#1545 Great, Stop, Fail

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Raylen shares her daughter’s diagnosis at age 2, lessons in resilience, and comic relief from viral video moments.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Friends, we're all back together for the next episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Welcome.

Raylyn 0:14
My name is Ray Lynn. I am the mother of a kiddo with type one

Scott Benner 0:19
if you or a loved one is newly diagnosed with type one diabetes and you're seeking a clear, practical perspective, check out the bold beginning series on the Juicebox Podcast. It's hosted by myself and Jenny Smith, an experienced diabetes educator with over 35 years of personal insight into type one our series cuts through the medical jargon and delivers straightforward answers to your most pressing questions, you'll gain insight from real patients and caregivers and find practical advice to help you confidently navigate life with type one. You can start your journey informed and empowered with the Juicebox Podcast, the bold beginning series and all of the collections in the Juicebox Podcast are available in your audio app and@juiceboxpodcast.com in the menu, nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan. Today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. This is the meter that my daughter has on her person right now. It is incredibly accurate, and waiting for you at contour. Next.com/juicebox the episode you're listening to is sponsored by us Med, US med.com/juicebox, or call 888-721-1514, you can get your diabetes testing supplies the same way we do from us med. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the twist a ID system powered by tide pool that features the twist loop algorithm, which you can target to a glucose level as low as 87 Learn more at twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Get precision insulin delivery with a target range that you choose at twist.com/juicebox. That's t, w, i, i s, t.com/juicebox.

Raylyn 2:22
My name is Raelynn. I am the mother of a kiddo with type one. Awesome. It's

Scott Benner 2:27
nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Raylan, you have a fairly comprehensive list of things that you wanted to talk about here. We might have to start our own podcast, oh my gosh, and talk weekly to get through this. But

Raylyn 2:41
I know, apparently, like, I thought about this for a while, so when, like, you asked for people, I started to be like, No. And I was like, yeah. And so I just, like, followed my impulse. But we could talk about whatever you want about, or we could talk about none of it. Yeah, you

Scott Benner 2:55
wrote a book. I don't think it would be. It's not polite to ignore it. Let's just get a couple of Yeah. Where do you want to start? Well, tell me about your kid first. Okay, so

Raylyn 3:04
my kiddo, she is five now. She was diagnosed about a month after her second birthday. We don't really celebrate the diversity thing in our house. Kudos to people who do. But yesterday was the three year anniversary of when she was diagnosed. So I think she's officially over the tipping point of, you know, having the majority of her life with type one, and it's just part of our day, you know? I mean, like, I don't even think as a parent, I remember a I remember her before type one, but it doesn't feel like there's a delineation, you know what I mean, and caring for it and not, you know, it's just part of our life,

Scott Benner 3:43
and you don't care about the the ticking of time. But when it suddenly turned into She's had it longer than she hasn't had it, it hit you, yeah,

Raylyn 3:51
yeah. I think it's just a realization, you

Scott Benner 3:55
know, yeah, no, I understand it. Did it make you feel any sort of way? Not

Raylyn 3:58
terribly this week, I think, you know, a few weeks ago, it hit me a little bit. It's hard to put into words, because I think I'm kind of mainly looking toward the future for her. So I think it was more of like just a momentary realization, like, Oh, wow. And then even asking her last night, I was like, we talked about the hospital a little bit, because ironically, the book she pulled out for bedtime last night was her Rufus, the bear book you get from the JDRF for free. Rufus, yeah. Rufus, do you know Rufus, yeah. But we hadn't really talked about it being three years or any passage of time. And so as I ran to her, I was like, Do you remember being in the hospital for this? And she was like, No. So you know she has, it's just part of her life, and I think that's maybe a little bit of a blessing for her, you know? I mean, listen,

Scott Benner 4:46
I've thought about this, how they say six ways from Sunday, right? You can find positives in any story, amen. And for this one, your positives are things like, maybe they don't remember stuff like that. Maybe it just feels. Is normal and like, so, you know, it doesn't happen. I could also tell you, my kid was diagnosed when she was two, and, you know, she's 20 now, and she's like, struggling with, like, a needle phobia. And that's insane to me, because we might have stabbed her 10,000 times in the first couple years of her life. And right, you know, in a time where you would think, like, I don't know, like, maybe you'd get used to it, or maybe you just forget about it, or maybe, but no, something for her doesn't work. Actually, last night, I don't know if this will even come to fruition or not, like I looked into hypnosis last night. Oh yeah, you know, maybe we can get her hypnotized and get her to not be as anxious about this, and maybe to be nicer too. Can I throw that in at the end? Can I be like, hey, while you're talking,

Raylyn 5:44
can you be more respectful and tell me how awesome I am as a parent? Yeah.

Scott Benner 5:48
Like, get rid of the needle phobia. And then on Thursdays, around 2pm have her just like, instinctually come up to me and go, I love you, Dad. You're doing a great job. You could also make the point of like, Oh, I was diagnosed when I was 15, at least. I got to grow up and I had a childhood without diabetes. Then someone else is going to say, Oh, my God. But at 15, I just got my period, two years before that, and I was going into high school, and that was horrible. And then, like, everybody can see the pros and cons of every age. I don't think there's a good age to be diagnosed with diabetes. No,

Raylyn 6:18
no, there's never an ideal time. But yeah, I think it's, I don't know. I think that's a pretty cool thing for us too. Like, yeah, just as humans like to just sit and try to figure out what the good is in it. And I think that's helpful for us too, because you could go down a rabbit hole and you could, like, not come up for air for five years, but

Scott Benner 6:34
it's up to you. You're writing your own narrative, whether you know it or not. So, right, right, right. I heard somebody saying the other day about, like, platitudes, that people say, you think of them as platitudes, and someone says it, and then once you've lived through it, you go, this is very true, right? Maybe it's not just the thing people say. Maybe it's so simple because it's so pure and true, you know, right? Anyway,

Raylyn 6:59
right? Yeah, absolutely. I think even, like, when my daughter was diagnosed like, this may have been a little bit of shock, but I just remember being, like, incredibly grateful that she was diagnosed like now, because I knew that, like, 100 years ago, like, we didn't have insulin. Why I knew that? I don't know why, but I just remember, like, you know, it was scary, and, you know, terrifying, and all of the things that happen when you get diagnosed and you don't know what to do, yeah, but at the same time just being like, Thank you, God that there's insulin. Like, thank you for this happening, like, right now, and not, you know, 100 years ago. Like, thank you that she's where she's at, yeah? And it helped, yeah,

Scott Benner 7:43
I completely agree. And then to kind of like, stretch out our thought a little farther, you go 20 years in the future and tell somebody, oh, my kid was diagnosed in 2022 with type one diabetes. Oh, you poor thing, like that, technology so much better now. Blah, blah. And by the way, somebody diagnosed in 1930 somebody said to him, Maya, you're lucky. 10 years ago, you'd have been dead, but we got this insulin now. And like, I think my point here is, no matter how people try to couch it in the moment, the world keeps getting better. Yeah, things progress, you know. And nobody looks up and says, I wish I was alive 150 years ago. Just

Raylyn 8:17
not, not if you know about what life was like 150 years ago,

Scott Benner 8:21
but someone's gonna say that 150 years from now, yeah, and they'll be right, just like you're right now for saying you didn't want to be in the old west and ride a horse while your chlamydia was fired up right to get the San Francisco Oregon

Raylyn 8:34
Trail. I don't want to do that. Like, did you play Oregon Trail? I don't

Scott Benner 8:38
know about it, Raelyn, but, like, how are you coming off older than me? And I don't think you are. I'm 45 Yeah, you're not older than me. You just sounded like you were 60 for a second. You're like, I played a game on the machine.

Raylyn 8:50
I think in my soul I might be 60. I'm also clutching warm tea and wearing a hoodie, so I think, I think it might be my soul.

Scott Benner 8:59
Well, that's okay. Let's ride it out. All right, yeah, daughter's diagnosed. She's had it now for three years. How are things going the brand new twist, insulin pump offers peace of mind with unmatched personalization and allows you to target a glucose level as low as 87 there are more reasons why you might be interested in checking out twist, but just in case that one got you twist.com/juicebox that's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. You can target glucose levels between 87 and 180 it's completely up to you. In addition to precision insulin delivery that's made possible by twist design, twist also offers you the ability to edit your carb entries even after you've bolused. This gives the twist loop algorithm the best information to make its decisions with, and the twist loop algorithm lives on the pump, so you don't have to stay next to your phone for it to do its job. Twist is coming very soon, so if you'd like to learn more or get on the way. List, go to twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Links in the show notes, links at Juicebox podcast.com. Diabetes comes with a lot of things to remember, so it's nice when someone takes something off of your plate. US med has done that for us. When it's time for art and supplies to be refreshed. We get an email rolls up and in your inbox says, Hi, Arden, this is your friendly reorder email from us. Med. You open up the email, it's a big button that says, Click here to reorder, and you're done. Finally, somebody taking away a responsibility instead of adding one us. Med has done that for us. An email arrives, we click on a link, and the next thing you know, your products are at the front door. That simple, us, med.com/juicebox, or call, 888-721-1514, I never have to wonder if Arden has enough supplies. I click on one link, I open up a box, I put the stuff in the drawer, and we're done. Us. Med carries everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGM like the libre three and the Dexcom g7 they accept Medicare nationwide over 800 private insurers, and all you have to do to get started is call 888721151. 888-721-1514, or go to my link, usmed.com/juicebox, using that number or my link helps to support the production of the Juicebox Podcast. I

Raylyn 11:33
think they're going pretty well. I feel like there's always things that I'm trying to do better, like we're pretty good at pre bolusing. We're wearing the Omnipod five and Dexcom g7 I think there's always things I want to do better. I think we get into a lot of hiccups just because she's five, and I try not to harass her too much before she's gonna eat. About how much of that are you gonna eat? A lot of times I'll go in gangbusters and Pre Bolus, or, like, you know, I don't know, fruit snacks, and then she decides she doesn't want to eat them all. And so I think, for me, just trying to walk that line with her, but I feel like we're in a rhythm like her a 1c was a little bit higher three months ago. It was in the sevens. We'd had a lot of Dexcom failure or pump failures that we just weren't addressing immediately. Like, you know, when your pump fails, and you kind of watch it slowly creep up, and you're kind of in that questioning of, like, Well, did I mess up a Bolus? Like, is this just a higher blood sugar, or is the pump failing? Like, I think some of those things we waited too long on in that three month period. This three months. We're just trying to be a little more vigilant, and on top of that, so now she's back down in the sixes. She's 6.7 Yeah, what

Scott Benner 12:48
you said was, when she has enough insulin, her a 1c, is lower,

Raylyn 12:51
amen, right, amen, right, right. And when you're monitoring it like you're supposed to, right? Yeah, I just think it, oh, go ahead. I was

Scott Benner 12:58
gonna tell you that's a tough part of when they get older, because that's the thing that, I mean, it's not just kids, but, like, you know, I've lately been using Erica as an example, who I record a lot of episodes with. And, you know, I was telling her one day about how, like, I wish Arden would just change her pump at, you know, at certain times, and she'll ride it to the last drop. And, yeah, I can see Erica while I'm talking to her, and I could see her face, like, crinkling it up. And I'm like, Oh, God, is that what you do? She goes, yeah. And I was like, oh, like, Okay, so that's a human thing, not a kid, yeah, right,

Raylyn 13:29
it is. And I think, like, just like trying to balance that, and then also just learning from it, and just doing better and just knowing that it's like, a big picture thing, you know? So three months, like, we did something that probably wasn't the best idea, you know, this next three months, like, let's try do better, and we just take it, like, a little bit at a time, you know, because, of course, you always have other things going on too, right? Like, I think sometimes too with type one, like, it kind of can become our whole world. But, like, I have three kids, and I have parents who are, I'm an only child, and one is in assisted living, and one is in long term care. So your parents, there's always, you know, yeah, like so many resources, a balancing of needs, like a balancing of being able to live a life, and just,

Scott Benner 14:13
well, yeah, we really you're looking, you're looking for a place where you can take your foot off the gas a little bit, yeah? And you tried one spot, and you went, Okay, apparently that wasn't the spot contour, next.com/juicebox that's the link you'll use to find out more about the contour, next gen blood glucose meter. When you get there, there's a little bit at the top. You can click right on blood glucose monitoring. I'll do it with you. Go to meters, click on any of the meters, I'll click on the Next Gen, and you're going to get more information. It's easy to use and highly accurate. Smart light provides a simple understanding of your blood glucose levels, and of course, with Second Chance sampling technology, you can save money with fewer wasted test strips. As if all that wasn't enough, the contour next gen also has a compatible app for. An easy way to share and see your blood glucose results. Contour, next.com/juicebox and if you scroll down at that link, you're going to see things like a Buy Now button. You could register your meter after you purchase it. Or what is this? Download a coupon. Oh, receive a free contour, next gen blood glucose meter. Do tell contour next.com/juicebox, head over there. Now get the same accurate and reliable meter that we

Raylyn 15:30
use. Yeah, that wasn't the one to do, but you'll

Scott Benner 15:33
find places to make time for yourself and energy and things like that. Listen, the truth is, you can't ignore diabetes a ton, like, it doesn't go well that way. And you will find yourself making adjustments throughout your life, and you're going to be pissed about some of them, like, you're going to give something away, and you're going to be like, oh, like, God, you know. Like, that is the thing I really enjoy doing on Saturday mornings, but I don't do that anymore. And right? That's because this is our reality now. But right? Amen, yeah, it just, in the end, everybody, to me, just feels like day three of the zombie apocalypse, while they're still running around with, like, their game boy in their bag. You know what? I mean? That's an old reference, too. Sorry. You know, like you're not going to need that anymore. Electricity is gone, and we're running from zombies. So why don't you put that down? Right? I want to point out, by the end of that TV show, those people were living up pretty living a pretty nice life in the zombie apocalypse.

Raylyn 16:24
I haven't dived into the zombie apocalypse too much because I feel like I've got enough to worry about. And I'm pretty sure if zombies come like I'm going to be the one of the first eaten, because I'm not fast.

Scott Benner 16:35
Oh my god, if you watch the zombie show, would you worry that zombies were actually going to come? I totally would,

Raylyn 16:40
and I would start, I would start thinking about what insulin I need to have on hand, and maybe I should start going to CrossFit so I can run faster.

Scott Benner 16:47
Just just die with pride, for God's sake. I feel like

Raylyn 16:51
that's really what I need to just plan for. Because, yeah, okay, I didn't make it very well through gym class. So yeah, the zombies and I'm not armed, so

Scott Benner 17:02
running through the woods being like, I should have tried to climb that rope for real. I really didn't put my effort into

Raylyn 17:10
it. Yeah, there would be no,

Scott Benner 17:12
yeah. I remember fat me walking up that rope, thinking, Is this a joke?

Raylyn 17:18
Oh yeah, gym class, please. I never made it to the top. We had to climb up different levels, and the top was like Superman, and I never made it. So, yeah, the zombies come like, I'm gonna be the person they throw in front so that everyone else can

Scott Benner 17:30
run. Do you think if we found a young person right now and told them that in a gymnasium, like with a high, high ceiling, there used to be a rope that was, maybe, I don't know, maybe four inches around, like, you know, like a putting my hands in front of me. You should see me putting my hands in front of me right now, I'm like, What am I doing? Right? A pretty thick rope that would hang literally from the ceiling. I don't think I'm joking to say maybe 80 feet off the ground. No, no exaggeration, with a three inch wrestling mat underneath of it. They'd tell you to get on that rope and climb it as high as you could. And some kids would go to the roof. Yeah, they weren't tethered to anything. There was no airbag underneath. They just let children climb to the roof on a rope. What a crazy world we lived in. What was the best game in gym class taking a ball and throwing it as hard as you could at other people's

Raylyn 18:21
heads. That was good for you. I was on the receiving end and trying not to cry.

Scott Benner 18:25
No, yeah, I understand, by the way, there's one place where I excelled. I was like, I can throw this ball very fast at your head.

Raylyn 18:32
I was like, just get me out of gym class and please give me a book in a dark corner.

Scott Benner 18:36
I'm just looking for those kids that got to the top of the rope. I'm like, I think I can give one of them a concussion. Also, you go 1978 I didn't know what a concussion was, and either did anybody else see, and you came out just fine. Well, that's arguable. All right, now let's, let's look at your list here. Yeah. All right, the man, you've got this broken down, okay? Number one, the ebb and flow of diabetes management. You said being vigilant about settings, hormones, growth changes, but still living life and not hyper fixating on it. I often think about the long game, taking care of your daughter's names here, but here, and also laying the groundwork for the future. So I feel like you covered that with what you said there. Like but are you hyper fixating on things, or are you just, are you so worried about the future that you're making up problems? Like, what is the difference? Yeah, I

Raylyn 19:26
think if I let myself, like, I could sit and watch numbers all day long on her CGM really, you know, but I don't. I purposely make myself not and just check in every once in a while. I think, too, like, for me, part of hyper fixating that is also like correlating, maybe a feeling where, like, if we have a higher blood sugar because I missed dosed, or maybe we ate something I wasn't aware of. And I think you can sit there, if you hyper fixate it, and think like, Oh, I've blown this whole thing. Like, this isn't gonna like, I'm she's gonna have x, y, and. See happen, instead of just, like, kind of putting it back in perspective and being like, Okay, well, this didn't work this time. And like, deal with it and move on. Like, in the beginning, I don't know if you have, like, a high blood sugar, and like, you correct it. And then sometimes, like, watch it, yeah,

Scott Benner 20:14
to see what it Yeah, we have to learn, yeah. Well, but once I learned how it worked, I stopped looking at it.

Raylyn 20:18
Yeah. So I feel like I'm somewhere in between, okay, trusting and still watching it and not trusting it. So

Scott Benner 20:27
that makes sense in these previous three months where you, like, took your foot off the accelerator a little bit. Was that you looking for a way not to hyper fixate, but then you went too far the other direction.

Raylyn 20:39
I don't really know what it was. I think part of it was just try not to interfere with life a ton. And when I say that, like, if I thought, like our CGM was clearly in that little where it says to give it three hours for signal loss. And you know it's not coming back on, but you keep hoping, because you want to get the most out of your sensor, instead of addressing it just being, like, well, let's just keep going about our day. Like, you keep playing instead of just changing it right away.

Scott Benner 21:07
So that makes sense, yeah? But I'm trying to get to the idea of, like, Were you looking for respite? Were you like, I'm trying to figure out, yeah. Like, because once it goes poorly the first time, like, how did you do it again? Like, how did you go? No, no, the last time we ignored a site that wasn't working anymore. But let's roll the dice on this one. I'm wondering if this is not a admonishment, right? I'm just, I'm really trying to pick through it. I'm wondering if you got like, Frog in the pot, happy, ooh. What does that mean? If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, it'll jump out. If you put a frog in a pot of cold water and slowly heat it up, it will sit there happily till it dies. Maybe, I wonder if that started happening to you were just like, Okay, well, she didn't die. I don't have to pay as close attention to this anymore. Like, this is more comfortable for me, even though it's not good, it's more comfortable.

Raylyn 21:57
I think sometimes it's more of just a hesitation, like, is this the right thing to do? Right? Is it the right thing to do? Is it really failing? Okay, thinking about, like, the supplies we have, and, like, making sure I'm not, like, running out too soon. And then also, site changes are a lot better as she's gotten older than they were. But also, like, she still doesn't like them. So, you know, like, I try to only poke when I need to poke. So if, like, the pump really is, if it really is just a bad Bolus and it's going to come back on, like, I don't want to give her an unnecessary, like, sight change, I agree

Scott Benner 22:35
completely with that, you know, yeah, also my kid who has, you know, been wearing this stuff since she was four, right? I saw her the other day 20 putting on a pod, and it went in, and she went, Yeah. It's like, gotcha. She's like, well, it got me. And I'm like, it isn't like, Oh, it got me. Haha. It's

Raylyn 22:54
like, that really hurt, god damn it. Yeah,

Scott Benner 22:57
you're right. Like, I would also tell you that I think the Omnipod assertion is fantastic, like, it just caught her in the wrong spot, you know. And Right, right? What are you gonna do? Like, but I so I take your point like you're you don't want to overreact. But by trying to figure out where that line was, you saw that there were times when it would not have been an overreaction,

Raylyn 23:17
right? And I think like doing too many of those, like sitting back for a minute accumulates over time. So just learning that, like, you're just gonna have to, like, do the site change and it's gonna hurt and it but it'll be fine because it's for the greater good. I don't Does that make sense? No,

Scott Benner 23:35
it does. Yeah. Again, I say a lot. I've been saying a lot in my real life lately, which probably means the people around me are probably sick of me by now, but I've been talking a lot to an acquaintance about finances, helping them with their finances, and I started saying this thing that I find myself saying here, which is, like, you have to attack this problem like an astronaut. You know, you get a stare back. And I was like, everything's trying to kill an astronaut, but what's trying to kill him right now? Yeah, that's the thing you do, right? Like, you can't look up and go, Oh my god, there are 17 things around me that all want me to die, that all are going to cause me a problem, right? I have to worry about all 17 of them. That's not it. Like you, the one that's in your face, right? Now, that's the one you take care of, right? Yeah. And then that becomes, like, if you, I don't know, for me, it kind of became normal, like you just, I don't think about the other things that aren't in front of me, right? Yeah, that's the I think that might be the key. Anyway, there you go. Let's go to the second thing here on your exhaustive list. Post do you is this, you are? You just, like, very well thought out when you say

Raylyn 24:38
I am and I well, I used to write more. So, yeah, this is like, where I can make sense of my thoughts. Yes.

Scott Benner 24:45
So post diagnosis phase, what you call the fourth newborn. I guess you're talking about diabetes there. Yeah, time in our house when I brought my daughter home from the hospital after a diagnosis, learning how to manage diabetes felt like having another newborn. My brain. Brain felt mushy, and it was incredibly hard to remember anything. I'm not sure if this is unique to me as a caregiver, but might be helpful to someone else to know about and you said it did get better for you, so I guess correlate that to an actual bringing home a new baby, like, what? What did it? Did it really follow along on a lot of similarities. It felt

Raylyn 25:20
like it to me. And I think everyone's experience is unique. So I don't know if other people experience when they this, when they bring home a new baby, it feels like everything is just, I mean, for lack of a better word, like your brain is kind of mushy. It's hard to keep things in, like you're there, but your brain is kind of somewhere else at the same time. So I mean, lack of sleep was very similar to having a newborn, right? The thing that happens when you have a kiddo, and at least with that, there's some preparation, but there's a definite sudden shift of how things go, like what your responsibilities are, and it's not a gentle entry, and you're just like, I think it takes a hot minute for your brain to catch up to that. So even, like, with diabetes, like, I remember, like, I don't know, we'd give her, like, peas as part of her lunch or something. And I remember, like, walking over to the bag, you know, you get the serving size out, and, you know, you write, like, I would have to write down that, like, a quarter cup is, I don't know, seven carbs or whatever, and I'd have to put it on a sticky note, like in front of me as I built the rest of her lunch,

Scott Benner 26:27
because you couldn't hold the seven in your head while you were doing it. Yeah,

Raylyn 26:30
in two seconds it would be gone. So yeah,

Scott Benner 26:34
I remember diagnosis feeling like, like I was tasked with fixing a computer during a hurricane, and while that was happening. Someone was explaining barometric pressure to me so I would know when the next hurricane would come and how to, like, move away, so that I could, like, you know, do a better job fixing my electronics where it wasn't raining, right? Why are all these words happening and, you know, like, how am I supposed to keep this thing dry while the storm is around me? Kind of I don't want to understand this storm. I just want it to stop, like that kind of stuff. Yeah, it sucks. It does get better. But, yeah, sure. Well, because your understanding builds Right, yeah, and things start working out better, you start feeling less stress sometimes. And then, you know, if you're lucky, it just gets better and better as time goes. I think that does work out that way for a great many people. I mean, I'm sure there are other people too who are knocked over by it and never get up again. I'm not saying otherwise, but you have an opportunity if you can get up every morning and just keep going and trying your hardest to learn from situations like you don't write down on a sticky note, what carbs are in anything anymore? No,

Raylyn 27:42
no, yeah, I can hold information in my brain again. So I

Scott Benner 27:46
see the correlation completely between like, you spent nine months making that baby, then you pushed it out. You're freaking exhausted. Your body's trying to recover from a major, you know, up from a thing that, by the way, used to kill women all the time, not that long,

Raylyn 27:58
right? Let's acknowledge that for a minute. Thank you. Yeah, no,

Scott Benner 28:01
of course. I mean, you guys were like, you know, a coin flip. Oh, I know you could even see, like, when you watch those old TV shows, and like, you know, in the old west, somebody gets pregnant, they're like, Oh, we're gonna have a baby. And then everyone's face does the same thing the next moment. Like, I mean, if, like, hopefully she'll live through this, right, right? But if not, there's a lady down the street I can get to watch these kids.

Raylyn 28:22
There's a new wife, a new wife down the street, in case this one doesn't make it. Guy

Scott Benner 28:26
down the street got gored by a bull. If mine goes, I'm going to scoop his up and it'll all be set. And if that's not how you think things used to work, they did right? Yeah, yeah, it sucks. I mean, you're asked to do a lot in the face of a lot. Yeah,

Raylyn 28:39
I think it does get better. You just have to, I don't know, give yourself Grace speaking of cliches, but and just kind of being patient with yourself and not panicking in the middle of it, you know, yeah, listen,

Scott Benner 28:50
I want to tell you that because of this podcast. I said that to somebody the other day, but I had to preface it with, I know I'm not religious, but listen to me, but listen to me on this one, like I said, religious people got a lot of right? Here's one of them. And I was like, this thing about offering grace to people, which is not really a religious thought, but you generally hear people who, you know, I assume, go to church that so, like, right? I don't know. I'm not there. I don't see that. I'm sleeping on Sunday, the way I think God intended, but that's fine. Why not make church at four?

Raylyn 29:25
They do have some churches at four. Oh, my God. Are you serious? They have some churches on Saturday nights. If you want to go, I believe Catholic and Saturday night. Yeah, I'm telling you.

Scott Benner 29:34
What is that in place of AA, you think, like, why would anybody go to church on Saturday night? I

Raylyn 29:38
don't know, but the world is your oyster if you want to explore. Scott, all right, well,

Scott Benner 29:41
I don't, but I appreciate, but I do think there's a ton of intelligence and value and compassion, and just sometimes you just have to just do that. Just give yourself some grace. Give it to somebody else, you know. Like, yeah, I think it just means just calm down and leave everybody alone for five seconds. Because this is. Hard, okay, amen, amen.

Raylyn 30:01
And I think just knowing that, even for other people, like, if I see someone walking around, like, of course, now I notice, like, if I see a kiddo with a Dexcom on or a pump, and just, I don't know, there's kind of like, for me, at least a silent acknowledgement of that person walking by, you know,

Scott Benner 30:18
yeah, we should get a Jeep wave for diabetes, going, ooh, like,

Raylyn 30:22
instead of the rubber duckies on people's dashboards,

Scott Benner 30:25
what could we do people's dashboards? I don't know about this. I have a friend

Raylyn 30:29
who owns a jeep. Apparently, it's this thing you're supposed to take a ducky, leave a ducky. I don't know. Oh,

Scott Benner 30:33
oh, I thought that was for swingers. What am I thinking of?

Raylyn 30:37
Maybe I'm wrong. I think that's the upside down pineapple.

Scott Benner 30:41
Oh, look at, look at how quickly you knew that. Raylan, interesting. I know, yeah, I'm a wealth of information. Well, or, you know, whatever Raelyn says, the community. One of the upsides of this disease has been the community. I meet people with type one. Almost everywhere I go, they always where were they always were there. Wait, were they always there? You said, oh, sorry, probably. But I also feel like, are you looking wrote this? What dork wrote? Are you looking at this list? Or

Raylyn 31:10
am I just thinking, I'm looking at the list? Just in case I got too nervous, yes, What a dork. I'm like, Am

Scott Benner 31:16
I doing such a great job of dragging this story out over that I'm getting it out of her in order, she's got to be reading this. I also feel like being a bit drawn together. I know it sounds kind of kooky. I've had two separate instances in the past year where I've been at the pool and there's another kiddo. One was eight, other was four, wearing a Dexcom and Omnipod. Okay, yeah. So do you find any online community, or do you are you having a lot of luck finding people in real life. I feel like

Raylyn 31:42
more in the wild, like it was really interesting. So as soon as my daughter was diagnosed, our next visit at the pediatrician, one of the nurses passed me a note from one of the other pas her daughter had actually just been diagnosed in two months prior, so she wanted me to have her phone number just in case. And then someone I went to high school with found me and and now, like, yeah, we'll be at like, the pool, which I don't live. I live in a decent sized city, and, yeah, literally, there's another kid there, maybe like 12 people in the pool. And I look and there's another kiddo walking into the pool with an Omnipod on, yeah, like the same age, and we were at the pool later in the summer, like a different pool, and I see an eight year old, you know, will be climbing at the rock climbing thing. And I see another kiddo, like, even at my daughter's preschool, you know, I had another mom come up to me because she saw my daughter's pod, and her six year old has type one, so I just notice it. And I think it's been cool to see people. It kind of helps, you know, because sometimes you can feel with any sort of, like chronic illness, pretty isolated, you know, just seeing people, yeah, it feels

Scott Benner 32:55
better to just have some sameness, like, just to look up and see yourself somewhere, right,

Raylyn 33:00
yeah. And I think too, to just know that like you're not you're not alone, like it can feel like it, like the online thing is great, but seeing people in everyday life, you know, like I had one of my other kiddos was recently diagnosed on the autism spectrum, and, like, ADHD and some other issues. And it's the funny part about it. Is my first question was, like, where's the community? Because, like, I feel like, with diabetes, like I know, to go to the Juicebox Podcast, like I know to look for people, like, there's visible things that I can see, to have some sort of like, let's sit down and have coffee and let's talk about how things are going. And, you know, other things that you're dealing with, like, it's not, I think the visibility is probably not great for the person who has type one, and I want to be sensitive to that, but I think there's a lot of community in it. That's really a nice thing. You know, yeah,

Scott Benner 33:53
you do live in a concentrated I know where you live. I'm not telling people, but yeah, you do live in a concentrated area. Yeah, yeah, because I did a little like Gazin does while you were talking just now. And yeah, you live in a place that has about as many people as live in the county that I live in, but, but my county may, but my county is 6463 square miles larger than yours, okay? And it's pretty busy here. So, yeah, yeah, that's, it's, it's something. Because I almost joked with you, like, Oh, I know you think you live somewhere big, but you don't. But, you know, yeah, we

Raylyn 34:31
have more than two wagons, yeah,

Scott Benner 34:32
with those big wheels, right? They get pulled with mules and stuff like that. You get around right now, I hear, right?

Raylyn 34:39
We've got, we've got the latest ones. They're thinking about doing something a little different, but yeah, you can sometimes take the cover off. Sometimes you can leave it

Scott Benner 34:47
on convertible. Yeah, yeah. I hope I haven't told this recently, but I was helping a person who's more newly diagnosed, and they were starting to like. Reach out and start telling people, like, you know what I mean? And then they suddenly found a person who's like, oh, that just happened to my son. And then they started chatting. And inside of the chat, like the person said, Oh, you got to check out the podcast. And the first person goes, Oh, actually, I know Scott. Like, isn't that crazy? That is wild. Yeah, yeah. Like a person I know whose kid is diagnosed out of nowhere, starts talking to a person in their life. We do not live anywhere near each other, and that person goes, oh, you know, definitely check out this Juicebox Podcast thing. That kind of stuff is, I don't know like I think that shows your point of that, even though you don't see people all the time with it, it's obviously more prevalent than you think it might be. Right? You know, you never know where you might find your your connections, right, right? That's awesome. You're doing pretty well. Well, do you want to go to the next one? Do you want to? Do you want

Raylyn 35:50
to read one? No, you. I'm just here to chat, so I feel like such a dork for sending this email. Now, though, What a dork. It's not.

Scott Benner 35:57
I'm still scrolling. I don't think it's going to stop. Yeah, like, it just goes on and on and on. I'm just kidding. No, I appreciate this. Like, listen, if that's how your brain works, then it's awesome, you know? Like, yeah, I don't know if you asked me to prep for one of these guys. As a matter of fact, I had to recently. I'm giving four talks on the like, me and about 100 listeners are going on a cruise together this summer. Yes, yes. And I'm giving four separate like, like talks, and the person, you know, it's coordinating the cruise, like I'm, and this is weird to feel like this, but like, I'm kind of the talent. Do you know what I mean? And so, like, I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm Sonny and Cher, someone else is booking the stage.

Raylyn 36:35
Oh, are you wearing the outfit too? Are you gonna dress like Sonny and Cher, hers or his? Which one were you? I don't know, you've got four talks. There's the opportunity is endless. I

Scott Benner 36:44
can go rhinestones at some point. That would be awesome. So, like, you know, the person says, Well, you know, we need topics for these four things. And in my mind, I'm like, Yeah, well, like, we'll talk about that, and, you know, and living with it, and people ask questions, and we'll go back and forth. She goes, I think it's going to want to be a little more, I don't know specific, like they might want to know what the talks about. And I was like, okay, so I sat down and I listen, you guys listen to the podcast. If you just blurted out five, like, random words. I think I could string them together and talk about them for like, 15 minutes, right? And I know how I feel about most things, diabetes and stuff I don't like, I don't have technical expertise on, I would open up to the group and we could have a chat. Like, I don't think I'd have any trouble having that conversation. But when you said to me, what are we going to speak about? I was like, I don't know. Like, I really like, I paused for days after I was asked for that information. And as crazy as it sounds like, I had to take old content of the podcast and look at it and say, like, Well, I think this would be valuable for people here. And like, you know, like, we should talk about this, but that should get coupled with this. I couldn't just like, what you did. I find like, that's awesome, like you just sat down and wrote your thoughts out. I If I sat down and said, I want to talk about diabetes, I would write. I want to talk about diabetes, then I would stop writing.

Raylyn 38:09
Well, can I ask you a question, please? Okay, so, but you wrote a book, right? So how did, how did that process work for you? I'm just curious. I guarantee

Scott Benner 38:19
you not the way other people write books, really. So you sit down and just like, let it flow. Yeah, wow. So here's what happened. I wrote a sidebar in a diabetes book for a person that I knew back then. I don't know them anymore, sadly, okay, and they asked me to write 1000 words on, I forget what it was on advocating for yourself at school, maybe, okay, and so I did. I wrote, you know, basically, I wrote an essay, I sent it to their publisher, which is what I was asked to do, and I never thought about it again. I know that that sounds strange, but like, I just, I never thought about again. So she asked me to do a thing. I did it for. That was the end of it, right? And like, six months later, I get an email back from this publisher, and they're like, how do you want to be attributed in the book? And I was like, I don't care. I literally responded back, because it doesn't matter to me, just put my name like, you don't want to put your blog there or anything. I'm like, I don't care. Like, I just didn't like, I really didn't care. So I think that got the person on the phone and was like, listen, we're not just gonna write this out and write Scott underneath of it. Then I was like, Okay, so tell me how you want this trip. Then I realized, Oh, my God, I was being difficult, and I wasn't. I was trying to be easy. I was trying to like, it doesn't matter to me. So we start talking, and she says to me, yours, I don't want to say what she said. Anyway, she really liked what I wrote. Okay, okay. And asked me if I would ever consider writing a book about diabetes. Wow. And I said, No, I wouldn't do that. And she said, why? And I said, No, it changes too often, and I'm still learning about it. Like, it feels weird to put something down as like a reference and then like, have it like. Like, two years later, like, not be accurate anymore, or, like, even if, like, what would happen if two years later, I woke up and I was like, Oh, I said it like this, but that's not the right way to say it. I should have said it this way. So I said, No, thank you. But being a go getter, which I think I might be, maybe, yeah, it's possible. And I said, I said, but I could write a book about being a stay at home dad. And she goes, Yeah, give me an outline. And I was like, okay, and it was a Friday. It was a Friday. And she said, Send me an outline on Monday. So I sat down in I don't want to lie, five minutes, and and wrote out what I thought would be chapter titles, like topics, uh huh, and I hammered them out real quickly. Looked at them. I was like, Yeah, that's right. And never looked at them again. I sat on them till Monday because I didn't want to just email them to her. 10 minutes after she asked me for them, because I thought that would look poorly, thought out, I sent them to her. She got back to me and she said, Okay. She goes, give me we're gonna need, I forget what she said, 60,000 70,000 words. You have to have this many of to us by this date. The book has to be completed by six months later, we'll give you $5,000 to write the manuscript. Nice. And I was like, okay,

Raylyn 41:20
sold.

Scott Benner 41:21
So I got off the phone with her. I was standing down the hall from where I'm at now on the phone with her. I paused from doing the laundry to talk to her on the phone, and then I called my wife, standing in the same exact spot, and I said, I just got a book deal. She goes, I'm never gonna forget this conversation. She goes, Can you write a book? And I said, and this is a quote, I don't know.

Raylyn 41:52
We're about to find out. We'll find out.

Scott Benner 41:54
I said, they're gonna give me $5,000 to write it. And she was like, What if you can't write it? And I said, we'll give him the $5,000 back. I love it, yeah. And she was like, what? I'm like, well, they'll give us a check. We'll deposit an account and leave it there, and if I fail miserably, I'll send them a check for $5,000 along with a note that says, whoops, I'm sorry that didn't work out, did it? That's awesome, I think in the current parlance, with dochi, it would be Oopsie. I made a whoopsie. And so I was like, so my wife, who's not wired like that, was like, you can't just say you're going to do something if you don't know how you're going to do it. And I was like, how am I going to figure out if I can do it if I don't try? And why the hell would I try unless somebody was giving me $5,000 let's get into it now. Meanwhile, $5,000 over six months, I've done better, like going up the street and, like, making fries for somebody,

Raylyn 42:50
right? But it sounds so attractive, but it's a thing

Scott Benner 42:53
that sounds, see, you're not wrong. Like, yeah, I'm published. Some people eat that with a spoon. Yeah, yeah. I don't think much of it, but like, like, the people, sometimes you tell people, like, oh, like, Oh, you didn't self publish a book. No, no. Like, a publisher paid me to write, oh, right, published off when asked for this, yeah. Like, what I did was I sat down, like it was a writing assignment every day, and I read the sentence that I wrote for the chapter title, and then I just free associated with it, so you kind of organized your thoughts a little bit. I mean, it took five minutes. So I don't know if we organized they were there.

Raylyn 43:28
I mean, this email took five minutes too, yeah.

Scott Benner 43:31
And then I hammered it all out. Yeah. At the very end, here's the thing that you don't tell people, okay, not really a reader. So I didn't know what people wanted in a book, or even how a book was supposed to be, so the book probably reads more like a like a bunch of blog posts put together, like, I don't even know, to be perfectly honest, I don't, I don't read people's blogs either. So So anyway, so I finished the I finished the whole thing, and I'm ready to hand it in. And I call them on the day it's due. And I said, Can I hold it for one more day? And she says, why? Like, and she started panicking, like, figuring, I was like, you know, like, not anywhere near done. I said, Well, it's done. I was like, but I want to read it out loud to myself. And she goes, Why?

Raylyn 44:19
She's like, we pay people to do that for you. Yeah.

Scott Benner 44:21
And I said, I want to hear what people are going to hear when they read it. Yeah? And she goes, take a whole week. And I was like, Oh, wow, thanks. I did not need a whole week. I got up the next morning, got the kids off to school, I sat at my desk, and I read it out loud, yeah. And as I was reading it, I thought, Oh, I don't like the way that sounds. And then I would make changes. And she was nice, yeah, she was nice to give me a week, because I did make a number of changes. I think I sent her off, like 75,000 words, nice. And the nicest thing I can say about good editing is that she sent me back 10,000 fewer words. And when I read it, for the life of me. I could not figure out what she took out of it. Yeah, it's really cool, actually. Yeah, then they published it and but they don't tell you about being a published author is that, if you're not famous, no one actually helps you sell the book, right, right, right. So I did my best to get on. I got on some television shows. I got on I did a lot of print stuff. I did an NPR interview once, which is cool, like, I drove into Philly and did an NPR interview in a radio station. It was really neat, yeah, stuff like that, like, three or four days into it, into the like, you know, the media stuff. The publisher called me back, and she goes, you're doing great in these interviews. And I was like, thank you. I said, I don't, I don't feel like I'm doing well. She goes, authors. She's like, writers can't talk usually, right? So she's like, so this is awesome. Like, you're doing great. Could you do me one favor? And I was like, Sure. She goes, Stop telling people you don't read. And I laughed. And I was like, you don't think that's going over. Well. She goes, I do not want to read a book from a person who doesn't read books. I was like, All right, I'll stop saying that. So I stopped saying that, and that was it, like, that's how I wrote a book. Like, I I'm glad I did it. It's at this point. Was like, Jesus, yeah. Like, 13 years ago I did that, right? Yeah, but I would never do it again.

Raylyn 46:18
I don't know. Never, say never. This is a much

Scott Benner 46:21
more

Raylyn 46:23
effective medium. Yeah, it really

Scott Benner 46:26
is. So, yeah, I could have wrote a book about diabetes, and guess what? It wouldn't have been nearly as good as, think, like a pancreas or pumping insulin or something like that, who are written by people who have a mind for, you know, writing, rewriting, researching, you know, like, that kind of, like, I just don't have a head for that. Like, this is what I think you have to mine out of it. What is valuable for you? Yeah, that's all,

Raylyn 46:50
I guess. What's cool about the podcast is, like, you find yourself picking up, like, little things here and there. So you may not be ready to, like, sit down and, like, fully. I mean, there's times when you come to it and you're ready to digest a lot of information, but for me, there's just times where I just kind of have it in the background and like, I'll pick up something, you know, yeah, and I feel like that's just little bites are good. So I

Scott Benner 47:12
interviewed a 24 year old girl yesterday who was maybe the most mature, thoughtful person I'd ever met in my life. And I've, I've interviewed a dozen people like that, you know, or more, where you just sit down and for their age, you just think, like, how did they gather up all of this perspective and thoughtfulness, you know? So quickly, she told me that she started listening to the podcast, and it made her angry that it was about pumping, and she was that she was MDI, right? And she said that one day, actually, she was from she wasn't from America, so I was gonna say she was walking around Walmart, but it wasn't Walmart. She said a store like Walmart. And then she said the name of the store, I don't know, and she said she was listening in the background, just listening to the podcast. And it suddenly just hit her that she could apply what I was saying to MDI, yeah, she said, out of nowhere, it just like, after listening for a while, and it mostly making her mad, right? Not enjoying it, but still listening. And I thought, like, Wow, that's crazy. Like, I got we, like, not weepy, like, you know what I mean, right? Yeah, not like, snow flaky, but I

Raylyn 48:20
was okay. It's okay if you cried, it's okay. It's okay to cry. So Raelynn,

Scott Benner 48:23
if you listen to the podcast, what you've learned is, is that I think when one tear comes out of my eye, I've welled up, but I've now been told by my daughter and by my wife that that's crying. And then I tried to go to a professional I went to Erica one time, and I pled my case, and she goes, Scott, that's crying. And I was like, I was like, I feel like I just get welled up. But she's like, Yeah, that's crying. And I'm like, I don't like the way you're putting it, by the way, I'll cry. I was having a difficult conversation with Arden two weeks ago, and in the middle of it, I was like, oh, hell. And I started to cry. I don't mind crying. I don't know if you've ever seen life as a house, it's not a very good movie, but it's about cancer. I the lights came up, and my wife's like, are you all right?

Raylyn 49:09
Oh God, my shirt not sound uplifting. My shirt

Scott Benner 49:13
was wet. I was like, everything's fine.

Raylyn 49:17
It's all fine, yeah,

Scott Benner 49:19
but, but, um, I so I don't mind crying. I just have a I don't know what to call it. I have a stance on crying, and I don't think like me, welling up is crying. Nevertheless, she tells me that she's walking around the store. She has this revelation, and now she's doing wonderfully. And what you don't know that you'll hear in that episode is that her father died at 50, probably complications from his type one, oh, wow. And that his father had type one and just somehow lived to 96 Oh, wow. And so, like, not really taking care of things, like the way you think of it now, but it just whatever worked out for him right then his son sees, oh, my dad doesn't really put a ton into this. And look at how old. He is, but then, boom, he's gone at 50. And now this girl, or is a couple years into her diabetes, and which path is she gonna take? Is she gonna take the like, I'll roll the dice and see what happens, and maybe I'll live the 96 or maybe I'll die when I'm 50, but I don't know how to help myself. And then this sounds grandiose, and I don't mean for it too. But then, like, she finds my podcast, yeah, and then fights against it, and then gives in and is now doing awesome. Did me deciding to make a podcast 11 years ago, five years before this 24 year old girl even had type one diabetes? Like, did I save her with that, right? You know what I mean? Like, could we all be doing something like that that might be valuable in the world? That just the thought that maybe she'll be better off because of something I thought to do made me well up,

Raylyn 50:52
right? I think it should. Because, like, I don't know. I kind of try to go about my life like, not consciously, but I do think, like, all of that stuff that's connected. Like, you can either look at the connections and just say that's completely random and like, disregard it, or you can, like, kind of lean into that and really think about, yeah, and just like, be comforted by it, by be like, uplifted by it. Or even just it kind of makes the things that you're dealing with in the day to day business of your life, and the decisions you're making, like, you know, you don't know who you talk to, how that's going to impact them, or a decision you make to start a podcast, like, I feel like it all is connected, and it's all being laid out in the groundwork, and I don't know that that gives me Hope. How

Scott Benner 51:40
insane is it that a person with absolutely no religious Holdings is probably living a life much more religious than most people

Raylyn 51:48
you know, you and I could talk for hours over coffee about that.

Scott Benner 51:52
I mean, listen, I've said it on here 1000 times like you give me 50 grand and tell me, Scott, you got to bet it one side of the other, there's an answer. We're gonna give it to you. God, no, God, I go, No, God, okay. I'm like, I'm like, That's my bet right now. I've also said if I should drop dead right now and my eyes open back up, and St Peter is standing there holding a book, and there's some gates behind him, I'm gonna start apologizing in circles. Yeah, I'm gonna be like, Listen, I don't know how you expected me to buy into this. Like, here's all the reasons why I couldn't.

Raylyn 52:22
He's gonna be But Scott, I whispered the idea of a podcast in your head. Oh,

Scott Benner 52:26
don't worry, I'm gonna do one's life. He's gonna go, dude, you've told the story on the podcast of the guy I

Raylyn 52:35
dropped I dropped you nuggets everywhere. Scott, you're

Scott Benner 52:39
using those stories like, like, I love the one about like, you know, I know the internet is so full now you can't see any of it, but back when it first started, there were a couple of things that were so awesome. One of them is a local news reporter squashing grapes with her feet at like, some fair, and it's on a raised platform, and it's a race to see who can get more juice out of the grapes. Like the person who, like, does it at the fair, or her, and she's just going back and forth. You know, she's a regular lady. Looks like she pushed a couple of kids out. Maybe it hasn't gone to Pilates in a while, but she's not, you know what I mean, like, and she's in there, like, with her, she's pumping her feet, squishing the grapes, and then she thinks she's funny, and she speeds up, hits the side of the bucket, slips, falls four feet to the ground, and makes a noise that I will never forget.

Raylyn 53:32
Can you link to that video in the show notes? Can you do that? Because I know, like I want to see it now. Okay,

Scott Benner 53:36
I'll figure out what it's called, for sure, and tell people, please do the noise. She goes, she goes, Oh, it's awesome. I feel bad for it, and if she ever hears us, I'm sorry, but your pain made me and millions of people laugh. So the internet, that's one of the things from the internet. Like, I'll never forget. I'll never forget that. I'll never forget if you live in Philadelphia, we had this wide receiver who dropped a lot of balls. There's a fire in Philly. Someone throws their kid out of a window. This dude, this fcking badass motherfucker, catches this kid, saves his life. The news asks him about it, and he says, I caught that baby, not like, what's his name? And he calls out the wide receiver, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Internet is awesome, is what I'm saying. Ah, people, if you don't love Philadelphia, after watching that guy do that, you're out of your mind. He saved a baby, and in his moment of glory, he decided to on a wide receiver drop some footballs. It's awesome. There's this great CNN interview of a guy whose house is about to be swept away by a flood, and he is standing at his property. He is just bereft, like it's happening right his house, it is gonna float away, and he is standing there and in the lower corner of this. Screen is a map of the area, and the map includes a line that shows you the flood plain, where they tell you not to build your house, and his house is on the wrong side of the line, and he had just gotten done talking about like, I built this house, and I'm like, did you not look at this map first? That reminds me of that story, of like, you know, I sent you a boat, I sent you a helicopter. I sent you like, it always makes me think about that. And I tell that damn story. Like, I tell the like, I know that story. I know the like, you know, a guy's down in a hole and he's struggling, and his friend comes by and says, Hey, what are you doing down that hole? And he says, I'm stuck down here, and I can't get out. And the friend jumps in the hole with him, and the guy goes, What are you doing, man? Like, now we're both stuck down here, and the guy that jumped in says, no, no, I've been down here before. I know the way out. Like, like, I love that stuff. Yeah, I still don't think there's a

Raylyn 55:51
guy I know. Time will tell man, time will tell I

Scott Benner 55:54
know, and I promise all of you who believe I will be the biggest hypocrite in that moment, I will just, I will start telling these stories about how I helped people and that it was hard for me to know, and I please. I need another chance. Don't you worry, I'll backpedal like a crazy person.

Raylyn 56:10
I think there might be a lot of backpedaling.

Scott Benner 56:14
Listen, at least I'm not purporting to be something I'm not right, right? I see a lot of people talking about religion online, and they don't say very godly things to each other. So right, right. Yeah, that's all. What else we got here on your list? But out took a weird turn. What was that? Because you asked me about the book.

Raylyn 56:29
I Yeah, we went down that rabbit hole for some reason, which I believe a rabbit hole is at the end of the email as well.

Scott Benner 56:35
So we're getting to it also. Let me tell you people something. At this point, 5 million people have started, or at least registered a podcast. Fewer than 80,000 of those 5 million podcasts do enough downloads to sell an ad. Okay? 86% of them still make what you would consider like, you know, money that you could probably collect on the street corner selling pencils, like, beforehand, like the ones that are actually able to be, I don't like the word monetize, but monetize because of the amount of people listen to it, are like 14% of, like, 80,000 Okay, I am one of those people, and I will tell you, it's because someone can ask me about the process of Writing a book, and 15 minutes later you're still entertained, and so you're welcome. I don't know where I got this from, but I want to remind my dead father that he said one day someone would slap me for my smart mouth, but you were wrong about that for sure. Anyway. Can you imagine if I was 10 and my dad's like, one day someone's gonna smack you across that smart mouth. And I was like, well, first of all, you've already done it a number of times, and you already beat him to it hasn't slowed anything down. But what if I was able to turn to Him, pull out a crystal ball and go, no, actually, I'll make a living with this smart mouth, like, look at this and help people at the same time. How crazy is that? You think that would have killed him right there?

Raylyn 57:58
I don't think it would have killed him. I think he might have smacked you again, because that's how that relationship works, right?

Scott Benner 58:07
The amount of times I was like, What am I going to say here? Do I pre Nah, I'll go for it. And, like, found myself dodging hands. I was like, Oh, why don't I do this? My mom later would be like, Why did you do that? And I'd say, Well, he was wrong. You're

Raylyn 58:26
like, I made it I made it out. And

Scott Benner 58:27
now that I'm an adult, there's nothing better than being told you're wrong by a 10 year old, that's for sure. I

Raylyn 58:32
know See, see it from the other side now too. You're like,

Scott Benner 58:35
Oh, I just thought I don't hit anybody when, when they're put out. I'm wrong. Amen, I stand there and I go, Oh God, I'm wrong. Yeah, right. Not only that, but this dipshit over here, they can't even, like, feed themselves, like, was able to figure it out,

Raylyn 58:49
right? Life is wild and humbling, isn't it? Do

Scott Benner 58:53
you like, how I told you before we started? Like, if you don't curse, I probably won't, but yet, you haven't cursed, and I've cursed. No,

Raylyn 58:58
I'm so proud of myself, because, yeah, I

Scott Benner 59:02
know where you're from. I know you want to curse with me, but you're just not. No,

Raylyn 59:05
I was, I didn't know who was going to come out today. Was it going to be like, funny? Raylan, anxious. Raylan, we be Raylan, like, curse like a sailor. Ray Lynn, so I'm just kind of along for the ride too. So you're

Scott Benner 59:15
doing awesome. Thanks. Advocating in healthcare settings. We've had an experience. Your daughter had her tonsils removed, we specifically asked to have it done at the hospital in case she needed glucose or fluids or whatever. We were put on the exact same floor of the hospital where she was diagnosed. Tell me more about the story. Yeah,

Raylyn 59:32
so this was pretty wild, so me thinking I was super prepared, and I knew it was going to happen, right? So we're, like, a year into having type one, she needs her tonsils out. I'm like, Can we do it in the hospital so that she can be monitored? Because I know she's at that point, she was my second kiddo to have the surgery. So I was like, I know she's not going to want to eat. I know it's going to be difficult, and I would rather be at a hospital immediately after surgery to make sure we're cool before I go home and have to figure this out. And it. Was like, night and day, because when she was diagnosed, you know, we had the diabetes educator come in. We had multiple people coming in and showing us how to use insulin. And overall, had, like, a really good hospital experience of them educating us, which I know is not the norm. They even had, like, this is the children's floor, like they had this playroom with all these toys and all these things going on. And so I come in a year later expecting to walk in with a pump and a CGM, and have to advocate a little bit, but also kind of expected, like, a base level of understanding. And there was, like none. It was like, felt like a completely different hospital. They still took good care of us and like, they let us have the CGM, they let me do everything with the pump. But the whole thing I said from the get go, was like, I'm really worried in case she goes low or Yeah, and like, she's not going to be ingesting anything. So that was the whole reason we were at the hospital. And I was very vocal about it, and then one night, she went low. And I have no idea why she went low. I don't know if, like, I dosed her wrong. I think it might have been because I probably still had her on automated mode, and I was kind of scared of manual at that point. With an Omnipod, she's like, going low. I buzzed the nurse. I'm like, Hey, I'm trying to give her, like, everything. I have ice cream, I have juice. Like, I'm trying to get her to eat anything because she's starting to trend low. I'm like, I gonna need some help. And she's like, okay, and she just kind of walks off, and I'm expecting her to, like, come back, like, we have the IV hooked up with fluids, you know, and hook in whatever she needs to and then she's, like, in the 40s, and like, Buzz. I'm like, You need to get, like, what's going on? Oh, you know. And they were just so, like, non understanding of the urgency. And I think looking back, there are things I could have done on my own. Like, my brain was so fixated on, I'm here, we have an IV. Like, this is the path to take. Like, I could have put a little something in her mouth, you know, and just handled it myself. But it was just interesting in the span of a year, the experience of, like, they didn't really even know what type one was, or how it worked, or the urgency of a blood sugar is 40. Like, in my mind, you should be like, running out there and calling someone and coming back in with

Scott Benner 1:02:18
a bag, you know. So first of all, was she okay? Like, can you look back? Yeah, she was

Raylyn 1:02:22
okay. I don't remember, slowly enough that by the time they finally did come in with something, it was okay. Or I don't remember if I finally got her to eat something. I don't remember that part of it, but I do remember sitting there and just, I mean, anytime there's like, a severe low blood sugar, like, in my mind, there are certain times where you know it's coming back up. And there's some times where you're kind of in a it's coming up slower than you'd like it. And so I kind of always Mentally take stock of, like, where's my glucagon at, you know, so that if I have to run, I know. So I actually, like, you know, had it in a hand and was ready. But

Scott Benner 1:02:53
what shocked you more? Did you feel like they didn't understand, or did you feel like they understood? But you were shocked by the kind of slowness of the response, like, looking back on it now, like, what was the part that got to you?

Raylyn 1:03:05
Yeah, I the lack of understanding. Because I think, you know, like, you have expectations that you don't realize you have. And I had an expectation, since we had been diagnosed at that hospital and stayed there for like three days, and they basically knew everything and helped. Yeah, yeah. I had an understanding, at least, like, a base knowledge, of, like, this is a low blood sugar and this is, like, an emergency situation if she can't eat, right? You know,

Scott Benner 1:03:30
it's been going over enough on the podcast, like, and we've had doctors on to talk about it and everything. And I don't know how to put it exactly, like, right? Somewhere between, they don't have a lot of experience with it, yeah? They also have a lot of type twos like that they see. So, like, you know, a low blood sugar with a type two who's not on insulin, like, probably doesn't make the same like, bells go off in people's heads, right? And then from there, they're so accustomed, like, you know, you don't want people in hospitals freaking out, right? Yeah? Like, a great nurse wouldn't be somebody who's like, Oh, my God, you were shot,

Raylyn 1:04:05
right? Which is why I'm not a nurse. I would be that person, yeah, I

Scott Benner 1:04:07
want someone working the steps, you know what I mean, like, right? And at the same time, what we wouldn't see, and I definitely wouldn't see it if I was in your situation, is that if your kid has a seizure, they'll do something about like, they always are thinking about it that way, like, well, like, we'll probably stop it. If we don't stop it, then we'll do this to stop it. I think they're just running through a checklist, right? They don't live with it mostly. So, like, you don't understand where all the fear is. And they're not accustomed, I'll tell you what else too, like to be a little, like, spicy here. They're not accustomed to you understanding what's happening, right? So you don't have opinions, right? If you were in there for a broken leg and your fever started going up, and you said, hey, my temperatures going up, they might know that it's like, you know, sepsis coming on, right? But you don't, they just go on. We'll get you some Tylenol. That'll be okay. And then you don't, you don't have opinions after that. So there. Also not accustomed to people having opinions. It's, it's a very complicated relationship, you know, when you're in a hospital, but the truth, in the end, the truth is, and I hate saying this, because I know it feels unfair. If you're going into a situation a doctor's office, in an emergent care in an emergency room in a hospital, you really do need to be an advocate for yourself, and that does mean paying attention far and wider than you expect, right? You have to be in charge, speaking up, staying, you know, on them like, you know, I've told people this story before, but, but my mom gets a cancer diagnosis, and the first doctor that sees her, she's older and she's got a big tumor, and he doesn't want to kill her, like, during surgery, so he just says, like, you know, we'll just manage, we basically, like, we'll manage her out. You know what? I mean, like, we'll make sure she doesn't feel any pain. She'll be out here in a couple of months. Blah, blah, blah. I mean, we were, you know, it's bigger, it feels bigger picture, but it's the same, it's the same conversation, right? I was standing outside, like staring, and my wife's like, what's wrong? And I was like, my mom's gonna die, and I think there's something I can do about it, and I don't know what to do, right? And I just stood there and just racked my brain. Like I was like, I don't know if, like, her things really operable or not. Like, maybe she is just gonna die two months from now. Like, maybe there's nothing that can be done about that. But I had this feeling in the back of my head, there was something about the way the doctor spoke to me that it wasn't as much about my mom, it was more about him. Yeah, and then I learned through a friend that the hospital the doctor works at scores his outcomes, and he needs his outcome, so if my mom dies during surgery, it hurts him, but if she just dies, it's okay. He doesn't touch it. And so I'm standing there, standing there in my backyard, staring, and it just occurs to me that my neighbor's kid became a doctor, and so I once helped him set up a television, and I texted him, and I was like, Hey, this is what's going on with my mom. And he said, Oh, I went to medical school with a girl who became an oncologist. And not just an oncologist, but like a, like a female reproductive oncologist. There's a name for it. It's alluding me at the moment, he goes, I'll text her. So he texted her and said, Hey, my neighbor's mom has this going on. And she said, I can get him her in to see my guy, like the guy she works for. That guy was just old enough and just cocky enough that he looked at my mom and said, Hey, you're gonna die in two months, but I can try to cut this out, and it might buy you more time. And then my mom lived, you know, a significant amount of time longer. Now I look back on that time that she lived, and the truth is, I'd have to start a new podcast and talk about it for 10 years to figure out if the year and a half for two years that she got was worth it, right, versus what she had to put into it, right? I wish she was here so I could ask her, right? But, but my point is, is that none of this happens without having the courage to, like, push back against somebody who I saw as being in a, you know, in a in a role of, like, I don't know, like a doctor. Like, how am I going to push back guys like an oncologist, he's got, he's a surgeon. He must know more than me, right? But I heard something in his voice, and I was like, I think this isn't really what he's telling me. Then I didn't have the nerve to do that. Then I had to go find people to help, and I didn't know who to ask, right? Like, my pathway to my mom's surgery is ridiculous. Yeah, you know, my neighbor's kid became a bone doctor. What is that

Raylyn 1:08:41
called? I can't think right now, bone Doctor sounds really good. Callie

Scott Benner 1:08:45
Torres on Grey's Anatomy is this, and for those of you listening and then, and he happens to have gone through med school with a girl who happens to be working for a guy who, like, you know what I mean, like and but I pushed and pushed and pushed, because that feeling inside of me of like, there's something we should be doing, and everything around me is telling me, No, shut up. But that can't be right. And I think you should apply that to your

Raylyn 1:09:12
diabetes. Yeah. I think it's important to listen to that feeling, yeah, no, for sure, like in all areas of life, but yeah,

Scott Benner 1:09:19
oh yeah. I mean, listen, we're talking about it like this, because it's a diabetes podcast, but you and I could get together and make a podcast about general health or about your kids education, or about getting a pothole filled in your town, or anything else. And the advice is the same, my mom's story about the cancer, it applies to all that stuff, right? You know, anyway, right? That's wild. I think your list is done. No, oh my gosh. What a list. What a list you did. Well, well, thank you. I was like, Yeah, today too. I just want to point that out, in case anybody else say it like, you know how my kid won't tell me I'm doing a good job. Like, this is, this is up to me. Like, I have to leave my own reviews for the. Podcast within the podcast.

Raylyn 1:10:00
Do you need to hear this? Scott, you did awesome today. Oh, raylin,

Scott Benner 1:10:04
you didn't have to say that.

Raylyn 1:10:09
Lovely. Thank you. You're like, you didn't have to. I'm blushing.

Scott Benner 1:10:14
Stop it. I'm getting warm.

Raylyn 1:10:17
Don't well up. Don't well up.

Scott Benner 1:10:19
Listen, I not for nothing, but for those of you listening again, this is a pretty popular podcast. A lot of people listen to it, I somehow weaved in so many different ideas that usually piss people off. But here you are at the end. You're not even mad at me. Even those of you who enjoy God are like, No, I like the guy. It's okay. That's my gift, right there.

Raylyn 1:10:39
That that's your gift, that's what you've been given. My wife used

Scott Benner 1:10:43
to say you could tell somebody their dog's dead and that you did it, and they'd thank you when it was over. Yeah. I was like, thank you. This was such a compliment. You're like, I think that's a compliment, and I'm gonna take it and run with it. I take it as a grand compliment. I think you should again, my favorite reviews are the ones who hate me. But listen to the podcast. There's

Raylyn 1:11:04
something. There something for everyone. Makes me so happy. I giggle

Scott Benner 1:11:07
inside. Although those of you who are hate listening, you make me the happiest, like I swear to I take so much like giggly joy inside thinking of a person who wakes up every day and goes, this guy's such an idiot, I gotta listen and see all the things you say and wrong. Like, I love that you don't know that every time you push play. I sell

Raylyn 1:11:29
that. But you just, you just told them, Don't let the secret out. It

Scott Benner 1:11:33
doesn't matter. It won't stop them. Okay? Yeah, they can't help it. It's awesome, by the way, you have a mental illness. You should speak to a therapist if you found me in my personal life and asked me what I do for a living, I would tell you, I have found a way to help people by doing something I like and I make a living at it. And in my wildest dreams, I never thought I would put those three things together and that any of you could do that you would be thrilled. I am truly, truly lucky. Like, like, sincerely, right, right, yeah, but if you just take away the help people part and the enjoy it part, and focus on the part where it pays bills for a second, it's hilarious that I pay my bills off of somebody who hates my literally doesn't like me at all, hates me, thinks the things I'm saying are ridiculous, that those people pushing play on their player pays my electric bill. It's insanely funny. I'm tickled by it in a way that is hard to put into words. Like, imagine, imagine, you know which one of your neighbors hates you, right? Raelynn, just think for a second. Oh, please. They all love me. Okay, well, the one that is joking, that person is sending you $20 a month. Isn't that great? That

Raylyn 1:12:48
would be amazing

Scott Benner 1:12:52
you're, by the way, I made up the $20 thing. I don't know how. I honestly don't know what I make per capita. I

Raylyn 1:12:58
don't know, but I'm waiting for my check now, and I'm gonna start being a lot meaner to people if it pays. Yeah, no

Scott Benner 1:13:02
kidding. Also, I'm not being mean. I'm just being myself. I actually think I'm pretty nice, but I'm from the northeast, so a lot of people probably don't see it that way, but I'm just saying I'm from a group of people who do you want to find the thing? Hold on a second. So wait. So first of all, I'm gonna get you the name of the grape smashing. Please do Rob, right now is like stop recording, you idiot. I have to edit this. Sorry, Rob. No, no, that's your so first of all, if you go to YouTube and type the word grape Okay, grape stomping lady falls comes up first, which gives me a ton, a ton of good feelings about the world. Okay, right? Grape stomping. Lady falls. Grape lady falls, original. Grape lady falls, 20 million views, 6 million views. I'm gonna go with grape lady falls, 17 years ago, 20 million views. Okay. Now hold on, okay. Can you hear this? These

Speaker 1 1:13:59
are filled with chambers. Yeah, I can hear it. And the winner this Saturday,

Scott Benner 1:14:05
none of this is important. She's telling her about the grapes. There's grapes in a bucket. All right. Now they're stepping in. Here comes the race. Ready? All

Speaker 1 1:14:13
right, ready? Give us a 32nd time. Here we go. So what's the deal here? There's a contest to stump. And how are you measuring who does the best dumping and whoever stomps the most juice wins an overnight stay. But it's not the only thing you can do. The measuring cups are down below, right? Measuring cups are down below, all right? And if you if you win, you have to say a shout to Ilan. And what else do you have going on here? Well, great. Something is what you're saying. You can come and spend the day listening to live music, eating international foods, having wine tours and taste okay?

Scott Benner 1:14:42
She's explaining the giveaway, right? And and she's about to, like, speed up to try to win

Speaker 1 1:14:49
tasting, vineyard tours, seminars, arts and crafts. It's a lot of fun a whole day, stop. Oh.

Speaker 2 1:15:07
Oh no,

Raylyn 1:15:14
oh no. Oh dear

Scott Benner 1:15:17
lady come back to the studio and the two empty heads in the studio. Oh, no. Oh, dear. I hope she's okay. She's not okay. She was begging pain to stop. Oh, she hits the earth. She goes, Oh, stop, stop. God. Anyway, I find that hilarious. Oh, gosh, that. And then hold on, one second fire, let's see. How do we do this? Philadelphia? Man, catches. Kid, eagles. Player, let's see if that gets us to it. There's no way that does. Oh, yeah, here it is. Philly fire. Witness, goes viral for shading. Eagles. Player, Nelson Aguilar, it's awesome.

Raylyn 1:15:58
Shade people will do over football. Okay, that point,

Speaker 3 1:16:01
that's when I started hearing the fire trucks coming down the street, things like in the far off distance or whatever, like that. Smoke started getting worse. Then I seen a guy hanging out the window, you know, screaming that his kids was in there and things like that. So I ran to the back door see if it was open. And it was. I ran upstairs, and then I was breathing with smoke. I ran back downstairs. By that time, the ladder truck was pulling up, and ironically, being my, one of my ex, my old co workers, took the ladder off, the off the truck, raised it up and assisting people down. My man just start throwing babies out the window. We was catching them, unlike Aguilar and his mishaps. I like to put that out there, unlike

Scott Benner 1:16:38
Aguilar, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. The best thing anyway, move to Philadelphia, and he's like, we're catching a man is throwing babies out of this building, and we're catching them. Pause, unlike Aguilar, the middle of the night, there's fire trucks everywhere. These people have been catching babies thrown out on Windows. And he's like, let me just point out, I really think the Eagles need a better receiver, the football, the football. Oh, it's awesome. Anyway, sorry, Rob, put all that together. Make it, make it so people can hear it. And Rob, if, if nobody can hear it, tell me, can we steal the audio from the internet and put it on so people can hear it better? Is that legal? I don't know. You guys can look it up. Don't be so lazy. Anything you want to say that you haven't said that we should finish on. No

Raylyn 1:17:25
man, I think, I think I'm good, awesome. Hold on. Thank you for having me on. Are you kidding me? You're delightful. I hear that a lot. Do you REALLY No, I

Scott Benner 1:17:35
don't know you do if you don't do people like you sometimes, yeah, I don't care if people like me, yeah, I know, right. I care that's a problem. Do you really? Yeah, okay, the burden. Okay, hold on a second.

A huge thanks to us met for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast, don't forget us. Med.com/juicebox, this is where we get our diabetes supplies from. You can as well use the link or call 888-721-1514, use the link or call the number get your free benefits check so that you can start getting your diabetes supplies the way we do from us. Med, I'd like to thank the blood glucose meter that my daughter carries, the contour next gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at contour, next.com/juicebox and don't forget, you may be paying more through your insurance right now, for the meter you have, then you would pay for the contour next gen in cash. There are links in the show notes of the audio app you're listening in right now, and links at Juicebox podcast.com to contour and all of the sponsors. The episode you just enjoyed was sponsored by the twist a ID system powered by tide pool. If you want a commercially available insulin pump with twist loop that offers unmatched personalization and precision for peace of mind. You want twist, twist.com/juicebox, thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. If you're not already subscribed or following the podcast in your favorite audio app, like Spotify or Apple podcasts, please do that now. Seriously, just to hit follow or subscribe will really help the show. If you go a little further in Apple podcasts and set it up so that it downloads all new episodes, I'll be your best friend, and if you leave a five star review, ooh, I'll probably send you a Christmas card. Would you like a Christmas card?

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#1544 After Dark: Eating Disorder

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.

Jodie opens up about T1D, disordered eating, past trauma, and the strange way Scott's book quietly entered her life.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome back to another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.

Jody 0:15
I'm Jody. I am 41 years old. I live in the Minneapolis area, and I was diagnosed with type one in 2018

Scott Benner 0:26
if you're living with type one diabetes, the after dark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about, from drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction and so much more. Go to Juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and click on after dark there, you'll see a full list of all of the after dark episodes. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. A huge thanks to my longest sponsor, Omnipod. Check out the Omnipod five now with my link, omnipod.com/juicebox you may be eligible for a free starter kit, a free Omnipod five starter kit at my link, go check it out. Omnipod.com/juice box. Terms and Conditions apply. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox this episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by us Med, US med.com/juice box, or call 888-721-1514, get your supplies the same way we do from us. Med,

Jody 1:48
I'm Jody. I am 41 years old. I live in the Minneapolis area, and I was diagnosed with type one in 2018

Scott Benner 1:58
Alright, Jody, we're going to start very strong for me here today, because in the preamble before you were being recorded, when I tell people, like, what they can say, you know, like, you know, don't say people's names unless you're really comfortable with it. You know, try not to give away your geography. I randomly picked Minnesota.

Jody 2:13
I know I was wondering if you just knew I was there. And then before I was recording this morning, I was like, Oh, I wonder if he's gonna know I'm from Minnesota, or everybody will be able to tell from my voice. I don't know if I have a strong accent.

Scott Benner 2:26
Well, apparently my internal monolog knows already, which I don't have an internal monolog my brain knows because I Minnesota is not my go to state for, no offense to Minnesota, it's not my go to state for anything, right? Your football team wears purple. It's cold. There's a lot to go against you. You know,

Jody 2:41
they never win any sports championships or anything. Yeah, no, no,

Scott Benner 2:45
right? I mean, weren't the North Stars good 25 years ago for five seconds?

Jody 2:49
Yeah? Yep. We all love them. Then they leave. Then, yeah. And you know what? The Lakers left too. We used to have the Lakers and yeah, now we're the Timberwolves.

Scott Benner 2:57
Well, if it was like 70 degrees warmer there in the winter people might stay,

Jody 3:01
Yeah, seriously, it gets pretty brutal for a while. No

Scott Benner 3:05
kidding. Are you from there? Like, born and bred? Yep. I

Jody 3:08
grew up in, like, rural Minnesota, about 50 minutes from where I am now, but I escaped there Twin City

Scott Benner 3:15
area. Did you tell me you were 41 did I hear that? Yep, okay, just turned 41 Oh, happy birthday. Thank you, yeah. How old were you when you were diagnosed? So

Jody 3:25
I was diagnosed a week before my birthday, and that was two days, 2018 so you're good at math. Am

Scott Benner 3:33
I seven years ago? Yeah, okay, seven years ago. So that would have made you Oh, geez, 34

Jody 3:40
Yeah, that sounds right, because my son, I have a son, he's almost 10, and he was pretty young when I got diagnosed, three, four, somewhere around there, okay,

Scott Benner 3:48
and the big part of your story, do you feel like happens before your diagnosis?

Jody 3:53
Yeah, a lot of it and it the diagnosis made things pretty complicated. Okay, so

Scott Benner 4:00
tell people what you were struggling with prior to that and when that started, and how long it had been going on.

Jody 4:07
So when I was about 17 or 18 years old, I went on this diet that, you know, my mom won't listen to this because she doesn't know anything about technology, but she told me that when her friends were in high school, they did this apple diet, where they would eat normal and they'd eat an apple for lunch. And so one of my friends and I, we decided to try it just for, you know, kicks. And so nothing really came of that, until I saw myself in pictures from prom, and I noticed that I lost weight, and I liked how it looked. So from there, I started restricting my intake, and I got to a pretty low weight. It didn't take very long, though, until that turned into binging and purging. That was pretty quick.

Scott Benner 4:51
Give me an idea of your like, I'm looking at a photo of you. Are you five? Four ish, oh no, I'm about five eight yo. You're. Tall. Where was your weight in high school? I probably, I

Jody 5:03
know on my, you know, actually, I didn't really weigh myself in high school unless I went to the doctor. We always had a scale at my my parents house, and I know I stepped on it, but I have no idea what my weight was, whereas now I could tell you what my weight was to the 10th, you know, on any given day. So it

Scott Benner 5:20
was just visual for you, like you guys did the apple thing, and then you see a photo, and you say, Oh, I'm it's weird for people to think that you didn't have a lot of photos of yourself when you were younger. But I

Jody 5:29
know, yeah, but, but I do know on my when I turned 18, my driver's license said 135 oh, okay, so I kind of have an idea.

Scott Benner 5:38
And in five eight, that's, I mean, pretty normal, I think so, yeah,

Jody 5:42
I was in sports, so I had a lot of muscle, and I, you know, yeah,

Scott Benner 5:46
so, so in your mind, looking back like you, you didn't have fat to lose in high school.

Jody 5:51
No, no, I say, All right, I had a good I had a good booty, but that's about it, congratulations.

Scott Benner 5:56
Okay, so all this happens. You see the photo, you like it you start, you're restricting your food. How long do you think? Is it months or years, like the binging and the purging to start? So

Jody 6:08
I know that that summer I started restricting to about, you know, 700 calories a day, and then I went to college did this is also when a lot of my alcohol abuse came into play. When I was in my small town. I didn't notice it much, because everyone did it there. We went to bonfires and we partied in fields, and, you know, the cops would come and we'd run and hide in fields, and it was just normal there, yeah, and when I went to college, then it really started more towards Thursday, Friday, Saturday, so it still felt kind of normal. I was blacking out things like that, and the alcohol led me to, you know, I was starving, so I'd come home with my friends at whatever time in the morning, and we'd eat, and I would feel really guilty about that. So I didn't gain weight from that, because then I wouldn't eat till dinner the next day. And then it was over Christmas break, and that I remember the exact time I was standing in my kitchen at my parents house. Nobody was home except my older sister and I, and she caught me. Well, not caught me. She didn't look it that way. I felt caught eating cheddar and sour cream ruffles, and so then I went downstairs, I purged. I drove to go pick up my little sister from dance, and I remember just thinking, that's the solution. Oh, wow,

Scott Benner 7:26
so is the chain of events that you're eating the chips and you don't want to be because you're a person who's restricting their calories so much. Yep, someone sees you doing it, and then that lights up the part of you that you felt guilt like about getting caught, right? And so you would not have purged had somebody not seen you. Do you think that's right?

Jody 7:46
I think that's right. I really don't think I would have okay. Is that a thing

Scott Benner 7:50
you had ever thought of before? Or was it an in the moment, like, I'll just go throw this up. It

Jody 7:54
was really in the moment. Because, you know, I didn't know of eating disorders in high school. I grew up in a small town, nobody, you know, I didn't really know anything about it, so it was all self LED. And the ironic thing is, my sister is only a year older than me. We're best friends. She would never judge me. Yeah,

Scott Benner 8:12
you know, I understand like she didn't actually put that on you. It's the feeling you got just because another person saw you. Yep, wow. Okay, so then, as you're driving to pick up your other sister, it occurs to you I could eat as much as I want and just get rid of it.

Jody 8:27
Yep, oh gosh. How old are you there? I am still 18, because I was on I was at home from my first college winter break. Okay,

Scott Benner 8:36
if you could take a pause for that for a second, can you talk a little more about the drinking culture, yeah, is it everywhere? So,

Jody 8:43
you know, the weird thing is, is, when I went to college, I realized my friends didn't drink a lot like that. And I went to school in Wisconsin, which is a huge drinking state, but I went in La Crosse, which is really close to Minnesota. And, you know, I just realized, like a lot of my friends, they were in extracurriculars, they were in all these clubs where I was in sports. And the ironic thing is, the athletic people were kind of the popular people, but we partied all weekend. You know, people, it was so normal to just get in the car and drive home, because you're in a small town, that's what you did. And all the parents knew about it. You know, it was just kind of hush hush our one time we got busted during volleyball season, and all our coach said was, don't do it. I don't want to hear about it.

Scott Benner 9:29
Yeah? So drinking and driving, absolutely okay, yep, getting obliterated, passing out, all good, as long as you can knock the ball back over the net when we're playing next time. Yeah. I

Jody 9:40
mean, there was a lot of DUIs. I actually had two, and that's what kind of led me to realize this is a problem. My first one, I was coming home from college to go to treatment for my eating disorder, and I, you know, I drank a bunch of vodka on the way home, and I got pulled over, actually, in my hometown, and I blew the preliminary breathalyzer. Was point two, five. Gosh, wow. So, yeah, I did deal with a lot of that. And then Jody, stop

Scott Benner 10:04
for a second. Give me a picture. Here, you have a fifth of vodka in your hand and you're driving home. I cannot

Jody 10:10
remember. I believe, yes, it was in my car, and I don't know if I transferred it to, you know, maybe another container,

Scott Benner 10:17
perhaps, but, yeah, but this seemed I understand. You're a young person driving to go to an eating disorder clinic, which is probably, I'm assuming, incredibly stressful and, you know, but do you remember what you were trying to do with the drinking like, Were you trying to get rid of a feeling go away in your head? Like, yeah,

Jody 10:36
I recognize now that it was the, you know, I had a lot of anxiety that still then, especially in a rural town, it wasn't talked about depression, wasn't talked about anxiety, wasn't talked about trauma, wasn't talked about and I think now looking back, it was the only way I could turn off the physical and mental feelings of anxiety and Depression, right? What kind of trauma? You know, I was in treatment for my eating disorder many times, and I didn't know what was wrong. I was like nothing happened to me. But now, since I've been doing, you know, trauma work and seeing a therapist weekly, it was, you've heard of it, attachment wounds, where I have no memories of my mom. I don't know where she was, there was no connection, and there was a lot of shame at my house. And my grandpa was my best friend, and I was only in third grade when he passed. But I think that was the trigger. And, you know, he was my person, so I really think that was the trigger, and then feeling like I never had a mom.

Scott Benner 11:39
Your mom worked a lot or no,

Jody 11:42
no. See, the odd thing is, she was a stay at home mom.

Scott Benner 11:44
So was she detached, like emotionally, from you or I think so

Jody 11:49
it pretty sure I was not planned, because she got pregnant when my sister was six months, seven months old, yeah, and so I don't think I was planned. It really changed her life. She talked to my older sister about how she was just trapped in the house, couldn't do anything, she had no friends, and I think I was the problem where I really wasn't the problem. I understand she had her own issues, but I think I was the problem so I got a lot taken out on me. Do you think

Scott Benner 12:14
she was angry at you, or do you think she was just like she separated herself emotionally?

Jody 12:19
I think she was angry. I think she was mad that I kind of changed the trajectory of her life.

Scott Benner 12:24
And I know people this has happened to I'm sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Okay, so you, for whatever reason, you feel like you were an anxious person, very

Jody 12:34
Yeah, and a lot of feelings. And you know, my son's the same way, and now we talk about it, and I tell him it's okay. And when he's having big feelings, I sit by him and just let him feel him, and then we talk about him and how, you know, I really admire him because he feels a lot and talks to me about it, and I couldn't do that when I was younger.

Scott Benner 12:53
Yeah. So the drinking is to kind of quell those feelings. But how do you like look back in hindsight on the eating disorder. What do you think that was a response to this episode is brought to you by Omnipod. Would you ever buy a car without test driving it first? That's a big risk to take on a pretty large investment. You wouldn't do that, right? So why would you do it? When it comes to choosing an insulin pump. Most pumps come with a four year lock in period through the DME channel, and you don't even get to try it first. But not Omnipod five. Omnipod five is available exclusively through the pharmacy, which means it doesn't come with a typical four year DME lock in period. Plus you can get started with a free 30 day trial to be sure it's the right choice for you or your family. My daughter has been wearing an Omnipod every day for 17 years. Are you ready to give Omnipod five a try? Request your free Starter Kit today at my link, omnipod.com/juicebox, Terms and Conditions apply. Eligibility may vary. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox find my link in the show notes of this podcast player, or at Juicebox podcast.com I used to hate ordering my daughter's diabetes supplies. I never had a good experience, and it was frustrating. But it hasn't been that way for a while, actually, for about three years now, because that's how long we've been using us med. Us med.com/juicebox, or call 888-721-1514, US med is the number one distributor for FreeStyle Libre systems nationwide. They are the number one specialty distributor for Omnipod, the number one fastest growing tandem distributor nationwide, the number one rated distributor in Dexcom customer satisfaction surveys. They have served over 1 million people with diabetes since 1996 and they always provide 90 days worth of supplies and fast and free shipping. You. US med carries everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGM like the libre three and Dexcom g7 they accept Medicare nationwide and over 800 private insurers find out why. US med has an A plus rating with a better business bureau at usmed.com/juicebox, or just call them at 888-721-1514, get started right now, and you'll be getting your supplies the same way we do.

Jody 15:33
Okay, so now I'm able to see that is because it's still active. I'm in a lot of therapy. I'm making strides, but I think the restricting makes me feel, let's see, probably safer. You know, it doesn't make you safer, but I feel safer. I don't have to feel feelings. I can focus on that, because I know when I eat a little bit more than I want, I just almost panic, and there's a lot of shame, and I don't know what to do, and my head starts spinning. The binging, I think, silences everything, like, just makes me numb. And then the purging, I think, releases all these feelings, like, it just gets them all

Scott Benner 16:11
out. Okay, wow. How long did it take you to figure that out?

Jody 16:15
You know, I had therapists over the years, and now I really have, like, my dream team. They're solid, and I trust them all. And I think really, it started during COVID Because I was furloughed. I took a furlough because I actually made more money. I was in child care at the time, and I started doing more therapy just over zoom. And I think that's when it really I started putting it together

Scott Benner 16:35
five years ago, maybe, yeah, okay. And so prior to that, you were, you lived like this for 20 years. Maybe? Yeah, I was just

Jody 16:43
like, I don't know what's wrong with me. What do I do? This is just a control thing. I need to just figure this out. Oh,

Scott Benner 16:48
you just thought you had to figure out how to stop yourself from doing it. Yeah, I see the process, the binging and the purging that process. Do you think it did it give you, like, something to do, like a hot like, I don't want to call it a hobby, but like the enemy, did it give you a focus? Give you a focus? Like another thing you don't need to distract yourself? Yeah, I noticed

Jody 17:06
I'm a very busy person. I have trouble sitting still. That was how my mom was. I still go home, and I feel very anxious around her. She's always kind of hovering. And when we were younger, you know, we'd go to volleyball practice for five hours in the summer before the season started, and we'd get home and my mom would be like, Why are you guys sitting on the couch? I'll give you something to do. So I'm pretty busy. And I realized when all my things are done and I have nothing to do, I don't know how to just be. I don't know how to sit and watch a show. I don't know how to do a puzzle. I don't know, you know how to just be at my house, yeah? And so I think, and that's, you know, I think that's what it was

Scott Benner 17:47
talking to me more. She was always hovering. What does that mean? Yeah,

Jody 17:51
it was so our couch, our back was to the kitchen, and she was always in the kitchen doing stuff. Who knows what she was doing. But it just always felt like she was there and watching and shaming us. And you know, if there was something sticky on the cupboard, she wouldn't wipe it up, or say, Hey, can someone come wipe this up? Who was ever in the kitchen? She would be like, well, the kitchen is sticky, and nobody ever cleans up after themselves, and they just expect me to. And, you know, so it's always just, that's how she communicated.

Scott Benner 18:18
Okay, I've had those thoughts. I just want to say, Yeah,

Jody 18:22
I know same. And you have to take a deep breath and try not to say him, my son is a disaster.

Scott Benner 18:29
How many kids do you have? Just one? Just one. Okay. Are you married? Not married? No,

Jody 18:34
I'm single. His dad and I actually split up when I when he was about three months old, and that was for the better. We co parent much better. We were together for four years, and we weren't happy. So I actually didn't find out I was pregnant till 21 weeks, but I took pregnancy tests and I was on birth control, so that's really strange. You

Scott Benner 18:56
were over five months pregnant when you found out you were pregnant, yeah, and

Jody 19:00
you know, I was sick at the time with my eating disorder, and so that, you know, that was shock. But when they said, you're about 21 weeks, I knew exactly the date in August when we made him and it was, you know, so it was like I knew, or no, it was July. I knew exactly when it happened. That's how infrequent we are. Intimate. I see

Scott Benner 19:22
okay, yep, lots of fun, yep. What does being in the middle of an active eating disorder due to a pregnancy

Jody 19:29
I was actually I had been in treatment, and I was discharged, and my team, they really acted quick, and they put me inpatient because I was still active in my eating disorder, not as bad, but still struggling. And I was put in patient. They let me discharge and see how I did, and I did not do well. So then the last two months of my pregnancy, I think I yeah, probably two months I was inpatient and then residential, just to keep me safe, because I didn't have much time to plan and wrap my head around this.

Scott Benner 19:59
Yes, oh no, obviously. But I'm saying like, for nutrition and for the baby and for you, like, how do you manage that? It was

Jody 20:06
tough. Inpatient definitely helped. I went on vacation when I was pregnant, and I remember tracking and eating 1200 calories a day, and I really thought that these people were trying to make me fat, like they would add supplements like ensure plus and things like that, because I didn't have diabetes at the time. And I was just like, I really thought this was wrong. And I was trying to convince them how this was wrong. And

Scott Benner 20:27
so how 1200 calories while you were pregnant was way too much, yeah,

Jody 20:31
like I thought, or I thought it was enough, I was like, that's enough. So when I went into treatment and I was eating, you know, like 3000 or so, I was like, This is wrong. I don't know why you're making me eat this much. And I was trying to convince them why it's too much. And I actually much, and I actually was like, I'm gaining too much weight. And they they're like, Well, you're in the last two months of your pregnancy. You're supposed to be and I was like, No, that's not right. I'm not it's too much.

Scott Benner 20:53
The baby came out. Okay. Things were the way you expected. Yep. He

Jody 20:58
was born four days before his due date a lanky little guy. His dad's six five, so he was really long, but he was 615 six pounds, 15 ounces. So yeah, okay, he was a skinny little thing, but he punched

Scott Benner 21:10
up pretty quick. And then how do you feel about yourself after, like, in your postpartum? Like, did it really hit you hard? I guess is my question. I tried

Jody 21:18
really hard. I did work really hard at it, and I did relapse. Though,

Scott Benner 21:22
how long did you make it going like, Oh, I'll keep eating like this. I'll take care of this slowly. I'll stay healthy. Like, how long did that last before you were back to the

Jody 21:30
cycle? Probably, probably a month only. Okay,

Scott Benner 21:35
what was it like that month? What's the voice in your head telling you during that month that

Jody 21:39
he is absolutely worth it? I have to eat, to breastfeed, I have to drink a lot of water to breastfeed. I want a good relationship. I want him to have a different mom than I had. And so I did try really hard. It just, it just didn't stick. I wasn't working on the trauma yet. So it was now that I've started working on the trauma, I'm making strides. I always thought like a different setting would help, a different situation would help, planning out my meals would help, keeping busy would work. But really, now I realize you work on the trauma and then those things come,

Scott Benner 22:10
yeah, it's a symptom of a different problem, right? Exactly,

Jody 22:14
and I'm, I'm glad you know that, because a lot of people don't understand that well.

Scott Benner 22:18
I mean, it makes sense, yeah. I mean, I don't know this is very simple, right? Like, if your roof is leaking, you can't just keep mopping the floor and think this is going to take care of it, right? Yeah? So, yes, I don't know that just seems simple to me. Yep. I think because it's unseen by some or misunderstood by others, like who don't have problems that they grew up with, or don't see the ones that they had, you know, or whatever, were people who were just very happy to say, like, no. Like, this is how it's supposed to be. Yeah,

Jody 22:47
you know, one other thing I didn't mention is the message I got when I was a child and a teenager at home was, you don't matter. Shut your emotions off and get out of the way. And so, I think my eating disorder, it shrunk me. It made me feel small. It made me feel like it was better to be small and shrink. And who you know,

Scott Benner 23:09
yeah, so How old are you? Or what year is it when you're like, 15, for example,

Jody 23:14
let's see, it would have been, Oh, God. Why can't I do this? What is 15/9? Ninth grade. What year were you born? 84 so ninth grade I was, it was 1999 Wow.

Scott Benner 23:25
See, I'm so old Jody. I just want to say that when I've now had an opportunity to live through a decade, another decade, another decade. And it's interesting to hear people say, because I used to say, like, when I grew up, this is how it was, right? Yep. And I was born in the early 70s. I, you know, I was brought up through the early 70s, the early 80s. If you would have told me that my opinion didn't matter, I would say, No, that is 100% right. Nobody was looking to talk to me, yeah. But I don't think it has as much to do with the time as I felt like it did then, because that's me saying, like, Oh, this is my world. This is what the world's like, but it's the world I grew up in, right? There were people who talked to their kids in the 70s, Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, and in the 80s, and in the 90s and etc. And like, I was thinking to say, Oh, sure, back then, but then I realized you're not my age. Your back then is not the same as my back then, but it doesn't that's not really what we should be talking about. Like, you know, listen, I we don't like lay stuff on our kids all the time, but they have a reasonable understanding of how I grew up.

Jody 24:34
And my cousin so my mom's sister, she's sort of like my pseudo mom. For me, I connect with her really well. And, you know, her daughter and her they have such a great relationship. And it's, you know, I compare them, and I'm like, I wonder what happened? Because my mom was super close with her mom. Who knows, I doubt they talked about things like that, but I, a lot of my friends had such close relationships with their parents.

Scott Benner 24:55
What was the financial situation of the people you grew up around? Middle class? Okay? Or, like, upper middle class, not broke, not struggling, not two jobs, like that stuff,

Jody 25:05
no, like, my best friend lived across the street. She had a pool, yeah, yeah. I never had to worry about sports or needing money for something, or club sports, having money for that, or travel for sports. You know, we never had

Scott Benner 25:18
to worry about it. Do you think your mom was happy in her marriage. No, you

Jody 25:22
know, I never really saw them be intimate in the sense of like hugging or embracing each other or kissing or holding hands. So no.

Scott Benner 25:30
So maybe she was sad and alone, and yeah, and

Jody 25:33
they're still together. My dad's sort of her caretaker, and, you know, make sure she's happy. And my dad was really involved. He coached our sports. He played catch with us outside, you know. So he was really involved.

Scott Benner 25:43
Did you notice their relationship change when he got older? I guess what I'm asking is, like when his testosterone went down, did he get nicer?

Jody 25:51
No, he's always very kind, and my brothers just like him. He Oh, your

Scott Benner 25:55
dad's the kind one, yep. Do you think their distance was your mom's doing? Yes, yes, absolutely. Oh, I see, okay. Oh, I'm sorry, the whole thing. Aren't people interesting?

Jody 26:07
Yes, oh my gosh, yeah, they are very interesting. I mean, I

Scott Benner 26:11
don't know if it's a big secret to me, the whole podcast is about that. Like, I just think everything that you expect out of your life is not nearly what you usually get. No, not at all. It's so bizarre to think that, like, a kind guy would get stuck with a cold girl, or right, or vice versa. But the truth is is, like, I don't think it works the other way. Like, I know people who are like, in their head, like, I think of myself as, like, artsy in my head, I'm not actually outwardly artistic. I can't right. Like, you know what I mean, like, paint or draw or anything like that. But I have kind of, like, an artist mind. And I know other people that are like that, and my wife is definitely not. I look at those other people, and I think if I married that girl, we'd be destitute, like, we'd be in a hole somewhere going like, I wonder, I wonder if we can crawl out today and eat a worm, right? We'd have nothing going on, we wouldn't have, like, we wouldn't have anything together, and there's no balance. I'm very happy to tell you, though, like my wife and I balance each other out in a really, like, lovely way. But there are always things that just don't, I mean, just sometimes they're little things, but it's just she's not wired like that, or I'm not wired like that,

Jody 27:18
right? Yeah, yeah. And you just have to accept that, you know, right?

Scott Benner 27:21
If it's touch and kindness and like, that's hard. Oh yeah, yeah. Oh, so your dad put his energy, that he might have given some to your mom, he think he put it into you guys, yeah,

Jody 27:33
and he, you know, he worked eight to five, he owned a business, and he'd be home at five, and we'd be at home, and he was more active in the community, very active in the community, actually. You know, any boards that there are clubs or, yeah, he was doing that. So he had a lot more extracurriculars on my mom, but when he was home, he was attentive to us.

Scott Benner 27:53
Yeah, hey, did I hear you say have a brother? Yeah, I

Jody 27:56
have an older sister who's like, my best friend, and then I have a younger sister and a younger brother. Does

Scott Benner 28:03
your brother have this? Like, I'm trying to decide if this is a mom and daughter thing, like, Does your brother have these feelings about his life growing up? Or no,

Jody 28:11
I don't know. You know he's kind of, he seems to have a better relationship. And I think there's six years between my sister and I, and then nine years between him and I, and I think they were the babies, and my older sister and my mom have a good relationship, too. I think I was just the scapegoat,

Scott Benner 28:28
and also, like so your mom's got that new energy for your sister, yeah, and then somebody took the piss out of her by the time your brother got there, and she probably couldn't fight back nearly the way she used to, right? And

Jody 28:39
after she had my little sister, she you know, that's when she could have went back to work, because I was six and in school, but then she had my younger sister and younger brother, but then when they were in school, she went to work, and she loved her job, is just at a grocery store, and she loves talking. And she's like, oh my. Everybody loves her because she's really outgoing and she's funny, and she loves chatting with people,

Scott Benner 28:59
yeah? And you're like, that's not the lady I got. Yeah? So she she loved, I think

Jody 29:04
she liked life more than when she was working. She loved going to work.

Scott Benner 29:07
Yeah, did your other sisters get that, mom? Or are you really the only one? I

Jody 29:11
think I got the brunt of it. I know my older sister, she feels like she didn't get what she needed, but I don't think it was to the severity I got it.

Scott Benner 29:23
I don't think any of us get what we need. Actually, like, Oh, I know. I don't think it's anybody's fault. Like, I'm not going to tell you there aren't parents out there that are, like, terrible, like, there are. But you know, above that line of, you know, where people are, like, selling their kids, you know, like, like, above that line where people are getting up every day, taking care of people, going to work, making money, bringing home food, like I don't think anybody is like willfully saying to themselves, Hey, today I'm going to just disregard my children. I think people are trying their hardest in their situation, generally speaking, yeah,

Jody 29:55
and as long, you know, I yell at my son and then I regret it, you know, but I talk. To him, and I say, you know, that was mommy. I should have calmed down. It's okay. It wasn't your fault. I have problems too. Sometimes, you know, Martin

Scott Benner 30:07
told me the other day. She's like, you have plenty of problems. I was like, I know what my problems are. Thank you. I you know, see, you raise your voice, you act crazy, like it's tough, but you got to go back later and say, Hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, you know, I apologize, and I will definitely try harder not to do that next time. Yep, yeah, it's it's just important. Do you think your son feels like his feelings are wanting to be heard by you?

Jody 30:31
Oh, yeah, and he is hurt. I smother him. We snuggle and we're really connected, like on the weekends, we, since I'm a single mom, we have sleepovers, so on Friday and Saturday, we read together in bed, and then I sleep in his bed or and he loves it. He says it's the best part of his night and best part of his day or week. So we're really connected. Awesome.

Scott Benner 30:51
I can't wait for 20 years from now for him to tell somebody on a podcast that you didn't give him what he needed. Mom smothered me exactly. Well, see, you know, it's funny, because I do think that happens. Oh yeah. I think you either get that, like I didn't get or, you know what, they did too much of and you're like, Oh, my God, I

Jody 31:07
know. I know we do our best, right? Exactly. It's hard.

Scott Benner 31:11
Listen, there's a lot of therapists in the world. They need jobs, so we got to keep having kids so those people can work. I have therapy today, actually. Do you really? Yep. Is there a feeling you get when it's over? Is it a lightness? Yeah,

Jody 31:24
and like, a lot of times I don't want to go, and I know that. I think that every week, and I'm gonna go, and then I feel so much better. I actually go to a treatment center. They have all levels of care. I do, and I've been through all their levels, but I go to outpatient and they actually have specialized in diabetes too. Okay, so I see a diabetic educator there every other week, and I do therapy there every week, and it's they're connected. I mean, I have no problem. I said, I live in the Twin Cities, they are connected with the International Diabetes Center. And so, yeah, so they have really great treatment for that. Too, awesome. And that is where I learned what type one diabetes can do with insulin, I

Scott Benner 32:04
bet so. Tell me about first. Is there any other autoimmune in your family besides type one with you?

Jody 32:11
Well, one my mom got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, but not until she she ignored it for a long time, but probably when she was about 55 so you know, her joints, you could tell something was wrong. And she started having trouble opening things and limping. And you know, so that is the only other thing that I know of. Your

Scott Benner 32:31
mom didn't have a thyroid problem. No.

Jody 32:32
I mean, well maybe, I bet she's hyper metabolic, because she is tiny and skinny and she can eat as much as she wants, and she does not gain and out. I

Scott Benner 32:43
guess that's not a thing they used to test for, like, right now, right? Stuff, like, when she was younger, like that, right? Brother, other sisters, nobody's got anything going on, nothing. Okay, so how do you figure out you have type one?

Jody 32:56
Okay, before we do that, I have to tell you something so ironic. So, oh, go ahead. I didn't know you're producing. Go ahead, that's fine. No, you're gonna love this. Probably 10 years ago, nine or 10 years ago, I read your book, seriously, yeah, and I did not have type one. I read your book. And then before I was diagnosed with type one, I was on Instagram, just scrolling, and I came across junipers mom. I think it's what is her, I can't think of her Instagram handle, but she was on one of your earliest podcasts. I remember the name, yeah, yeah. Wait, Juniper was diagnosed, I think when she was two, so similar to Arden. And I followed her. She mentioned you, and I listened to her podcast with you, and then I started listening to the podcast.

Scott Benner 33:37
Oh, awesome. But before you had diabetes, yeah? Wait. All right, let's go slower. I wrote a book about being a stay at home dad, I think in like 2013

Jody 33:47
and I probably read it in 2016

Scott Benner 33:50
How did you find a three year old book that was probably out of

Jody 33:53
print? A guy that I was dating just had it at his house. Why the hell did he have it? I have no idea. Well, the world's so weird. Oh, and I just picked it

Scott Benner 34:02
up and read it. Listen, I'm sorry for chastising you about the production of the podcast today, because you're doing a great job. It's a crazy story. So you're dating a guy. Was he a stay at home? Dad,

Jody 34:11
Oh God no. He didn't want kids. He didn't have kids. Nope, so I don't know

Scott Benner 34:16
why he had that. What? No. So a man who did not have children, who didn't want children. Had a book about being a stay at home dad in his house,

Jody 34:23
and it had laundry on the front, right? You were like, covered in laundry. Actually, there's a

Scott Benner 34:27
poster of it right here in front of me. Yep, yeah. It's not me. People wonder, but it's not me holding the laundry, right? You saw that book and he said, I didn't read it, or it's whatever, like, what I loved it, whatever he said. And you're like, I'm gonna read the book. Yeah, I just picked

Jody 34:41
it up and read it. So I, like, it because I like reading, and maybe I didn't have a book. Or, you know, who knows? All right,

Scott Benner 34:46
here's the part. Is this, this is the question I don't want to ask, but did you like

Jody 34:50
it? I did. I remember liking it, and then I didn't know it was you. No, of course, yeah, like, or when I found the podcast, I didn't know it was you, and then it was, I must have heard you talk about. On

Scott Benner 35:00
the podcast that must have freaked you out. I know I

Jody 35:03
was like, What the hell is going on? It was, you know, it was meant to be, I guess. Well,

Scott Benner 35:06
so years later, you're listening to the podcast, you're like, and I say something about that book, and you're like, I read that stupid book.

Jody 35:11
Yes, oh my, and I didn't have type one. Who knows? Also, it's interesting

Scott Benner 35:15
that books, I find it to be very interesting, because people who read it who don't have diabetes in their life. If you later ask them about the diabetes portion of it, they don't really recall it as much. They go, Oh, at the end of the book, his daughter gets diabetes, yep, I don't remember, right? But if you talk to people who have type one and they read it, they think it's a book about diabetes,

Jody 35:34
yeah, really interesting. They're like, Where the hell is it? Yeah,

Scott Benner 35:37
no. I'm like, Oh, it's a book about being a stay at home dad. And at the end, there's a little bit about type one. And they go, No, that's not how I remember. It so interesting. Okay, so that's crazy. I am definitely going to tell my family about this later and watch them Look at me, oh, like you're lying. They're just like, yeah, here's a story about that podcast again. Yeah. Anyway, I think that's awesome. So you, oh my god, so you fried my mind. So let's just go back to the other question, like, how did you figure out you had type one?

Jody 36:07
So I went to just my PCP, and it must have been, it was time for, you know, just my yearly physical, everything. So she drew all my labs. And I was pretty low weight at the time, and, you know, I had an eating disorder, and my a 1c came back. So this was thank God for this woman. My a 1c came back at 7.1 and, you know, they were like, Oh, God, that's weird. Just come back in a week and we'll check it again. And it was 7.9 so they sent me to Endo, and they're like, gosh, you have type two. And you know, my endo was like, I do not think you have type two, but it could just be presenting weird because you're anemic and red blood cell, I have no idea. And so I came back maybe a couple days later, and did the glucose drink, the fasting glucose drink, yeah, and all I, you know, you can't eat or anything, so I had water with me and just black coffee, and my best friend, I texted her, and she had a friend with type one, and I was like, God, I feel so sick from drinking that. But I think, or from I feel so sick right now, it's because I had black coffee with nothing else. And she was like, hmm, I don't know if that's it. And she didn't say anything. And then I met her later for coffee. And it was a Friday, and at about 458 on a Friday, I missed a phone call from Endo. And he is wonderful. He left a message, and he said, You know, I really hate to tell you the your test shows that you have type one. You know, I'm going on vacation for a week. So I'm sorry I can't. And so he hooked me up with everything to

Scott Benner 37:43
talk to, all right? He didn't tell you, wait seven days and we'll get back to this.

Jody 37:47
No, with, I can't remember if I saw an endo or diabetic educator, like I think I, I don't know. Maybe I saw somebody else, you know, instead of him. I can't remember exactly. Wow. And so I left there on only one unit of Lantis. Okay,

Scott Benner 38:03
and what about the shock of just having type one?

Jody 38:07
My got my sister, who I says, my best friend. I just called her balling. And she's like, Jodi, you are in the car. Pull over and she talks. She always talks me off the ledge. She's amazing. So yeah. And then I contacted my doctor, and she's like, oh boy, this you have an eating disorder, and now you have type one. And because of being like I said in the treatment center, I knew you could restrict insulin. Oh, okay,

Scott Benner 38:28
oh yeah, lose weight. You'd seen other people probably do it, because

Jody 38:34
this center, you know, specialized in diabetes. There was a diabetic trap. There

Scott Benner 38:38
was there a part of you it was like, let's go. I got a new way to do this. Or no, no,

Jody 38:43
i Oh, my God. I was so upset. It was awful. Where are you in

Scott Benner 38:49
the process of I don't I never know how to talk about this. Like you're trying to, I don't know what you're trying to do when you have an eating disorder, you're trying to make it go away. You're trying to stay on top of it, like, what's the wording you use for like, your goals?

Jody 39:05
Every day I'm like, I want to do well. Today I'm working on healing, and I do a lot of self talk now, like working with my trauma therapist, it really helps me to, for an example, eat breakfast and kind of panic and not know what to do and want to eat more and then purge and all that. But instead, now I'm talking to myself, and I'm saying, you know, in my head, Jody, it makes sense that this is scary for you. It makes sense that this is really hard. You're not used to doing this, and you got messages that it wasn't okay to treat yourself well, and so, yeah, like, right now, I guess I think of it as for, like, a forward trajectory. I just want to keep improving day by day, and showing up and being honest with my treatment team, following their recommendations. Last time I was inpatient, I did tell my outpatient doctor with the therapist. I don't want you guys to be scared of me anymore, because I think a lot of times. They were scared that if they pushed me too hard, I'd run away. You know, I did kind of a harm reduction approach for a while, and I said, I don't want that anymore. I know I can recover. I don't want the harm reduction approach. I want you to push me and I want to follow your recommendations. Okay,

Scott Benner 40:15
so you're just trying to have positive forward momentum. Yep. That's your goal every day. Yep. Okay, gosh, so when that's your goal, and now you have this new traumatic thing happened to you getting this type one, and you're suddenly have the realization of, like, Oh, I've seen people manipulate their weight with insulin, yeah? Like, that's a lot of new stressors all at one time. Do you backslide from there?

Jody 40:44
So I did. The diabetic cares for a while, and then I was in denial. So I, you know, I didn't have type one. So I told myself I didn't have it. You know, after doing that for about a year, I, you know, the three month a, 1c, check, it was kind of creeping up, and then at one point it was 14.9 and so then I did get into treatment. That's when I really started working. I there was a new diabetic educator that started at the treatment center I was at, and I started working with her, and it's been amazing. And like I said, I see her every other week. And you know, at first we did like the harm reduction approach, and now we don't do that. We do, you know, this is what you got to do. The biggest part, I have learned so much for the podcast. I could be a diabetic educator. Okay, you've taught me so much. And you know, I've listened to everything, like the Pro Tip series, all the stories, everything. So, you know people, they teach a lot, too, just listening to guests on your podcast. So during the day, or when I'm eating, you know, and working hard at doing my best eating, my management's amazing, you know, it's if I go up to 180 I'm pissed. I'm like, What the hell did I do wrong? How did that happen? Where it gets into trouble is, if I'm struggling and say, like, Whatever, I'm gonna eat this. I don't want to treat for it. But the biggest part where that doesn't happen very often, the biggest part is, if I binge and purge, it skyrockets and then it stays high for a while. So what my her name's Gina. She's amazing. I'm gonna I won't give her last name, but her name's Gina, my diabetic educator or diabetic nurse. I'm on Omnipod. So on my custom foods on Omnipod, I have a custom food that's just called the dark place, and I hit it and it gives me a Bolus. And that's our goal right now. You just have to do that. I know you wanna not give any insulin if you're gonna binge and purge, but you have to do that. And so that's what I do.

Scott Benner 42:38
You have to manage the idea that, like, I'm eating and I know I need insulin, but I'm sitting here being honest with myself, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to eat too much and then throw up. Yeah, and it's

Jody 42:50
hard, because each time I go to do it, I'm like, I don't want this insulin. I do this to lose weight. I don't want to give insulin and, like, process the carbs. But one thing that helps me is knowing Okay. Before I got type one and these symptoms were there, my pancreas was doing this job. So it's no different than that.

Scott Benner 43:07
How torturous is all of this? A lot of brain

Jody 43:11
space. It feels like it consumes a lot, and it's hard, because I love seeing my graph a straight line. I love it. And at the same time, then I I worry, because I'm like, you know, there's a lot of pride, and I'm so proud of myself. And then it's scary too, because I'm like, Oh God, I could be losing weight by not doing this. When I see the highs from like, binging and purging, I feel so guilty, and I, you know, not, that anybody shaming me gets more guilt. Of like, I know how to do this. I don't want these high numbers. I want to be healthy. I want to live a long life. When I go into, like, the two hundreds, if I've been to emerge, that's good. It used to be, like, 600 so I'm bringing it down. And I do feel a lot of pride about that. I'm like, okay, it didn't get awful high. Like, still high, but it didn't get awful. And then when I do that, it usually comes back into range. So it might be like 200 for a while, but it comes down and I'm like, That's so much better than, you know, binging and purging at six o'clock at night and it not coming down till three in the morning. Yeah,

Scott Benner 44:12
talk about a little more. What did you call it? It sounds like there's a way to to be attacking this that's just about minimizing damage to you. And there's a way to be attacking this that's focused on moving forward. Like, what did you say? What was the phrase

Jody 44:29
forward trajectory? Sort of, maybe, no, something. Harm Reduction. Harm

Scott Benner 44:33
reduction. So is that a form of treatment that some people take like, is that the therapist saying, Look, I don't think we're ever getting you out of this, but let's try to reduce the harm you do to yourself.

Jody 44:42
Yeah, pretty much. And it was like, you know, harm reduction right now, maybe in the future, you'll be ready. And I guess what that did work with me. But also that didn't come till I found, like, the perfect treatment team for me. I really didn't think I could ever get better, whereas now I'm like, No, I can do this. I can manage my diabetes maze. Mean, I can eat, I can be healthy, I can stop purging. And it's, I know, I firmly believe that I'm getting there with the trauma work I'm doing and being completely honest. I used to, you know, tell one person on my team this amount, one person on my team this amount, but omit certain information, whereas now I'm just honest across the board. And I have a team that's, you know, they're just really proactive. They had a care conference the other day, not as like a threat, which it used to feel like, but as a like, are we all on the same page? Or we're helping her the best we can. Let's get her on board with these. So, yeah, it was give a unit when you binge and purge, whereas now it's like, Nope, we have to keep the numbers down. And that's what I want.

Scott Benner 45:39
Excellent. Can I ask, Do you have any other topics that you work with, with a therapist or a psychiatrist or anything like that? That's a side of this, or is this your thing? Well,

Jody 45:49
I guess, like, you know how we said, like, this is kind of a symptom. The problem, I guess, what I work with psychiatrist is with is, you know, anxiety and depression. But actually, just after Christmas, I was in treatment in the fall, and I stayed longer than usual, because I, you know, I want this foot, and it has helped. There has been forward momentum now, consistently. When I came to I work as a special education para with autistic kids, and I love them. They're amazing. It's hard work, but I love them. When I came back to work after winter break, my schedule changed, and instead of being with the little girl that I was with all day, I was just with her from 10 o'clock on, and I was bouncing around in the morning, and I realized how much that affected me, emotionally and mentally and just stress wise, I was convinced I was dying. I was having heart palpitations, I, you know, all these things. And I actually went to the ER, thinking I was, I was trying to convince my treatment team for a month, I'm dying. This is not okay. You're missing something, and they're like, No, everything's looking okay. And it was panic attacks. So I work with a psychiatrist on that, and I think, since it was validated, this is panic attacks. You are having a hard time. It's like, I instantly Calm down, and I do a lot of deep breathing during the week now. But yeah, so that's kind of what I work with the psychiatrist on. Is just that intense anxiety. And then my trauma therapist actually is a Neurofeedback therapist. Do you know what neurofeedback is? No, it's like biofeedback. So it's, I get all these sensors on my head, and she retrains my brain. I do not know how it works. It is like, I have no idea. She's watching all my brain waves, like the high beta, the low beta, and she's trying to increase this one and decrease this one. And it's wild, but it helps. And I could not tell you how it works at all.

Scott Benner 47:41
Does she ever bring up medication to help with that process? Yeah,

Jody 47:45
I am on medication. And she kind of asks how my psychiatry appointments go. She asks how you know my past week went, and she confers with my therapist every once in a while, and it's all kind of collaborative. And you know when I say, Okay, here's an example how wild this is. So you get these electrodes on and you watch a show, okay, are these sensors? It's not electrodes, sensors, and you watch the show, and she's training your brain, and what you want to happen is you want the screen to be full and you want to be able to see the whole screen. When she's working hard to train your brain, the screen gets smaller and you can't see as much. So your brain is trying to figure out how to see the whole thing. And she said last week that I had a lot of like, high beta, which is the rumination and the stress. And she's like, what happened? I'm like, I have no idea. And then as I was driving home, I realized in the show a song came on. It reminded me of my ex, but then also, there was a DUI crash where somebody was killed. I realized, like, those DUIs I had because of it, the man, his girlfriend left him, and so, like, I had an ex that left me because I had an eating disorder. And so it brought up a lot of that from him. I

Scott Benner 48:55
see do those moments like backsliding with the eating disorder, or

Jody 48:59
no, no, no, it's, it's usually like I realize it, and also neurofeedback, it has opened my brain, like I can think, and it just feels like I have brain space and I'm able to work with my eating disorder symptoms, more like talk myself out of them, realize, oh, this is why I want to do this right now. I don't need to do that right now, I can do something different, so I have more space to process through them. Tell

Scott Benner 49:25
me how the podcast helped you with all this. Like, I mean, like, around insulin, not I mean, if it helped you in other ways, that's great. But like, I'm asking around insulin,

Jody 49:35
so like, the Pro Tip series, I you know, the funny thing is, is, like, I know more because of the podcast than diabetes. Who have had it since they were young. I have learned I love oatmeal like I love it, and I have learned how to keep a straight line when I eat oatmeal cool. I have learned the crush and catch is that

Scott Benner 49:56
it? What I call that crush it and catch it. Yep, I've

Jody 49:59
learned how to do that. But I have learned that for me, when I'm low, half a glucose tablet works. That's all I need. Just little stuff. Yeah, yep, just a little bump. I have learned what is it expect? What you know is gonna happen. Is gonna happen. I

Scott Benner 50:12
love it when people try to mimic back to me this stupid things I've said. I realized the first time I said it, I thought there's gotta be a better way to have said that, but it was kind of too late by then, yeah, learn to expect what you know is going to happen, something like that. Expect, expect that what you know is going to happen is going to happen. Yep, that's what I said. Yeah. I definitely could have said that better just other

Jody 50:34
things, like listening to all the Omnipod episodes. Yeah, you know when I panic that I'm gonna go low, really watching the little like, not staring at my Dexcom, but watching the little dots and see, does it look like it's coming up? Does it look like it's going to keep going down and just like waiting with it, not reacting and treating it and then going high?

Scott Benner 50:54
Can I share with you that I had an experience? This is a long time ago, many, many years ago, but a person who does really terrific work for people with eating disorders said to me that, you know, I have to be careful because, you know, talking to people about how to manage their diabetes like this, like, you're going to cause eating disorders, you're going to like, you're going to like, make people with eating disorders hear that and feel worse and everything. And I don't know, it just I didn't see their perspective at that. I mean, I didn't not understand what they were the bigger picture, what they were trying to say. But I was like, I don't think that sharing with the world how to Pre Bolus for your dinner, right? Should be seen as a thing we don't say out loud, in case someone with an eating disorder hears it and interacts with it poorly. But like, you didn't have any of those problems when you heard all that information. No,

Jody 51:41
I consider why? Why am I having a reaction to this? And that helps also, I really tried, like, the Keto stuff for a while, and I realized that really was not good for my eating disorder. And I know a lot of people do it, and they love it, and I really think that's great for them. I had to unfollow a lot of those people, or just, you know, like, hide them in the podcast group, or if I was following some on Instagram, I had to unfollow them. So

Scott Benner 52:07
is it what they're saying or what they're doing, like, what caused you, like, a weird feeling?

Jody 52:12
I think it's because I'm trying to have a healthy relationship with food. And, like I said, I love oatmeal. I want to be able to eat oatmeal and not feel guilty, or like I'm

Scott Benner 52:22
that simple, like, piece of, yeah, being made to feel ashamed for something because you think you shouldn't be doing it. I

Jody 52:28
have a trip planned this summer, and there's a really great, popular pie shop, or, and then there's, like, a really popular donut shop. Like, I want to be able to get those and not say no, or make keto donuts. Or, you know, I'd like

Scott Benner 52:41
to try a bite of the donut, yes. And without it, like, cascading into like, Oh, you shouldn't have done that. You're doing it wrong. We have a way of doing it. Like, oh, so it's not, it's not so much a person who eats keto or very low carb or something like that. It's just the rules they follow that they're happy with. They don't intersect well with you, right?

Jody 52:59
Yeah. Like, and I already, I'm already I'm already planning it. I'm gonna bring some hard boiled eggs. Eat the donut.

Scott Benner 53:04
It'd be good. Tell people what you're using the egg for. Yep, I got it.

Jody 53:08
Like, I have to have some protein with this donut, or it's not gonna be good, you know?

Scott Benner 53:12
Well, you should put the egg in the hole of the donut. And that will freak people out pretty well,

Jody 53:16
get one of those bacon donuts. Oh, my God, egg in the hole. I don't

Scott Benner 53:20
think I could eat that a donut with bacon. I don't think I've had a donut in a while. Well, I've had one in the last few months.

Jody 53:27
Yeah, I, I don't either I don't have them, really, I have to admit,

Scott Benner 53:31
I ate it. And then I thought, I wish I wouldn't be that, like, there's just like, not wish I just like, there's, I didn't get anything out of it. I was

Jody 53:38
like, Oh, well, sometimes, even if I wasn't diabetic, I feel like I can feel like sugar coursing through my veins. Yeah.

Scott Benner 53:43
I mean, sometimes you look a little jolt isn't bad. I mean, I don't drink coffee even, like, I don't even know what a jolt feels like, so But seriously, like, after, like, losing weight over the last couple of years for me and for, you know, being on a GLP medication. And obviously, if it's obvious, if people are listening, then it's obvious to them. But I don't get the same rush from food. Like, yeah, and so it, and it doesn't, like, taste as exciting as you remember it, like, that kind of stuff, yep.

Jody 54:13
And that's kind of what I'm going for. Like, just like normal, like, not looking forward to eating all day because I'm not letting myself eat. Then, you know, I kind of just want a normal relationship. I actually, you released a pod, an episode this week, or maybe it was last week, and you were like, I just want to go get some shrimp and F and I was like, I have to go get some shrimp. Now, the way

Scott Benner 54:33
you just said it like a normal relationship with food. Like, oddly enough, I think that's what a GLP gave me. Because, yeah, I had, like, after the first bite of the donut, I was like, Oh, that was good. And the second bite, I was like, This is good. And then the third one, I was like, why am I still doing this? Yeah, I got the thing already. Do you know what I mean? Like, like, I got like, Oh, that's sweet. And it had a little crunchy on it. And I was like, that's awesome. I should have thrown the other half of it away, because I'm restricting my. Food, but because I've gotten that experience now, like the rest of it's just, you finishing the donut, if that makes sense,

Jody 55:05
Yep, yeah, right. You're just doing that because it's there, yeah, oh, yeah, exactly. Like,

Scott Benner 55:09
I'm not hungry anymore. The judge is gone. Like, like, yeah, it's now. I'm just like, Yeah,

Jody 55:17
well, and they say people had food noise, like, I don't want food. Noise, that's what I'm working towards, too. So it's sort of like, you know, you have that you have food noise, well, yeah, just with the eating disorder. Like, I'm thinking about food all the time, you know. And, yeah, I kind of want what people say they get with the GLP is just not as much food noise, you know.

Scott Benner 55:32
Listen, let's be clear before I say this out loud. Not a doctor barely went to school. But like, it did make me wonder, like, I wonder if you like micro dose that, like if you could get a little of that without the suppression of your hunger. And I also don't know if that's a thing that would be bad for a person who has an eating disorder. You know what? My treatment

Jody 55:52
team is really open to a lot. And you know, if I mentioned it, they'd be honest with me, and if they thought it was a good thing, they'd talk like Gina would talk to my endo and they, you know, talk about it. They're great. Gina actually mentioned that because I have big fears of going low dosing for binging, like, because I'm gonna purge and get rid of it. I have so many big fears of emotional she actually has started talking to me about maybe a Fraser for that, because then it goes in quick and leaves quick having

Scott Benner 56:22
some of that on hand. Now here's the question, Would having that on hand because it would help you manage your eating disorder better with your insulin? Would it be a great thing, because, oh, I can manage it. Or do you think it would turn into a thing where you're like, well, I could binge and purge more now, because I have the No,

Jody 56:39
I think it would help me manage it. And, you know, then feeling pre like, feeling good about a lower agency,

Scott Benner 56:46
yeah, yeah. I mean, listen, that's a great idea. Then get it on hand.

Jody 56:51
Yeah, I do have a lot of fears. Like, if I keep doing this, I'm not going to live very long. Like, I want to get this so, yeah, it would just help with the like, okay, so I think it'd be tough at first, and then it would become second nature. And hopefully I'm not using symptoms like that very long, but hopefully I would just do it, and then, you know, just become second nature. Okay, if I'm new symptoms, I have to do this, right?

Scott Benner 57:12
Can you tell people why you just said I might not live like tell people how an eating disorder impacts the length of your life. You know, I don't necessarily

Jody 57:19
think the restricting is it has never got me into trouble, like it's dropped my weight, things like that. I've been like, Dizzy here or there, but it's the binging and purging. I mean, you know, at my worst, I was doing it like five times a day, and it's not that bad anymore, but putting that stress on your heart for 20 years, and now with diabetes, and you know, not only the stress on the heart, but now I'm at risk of, you know, heart attack, and, you know, heart disease, and so it's just I can't keep doing this and expect that nothing's going to happen to me, right?

Scott Benner 57:51
It also can, am I making this up? It can also affect, like, the enamel on your teeth, or your esophagus, your throat, like those sorts of things too, right? Your stomach and

Jody 57:59
the, like, my teeth, knock on wood, are okay, right now. I have no idea how, but they are. So yeah, but yeah, it can affect

Scott Benner 58:07
all that. Yeah, in the middle of this story, Jodi, I think you're owed and are happy to take a little bit of luck wherever you can get it. So right, yeah, yes, that's awesome. You talked a little bit about, like, a like, forward thinking doctors. I know this is, like, still in the study stages, and I don't think it's a place. It's not a thing you can just go do yet. But has anybody brought up like Ibogaine to help with your trauma? Because, no, I don't even know what that is. So listen, I'm not the right person to ask about this, oddly enough, so I just wanted to know if somebody but I think that people are using Ibogaine, which, like a neurobiologic, like, you know, I think it's mushrooms,

Jody 58:42
like, honestly, oh no, I, I'm so open to that.

Scott Benner 58:45
Yeah, and they're dosing it, like, in very controlled the stories you're hearing, like, they're not like, everywhere, but I'm, I'm hearing them in a number of different places, right? That people with significant trauma go in, they get, sometimes, one treatment, and they somehow it releases their trauma? Yeah,

Jody 59:02
I'm really open to, like, micro dosing and things like that, and my team has mentioned it. I don't know if I'm right or not, but is it not covered by insurance right now? Oh, I don't know. The last

Scott Benner 59:10
time I heard it like John Hopkins was doing something, a study with it, and I think they're mostly doing it with veterans, like people who have, like, war trauma, yeah, but like, some of the stories I've heard, probably four or five stories from different people, you know, like my husband had clear trauma from, you know, from the war, and he did this, and he just came back a different person.

Jody 59:33
And, yeah, I'm definitely open to, like, any supplemental, alternative therapies, if

Scott Benner 59:39
you're reasonably certain that the eating disorder comes from the trauma, and then to go back to like an hour ago, it feels to me like some days you have two mops in your hand and one up your and some days you only have one mop, right? But the roof is leaking and you're always mopping to some level or

Jody 59:58
another scram. Balloon and frantically trying to put out fires. Yeah, and

Scott Benner 1:00:02
I'm wondering, like, could we crawl up on the roof and stop the roof from leaking, and what would that then do? Like, would you still have an eating disorder? Like, if you're if you could snap your fingers and your trauma, like, and all the impacts from it just disappeared. Like, would the eating disorder disappear with it? Or would you just be a person with an eating disorder and no trauma, no.

Jody 1:00:22
I think if I heal my trauma, I my eating will be, like, I will be a healthy eater. And, yeah, yeah,

Scott Benner 1:00:29
it has to be administered very specifically, and there has to be another medication there in case there's a cardiac event. If there's a cardiac event, like, you can clear it, like, in two seconds with the stuff. But if you don't have the right thing, you don't know which. Don't know what you're looking for anyway, this is not a thing. You shouldn't just be going out to the corner, finding a kid and being like, Hey, I think I'm gonna get rid of my trauma with mushrooms. And apparently it's another, like, situation where it's a very, very low dose. Yeah, there's part of me that's heard enough stories that thinks that if I stay alive long enough, I'm gonna hear more stories where there are clinics where people go and do this, and it's really valuable, right? That's my thought. But I mean, I don't I could be 100% wrong. I also would have told you six months ago that vertex was doing good with putting beta cells in a pouch and implanting it in people, except yesterday, they announced they're not doing that anymore. So I

Jody 1:01:18
know I just saw that on the group, yeah. So,

Scott Benner 1:01:21
I mean, studies like, don't always flourish, and there can be people who do well and people who don't do well. And I do think, in the end, like, if you're gonna see something be widely accepted, it's going to have to widely work, like, nobody's gonna put Ibogaine treatments out into the world if it's helping one in 10 people. But if it's helping more than that, you know, then maybe, yeah, I don't know. Like, it just it's so heartbreaking to listen to you or anybody that talks. I mean, not just you and me or anybody, like, we all have stuff in our life that if you could make it go away, there's just no doubt moving forward would be better and easier. Yeah, you know Exactly.

Jody 1:01:59
Yep, I know. And that's why I'm just glad, like, there's so much more talk around mental health and acceptance towards it.

Scott Benner 1:02:06
I mean, it's, yeah, an obvious thing to talk about. I'll tell you the one thing, this is not the right podcast for it. But you don't have to make a podcast for long to hear that. A lot of people are drinking too much. Oh, yeah. And just that, it's so part of the culture, you know that nobody even notices it, like the I mean, at some point it sounds like you were 17 and blacking out three days in a row. Yeah, yep. I mean, and your parents probably thought everything was good.

Jody 1:02:32
Oh yeah, well, yeah, we'd stumble home. They kind of just swept it under the rug. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:02:37
it's crazy. Like, to me, it's crazy, but what I'm saying is, I don't think it's crazy to a lot of people,

Jody 1:02:43
you know what? Speaking of drinking quick, I had somebody come out and fix my water heater, and he was a diabetic, and he had on the tea slim, and he's just like, Oh, God, you have Omnipod. You gotta get rid of that. It's so heavy and, you know, it's just, you really got to get rid of that thing. And it was so funny, because he sat there and, man, to me, for seriously, an hour about diabetes, and because I listen to podcast, I didn't say much, but I was like, Yep, I you know. I'm thinking, I know all this. You don't have to whatever. And then I'm thinking, you're wrong. He's like, you know, the T slim, it really, it's really great. It'll keep you in the two hundreds, you know? And I was like, Oh, wow, thanks for telling me. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:03:17
Well, here's a couple things. The T slim could definitely keep your blood sugar lower than the two hundreds. I know isn't that interesting that, moreover, listen, if he felt like he knew something that could help, like, it's nice that he wants to tell people I understand. Like, if it didn't stop, it gets annoying at some point. But what I hear in that story is that imagine what his life used to be like if a poorly set up insulin pump, keeping his blood sugar in the two hundreds, feels like a major success to him,

Jody 1:03:45
I know. And right now he said that he just talks to a doctor on Zoom every two months or so. And from what I recall, it wasn't an endo. He was managing it through somebody else who was like, sounded like a health influencer or something. And I was like, anything, but you're paying

Scott Benner 1:04:03
for a 220 blood sugar average. Great. Yeah, there's a free podcast over here. Now, does it feel weird? Did you say to him you should try a podcast, or did you just keep it to yourself? No,

Jody 1:04:15
I just kind of said a few things like, Oh, well, I found, you know, this works for me, and I have a pretty busy lifestyle, and so right now I'm going to try the Omnipod, and I'm getting a lot of adhesive issues, and I've tried everything, and I am open to switching to the Moby, or my team is thinking about the eyelet. So just if I keep having the adhesive issues, because I have, like, scars all over my stomach and legs,

Scott Benner 1:04:38
yeah, people who have a reaction to the medical adhesive. It's, it's just another level of sad on top of this thing. I know, yeah, it's, it's tough, but I get what you're saying, like you're involved in a conversation you don't really want to be involved in. You just want your water heater to work, and it's sort of like

Jody 1:04:53
politics, sure. I mean, you're gonna go back and forth and nobody's gonna, like, change each other's mind. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:04:59
Yeah. Right. Like, that wouldn't have been the time to dig in and try to say, like, Oh no, have you thought of this perspective, right? Yep, not exactly the moment. No. Jody, I really appreciate you doing this. This was awesome. Thank you. You're very open and thoughtful about sharing your story, and I really appreciate it.

Jody 1:05:16
Well, thank you. It's so easy to talk to you. This morning, I was showering and thinking of you. And I was like, it's like, talking to a celebrity.

Scott Benner 1:05:22
Seriously, that's ridiculous, but thank you. It's very nice, yeah, and it's so easy, I would like to say I would. I don't want you people thinking of me when you're in the shower, please. I know that's why I added that. Or do. It doesn't matter to me. I guess it doesn't I don't like, just honestly, like, I'll end with like, we haven't cursed yet, so I don't want to curse and, like, because Rob, by now, is like, editing, and he's like, he's not going to curse. And then I almost did at the very end, but like, it really screws with my head to think that that whole story about the book, like, I wrote a book about something that I didn't see as being about diabetes at all, to be perfectly honest with you, yeah, it somehow ends up with somebody who's not even the target audience for it in any way, shape or form, you intersect with it crazily, read it, and then years later, are listening to a podcast. And, like, I think that's the guy that wrote that book that I found in that guy's apartment one time, like that, right? That stuff is all like crazy. Like, every day it's all connected somehow. I mean, I don't know about all that, but, like, it's nuts, I'll tell you that much. Yeah, you know, like, I just went online to give you an example. Let me see if I can find a reasonable example right now. But at this point, the private Facebook group is doing something like 100 new people a day. It's wild, but you can see where people say, there's intake forms like, How'd you hear about this? I heard about it from a type one parent. I heard about it from Facebook. My grandson has type one. I'm trying to learn more. I heard it from another parent. It's a listing on a podcast. Like, like, I heard from my doctor, my general pre like, these are things that people say every day when they're coming in there. It's crazy. Like, I looked the other day and I was like, number one in like, three countries. I didn't know were countries. I mean, I tell everybody about it, yeah, well, I appreciate that very much. Like, it's just my point wasn't that the podcast is popular. My point is, like, the way information moves around is actually, like, it makes me hopeful and like, I like, maybe we can get to the guy with the water heater. Yeah. You know what I'm saying, exactly, yeah. Like, because it found you in such a sideways way. Like, it would be very cool if it could find more people and just help like, if it helps people, that's really all I want. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, I'm looking right now, because I'm looking and the Facebook filter, which I have no control over, caught a bunch of posts. And I think it thinks that, anyway, there's six posts here I have to approve. One is about adhesive allergies. One is about what somebody uses to help with that. One is about like a little girl who is having trouble with their CGM. One is somebody saying, I had a rough day. You know, sharing their graph wants to talk about it for this, you know, talking about diabetes being hard for them. Like, here's somebody just has a bleeder on a g6 and they're not sure what to do about it. Like, like, you know, me, like that. There's a place these questions can be, like, asked, and so quickly people will give you a reasonable answer. It's awesome.

Jody 1:08:18
Well, even, like, the CGM, so, I mean, I know diabetes. Who else you know? They see a bleeder, and they're like, I have to take it off, right?

Scott Benner 1:08:28
And it might not be right. Like, so somebody might come to you and say, Hey, listen, that might work. Like, chill for five seconds and see

Jody 1:08:35
yeah right, yep, check it, like, with a finger stick and see if it's accurate. Yeah, yeah.

Scott Benner 1:08:40
Yeah, it's just so much good stuff, like I am so happy that the people find it and that they're finding value in it, and hearing your story just makes me thrilled that it was helpful to you. So thank you very Thank you. I really appreciate it. Hold on one second.

Arden has been getting her diabetes supplies from us med for three years. You can as well us med.com/juicebox, or Paul, 888-721-1514, my thanks to us med for sponsoring this episode and for being longtime sponsors of the Juicebox Podcast. There are links in the show notes and links at Juicebox podcast.com, to us, med and all the sponsors. A huge thanks to my longest sponsor, Omnipod. Check out the Omnipod five now with my link. Omnipod.com/juicebox, you may be eligible for a free starter kit, a free Omnipod five starter kit at my link. Go check it out. Omnipod.com/juicebox Terms and Conditions apply. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox Okay. Well, here we are at the end of the episode. You're still with me. Thank you. I really do appreciate. Appreciate that. What else could you do for me? Why don't you tell a friend about the show or leave a five star review? Maybe you could make sure you're following or subscribed in your podcast app, go to YouTube and follow me, or Instagram. Tiktok. Oh gosh, here's one. Make sure you're following the podcast in the private Facebook group as well as the public Facebook page you don't want to miss. Please do not know about the private group. You have to join the private group. As of this recording, it has 51,000 members in it. They're active, talking about diabetes, whatever you need to know. There's a conversation happening in there right now, and I'm there all the time. Tag me. I'll say hi. If this is your first time listening to the Juicebox Podcast and you'd like to hear more, download Apple podcasts or Spotify, really, any audio app at all, look for the Juicebox Podcast and follow or subscribe. We put out new content every day that you'll enjoy. Want to learn more about your diabetes management, go to Juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and look for bold beginnings, the diabetes Pro Tip series and much more. This podcast is full of collections and series of information that will help you to live better with insulin. Hey, what's up, everybody? If you've noticed that the podcast sounds better and you're thinking like, how does that happen? What you're hearing is Rob at wrong way recording, doing his magic to these files. So if you want him to do his magic to you, wrong wayrecording.com, you got a podcast. You want somebody to edit it. You want rob you?

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#1542 After Dark: Lighthouses

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.

Max opens up about bipolar disorder, body image, and the partner who supports her through complex mental and physical health battles.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.

Max 0:16
My name is Max. I just turned 28 and I've been a type one diabetic for 21 years.

Scott Benner 0:25
If you're living with type one diabetes, the after dark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about, from drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction and so much more. Go to Juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and click on after dark there, you'll see a full list of all of the after dark episodes. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan.

Summertime is right around the corner, and Omnipod five is the only tube free automated insulin delivery system in the United States, because it's tube free. It's also waterproof, and it goes wherever you go. Learn more at my link, omnipod.com/juicebox That's right. Omnipod is sponsoring this episode of the podcast, and at my link, you can get a free starter kit. Terms and Conditions apply. Eligibility may vary. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox today's podcast is sponsored by us Med, us, med.com/juicebox, you can get your diabetes supplies from the same place that we do. And I'm talking about Dexcom, libre, Omnipod, tandem and so much more. US, med.com/juicebox, or call 888-721-1514,

Max 2:01
my name is Max. I just turned 28 and I've been a type one diabetic for 21 years.

Scott Benner 2:08
That was perfect. So we're gonna keep going. You've been on the podcast before. Where could people hear you?

Max 2:12
So I'm on one of them. My first episode was a after dark episode. It's called life struggles. And then my second one was called peach clobber. And that one we kind of went over, you know, my name transition from Maddie to max and kind of what was going on. You know, just updating you on life,

Scott Benner 2:33
everything. Yeah, it was, it was a catch up episode. It was awesome. So what are we doing this time? I feel like you're the one person I track through their life. Honestly, yes,

Max 2:40
yes. And that's kind of like what I wanted to continue, I guess, yeah, no, it's awesome.

Scott Benner 2:45
And I've put you off a couple of times. You've tried to get on the schedule, and I was like, Oh, I can't do that, or it's been too soon, or anything. So I appreciate you being patient. Obviously. Give people just a couple of minutes. Like, where were you in your first episode The after dark was called, what was it called? Life struggles, okay? And where were you at that point? At that point, I

Max 3:09
had kind of gone over, you know, like, kind of the main point of trauma in my life, and we talked about that things were like, okay, at that point in life. Kind of gotten back on track with my diabetes. Things were going all right. And then into the second episode, things were going south again.

Scott Benner 3:30
How did they How did they go south? Is it so I,

Max 3:33
you know, wasn't taking care of myself again. I was in an abusive relationship. I was like, currently leading when we were recording that episode. But I mean leading the situation, which is really great. I, you know, started in a new field and work after that. I know a lot of stuff has happened since then. Really, I feel like that one was like our longest span without an episode.

Scott Benner 4:02
So episode 558, is called after dark life struggles. And then peach clobber is 812, so you haven't been on the podcast for like three years. This was you were on in 2021 then again towards the end of 2022 and now we're recording. It's spring 2025 Wow. Just tell people about your name change, and then we'll dive into where you are. Like, how did you What was that calling you in the first episode? What was that calling you in the second episode?

Max 4:30
So you're calling me Maddie in the first episode and then max in the second so the way that all happened was, I was a waitress at the time, and at that point in time, there's three of us, three Maddies on the floor, and it was getting really confusing, you know, differentiating between whose table was next, because there's three of us, and you'll get scheduled on a lot at the same time, right? So I was like, You know what? Like, I'm gonna change my name. On my card, so you can tell who's who. And so I chose Max, and I really liked that. So after a while, I started introducing myself as Max outside of work, and it just stuck. Yeah,

Scott Benner 5:14
psychologically. Do you think there was value from changing your name? Like, did it give you the permission to leave something behind, maybe, yeah,

Max 5:23
so we actually talked about that a little bit in the second episode. Or it was like, I kind of like shedded, you know, the old Natty, you know, I realized, you know, I was growing up into a different person, like, different values. I wanted to get my life on track. Like I was sick of, you know, just I wouldn't want to say doing the bare minimum, because I was still doing a lot, but I knew there was a lot I could improve.

Scott Benner 5:49
Okay? Do this for me. Describe Maddie in two sentences and include your diabetes.

Max 5:55
Okay, Maddie would make sure she got everything that needed to be done for her son, but not for herself.

Scott Benner 6:04
How old were you at that point? How old was your was your son?

Max 6:07
So I think I had turned I was around 24 Okay,

Scott Benner 6:12
yeah, and your son was how How old was he? When you were 24

Max 6:16
he was four, and he had health issues, right? Yeah, he had, he had cancer, right?

Scott Benner 6:23
And when you look back and you see Max, like, describe max, max

Max 6:28
brought light to what needed, what needed to be done, or so. And she started implementing those changes and working her eyes off

Scott Benner 6:39
what forces the transition. I mean, I know you were going through other things. And, I mean, you know, to say, a young, you know, young girl with a with a with a son, going through cancers. I mean, already a lot, but you had, you know, like you said, you had to move away from a situation. But, I mean, do you see it as, like, a pull yourself up moment where you're like, I'm looking at Maddie. This isn't going well. I need to do better. Like, is that it, is it that simple? Or Did something happen that, like, just made you go, Oh God, I have to, I have to change. I feel

Max 7:07
like there's always something that happens. Because, you know, life's always throwing me the hardest of punches. Okay? I feel like there's always, like, a big change, or like something major happens, and it really kicks me into gear. And also just kind of proves to myself, you know, like that I can get through these things, like I can do the things I want to accomplish. Like, the only one that's holding me back is usually myself. Who are

Scott Benner 7:34
you now? Like, present day, I'm still Max, yeah. Are you just a more refined version of that person you described, yeah, yeah. How have you refined it?

Max 7:43
Well, I mean, like, I said, like, I implemented those changes. I'm sticking with them now, more so than I was before. I feel like before I would get through the tough situation and kind of fall back a little bit, you know, like, now I'm keeping it more steady. So

Scott Benner 8:03
instead of the three steps forward, two steps back, you're lunging forward, holding ground, regrouping, doing it again. Yes, yeah. How is your son doing?

Max 8:12
He's doing great. He's doing a lot better. You know, beat cancer. It'll be three and a half years ago now, about Wow, but you know, like, we're having some struggles, you know, getting him back into school. He also was diagnosed with ADHD, so he's on medication now, and that's helped. He's in, they call it like a behavioral unit at school, just because he has, like, really big outbursts. You know, he can become kind of physical when he's escalated. That change in classroom environment, it's helped him a lot. Like, I don't have to be picking him up from school every day because something's happened and he enjoys it, like, he enjoys being at school now, you know, especially with the smaller classroom size, like, it's not very overwhelming for him. Yeah.

Scott Benner 9:00
How old is he now? He's seven. Wow, seven and a half. That's awesome. How were you as a child? Do you notice any of his behaviors being yours or no? Like,

Max 9:10
very few only because, like, when I look back to when I was a kid, like, I had undiagnosed ADHD, so there's, like, some things I can pick from there where I'm like, Oh, yeah. Like, he's kind of like that. But I feel like also me and him are growing up in much different environments, you know, like, I grew up in a very abusive household, you know, I was always walking on eggshells, like things really tough with him, you know, like, I'm very loving, I'm very patient with him, you know, like, he doesn't fear me. So I feel like there's, there's a lot of differences, a couple things, yeah, that are similar. You

Scott Benner 9:45
have a relationship. Are you with somebody? Or how is that going? I

Max 9:49
am actually engaged. Hey, look at

Scott Benner 9:54
you. How long have you been engaged?

Speaker 1 9:56
In? Like, three months

Scott Benner 9:58
now. Wow. I. How old is the relationship? It's about eight months. Oh, wow, that's quick. How old are you? How old are you today? I turned 28 two days ago. Oh, happy birthday. Thank you. That's awesome. Look at you. You're chugging along. Yeah. Do you have a date set? Or is it a little early for that? September

Max 10:15
19, 2026, or 2025,

Scott Benner 10:19
25 Wow, look at you. Awesome. Just found the right person. You could tell.

Max 10:23
Oh, yeah. How do you meet? We met at work. Actually, we worked for the same company, doing the same job.

Scott Benner 10:30
Oh, do you still do the same job? Today's episode is brought to you by Omnipod. It might sound crazy to say, but Summertime is right around the corner. That means more swimming, sports activities, vacations. And you know what's a great feeling, being able to stay connected to automated in some delivery while doing it all. Omnipod five is the only tube free automated insulin delivery system in the US, and because it's tube free and waterproof, it goes everywhere you do, in the pool, in the ocean or on the soccer field. Unlike traditional insulin pumps, you never have to disconnect from Omnipod five for daily activities, which means you never have to take a break from automated insulin delivery ready to go tube free. Request your free Omnipod five Starter Kit today at omnipod.com/juicebox, Terms and Conditions apply. Eligibility may vary. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox type that link in your browser, or go to Juicebox podcast.com and click on the image of Omnipod right at the bottom, there's also a link right in the show notes of your podcast player. Diabetes comes with a lot of things to remember. So it's nice when someone takes something off of your plate. Us. Med has done that for us. When it's time for Arden supplies to be refreshed, we get an email rolls up and in your inbox says, Hi, Arden, this is your friendly reorder email from us. Med. You open up the email, it's a big button that says, Click here to reorder, and you're done. Finally, somebody taking away a responsibility instead of adding one. Us. Med has done that for us. An email arrives, we click on a link, and the next thing you know, your products are at the front door. That simple, us, med.com/juicebox, or call, 88872114, 887211514, I never have to wonder if Arden has enough supplies. I click on one link, I open up a box, I put the stuff in the drawer, and we're done. Us. Med carries everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGM like the libre three and the Dexcom g7 they accept Medicare nationwide over 800 private insurers, and all you have to do to get started is call 888-721-1514. Or go to my link, usmed.com/juicebox, using that number or my link helps to support the production of the Juicebox Podcast. No,

Max 13:01
so I'm actually a electrician, though,

Scott Benner 13:05
no kidding, yeah. How did you get into that crazy

Max 13:09
story? I'm gonna guess. Yeah, so for a year, like, just every year, I was working at a sign shop, so I was like, making, like, commercial signs, you know. So I was doing that, and I really enjoyed it. And I was like, you know, I really like working with my hands. A lot of our machines were breaking down. And I'm like, a tinker. I like to know how things work, you know, I like to get my hands dirty. So a lot of the times I was fixing some of the machines. So I was like, you know, like, I want to look into schooling for this, like, this seems really fun. And so I brought it up to management to see if they would help me, like, pay for schooling. And I was like, I know we really need, like, an in house mechanic, a tech, like, someone like, it would be really beneficial for the company instead of having to hire like, like, outsourcing, because I knew that our closest outsource for a mechanic or a tech was out of state, yeah. So I was like, you'd like, this would be really beneficial. Like, I could still work on the shop floor in areas, you know, and just be like, there as mechanic as needed. And the CEO was like, You know what? Like, yeah, like, that actually seems like a great idea. Why don't you bring it up to our CFO? And he was new, he just got hired onto the company, like, a month or two before, and I brought it up to him, and he was like, All right, like, we'll, we'll have a meeting in a week with, like, the CEO, and, like, we'll go over it. I was like, okay, cool. So a week goes by. I'm like, hey, just checking in to see if you guys had time to sit down and talk with me. He was like, Oh no. Like, I'm sorry we haven't get back to me tomorrow. And I was like, Okay. And that went on for another week. And I was like, You know what? Like, I'm tired of, you know, you guys just like being around the bush, like, not, you know, talking to me, like, what's going on? Yeah. And finally, like, a CFO came up to me, and he was like, let the answers no but not no forever. He was like, we just like, we can't depend on you because of, like, your attendance, because at that time, my son was having a lot of trouble in school. We just can't really depend on you. So it's a no but not no forever. And he was like, I understand it's hard as a single mom. And I was like, No, you don't understand. Actually, you're married, you don't have a

Scott Benner 15:28
kid. From a business perspective, they had a point. Yeah, I

Max 15:33
feel like they, they, they kind of did, but like, my emotions were, like, kind of getting in the way a little bit. So that night, I was, you know what? Like, if they're not going to help me, that's fine, like, I'm going to sign myself up. So I did, and the next day, my CFO actually bring me in again to his office to talk to me about it. And like, he was like, giving me, like, this whole spiel about, you know, like work culture, like this and that. And at the end of it, he was just like, Yeah, but like, I said, like, it's a no for now, but a not no forever. And I was like, it may be a no for you guys right now, but it's a yes for me. Like, I signed myself up last night, and his face was just kind of like in shock, like, it kind of like dropped a little bit, like his jaw dropped. And I was like, yeah, like to write, like, I don't need you guys to help me, like, if I want to move up, like, I like, I care about my job, like I care about my career, my growth, like, I'm going to make sure it gets done. How long was the was the schooling? So I'm actually still in it. So it's about a year and a half long, so I've just got a couple more months.

Scott Benner 16:36
And then did you move jobs, or are you still there? The

Max 16:39
thing about that is that, you know, he was talking about my attendance. Right after that week, my team lead hadn't missed a week of work because of the it was either the flu or COVID. I think it was COVID. The following week, I got COVID, so I had a doctor's note and everything, but I had to miss a week of work, and they pulled me in again and they fired me for

Scott Benner 17:01
being sick. Yes, that's tough. They didn't fire the other person. No, they had had enough for you. You think

Max 17:08
I felt, yeah, I think, I think I was just it, because it was like, also, after that, like me and the CFO, kind of like we were in bumping heads, but it was kind of apparent he didn't like me. Well,

Scott Benner 17:19
I think also, once you make it clear that you'd like to do something else, and they say no, now they probably feel like there's animosity there. And, you know what? I mean, yeah, and maybe, and there probably was, you were, I mean, you

Max 17:31
know, yeah. So they actually got me. They fired me for attendance and insubordination. And I was like, how are you going to get me for insubordination? Right? Why?

Scott Benner 17:41
Like, what did they say? I mean, do you think you did what they said? I asked

Max 17:45
them to give me examples, and they're like, no. Like, it's already been done, and like, this and that and, like, I kept asking, but then there was, like, just a point where I was like, You know what, like, I know I'm not gonna get my job back. Why am I it's like, why am I wasting my breath? So I was like, you know, okay, like, that's fine. I'll sign your paper. I'll leave. And what's crazy is that the CFO did it alone. He didn't tell anyone else in management. He didn't tell my team lead. It was after, like, everyone left. I had stayed a little bit later, and so I was like, when everyone was gone, he pulled me in and fired me the next day, the CEO even reached out to me and was like, I'm so sorry. Like, I didn't know about this. Everyone was like, apologizing to me. And I was like, you know, like, it's not your guys' fault, you know. Like you guys are fine. Like, I don't have any bad blood with you guys. Obviously,

Scott Benner 18:38
they don't like me. So how long were you out of work?

Max 18:41
Only two weeks. Because so they had fired me in the middle of January, like, literally, January 15. I signed up for school on January 2. They fired me on the 15th. I put out some applications, and February 2, I started my job as an apprentice electrician and got licensed. That's

Scott Benner 19:02
awesome. How is managing your diabetes with being an electrician? Is it any different than working on the floor in the shop? No,

Max 19:09
I feel like it's been easier actually, just because I'm moving around a lot, and it kind of made me focus on, you know, like fixing my doses because I'm still on MDI, but I noticed that I was going low a lot because of all the physical activity, and so it helped me, like, harness that a bit better. You know, don't get me wrong, there were times where, like, you have fallen off the wagon for a short amount of time, but I've gotten back on. I never let it be like an extended period of time, like I did before. Yeah, Max.

Scott Benner 19:44
What does that look like? What is falling off the diabetes wagon? Look like? It's

Max 19:48
more like I'm not taking my fast acting insulin like I'm supposed to. It's either like, I'll be like, skipping it because I'm like. Stressed out of work or, like, stuff's going on and it's harder for me to take care of it, which actually kind of ties in something else. And in the middle of last year, I was actually diagnosed with bipolar,

Scott Benner 20:12
really, yeah. How did you get that diagnosis? You

Max 20:16
know, I'm a single mom. I actually became even more of a single mom, because, you know, like his, his dad was in the picture still before, you know, we just, you know, split time, but he ended up terminating his parental rights. Well,

Scott Benner 20:33
how do you do that? I'm looking into that. Now, you brought it up. I might, maybe I can, you know, I mean, get out some of these bills. Well, no, no, seriously, how did that? How did that happen? I don't understand. So, another

Max 20:45
crazy story. In the middle of everything, his dad had, like, moved away to Boise, Idaho for a little bit for work, and that's when we're still splitting time. But I was thinking about, like, Oliver's gonna stay with me. You know, he's already set up in school. He has all of his doctors here, like he's under my insurance, like it was just, it's just logical to keep him here. And he was like, okay, like, I'll pay child support, like, whatever. And, I mean, he never did. But anyways, he had moved to Boise, and I actually had ended up moving in with his parents, because me and his family still have, like, a really strong relationship. Yeah, and a couple months after that, I, you know, because he moved away, and it was just me and Oliver, I, you know, realized that I was like, I need to take care of my diabetes better. Like, I know I'm still struggling with an eating disorder. It was just me and him, like, I really need to be on top of this, because he only had he only has me, yeah, and so I actually contacted my insurance to see where I could go to inpatient treatment or diabetes. And the closest place was in Colorado. And luckily, I guess, at that time, his dad had moved back because things weren't working out with work, so he was going to be watching all over again half of the time, and then my family would step in for the time I was missing. So right as all of that was getting set up, you know, I was already out in Colorado, I'm about to, you know, like, get, like, checked in and everything. I get a call that Oliver's dad's brother, who was like my brother too. He was in the hospital because he had a massive stroke in his brain stem, and he was brain dead. My God. How old was he? Oliver? Or his brother, the

Scott Benner 22:38
brother that had the stroke, he's 21 Jesus. Was that natural or do is it brought on by something

Max 22:45
he had, I don't like, a really rare kidney disease, and so he would, like, swell up really bad. They we knew that it was going to take him at some point, okay, but we didn't think it was going to be associated,

Scott Benner 22:58
sure, sure. And then, but, and how does this lead to the, you know, your son's father being like, Yo, I don't, I don't need to be involved in this anymore. So I

Max 23:04
got that phone call, and I was like, I'm driving back right now. I feel everyone was like, you know, Jordan would want you to go back to the, you know, inpatient treatment, like, finish this. I was like, You're right. Like, I know he would. He would kick my ass if we were, if he were still here. So again, Dr drove back out to Colorado, and then I get a phone call from one of my brothers, and my brother says that while they're getting getting him ready to get in the bath, Oliver said that someone on his dad's side of the family, or like someone that he's near when he's with his dad, was touching him inappropriately in the bathtub. So I drove back again. Max,

Scott Benner 23:42
hold on a second. How do you not give up? You're 28 a lot more than a lot. That's an unfair statement a lot. Like, there's needs to be a bigger word for a lot, but so many things have happened to you. We haven't even gotten to the eating disorder thing and the outpatient thing because it's in the middle of the story. But like, I don't know. Like, how do you not hear that and go, I'm, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna go up to the top of one of these Colorado mountains and sit here for a while. Like, seriously, where do you get the energy for it?

Max 24:09
I honestly don't know. I feel like, you know, my son just really keeps me going. Like, I know I can't let him down, and I need to be the person for him that I didn't have when I was growing up. Yeah,

Scott Benner 24:22
you got a mom motor, that's for sure. Okay, I'm sorry. So your son at that point, how long

Max 24:27
ago was this? This was like, two years ago,

Scott Benner 24:31
two years ago. Your son's getting a bath, and he says, somebody touches me and then, and you're away at outpatient treatment for an eating disorder, yeah.

Max 24:41
So again, yeah. So I talked to other people at the facility, you know, it's like, I have a, really another family emergency, like, I'm sorry I can't, I can't stay right now. And they're like, We understand if you come back, just let us know. Like, we'll be happy to take you because. And but yeah, so I drove back, I had filed a report, and I was like, you know, like, I can't let him go with his dad, you know, like, obviously something's happening while he's over there, so I had to keep him from his dad, and I got a lawyer, and I is fighting for custody of him, because we had never put any of that in place, like, through the courts. And so I was filing for full, like, full custody. So, you know, like, legal everything. And you know, obviously his dad was upset, you know, his brother had just died, like, literally, like a day before, right? And it

Scott Benner 25:39
sounded like his family was supportive of you. They they like you live there and you feel like you had a you felt like you had a good relationship with them, I imagine,

Max 25:46
yeah, definitely. I mean, like, I still do right? I have a very strong feeling about who did it. The person's not, like, blood related, it would be his father's wife's, you

Scott Benner 26:01
don't have to say. But like, somebody, yeah, somebody, like, tangentially related to the family, yeah.

Max 26:06
But like, I mean, like, that relationship between me and his family is still there. Like, they still care for him very much. You know, they're still there for me.

Scott Benner 26:15
Can he see his son? Or can he not even see him? Or can he just not go with your with his dad. So,

Max 26:21
I mean, legally, he's a stranger to him. Now I don't let him see him okay.

Scott Benner 26:27
Do you think he knew it was happening? I don't know okay, because when

Max 26:34
it all happened, and you know, like his dad had finally heard about it, because I wasn't giving Oliver up to him. I'm sorry. I just lost my train of

Scott Benner 26:44
thought. Don't worry. I guess what I'm wondering is, let me take you a different idea. How do you substantiate that to like, a court system, like your son says something, we want to listen to him, but how do you prove it enough to take away, like, his dad's rights? I

Max 26:58
see, I see. So yeah, Oliver only said what happened and where it happened, but so because of that, yeah, like, we couldn't, like, actually, like, put that in place to use against, you know, like, him or whatever. But how do you even make

Scott Benner 27:12
sure it's true? Like, do you mean, like, I'm not saying don't believe the kid. I'm saying it's a big thing. Like, how do you prove it all out? So

Max 27:18
the child goes in for, like, an interview and an examination at the Children's Justice Center. So, I mean, Oliver went through all of that, and I guess, like, Oliver wouldn't say who did it, so we only had the like, the case was closed, but it'll always be able to be open, like any point in time, like, even when he's an adult, if he does decide to say or remembers that they're like, there's, it's like, on file that there was a case open,

Scott Benner 27:49
what he reveals at that Justice Center is enough for the courts to do what they did. No, no. So

Max 27:56
what had happened was Tyler ended up, like, agreeing to giving me, you know, full custody. But he was throwing a fit about how much child support he was going to have to pay. Okay? So he was like, I want the courts to go over, you know, like, do the calculations again. Because it's like the calculations went through ORs. And he's like, I want the courts to do the calculations on how much child support I'm supposed to be paying you, because you just want my money like this and that. And I was like, No, I've never asked you for money like you didn't even pay me child support when you moved to Idaho. So I was like, You know what? Like, if you're really bugging out about having to pay child support, you have the option to terminate your rights so you don't have to pay child support and but you need to understand what that's going to entail.

Scott Benner 28:44
You saw this as a way of, like, just cutting him away. Like, did you think he was going to take that when you told him, like, you could give up your rights? No, no, I didn't.

Max 28:53
Oh, and it was crazy, because I I told my lawyer that, because we're obviously talking through lawyers, two hours later, no less that we had got the response that Tyler agreed.

Scott Benner 29:04
Wow, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everybody. That's sad, yeah, on a lot of different levels, but still, it's sad. Tell me a little bit more about how you figured out there was an eating disorder and going off to treatment for it, and did you ever make it back to treatment? So I mean,

Max 29:24
I knew, like, it was more, like I wasn't accepting it, but like I knew it was there, and I kind of, like, just hit it very well, because, like, I wasn't going, like, to the hospital for DKA or anything like, I'll run it just high enough that I was losing weight, or, like, fix it before I'd have to go to the hospital. But because of, you know, like, his dad being gone again, he like, I kicked to gear where I was, like, it's only me. I need to get help. I need to be there for my son. Like, I need to be healthy. Yeah, that's how it, like, came slight, like, I. Sought the help out myself, like I was gonna make sure everything was gonna be done, Oliver was gonna be cared for, but I actually didn't end up making it back to the facility, because once everything was happening with the courts, that's when, like, I was on top of everything. I'm not gonna let my son be without like, I'm not gonna put him through that. I'm not gonna put him through what I went through as a child, you know, losing my mother. Yeah, it really kicked the entire year. You

Scott Benner 30:26
feel like you pulled it together on your own. Is it a struggle, still, like a daily struggle? Does it rear its head sometimes to come and go? How does it, how does it live in your life now, I

Max 30:35
don't struggle with it anymore, and so I mean, like my blood sugar, my management, had stayed better. I was still having, like, the bad, you know, like self image and struggling with that, but my fiance actually has helped me a lot with that. You know, I'm, I tell them all the time, you know, like I've become more accepting my body, like I'm comfortable in my own body like I'm happy,

Scott Benner 31:02
yeah. How

Max 31:04
has he helped you with that? He makes me believe that he loves my body just the way it is, no matter what which. It was really hard to accept that, especially since, sorry, I'm taking off my boot right now. I just got out of the cast yesterday, so you might hear it in the background. No, it's fine, go ahead. But like, even when, you know, so actually got diagnosed with kidney disease as well a while back. So you know, there's times where if I eat a lot of sodium, like, I'll be really puffy in the morning, like, super swollen. And, like, I struggled with that before, where I was, like, I wouldn't want to go to work, like I wouldn't want to go outside, I didn't want anyone to see me, like I thought it was disgusting

Scott Benner 31:45
because you were retaining water and you were you were puffy, okay? And

Max 31:49
now, you know, like, he calls me his puffy pastry princess, and it makes me happy.

Scott Benner 31:56
Well, you know, it's interesting to hear somebody say, like, how, you know, I'm uncomfortable with my body, and I think people would immediately maybe jump to the idea that that's just like your size or something like that, but it's, it's got a lot more to do with a lot more than they might imagine. Yeah, it's a strange thing to hear you say that you you're uncomfortable with how you look, but only strange from the perspective of somebody who doesn't understand what like body dysmorphia might feel like. Yeah. I mean, a lot of the things that you're going through and that a lot of people go through, are quite elusive, as far as like, being able to explain them to the masses, to people who don't go through it. Because I probably said this in both of your episodes, I'm happy to say it again. You're adorable. It is heartbreaking to hear that you don't, like, look in a mirror and see that, yeah. I mean, like, I feel,

Max 32:47
I mean, like, now that I'm healthier, like, I am just, like, slightly bigger, you know, just as I'm not using my diabetes, you know, for weight loss. So I'm like, I'm a little bit bigger, but like, I know that I'm healthy. Yeah, I know that I'm healthy. I know that I'm loved. I know that it doesn't matter what I look like and I like. Really come to accept that.

Scott Benner 33:10
What in your past Do you think led to your body dysmorphia? My stepdad? Oh, for sure, yeah. And is that the way he spoke to you or interactions?

Max 33:23
Yeah. I mean, like he would tell me to, you know, like, eat less. You would tell me I was too fat to go to work. He would force me to work out a lot.

Scott Benner 33:34
That is a lot, obviously, and then get away from him. But that still sticks to you. That's not a thing you can shake, right?

Max 33:42
Yeah, yeah. It stuck with me for a really long time, but you don't feel the same way now. No, no, I don't. And you know, you know, just like, as an adult, and like, I know he was wrong for what he did. I know he was just wrong period, yeah? But, you know, like, I look back at that stuff and I'm, like, ill, like, I was just a child and, like, obviously, like, I believed you like, most everything he said, you know, like he was, quote, unquote, my parent figure, no, I hear you. I understand,

Scott Benner 34:15
I mean, I understand why it would get you like that. It just, it's, it's valuable for you to explain it so other people can hear and tell people, just for people, just real quickly. How old were you when you were diagnosed? Type one? I was seven. Seven. Okay, so at some point you figure out, if I hold back my insulin, keep my blood sugars higher, you know, my body is. It weighs less and, yeah, you manipulate that. How long do you think you did that for? Oh, geez,

Max 34:40
it was just over 10 years, like, when it's crazy is that, you know, like when I was much younger, like I went to rehab for my eating disorder. I, you know, have a lot of like, self help books on it. And actually, the average amount of time that it takes to fully recover for. An eating disorder is about 10 years. And

Scott Benner 35:03
that's 10 years of working at it and trying and yeah and failing and bounce like, like you said earlier, like three steps forward, couple back, start again, and then, but she didn't give up. It's pretty awesome. Thank you. Yeah, if I had to say to you, what's the first thing you think of when I say, What saved your life? Is it your son? Yes, yeah, right. Like, always being a mom, like

Max 35:27
so many points in my life, so many and now

Scott Benner 35:31
you've met a guy that you you seem to like, that's awesome. And how does he feel about the like, how do you feel? Well, let me get my timeline straight. First you met him, you said, not that long ago, about eight months ago, okay, when did you get your bipolar diagnosis? Just a

Max 35:46
couple months before that, before, like, 910, months ago, 10 months ago, I say,

Scott Benner 35:50
so that's something he knows about when he meets you, or at some point, okay, how do you introduce that to somebody, and how do they blend it into their like, you know what I mean? Like, how does that? Like, how did he hear that and then go, Okay, make sense of it. And said that this doesn't stop me from wanting to be in a relationship so

Max 36:08
with it. So, like, I have so many medical conditions, like diagnoses and stuff. What I love about him is that when I tell him about these things, he actually learns about it, or, like, asks me about it. You know, he wants to know, you know, and he doesn't like, there isn't that stigma when you like, first tell someone like, oh, like I'm bipolar, and they're like, oh, like you're crazy, like, I don't want to be around you where he genuinely cares,

Scott Benner 36:35
learns about it and tries to figure out how to help you with it, yeah. Well, that sounds like love and does he have anything going on? No, no. Medically for

Speaker 1 36:45
him, like he's pretty healthy, I'd say, like he's pretty

Scott Benner 36:49
good. He's like, I'm unencumbered. I can handle a couple of things. Yeah, it's really very lovely. What aspects of your health Do you find that sharing helps you with? And have there been anything that you just haven't told him about, like, stuff that, you know, I mean, you're like, No, this is for me, or are you just a completely open book? I have

Max 37:08
a completely open book. Like, he has a list of all my diagnoses and like medications that I take, and like, even helps me with, like, taking my medication, like, he'll remind me. And like, you know, like, we have, like the share app, or like the Dexcom, and he'll, like, look at my blood sugars and make sure I'm okay if I'm not paying attention.

Scott Benner 37:30
So when you're using insulin or or withholding insulin to manipulate weight, you have an actual moment where just life gets overwhelming and you forget to Bolus for a meal. Like, how do you know the difference between, like, slippery slope or the eating disorder, and what's like, just burnout, or is there no difference? Do they just go hand in hand? I feel like there's

Max 37:53
definitely a difference. So, like, with my eating disorders, like I was fully aware of what I was doing and like, I was, I was purposely doing it when I just, like, missed a dose. It's like, Oh shoot. Like, I missed a dose. I can see it in my blood sugar now, like, let's just take care of it. I did have like, a little bit of a burnout, you know, just a couple months ago. But like I said, like, Chris helps me a lot, and he kind of helped me, like, get back on track. And he's like, you know, like you need to be healthy for all of us, like we want you to be in our lives as long as possible. And he's definitely a big part of my support system.

Scott Benner 38:32
And on top of that, does he understand the slippery slope nature of that and the eating disorder? Yes, yes, he does. Like, he

Max 38:41
knows about all my history, and, you know, like, I said, like, I'm very open with him, yeah, because, like, I know when I'm doing things like that purposely, you know, like, all, like, I'll tell them, you know, like, hey, like, this was, like, this would happen in my past, you know, so, just so you're aware, like, if, like, you see any of these things if, if I notice these things, like, I'll tell him, or like, he'll tell me, like, hey, like, sniff us in the bud,

Scott Benner 39:08
and you're able to hear that and not get defensive,

Max 39:12
yeah, awesome. I really care about his input, and I take it to heart and I act on it. No,

Scott Benner 39:20
that's crazy. I mean, crazy because, like, I've been married for like, 30 years, and, you know, that's your goal, that's everybody's goal, but it's sometimes somebody says something to you and you're just like, whoa, what? Like, you know what? I mean, like, you have a defensive reaction to it, but, but you're not that's crazy. Crazy exciting for me. Actually, it's a thing. I was just like, oh, okay, what about the management of the bipolar? Like, I mean, that's a whole new thing to learn about. It must be difficult to find a good doctor. How do you like, how do you manage it? Does it flare? You know, what's it look like?

Max 39:51
That's crazy. Actually. Like, how I got the diagnosis? It was middle of last year. I was, you know, obviously, really burnt out. My diabetes with all of her, you know, because it was like, it like just me at that time now, because his dad was out of the picture, and I was getting super overwhelmed, like I was bawling my eyes out, like every day, like I was just really down and depressed, like I couldn't handle it anymore, like I was getting close to sending my son with my sister, one of my sisters, because she's a foster parent. Like, it got to that point where I was like, I can't handle it. I believe that Oliver would have been better off with someone else. My mom was like, here, like, here's this emergency, like, helpline, or like, something like that. Like, call them, see if they can help you in any way. And I was like, okay, so I did call that phone number, and, you know, talk to them on the phone for a while. And what was crazy is that while I was on the phone with them, and they were telling me that they were gonna fly me out to Florida for treatment for a month, the next day, there was a baby praying mantis that I saw in front of me, like, just appear. And I, like, looked up, feel like the meaning of like praying mantises, like, if they cross your path or whatever. And it was like something like hope and like good things happening and like success, like this and that. And I remember, like crying even more. I ended up switching it to, like, two days to be ship, shipped out to Florida so I could get like, like work taken care of, like, Oliver's care stuff like that, before I left. And so in Florida they that's where they diagnosed me with the bipolar, and they put me on medication. I've only switched medications once, and it seemed to be working really well for me. I've noticed a difference with my diabetes management while I've been on that medication, because so, I mean, like, I'm on Adderall, and it helps me take my medication, but I noticed that there would be, like, a couple months where it was a lot easier for me, and then a couple months where it was a lot harder, and then again, it was just like this, up and down, up and down. But it's like I was not taking care of myself for, like, a really long, extended period of time, okay, but so once I got on the medication, it helped with those lows and helped me stay more steady in my care. Awesome.

Scott Benner 42:20
That's great. So the medication, like, by helping you feel more what are we looking for to feel normal? Like, what's the word use? I would use,

Max 42:29
like, steady. Okay, because of the bipolar, you have those highs and you have those lows, the medication really helps me feel more steady. Okay,

Scott Benner 42:37
awesome. So when you have that, and you're able to think, and your ADHD is being managed, well, then you're able to focus on things. And do you see yourself as, like, oh, like, This is who I could be. You know what I mean? Does every Have you ever had a hindsight moment where you've looked back and thought, like, I wonder if, like, some of this would have helped me in the past?

Max 42:56
Oh, yes, a lot with both medications, for sure, really, again. Like, it makes looking back, it makes a lot of sense. For a long time, I thought it was just my period making me crazy, my body could be a lot healthier for sure. Like, maybe I wouldn't have the kidney disease or neuropathy, you know, I wouldn't have the chronic pancreatitis, the epi I feel like I could have been a much healthier individual.

Scott Benner 43:22
And so does that give you a lot of like, perspective? Does that make you excited for where you are? Does it make you sad for what you missed? Or maybe both? I don't know,

Max 43:29
I feel it's definitely a bit of both. You know, sometimes I don't refill my medications at the right time. So like, maybe I'll, like, go a day without one of my pills, you know, like, I might be, like, feeling like my nerve pain, for example, and I'm like, you know, like, if I took care of myself better when I was younger, like, I could have prevented this, but, like, I realized, like, it wasn't, like, entirely my fault.

Scott Benner 43:52
What do you do with those feelings? Like, how do you manage through them? I'll usually

Max 43:56
Dr Chris will be like, my body's so broken, and he's like, you're okay, like, I love you. It'll be fine. Like, we'll get on top of this. Don't worry. Find

Scott Benner 44:05
the hope is just the important part is that it is it just being hopeful that's valuable.

Max 44:09
I'm very hopeful. I'm a very hopeful person. I'd say you

Scott Benner 44:13
would have to be, I imagine is that the key in a moment when you're dealing with something that's from the past, that can't be changed, that's had an impact on today. But it's not the end of you like you can, you know, you can still manage like that. Hope is what is, what allows you to just gather up and go, Okay, this is the current situation. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna play with the cards I was dealt. Kind of a thing,

Max 44:34
actually. I always remember this picture. I was, like, scrolling on social media, like, a long time ago. And, you know, like, a few sentences on it, and it says, you know, like, you only got like, $1 to your name, like, just keep going. Like the car broke down. Like, just keep going. Like, it gives like, these lists of examples, you know, like things that happen. And at the end of every sentence says, just. Keep going. And that just stuck in my head, right? That's

Scott Benner 45:05
good advice. Advice, simple, obvious, sometimes, but not always, obvious enough to take and, and I think probably the secret of most people who persevere, you know, yeah,

Max 45:16
because, I mean, there's, there's nothing you can do to change the past, like, what's happened, has happened. You know, the only thing you can do is go into action in the present to change the future. Yeah,

Scott Benner 45:29
that's, that's an incredibly valuable thought. I hope you should say that twice so people heard it for sure. I

Max 45:35
think you actually second set in the second episode, yeah? Well,

Scott Benner 45:38
keep saying it, because the people need to hear it, but it's working for you. And I think it's great to show like, you know, a gap of a number of years between the thing you said, and, you know, you're still doing it, and it's still helping you through some pretty significant issues like yours is not like for the faint of heart. You know what? I mean, you're not on here talking about, like I went to school and somebody was mean to me, like you got big stuff going on, you know, and that you keep pushing through like this is awesome. Where do you see yourself in another 10 years?

Max 46:09
I see myself successful and happy with my family, and now just living life, not letting things bring me down in not letting myself add up more health issues on top of what I've got

Scott Benner 46:25
just do well and try to maintain better yourself where you can enjoy your life. Yeah,

Speaker 1 46:31
pretty simple.

Scott Benner 46:34
Well, you know what? It does seem pretty simple, and then you try to do it, and it's not always that simple. Yeah, right. Just keep going, yeah. But also having good people around you is valuable. More than valuable, it's, it's key, you know, yeah, yeah, because you've had times where you've been you and had people around you who aren't helping, and it's hard to get through that, and now you're just being you more, but with a person with you who's supportive and understanding and and you can see, you get a lot more poor motion that way. Do you ever think about getting an insulin pump?

Max 47:04
Yeah, so actually, I just got a new endocrinologist, and I was gonna speak to them with that about that

Scott Benner 47:11
you're up to thinking about it now, yeah. Where do you think the value will be for you by going to it? Obviously

Max 47:18
I could have tighter control on my blood sugar. The only thing that worries me is the tubing. Of course, it was like, just like in my field of work, you know, I'm having to climb, you know, like, around and go into tight spaces, and I'm in ceilings, you know, and there's a lot of things that, like, you know, brush against my body, or it's like, I don't want the tubing to get snagged. But then I know there's also the Omnipod. I know that, you know, like, I've had a couple sensors rip off, you know, like at work, because, you know, again, like climbing through stuff, having to crawl stuff, like that. So I'm worried, you know, like that, Omnipod could also, you'll be ripped off of me. Well,

Scott Benner 47:58
yeah, I mean, your options are Omnipod or like the Moby, the tandem Moby, like those seem like two smaller like options. And I think maybe, if you just, I mean, I've heard a lot of people talk about this that are in the trades, so I would think if you treated them, maybe the way football players treat them, one of those sports wraps, maybe they keep it a little tight to you while you're working, that might really help. I mean, listen, it's not, it wouldn't stop you from hitting a piece of duct work and maybe ripping it off, right? If you really, like, made a close turn and caught something. But I would think for the bumps like and, you know, nudges and stuff like that, that might be valuable. You know, it's an extra step. If you think the pump is going to help you, you know, any pump is going to help you, and that's what's holding you back. There might be some workarounds there. Yeah, you're right. I didn't think about that. Yeah, that's why I'm here. I'm just here to make a podcast. And then, you know, an hour into it, mentioned that you could do like a sport, pretty much my job. And to give you a place to tell your story and everybody else, can you tell people a little bit about I haven't had a lot of people on three times. Let me say something I know you'll take well, okay, you're not the most dynamic speaker. Like, you're not like, big and like, you don't get like, oh, like, you're not loud, you don't grab people's attention. You're not telling, like, super fun stories. Your stories are like, bummers. They're stories of, like, getting through tough things in life. But they're very valuable. People enjoy hearing them. I think they give people perspective. You have a ton more perspective than most people do, so you're lending it out to them, but I want to know, like, what makes you keep wanting to come back? Like, what is this doing for you? This process of talking to me,

Max 49:30
I like to tell people that I feel like I'm a lighthouse. And what I mean by that is that it's like I am a beacon of hope, you know, just because of what I have gone through, you know, like I can share my experiences with others. Be like, Hey, like you're not alone. You're not the only one. Like you, you can get through this like you, you will be okay. The lighthouse also means a lot to me, because my mother, she loved lighthouses. You know, we had a whole bunch of like, little statues. Shoes and my clocks and little trinkets, you know that were lighthouses. And you your your ship, it's out at sea, going through rough waters, and you just look for that beacon of light,

Scott Benner 50:12
yeah, who is your lighthouse? Who is my lighthouse? Oh, that's a good question, yeah, because I like that. You feel like you want to be that for other people, but like, who's doing that for you? And, I mean, your guy is an easy answer, but you haven't known him that long. So like, Who or what have you used over the years? Maybe you've had a number of different lighthouses, like, what have you used over the years that have that's done that for you? I

Max 50:36
don't know actually, like, I had never thought about that. You have

Scott Benner 50:42
a caregiver mentality, obviously. Like, I mean, you're a young mom whose kid had cancer and you got through that. You're wired to help people. And so it's interesting that when I asked you that question, what you said was, I help I want to do it to help people, which is awesome. I'm not saying otherwise, but who's helping you? Or what do you use that gives you that thing? Like, I'll give you mine outside of my family, which I think is, you know, probably pretty obvious, but I got a note the other day that said that the Facebook group is, you know, I don't want to, like, give somebody's thing away. This person's having mental health issues. They found the Facebook group, and it's helping them significantly, and they outlined for a while how it helped them. And I thought, Oh, that's awesome. Like, you know, like, so great that this is working for somebody. But then another person comes into the thread and says, I use this group in a very similar way, and then told their story in a post, you know, then another person comes and another and these statements get likes and hearts, and people come in and they go, this thing is so valuable for me. And I think that seeing other people helped helps me, and it allows me to keep doing the thing I'm doing. Because this could get meticulous, and it doesn't like the making of like, I've recorded five podcasts this week, and people could say like, oh, it's easy. You sit down and do it. Trust me, you go ahead and do it. You go ahead and, you know, interview and talk and and, you know, do all the technical things around this. You won't do it for two weeks. It's not easy. When it gets too businessy, like, you know what I mean? Like, it just feels like the thing I do every day, someone steps up and shares a story about the thing that I did and how it helped them, and it gives you enough energy for me, at least, it gives me enough energy to want to do it again so that someone else could do it. Because 11 years into this max, like most people would have quit, or they would have wanted to grow it into something else, or turn it into something else. And I just like what this thing does for people with diabetes. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I'm not looking to make it different or bigger or, you know, I'm not looking to go on YouTube and see, like, Oh, this is what people think is good now, like, I should try to shift to that. Like, I don't want to shift to that. Like, if my thing never grows past where it is right now, it doesn't matter to me, because I know what it does for the people who find it. And so I would think that everyone listening who either takes the time to share back with me, or at least I see them out there, through downloads and in streams and stuff like that. Like, I know that some of them, maybe a lot of them, are getting something similar to what the people who share with me online are experiencing. And to me that, like, I draw the light out of that, but I'm wondering, like, where do you get it from

Max 53:24
now that I put more thought into it? Like, I don't want to sound like vain or anything, but I feel like it's almost for myself. Nothing wrong with that. Like, I I'll, like, tell people, or like, mostly Chris or like, I look back all my life and I see, like, all the things I've been through, all the things I've overcome, all the challenges and, you know, like that I've been able to get to just keep going. And it keeps me, like, in the mindset that, you know, like that I can conquer or accomplish whatever gets thrown, like thrown my way, yeah, and

Scott Benner 54:05
I'm very lucky that I am this way, because a lot of things I've been through, I'm sure, have taken people's lives. Actually, I gotta tell you, if nothing else came out of your three interviews. I'd be happy if nothing else, but what you just said came I think a lot more came out of it than that. But that was maybe the most insightful and thoughtful thing that anybody said to me in quite some time. You're your own lighthouse. And you said, I don't wanna sound vain, but I was like, What is she gonna say? But that doesn't sound vain at all. It doesn't sound like anything but confident and not confident, cocky or confident, like you're just like, look, what I've been through is a beacon. And if I can't find that beacon somewhere else, I'll just shine it out into the world and then draw it back for myself as well. I'll help other people if I can, but I'm gonna use it to help myself. Seriously, that was awesome. How did you come up with that? I. Been, is that a thing you've thought before? No, no.

Max 55:05
Like, I've never thought about, you know, like, who's my Lighthouse or where I get it from? So

Scott Benner 55:11
off the top of my head, that's it. We should stop. I should never make another episode of this podcast. It should be the last thing anybody has said on here, which is, go out there and put good stuff out into the world. And then, you know what? If somebody won't give it back to you, take some back for yourself. That's awesome. Not really. It's so simple too, but not because I have to write that down. We'll workshop it. We'll get it down to a T shirt slogan. But No, but seriously, that is really, maybe, like, one of the more compelling and thoughtful and uplifting statements anybody's made in a long time. That right there is why I don't care what people think is popular or what's popular in the moment, but a thing like Tiktok or a short on YouTube, I don't care if you know how the delivery systems change over time, nothing's going to replace long, thoughtful, sometimes rambling conversations with an interested interviewer, because that is not a thing you say out loud if we don't spend the last hour talking. And I might argue that, had we not spent three, you know, two hours talking prior to that too. So that was really wonderful, man, you just made me my whole weekend is going to be better now,

Max 56:27
thank you. Oh, I'm like, smiling right now. I'm all happy about it. Good, good. I

Scott Benner 56:32
want you smiling. You deserve it. Yeah, no, seriously, like, don't get don't get meek. Now, Max, you deserve it. You really do. I mean, everyone deserves it, but also it's turned you into a really thoughtful and still young adult. Like, I know that probably doesn't feel that way to you, but like you're young. You know, you don't feel young, I imagine. No, I don't. You're 28

Speaker 1 56:57
feel like I've lived five lifetimes. Oh

Scott Benner 56:59
yeah, yeah. But we need to get you into a place where you're bored. Oh

Max 57:03
no, I am so bored right now because of being in my cast, being home forever, yeah, it's been awful. I've been driving myself crazy. I've been crocheting a lot. Well,

Scott Benner 57:15
not that kind of bored. Well, maybe not that kind of boredom. When you bought a keyboard, I'm talking about like, I'm talking about the boredom that comes with with life, and comfort with knowing that the people around you are going to do the things, and that the support is going to be there, and that the money is going to be there, and that every day is not like, just you wondering, like, what trap you're gonna have to chew your leg out of next you know what? I mean? Yeah, I like a little bit of that, like, comfort for you. And it sounds like maybe this is going to happen. Being an electrician is a reasonably good paying job, is it not? It is? Yeah, what's the boy do he making some money? Yeah, he does the same thing. I do awesome. I love it. And do you have? How many kids do you have? Like, why do I not feel like I know that exactly,

Max 58:00
so it's crazy about it. So I have Oliver, but I actually just had a miscarriage a couple days ago. Oh,

Scott Benner 58:07
my God. Well, don't Jesus, how did you even come on here to do this? I don't know. Well, no,

Max 58:14
it's crazy, though I've been obviously thinking about it a lot. Yeah, so I know we talked about, you know, like my mother passing, and how she had died the day before my birthday. I found out I lost the baby the day before my birthday as well. Jesus.

Scott Benner 58:29
Were you trying to get pregnant? No, it was a

Max 58:33
surprise. I was telling Chris. I was like, and I told my sister as well. I was like, I feel like my mom is watching over me, and or at least I want to believe you know, that she's watching over me and that she just knew it wasn't the right time in my life for that to happen. Yeah, and she decided that she needed to take care of the baby for

Scott Benner 59:03
me. Well, that's a nice way to think about it, for sure. I'm sorry that that happened. You hear people say things happen for a reason all the time. I don't know if I, you know. I don't know how far into that I can, I can buy, but I don't think you need another new thing in your life. Like, honestly, like, I, I'd like to see you just settle in and just stay the course for a while, not saying that I'm happy for you know, your sadness, obviously, but I can see value in you not having another thing, yeah, you know. And no matter what it is, I wouldn't tell you shouldn't buy a kitten. Do what I'm saying. I don't want you doing anything. I want you. I want you like, just work on your relationship. Take care of yourself, you know, and and get into a nice rhythm, get through with your schooling and, and, you know, get out there and make yourself some money and be comfortable. Take care of all the things you got going on. It sounds like you're doing great, like you just need to stay the course.

Max 59:54
Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think I've really come to, like, a turning point in my life where, for. Most part is on the up.

Scott Benner 1:00:01
You're on the upswing. As far as I can say. This sadness aside, but I mean, listen, maybe nobody better to deal with something sad than you, like you should be able to traverse this. I'd be surprised if this was the thing that got you, you know, yeah, I'll finish up with this. Do you ever have a thought in your head, like, where you go? Like, has enough? Not like, is this it like, how can there be more? Have you ever thought, yeah, I would think that. I mean, honestly, a lot, yeah, it's not how it works. You don't just like, Oh, I got one thing. I don't get two things. I got three. You can't get four. Like, but like, at some point, have you ever stepped back and said, like, Where's all this coming from? Can you see where it's coming from? Or is it just randomness? Like,

Max 1:00:45
I was like, Hitler to pass life or something. You

Scott Benner 1:00:50
know what happened? SCOTT I um, I was a terrible person in a past life. I'm getting paid back. Yeah, everybody feels that way. I bet who has, like, type one or other autoimmune stuff, they're probably like, Oh, what did I do? Like, kick puppies in my last life or something. And does it just seem random? Like, have you ever, like, had a moment where, because, like, you've, you know, talked about a couple of signs in your life today and everything like that? Have you ever had that feeling of, like, this is where it's coming from? Or, I mean, would that be silly too? I feel

Max 1:01:17
like most, if not all, of the things, like, the major things that I've been through have been at random, like there was no reason, like or like it was unpreventable. And I'm just so lucky to, you know, experience all of them, but I don't feel like it really stems from anything purposeful. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:01:37
it's actually not my question, but Arden and I were in the car last night together, and I don't know what we were talking about, but she said, and she had never really said this at any point to us in the past, but she goes, like, there's times when I've thought, like, Okay, well, like, that's gotta be it. You know, like, something comes up, and she's like, well, that has to be it. And it's interesting to see it from her perspective, because from our perspective, like she was younger, you know, growing up and being diagnosed with type one, and then, you know, thyroid and like, other stuffs come up since then, and you're always so busy as a parent, like trying to just ducks in an order figure out the best form of treatment, like the things that you can do, I don't think we take the time to see it from their perspective, like it's now it's another thing to be, another thing to do, another thing to forget, another thing to fail at, another thing to succeed with. It's a lot more than Oh, your thyroids mess that you just take this pill to the person taking the pill. It's a lot more than that. Yeah, that's what made me think to ask you, because it was the phrasing she used, like, a couple of times in my life. I thought, Oh, this must be it. And then she laughed. She goes. Now I realized, like, doesn't seem to matter. Like, as many things are going to happen as are going

Max 1:02:49
to happen. Life just keeps going, whether you like it or not.

Scott Benner 1:02:53
Life keeps life and right into you. Yeah, all right. Well, I mean, we're obviously calling this episode lighthouses and yeah. And I really appreciate you coming on and doing this with me again. Thank you. Yeah, of course, I love to come on every time you're awesome. Like, I'm gonna keep doing this just so I can track you. I want to see 10 years from now. You happy? Like, making that, yeah? Like, making the electrician money, and maybe somebody can finally explain to me why I can't get some of my lights working in the house. That'd be awesome. Yeah, I'll come. I'll come pay this. That would be awesome. All right, hold on one second for me. Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you.

Summertime is right around the corner and Omnipod five is the only tube free automated insulin delivery system in the United States, because it's tube free, it's also waterproof, and it goes wherever you go. Learn more at my link, omnipod.com/juicebox, that's right, Omnipod is sponsoring this episode of the podcast, and at my link, you can get a free starter kit. Terms and Conditions apply. Eligibility may vary. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox. The conversation you just enjoyed was brought to you by us. Med, us. Med.com/juicebox, or call 888-721-1514, get started today and get your supplies from us. Med, thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. If you're not already subscribed or following the podcast in your favorite audio app like Spotify or Apple podcasts, please do that now. Seriously, just to hit follow or subscribe will really help the show. If you go a little further in Apple podcasts and set it up so that it downloads all new episodes. I'll be your best friend, and if you leave a five star review, ooh, I'll probably send you a Christmas card. Would you like a Christmas card if you're looking for community around type one diabetes? Check out the Juicebox Podcast. Private. Facebook group. Juicebox. Podcast, type one diabetes. But everybody is welcome. Type one type two gestational loved ones. It doesn't matter to me, if you're impacted by diabetes and you're looking for support, comfort or community, check out Juicebox Podcast. Type one diabetes on Facebook. Hey, what's up everybody? If you've noticed that the podcast sounds better and you're thinking like, how does that happen? What you're hearing is Rob at wrong way recording, doing his magic to these files. So if you want him to do his magic to you, wrong way. Recording.com, you got a podcast. You want somebody to edit it. You want rob you.

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