#1544 After Dark: Eating Disorder

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Jodie opens up about T1D, disordered eating, past trauma, and the strange way Scott's book quietly entered her life.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome back to another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.

Jody 0:15
I'm Jody. I am 41 years old. I live in the Minneapolis area, and I was diagnosed with type one in 2018

Scott Benner 0:26
if you're living with type one diabetes, the after dark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about, from drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction and so much more. Go to Juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and click on after dark there, you'll see a full list of all of the after dark episodes. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. A huge thanks to my longest sponsor, Omnipod. Check out the Omnipod five now with my link, omnipod.com/juicebox you may be eligible for a free starter kit, a free Omnipod five starter kit at my link, go check it out. Omnipod.com/juice box. Terms and Conditions apply. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox this episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by us Med, US med.com/juice box, or call 888-721-1514, get your supplies the same way we do from us. Med,

Jody 1:48
I'm Jody. I am 41 years old. I live in the Minneapolis area, and I was diagnosed with type one in 2018

Scott Benner 1:58
Alright, Jody, we're going to start very strong for me here today, because in the preamble before you were being recorded, when I tell people, like, what they can say, you know, like, you know, don't say people's names unless you're really comfortable with it. You know, try not to give away your geography. I randomly picked Minnesota.

Jody 2:13
I know I was wondering if you just knew I was there. And then before I was recording this morning, I was like, Oh, I wonder if he's gonna know I'm from Minnesota, or everybody will be able to tell from my voice. I don't know if I have a strong accent.

Scott Benner 2:26
Well, apparently my internal monolog knows already, which I don't have an internal monolog my brain knows because I Minnesota is not my go to state for, no offense to Minnesota, it's not my go to state for anything, right? Your football team wears purple. It's cold. There's a lot to go against you. You know,

Jody 2:41
they never win any sports championships or anything. Yeah, no, no,

Scott Benner 2:45
right? I mean, weren't the North Stars good 25 years ago for five seconds?

Jody 2:49
Yeah? Yep. We all love them. Then they leave. Then, yeah. And you know what? The Lakers left too. We used to have the Lakers and yeah, now we're the Timberwolves.

Scott Benner 2:57
Well, if it was like 70 degrees warmer there in the winter people might stay,

Jody 3:01
Yeah, seriously, it gets pretty brutal for a while. No

Scott Benner 3:05
kidding. Are you from there? Like, born and bred? Yep. I

Jody 3:08
grew up in, like, rural Minnesota, about 50 minutes from where I am now, but I escaped there Twin City

Scott Benner 3:15
area. Did you tell me you were 41 did I hear that? Yep, okay, just turned 41 Oh, happy birthday. Thank you, yeah. How old were you when you were diagnosed? So

Jody 3:25
I was diagnosed a week before my birthday, and that was two days, 2018 so you're good at math. Am

Scott Benner 3:33
I seven years ago? Yeah, okay, seven years ago. So that would have made you Oh, geez, 34

Jody 3:40
Yeah, that sounds right, because my son, I have a son, he's almost 10, and he was pretty young when I got diagnosed, three, four, somewhere around there, okay,

Scott Benner 3:48
and the big part of your story, do you feel like happens before your diagnosis?

Jody 3:53
Yeah, a lot of it and it the diagnosis made things pretty complicated. Okay, so

Scott Benner 4:00
tell people what you were struggling with prior to that and when that started, and how long it had been going on.

Jody 4:07
So when I was about 17 or 18 years old, I went on this diet that, you know, my mom won't listen to this because she doesn't know anything about technology, but she told me that when her friends were in high school, they did this apple diet, where they would eat normal and they'd eat an apple for lunch. And so one of my friends and I, we decided to try it just for, you know, kicks. And so nothing really came of that, until I saw myself in pictures from prom, and I noticed that I lost weight, and I liked how it looked. So from there, I started restricting my intake, and I got to a pretty low weight. It didn't take very long, though, until that turned into binging and purging. That was pretty quick.

Scott Benner 4:51
Give me an idea of your like, I'm looking at a photo of you. Are you five? Four ish, oh no, I'm about five eight yo. You're. Tall. Where was your weight in high school? I probably, I

Jody 5:03
know on my, you know, actually, I didn't really weigh myself in high school unless I went to the doctor. We always had a scale at my my parents house, and I know I stepped on it, but I have no idea what my weight was, whereas now I could tell you what my weight was to the 10th, you know, on any given day. So it

Scott Benner 5:20
was just visual for you, like you guys did the apple thing, and then you see a photo, and you say, Oh, I'm it's weird for people to think that you didn't have a lot of photos of yourself when you were younger. But I

Jody 5:29
know, yeah, but, but I do know on my when I turned 18, my driver's license said 135 oh, okay, so I kind of have an idea.

Scott Benner 5:38
And in five eight, that's, I mean, pretty normal, I think so, yeah,

Jody 5:42
I was in sports, so I had a lot of muscle, and I, you know, yeah,

Scott Benner 5:46
so, so in your mind, looking back like you, you didn't have fat to lose in high school.

Jody 5:51
No, no, I say, All right, I had a good I had a good booty, but that's about it, congratulations.

Scott Benner 5:56
Okay, so all this happens. You see the photo, you like it you start, you're restricting your food. How long do you think? Is it months or years, like the binging and the purging to start? So

Jody 6:08
I know that that summer I started restricting to about, you know, 700 calories a day, and then I went to college did this is also when a lot of my alcohol abuse came into play. When I was in my small town. I didn't notice it much, because everyone did it there. We went to bonfires and we partied in fields, and, you know, the cops would come and we'd run and hide in fields, and it was just normal there, yeah, and when I went to college, then it really started more towards Thursday, Friday, Saturday, so it still felt kind of normal. I was blacking out things like that, and the alcohol led me to, you know, I was starving, so I'd come home with my friends at whatever time in the morning, and we'd eat, and I would feel really guilty about that. So I didn't gain weight from that, because then I wouldn't eat till dinner the next day. And then it was over Christmas break, and that I remember the exact time I was standing in my kitchen at my parents house. Nobody was home except my older sister and I, and she caught me. Well, not caught me. She didn't look it that way. I felt caught eating cheddar and sour cream ruffles, and so then I went downstairs, I purged. I drove to go pick up my little sister from dance, and I remember just thinking, that's the solution. Oh, wow,

Scott Benner 7:26
so is the chain of events that you're eating the chips and you don't want to be because you're a person who's restricting their calories so much. Yep, someone sees you doing it, and then that lights up the part of you that you felt guilt like about getting caught, right? And so you would not have purged had somebody not seen you. Do you think that's right?

Jody 7:46
I think that's right. I really don't think I would have okay. Is that a thing

Scott Benner 7:50
you had ever thought of before? Or was it an in the moment, like, I'll just go throw this up. It

Jody 7:54
was really in the moment. Because, you know, I didn't know of eating disorders in high school. I grew up in a small town, nobody, you know, I didn't really know anything about it, so it was all self LED. And the ironic thing is, my sister is only a year older than me. We're best friends. She would never judge me. Yeah,

Scott Benner 8:12
you know, I understand like she didn't actually put that on you. It's the feeling you got just because another person saw you. Yep, wow. Okay, so then, as you're driving to pick up your other sister, it occurs to you I could eat as much as I want and just get rid of it.

Jody 8:27
Yep, oh gosh. How old are you there? I am still 18, because I was on I was at home from my first college winter break. Okay,

Scott Benner 8:36
if you could take a pause for that for a second, can you talk a little more about the drinking culture, yeah, is it everywhere? So,

Jody 8:43
you know, the weird thing is, is, when I went to college, I realized my friends didn't drink a lot like that. And I went to school in Wisconsin, which is a huge drinking state, but I went in La Crosse, which is really close to Minnesota. And, you know, I just realized, like a lot of my friends, they were in extracurriculars, they were in all these clubs where I was in sports. And the ironic thing is, the athletic people were kind of the popular people, but we partied all weekend. You know, people, it was so normal to just get in the car and drive home, because you're in a small town, that's what you did. And all the parents knew about it. You know, it was just kind of hush hush our one time we got busted during volleyball season, and all our coach said was, don't do it. I don't want to hear about it.

Scott Benner 9:29
Yeah? So drinking and driving, absolutely okay, yep, getting obliterated, passing out, all good, as long as you can knock the ball back over the net when we're playing next time. Yeah. I

Jody 9:40
mean, there was a lot of DUIs. I actually had two, and that's what kind of led me to realize this is a problem. My first one, I was coming home from college to go to treatment for my eating disorder, and I, you know, I drank a bunch of vodka on the way home, and I got pulled over, actually, in my hometown, and I blew the preliminary breathalyzer. Was point two, five. Gosh, wow. So, yeah, I did deal with a lot of that. And then Jody, stop

Scott Benner 10:04
for a second. Give me a picture. Here, you have a fifth of vodka in your hand and you're driving home. I cannot

Jody 10:10
remember. I believe, yes, it was in my car, and I don't know if I transferred it to, you know, maybe another container,

Scott Benner 10:17
perhaps, but, yeah, but this seemed I understand. You're a young person driving to go to an eating disorder clinic, which is probably, I'm assuming, incredibly stressful and, you know, but do you remember what you were trying to do with the drinking like, Were you trying to get rid of a feeling go away in your head? Like, yeah,

Jody 10:36
I recognize now that it was the, you know, I had a lot of anxiety that still then, especially in a rural town, it wasn't talked about depression, wasn't talked about anxiety, wasn't talked about trauma, wasn't talked about and I think now looking back, it was the only way I could turn off the physical and mental feelings of anxiety and Depression, right? What kind of trauma? You know, I was in treatment for my eating disorder many times, and I didn't know what was wrong. I was like nothing happened to me. But now, since I've been doing, you know, trauma work and seeing a therapist weekly, it was, you've heard of it, attachment wounds, where I have no memories of my mom. I don't know where she was, there was no connection, and there was a lot of shame at my house. And my grandpa was my best friend, and I was only in third grade when he passed. But I think that was the trigger. And, you know, he was my person, so I really think that was the trigger, and then feeling like I never had a mom.

Scott Benner 11:39
Your mom worked a lot or no,

Jody 11:42
no. See, the odd thing is, she was a stay at home mom.

Scott Benner 11:44
So was she detached, like emotionally, from you or I think so

Jody 11:49
it pretty sure I was not planned, because she got pregnant when my sister was six months, seven months old, yeah, and so I don't think I was planned. It really changed her life. She talked to my older sister about how she was just trapped in the house, couldn't do anything, she had no friends, and I think I was the problem where I really wasn't the problem. I understand she had her own issues, but I think I was the problem so I got a lot taken out on me. Do you think

Scott Benner 12:14
she was angry at you, or do you think she was just like she separated herself emotionally?

Jody 12:19
I think she was angry. I think she was mad that I kind of changed the trajectory of her life.

Scott Benner 12:24
And I know people this has happened to I'm sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Okay, so you, for whatever reason, you feel like you were an anxious person, very

Jody 12:34
Yeah, and a lot of feelings. And you know, my son's the same way, and now we talk about it, and I tell him it's okay. And when he's having big feelings, I sit by him and just let him feel him, and then we talk about him and how, you know, I really admire him because he feels a lot and talks to me about it, and I couldn't do that when I was younger.

Scott Benner 12:53
Yeah. So the drinking is to kind of quell those feelings. But how do you like look back in hindsight on the eating disorder. What do you think that was a response to this episode is brought to you by Omnipod. Would you ever buy a car without test driving it first? That's a big risk to take on a pretty large investment. You wouldn't do that, right? So why would you do it? When it comes to choosing an insulin pump. Most pumps come with a four year lock in period through the DME channel, and you don't even get to try it first. But not Omnipod five. Omnipod five is available exclusively through the pharmacy, which means it doesn't come with a typical four year DME lock in period. Plus you can get started with a free 30 day trial to be sure it's the right choice for you or your family. My daughter has been wearing an Omnipod every day for 17 years. Are you ready to give Omnipod five a try? Request your free Starter Kit today at my link, omnipod.com/juicebox, Terms and Conditions apply. Eligibility may vary. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox find my link in the show notes of this podcast player, or at Juicebox podcast.com I used to hate ordering my daughter's diabetes supplies. I never had a good experience, and it was frustrating. But it hasn't been that way for a while, actually, for about three years now, because that's how long we've been using us med. Us med.com/juicebox, or call 888-721-1514, US med is the number one distributor for FreeStyle Libre systems nationwide. They are the number one specialty distributor for Omnipod, the number one fastest growing tandem distributor nationwide, the number one rated distributor in Dexcom customer satisfaction surveys. They have served over 1 million people with diabetes since 1996 and they always provide 90 days worth of supplies and fast and free shipping. You. US med carries everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGM like the libre three and Dexcom g7 they accept Medicare nationwide and over 800 private insurers find out why. US med has an A plus rating with a better business bureau at usmed.com/juicebox, or just call them at 888-721-1514, get started right now, and you'll be getting your supplies the same way we do.

Jody 15:33
Okay, so now I'm able to see that is because it's still active. I'm in a lot of therapy. I'm making strides, but I think the restricting makes me feel, let's see, probably safer. You know, it doesn't make you safer, but I feel safer. I don't have to feel feelings. I can focus on that, because I know when I eat a little bit more than I want, I just almost panic, and there's a lot of shame, and I don't know what to do, and my head starts spinning. The binging, I think, silences everything, like, just makes me numb. And then the purging, I think, releases all these feelings, like, it just gets them all

Scott Benner 16:11
out. Okay, wow. How long did it take you to figure that out?

Jody 16:15
You know, I had therapists over the years, and now I really have, like, my dream team. They're solid, and I trust them all. And I think really, it started during COVID Because I was furloughed. I took a furlough because I actually made more money. I was in child care at the time, and I started doing more therapy just over zoom. And I think that's when it really I started putting it together

Scott Benner 16:35
five years ago, maybe, yeah, okay. And so prior to that, you were, you lived like this for 20 years. Maybe? Yeah, I was just

Jody 16:43
like, I don't know what's wrong with me. What do I do? This is just a control thing. I need to just figure this out. Oh,

Scott Benner 16:48
you just thought you had to figure out how to stop yourself from doing it. Yeah, I see the process, the binging and the purging that process. Do you think it did it give you, like, something to do, like a hot like, I don't want to call it a hobby, but like the enemy, did it give you a focus? Give you a focus? Like another thing you don't need to distract yourself? Yeah, I noticed

Jody 17:06
I'm a very busy person. I have trouble sitting still. That was how my mom was. I still go home, and I feel very anxious around her. She's always kind of hovering. And when we were younger, you know, we'd go to volleyball practice for five hours in the summer before the season started, and we'd get home and my mom would be like, Why are you guys sitting on the couch? I'll give you something to do. So I'm pretty busy. And I realized when all my things are done and I have nothing to do, I don't know how to just be. I don't know how to sit and watch a show. I don't know how to do a puzzle. I don't know, you know how to just be at my house, yeah? And so I think, and that's, you know, I think that's what it was

Scott Benner 17:47
talking to me more. She was always hovering. What does that mean? Yeah,

Jody 17:51
it was so our couch, our back was to the kitchen, and she was always in the kitchen doing stuff. Who knows what she was doing. But it just always felt like she was there and watching and shaming us. And you know, if there was something sticky on the cupboard, she wouldn't wipe it up, or say, Hey, can someone come wipe this up? Who was ever in the kitchen? She would be like, well, the kitchen is sticky, and nobody ever cleans up after themselves, and they just expect me to. And, you know, so it's always just, that's how she communicated.

Scott Benner 18:18
Okay, I've had those thoughts. I just want to say, Yeah,

Jody 18:22
I know same. And you have to take a deep breath and try not to say him, my son is a disaster.

Scott Benner 18:29
How many kids do you have? Just one? Just one. Okay. Are you married? Not married? No,

Jody 18:34
I'm single. His dad and I actually split up when I when he was about three months old, and that was for the better. We co parent much better. We were together for four years, and we weren't happy. So I actually didn't find out I was pregnant till 21 weeks, but I took pregnancy tests and I was on birth control, so that's really strange. You

Scott Benner 18:56
were over five months pregnant when you found out you were pregnant, yeah, and

Jody 19:00
you know, I was sick at the time with my eating disorder, and so that, you know, that was shock. But when they said, you're about 21 weeks, I knew exactly the date in August when we made him and it was, you know, so it was like I knew, or no, it was July. I knew exactly when it happened. That's how infrequent we are. Intimate. I see

Scott Benner 19:22
okay, yep, lots of fun, yep. What does being in the middle of an active eating disorder due to a pregnancy

Jody 19:29
I was actually I had been in treatment, and I was discharged, and my team, they really acted quick, and they put me inpatient because I was still active in my eating disorder, not as bad, but still struggling. And I was put in patient. They let me discharge and see how I did, and I did not do well. So then the last two months of my pregnancy, I think I yeah, probably two months I was inpatient and then residential, just to keep me safe, because I didn't have much time to plan and wrap my head around this.

Scott Benner 19:59
Yes, oh no, obviously. But I'm saying like, for nutrition and for the baby and for you, like, how do you manage that? It was

Jody 20:06
tough. Inpatient definitely helped. I went on vacation when I was pregnant, and I remember tracking and eating 1200 calories a day, and I really thought that these people were trying to make me fat, like they would add supplements like ensure plus and things like that, because I didn't have diabetes at the time. And I was just like, I really thought this was wrong. And I was trying to convince them how this was wrong. And

Scott Benner 20:27
so how 1200 calories while you were pregnant was way too much, yeah,

Jody 20:31
like I thought, or I thought it was enough, I was like, that's enough. So when I went into treatment and I was eating, you know, like 3000 or so, I was like, This is wrong. I don't know why you're making me eat this much. And I was trying to convince them why it's too much. And I actually much, and I actually was like, I'm gaining too much weight. And they they're like, Well, you're in the last two months of your pregnancy. You're supposed to be and I was like, No, that's not right. I'm not it's too much.

Scott Benner 20:53
The baby came out. Okay. Things were the way you expected. Yep. He

Jody 20:58
was born four days before his due date a lanky little guy. His dad's six five, so he was really long, but he was 615 six pounds, 15 ounces. So yeah, okay, he was a skinny little thing, but he punched

Scott Benner 21:10
up pretty quick. And then how do you feel about yourself after, like, in your postpartum? Like, did it really hit you hard? I guess is my question. I tried

Jody 21:18
really hard. I did work really hard at it, and I did relapse. Though,

Scott Benner 21:22
how long did you make it going like, Oh, I'll keep eating like this. I'll take care of this slowly. I'll stay healthy. Like, how long did that last before you were back to the

Jody 21:30
cycle? Probably, probably a month only. Okay,

Scott Benner 21:35
what was it like that month? What's the voice in your head telling you during that month that

Jody 21:39
he is absolutely worth it? I have to eat, to breastfeed, I have to drink a lot of water to breastfeed. I want a good relationship. I want him to have a different mom than I had. And so I did try really hard. It just, it just didn't stick. I wasn't working on the trauma yet. So it was now that I've started working on the trauma, I'm making strides. I always thought like a different setting would help, a different situation would help, planning out my meals would help, keeping busy would work. But really, now I realize you work on the trauma and then those things come,

Scott Benner 22:10
yeah, it's a symptom of a different problem, right? Exactly,

Jody 22:14
and I'm, I'm glad you know that, because a lot of people don't understand that well.

Scott Benner 22:18
I mean, it makes sense, yeah. I mean, I don't know this is very simple, right? Like, if your roof is leaking, you can't just keep mopping the floor and think this is going to take care of it, right? Yeah? So, yes, I don't know that just seems simple to me. Yep. I think because it's unseen by some or misunderstood by others, like who don't have problems that they grew up with, or don't see the ones that they had, you know, or whatever, were people who were just very happy to say, like, no. Like, this is how it's supposed to be. Yeah,

Jody 22:47
you know, one other thing I didn't mention is the message I got when I was a child and a teenager at home was, you don't matter. Shut your emotions off and get out of the way. And so, I think my eating disorder, it shrunk me. It made me feel small. It made me feel like it was better to be small and shrink. And who you know,

Scott Benner 23:09
yeah, so How old are you? Or what year is it when you're like, 15, for example,

Jody 23:14
let's see, it would have been, Oh, God. Why can't I do this? What is 15/9? Ninth grade. What year were you born? 84 so ninth grade I was, it was 1999 Wow.

Scott Benner 23:25
See, I'm so old Jody. I just want to say that when I've now had an opportunity to live through a decade, another decade, another decade. And it's interesting to hear people say, because I used to say, like, when I grew up, this is how it was, right? Yep. And I was born in the early 70s. I, you know, I was brought up through the early 70s, the early 80s. If you would have told me that my opinion didn't matter, I would say, No, that is 100% right. Nobody was looking to talk to me, yeah. But I don't think it has as much to do with the time as I felt like it did then, because that's me saying, like, Oh, this is my world. This is what the world's like, but it's the world I grew up in, right? There were people who talked to their kids in the 70s, Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, and in the 80s, and in the 90s and etc. And like, I was thinking to say, Oh, sure, back then, but then I realized you're not my age. Your back then is not the same as my back then, but it doesn't that's not really what we should be talking about. Like, you know, listen, I we don't like lay stuff on our kids all the time, but they have a reasonable understanding of how I grew up.

Jody 24:34
And my cousin so my mom's sister, she's sort of like my pseudo mom. For me, I connect with her really well. And, you know, her daughter and her they have such a great relationship. And it's, you know, I compare them, and I'm like, I wonder what happened? Because my mom was super close with her mom. Who knows, I doubt they talked about things like that, but I, a lot of my friends had such close relationships with their parents.

Scott Benner 24:55
What was the financial situation of the people you grew up around? Middle class? Okay? Or, like, upper middle class, not broke, not struggling, not two jobs, like that stuff,

Jody 25:05
no, like, my best friend lived across the street. She had a pool, yeah, yeah. I never had to worry about sports or needing money for something, or club sports, having money for that, or travel for sports. You know, we never had

Scott Benner 25:18
to worry about it. Do you think your mom was happy in her marriage. No, you

Jody 25:22
know, I never really saw them be intimate in the sense of like hugging or embracing each other or kissing or holding hands. So no.

Scott Benner 25:30
So maybe she was sad and alone, and yeah, and

Jody 25:33
they're still together. My dad's sort of her caretaker, and, you know, make sure she's happy. And my dad was really involved. He coached our sports. He played catch with us outside, you know. So he was really involved.

Scott Benner 25:43
Did you notice their relationship change when he got older? I guess what I'm asking is, like when his testosterone went down, did he get nicer?

Jody 25:51
No, he's always very kind, and my brothers just like him. He Oh, your

Scott Benner 25:55
dad's the kind one, yep. Do you think their distance was your mom's doing? Yes, yes, absolutely. Oh, I see, okay. Oh, I'm sorry, the whole thing. Aren't people interesting?

Jody 26:07
Yes, oh my gosh, yeah, they are very interesting. I mean, I

Scott Benner 26:11
don't know if it's a big secret to me, the whole podcast is about that. Like, I just think everything that you expect out of your life is not nearly what you usually get. No, not at all. It's so bizarre to think that, like, a kind guy would get stuck with a cold girl, or right, or vice versa. But the truth is is, like, I don't think it works the other way. Like, I know people who are like, in their head, like, I think of myself as, like, artsy in my head, I'm not actually outwardly artistic. I can't right. Like, you know what I mean, like, paint or draw or anything like that. But I have kind of, like, an artist mind. And I know other people that are like that, and my wife is definitely not. I look at those other people, and I think if I married that girl, we'd be destitute, like, we'd be in a hole somewhere going like, I wonder, I wonder if we can crawl out today and eat a worm, right? We'd have nothing going on, we wouldn't have, like, we wouldn't have anything together, and there's no balance. I'm very happy to tell you, though, like my wife and I balance each other out in a really, like, lovely way. But there are always things that just don't, I mean, just sometimes they're little things, but it's just she's not wired like that, or I'm not wired like that,

Jody 27:18
right? Yeah, yeah. And you just have to accept that, you know, right?

Scott Benner 27:21
If it's touch and kindness and like, that's hard. Oh yeah, yeah. Oh, so your dad put his energy, that he might have given some to your mom, he think he put it into you guys, yeah,

Jody 27:33
and he, you know, he worked eight to five, he owned a business, and he'd be home at five, and we'd be at home, and he was more active in the community, very active in the community, actually. You know, any boards that there are clubs or, yeah, he was doing that. So he had a lot more extracurriculars on my mom, but when he was home, he was attentive to us.

Scott Benner 27:53
Yeah, hey, did I hear you say have a brother? Yeah, I

Jody 27:56
have an older sister who's like, my best friend, and then I have a younger sister and a younger brother. Does

Scott Benner 28:03
your brother have this? Like, I'm trying to decide if this is a mom and daughter thing, like, Does your brother have these feelings about his life growing up? Or no,

Jody 28:11
I don't know. You know he's kind of, he seems to have a better relationship. And I think there's six years between my sister and I, and then nine years between him and I, and I think they were the babies, and my older sister and my mom have a good relationship, too. I think I was just the scapegoat,

Scott Benner 28:28
and also, like so your mom's got that new energy for your sister, yeah, and then somebody took the piss out of her by the time your brother got there, and she probably couldn't fight back nearly the way she used to, right? And

Jody 28:39
after she had my little sister, she you know, that's when she could have went back to work, because I was six and in school, but then she had my younger sister and younger brother, but then when they were in school, she went to work, and she loved her job, is just at a grocery store, and she loves talking. And she's like, oh my. Everybody loves her because she's really outgoing and she's funny, and she loves chatting with people,

Scott Benner 28:59
yeah? And you're like, that's not the lady I got. Yeah? So she she loved, I think

Jody 29:04
she liked life more than when she was working. She loved going to work.

Scott Benner 29:07
Yeah, did your other sisters get that, mom? Or are you really the only one? I

Jody 29:11
think I got the brunt of it. I know my older sister, she feels like she didn't get what she needed, but I don't think it was to the severity I got it.

Scott Benner 29:23
I don't think any of us get what we need. Actually, like, Oh, I know. I don't think it's anybody's fault. Like, I'm not going to tell you there aren't parents out there that are, like, terrible, like, there are. But you know, above that line of, you know, where people are, like, selling their kids, you know, like, like, above that line where people are getting up every day, taking care of people, going to work, making money, bringing home food, like I don't think anybody is like willfully saying to themselves, Hey, today I'm going to just disregard my children. I think people are trying their hardest in their situation, generally speaking, yeah,

Jody 29:55
and as long, you know, I yell at my son and then I regret it, you know, but I talk. To him, and I say, you know, that was mommy. I should have calmed down. It's okay. It wasn't your fault. I have problems too. Sometimes, you know, Martin

Scott Benner 30:07
told me the other day. She's like, you have plenty of problems. I was like, I know what my problems are. Thank you. I you know, see, you raise your voice, you act crazy, like it's tough, but you got to go back later and say, Hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, you know, I apologize, and I will definitely try harder not to do that next time. Yep, yeah, it's it's just important. Do you think your son feels like his feelings are wanting to be heard by you?

Jody 30:31
Oh, yeah, and he is hurt. I smother him. We snuggle and we're really connected, like on the weekends, we, since I'm a single mom, we have sleepovers, so on Friday and Saturday, we read together in bed, and then I sleep in his bed or and he loves it. He says it's the best part of his night and best part of his day or week. So we're really connected. Awesome.

Scott Benner 30:51
I can't wait for 20 years from now for him to tell somebody on a podcast that you didn't give him what he needed. Mom smothered me exactly. Well, see, you know, it's funny, because I do think that happens. Oh yeah. I think you either get that, like I didn't get or, you know what, they did too much of and you're like, Oh, my God, I

Jody 31:07
know. I know we do our best, right? Exactly. It's hard.

Scott Benner 31:11
Listen, there's a lot of therapists in the world. They need jobs, so we got to keep having kids so those people can work. I have therapy today, actually. Do you really? Yep. Is there a feeling you get when it's over? Is it a lightness? Yeah,

Jody 31:24
and like, a lot of times I don't want to go, and I know that. I think that every week, and I'm gonna go, and then I feel so much better. I actually go to a treatment center. They have all levels of care. I do, and I've been through all their levels, but I go to outpatient and they actually have specialized in diabetes too. Okay, so I see a diabetic educator there every other week, and I do therapy there every week, and it's they're connected. I mean, I have no problem. I said, I live in the Twin Cities, they are connected with the International Diabetes Center. And so, yeah, so they have really great treatment for that. Too, awesome. And that is where I learned what type one diabetes can do with insulin, I

Scott Benner 32:04
bet so. Tell me about first. Is there any other autoimmune in your family besides type one with you?

Jody 32:11
Well, one my mom got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, but not until she she ignored it for a long time, but probably when she was about 55 so you know, her joints, you could tell something was wrong. And she started having trouble opening things and limping. And you know, so that is the only other thing that I know of. Your

Scott Benner 32:31
mom didn't have a thyroid problem. No.

Jody 32:32
I mean, well maybe, I bet she's hyper metabolic, because she is tiny and skinny and she can eat as much as she wants, and she does not gain and out. I

Scott Benner 32:43
guess that's not a thing they used to test for, like, right now, right? Stuff, like, when she was younger, like that, right? Brother, other sisters, nobody's got anything going on, nothing. Okay, so how do you figure out you have type one?

Jody 32:56
Okay, before we do that, I have to tell you something so ironic. So, oh, go ahead. I didn't know you're producing. Go ahead, that's fine. No, you're gonna love this. Probably 10 years ago, nine or 10 years ago, I read your book, seriously, yeah, and I did not have type one. I read your book. And then before I was diagnosed with type one, I was on Instagram, just scrolling, and I came across junipers mom. I think it's what is her, I can't think of her Instagram handle, but she was on one of your earliest podcasts. I remember the name, yeah, yeah. Wait, Juniper was diagnosed, I think when she was two, so similar to Arden. And I followed her. She mentioned you, and I listened to her podcast with you, and then I started listening to the podcast.

Scott Benner 33:37
Oh, awesome. But before you had diabetes, yeah? Wait. All right, let's go slower. I wrote a book about being a stay at home dad, I think in like 2013

Jody 33:47
and I probably read it in 2016

Scott Benner 33:50
How did you find a three year old book that was probably out of

Jody 33:53
print? A guy that I was dating just had it at his house. Why the hell did he have it? I have no idea. Well, the world's so weird. Oh, and I just picked it

Scott Benner 34:02
up and read it. Listen, I'm sorry for chastising you about the production of the podcast today, because you're doing a great job. It's a crazy story. So you're dating a guy. Was he a stay at home? Dad,

Jody 34:11
Oh God no. He didn't want kids. He didn't have kids. Nope, so I don't know

Scott Benner 34:16
why he had that. What? No. So a man who did not have children, who didn't want children. Had a book about being a stay at home dad in his house,

Jody 34:23
and it had laundry on the front, right? You were like, covered in laundry. Actually, there's a

Scott Benner 34:27
poster of it right here in front of me. Yep, yeah. It's not me. People wonder, but it's not me holding the laundry, right? You saw that book and he said, I didn't read it, or it's whatever, like, what I loved it, whatever he said. And you're like, I'm gonna read the book. Yeah, I just picked

Jody 34:41
it up and read it. So I, like, it because I like reading, and maybe I didn't have a book. Or, you know, who knows? All right,

Scott Benner 34:46
here's the part. Is this, this is the question I don't want to ask, but did you like

Jody 34:50
it? I did. I remember liking it, and then I didn't know it was you. No, of course, yeah, like, or when I found the podcast, I didn't know it was you, and then it was, I must have heard you talk about. On

Scott Benner 35:00
the podcast that must have freaked you out. I know I

Jody 35:03
was like, What the hell is going on? It was, you know, it was meant to be, I guess. Well,

Scott Benner 35:06
so years later, you're listening to the podcast, you're like, and I say something about that book, and you're like, I read that stupid book.

Jody 35:11
Yes, oh my, and I didn't have type one. Who knows? Also, it's interesting

Scott Benner 35:15
that books, I find it to be very interesting, because people who read it who don't have diabetes in their life. If you later ask them about the diabetes portion of it, they don't really recall it as much. They go, Oh, at the end of the book, his daughter gets diabetes, yep, I don't remember, right? But if you talk to people who have type one and they read it, they think it's a book about diabetes,

Jody 35:34
yeah, really interesting. They're like, Where the hell is it? Yeah,

Scott Benner 35:37
no. I'm like, Oh, it's a book about being a stay at home dad. And at the end, there's a little bit about type one. And they go, No, that's not how I remember. It so interesting. Okay, so that's crazy. I am definitely going to tell my family about this later and watch them Look at me, oh, like you're lying. They're just like, yeah, here's a story about that podcast again. Yeah. Anyway, I think that's awesome. So you, oh my god, so you fried my mind. So let's just go back to the other question, like, how did you figure out you had type one?

Jody 36:07
So I went to just my PCP, and it must have been, it was time for, you know, just my yearly physical, everything. So she drew all my labs. And I was pretty low weight at the time, and, you know, I had an eating disorder, and my a 1c came back. So this was thank God for this woman. My a 1c came back at 7.1 and, you know, they were like, Oh, God, that's weird. Just come back in a week and we'll check it again. And it was 7.9 so they sent me to Endo, and they're like, gosh, you have type two. And you know, my endo was like, I do not think you have type two, but it could just be presenting weird because you're anemic and red blood cell, I have no idea. And so I came back maybe a couple days later, and did the glucose drink, the fasting glucose drink, yeah, and all I, you know, you can't eat or anything, so I had water with me and just black coffee, and my best friend, I texted her, and she had a friend with type one, and I was like, God, I feel so sick from drinking that. But I think, or from I feel so sick right now, it's because I had black coffee with nothing else. And she was like, hmm, I don't know if that's it. And she didn't say anything. And then I met her later for coffee. And it was a Friday, and at about 458 on a Friday, I missed a phone call from Endo. And he is wonderful. He left a message, and he said, You know, I really hate to tell you the your test shows that you have type one. You know, I'm going on vacation for a week. So I'm sorry I can't. And so he hooked me up with everything to

Scott Benner 37:43
talk to, all right? He didn't tell you, wait seven days and we'll get back to this.

Jody 37:47
No, with, I can't remember if I saw an endo or diabetic educator, like I think I, I don't know. Maybe I saw somebody else, you know, instead of him. I can't remember exactly. Wow. And so I left there on only one unit of Lantis. Okay,

Scott Benner 38:03
and what about the shock of just having type one?

Jody 38:07
My got my sister, who I says, my best friend. I just called her balling. And she's like, Jodi, you are in the car. Pull over and she talks. She always talks me off the ledge. She's amazing. So yeah. And then I contacted my doctor, and she's like, oh boy, this you have an eating disorder, and now you have type one. And because of being like I said in the treatment center, I knew you could restrict insulin. Oh, okay,

Scott Benner 38:28
oh yeah, lose weight. You'd seen other people probably do it, because

Jody 38:34
this center, you know, specialized in diabetes. There was a diabetic trap. There

Scott Benner 38:38
was there a part of you it was like, let's go. I got a new way to do this. Or no, no,

Jody 38:43
i Oh, my God. I was so upset. It was awful. Where are you in

Scott Benner 38:49
the process of I don't I never know how to talk about this. Like you're trying to, I don't know what you're trying to do when you have an eating disorder, you're trying to make it go away. You're trying to stay on top of it, like, what's the wording you use for like, your goals?

Jody 39:05
Every day I'm like, I want to do well. Today I'm working on healing, and I do a lot of self talk now, like working with my trauma therapist, it really helps me to, for an example, eat breakfast and kind of panic and not know what to do and want to eat more and then purge and all that. But instead, now I'm talking to myself, and I'm saying, you know, in my head, Jody, it makes sense that this is scary for you. It makes sense that this is really hard. You're not used to doing this, and you got messages that it wasn't okay to treat yourself well, and so, yeah, like, right now, I guess I think of it as for, like, a forward trajectory. I just want to keep improving day by day, and showing up and being honest with my treatment team, following their recommendations. Last time I was inpatient, I did tell my outpatient doctor with the therapist. I don't want you guys to be scared of me anymore, because I think a lot of times. They were scared that if they pushed me too hard, I'd run away. You know, I did kind of a harm reduction approach for a while, and I said, I don't want that anymore. I know I can recover. I don't want the harm reduction approach. I want you to push me and I want to follow your recommendations. Okay,

Scott Benner 40:15
so you're just trying to have positive forward momentum. Yep. That's your goal every day. Yep. Okay, gosh, so when that's your goal, and now you have this new traumatic thing happened to you getting this type one, and you're suddenly have the realization of, like, Oh, I've seen people manipulate their weight with insulin, yeah? Like, that's a lot of new stressors all at one time. Do you backslide from there?

Jody 40:44
So I did. The diabetic cares for a while, and then I was in denial. So I, you know, I didn't have type one. So I told myself I didn't have it. You know, after doing that for about a year, I, you know, the three month a, 1c, check, it was kind of creeping up, and then at one point it was 14.9 and so then I did get into treatment. That's when I really started working. I there was a new diabetic educator that started at the treatment center I was at, and I started working with her, and it's been amazing. And like I said, I see her every other week. And you know, at first we did like the harm reduction approach, and now we don't do that. We do, you know, this is what you got to do. The biggest part, I have learned so much for the podcast. I could be a diabetic educator. Okay, you've taught me so much. And you know, I've listened to everything, like the Pro Tip series, all the stories, everything. So, you know people, they teach a lot, too, just listening to guests on your podcast. So during the day, or when I'm eating, you know, and working hard at doing my best eating, my management's amazing, you know, it's if I go up to 180 I'm pissed. I'm like, What the hell did I do wrong? How did that happen? Where it gets into trouble is, if I'm struggling and say, like, Whatever, I'm gonna eat this. I don't want to treat for it. But the biggest part where that doesn't happen very often, the biggest part is, if I binge and purge, it skyrockets and then it stays high for a while. So what my her name's Gina. She's amazing. I'm gonna I won't give her last name, but her name's Gina, my diabetic educator or diabetic nurse. I'm on Omnipod. So on my custom foods on Omnipod, I have a custom food that's just called the dark place, and I hit it and it gives me a Bolus. And that's our goal right now. You just have to do that. I know you wanna not give any insulin if you're gonna binge and purge, but you have to do that. And so that's what I do.

Scott Benner 42:38
You have to manage the idea that, like, I'm eating and I know I need insulin, but I'm sitting here being honest with myself, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to eat too much and then throw up. Yeah, and it's

Jody 42:50
hard, because each time I go to do it, I'm like, I don't want this insulin. I do this to lose weight. I don't want to give insulin and, like, process the carbs. But one thing that helps me is knowing Okay. Before I got type one and these symptoms were there, my pancreas was doing this job. So it's no different than that.

Scott Benner 43:07
How torturous is all of this? A lot of brain

Jody 43:11
space. It feels like it consumes a lot, and it's hard, because I love seeing my graph a straight line. I love it. And at the same time, then I I worry, because I'm like, you know, there's a lot of pride, and I'm so proud of myself. And then it's scary too, because I'm like, Oh God, I could be losing weight by not doing this. When I see the highs from like, binging and purging, I feel so guilty, and I, you know, not, that anybody shaming me gets more guilt. Of like, I know how to do this. I don't want these high numbers. I want to be healthy. I want to live a long life. When I go into, like, the two hundreds, if I've been to emerge, that's good. It used to be, like, 600 so I'm bringing it down. And I do feel a lot of pride about that. I'm like, okay, it didn't get awful high. Like, still high, but it didn't get awful. And then when I do that, it usually comes back into range. So it might be like 200 for a while, but it comes down and I'm like, That's so much better than, you know, binging and purging at six o'clock at night and it not coming down till three in the morning. Yeah,

Scott Benner 44:12
talk about a little more. What did you call it? It sounds like there's a way to to be attacking this that's just about minimizing damage to you. And there's a way to be attacking this that's focused on moving forward. Like, what did you say? What was the phrase

Jody 44:29
forward trajectory? Sort of, maybe, no, something. Harm Reduction. Harm

Scott Benner 44:33
reduction. So is that a form of treatment that some people take like, is that the therapist saying, Look, I don't think we're ever getting you out of this, but let's try to reduce the harm you do to yourself.

Jody 44:42
Yeah, pretty much. And it was like, you know, harm reduction right now, maybe in the future, you'll be ready. And I guess what that did work with me. But also that didn't come till I found, like, the perfect treatment team for me. I really didn't think I could ever get better, whereas now I'm like, No, I can do this. I can manage my diabetes maze. Mean, I can eat, I can be healthy, I can stop purging. And it's, I know, I firmly believe that I'm getting there with the trauma work I'm doing and being completely honest. I used to, you know, tell one person on my team this amount, one person on my team this amount, but omit certain information, whereas now I'm just honest across the board. And I have a team that's, you know, they're just really proactive. They had a care conference the other day, not as like a threat, which it used to feel like, but as a like, are we all on the same page? Or we're helping her the best we can. Let's get her on board with these. So, yeah, it was give a unit when you binge and purge, whereas now it's like, Nope, we have to keep the numbers down. And that's what I want.

Scott Benner 45:39
Excellent. Can I ask, Do you have any other topics that you work with, with a therapist or a psychiatrist or anything like that? That's a side of this, or is this your thing? Well,

Jody 45:49
I guess, like, you know how we said, like, this is kind of a symptom. The problem, I guess, what I work with psychiatrist is with is, you know, anxiety and depression. But actually, just after Christmas, I was in treatment in the fall, and I stayed longer than usual, because I, you know, I want this foot, and it has helped. There has been forward momentum now, consistently. When I came to I work as a special education para with autistic kids, and I love them. They're amazing. It's hard work, but I love them. When I came back to work after winter break, my schedule changed, and instead of being with the little girl that I was with all day, I was just with her from 10 o'clock on, and I was bouncing around in the morning, and I realized how much that affected me, emotionally and mentally and just stress wise, I was convinced I was dying. I was having heart palpitations, I, you know, all these things. And I actually went to the ER, thinking I was, I was trying to convince my treatment team for a month, I'm dying. This is not okay. You're missing something, and they're like, No, everything's looking okay. And it was panic attacks. So I work with a psychiatrist on that, and I think, since it was validated, this is panic attacks. You are having a hard time. It's like, I instantly Calm down, and I do a lot of deep breathing during the week now. But yeah, so that's kind of what I work with the psychiatrist on. Is just that intense anxiety. And then my trauma therapist actually is a Neurofeedback therapist. Do you know what neurofeedback is? No, it's like biofeedback. So it's, I get all these sensors on my head, and she retrains my brain. I do not know how it works. It is like, I have no idea. She's watching all my brain waves, like the high beta, the low beta, and she's trying to increase this one and decrease this one. And it's wild, but it helps. And I could not tell you how it works at all.

Scott Benner 47:41
Does she ever bring up medication to help with that process? Yeah,

Jody 47:45
I am on medication. And she kind of asks how my psychiatry appointments go. She asks how you know my past week went, and she confers with my therapist every once in a while, and it's all kind of collaborative. And you know when I say, Okay, here's an example how wild this is. So you get these electrodes on and you watch a show, okay, are these sensors? It's not electrodes, sensors, and you watch the show, and she's training your brain, and what you want to happen is you want the screen to be full and you want to be able to see the whole screen. When she's working hard to train your brain, the screen gets smaller and you can't see as much. So your brain is trying to figure out how to see the whole thing. And she said last week that I had a lot of like, high beta, which is the rumination and the stress. And she's like, what happened? I'm like, I have no idea. And then as I was driving home, I realized in the show a song came on. It reminded me of my ex, but then also, there was a DUI crash where somebody was killed. I realized, like, those DUIs I had because of it, the man, his girlfriend left him, and so, like, I had an ex that left me because I had an eating disorder. And so it brought up a lot of that from him. I

Scott Benner 48:55
see do those moments like backsliding with the eating disorder, or

Jody 48:59
no, no, no, it's, it's usually like I realize it, and also neurofeedback, it has opened my brain, like I can think, and it just feels like I have brain space and I'm able to work with my eating disorder symptoms, more like talk myself out of them, realize, oh, this is why I want to do this right now. I don't need to do that right now, I can do something different, so I have more space to process through them. Tell

Scott Benner 49:25
me how the podcast helped you with all this. Like, I mean, like, around insulin, not I mean, if it helped you in other ways, that's great. But like, I'm asking around insulin,

Jody 49:35
so like, the Pro Tip series, I you know, the funny thing is, is, like, I know more because of the podcast than diabetes. Who have had it since they were young. I have learned I love oatmeal like I love it, and I have learned how to keep a straight line when I eat oatmeal cool. I have learned the crush and catch is that

Scott Benner 49:56
it? What I call that crush it and catch it. Yep, I've

Jody 49:59
learned how to do that. But I have learned that for me, when I'm low, half a glucose tablet works. That's all I need. Just little stuff. Yeah, yep, just a little bump. I have learned what is it expect? What you know is gonna happen. Is gonna happen. I

Scott Benner 50:12
love it when people try to mimic back to me this stupid things I've said. I realized the first time I said it, I thought there's gotta be a better way to have said that, but it was kind of too late by then, yeah, learn to expect what you know is going to happen, something like that. Expect, expect that what you know is going to happen is going to happen. Yep, that's what I said. Yeah. I definitely could have said that better just other

Jody 50:34
things, like listening to all the Omnipod episodes. Yeah, you know when I panic that I'm gonna go low, really watching the little like, not staring at my Dexcom, but watching the little dots and see, does it look like it's coming up? Does it look like it's going to keep going down and just like waiting with it, not reacting and treating it and then going high?

Scott Benner 50:54
Can I share with you that I had an experience? This is a long time ago, many, many years ago, but a person who does really terrific work for people with eating disorders said to me that, you know, I have to be careful because, you know, talking to people about how to manage their diabetes like this, like, you're going to cause eating disorders, you're going to like, you're going to like, make people with eating disorders hear that and feel worse and everything. And I don't know, it just I didn't see their perspective at that. I mean, I didn't not understand what they were the bigger picture, what they were trying to say. But I was like, I don't think that sharing with the world how to Pre Bolus for your dinner, right? Should be seen as a thing we don't say out loud, in case someone with an eating disorder hears it and interacts with it poorly. But like, you didn't have any of those problems when you heard all that information. No,

Jody 51:41
I consider why? Why am I having a reaction to this? And that helps also, I really tried, like, the Keto stuff for a while, and I realized that really was not good for my eating disorder. And I know a lot of people do it, and they love it, and I really think that's great for them. I had to unfollow a lot of those people, or just, you know, like, hide them in the podcast group, or if I was following some on Instagram, I had to unfollow them. So

Scott Benner 52:07
is it what they're saying or what they're doing, like, what caused you, like, a weird feeling?

Jody 52:12
I think it's because I'm trying to have a healthy relationship with food. And, like I said, I love oatmeal. I want to be able to eat oatmeal and not feel guilty, or like I'm

Scott Benner 52:22
that simple, like, piece of, yeah, being made to feel ashamed for something because you think you shouldn't be doing it. I

Jody 52:28
have a trip planned this summer, and there's a really great, popular pie shop, or, and then there's, like, a really popular donut shop. Like, I want to be able to get those and not say no, or make keto donuts. Or, you know, I'd like

Scott Benner 52:41
to try a bite of the donut, yes. And without it, like, cascading into like, Oh, you shouldn't have done that. You're doing it wrong. We have a way of doing it. Like, oh, so it's not, it's not so much a person who eats keto or very low carb or something like that. It's just the rules they follow that they're happy with. They don't intersect well with you, right?

Jody 52:59
Yeah. Like, and I already, I'm already I'm already planning it. I'm gonna bring some hard boiled eggs. Eat the donut.

Scott Benner 53:04
It'd be good. Tell people what you're using the egg for. Yep, I got it.

Jody 53:08
Like, I have to have some protein with this donut, or it's not gonna be good, you know?

Scott Benner 53:12
Well, you should put the egg in the hole of the donut. And that will freak people out pretty well,

Jody 53:16
get one of those bacon donuts. Oh, my God, egg in the hole. I don't

Scott Benner 53:20
think I could eat that a donut with bacon. I don't think I've had a donut in a while. Well, I've had one in the last few months.

Jody 53:27
Yeah, I, I don't either I don't have them, really, I have to admit,

Scott Benner 53:31
I ate it. And then I thought, I wish I wouldn't be that, like, there's just like, not wish I just like, there's, I didn't get anything out of it. I was

Jody 53:38
like, Oh, well, sometimes, even if I wasn't diabetic, I feel like I can feel like sugar coursing through my veins. Yeah.

Scott Benner 53:43
I mean, sometimes you look a little jolt isn't bad. I mean, I don't drink coffee even, like, I don't even know what a jolt feels like, so But seriously, like, after, like, losing weight over the last couple of years for me and for, you know, being on a GLP medication. And obviously, if it's obvious, if people are listening, then it's obvious to them. But I don't get the same rush from food. Like, yeah, and so it, and it doesn't, like, taste as exciting as you remember it, like, that kind of stuff, yep.

Jody 54:13
And that's kind of what I'm going for. Like, just like normal, like, not looking forward to eating all day because I'm not letting myself eat. Then, you know, I kind of just want a normal relationship. I actually, you released a pod, an episode this week, or maybe it was last week, and you were like, I just want to go get some shrimp and F and I was like, I have to go get some shrimp. Now, the way

Scott Benner 54:33
you just said it like a normal relationship with food. Like, oddly enough, I think that's what a GLP gave me. Because, yeah, I had, like, after the first bite of the donut, I was like, Oh, that was good. And the second bite, I was like, This is good. And then the third one, I was like, why am I still doing this? Yeah, I got the thing already. Do you know what I mean? Like, like, I got like, Oh, that's sweet. And it had a little crunchy on it. And I was like, that's awesome. I should have thrown the other half of it away, because I'm restricting my. Food, but because I've gotten that experience now, like the rest of it's just, you finishing the donut, if that makes sense,

Jody 55:05
Yep, yeah, right. You're just doing that because it's there, yeah, oh, yeah, exactly. Like,

Scott Benner 55:09
I'm not hungry anymore. The judge is gone. Like, like, yeah, it's now. I'm just like, Yeah,

Jody 55:17
well, and they say people had food noise, like, I don't want food. Noise, that's what I'm working towards, too. So it's sort of like, you know, you have that you have food noise, well, yeah, just with the eating disorder. Like, I'm thinking about food all the time, you know. And, yeah, I kind of want what people say they get with the GLP is just not as much food noise, you know.

Scott Benner 55:32
Listen, let's be clear before I say this out loud. Not a doctor barely went to school. But like, it did make me wonder, like, I wonder if you like micro dose that, like if you could get a little of that without the suppression of your hunger. And I also don't know if that's a thing that would be bad for a person who has an eating disorder. You know what? My treatment

Jody 55:52
team is really open to a lot. And you know, if I mentioned it, they'd be honest with me, and if they thought it was a good thing, they'd talk like Gina would talk to my endo and they, you know, talk about it. They're great. Gina actually mentioned that because I have big fears of going low dosing for binging, like, because I'm gonna purge and get rid of it. I have so many big fears of emotional she actually has started talking to me about maybe a Fraser for that, because then it goes in quick and leaves quick having

Scott Benner 56:22
some of that on hand. Now here's the question, Would having that on hand because it would help you manage your eating disorder better with your insulin? Would it be a great thing, because, oh, I can manage it. Or do you think it would turn into a thing where you're like, well, I could binge and purge more now, because I have the No,

Jody 56:39
I think it would help me manage it. And, you know, then feeling pre like, feeling good about a lower agency,

Scott Benner 56:46
yeah, yeah. I mean, listen, that's a great idea. Then get it on hand.

Jody 56:51
Yeah, I do have a lot of fears. Like, if I keep doing this, I'm not going to live very long. Like, I want to get this so, yeah, it would just help with the like, okay, so I think it'd be tough at first, and then it would become second nature. And hopefully I'm not using symptoms like that very long, but hopefully I would just do it, and then, you know, just become second nature. Okay, if I'm new symptoms, I have to do this, right?

Scott Benner 57:12
Can you tell people why you just said I might not live like tell people how an eating disorder impacts the length of your life. You know, I don't necessarily

Jody 57:19
think the restricting is it has never got me into trouble, like it's dropped my weight, things like that. I've been like, Dizzy here or there, but it's the binging and purging. I mean, you know, at my worst, I was doing it like five times a day, and it's not that bad anymore, but putting that stress on your heart for 20 years, and now with diabetes, and you know, not only the stress on the heart, but now I'm at risk of, you know, heart attack, and, you know, heart disease, and so it's just I can't keep doing this and expect that nothing's going to happen to me, right?

Scott Benner 57:51
It also can, am I making this up? It can also affect, like, the enamel on your teeth, or your esophagus, your throat, like those sorts of things too, right? Your stomach and

Jody 57:59
the, like, my teeth, knock on wood, are okay, right now. I have no idea how, but they are. So yeah, but yeah, it can affect

Scott Benner 58:07
all that. Yeah, in the middle of this story, Jodi, I think you're owed and are happy to take a little bit of luck wherever you can get it. So right, yeah, yes, that's awesome. You talked a little bit about, like, a like, forward thinking doctors. I know this is, like, still in the study stages, and I don't think it's a place. It's not a thing you can just go do yet. But has anybody brought up like Ibogaine to help with your trauma? Because, no, I don't even know what that is. So listen, I'm not the right person to ask about this, oddly enough, so I just wanted to know if somebody but I think that people are using Ibogaine, which, like a neurobiologic, like, you know, I think it's mushrooms,

Jody 58:42
like, honestly, oh no, I, I'm so open to that.

Scott Benner 58:45
Yeah, and they're dosing it, like, in very controlled the stories you're hearing, like, they're not like, everywhere, but I'm, I'm hearing them in a number of different places, right? That people with significant trauma go in, they get, sometimes, one treatment, and they somehow it releases their trauma? Yeah,

Jody 59:02
I'm really open to, like, micro dosing and things like that, and my team has mentioned it. I don't know if I'm right or not, but is it not covered by insurance right now? Oh, I don't know. The last

Scott Benner 59:10
time I heard it like John Hopkins was doing something, a study with it, and I think they're mostly doing it with veterans, like people who have, like, war trauma, yeah, but like, some of the stories I've heard, probably four or five stories from different people, you know, like my husband had clear trauma from, you know, from the war, and he did this, and he just came back a different person.

Jody 59:33
And, yeah, I'm definitely open to, like, any supplemental, alternative therapies, if

Scott Benner 59:39
you're reasonably certain that the eating disorder comes from the trauma, and then to go back to like an hour ago, it feels to me like some days you have two mops in your hand and one up your and some days you only have one mop, right? But the roof is leaking and you're always mopping to some level or

Jody 59:58
another scram. Balloon and frantically trying to put out fires. Yeah, and

Scott Benner 1:00:02
I'm wondering, like, could we crawl up on the roof and stop the roof from leaking, and what would that then do? Like, would you still have an eating disorder? Like, if you're if you could snap your fingers and your trauma, like, and all the impacts from it just disappeared. Like, would the eating disorder disappear with it? Or would you just be a person with an eating disorder and no trauma, no.

Jody 1:00:22
I think if I heal my trauma, I my eating will be, like, I will be a healthy eater. And, yeah, yeah,

Scott Benner 1:00:29
it has to be administered very specifically, and there has to be another medication there in case there's a cardiac event. If there's a cardiac event, like, you can clear it, like, in two seconds with the stuff. But if you don't have the right thing, you don't know which. Don't know what you're looking for anyway, this is not a thing. You shouldn't just be going out to the corner, finding a kid and being like, Hey, I think I'm gonna get rid of my trauma with mushrooms. And apparently it's another, like, situation where it's a very, very low dose. Yeah, there's part of me that's heard enough stories that thinks that if I stay alive long enough, I'm gonna hear more stories where there are clinics where people go and do this, and it's really valuable, right? That's my thought. But I mean, I don't I could be 100% wrong. I also would have told you six months ago that vertex was doing good with putting beta cells in a pouch and implanting it in people, except yesterday, they announced they're not doing that anymore. So I

Jody 1:01:18
know I just saw that on the group, yeah. So,

Scott Benner 1:01:21
I mean, studies like, don't always flourish, and there can be people who do well and people who don't do well. And I do think, in the end, like, if you're gonna see something be widely accepted, it's going to have to widely work, like, nobody's gonna put Ibogaine treatments out into the world if it's helping one in 10 people. But if it's helping more than that, you know, then maybe, yeah, I don't know. Like, it just it's so heartbreaking to listen to you or anybody that talks. I mean, not just you and me or anybody, like, we all have stuff in our life that if you could make it go away, there's just no doubt moving forward would be better and easier. Yeah, you know Exactly.

Jody 1:01:59
Yep, I know. And that's why I'm just glad, like, there's so much more talk around mental health and acceptance towards it.

Scott Benner 1:02:06
I mean, it's, yeah, an obvious thing to talk about. I'll tell you the one thing, this is not the right podcast for it. But you don't have to make a podcast for long to hear that. A lot of people are drinking too much. Oh, yeah. And just that, it's so part of the culture, you know that nobody even notices it, like the I mean, at some point it sounds like you were 17 and blacking out three days in a row. Yeah, yep. I mean, and your parents probably thought everything was good.

Jody 1:02:32
Oh yeah, well, yeah, we'd stumble home. They kind of just swept it under the rug. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:02:37
it's crazy. Like, to me, it's crazy, but what I'm saying is, I don't think it's crazy to a lot of people,

Jody 1:02:43
you know what? Speaking of drinking quick, I had somebody come out and fix my water heater, and he was a diabetic, and he had on the tea slim, and he's just like, Oh, God, you have Omnipod. You gotta get rid of that. It's so heavy and, you know, it's just, you really got to get rid of that thing. And it was so funny, because he sat there and, man, to me, for seriously, an hour about diabetes, and because I listen to podcast, I didn't say much, but I was like, Yep, I you know. I'm thinking, I know all this. You don't have to whatever. And then I'm thinking, you're wrong. He's like, you know, the T slim, it really, it's really great. It'll keep you in the two hundreds, you know? And I was like, Oh, wow, thanks for telling me. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:03:17
Well, here's a couple things. The T slim could definitely keep your blood sugar lower than the two hundreds. I know isn't that interesting that, moreover, listen, if he felt like he knew something that could help, like, it's nice that he wants to tell people I understand. Like, if it didn't stop, it gets annoying at some point. But what I hear in that story is that imagine what his life used to be like if a poorly set up insulin pump, keeping his blood sugar in the two hundreds, feels like a major success to him,

Jody 1:03:45
I know. And right now he said that he just talks to a doctor on Zoom every two months or so. And from what I recall, it wasn't an endo. He was managing it through somebody else who was like, sounded like a health influencer or something. And I was like, anything, but you're paying

Scott Benner 1:04:03
for a 220 blood sugar average. Great. Yeah, there's a free podcast over here. Now, does it feel weird? Did you say to him you should try a podcast, or did you just keep it to yourself? No,

Jody 1:04:15
I just kind of said a few things like, Oh, well, I found, you know, this works for me, and I have a pretty busy lifestyle, and so right now I'm going to try the Omnipod, and I'm getting a lot of adhesive issues, and I've tried everything, and I am open to switching to the Moby, or my team is thinking about the eyelet. So just if I keep having the adhesive issues, because I have, like, scars all over my stomach and legs,

Scott Benner 1:04:38
yeah, people who have a reaction to the medical adhesive. It's, it's just another level of sad on top of this thing. I know, yeah, it's, it's tough, but I get what you're saying, like you're involved in a conversation you don't really want to be involved in. You just want your water heater to work, and it's sort of like

Jody 1:04:53
politics, sure. I mean, you're gonna go back and forth and nobody's gonna, like, change each other's mind. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:04:59
Yeah. Right. Like, that wouldn't have been the time to dig in and try to say, like, Oh no, have you thought of this perspective, right? Yep, not exactly the moment. No. Jody, I really appreciate you doing this. This was awesome. Thank you. You're very open and thoughtful about sharing your story, and I really appreciate it.

Jody 1:05:16
Well, thank you. It's so easy to talk to you. This morning, I was showering and thinking of you. And I was like, it's like, talking to a celebrity.

Scott Benner 1:05:22
Seriously, that's ridiculous, but thank you. It's very nice, yeah, and it's so easy, I would like to say I would. I don't want you people thinking of me when you're in the shower, please. I know that's why I added that. Or do. It doesn't matter to me. I guess it doesn't I don't like, just honestly, like, I'll end with like, we haven't cursed yet, so I don't want to curse and, like, because Rob, by now, is like, editing, and he's like, he's not going to curse. And then I almost did at the very end, but like, it really screws with my head to think that that whole story about the book, like, I wrote a book about something that I didn't see as being about diabetes at all, to be perfectly honest with you, yeah, it somehow ends up with somebody who's not even the target audience for it in any way, shape or form, you intersect with it crazily, read it, and then years later, are listening to a podcast. And, like, I think that's the guy that wrote that book that I found in that guy's apartment one time, like that, right? That stuff is all like crazy. Like, every day it's all connected somehow. I mean, I don't know about all that, but, like, it's nuts, I'll tell you that much. Yeah, you know, like, I just went online to give you an example. Let me see if I can find a reasonable example right now. But at this point, the private Facebook group is doing something like 100 new people a day. It's wild, but you can see where people say, there's intake forms like, How'd you hear about this? I heard about it from a type one parent. I heard about it from Facebook. My grandson has type one. I'm trying to learn more. I heard it from another parent. It's a listing on a podcast. Like, like, I heard from my doctor, my general pre like, these are things that people say every day when they're coming in there. It's crazy. Like, I looked the other day and I was like, number one in like, three countries. I didn't know were countries. I mean, I tell everybody about it, yeah, well, I appreciate that very much. Like, it's just my point wasn't that the podcast is popular. My point is, like, the way information moves around is actually, like, it makes me hopeful and like, I like, maybe we can get to the guy with the water heater. Yeah. You know what I'm saying, exactly, yeah. Like, because it found you in such a sideways way. Like, it would be very cool if it could find more people and just help like, if it helps people, that's really all I want. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, I'm looking right now, because I'm looking and the Facebook filter, which I have no control over, caught a bunch of posts. And I think it thinks that, anyway, there's six posts here I have to approve. One is about adhesive allergies. One is about what somebody uses to help with that. One is about like a little girl who is having trouble with their CGM. One is somebody saying, I had a rough day. You know, sharing their graph wants to talk about it for this, you know, talking about diabetes being hard for them. Like, here's somebody just has a bleeder on a g6 and they're not sure what to do about it. Like, like, you know, me, like that. There's a place these questions can be, like, asked, and so quickly people will give you a reasonable answer. It's awesome.

Jody 1:08:18
Well, even, like, the CGM, so, I mean, I know diabetes. Who else you know? They see a bleeder, and they're like, I have to take it off, right?

Scott Benner 1:08:28
And it might not be right. Like, so somebody might come to you and say, Hey, listen, that might work. Like, chill for five seconds and see

Jody 1:08:35
yeah right, yep, check it, like, with a finger stick and see if it's accurate. Yeah, yeah.

Scott Benner 1:08:40
Yeah, it's just so much good stuff, like I am so happy that the people find it and that they're finding value in it, and hearing your story just makes me thrilled that it was helpful to you. So thank you very Thank you. I really appreciate it. Hold on one second.

Arden has been getting her diabetes supplies from us med for three years. You can as well us med.com/juicebox, or Paul, 888-721-1514, my thanks to us med for sponsoring this episode and for being longtime sponsors of the Juicebox Podcast. There are links in the show notes and links at Juicebox podcast.com, to us, med and all the sponsors. A huge thanks to my longest sponsor, Omnipod. Check out the Omnipod five now with my link. Omnipod.com/juicebox, you may be eligible for a free starter kit, a free Omnipod five starter kit at my link. Go check it out. Omnipod.com/juicebox Terms and Conditions apply. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox Okay. Well, here we are at the end of the episode. You're still with me. Thank you. I really do appreciate. Appreciate that. What else could you do for me? Why don't you tell a friend about the show or leave a five star review? Maybe you could make sure you're following or subscribed in your podcast app, go to YouTube and follow me, or Instagram. Tiktok. Oh gosh, here's one. Make sure you're following the podcast in the private Facebook group as well as the public Facebook page you don't want to miss. Please do not know about the private group. You have to join the private group. As of this recording, it has 51,000 members in it. They're active, talking about diabetes, whatever you need to know. There's a conversation happening in there right now, and I'm there all the time. Tag me. I'll say hi. If this is your first time listening to the Juicebox Podcast and you'd like to hear more, download Apple podcasts or Spotify, really, any audio app at all, look for the Juicebox Podcast and follow or subscribe. We put out new content every day that you'll enjoy. Want to learn more about your diabetes management, go to Juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and look for bold beginnings, the diabetes Pro Tip series and much more. This podcast is full of collections and series of information that will help you to live better with insulin. Hey, what's up, everybody? If you've noticed that the podcast sounds better and you're thinking like, how does that happen? What you're hearing is Rob at wrong way recording, doing his magic to these files. So if you want him to do his magic to you, wrong wayrecording.com, you got a podcast. You want somebody to edit it. You want rob you?

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