#1542 After Dark: Lighthouses
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Max opens up about bipolar disorder, body image, and the partner who supports her through complex mental and physical health battles.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.
Max 0:16
My name is Max. I just turned 28 and I've been a type one diabetic for 21 years.
Scott Benner 0:25
If you're living with type one diabetes, the after dark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about, from drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction and so much more. Go to Juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and click on after dark there, you'll see a full list of all of the after dark episodes. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan.
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Max 2:01
my name is Max. I just turned 28 and I've been a type one diabetic for 21 years.
Scott Benner 2:08
That was perfect. So we're gonna keep going. You've been on the podcast before. Where could people hear you?
Max 2:12
So I'm on one of them. My first episode was a after dark episode. It's called life struggles. And then my second one was called peach clobber. And that one we kind of went over, you know, my name transition from Maddie to max and kind of what was going on. You know, just updating you on life,
Scott Benner 2:33
everything. Yeah, it was, it was a catch up episode. It was awesome. So what are we doing this time? I feel like you're the one person I track through their life. Honestly, yes,
Max 2:40
yes. And that's kind of like what I wanted to continue, I guess, yeah, no, it's awesome.
Scott Benner 2:45
And I've put you off a couple of times. You've tried to get on the schedule, and I was like, Oh, I can't do that, or it's been too soon, or anything. So I appreciate you being patient. Obviously. Give people just a couple of minutes. Like, where were you in your first episode The after dark was called, what was it called? Life struggles, okay? And where were you at that point? At that point, I
Max 3:09
had kind of gone over, you know, like, kind of the main point of trauma in my life, and we talked about that things were like, okay, at that point in life. Kind of gotten back on track with my diabetes. Things were going all right. And then into the second episode, things were going south again.
Scott Benner 3:30
How did they How did they go south? Is it so I,
Max 3:33
you know, wasn't taking care of myself again. I was in an abusive relationship. I was like, currently leading when we were recording that episode. But I mean leading the situation, which is really great. I, you know, started in a new field and work after that. I know a lot of stuff has happened since then. Really, I feel like that one was like our longest span without an episode.
Scott Benner 4:02
So episode 558, is called after dark life struggles. And then peach clobber is 812, so you haven't been on the podcast for like three years. This was you were on in 2021 then again towards the end of 2022 and now we're recording. It's spring 2025 Wow. Just tell people about your name change, and then we'll dive into where you are. Like, how did you What was that calling you in the first episode? What was that calling you in the second episode?
Max 4:30
So you're calling me Maddie in the first episode and then max in the second so the way that all happened was, I was a waitress at the time, and at that point in time, there's three of us, three Maddies on the floor, and it was getting really confusing, you know, differentiating between whose table was next, because there's three of us, and you'll get scheduled on a lot at the same time, right? So I was like, You know what? Like, I'm gonna change my name. On my card, so you can tell who's who. And so I chose Max, and I really liked that. So after a while, I started introducing myself as Max outside of work, and it just stuck. Yeah,
Scott Benner 5:14
psychologically. Do you think there was value from changing your name? Like, did it give you the permission to leave something behind, maybe, yeah,
Max 5:23
so we actually talked about that a little bit in the second episode. Or it was like, I kind of like shedded, you know, the old Natty, you know, I realized, you know, I was growing up into a different person, like, different values. I wanted to get my life on track. Like I was sick of, you know, just I wouldn't want to say doing the bare minimum, because I was still doing a lot, but I knew there was a lot I could improve.
Scott Benner 5:49
Okay? Do this for me. Describe Maddie in two sentences and include your diabetes.
Max 5:55
Okay, Maddie would make sure she got everything that needed to be done for her son, but not for herself.
Scott Benner 6:04
How old were you at that point? How old was your was your son?
Max 6:07
So I think I had turned I was around 24 Okay,
Scott Benner 6:12
yeah, and your son was how How old was he? When you were 24
Max 6:16
he was four, and he had health issues, right? Yeah, he had, he had cancer, right?
Scott Benner 6:23
And when you look back and you see Max, like, describe max, max
Max 6:28
brought light to what needed, what needed to be done, or so. And she started implementing those changes and working her eyes off
Scott Benner 6:39
what forces the transition. I mean, I know you were going through other things. And, I mean, you know, to say, a young, you know, young girl with a with a with a son, going through cancers. I mean, already a lot, but you had, you know, like you said, you had to move away from a situation. But, I mean, do you see it as, like, a pull yourself up moment where you're like, I'm looking at Maddie. This isn't going well. I need to do better. Like, is that it, is it that simple? Or Did something happen that, like, just made you go, Oh God, I have to, I have to change. I feel
Max 7:07
like there's always something that happens. Because, you know, life's always throwing me the hardest of punches. Okay? I feel like there's always, like, a big change, or like something major happens, and it really kicks me into gear. And also just kind of proves to myself, you know, like that I can get through these things, like I can do the things I want to accomplish. Like, the only one that's holding me back is usually myself. Who are
Scott Benner 7:34
you now? Like, present day, I'm still Max, yeah. Are you just a more refined version of that person you described, yeah, yeah. How have you refined it?
Max 7:43
Well, I mean, like, I said, like, I implemented those changes. I'm sticking with them now, more so than I was before. I feel like before I would get through the tough situation and kind of fall back a little bit, you know, like, now I'm keeping it more steady. So
Scott Benner 8:03
instead of the three steps forward, two steps back, you're lunging forward, holding ground, regrouping, doing it again. Yes, yeah. How is your son doing?
Max 8:12
He's doing great. He's doing a lot better. You know, beat cancer. It'll be three and a half years ago now, about Wow, but you know, like, we're having some struggles, you know, getting him back into school. He also was diagnosed with ADHD, so he's on medication now, and that's helped. He's in, they call it like a behavioral unit at school, just because he has, like, really big outbursts. You know, he can become kind of physical when he's escalated. That change in classroom environment, it's helped him a lot. Like, I don't have to be picking him up from school every day because something's happened and he enjoys it, like, he enjoys being at school now, you know, especially with the smaller classroom size, like, it's not very overwhelming for him. Yeah.
Scott Benner 9:00
How old is he now? He's seven. Wow, seven and a half. That's awesome. How were you as a child? Do you notice any of his behaviors being yours or no? Like,
Max 9:10
very few only because, like, when I look back to when I was a kid, like, I had undiagnosed ADHD, so there's, like, some things I can pick from there where I'm like, Oh, yeah. Like, he's kind of like that. But I feel like also me and him are growing up in much different environments, you know, like, I grew up in a very abusive household, you know, I was always walking on eggshells, like things really tough with him, you know, like, I'm very loving, I'm very patient with him, you know, like, he doesn't fear me. So I feel like there's, there's a lot of differences, a couple things, yeah, that are similar. You
Scott Benner 9:45
have a relationship. Are you with somebody? Or how is that going? I
Max 9:49
am actually engaged. Hey, look at
Scott Benner 9:54
you. How long have you been engaged?
Speaker 1 9:56
In? Like, three months
Scott Benner 9:58
now. Wow. I. How old is the relationship? It's about eight months. Oh, wow, that's quick. How old are you? How old are you today? I turned 28 two days ago. Oh, happy birthday. Thank you. That's awesome. Look at you. You're chugging along. Yeah. Do you have a date set? Or is it a little early for that? September
Max 10:15
19, 2026, or 2025,
Scott Benner 10:19
25 Wow, look at you. Awesome. Just found the right person. You could tell.
Max 10:23
Oh, yeah. How do you meet? We met at work. Actually, we worked for the same company, doing the same job.
Scott Benner 10:30
Oh, do you still do the same job? Today's episode is brought to you by Omnipod. It might sound crazy to say, but Summertime is right around the corner. That means more swimming, sports activities, vacations. And you know what's a great feeling, being able to stay connected to automated in some delivery while doing it all. Omnipod five is the only tube free automated insulin delivery system in the US, and because it's tube free and waterproof, it goes everywhere you do, in the pool, in the ocean or on the soccer field. Unlike traditional insulin pumps, you never have to disconnect from Omnipod five for daily activities, which means you never have to take a break from automated insulin delivery ready to go tube free. Request your free Omnipod five Starter Kit today at omnipod.com/juicebox, Terms and Conditions apply. Eligibility may vary. Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox type that link in your browser, or go to Juicebox podcast.com and click on the image of Omnipod right at the bottom, there's also a link right in the show notes of your podcast player. Diabetes comes with a lot of things to remember. So it's nice when someone takes something off of your plate. Us. Med has done that for us. When it's time for Arden supplies to be refreshed, we get an email rolls up and in your inbox says, Hi, Arden, this is your friendly reorder email from us. Med. You open up the email, it's a big button that says, Click here to reorder, and you're done. Finally, somebody taking away a responsibility instead of adding one. Us. Med has done that for us. An email arrives, we click on a link, and the next thing you know, your products are at the front door. That simple, us, med.com/juicebox, or call, 88872114, 887211514, I never have to wonder if Arden has enough supplies. I click on one link, I open up a box, I put the stuff in the drawer, and we're done. Us. Med carries everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGM like the libre three and the Dexcom g7 they accept Medicare nationwide over 800 private insurers, and all you have to do to get started is call 888-721-1514. Or go to my link, usmed.com/juicebox, using that number or my link helps to support the production of the Juicebox Podcast. No,
Max 13:01
so I'm actually a electrician, though,
Scott Benner 13:05
no kidding, yeah. How did you get into that crazy
Max 13:09
story? I'm gonna guess. Yeah, so for a year, like, just every year, I was working at a sign shop, so I was like, making, like, commercial signs, you know. So I was doing that, and I really enjoyed it. And I was like, you know, I really like working with my hands. A lot of our machines were breaking down. And I'm like, a tinker. I like to know how things work, you know, I like to get my hands dirty. So a lot of the times I was fixing some of the machines. So I was like, you know, like, I want to look into schooling for this, like, this seems really fun. And so I brought it up to management to see if they would help me, like, pay for schooling. And I was like, I know we really need, like, an in house mechanic, a tech, like, someone like, it would be really beneficial for the company instead of having to hire like, like, outsourcing, because I knew that our closest outsource for a mechanic or a tech was out of state, yeah. So I was like, you'd like, this would be really beneficial. Like, I could still work on the shop floor in areas, you know, and just be like, there as mechanic as needed. And the CEO was like, You know what? Like, yeah, like, that actually seems like a great idea. Why don't you bring it up to our CFO? And he was new, he just got hired onto the company, like, a month or two before, and I brought it up to him, and he was like, All right, like, we'll, we'll have a meeting in a week with, like, the CEO, and, like, we'll go over it. I was like, okay, cool. So a week goes by. I'm like, hey, just checking in to see if you guys had time to sit down and talk with me. He was like, Oh no. Like, I'm sorry we haven't get back to me tomorrow. And I was like, Okay. And that went on for another week. And I was like, You know what? Like, I'm tired of, you know, you guys just like being around the bush, like, not, you know, talking to me, like, what's going on? Yeah. And finally, like, a CFO came up to me, and he was like, let the answers no but not no forever. He was like, we just like, we can't depend on you because of, like, your attendance, because at that time, my son was having a lot of trouble in school. We just can't really depend on you. So it's a no but not no forever. And he was like, I understand it's hard as a single mom. And I was like, No, you don't understand. Actually, you're married, you don't have a
Scott Benner 15:28
kid. From a business perspective, they had a point. Yeah, I
Max 15:33
feel like they, they, they kind of did, but like, my emotions were, like, kind of getting in the way a little bit. So that night, I was, you know what? Like, if they're not going to help me, that's fine, like, I'm going to sign myself up. So I did, and the next day, my CFO actually bring me in again to his office to talk to me about it. And like, he was like, giving me, like, this whole spiel about, you know, like work culture, like this and that. And at the end of it, he was just like, Yeah, but like, I said, like, it's a no for now, but a not no forever. And I was like, it may be a no for you guys right now, but it's a yes for me. Like, I signed myself up last night, and his face was just kind of like in shock, like, it kind of like dropped a little bit, like his jaw dropped. And I was like, yeah, like to write, like, I don't need you guys to help me, like, if I want to move up, like, I like, I care about my job, like I care about my career, my growth, like, I'm going to make sure it gets done. How long was the was the schooling? So I'm actually still in it. So it's about a year and a half long, so I've just got a couple more months.
Scott Benner 16:36
And then did you move jobs, or are you still there? The
Max 16:39
thing about that is that, you know, he was talking about my attendance. Right after that week, my team lead hadn't missed a week of work because of the it was either the flu or COVID. I think it was COVID. The following week, I got COVID, so I had a doctor's note and everything, but I had to miss a week of work, and they pulled me in again and they fired me for
Scott Benner 17:01
being sick. Yes, that's tough. They didn't fire the other person. No, they had had enough for you. You think
Max 17:08
I felt, yeah, I think, I think I was just it, because it was like, also, after that, like me and the CFO, kind of like we were in bumping heads, but it was kind of apparent he didn't like me. Well,
Scott Benner 17:19
I think also, once you make it clear that you'd like to do something else, and they say no, now they probably feel like there's animosity there. And, you know what? I mean, yeah, and maybe, and there probably was, you were, I mean, you
Max 17:31
know, yeah. So they actually got me. They fired me for attendance and insubordination. And I was like, how are you going to get me for insubordination? Right? Why?
Scott Benner 17:41
Like, what did they say? I mean, do you think you did what they said? I asked
Max 17:45
them to give me examples, and they're like, no. Like, it's already been done, and like, this and that and, like, I kept asking, but then there was, like, just a point where I was like, You know what, like, I know I'm not gonna get my job back. Why am I it's like, why am I wasting my breath? So I was like, you know, okay, like, that's fine. I'll sign your paper. I'll leave. And what's crazy is that the CFO did it alone. He didn't tell anyone else in management. He didn't tell my team lead. It was after, like, everyone left. I had stayed a little bit later, and so I was like, when everyone was gone, he pulled me in and fired me the next day, the CEO even reached out to me and was like, I'm so sorry. Like, I didn't know about this. Everyone was like, apologizing to me. And I was like, you know, like, it's not your guys' fault, you know. Like you guys are fine. Like, I don't have any bad blood with you guys. Obviously,
Scott Benner 18:38
they don't like me. So how long were you out of work?
Max 18:41
Only two weeks. Because so they had fired me in the middle of January, like, literally, January 15. I signed up for school on January 2. They fired me on the 15th. I put out some applications, and February 2, I started my job as an apprentice electrician and got licensed. That's
Scott Benner 19:02
awesome. How is managing your diabetes with being an electrician? Is it any different than working on the floor in the shop? No,
Max 19:09
I feel like it's been easier actually, just because I'm moving around a lot, and it kind of made me focus on, you know, like fixing my doses because I'm still on MDI, but I noticed that I was going low a lot because of all the physical activity, and so it helped me, like, harness that a bit better. You know, don't get me wrong, there were times where, like, you have fallen off the wagon for a short amount of time, but I've gotten back on. I never let it be like an extended period of time, like I did before. Yeah, Max.
Scott Benner 19:44
What does that look like? What is falling off the diabetes wagon? Look like? It's
Max 19:48
more like I'm not taking my fast acting insulin like I'm supposed to. It's either like, I'll be like, skipping it because I'm like. Stressed out of work or, like, stuff's going on and it's harder for me to take care of it, which actually kind of ties in something else. And in the middle of last year, I was actually diagnosed with bipolar,
Scott Benner 20:12
really, yeah. How did you get that diagnosis? You
Max 20:16
know, I'm a single mom. I actually became even more of a single mom, because, you know, like his, his dad was in the picture still before, you know, we just, you know, split time, but he ended up terminating his parental rights. Well,
Scott Benner 20:33
how do you do that? I'm looking into that. Now, you brought it up. I might, maybe I can, you know, I mean, get out some of these bills. Well, no, no, seriously, how did that? How did that happen? I don't understand. So, another
Max 20:45
crazy story. In the middle of everything, his dad had, like, moved away to Boise, Idaho for a little bit for work, and that's when we're still splitting time. But I was thinking about, like, Oliver's gonna stay with me. You know, he's already set up in school. He has all of his doctors here, like he's under my insurance, like it was just, it's just logical to keep him here. And he was like, okay, like, I'll pay child support, like, whatever. And, I mean, he never did. But anyways, he had moved to Boise, and I actually had ended up moving in with his parents, because me and his family still have, like, a really strong relationship. Yeah, and a couple months after that, I, you know, because he moved away, and it was just me and Oliver, I, you know, realized that I was like, I need to take care of my diabetes better. Like, I know I'm still struggling with an eating disorder. It was just me and him, like, I really need to be on top of this, because he only had he only has me, yeah, and so I actually contacted my insurance to see where I could go to inpatient treatment or diabetes. And the closest place was in Colorado. And luckily, I guess, at that time, his dad had moved back because things weren't working out with work, so he was going to be watching all over again half of the time, and then my family would step in for the time I was missing. So right as all of that was getting set up, you know, I was already out in Colorado, I'm about to, you know, like, get, like, checked in and everything. I get a call that Oliver's dad's brother, who was like my brother too. He was in the hospital because he had a massive stroke in his brain stem, and he was brain dead. My God. How old was he? Oliver? Or his brother, the
Scott Benner 22:38
brother that had the stroke, he's 21 Jesus. Was that natural or do is it brought on by something
Max 22:45
he had, I don't like, a really rare kidney disease, and so he would, like, swell up really bad. They we knew that it was going to take him at some point, okay, but we didn't think it was going to be associated,
Scott Benner 22:58
sure, sure. And then, but, and how does this lead to the, you know, your son's father being like, Yo, I don't, I don't need to be involved in this anymore. So I
Max 23:04
got that phone call, and I was like, I'm driving back right now. I feel everyone was like, you know, Jordan would want you to go back to the, you know, inpatient treatment, like, finish this. I was like, You're right. Like, I know he would. He would kick my ass if we were, if he were still here. So again, Dr drove back out to Colorado, and then I get a phone call from one of my brothers, and my brother says that while they're getting getting him ready to get in the bath, Oliver said that someone on his dad's side of the family, or like someone that he's near when he's with his dad, was touching him inappropriately in the bathtub. So I drove back again. Max,
Scott Benner 23:42
hold on a second. How do you not give up? You're 28 a lot more than a lot. That's an unfair statement a lot. Like, there's needs to be a bigger word for a lot, but so many things have happened to you. We haven't even gotten to the eating disorder thing and the outpatient thing because it's in the middle of the story. But like, I don't know. Like, how do you not hear that and go, I'm, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna go up to the top of one of these Colorado mountains and sit here for a while. Like, seriously, where do you get the energy for it?
Max 24:09
I honestly don't know. I feel like, you know, my son just really keeps me going. Like, I know I can't let him down, and I need to be the person for him that I didn't have when I was growing up. Yeah,
Scott Benner 24:22
you got a mom motor, that's for sure. Okay, I'm sorry. So your son at that point, how long
Max 24:27
ago was this? This was like, two years ago,
Scott Benner 24:31
two years ago. Your son's getting a bath, and he says, somebody touches me and then, and you're away at outpatient treatment for an eating disorder, yeah.
Max 24:41
So again, yeah. So I talked to other people at the facility, you know, it's like, I have a, really another family emergency, like, I'm sorry I can't, I can't stay right now. And they're like, We understand if you come back, just let us know. Like, we'll be happy to take you because. And but yeah, so I drove back, I had filed a report, and I was like, you know, like, I can't let him go with his dad, you know, like, obviously something's happening while he's over there, so I had to keep him from his dad, and I got a lawyer, and I is fighting for custody of him, because we had never put any of that in place, like, through the courts. And so I was filing for full, like, full custody. So, you know, like, legal everything. And you know, obviously his dad was upset, you know, his brother had just died, like, literally, like a day before, right? And it
Scott Benner 25:39
sounded like his family was supportive of you. They they like you live there and you feel like you had a you felt like you had a good relationship with them, I imagine,
Max 25:46
yeah, definitely. I mean, like, I still do right? I have a very strong feeling about who did it. The person's not, like, blood related, it would be his father's wife's, you
Scott Benner 26:01
don't have to say. But like, somebody, yeah, somebody, like, tangentially related to the family, yeah.
Max 26:06
But like, I mean, like, that relationship between me and his family is still there. Like, they still care for him very much. You know, they're still there for me.
Scott Benner 26:15
Can he see his son? Or can he not even see him? Or can he just not go with your with his dad. So,
Max 26:21
I mean, legally, he's a stranger to him. Now I don't let him see him okay.
Scott Benner 26:27
Do you think he knew it was happening? I don't know okay, because when
Max 26:34
it all happened, and you know, like his dad had finally heard about it, because I wasn't giving Oliver up to him. I'm sorry. I just lost my train of
Scott Benner 26:44
thought. Don't worry. I guess what I'm wondering is, let me take you a different idea. How do you substantiate that to like, a court system, like your son says something, we want to listen to him, but how do you prove it enough to take away, like, his dad's rights? I
Max 26:58
see, I see. So yeah, Oliver only said what happened and where it happened, but so because of that, yeah, like, we couldn't, like, actually, like, put that in place to use against, you know, like, him or whatever. But how do you even make
Scott Benner 27:12
sure it's true? Like, do you mean, like, I'm not saying don't believe the kid. I'm saying it's a big thing. Like, how do you prove it all out? So
Max 27:18
the child goes in for, like, an interview and an examination at the Children's Justice Center. So, I mean, Oliver went through all of that, and I guess, like, Oliver wouldn't say who did it, so we only had the like, the case was closed, but it'll always be able to be open, like any point in time, like, even when he's an adult, if he does decide to say or remembers that they're like, there's, it's like, on file that there was a case open,
Scott Benner 27:49
what he reveals at that Justice Center is enough for the courts to do what they did. No, no. So
Max 27:56
what had happened was Tyler ended up, like, agreeing to giving me, you know, full custody. But he was throwing a fit about how much child support he was going to have to pay. Okay? So he was like, I want the courts to go over, you know, like, do the calculations again. Because it's like the calculations went through ORs. And he's like, I want the courts to do the calculations on how much child support I'm supposed to be paying you, because you just want my money like this and that. And I was like, No, I've never asked you for money like you didn't even pay me child support when you moved to Idaho. So I was like, You know what? Like, if you're really bugging out about having to pay child support, you have the option to terminate your rights so you don't have to pay child support and but you need to understand what that's going to entail.
Scott Benner 28:44
You saw this as a way of, like, just cutting him away. Like, did you think he was going to take that when you told him, like, you could give up your rights? No, no, I didn't.
Max 28:53
Oh, and it was crazy, because I I told my lawyer that, because we're obviously talking through lawyers, two hours later, no less that we had got the response that Tyler agreed.
Scott Benner 29:04
Wow, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everybody. That's sad, yeah, on a lot of different levels, but still, it's sad. Tell me a little bit more about how you figured out there was an eating disorder and going off to treatment for it, and did you ever make it back to treatment? So I mean,
Max 29:24
I knew, like, it was more, like I wasn't accepting it, but like I knew it was there, and I kind of, like, just hit it very well, because, like, I wasn't going, like, to the hospital for DKA or anything like, I'll run it just high enough that I was losing weight, or, like, fix it before I'd have to go to the hospital. But because of, you know, like, his dad being gone again, he like, I kicked to gear where I was, like, it's only me. I need to get help. I need to be there for my son. Like, I need to be healthy. Yeah, that's how it, like, came slight, like, I. Sought the help out myself, like I was gonna make sure everything was gonna be done, Oliver was gonna be cared for, but I actually didn't end up making it back to the facility, because once everything was happening with the courts, that's when, like, I was on top of everything. I'm not gonna let my son be without like, I'm not gonna put him through that. I'm not gonna put him through what I went through as a child, you know, losing my mother. Yeah, it really kicked the entire year. You
Scott Benner 30:26
feel like you pulled it together on your own. Is it a struggle, still, like a daily struggle? Does it rear its head sometimes to come and go? How does it, how does it live in your life now, I
Max 30:35
don't struggle with it anymore, and so I mean, like my blood sugar, my management, had stayed better. I was still having, like, the bad, you know, like self image and struggling with that, but my fiance actually has helped me a lot with that. You know, I'm, I tell them all the time, you know, like I've become more accepting my body, like I'm comfortable in my own body like I'm happy,
Scott Benner 31:02
yeah. How
Max 31:04
has he helped you with that? He makes me believe that he loves my body just the way it is, no matter what which. It was really hard to accept that, especially since, sorry, I'm taking off my boot right now. I just got out of the cast yesterday, so you might hear it in the background. No, it's fine, go ahead. But like, even when, you know, so actually got diagnosed with kidney disease as well a while back. So you know, there's times where if I eat a lot of sodium, like, I'll be really puffy in the morning, like, super swollen. And, like, I struggled with that before, where I was, like, I wouldn't want to go to work, like I wouldn't want to go outside, I didn't want anyone to see me, like I thought it was disgusting
Scott Benner 31:45
because you were retaining water and you were you were puffy, okay? And
Max 31:49
now, you know, like, he calls me his puffy pastry princess, and it makes me happy.
Scott Benner 31:56
Well, you know, it's interesting to hear somebody say, like, how, you know, I'm uncomfortable with my body, and I think people would immediately maybe jump to the idea that that's just like your size or something like that, but it's, it's got a lot more to do with a lot more than they might imagine. Yeah, it's a strange thing to hear you say that you you're uncomfortable with how you look, but only strange from the perspective of somebody who doesn't understand what like body dysmorphia might feel like. Yeah. I mean, a lot of the things that you're going through and that a lot of people go through, are quite elusive, as far as like, being able to explain them to the masses, to people who don't go through it. Because I probably said this in both of your episodes, I'm happy to say it again. You're adorable. It is heartbreaking to hear that you don't, like, look in a mirror and see that, yeah. I mean, like, I feel,
Max 32:47
I mean, like, now that I'm healthier, like, I am just, like, slightly bigger, you know, just as I'm not using my diabetes, you know, for weight loss. So I'm like, I'm a little bit bigger, but like, I know that I'm healthy. Yeah, I know that I'm healthy. I know that I'm loved. I know that it doesn't matter what I look like and I like. Really come to accept that.
Scott Benner 33:10
What in your past Do you think led to your body dysmorphia? My stepdad? Oh, for sure, yeah. And is that the way he spoke to you or interactions?
Max 33:23
Yeah. I mean, like he would tell me to, you know, like, eat less. You would tell me I was too fat to go to work. He would force me to work out a lot.
Scott Benner 33:34
That is a lot, obviously, and then get away from him. But that still sticks to you. That's not a thing you can shake, right?
Max 33:42
Yeah, yeah. It stuck with me for a really long time, but you don't feel the same way now. No, no, I don't. And you know, you know, just like, as an adult, and like, I know he was wrong for what he did. I know he was just wrong period, yeah? But, you know, like, I look back at that stuff and I'm, like, ill, like, I was just a child and, like, obviously, like, I believed you like, most everything he said, you know, like he was, quote, unquote, my parent figure, no, I hear you. I understand,
Scott Benner 34:15
I mean, I understand why it would get you like that. It just, it's, it's valuable for you to explain it so other people can hear and tell people, just for people, just real quickly. How old were you when you were diagnosed? Type one? I was seven. Seven. Okay, so at some point you figure out, if I hold back my insulin, keep my blood sugars higher, you know, my body is. It weighs less and, yeah, you manipulate that. How long do you think you did that for? Oh, geez,
Max 34:40
it was just over 10 years, like, when it's crazy is that, you know, like when I was much younger, like I went to rehab for my eating disorder. I, you know, have a lot of like, self help books on it. And actually, the average amount of time that it takes to fully recover for. An eating disorder is about 10 years. And
Scott Benner 35:03
that's 10 years of working at it and trying and yeah and failing and bounce like, like you said earlier, like three steps forward, couple back, start again, and then, but she didn't give up. It's pretty awesome. Thank you. Yeah, if I had to say to you, what's the first thing you think of when I say, What saved your life? Is it your son? Yes, yeah, right. Like, always being a mom, like
Max 35:27
so many points in my life, so many and now
Scott Benner 35:31
you've met a guy that you you seem to like, that's awesome. And how does he feel about the like, how do you feel? Well, let me get my timeline straight. First you met him, you said, not that long ago, about eight months ago, okay, when did you get your bipolar diagnosis? Just a
Max 35:46
couple months before that, before, like, 910, months ago, 10 months ago, I say,
Scott Benner 35:50
so that's something he knows about when he meets you, or at some point, okay, how do you introduce that to somebody, and how do they blend it into their like, you know what I mean? Like, how does that? Like, how did he hear that and then go, Okay, make sense of it. And said that this doesn't stop me from wanting to be in a relationship so
Max 36:08
with it. So, like, I have so many medical conditions, like diagnoses and stuff. What I love about him is that when I tell him about these things, he actually learns about it, or, like, asks me about it. You know, he wants to know, you know, and he doesn't like, there isn't that stigma when you like, first tell someone like, oh, like I'm bipolar, and they're like, oh, like you're crazy, like, I don't want to be around you where he genuinely cares,
Scott Benner 36:35
learns about it and tries to figure out how to help you with it, yeah. Well, that sounds like love and does he have anything going on? No, no. Medically for
Speaker 1 36:45
him, like he's pretty healthy, I'd say, like he's pretty
Scott Benner 36:49
good. He's like, I'm unencumbered. I can handle a couple of things. Yeah, it's really very lovely. What aspects of your health Do you find that sharing helps you with? And have there been anything that you just haven't told him about, like, stuff that, you know, I mean, you're like, No, this is for me, or are you just a completely open book? I have
Max 37:08
a completely open book. Like, he has a list of all my diagnoses and like medications that I take, and like, even helps me with, like, taking my medication, like, he'll remind me. And like, you know, like, we have, like the share app, or like the Dexcom, and he'll, like, look at my blood sugars and make sure I'm okay if I'm not paying attention.
Scott Benner 37:30
So when you're using insulin or or withholding insulin to manipulate weight, you have an actual moment where just life gets overwhelming and you forget to Bolus for a meal. Like, how do you know the difference between, like, slippery slope or the eating disorder, and what's like, just burnout, or is there no difference? Do they just go hand in hand? I feel like there's
Max 37:53
definitely a difference. So, like, with my eating disorders, like I was fully aware of what I was doing and like, I was, I was purposely doing it when I just, like, missed a dose. It's like, Oh shoot. Like, I missed a dose. I can see it in my blood sugar now, like, let's just take care of it. I did have like, a little bit of a burnout, you know, just a couple months ago. But like I said, like, Chris helps me a lot, and he kind of helped me, like, get back on track. And he's like, you know, like you need to be healthy for all of us, like we want you to be in our lives as long as possible. And he's definitely a big part of my support system.
Scott Benner 38:32
And on top of that, does he understand the slippery slope nature of that and the eating disorder? Yes, yes, he does. Like, he
Max 38:41
knows about all my history, and, you know, like, I said, like, I'm very open with him, yeah, because, like, I know when I'm doing things like that purposely, you know, like, all, like, I'll tell them, you know, like, hey, like, this was, like, this would happen in my past, you know, so, just so you're aware, like, if, like, you see any of these things if, if I notice these things, like, I'll tell him, or like, he'll tell me, like, hey, like, sniff us in the bud,
Scott Benner 39:08
and you're able to hear that and not get defensive,
Max 39:12
yeah, awesome. I really care about his input, and I take it to heart and I act on it. No,
Scott Benner 39:20
that's crazy. I mean, crazy because, like, I've been married for like, 30 years, and, you know, that's your goal, that's everybody's goal, but it's sometimes somebody says something to you and you're just like, whoa, what? Like, you know what? I mean, like, you have a defensive reaction to it, but, but you're not that's crazy. Crazy exciting for me. Actually, it's a thing. I was just like, oh, okay, what about the management of the bipolar? Like, I mean, that's a whole new thing to learn about. It must be difficult to find a good doctor. How do you like, how do you manage it? Does it flare? You know, what's it look like?
Max 39:51
That's crazy. Actually. Like, how I got the diagnosis? It was middle of last year. I was, you know, obviously, really burnt out. My diabetes with all of her, you know, because it was like, it like just me at that time now, because his dad was out of the picture, and I was getting super overwhelmed, like I was bawling my eyes out, like every day, like I was just really down and depressed, like I couldn't handle it anymore, like I was getting close to sending my son with my sister, one of my sisters, because she's a foster parent. Like, it got to that point where I was like, I can't handle it. I believe that Oliver would have been better off with someone else. My mom was like, here, like, here's this emergency, like, helpline, or like, something like that. Like, call them, see if they can help you in any way. And I was like, okay, so I did call that phone number, and, you know, talk to them on the phone for a while. And what was crazy is that while I was on the phone with them, and they were telling me that they were gonna fly me out to Florida for treatment for a month, the next day, there was a baby praying mantis that I saw in front of me, like, just appear. And I, like, looked up, feel like the meaning of like praying mantises, like, if they cross your path or whatever. And it was like something like hope and like good things happening and like success, like this and that. And I remember, like crying even more. I ended up switching it to, like, two days to be ship, shipped out to Florida so I could get like, like work taken care of, like, Oliver's care stuff like that, before I left. And so in Florida they that's where they diagnosed me with the bipolar, and they put me on medication. I've only switched medications once, and it seemed to be working really well for me. I've noticed a difference with my diabetes management while I've been on that medication, because so, I mean, like, I'm on Adderall, and it helps me take my medication, but I noticed that there would be, like, a couple months where it was a lot easier for me, and then a couple months where it was a lot harder, and then again, it was just like this, up and down, up and down. But it's like I was not taking care of myself for, like, a really long, extended period of time, okay, but so once I got on the medication, it helped with those lows and helped me stay more steady in my care. Awesome.
Scott Benner 42:20
That's great. So the medication, like, by helping you feel more what are we looking for to feel normal? Like, what's the word use? I would use,
Max 42:29
like, steady. Okay, because of the bipolar, you have those highs and you have those lows, the medication really helps me feel more steady. Okay,
Scott Benner 42:37
awesome. So when you have that, and you're able to think, and your ADHD is being managed, well, then you're able to focus on things. And do you see yourself as, like, oh, like, This is who I could be. You know what I mean? Does every Have you ever had a hindsight moment where you've looked back and thought, like, I wonder if, like, some of this would have helped me in the past?
Max 42:56
Oh, yes, a lot with both medications, for sure, really, again. Like, it makes looking back, it makes a lot of sense. For a long time, I thought it was just my period making me crazy, my body could be a lot healthier for sure. Like, maybe I wouldn't have the kidney disease or neuropathy, you know, I wouldn't have the chronic pancreatitis, the epi I feel like I could have been a much healthier individual.
Scott Benner 43:22
And so does that give you a lot of like, perspective? Does that make you excited for where you are? Does it make you sad for what you missed? Or maybe both? I don't know,
Max 43:29
I feel it's definitely a bit of both. You know, sometimes I don't refill my medications at the right time. So like, maybe I'll, like, go a day without one of my pills, you know, like, I might be, like, feeling like my nerve pain, for example, and I'm like, you know, like, if I took care of myself better when I was younger, like, I could have prevented this, but, like, I realized, like, it wasn't, like, entirely my fault.
Scott Benner 43:52
What do you do with those feelings? Like, how do you manage through them? I'll usually
Max 43:56
Dr Chris will be like, my body's so broken, and he's like, you're okay, like, I love you. It'll be fine. Like, we'll get on top of this. Don't worry. Find
Scott Benner 44:05
the hope is just the important part is that it is it just being hopeful that's valuable.
Max 44:09
I'm very hopeful. I'm a very hopeful person. I'd say you
Scott Benner 44:13
would have to be, I imagine is that the key in a moment when you're dealing with something that's from the past, that can't be changed, that's had an impact on today. But it's not the end of you like you can, you know, you can still manage like that. Hope is what is, what allows you to just gather up and go, Okay, this is the current situation. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna play with the cards I was dealt. Kind of a thing,
Max 44:34
actually. I always remember this picture. I was, like, scrolling on social media, like, a long time ago. And, you know, like, a few sentences on it, and it says, you know, like, you only got like, $1 to your name, like, just keep going. Like the car broke down. Like, just keep going. Like, it gives like, these lists of examples, you know, like things that happen. And at the end of every sentence says, just. Keep going. And that just stuck in my head, right? That's
Scott Benner 45:05
good advice. Advice, simple, obvious, sometimes, but not always, obvious enough to take and, and I think probably the secret of most people who persevere, you know, yeah,
Max 45:16
because, I mean, there's, there's nothing you can do to change the past, like, what's happened, has happened. You know, the only thing you can do is go into action in the present to change the future. Yeah,
Scott Benner 45:29
that's, that's an incredibly valuable thought. I hope you should say that twice so people heard it for sure. I
Max 45:35
think you actually second set in the second episode, yeah? Well,
Scott Benner 45:38
keep saying it, because the people need to hear it, but it's working for you. And I think it's great to show like, you know, a gap of a number of years between the thing you said, and, you know, you're still doing it, and it's still helping you through some pretty significant issues like yours is not like for the faint of heart. You know what? I mean, you're not on here talking about, like I went to school and somebody was mean to me, like you got big stuff going on, you know, and that you keep pushing through like this is awesome. Where do you see yourself in another 10 years?
Max 46:09
I see myself successful and happy with my family, and now just living life, not letting things bring me down in not letting myself add up more health issues on top of what I've got
Scott Benner 46:25
just do well and try to maintain better yourself where you can enjoy your life. Yeah,
Speaker 1 46:31
pretty simple.
Scott Benner 46:34
Well, you know what? It does seem pretty simple, and then you try to do it, and it's not always that simple. Yeah, right. Just keep going, yeah. But also having good people around you is valuable. More than valuable, it's, it's key, you know, yeah, yeah, because you've had times where you've been you and had people around you who aren't helping, and it's hard to get through that, and now you're just being you more, but with a person with you who's supportive and understanding and and you can see, you get a lot more poor motion that way. Do you ever think about getting an insulin pump?
Max 47:04
Yeah, so actually, I just got a new endocrinologist, and I was gonna speak to them with that about that
Scott Benner 47:11
you're up to thinking about it now, yeah. Where do you think the value will be for you by going to it? Obviously
Max 47:18
I could have tighter control on my blood sugar. The only thing that worries me is the tubing. Of course, it was like, just like in my field of work, you know, I'm having to climb, you know, like, around and go into tight spaces, and I'm in ceilings, you know, and there's a lot of things that, like, you know, brush against my body, or it's like, I don't want the tubing to get snagged. But then I know there's also the Omnipod. I know that, you know, like, I've had a couple sensors rip off, you know, like at work, because, you know, again, like climbing through stuff, having to crawl stuff, like that. So I'm worried, you know, like that, Omnipod could also, you'll be ripped off of me. Well,
Scott Benner 47:58
yeah, I mean, your options are Omnipod or like the Moby, the tandem Moby, like those seem like two smaller like options. And I think maybe, if you just, I mean, I've heard a lot of people talk about this that are in the trades, so I would think if you treated them, maybe the way football players treat them, one of those sports wraps, maybe they keep it a little tight to you while you're working, that might really help. I mean, listen, it's not, it wouldn't stop you from hitting a piece of duct work and maybe ripping it off, right? If you really, like, made a close turn and caught something. But I would think for the bumps like and, you know, nudges and stuff like that, that might be valuable. You know, it's an extra step. If you think the pump is going to help you, you know, any pump is going to help you, and that's what's holding you back. There might be some workarounds there. Yeah, you're right. I didn't think about that. Yeah, that's why I'm here. I'm just here to make a podcast. And then, you know, an hour into it, mentioned that you could do like a sport, pretty much my job. And to give you a place to tell your story and everybody else, can you tell people a little bit about I haven't had a lot of people on three times. Let me say something I know you'll take well, okay, you're not the most dynamic speaker. Like, you're not like, big and like, you don't get like, oh, like, you're not loud, you don't grab people's attention. You're not telling, like, super fun stories. Your stories are like, bummers. They're stories of, like, getting through tough things in life. But they're very valuable. People enjoy hearing them. I think they give people perspective. You have a ton more perspective than most people do, so you're lending it out to them, but I want to know, like, what makes you keep wanting to come back? Like, what is this doing for you? This process of talking to me,
Max 49:30
I like to tell people that I feel like I'm a lighthouse. And what I mean by that is that it's like I am a beacon of hope, you know, just because of what I have gone through, you know, like I can share my experiences with others. Be like, Hey, like you're not alone. You're not the only one. Like you, you can get through this like you, you will be okay. The lighthouse also means a lot to me, because my mother, she loved lighthouses. You know, we had a whole bunch of like, little statues. Shoes and my clocks and little trinkets, you know that were lighthouses. And you your your ship, it's out at sea, going through rough waters, and you just look for that beacon of light,
Scott Benner 50:12
yeah, who is your lighthouse? Who is my lighthouse? Oh, that's a good question, yeah, because I like that. You feel like you want to be that for other people, but like, who's doing that for you? And, I mean, your guy is an easy answer, but you haven't known him that long. So like, Who or what have you used over the years? Maybe you've had a number of different lighthouses, like, what have you used over the years that have that's done that for you? I
Max 50:36
don't know actually, like, I had never thought about that. You have
Scott Benner 50:42
a caregiver mentality, obviously. Like, I mean, you're a young mom whose kid had cancer and you got through that. You're wired to help people. And so it's interesting that when I asked you that question, what you said was, I help I want to do it to help people, which is awesome. I'm not saying otherwise, but who's helping you? Or what do you use that gives you that thing? Like, I'll give you mine outside of my family, which I think is, you know, probably pretty obvious, but I got a note the other day that said that the Facebook group is, you know, I don't want to, like, give somebody's thing away. This person's having mental health issues. They found the Facebook group, and it's helping them significantly, and they outlined for a while how it helped them. And I thought, Oh, that's awesome. Like, you know, like, so great that this is working for somebody. But then another person comes into the thread and says, I use this group in a very similar way, and then told their story in a post, you know, then another person comes and another and these statements get likes and hearts, and people come in and they go, this thing is so valuable for me. And I think that seeing other people helped helps me, and it allows me to keep doing the thing I'm doing. Because this could get meticulous, and it doesn't like the making of like, I've recorded five podcasts this week, and people could say like, oh, it's easy. You sit down and do it. Trust me, you go ahead and do it. You go ahead and, you know, interview and talk and and, you know, do all the technical things around this. You won't do it for two weeks. It's not easy. When it gets too businessy, like, you know what I mean? Like, it just feels like the thing I do every day, someone steps up and shares a story about the thing that I did and how it helped them, and it gives you enough energy for me, at least, it gives me enough energy to want to do it again so that someone else could do it. Because 11 years into this max, like most people would have quit, or they would have wanted to grow it into something else, or turn it into something else. And I just like what this thing does for people with diabetes. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I'm not looking to make it different or bigger or, you know, I'm not looking to go on YouTube and see, like, Oh, this is what people think is good now, like, I should try to shift to that. Like, I don't want to shift to that. Like, if my thing never grows past where it is right now, it doesn't matter to me, because I know what it does for the people who find it. And so I would think that everyone listening who either takes the time to share back with me, or at least I see them out there, through downloads and in streams and stuff like that. Like, I know that some of them, maybe a lot of them, are getting something similar to what the people who share with me online are experiencing. And to me that, like, I draw the light out of that, but I'm wondering, like, where do you get it from
Max 53:24
now that I put more thought into it? Like, I don't want to sound like vain or anything, but I feel like it's almost for myself. Nothing wrong with that. Like, I I'll, like, tell people, or like, mostly Chris or like, I look back all my life and I see, like, all the things I've been through, all the things I've overcome, all the challenges and, you know, like that I've been able to get to just keep going. And it keeps me, like, in the mindset that, you know, like that I can conquer or accomplish whatever gets thrown, like thrown my way, yeah, and
Scott Benner 54:05
I'm very lucky that I am this way, because a lot of things I've been through, I'm sure, have taken people's lives. Actually, I gotta tell you, if nothing else came out of your three interviews. I'd be happy if nothing else, but what you just said came I think a lot more came out of it than that. But that was maybe the most insightful and thoughtful thing that anybody said to me in quite some time. You're your own lighthouse. And you said, I don't wanna sound vain, but I was like, What is she gonna say? But that doesn't sound vain at all. It doesn't sound like anything but confident and not confident, cocky or confident, like you're just like, look, what I've been through is a beacon. And if I can't find that beacon somewhere else, I'll just shine it out into the world and then draw it back for myself as well. I'll help other people if I can, but I'm gonna use it to help myself. Seriously, that was awesome. How did you come up with that? I. Been, is that a thing you've thought before? No, no.
Max 55:05
Like, I've never thought about, you know, like, who's my Lighthouse or where I get it from? So
Scott Benner 55:11
off the top of my head, that's it. We should stop. I should never make another episode of this podcast. It should be the last thing anybody has said on here, which is, go out there and put good stuff out into the world. And then, you know what? If somebody won't give it back to you, take some back for yourself. That's awesome. Not really. It's so simple too, but not because I have to write that down. We'll workshop it. We'll get it down to a T shirt slogan. But No, but seriously, that is really, maybe, like, one of the more compelling and thoughtful and uplifting statements anybody's made in a long time. That right there is why I don't care what people think is popular or what's popular in the moment, but a thing like Tiktok or a short on YouTube, I don't care if you know how the delivery systems change over time, nothing's going to replace long, thoughtful, sometimes rambling conversations with an interested interviewer, because that is not a thing you say out loud if we don't spend the last hour talking. And I might argue that, had we not spent three, you know, two hours talking prior to that too. So that was really wonderful, man, you just made me my whole weekend is going to be better now,
Max 56:27
thank you. Oh, I'm like, smiling right now. I'm all happy about it. Good, good. I
Scott Benner 56:32
want you smiling. You deserve it. Yeah, no, seriously, like, don't get don't get meek. Now, Max, you deserve it. You really do. I mean, everyone deserves it, but also it's turned you into a really thoughtful and still young adult. Like, I know that probably doesn't feel that way to you, but like you're young. You know, you don't feel young, I imagine. No, I don't. You're 28
Speaker 1 56:57
feel like I've lived five lifetimes. Oh
Scott Benner 56:59
yeah, yeah. But we need to get you into a place where you're bored. Oh
Max 57:03
no, I am so bored right now because of being in my cast, being home forever, yeah, it's been awful. I've been driving myself crazy. I've been crocheting a lot. Well,
Scott Benner 57:15
not that kind of bored. Well, maybe not that kind of boredom. When you bought a keyboard, I'm talking about like, I'm talking about the boredom that comes with with life, and comfort with knowing that the people around you are going to do the things, and that the support is going to be there, and that the money is going to be there, and that every day is not like, just you wondering, like, what trap you're gonna have to chew your leg out of next you know what? I mean? Yeah, I like a little bit of that, like, comfort for you. And it sounds like maybe this is going to happen. Being an electrician is a reasonably good paying job, is it not? It is? Yeah, what's the boy do he making some money? Yeah, he does the same thing. I do awesome. I love it. And do you have? How many kids do you have? Like, why do I not feel like I know that exactly,
Max 58:00
so it's crazy about it. So I have Oliver, but I actually just had a miscarriage a couple days ago. Oh,
Scott Benner 58:07
my God. Well, don't Jesus, how did you even come on here to do this? I don't know. Well, no,
Max 58:14
it's crazy, though I've been obviously thinking about it a lot. Yeah, so I know we talked about, you know, like my mother passing, and how she had died the day before my birthday. I found out I lost the baby the day before my birthday as well. Jesus.
Scott Benner 58:29
Were you trying to get pregnant? No, it was a
Max 58:33
surprise. I was telling Chris. I was like, and I told my sister as well. I was like, I feel like my mom is watching over me, and or at least I want to believe you know, that she's watching over me and that she just knew it wasn't the right time in my life for that to happen. Yeah, and she decided that she needed to take care of the baby for
Scott Benner 59:03
me. Well, that's a nice way to think about it, for sure. I'm sorry that that happened. You hear people say things happen for a reason all the time. I don't know if I, you know. I don't know how far into that I can, I can buy, but I don't think you need another new thing in your life. Like, honestly, like, I, I'd like to see you just settle in and just stay the course for a while, not saying that I'm happy for you know, your sadness, obviously, but I can see value in you not having another thing, yeah, you know. And no matter what it is, I wouldn't tell you shouldn't buy a kitten. Do what I'm saying. I don't want you doing anything. I want you. I want you like, just work on your relationship. Take care of yourself, you know, and and get into a nice rhythm, get through with your schooling and, and, you know, get out there and make yourself some money and be comfortable. Take care of all the things you got going on. It sounds like you're doing great, like you just need to stay the course.
Max 59:54
Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think I've really come to, like, a turning point in my life where, for. Most part is on the up.
Scott Benner 1:00:01
You're on the upswing. As far as I can say. This sadness aside, but I mean, listen, maybe nobody better to deal with something sad than you, like you should be able to traverse this. I'd be surprised if this was the thing that got you, you know, yeah, I'll finish up with this. Do you ever have a thought in your head, like, where you go? Like, has enough? Not like, is this it like, how can there be more? Have you ever thought, yeah, I would think that. I mean, honestly, a lot, yeah, it's not how it works. You don't just like, Oh, I got one thing. I don't get two things. I got three. You can't get four. Like, but like, at some point, have you ever stepped back and said, like, Where's all this coming from? Can you see where it's coming from? Or is it just randomness? Like,
Max 1:00:45
I was like, Hitler to pass life or something. You
Scott Benner 1:00:50
know what happened? SCOTT I um, I was a terrible person in a past life. I'm getting paid back. Yeah, everybody feels that way. I bet who has, like, type one or other autoimmune stuff, they're probably like, Oh, what did I do? Like, kick puppies in my last life or something. And does it just seem random? Like, have you ever, like, had a moment where, because, like, you've, you know, talked about a couple of signs in your life today and everything like that? Have you ever had that feeling of, like, this is where it's coming from? Or, I mean, would that be silly too? I feel
Max 1:01:17
like most, if not all, of the things, like, the major things that I've been through have been at random, like there was no reason, like or like it was unpreventable. And I'm just so lucky to, you know, experience all of them, but I don't feel like it really stems from anything purposeful. Yeah,
Scott Benner 1:01:37
it's actually not my question, but Arden and I were in the car last night together, and I don't know what we were talking about, but she said, and she had never really said this at any point to us in the past, but she goes, like, there's times when I've thought, like, Okay, well, like, that's gotta be it. You know, like, something comes up, and she's like, well, that has to be it. And it's interesting to see it from her perspective, because from our perspective, like she was younger, you know, growing up and being diagnosed with type one, and then, you know, thyroid and like, other stuffs come up since then, and you're always so busy as a parent, like trying to just ducks in an order figure out the best form of treatment, like the things that you can do, I don't think we take the time to see it from their perspective, like it's now it's another thing to be, another thing to do, another thing to forget, another thing to fail at, another thing to succeed with. It's a lot more than Oh, your thyroids mess that you just take this pill to the person taking the pill. It's a lot more than that. Yeah, that's what made me think to ask you, because it was the phrasing she used, like, a couple of times in my life. I thought, Oh, this must be it. And then she laughed. She goes. Now I realized, like, doesn't seem to matter. Like, as many things are going to happen as are going
Max 1:02:49
to happen. Life just keeps going, whether you like it or not.
Scott Benner 1:02:53
Life keeps life and right into you. Yeah, all right. Well, I mean, we're obviously calling this episode lighthouses and yeah. And I really appreciate you coming on and doing this with me again. Thank you. Yeah, of course, I love to come on every time you're awesome. Like, I'm gonna keep doing this just so I can track you. I want to see 10 years from now. You happy? Like, making that, yeah? Like, making the electrician money, and maybe somebody can finally explain to me why I can't get some of my lights working in the house. That'd be awesome. Yeah, I'll come. I'll come pay this. That would be awesome. All right, hold on one second for me. Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you.
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