a half 1,000,000 a year now is an insane amount of money. (22:51) Twenty years ago, it was unfathomable.
Olivia (22:55) Yeah.
Scott Benner (22:55) You all had a VCR before other people. (22:57) Like, you were fancy. (22:58) Yeah. (22:59) Yeah. (23:00) Yeah.
Scott Benner (23:00) Yeah. (23:00) No. (23:00) No. (23:01) That's where the two houses were. (23:02) But what oh my god.
Scott Benner (23:04) Isn't that something? (23:06) Oh, I'm so sorry. (23:07) Oh, no. (23:07) No, Olivia. (23:08) I'm so sorry.
Scott Benner (23:09) I am I'm so so sorry. (23:10) Like, all he had to do was say I love you and take care of you, and you would you would have been okay.
Olivia (23:16) Yeah. (23:16) Yeah. (23:17) That's all that's all it would have taken. (23:19) Mhmm. (23:19) Just, you know, like, a few more hugs here and there and just interest in who I was and what what I was going through.
Olivia (23:27) But, yeah, I haven't I haven't heard from my dad ever since then.
Scott Benner (23:32) Yeah. (23:32) Well, are you are you serious?
Olivia (23:35) I'm serious. (23:35) It's been almost thirteen years since I've spoken to my dad.
Scott Benner (23:38) Oh my god. (23:40) And now you're not talking to your mom?
Olivia (23:42) Yep. (23:42) So it's been a few months due to a whole other slew of issues. (23:47) It's been a few months since I've spoken to my mom.
Scott Benner (23:50) Oh, and that's it's something she started, not you? (23:54) Or I
Olivia (23:55) I think so. (23:55) Yeah. (23:56) And I'm I'm still I'm still actively working through all of this, and I've been wrestling with a lot of guilt thinking like, oh, you know, I feel like I'm the bad person here because I'm not talking to my mom, but then I so that's the emotional side of me. (24:10) But then the logical side of me says, like, no. (24:12) Like, it's because of her behaviors toward me that that's why I'm putting up a boundary.
Olivia (24:18) Yeah. (24:18) So to provide context on all of this, going back to what I said before with my mom possibly being borderline, when you grow up with a parent like that, it molds a child in a in, you know, different ways. (24:33) It made me into a people pleaser. (24:35) But on top of that, I think, especially after my parents got divorced, my mom shaped me and molded me into being, like, her own emotional mother or emotional spouse
Scott Benner (24:48) Yeah.
Olivia (24:48) If that makes sense.
Scott Benner (24:50) You're her stuffed animal now. (24:51) Yes.
Olivia (24:52) Yeah. (24:53) Or, like, therapy dog
Scott Benner (24:54) Oh, jeez.
Olivia (24:55) Put it in another way.
Scott Benner (24:55) So sorry. (24:56) Yeah. (24:56) Yeah.
Olivia (24:56) Yeah. (24:57) And there was also a lot of enmeshment between my mom and I, that I'm working actively to untangle. (25:05) And the more and more that I'm peeling back layers of the onion and just, you know, really digging in deep as to, you know, how much this hurts, it's like, yeah. (25:14) This is messed up. (25:15) Like, I you know, if I become a mother someday, I don't want to repeat these same patterns with my own children.
Olivia (25:22) I want them to grow up feeling loved and also feeling like they could be independent from me and be free from me, and I want them to grow up in a stable environment. (25:32) So, those have been a lot of the motivations
Scott Benner (25:35) Yeah.
Olivia (25:35) For me.
Scott Benner (25:36) I feel like you would do that.
Olivia (25:37) These boundaries.
Scott Benner (25:37) I I feel I feel like you would do that. (25:39) Are you thinking of Thank you. (25:41) No. (25:41) No. (25:41) I mean, listen.
Scott Benner (25:43) I've, have absolutely no training, and, that's been pointed out in a couple of reviews of the podcast. (25:48) And I don't really know what I'm talking about, but, I mean, I do know people pretty well, and it it feels to me like you got your lessons. (25:55) You took you took the right things from them, and now you're just up to the, you know, the part where you're gonna need to make the baby and and get moving. (26:03) Like, is that a thing you're talk Yeah. (26:04) Talking about doing?
Olivia (26:05) Yeah. (26:06) It's actually been something that my husband and I have been talking about pretty recently. (26:10) Well, actually, really over the past year or so.
Scott Benner (26:13) You know talking is not the way it's gonna happen, though. (26:15) Right?
Olivia (26:16) No. (26:16) No. (26:16) No. (26:17) No. (26:17) It does it involves a little bit more than that.
Olivia (26:19) Right.
Scott Benner (26:19) Right. (26:19) Yeah. (26:20) Yeah. (26:20) There's all other stuff you gotta do.
Olivia (26:22) But yeah. (26:23) A lot of this past year, has been and I guess, like, tying diabetes back into this, a lot of this past year has been me, I guess, getting my ducks in a row and really, really, like, tightening down my, blood sugar control in order to make
Scott Benner (26:40) Oh, okay.
Olivia (26:41) Having a pregnancy possible. (26:44) And actually, this afternoon, I have a video chat scheduled with a possible MFM. (26:49) So this is something that my husband and I are thinking about actually trying to put into action maybe in November or December, which I'm pretty excited about. (26:58) LFM? (27:00) Yep.
Olivia (27:00) Maternal fetal medicine doctor.
Scott Benner (27:02) I thought I'm not even gonna say what popped into my head. (27:05) Like, just like it's fine. (27:07) I don't I feel like it's not a thing you would know about, and I think it it it shines a poor light on me. (27:12) Maternal fetal medicine doctor. (27:13) Exactly what I was thinking.
Scott Benner (27:15) Okay. (27:15) So so now I'm wondering if you know. (27:19) We'll talk about it after we stop recording.
Olivia (27:21) Oh, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Scott Benner (27:24) So you are like, okay. (27:26) I'm gonna I'm reasonably confident that I'm not as screwed up as my parents. (27:30) I wanna have kids. (27:31) I'd like to provide a a nice life for a child, the one I didn't get for sure. (27:35) Yeah.
Scott Benner (27:36) Did your husband get a good upbringing?
Olivia (27:38) He had a much more stable upbringing than me. (27:41) It it still
Scott Benner (27:41) has saying much, Olivia.
Olivia (27:45) Yes. (27:46) Yes. (27:46) Objectively speaking, he did have a a much more stable upbringing than me. (27:50) There there were some issues with with his dad Yeah. (27:54) Growing up.
Olivia (27:54) Yeah. (27:55) Like, some anger issues, but everything has been resolved.
Scott Benner (27:59) If your husband grew up in a crack house, he'd have a more stable, upbringing than you. (28:03) So Yeah. (28:03) Yeah. (28:04) Yeah. (28:04) For real.
Scott Benner (28:04) Yeah. (28:04) No kidding. (28:05) Oh, so okay. (28:06) So you guys are gonna make a baby. (28:07) This is awesome.
Scott Benner (28:08) And you Yep. (28:09) You knew yeah. (28:11) I gotta like, so you didn't feel like your your a one c's blood sugar stability was where it needed to be for baby making. (28:17) So what did you do?
Olivia (28:18) This kind of started back in I'll back up to about a year ago.
Scott Benner (28:23) Mhmm.
Olivia (28:24) I was seeing an endocrinologist for a few years, and my a one c's all throughout last year were fairly like, not super high, but not quite where I wanted them to be, like high sixes, low sevens.
Scott Benner (28:37) Okay.
Olivia (28:38) And as time went on working with this endocrinologist, like, like, whenever I would try to tweak my pump settings on my own, she would say, like, oh, you shouldn't do that. (28:49) And I would be sitting there thinking, like, well, I'm the one living with the disease twenty four seven. (28:54) I only see you, like, four times a year.
Scott Benner (28:56) Right.
Olivia (28:57) The tweaks that she would make during my appointments also didn't really make much sense. (29:02) So for context, I use Medtronic seven eighty g with SmartGuard. (29:07) As I was working with this old endocrinologist, I got the sense that she didn't really fully understand how my algorithm worked. (29:16) I would be sitting there and so back in January, I had an a one c of 6.6. (29:23) Okay.
Olivia (29:23) You know, we're below seven.
Scott Benner (29:25) Not bad.
Olivia (29:25) But that came with
Scott Benner (29:27) A lot of lows?
Olivia (29:28) Surprisingly, no. (29:29) So that came with, restricting carbs because I was struggling with postprandial spikes a lot.
Scott Benner (29:36) Oh, okay.
Olivia (29:37) So I was restricting carbs, and I hated it because I enjoy eating carby foods. (29:42) And so I thought, okay. (29:43) Like, this has to change. (29:45) And so I had an appointment with her in February, which was actually my last appointment with her. (29:51) She looks at my settings, and she's like, okay.
Olivia (29:53) You know, you got an a one c of 6.6. (29:56) We're going to increase no. (29:59) Increase, not decrease your insulin to carb ratios. (30:01) So I was getting even less mealtime insulin. (30:04) If we increase the insulin carb ratios, we can trick the pump into making more basal insulin.
Olivia (30:10) She was really fixated on this idea that I had to be receiving 50% basal, 50% bolus even though, like, on average Is
Scott Benner (30:20) she older?
Olivia (30:21) I would say she's probably, like, in her upper forties or lower fifties.
Scott Benner (30:25) Yeah. (30:26) Yeah. (30:26) Okay. (30:26) Alright. (30:27) So she you had a six six on an automated system, and her idea was to give the system less autonomy and
Olivia (30:34) Yeah. (30:35) Force it.
Scott Benner (30:36) And and I'm assuming your a one c went up after she did that, or did you just change it back when you got in the parking lot?
Olivia (30:41) So during that time, I changed it back immediately, but there was an almost equivalent time a year prior. (30:49) So, like, early twenty twenty four where this happened, my a one c that year also started as a 6.6. (30:56) She increased my insulin to carb ratios with the same kind of mindset, and my next a one c was 7.3. (31:03) Yeah. (31:03) So it jumped almost by a whole percentage point.
Olivia (31:06) Yeah. (31:06) And so at the start of this year, I was looking at it thinking like, oh, no. (31:10) I'm not gonna let that happen again, especially because, you know, I wanna have a baby sometime this year or be pregnant at least. (31:17) Yeah. (31:18) So I changed my settings back to what they were and immediately started this search for a new endocrinologist.
Scott Benner (31:24) Yeah. (31:25) Jeez. (31:25) Well, you found somebody, I hope?
Olivia (31:27) Yep. (31:28) I found somebody. (31:29) I I had my first appointment with them about a month ago. (31:33) I feel like I can really trust them. (31:35) For the six months, the between appointments, though, like the February appointment with the old endo and the August appointment with with the new endo.
Olivia (31:44) For six months, I was kinda just trying to figure things out on my own, which is where listening to the podcast really, really helped me out. (31:52) Just implementing the tips in the, diabetes pro tip series, and I saw my a one c drop from 6.6 back in January, February down to 5.8 as of August Awesome. (32:06) Just from listening to the podcast. (32:08) And so I'm feeling I'm feeling physically better overall, and I'm feeling a lot more confident in my ability to possibly, like, have a healthy pregnancy too.
Scott Benner (32:18) Good for you. (32:18) That's awesome. (32:19) How do you feel about the name Scott or Scottina?
Olivia (32:24) I I like the name Scott.
Scott Benner (32:26) Oh, yeah.
Olivia (32:26) Scotina, it would be pretty unique.
Scott Benner (32:28) Yeah. (32:28) Yeah. (32:28) Yeah.
Olivia (32:29) Yeah. (32:29) Like, it has a unique ring to it.
Scott Benner (32:31) Certainly does. (32:34) Well, I'm so happy for you that you feel like this is possible now. (32:37) That's really great.
Olivia (32:38) Yeah. (32:39) Yeah. (32:39) I I I feel really empowered.
Scott Benner (32:42) Oh, I'm I'm so I'm so pleased. (32:44) You found the podcast and then went right to the pro tip series?
Olivia (32:48) I did. (32:48) Yeah. (32:48) So I found the podcast. (32:50) I went right to the pro tips because I I was just sitting there thinking, like, I need help. (32:55) And I was, you know, I was also looking at different support groups on Facebook, and I ended up joining the Juicebox podcast support group on Facebook.
Scott Benner (33:06) Awesome.
Olivia (33:07) Also just, you know, trying to devour every single article that I could about, like, okay. (33:13) You know, how how do protein and fat impact, blood sugar over time? (33:18) Just things of that nature. (33:20) Awesome. (33:20) But the Pro Tip series has really helped me.
Scott Benner (33:23) Oh, I'm so happy. (33:24) I I I really am thrilled for you. (33:26) I mean, after learning your story, it's so much more meaningful to hear that you got to feel empowered and feel like you can, you know, go out and try to make that baby that you're trying to make and and for all those reasons. (33:38) Like, it's not as you know what I mean? (33:39) Like, hearing your story before that makes the rest of it just richer because otherwise, you come on and you go like, oh, you know, my a one c was a little high and my doctor wasn't great and I had to try to help and, you know, we're trying to have a kid.
Scott Benner (33:52) Like, and that all seems kinda clinical. (33:53) But, like, to really know the backstory, it makes it so much more meaningful to hear from you.
Olivia (33:57) Absolutely. (33:58) Yeah. (33:58) Like, at times, I I imagine that I'm like a phoenix rising out of the ashes. (34:02) Yeah. (34:03) Like, rising out of, like, you know, just, like, this big pile of ashes that is my childhood and early adulthood, and and a lot of it in is in part because of my husband.
Olivia (34:14) Just Sure. (34:14) What an incredible support he's been. (34:17) He's my best friend, and I I'm sure a lot of, you know, married couples say that about one another. (34:23) Like, he or she is my best friend, but it's true. (34:25) He's been just such an incredible emotional support as I've been processing stuff related to my mom recently When it came to switching endocrinologists, at first, I was a little bit hesitant to make that switch because I was like, well, I've been with, you know, this old endocrinologist for so many years, but I also feel like I need to, you know, do this for my health.
Scott Benner (34:47) Yeah.
Olivia (34:48) And my husband says to me, like, you know, I'm gonna support you no matter what you decide. (34:53) And then he also says, nobody's coming to save the princess, and that has stuck with me, just in terms of dealing with a lot of challenges that I've had to overcome. (35:04) Mhmm. (35:04) And what he meant by that is, like like, you know, the other people can come alongside me and provide support, but when it comes to actually taking the action steps to change things, only I can do that. (35:16) I do.
Olivia (35:16) You're so And it's been so empowering to me.
Scott Benner (35:19) Yeah. (35:19) Well, listen. (35:20) I already know that I'm gonna call your episode Phoenix Rising. (35:24) And
Olivia (35:24) I love that.
Scott Benner (35:25) And I'm going to and I know some of you give me, I'm sorry that I use AI to make my artwork. (35:30) I would love to hire an artist. (35:32) Please send over a million dollars so I can pay them. (35:35) But I see your phoenix not rising from ashes, but rising from a pile of dust out of a cabinet. (35:41) And that's gonna be the the that's gonna be the image for it.
Scott Benner (35:45) It's either that or coming out of a bedroom that's like a dungeon. (35:47) What if I told AI, make, an image of a phoenix emerging from a bedroom. (35:56) The bedroom is dark and dungeon like, devoid of love, and instead of ashes around it, it's dust. (36:03) That's gonna be my my AI prompt, and we'll see what we got.
Olivia (36:06) I'll be very curious to see what you end up with.
Scott Benner (36:08) Me too, actually. (36:10) I I'm sorry. (36:11) I wanna say that, like, while you're doing all this right now and you're you're thinking about having this baby and everything and and you're you're in the middle of a thing with your mom, I I would tell you there I know there's two minds around this. (36:22) Right? (36:22) Like, there's I've heard people say that, you know, Americans are a little too, quick to cut themselves away from their families, but I don't think that that's this.
Scott Benner (36:33) Like, I think that, you know, joking earlier and everything, but, like, you know, your mom sounds like she has a mental health issue. (36:40) And, you know, you can't spend your whole life in flux waiting for that to change when the it's very likely not gonna change at all.
Olivia (36:48) No. (36:49) And, you know, I hope at some point that, you know, she and I can reconcile. (36:54) I I don't wanna cut ties with her forever. (36:57) There was an instance three months ago where it just suddenly came to me like, okay. (37:03) I can't expect my mom to be the type of woman that I want her to be.
Olivia (37:09) I need to accept that this is the way that she is.
Scott Benner (37:12) Yeah. (37:12) I think that's important.
Olivia (37:14) It's a tough pill to swallow to say the least.
Scott Benner (37:16) Of course. (37:16) Yeah. (37:17) No. (37:17) Of course, it is. (37:18) But I think it's important because, otherwise, you'll spend your whole life trying to change something that can't be changed.
Olivia (37:23) That's right.
Scott Benner (37:24) You can be supportive of her without the expectation that she's gonna turn into the person that you need or want or that she probably should be.
Olivia (37:34) Right.
Scott Benner (37:35) Yeah. (37:35) Yeah. (37:35) And and you can't and time is ticking. (37:37) You don't have forever. (37:38) How old are you again?
Olivia (37:40) I'm 29. (37:41) Yeah. (37:42) I'll be 30 in January, so almost 30.
Scott Benner (37:45) They'd be making time.
Olivia (37:47) Yep. (37:47) They'd be making time.
Scott Benner (37:48) And I I love that you waited to get into a serious relationship. (37:52) I seriously I know I said it once, but I I I genuinely believe you probably saved yourself from, you know, being in the same situation that your parents were in at some point if you would have jumped in a little too soon. (38:01) Yeah. (38:01) And and even that takes a lot of, it takes a lot of maturity to do. (38:06) Right?
Scott Benner (38:06) And, you know, you know what I mean? (38:08) Like, it's not easy to to decline your happiness or or put things aside or wait because, you know, there's a bigger reason to do it. (38:17) Like, a lot of people would just, you know, march forward and be like, no. (38:20) I'm just gonna date and use my bad my bad judgment to pick somebody.
Olivia (38:25) Yeah. (38:26) Like, that is, like, the maturity. (38:29) Like, that is one blessing that I see in the midst of the scrambled mess of chaos that my childhood was. (38:36) Yeah. (38:36) I I was forced to grow up pretty quickly, and I I was pretty mature for my age growing up.
Olivia (38:44) So that is something that I'm grateful for. (38:46) Mhmm. (38:47) Do I wish that it you know, if I could go back and change it, do I wish that it would have happened that way? (38:51) Absolutely not. (38:52) But but it's a it's a silver lining in a stormy sky.
Scott Benner (38:58) Yeah. (38:58) You have to you have to look for it sometimes. (38:59) Like right. (39:00) Like yeah. (39:00) I mean, if if we're gonna sit down magic wand and make up a life for you, this is the one we're making up.
Scott Benner (39:05) But if this is how it goes, at least you come out of it with, you know, some tools and ideas and perspective. (39:11) You have a ton of perspective. (39:13) You know? (39:13) And and to bring it back around to the beginning where you said, you know, the diabetes thing, you know, has got you ready for other hard things. (39:20) Do you think that's the case?
Scott Benner (39:22) Do you think that growing up with diabetes made you ready for this stuff, or do you think that maybe this stuff I don't know how I mean this exactly. (39:31) Like, maybe this stuff is I don't know. (39:36) I sometimes I think of it as perspective. (39:38) I'm sorry for, like, fumbling around this. (39:40) But, like
Olivia (39:40) No. (39:41) No. (39:41) You're
Scott Benner (39:41) good. (39:41) Sometimes I think of it as perspective. (39:44) Like, the diabetes gives you some perspective. (39:46) Right? (39:46) Like
Olivia (39:47) Mhmm.
Scott Benner (39:48) It could be worse. (39:49) I could be dead. (39:50) I could like, know, sometimes people take that from it. (39:53) Right? (39:53) And then the other Right.
Scott Benner (39:54) Other stuff in life just seems more manageable because there's an actual thing trying to kill you. (40:00) You know, other people Yeah. (40:02) You know what I'm saying? (40:03) Like, maybe the diabetes is a perspective leveler, and then it happens again and again and again. (40:08) It makes you more available to bigger picture thinking when stuff happens.
Olivia (40:14) Yeah. (40:14) I I definitely think that's true. (40:16) And, like, as you were talking, I was thinking about the fact that I was diagnosed so young that I don't remember life without t one d. (40:24) I think I think just growing up with this thing and kind of accepting it as normal, you know, when the bad days would come, it's like, okay. (40:33) You know, my blood sugar's, you know, doing a roller coaster type of thing, and that's always miserable when it happens.
Olivia (40:40) But it's like, okay. (40:41) You know, I gotta slow down, I just gotta say, like, this isn't going to last forever. (40:45) I'm gonna, you know, get out of this moment and and then just say, okay. (40:51) What do I need to do in order to try to bring this roller coaster back to a source of stability.
Scott Benner (40:58) Yeah. (40:58) I have to say remarkably normal for what happened to you.
Olivia (41:03) I appreciate you saying that. (41:04) Seriously, I do.
Scott Benner (41:06) No. (41:06) I mean, almost shockingly so. (41:08) Because if you were a little wacky, I'd be like, yeah. (41:12) Right on. (41:13) She deserves it.
Scott Benner (41:13) You you know, like like, I I get that. (41:16) You just seem awfully normal for what happened to you. (41:19) I I I mean, good for you. (41:20) Congrats. (41:20) I don't know what you did or if it's decisions along the way or if you got lucky, but good for you or congratulations, whatever fits.
Olivia (41:27) Thank you. (41:28) Yeah. (41:28) I so I honestly can't really I I don't think I can point at any specific decisions that I've made. (41:36) I I know I mentioned that my husband and I met at church, and I think it's my my faith in God
Scott Benner (41:43) Has helped you.
Olivia (41:44) That has really just kept me afloat all of these years. (41:49) Just knowing that, okay. (41:50) Like, even though my both my mom and my dad are messed up, I can look at god as, like, the perfect father and say, like, okay. (41:58) You know, he's truly on my side, and he's truly got my back.
Scott Benner (42:03) Yeah. (42:03) I mean, you need something. (42:05) Right?
Olivia (42:05) Like, Absolutely.
Scott Benner (42:06) Yeah. (42:06) You didn't go to therapy. (42:08) Right?
Olivia (42:08) Well, I I did go to therapy off and on, like, ever since 2012 when my my abandonment by my dad started.
Scott Benner (42:18) Yeah.
Olivia (42:18) I'm actually currently in therapy dealing with the issues related to my mom, but it's kind of been on and off as I've needed it over time. (42:27) And it's something I'm definitely not ashamed of. (42:29) I know that there could be a lot of stigma related to Not for me. (42:33) Seeking out a therapist.
Scott Benner (42:35) Yeah. (42:35) No.
Olivia (42:35) No. (42:35) That's a good thing. (42:36) Yeah.
Scott Benner (42:36) Yeah. (42:36) No. (42:37) Not for me. (42:38) Is it a therapist that you found through church, or did you find it through the health care system?
Olivia (42:43) So I right now, I'm actually in the in the midst of transitioning to a new therapist, but, the person I was seeing was actually a friend of my husband's who I was seeing for a time. (42:57) But then I I thought, okay. (42:59) You know, I feel like I need more extensive help that I'm getting, so I'm gonna look at the medical system and see who I can find there.
Scott Benner (43:07) Good for you. (43:08) That's awesome. (43:08) Like, you you're very, very proactive with your, with your life.
Olivia (43:13) Thanks. (43:14) I I try to be.
Scott Benner (43:15) Yeah. (43:15) No. (43:15) You you clearly are. (43:16) I mean, let's take a half a second. (43:18) This is obviously this is pretty long.
Scott Benner (43:20) It'll end up being two parts probably. (43:22) Just let me ask you here. (43:24) Like, you got your PhD in pharmacology. (43:25) What do you do for a living?
Olivia (43:27) I currently work in a research lab at nearby university. (43:32) I'm doing, immunology research, specifically focused on lupus. (43:36) So although it's not t one d, it's autoimmune disease, and I love it. (43:41) I'm the person who is either wearing the white lab coat and sitting at the lab bench doing all kinds of nerdy site stuff, or I'm being a nerd sitting at my computer doing computational analysis. (43:53) And I love my job because every day I feel like I'm learning something new.
Olivia (43:57) Mhmm. (43:58) I think I would be bored working at a job where you're doing the same exact thing over and over again. (44:04) Yeah. (44:04) Funny story about that. (44:06) Ever since I was a teenager, I knew I wanted to go into scientific research for a living.
Olivia (44:12) And I remember sitting there one day, I I was, eating cereal for breakfast, and I don't remember what type of cereal it was. (44:19) But I was looking at the ingredients list on the cereal box, and I was looking at it, and I had a thought in my head. (44:25) I wonder what ingredients go into insulin. (44:28) And so that sparked the interest in wanting to go into scientific research, and here I am now.
Scott Benner (44:34) Wow. (44:34) Just because you wondered what was in insulin.
Olivia (44:36) Yep.
Scott Benner (44:37) Did ever find out? (44:37) Did you ever look into it or you just, like, went on your way?
Olivia (44:41) I I I did look into it. (44:43) And granted, it was a a little while back, but I remember sitting down and looking up articles about, okay, what's the chemical structure of insulin lispro versus versus insulin aspart? (44:57) And FIASSP, you know, I was comparing all of these and and also learning about, like, the different types of solutions that the actual insulin protein molecules are Mhmm. (45:09) Stored in. (45:10) And, yeah, just super interesting stuff.
Scott Benner (45:12) Now listen. (45:13) I wanna say to everybody, see all the things you can think about if you're not running around crazy having sex all the time? (45:19) See? (45:20) Olivia wasn't chasing boys. (45:21) She was figuring things out, getting her life straight.
Scott Benner (45:25) Right? (45:25) Seriously, am I not wrong about this? (45:27) I'm right. (45:27) Right? (45:28) Yeah.
Scott Benner (45:28) Put some focus on yourself. (45:30) Don't be embarrassed, lovey. (45:31) It's okay. (45:33) I like that you focused on yourself first in other endeavors. (45:36) I see people running around all over crazy constantly, dating this one and that one and doing this and that.
Scott Benner (45:41) Like, I'm not saying don't go out and do a thing, but, like, you know, big picture. (45:46) I Absolutely. (45:48) Yeah. (45:48) I would have adopted you. (45:49) I I you should have you should have reached out when that guy screwed you over.
Scott Benner (45:52) I mean, I don't have his money. (45:54) So, I mean, maybe you would have, maybe you would have been like, no. (45:57) Thank you. (45:58) I'm gonna I'm gonna stick with the guy over here. (46:00) But
Olivia (46:00) Yeah. (46:01) I mean, if if, like, I let me think back then. (46:05) Well, I guess it depends on, you know, if we're talking about, like, way you know, like, almost thirty years ago. (46:10) Like, I would be sitting here thinking, well, you know, the Internet really isn't really isn't, like, a big thing. (46:16) So I how would I reach this guy?
Scott Benner (46:18) I would have been 24. (46:19) So I don't think I would have been I don't think I would have been much help to you at all. (46:22) I would have been like, listen. (46:23) Your story is insane, but I cannot help you. (46:25) Please get away from me.
Olivia (46:26) So Yeah. (46:27) And and and, like, the me now would say, like, you know what? (46:30) That is totally fine. (46:31) Like, you you gotta take care of yourself.
Scott Benner (46:34) Yeah. (46:34) Yeah. (46:34) You got, a nice I don't know. (46:36) You're you got a good vibe about you. (46:37) Good for you.
Scott Benner (46:38) That's awesome.
Olivia (46:39) Thank you so much.
Scott Benner (46:39) Yeah. (46:40) No. (46:40) I'm I'd I'd clap for you if I thought it was appropriate because you you really did come through a fire. (46:44) No kidding. (46:46) Well, let me end with this.
Scott Benner (46:48) Unless you have do you have anything else you wanna say before I I wrap up?
Olivia (46:52) I I think we've covered a lot.
Scott Benner (46:53) Oh, we
Olivia (46:54) We've covered everything. (46:55) Yeah. (46:55) Yeah.
Scott Benner (46:56) Yeah. (46:56) Yeah.
Olivia (46:56) I think we've covered everything that I wanted to talk about. (46:59) So, yeah, hit me with your question.
Scott Benner (47:01) Okay. (47:02) Everything goes well. (47:03) Couple years from now, little baby's running around, things are going great, the baby grows up. (47:09) You one day have a feeling like, oh, no. (47:13) I'm having a response like my parents would.
Scott Benner (47:16) What do you think you'd do to get ahead of it? (47:20) Like, do you have that like, it's gotta be a worry. (47:22) Right? (47:22) Because I have those worries. (47:23) Like, you know, like, what if I do things my parents did?
Scott Benner (47:26) Like but I never you just seem so much more well thought out. (47:29) Like, I just tried to roll with it and figure out the thing to do. (47:33) I feel like you're gonna have a plan.
Olivia (47:35) That is a thought that's run through my head quite a lot. (47:37) It's, it's been a thought that's popped into my head even with my marriage, with my husband.
Scott Benner (47:44) Mhmm.
Olivia (47:45) And I different times even in my marriage where I've caught myself falling into some of the same tendencies that I would show with my mom or dad, primarily, like, the people pleasing type of thing and not really, like, being assertive, I guess. (47:59) Yeah. (48:00) And saying, like, you know, yeah. (48:02) Like, you know, I don't really feel like doing this particular thing tonight. (48:05) That's also been kind of a worry when thinking about having young ones too.
Olivia (48:10) And I think I think if I felt some of those tendencies rising up, I would have to would have to have really good mindfulness and stop and take a pause and say, like, okay. (48:21) You know, I might be feeling frustrated or I might be feeling angry right now, but, you know, everything is gonna be okay. (48:28) Just, you know, take a few deep breaths in and out. (48:30) And then rather than, you know, screaming my head off at my poor child, you know, just go do what I need to do and say, like, hey. (48:39) You know?
Olivia (48:40) Like, I you know, if they're throwing a tantrum, hey. (48:43) You know, I know that you're upset, but, you know, this is the rule, something like that.
Scott Benner (48:49) You might make a good therapist one day, by the way.
Olivia (48:51) Well, thank you.
Scott Benner (48:52) Yeah. (48:53) I mean, I think sometimes it takes people who have been through things to really understand. (48:57) And then, you know, the rest of it is the implementation of it is is the hard part. (49:01) Like, knowing the right thing to do, like, knowing, like, I don't wanna be yelling at people or even the thing you were talking about with your husband is super simp is super interesting because it's not just, like, it's not just the the issue of, like, I don't wanna just people please. (49:15) Like, if he says, hey.
Scott Benner (49:15) Let's go here for dinner. (49:16) I don't just say yes because, you know, because he said so. (49:19) I I have an opinion. (49:20) But you also don't wanna shout him down. (49:23) Like, it's No.
Scott Benner (49:24) Yeah. (49:24) You're you're you're fighting against not wanting to be your dad, not wanting to be, like, pushed around, and also not wanting to be your mom, not wanting to be so exertive that it looks crazy. (49:35) And yeah. (49:36) So you're you're you're fighting a war on two fronts, really.
Olivia (49:39) Yeah. (49:40) If if anything, my so my mom and dad have taught me good things that have stuck with me to this day, but they've also taught me a lot of what not to do in a marriage relationship, what not to do when you're parenting. (49:54) And so I sit there and think, like, okay. (49:57) You know, I I know that it's wrong to scream at your kids when you're angry at them. (50:03) I know that it's wrong to, you know, be listening to your child's emotions and then say, like, you have no reason to feel that way.
Olivia (50:11) That's something that my dad told me before. (50:13) So, like, I know, you know, that all of these things are inherently wrong, so I'm I'm not gonna do them.
Scott Benner (50:19) Jeez. (50:20) Yeah. (50:20) I listen. (50:21) It's one of the first things my wife taught me. (50:22) She was like, I feel the way I feel.
Scott Benner (50:24) And I was like, okay. (50:25) You know, I was young and I grew up poorly and, you know, like, sometimes people said things and you're like, oh, you don't have to feel that way. (50:30) And she's like, well, I do. (50:31) And I'm like, oh, okay. (50:33) You know?
Scott Benner (50:33) And just some sometimes somebody's gotta say the obvious stuff to you when you didn't grow up being, you know, with that obvious stuff being modeled in front of you. (50:41) So
Olivia (50:41) Absolutely.
Scott Benner (50:42) Listen. (50:43) You, you should win an award. (50:44) I don't know what the award is called. (50:46) If I had it, would send you a ribbon because I I think you I think you deserve it. (50:50) And I really
Olivia (50:51) I appreciate that.
Scott Benner (50:52) No. (50:52) I appreciate you coming on and talking about this. (50:54) This is not an easy thing to talk about. (50:55) Am I right?
Olivia (50:56) No. (50:56) It's not. (50:57) I think it gets easier just as time passes. (51:00) And, like, one reason why I wanted to come on the show and talk about all of this is because I know that there are people who are dealing with similar circumstances, and it it can be really lonely feeling like you're the only one dealing with these types of things. (51:15) But I wanted to come on and talk about them so that those listening don't feel quite so alone in their own journeys.
Scott Benner (51:23) Yeah.
Olivia (51:24) And so I hope that I can provide a little beacon of light to those who are listening.
Scott Benner (51:29) Brought a beacon to me, so I assume it's gonna come for everybody else too. (51:32) I really enjoyed this. (51:33) Thank you very, very much.
Olivia (51:35) I had a great time too, Scott, and thank you so much for having me on the show.
Scott Benner (51:38) I appreciate it. (51:39) And let people know you're very stuffy, and, you fought through it valiantly. (51:43) We appreciate that. (51:45) And I think it really added to your, like, Michigan accent. (51:48) I think it was kinda neat.
Olivia (51:50) You can tell that I have a Michigan accent.
Scott Benner (51:53) Yeah. (51:53) You can't.
Olivia (51:54) I I mean, it my voice just sounds like my voice, and I I mean, I guess at times, I might say something one way and think like, okay. (52:03) Yeah. (52:04) That sounds like a Detroit accent, but I I've never really thought, like, yeah. (52:08) I have a Michigan accent.
Scott Benner (52:10) Well, also, you you know, you know, you said your parents flew back to Michigan. (52:13) Also, you said that you used a Medtronic pump. (52:16) That's a very, upper, Midwest thing. (52:19) Medtronic's super seriously, Medtronic's huge, like Minnesota, Wisconsin, like, right up in there. (52:25) Think probably because the company's up there.
Scott Benner (52:27) And
Olivia (52:27) Yeah. (52:28) That makes sense.
Scott Benner (52:29) You do have a little bit of but it's neat because, like, I imagine that if I if you jump back on a a week from now and we spoke, I would think, oh, did was somebody pinching your nose while we were talking last time? (52:40) But you sound completely no one else will know. (52:42) If I hadn't brought it up, nobody would know.
Olivia (52:44) That's true. (52:44) Yeah.
Scott Benner (52:45) Yeah. (52:45) Yeah. (52:45) It's awesome. (52:46) You were really, really terrific. (52:47) Would you hold on a second for me?
Scott Benner (52:56) This episode of the Juice Box podcast was sponsored by US Med. (53:00) U s med dot com slash juice box or call (888) 721-1514. (53:07) Get started today with US Med. (53:10) Links in the show notes. (53:11) Links at juiceboxpodcast.com.
Scott Benner (53:16) Head now to tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox and check out today's sponsor, Tandem Diabetes Care. (53:23) I think you're gonna find exactly what you're looking for at that link, including a way to sign up and get started with the Tandem Mobi system. (53:33) The podcast episode that you just enjoyed was sponsored by Eversense CGM. (53:38) They make the Eversense three sixty five. (53:41) That thing lasts a whole year.
Scott Benner (53:42) One insertion? (53:44) Every year? (53:45) Come on. (53:46) You probably feel like I'm messing with you, but I'm not. (53:48) Ever since cgm.com/juicebox.
Scott Benner (53:57) Hey. (53:57) Thanks for listening all the way to the end. (53:59) I really appreciate your loyalty and listenership. (54:02) Thank you so much for listening. (54:03) I'll be back very soon with another episode of the Juice Box podcast.
Scott Benner (54:08) If you're looking for community around type one diabetes, check out the Juice Box podcast private Facebook group, juice box podcast, type one diabetes. (54:17) But everybody is welcome. (54:18) Type one, type two, gestational, loved ones, it doesn't matter to me. (54:23) If you're impacted by diabetes and you're looking for support, comfort, or community, check out Juice Box podcast, Type one Diabetes on Facebook. (54:32) Hey.
Scott Benner (54:33) I'm dropping in to tell you about a small change being made to the Juice Cruise twenty twenty six schedule. (54:38) This adjustment was made by Celebrity Cruise Lines, not by me. (54:41) Anyway, we're still going out on the Celebrity Beyond cruise ship, which is awesome. (54:45) Check out the walkthrough video at juiceboxpodcast.com/juicecruise. (54:50) The ship is awesome.
Scott Benner (54:52) Still a seven night cruise. (54:54) It still leaves out of Miami on June 21. (54:57) Actually, most of this is the same. (54:58) We leave Miami June 21, head to Coco Cay in The Bahamas, but then we're going to San Juan, Puerto Rico instead of Saint Thomas. (55:06) After that, Bastille, I think I'm saying that wrong.
Scott Benner (55:09) Saint Kitts And Nevis. (55:10) This place is gorgeous. (55:12) Google it. (55:13) I mean, you're probably gonna have to go to my link to get the correct spelling because my pronunciation is so bad. (55:17) But once you get the Saint Kitts and you Google it, you're gonna look and see a photo that says to you, oh, I wanna go there.
Scott Benner (55:24) Come meet other people living with type one diabetes from caregivers to children to adults. (55:30) Last year, we had a 100 people on our cruise, and it was fabulous. (55:35) You can see pictures to get at my link, juiceboxpodcast.com/juicecruise. (55:40) You can see those pictures from last year there. (55:42) The link also gives you an opportunity to register for the cruise or to contact Suzanne from Cruise Planners.
Scott Benner (55:48) She takes care of all the logistics. (55:50) I'm just excited that I might see you there. (55:52) It's a beautiful event for families, for singles, a wonderful opportunity to meet people, swap stories, make friendships, and learn. (56:02) Have a podcast? (56:03) Want it to sound fantastic?
Scott Benner (56:05) Wrongwayrecording.com.
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