#1563 Be Curious
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Annalisa’s camp diagnosis begins decades hiding diabetes—until a dangerous low sparks transformative, bold self-care.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.
Anna Lisa 0:14
Hi there. My name is Annalisa Bucha and I have type one diabetes, and I'm here to just chat with you, Scott,
Scott Benner 0:23
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Anna Lisa 2:24
Hi there. My name is Anna Lisa, Bucha, and I have type one diabetes, and I'm
Scott Benner 2:29
here to just chat with you. Scott. Anna Lisa, that's right. Annalisa, like that? Yeah,
Anna Lisa 2:33
it looks like Anne Lisa, but it's Annalisa. It's Danish.
Scott Benner 2:37
Oh yes. It confused the hell out of me, because I was like, I know you said it. And I thought she's mispronouncing her own name.
Anna Lisa 2:43
I know. Thanks, Mom. It's pretty but a little complicated at first.
Scott Benner 2:48
That's okay. So how old were you when you were diagnosed?
Anna Lisa 2:52
I was 22 I had just graduated college, and, yeah, was working at a summer camp. How old do you know I am 44 Oh, wow. Oh yeah, I'm about halfway. Hey, actually, right now, yeah, you
Scott Benner 3:07
didn't know 244, halfway? Yeah, no, that's how you said it out loud, did you Hey? Yeah, here we go. Happy birthday. Any chance it was in June that it happened? Because that would be crazy,
Anna Lisa 3:15
sure. Was it was like exactly right now, this is it, I do not know my diabetic anniversary, but this is it. We're here.
Scott Benner 3:23
It was in June, though. Yeah, you just don't know the date.
Anna Lisa 3:27
I don't know the date. I was working at a summer camp in San Diego. And, yeah,
Scott Benner 3:33
sometime, really, how did you live in San Diego?
Anna Lisa 3:36
No, I'm from Northern California. I went to school up in Chico, and, yeah, I was working down there, and started going to the bathroom like a ton at night, which was really inconvenient, because I was up on a second bunk bed and had to, like, climb down every night. I'm a super hard sleeper, so I'm like, I never wake up the middle of the night. Somebody was like, you have a bladder infection? And I'm like, What is a bladder infection? And somebody was like, Are you like, I'm working at a Christian camp, Scott. They're like, are you having sex? Because that's what happens. And I'm like, No, I'm totally not. And so yeah, I went to a homeopathic doctor, or, like, whatever, which I had no idea. I just was, like, rolling with it. And I went to a doctor had a sandwich before the whole camp was at the beach, so I had to, like, miss out on the super fun beach day. The doctor tested my blood sugar, or the nurse, when I walked in, I had just had lunch, and my blood sugar was, like, 285 and she's like, oh, did you just have lunch? And I'm like, Yeah. And she's like, Okay, we're gonna put you on a more comfortable room. And so I was like, Alright, cool, whatever. Like, I'm just waiting for, like, these pills that people told me I would get, right? And she's like, Oh, we're gonna write you a prescription. You have a bladder infection, you know, we'll get you that, but we're gonna put you in a more comfortable room. I'm like, alright. So the doctor was like, my dad's eight. Could be my dad easily. And he comes in and he's. Like, teary eyed. And he's like, you're just, like, my daughter's age. And I just, I need to tell you that you have diabetes. I'm like, wait, what? Like, I just thought I had been
Scott Benner 5:12
no, my who's dirty? That's all. Yeah, hey, listen, the most important thing I'm getting out of this is, do Christian girls not know to pee after
Anna Lisa 5:20
intercourse? I don't know. I wasn't doing that, so I had no idea.
Scott Benner 5:25
But I'm saying that the you know what you got from the from the choir, when you were like, hey, something's wrong, they're like, you, you must have had sex, right? Because that's what that's not what happened. You don't just get a bladder infection because you had sex, right?
Anna Lisa 5:39
Kind of, like, I don't know, just somebody said that to me, and I thought it was hilarious. And I was like, No, whatever,
Scott Benner 5:46
but you know, now, in your 40s, go pee afterwards, right, right? Oh,
Anna Lisa 5:50
for sure, definitely, that's 101 definitely 101 for sure.
Scott Benner 5:56
Scott, that's intercourse 101, yes. I just want anybody who's listening to? No, it's a, you know, just, yeah,
Anna Lisa 6:03
go pee. Yeah, go pee. The movies do not let you know any of that information. And that is actually one of the funniest things I think about movies, is there's really not a lot of practicality.
Scott Benner 6:14
Yeah, it would probably ruin the flow of true film. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah. So this doctor, can I ask you, like, him being so upset? Did it upset you? I just was
Anna Lisa 6:25
kind of, I'm kind of a roll with the punches in the moment, kind of person, like, all right, cool. I don't usually have like, big reactions in the moment, and so I'm like, I don't even know what. I just think I was in total shock, like, all right, yeah, you know, since I think I was in the two hundreds, you know, he thought I had type two, and I've never been hospitalized. Had keto acidosis. I've never, like, I just had a very gradual onset. I actually have memories for all throughout all of college having diabetes symptoms, but had no clue what they were.
Scott Benner 7:06
Oh, really, that's interesting, like, what? Tell me some examples.
Anna Lisa 7:11
So my freshman year of college, I was walking to my big history 50 class, like 250 people, all the way across campus, and I sat down in class and just started profusely sweating, and was like, I need food. Like, I have I ditched class. Like, I was like, I have to get out of here. And I was super disoriented, and just like, having zombie, got myself to food, yeah, and, and was like, Well, that was weird. And then just like, nothing else happened after that. It was just this rare, like, it just happened.
Scott Benner 7:46
And then one like, crushing low blood sugar after walking, yeah, yeah, you didn't mention it to anybody, and call your mom and say, Hey, wanna hear a weird story?
Anna Lisa 7:55
Not really. I probably told my bestie, Amanda, and like, I don't know. It's just kind of how I am. And throughout college though, they would like, tease me. My friends very you know, we're all kind of a very bantery folk. And, like, if we waited too long to have breakfast, like, some they'd be like, Oh, Anna, Lisa has the shakes. We better get to breakfast. Like, we would all kind of tease like, and I wouldn't always, like, profusely sweat, but it would just be like, Guys, I'm getting shaky. Like, it's time. And so
Scott Benner 8:28
you thought that was going to be you, like, you a person who got hungry and got shaky afterwards,
Anna Lisa 8:32
yeah, before, yeah. Like, and then we would, yeah, we would go, like, we would always go to the Olive Garden right free breadsticks. And like, an hour after Olive Garden, I'd be like, Y'all like, I am hungry again, and I just feel out of it, which come to find out is, like, somebody called it something, but like, high blood sugar, like, you get this false hunger. You think this went on for years? I think four years, I have memories. My first low blood sugar memory was my freshman year of college.
Scott Benner 9:04
About that. So, like, a very slow onset. Are you? I mean, how long did it take before it was there? In totality, was it when you were 22 you're like, Okay, it's here.
Anna Lisa 9:12
Yeah. So when I was diagnosed, they gave me a list of foods to eat, which was like, fruit. They're like, eat lots of fruit. Alright, and so I got to an endocrinologist pretty quickly. When I got home, my mom hooked me up with her local Endo. And I'm in college, so it's like, I don't really have a doctor, like, I, you know, I'm just kind of healthy going through life. And my endocrinologist had type one diabetes and was on the insulin pump, and actually was moving his practice up to my college town where I was living. I ended up going on, we started off on Metformin. We started off on oral medication. I just got very little instruction, and one day I went to a doctor's and they're like, we're gonna start you on Lantis. Let's. Just do this. And I'm like, All right,
Scott Benner 10:02
so, so because you have that kind of like, just roll with it attitude, yeah, and it's a slow onset, and you're still in college, you go see that, like, do you feel like you understood anything that was happening, or were you just doing the like, I'll just do what I'm hearing today. Thing,
Anna Lisa 10:19
a little bit of both. I did do a lot of research. I am a researcher. Like, I am pretty like, get in there. You know, I'm a mathy person. Yeah, I think I really did get in there in research. We thought I had Lada. That was, like, I feel like the easiest thing, like, type 1.5 right? And I knew that that was an elusive diagnosis, so I didn't, like, run with it. I just kind of would tell people, like, we don't totally know what's going on. Like, this is probably going to turn to type one. So that summer, interestingly enough, you know, I was just kind of in a whirlwind. I just had no clue. Like, just was felt pretty up. Ended about it, yeah, and my friend was like, You know what? Come with me. I'm going on a houseboat trip a mutual friend. So I went with her up to Lake Shasta for a houseboat trip, for two nights with Brad's family. And Brad is now my husband, but he is a scientist, and I joke he fell in love with me because he I had type one diabetes. He thought it was just like the coolest thing, like he loved learning about it. And so then we just kind of started researching, you know, learning about it. And that was kind of our initial connection, from friendship to romantic interest, was that I had type one diabetes.
Scott Benner 11:36
So it started off like you were, like a science experiment for him. And probably, yeah, somebody brought along on a trip. How long until it became romantic? The brand new twist insulin pump offers peace of mind with unmatched personalization and allows you to target a glucose level as low as 87 there are more reasons why you might be interested in checking out twist, but just in case that one got you twist.com/juicebox, that's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. You can target glucose levels between 87 and 180 it's completely up to you. In addition to precision insulin delivery that's made possible by twist design, twist also offers you the ability to edit your carb entries even after you've bolused. This gives the twist loop algorithm the best information to make its decisions with, and the twist loop algorithm lives on the pump so you don't have to stay next to your phone for it to do its job. Twist is coming very soon, so if you'd like to learn more or get on the wait list. Go to twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Links in the show notes, links at Juicebox podcast.com. Contour. Next.com/juice box. That's the link you'll use to find out more about the contour. Next Gen blood glucose meter. When you get there, there's a little bit at the top you can click right on blood glucose monitoring. I'll do it with you. Go to meters, click on any of the meters, I'll click on the Next Gen, and you're going to get more information. It's easy to use and highly accurate. Smart light provides a simple understanding of your blood glucose levels. And of course, with Second Chance sampling technology, you can save money with fewer wasted test strips, as if all that wasn't enough, the contour next gen also has a compatible app for an easy way to share and see your blood glucose results. Contour next.com/juicebox and if you scroll down at that link, you're going to see things like a Buy Now button. You could register your meter after you purchase it. Or what is this? Download a coupon. Oh, receive a free contour next gen blood glucose meter. Do tell contour next.com/juicebox head over there now get the same accurate and reliable meter that we use.
Anna Lisa 13:58
Well, he asked me out on a date in October. So that was like July that we went on the houseboat trip, and I didn't totally know he was asking me out on a date, because we met at this summer camp, a different summer camp than I was diagnosed at. We met at a houseboat camp in California. He asked me out, and I just had no clue that he was asking me out on a date, because he's just kind of a friendly dude. Yeah, we just kind of hit it off and got married pretty quickly after that. And so
Scott Benner 14:26
were you on the date when you realized it was a date? Or did it take longer than that? It was
Anna Lisa 14:30
afterwards. He wrote me a sweet little note afterwards. And I was like, Oh no. Brad Bucha likes me. Oh my gosh. He took me to get this guy. He took me to San Francisco, took me out to see Jesus Christ Superstar, to a fancy dinner. I spent the night. We spent the whole next day together. We had a blast. We chatted up, and I somehow had no clue we were on a date.
Speaker 1 14:55
And Lisa, poor guy, you spent the night, or you spent the night? Yeah. We
Anna Lisa 15:00
very platonically spent the night. Yeah,
Scott Benner 15:03
I know he's like, I bought that girl dinner and a show. She doesn't even understand I was hitting on her,
Anna Lisa 15:09
I know. And then he wrote me the sweetest letter, and I, poor guy, I responded back and was like, Oh my gosh, you're really nice, Brad, but I am totally not interested in anything romantic. I just got diagnosed with diabetes. I had kind of had a boyfriend before that, and was just like, Yeah, this is just not timing in my life for this at all. I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
Scott Benner 15:34
Did he respond back and tell you how much you're half of the Jesus Christ Superstar tickets would cost?
Anna Lisa 15:39
Oh my gosh. So get this, Scott, this is his response back. His response back, was I totally get it. I think you are an amazing person, and if you ever changed your mind, my door is open to you. And you just wrote me the sweetest response back. And Scott, I was like, I'm all in. This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Like, this is an amazing human being, and I just fell in love with him, and then we Yeah, so I rejected him. He wrote me just this amazing note back, and I'm like,
Scott Benner 16:10
let's do this. All right, how about that? Because his response wasn't like, it wasn't, well, I'm not going away, so I'll just be here. And it was just like, okay, whatever you need, but I'll be here, you know, if you're ever interested, let me know. Yeah, yeah. And then you What did you do? Respond right back and go, all right, you got me, I'm in totally I did, yeah. Like, we were like, all in, yeah, you probably thought you were crazy at that point. He was like, Oh, great. I definitely picked the wrong one. She said, No, then at least
Anna Lisa 16:39
he knew what he was getting into though, because I was like this, that's very me, so
Scott Benner 16:43
I'm not ready. There's nothing that could talk me into this. Okay, all right. I mean, you were so understanding, let's get married pretty much. How long after that were you
Anna Lisa 16:52
married? 14 months to the day of our first date. We'd known each other for like, four years before that, we'd known each other a long time. But yeah,
Scott Benner 17:00
how about that? He and you grew up with diabetes together, really,
Anna Lisa 17:03
we totally did. He was there when I gave myself my first Mantis injection. And actually it was kind of hilarious. It was Brad, my best friend Amanda, were on her apartment floor, and I had picked up this vial of insulin, insulin, and we're all kind of like, so what do we do? We're like, we don't know. Okay, here's the instructions. And we just kind of like, fumbled through it together. And, you know, I was grown so my family was not really involved in my diabetes too much. My mom's an amazing mom. I just think it was just really, it's always been hard for her to think of me with a chronic illness. So it's really just been me, Brad, and my friends doing this since I was diagnosed.
Scott Benner 17:50
Hey, did you get the boat? Yeah, the house, but you got the house both too. It's nice. This is the white this is the whitest story. It's the most Caucasian story I've ever heard in my life. We're very, we're super, Ultra White. There's there's there's a house boat, there's Brad. I mean, Brad alone, you know, like, as, yeah, pretty damn
Anna Lisa 18:05
Caucasian. And, I mean, like, we snow ski, and we're, like, all in on racial justice, and we're all in on that, and we are seriously, like, the whitest
Scott Benner 18:12
people ever, certainly. Well, I mean, yeah, I heard it with the house boat part.
Anna Lisa 18:16
Yeah, yeah. You know, right away, do
Scott Benner 18:19
you get back to San Diego ever? San Diego is the place in the world that if people randomly ask me, where would you want to move? I've never been there. It's just like the stories of the weather make me think, like, that would be the right place to be?
Anna Lisa 18:30
Oh yeah, California is the bomb. That's great here. Okay, all
Scott Benner 18:34
right, so let me go backwards a little bit, like, Sure, you're 22 and you're diagnosed and you know, it was hard for your mom. Were you looking for help? And she just couldn't offer it. Or,
Anna Lisa 18:49
you know, she she hooked me up with doctor's appointments. I mean, she was there, I just don't think like getting in on the wheat right diet, like type one diabetes, especially compared to type two diabetes, is so different. So I think she really was doing the best she could, but I also wasn't living in the same city as her. Sure, I'm a fairly independent person. I think it's always been really sad for her. There's several times over the last 22 years like, where she just kind of bursts into tears, like, Oh, I'm so sorry you have diabetes.
Scott Benner 19:25
You guys do talk about it, or is it just her, like, unburdening herself every once in
Anna Lisa 19:30
a while? Yeah, we sometimes it comes up. Like, so, you know, this is part of my story. I've always really worked to keep my diabetes in the background. Like that was a well intentioned but has actually done me wrong for 20 years. One of my initial goals was like, you know, keep my insulin pump really discreet. I went on Medtronic right pretty quickly after I went on insulin full time, I couldn't but. Shots were just, I was like, I'm just too pragmatic. I'm like, get me a pump. Like,
Speaker 2 20:04
right away. Okay, but
Scott Benner 20:05
you didn't want people to see it though you were thinking, I'll keep this kind of private.
Anna Lisa 20:11
Oh yeah, yeah, super private, which has has its pros and cons. I've ever since I found the Juicebox Podcast, I've started to become more public, being willing to be public about my diabetes. But how long ago was that? Two years ago. This is two years ago. I found the Juicebox Podcast in the summertime.
Scott Benner 20:31
So for 20 years, you've kept the whole thing pretty private, pretty much. Yeah, what are the pros and what are the cons?
Anna Lisa 20:39
It hasn't deterred me from doing a lot of life, things. We've traveled, we're I'm pretty athletic, like I did go to a diabetes athletic training camp probably, like, 18 years ago, after I'd run a few half marathons, totally didn't know what I was doing when I did that. Like, I feel like I'm just lucky that I made it through being an A new athlete and having type one diabetes. But
Scott Benner 21:08
I want to know like, if you're hiding it, like, what were the benefits of hiding it, versus, versus? What do you think you lost by not
Anna Lisa 21:14
telling people? Okay, my endocrinologist, first thing he ever said to me was diabetes never takes a day off. And that stuck with me, like, and I think I had just always hoped, like, if I keep up on my pump supplies, if I kind of just do the right things, that it would manage itself. Okay? And I wasn't super curious about my numbers or trends or like, now I would say, like being a diabetes ninja, I just kind of wanted it to be a background thing in my life, to set it and forget it, and that left me like, at a 7.8 a, 1c, like, pretty, never emergency. Like, so
Scott Benner 22:01
were you hiding it from other people or from yourself? I think
Anna Lisa 22:04
I just wanted to live my life. I just kind of wanted it to be in the background. I wasn't ashamed of it, like I would check in front of people. I would, you know, I would share about it, but I just kind of didn't want it. I did not want to be Anna Lisa with diabetes.
Scott Benner 22:20
Are you pretending it's okay, though? So the like, I mean, like, when you had a seven, eight day one city, were you like, that's awesome, and or did you think,
Anna Lisa 22:29
oh, like, it just kind of was what it was. I think I just didn't identify as being a diabetic. Maybe because I was diagnosed when I was 22 I just was interested in other things, okay? And I think I was just doing well enough, and I would get interested in it. Like, when I went, I think the diabetes athletic training camp is amazing, and the endocrinologist who runs it is fabulous. I just was never interested in, like, fully immersing myself in the diabetes culture. I just kind of wanted it to be on the side, so that I could, you know, we lived in Africa with friends for a while, that I could do things and be prepared.
Scott Benner 23:12
Were you avoiding low blood sugars or you avoiding touching diabetes too much day to day? I think
Anna Lisa 23:18
I just didn't want to touch it. I was really lonely. I thought having diabetes was really lonely. I just don't think I was that curious. Scott and I never found anything. It just didn't it took a long time. I mean, I had two kids. I managed it a lot like I spent a lot of times. Oh my gosh, Scott. I had a great health care but my first son at 37 weeks was 11 pounds, four ounces, a big baby. Big Baby. That was what the doctor said when he brought him out in C section that is a big baby.
Scott Benner 23:50
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Anna Lisa 24:59
I'm. I had, actually, I had a 6.8 a, 1c at the time, maybe even lower, yeah, I just think I've always kept myself busy doing other things as well, like, I'm pretty involved and keep busy. But I just never had enough capacity for it to be like, enough to totally take over my life, even though one of the things you said on your podcast that changed me initially was I'm going to take care of it eventually, even before, so I'm going to take care of it before something or after something. Yeah, I hadn't really wrapped my mind around that for like, 20 years,
Scott Benner 25:40
right? It's like saving money. It's like anything really, just little work up front makes everything much easier, totally. I mean, listen, it's long time ago, but like, a six, eight, a, 1c, while you're pregnant, not is not optimal. But were they okay with it back then, or were they telling you it should be lower?
Anna Lisa 25:58
I think I'm a tough patient, Scott, because I'm really knowledgeable, I'm really friendly, I'm enjoyable to be around, but I kind of do what I want. And so I think my my health care people were just kind of like, let's just do the best we can with her. And I think I'm horrible still to this day at pre bolusing, like I'm getting better and I'm working on it. It's the whole game. It's the whole thing. And from day one, so on your podcast, when people were like, Oh, nobody ever told me to pay Pre Bolus. I like, everyone's told me to Pre Bolus from day one. That was always 15 minutes before you eat from day one, those were my words of instruction.
Speaker 1 26:43
Are you a bit of a pain in the other parts of your life? Or,
Anna Lisa 26:47
I don't know, you'll have to ask Brad, yes and no. I mean, I just think, yeah. I just kinda,
Scott Benner 26:53
are you being difficult? Or are you a free spirit? Like, I mean, like, because pregnancy, like, at some point somebody said to you, Hey, your health is gonna impact the baby's health. Baby's health.
Anna Lisa 27:03
Yeah, but they're also just kind of like, we're doing this, like, and I'm a, I'm pretty good, like, I'm not horrific.
Scott Benner 27:11
No, no, no, no, not at all. I'm not saying that at all. No, of course not. I'm just, yeah, but I mean, you're, you have insurance, you're motivated, you you said, you, you look into things, you understand things. So, you know, I mean, the baby's 11 pounds because your blood sugars, totally, right, right, totally, yeah. So at some point during that process, you it doesn't hit you, like, oh, I should just Pre Bolus. Like, I know it's not a thing I think of, but I'll figure out a way to do it for the next nine months at least. I don't know, yeah, I don't know, it's interesting. That's, that's all. That's the part I'm wondering. Like, that's why I said, Are you paying about other stuff? Like, are you I, I'm trying to be funny, but are you like, resistant to, like, somebody telling you what to do?
Anna Lisa 27:50
I think one of the things that is hard was, is still to this day, hard for me is low blood sugars. Rock Me. Like, right? They're really hard, and so a lot of the times when I go to Bolus, I'll think, maybe I shouldn't, because what if I have a low blood sugar, which I totally understand doesn't make sense. Like, I understand that a really high blood sugar can lead to a really low, like, I get the roller coaster, yeah. Oh, and back then, though I was not on a CGM, and I really hated checking my blood sugar, like,
Speaker 1 28:31
you didn't know, you didn't know what was going on then,
Anna Lisa 28:33
yeah. So I would check, like, not pregnant. I would check like, two to four times a day pregnant. I would, like, painstakingly check, like, eight to 12 times a day, okay? And I was really resistant. I tried the initial a CGM with the Medtronic, and it just was horrible. The beat. I got overwhelmed with the beeping and blah, blah, blah. So I didn't start the Dexcom until after I had kids.
Scott Benner 29:02
You know, a lot of people saying, a lot of people who early adopted CGM, yeah, it put them off it for a while, yeah, yeah. And then they end up being the ones who always tell me, like, oh, it took me way too long to get back to it, yeah. I understand that too. Yeah, yeah. Just a lot of circumstances and the way life goes, kind of stuff. When did you have this second? You had two kids, right? You said, I do how well? How long? How much time in between them? There
Anna Lisa 29:30
was three years between them. I had several miscarriages. So I had a miscarriage before my first one, and then two miscarriages in between my two
Scott Benner 29:39
boys. Was that blood sugar related? Do you think you know it
Anna Lisa 29:43
all of my healthcare professional so even about the boys size? I mean, we all knew that my boys were big babies because I had type one, but nobody would ever say, like, Oh, you're having miscarriages because you have type one. Like, they just say, like, it could be. But people also have MIS. Carriages. So
Scott Benner 30:01
can I say something that is not directed at you, but it's just for the people listening. Sure you don't have big babies because you have type one you have big babies because your blood sugars are higher while you're pregnant. Right? Right, right. Yeah, right, right, right. I know you don't mean it that way. I just want to be clear. That's all good. Totally, totally,
Anna Lisa 30:17
totally, yeah. So there was not a lot of blame in my health, my health care, were just really they were very kind. And so there. But Brad and I did decide after when we got pregnant, the third we got pregnant really easy. We decided after the third miscarriage that we would only try one more time, because they were really hard. They were is really taxing on my body, sure. And so Charles, our last one, we were like, when we got pregnant with him, we were like, Okay, this is it like, if this doesn't stick like, we will figure out, you know, how to have a family or be happy with one kid. So he was a successful pregnancy, and that was an easier pregnancy. Even though he was 10 pounds, he was a much easier pregnancy than my first one.
Scott Benner 31:05
Were there any adjustments made? Anything you can point to to say this is why it
Anna Lisa 31:08
worked. I think I ate less with Charles. I think with James, I was really hungry, and ate macaroni and cheese and these amazing Mexican baby bean burritos. And I just think I ate a lot with James and with Charles. I just think I was too busy to eat as
Scott Benner 31:28
much. Yeah, too busy. Or were you restricting to try to avoid higher blood sugars? Or were you not?
Anna Lisa 31:34
I think I just didn't want an 11 pound baby. That was it with? Oh my gosh, when James, when I was in the hospital with James. My first one, the sonogram just READ ERROR. Scott, so I was 37 weeks I was having pre contractions, and they did the sonogram, and it just read error. And I'm like, please get this baby out of me. I do not want to be on the news. I do not want big baby like anything.
Speaker 2 32:04
Are you naming your kids after Bibles? By the way?
Anna Lisa 32:07
No bankers. Yeah, we wanted them to be bankers. No, just kidding.
Scott Benner 32:12
It's like, King James, King Charles. I'm like, Are these Bibles? I know, yeah,
Anna Lisa 32:16
my husband's name is Bradley, James. And we were driving one day, and we're like, it would be so just flip your name. Like, I love the name, James Bradley. And so we played with several names, but my husband would always turn them into a joke, like, you know, so we were going to name our kid James Bradley, and then I would come up with an idea, like, Oh, what about Devin? Or, I don't know, what about something, and he'd be like, or, what about the original butcher? He could be the original Butcher. And I'm like, Oh my gosh. So we could never get serious about finding another name. So James Bradley, it was, do your
Scott Benner 32:54
boys have like, like, are they the butcher to their friends? That'd be such a good
Anna Lisa 32:58
you know what my husband was, but my boys are not. It's really funny. Nobody messes with my boys last name as much as they did. I think with my husband and his brothers growing up, I
Scott Benner 33:08
would love a nickname like that. Wouldn't you love that? It's like a title, you know what? I mean? Like, I'd love to
Anna Lisa 33:13
I've only had strong last names. My maiden name was armor, like knight in shining armor. So
Scott Benner 33:19
awesome. Um, I want to dig a little more into your note here. So yeah, at some point it sounds like you you transitioned to Omnipod. You said it was frustrating.
Anna Lisa 33:29
Yeah, yeah. So let's see what happened there. Okay, things have gotten better. So I reached out to you, Scott. When I was just in a really low pace place. I had just had my first super gnarly low blood sugar ever in turns out, 22 years, right after I reached out to you, and I just have, I'm on ozempic, and I have had some really highs and lows. I'm a pretty athletic person, but I'm also variably athletic. Like, it's not like, oh, every day I do the same thing, which is a hard thing as a type one, is I'm not super consistent. I don't do the same thing every day. And so when I reached out to you, I one of my goals, too, is I've never wanted my diabetes to like, impact my boys lives. I just have tried for years to keep it discreet, up until a year or two ago. And so a couple months ago, I had, I was getting my youngest ready for a cello performance, and I went in his room to help him, and I had a low. All my stuff was upstairs, out of sight, out of earshot, and I had, you know, a low that just read low. And I just kind of, I guess, in a sense, almost fell asleep on his bed while he was getting ready. And I think it was the first time I'd ever had, like a scary low. And I mean, I've had lows. I've had bad lows before, but maybe, like my first semi unconscious low that I have. Managed on my own, like, I've always managed my own low blood sugars. So Brad came home from work and was like, you know, found me, and I think he, like, forced me to drink and eat something to get me to wake up. And it took like, 45 minutes for me to just kind of come to again. And it was really scary. I was like, oh, no, this is off the guard rails, like, I don't want to do
Scott Benner 35:22
this. Was your son aware something was happening?
Anna Lisa 35:25
Oh my gosh, Scott. He just thought, like, Ah, my mom. I don't know. He was not concerned one minute. I think he was just in his own world, like, getting dressed and you fell asleep, being cute, yeah? Which I've never done before. I'm not like a mom that falls asleep places. So they were never alarmed. Brad also didn't like make it a huge deal to them. He and I just kind of take care of things. And so he just kind of got me back up to our bedroom and let me rest, and he watches my blood sugar all the time like a hawk on his phone. So he just kind of kept getting Charles ready and going on his way.
Scott Benner 35:59
So let's talk about what why you think that happened? So you were using a GLP at that point?
Anna Lisa 36:03
Yeah, I've been on a GLP for a year and a half.
Scott Benner 36:07
Oh, okay. It wasn't new. It wasn't like you just Nope. Had you just gone up in dose? Maybe,
Anna Lisa 36:12
no, no, I hadn't. No, I have stayed at a point five dose for a long time. I actually just went up to a one unit about a month ago,
Scott Benner 36:21
ozempic, or we go, V I'm doing ozempic. How'd you get that? How'd your doctor get you that
Anna Lisa 36:27
I was sitting up at 180 pounds and kind of slowly increasing my weight, despite the fact that my diabetes was really well maintained and that I work out pretty hard most days a week, and I have a feeling she maybe labeled me with some insulin resistance and could justify it. I had asked her for it, just because I have a lot of really loud food noise, and so I think she just was able to justify it. For me,
Speaker 1 37:00
you lost how much in the year and a half? I lost
Anna Lisa 37:03
40 pounds in two months. Wow, good for you. And I've kind of stuck in that same 40 pounds for the whole time. And I love it. I absolutely love the freedom of the food. Noise is
Scott Benner 37:16
the 140 a good weight for you. Yeah, I'm pretty happy because, I mean you can you go up, or is point five the biggest of I forget,
Anna Lisa 37:23
I'm up at one is kind of the I think two is the
Speaker 1 37:27
max, 2.4 2.4 maybe is the max. Oh, okay, okay,
Anna Lisa 37:31
okay, yeah, I'm at one and one is pretty, rocking me, like, I'm pretty. It was a good increase.
Speaker 2 37:37
Are you able to eat?
Anna Lisa 37:39
Yeah, yeah, I eat. I really like food, so I eat, okay, but it's really easy. Like, we were just in Panama last week. It's actually when we travel, like, I could just eat, like, half a portion of everything pretty easily. Yeah,
Scott Benner 37:54
it's kind of it's nice, right? You don't feel like compelled to, like, finish a bunch of food or something like that, yeah, yeah. Did it help with your insulin needs? Do you actually think you had insulin resistance, or did you lose weight so quickly that your needs went down because you had less body mass? I
Anna Lisa 38:08
don't know. I think it's a combination of eating so much less. I think we changed my settings. You know, I keep great data on it, but I think I probably my insulin ratio. So I was on the T slim when we first started, and then I just switched to the Omnipod in November of this
Scott Benner 38:30
year. All right, Were you successful on both of those pumps?
Anna Lisa 38:34
Yeah, I loved the control IQ on the T slim. I absolutely loved it. I'm probably a fool for switching away from it, but I was so tired of the tube and listening to your podcast. I'm like, I there were so many podcasts to support with the Omnipod that I was like, I think I can do this. Okay, Omnipod five worked out fine for you as well. No, I've had a horror I've had a really hard transition to it. That was actually why I reached out to you. No, I've had a really hard transition to it.
Scott Benner 39:03
I was under the impression that the transition was difficult, but you're good now, or is that not the case?
Anna Lisa 39:07
So after I had that really low blood sugar, I just went all in on diabetes. I went into full, okay, diabetes mode. I have since embraced fully having diabetes. Actually, my kids have helped me embrace it. Last year, my son did a t 1d bike ride, and it was really humbling to hear like that. My kids were like, oh yeah, we know a lot more about your diabetes than you let on, mom. And so I over the last two years with your podcast and Charles writing in a T 1d ride and raising money for it and talking to people. And you know, that was just really able to give yourself over to it a little more totally, totally
Speaker 1 39:53
80. You go to therapy.
Anna Lisa 39:55
Well, I'm a school counselor, so that's awesome, I know. So I. I in it okay. This is so my best friend Heather. Has just Heather and Brad have just been my total diabetes. We teach. We joke that they have type three diabetes. I told her I would say this, that on my on the podcast, as they let's see, I totally lost my train of
Scott Benner 40:17
thought because I said that that's okay. I was asking, I actually asked if you had been to a therapist, because, like, I mean, you are resisting this, like, for 20 years.
Anna Lisa 40:26
Yeah, no, my gosh. Heather is also in the psychology, so she and I kind of do, we joke that we do our own therapy. I have seen a therapist, but not directly about my diabetes, but I do a lot of self care with people who get in there and do therapeutic type work. I know that that sounds like a cop out, but it
Scott Benner 40:47
just sounds kind of Northern California. That's all. Doesn't sound like a cop. Yeah. Okay, okay, sounds what they would call a little hippie dippie. But there's nothing wrong with that. I get no problem. Sure, sure, sure. You diagnosed at 22 you, you know you're fickle about the guy that took you out, and then, like, you were like, it's okay, it's okay. I'll jump in. But then you stay fickle about the diabetes for 20 years, until you have a low blood sugar in front of your kid that I'm assuming, makes you feel like, I can't let this happen again. And then you start getting the kids start kind of pepping up and being like, Look, I know you think you're hiding this from us, but you're not like, we know a lot more about this than you can, and you're like, Okay, well, maybe I'll throw myself all the way into it. Was a really interesting thing for me to hear you say that after 20 years, you were like, Okay, I guess I'll figure out this diabetes thing.
Anna Lisa 41:33
Totally, yeah, totally. It's very I think, because my so listening to your podcast, I've done a couple, I've realized a couple things, yeah, I think a well intentioned like, I want this to be in the background. I wish I could just set it and forget it, like, I've just kind of not been able to be bothered by it. Like, I keep, I keep my supplies up, I keep, you know, I I do a lot of the work. And it just felt like that should be enough. Yeah, and two things that I thought were interesting that I really realized so for a long time, I could not listen to your podcasts about parents managing their diabetes. And a podcast that was really helped was there was a guy on there. I think he's come on a few other times, but he called himself, I think the Night Ninja.
Scott Benner 42:20
Oh, it's the control IQ, Ninja, uh, Jeremy,
Anna Lisa 42:24
yeah, yeah. And I think he's been on several times since,
Scott Benner 42:27
maybe twice. Yeah, maybe twice. Okay, yep. Before you tell me about Jeremy, though, like, why couldn't you hear parents talking about
Anna Lisa 42:35
it? I was I didn't realize this, but I was so jealous to hear that people like managed their kids diabetes like and to realize that there is all this work that needs to be done all the time, and that as a parent, you just you love your kids so much that you do that right? Like you get in there, Were you mad at your parents? Not at all. I was not mad at my parents. I was just felt really lonely about it. Like, as much as Brad is in there, I think I'm just too stubborn. Like, sometimes he would be like, hey, you know, did you Pre Bolus and I'm like, whoa, whoa, get in your own lane about pre bolusing, sir, you know, how come
Scott Benner 43:29
you didn't know how to answer me when I said, Are you a pain in the ass about other stuff? How come you were
Anna Lisa 43:35
because I like to think of myself as a really nice person. Scott,
Scott Benner 43:38
so, so you're not mad at your parents. You're mad at me, maybe the situation where you're diagnosed in an in between age where your parents aren't close to you, and people think of you as an adult, but let's be honest, you were 22 and you didn't know what the hell you were doing. Totally, right?
Anna Lisa 43:53
Totally. So I think it set me on this trajectory of just being a good enough diabetic, right? Like it wasn't until recently that I realized I have a whole deeper level of management, like when you and some people say on the podcast, like, I never really think about Arden's diabetes. I never really like the truth is is you're so fluent at it. You've done so much work over the years that it's just second nature. It's like you've learned to walk, you've done that, and now you walk without thinking about it, but you're always thinking about it. And I had to come to grips that I want to be the Ninja, like, I want to be there. So I made an appointment with Integrated Diabetes. I'm meeting with her on Wednesday, actually, because I feel like when I've met with my diabetes educator over the years, like they're just kind of frustrated, like you're not pre bolusing. So then I've never really learned how to because I often don't Pre Bolus. I've never really learned how to get into the nuances of really managing timing, stuff by numbers. And I think that the Omnipod has been hard because it's been really hard for the Omnipod to learn my basal rate, because I only Pre Bolus, like, probably two out of three times. Like, there's probably at least once a day that I don't Pre Bolus.
Scott Benner 45:34
You're changing up the variables that it doesn't.
Anna Lisa 45:36
And so it Yeah, so I think it's really hard. And so,
Scott Benner 45:40
so So are you going to be able to do that? Are you going to hit like, are you going to do the same thing you did with Brad? When Brad's like, hey, maybe you shouldn't. You're like, Hey, get out of my way. Like, do you think you're gonna be able to give yourself over to it the whole way?
Anna Lisa 45:50
I don't know. I hope so. Like, when I meet with Dana and try to do the consulting,
Scott Benner 45:54
yes, is why I mentioned the therapist. I know that's a good
Anna Lisa 45:58
question. I'm gonna have to. I will keep that on my radar and notice
Scott Benner 46:02
you're super interesting, and you're not the first person I've talked to this way, but I know, hold on a second, because you're smart and you know what's going on, and you even see what's happening. But you can't like, there's a part of it where you just like, Well, yeah, but I can't overcome that part of it, going to your endo and saying, like, I need help. And them saying, Okay, we'll pre bullish your food. And you go, I forgot to, yeah, then they give up on you, but you're almost upset with them for giving up totally. Why aren't you upset with yourself for not
Speaker 2 46:32
Pre Bolus? I don't, I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know.
Anna Lisa 46:35
I know. I mean, it's similar when I did a weight loss thing and they I would be like, Well, I just ate. And they're like, Well, why? And I'm like, I just wanted to. That's what I did. And they're like, and so that's what I've loved about ozempic, right? Is ozempic has kind of been set it and forget it, like it takes away the food noise. So then I'm like, Oh, good. Like, I can just,
Speaker 2 46:58
yeah, no, I do that. Are you an only child?
Anna Lisa 47:02
I'm the middle child. I'm an older sister and a younger brother.
Scott Benner 47:05
Okay? Because that, like, that's how I want it is, like, a pretty only child thing,
Anna Lisa 47:11
yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think you're right, though it makes me a tough patient, because kind of, like, Okay, well, we're just gonna stick in good enough. And I think right now, I have a clear goal of, like, well, if I want to be I can stick, keep my a 1c like, I got my a 1c down to 6.2 it's awesome. It was awesome. Yeah, thank you. Thank you Juicebox Podcast. Thank you, Scott, for all your work. You
Scott Benner 47:33
get that from the pro tips or just from listening, like, conversationally,
Anna Lisa 47:38
I think the pro tips were super helpful. Brad and I deep dived into the Juicebox, and so we spent like, a summer just kind of all we did all summer long two summers ago was think about and talk about diabetes, and we thought it was fun, and we got in there, but it's like, then life happens, like, I'm a full time school counselor. We have two boys, and it's just hard to think about my diabetes for the amount that it probably needs to be thought about and looked at. You know,
Scott Benner 48:07
if a kid walked into your office at school with a similar problem, yeah, how would you advise yourself?
Anna Lisa 48:16
Yeah. I mean, I think I would say, Pre Bolus, right? Like, I don't know,
Scott Benner 48:21
would you say you gotta shut up and do the things you gotta do?
Anna Lisa 48:25
Sure? I mean, I think that that includes consistency and discipline. And part of my strength is that I'm spontaneous. Like, our biggest strength is our biggest weakness, right? Like, I'm spontaneous and I'm a gamer and but I think that that makes it hard with diabetes, because I don't so I don't know what I would say too. I mean, I think it comes down to some discipline and being willing to do what I need to do for the results that I want. Maybe
Scott Benner 48:53
you should try not attributing being prepared with not being a gamer like I don't know. Why do those two things? Why do they have to be mutually exclusive? Like, can't you be a person who pivots and still pre boluses? Right? Totally. It's almost like you think that that part of the diabetes management is going to take away from, like, the part of your personality that you love the most. But I don't see that. I don't really feel like it would, though,
Anna Lisa 49:18
no, it wouldn't. And nobody ever cares, except for me. I care like, no, no, no, sorry. Okay, usually I don't Pre Bolus when we're like having chips and salsa, or when it's kind of a bother to stop and Pre Bolus. And I've listened to some episodes on this and and so I think because I also have been so discreet about diabetes, everyone around me forget, right? And so then nobody's gonna remind me, like a parent would like a parent would be like, hey, get yourself. You know, hey, we're all having chips and salsa. Yeah, get yourself. I have wondered if I asked might Yes, might be helpful for somebody like. Need, but if
Scott Benner 50:00
it works for you, could help. You didn't notice a less of a need for a pre bolusing with the ozempic?
Anna Lisa 50:06
Yeah, no, it's helped. It's totally helped. But it's not, I mean, it's not, not a Total Cure. Magic, right? Right
Scott Benner 50:13
now, yeah, it's interesting. Would you talk to the doctor about going up slightly in the dose to see what happens in
Anna Lisa 50:20
ozempic, yeah, I just did, okay, I just went from point five to one.
Scott Benner 50:26
Oh, you did just go to one. Okay. Have you noticed anything different? It still doesn't help. Like, missing your Bolus still is going to be what it is. Yeah, no, for sure. But I mean, I I've seen maybe it's different, obviously different person to person, but the difference between Arden missing a Pre Bolus on a GOP and off a GOP is like 70. It's like 70 points,
Anna Lisa 50:49
totally, no, totally. And I think a missed Pre Bolus for me now might make me 250 to 300 and it usually comes down pretty easily versus a former Pre Bolus probably would have me more like 350, 400 Right? Like I have gotten much better at pre bolusing in the last two years. I have made big improvements. It's just not
Scott Benner 51:13
100% I would I would say just from talking to you, and I obviously don't have all your details, but like that piece right there is probably the difference in like, another three quarters of a point on your A, 1c, yeah, I would think, from what I'm listening to, yeah, yeah, you think you'll get there.
Anna Lisa 51:33
I do. I do. I want to spend some time honing in on the Omnipod. So I'm about to go right now the pd i have the PDM, which I hate, and it just got cleared, I think, last week right for you to be able to use the iPhone Dexcom g7 on my iPhone. So I didn't want to do it last week because we're traveling and busy in the summertime, and I wanted to wait until after I met with Dana on Wednesday before I made any changes, because somebody mentioned that I might benefit from starting over on resetting the five. Yeah, I might as well wait until I meet with Dana and then do that, maybe with her, or yada yada,
Scott Benner 52:14
with her. Yeah, it's a great idea. I mean, it's but, you know, you just went up in the ozempic. You're, yeah, yeah, starting with, you know, coaching. So, like, I think that all works out. Well, yeah, it's a good idea, yeah, yeah, you'll probably pop up and you're able to probably drop a half a point in the next six months. I would imagine,
Anna Lisa 52:31
I think it will. And I do love the Omnipod. I thought about going back to the T slim, and actually my diabetes educator, who also has type one. She was like, I think you would do better on the tea slim. And I'm like, I'm pretty motivated. I really love the pod. I really love being tube free, that I can swim. So I love the Omnipod. It took it when she was looking at it, you know, it takes people, like, usually one to two months for the basal to learn you, and it's taken more like
Scott Benner 53:05
four months, yeah, but it doesn't work that way. And if somebody's talking to you like that, they don't understand it, okay? It doesn't learn you. No, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Honestly, it's got settings within a pod and a half, and then it's basing what it's doing on what's happening now, plus what happened over the last, like, couple of pods. Like, at this point, I'm gonna guess that. Listen, if I'm gonna guess that, if you're a one sees already seven, your settings weren't great to begin with, right? You're covering from things with, like, probably extra boluses and things like that. Yes, totally round numbers. If you're a you know, if your basal supposed to be a unit an hour, but you're only using point eight, and your insulin to carb ratio should be one to 10, but you're doing, you know, one to 15. That's not enough insulin for you. And you're not pre bolusing on top of it. And then you're telling the you're telling the algorithm, whether it's control IQ or it's Omnipod five. You tell them the algorithm, these are my settings, but that's not right. And then you're saying to go ahead and do it which it doesn't have the right tools to do the job with,
Anna Lisa 54:10
I think with the T slim it. You mentioned that I was hearing this in a recent podcast.
Scott Benner 54:15
It's more aggressive at correcting highs, yes, and
Anna Lisa 54:18
it we had faked out, I think over the years, my medical bulk had been like, okay, she's not pre bolusing, so let's increase her basal in order to kind of make
Scott Benner 54:31
it all work. A time honored tradition among endocrinologists is asking you a few times, realizing you're not going to do it, and then yakking up your basal to overcome the fact that you're not going to do the stuff you're
Anna Lisa 54:42
supposed to do right, right? And so my my educator, said you're going to have a hard time on the Omnipod if you don't Pre Bolus but because I'm me, I'm like, Ah, I'll make it work out. It'll be okay, don't worry. And now all of a sudden, I'm like, it's not
Scott Benner 54:55
working out. Well, it's not just because you're not pre bolusing, though. It's also because your settings aren't right. I think the. Reset makes total sense. You're on one of those empic Now, that's an upgrade, right? You know, it's a little more medication. You're motivated to do the thing, right? I'd sit down with Dana go over all these, you know, basically she's going to look at all the extra insulin you're using, and she's going to put it into your basal and your Bolus, right? You're going to be surprised at how much easier it is. Yeah, I'm hoping, yeah. I mean, listen, that's what's gonna happen it. This isn't like, it's not
Anna Lisa 55:26
magic. It works the way it works. No, yeah, totally, totally. It's science. You
Scott Benner 55:30
get the wrong settings and you're trying to do something that's not going to work.
Anna Lisa 55:34
Yeah, no, totally. I'm excited. I think it'll be really good and and even, like, I'll be home for the next three weeks and able to really key in, and maybe Scott, I'll just look into some therapy about why I have my added, my laissez faire attitude about some of these things,
Speaker 1 55:53
awesome that'd be, I mean, it's a good idea.
Scott Benner 55:56
I mean, you're 44 you know? I mean, yeah, like, it ain't going away. If
Anna Lisa 56:02
some of your gonna deal with it at some point, might as well deal with it. Now, why
Scott Benner 56:06
not like, I mean, what do you what are you busy? You know what?
Anna Lisa 56:10
I mean, I'm sure you're busy. Now,
Scott Benner 56:13
whether it helps you or not, I can't tell you, but at least understanding yourself better, I think, is important, one way or the other.
Anna Lisa 56:20
Totally, totally. And I, I think too, like, I have not yet learned how to also look at my data. And I, even though Brad and I are total data people, I still don't know how to, like, look at the graph on my Omnipod and be like, Okay, I can see for my last 24 hours that I had two Miss lows, and actually, I've been taking screenshots and putting it into chat GPT, trying to learn, like, Okay, how do I look at some of this data and understand what needs to change or what's happening? Like, I still think I need I haven't learned how to fish myself.
Scott Benner 57:02
Let me say something here. I would never tell anybody to do that. But I did do it once recently, and I was, I was really, it was astonishing, the good information it gave back. Scott, it's crazy. It's really good. I was using the chat GPT three Pro, like, the the ultra kind of like reasoning version of it. So what I did was, this person put a graph online, asked me what I thought, and I didn't have any context. I didn't know where the food was, I didn't know how much I knew, nothing. But looking at the graph, sure. So I look at the graph, and I jot down all my thoughts about the graph. And then I thought, let me see. And I drug it over, and I said, like, hey, AI overlords, this is a CGM graph of a person with type one diabetes. I can't tell you how much insulin they used or when they ate. Give me your take. What is this graph? And like, what can you infer from this graph? And the feedback was insane. I know. Yeah, really, really interesting, and I very overlapping with what I wrote down from my high level takeaways, too.
Anna Lisa 58:04
So yeah, I listened to a podcast recently and started to notice, listen to one of your your podcasts, started to notice that at midnight, my blood sugar will go up. One of my reasons, my a 1c is a little bit higher, is I don't have that beautiful overnight,
Scott Benner 58:24
nice, low, stable,
Anna Lisa 58:25
steady, yeah. And I think that that's a huge thing, especially for somebody like me. And that's why the control IQ was doing so well with me, is every night I would have these beautiful overnights in the last couple years. And that's what where I'm struggling. One of my areas of struggle right now on the Omnipod is it's just not quite aggressive at night. It said the exact same thing that you and the person on the podcast had talked about with the that overnight low. And in the podcast, you guys had said, like, oh, try giving yourself like, one unit before you go to bed. I hadn't tried that yet, and I did not tell that to chat GPT or to, you know, the overlords. It told me that. It said you might you're having an overnight spike. It could be delayed from what you ate at dinner. It could be yada yada. Try going before you're going to bed, giving yourself one unit of insulin. And it totally worked. It was crazy.
Scott Benner 59:21
Listen, that thing is going to fix so many problems before it blows up the planet. It's going to be awesome those couple of years, and they're going to be great. You'll try to escape on your houseboat, but that thing won't hold up out to sea. So it's not going to matter, really, it won't matter. I like how motivated you are to change. I want to prove to people that you can change. While you were telling a story earlier about miscarriages, I was able to untie a knot in my sweat pants that I hadn't been able to get out in, like, the last month. And I was so excited, and I did not interrupt you, because I thought this would be an inappropriate time to say this. Yeah, so you're welcome. I've changed too. Everybody can change. I swear to you, I got it undone, and I was like, I have to. Share this with everybody. Congratulations. I mean, I'm so excited. These were almost un wearable because I couldn't I couldn't tighten them anymore. Yeah. Cozier.com, use the offer code Juicebox to check out the Save 40% I also would like to point out that whether you end up with control IQ or Omnipod five, you can support the Juicebox Podcast by using my links that are in the show notes of the podcast player. Yes, so true. It is very true. Tell me. I mean, we're basically done. But like, I really do want to know it's not a unique story. The like, right? 20 years of like, I'm not doing this, but I'll do, you know, hear a thing happen, and now I'm going to do it. But like, once you find the podcast, and you throw yourself into it, like, can you tell me what was valuable about it? Like, so I can make sure more people get that too.
Anna Lisa 1:00:49
I think, you know, I think it right. Here goes. I'm not consistent, so I didn't listen 100% through. I totally jump around the things that were the most helpful you and Jenny talking were probably the most helpful, and I think especially for somebody like my husband, Brad, to listen to. He's super sciencey. He could get in there. It's good science. You never talk about crappy science. We call that BS in our house, bad science. It's honest. You know, it's it takes away the loneliness of feeling alone in your diabetes. So and I have noticed that like when I want camaraderie, I listen to diabetes with an adult diabetic, but when I want to get in there and learn sciencey stuff, I either listen to you and Jenny or I listen to a parent with type one diabetes, because it really is the parents that get in there and get dirty with the diabetes because they're doing it for their kiddo.
Scott Benner 1:01:51
Yeah, the ones that are digging in don't have whatever psychological things are block, blocking you from helping yourself.
Anna Lisa 1:01:57
It's not messy, right? It's pragmatic. I mean, it is, it's emotional. It's hard, right, crying in the shower as a parent, all the things my cousin has type one diabetes, and her daughter was just diagnosed with diabetes, and just listening to her, you know, cry in the shower and just be devastated for her daughter, even though she lives a great life with type one so hard, it is hard. Those were the helpful things. I think having people on, like, two years ago, you had on the glucose goddess, some of her tips changed me of like eating my vegetables first, then my protein, then my carbs. Like so, lots of pragmatic changes. I think the podcast is incredibly pragmatic, but also nourishing, awesome at the same time. And I yeah, I love the tiny bites, like I just Yeah, I listen when I can. I listen a lot. You put out a lot of content. Scott, so one a day, you know, it gets a lot.
Scott Benner 1:02:55
Yeah, you don't have to listen to it all. I don't imagine you would. But, you know, I'll tell people over and over again. The way this social media thing works is that if I put one out a week the podcast, it would die. And no, like, six months, yeah, yeah, it doesn't work totally.
Anna Lisa 1:03:09
No, I, and I, yeah, I love the Facebook page. I love I'm not super active, but I go there and it, it's just that great that it's there camaraderie, yeah, it is. And you can take it or leave it like, it's kind of like you can go there when you need it, and, and it's really cool. I am really thankful for this space. I think it's been the most beneficial space that I've found. You know, I've had great medical care, I have great support, but it was really what I've needed to, you know, it's taken two years for me to really journey with it and recognize the grief that I've had to have. And I think even the grief of getting diagnosed as a young adult has kind of, you know, allowed me to be like, Oh, that's part of what's made it hard. But I can also, there's so many tools to always get back on the horse. So even when I had a really low time when I wasn't doing great a month or two ago, there's so many tools to get you back on. Like, okay, let me go through the Omnipod Pro Tip series again. Like, let me go through that reorient myself. Yeah, there's always a way forward. And the podcast and the fake Facebook page just are really those true, pragmatic tools of people who just don't give up with it because you can't, you can't give up.
Scott Benner 1:04:30
Thrill just helps you. Like, I mean, after talking to you for an hour now, I think it's pretty exceptional, and should be hopeful to other people that you really did just kind of try to say to yourself, like, I'm gonna ignore this a little bit, sure, yeah, and that you did it through your 20s and your 30s into your 40s. But then we're like, Okay, that's enough, and turned it around. That should be hopeful for everybody, like, no matter where you are in your process right now, yeah, you could do that. I mean, you did it. Anybody could do it, you
Anna Lisa 1:04:57
know, yeah, yeah, no. And there. Always tools, and there's always ways to move forward. And I appreciate that you have
Scott Benner 1:05:05
to have good tools and good settings and be a little focused on it, yeah. And then it's just back to where we started in this conversation. Like, I mean, I heard you say it because I'm the one that said it out loud, and you're like, you know that thing you said in the podcast about, like, I'm either going to do some work now or a lot of work later. Like, yeah, big picture. That works the same way too. Yeah? Anybody who tells me I don't have time, you're just telling me you're not ready to do it, yeah, that's all. Maybe you will be one day. Maybe you'll never be. I can't possibly know that. But anything you tell me when it's your health, right, when you're talking about diabetes, anything you tell me that starts with, well, I can't do it right now, or I can't focus on it right now. That's an excuse, right? Like, and I don't mean it like, in an insulting way, like you're making sure, yeah, you're making an excuse to stop yourself from diving into this and figuring it out. This health with diabetes is, like, I think sometimes maybe the most damaging thing you can say is I'm fine. Like, maybe that's mental health too. Like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm because you're fine until you're not, and then when you're not, you're going to realize you weren't fine. The whole time you were on a slow slippery slope. You've slid so far down it, now you're in a hole. And if at the first time you thought to yourself, Oh, I'm fine, you would have said, Honestly, you know what, I'm not like, let me stop here and fix it here, because then you would have been at the top of the hill still, and you would have fixed your thing, and you could have gone on your way. But you I find myself down into what, you know, three levels deep, and now you are going to take care of it, yeah? Like, because you're either going to take care of it or you're going to die, right? Going to die, right? Like, so you, so you take care of it, and now you're in that goddamn hole you got to climb out of. Like, just skip the part where you slide into the hole, do the thing at the end first, and then go live your happy life.
Anna Lisa 1:06:54
And I think that comes down to grief. Scott, I think if we don't fully grieve, what, whatever in life, in everything in life, whatever circumstance we have, if it's not what we wish was happening, if we don't fully grieve it, we don't really ever get to the root cause of it, and we can't ever really take care of it, because we're always silently holding on to that grief. We haven't grieved it yet. And I think if you don't get proactive in the grief, like, I think that there's something that, like, really powerful that happens when you get proactive during that grief, because that's when you're really gonna get in there.
Scott Benner 1:07:39
So then let me ask you a question, and if I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But like, going back to you talking about, like, I wanted to hide it a little bit. I didn't want people to see it right, using that, like, you know that diabetes colloquialism, like, diabetes isn't going to stop me. Like, that whole thing, like, yeah, I find when people say diabetes isn't going to stop me, some of them mean it's not going to stop me, and some of them mean, I'm just going to ignore it and do the stuff I want to do. Do you think that's what you did? Do you think that you were hiding it from yourself, so that you didn't so that you could pretend everything was okay because you didn't want to deal with it, and then two years ago, you decided to deal with it? Is that actually what happened
Anna Lisa 1:08:14
to you? I think I didn't know what I didn't know yet. I don't think I got curious enough. I think I got this well intentioned but wrong mindset that I could set it and forget it, and I was waiting or and like I would hear like, Oh, I love it. The I love this technology, because I don't have to think about my diabetes anymore. And I think that that's not true. I think every person who has really well controlled diabetes, think about it a ton. They've just gotten in there and they've gotten fluent at it, kind of like an athlete, right? Like, oh, they're a really natural athlete. Like, that's not true. Yeah, that person who's a really good athlete, they are practicing all the time, and they're thinking about whatever they're really good at all the time. It's just become enjoyable. And second nature.
Scott Benner 1:09:07
You've made this point twice, and I really appreciated it both times you've said it.
Anna Lisa 1:09:11
I really, I do. And I think for me, that has been a realization, like, also that I have to see taking care of my diabetes as enjoyable, like and I'm a data person, which is funny that it's taken me this long, because I do love data, and I'm all about data, so I should have thought it was enjoyable, but I think I was. I didn't totally realize that my mindset was backwards, like that. My mindset was setting me up for some failure. My exact experience, I've always been able to get through because I'm doing an okay job, right, like, and I think also, having never been hospitalized, I think kind of always been a low level diabetic almost did me wrong in the sense, like. I never had, like, an emergency, like, it's always just kind of been okay, like, a privileged person, right? Like, that's fine. Like, I've never experienced that.
Scott Benner 1:10:10
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. Then one day you're asleep on your son's bed.
Anna Lisa 1:10:14
Totally, yeah, totally. And I think even then it's like, well, I can be thankful, like, I have tools and resources to help me get through and so to help me get go from good to great, but to also grieve, I think, exactly what you're talking about to grieve that this is never going to be a set it and forget it, unless there's a cure, right? Unless that, but this is always going to be something that needs to be number one, two or three in my life, like, it's never going to when I let diabetes be number five or six in my life, that's when things start to go off the rails. Yeah, and I think that that's a wish that somebody like me has to grieve like, Oh, I wish it didn't have to be number one or two, but it does. But once I make it one or two, I can be like you and people who say like, oh, I, I don't really think about that anymore, but the truth is is you do, like, even with Arden right now, you are still consistently, constantly thinking about her diabetes and doing lots of things to make it great. It's just fluent and maybe even framed as enjoyable or framed as like, not bad.
Scott Benner 1:11:35
I'm just going to tell you that like this is, if you've heard me tell this, then I apologize. But you know, when I first became a stay at home dad, you know, for the first bit, I was like, well, just like, make sure he doesn't get hurt. I'll feed him. I'll keep him clean. Like, I'll do all the things you're supposed to do, right? But it's not until you realize that you have to, like, doing it. Want to do it. It has to be a thing. You wake up in the morning and you're like, you know what? I'm excited to do this. And if this means that I don't do another thing that I previously thought of is why I got up in the morning. That has to, that has to be good, right? And yeah, and that's what you're saying, is like, you you have to put some effort into diabetes every day. Yeah. And yes, at some point, you'll gather up enough experiences and enough good tools and ideas that you'll be in that spot that I've talked about, where I'm, like, I don't really think about it, but you are. You're doing it. You're just not right. It's just not burdening you. The word thinks almost wrong. It's almost like, I should say that diabetes doesn't feel like a burden all day long.
Anna Lisa 1:12:30
I think you have to be curious about it all the time.
Scott Benner 1:12:33
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to wonder what's happening and want to be involved with it. All right, you're pre that was awesome. I appreciate it. Thank you. Cool. Thanks, Scott. Hold on one second for me. That was great. Okay,
I'd like to thank the blood glucose meter that my daughter carries, the contour next gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at contour next.com/juicebox and don't forget, you may be paying more through your insurance right now for the meter you have then you would pay for the contour next gen in cash. There are links in the show notes of the audio app you're listening in right now, and links at Juicebox podcast.com to contour and all of the sponsors, thanks for tuning in today, and thanks to Medtronic diabetes for sponsoring this episode. We've been talking about Medtronic mini med 780 G system today, an automated insulin delivery system that helps make diabetes management easier day and night, whether it's their meal detection technology or the Medtronic extended infusion set. It all comes together to simplify life with diabetes. Go find out more at my link, Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox,
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My grand rounds. Series was designed by listeners to tell doctors what they need, and it also helps you to understand what to ask for. There's a mental wellness series that addresses the emotional side of diabetes and practical ways to stay balanced. And when we talk about GLP medications, well, we'll break down what they are, how they may help you and if they fit into your diabetes management plan. What do these three things have in common? They're all available at Juicebox, podcast.com, up in the menu I know. Can be hard to find these things in a podcast app, so we've collected them all for you at Juicebox podcast.com the episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording, wrong wayrecording.com. You.
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#1562 Best of Juicebox: Getting Off The Diabetes Roller Coaster
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From January 2016. Bethany, mom of 4-year-old T1D Will, finds the nerve to be bold with insulin after a phone call with Scott.
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COMING SOON
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#1561 After Dark: Significant Addiction
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Breaking the Cycle — Robert Steps Up for His Family
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Scott Benner 0:00
Friends, we're all back together for the next episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Welcome.
Robert 0:15
Hello, everyone. My name is Robert. My wife is a type one, Kelly, and my son now he's newly diagnosed type one, and he's five
Scott Benner 0:24
if you're living with type one diabetes. The after dark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about, from drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction and so much more. Go to Juicebox podcast.com. Up in the menu and click on after dark there, you'll see a full list of all of the after dark episodes. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan.
This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the twist AI D system powered by tidepool that features the twist loop algorithm, which you can target to a glucose level as low as 87 Learn more at twist.com/juicebox, that's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Get precision insulin delivery with a target range that you choose at twist.com/juicebox, that's t, w, i, i s, t.com/juicebox. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at contour next.com/juicebox this episode of the juice box podcast is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes and their mini med 780 G system designed to help ease the burden of diabetes management, imagine fewer worries about Miss boluses or miscalculated carbs thanks to meal detection technology and automatic correction doses. Learn more and get started today at Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox
Speaker 1 2:19
Hello, everyone. My name is Robert. My wife is a type one, Kelly, and my son now is newly diagnosed type one, and he's
Scott Benner 2:25
five. He's five. Wow. How old was he when he was diagnosed? We actually
Speaker 1 2:30
thanks to Kelly. So she was diagnosed in 2012 or not, 2012 uh, when was when she was 12. She actually caught Madden when he was really early on with stage one one night he while he pissed through his diaper. And she thought, well, that's weird. He didn't drink that much. She tested his blood sugar, and I think it was 253, if I recall correctly. And she thought, well, that's weird. I'm gonna take him into the doctor. And then they did a antibodies test and found two antibodies and that he was spilling glucose into his urine. And so he actually got tracked from the age of two until about a month ago, month and a half ago, officially hit full diagnosis.
Scott Benner 3:12
So let me kind of pick through it this way. You meet your wife. How old is she? How old are you?
Speaker 1 3:17
Let's see, I was 18, she was 19. And how old are
Scott Benner 3:20
you now? 31 and 32 okay, and you got married at how? At what
Speaker 1 3:25
age? Oh, let's see, it would have been nine years ago. Shoot, I don't know, 2122 somewhere in
Scott Benner 3:31
there. I think you're supposed to remember that off the top of your head, Yeah, nah, that's fine. Like, watch this. I was married on August 3, 1996 see that by always, say
Speaker 1 3:40
this. I mean, yeah, that's fair. Yeah, I was married March 7, 2016 I just not that fast in math. I don't
Scott Benner 3:45
think it's math when you're talking about dates, but I hear what you're saying. My point is, you've been with her for a very long time. She's had diabetes for that entire time, right? Correct, right? And so you've been living with it for a while. So from your perspective, what is her type one diabetes from your perspective? Oh, how do you mean? What do you see as her life like? If you had to describe her life with type one, what would you describe it as?
Speaker 1 4:10
Currently, just another day in the life? I mean, there's not really much difference. I will say I have seen, in my opinion, from my point of view, a pretty amazing transformation. So when I met Kelly, we both actually started working at Super Target, and that's where I met her. I still remember the first time I saw her. It was like it was out of a movie. Fantastic. Oh how so tell me. So I was walking to go clock in, and she had just walked out of the break room area where she had just clocked in and legitimately flipped her hair a little bit, and right there it was just it was done. I was locked in. And then I was nervous for like a month to even talk to her. And then I remember, I went through her line. She was doing check out, I think I bought, like a Snickers bar I didn't even want, and went to walk away. And I was like, Hey, can I get your number? And then it just started this crazy life that we have. Wow.
Scott Benner 5:00
She said, Yes, surprisingly, I don't know why she was probably like, I could use that snicker if I get low. This is awesome,
Speaker 1 5:06
pretty much. So when I met Kelly, you know, she managed it to stay alive, but didn't really put a whole lot of effort into it, for lack of a better term. And then when she ended up getting pregnant with our oldest, Bailey, who is now 10, it was like a light switch. Her a 1c, and I could be wrong on this, I want to say was around 1111, and a half, when she got pregnant with Bailey. And by the time Bailey was born, it was down in like the fives and sixes, and she's pretty well maintained that six Mark ever since, when
Scott Benner 5:39
she's living with like an 11 and you guys are dating and married. Do you understand? Like, I can't ask her what her understanding was of it, but like, do you understand that there's a lot of ceiling to do better, and that this could be dangerous for her and is actually dangerous for her?
Speaker 1 5:55
Now, yes, at that time, had no idea. Okay, I knew nothing about type one diabetes. This is a shameful thing on my part. But even after we got married, I was it was her thing. I pretty well stayed out of it unless she either got low or was insanely high. Do
Scott Benner 6:11
you know? Why was it conscious? Were you like, Oh, this is her thing. She doesn't want me involved in it. Or were you just happy not to have to be involved? You do know,
Speaker 1 6:19
it was more of a I tried to just respect her space. And in hindsight, you know, years in it, I should have been more involved with it, to just have an understanding and be a part of it. But she never said, Hey, Eric. Never asked. I should say, Do you have an interest in learning, or I would like you to learn this? And I tried to disrespect her privacy, even though we were married and had been together for ever.
Scott Benner 6:41
Have you talked about it since then? Absolutely, were you doing the right thing or, like, is that what she wanted? I guess is my question.
Speaker 1 6:49
You know, I've never asked her that. We've talked about it a lot in other aspects, but I've never asked her, like, Hey, did you want me involved? Or did you not?
Scott Benner 6:58
I just heard myself the other day, which is the thing that doesn't get to happen for most people. I heard myself having a conversation about something, and it just reminds me now that I've been alive for so long, has taught me that no matter what I'm experiencing, the people around me are having a different experience, and that, you know, you can be doing something and just think like this is the right thing to do. I know it is. It feels good. I'm looking at everybody. Everybody seems good with it. And you ask somebody else later, and they said, No, I wish you would have done that, or I wish you wouldn't have done that, or that made me feel this way, or like you never really know how other people are experiencing the same exact thing as you just so odd. But you know, so I'm what, yeah, so I'm like, You're, saying, like, good faith. Like, hey, this is a thing. She's had it for a long time. She says she's doing okay. Like, everything seems fine. I'd like to give her space. Like, what if she was sitting over there thinking, God, like, I wish he'd like jump in with this. Or maybe he she's thinking, guys handling this exactly right. This is why I love the guy. So, yeah, you don't know.
Speaker 1 7:59
Nope. And guess what, when we get off this call, I'm gonna go inside and ask her,
Scott Benner 8:03
yeah, that's good idea. Go start a fight right now. That'd be awesome. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 8:06
hey, at this point I look for the fights.
Scott Benner 8:10
Keep things fresh. Oh, absolutely. It's a Friday. You could ruin the whole weekend if you tried hard enough. Let's
Speaker 1 8:15
go with Scott's blessing. I hereby ruin Easter weekend.
Scott Benner 8:20
I don't know where the eggs are. Ask your mom,
Unknown Speaker 8:24
she would kill me. That's
Scott Benner 8:26
awesome. I've recorded with her recently. Is that right? Correct? Like, a week and a half ago or so? But I don't think we spoke about you. Does that surprise you? Not at all. Okay, she's moving along. She gets pregnant. Or you guys don't know if you do it on purpose or not, one way or the other, she's pregnant. How old is pregnant. How old is she? Do you think then? Like, what year is
Speaker 1 8:45
that? Let's see, I want to say she was 20 and I was 19. Oh, wow. She had Yeah, she was almost 21 I was 20. They was right there. It was not very long. Robert,
Scott Benner 8:55
am I right to say that this wasn't you guys going, like, you know what we should do? We should make a baby.
Speaker 1 8:58
No, this was I was in the shower, and somebody decided to climb in with me one day. She
Scott Benner 9:04
gotta stop flipping her hair around. Honestly. Listen, people gotta take responsibility for where their hair goes. So do you guys get married because she's pregnant?
Speaker 1 9:13
No, we actually just remained dating for a while. It was kind of chaotic. A little backstory on her pregnancy and whatnot. It was really complicated. She had all sorts of issues, pre eclampsia, obviously, type one. Ironically, you might be able to answer this. Do most women, when they are pregnant have really good, like, control of blood sugars and what have you?
Scott Benner 9:34
Oh, gosh, it's seasonal, like within the pregnancy, fair, yeah, there's a time where it's it's easier than there's a time where your your insulin needs ramp and ramp and ramp and ramp and go crazy. And then some women report that literally, after giving birth to the placenta, their blood sugars go like, right back to normal again. And then Breastfeeding can mess it up. It's like, it's a roller coaster of hormonal impact. Six, really.
Speaker 1 10:00
So I kind of assumed beings, you know, everybody's different, but with Kelly, all three pregnancies, you would never guess that she was type one. Yes, she still took a little bit of insulin here and there, but it was wild. Like her blood sugar is just a virtual flat line the entire time. No issues at all. Yeah, wild.
Scott Benner 10:17
And it's super interesting. And so that. So that first time she's 20 in that you guys are in that age there, like, 2021, 19, right in there. And she's been, you know, like you said, double digit, a one sees staying alive, but not doing well for herself. What do you think changed her? Like, you were there, right? Like, what did you see that flipped the switch?
Speaker 1 10:38
I was not actually there. A lot of it. We have a real we have a wonderfully wild life. She has talked about recently that really it came down to her endocrinologist asking her, Hey, essentially, do you want your child to live? I mean, I'm that's very crude, but hey, if you don't get this under control, that your baby's not going to survive. And that was the light switch. Okay, that changed it all. And now, ever since she's had masterful control of everything, and it's been awesome.
Scott Benner 11:06
Were you at Lollapalooza Robert during this or,
Speaker 1 11:09
Oh, no, I was in Cancun on screen, Britain. I'm just kidding. No, we just, we had a really, really rough, I don't wanna say childhood, because we weren't kids. We were adults. But when we were first together, the first, like, two, two and a half years or so, pretty rough. Even the first couple years of marriage, pretty rough due to a lot of mistakes I made. No, I never cheated on her and never did anything like that. Just said a lot of dumb stuff, and, hell, we can dissect that if you want. I hear that you like to, uh, solve people's problems, but I'm
Scott Benner 11:37
just trying to make a podcast, Robert, if you feel better when it's over. That's a bonus
Speaker 1 11:41
day. There you go. But no all said and done, I missed a lot of when she was pregnant with Bailey. My mom also had stage four cancer at the time advanced, so I was kind of between that and Kelly, and there was a lot going on. But I have
Scott Benner 11:56
to imagine, if you're if you and your girlfriend are pregnant at that age, not on purpose. It probably turns chaotic very quickly after that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I can't imagine. Not like, shower sex was probably the last great thing that happened for a while, for a little bit, yeah, at some point, you pulled your head out of your ass. Is that fair? Yeah, okay, and then you get together. It's not easy, but you you're saying that at some point, like, you got through all that, like, there's a rocky part in the beginning of the marriage, but like, there's a point where you find, like, happiness, and you know how to do it all of a sudden, or not all of a sudden, but eventually, yeah,
Speaker 1 12:32
that was, like, a year and a half ago. We've been married almost 10 years. You just figured it out, not just figured it out, yeah, I
Scott Benner 12:37
started acting like an adult four years ago. Just in case you're wondering, there you go. Are you being serious? Would you characterize her as putting up with you until that point? Yes,
Speaker 1 12:47
absolutely. There is no reason that she should have stayed married to me to this long again. I'm not a bad person. Great husband. All that, just emotionally very
Scott Benner 12:55
dumb. Okay, let's put it that way. What brought you around,
Unknown Speaker 13:01
Kelly, threatening to divorce me. Finally,
Scott Benner 13:04
she's like, You got to figure out how to be an adult, or I'm gonna quickly. Yeah, yep,
Speaker 1 13:08
fix your shit, or I'm out. I said, All right, everything's fixed. Got it.
Scott Benner 13:11
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Speaker 1 15:39
I've actually sought out help, whether that be personal counseling. We've been seeing a marriage counselor for what, three years, something like that. Now I go to various meetings for various issues, just trying to work on it. Now, in hindsight, to my benefit, she told me years ago what I needed to change and fix, but it just in one ear out the other ear, and it wasn't until that year and a half, two years ago, that she finally nailed it home. What were those things? Oh, let's see. So I guess a little bit more backstory as well. To circle back, we didn't get married until after I joined the army when Bailey was six months old. I was unemployed. I had been fired the day that Bailey was born because I requested time off for my job. It was a whole cluster. And first six months, Kelly basically floated everything, and then I joined the Army just to provide for my daughter. I was gone for almost a year before I saw them again between various trainings and what have you we ended up getting married at a courthouse, unfortunately, before I deployed, and then I was gone another year, and almost a year and a half before I was actually home, and steadily in home for a while. So it was pretty rocky at the start, and now I don't remember
Scott Benner 16:53
what your question was, just what were the things that you had to fix? Oh, that's
Speaker 1 16:57
right. Okay, so all of that being said, over the years, unfortunately, and it got really bad. My second deployment was a pretty bad porn addiction. I'm pretty ashamed to say that, but it was pre bad, okay, I came home from my second deployment and she found, you know, browser history, if you will. That was from, you know, just a couple days of being home, and at that point even said, Hey, that needs to stop now, or I'm out. And I didn't really believe her. To me at that time, it was just kind of a, oh, this is a normal thing, whatever. She's just overreacting. And I didn't really let it sink into what she was saying. And then for about three and a half or so years, three years after that, just I hit it, I hit it, I hit it. And finally she found it one night, and then I lied about it. And it wasn't the porn issue, it was the lying about it. And that's when she said, yeah, you can get out. You need to get fixed. I'm done. I'm not going to deal with this anymore. And the first and only time I've ever begged in my life, I begged her not to go anywhere. She said, You need to find some meetings or something, get some help. Position, it's not going to fly. And so from that day on, I went, started going to SAA, and I just hit one year of being free of that, that nonsense. And awesome. Good for you. Yeah, yeah, turn my life around. Man, it's
Scott Benner 18:16
crazy. I mean, it's might not sound crazy to you, but it feels crazy to me. In the last 30 days, you're now the second guy that's told me this. And when he told me, I was like, Get out of here. And he said, No, it ruined his marriage, and, like, you know, everything else. And I was like, I was like, Oh, okay. I'm like, and I thought to myself, I'll never hear that again. And now here we are. So what does a porn addiction look
Speaker 1 18:37
like? Oh, boy. We're talking two or three times a day of watching content and whatnot, whether I was here at home with family, you know, lock the self in the bathroom, type deal, you know, being at work, using a stall at work, whatever it might be, like, there's it was bad, and I'm ashamed beyond all belief to admit that and even say it. But it's reality. It's what happened.
Scott Benner 18:58
You're not watching it like war and peace. You're watching it, like, functionally, right? Yeah, yeah. Gotcha. You're not like, Oh, I love the plot of this one. Let us settle in and get through I wonder what's going to happen next. There's no way to know. How old are you now? 31
Unknown Speaker 19:14
I just hit 31 in February. Okay, you're
Scott Benner 19:17
a couple of generations removed from me. Like, as far as how we grew up. What's the attraction of digital over live? Because Kelly wasn't telling you you can't be with me, right? No, okay, no. What's the draw?
Speaker 1 19:36
So there's, there's a couple things with it. Firstly, I mean, my wife and I are great now, but when we were younger, truth be told, I'm just a terrible communicator when it comes to personal things, especially on the emotional level. I just recently learned how to do all that stuff, so we never really communicated. Therefore, the sex life was kind of not where both of us wanted it. For example, I was going for a little bit more often, whereas Kelly is you. Pretty content with not very often, and works with me. It's mind blowing either way. And truthfully, the addiction part started really bad during my second deployment. It started with as almost like a sleep therapy, because the schedule that I was on and the routines we had and all that, like it was really tough to get sleep and or fall asleep. And then it kind of just it snowballed over the year that I was deployed, and then after that, for a couple of years, it was pretty
Scott Benner 20:30
bad. By the end, yeah, you were using it like a sleeping pill at first,
Speaker 1 20:33
at first, right? And then it just became routine and everything. And truth be told, and I've told Kelly this too, there was a I was glad that she found it. In the end, though, it almost ruined my marriage, because for about two years, I internally was battling with depression and stuff due to it, because I wanted to break that and I couldn't. And then her saying I'm out was when I say it genuinely just it broke. It was done. Yeah, it shocked to the system, and I was out.
Scott Benner 20:59
So for two years you wanted it to end, but you just couldn't find a way to make it end, correct, right? Wow, does it escalate? Like, this is a question I asked the last person too, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask it to you too. Like, does what it takes for it to work? Like, does the dose need to change? You know what I'm saying? Does your search history get weirder and weirder as time goes on. The brand new twist insulin pump offers peace of mind with unmatched personalization and allows you to target a glucose level as low as 87 there are more reasons why you might be interested in checking out twist, but just in case that one got you twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. You can target glucose levels between 87 and 180 it's completely up to you. In addition to precision insulin delivery that's made possible by twist design, twist also offers you the ability to edit your carb entries even after you've bolused. This gives the twist loop algorithm the best information to make its decisions with, and the twist loop algorithm lives on the pump, so you don't have to stay next to your phone for it to do its job. Twist is coming very soon. So if you'd like to learn more or get on the wait list, go to twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Links in the show notes, links at Juicebox podcast.com.
Speaker 1 22:28
No, luckily, luckily. I was not somebody that had to get into the like rampant, weird, yep, because, hey, some of my soldiers in the past, the things they talk about was just wild. Okay, no, but there were days when it 3045, minutes, just, there's no desire to do it, but, like, it just, it had to be done type thing. Does that make sense? I
Scott Benner 22:48
mean, I'm hearing you, yeah, like, but you could, like, if, if, like, babysitter brunette was your thing. Like, you could handle that the whole time. Like you didn't have to start saying babysitter brunette on a Ferris wheel or be like, that
Speaker 1 22:59
kind of thing. Yeah, I got you pretty much. Okay, short, sweet, to the point, gotcha. Gosh,
Scott Benner 23:03
it's an interesting problem. Do you see a connection between it now that you're free of it, between it and and just regular social media? Does it have the same draw as social media, or is it different because it has the sexual, like, like, the physical touch aspect to it as
Speaker 1 23:17
well? Well, I'm not really a big social media person, okay,
Scott Benner 23:21
so you're not overtaken by Instagram or Tiktok or something like you could do that. You wouldn't, you wouldn't get caught up in it. No, okay, it's more about the the ACT than it is about right, yeah, then the scrolling or being on your phone or something like that. Yeah. Did you ever feel weird handing other people your phone because it was also your sex device?
Speaker 1 23:40
Oh, god, yeah. Anytime that Kelly would be like, Hey, can I see your phone real quick? Immediately? You know, you always see those memes of somebody sweating or whatever. It's like, oh god, what's gonna happen? Did I clear this? Did I clear that? Did I delete this, that? I delete that, whatever it might be. Yeah. Now don't care.
Scott Benner 23:55
Now you're okay. Now, okay, oh yeah. Well, I also was thinking, like, you ever been in a place and you, like, check out and, like, you like reading a code, and like, the person to the register is like, here, just give me it. I'll just read it off there. And you're like, I'm like, I don't know if I wash my hands, like, recently, like, this is my phone. It's filthy. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't think you should be and they just grab it. I'm like, uh, I don't know. Like, anyway, Okay, I'm back. I'm asking a serious crowd. I'm not trying to be funny. Like, I just yeah, like, you know, if you're handing it to her and you're like, Oh, sweetie, listen, don't, don't take the phone. Yeah?
Speaker 1 24:24
I mean, yeah, internally, yes, yeah, I would never say it out loud, because that was a red flag,
Scott Benner 24:29
yeah, yeah. But that was part of it too, though, right? Like, part of the Depression part, I would imagine, correct? Oh, absolutely, that you're hiding things, hiding things, hiding things constantly. Do you think if you would have went to her and said, This is a problem for me, but I don't want to get rid like, imagine you didn't want to get rid of it. Could you say to her, can we incorporate this into our life? Do you think she'd be like, Oh, God, weirdo, get away from me. Or do you think she would have said, if this is something that's important to you, I can talk to
Speaker 1 24:55
you about it now. Yes, that being said, I want nothing to do with it. Still, almost. In my life never it's interesting. And I only say that because there was, at one point, shortly after she found it and told me she was done, that she even said she's like, it wasn't the porn, it was the issue. In fact, I was actually batting around the idea of, like, exploring it together. It's the fact that you lied to me about it, blatantly to my face, and then tried to lie about the lie. That's where the issue was lying at
Scott Benner 25:23
Gotcha. Do you have any other Did you have any other addictions? Do you alcohol, drugs, anything like that?
Speaker 1 25:28
Nothing. Never. I've never drank a day in my life. I've never done any drugs in my life.
Scott Benner 25:33
Nope. Do you think if you were born 20 years sooner, you would have had a pile of magazines somewhere? Or do you think that this is a function of the time.
Speaker 1 25:42
I would say yes, only because my father had a pile of things. In fact, that is partially what ruined his marriage to my mother
Scott Benner 25:49
and you knew about it. Unfortunately, his thing might have almost ruined your thing. Yeah, yeah. And you have boys. I have one boy and two girls. You might have broken a
Speaker 1 26:00
cycle here. I really hope so. And unlike my father and his father, if you will, I will actually talk to my son about, like, Hey, listen up. Man, this will ruin your life. Don't let it.
Scott Benner 26:10
It's interesting. Man, it really is. I mean, the access is, is unprecedented. I mean, for all the good you can do with it, the access there's, I mean, there's obviously the opposite problems this morning, even, like I told you before we started, I'm interviewing tight end from the Chiefs later today. I know what I want to talk to him about. Like, I have a vibe already. I've got some questions that people sent in. I know what I want to do, but I still thought, like, let me get background. And I just opened up. Like, while I was taking out the dogs this morning, I put my headphones in, I opened up chat GPT, and I said, I'm interviewing Noah Gray from the Kansas City Chiefs today, and I want to learn more about him. And then I had a full on conversation with my phone for 10 minutes. It's wild. It is, like, it really is crazy. But you know, for every moment like that, where it's valuable, like, I guess, you know, there can be others, so, okay, a lot of others. Yeah, all right, so you, anyway, you did this. And you, I mean, it's an amazing thing. How many years do you think it took you to, like, get through the process?
Speaker 1 27:06
So that's the thing too. Like, it wasn't really a problem from the years of about, let's say 2017, till 2020, that three, four year time frame, and then it was during the first deployment, and then the years following. So I would say a total of, let's see one. We'll say four years, four years total, where it was really, really
Scott Benner 27:25
bad, and then a year for you to go through, like, treatment for it. Correct, did your insurance cover that? It's all free. Oh, is it awesome? Oh, like, aa, kind of a vibe, yeah, basically, okay, wow, that's great. So, like, a public meeting helped you with it. Correct, I've been
Speaker 1 27:40
going to this meeting for, yeah, like I said, I just hit a year. It's all free. It's it's awesome. Is it in person? It's all over, zoom. Okay, there's people from all over the world to join in. Do
Scott Benner 27:51
you see them? Or are they? They stay private, and you see like somebody leading the meeting.
Speaker 1 27:56
It's your choice. You can choose to have camera on or off. They encourage camera on, just because it gives that more homely feel, I guess, or like, the actual community
Scott Benner 28:05
feel, but you can turn it off if you prefer when you saw other people. Did you think? Like, Was it one of those things where you're like, Wow, I can't believe, like, how shockingly normal everyone is here, like, like, because I would imagine you you kind of worry that you're about to turn on a camera to find out you're part of a very strange group. But then you realize, no, these are just like everybody like me. Yeah, I definitely
Speaker 1 28:27
went in. I mean, the very first meeting, for example, I did not turn on my camera. I said, Hello, and that was it. Was just nervous. Didn't know what to expect in anything. Second and third meeting, same thing. And then finally, the fourth meeting, I actually spoke up, but I anticipated, you know, seeing the, let's see stereotypical, you know, 45 year old male who hasn't left his mother's basement. And, yeah, you know, whatever. And it wasn't, it was just normal people living normal lives, with careers and families and just normal people looking for help.
Scott Benner 28:59
It's really interesting. Oh, okay, well, I'm glad that exists. Where is you in a plug where somebody could go get help for that?
Speaker 1 29:06
It's just sex out as sex addicts, anonymous, so they deal with either like sex addiction and or porn addiction. I don't have a plug. I didn't even think
Scott Benner 29:14
to No, that's fine. Did this help your personal relationship? Like, did it take things to where you wanted it to be, or is it now just a process of building back?
Speaker 1 29:24
Oh, absolutely, which, I mean it. I don't know if we have enough time in the day to to dig all that apart, but yes, I mean, I have never been, and this is going to sound cheesy and cliche, but like, I've never been more in love with Kelly. I've never been more, for lack of a better term, obsessed with my life. I can't take my eyes off of her, where, in the past, she was a shadow in the background. Unfortunately, our marriage has never been better. I'm 100% dedicated to my wife. I even told her the other days I'm like, you know, in the past, Kel I would have said the kids take precedence over you, but you want. 100% take precedence over the kids, not because I love them, but because you're who I'm going to be with for the rest of my life. And eventually, the kids will leave home. These little leave us, yeah, god damn right, yeah, sons of
Scott Benner 30:10
gonna give them all my money and my time and attention, and they'll abandon us at the end, when we're old, we can't walk Exactly. And then they'll say things like, Oh, my dad, he's such a pain, or,
Unknown Speaker 30:23
trust me, I'm waiting. I'm waiting for that day.
Scott Benner 30:25
And she accepted you back like, in her heart, you feel like
Speaker 1 30:29
we're getting there. Yeah, it was not immediate. And she said that, and I said, Hey, you take all the time you need now. I did caveat that with Kelly, if 10 years from now, you're still holding on to this, or you're still like, we got problems.
Scott Benner 30:42
Yeah, the stick when I'm not looking or something. Let's be done. Usually
Speaker 1 30:46
it's a frying pan. But yeah, I joke. Of course, nobody calls CPS
Scott Benner 30:50
on us. Nobody's hitting anyone. Please stop
Speaker 1 30:53
honestly. But yeah, I would say it took a few months, probably six, seven months, before she really would start, or started to open up. At least from my perspective, she may have a completely different viewpoint. And now it's, it's almost fully back, yeah, if not better than ever. What
Scott Benner 31:09
do you know how to do now that you didn't know how to do before?
Unknown Speaker 31:12
Just communicate. That's it. Just communicate. I mean,
Scott Benner 31:16
tell people how you feel, not be worried that you're going to be embarrassed by it or that they're going to judge you. Just say it, let it be there pretty
Speaker 1 31:23
much, which is such a crazy thing, because I I've always been able to do that with other people. But when it comes to my wife, was never the case. Why do you think you know I don't know. I just always, I don't even have a I don't have an explanation, yeah, or a reason, not a thought.
Scott Benner 31:39
Just don't want her to judge you or be disappointed in you, maybe, or I'm trying to go through what might motivate me?
Speaker 1 31:45
Yeah. I mean, I can say you just always had that thought of like, you need to be the perfect husband, if that makes sense, or like the perfect man and like, I can't show her my flaws. She'll see how flawed I actually am, and that will cause her to to want to go find better, which, in hindsight, is absolutely ridiculous, not because she can't find better, definitely can. And I tell her that, yeah, but like that, that vulnerability is, is what now has helped us build that, that relationship even
Scott Benner 32:12
higher, and you feel like she appreciates it absolutely. She give it back to you, yeah, yeah. Okay, what have you learned about her diabetes in the last year that you didn't know before. And I'm assuming you've got more mental space now to pay attention like, so is it a thing that you you picked up more about or
Speaker 1 32:30
absolutely like, I've picked up more on hers how to properly now, not in depth as much as how her her algorithm works on her pump, or anything like that. I did have to says, Take this Kelly, when you listen, I had to use a glooguone on her a few months back, and she's never actually had to use one. So I have a W that she doesn't.
Scott Benner 32:49
I was like, see, not everyone's perfect. On the other side, somebody had a seizure.
Unknown Speaker 32:54
I have saved your life. You're welcome.
Scott Benner 32:58
It's tough to be a boy. It happened right there, like, in the house, like,
Speaker 1 33:03
yeah, that whole thing. So she woke up, wasn't feeling well. She was kind of down and out. And it was about a day and a half that she just was she we were battling her lows. Could not keep it up. She couldn't keep anything down. And then one night, it was, like, 530 ish in the evening. Finally, I just decided, like, you know what, we're going to try to open this up and just see what happens, because I can't keep her up. She can't stay conscious more than a couple of minutes. Wow. And then it was, like a week before she fully recovered, but now she's she's good to go. Was
Scott Benner 33:31
she sick? She have an illness?
Speaker 1 33:33
Yeah. I don't know if it was just the flu or a cold or what happened, but she started, she wasn't feeling well, like I said. She kind of just the sweats and the shakes and the chills, and then she started throwing up, and then it just kind of didn't stop. Therefore, we couldn't keep the sugar in her system and all the food, and it just, it was
Scott Benner 33:50
a spiral. It was you, you said, I think we should try glucagon. Yeah.
Speaker 1 33:54
And she'll laugh about this if and when she listens to it, because in the moment, trying to handle three kids, two dogs, all the stuff and her and, like, just manage it like an idiot. She's virtually unresponsive. And I asked her, like, Hey, do you think we should use a glucagon? And as soon as it left my mouth, I was like, you dumb ass, just go get it and do
Scott Benner 34:12
it. Why am I still asking her opinion? She's unconscious? I want to say something that for anyone listening who's not married, is what it feels like to be married when you're a boy, honey, what do you think? I don't want to be wrong, is all I'm saying.
Unknown Speaker 34:28
Honestly, I know there's an answer.
Scott Benner 34:29
So the emergent nature of it allows you to just take the leap,
Speaker 1 34:34
yeah, basically, which, in hindsight, I also should have called 911, but like I said, I was trying to do dinner. Take care of the kids, take care of her. And I did not inevitably call 911, and I should have, I just managed it here at home. And as soon as she started to come back round, she also then started to help me manage her.
Scott Benner 34:51
But was she seizing, or was she just not like No, no,
Speaker 1 34:56
to my knowledge, at least since we've been together, she's never had a seizure. She just passes out and or loses all functionality. That being said, Yeah, I don't think she's ever, ever had a seizure, to my knowledge. Yeah.
Scott Benner 35:08
Can I ask you a weird question? Do you think her desire was to leave you and that you stopped her, or do you think her desire was to get you to stop because she didn't want you guys to break up? I
Speaker 1 35:19
think it's a mixture of both. Like I said, there's a lot of past that also built up to that moment. I mean, hell, a week ago, she just threatened divorce with me. Did you think she meant it? Yeah, I would say so in the moment, but then, you know, the next day, I don't think so. I think she was just pissed off about a couple of things that that had happened. Luckily, nothing to do with me personally, but just frustration overall, I think. So, yeah, so, I mean, in short, we had to get our floor replaced, and one of my good friends did it for us. He's very handy with that kind of stuff, but he didn't listen to her, and he stood up. And so now we're dealing with that,
Scott Benner 35:54
and she's divorcing you because of that, yeah, because I refuse to
Speaker 1 35:58
demand the money back type thing. And it's like, I'm trying to work with him on it, but it's kind of just, it's going to cost us more to fix that error than what a long story can I play
Scott Benner 36:06
devil's advocate here? Is it possible that she feels like she now knows how to get you to do stuff? Who knows? Probably you put your phone down when she said it the last time. So she was probably like, hey, this works. I wonder if I can get my money back for the floor.
Speaker 1 36:19
You're going to get me in trouble. But, yeah, that thought has been, that thoughts been there, not not per se, just to get the money back, but the maybe I can make him do something he doesn't want to. But
Scott Benner 36:29
you're making, you're making me think that, like, six months from now, it's going to be like, I can't believe you didn't weed whack after you cut the grass. I'm going to divorce if you don't get out there and weed whack. Yeah, at that point, bye, get out. No, that's, that's when you'll go, Oh, I didn't understand. This is not a real thing anymore. I got you, she's just, she's working me now, yeah, yeah, no, no, that's something
Speaker 1 36:47
to circle good. Yes, good. I was just gonna say to circle back. But hey, if you got another question, go ahead. No, no. Circle back all of that. Say free headspace, being more committed and more focused on Kelly and like just the marriage and everything, I definitely have learned more with her. And now that our son is officially and he's using the Moby, I am learning all of that as well. And now I'm gathering more of an understanding of how to operate his and handle his which hopefully translates to hers in the coming years, a little bit more efficiently than Yeah, you know my crude knowledge now,
Scott Benner 37:18
can I just say tandem diabetes.com/juicebox Thank you. Sorry, I gotta get the plugs in where I can. Oh, yeah. How do you like the Moby for him?
Speaker 1 37:28
Uh, it's awesome, especially since he's five and doesn't stop moving, even in his sleep half the time, I swear. Yeah, being so small and compact, and we have this little fanny pack for him, and he loves it. He tries to help us change his sights all the time, and anytime we're, you know, giving him a Bolus or anything, or messing with his algorithm, he's on his phone trying to help us do it and learn it and understand it, even at five years old. So nice. A good friend. He's a champ.
Scott Benner 37:53
How did he take being well, I guess. How did you take his diagnosis? Because now you, I mean, you've lived with Kelly for a long time, like, Yeah, you didn't deep understand it, but you still know how serious it is. So when it happens to your son, how does it strike you? So
Speaker 1 38:07
her and I have actually talked about this, that both of us had the same reaction of like, Oh God no, please no. Type deal, because Kelly has and I mean, wealth of us have lived through Kelly and the crap she's gone through. Yeah, that being said, I am beyond grateful that my wife has been dealing with it for two plus decades, because her knowledge base is about the same as yours respectively. So yeah, she's able to help his it has made the transition very smooth. I couldn't even imagine being a parent with a child and not knowing anything about type one, and all of a sudden being slapped in the face with
Scott Benner 38:43
it. Yeah. I mean, listen, you didn't know how to be a person. And look where that got to you exactly. If you could go back to your parents, what would you tell them? They should have told you, oh, all
Speaker 1 38:55
the words I would, if it was me now, I would smack both of them upside the head and have a lot of very mean, vicious words with my parents, but,
Scott Benner 39:04
but once you got after the anger, what would you tell them? Like, hey, look, we're gonna I'm gonna push a reset button and I'm gonna go be eight again, and here's what you need to do.
Speaker 1 39:13
How about you teach your children how to communicate with everybody, let alone people that are important to them, and not just fight, scream, hit each other and get each other
Scott Benner 39:21
arrested. That's what you grew up in. Yeah, yeah. Mostly, that sucks, man. It really is terrible. I'm sorry you don't have a lot of chance to break away from a start like that. It's not, no, I, and I will say, like, not, not an actual plug,
Speaker 1 39:38
but a plug for my family. Like, I have a really, really really big family, lots of aunts and uncles and cousins, and they did help. But yeah, I mean, my dad ended up in jail, I think twice, for hitting my mom, but my mom also was a piece of an egg. Came on. Love you,
Scott Benner 39:51
Mom. Hope Heaven is great. My God, is she not here?
Speaker 1 39:56
No, she died years ago. Oh how cancer she had stretch forward, man. Kidney Cancer. Initially, they gave her six months, and she lived for four years. So she fought like hell. I do respect my mother, but also, in hindsight, she played a lot of the BS games when it comes to divorce and custody and stuff that, in hindsight, ruined any chance of a relationship with our Father, my brothers and I. So,
Scott Benner 40:17
yeah, there's a man that's a lot to deal with. You've seen or been through emotional abuse, physical abuse, a parent incarcerated, any mental illness? Do you think
Speaker 1 40:27
I'm sure it's there in hindsight, never officially diagnosed?
Scott Benner 40:31
Yeah, you're already halfway into the category of those aces, you know, that list that pretty much proves out that you're gonna have trouble as an adult. Good to see that that holds up. Yeah, it's interesting, right? Like, if you could go back and fix that with all them, do you think you would? Because I also think then you wouldn't be in a shower at 19 getting a girl pregnant,
Speaker 1 40:52
truth be told, in reality, no, because, though it has been really rough, I mean, I lived more life by the age of, like, 15 than a lot of people. I'm not going to say most. I've heard some of your episodes, but the a lot like, I had a lot of death and a lot of loss and a lot of just emotional trauma by the age of 1415, yeah, that most don't hit until they're like, 40 or 50, but in hindsight, I mean, it made me who I am today. So as cliche as that may sound, yeah, I would love to change some of my mistakes, but it's gotten me where I'm at. I'm doing pretty well.
Scott Benner 41:27
I told a story to Arden last night from my, like, my late teens, and I realized, like, this is too far generationally, like, removed, like, it sounds insane to her and and I was like, but that was, like, nobody thought that was even weird when it happened, when it happened. Yeah, it's interesting how, how things morph over time. I heard you say something earlier that, like, it sounds like you listen to the podcast too. Yes, I tried to, but you listened to it, just to try to understand what Kelly's listening
Speaker 1 41:59
to initially. Yes, again. When she found your podcast a few years back, I was still in just the bad place of not really listening to my wife and just being, yeah, being a mess. But after listening to a few episodes and trying to just check that box of like, Oh, she suggested I listen to it. I just listen to a few. Say, you listen to it, whatever carry on, it actually ended up being very interesting, and little did I know was going to be so helpful, because now Madden is a diabetic. Yeah, your head now I've been crushing, or had crushed the pro tips, I will say bold beginnings was nice, but also, having been with Kelly for so long, and kind of having that I did not listen to all the bold beginnings, you're probably past it already, exactly, yeah, but the Pro Tip series, I think I've listened to it twice already and still about to start a third time just to pick up what I missed.
Scott Benner 42:49
It helps, right? Every time, like you feel like you add a little something to it. Yeah, you're building blocks slowly.
Speaker 1 42:54
And it's funny too, because I'm somebody, I got to listen to and or do something multiple times to truly understand it. And Kelly, at first, was getting frustrated. She's like, wait, you only listen to two episodes? I'm like, Yes, but I've listened to it two or three times now. But I really, I get the two episodes I've listened to sank in now.
Scott Benner 43:10
Yeah, exactly. I can move forward. Yeah, listen. I'm doing my best. I'm a boy. I don't know if you remember all of our history, but I'm trying exactly. I honestly had a thought recently where I thought, like, I think I'm gonna go re listen to it like, and I haven't heard it in a long time, which is weird, because I intersect with it every like, hour. I'm always like, you know, leaving lists for people, or like, Hey, you should try this. Or, you know, maybe give this one a try. But I think, like, I should go back and listen to it again. It's been a little while now, so
Speaker 1 43:43
might as well. I mean, what? You got lots of free time on your hands? Oh, I'm just sitting
Scott Benner 43:47
around staring So, yeah, exactly. No, come on. I'll do it in my ear, you know, while I'm while I'm doing something else, I just think that it's important, because I think it's possible I'll hear things and think, oh, I should have said that differently. Or maybe there's a different way to to, you know, approach this in the in the future. So, I
Speaker 1 44:04
mean, I've heard you say that on episodes before, like, oh yeah, I talked about this one thing, you know what? I should have done it like this, and then a couple episodes later, I'm going to phrase it this way, and you fix that.
Scott Benner 44:13
I'm trying, I'm trying to grow so your other two kids are you now, like, worried that they might get type one?
Speaker 1 44:20
No, I can comfortably say no. I don't know why. It's just a gut feeling that being said. We do get them checked every What is it two years? I think they check for antibodies, or every once a year, or something like that, okay, just just to monitor it, right and see,
Scott Benner 44:35
is there any autoimmune in your family on your side?
Speaker 1 44:37
Not to my knowledge, but that is stuff that was never discussed growing up. Nobody's
Scott Benner 44:42
gonna tell you if they had Hashimotos or celiac or something like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1 44:45
that's, that's not how, how it works in my family. Yeah, arthritis
Scott Benner 44:49
even, that's the thing you might see. Did you see any?
Speaker 1 44:53
Yeah, my mom had that more. So she said, granted, it turned out my mom was a pill popping addict at the end. So sorry about. But hey, like, I said it's life, but
Scott Benner 45:03
you said you don't drink or do drugs. Like, do you think that's because of, like, watching, are you having like, an adverse reaction to your mom? Like, saying, No, I'm not going to
Speaker 1 45:14
do that. No, because I didn't realize my mom was a drug addict until much older, like, she had already passed away, and then it was, like two years after that, that it just clicked one day, really, it started with the alcohol. So like I said, I come from a very large family. I was always selected as the DD, but also I have a lot of raging alcoholics in my family. And so anytime it was, like a family barbecue, or whatever it would be, I would just see the hot mess that everybody was, and just think to myself, from a young age, like, I don't want to do that. Yeah? I'm not looking for this. Yeah, I'm no, no thanks. And then drugs kind of just, you know, how I went, Hey, drugs are bad. Don't do drugs. And then as I grew older, I just realized it wasn't my style, yeah,
Scott Benner 45:56
yeah, no, I hear that's all. I'm glad for you. That's a listen. That's a it's a big possible burden that a lot of people deal with. It you don't have to. So imagine the one addiction with
Speaker 1 46:06
another one. Yeah. Oh, compounding addictions, yeah,
Scott Benner 46:10
would have been not great. Let me kind of throw it back to you for a second. So you did me. You did me a solid like I was looking for some extra recordings, and you're you jumped right in, which is awesome. I appreciate it. But when you did that, what was your intention? Like, I mean, there's no world where you were like, You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go on a podcast about diabetes that my wife listens to and tell them about my porn addiction. Like that wasn't in your head, right?
Speaker 1 46:33
No, I came into this with a clean slate. I even asked Kelly last night. I was like, hmm, should I vaguely attempt to have like, bullet points to talk about? She's like, Nah, you're much better on the fly. Just go with the flow of the conversation. So that's what we're doing. Yeah? She's
Scott Benner 46:46
like, don't plan I yeah,
Unknown Speaker 46:50
do not plan anything. It will be an absolute mess.
Scott Benner 46:52
Oh, that's awesome. So what do you think moving forward looks like for you guys? Like, not, not with your relationship stuff. I hope well for you there. Like, I feel like, you know we've talked that through. But like, diabetes wise, do you see yourself being involved with her more? No. Do you see yourself having an involvement with your son? Like, what do you expect is going to be like to raise a kid for the next 10 or 15 years with type one? What are you thinking is is going to be your responsibility?
Speaker 1 47:21
So we've actually talked about that. We actually just talked about a few days ago. She
Scott Benner 47:24
got you talking about everything now, Robert, Hey, I
Speaker 1 47:27
can't shut up. I never shut up. I'm always talking good the where was I going to go? Thanks, Scott. So I had asked her, you know, I I'm still going to, I don't want to say be hands off with hers, because I'm still going to understand and build an understanding and develop all of that, but I'm not going to be somebody who is micromanaging hers, for example, because she is a grown ass woman and can make her own damn choices. That being said, I did bring it to her attention that I am going to try to learn enough and have a comfortable enough base to manage maddens so therefore it is not a burden on her shoulders or that she doesn't feel like she has to be the one to do it. Because we've actually talked about, I have brought it up to her in the past, like, Hey, you are very knowledgeable. Why don't you go back to school and be somebody who helps, you know, manage other type ones, and just not be a doctor, per se, but you can maybe a nurse or somebody that helps do that. And she talked about that. She's had friends that have done that, and the burnout is just too much trying to manage your own and also everybody else's. And so I applied that to even our son. That I'm not saying you won't do a good job, Kelly, you're gonna do a great job, but also I don't want you to feel like you have to be the one to do it, and that you can feel comfortable enough, and she does that to pass it to you, yeah, that you know that I'm just, I'm going to be there and I'm going to be able to do it, and it's not required by you.
Scott Benner 48:51
So out of concern for her, like you don't, you don't want her to burn out, because I imagine your expectation would be, is that she'll then focus on your son and then not take care of herself,
Speaker 1 49:02
which has already kind of happened, not to the extent of, like, you know, emergency calls or anything like that, but her numbers went from a really steady line to pretty all over the place, just because her focus has been on Madden's and, you know, bolusing for his meals and not doing it for hers until she's already started eating or done With the meal and then doing it. It's yeah, trying to alleviate that as much as
Scott Benner 49:23
possible. I feel like I remember her saying that when I when I spoke to her, and well, that's really thoughtful of you, man. I try. Yeah, no, no, I listen. I think it's obvious from our conversation that you've been trying the whole time, even though you didn't know how to try for a while now you do. You're making a lot of good decisions, from what I'm hearing. So So you figure if you can be as good at it as she could have been, then either, what do you think? You think that his diabetes becomes your thing and she does hers, or you just think you split it up more like, I don't know what you're working like. You out of the house during the day, or where are people?
Speaker 1 50:02
So don't let me forget that point. You just asked the question. So it's funny, with me being in the Army for the moment, I actually live in Texas, and they still live in Florida. Oh, it's a, it's a whole thing. I'm at, I'm here in Florida until Tuesday, and then I fly back to Texas, and I don't know when I'll
Scott Benner 50:18
be coming back. I didn't realize you were still in Oh, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1 50:21
I'm actually so I guess to summarize that I may not be here soon. I'm supposed to have back surgery on May 8, artificial disc replacement. Oh, they might discharge you. So I may get medically discharged. I may not. We have to figure it out, but it's a lot in the air limbo. What would you do for work if you got discharged? I don't know. Whatever job isn't higher.
Scott Benner 50:41
What do you do in the army? Why are you laughing?
Speaker 1 50:47
Because I get this a lot, and it's hard. It's not hard to explain, but my brain then goes hyper focused. So I do art, air defense, artillery. In short, I sit in a box with computers and would operate in a live situation, radars and interceptors. I work on the biggest system that the Army has to offer. Currently, it would focus more on like ICBMs or nuclear bomb type things, or really, really long range missiles. If somebody was to shoot one of those, I would be the person who would try to intercept it. In short, no kidding,
Scott Benner 51:18
yeah. Well, I mean, I hope you have a lot of luck. I hope you're good at it. How do you know if you're good at it?
Unknown Speaker 51:24
I'm still alive. You
Scott Benner 51:28
have not actually intercepted an ICBM missile, though, right?
Unknown Speaker 51:31
No, no. And if I had, I wouldn't be able to tell you about it. Yeah, no,
Scott Benner 51:35
I would imagine, obviously. But my point is, like, I feel like that would have got out. What do you it's all like, like, simulation training and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 51:43
Pretty much we do live fires for just testing capabilities, but never actual live scenario, obviously, like you just said, but yeah, just simulation training. I think I'm pretty good. I always get good scores, if you will, on evaluations. But
Scott Benner 51:57
I want you, I know I want you to be good at it. That's, yeah. Do you know this is like a complete left turn, but since you brought this up, do you know any guys that fly drones? I'm beginning to hear that it's as hard on them as people who actually hold a gun and point it at somebody.
Speaker 1 52:11
I do, actually, I know a couple of them, and it is very difficult for some. There is a, I mean, I'm not a doctor, so somebody goes and Googles it. Don't leave Scott a bad review for my lack of knowledge. Thank you. But there, there is a, I don't wanna say special, but like, a different kind of PTSD. I've known that it's developed in some drone pilots, I know, whereas you know, you're looking at basically a video game screen, for like, a better term, and just watching people and things disappear. Yeah, to not put it too crude, it can be. It can be a challenge. I would
Scott Benner 52:44
imagine. I don't see how that would have a different impact on you than literally standing in front of somebody and taking their life with with a gun or your hands or something like that. So, man, yeah, that that's something else. But you think you could still do that, like after the surgery, though, right?
Speaker 1 52:58
Technically, no, because there's a lot that goes into it in terms of setting up the equipment and a lot of like, heavy lifting you have to do and all that. And I will have those restrictions. Oh gosh, for example, like, as soon as I moved to Texas, they took me out of my primary job and put me in operations. So now all I do is sit at a desk in a computer and work with my bosses on operating things. I know that's very vague. Yeah, no, I
Scott Benner 53:22
understand what you mean, though. So is it your goal to get back to the the box you sit in? Or no, no, you don't think it's going to happen.
Speaker 1 53:29
No, that's being said. Okay, so this, this might get some people going. I love the army. The army has provided us so many opportunities. I would be living in the POS little farm town I grew up in the same dead end job everybody else has. If I didn't join the army, that being said, I'm also done with the army. Okay? It has broken my body and my mind almost beyond repair. It has almost ruined my marriage multiple times. It has made it to like, I can't even play with my kids right now because my back is messed up. And that is, for example, this. This almost made me cry the other day, my middle child, Amelia, whispered something in the back of the car when we were driving home. Actually, it was while you were recording with Kelly, and Bailey yelled at her, my oldest and I said, what happened? And Bailey goes, Amelia said, you just use your back as an excuse that it hurts so you don't have to play with us and that that broke my heart, yeah? Because for years, like, I mean, I've just kind of put up with it, and now it's to the point
Scott Benner 54:26
it's, it's a pro, it's a real problem. You want to get it fixed and move on and get get your life going in the private sector somehow.
Speaker 1 54:32
Yeah? I mean, we're my kid. My oldest is 10, and she's moved like, four times, four times, and it's really hard on them. They've expressed they want me to get out. They're tired of moving and making new friends, and they're all young. Yeah, it's time. Yeah,
Scott Benner 54:48
okay, well, I hope the procedure goes easily and that you're you're back at it, is it
Unknown Speaker 54:52
lower back? Yeah, it's l5, s1,
Scott Benner 54:56
it's just completely deteriorated. Yeah, there's nuts. And left of it, I almost said something real hippie dippie too, but I'm literally feel free. I'm gonna be judged by the people listening. But not that I don't think there's something wrong with your back, but I would implore you to read a book by John Sarno called Healing back pain before you have surgery. Okay, that's all healing back pain. Yeah, all right, John Sarno, I don't say that. You know, it can't fix a physical problem with you, but in my experience, can help you think about your pain in a way that might be valuable. That's fair. Yeah. So anyway, for anybody out there, actually, though he's got a book called, I think, mind body connection, that I found very valuable in my life, not a cult or anything like that.
Unknown Speaker 55:40
Hey, what if it is I'm in
Scott Benner 55:42
if it works, like, what do I care? Yeah, Tom Cruise seems happy. Hey, exactly, although I don't think his kids talk to him, but I don't know. I only know what I read. Listen for a short guy, he's done really well. I don't have a lot where I need to feel bad for Tom Cruise, I don't think nope, nor you. Have you ever been in an active war zone,
Speaker 1 56:01
with bullets flying, no, with artillery shells falling, yes.
Scott Benner 56:05
So you've been you've been like, what do they call it like in theater, doing your job?
Unknown Speaker 56:09
Yes, twice. Wow, only twice still
Scott Benner 56:13
seems like a lot, but impactful in a way that's hard to put into words, like a thing that stays with you forever. Or is it more because it's so, like, computerized, is it more removed? Now, you wouldn't know, because, I mean, it's not like you were an EOG or anything like that, but, like, yeah, right,
Speaker 1 56:30
yeah, nothing like that. And so my second tour was over in Israel, right before everything popped off. And over there, there's always rockets flying. And that was, I remember the first time being over there, and shells started falling, and I perked up, like, what is happening? And everybody else was just like, still doing their work, yeah, didn't even phase them. And it occurred to me, You know what? Just ignore it. If it's your time, it's your time. And that's just kind of the approach you take. You can't panic, you can't freak out. Hey, if one happens to find me today, one, Kelly gets a fat paycheck. Two, she gets to find somebody better. And three, I don't have to be here no more. So
Scott Benner 57:06
here we go. My back's gonna stop hurting. The kids are gonna have money Exactly. And but I love your I honestly, I love the way of thinking about that, that, like, if it finds me, it finds me, is worries a waste of imagination. Like, if you're there, you're there, like, so it's either gonna happen or it's not, pretty much. Yep, and you're saying that the people there are so accustomed to it, like in that entire region, that they don't even move when it happens,
Speaker 1 57:32
pretty much. I mean, they'll get off the street, get inside, but otherwise it's and granted. Again, this is before everything kicked off. Yeah. And over there, this was 2020, to 2021, when it was standard, if you will. Yeah, now, obviously it's completely different, but yeah, I mean, hey, get off the street, get inside the store. Maybe hunker down. Those of us that were at work at our Pat site, just keep working. Don't you don't even have to go to the bunkers or anything, because they're not going to do anything to stop it. So might as well be productive.
Scott Benner 57:59
Yeah, and then, and then just, you wait a little bit, and then just back, like, back at it. People duck into stores, and then it stops, and they keep going pretty much, wow. That points to a perspective that obviously we don't have here for sure, correct? Yeah, if that happened here, we would, it would shut it would shut you off for, you know, for a very long time, interesting. Yes, it's very interesting. Well, I appreciate, you know, I don't want to say something like, trite, like, thanks for your service, but I appreciate what you're doing, and I hope you you're able to, like, break free of the pain and and get your life going in a different direction. Do you have any idea what you'd like to like, it's because you have, like, that small town vibe. You're like, I'll just get a job. But like, I mean, do your skills translate to something
Speaker 1 58:38
kind of, it's very niche thing. It's pretty much just defense contracting. And truth be told, I actually tried to get out of the army last year write out my contract. I was done with it. I sent out over 500 applications over nine months, and I had three job interviews and one job offer that took me overseas for 16 months, and I considered that one, but then health insurance was going to be an issue, especially with two type ones in our house, kind of need good
Scott Benner 59:03
insurance, so you stayed in for another year to try again. I actually signed for four years.
Speaker 1 59:08
And it's funny, because my back wasn't even really the issue. And as soon as I moved to Texas, my Army doctor looked at it the first time I ever met him. I might offend you, I might not, but you're worthless to me. I said, Yeah, that's true, because of your back, because of the back, and then immediately he was like, yeah, there's nothing we can do. You've been managing this for almost a decade. The only thing left is surgery to try to fix it, and that may not even work, so we'll give it a shot. And that's how we ended up here. And it's pain, right? Pains the issue? Yeah. I mean, just a couple days ago, I couldn't feel my legs, they were completely numb. From waist down, I could still walk, which was weird, but it was more of a foot drag than a walk. Wow, it's just something different. Every day.
Scott Benner 59:50
I'm sorry. No back. Back pain is terrible. I know I genuinely think you should check out the book that I told you that that doctors I think he's paying. Yes now, but like I said, John Sarno, like, look into his books and see if you find one that kind of speaks to you. It's there's some of them are shorter. I think they're very worth reading, and it might be helpful for I'll do that. Absolutely awesome. We I know I'm gonna say, if Is there anything we haven't talked about, but you didn't really come on here to talk about anything. So for a guy who didn't have a plan, you talked about a lot. I just
Speaker 1 1:00:22
want to say that's true. No, I mean, like I said earlier, I didn't really come with a plan. I was hoping to learn something potentially. But again, I'm not want to ask
Scott Benner 1:00:31
questions about something like, I'm, I'm, I'm here. Really, no, awesome.
Speaker 1 1:00:35
Okay, well, I'm sure there will be, and, you know what, a day or two from now, I might think, Oh, damn, I should ask about this, yeah, yeah. But initially it was just maybe he'll say a little nugget of knowledge or two that I didn't
Scott Benner 1:00:46
think about dude I might have if you didn't lead with porn addiction. But like, I mean, sorry you asked you put it into, what you put into a place I couldn't leave. Like, what was I supposed to do? I have so many questions still, but I, you know, out of deference to your situation and your new position in life, I and the fact that this is a diabetes podcast, I'm not gonna ask.
Speaker 1 1:01:09
I know, believe me, like 10 minutes ago to cross my mind, like, Dude, we have not talked about diabetes or anything at all.
Scott Benner 1:01:14
Well, no, what? Listen. You might think that, but what I think we talked about is you're not the only dad with a problem who has a kid with diabetes, and Kelly's not the only lady married to you. Do you know what I mean? Big picture, it's a really valuable story, because the thing you brought up, man is super serious. It wasn't easy to get rid of it. It plagued you for a long time. It caused you a significant problem, personally, emotionally, with your marriage on top of all that, like, well, you came from a tough family, right? And you're doing a lot better. And to me, I think these people listening need to hear somebody who maybe went through something more difficult than the thing they're going through, and came out the other side of it, and otherwise, hopefully, just everybody heard talk to each other, because that's what I I'm hoping came out of this, is that people understand that if you're not talking to each other, this isn't going to work out facts. Yeah, yeah. So we talked about a lot, and it'll help people with their diabetes plenty. Don't you worry. Seriously, that's fair. I appreciate it very much. Of course. Can you hold on one second for me? Yes, sir. Thank you. Excellent.
Thanks for tuning in today, and thanks to Medtronic diabetes for sponsoring this episode. We've been talking about Medtronic mini med 780 G system today, an automated insulin delivery system that helps make diabetes management easier day and night, whether it's their meal detection technology or the Medtronic extended infusion set, it all comes together to simplify life with diabetes. Go find out more at my link, Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox the episode you just enjoyed was sponsored by the twist a ID system powered by tide pool. If you want a commercially available insulin pump with twist loop that offers unmatched personalization and precision or peace of mind. You want twist, twist.com/juicebox, I'd like to thank the blood glucose meter that my daughter carries. The contour next gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at contour next.com/juicebox and don't forget, you may be paying more through your insurance right now for the meter you have then you would pay for the contour next gen in cash. There are links in the show notes of the audio app you're listening in right now and links at Juicebox podcast.com. To contour and all of the sponsors. I can't thank you enough for listening. Please make sure you're subscribed or following in your audio app. I'll be back tomorrow with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. You stories.
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