#1540 I'm Sorry Eh

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Amy reflects on resilience, loss, and living with type 1 diabetes, one hand, and now celiac disease.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Welcome back friends to another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.

Amy 0:14
Hi everybody. I'm Amy. I'm 32 years old as of very recently, I was diagnosed with type one diabetes when I was five, and I'm going to give you a little highlight reel I was born with one hand

Scott Benner 0:26
if you're living with type one diabetes, the after dark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about, from drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction and so much more. Go to Juicebox podcast.com. Up in the menu and click on after dark there, you'll see a full list of all of the after dark episodes. Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan or becoming bold with insulin. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the twist a ID system powered by tide pool that features the twist loop algorithm, which you can target to a glucose level as low as 87 Learn more at twist.com/juicebox, that's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Get precision insulin delivery with a target range that you choose at twist.com/juicebox, that's t, w, i, i s, t.com/juice. Box. Today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. This is the meter that my daughter has on her person right now. It is incredibly accurate and waiting for you at contour next.com/juicebox this episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by us med. Us med.com/juicebox, or call 888-721-1514, US med is where my daughter gets her diabetes supplies from. And you could too use the link or number to get your free benefits check and get started today with us. Met.

Amy 2:21
Hi everybody. I'm Amy. I'm 32 years old as of very recently, I am from Canada, currently living in the US. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes when I was five, and I thought that it would be interesting to talk to you Scott today, because I have a couple things going on in my life that once I stopped to think about it, I realized were kind of strange about me. So I was I'm going to give you a little highlight reel. I was born with one hand, diagnosed with type one diabetes when I was five. My mom was my primary caregiver, and she passed away when I was 10, very unexpectedly. And then I recently in life, was diagnosed with celiac disease, and I have a lot of autoimmunity in my family, and, yeah, I have started managing diabetes, obviously, by myself, since I was 10, and I've ended up here today, and I also went to grad school, and can talk about that. I have I work in genetics, so I thought you might be interested in

Scott Benner 3:15
things like that. Amy, you felt like a little list in your head about things you're going to talk about. I do. Yeah, so you stole my thunder, because before we started recording, I said, I never know what I'm going to say to a person after they introduce themselves, but I know what I'm going to say to you, and what I was going to say is, holy hell, Amy, your note is short, but it is very, very distinctly different than any other one I've ever gotten. Your note basically says I was born with one hand, and my parent, who helped me with diabetes, died when I was a child. And I was like, whoa, okay. Like, that'll give us something to talk about. Yeah, wow. Oh, well, tell me a little bit. First about about your diagnosis. You were, what, five? I

Amy 3:57
was five. Yeah, I don't really remember it. My dad has described it as, like, my parents knew that something was going on because my personality sometimes suddenly changed. I used to be a really nice, sweet kid. I was afraid to talk to anybody, and then, kind of out of the blue, I started acting mean and like he honestly said, like, out of nowhere as a little

Scott Benner 4:17
five year old, how old were you when he told you that

Amy 4:21
I Oh, I was, like, in my 20s, and they were thinking, like, I had a personality disorder or something, they were going to seek psychiatric help, and then at a routine, kind of apparent appointment for my health care, the doctor suggested getting some blood work done, and I was diagnosed. So do you

Scott Benner 4:38
have any brothers or sisters? Have a younger brother and you're Canadian, yes. So you know, what's gonna be interesting here is that at some point I'm going to very like, thoughtfully, say to you, hey, you know, am I using the right colloquial terms for your hand and everything, but at the same time, I'm going to say stuff that it's not going to feel like I care, but that's not going to be the case.

Amy 4:59
That's fine. I have heard it all pretty much by this point. So go

Scott Benner 5:03
for it. My thought was, have you ever imagined your mom and dad in a room with the door closed going, Oh, good, the one with one hand is bipolar? Yes,

Amy 5:14
I have it's

Scott Benner 5:15
going, great, sweetheart.

Amy 5:18
Like, why her? She already has something to deal with. Yeah, no

Scott Benner 5:21
kidding. Oh, so your personality was that off that in his description? Yeah. I mean, they take you what like to like a frozen hut somewhere, and a witch doctor helps you. And then, exactly, exactly, yeah, what province? Alberta, Alberta, okay, is that? Go ahead, I'm so impressed that you didn't say province. I can't do the same joke over and over again. You know what? Sometimes I look up or like a dinner function, and I start talking, and I can see on my wife's face, she knows what I'm gonna say, and I'm like, Oh, I gotta, I gotta rework that line. Also, you live here now, or you're here, yeah, so you're not really Canadian. You bugged out Exactly, yep. Have you been here long enough that you're mad at us or mad at Canada right now?

Amy 6:04
Oh, it's a toss up. It depends on the day. Yeah, it really does. And I've only been here a few months, so I think it's still kind of

Scott Benner 6:10
undecided. Oh, okay, awesome. Yeah, well, maybe we'll see you protesting at a car dealership soon. My question was going to be, is your province the one that starts with like, regular and mph or no.

Amy 6:20
So I don't really remember, and because my mom was my primary caregiver, and my dad has a terrible memory, like I have very little information about when I was diagnosed, what treatment was like. I remember that we had a cloudy and a clear insulin. I don't remember before that. It might have been regular and then pH, but it was pretty old school.

Scott Benner 6:37
That's fine if you don't know. I was just wondering, what's your first memory of how you managed yourself. I

Amy 6:42
really wanted to be able to manage myself, and so I remember taking shots. I think I wanted to be able to go to my grandma's house without worrying about diabetes, and she had to be able to give me insulin, so I forced her to learn how to give me insulin, and she really didn't like to give me shots, so that was a big deal. And I wanted to be able to go to school and not have to go to the nurse's office at lunch. I hated doing that, so I wanted to be able to prick my finger take my insulin. And I did start doing that really young, like maybe grade five.

Scott Benner 7:12
Oh, wow. And that was out of necessity, like you just wanted to you wanted to be more autonomous. Yeah, okay, have you been strong willed like that your whole life? I think so. Yeah, my dumbest question, I'm saving for later. Okay, no, seriously, I have to save for later. You and I don't feel that's fine, because people right now won't feel like you're comfortable yet, and they'll be like, I can't believe you said that to her later. When I say it's going to be hilarious. I just want everyone to know, okay, pumping as a child or No,

Amy 7:42
no, I was also super opposed. I mean, so this is going to the strong willed thing. I guess the answer is yes, because they described a pump to me, and I was so violently opposed to the idea of anything being attached to my body. And then when I was a little bit older, I realized that, I guess, at the time, when I was quite young, I thought that the pump was automatic and gave you insulin without you having to think about it. And I was still violently opposed. And then when I was older, I realized that's not how pumps work. And I was even more furious that they would suggest that

Scott Benner 8:12
you were like, first of all, I'm not wearing that damn thing. Secondly, I'm not letting it make all my decisions for me. What do you mean they don't make all the decisions? What a piece of crap. Exactly.

Yeah, have you been angry your whole life?

Amy 8:24
Maybe, yeah, subtly, you know, I guess I don't

Scott Benner 8:29
know how to ask this, like, when you're born with, it's a congenital what do they call it? A congenital deformity, congenital. How do I say it?

Amy 8:36
Honestly, I don't know. It's the weirdest thing. Nobody ever really described to me what happened, or what it was called. I was just born without my my hand, and my parents acted like it was normal. I mean, I'm sure, I've thought about this so many times, but I'm sure that when I was born, they were like, Oh no, 510, fingers, 10 toes. She doesn't need, like, that basic criteria that you want for every single baby. I

Scott Benner 8:59
thought maybe you thought maybe you thought your dad was like, hey, look, in there, something didn't come

Amy 9:04
out, and they didn't know before I was born either. Like, I guess the technology at the time wasn't good enough that they could see that I didn't have a hand. So it was a total shock for my poor parents in Canada. But then my whole family just acted like it was normal and and it became normal. They they adapted everything for me, like they were so wonderful at just letting me do everything i i wanted to do, and figuring figuring out a way that I could do it. Yeah, wow,

Scott Benner 9:28
that's awesome. Did they treat the diabetes the same way? I would say, so. Did it do the same thing for you? I think, definitely. Yeah, excellent, yeah. I mean, I think, I mean, you are normal. Everyone's normal, right? Like, yeah, you are yourself. Like, there's unless you're gonna judge yourself against something else. Then I don't you know what I mean. The word is kind of meaningless. It just who you are. How do you clap with your wrist or with your chest? I have always disliked ordering diabetes supplies. I'm guessing you have as. Well, it hasn't been a problem for us for the last few years, though, because we began using us Med, you can too us med.com/juicebox, or call 888-721-1514, to get your free benefits. Check us med has served over 1 million people living with diabetes since 1996 they carry everything you need, from CGM to insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies and more. I'm talking about all the good ones, all your favorites, libre three, Dexcom, g7 and pumps like Omnipod five, Omnipod dash tandem, and most recently, the eyelet pump from beta bionics, the stuff you're looking for, they have it at us. Med, 888-721-1514, or go to us. Med com slash juice box to get started now use my link to support the podcast that's us. Med comm slash juice box. Or call 888-721-1514, the brand new twist. Insulin pump offers peace of mind with unmatched personalization and allows you to target a glucose level as low as 87 there are more reasons why you might be interested in checking out twist, but just in case that one got you twist.com/juicebox, that's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. You can target glucose levels between 87 and 180 it's completely up to you. In addition to precision insulin delivery that's made possible by twist design. Twist also offers you the ability to edit your carb entries even after you've bolused. This gives the twist loop algorithm the best information to make its decisions with, and the twist loop algorithm lives on the pump, so you don't have to stay next to your phone for it to do its job. Twist is coming very soon, so if you'd like to learn more or get on the wait list, go to twist.com/juicebox. That's twist with two eyes.com/juicebox. Links in the show notes, links at Juicebox podcast.com,

Amy 12:04
clapping and the monkey bars are like my nemeses. I freaking hate both of them. Clapping. You just kind of like I have the end of my arm. It's basically like, probably the wrist joint, and I have a little bit of mobility, and I have some tiny little baby fingers. I call it my little hand because it I use my, my little hand, like a hand. I do so many things with it. And so when I clap, I just bring it together with my, my big hand.

Scott Benner 12:29
And does it make as much noise as you would get? Or no, sometimes, if you kind

Amy 12:33
of cup the big hand, you can get some, like, resonance going there. And it sounds pretty good, pretty good. You imagine

Scott Benner 12:38
having to think about that as a child, like, why is this not working? Hold on a second. Because I thought the only other way would like, I I've been one I was gonna say I've been one handed, but what I meant to say is, I've had my hands full and a situation where you have to clap out of nowhere and you kind of like, slap yourself in the chest. But I'm also not a girl, so, you know, like, so it's like, oh, how would you do that? And if I didn't ask now, like, the entire interview would be just bound up with me wondering how you clap, which is not the funny thing I was going to say, because I don't think it's funny. I was genuinely interested like so holding a vial of insulin. You could do that.

Amy 13:12
I can do that. I hold things against other things often. So I'll either press something between, like the countertop and my little hand, or between, like, my stomach and my little hand, I use, like, tension, I guess, to hold a lot

Scott Benner 13:26
of things, turn the vial over with your other hand. I don't know which hand, which hand is right

Amy 13:31
and left. My right hand is missing, so I have my left hand. Is

Scott Benner 13:34
there any chance you're left handed? Or did you have to force yourself to do that? Although, you know it's

Amy 13:39
funny, my parents said, when I was born and quite young, I would reach for things with my right hand first. So I think that I was probably supposed to be right handed, and I had to train myself to become left handed over time.

Scott Benner 13:48
I thought that could possibly happen. So you take the left hand, kind of set the vial down, and then spin it, pin it with the right and then approach it with the syringe from the left, yeah. Oh, and you do that as quickly, like, I wouldn't notice it happening, right? If I saw you, like, it would just happen quickly.

Amy 14:05
It happened so quickly. I did a chemistry degree in my undergrad, and there's lots of, like, fine finger work you have to do, like, holding little bios, unscrewing them with one hand and doing something with your other, yeah, and I figured out somehow to do all of those things. And I think it's kind of automatic to me, like, you wouldn't think about how to do it with two hands if somebody didn't show you. And so I'm doing basically the same thing. And I don't know, I couldn't tell you how I like, somebody asked me once how I brush my teeth, and it took me, like, a solid five minutes to think it through, because I don't think about brushing my teeth, I

Scott Benner 14:35
just do it. Yeah, no, it's my expectation. I probably have the same problem. Somebody said to me, like, how do you tie your shoes? I'd be like, so two thoughts here, you're in your 30s, and are you married or dating or single?

Amy 14:47
I am not married, but I've been with my partner for like, 10 plus years now, same thing.

Scott Benner 14:53
So yeah, she's like, Yeah, no, I know it's the same, but I asked because, you know, I just received. Recently saw a post, and this is a reoccurring concern for people online, but of a person who just started to feel like no one's gonna want my kid as a mate, and then, you know, people came in to explain that that's not what's gonna happen. Like, you know, they had all the conversations, but you have two things that it wouldn't be unrealistic to be concerned about that. So I'm wondering about what it was like. Maybe you're going to tell me it's like brushing your teeth, but like, what was it like to try to meet people, to get to the guy you're willing to stay with for a decade?

Amy 15:32
It was brutal. Honestly, it's not like brushing my teeth. So in high school, I didn't date anybody other than this one guy who asked me out, and I didn't want to date him, so I said yes, just for the experience, and we went on one date, and it was awful, like I just didn't want to be there, but I wanted to experience that, and then I was so happy to get out of that situation, and I felt really bad for him, because he genuinely did want to be there, and I had to, like, have a whole conversation with him and break his heart and everything. But I just felt like something was wrong with me. Nobody wanted to date me, nobody wanted to go out with me. I do think that part of that was the fact that I'm, like, painfully, painfully shy as well, and had super low self esteem. I dealt with, like, probably disordered eating in high school. I just, I don't know where it came from, but had, like, the worst sense of who I was, and had no confidence in that. And I think that really, more than the diabetes in the hand, affected how I interacted with people, and probably led to those kinds of things. But it was rough. And then my current partner, I met him, and he's not afraid of anything. He kind of just accepts things and moves on with it, and I think that enabled him to see past all of those things that I had going on at that time, and still want to get to know me. So I won't say that it was easy. And I think it just kind of happened that I met the right guy at the right time and

Scott Benner 16:52
you liked him. I liked him, yes. Well, listen, what you just said is deep, you know, you rolled right over it, but no one was asking, and you wanted to have that experience. And then finally, someone asks, and it's not a person who you're interested in, yeah, yeah. That's tough, you know what? I mean, how soon after you got into the car, did you think I shouldn't have done this?

Amy 17:16
I knew, like, wow, we were on the date the whole time.

Scott Benner 17:19
That sucks. And then you told him, No,

Amy 17:23
I didn't say it like that, like, he was very, very nice, and we were friends first, which made it even worse. I kind of just said, like, I'm really sorry. Like, I'm not in a place right now for this to be something that I can do. And I was, like, 17 at the time. I did not, I couldn't deal with that. It was too much

Scott Benner 17:39
Amy. It probably took that kid two years to ask you to go out. I know. I'm not saying, You know what? I'm just saying.

Amy 17:46
He messaged me, like, years later, and he was still upset about it, and I was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Like,

Scott Benner 17:53
Listen, man, I got a couple things going on. You probably got off light just like, let it go. It's

Amy 17:58
super not you. It's actually 100% me, I have so much going on. She just said, like,

Scott Benner 18:03
when you were 17, you didn't give off good insurance vibes. So,

Amy 18:08
I mean, he's Canadian, so it wasn't a concern. But yeah,

Scott Benner 18:11
I understand, Oh, you'd still be in Canada, though. So did you go from 17 year old date to 25 and not date anybody? Or did you date people in there before you found this guy? No,

Amy 18:22
yeah, no dating. Wow, was it lonely, yeah? I mean, I had lots of friends, which was great, and I threw myself into school. I did so well at school,

Scott Benner 18:33
because this was not a choice. No, yeah, there were guys you liked you wouldn't ask out, and then there were guys that didn't ask you. Is that right?

Amy 18:41
I think so, yeah. And since that time, looking back, I've realized that there were guys that were trying to maybe ask me out, and I didn't pick up on it,

Scott Benner 18:53
oh, because you just didn't have the confidence to believe they'd be asking yes. That's how I got my wife. I like way out kicked my coverage. You know what I mean?

Amy 19:04
Like, I had one guy friend, and I went over to his house for dinner with his family, like five times, and I didn't, it never occurred to me that he was maybe interested.

Scott Benner 19:13
Would you have been interested in him? Absolutely. So I'm sorry, by the way, this is your life. This is not my fault when I ask these questions. Okay, no, I know. How much of this do you think gets impacted by you losing your mom before you hit puberty?

Amy 19:28
At the time, I would have said, Oh, not at all. And now I think huge amounts of it.

Scott Benner 19:33
Yeah, you didn't see any of that, like, slap ass between your parents, or, like, any of that stuff, right? Yeah, no, yeah. Oh gosh. You didn't get to see your dad be warm to your mom, or vice versa or anything. I

Amy 19:44
mean, I did I was 10 when she passed away. So I do remember those things, and I know that my dad really loved my mom, and I saw that I saw my grandparents, who lived three blocks away from us, have a super, super healthy and beautiful relationship. So I saw those kinds of things. Okay, but it was a little bit different too, right?

Scott Benner 20:01
You missed some stuff, and she didn't. You didn't like when you started having those feelings and you couldn't. There's nobody to talk to about it or anything like that. No, I'm sorry to ask. But how did she pass so, so young, yeah,

Amy 20:13
so she passed very suddenly from a brain aneurysm, like she was fine, and then one morning, she was not fine, and luckily, we weren't with her. She was at the gym and she was taken to the hospital, and then three days later she was gone. How old she was 40? Wow. That

Scott Benner 20:30
sucks. I'm sorry. It's a long time ago, but still, it must be hard to say out loud, yeah, okay. Do you want kids? I

Amy 20:39
do. Yeah. I think, personally, I think of anything that's going to be the thing that he loves me the most from my mom passing away, just to know what it's like to be a parent and to feel the love for another person, it'll make me feel so much more reassured that I had that from her.

Scott Benner 20:54
Did you that your dad sounds like he was a good guy, but like, did you feel did you feel unloved, or did you just feel like something was missing?

Amy 21:02
Just that something was missing my dad, I know he loves me so much, and I know my my grandparents, my mom's side of the family, they are so good at showing love. I never felt the lack of love at all, but I just felt that something else was missing. Do

Scott Benner 21:15
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Amy 22:26
No, I wouldn't say that necessarily. Did

Scott Benner 22:29
they do it differently for you than for your sibling? No, it's nice. I got extra from my grandmother for being adopted, and I realized in hindsight that my cousins didn't like it, yeah, yeah, but I didn't know that at the time. And

Amy 22:44
actually that's interesting, because my grandparents, the ones who stepped in my mom's parents after she passed away, they have an adopted son, my uncle, and so maybe they already had practice not treating kids differently, because he would not say that he was treated

Scott Benner 22:59
differently. Yeah, it was just my grandmother, like I could tell. Yeah, it tell now, again, in hindsight, but she just thought that I was gonna get less somehow for not being, like, blood related. So she overdid it, which, by the way, I have to tell you, she was my favorite grandparent by a stretch, or maybe even my favorite, like, distant relation. And it does. It has it doesn't at the moment, but it has bothered me in the past, wondering if we were having an honest relationship, or if she was play acting to make me feel better. That's so sad. Does that make sense? It does. Yeah, yeah. I don't think about it much anymore, because I think I've come down on the side of I think it was genuine, but there was time when I had to go through wondering about

Amy 23:42
that, yeah, and that's tough to think about, I'm sure.

Scott Benner 23:46
Yeah. So what does your dad do for a living? Like he's a sled dog driver, or like

Amy 23:50
he's a hunter? No, he works an office job, or he did, he's retired now, but, you know, like a corporate job. I don't want to talk too much about his life, but he worked a

Scott Benner 24:00
regular job. I was just looking for, like, whether or not he was, like, yeah, like, working in an oil field or what he was doing.

Amy 24:06
I mean, he was peripheral to oil and gas. I will say that, of

Scott Benner 24:09
course he was, you guys have two like, things going on up there. It's like, snow and oil and gas and apparently paying extra for stuff you send us, yeah, but that's a different, different story. Also, no one look at your finances today. No, it's so bad. Oh, my God. If you've got $100 saved or a bazillion dollars saved, don't look at it. It'll make you very upset. You don't want to know. Use that little hint to try to figure out what day this was recorded on. Okay, so did you feel judged about diabetes and or your hand by kids?

Amy 24:49
I don't think that I like conceptualized a lot of this when I was young, but my hand Yes, and diabetes No, because I hid it very well. You

Scott Benner 24:58
hid the diabetes. Yeah. Was that to your health detriment, or were you able to manage things and keep it from them?

Amy 25:03
No, I didn't hide it from my close friends, which is who I spent most of my time with. So I would give insulin and and check my blood sugar, and they all knew that I was diabetic and it wasn't to the detriment of my health, because that's the people that I was around most of the time. But in front of other people, I was hesitant. I would turn away when I was giving myself a shot so that they couldn't see it and things like that,

Scott Benner 25:25
really. And they knew, but you were just trying to put distance in between. A lot

Amy 25:30
of them didn't know. I wouldn't say anything about it at first. My teachers all knew and things like that in school, but I wouldn't volunteer information to my peers unless we

Scott Benner 25:40
were friends, okay? And how did your friends treat you? They were great.

Amy 25:43
Honestly, they they treated me like nothing was different.

Scott Benner 25:46
You never had a feeling from them that there was any weird vibe. No,

Amy 25:50
and it's, it's really wonderful. I think that, like the right people kind of stayed, I gravitated toward the right people, they gravitated toward me, and it was very synergistic. And there were some friends that were so lovely, and they would like specifically with my hand, more than the diabetes. They would reach to grab a bag that I was holding if I was going to bend down to tie my shoes or something which I didn't need. And so that always made me feel a little bit uncomfortable. Those people never really stuck around for too long, because I would kind of just spend more time with the people who treated me normally.

Scott Benner 26:21
So people who Baby, do you distance yourself from? Do you do it on purpose, or do you think it just happened the distancing a little

Amy 26:31
bit on purpose? I mean, I found it really hard if things like that happened to say, Oh, thank you, because I wasn't grateful. You know, yeah. So I think it was a bit

Scott Benner 26:39
of both. Did you ever tell somebody I don't need your help, but thank you

Amy 26:43
in a nice way, I'd be like, Oh, thanks so much. I'm fine. Oh, yeah,

Scott Benner 26:47
that's not the same. No. Also, you're young. Like, it's difficult to be direct like that, yeah, especially when somebody's trying to be kind, right? Yeah.

Amy 26:55
And I think in general, I'm the least direct person that's ever walked the face of the earth. Probably, like, I've never said aggressively no to anybody about anything, pretty much,

Scott Benner 27:03
really, yeah, no, I should try it. It's awesome.

Amy 27:08
That's my like, current goal. I need to be more assertive, not aggressive. Assertive. There we go. Yeah, are

Scott Benner 27:13
you too Canadian? Or is it not Canadian? It's you, it's

Amy 27:17
me. I think it's made worse by the fact that I'm Canadian, but it's something deeply within me. I

Scott Benner 27:22
listened to an episode that went up recently with a Canadian, and she said, sorry. And I kind of, I jumped into sorry for a second, and then I was breaking the word down, and I said, what's interesting about that is the way you say the word makes you sound like you're apologizing while you're apologizing, like, it's, it's like, Oh, I'm sorry. Like, almost like, like, stretching it out, like that, I don't know, like, it adds emotion to it, like, I am really, really, really sorry about this.

Amy 27:49
People here will say, I'm so sorry all the time when

Scott Benner 27:53
you're sorry and you don't have to sow the story, you know what I mean? Like, it's like, saying very much, a lot It is, yeah. So it is, so it is a little like baked in, but it's also you, and you felt like you didn't have a lot of self confidence growing up. When does the self confidence come?

Amy 28:15
Has it come? Yet? Is the question? Oh,

Scott Benner 28:17
I thought maybe you got it when you found the boy. No,

Amy 28:20
I don't think so. I, as much as he would like to take credit for that, I do not think that that's what happened. Do

Scott Benner 28:28
you think he would take credit?

Amy 28:31
Oh, maybe,

Scott Benner 28:35
listen, I've done that to my wife. I just want to be clear. I'll be honest, right? Like, my wife had a couple of troubles. And like, you know, she was directed one way by her family, and she was young, and I had a different way of thinking, and so I was able to interject that, you know what I mean? Like, I was able to say, if I was you, I'd be like, I'd stand up for myself here, or I would say no to that, or, like, that kind of thing. She didn't have it in her either. She's cat. I for her, I think it's because she was Catholic and she was dominated a little bit by her parents. But you have any of

Amy 29:09
that, no super non religious in my whole family. No religion. No religion. There was some before my grandparents grew up with religion on both sides and on both sides, they kind of said that's enough. And raised my parents non denominationally, I guess, non religious. And I was raised like even further away from religion. Okay,

Scott Benner 29:28
hold on a second. I have to answer Arden, and I'm going to tell you why we are trying to help her with she's asking me what time a thing is good, after 11. She's setting up an initial appointment with a hypnotist. Oh, okay, to try to help her with her anxiety around needles. Ah, I've

Amy 29:50
been listening to you talk about that recently, and I'm super interested in that. Actually.

Scott Benner 29:54
Yeah, we're down to like, this is the last thing we can think of. Yeah,

Amy 29:57
it sounds really difficult for her. Oh, my God. So

Scott Benner 30:01
the best that we've come up with so far is that someone sits next to her, yeah, she gives them her non dominant hand, and then she blocks the injection site with her dominant hand, and then works herself up to move her not her dominant hand, over to the hand hold where someone has to grab her hard enough that she doesn't feel like she can break away. It's really terrible, and that's so sad. It's a terrible struggle. So, like, as you're watching this happen, you're like, my god, like, this can't be forever, you know, like, we have to figure out a way around this. And, you know, I mean, it's gotten down to the point where, like, I've joked with her, I'm like, you want to try weed or something. Like, what's like, I don't care. Like, you know, like, what it will help you. And she's like, No, no, no, no, I don't I. She feels like she's gonna conquer but I'm like, I don't think that's how this works. So we're gonna try this. She's gonna try to go to a person who's just gonna kind of, like, get her into a relaxed state and try to feel make her feel more better about it. I joked with her. I was like, I'm gonna send that guy a list of things he could talk to you about while you're hypnotized, but I won't. But, you know, do

Amy 31:03
you think if she was not diabetic, that this still would have manifested?

Scott Benner 31:08
I mean, probably not, right? Like, how often does, like, a an average person get stuck with a needle? No, it's just not a thing. Yeah. And even if you hate it, what do you do it every couple of years for a blood, for blood or something like that, yeah? Arden. I mean, listen, Arden's had blood work done every year since she was two. Then you throw in the hypothyroidism, so then there's probably happened more than once a year, and then they give you a medication, and they're like, All right, well, look, we'll draw your blood. We'll do the meds for three months. We'll draw it again. So now you're doing it three times a year. The start getting smart about telling the doctor, hey, can you draw the other labs while you're drawing these, please. Yeah, it's

Amy 31:42
terrible. I have so much like hatred for just going to the lab to get blood work done, and the fact that you have to wait, like I avoid that for months and months and months completely irrespective of a needle phobia. So I can kind of relate in

Scott Benner 31:54
some ways, just right. Yeah, it does. So now I am doing something I never thought I would do. I'm typing a credit card number into my text so she can complete this intake form. Give me one second while I send the three digit code from the back. There we go. Awesome while I'm making the podcast. Also, I'm so good at this at this point, I probably wouldn't have had to tell you I was doing it. I'm really getting better at this, like, to the point where, like, I found myself the other day somebody was talking, and I was like, Oh, I wonder about something completely different. And I started researching it and still talking to her, and I'm like, Oh, my God, I might be getting better at this again. So, too good, too powerful. Well, you know, more like Oz, though, because once you move the curtain, you're like, Huh, that's what's happening. Never mind. And there's a gecko in the room, yeah? Well, I appreciate the joke, but it's a chameleon.

Amy 32:47
Oh, I'm sorry. I really don't know the difference, nor do I really care. I

Scott Benner 32:50
wouldn't imagine from being from Canada that you've ever seen one No, yesterday, I was wearing, this is crazy. I was wearing light colored socks. There are two colors that he hates, and so I didn't have shoes on. I was making the podcast, and I looked over at him while I was talking, and he is, like, defensively hiding behind something, staring at me. And I'm like, Oh my god. So in the middle of podcast, I said to the person I was talking to, Mike, some so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm like, but I said, I have to put my shoes on quickly. They put the shoes on, and the chameleon was like, Oh, thank God, whatever that is isn't going to kill me. And then he went about his business so much better. It's hilarious. Everyone should get a chameleon. I actually believe that. Really, Oh, they're so awesome for me. It's a perfect pet. Would you have pets? I grew up with a dog. Dogs. Yeah, pull the slide. Of course, you need at least six, right? Six. That's what I've been told. Why do you want to come on the podcast? Like, because you have such an like, I mean, it's such an interesting setup, but, and I do feel like you've been impacted by it, I have, yeah, I really would just like you to as much as you're comfortable, just sort of open up about what it's been like to have these two different difficulties.

Amy 34:02
It's honestly been strange. I think growing up and becoming more aware of who I am in the world, I've realized how much they've both impacted me, as has not having my mom around, and I just went through so much of my life, kind of pushing through, muscling through like I have to do well in school. I have to go to university. I have to do the next thing, okay, I don't I not getting a job. I guess I'm going to go to grad school. I have to do well at grad school, I have had these goals put in front of me that have made it very easy to ignore how I'm feeling and how I'm navigating the world, and when I stop to think about it, it impacts me. It being like everything that I have going on really, really deeply impacts me, and impacts, I would say, most of all, like my confidence in the world and. Really noticed that when I in grad school, became an expert in something, and then had so much comfortability and confidence in speaking about my research topic, and I had never felt that before, and I think most people feel that all the time, and that was kind of a big moment for me, because I think going through the world like you and other people, just feel comfortable a lot of the time. And I had never felt that, because I was always hiding my hand. I felt that if people saw my hand immediately, they would judge me. So on a first impression, I always wanted to have my hand hidden. And for a long time that was subconscious, and now sometimes it's conscious. In professional settings, I'll meet people over zoom where you can't see my hands, and then they're surprised when they meet me, but they've already formed a first impression, which I find is super, super valuable in how they treat me. And I don't know if that's the best or healthiest way to navigate this situation, but it's kind of what I developed,

Scott Benner 36:01
yeah, do you think it's true, or do you think it's how you feel? Do you see what I'm saying? Like, do you think, yeah, I'll let them get to know me as a person with two hands, and I'll hide on the Zoom. Then when they meet me, they'll know me already, and then they won't feel differently. Do you think that's actually happening, or do you think you just talk yourself into believing or have you had situations where somebody has seen your situation and then met you in person and treated you oddly? Yes

Amy 36:26
to that for sure. Okay, I think it depends on the person, because there are and I'm sure most people with diabetes can relate to this, especially now that we have like visible technology. Previously, we would walk around the world and nobody could tell that you were diabetic unless you were actively treating something or had a pump on your body, but now most of the time, people are wearing CGM wearing pumps and and you'll get questioned about what they are. So it becomes more of a visible thing, yeah, and that's kind of what my hand has been for my whole life. And there are people, this is why I say it depends on the person, because there are people that when you meet them, the first thing they look at is my hand, and they will keep looking back at my hand, and I have to kind of be like, hey, eyes up here, but nicely, because it drives me crazy, I feel that there's a sense of judgment often, and especially if you keep looking at my hand while you're talking to me, and you're kind of like angling your body away from me, like you're not super comfortable, and you don't know how to navigate it, and you don't know if I maybe Need help with something, or if I can do something, so I have kind of tried to kill it with kindness. I'm very positive and I'm I try and redirect the conversation. Make really strong eye contact and smile, especially if I'm not talking to the person, yeah, and I notice somebody staring at me, I will look them right in the eyes and smile and say, Hey, how are

Scott Benner 37:39
you? But that's the thing. Now you have to do not a way you want to be. Yeah, yeah. Okay. You know it's funny. I would have joked in the past about, like, I mean, it's just, I don't know if I'm a boy. I've been a boy my whole life. Like, you meet girls, like, I don't know three guys that don't hit the like, the fun parts first, when they meet somebody, you know what I mean, like, and so it's, it's usually like, really, it's usually like, chest face, and then if that made you happy, you look for the rest people do that. Like, I don't think they're doing it on purpose. I think it's just, listen, I check out, old ladies. I don't know it's like, my brain goes that way. Now, I would have said before, like, Oh, boys, you know what I mean. But I have a daughter, yeah, I've been around a lot of girls. I have a wife, yeah? And I go out in public. And I think you guys all know I pay a lot of attention to what's going on around me. Every living woman checks out, every other living woman when they walk past, I mean, floor to the top of your head and back down to the floor again. And they do it with like, precision, uh huh, right? Like people, you're just assessing each other. And so I don't know what, like, gutturally, what women are assessing each other for. I do know, because I'm a boy, what I'm assessing for. But then you're saying they hit the hand, and then they're stuck, Yeah, completely. They start spinning into like, Will I need to help this person? Is she okay? They start getting protective of you, even though they don't recognize that's probably what's happening. And, or get scared or put off, right? Yes, and,

Amy 39:08
or, I think that they think, even like subconsciously, that mentally, I might not be all there, because I think that's kind of the human instinct when you see a disabled person, sometimes that, oh, I don't know how I'm going to interact with this person? Do they need me to interact in a different way than I would normally, like, mentally, physically, I don't know how to navigate this. It's a bit of a panic. You

Scott Benner 39:28
know? What's funny is that I just realized that as a boy, I've never seen a pair of breasts, and thought, no, no good. Every one of them seems fun in a different way. But I guess that doesn't happen with the hand thing. I just realized I've never looked at a woman and then thought, oh, like, I don't have that feeling afterwards. Like, you know, it's not like an assessment in the way that you would think. I don't know how to put this exactly, and I know I'm going to get an email from some, like, overly woke person now, because I also said that your parents, you didn't get to see them play slap ass earlier. So that's going to, like. Yeah, trust me, I can already feel it coming, but I'm just trying to be honest, I can look and think that person's my type or not, but I always see like, intrinsically, like, I see value in everybody I look at and I can see how people are pretty in ways that aren't classic and things like that. And I often, I don't very often, look at somebody and go like, Oh, the horror. Do you know what I mean?

Amy 40:22
I so much agree with that, and that's honestly so healthy for me to hear. And also, like in high school, the self confidence thing that I dealt with, I feel very much the same as you. I have never looked at somebody like my friend, another girl, and thought that there was nothing redeemable about them. I have always thought that most other people are, like, so incredibly beautiful. Everybody is beautiful in some way, and typically, the things that they are picking out about themselves, I never would have noticed if people are describing their insecurities to you. However, when I look in a mirror, I'm like, oh, but I'm the exception. Oh,

Scott Benner 40:55
wow. You're like, I'm not judging anybody else. But look at me. What a mess. Yeah,

Amy 40:59
like everybody else is fine. Why did I turn out this mutant person?

Scott Benner 41:03
Oh, that sucks. You tried a therapist.

Amy 41:07
I did, yeah, I went to a therapy in university, and that was really helpful. I guess you would probably say College, well,

Scott Benner 41:15
just because what it's called, but, sure, good, yeah, just kidding.

Amy 41:19
But yeah, it was really helpful. Okay?

Scott Benner 41:21
And just talk therapy and somebody where, where you could say to them, I feel different, I feel ugly. I don't like whatever you end up saying, like, right? And they help you get through that, yeah, but meanwhile, you're not you're ignoring boys that have taken you to dinner 17 times. Yes, your whole life would have gone better, Amy, if you just would have chilled the out for five seconds.

Amy 41:43
I know I have just begun to realize that. And like my partner, the that is the thing that he tells me more than anything. Like, why are you worried about this? This is not something you need to be worried about. And I don't understand that fundamentally. Like, well, you're

Scott Benner 41:58
programmed at this point. Yeah, seriously, this is how you've lived your life for so long.

Amy 42:02
We're not worried about everything. We don't have adrenaline dumping into our veins always, like, before this call, I was so anxious, and then as soon as we started talking, it was fine, but,

Scott Benner 42:12
yeah, I don't know. I watched my wife worry about stuff. I'm like, Oh my God. Like, stop. And then she'll like, we'll figure it out. And I don't think there's two seconds before she pivots to something else. Yeah, I'm just like, if you just like, if you could just chill out, I think everything would be like, so much better. I haven't been upset about anything in two decades. Something fairly horrible happened recently, and I was like, well, that sucks, and I never thought about it again, like during the phone call where the person told me I had given up on it. In the middle, I was like, Okay, well, I guess that's not a thing that's happening anymore. That's so healthy, is it? I think that's better. I just think of it as being boys and we're just, like, not worried about anything. Like, I think it could be too far the other way.

Amy 42:54
Yeah, oh, I would agree with that for sure. Yeah. We

Scott Benner 42:58
should be able to give it back and forth to each other, a little bit, that would be awesome. Because if, seriously, if my wife had two tablespoons of, I don't give a from me, like, she'd be really, like, she'd be happier. And I think she knows it, and can't, like, she can't stop it, you know, it's,

Amy 43:15
it's built in, like, how, how do we do that? What do you mean? Just don't worry. I'm

Scott Benner 43:19
telling you, last night, Arden's blood sugar went up and beep, beep. And before I could orient myself, my wife, in the most asleep and scared tone is, Arden, okay. What's wrong is everything? Okay. What's wrong? I'm like, Oh my God. I'm like, I don't know. I'm not awake yet, and she's not awake either, but like, half asleep, having been asleep for four or five hours, she heard Beep, beep, and she was like, if you'd have put a gun in her hand, she would have started shooting, yeah, yeah, you know. And I'm like, I'm like, Oh my God. Like, I feel terrible. Like I genuinely, I've had a lot of conversations with a lot of people, and I usually think of it as the thing that happens after you make a baby, but like, you didn't make a baby? No, you got it somewhere else. You got it from the Everyone's looking at me. I'm not the same, I guess, yeah, and my mom's gone. Sucks. So how soon till we push this kid out so that we can make all this go away? Hopefully, a couple years, for sure, a couple years really, are you building a professional thing that you're still working on, or is it just not

Amy 44:26
the right time? A bit of both. I am working professionally towards goals at the moment that are that are making that harder. I don't live in the same city as my partner right now either, so I would like us to live in the same

Scott Benner 44:38
city ideally. Yeah, no. I mean, listen, you might as well just let a Rando knock you up if that's what's gonna happen. Gonna happen. How were you not in the same city?

Amy 44:44
We got into grad school at the same time, but not in the same place. And once you get into grad school, you're kind of locked in. It ends when it ends, it doesn't end on a prescribed timeline. So he is still finishing up that timeline in the city that he got. X. Accepted into I finished and moved on to the next thing. But the job that I got is in the city that we can kind of both work in afterwards, and we thought that we'd end up here together sooner, but we're not here

Scott Benner 45:10
yet. I'm sorry. So you're alone again. Oh yeah, in America, in America, how disgusting I know. Are you somewhere warm or cold. It's very nice and warm. Do you miss that Canada thing at all? Or no, the cold. I mean, I

Amy 45:27
miss the healthcare, although it's not perfect, I will say that for sure,

Scott Benner 45:30
not paying for it, yeah, out of pocket, right? At least, had a big shock here.

Amy 45:35
No, not really. The Alberta in Canada, where I'm from, is more like the US than a lot of other Canadian provinces. So the health care there was public when I was growing up. They're trying to push toward private now, or more privatized, so that kind of is familiar to me anyways, and like when I moved to grad school, I had to navigate switching insurances, and as a student, you have horrendous insurance, so even though we have you can see a GP or an endocrinologist for no cost, and you would maybe pay a small co pay. Here, prescriptions are not fully covered, and if you have terrible insurance, they're covered even less, which I did for the majority of my adult life, and have been

Scott Benner 46:17
paying for insulin. It's really hard. Yeah, it's hard. No kidding, can I go back and ask you how you feel like having a baby will close a circle for you? Yeah, because it sounds like you've really thought about it. What do you think is going to

Amy 46:33
happen? So it's my partner has a lovely relationship with his mom, and that's probably like, the person that I've been able to see most closely, like a maternal relationship from an outside perspective, like, I know my grandmother, for example, loves me more than life itself, but I think that's true of everybody's grandmothers. The Maternal relationship seems just so lovely. I don't know what that's like, but it's like this unconditional love, thinking that you're like, the best person ever, your kid is the best person ever, and also that it's just like the sense of connection, and I don't have that. And my dad is lovely, and, like, I love him so much, but he's not a warm, fuzzy guy at all. He's very reserved, and I do not doubt that he loves me, but he doesn't show it in the ways that I guess, that maybe I needed as a kid. Yeah, he shows it in other ways. And I think having a kid and just knowing what that feels like from the other side will give me, like the certainty that my mom felt that for me when I doubted that a lot growing up. Okay,

Scott Benner 47:38
and so you're going to try to complete her job, almost like, yeah, do what you think she was going to do if she was there. And then, oh, that's nice. And once that happens, you'll be comforted to know that that's, this is probably, I'm probably like my mom, and this is how my mom was going to treat me. I think so. Can I ask, what happens if you're a parent? What happens? Then

Amy 48:04
we don't think about it ever again.

Scott Benner 48:07
Then heroin, Scott, never mind. You're ready to be a parent. Your life situation is stopping you. Is that right?

Amy 48:13
Yeah, I think so. I think, like maturity wise, I still have a ways to go just wrapping my head around that idea. But yeah, how old

Scott Benner 48:19
are you again? 32 My God, maturity wise, because you've been in school so much, I

Amy 48:25
guess, yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel like I'm behind everybody. Because

Scott Benner 48:29
you want to get out in the world and and let the world on you a little bit and see if it keeps you down. Yeah.

Amy 48:33
And like, I've never made money. I would love to, like, be financially a little bit more relaxed things like that.

Scott Benner 48:41
There's a question, does that put you into a panic? Not fascinating, that you found the thing that I'll panic about,

Amy 48:50
I think that my education has set me up really well. I really lucked into what I do. I think that I can get a job that will pay me very well. Okay, so I'm feeling pretty confident about that. I'm I'm still kind of in an in a transitionary career stage. So that's it's getting better, but it's not fully realized yet. It's kind of like when doctors do residency right after med school, like they know that they're going to be a doctor in a prescribed amount of time. I'm in the same stage of my career. And in Canada, we don't like I didn't have to take out student loans for grad school, and you get paid for grad school. I was able to survive without going into debt. And I've just never felt like I had more than enough. I had just enough. Just

Scott Benner 49:29
enough. Listen, I grew up very broke. I still like, if I'm walking, I see a nickel on the ground, and other people walk by it. I'm like, what's happening? Does no one else see this nickel? My God. And I bend over and I pick it up, like, this is mine now, yeah, so I guess my situation gave me the thing that I panic about, yeah, yeah. I always feel broke, actually, no matter what happens to me.

Amy 49:52
So yeah, I think that I will too, probably, yeah,

Scott Benner 49:56
yeah, I'm not wealthy, but I can't stop trying. Trying to provide that kind of feeling, because I felt like nobody was providing for me when I grew up, like everything was like, can you believe there's food? Can you believe we have a place to live? Can you believe the car moves like, you know, like, like everything was just like, such a I can't believe we're getting this done. Like, you know? Yeah, I know it was a long time ago, but my mom used to grocery shop with $40 a week. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, right. It was really something so and now you literally can't go into a place and get lunch for less than $30 it's ridiculous. And it's the same lunch. It sucks just as much as it did when it was $20 I just wanna say they didn't make it any better, that's for sure. And the price of eggs is insane. Well, listen, I think we've all talked about that to death, but yeah, like, it is shocking to, like, pick up a dozen eggs and it's $9 like, $9

Amy 50:46
yeah, that was a shock to me, because it's not as bad in Canada. I guess, like, the way that we have chickens is different, so we're not as strongly affected by the bird flu. So there are always a lot more eggs in Canadian grocery stores at the moment than there are in American ones.

Scott Benner 51:00
I said something to my wife the other day around something that I bought in the grocery store. That was that I haven't heard anybody say, like, it's a thing people used to say constantly when I was younger, and you're 32 you're not gonna, like, you have no context for this, and I'm gonna ask Rob to bleep it out. Okay, but like, I said to my wife, like, just it was a knee jerk reaction, I swear to you, it's not a thing I haven't said in 25 years, I bought this thing. It was so expensive. I said to my wife, is it gonna me too? And like, that's how expensive it was. And she laughed, and she said, I haven't heard anybody say that a very long time. And I was like, I haven't been prompted to say that in a very, very long it just used to be a thing that I heard broke people say to each other, because no matter what they spent money on, they didn't have any. There was nothing extra, you know what I mean, like, so you almost wanted your thing that you were doing to, like, have, like, multiple uses, or, like, that kind of thing. Anyway, I know it's, it's crass, and it's 2025, and probably people don't talk like that anymore. But I blurted that out the other day, and I was super it wasn't contrived. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I wasn't like, Oh, let me say something throwback and weird. It just came out of my mouth. I was like, Oh, my God, this is so expensive. So anyway, it makes me very upset. I love that you're not worried about that one thing

Amy 52:14
I know, yeah, like, I am, but not on a level that it concerns me daily. That's insane. That's the thing.

Scott Benner 52:23
That's the craziest thing you've said since we've been talking. Just in case you're wondering, to me, at least, that's really something, I'm gonna ask a really difficult question, because you didn't date much? Do you ever feel like I didn't date enough?

Amy 52:36
No, I think it would have been fun, but at the same time, no, for some reason, I'm the kind of person that has a few close friends, and I like it that way. So I think that dating a million people, I probably would have had a similar experience, like date a few people. I'm also pretty loyal, so I don't know how that would have worked out. Like i i may have dated somebody and married them if I started dating them in high school, and that was not what I wanted.

Scott Benner 53:04
So where do you think that comes from? Oh, because

Amy 53:08
everybody that I know did it, and I was like, why?

Scott Benner 53:12
Oh, that's interesting. So I was gonna I was guessing, but obviously your answers much more useful. I grew up in a divorced household, so when people argued like, I used to get very upset, because I thought when we argued in my new family with my wife and my kids, that meant we were gonna we were all gonna disappear out of each other's lives. And I was wondering if you thought like, if you could find somebody, you'd hook on to them. Because your mom, I know your mom passed away, and I know it has nothing to do with her, but it still feels like she left you, right,

Amy 53:42
it does in a lot of ways, yeah, especially the craziest thing is that I was so afraid for some reason. In a couple of years before she died, I read this book series called heartland, which is now a major show. The major premise of the show is that the mother dies at the beginning, and I should not have been reading that book at eight years old, and so it really hit me, and I was so worried that my mom was going to die for years before she did, and she promised me that she wouldn't. And that really, really wrecked me when she did pass away.

Scott Benner 54:12
Oh, I just want to say Amy. It just wrecked me too.

Amy 54:14
I still find that hard to talk about. No kidding.

Scott Benner 54:19
Oh, my God. Oh, so you it's just like everything else. Kids, at some point, kids come to their parents, and they said, just so, you know, Amy, this is going to happen. Yeah, if you get to it soon enough, you'll be young enough to be able to hear them when they say it. But they'll be like, you know, am I going to die? They ask you at some point, and then you tell them with the same confidence you told them that Santa Claus is real. You tell them, like, no, absolutely not. You're gonna live a long life. You're gonna be super healthy, Mom and I are gonna live forever. Like it's a thing you say because they're so young that the truth of, I don't know, yeah, it's hard to contextualize it at that point. Yeah. So that happened. You read a book, you went to your mom, and she said, No, no. I'm gonna live forever. Yeah,

Amy 55:01
don't worry about it. You're gonna be really, really old when I die. And I was like, Okay,

Scott Benner 55:05
perfect. Or 10 or 10, how did your dad handle it?

Amy 55:10
Oh, my poor dad. I don't know. Honestly, like, I have never seen my dad cry before that point, and I've seen him cry so many times now, I think it's really good, because he is quite an emotional person, so I think it's good that that was a was something he was able to express, like the sadness to us kids. Yeah, I think it really devastated my family. And my grandpa passed away recently, like when I was an adult, and so now I kind of have a different perspective of it, because I know what people mean when they say, Oh, your mom loved this, or, Oh, she would have been so proud of you. Because, like, I don't know would she have but I know what my grandpa would have thought about things now, because I knew him as an adult,

Scott Benner 55:50
you know. Oh, so you have context now for all those things that people tried to comfort you with about your mom. Oh, that's lovely. When's the next time you'll see your dad in person, probably in a couple months. Would you consider telling him that a podcaster told you that you wished he was more openly warm towards you and give him a big hug?

Amy 56:08
You know what's funny my partner, we were at my dad's house for dinner one night, and we left, and I was just so sad about something I don't know, one of the millions of things that I'm sad about in life. And he turned the car around, and my partner did, and we went back home, and he said to my dad, you need to give Amy a hug because she's really sad, and you hugging her would make her feel better, and she just needs some support. And he did. You

Scott Benner 56:30
were shocked by that, like, as it was happening, or you're like, This old man, ain't hugging me, is that what you I was like,

Amy 56:35
he's never gonna understand. He just thinks I'm overly emotional. But he just gave me a hug, and I know he would if I asked, but I also just felt like he was dealing with so much, like both administratively, when somebody dies, it's a nightmare. Yeah, I just went through that with my grandpa, and I did everything for him, right? And so my dad had to do that while having two kids. My brother was a baby. He was six years old. We had a dog like my mom's whole side of the family who lived in the same city as us, was absolutely decimated. So they, they weren't really, like, able to help, other than taking care of my brother and I. I do not know how and my dad got, like, six weeks off of work or something, and then he had to go back to work. I don't know how he did any of this at all, to be perfectly honest with you. So I just felt like I have to kind of deal with whatever's going on in my life, because everybody else has enough going on I need to handle. So

Scott Benner 57:27
you're protecting everybody I see, I mean, and then there's all that time he's got to raise this little fish to give to the penguins and everything too. So absolutely takes forever. So you feel like you saw your dad emotional for the first time, he was overwhelmed, and so you're gonna be strong for him, and then while he's being stoic and you need him to be comforting, you're not gonna ask him for that comfort, because you think he's already doing everything he can.

Amy 57:56
And I did ask him several times, but I just felt like I needed more, like I needed infinite comfort, and I didn't always have somebody around

Scott Benner 58:03
for that. Need you still feel like that right now?

Amy 58:07
No, I think in some ways I've gotten through it. Yeah, it still hurts, obviously, but I don't feel exactly that way anymore. Yeah,

Scott Benner 58:15
no. I mean, you said your mom at some point, and I almost cried because my mom died. I know, I know. I mean, my mom was in her 80s, like, you know, I mean, like, and I'm talking to you, I'm like, I got no right to be upset here. And then I thought, Oh, God, that's what you were doing for your dad. You're like, I can't be upset here. He's upset. Yeah, yeah, we should all just be upset. It is

Amy 58:35
sad. When you were talking about your mom on the podcast, I was crying right along with every episode. It was so

Scott Benner 58:40
touching. It's part of my skill of making people cry that I've never met before. Yeah, sorry, and

Amy 58:46
advocating for her and her health at the end of life with the different cardiologists and things that you were discussing like that was, it was just so it meant so much to me to hear that from another perspective. Do that was really healing to me in some

Scott Benner 58:58
ways. Yeah, did you feel cheated while you were listening to it.

Amy 59:01
I mean, I always do one time when my my dad's mother passed away, and he was sad, and I laid into him and said, You have no right to be sad. You are, like, 50 years old. I was 10 when my mom died. You need to get over it about something like and that's obviously not fair to say to him, how

Scott Benner 59:19
old were you when you did that?

Amy 59:20
I was, like, 14. Oh, it wasn't fair.

Scott Benner 59:23
What are you gonna do? You're 14. He understood. You didn't know. I would admit, yeah, for sure. Listen, it's a big part of what you do when you're in a family, is at some points or others, you have to, I mean, this is my opinion, but like, at some points or others, you're a punching bag for the people who love you, yeah, and they know that you're not going to abandon them for saying the thing you that you're going to say, even though, as you're saying it, you think this isn't fair. I don't mean this or whatever. It just feels like it has to come out, you know exactly. Yeah, geez, oh, we're at an hour already. I'm sorry, do you have a couple more minutes?

Amy 59:57
I do? I have until the top of the next hour? Okay, oh, okay.

Scott Benner 1:00:01
How do you manage your diabetes? Every once in a while, I should have a note in front of you that says, hey, you're making a podcast about diabetes. How do you manage today? Are using a pump?

Amy 1:00:10
I am. I don't really remember how it happened, I guess I so. Because of all that stuff that was going on, I just handled my diabetes when I was younger, and I did pretty well. My a one, Cs were in the sixes. I had lots of variability, so sometimes it was a cheated six, sometimes it wasn't, depending on how good I was. But I mean, I saw endocrinologist, dietitian and nurse for three hours every three months when I was growing up, so there was a lot of like, supervision of my diabetes, although, actually that's something I'll get back to the pump question eventually, but that is something that I really wanted to mention on the podcast, because I'm sure that other people have had their primary caregiver pass away, or even that in a transition of care, parents will assume that a kid knows how to do something, even if they're still around. Even though I was at all of the diabetes appointments for my entire life, it would have been really helpful if an endocrinologist had checked in and been like, Hey, do you know what insulin is doing, why it's important for you to take it and like, when you need to take it? Because I felt that we didn't come back to, like, ground zero when I took over the care. And it would have been a really good thing for them to do

Scott Benner 1:01:19
for me. Yeah, they acted like, you've been at this for five years already know what you're doing, yeah? And I'm like, 10 years old, sitting in a chair like, okay, yeah, you don't know what's happening. I have no idea. So

Amy 1:01:29
I figured it out through trial and error, and it would have gone a lot faster if I'd had some more information growing up. And because of that, like, I denied getting CGM for a long time. I was not interested in having anything attached to my body, I think because of my hand, like I was 0% interested in having anybody have having another reason to stare at me and having anything attached to me. For some reason that was just not what I was about. But then, while I was in grad school, right before the pandemic, which I think worked out well by accident, I had a new endocrinologist, because it was very difficult to find endocrinologist in Canada also. So I found this new one, and he's like, Hey, I have a free FreeStyle Libre here. Do you want to try it? And in my head, I'm like, No, thanks. But at the same time, I was like, Sure. Like, there is no downside to this. I'm not committing to anything. Why not? Yeah. So I went home and I did not put it on, put it on the shelf and moved off.

Scott Benner 1:02:24
Because, why did you not put it on?

Amy 1:02:27
Because I still didn't think that that was going to be that helpful to me. Because I really could feel my blood sugar. I knew when I was climbing, I knew when I was falling. I would check my blood sugar, I would meet my expectation. So I was like, what is this going to do for me, really? And I would have to navigate getting it covered with insurance, and I had just gone through that with insulin. It took me, like, two years to fight through the student insurance, and it was a complete nightmare. So I was just kind of not interested. But my partner is an engineer, and so he was visiting me, like, probably two months after this happened, and he's like, Oh, well, why don't you put it on? I've read a lot about them. They seem great. And I was like, No, I don't want to. So he made me watch a YouTube video of this girl putting one on, and it looked like feasible. So we did it, and I thought the needle stayed in your arm. So I freaked out. And I, after I put it on, I was like, oh my god, I can feel the needle. I can feel the needle. I don't like this. I want to take it off. And he's

Scott Benner 1:03:17
like, the needles in the thing here, I see it right here, in the insert. Yeah.

Amy 1:03:21
Like, oh, okay, okay, maybe it doesn't hurt as much as I thought. I kept it on and I liked it, and then the pandemic happened a couple months later. So I got a prescription, and I kept using them. And because I had so much time on my hands, I was at home working remotely, I could check my blood sugar like 45 times a day with this thing, and it didn't alert me when I was high or low, but I kind of already knew that anyway, so that was okay, but immediately I could see the value in it just for like, post meal things, timing of insulin. It was life changing.

Scott Benner 1:03:53
I sent Arden a graph last night. I texted her, I'm like, hey, you've got to do something about this. And she's like, I am and I just sent her a graph, and I was like, it's been like this for nine hours. Are you? And then I realized by her response, she didn't know that, like she had been having an issue and addressing it, and then going and living her life. She's in class, she was doing a bunch of things, then addressing it and then addressing it. But I knew what was wrong. Her site was old. Totally, it's just her boluses aren't working anymore. She's on an algorithm. So, like, the Bolus goes in, the basal goes away, the blood sugar doesn't move. And so I'm like, hey, just throw a Temp Basal. Like, I'm like, override the algorithm, put in a Temp Basal, and then her blood sugar starts to come down. And I was like, This is the site. The site's bad, and I just realized that until she saw the graph, that's not what she thought was happening. Like, does that make sense? Absolutely,

Amy 1:04:48
yeah. You can ignore it super easily, even if you, like, check in every once in a while. It's really easy, if you're busy with something, to just kind of turn that part of your brain

Scott Benner 1:04:57
off. Yeah, yeah. Almost like she was like, Oh, the you know. My blood sugar is higher than I want it to be. I fixed it, and then a couple of hours later go, oh, it's higher again. But, like, it wasn't higher again, it was higher still. She thought she'd taken care of it. And so I was like, Oh, this is super interesting. I'm learning more. Like people used to ask me, like, what's the podcast going to be about after Arden goes, you know, I'm like, All right, calm down. But like, now it's about me really trying to dig in and more understand the psychological aspects of having type one, yeah, because that's the only way left for me to help her, really, you know, on the management stuff, like she's she's very good at at this point, and I think actually settings she's going to need help with at some point. Yeah, I still think I help her, like, I'll say to her, like, Hey, I think you should bump this or bump that. She does it then, but I don't know that she would think to do it. Yeah. And the other day, she said to me, was she joking around about and she said, If I ever have a baby, I know Dad's gonna be in my life for a year again. And but she said it like, because I'm gonna need help with this. Yeah, in a nice way, yeah, no, it wasn't me. It wasn't at all, like, upsetting or anything like that. It was a lot like, I know that this is a thing and I'm gonna need help. I'm in a weird position because I, like, after you've explained your whole horrible life, that I get to tell you my weird position, I'm like, oh, when you hear my problems. But I'm in a unique position, where anybody who has kids or is a kid so everybody knows like you don't take your parents super seriously at some point. And I've noticed that it's awkward, not awkward. I'm gonna get the word wrong here. I'm just gonna say weird until I come up with a word. But it's weird to have type one diabetes and have your dad be the guy that countless other people would listen to about it. Does that make sense? Is it like, annoying? Probably, yeah. And I think the way we joke about in our house is to pretend like I'm an idiot. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, oh, you know who's listening to people on the internet? And I'm like, I was, like, a lot of them. It's not four people I checked into it. You know what I mean, and so, like, there's that interesting, like, the answer is right here in front of me, but, oh, my parents are goofy. That's not who I'm gonna go to for this. But, man, he really would be the right person to ask. Yeah, you know what I mean, it's that kind of vibe.

Amy 1:07:18
And why do we hate it when our parents are right? But at the same time, you're like, Oh,

Scott Benner 1:07:22
I know I was interviewing a lady the other day, and she's like, when I realized I was like, my mom, she's like, it really threw me off. Like, how did you think all this worked? Yeah, and so then long way back, are you like your dad, or are you like somebody who you don't recognize because you didn't get to see your mom be an adult forever. I'm

Amy 1:07:41
like my mom, and I don't know it. I've been told I look like her. I don't see it in photos like I kind of see it, but everybody who knew her said I look exactly like her, and that my personality is more like her, especially at work, I'm able to be assertive and confident and really outgoing. And that's not my dad. He's very, very soft spoken and kind and gentle and quiet, and I obviously have that part of me too, but this other thing comes from somewhere that I don't recognize.

Scott Benner 1:08:11
So do you ever take a moment to think like this must be how my mom would have done this? Yeah, yeah, setting or comforting.

Amy 1:08:18
It's kind of just cool, I guess. Okay,

Scott Benner 1:08:22
do you avoid the gym? No, you

Amy 1:08:24
know what's so funny? My brother and I are both really, really big gym heads, like not crazy. He was for a while. He was very muscular, but he grew up as this tiny, little, scrawny, skinny kid. So that was kind of a funny transition to see also my baby brother. But I love the gym, and I love working out, and he loves being active too. And I think that comes from our mom, even if we don't really know why. Yeah, is

Scott Benner 1:08:48
there anything you can proactively do like to like, is an aneurysm just, is it a luck of the draw thing, or is it a thing they could be looking for for other people? Yeah.

Amy 1:08:57
So I am deep, deep, deep in the genetics world with my work, and so I find, like the genetics of autoimmunity, super, super interesting. But I've also considered the genetics of aneurysms. My brother and I have both had scans. So has my dad and my mom's dad right after she had her aneurysm, my dad, even though he's not genetically related to my mom. Let me just clarify that. And her father both had scans to make sure that they did not have any underlying like brain aneurysms that would burst, just because we can't be leaving these kids with even fewer people kind of kind of deal. And my grandpa, he did it to know if it was genetic, because sometimes it is okay. It didn't appear in him. So we had pretty good evidence that it wasn't genetic, and there was no family history at all. So again, really good evidence that it wasn't genetic. But when I was about maybe 20, my GP, who had been with me since birth, he knew my mom, he knew the whole story, suggested that I have a scan, and I was so terrified. Good. My dad went with me. They did contrast. And then I got the results three weeks later, and I was clear. Well,

Scott Benner 1:10:05
that's awesome. My brother has also been clear. Okay, it's not a thing you have to worry about. I'm I'm still why. I know you're going to work. I heard you. I heard I've been listening to you for an hour. I know you're worried about it, but is it you don't need to worry about? As far as they can tell,

Amy 1:10:20
it's a thing that I'm thinking less about. I think in a in a decade or so, I'll get another scan just to make sure nothing's popped up. But it's not top of mind.

Scott Benner 1:10:29
Okay, well, that's good. Do you do anything to try to worry less? Because, like, it's not lost on me, as I'm listening to you that I don't know a lot of ladies that are like, Oh, I'll have a baby, and then I'll probably worry less. I know, yeah,

Amy 1:10:46
not last on me either. Don't worry. You're

Scott Benner 1:10:47
incredibly like, introspective. Yeah, you seem to know yourself really well. I think it's because

Amy 1:10:54
I'm quiet. I'm more comfortable thinking than I am speaking, so I spend a lot of time just thinking. Did

Scott Benner 1:11:00
you find that comforting, or is it torturous?

Amy 1:11:03
It can be either, depending on the topic for sure, but I do think that it's helped a lot. Obviously, for stress, I work out I find that the most helpful also, just talking to therapy is really helpful. I don't have anybody right now that I'm seeing, but in the past, it's been extremely helpful. And I'm considering going back and talking to friends and sharing with friends and just being like, really radically open and honest with people is very helpful. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:11:31
yeah. I agree. It's awesome. Is there anything we haven't talked about that we should have, or anything you feel like we missed? I

Amy 1:11:36
was really, actually hoping that we would spend the full hour talking about the genetics of autoimmunity, but that is okay.

Scott Benner 1:11:41
Seriously, yeah, how come you I was gonna say, How come you didn't speak up, but you told me why? Yeah, you're not gonna push me, huh?

Amy 1:11:50
That's not my style. Unfortunately, take

Scott Benner 1:11:53
five minutes and tell me top line, what do you wish?

Amy 1:11:56
No, no. Can I also just, I have this, like this thought that I've had in my head, not related to that at all. I'm listening. I love the podcast. And my favorite moment on the podcast, I just wanted to bring up, go ahead, you were talking about actresses, and who you thought your favorite actress was, and you said pregnant. Kate Winslet, yes, I just found that so funny. I laughed out loud, wherever I was, like, I have never laughed harder at a podcast, and then you went into, like, specifically, why? And I was just crying laughing. And I love the podcast because of how supportive it is for the community, but also because there's moments like that built into it. Oh, awesome.

Scott Benner 1:12:35
Yeah, I don't know. Like, I think pregnant ladies are hot.

Amy 1:12:41
Just really funny. Also, I would love to know your middle name. That's another like podcast, Lori

Scott Benner 1:12:45
yourself. I'm not telling you that.

Amy 1:12:48
And you know what's really funny? Actually, I've been mentioned on the podcast before, even though I've never spoken to you. How's that possible? So you talked to a girl who her name was Morgan. She was from interior BC, and she had a really unsupportive family. She was on the podcast like itself, maybe a couple months ago, so you probably talked to her, like, a year ago. But she was working, and my boyfriend went into the store where she was working to buy a battery, and he noticed her CGM, and she said, like, something about diabetes, because he's not shy at all. And he said, Oh, my girlfriend has diabetes. She's in the car. She should come in and talk to you. And she was kind of like, okay, whatever. Then he came out to tell me that, and I was like, Oh, my God. Like, what did

Scott Benner 1:13:30
you do? I gotta go talk to the girl at the store where we got the bat. All right. Hold on, yeah. Like,

Amy 1:13:34
really. Okay, fine. So I did. And then she ended up on your podcast, because I told her about your podcast and about, I guess, a book, sugar surfing. Yeah, that's so funny. So

Scott Benner 1:13:45
why, while you're being forced to chat with this girl by your boyfriend, which, by the way, I wish we did have a lot more time, because I feel like it's super interesting that you went with an engineering guy after your dad. Wasn't very emotional, but it just felt like a weird road to go down. I didn't want to split up your relationship. No, no, that's all good. He drags you in, out of the car. Was it cold? Was it one of those, like, it

Amy 1:14:05
was summer, it was hot, it was warm, but I was still like, are you serious? So now you're back

Scott Benner 1:14:09
in there. You're PLA, you're like, Oh, all right. Now you're acting because you don't want to do this, but you just, you have no ability to tell anybody, no, you're doing that, having the conversation. You tell her about the podcast, about sugar surfing. She ends up on the podcast. Then tells that story. It

Amy 1:14:22
was so crazy. I didn't know at first who she was exactly, and then she was like, oh, talking about where she lives. I'm like, oh, that sounds really familiar. And then she told that story. And I was like, No way.

Scott Benner 1:14:31
That's crazy awesome. A little full circle thing here that gave me the same good feeling as when one lady told me one time she was walking into Costco and saw another person wearing a good Juicebox Podcast t shirt, and they, like, looked at each other and started talking. They both listened to the podcast because it's so niche. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's what makes it crazy. Listen. There's millions of podcasts that are registered, but probably only about 800,000 that actually put out an episode at least once a month, and of the. 800,000 you guys have heard me say this before. Like, 86% of them don't even do enough downloads to, like, sell an inexpensive add on. So, like, like, my point is that there's maybe 850,000 podcasts you've probably heard of about 200,000 of them. Is my point that one of them is about like, type one diabetes, and that people bump into each other and are like, hey, hey, and then end up listening like being listeners. That's really freaks me out.

Amy 1:15:26
I know, yeah, that freaked me out a little bit too when I heard her on the podcast, but it also was a nice feeling. Yeah, she's

Scott Benner 1:15:32
talking, and you're like, oh my god, this is me. She's talking about. Look at me, bringing people together.

Amy 1:15:39
And this is also not related to autoimmunity, just, I guess the only thing I'll say about that is that it's really interesting. There's a lot of genetic underpinnings, and all the autoimmune diseases go together, and it's really cool. And they, they tend to predominantly affect women. And I could speak for hours and hours about that. But

Scott Benner 1:15:53
does anyone else hear Amy setting herself up to be invited back on the podcast? Is that what you're doing right now?

Amy 1:15:59
I'm not, I'm not honestly, but I just, I think it's so interesting. And every time you bring it up, I'm like, I wish I could scream through the headphones the answer to some of the things.

Scott Benner 1:16:09
But Amy, you should be pushing me to do that. You should be like, Hey, you should really consider having me back on to just talk about

Amy 1:16:15
that. Well, I'm happy to if you want to, but I also respect the structure

Scott Benner 1:16:20
say it

Amy 1:16:24
thought you should have me back on the podcast. I know so much about genetics, it would make your brain spin. I think

Scott Benner 1:16:29
you're right, actually, and I'm sorry that I didn't realize that and put that all together, although, in fairness to me, dead mom, one hand diabetes, you cut. I mean, you you had to know which way this was going, didn't you

Amy 1:16:41
No, but do you know what? When I first was like, Maybe I should reach out. I was like, why would anybody want to hear from me? I'm just seriously diabetic person, yeah,

Scott Benner 1:16:48
oh my god, if you just would have sent an email that said, dead mom, one hand diabetes, I would have recorded with you the next day.

Amy 1:16:56
And I think I rescheduled twice, because the first time I was defending my PhD the day after we were supposed to record, and I was like, I can't do that, yeah. And then the second time, my grandpa had died the day before, and I was like, I also can't do that, so I finally made it.

Scott Benner 1:17:11
Oh, it's awesome. There's been times where people haven't shown up, and I'm like, I'll send a note. And they're like, I'm in the hospital, yeah, literally, I had to go to the hospital this morning. And I'm like, Oh, okay. Like, never. It's one of the things you don't think about making a podcast with people who have health issues, but that's happened more than once, as crazy as that sounds, all right. No, listen, you should definitely come back on. First of all, you're good at this. Thank you very conversational, which is awesome. You have a great sense of humor. I mean, I've just three times in a row to test you said, dead mom, one hand diabetes. You did not flinch. Just give me one example of something you hear that you want to articulate. Like,

Amy 1:17:51
people always say, oh, type one, that's the genetic kind, or you get it from birth, right? And like, kind of yes to both of those questions, but also kind of No. And the intricacies are huge. There's tons. And also the things that like go together different autoimmune diseases like hypothyroidism and celiac disease. There's a reason for that genetically, and

Scott Benner 1:18:11
you can explain that absolutely, colloquially, so people can understand

Amy 1:18:16
it. That is my specialty. I love teaching. I did so many teaching positions in grad school, and I always got told that I was a good teacher, so I would love to try. I'm not. This is like the one time that I will put myself up a tiny bit, because usually I'm very self deprecating. But I do actually think that I can do this, especially if you have questions like, ask me anything about genetics, and I also studied pregnancy. So anything about pregnancy, and like pregnancy genetics, because that's the whole thing too. The fact that women get pregnant probably pre disposes them biologically to developing more autoimmune conditions. There's a whole, like, school of thought out there about that, and I would freaking love

Scott Benner 1:18:53
to talk about, I don't think you guys are meant to live more than, like, 20 years. We're

Amy 1:18:57
not, and we're supposed to be pregnant every year of that 20 years. And if you're not, it's like a problem. And then

Scott Benner 1:19:02
just problem, and then just fall over and die. Yeah, no, listen. So first of all, make a list and send it to me. Okay, like, seriously, I already have a list. Send me the list. We'll get you back on to record. And it's funny, because right before we started talking, I was looking at, I know, I say chameleon, like, there's one here, but there's more than one. I know I have this one that's from Yemen. And because of the weather there, they're genetically built to grow quickly, because they have to be born, mate, lay eggs before the weather kills them. In the wild, they don't live a full year. That's crazy, right? And

Amy 1:19:46
in your house, they live seven

Scott Benner 1:19:48
years, eight years, wow. And so I look at her all the time, and I think she'd be dead in the wild, yeah. And then it makes me think about before 1920 my. Daughter would have died. Like, I know, like, Isn't that crazy? Like, but that's like, my brain jumps around like that, like, but I look at her and I think this chameleon is, like, over there living its life. Like, trust me, she's looking at me right now. Like, if you could just bring a roach over here, it'd be awesome. She's a little fatty right now. I just want to say, and not like, in the P, H, A T, way, where you just, like, look at that thing shake. Like, she's getting a little belly and like, so like, we got to do something about that she would have died a few months ago. There's this one little valley where there's enough rain that these things can live. And that's what it made me think about when you just talked about genetics. Totally. How crazy is it that we tell women, when women have problems with their their inside bits and they're young, what do doctors tell them all the time? A lot of this will probably clear up

Amy 1:20:44
when you have a baby, yeah? Or when you're older, we don't know, yeah, go away.

Scott Benner 1:20:48
Yeah, hormones, right? And, but we can talk about all that,

Amy 1:20:51
yeah? And the fact that the world is so clean right now means everybody's getting more autoimmune diseases because we're not fighting viruses. We're fighting

Scott Benner 1:21:00
ourselves. Oh, we should be rolling in the dirt.

Amy 1:21:02
Yeah, we should be, like, licking dogs, basically. Well, let's try to find

Scott Benner 1:21:06
a different way to put that, but sure, yeah. I mean, you're so Canadian, you're just like, Please lick a dog. It's not a big deal, all right. Amy, you're in you did it. You stuck up for yourself, and you got something.

Amy 1:21:18
If you change your mind, let me know. I'm, Are you fcking

Scott Benner 1:21:21
serious? Amy, why didn't you just go, Hey, I'm sorry for doing that.

Amy 1:21:29
I'm so sorry. A like, we can cancel this that doesn't work for you. Just let me know.

Scott Benner 1:21:32
No, I think it's an awesome idea. So okay, hold on one second for me.

You I'd like to thank the blood glucose meter that my daughter carries. The contour next gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at contour, next.com/juicebox and don't forget, you may be paying more through your insurance right now for the meter you have, then you would pay for the contour next gen in cash. There are links in the show notes of the audio app you're listening in right now, and links at Juicebox podcast.com, to contour and all of the sponsors. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast was sponsored by us Med, us. Med.com/juicebox, or call 888-721-1514, get started today with us. Med, links in the show notes. Links at Juicebox podcast.com, the episode you just enjoyed was sponsored by the twist a ID system powered by tide pool. If you want a commercially available insulin pump with twist loop that offers unmatched personalization and precision for peace of mind, you want twist, twist.com/juicebox, thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. If you're not already subscribed or following the podcast in your favorite audio app, like Spotify or Apple podcasts, please do that now. Seriously, just to hit follow or subscribe will really help the show. If you go a little further in Apple podcasts and set it up so that it downloads all new episodes, I'll be your best friend, and if you leave a five star review, ooh, I'll probably send you a Christmas card. Would you like a Christmas card? Hey, what's up, everybody? If you've noticed that the podcast sounds better, and you're thinking like, how does that happen? What you're hearing is Rob at wrong way recording, doing his magic to these files. So if you want him to do his magic to you, wrong way recording.com. You got a podcast. You want somebody to edit it. You want rob you.

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