#1561 After Dark: Significant Addiction
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Breaking the Cycle — Robert Steps Up for His Family
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner 0:00
Friends, we're all back together for the next episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Welcome.
Robert 0:15
Hello, everyone. My name is Robert. My wife is a type one, Kelly, and my son now he's newly diagnosed type one, and he's five
Scott Benner 0:24
if you're living with type one diabetes. The after dark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about, from drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction and so much more. Go to Juicebox podcast.com. Up in the menu and click on after dark there, you'll see a full list of all of the after dark episodes. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan.
This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the twist AI D system powered by tidepool that features the twist loop algorithm, which you can target to a glucose level as low as 87 Learn more at twist.com/juicebox, that's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Get precision insulin delivery with a target range that you choose at twist.com/juicebox, that's t, w, i, i s, t.com/juicebox. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at contour next.com/juicebox this episode of the juice box podcast is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes and their mini med 780 G system designed to help ease the burden of diabetes management, imagine fewer worries about Miss boluses or miscalculated carbs thanks to meal detection technology and automatic correction doses. Learn more and get started today at Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox
Speaker 1 2:19
Hello, everyone. My name is Robert. My wife is a type one, Kelly, and my son now is newly diagnosed type one, and he's
Scott Benner 2:25
five. He's five. Wow. How old was he when he was diagnosed? We actually
Speaker 1 2:30
thanks to Kelly. So she was diagnosed in 2012 or not, 2012 uh, when was when she was 12. She actually caught Madden when he was really early on with stage one one night he while he pissed through his diaper. And she thought, well, that's weird. He didn't drink that much. She tested his blood sugar, and I think it was 253, if I recall correctly. And she thought, well, that's weird. I'm gonna take him into the doctor. And then they did a antibodies test and found two antibodies and that he was spilling glucose into his urine. And so he actually got tracked from the age of two until about a month ago, month and a half ago, officially hit full diagnosis.
Scott Benner 3:12
So let me kind of pick through it this way. You meet your wife. How old is she? How old are you?
Speaker 1 3:17
Let's see, I was 18, she was 19. And how old are
Scott Benner 3:20
you now? 31 and 32 okay, and you got married at how? At what
Speaker 1 3:25
age? Oh, let's see, it would have been nine years ago. Shoot, I don't know, 2122 somewhere in
Scott Benner 3:31
there. I think you're supposed to remember that off the top of your head, Yeah, nah, that's fine. Like, watch this. I was married on August 3, 1996 see that by always, say
Speaker 1 3:40
this. I mean, yeah, that's fair. Yeah, I was married March 7, 2016 I just not that fast in math. I don't
Scott Benner 3:45
think it's math when you're talking about dates, but I hear what you're saying. My point is, you've been with her for a very long time. She's had diabetes for that entire time, right? Correct, right? And so you've been living with it for a while. So from your perspective, what is her type one diabetes from your perspective? Oh, how do you mean? What do you see as her life like? If you had to describe her life with type one, what would you describe it as?
Speaker 1 4:10
Currently, just another day in the life? I mean, there's not really much difference. I will say I have seen, in my opinion, from my point of view, a pretty amazing transformation. So when I met Kelly, we both actually started working at Super Target, and that's where I met her. I still remember the first time I saw her. It was like it was out of a movie. Fantastic. Oh how so tell me. So I was walking to go clock in, and she had just walked out of the break room area where she had just clocked in and legitimately flipped her hair a little bit, and right there it was just it was done. I was locked in. And then I was nervous for like a month to even talk to her. And then I remember, I went through her line. She was doing check out, I think I bought, like a Snickers bar I didn't even want, and went to walk away. And I was like, Hey, can I get your number? And then it just started this crazy life that we have. Wow.
Scott Benner 5:00
She said, Yes, surprisingly, I don't know why she was probably like, I could use that snicker if I get low. This is awesome,
Speaker 1 5:06
pretty much. So when I met Kelly, you know, she managed it to stay alive, but didn't really put a whole lot of effort into it, for lack of a better term. And then when she ended up getting pregnant with our oldest, Bailey, who is now 10, it was like a light switch. Her a 1c, and I could be wrong on this, I want to say was around 1111, and a half, when she got pregnant with Bailey. And by the time Bailey was born, it was down in like the fives and sixes, and she's pretty well maintained that six Mark ever since, when
Scott Benner 5:39
she's living with like an 11 and you guys are dating and married. Do you understand? Like, I can't ask her what her understanding was of it, but like, do you understand that there's a lot of ceiling to do better, and that this could be dangerous for her and is actually dangerous for her?
Speaker 1 5:55
Now, yes, at that time, had no idea. Okay, I knew nothing about type one diabetes. This is a shameful thing on my part. But even after we got married, I was it was her thing. I pretty well stayed out of it unless she either got low or was insanely high. Do
Scott Benner 6:11
you know? Why was it conscious? Were you like, Oh, this is her thing. She doesn't want me involved in it. Or were you just happy not to have to be involved? You do know,
Speaker 1 6:19
it was more of a I tried to just respect her space. And in hindsight, you know, years in it, I should have been more involved with it, to just have an understanding and be a part of it. But she never said, Hey, Eric. Never asked. I should say, Do you have an interest in learning, or I would like you to learn this? And I tried to disrespect her privacy, even though we were married and had been together for ever.
Scott Benner 6:41
Have you talked about it since then? Absolutely, were you doing the right thing or, like, is that what she wanted? I guess is my question.
Speaker 1 6:49
You know, I've never asked her that. We've talked about it a lot in other aspects, but I've never asked her, like, Hey, did you want me involved? Or did you not?
Scott Benner 6:58
I just heard myself the other day, which is the thing that doesn't get to happen for most people. I heard myself having a conversation about something, and it just reminds me now that I've been alive for so long, has taught me that no matter what I'm experiencing, the people around me are having a different experience, and that, you know, you can be doing something and just think like this is the right thing to do. I know it is. It feels good. I'm looking at everybody. Everybody seems good with it. And you ask somebody else later, and they said, No, I wish you would have done that, or I wish you wouldn't have done that, or that made me feel this way, or like you never really know how other people are experiencing the same exact thing as you just so odd. But you know, so I'm what, yeah, so I'm like, You're, saying, like, good faith. Like, hey, this is a thing. She's had it for a long time. She says she's doing okay. Like, everything seems fine. I'd like to give her space. Like, what if she was sitting over there thinking, God, like, I wish he'd like jump in with this. Or maybe he she's thinking, guys handling this exactly right. This is why I love the guy. So, yeah, you don't know.
Speaker 1 7:59
Nope. And guess what, when we get off this call, I'm gonna go inside and ask her,
Scott Benner 8:03
yeah, that's good idea. Go start a fight right now. That'd be awesome. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 8:06
hey, at this point I look for the fights.
Scott Benner 8:10
Keep things fresh. Oh, absolutely. It's a Friday. You could ruin the whole weekend if you tried hard enough. Let's
Speaker 1 8:15
go with Scott's blessing. I hereby ruin Easter weekend.
Scott Benner 8:20
I don't know where the eggs are. Ask your mom,
Unknown Speaker 8:24
she would kill me. That's
Scott Benner 8:26
awesome. I've recorded with her recently. Is that right? Correct? Like, a week and a half ago or so? But I don't think we spoke about you. Does that surprise you? Not at all. Okay, she's moving along. She gets pregnant. Or you guys don't know if you do it on purpose or not, one way or the other, she's pregnant. How old is pregnant. How old is she? Do you think then? Like, what year is
Speaker 1 8:45
that? Let's see, I want to say she was 20 and I was 19. Oh, wow. She had Yeah, she was almost 21 I was 20. They was right there. It was not very long. Robert,
Scott Benner 8:55
am I right to say that this wasn't you guys going, like, you know what we should do? We should make a baby.
Speaker 1 8:58
No, this was I was in the shower, and somebody decided to climb in with me one day. She
Scott Benner 9:04
gotta stop flipping her hair around. Honestly. Listen, people gotta take responsibility for where their hair goes. So do you guys get married because she's pregnant?
Speaker 1 9:13
No, we actually just remained dating for a while. It was kind of chaotic. A little backstory on her pregnancy and whatnot. It was really complicated. She had all sorts of issues, pre eclampsia, obviously, type one. Ironically, you might be able to answer this. Do most women, when they are pregnant have really good, like, control of blood sugars and what have you?
Scott Benner 9:34
Oh, gosh, it's seasonal, like within the pregnancy, fair, yeah, there's a time where it's it's easier than there's a time where your your insulin needs ramp and ramp and ramp and ramp and go crazy. And then some women report that literally, after giving birth to the placenta, their blood sugars go like, right back to normal again. And then Breastfeeding can mess it up. It's like, it's a roller coaster of hormonal impact. Six, really.
Speaker 1 10:00
So I kind of assumed beings, you know, everybody's different, but with Kelly, all three pregnancies, you would never guess that she was type one. Yes, she still took a little bit of insulin here and there, but it was wild. Like her blood sugar is just a virtual flat line the entire time. No issues at all. Yeah, wild.
Scott Benner 10:17
And it's super interesting. And so that. So that first time she's 20 in that you guys are in that age there, like, 2021, 19, right in there. And she's been, you know, like you said, double digit, a one sees staying alive, but not doing well for herself. What do you think changed her? Like, you were there, right? Like, what did you see that flipped the switch?
Speaker 1 10:38
I was not actually there. A lot of it. We have a real we have a wonderfully wild life. She has talked about recently that really it came down to her endocrinologist asking her, Hey, essentially, do you want your child to live? I mean, I'm that's very crude, but hey, if you don't get this under control, that your baby's not going to survive. And that was the light switch. Okay, that changed it all. And now, ever since she's had masterful control of everything, and it's been awesome.
Scott Benner 11:06
Were you at Lollapalooza Robert during this or,
Speaker 1 11:09
Oh, no, I was in Cancun on screen, Britain. I'm just kidding. No, we just, we had a really, really rough, I don't wanna say childhood, because we weren't kids. We were adults. But when we were first together, the first, like, two, two and a half years or so, pretty rough. Even the first couple years of marriage, pretty rough due to a lot of mistakes I made. No, I never cheated on her and never did anything like that. Just said a lot of dumb stuff, and, hell, we can dissect that if you want. I hear that you like to, uh, solve people's problems, but I'm
Scott Benner 11:37
just trying to make a podcast, Robert, if you feel better when it's over. That's a bonus
Speaker 1 11:41
day. There you go. But no all said and done, I missed a lot of when she was pregnant with Bailey. My mom also had stage four cancer at the time advanced, so I was kind of between that and Kelly, and there was a lot going on. But I have
Scott Benner 11:56
to imagine, if you're if you and your girlfriend are pregnant at that age, not on purpose. It probably turns chaotic very quickly after that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I can't imagine. Not like, shower sex was probably the last great thing that happened for a while, for a little bit, yeah, at some point, you pulled your head out of your ass. Is that fair? Yeah, okay, and then you get together. It's not easy, but you you're saying that at some point, like, you got through all that, like, there's a rocky part in the beginning of the marriage, but like, there's a point where you find, like, happiness, and you know how to do it all of a sudden, or not all of a sudden, but eventually, yeah,
Speaker 1 12:32
that was, like, a year and a half ago. We've been married almost 10 years. You just figured it out, not just figured it out, yeah, I
Scott Benner 12:37
started acting like an adult four years ago. Just in case you're wondering, there you go. Are you being serious? Would you characterize her as putting up with you until that point? Yes,
Speaker 1 12:47
absolutely. There is no reason that she should have stayed married to me to this long again. I'm not a bad person. Great husband. All that, just emotionally very
Scott Benner 12:55
dumb. Okay, let's put it that way. What brought you around,
Unknown Speaker 13:01
Kelly, threatening to divorce me. Finally,
Scott Benner 13:04
she's like, You got to figure out how to be an adult, or I'm gonna quickly. Yeah, yep,
Speaker 1 13:08
fix your shit, or I'm out. I said, All right, everything's fixed. Got it.
Scott Benner 13:11
Don't worry about I know what to do now. Is it that simple, Robert? Did you know what to do and you just were like, it's easier to screw around. Or did she need to tell you what it was? Or did you have to go seek out some help somewhere else? Contour, next.com/juicebox that's the link you'll use to find out more about the contour, next gen blood glucose meter. When you get there, there's a little bit at the top. You can click right on blood glucose monitoring. I'll do it with you. Go to meters, click on any of the meters. I'll click on the Next Gen, and you're going to get more information. It's easy to use and highly accurate. Smart light provides a simple understanding of your blood glucose levels, and of course, with Second Chance sampling technology, you can save money with fewer wasted test strips. As if all that wasn't enough, the contour next gen also has a compatible app for an easy way to share and see your blood glucose results. Contour next.com/juicebox and if you scroll down at that link, you're going to see things like a Buy Now button. You could register your meter after you purchase it. Or what is this? Download a coupon, oh, receive a free contour, next gen blood glucose meter. Do tell contour next.com/juicebox head over there. Now get the same accurate and reliable meter that we use. Today's episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, who is making life with diabetes easier with the mini med 780 G system, the MiniMed 780 G automated insulin delivery system, anticipates, adjusts and corrects every five minutes. Real world results show people achieving up to 80% time and range with recommended settings, without increasing lows. But of course, Individual results may vary. The seven. 80 G works around the clock so you can focus on what matters. Have you heard about Medtronic extended infusion set? It's the first and only infusion set labeled for up to a seven day wear. This feature is repeatedly asked for, and Medtronic has delivered. 97% of people using the 780 G reported that they could manage their diabetes without major disruptions of sleep, they felt more free to eat what they wanted, and they felt less stress with fewer alarms and alerts. You can't beat that. Learn more about how you can spend less time and effort managing your diabetes by visiting Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox
Speaker 1 15:39
I've actually sought out help, whether that be personal counseling. We've been seeing a marriage counselor for what, three years, something like that. Now I go to various meetings for various issues, just trying to work on it. Now, in hindsight, to my benefit, she told me years ago what I needed to change and fix, but it just in one ear out the other ear, and it wasn't until that year and a half, two years ago, that she finally nailed it home. What were those things? Oh, let's see. So I guess a little bit more backstory as well. To circle back, we didn't get married until after I joined the army when Bailey was six months old. I was unemployed. I had been fired the day that Bailey was born because I requested time off for my job. It was a whole cluster. And first six months, Kelly basically floated everything, and then I joined the Army just to provide for my daughter. I was gone for almost a year before I saw them again between various trainings and what have you we ended up getting married at a courthouse, unfortunately, before I deployed, and then I was gone another year, and almost a year and a half before I was actually home, and steadily in home for a while. So it was pretty rocky at the start, and now I don't remember
Scott Benner 16:53
what your question was, just what were the things that you had to fix? Oh, that's
Speaker 1 16:57
right. Okay, so all of that being said, over the years, unfortunately, and it got really bad. My second deployment was a pretty bad porn addiction. I'm pretty ashamed to say that, but it was pre bad, okay, I came home from my second deployment and she found, you know, browser history, if you will. That was from, you know, just a couple days of being home, and at that point even said, Hey, that needs to stop now, or I'm out. And I didn't really believe her. To me at that time, it was just kind of a, oh, this is a normal thing, whatever. She's just overreacting. And I didn't really let it sink into what she was saying. And then for about three and a half or so years, three years after that, just I hit it, I hit it, I hit it. And finally she found it one night, and then I lied about it. And it wasn't the porn issue, it was the lying about it. And that's when she said, yeah, you can get out. You need to get fixed. I'm done. I'm not going to deal with this anymore. And the first and only time I've ever begged in my life, I begged her not to go anywhere. She said, You need to find some meetings or something, get some help. Position, it's not going to fly. And so from that day on, I went, started going to SAA, and I just hit one year of being free of that, that nonsense. And awesome. Good for you. Yeah, yeah, turn my life around. Man, it's
Scott Benner 18:16
crazy. I mean, it's might not sound crazy to you, but it feels crazy to me. In the last 30 days, you're now the second guy that's told me this. And when he told me, I was like, Get out of here. And he said, No, it ruined his marriage, and, like, you know, everything else. And I was like, I was like, Oh, okay. I'm like, and I thought to myself, I'll never hear that again. And now here we are. So what does a porn addiction look
Speaker 1 18:37
like? Oh, boy. We're talking two or three times a day of watching content and whatnot, whether I was here at home with family, you know, lock the self in the bathroom, type deal, you know, being at work, using a stall at work, whatever it might be, like, there's it was bad, and I'm ashamed beyond all belief to admit that and even say it. But it's reality. It's what happened.
Scott Benner 18:58
You're not watching it like war and peace. You're watching it, like, functionally, right? Yeah, yeah. Gotcha. You're not like, Oh, I love the plot of this one. Let us settle in and get through I wonder what's going to happen next. There's no way to know. How old are you now? 31
Unknown Speaker 19:14
I just hit 31 in February. Okay, you're
Scott Benner 19:17
a couple of generations removed from me. Like, as far as how we grew up. What's the attraction of digital over live? Because Kelly wasn't telling you you can't be with me, right? No, okay, no. What's the draw?
Speaker 1 19:36
So there's, there's a couple things with it. Firstly, I mean, my wife and I are great now, but when we were younger, truth be told, I'm just a terrible communicator when it comes to personal things, especially on the emotional level. I just recently learned how to do all that stuff, so we never really communicated. Therefore, the sex life was kind of not where both of us wanted it. For example, I was going for a little bit more often, whereas Kelly is you. Pretty content with not very often, and works with me. It's mind blowing either way. And truthfully, the addiction part started really bad during my second deployment. It started with as almost like a sleep therapy, because the schedule that I was on and the routines we had and all that, like it was really tough to get sleep and or fall asleep. And then it kind of just it snowballed over the year that I was deployed, and then after that, for a couple of years, it was pretty
Scott Benner 20:30
bad. By the end, yeah, you were using it like a sleeping pill at first,
Speaker 1 20:33
at first, right? And then it just became routine and everything. And truth be told, and I've told Kelly this too, there was a I was glad that she found it. In the end, though, it almost ruined my marriage, because for about two years, I internally was battling with depression and stuff due to it, because I wanted to break that and I couldn't. And then her saying I'm out was when I say it genuinely just it broke. It was done. Yeah, it shocked to the system, and I was out.
Scott Benner 20:59
So for two years you wanted it to end, but you just couldn't find a way to make it end, correct, right? Wow, does it escalate? Like, this is a question I asked the last person too, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask it to you too. Like, does what it takes for it to work? Like, does the dose need to change? You know what I'm saying? Does your search history get weirder and weirder as time goes on. The brand new twist insulin pump offers peace of mind with unmatched personalization and allows you to target a glucose level as low as 87 there are more reasons why you might be interested in checking out twist, but just in case that one got you twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. You can target glucose levels between 87 and 180 it's completely up to you. In addition to precision insulin delivery that's made possible by twist design, twist also offers you the ability to edit your carb entries even after you've bolused. This gives the twist loop algorithm the best information to make its decisions with, and the twist loop algorithm lives on the pump, so you don't have to stay next to your phone for it to do its job. Twist is coming very soon. So if you'd like to learn more or get on the wait list, go to twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Links in the show notes, links at Juicebox podcast.com.
Speaker 1 22:28
No, luckily, luckily. I was not somebody that had to get into the like rampant, weird, yep, because, hey, some of my soldiers in the past, the things they talk about was just wild. Okay, no, but there were days when it 3045, minutes, just, there's no desire to do it, but, like, it just, it had to be done type thing. Does that make sense? I
Scott Benner 22:48
mean, I'm hearing you, yeah, like, but you could, like, if, if, like, babysitter brunette was your thing. Like, you could handle that the whole time. Like you didn't have to start saying babysitter brunette on a Ferris wheel or be like, that
Speaker 1 22:59
kind of thing. Yeah, I got you pretty much. Okay, short, sweet, to the point, gotcha. Gosh,
Scott Benner 23:03
it's an interesting problem. Do you see a connection between it now that you're free of it, between it and and just regular social media? Does it have the same draw as social media, or is it different because it has the sexual, like, like, the physical touch aspect to it as
Speaker 1 23:17
well? Well, I'm not really a big social media person, okay,
Scott Benner 23:21
so you're not overtaken by Instagram or Tiktok or something like you could do that. You wouldn't, you wouldn't get caught up in it. No, okay, it's more about the the ACT than it is about right, yeah, then the scrolling or being on your phone or something like that. Yeah. Did you ever feel weird handing other people your phone because it was also your sex device?
Speaker 1 23:40
Oh, god, yeah. Anytime that Kelly would be like, Hey, can I see your phone real quick? Immediately? You know, you always see those memes of somebody sweating or whatever. It's like, oh god, what's gonna happen? Did I clear this? Did I clear that? Did I delete this, that? I delete that, whatever it might be. Yeah. Now don't care.
Scott Benner 23:55
Now you're okay. Now, okay, oh yeah. Well, I also was thinking, like, you ever been in a place and you, like, check out and, like, you like reading a code, and like, the person to the register is like, here, just give me it. I'll just read it off there. And you're like, I'm like, I don't know if I wash my hands, like, recently, like, this is my phone. It's filthy. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't think you should be and they just grab it. I'm like, uh, I don't know. Like, anyway, Okay, I'm back. I'm asking a serious crowd. I'm not trying to be funny. Like, I just yeah, like, you know, if you're handing it to her and you're like, Oh, sweetie, listen, don't, don't take the phone. Yeah?
Speaker 1 24:24
I mean, yeah, internally, yes, yeah, I would never say it out loud, because that was a red flag,
Scott Benner 24:29
yeah, yeah. But that was part of it too, though, right? Like, part of the Depression part, I would imagine, correct? Oh, absolutely, that you're hiding things, hiding things, hiding things constantly. Do you think if you would have went to her and said, This is a problem for me, but I don't want to get rid like, imagine you didn't want to get rid of it. Could you say to her, can we incorporate this into our life? Do you think she'd be like, Oh, God, weirdo, get away from me. Or do you think she would have said, if this is something that's important to you, I can talk to
Speaker 1 24:55
you about it now. Yes, that being said, I want nothing to do with it. Still, almost. In my life never it's interesting. And I only say that because there was, at one point, shortly after she found it and told me she was done, that she even said she's like, it wasn't the porn, it was the issue. In fact, I was actually batting around the idea of, like, exploring it together. It's the fact that you lied to me about it, blatantly to my face, and then tried to lie about the lie. That's where the issue was lying at
Scott Benner 25:23
Gotcha. Do you have any other Did you have any other addictions? Do you alcohol, drugs, anything like that?
Speaker 1 25:28
Nothing. Never. I've never drank a day in my life. I've never done any drugs in my life.
Scott Benner 25:33
Nope. Do you think if you were born 20 years sooner, you would have had a pile of magazines somewhere? Or do you think that this is a function of the time.
Speaker 1 25:42
I would say yes, only because my father had a pile of things. In fact, that is partially what ruined his marriage to my mother
Scott Benner 25:49
and you knew about it. Unfortunately, his thing might have almost ruined your thing. Yeah, yeah. And you have boys. I have one boy and two girls. You might have broken a
Speaker 1 26:00
cycle here. I really hope so. And unlike my father and his father, if you will, I will actually talk to my son about, like, Hey, listen up. Man, this will ruin your life. Don't let it.
Scott Benner 26:10
It's interesting. Man, it really is. I mean, the access is, is unprecedented. I mean, for all the good you can do with it, the access there's, I mean, there's obviously the opposite problems this morning, even, like I told you before we started, I'm interviewing tight end from the Chiefs later today. I know what I want to talk to him about. Like, I have a vibe already. I've got some questions that people sent in. I know what I want to do, but I still thought, like, let me get background. And I just opened up. Like, while I was taking out the dogs this morning, I put my headphones in, I opened up chat GPT, and I said, I'm interviewing Noah Gray from the Kansas City Chiefs today, and I want to learn more about him. And then I had a full on conversation with my phone for 10 minutes. It's wild. It is, like, it really is crazy. But you know, for every moment like that, where it's valuable, like, I guess, you know, there can be others, so, okay, a lot of others. Yeah, all right, so you, anyway, you did this. And you, I mean, it's an amazing thing. How many years do you think it took you to, like, get through the process?
Speaker 1 27:06
So that's the thing too. Like, it wasn't really a problem from the years of about, let's say 2017, till 2020, that three, four year time frame, and then it was during the first deployment, and then the years following. So I would say a total of, let's see one. We'll say four years, four years total, where it was really, really
Scott Benner 27:25
bad, and then a year for you to go through, like, treatment for it. Correct, did your insurance cover that? It's all free. Oh, is it awesome? Oh, like, aa, kind of a vibe, yeah, basically, okay, wow, that's great. So, like, a public meeting helped you with it. Correct, I've been
Speaker 1 27:40
going to this meeting for, yeah, like I said, I just hit a year. It's all free. It's it's awesome. Is it in person? It's all over, zoom. Okay, there's people from all over the world to join in. Do
Scott Benner 27:51
you see them? Or are they? They stay private, and you see like somebody leading the meeting.
Speaker 1 27:56
It's your choice. You can choose to have camera on or off. They encourage camera on, just because it gives that more homely feel, I guess, or like, the actual community
Scott Benner 28:05
feel, but you can turn it off if you prefer when you saw other people. Did you think? Like, Was it one of those things where you're like, Wow, I can't believe, like, how shockingly normal everyone is here, like, like, because I would imagine you you kind of worry that you're about to turn on a camera to find out you're part of a very strange group. But then you realize, no, these are just like everybody like me. Yeah, I definitely
Speaker 1 28:27
went in. I mean, the very first meeting, for example, I did not turn on my camera. I said, Hello, and that was it. Was just nervous. Didn't know what to expect in anything. Second and third meeting, same thing. And then finally, the fourth meeting, I actually spoke up, but I anticipated, you know, seeing the, let's see stereotypical, you know, 45 year old male who hasn't left his mother's basement. And, yeah, you know, whatever. And it wasn't, it was just normal people living normal lives, with careers and families and just normal people looking for help.
Scott Benner 28:59
It's really interesting. Oh, okay, well, I'm glad that exists. Where is you in a plug where somebody could go get help for that?
Speaker 1 29:06
It's just sex out as sex addicts, anonymous, so they deal with either like sex addiction and or porn addiction. I don't have a plug. I didn't even think
Scott Benner 29:14
to No, that's fine. Did this help your personal relationship? Like, did it take things to where you wanted it to be, or is it now just a process of building back?
Speaker 1 29:24
Oh, absolutely, which, I mean it. I don't know if we have enough time in the day to to dig all that apart, but yes, I mean, I have never been, and this is going to sound cheesy and cliche, but like, I've never been more in love with Kelly. I've never been more, for lack of a better term, obsessed with my life. I can't take my eyes off of her, where, in the past, she was a shadow in the background. Unfortunately, our marriage has never been better. I'm 100% dedicated to my wife. I even told her the other days I'm like, you know, in the past, Kel I would have said the kids take precedence over you, but you want. 100% take precedence over the kids, not because I love them, but because you're who I'm going to be with for the rest of my life. And eventually, the kids will leave home. These little leave us, yeah, god damn right, yeah, sons of
Scott Benner 30:10
gonna give them all my money and my time and attention, and they'll abandon us at the end, when we're old, we can't walk Exactly. And then they'll say things like, Oh, my dad, he's such a pain, or,
Unknown Speaker 30:23
trust me, I'm waiting. I'm waiting for that day.
Scott Benner 30:25
And she accepted you back like, in her heart, you feel like
Speaker 1 30:29
we're getting there. Yeah, it was not immediate. And she said that, and I said, Hey, you take all the time you need now. I did caveat that with Kelly, if 10 years from now, you're still holding on to this, or you're still like, we got problems.
Scott Benner 30:42
Yeah, the stick when I'm not looking or something. Let's be done. Usually
Speaker 1 30:46
it's a frying pan. But yeah, I joke. Of course, nobody calls CPS
Scott Benner 30:50
on us. Nobody's hitting anyone. Please stop
Speaker 1 30:53
honestly. But yeah, I would say it took a few months, probably six, seven months, before she really would start, or started to open up. At least from my perspective, she may have a completely different viewpoint. And now it's, it's almost fully back, yeah, if not better than ever. What
Scott Benner 31:09
do you know how to do now that you didn't know how to do before?
Unknown Speaker 31:12
Just communicate. That's it. Just communicate. I mean,
Scott Benner 31:16
tell people how you feel, not be worried that you're going to be embarrassed by it or that they're going to judge you. Just say it, let it be there pretty
Speaker 1 31:23
much, which is such a crazy thing, because I I've always been able to do that with other people. But when it comes to my wife, was never the case. Why do you think you know I don't know. I just always, I don't even have a I don't have an explanation, yeah, or a reason, not a thought.
Scott Benner 31:39
Just don't want her to judge you or be disappointed in you, maybe, or I'm trying to go through what might motivate me?
Speaker 1 31:45
Yeah. I mean, I can say you just always had that thought of like, you need to be the perfect husband, if that makes sense, or like the perfect man and like, I can't show her my flaws. She'll see how flawed I actually am, and that will cause her to to want to go find better, which, in hindsight, is absolutely ridiculous, not because she can't find better, definitely can. And I tell her that, yeah, but like that, that vulnerability is, is what now has helped us build that, that relationship even
Scott Benner 32:12
higher, and you feel like she appreciates it absolutely. She give it back to you, yeah, yeah. Okay, what have you learned about her diabetes in the last year that you didn't know before. And I'm assuming you've got more mental space now to pay attention like, so is it a thing that you you picked up more about or
Speaker 1 32:30
absolutely like, I've picked up more on hers how to properly now, not in depth as much as how her her algorithm works on her pump, or anything like that. I did have to says, Take this Kelly, when you listen, I had to use a glooguone on her a few months back, and she's never actually had to use one. So I have a W that she doesn't.
Scott Benner 32:49
I was like, see, not everyone's perfect. On the other side, somebody had a seizure.
Unknown Speaker 32:54
I have saved your life. You're welcome.
Scott Benner 32:58
It's tough to be a boy. It happened right there, like, in the house, like,
Speaker 1 33:03
yeah, that whole thing. So she woke up, wasn't feeling well. She was kind of down and out. And it was about a day and a half that she just was she we were battling her lows. Could not keep it up. She couldn't keep anything down. And then one night, it was, like, 530 ish in the evening. Finally, I just decided, like, you know what, we're going to try to open this up and just see what happens, because I can't keep her up. She can't stay conscious more than a couple of minutes. Wow. And then it was, like a week before she fully recovered, but now she's she's good to go. Was
Scott Benner 33:31
she sick? She have an illness?
Speaker 1 33:33
Yeah. I don't know if it was just the flu or a cold or what happened, but she started, she wasn't feeling well, like I said. She kind of just the sweats and the shakes and the chills, and then she started throwing up, and then it just kind of didn't stop. Therefore, we couldn't keep the sugar in her system and all the food, and it just, it was
Scott Benner 33:50
a spiral. It was you, you said, I think we should try glucagon. Yeah.
Speaker 1 33:54
And she'll laugh about this if and when she listens to it, because in the moment, trying to handle three kids, two dogs, all the stuff and her and, like, just manage it like an idiot. She's virtually unresponsive. And I asked her, like, Hey, do you think we should use a glucagon? And as soon as it left my mouth, I was like, you dumb ass, just go get it and do
Scott Benner 34:12
it. Why am I still asking her opinion? She's unconscious? I want to say something that for anyone listening who's not married, is what it feels like to be married when you're a boy, honey, what do you think? I don't want to be wrong, is all I'm saying.
Unknown Speaker 34:28
Honestly, I know there's an answer.
Scott Benner 34:29
So the emergent nature of it allows you to just take the leap,
Speaker 1 34:34
yeah, basically, which, in hindsight, I also should have called 911, but like I said, I was trying to do dinner. Take care of the kids, take care of her. And I did not inevitably call 911, and I should have, I just managed it here at home. And as soon as she started to come back round, she also then started to help me manage her.
Scott Benner 34:51
But was she seizing, or was she just not like No, no,
Speaker 1 34:56
to my knowledge, at least since we've been together, she's never had a seizure. She just passes out and or loses all functionality. That being said, Yeah, I don't think she's ever, ever had a seizure, to my knowledge. Yeah.
Scott Benner 35:08
Can I ask you a weird question? Do you think her desire was to leave you and that you stopped her, or do you think her desire was to get you to stop because she didn't want you guys to break up? I
Speaker 1 35:19
think it's a mixture of both. Like I said, there's a lot of past that also built up to that moment. I mean, hell, a week ago, she just threatened divorce with me. Did you think she meant it? Yeah, I would say so in the moment, but then, you know, the next day, I don't think so. I think she was just pissed off about a couple of things that that had happened. Luckily, nothing to do with me personally, but just frustration overall, I think. So, yeah, so, I mean, in short, we had to get our floor replaced, and one of my good friends did it for us. He's very handy with that kind of stuff, but he didn't listen to her, and he stood up. And so now we're dealing with that,
Scott Benner 35:54
and she's divorcing you because of that, yeah, because I refuse to
Speaker 1 35:58
demand the money back type thing. And it's like, I'm trying to work with him on it, but it's kind of just, it's going to cost us more to fix that error than what a long story can I play
Scott Benner 36:06
devil's advocate here? Is it possible that she feels like she now knows how to get you to do stuff? Who knows? Probably you put your phone down when she said it the last time. So she was probably like, hey, this works. I wonder if I can get my money back for the floor.
Speaker 1 36:19
You're going to get me in trouble. But, yeah, that thought has been, that thoughts been there, not not per se, just to get the money back, but the maybe I can make him do something he doesn't want to. But
Scott Benner 36:29
you're making, you're making me think that, like, six months from now, it's going to be like, I can't believe you didn't weed whack after you cut the grass. I'm going to divorce if you don't get out there and weed whack. Yeah, at that point, bye, get out. No, that's, that's when you'll go, Oh, I didn't understand. This is not a real thing anymore. I got you, she's just, she's working me now, yeah, yeah, no, no, that's something
Speaker 1 36:47
to circle good. Yes, good. I was just gonna say to circle back. But hey, if you got another question, go ahead. No, no. Circle back all of that. Say free headspace, being more committed and more focused on Kelly and like just the marriage and everything, I definitely have learned more with her. And now that our son is officially and he's using the Moby, I am learning all of that as well. And now I'm gathering more of an understanding of how to operate his and handle his which hopefully translates to hers in the coming years, a little bit more efficiently than Yeah, you know my crude knowledge now,
Scott Benner 37:18
can I just say tandem diabetes.com/juicebox Thank you. Sorry, I gotta get the plugs in where I can. Oh, yeah. How do you like the Moby for him?
Speaker 1 37:28
Uh, it's awesome, especially since he's five and doesn't stop moving, even in his sleep half the time, I swear. Yeah, being so small and compact, and we have this little fanny pack for him, and he loves it. He tries to help us change his sights all the time, and anytime we're, you know, giving him a Bolus or anything, or messing with his algorithm, he's on his phone trying to help us do it and learn it and understand it, even at five years old. So nice. A good friend. He's a champ.
Scott Benner 37:53
How did he take being well, I guess. How did you take his diagnosis? Because now you, I mean, you've lived with Kelly for a long time, like, Yeah, you didn't deep understand it, but you still know how serious it is. So when it happens to your son, how does it strike you? So
Speaker 1 38:07
her and I have actually talked about this, that both of us had the same reaction of like, Oh God no, please no. Type deal, because Kelly has and I mean, wealth of us have lived through Kelly and the crap she's gone through. Yeah, that being said, I am beyond grateful that my wife has been dealing with it for two plus decades, because her knowledge base is about the same as yours respectively. So yeah, she's able to help his it has made the transition very smooth. I couldn't even imagine being a parent with a child and not knowing anything about type one, and all of a sudden being slapped in the face with
Scott Benner 38:43
it. Yeah. I mean, listen, you didn't know how to be a person. And look where that got to you exactly. If you could go back to your parents, what would you tell them? They should have told you, oh, all
Speaker 1 38:55
the words I would, if it was me now, I would smack both of them upside the head and have a lot of very mean, vicious words with my parents, but,
Scott Benner 39:04
but once you got after the anger, what would you tell them? Like, hey, look, we're gonna I'm gonna push a reset button and I'm gonna go be eight again, and here's what you need to do.
Speaker 1 39:13
How about you teach your children how to communicate with everybody, let alone people that are important to them, and not just fight, scream, hit each other and get each other
Scott Benner 39:21
arrested. That's what you grew up in. Yeah, yeah. Mostly, that sucks, man. It really is terrible. I'm sorry you don't have a lot of chance to break away from a start like that. It's not, no, I, and I will say, like, not, not an actual plug,
Speaker 1 39:38
but a plug for my family. Like, I have a really, really really big family, lots of aunts and uncles and cousins, and they did help. But yeah, I mean, my dad ended up in jail, I think twice, for hitting my mom, but my mom also was a piece of an egg. Came on. Love you,
Scott Benner 39:51
Mom. Hope Heaven is great. My God, is she not here?
Speaker 1 39:56
No, she died years ago. Oh how cancer she had stretch forward, man. Kidney Cancer. Initially, they gave her six months, and she lived for four years. So she fought like hell. I do respect my mother, but also, in hindsight, she played a lot of the BS games when it comes to divorce and custody and stuff that, in hindsight, ruined any chance of a relationship with our Father, my brothers and I. So,
Scott Benner 40:17
yeah, there's a man that's a lot to deal with. You've seen or been through emotional abuse, physical abuse, a parent incarcerated, any mental illness? Do you think
Speaker 1 40:27
I'm sure it's there in hindsight, never officially diagnosed?
Scott Benner 40:31
Yeah, you're already halfway into the category of those aces, you know, that list that pretty much proves out that you're gonna have trouble as an adult. Good to see that that holds up. Yeah, it's interesting, right? Like, if you could go back and fix that with all them, do you think you would? Because I also think then you wouldn't be in a shower at 19 getting a girl pregnant,
Speaker 1 40:52
truth be told, in reality, no, because, though it has been really rough, I mean, I lived more life by the age of, like, 15 than a lot of people. I'm not going to say most. I've heard some of your episodes, but the a lot like, I had a lot of death and a lot of loss and a lot of just emotional trauma by the age of 1415, yeah, that most don't hit until they're like, 40 or 50, but in hindsight, I mean, it made me who I am today. So as cliche as that may sound, yeah, I would love to change some of my mistakes, but it's gotten me where I'm at. I'm doing pretty well.
Scott Benner 41:27
I told a story to Arden last night from my, like, my late teens, and I realized, like, this is too far generationally, like, removed, like, it sounds insane to her and and I was like, but that was, like, nobody thought that was even weird when it happened, when it happened. Yeah, it's interesting how, how things morph over time. I heard you say something earlier that, like, it sounds like you listen to the podcast too. Yes, I tried to, but you listened to it, just to try to understand what Kelly's listening
Speaker 1 41:59
to initially. Yes, again. When she found your podcast a few years back, I was still in just the bad place of not really listening to my wife and just being, yeah, being a mess. But after listening to a few episodes and trying to just check that box of like, Oh, she suggested I listen to it. I just listen to a few. Say, you listen to it, whatever carry on, it actually ended up being very interesting, and little did I know was going to be so helpful, because now Madden is a diabetic. Yeah, your head now I've been crushing, or had crushed the pro tips, I will say bold beginnings was nice, but also, having been with Kelly for so long, and kind of having that I did not listen to all the bold beginnings, you're probably past it already, exactly, yeah, but the Pro Tip series, I think I've listened to it twice already and still about to start a third time just to pick up what I missed.
Scott Benner 42:49
It helps, right? Every time, like you feel like you add a little something to it. Yeah, you're building blocks slowly.
Speaker 1 42:54
And it's funny too, because I'm somebody, I got to listen to and or do something multiple times to truly understand it. And Kelly, at first, was getting frustrated. She's like, wait, you only listen to two episodes? I'm like, Yes, but I've listened to it two or three times now. But I really, I get the two episodes I've listened to sank in now.
Scott Benner 43:10
Yeah, exactly. I can move forward. Yeah, listen. I'm doing my best. I'm a boy. I don't know if you remember all of our history, but I'm trying exactly. I honestly had a thought recently where I thought, like, I think I'm gonna go re listen to it like, and I haven't heard it in a long time, which is weird, because I intersect with it every like, hour. I'm always like, you know, leaving lists for people, or like, Hey, you should try this. Or, you know, maybe give this one a try. But I think, like, I should go back and listen to it again. It's been a little while now, so
Speaker 1 43:43
might as well. I mean, what? You got lots of free time on your hands? Oh, I'm just sitting
Scott Benner 43:47
around staring So, yeah, exactly. No, come on. I'll do it in my ear, you know, while I'm while I'm doing something else, I just think that it's important, because I think it's possible I'll hear things and think, oh, I should have said that differently. Or maybe there's a different way to to, you know, approach this in the in the future. So, I
Speaker 1 44:04
mean, I've heard you say that on episodes before, like, oh yeah, I talked about this one thing, you know what? I should have done it like this, and then a couple episodes later, I'm going to phrase it this way, and you fix that.
Scott Benner 44:13
I'm trying, I'm trying to grow so your other two kids are you now, like, worried that they might get type one?
Speaker 1 44:20
No, I can comfortably say no. I don't know why. It's just a gut feeling that being said. We do get them checked every What is it two years? I think they check for antibodies, or every once a year, or something like that, okay, just just to monitor it, right and see,
Scott Benner 44:35
is there any autoimmune in your family on your side?
Speaker 1 44:37
Not to my knowledge, but that is stuff that was never discussed growing up. Nobody's
Scott Benner 44:42
gonna tell you if they had Hashimotos or celiac or something like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1 44:45
that's, that's not how, how it works in my family. Yeah, arthritis
Scott Benner 44:49
even, that's the thing you might see. Did you see any?
Speaker 1 44:53
Yeah, my mom had that more. So she said, granted, it turned out my mom was a pill popping addict at the end. So sorry about. But hey, like, I said it's life, but
Scott Benner 45:03
you said you don't drink or do drugs. Like, do you think that's because of, like, watching, are you having like, an adverse reaction to your mom? Like, saying, No, I'm not going to
Speaker 1 45:14
do that. No, because I didn't realize my mom was a drug addict until much older, like, she had already passed away, and then it was, like two years after that, that it just clicked one day, really, it started with the alcohol. So like I said, I come from a very large family. I was always selected as the DD, but also I have a lot of raging alcoholics in my family. And so anytime it was, like a family barbecue, or whatever it would be, I would just see the hot mess that everybody was, and just think to myself, from a young age, like, I don't want to do that. Yeah? I'm not looking for this. Yeah, I'm no, no thanks. And then drugs kind of just, you know, how I went, Hey, drugs are bad. Don't do drugs. And then as I grew older, I just realized it wasn't my style, yeah,
Scott Benner 45:56
yeah, no, I hear that's all. I'm glad for you. That's a listen. That's a it's a big possible burden that a lot of people deal with. It you don't have to. So imagine the one addiction with
Speaker 1 46:06
another one. Yeah. Oh, compounding addictions, yeah,
Scott Benner 46:10
would have been not great. Let me kind of throw it back to you for a second. So you did me. You did me a solid like I was looking for some extra recordings, and you're you jumped right in, which is awesome. I appreciate it. But when you did that, what was your intention? Like, I mean, there's no world where you were like, You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go on a podcast about diabetes that my wife listens to and tell them about my porn addiction. Like that wasn't in your head, right?
Speaker 1 46:33
No, I came into this with a clean slate. I even asked Kelly last night. I was like, hmm, should I vaguely attempt to have like, bullet points to talk about? She's like, Nah, you're much better on the fly. Just go with the flow of the conversation. So that's what we're doing. Yeah? She's
Scott Benner 46:46
like, don't plan I yeah,
Unknown Speaker 46:50
do not plan anything. It will be an absolute mess.
Scott Benner 46:52
Oh, that's awesome. So what do you think moving forward looks like for you guys? Like, not, not with your relationship stuff. I hope well for you there. Like, I feel like, you know we've talked that through. But like, diabetes wise, do you see yourself being involved with her more? No. Do you see yourself having an involvement with your son? Like, what do you expect is going to be like to raise a kid for the next 10 or 15 years with type one? What are you thinking is is going to be your responsibility?
Speaker 1 47:21
So we've actually talked about that. We actually just talked about a few days ago. She
Scott Benner 47:24
got you talking about everything now, Robert, Hey, I
Speaker 1 47:27
can't shut up. I never shut up. I'm always talking good the where was I going to go? Thanks, Scott. So I had asked her, you know, I I'm still going to, I don't want to say be hands off with hers, because I'm still going to understand and build an understanding and develop all of that, but I'm not going to be somebody who is micromanaging hers, for example, because she is a grown ass woman and can make her own damn choices. That being said, I did bring it to her attention that I am going to try to learn enough and have a comfortable enough base to manage maddens so therefore it is not a burden on her shoulders or that she doesn't feel like she has to be the one to do it. Because we've actually talked about, I have brought it up to her in the past, like, Hey, you are very knowledgeable. Why don't you go back to school and be somebody who helps, you know, manage other type ones, and just not be a doctor, per se, but you can maybe a nurse or somebody that helps do that. And she talked about that. She's had friends that have done that, and the burnout is just too much trying to manage your own and also everybody else's. And so I applied that to even our son. That I'm not saying you won't do a good job, Kelly, you're gonna do a great job, but also I don't want you to feel like you have to be the one to do it, and that you can feel comfortable enough, and she does that to pass it to you, yeah, that you know that I'm just, I'm going to be there and I'm going to be able to do it, and it's not required by you.
Scott Benner 48:51
So out of concern for her, like you don't, you don't want her to burn out, because I imagine your expectation would be, is that she'll then focus on your son and then not take care of herself,
Speaker 1 49:02
which has already kind of happened, not to the extent of, like, you know, emergency calls or anything like that, but her numbers went from a really steady line to pretty all over the place, just because her focus has been on Madden's and, you know, bolusing for his meals and not doing it for hers until she's already started eating or done With the meal and then doing it. It's yeah, trying to alleviate that as much as
Scott Benner 49:23
possible. I feel like I remember her saying that when I when I spoke to her, and well, that's really thoughtful of you, man. I try. Yeah, no, no, I listen. I think it's obvious from our conversation that you've been trying the whole time, even though you didn't know how to try for a while now you do. You're making a lot of good decisions, from what I'm hearing. So So you figure if you can be as good at it as she could have been, then either, what do you think? You think that his diabetes becomes your thing and she does hers, or you just think you split it up more like, I don't know what you're working like. You out of the house during the day, or where are people?
Speaker 1 50:02
So don't let me forget that point. You just asked the question. So it's funny, with me being in the Army for the moment, I actually live in Texas, and they still live in Florida. Oh, it's a, it's a whole thing. I'm at, I'm here in Florida until Tuesday, and then I fly back to Texas, and I don't know when I'll
Scott Benner 50:18
be coming back. I didn't realize you were still in Oh, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1 50:21
I'm actually so I guess to summarize that I may not be here soon. I'm supposed to have back surgery on May 8, artificial disc replacement. Oh, they might discharge you. So I may get medically discharged. I may not. We have to figure it out, but it's a lot in the air limbo. What would you do for work if you got discharged? I don't know. Whatever job isn't higher.
Scott Benner 50:41
What do you do in the army? Why are you laughing?
Speaker 1 50:47
Because I get this a lot, and it's hard. It's not hard to explain, but my brain then goes hyper focused. So I do art, air defense, artillery. In short, I sit in a box with computers and would operate in a live situation, radars and interceptors. I work on the biggest system that the Army has to offer. Currently, it would focus more on like ICBMs or nuclear bomb type things, or really, really long range missiles. If somebody was to shoot one of those, I would be the person who would try to intercept it. In short, no kidding,
Scott Benner 51:18
yeah. Well, I mean, I hope you have a lot of luck. I hope you're good at it. How do you know if you're good at it?
Unknown Speaker 51:24
I'm still alive. You
Scott Benner 51:28
have not actually intercepted an ICBM missile, though, right?
Unknown Speaker 51:31
No, no. And if I had, I wouldn't be able to tell you about it. Yeah, no,
Scott Benner 51:35
I would imagine, obviously. But my point is, like, I feel like that would have got out. What do you it's all like, like, simulation training and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 51:43
Pretty much we do live fires for just testing capabilities, but never actual live scenario, obviously, like you just said, but yeah, just simulation training. I think I'm pretty good. I always get good scores, if you will, on evaluations. But
Scott Benner 51:57
I want you, I know I want you to be good at it. That's, yeah. Do you know this is like a complete left turn, but since you brought this up, do you know any guys that fly drones? I'm beginning to hear that it's as hard on them as people who actually hold a gun and point it at somebody.
Speaker 1 52:11
I do, actually, I know a couple of them, and it is very difficult for some. There is a, I mean, I'm not a doctor, so somebody goes and Googles it. Don't leave Scott a bad review for my lack of knowledge. Thank you. But there, there is a, I don't wanna say special, but like, a different kind of PTSD. I've known that it's developed in some drone pilots, I know, whereas you know, you're looking at basically a video game screen, for like, a better term, and just watching people and things disappear. Yeah, to not put it too crude, it can be. It can be a challenge. I would
Scott Benner 52:44
imagine. I don't see how that would have a different impact on you than literally standing in front of somebody and taking their life with with a gun or your hands or something like that. So, man, yeah, that that's something else. But you think you could still do that, like after the surgery, though, right?
Speaker 1 52:58
Technically, no, because there's a lot that goes into it in terms of setting up the equipment and a lot of like, heavy lifting you have to do and all that. And I will have those restrictions. Oh gosh, for example, like, as soon as I moved to Texas, they took me out of my primary job and put me in operations. So now all I do is sit at a desk in a computer and work with my bosses on operating things. I know that's very vague. Yeah, no, I
Scott Benner 53:22
understand what you mean, though. So is it your goal to get back to the the box you sit in? Or no, no, you don't think it's going to happen.
Speaker 1 53:29
No, that's being said. Okay, so this, this might get some people going. I love the army. The army has provided us so many opportunities. I would be living in the POS little farm town I grew up in the same dead end job everybody else has. If I didn't join the army, that being said, I'm also done with the army. Okay? It has broken my body and my mind almost beyond repair. It has almost ruined my marriage multiple times. It has made it to like, I can't even play with my kids right now because my back is messed up. And that is, for example, this. This almost made me cry the other day, my middle child, Amelia, whispered something in the back of the car when we were driving home. Actually, it was while you were recording with Kelly, and Bailey yelled at her, my oldest and I said, what happened? And Bailey goes, Amelia said, you just use your back as an excuse that it hurts so you don't have to play with us and that that broke my heart, yeah? Because for years, like, I mean, I've just kind of put up with it, and now it's to the point
Scott Benner 54:26
it's, it's a pro, it's a real problem. You want to get it fixed and move on and get get your life going in the private sector somehow.
Speaker 1 54:32
Yeah? I mean, we're my kid. My oldest is 10, and she's moved like, four times, four times, and it's really hard on them. They've expressed they want me to get out. They're tired of moving and making new friends, and they're all young. Yeah, it's time. Yeah,
Scott Benner 54:48
okay, well, I hope the procedure goes easily and that you're you're back at it, is it
Unknown Speaker 54:52
lower back? Yeah, it's l5, s1,
Scott Benner 54:56
it's just completely deteriorated. Yeah, there's nuts. And left of it, I almost said something real hippie dippie too, but I'm literally feel free. I'm gonna be judged by the people listening. But not that I don't think there's something wrong with your back, but I would implore you to read a book by John Sarno called Healing back pain before you have surgery. Okay, that's all healing back pain. Yeah, all right, John Sarno, I don't say that. You know, it can't fix a physical problem with you, but in my experience, can help you think about your pain in a way that might be valuable. That's fair. Yeah. So anyway, for anybody out there, actually, though he's got a book called, I think, mind body connection, that I found very valuable in my life, not a cult or anything like that.
Unknown Speaker 55:40
Hey, what if it is I'm in
Scott Benner 55:42
if it works, like, what do I care? Yeah, Tom Cruise seems happy. Hey, exactly, although I don't think his kids talk to him, but I don't know. I only know what I read. Listen for a short guy, he's done really well. I don't have a lot where I need to feel bad for Tom Cruise, I don't think nope, nor you. Have you ever been in an active war zone,
Speaker 1 56:01
with bullets flying, no, with artillery shells falling, yes.
Scott Benner 56:05
So you've been you've been like, what do they call it like in theater, doing your job?
Unknown Speaker 56:09
Yes, twice. Wow, only twice still
Scott Benner 56:13
seems like a lot, but impactful in a way that's hard to put into words, like a thing that stays with you forever. Or is it more because it's so, like, computerized, is it more removed? Now, you wouldn't know, because, I mean, it's not like you were an EOG or anything like that, but, like, yeah, right,
Speaker 1 56:30
yeah, nothing like that. And so my second tour was over in Israel, right before everything popped off. And over there, there's always rockets flying. And that was, I remember the first time being over there, and shells started falling, and I perked up, like, what is happening? And everybody else was just like, still doing their work, yeah, didn't even phase them. And it occurred to me, You know what? Just ignore it. If it's your time, it's your time. And that's just kind of the approach you take. You can't panic, you can't freak out. Hey, if one happens to find me today, one, Kelly gets a fat paycheck. Two, she gets to find somebody better. And three, I don't have to be here no more. So
Scott Benner 57:06
here we go. My back's gonna stop hurting. The kids are gonna have money Exactly. And but I love your I honestly, I love the way of thinking about that, that, like, if it finds me, it finds me, is worries a waste of imagination. Like, if you're there, you're there, like, so it's either gonna happen or it's not, pretty much. Yep, and you're saying that the people there are so accustomed to it, like in that entire region, that they don't even move when it happens,
Speaker 1 57:32
pretty much. I mean, they'll get off the street, get inside, but otherwise it's and granted. Again, this is before everything kicked off. Yeah. And over there, this was 2020, to 2021, when it was standard, if you will. Yeah, now, obviously it's completely different, but yeah, I mean, hey, get off the street, get inside the store. Maybe hunker down. Those of us that were at work at our Pat site, just keep working. Don't you don't even have to go to the bunkers or anything, because they're not going to do anything to stop it. So might as well be productive.
Scott Benner 57:59
Yeah, and then, and then just, you wait a little bit, and then just back, like, back at it. People duck into stores, and then it stops, and they keep going pretty much, wow. That points to a perspective that obviously we don't have here for sure, correct? Yeah, if that happened here, we would, it would shut it would shut you off for, you know, for a very long time, interesting. Yes, it's very interesting. Well, I appreciate, you know, I don't want to say something like, trite, like, thanks for your service, but I appreciate what you're doing, and I hope you you're able to, like, break free of the pain and and get your life going in a different direction. Do you have any idea what you'd like to like, it's because you have, like, that small town vibe. You're like, I'll just get a job. But like, I mean, do your skills translate to something
Speaker 1 58:38
kind of, it's very niche thing. It's pretty much just defense contracting. And truth be told, I actually tried to get out of the army last year write out my contract. I was done with it. I sent out over 500 applications over nine months, and I had three job interviews and one job offer that took me overseas for 16 months, and I considered that one, but then health insurance was going to be an issue, especially with two type ones in our house, kind of need good
Scott Benner 59:03
insurance, so you stayed in for another year to try again. I actually signed for four years.
Speaker 1 59:08
And it's funny, because my back wasn't even really the issue. And as soon as I moved to Texas, my Army doctor looked at it the first time I ever met him. I might offend you, I might not, but you're worthless to me. I said, Yeah, that's true, because of your back, because of the back, and then immediately he was like, yeah, there's nothing we can do. You've been managing this for almost a decade. The only thing left is surgery to try to fix it, and that may not even work, so we'll give it a shot. And that's how we ended up here. And it's pain, right? Pains the issue? Yeah. I mean, just a couple days ago, I couldn't feel my legs, they were completely numb. From waist down, I could still walk, which was weird, but it was more of a foot drag than a walk. Wow, it's just something different. Every day.
Scott Benner 59:50
I'm sorry. No back. Back pain is terrible. I know I genuinely think you should check out the book that I told you that that doctors I think he's paying. Yes now, but like I said, John Sarno, like, look into his books and see if you find one that kind of speaks to you. It's there's some of them are shorter. I think they're very worth reading, and it might be helpful for I'll do that. Absolutely awesome. We I know I'm gonna say, if Is there anything we haven't talked about, but you didn't really come on here to talk about anything. So for a guy who didn't have a plan, you talked about a lot. I just
Speaker 1 1:00:22
want to say that's true. No, I mean, like I said earlier, I didn't really come with a plan. I was hoping to learn something potentially. But again, I'm not want to ask
Scott Benner 1:00:31
questions about something like, I'm, I'm, I'm here. Really, no, awesome.
Speaker 1 1:00:35
Okay, well, I'm sure there will be, and, you know what, a day or two from now, I might think, Oh, damn, I should ask about this, yeah, yeah. But initially it was just maybe he'll say a little nugget of knowledge or two that I didn't
Scott Benner 1:00:46
think about dude I might have if you didn't lead with porn addiction. But like, I mean, sorry you asked you put it into, what you put into a place I couldn't leave. Like, what was I supposed to do? I have so many questions still, but I, you know, out of deference to your situation and your new position in life, I and the fact that this is a diabetes podcast, I'm not gonna ask.
Speaker 1 1:01:09
I know, believe me, like 10 minutes ago to cross my mind, like, Dude, we have not talked about diabetes or anything at all.
Scott Benner 1:01:14
Well, no, what? Listen. You might think that, but what I think we talked about is you're not the only dad with a problem who has a kid with diabetes, and Kelly's not the only lady married to you. Do you know what I mean? Big picture, it's a really valuable story, because the thing you brought up, man is super serious. It wasn't easy to get rid of it. It plagued you for a long time. It caused you a significant problem, personally, emotionally, with your marriage on top of all that, like, well, you came from a tough family, right? And you're doing a lot better. And to me, I think these people listening need to hear somebody who maybe went through something more difficult than the thing they're going through, and came out the other side of it, and otherwise, hopefully, just everybody heard talk to each other, because that's what I I'm hoping came out of this, is that people understand that if you're not talking to each other, this isn't going to work out facts. Yeah, yeah. So we talked about a lot, and it'll help people with their diabetes plenty. Don't you worry. Seriously, that's fair. I appreciate it very much. Of course. Can you hold on one second for me? Yes, sir. Thank you. Excellent.
Thanks for tuning in today, and thanks to Medtronic diabetes for sponsoring this episode. We've been talking about Medtronic mini med 780 G system today, an automated insulin delivery system that helps make diabetes management easier day and night, whether it's their meal detection technology or the Medtronic extended infusion set, it all comes together to simplify life with diabetes. Go find out more at my link, Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox the episode you just enjoyed was sponsored by the twist a ID system powered by tide pool. If you want a commercially available insulin pump with twist loop that offers unmatched personalization and precision or peace of mind. You want twist, twist.com/juicebox, I'd like to thank the blood glucose meter that my daughter carries. The contour next gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at contour next.com/juicebox and don't forget, you may be paying more through your insurance right now for the meter you have then you would pay for the contour next gen in cash. There are links in the show notes of the audio app you're listening in right now and links at Juicebox podcast.com. To contour and all of the sponsors. I can't thank you enough for listening. Please make sure you're subscribed or following in your audio app. I'll be back tomorrow with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. You stories.
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