#1760 Boston Croissant Party - Part 2

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In the conclusion of this two-part discussion, Anais, a scientist in the biotech industry and mother of a seven-year-old daughter with Type 1 Diabetes (T1D), shares further insights into the first year of management, the emotional weight of grief, and the transition of care as children grow older.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner (0:0) Welcome back, friends, to another episode of the Juice Box podcast.

Anais (0:13) My name is Anais, and I am the mom of a type one diabetic child. (0:18) I have two daughters, seven and four and a half, and so my diabetic daughter is the one that just turned seven today. (0:25) It's her it's her birthday.

Scott Benner (0:27) This is part two of a two part episode. (0:29) Go look at the title. (0:31) If you don't recognize it, you haven't heard part one yet. (0:33) It's probably the episode right before this in your podcast player. (0:39) If this is your first time listening to the Juice Box podcast and you'd like to hear more, download Apple Podcasts or Spotify, really any audio app at all.

Scott Benner (0:48) Look for the Juice Box podcast and follow or subscribe. (0:51) We put out new content every day that you'll enjoy. (0:55) Wanna learn more about your diabetes management? (0:57) Go to juiceboxpodcast.com up in the menu and look for bold beginnings, the diabetes pro tip series, and much more. (1:04) This podcast is full of collections and series of information that will help you to live better with insulin.

Scott Benner (1:12) While you're listening, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juice Box podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. (1:20) Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. (1:29) Today's podcast episode is sponsored by Medtronic Diabetes, who is making life with diabetes easier with the MiniMed seven eighty g system and their new sensor options, which include the Instinct sensor made by Abbott. (1:44) Would you like to unleash the full potential of the MiniMed seven eighty g system? (1:48) You can do that at my link, medtronicdiabetes.com/juicebox.

Scott Benner (1:53) The podcast is also sponsored today by the Kontoor Next Gen blood glucose meter. (1:59) Learn more and get started today at kontoornext.com/juicebox.

Anais (2:05) I mean, you have to be a little bit brave. (2:08) I mean, I don't know if I'm if I'm there yet. (2:09) I mean, I I guess I'm on the podcast. (2:11) But

Scott Benner (2:12) No. (2:12) You're getting there. (2:12) Yeah. (2:13) No. (2:13) No.

Scott Benner (2:13) That's that's pretty good stuff.

Anais (2:15) But I think there is you know, work is there is stuff that should stay private, obviously, but I think it's good that they they're trying to improve, mental health because that's super important for sure.

Scott Benner (2:26) Nice people. (2:27) A lot of people working hard in a new world where some of them are, like, working out of their house and never see each other and, you you know, and some of them are are getting dragged into a building and and there's no one there. (2:38) So they're basically working by themselves in an office. (2:40) You know? (2:41) It's a and and like and like we said earlier, they all also have bills and problems of their own and spouses and children and you know?

Scott Benner (2:50) Like, every day somebody asks me, how how are you? (2:52) And I'm like, I have two kids, and I'm married. (2:54) I don't know. (2:54) Like, I get it.

Anais (2:58) Depends. (2:59) Depends on the day. (3:00) Is it Monday? (3:00) Is it Tuesday? (3:01) Who knows?

Anais (3:02) No.

Scott Benner (3:02) Some days, everybody's happy, and some days, people I love are yelling at me. (3:06) I don't know what's happening. (3:07) I I I can't follow this. (3:08) Oh, also, you know, try being me sometime. (3:11) Like, I mean this, like, from an outside perspective, not as a, like I'm I'm not celebrating myself, but I am a person who a lot of people would come to about diabetes stuff whose daughter doesn't see him that way.

Scott Benner (3:23) Right? (3:24) Like, I'm to me, the I'm the guy in the house. (3:26) Like, you don't listen to me. (3:27) Like, you don't send like, listen. (3:28) Here's a great piece of advice for everybody.

Scott Benner (3:30) I've said this a million times. (3:31) Yeah. (3:32) You shouldn't coach your kid in baseball. (3:34) And if you do and he's pitching, you're definitely not the one that goes out to the mound to talk to him when he's struggling. (3:40) Right?

Scott Benner (3:40) Like, that's just trust me. (3:41) That's great advice. (3:43) And it's the same thing with this. (3:44) Like, I spent three hours on the phone with a friend of Arden's the other day, and she was we got to the end, and she's like, thank you so much. (3:51) She's like, I just learned more about myself than I've learned in ten years, like, because her friend has type one.

Scott Benner (3:56) And Uh-huh. (3:57) If I turned to Arden, I was like, hey. (3:58) There's, like, five key things I'd like to see. (4:00) Be like, get away from me.

Anais (4:02) Yeah. (4:03) I mean yeah. (4:04) But you you're you're her dad. (4:05) Right? (4:06) So it's yeah.

Anais (4:06) Totally.

Scott Benner (4:07) I can see how into her differently. (4:09) Like, do you know what I mean? (4:09) Like but, like, still, it's I mean, that's a thing that I deal with. (4:15) Like, you know, and I'm saying people people are dealing with all kinds of little things that, you know I mean, that's the thing that makes me upset. (4:23) Like, I'm I'm just to be honest with everybody.

Scott Benner (4:25) I wish that my daughter cared to sit down and listen to the pro tip series. (4:31) You know? (4:31) Because not

Anais (4:32) that She hasn't.

Scott Benner (4:33) Not that she

Anais (4:33) She hasn't done that.

Scott Benner (4:34) No. (4:34) She knows most of it from my, like, incessant talking about it with her. (4:38) But, like, at the same time, like, I didn't wanna be the one to say it to her. (4:42) It's a weird mix to be. (4:44) You don't trust me.

Scott Benner (4:44) You won't know till you're there.

Anais (4:46) Oh, yeah.

Scott Benner (4:47) But you'll be there at some point. (4:49) She you know? (4:50) So good luck, by the way. (4:51) Ain't it great?

Anais (4:52) Yeah. (4:52) Thank you. (4:53) Yeah. (4:53) I am you know, it's it's funny because, I mean, obviously, my daughter is seven, so we do most of the management. (4:58) And she's she gets involved, and she's much better now with changing her device and all that good stuff.

Anais (5:04) I can see how as she evolve and become a teenager, there will be, you know, moments that are tough, and she's gonna take over the management. (5:13) I'm gonna have to let go. (5:14) I'm a type A person as well, so it's gonna be really hard for me

Scott Benner (5:18) Yeah.

Anais (5:18) To let her do her thing. (5:19) But I think at the end of the day, it's probably what she needs to do. (5:23) But, yeah, I can see all that super challenging. (5:24) We we're not there yet. (5:25) I feel like I have a few more years to

Scott Benner (5:27) You have plenty of time. (5:28) But just I'm just I'm here to tell you, it's just not gonna go the way you think.

Anais (5:32) Oh, yeah. (5:32) I'm sure.

Scott Benner (5:33) And I've never been more certain of this. (5:36) People want what they don't have. (5:38) Like, you know, I'm talking to her friend, and her friend's like, nobody ever helped me when I was growing up. (5:42) This is awesome to have somebody here helping me. (5:43) And I'm sure what my daughter thinks is, oh my god.

Scott Benner (5:46) You've been helping me so much. (5:47) Leave me alone. (5:48) Like, right like, like, everybody wants the opposite of what they get handed. (5:52) And so I think that you're not wrong, and it's a it's a lifelong thing of the passing of the information in such a way that in real time, they're healthy and safe and learning. (6:07) But at some point, it's gonna just sound like, oh, I can't believe that these people this is all they talk about, which by the way, and this will be hard for you to believe because you listen to my podcast about this, but I don't talk about this stuff much at all in my personal life.

Scott Benner (6:23) But the people around me think I talk about it all the time. (6:27) Yeah. (6:27) And it's because they don't wanna hear it from me. (6:30) It's a it's not about this. (6:31) It's not about the podcast.

Scott Benner (6:32) It's not about diabetes. (6:33) It's it's anything. (6:34) Like, you all right now are thinking about something. (6:37) Everyone listening is like, my god. (6:38) My mom always talks about knitting or my dad's always talking about the jets or, like, you know, like, that kind of thing.

Scott Benner (6:44) It's not true. (6:44) That's not what people are always talking about. (6:47) It's just the thing that you hear, I guess. (6:50) I'm not fully able to explain this whole thing yet. (6:53) I think a fair amount of the podcast over the next couple years is gonna be me, like, continuing to figure all this out.

Scott Benner (7:00) But I've been letting go for years, and I've been, you know, staying out of it for years. (7:07) And still, if you talk to her about it, she thinks I'm she thinks that's all I'm talking about. (7:12) It's really interesting.

Anais (7:13) That's so funny. (7:14) Yeah. (7:14) We'll see. (7:15) We'll see how it goes. (7:17) Yeah.

Anais (7:17) It's gonna be an interesting time.

Scott Benner (7:18) Well, also, good point. (7:20) Everyone's different. (7:20) Your kid might just be like, I don't know. (7:22) They helped me a lot. (7:23) It was awesome.

Scott Benner (7:23) And then that'd be it. (7:25) You know? (7:25) Like, who knows how people take it? (7:27) Don't don't panic yet. (7:28) There's plenty of time before I just realized

Anais (7:31) plenty of episode can listen to where you talk about that. (7:33) So that's good. (7:34) I'll have some resources.

Scott Benner (7:35) Maybe you can catch up for there. (7:38) So at her age, though, like so is she making decisions? (7:42) Does she count carbs? (7:43) Like, where are you at with that part?

Anais (7:46) She's not well, she understand the concept of carbs, and and I think the concept of giving insulin, pre bowl is saying she's very good about that. (7:53) I think she helps more with, like, device changes because at first, it was super hard for her to do an Omnipod change. (8:00) We had to, like, we watch pretty much all of the Simone Biles routine on YouTube every time we were changing a pod, so she will be distracted. (8:09) And it was just so hard, but now she's like, she take the the the Omnipod off. (8:15) She helps with the the adhesive and all that stuff.

Anais (8:17) So she's much better with with that, but she's not she's not doing the management. (8:22) Sometime if I say, hey. (8:24) Can you put in nine carbs in the the controller? (8:27) Like, she knows how to do it, she will do it properly, But she is not really kind of managing her disease. (8:34) She's she's pretty smart about it.

Anais (8:35) Like, if she goes play at the outside, she would be like, hey. (8:38) What's my number? (8:39) And I'm like, well, you're fine. (8:41) You can just go play. (8:42) Or I'm like, well, you need a schedule to to kind of get you up before you go running like crazy.

Anais (8:46) So she's aware, and I think she generally pretty vocal if she feels low or if she doesn't feel right. (8:54) Like, she will tell us. (8:55) Yeah. (8:56) She's not really involved in a lot of the carbs counting and all that good stuff.

Scott Benner (8:59) Yeah. (8:59) I wouldn't I would imagine. (9:00) It happens slowly. (9:01) It's also you know, you're still figuring it out. (9:03) It's hard to teach somebody something you're not sure of.

Anais (9:06) Exactly. (9:07) Yeah. (9:07) For sure. (9:08) No. (9:08) I was just saying, I think we're getting better because we didn't totally scrub pizza the other day.

Anais (9:12) So I felt like that was her, you know

Scott Benner (9:15) Big win?

Anais (9:15) Her montage to climb. (9:17) And I think we we stayed under one eighty, though. (9:20) Like, that was the maximum she went to after pizza, and I was like, I think we did pretty well this time. (9:26) Hopefully, we do that again.

Scott Benner (9:27) Do you have that moment, like, quietly over the table where you pick up the CGM screen and you show it to your husband and nod at each other like, oh my god. (9:34) We did it. (9:35) Like

Anais (9:35) Yeah. (9:36) Yeah. (9:36) We we yeah. (9:37) It's and we have, like we strategize. (9:39) Like, we we still talk about about about diabetes a lot at at mealtime, and it's like, well, what did we do yesterday?

Anais (9:45) Like, what do you think we should do? (9:46) Is it fifty percent now? (9:47) Like, so yeah. (9:50) Yeah. (9:50) Eventually, it will become easier, hopefully, in this work, but, we're still pretty involved in

Scott Benner (9:56) I mean, I'm personally, me, I'm at the spot where I don't really need to talk about it to make it work. (10:02) And that's that's awesome. (10:03) But it's funny because, you know, because Arden went off to college and she, you know, took over for herself. (10:08) She didn't obviously start at scratch, like, like, from scratch, but she started, you know, behind where where I was. (10:14) And it gets been interesting watching her figure it out.

Scott Benner (10:17) Like, I and she's doing I wanna say, especially if she hears this, she's doing an awesome job. (10:23) Like, she's keeping her a one c in the sixes.

Anais (10:25) Oh, that's awesome.

Scott Benner (10:26) Yeah. (10:26) Like, you know, she's going to college at the same time. (10:29) She, you know, she has a boyfriend. (10:31) She goes out. (10:31) Like, she does a accomplishes she a lot of things.

Scott Benner (10:34) And with an a one c in the sixth, I think that's just astounding. (10:38) Like, I I I mean, it's such a I don't know. (10:41) Such a thing to be celebrated, really. (10:43) You know? (10:44) Especially after interviewing so many people who are like, oh my god.

Scott Benner (10:47) In college, I don't even know what my blood sugar was, or I only gave myself basal insulin for four years in college. (10:52) Like, I hear that stuff all the time from

Anais (10:53) Oh, wow. (10:54) Yeah. (10:54) Yeah. (10:55) I don't know. (10:55) That's crazy.

Anais (10:56) That's amazing that she's doing so well. (10:58) Yeah.

Scott Benner (10:59) It's just hard that when you I don't think she feels it that way. (11:03) And I do believe she it's because to some degree, she knows it's not as good as it has been or that it could be, and yet she's taking a having a lot of pride taking it on for herself too. (11:15) So Yeah. (11:15) It's a real interesting journey.

Anais (11:18) Yes. (11:18) I I was gonna say, like, it's hard because we have a very tight control and, you know, her a was I mean, her a one c, I think our last one was five, and she she's she's doing great. (11:27) But I know that the amount of effort we're putting in, it probably is too much. (11:33) Right? (11:34) So, eventually, I think it's like, where do you wanna be Yeah.

Anais (11:37) And live your life and not worry about it all the time? (11:42) And so I think this is something that I haven't figured out quite yet. (11:46) It's like, you know, we No.

Scott Benner (11:48) You have a lot of time. (11:49) Don't worry. (11:50) Yeah.

Anais (11:50) But it's like, we are constantly working at it. (11:53) So

Scott Benner (11:54) I'll tell you right now. (11:55) From my perspective, there's two things that thwart adults. (12:00) Right? (12:01) And I understand completely why it would. (12:04) It's about attention and it not making you mental.

Scott Benner (12:07) Right? (12:07) And about you trying to live the rest of your life. (12:09) But the two things where people struggle the most as adults, and I've seen it talking to them, and I'm watching it with Arden. (12:16) Pre bolus thing long enough before a meal and readdressing a high blood sugar before it gets over, like, one eighty. (12:23) Yeah.

Scott Benner (12:24) Those are the two things that because they're trying to live their lives, I think that they're trying to be sane. (12:30) You know what I mean? (12:31) That they're they're not focused on all the time. (12:33) Those two things. (12:34) Like, if Arden came to me right now and said, fine.

Scott Benner (12:36) I'll listen. (12:37) What am I doing wrong? (12:38) And I would say, first of you're doing anything wrong, but just focus on these two things a little more. (12:43) I think that would change things for her dramatically.

Anais (12:45) Yeah. (12:46) Yeah. (12:46) So Maybe I should take that advice as well.

Scott Benner (12:49) Yeah. (12:49) As minimally as you can. (12:51) Like, once she knows what she's doing, like, you just want I actually think that the the reason, like, the pro tip series works is because it really is distilled down into just these ideas, and they are the core they are the core ideas that will keep you in a six. (13:07) Right? (13:07) And Yeah.

Scott Benner (13:09) Once you have a lot of them set up, you don't really have to think about them as much anymore. (13:13) And then from there, I saw I really think it's that. (13:16) I think it's don't let a blood sugar go over one eighty and pre bolus. (13:19) And those two things will keep you the rest of the way in it. (13:22) Now maybe a technology will take care of that in the coming years.

Scott Benner (13:25) I have no idea. (13:29) The Kontoor next gen blood glucose meter is sponsoring this episode of the Juice Box podcast. (13:35) And it's entirely possible that it is less expensive in cash than you're paying right now for your meter through your insurance company. (13:43) That's right. (13:44) If you go to my link, contournext.com/juicebox, you're gonna find links to Walmart, Amazon, Walgreens, CVS, Rite Aid, Kroger, and Meijer.

Scott Benner (13:55) You could be paying more right now through your insurance for your test strips and meter than you would pay through my link for the Contour Next Gen and Contour Next test strips in cash. (14:07) What am I saying? (14:08) My link may be cheaper out of your pocket than you're paying right now even with your insurance. (14:15) And I don't know what meter you have right now. (14:18) I can't say that.

Scott Benner (14:19) But what I can say for sure is that the Kontoor Next Gen meter is accurate. (14:23) It is reliable, and it is the meter that we've been using for years. (14:27) Kontoornext.com/juicebox. (14:31) And if you already have a contour meter and you're buying test strips, doing so through the juice box podcast link will help to support the show. (14:41) Unlike other systems that will wait until your blood sugar is a 180 before delivering corrections, The MiniMed seven eighty g system is the only system with meal detection technology that automatically detects rising sugar levels and delivers more insulin as needed to help keep your sugar levels in range even if you're not a perfect carb counter.

Scott Benner (15:02) Today's episode of the Juice Box podcast is sponsored by Medtronic Diabetes and their MiniMed seven eighty g system, which gives you real choices because the MiniMed seven eighty g system works with the Instinct sensor made by Avid, as well as the Simplera Sync and Guardian Force sensors, giving you options. (15:23) The Instinct sensor is the longest wear sensor yet, lasting fifteen days and designed exclusively for the MiniMed seven eighty g. (15:31) And don't forget, Medtronic diabetes makes technology accessible for you with comprehensive insurance support, programs to help you with your out of pocket costs, or switching from other pump and CGM systems. (15:45) Learn more and get started today with my link, medtronicdiabetes.com/juicebox.

Anais (15:51) Yeah. (15:51) Well, the the the bump and nudge one too, I thought, was super helpful because, like, it's like, okay. (15:56) Like, what do I do if I see this hour going up? (15:58) Like, do I wait a little bit? (16:00) Like, you know, being aware of, like, is she gonna go outside and running?

Anais (16:04) Like, that that type of things that maybe in the future technology would take care of. (16:08) But right now, I I saw that thinking about where the arrow is going, what the trend is. (16:14) I I saw that was helpful also to keep in mind Mhmm. (16:16) To stay within a certain range.

Scott Benner (16:19) I think in my mind, the bump and nudge is an expansion of it's not stacking if you need it. (16:25) Like yeah.

Anais (16:26) That's true.

Scott Benner (16:26) Right? (16:27) Like, once you get the idea of, like, oh god, I'm only supposed to bolus once every three hours. (16:31) Once you get that out of your head, and then you realize that it's I I don't know how to put this exactly. (16:40) I think that initially, bolusing for food is taught to you as a thing that only happens once every three hours. (16:47) Right?

Scott Benner (16:47) So the segments are farther apart. (16:50) And then when somebody tells you, well, no. (16:52) Like, if you eat now and then eat again an hour from now, you're gonna wanna bolus for both of those things. (16:57) You go, okay. (16:57) The segments come closer together.

Scott Benner (17:00) But it's not until you, like, go in on them in a micro fashion and start looking at them as not, like, things that happen every three hours, not things that happen every hour, but things that are happening every minute. (17:11) Like, once you see it like that, it's almost like shrinking down and going inside of it for a second. (17:16) Like, once you can see it from that perspective, then you realize, like, it's about timing and amount, but that always changes. (17:23) Now you don't have to watch it down to the millisecond, but if you watch it a little closer than that, you know Yeah. (17:30) Then all of a sudden, you're you're ahead of the the blood sugar.

Anais (17:34) Yeah. (17:34) Right? (17:35) And I and I think the pump really allows you to do those microdose and, you know, bolus for the food even though it's been less than three hours. (17:42) So it gives you a lot more flexibility. (17:44) I think that

Scott Benner (17:45) Yeah.

Anais (17:45) If you have to inject yourself all the time, I think that makes it challenging for sure.

Scott Benner (17:50) Yeah. (17:50) I've met people who do it, but, I mean, I don't know. (17:53) It's a it's a it's a to me, it's I don't know how you go after a a seven year old and be like, look. (17:58) We're gonna we're gonna give you a 1.5 now, and then once you start eating, we'll give you two more. (18:04) And then if this goes up 45 like, I mean, that's, you know

Anais (18:07) Yeah. (18:07) You I I think that would be super hard Sure. (18:09) For her, for sure.

Scott Benner (18:11) You know, for some people, no. (18:12) And for the ones it is hard for, I understand why they're not doing it. (18:15) So once and and, again, I'll I'm happy to say this over and over again. (18:19) It isn't really I understood it all, but I really understood it once I had Nightscout on my phone for Loop. (18:28) Like, because once I watched Loop work in the moment and I was able to say to myself, oh, that's what I've been doing.

Scott Benner (18:35) I've been doing like, because, know, when Arden was in school, I'd be temp Basil off ten minutes. (18:40) Like, you know, I'd send her a text or let's do, temp Basil increase 150% for an hour. (18:47) Like, I was acting like an algorithm like that, and I was really good at it. (18:51) Like, you know and, you know, bolus again here. (18:53) Do another unit.

Scott Benner (18:54) Do a half. (18:55) Like, blah blah blah. (18:56) And it wasn't constant. (18:57) Like, don't get me I I don't want anybody to think I was texting her every five minutes in school. (19:00) But, like, you know, a few times throughout the day, like, in this drill down idea, like, we went from three hours, and I was kinda down to, like, more like every hour.

Scott Benner (19:08) And then most hours, you didn't need to do anything, but then you saw something move, and you could kinda get ahead of it a little bit because it started to move. (19:15) And then I saw the algorithm doing it constantly. (19:19) I saw that loop doing it over and over and over again. (19:22) And I was like, oh, that's how this works so well. (19:25) And that is what I was doing.

Scott Benner (19:26) It's just more micro now. (19:27) Like, it's it's it's finer. (19:30) Yeah. (19:30) Once you understand it, then you can kinda back back out again and then control it in bigger segments, if that makes sense or not. (19:37) But

Anais (19:38) Yeah. (19:38) Yeah. (19:38) Yeah. (19:39) And I guess the pump takes a little bit of that work away from Yeah. (19:42) You, and then you have to figure out.

Scott Benner (19:43) Right. (19:43) And that's where we are right now in the in the zeitgeist with all this, which is the people of now I I watched it happen online the other day. (19:50) I did not have the energy to jump into it, where people are like, the thing doesn't work. (19:54) It's not doing what it's supposed to do, and I'm like, you are not doing the things it needs you to do. (19:59) And and, like like right?

Scott Benner (20:00) So, like, you're acting like I put it on. (20:03) I turned it on. (20:05) Why is my blood sugar not 95 all day long?

Anais (20:08) Yeah. (20:08) That doesn't work that way.

Scott Benner (20:10) And I'm like, well, you didn't pre bolus. (20:12) I know that. (20:12) I can see that. (20:13) Right? (20:13) You didn't do this.

Scott Benner (20:14) You watched this thing go up for an hour and a half. (20:16) You didn't do anything about it. (20:17) Well, they're sitting there thinking, well, it's been going up. (20:19) Why won't the thing stop it? (20:20) And I'm just because the settings and the situation don't match up.

Scott Benner (20:25) It believes through settings that it's doing the right thing and that this shouldn't be happening. (20:30) And so, you know, when people don't understand how it works and they want it to just be magical, that becomes a different problem again. (20:40) Yeah. (20:40) I think a lot of people are gonna need to learn that lesson in this time period with these devices. (20:45) So

Anais (20:46) Yeah. (20:46) I mean, maybe one day, but not now. (20:48) That's for sure. (20:49) Yeah. (20:49) That's for sure.

Anais (20:50) You still have to put on some work, into

Scott Benner (20:51) that. (20:52) Exactly.

Anais (20:52) But yeah. (20:53) Yeah. (20:54) So I guess I don't know. (20:55) I mean, I know we're over time. (20:56) So I'm just

Scott Benner (20:57) You're fine. (20:57) Listen. (20:58) I mean, you you can keep talking. (20:59) I can keep talk. (21:00) I just make a podcast, so I'm good.

Anais (21:02) Oh, right. (21:04) No. (21:04) But I you said something about school management, and I think that's something also that the first year, you know, we rely on a school nurse. (21:11) And and she's a wonderful person, but I think she has a a very different way of managing that we do, and she also has there is four type one kids at the school and so and one nurse. (21:23) And so she has to make sure that they're all stay alive all day.

Anais (21:26) Right? (21:26) And they all do recess, they all do pee. (21:28) And and so, you know, at first, like, she was running. (21:33) I mean, I'm sure she run the other kids pretty high, but, like, she was running my daughter pretty high. (21:37) And so there is a lot of back and forth that goes in, hey.

Anais (21:41) Texting the nurse and being like, hey. (21:42) She's going up. (21:43) Like, it's been a while. (21:44) It would be nice if you could just do a little bullish here because we're not comfortable with her being, like, at two hundred. (21:50) You know?

Anais (21:50) And and so there has been a lot of adjustment. (21:54) And I think most of the time, she she does a good job. (21:56) And, honestly, I would lose my mind if I had four team type one kids to manage. (22:01) But it's true that she it's it's sometimes frustrating when someone has a very different approach and, like, the pre bolus is a little short and the correction are a little bit aggressive when, you know, there is a low because she wants to make sure the kids are safe. (22:16) And so so that has been a challenge.

Anais (22:18) And I think when my daughter is able to manage on her own a little bit more, I think you had mentioned in in several episode that you were just texting with Arden, and she was doing a lot of the management that way. (22:31) So I'm really looking forward that stage because I think we'll be it will be a little bit easier.

Scott Benner (22:37) Yeah. (22:37) You're you're thinking you're gonna loop her into this as soon as possible and and take the nurse out of the the moment to moment?

Anais (22:46) I think she's not ready for that, but I think when she is, it will it probably be a little bit more straightforward to manage with with my daughter. (22:53) I mean, I don't know, like, when she will be ready to do that, but I think it I know that some kids in fifth grade are already kind of taking care of, you know, bullicing and all that stuff, texting with their parents. (23:06) So I feel like that's probably the the age where we'll try to transition to her managing a little bit more. (23:12) Yeah. (23:13) But, yeah, I think it's challenging.

Anais (23:14) Like, the day to day and the schedule at school is really not very well suited for a kid with a kid with type type one for sure.

Scott Benner (23:23) Mhmm. (23:23) No. (23:23) No. (23:23) I think in you'll find out. (23:25) I don't know if there's a certain age.

Scott Benner (23:27) You'll I think you'll see where it works for her. (23:30) You know what I mean? (23:30) Like, you'll see where she's ready for it. (23:32) But I agree that, you make a great point. (23:35) The nurse is doing an awesome job.

Scott Benner (23:37) Right? (23:37) And and it's a tough one at that. (23:39) But at the same time, taking out the gaps and, you know, the time it takes to accomplish something. (23:45) You know, hey, can you please bolus because this is happening when you knew twenty minutes ago you wanted to use insulin. (23:51) Yeah.

Scott Benner (23:52) If it would be just as easy as like, hey, sweetie. (23:54) Like, let's just do a half a unit right here. (23:57) And and she could pick up a phone, push two buttons, and be done with it again. (24:02) Then Yeah. (24:02) You save that forty five minutes that that, you know, that you never go up to 200.

Scott Benner (24:07) You never end up having to do more later getting low because of that. (24:10) Like, I it's a great texting is, as far as I'm concerned, diabetes parenting, texting is maybe one of the most important tools for management.

Anais (24:20) Yeah. (24:20) Yeah. (24:21) Oh, yeah. (24:21) I can see that. (24:22) I so so I think, eventually, that's where we'll go.

Anais (24:26) But, yeah, it's just difficult when there's a lot of different people managing your kid's diabetes. (24:31) Everybody's different. (24:32) Everybody has a slightly different level of comfort with lows and highs, and I'm, like, an anti high person. (24:39) I would if I could have her always under one forty, I'll be, like, so happy, but that's not realistic. (24:45) And I'm more comfortable.

Anais (24:47) Like, I don't like when she goes lows, and she almost never goes low because we always try to avoid when we see a down arrow, which is microdose skittles. (24:54) But if she goes low, like, I know they have a lot of different tools that I can reach for before it gets too low. (25:01) Mhmm. (25:02) So I know, like, this this arrow is going down very quickly. (25:04) She's been running.

Anais (25:05) Like, this is a gel situation, but maybe this situation is like a gummy. (25:10) And so I feel like you have a lot of different doses that you can reach for and and vehicle to get sugar into her that, I'm more comfortable with that than when it's high. (25:21) It takes forever to get her down. (25:23) Yeah. (25:23) So that drives me crazy.

Scott Benner (25:25) Yeah. (25:26) No. (25:26) And and to be perfectly honest, but this is a thing I find myself saying all the time, but diabetes takes the effort it takes. (25:32) You're putting in a lot of effort whether you're doing it and keeping the blood sugar from spiking or letting it spike and then bringing it back down again. (25:40) I think it's less effort to keep it from spiking than it is to fight with it after it has spiked.

Scott Benner (25:46) Right? (25:46) So Yeah. (25:47) Yeah. (25:47) I always think, like, people are just putting their effort sometimes in the wrong place on the clock. (25:52) You you know?

Anais (25:53) Oh, for sure.

Scott Benner (25:54) Yeah.

Anais (25:54) For sure. (25:55) I mean, when you're high, it's yeah. (25:57) It it's a journey to get down. (25:59) Yeah.

Scott Benner (25:59) Do you wanna spend two minutes with it here at 9AM, or do you wanna spend two hours with it at 11AM? (26:05) Yeah. (26:06) That's the way I think about it. (26:07) And I just I think being proactive listen. (26:10) Being proactive in life in general is is valuable.

Scott Benner (26:13) But, like, you know, doing it in diabetes, I think it just saves you a lot of a lot of time and a lot of mental focus that you could be

Anais (26:20) put put

Scott Benner (26:20) on something else. (26:21) You know?

Anais (26:21) For sure. (26:22) Also, a lesson that we learned in the first year.

Scott Benner (26:24) Good. (26:25) Good. (26:25) Good. (26:25) Good. (26:25) I'm glad.

Scott Benner (26:26) Listen. (26:26) Earlier, did I mishear you, or did you say that your daughter watches Simone Biles videos while you're changing her stuff?

Anais (26:32) She does.

Scott Benner (26:33) That would be She's Okay. (26:35) I wasn't sure if, like, for because of, like because your accent's not, like, not I mean, you speak very clearly. (26:40) Like but I it it went by so quickly. (26:43) I'm like, did she say Simone Biles?

Anais (26:45) Yes. (26:46) I did. (26:46) She she does gymnastic, and she's a huge fan of Simone Biles. (26:50) And she was I mean, she was so scared of the pump, like the Omnipod, you know, when it gets in, like the cannula gets in. (26:57) Mhmm.

Anais (26:58) And she was crying so much, and I was like, okay. (27:00) Like, let's watch a YouTube video. (27:01) And for some reason, I was like, oh, you love gymnastics. (27:05) So I I put on gymnastic on YouTube and, you know, Simone Biles' routine comes in. (27:10) And she's, like, mesmerized, obviously, because Simone Biles is awesome.

Anais (27:15) And so we've spent probably, like, the first three months on the pump watching in, like, reruns and of Simone Biles' routine, during pump change. (27:26) So she's seen, like, the floor routine at the Olympic, like, probably a million time. (27:30) Right. (27:30) But it's it's pretty cool.

Scott Benner (27:32) So Let me give you a little something that you can do. (27:35) So Charlotte Drury, who is an Olympic trampoline ist is trampoline ist the word? (27:41) She's been on the podcast, but she has type one diabetes.

Anais (27:43) Oh, okay.

Scott Benner (27:44) So if you ever wanna watch her bounce for that, and as a bonus, her girlfriend is Laurie Hernandez.

Anais (27:51) Oh, no way. (27:52) Yeah. (27:52) That's awesome. (27:53) Okay. (27:53) Yes.

Anais (27:54) We definitely need to check that out. (27:55) That that'll she's gonna be super excited about this.

Scott Benner (27:58) I thought that might help a little bit. (27:59) Yeah. (27:59) Yeah.

Anais (27:59) So Thank you.

Scott Benner (28:00) Yeah. (28:00) Charlotte's awesome. (28:02) Charlotte's been on the podcast. (28:03) I don't know if Laurie jumped on at the end or not or if it was a conversation we had privately, but she was delightful too. (28:08) But yeah.

Scott Benner (28:08) Yeah. (28:09) So if you want, you know, Charlotte has type one. (28:12) So you can, show her her some of her trampoline routines.

Anais (28:15) Oh, yes. (28:15) That would be great because she sometimes she's a little bit embarrassed, like, at gymnastic because she has her devices hanging out, and people are usually pretty nice. (28:23) You just say, I'm tired to to answer questions. (28:26) Everybody always asks me the same question. (28:27) Why do I have a device?

Anais (28:29) And I have to explain to them they have diabetes, and I'm like, I'm sorry. (28:31) I think it's gonna be for the rest of of your life, honey. (28:34) But so it's nice to see other people that have devices as well.

Scott Benner (28:37) Well yeah. (28:38) And let me say this, and this is something you're obviously, her mom, you'll do what you want, but she doesn't have to explain it to them if she doesn't want to.

Anais (28:45) Yeah. (28:45) That's true.

Scott Benner (28:46) Yeah. (28:46) So, I mean, she needs to it's it's tough to learn at seven years old, but forced is the wrong word. (28:52) But I don't think she should feel forced by other people to make them comfortable if it makes her uncomfortable. (28:57) You know? (28:58) Yeah.

Scott Benner (28:58) So Yeah. (28:59) Charlotte is on episode six eighty two of the podcast by

Anais (29:02) the way. (29:02) 82. (29:03) Okay. (29:03) I'll check that out.

Scott Benner (29:04) Yeah. (29:04) Yeah. (29:04) So Thank you. (29:05) Okay. (29:05) Absolutely.

Scott Benner (29:06) What else you got? (29:07) I feel like I I talked a lot in the beginning, and I might have kept you off of things you wanted to say. (29:11) I for example, in your note, you said life in general, grief and lack of awareness. (29:18) What what what did you mean by grief?

Anais (29:20) Oh, grief. (29:20) I think for me, grief was like I was saying as the beginning, you know, like, maybe being pretty stoic through the the diagnosis, but then being very angry afterwards. (29:31) And I think it's sometimes regretting a little bit how easy it was before diabetes. (29:36) Like, we could just go out. (29:37) We didn't have to think about, do I have low snacks?

Anais (29:40) Do I have, you know, my my insulin? (29:43) Do I have everything? (29:44) And I think haven't stopped doing the stuff that we love doing. (29:47) So we went camping. (29:48) We've traveled, all that good stuff.

Anais (29:50) But it just takes a little bit of extra efforts, and there is moments where I'm like, you know, everything's fine, and you're like, oh, well, this really sucks. (29:57) And I think that never necessarily leaves you. (30:00) So that's the grief part. (30:01) And the second piece is, like, the long term consequences of diabetes. (30:06) I know that, you know, she's gonna live all her life with it, and sometimes it seems very daunting.

Anais (30:12) You know, it's it's great to see that there's a lot of people that have it and that great are great role models. (30:18) They've done so many things with our life. (30:20) So that that's very encouraging, but you always have those moments where you're like, oh, well, this really sucks, and it's not gonna go away. (30:27) I think that's something that I realized through the past year that you have to kind of process through.

Scott Benner (30:34) Yeah. (30:35) You know, I found myself telling somebody the other day that I just I I do wonder sometimes, like, what was Arden's life gonna be like without all this? (30:43) And what was what was ours gonna be like and without all this happening? (30:47) And, I mean, obviously, we'll never know, but I do and I do think about it sometimes. (30:52) Like, you know, like, there's days where I'm like, I don't wanna be doing this.

Scott Benner (30:56) Yeah. (30:57) You know, she and I are, you know, in the middle of something where she's like, oh, he's you know, I don't want my dad involved in this, which is something I've been ready for my whole life. (31:06) Like, I didn't not know it was coming. (31:07) You you know what I mean? (31:08) And I and then there I go.

Scott Benner (31:09) I go, that's cool. (31:10) I don't need to be involved. (31:11) And it still it's not a smooth transition still. (31:14) Yeah. (31:15) There's a thing.

Scott Benner (31:16) Like, this is shaping our relationship. (31:17) Like, I wanna be completely clear. (31:20) It's gonna be okay. (31:21) Like, we're gonna make our way through it. (31:22) This is a thing, like, you have to go through because this is the situation, but would have been cool if this wasn't the situation.

Anais (31:30) Yeah. (31:30) Exactly. (31:31) And I think that's yeah. (31:33) I I you know, I think you can always wonder, like, what it would have been like. (31:38) So I think, generally speaking, that's what I meant.

Anais (31:42) And and I think grief is very different from different people, but for me, it was more like kind of a little bit of regrets, like, how our life could be. (31:49) But at the same time, I think we have gained a lot of things through the experience. (31:52) I think I'm a better person. (31:54) We we are have a stronger marriage, and we've met so many incredible people. (32:00) So the silver linings is, you know, exist.

Anais (32:03) It's just sometimes, you know, the grift strikes. (32:07) You're like, oh, this sucks.

Scott Benner (32:09) Well well, the the rest of that thought for me is that I have to yeah. (32:13) I can't sit here and tell you I I see other people and it seems like everybody wants what they don't have or the opposite of what they get, and then I can't do the same thing. (32:22) So when I'm having that feeling, I try to go to what you just said. (32:26) Like, there's also a lot of it that's come out of it that's been positive. (32:30) And, you know, and so I you try to pay attention to that.

Scott Benner (32:33) Would you trade it? (32:34) Of course, you would trade it. (32:35) Like, you know, anything positive that comes out of type one diabetes, I'd be happy to give away right now if it meant it didn't exist. (32:42) Mhmm. (32:42) You know?

Scott Benner (32:43) But since that's not the reality of it, I'm I'm trying not to lose sight of the things that have come from it that have been good. (32:50) So

Anais (32:50) Yeah. (32:51) Totally.

Scott Benner (32:51) And continue to be.

Anais (32:53) Yep. (32:54) Go ahead.

Scott Benner (32:54) No. (32:54) It and these things continue to happen.

Anais (32:57) Yeah. (32:57) Right? (32:57) Yeah. (32:58) So Yeah. (32:59) For sure.

Scott Benner (32:59) Yeah. (32:59) And they they it's not just because I have this podcast or I get to go talk to people and, you know, tell them, like, do a better job and maybe that'll actually help somebody, stuff like that. (33:08) I mean, just, like, personally. (33:10) You know? (33:10) Like, I really talking to Arden's friend last week on the phone, like, I felt really awesome when I was done.

Scott Benner (33:16) I was like, wow. (33:17) Like, there's one person I like, I'm used to talking to a lot of people, but I don't really get a lot of opportunities when I'm not being recorded to talk to somebody and say, like, you know, tell me where your, you know, where are your problems? (33:29) Let me see if I can help you get through them and then have them at the end go, wow. (33:33) Thank you. (33:33) That was awesome.

Scott Benner (33:34) Like, I'm I'm gonna be better off now because of this. (33:36) I was like, you know, that's a good thing it's come.

Anais (33:38) Yeah. (33:38) It feels good. (33:39) Yeah. (33:39) It feels good.

Scott Benner (33:39) It really does.

Anais (33:41) And then you said lack of awareness. (33:43) I think that one is, I mean, we all are converted to this. (33:47) I think people have that have had diabetes for years and and newly diagnosed people. (33:51) But I think there is a general lack of awareness in this in the world about diabetes, what that means, what that means for parents, what that means for someone that has diabetes. (34:00) Like, you know, like you were saying at the very beginning of the episode, the the example you gave about the insurance company, like, we all have lives.

Anais (34:08) We all, like, are sleep deprived because maybe the CGM went off at, like, 3AM, and people just don't get it unless they have lived through it. (34:16) And so and you always constantly have to educate about, like, diabetes and know she didn't eat too much sugar when she was a baby. (34:24) You know? (34:25) It's just it's it's, like, silly stuff like that that keeps coming up, and you're like, come on, people. (34:30) It's not that hard, but I guess it is maybe hard to understand when you're not living in it.

Anais (34:35) And Right. (34:36) But you're you're

Scott Benner (34:37) a bright person. (34:38) You know that everybody doesn't know everything about everything. (34:40) Right? (34:40) But so what's

Anais (34:41) And even me. (34:42) Like, the injection example that you gave, I think, yeah, being converted to this makes me more aware. (34:47) But it's just very frustrating sometimes to have to educate, and and you're like, come on. (34:52) Just go on the Internet and Google it. (34:54) You know?

Anais (34:54) Like, ask GPT. (34:55) I don't know.

Scott Benner (34:56) Do you really want them to understand, or you just want them to not ask you about it?

Anais (35:02) That's a good question.

Scott Benner (35:03) Mhmm.

Anais (35:04) I think in some situation, not ask about it is probably the the more the more appropriate move for some people. (35:12) I think people just don't realize that they are a bit intrusive, but I think I want them to ask about it. (35:19) Because if they are educated, hopefully, they have a little bit more understanding what's going on for other people and other encounters. (35:24) And so it's I'm I'm I'm of both ways. (35:28) I think in some situation, I would rather not have to deal with it.

Anais (35:31) But in at the end of the day, I think the more predictive approach is to try to educate. (35:36) So here we are.

Scott Benner (35:38) I don't ask because I'm judging. (35:40) I ask because I really like, people have this question over and over again, and I keep thinking, like, what fixes it for you? (35:47) Because we're the you're not going to like, this is an appropriate thing. (35:51) It's November 19. (35:52) We're in, like, smack dab in the middle of diabetes awareness month, which I I think they changed the name of or something.

Scott Benner (35:57) But, anyway and I've watched it in this space forever. (36:00) I don't even get involved in it. (36:02) Like, I don't do extra different stuff for I'm I'm doing diabetes awareness every day of my life. (36:07) Like so, like, I I don't need to do a special because it's November. (36:10) But at the same time, I step back and watch everyone else do it.

Scott Benner (36:13) And I'm like, this is just a din of noise now. (36:15) And there's so much of it. (36:16) I care about it, and it's starting to bother me. (36:19) You really think a person from the outside is seeing one or two posts about this and going, oh, I really should learn more about type one diabetes. (36:26) I'm like, because they're not.

Scott Benner (36:27) Do you see what I'm saying?

Anais (36:28) Yeah. (36:29) I totally I agree. (36:30) I and I think I I do think that big initiatives are great, but it's probably more one on one that you educate more effectively. (36:38) Yes. (36:39) I think what's frustrating is not so much complete strangers.

Anais (36:43) It's the people that are in a closer circle that, you know, may I I say we're very lucky because most of our friends and family have been amazing, and they've, tried to read and learn about it. (36:56) But there is, from time to time, someone that you're like, okay. (36:59) It's been a year. (37:00) Like, we've you've seen it. (37:01) Like, just go read about it.

Anais (37:03) I don't want you to spend extra energy explaining to you. (37:06) Like, if you care about us, just go educate yourself. (37:09) And I think that's maybe I'm not being very empathetic to the other person here, but, I'm also tired. (37:15) God, I wake up at 3AM. (37:17) I don't want to have to explain this.

Scott Benner (37:19) You don't have the ceiling for empathy anymore.

Anais (37:22) I'm good.

Scott Benner (37:22) Yeah. (37:23) Yeah.

Anais (37:23) I've used it up all up.

Scott Benner (37:25) Either shut up or learn about it on your own. (37:27) But, like, you don't don't come asking me for help because Yeah. (37:31) I don't have an extra half a second in my brain. (37:34) Yeah.

Anais (37:34) Yeah. (37:34) I think the the best thing that a friend like, several friends actually have done is being like, hey. (37:42) I went on on this website, and I I read about this. (37:45) And can you tell me a little bit more about, like, CGM or about this? (37:49) Like, how is it for Lira?

Anais (37:51) And I just felt so seen and so supported by those friends that they just, on their own, were like, hey. (37:59) Like, this is something really big. (38:01) We want to help. (38:02) We want to learn about it. (38:03) And and I hope people have those friends in their lives because we've been super lucky to have many of them, and we love you.

Anais (38:12) They probably would never listen to this podcast. (38:14) But

Scott Benner (38:14) Well, they might. (38:15) Also, how do we all get your friends? (38:17) That's what I was wondering. (38:18) Like, how am I where are you meeting people at? (38:20) This is awesome.

Anais (38:21) Yeah. (38:21) Yeah. (38:22) We've we've been, yeah, we've been really lucky.

Scott Benner (38:24) So It really is giving to spend some time like that. (38:27) You know? (38:27) But it also, by the way, is indicative of the fact that their life allows them that kind of time.

Anais (38:32) Yep. (38:32) True. (38:33) True.

Scott Benner (38:34) And not everybody even has the the bandwidth for it, really. (38:37) I think I've been I've somehow been searching for the word bandwidth, like, for the last half an hour, it hasn't come out of my mouth, you know, in a lot of different parts of the conversation. (38:47) You know, we have much less of it and some people get more. (38:50) And, by the way, I've seen people be mad at those people, like, for having extra bandwidth. (38:54) Like, you know, like, I and I've had that thought sometimes.

Scott Benner (38:57) Like, not not in an anger way, but you know when people get really angry about something that you now think of as trivial that you might have a year and a half ago been angry about? (39:08) Like, I think that diabetes ups your perspective, like, fifty years. (39:14) Yes. (39:15) You're suddenly walking around with the perspective of, like, a 90 year old woman who's just like, you know, everything's on fire, and she's like, it'll be fine. (39:21) Don't worry.

Anais (39:22) Yeah. (39:22) Yeah. (39:22) Totally. (39:23) Oh, I see. (39:23) Yeah.

Anais (39:24) That's

Scott Benner (39:24) Yeah. (39:25) Yeah.

Anais (39:25) You know Tory.

Scott Benner (39:26) And that's one of the things I'm happy to have, like, from it. (39:29) It is one but I've also seen people be pissed that they don't that they don't have that kind of time and other people do. (39:36) Like, right, I've I've heard it talked about two ways. (39:39) Like, I would you know, if you're listening, I would hope that when you see somebody else who's complaining about something that you now know is trivial, that you would just say, like, oh, lucky them that they're not burdened by the things that that I am. (39:51) Mhmm.

Scott Benner (39:52) You know, that they can that they can spend a whole day being mad about this. (39:55) Like, good for them. (39:56) Their their lives must be free and easy, and I'm happy for

Anais (39:59) them.

Scott Benner (39:59) You know?

Anais (40:00) Yeah. (40:01) I yeah. (40:02) You know, I think it we don't know what's going on in other people's lives. (40:05) So even if they seem to have time to complain about something trivial, maybe something else is going on. (40:10) I I it's it's sometimes I'm trying to approach it that way, and I'm like, whatever works for you.

Anais (40:15) If you're happy, you have the bandwidth, not the bandwidth. (40:18) But, yeah, you know, we're all humans, so sometimes we get frustrated.

Scott Benner (40:22) Yeah. (40:22) Cut everybody a break. (40:23) I I think just, you know, be on your way and everything. (40:26) But, yeah, that's a a great advice. (40:28) Also, we have I have an episode in the pro tip series that explains type one to people on the outside.

Scott Benner (40:34) So if you ever just, like, wanna throw it out and be like, look. (40:36) If you really care that much, here's forty five minutes. (40:38) This will explain to you what my life's like. (40:41) Yeah. (40:42) You know?

Scott Benner (40:42) But, again, that's a weird thing to do too.

Anais (40:45) That's yeah. (40:46) That's

Scott Benner (40:46) Not a thing I would do. (40:47) Isn't it funny? (40:48) It's a thing I created because people ask for it, but I would I wouldn't do it. (40:52) Like, I would

Anais (40:53) I I don't know who this will be received. (40:55) You know what?

Scott Benner (40:55) That that's

Anais (40:56) an interesting experiment. (40:57) Like, maybe with some very good friend, I'd be like, hey. (41:01) But they already have done their homework, so I don't think they necessarily need it. (41:05) So I don't know.

Scott Benner (41:06) There's plenty of stuff I do on the podcast. (41:08) It's for other people that I think I'm like, I wouldn't do this, but, like alright.

Anais (41:12) Love it.

Scott Benner (41:12) Yeah. (41:13) I mean, perfectly honest with you, I you said something earlier. (41:16) It made me feel good, like, you're enjoying the bolus four episodes. (41:21) That those are a thing that I did that I was like, I don't really feel like we need to do this. (41:26) But and then I realized that for some people, it would be really helpful.

Scott Benner (41:30) And I thought, well, then I make it for them, not for it's not for me. (41:32) It's for them.

Anais (41:33) I love it. (41:34) I because it gives you strategies, and maybe it it won't work exactly the same for

Scott Benner (41:40) Sure.

Anais (41:41) My kid or myself. (41:43) But it gives you, like, a way of thinking about it, and you're like, okay. (41:46) I'm gonna try this, and then we'll see what happen. (41:49) And then we can kind of tweak it. (41:51) And the bread was super helpful.

Anais (41:53) I don't know if you've done pasta, but if you if you have a pasta episode, I'll I will save it and listen to it 50 times because we are we're really having problems with pasta. (42:02) But

Scott Benner (42:03) We're still working on the list of things. (42:05) Sadly, Jenny has a life and a job. (42:06) I can't just, like, snatch her up whenever I want to. (42:08) Although, I stole her I stole her for the for the Thanksgiving one. (42:12) Like, you'll actually I think I left it in the beginning where I'm just like, Jenny wasn't supposed to record.

Scott Benner (42:15) Hey. (42:16) I made her come do this.

Anais (42:17) We all need it. (42:19) Okay? (42:19) Thanksgiving is a big deal. (42:20) I think Halloween is the most hellish holiday that was invented for diabetic, but but we made it through for the second time.

Scott Benner (42:31) So Good. (42:32) Good. (42:32) Good. (42:32) Yeah. (42:32) It should well, yeah, you had to do it the first time, like, fresh like, fresh.

Scott Benner (42:36) Oh, yeah. (42:36) Right? (42:36) Oh,

Anais (42:37) boy. (42:37) That was rough. (42:38) Yep.

Scott Benner (42:38) Yeah. (42:39) I remember Arden, diagnosed in August, and then we went to our first JDRF walk in October. (42:45) And as you're approaching the walk and getting going, it's it's outside of Philadelphia, there's a giant table of soft pretzels. (42:53) Oh my god. (42:53) I was like, is this a joke?

Anais (42:56) Like, hey. (42:57) Good luck. (42:58) Enjoy your walk. (43:00) I was like,

Scott Benner (43:01) is what? (43:03) This is mean. (43:04) Why did someone do this? (43:05) Yeah. (43:05) Wow.

Anais (43:06) Yeah. (43:06) Well, this is for the the the, the supporters. (43:09) It's not for the diabetic.

Scott Benner (43:10) Well, I don't know. (43:11) I in my in my wildest dreams in that moment, I was like, what? (43:14) Because she saw it. (43:15) She's like pretzel, and I was like, yeah. (43:17) Awesome.

Scott Benner (43:18) Then Yeah. (43:19) Yeah. (43:19) You know, now she's on and it's cold, and she's got a jacket on. (43:22) And now I'm, like, in the weeds with a needle giving her an injection in the back of her arms so she can have her pretzel. (43:27) Oh,

Anais (43:27) my gosh. (43:28) And I

Scott Benner (43:28) totally get the pretzel wrong and her blood sugar gets high, but we don't have a CGM, so I don't know that. (43:33) And, like, you know, then you'll Oh. (43:34) You look at her a half an hour later, she looks like a zombie, and you're like, what's happening? (43:37) You test your blood sugar. (43:38) It's super high.

Scott Benner (43:39) And you're like, oh my god. (43:40) Like God. (43:41) That was literally, like, maybe

Anais (43:43) That was a pretzel.

Scott Benner (43:44) It was, like, six weeks after she was diagnosed.

Anais (43:47) Ah, this is so hard. (43:47) Yeah. (43:48) We did Halloween what? (43:49) It was well, we get out got out the hospital, and it was Halloween the next day. (43:53) Yeah.

Anais (43:53) And she wanted to go trick or treating, and so we did it. (43:56) And I don't even remember. (43:59) Honestly, I was in such a daze for the first few weeks that I remember a mom saying to her kid, and she was just, like, walking by. (44:07) And she's like, oh, don't eat too much sugar. (44:09) You're gonna get diabetes.

Anais (44:10) And I'm sure I said it at some point in my life like an idiot. (44:14) Mhmm. (44:14) But it hit differently when your kid just got out of the hospital with a t one d diagnosis. (44:19) I was like, oh, this one hurts.

Scott Benner (44:22) The cops got called because there's a French lady beating somebody up in a bush. (44:26) Yes.

Anais (44:27) No. (44:28) Yeah. (44:28) No. (44:28) See, I was just like, I I I know I just pretended I did I ignored it. (44:33) But, yeah, that was that was bad.

Scott Benner (44:35) Did you look inward during that? (44:36) Did you think, oh, I probably said that in the past?

Anais (44:38) I did. (44:39) Yeah. (44:39) I was like, oh gosh. (44:40) That that's terrible. (44:41) I prob you know, I probably said that, but I probably say a million stupid things that, in retrospect, probably were hurtful.

Anais (44:48) And and sometimes when you reflect and you're like, oh, what an idiot. (44:52) I should have never said that or done that. (44:54) Yeah. (44:55) But it's too late, and so you can just try to learn from it. (44:59) I don't

Scott Benner (44:59) wanna freeze everybody, but imagine all the other things you don't understand that you're saying all day long.

Anais (45:04) Oh, gosh. (45:04) Yeah. (45:05) I'm sure. (45:05) Yeah. (45:05) Sure.

Anais (45:06) But that one that one was like yeah.

Scott Benner (45:08) I have this odd thought exercise that I I do sometimes where I wonder do you ever just you do something and you realize, like, oh, I was misunderstood in this situation or that's not what I meant. (45:20) And it's just in your it's in your house. (45:22) It's with your husband or your kids. (45:23) You're like, oh, they're misunderstanding me. (45:25) Do you ever wonder, like, if they're being misunderstood too?

Anais (45:28) Oh, yeah.

Scott Benner (45:29) Yeah. (45:29) And then you look back and you go, are any of us communicating how we actually feel to each other or hearing it? (45:35) Like like, I don't know. (45:35) Are we all just five steps off of center of really understanding what's happening around us?

Anais (45:41) Right? (45:41) Maybe.

Scott Benner (45:42) Oh, I think about that all the time.

Anais (45:43) Yeah. (45:44) I I you know, I think some people are very good at communicating their thoughts and their needs. (45:49) And we're trying to teach that to our kids because, you know, at four, we have a lot of big emotion that we try to to rationalize somehow. (45:58) But, yeah, it's tough. (46:01) I'm I'm sure we some sometimes miss on what the other person is trying to say for sure.

Scott Benner (46:06) All I know is is that there's a way I know I am, and then there's a way I know I'm perceived. (46:11) And then Yeah. (46:13) I think, well, then when I'm perceiving my son or my daughter or my wife, they they don't feel exactly the way I'm perceiving them either. (46:22) And it's it's just I don't know. (46:24) Like, when you really stop and think about it, it'll make your brain explode.

Scott Benner (46:27) Yeah. (46:27) I don't

Anais (46:27) I don't know if I want to do this. (46:29) It's too early in the morning. (46:30) I just don't want to I just don't want to do And

Scott Benner (46:33) it and it just it really it flips me out. (46:35) I'm like, oh gosh. (46:36) Like, I don't know if what I think is happening is really happening sometimes.

Anais (46:40) Yeah. (46:40) You're in the matrix.

Scott Benner (46:41) And what if everyone's having that experience at the same time, but we're together? (46:46) I don't know. (46:46) Like, I don't even know how to do the calculus on it, but I know it makes me it fries my brain a little bit. (46:51) I would probably need to smoke weed and then talk about it because I don't know that, like because you kinda get to an end point in the thought where you're like, you know? (46:59) Anyway

Anais (47:00) Maybe that will help. (47:01) Maybe that will help. (47:01) I don't know.

Scott Benner (47:02) Yeah. (47:02) Good luck. (47:03) Well, good luck to everybody. (47:04) Like, go go have your own deep thought. (47:06) I have to I thank you very much for doing this.

Scott Benner (47:09) I know I kept you longer than normal, but I really thought that sharing my brother's story in the beginning there, even though it took up some time, I really did think it was it fit here. (47:20) So I appreciate you sitting through that while I was talking about

Anais (47:24) Well, thanks for sharing, and, also, I really hope he's doing better.

Scott Benner (47:27) Thank you. (47:28) We should find out together. (47:29) I'm gonna text him. (47:29) I have two texts to send this morning. (47:31) One, and I I have to send one to Rob, the guy that edits the podcast, because he had a little bit of a meltdown last night in text, but I was asleep.

Anais (47:40) He's gonna have so much fun trying to figure out my accent.

Scott Benner (47:44) But but he oh, god. (47:47) What happened here? (47:48) Do you ever do you ever, like you know, somebody starts texting and then they text again and again and again? (47:52) You're like, uh-oh. (47:52) They're in trouble?

Anais (47:53) Yeah. (47:54) Or you're like, I'm not gonna I'm not or sometime I'm like, ignore until I feel ready to deal with, like, 10 texts.

Scott Benner (47:59) Well, Rob, just Rob, just so you know, I I was asleep last night when you texted this stuff. (48:04) So I'm sorry, but I'll get back to you right now and my other texts to my brother. (48:09) Actually, I'm gonna do it right now. (48:10) I'm gonna say I'm gonna say here's what I'm gonna say. (48:14) I'm gonna say Anise and I

Anais (48:17) Want to know if you're doing better.

Scott Benner (48:18) Wondering if you're feeling better. (48:20) Hopefully, he doesn't see that and think it says anal. (48:23) Alright. (48:23) Here we go. (48:26) Hold on a second.

Scott Benner (48:27) You were great. (48:28) Thank you so much.

Anais (48:29) Thank you so much.

Scott Benner (48:36) I'd like to remind you again about the MiniMed seven eighty g automated insulin delivery system, which of course anticipates, adjusts, and corrects every five minutes 20 four seven. (48:46) It works around the clock so you can focus on what matters. (48:51) The juice box community knows the importance of using technology to simplify managing diabetes. (48:56) To learn more about how you can spend less time and effort managing your diabetes, visit my link, medtronicdiabetes.com/juicebox. (49:07) I'd like to thank the blood glucose meter that my daughter carries, the Kontoor Next Gen blood glucose meter.

Scott Benner (49:14) Learn more and get started today at kontoornext.com/juicebox. (49:20) And don't forget, you may be paying more through your insurance right now for the meter you have than you would pay for the contour next gen in cash. (49:30) There are links in the show notes of the audio app you're listening in right now and links @juiceboxpodcast.com to Contour and all of the sponsors. (49:41) Thank you so much for listening. (49:43) I'll be back very soon with another episode of the juice box podcast.

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Scott Benner (50:17) If you've ever heard a diabetes term and thought, okay. (50:20) But what does that actually mean? (50:22) You need the defining diabetes series from the Juice Box podcast. (50:26) Defining diabetes takes all those phrases and terms that you don't understand and makes them clear. (50:31) Quick and easy episodes.

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#1759 Boston Croissant Party - Part 1

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.

Anais, a scientist in the biotech industry, details her daughter Lira's first year following a Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis at age six.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner (0:0) Welcome back, friends. (0:01) You are listening to the Juice Box podcast.

Anais (0:13) My name is Anais, and I am the mom of a type one diabetic child. (0:18) I have two daughters, seven and four and a half. (0:21) And so my diabetic daughter is the one that just turned seven today. (0:24) It's her it's her birthday.

Scott Benner (0:28) I am here to tell you about Juice Cruise 2026. (0:32) We will be departing from Miami on 06/21/2026 for a seven night trip going to The Caribbean. (0:39) That's right. (0:40) We're gonna leave Miami and then stop at Coco Cay in The Bahamas. (0:44) After that, it's on to Saint Kitts, Saint Thomas, and a beautiful cruise through the Virgin Islands.

Scott Benner (0:50) The first juice cruise was awesome. (0:52) The second one's gonna be bigger, better, and bolder. (0:56) This is your opportunity to relax while making lifelong friends who have type one diabetes. (1:01) Expand your community and your knowledge on juice cruise twenty twenty six. (1:06) Learn more right now at juiceboxpodcast.com/juicecruise.

Scott Benner (1:11) At that link, you'll also find photographs from the first cruise. (1:16) Nothing you hear on the juice box podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. (1:21) Always Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. (1:29) The episode you're about to enjoy was brought to you by Dexcom, the Dexcom g seven, the same CGM that my daughter wears. (1:38) You can learn more and get started today at my link, dexcom.com/juicebox.

Scott Benner (1:44) The podcast is also sponsored today by Omnipod five. (1:47) Omnipod five is a tube free automated insulin delivery system that's been shown to significantly improve a one c and time and range for people with type one diabetes when they've switched from daily injections. (1:59) Learn more and get started today at omnipod.com/juicebox. (2:03) At my link, you can get a free starter kit right now. (2:06) Terms and conditions apply.

Scott Benner (2:07) Eligibility may vary. (2:09) Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox.

Anais (2:14) My name is Anais, and I am the mom of a type one diabetic child. (2:20) I have two daughters, seven and four and a half. (2:23) And so my diabetic daughter is the one that just turned seven today. (2:27) It's her it's her birthday.

Scott Benner (2:28) Oh, happy birthday.

Anais (2:30) Thanks.

Scott Benner (2:31) Very nice. (2:31) Say your name again.

Anais (2:33) Anais.

Scott Benner (2:34) Anais?

Anais (2:35) Mhmm. (2:35) Yeah.

Scott Benner (2:36) You know, when an old man sits down at his computer and his eyes are still blurry, it looks like your name's Anos. (2:41) Right?

Anais (2:42) Yes. (2:43) Yeah. (2:43) So I sat It's a French name. (2:46) I I am French. (2:47) So Yeah.

Anais (2:47) That's

Scott Benner (2:48) I didn't think it was from Ohio. (2:52) I sat down, and everything popped up in front of me. (2:55) And, you know, everyone's heard me complain before. (2:57) My eyes don't adjust as quickly as I'd like them to anymore. (3:00) And all I thought was, oh, this better not be a prank.

Scott Benner (3:04) No.

Anais (3:05) No. (3:05) It's my yeah. (3:06) There's supposed to be two dots on the I. (3:09) But Oh,

Scott Benner (3:09) that would have helped.

Anais (3:10) But yeah. (3:11) It would have helped tremendously. (3:12) I I see I see that now. (3:14) Anyway,

Scott Benner (3:16) I appreciate you doing this. (3:17) Thank you very much. (3:18) So okay. (3:18) Let's talk about those kids for a second. (3:20) They're how old again?

Anais (3:22) Seven is my, diabetic. (3:25) She just turned seven today. (3:26) Mhmm. (3:27) And I have she has a little sister. (3:28) She's four and a half.

Scott Benner (3:29) Seven and four and a half. (3:31) Okay. (3:31) Do you have any, I don't know, autoimmune stuff? (3:35) Do you have hypothyroidism or scissor celiac in the family line, anything like that?

Anais (3:39) Yes. (3:40) So I actually did did a little bit of research. (3:43) So I don't, but I do have a cousin who is type one diabetic, and I also have, apparently some remote cousins that do have celiac. (3:52) So I think it's it's coming from my side. (3:54) It's my it's my DNA that I might be responsible.

Scott Benner (3:58) You know, it was it was my my inclination to yell at Jacuzz, but I don't remember if that's the right word or not.

Anais (4:03) Yes. (4:04) No. (4:04) Good job. (4:05) Yes. (4:05) Yes.

Anais (4:05) Exactly.

Scott Benner (4:06) It would have been right?

Anais (4:07) It would have been totally right.

Scott Benner (4:09) Oh, damn. (4:10) You know who's gonna be so mad at me, Isabelle? (4:12) She's you know, because I always tell her I only know one French word. (4:16) I always tell her whenever she says something to me in French do know who Isabelle She helps me run my Facebook group.

Anais (4:20) Oh. (4:21) And Okay.

Scott Benner (4:22) She's she's French. (4:23) Like, she's always like, you would love French. (4:24) You have to learn French. (4:25) It's so, what does she tell me? (4:27) It's a poetic language.

Scott Benner (4:28) It speaks the way you think. (4:30) It would fit really well. (4:31) And I'm like, I can't learn French. (4:33) And she's like, no. (4:34) No.

Scott Benner (4:34) No. (4:34) You could. (4:35) And I I one day said to her, Isabelle, I took three years of French in high school, and all I know for sure is means nine. (4:43) And so sometimes she'll write to me in French, and I will just respond back, means nine. (4:49) That's all I know.

Scott Benner (4:50) But but now why do I know that's from a movie, isn't it?

Anais (4:54) Yeah. (4:54) A book and and maybe a movie. (4:56) I don't know if they if they've done a movie out of that.

Scott Benner (4:59) Oh, I have to I have to figure out where I know that word from now because because trust me, I don't know it from French class anyway.

Anais (5:07) Three years. (5:08) You have some foundation, though, I feel like.

Scott Benner (5:10) You guys are all so sweet. (5:12) She did the same thing. (5:13) She's like, no. (5:13) No. (5:13) You could do it.

Scott Benner (5:14) I could help you. (5:14) I'm like, no. (5:15) I you don't know my mind. (5:17) I could not Yeah. (5:19) If I get bored at the end.

Anais (5:20) So it's from it's it's it's from a writer named Zola. (5:23) I think you can you can check it out.

Scott Benner (5:25) Yeah. (5:25) But I wonder where

Anais (5:26) cool story.

Scott Benner (5:27) Okay. (5:27) Alright. (5:28) Alright. (5:28) I'll I'll check. (5:29) Look at me learning things early in the morning.

Scott Benner (5:31) Where are you at, by the way?

Anais (5:33) You mean, low low local

Scott Benner (5:35) Physically, where do you live? (5:36) Yeah.

Anais (5:36) Oh, I'm in the Boston area.

Scott Benner (5:38) In Boston. (5:38) Okay. (5:39) What do have? (5:40) Like, a job? (5:40) Why are we doing this so early in the morning?

Anais (5:42) I do I do have a job. (5:43) Yes. (5:44) Yes. (5:44) I do. (5:47) I work for a living.

Scott Benner (5:48) Everyone we're talking to a gainfully employed person who speaks at least two languages. (5:53) How fancy.

Anais (5:53) I do. (5:54) I I work in in the biotech industry, like, half of Boston, I felt like.

Scott Benner (5:58) Oh, I was gonna say, yeah. (5:59) No wonder Boston. (6:00) Yeah. (6:00) Somebody's trying to get my wife to move to Boston about every five minutes, it feels like.

Anais (6:05) It's it's a great place. (6:06) It's a great place

Scott Benner (6:07) to live. (6:07) Cold to me, but okay.

Anais (6:09) It's cold. (6:09) Yeah. (6:09) It's it's, yeah, it's very cold right now.

Scott Benner (6:12) I've been there. (6:12) It was, it was nice the time I was there. (6:14) Actually, I guess I can say this. (6:16) I believe I'll be there in a couple of months.

Anais (6:19) Oh, okay. (6:20) That's cool.

Scott Benner (6:20) Wait. (6:21) What a great place to say this thing that I'm not sure if I'm supposed to say or not.

Anais (6:25) Oh, well, you you don't have to say anything revealing. (6:28) Maybe you can just tease it out and be like, hey. (6:30) I might be in Boston, and then just stop there and see what what happened.

Scott Benner (6:33) I how about this? (6:34) I might be in Massachusetts Oh. (6:37) Giving a talk, and I might be running a giveaway that lets some of the listeners come, hear the talk, and take a tour of something.

Anais (6:52) Okay. (6:53) That sounds really cool.

Scott Benner (6:55) Alright. (6:55) Let's see if that happens or not. (6:57) Yeah. (6:57) Oh, I hope it does happen. (6:59) Actually, I remember the meeting I was in now, I really hope that happens.

Scott Benner (7:02) Oh, okay. (7:02) Alright. (7:03) Sorry. (7:03) So this this, these little girls, I'm sure they're adorable. (7:06) Are they born in in Boston?

Scott Benner (7:09) Are they Bostonites? (7:10) Or are they

Anais (7:10) Oh, yes. (7:11) Definitely. (7:11) Yes. (7:11) They they're born in The US, and, they're very much, from Boston.

Scott Benner (7:16) Okay. (7:16) They don't speak French?

Anais (7:18) They do speak French. (7:19) Yes.

Scott Benner (7:19) Oh, are you married to a Frenchman?

Anais (7:21) I am not. (7:22) I'm married to a a person, a man that grew up in Chicago and that has a nice Midwest accent.

Scott Benner (7:28) Oh, yeah. (7:29) Your parents must be devastated. (7:31) Am I right? (7:34) I thought you didn't answer that. (7:35) Yeah.

Scott Benner (7:35) Your parents are pests. (7:37) Right? (7:40) Sorry. (7:40) Anyway okay. (7:41) So what's the first signs of the diabetes?

Scott Benner (7:43) How do you see it coming on?

Anais (7:45) She started drinking tons of water and having accident at night, which was super unusual. (7:50) And at first so we we had just been on a trip to Portugal. (7:54) So it was super hot, and she was drinking a lot of water, but it was super hot outside. (7:59) Then we came home, and I kind of continued. (8:02) And after a few days, I was like, this this this seems not right.

Anais (8:05) So I called the pediatrician. (8:07) I was like, hey. (8:08) She drinks a ton of water. (8:10) She's having this accident. (8:11) Maybe it's a UTI.

Anais (8:13) Like, what do you think? (8:14) And she's like, well so it was I called on Saturday, and she say, well, we have a a doctor on call. (8:19) Why don't you just go tomorrow, so Sunday morning, just to get her checked out? (8:23) Because that doesn't seem right. (8:25) And so we went to the pediatrician on the Sunday morning and then did the whole thing.

Anais (8:30) They test their urine. (8:32) Then the doctor comes back in the in the little area where she was checking her, and she had, like, a glucometer in her hand. (8:41) And I was like, oh, this doesn't seem good. (8:44) And she's like, I'm gonna test her her, blood sugar just to be sure, and, of course, it was reading high. (8:50) So she sent my daughter name is Lira.

Anais (8:53) She sent her to play, in the playroom, and she's like, I'm pretty sure she has diabetes. (8:59) I'm gonna call ahead to the ER. (9:01) You're gonna go home, pack a bag, and then you just go straight there. (9:04) And you're gonna be there for, like, three or four days. (9:06) And I was like, what is happening to me right now?

Anais (9:09) This is not how my Sunday was gonna unfold.

Scott Benner (9:12) But it's the weekend.

Anais (9:14) Yeah. (9:14) I was like, what? (9:16) And then I'm like, I don't know. (9:17) I was in shock. (9:18) I think I was kind of, like, in the days.

Anais (9:19) Like, I, you know, packed my kids, drove back home, called my husband. (9:23) He was at soccer with the the little one. (9:26) And I was like, hey. (9:27) Lira's diabetes, and, I'm gonna drive her to the ER now, and we're gonna be gone for three days. (9:32) And he's like, what?

Anais (9:33) What's going on? (9:35) And yeah. (9:35) So so we just drove to, to Boston Children, and they they were ready for us. (9:41) We arrived. (9:42) They did hold the tests.

Anais (9:43) She got on an IV immediately, and then they gave her insulin a little bit later. (9:49) And, yeah, she was and then it was kind of, like, three days of trying to learn how to to keep her alive, really.

Scott Benner (9:57) Tell me again. (9:58) How long ago was this?

Anais (9:59) It was, about a year ago. (10:01) She was diagnosed on at the October, like, three days before Halloween last year. (10:06) And so, yeah, it was about a year ago.

Scott Benner (10:08) Does it feel very fresh to you in your heart right now when you're talking about it?

Anais (10:12) It's all fresh. (10:14) But at the same time, I feel like this year was just so much it was just crazy. (10:19) It was so much learning. (10:20) It was kind of a roller coaster. (10:21) So it feels like very fresh, but also I felt like I've changed so much in a year that yeah.

Anais (10:28) But I still I felt

Scott Benner (10:30) It feels like it happened five years ago.

Anais (10:32) Yeah. (10:33) It does. (10:33) And at the same time, when I talk about it, I'm like, oh. (10:36) You know, I have, like, this little butterfly in my stomach, and I'm like, yeah. (10:39) That really was a rough day, rough few months really, though, at the beginning.

Scott Benner (10:43) But Yeah. (10:44) Yeah. (10:44) I wonder does your so sound weird to people who maybe don't know people from France, but I wonder if your your upbringing maybe helps a little bit because I'm I'm right to say that it's a little more stoic. (10:55) Right?

Anais (10:56) It it is. (10:57) Yeah. (10:58) It is. (10:59) But I yeah. (10:59) I I don't know if it I I think I'm not really the kind of person that panic, but I do it comes out later.

Anais (11:08) Like, I think I was really hungry for a long time. (11:10) Mhmm. (11:11) And I had to deal with entrance. (11:13) We can talk about this, but I was, like, a very angry person on the phone and was like, this is weird. (11:18) This is not me.

Anais (11:19) Something's wrong with me. (11:20) Like, I'm really angry. (11:22) You know?

Scott Benner (11:22) You know what? (11:23) This is super interesting. (11:24) I just did a thing for I I think I'm just gonna say the name of the company. (11:29) I just did a thing for Cardinal Health. (11:31) Okay?

Anais (11:32) Mhmm.

Scott Benner (11:32) Where Yeah. (11:33) I I spoke to the entire organization to try to, you know, humanize some stories that I've heard on the podcast Yeah. (11:42) So that people working there don't just feel like they're moving stuff around in boxes because they don't have any context for diabetes. (11:48) Right?

Anais (11:48) Mhmm.

Scott Benner (11:49) And that's I mean, I spent I spent two days doing that, like, you know, meeting with people. (11:54) I and I just had a phone call with somebody yesterday to find out you know, figure out more ways to to do it. (11:59) They're very focused on helping their staff understand diabetes. (12:05) And they they just they want from customer service to the top. (12:08) They want these people to really understand what it's like to live with diabetes type one and type two Mhmm.

Scott Benner (12:13) So that people can be more empathetic. (12:16) You know? (12:16) And and then you just the the way you just kinda put all that, like, made me made me remember, like, that what I've been telling them is, you know, when you're on the phone with somebody and you say to them, like, you know, oopsie made a whoopsie, you know, that your thing's not gonna be there on time. (12:33) You're not talking to a regular human being. (12:36) You're talking to someone who's married, has two kids, has a job in biotech, and on top of that, whose kid's blood sugar last night at 2AM did this.

Scott Benner (12:45) She thought they were it was possible somebody was gonna pass out. (12:48) Their lives are terrible. (12:50) They were just in a museum on Saturday where they had to change an insulin pump behind a tarp.

Anais (12:54) Yeah. (12:55) Yeah. (12:55) Right.

Scott Benner (12:55) They've been arguing about what best fix a low fixes a low blood sugar. (13:00) They're worried that their CGM doesn't work right. (13:02) And, you know, and CGM is the only thing keeping them alive they feel like, and they have regular lives on top of all that, and it's all churned up. (13:09) And there are people living with autoimmune issues. (13:11) So some of them might have anxiety or blah blah blah.

Scott Benner (13:13) Right? (13:13) And you're on the phone with them telling them not only is the thing that they think is keeping them alive not gonna be there when they think it is, but you don't even really understand why that's important.

Anais (13:22) Yeah. (13:23) That's exactly right. (13:24) I think this is such a great yeah. (13:26) This is ex I mean, you sum it up very well.

Scott Benner (13:29) And I said, and then some lovely woman is gonna start yelling the f word at you, and you're gonna think she's the problem. (13:36) And and and right?

Anais (13:37) I've never done that, but but yes. (13:39) But I I had you know, I really it was taking a lot of discipline not to, honestly, in some some moments.

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Scott Benner (15:41) When you use my link, you're supporting the podcast. (15:43) Dexcom.com/juicebox. (15:46) Head over there now. (15:48) And then you hang that phone up and you start what? (15:50) You do you start questioning yourself?

Anais (15:51) Yeah. (15:52) I mean, I think, you know, again, like, it's I think it's more like not being understood. (15:57) It's like you have a lot of stuff going on, and then this is you're just, like, a name on the list asking for something. (16:03) And they're just trying to do their job, but it's just yeah. (16:07) It's frustrating sometimes.

Anais (16:08) And I I think I never had to before, I never had to deal with the health care system to to that degree. (16:14) And I was not prepared to face how complicated it can be even though we have a great insurance, even though we have, like, a lot of resources. (16:23) Like, it still it still really sucks. (16:25) And so I think it it could be a lot easier. (16:29) It could be a lot easier.

Anais (16:30) And I think it's great that you're doing this because a little bit more empathy would go a long way, I think, for sure.

Scott Benner (16:36) I said yes to the whole thing because, I mean, I realized that that's act I mean, they're they're selling, you know, devices to people. (16:44) They're you know? (16:45) Mhmm. (16:45) But at the same time, I I saw them as another line of defense in this whole thing. (16:50) Yeah.

Scott Benner (16:51) You know? (16:51) So I then, anyway, we'll see how it goes. (16:53) The there are sponsors already that US Med buys ads on the podcast, but, yeah, that's how they thought of me for it. (16:59) But instead of just going off and doing the job, you know, I I thought, let me put some real effort into this and see if we can turn this, like, large group of people into advocates. (17:09) So Yeah.

Scott Benner (17:10) Anyway, that's what I

Anais (17:11) That's awesome. (17:11) Hopefully, it works out. (17:12) Even if there is only one person that is just a little bit nicer and accommodating, I think he might make someone's day. (17:18) So Yeah. (17:18) I think that's a great idea.

Scott Benner (17:20) Awesome. (17:20) Now to your point about health care, I'm gonna I wanna I wanna find out all about the first year of of this diagnosis because it's fresh in your head. (17:28) But let me tell you this first so that I can tell you where I'm at. (17:32) Two weeks ago, my sister-in-law called me, and she's like, hey. (17:37) Your brother doesn't feel well.

Scott Benner (17:38) And, like, I know he's been talking to you the last couple days, and I haven't heard him bring it up once. (17:42) I just wanted you to know. (17:43) So she's ratting him out for not feeling good and not telling me. (17:46) Right? (17:46) And I have a strange situation with my brothers where I basically raised them.

Scott Benner (17:51) So I'm sort of their dad and their brother at the same time.

Anais (17:55) Mhmm.

Scott Benner (17:55) And so she explains to me how he feels, and I pressure her to take him, you know, to the doctor. (18:03) And he's had the chills, and he's been sweating, like, through his clothes at night, and his knees hurt, and his elbows hurt. (18:10) He's got pain in his thigh, and, like, it's getting worse. (18:13) And she feels like he almost looks like he has the flu, but he doesn't, like, this whole thing. (18:17) And it's not going away.

Scott Benner (18:18) He's felt bad for four weeks, she tells me.

Anais (18:20) Four weeks. (18:21) Wow.

Scott Benner (18:21) Yeah. (18:22) So I said, okay. (18:23) We'll get to the doctor. (18:23) So she gets him to the doctor, and he runs a bunch of blood tests and tells him, you know, you probably have a virus or something.

Anais (18:31) Mhmm.

Scott Benner (18:32) And, you you know, last Yeah. (18:34) Set well, thanks. (18:36) Last Saturday in the morning, I'm in the shower, and my brother calls me. (18:41) And I'm like, well, this is weird. (18:42) Like, I I answer the phone.

Scott Benner (18:43) I'm like, yeah. (18:43) I'm so sorry. (18:44) I'm in the shower. (18:44) Can you hear me okay? (18:45) And he's like, Scott, I just got my labs back.

Scott Benner (18:48) Will you please look at them? (18:49) And I was I said, sure. (18:51) So he sent them to me, and I did what any good person would do. (18:54) I fed them right into ChatGPT because I don't know what the hell they mean. (18:57) Yeah.

Scott Benner (18:58) I mean, everything's whacked. (19:00) Like, he is showing, like, severe infection or cancer. (19:04) Like, it's it's like Oh, wow. (19:05) That's where he's at. (19:06) Right?

Scott Benner (19:07) So I said, you know, I said, Brian, I think you need to get to urgent care because your doctor's not gonna like, they're not in the office today. (19:13) Right? (19:13) He said, no. (19:13) I said, go to urgent care. (19:14) You probably need an antibiotic.

Scott Benner (19:17) So he goes to urgent care, calls me an hour later, and he goes, well, I'm in a wheelchair. (19:22) They're pushing me across the parking lot to the hospital. (19:24) And I was like, what? (19:26) He goes

Anais (19:26) Wow.

Scott Benner (19:27) They looked at me, took my vitals, and said, we are not comfortable with this. (19:30) Took me to the ER. (19:32) He spends the afternoon in the ER. (19:34) My lovely wife and I are out that day. (19:36) If you must know what we're doing, we're shopping for bras.

Scott Benner (19:39) Not for me.

Anais (19:40) Very very important.

Scott Benner (19:41) She's lost she's lost weight in her you know, she had to go get more bras. (19:44) And so, like, we're out shopping and hanging out and everything and and having lunch. (19:49) We're doing a thing. (19:49) Like, we're pretending we know each other. (19:51) We're doing some stuff, and my brother starts texting me.

Scott Benner (19:53) I don't have Lyme disease. (19:55) I don't have this. (19:55) They gave me a scan. (19:57) I don't have cancer. (19:57) I'm like, awesome.

Scott Benner (19:58) Like, great. (19:59) You know, good news. (19:59) Blah blah blah. (20:00) And he gets down to it. (20:01) And I'm like, well, where's the infection?

Scott Benner (20:03) They said they can't find an infection with the labs. (20:06) And I said, okay. (20:07) I said, what are they gonna do? (20:08) And he goes, they're sending me home. (20:11) And I was like Oh.

Scott Benner (20:11) With an antibiotic? (20:13) And he goes, nope. (20:14) And I said, a steroid pack? (20:15) And he goes, nope. (20:16) And I was like, with anything?

Scott Benner (20:17) And he goes, nope. (20:18) They told me to go to rheumatology. (20:21) And I said, well, what about now? (20:23) Like, right now? (20:25) And he goes, nothing.

Scott Benner (20:27) And so I got, I texted him, and I was like, man, listen. (20:30) I'm not a person who says just, like, sprinkle antibiotics and everything. (20:33) I was like, but I'd ask for it. (20:35) You know? (20:36) So he asks.

Scott Benner (20:37) They turn him down. (20:38) And then, he texts me back, and I text him. (20:40) I said, maybe get a steroid pack. (20:42) And then the nurse practitioner says, who are you texting with? (20:46) And she he goes, it's my brother and my sister-in-law.

Scott Benner (20:49) What are all these questions coming from? (20:50) So he says, look. (20:51) You know, vaguely, my sister-in-law has a, you know, a a science background. (20:56) She works in medicine, you know, tangentially, and my my my brother has a podcast. (21:03) They were probably like, oh my god.

Scott Benner (21:05) Right? (21:06) As they should be. (21:07) One of those. (21:08) Oh my god. (21:09) The guy thinks he knows something.

Scott Benner (21:11) And, anyway, like, so I said I so we pushed, and I said, ask her if a steroid pack would hurt you. (21:16) Because he's in pretty bad pain too. (21:18) Yeah. (21:19) And they give him the steroid pack. (21:21) Comes home.

Scott Benner (21:22) First day, he feels a little better, but second day, it's not helping as much. (21:26) So yesterday, which is Tuesday, this whole, like, little charade has played played through.

Anais (21:31) And So it's two weeks later. (21:33) Right?

Scott Benner (21:33) Well, no. (21:33) It's a week a week since he's been in the like, four days since he's been in the hospital, two weeks since he's gone to the doctor the first time.

Anais (21:39) Wow. (21:40) Yeah. (21:40) That's crazy. (21:40) Right? (21:41) Okay.

Scott Benner (21:41) And so I'm like, alright. (21:42) So I text him yesterday while I'm recording. (21:44) I'm like, hey. (21:44) What'd your doctor say? (21:46) And my poor brother is like, I'm at work.

Scott Benner (21:50) You know? (21:50) Like, I don't I couldn't contact the doctor today. (21:52) I don't have that kind of time. (21:54) And I said, you feeling any better? (21:56) He goes, no.

Scott Benner (21:56) I feel worse. (21:57) Now my brother stands on a factory floor for twelve hour shifts and Yeah. (22:02) Runs a giant piece of machinery. (22:05) And Yep. (22:05) And I'm like I'm like, Brian, this is crazy.

Scott Benner (22:08) I'm like, you need help. (22:10) And he's like, I know, but I gotta go to work. (22:12) He messaged his g his GP through his app. (22:16) My brother is going to call you. (22:18) I want you to talk to him.

Scott Benner (22:19) He basically gave me, like, you know, a little HIPAA roundabout. (22:24) So I get on the phone and explain the whole thing to the person on answered the phone who did a wonderful job and then passed me off to the nurse who did a wonderful job. (22:34) And I got my brother in yesterday afternoon, and he got a, besides a an antibiotic a course of antibiotics, he also got, like, a starter. (22:43) Like, they did, like, a deep muscle shot of something to get the antibiotics moving. (22:48) Okay.

Scott Benner (22:48) I'm telling you all of this because what that thing as we were paying attention to it from a distance and listening to what people were saying, what we learned in the end was this is crazy because what I what I what I forgot to tell you, the way we get from Saturday to Tuesday is that on Sunday, his doctor does call or Monday, his doctor calls him back and says, go back to the ER. (23:10) This is Monday afternoon.

Anais (23:12) Yeah.

Scott Benner (23:12) And my brother goes, do want me to go back to the same ER that told me they wouldn't help me? (23:16) And the guy goes, I think you have a bacterial infection. (23:20) Go back to the ER. (23:22) Mhmm. (23:22) And my brother goes, why don't you give me an antibiotic if you think I have a bacterial infection instead of sending me back to the ER that nobody's gonna help me at?

Scott Benner (23:30) And the guy goes, just go back to the ER. (23:32) So my brother did that on Monday. (23:34) They ran the No. (23:35) No. (23:35) They ran the same labs and then told them the same thing and then treated him and kicked him out.

Scott Benner (23:40) That's how we got to yesterday to that's how we got to Tuesday. (23:43) Right? (23:43) I'm sorry. (23:44) Missed this. (23:44) I missed a step.

Scott Benner (23:46) So what we what we learned I'm so disappointed in myself. (23:49) My storytelling is usually so right on. (23:51) And so what we've learned yesterday as he leaves the doctor's office because the doctor the last thing the doctor says to him before he puts the injection into him is, you know, I could get in trouble for this. (24:03) My brother goes, what? (24:04) And he said, your diagnosis does not point to needing an antibiotic.

Scott Benner (24:09) And that's when the whole thing just started to make sense. (24:13) On a paper, for the insurance or for the business, my brother didn't code out to antibiotics.

Anais (24:21) And so they can code it. (24:22) Yep. (24:23) Yep. (24:23) Yeah. (24:23) That's that's messed up.

Scott Benner (24:24) Everyone thought he needed them. (24:27) The ER, he now realizes, by the way, woman was talking thought he needed them. (24:31) The doctor, we now know thought he needed them because he sent him to the hospital the second time saying, you have an infection. (24:38) You need this. (24:40) But he was too much of a and excuse me.

Scott Benner (24:42) I know you're a person with a French accent, so it's gonna make me feel bad saying this. (24:47) But the doctor was too much of a to do it himself. (24:50) Right? (24:50) So he tried to put it on the hospital. (24:53) And then when the hospital wouldn't do it a second time, they ignored him again when he was messaging.

Scott Benner (25:00) And it wasn't until I got on the phone and browbeat them into helping him that they did it.

Anais (25:05) Yeah. (25:06) It's I mean, you really have to advocate for yourself, I feel like.

Scott Benner (25:09) Well yeah. (25:10) I mean, and it's beyond advocacy. (25:11) If that's a that's a real story. (25:13) I swear to god I didn't make a word of it up. (25:15) Right?

Scott Benner (25:15) Like, so one, two physician's assistants and a doctor in a hospital, that's three people, and his GP, four people are willing to look at him and go, well, if it gets worse, we'll help you. (25:26) But right but right now crazy. (25:27) The the the chart in front of me says you don't get this even though they all thought he needed it. (25:32) So Yeah. (25:33) Good luck.

Anais (25:33) Yeah. (25:33) That I'm I'm hopefully, he's he's better now.

Scott Benner (25:37) I haven't talked to him yet today. (25:38) He could be dead. (25:39) I'm not gonna lie to you.

Anais (25:40) Okay. (25:40) I hope not. (25:41) I really

Scott Benner (25:42) hope I think somebody would have texted.

Anais (25:43) So Oh my gosh. (25:44) Yeah. (25:44) Yeah. (25:44) He probably will know.

Scott Benner (25:45) I'll check on him later.

Anais (25:46) He's fine. (25:47) He's fine.

Scott Benner (25:47) Yeah. (25:47) He's also you know, it it's embarrassing because he's also 49 years old, and his brother's calling his doctor's office. (25:54) But he's just he's just an I don't know how to put it. (25:57) Like, he's a little more of a people pleaser than I am. (26:00) Yeah.

Scott Benner (26:00) Right? (26:01) And I wasn't mean. (26:02) I wanna be clear. (26:02) I I just found somebody who would actually listen, and then I was persistent.

Anais (26:07) Yeah. (26:07) I think it's persistence. (26:09) But, you know, this is something that I learned, like, over the past year is, like, I never really had to do this because, you know, like, when when you feel fine and you go to the doctor once in a blue moon, like, you nothing really it doesn't really matter. (26:20) But, like, when you have when you have a bacterial infection, when you have diabetes, it matters, and you have to be sometimes a little pushy or persistent, like, we wanna we wanna call it.

Scott Benner (26:32) Yeah.

Anais (26:32) And doing it in a nice way is a learned skill, I feel like, that I'm still working on.

Scott Benner (26:37) I did it very kindly. (26:39) But to your point, if they would've caught me fifteen years ago, I would've just I would've been a lunatic. (26:45) Would have been like, help my brother. (26:46) What are you doing? (26:47) I lost my, temper once when my mom was living in an assisted facility recovering from her cancer surgery, and she kept getting a UTI.

Scott Benner (26:57) And I just like, I was on a phone call one day, and I I yelled at people. (27:03) Like, my brother was in the room. (27:04) My brother was like, well, thanks. (27:05) That was very comfortable. (27:06) And I was like I think I said something like, if my mom dies because you guys can't figure out how to clean her up after she uses the bathroom, I said, I swear to God, I'm gonna sue each and every one of you.

Scott Benner (27:20) And I am not telling the story that my mom died from not wiping properly. (27:25) I was like, you have That's insane. (27:26) I'm like, come on everybody. (27:29) You know? (27:29) Like and I did lose my temper that day.

Scott Benner (27:31) But but this, I just got on the phone, and I I laid out my brother's weekend when I got to the nurse, and I was like, so come on. (27:37) Between you and me, what's he need? (27:39) She goes, I mean, he needs an antibiotic. (27:41) And I was like, right. (27:42) And I said she goes, but it's not up to me.

Scott Benner (27:44) And I was like, no. (27:45) I know. (27:45) I'm like, but I'm on the phone asking you, please don't put this down. (27:49) Make sure he gets helped. (27:51) And then she and then she did that.

Scott Benner (27:53) And so, like, I just found I just got to a person who was reasonable who would help.

Anais (27:57) Yeah. (27:58) Yeah. (27:58) That that's key also. (28:00) Yeah. (28:00) The person on the other side.

Scott Benner (28:01) So what what's happened over the last year that's that's given you this perspective already? (28:06) Like, has this been a problem this first year? (28:09) How how's it going?

Anais (28:10) Well, yeah. (28:11) I mean, I think the entrance piece, like, figuring this out was was tough, just, like, making sure that we had the supplies that we needed. (28:19) And, you know, sometimes people want to be helpful, and they send the prescription to the wrong place and know you have to call. (28:25) And and, again, like, when you're busy, like your brother, you don't necessarily have, like, the extra thirty minutes to spend waiting for someone to pick up the phone and fix your prescription problem. (28:36) So I think we we we figure out a lot of stuff like that.

Anais (28:40) Like, you know, we go to a local pharmacy because they are, like, just really nice. (28:44) They get they're on top of their stuff. (28:46) We don't do, like, the big box chain except for some some of the tech that we get from from one of those, like, mail in order pharmacy. (28:55) But, like, figuring this out, like, took a while because we you know, the first time I went to the to the pharmacy to pick up insulin, they just, like, threw the insulin on the counter, not even, like, refrigerated. (29:04) Like, I was like, well, I need a high spec to take it home.

Anais (29:07) And turns out you probably don't need a high spec for the ten minutes you're in the car, but I didn't know that at the time. (29:12) And I was, like, freaking out. (29:13) I was like, why? (29:13) There is no cooler. (29:14) Like, you're not giving me and they were just so very careless.

Anais (29:18) And so I was like, I don't want to go to this pharmacy. (29:21) I want a pharmacy where I feel like they're treating me as a person, not as, like, a, you know, one customer or one you know?

Scott Benner (29:28) Yeah. (29:29) Isn't it interesting? (29:30) Thing. (29:30) What that points out to about all the little new things that you don't have context for.

Anais (29:35) Yeah.

Scott Benner (29:36) Like, yeah, they hand you the insulin, and you're like, no. (29:38) That should that's supposed to be refrigerated. (29:40) And now you're in a panic. (29:41) I'm gonna take it home. (29:42) It's not gonna work for my daughter.

Scott Benner (29:43) There's gonna be a cascading Exactly. (29:44) Cascading problems, you know, like, you're and the person behind the counter is, an 18 year old who's, you know, maybe in art school, and you're just like, hey. (29:54) Write this in this thing, and she's like, lady, I don't know.

Anais (29:56) Yeah. (29:57) Exactly. (29:57) No. (29:57) It's totally true. (29:58) And so so there is a lot of things like that that you're like, okay.

Anais (30:01) Does this matter really right now? (30:03) Do and kind of learning that balances. (30:06) It took a little bit of time. (30:07) But no. (30:08) But, I mean, the we're doing great.

Anais (30:11) So, actually, I discovered your podcast because our diabetes nurse, she's amazing. (30:17) And, you know, after getting out of the hospital two weeks later, we had this visit, and she's like, hey. (30:23) You should you should check out this podcast. (30:25) Like, this guy, he he puts up episode. (30:27) I think that could be helpful.

Anais (30:28) Like, it's it's nice to hear other people perspective. (30:32) And I'm like, okay. (30:33) And the first episode I listened to was the story of this nurse at school that I don't know how many units she gave to that poor kid, but it was, like, a crazy amount of number where she had to do, like, three different injection.

Scott Benner (30:45) Oh, Anise, that was not a good that was not a good episode for you to start with.

Anais (30:49) Yeah. (30:49) So that was my first episode, but you know what it did to it? (30:52) So and then I just sent my kid to school. (30:54) Like, it was, like, this whole ordeal to find a phone and get her Dexcom connected, whatever. (30:58) And I listened to this driving to work, and I was scared.

Anais (31:03) But then you it made me laugh so hard. (31:06) Like, the the reaction that you had in this mom, she was so funny. (31:10) And I was like, I can really I'm I'm loathing about this. (31:13) This is insane. (31:14) And I had to stop on the side of the road because I was loathing so hard.

Anais (31:17) I think it was like a laugh cry kind of situation. (31:20) And I was like, oh, I can laugh about this. (31:22) So it's gonna be okay. (31:24) You know? (31:24) Like, it's we're gonna be fine.

Anais (31:26) Like,

Scott Benner (31:26) let's You just made my day. (31:28) Like, I thought I was happy that your microphone was clear, but now I'm really happy. (31:32) By the way, she when she got on, was like, oh my god. (31:34) Your microphone sounds great. (31:36) Thank you so much.

Scott Benner (31:36) But no. (31:38) No. (31:38) No. (31:38) Like, this is this is awesome because that's my intention. (31:43) And that that it worked out like that is fantastic.

Scott Benner (31:46) I mean, this for people who don't know, this kid got, like, what was it, like, two hundred units of insulin or something?

Anais (31:52) He was insane. (31:53) I was like, how can you make that mistake? (31:55) I get I'm a rookie at this. (31:57) I've been doing this for two weeks, and I would not do this.

Scott Benner (31:59) The school nurse gave her two full syringes of insulin, like, misunderstanding the the system. (32:06) And the mom happened to be coming to the school, so, like, she was there and the and the school nurse does what was it? (32:12) Right? (32:12) The school nurse does Band Aids afterwards. (32:15) So the the mom was like, why are there two Band Aids on you?

Scott Benner (32:18) And that and that started the whole thing. (32:21) And then the mom panics, takes the kid, like, out, like, is gonna take him home for, like, I forget, for glucagon or something. (32:28) And then Yeah. (32:28) And then

Anais (32:29) she ends up in the

Scott Benner (32:29) it's just like this crazy story. (32:32) And and I and now I realize that it's a crazy story that at the end, the kid's okay.

Anais (32:37) Yeah. (32:37) No. (32:37) That the mom is

Scott Benner (32:38) talking about it, and I'm making fun of the nurse, she's laughing. (32:42) And you think, oh, as crazy as this is and as scary as this is, maybe it maybe it'll be okay and nothing even this bad will even ever happen to us.

Anais (32:49) Yeah. (32:50) Exactly. (32:50) That was kind of the where I started.

Scott Benner (32:53) Oh, that's wonderful. (32:54) And but and but you also took the right lesson from it because there are probably people who are gonna get on here and be like, I heard that one and hid in my closet for three weeks. (33:02) So but yeah. (33:03) Oh, that's really great. (33:04) So you tell me about that.

Scott Benner (33:06) Like, how did that re kind of remake you in that moment?

Anais (33:10) No. (33:11) I I think he made me realize that I mean, obviously, it's it's a, you know, it's a serious well, serious. (33:18) It's a serious disease. (33:19) It's here forever. (33:19) It's relentless.

Anais (33:20) I think that was, like, where I was. (33:22) And I was like, okay. (33:22) Well, yes, but we can laugh about it. (33:25) And, I mean, clearly, this woman had, like, a crazy experience, and then she must have been terrified. (33:30) But she's, like, telling her story, laughing about it, and you're, like, you know, cracking jokes.

Anais (33:35) And I'm like, okay. (33:36) Like, yes. (33:37) This is hard, but I think we can find a little bit of hope and levity in this whole thing. (33:42) And it it makes the whole journey a little bit more bearable to know that there is other people that that live through it. (33:49) And, I mean, since then, I've I've listened to a lot of other episode, but what I like about I'm gonna be nice to you now.

Anais (33:56) This is the part where I'm nice.

Scott Benner (33:57) But Thank you.

Anais (33:58) What I like about it is that I would have never learned about that many different people from that many walk of life before. (34:07) I think that's a silver lining for me is that I have had to meet very, very different people, caretakers, people that will work with my daughter, but also people that have diabetes that in before, I would have never interacted with ever. (34:22) And I think the podcast is really nice because you discover stories from people that have very different life and very very different perspective from my own. (34:31) And you do it in a very nonjudgmental way, which I I really like because it could go anyway. (34:38) And and you you just kind of give space to people to tell their story.

Anais (34:41) And I I I really have learned so much about diabetes, but also about, like, people's life situation, what they go through, and I I really enjoyed, kind of hearing those stories. (34:51) So thank you for doing that.

Scott Benner (34:52) Oh, it's my pleasure. (34:53) It really is. (34:54) I am really at my core just a person that's super interested in things. (34:58) I love hearing people's stories. (35:00) I don't really have a feeling that anyone's out there not doing a good job for themselves on purpose.

Anais (35:07) Yeah. (35:07) Like, That's totally true.

Scott Benner (35:08) I just think it's a strange decision to make to look at a struggling person and decide that they're there of their own accord. (35:15) What is funny? (35:16) I think what's funny is that I'm I'm one of those people that when you listen to me, you either like, you you think I'm the other thing or you think I'm you. (35:25) So, like, I think there are plenty of people who would maybe have conservative values who'd be like, I come across as, like, thinking the way they do. (35:33) And so they don't think that I'm making some, like, ultra liberal excuse for people who aren't trying hard.

Scott Benner (35:40) And I think that I'm very kind and and I am genuinely. (35:44) And so I think that people who might think of themselves as as super, you know, I don't know, community focused and and understanding, they see me as an ally as well. (35:53) And the truth is is that, you know, in a weird world where I think the Internet has tried really hard to put us all into groups, I really am just a moderate person around about a lot of things. (36:03) And I don't see that as meaning that I don't take stands on things. (36:08) I just try really hard to see everybody's perspective.

Scott Benner (36:11) And Yeah. (36:12) When it comes to people living with type one or other autoimmune stuff or the people that I've talked to on this podcast, I've never once heard a person who just said, yeah. (36:21) I don't care. (36:23) I'm just I'm sick and I don't care. (36:24) I I hear people who, don't understand how to use their insulin, who haven't been supported well, who don't have good technology, who maybe don't have the money or the time or the resource, who are struggling.

Scott Benner (36:35) I've heard of very bright people who are having psychological implications and that slows them down from helping themselves. (36:42) But I've never heard a person just stand up and say, you know what? (36:45) I don't care and that's why I'm not trying. (36:49) I think everyone is trying really, really hard. (36:51) I don't think they all have the same starting point and I don't think they all have the same tools, but I do think they're all really trying.

Scott Benner (36:57) It's my assumption and my assertion that if we give them the right tools and a better new starting point, that they could all have a lot more success. (37:07) And and that idea to me translates out to how we talk about people. (37:13) I don't know. (37:14) Like, I've never I I just I don't see people struggling and think, oh, they don't they must not care. (37:19) You know?

Scott Benner (37:20) So Yeah. (37:21) And and then you get to hear and this is a feeling I've had in the background. (37:25) And since you I don't talk about it often out loud because I'm always afraid it's gonna sound, like, judgy, but I don't mean it that way. (37:31) But you brought it up, so I'll say this. (37:34) I think it's awesome to turn this thing on on a Monday and hear a French lady, you know, who lives in Boston who's in biotech.

Scott Benner (37:42) And then to turn it on on Tuesday and hear somebody from Louisiana who, you know, doesn't have a job and still has type one diabetes. (37:51) And then to hear a guy from Arizona and then somebody from England tell you that their child passed away and then talk to somebody from Australia to realize that if you have type one or if you have autoimmune in your life, it does not matter which one of these continents you're on, which one of these states you're in, Your life is very similar to the rest of ours.

Anais (38:12) Yeah.

Scott Benner (38:13) And it's the details that make it different, really. (38:16) Anyway, I that's my goal in making it.

Anais (38:18) That's yeah. (38:19) Yeah. (38:19) So I I could not agree more.

Scott Benner (38:21) I don't mean to mix thoughtful Scott with stupid Scott in the same episode because it might it it might confuse some of you. (38:28) But

Anais (38:29) No. (38:30) No. (38:30) No. (38:30) We we we we can all be multiple persons.

Scott Benner (38:33) You you know you you you know isn't it great that you've listened to this podcast long enough? (38:37) You're like, oh, I know what he means. (38:38) Like, sometimes he said dumps, and sometimes he says stuff like that.

Anais (38:43) So we we all we're all complex creature. (38:45) I think that that's okay.

Scott Benner (38:47) Yeah. (38:47) Thank you. (38:47) Thank you. (38:48) I appreciate it. (38:48) Well, I I just love that it's that it's it's done that for you.

Scott Benner (38:51) And because because I can imagine that there are multiples of people who it's also done that for. (38:58) It's just it's lovely because, you know, I'll say over and over again, when when I started making this, I thought I was just telling you all how to pre bolus. (39:06) Like, I really that's what that was my goal. (39:08) I my goal really was I know that there's these 10 things that I do, and when I do them, my daughter's a one c stays in the low sixes. (39:14) I'll share it with people.

Scott Benner (39:16) I didn't know it was gonna turn into all this. (39:19) I didn't know I was gonna mature the way I did while I was making it. (39:22) You you know? (39:22) Like, I didn't know all of this. (39:24) This is ridiculous that that any of this has happened.

Scott Benner (39:27) I recorded the other day with a guy who has, like, a YouTube channel about GLP medications. (39:34) I like his vibe, but I wanted to have him on so he could tell people a little bit about what's coming in the future. (39:38) And I was feeling him out to maybe have him back on the podcast because I think he might be have good information as we go forward over the next, you know, decade or whatever and and where I think GLPs are gonna change and morph and be more valuable for people with type ones. (39:53) And and I realized that before we started talking, before we started recording and we were talking, like, he sees me in a completely different way in a way that I don't see myself because I'm not surrounded by other people who would consider themselves content creators. (40:09) Like, so I really do just think of myself as a guy that sits in a room with a chameleon staring at him making a podcast where people with diabetes get to tell their story.

Scott Benner (40:17) Right? (40:18) And I realized from his perspective, he's like, how many downloads do you get a day? (40:21) And I told him and he goes, dude, that's crazy. (40:24) He's like, a niche podcast about type one diabetes? (40:27) And I was like, yeah.

Scott Benner (40:28) He goes, oh my god. (40:29) He's like, you're, like, in the top, like, like, fine percent of all podcasts. (40:33) And I was like, no. (40:34) I know. (40:35) It was a big deal to him.

Scott Benner (40:36) And I was like, I didn't even, like, care. (40:38) I was like, oh, I know. (40:39) I'm I'm just trying to reach people with diabetes. (40:41) And I was like, oh, in a in another world, this thing means something completely different. (40:46) Like, if you take you out of diabetes, I didn't realize that, like, other people saw me a different way.

Scott Benner (40:52) And it was it was helpful, like, just to to understand

Anais (40:55) that. (40:56) To kinda have a different perspective on on it for sure.

Scott Benner (40:58) Yeah. (40:59) On myself or on the podcast, really. (41:01) Yeah. (41:01) You know? (41:02) Okay.

Scott Benner (41:02) So do you use the podcast for use it to learn management stuff? (41:07) Are you in the Facebook group? (41:09) Like, how else has it been helpful?

Anais (41:10) So I'm on and off on the Facebook group, but I I've used the podcast. (41:14) I did the pro tip series. (41:16) I it's super helpful. (41:17) I think I probably need to relisten to it now after having a little bit of experience.

Scott Benner (41:22) Mhmm.

Anais (41:22) My daughter's on Omnipod, and so I did the I think there was, like, three three or four episode, I don't remember, on Omnipod. (41:28) So when she was gonna start, I listened to those to try to kind of understand a little bit better how it all works. (41:36) And so that was super helpful. (41:37) I mean, I think there is a lot of things.

Scott Benner (41:39) The

Anais (41:39) hospital classes kind of make you generally aware of who know to kill your child, I would say, or keep them alive. (41:48) And I I think for me, what the pro tips and the the specific series did is, like, giving me more tools to, I think, really actually manage her disease and and hopefully do a good job. (41:59) And I think the next level is being able to manage to the degree that we are, but maybe with a little bit less effort, and that would be lovely. (42:08) But I I think we're not there yet. (42:10) We're still kind of tweaking a lot of the ratios and trying to understand who to bolus for certain foods.

Anais (42:15) And and oh, actually, bolus four, the series that you're doing where you just pick a random food, this is super helpful too.

Scott Benner (42:23) Okay.

Anais (42:23) I like that a lot.

Scott Benner (42:24) Oh, we're doing we're doing one for Thanksgiving. (42:26) It comes out Wednesday night.

Anais (42:27) Oh, really? (42:28) Oh, awesome. (42:28) Oh, yeah. (42:29) I'm gonna need that one for sure.

Scott Benner (42:31) Well, listen. (42:32) I'm gonna tell you a secret. (42:33) Thanksgiving's easy. (42:34) Like, people don't think it is, but you just have to treat it all like one big, like, timeline of eating and Yeah. (42:41) Get ahead of it, keep it down, and then get out of any extra that you're doing as far as basil goes or something like that.

Scott Benner (42:48) You just gotta get out of it in time to not cause a low, and then save one save one dessert for the end in case you've used too much insulin. (42:55) That's pretty much it. (42:56) But

Anais (42:57) Yeah. (42:57) That's a good strategy. (42:58) Like that.

Scott Benner (42:59) Get ahead. (43:00) Stay ahead.

Anais (43:01) Yeah.

Scott Benner (43:01) So let me ask you. (43:02) Like, you you mentioned working in biotech. (43:04) That made me pick around in your life a little bit while we're talking. (43:07) Does your education help you with this at all, and does what you do help you at all with the illness or not really?

Anais (43:15) I think yes. (43:16) I mean, I think to some extent because, I mean, we both my husband and I, we're both scientists, and I think it gives you a foundation to understand a lot of, like, the undialing make underlying mechanism and then the mass and, like, kind of anticipating things, solving problems, having that mindset. (43:34) But I do think that it's you don't necessarily need to have all that background to do a good job. (43:41) Actually, something that I realized that is people that care for my daughter the best, it's outside of me and my husband, are people that have a very practical, logical mind. (43:52) It doesn't matter what background they have.

Anais (43:54) It's just like they say, okay. (43:56) This is happening. (43:58) This is happening probably for this reason. (43:59) I'm gonna tweak this and see what happened. (44:01) And then the next time, I know that that happened, so I remember, and I'm gonna do the same thing because it worked out.

Anais (44:07) And I think people that have that mindset do real pretty well. (44:12) I don't think it matters what your background is. (44:14) It's more like the problem solving, recognizing patterns, and just, like, embracing the chaos. (44:20) I think it really is needed also.

Scott Benner (44:24) Has the experience you've had over the last year has it in any way impacted your work? (44:30) Like, did does it change for you now to be in a situation where you have, you know, personal perspective on illness?

Anais (44:39) Yeah. (44:39) That's a super good question. (44:42) I think so. (44:43) I do think so. (44:44) You know, I think part of my job sometimes is to try to understand how a drug is gonna be delivered.

Anais (44:49) So is it gonna be an injection? (44:51) Is it gonna be, you know, a pill, an IV? (44:54) And I think when you are the parents injecting a child six times a day, you realize that this is actually a big deal. (45:02) It's not just like, oh, it will be better if this injection was once a month. (45:07) Of course, it will be better.

Anais (45:08) You know that. (45:09) But it makes it a little bit more real. (45:12) Yeah.

Scott Benner (45:13) I won't give any details, but many hundreds of thousands, if not a million or more people across the country are gonna have a better user experience with an injectable because my wife was in a meeting and spoke up about something. (45:29) And she only she only knew to speak up because of, like, our lives.

Anais (45:34) Yeah. (45:35) I mean

Scott Benner (45:35) Yeah. (45:36) And it's not because the other people in the room didn't care. (45:38) It's not because people were being cheap or, yeah, you know, whatever people would, like, you know, jump to conclusions about. (45:42) Like, it's that there were five or six people in a room who'd never injected themselves with anything, and their job was to be in that room and talk about which one of these injectors to buy from a third party to package this stuff into. (45:54) And my wife looked at it, she was like, I don't think that's the right one.

Scott Benner (45:57) And then explained to them why and, you know, took a little time, and they got out of a contract, changed something else. (46:03) And now a lot of people are gonna have a better experience because of it.

Anais (46:07) And Yeah. (46:07) That's awesome. (46:08) And that's awesome when you can bring a little bit of your experience into your work and that can benefit more people for sure.

Scott Benner (46:14) Do you know another interesting thing? (46:17) My wife was brought into I have to be pretty vague about this, but her company is doing kind of a mental health support thing for for the for the, you know, the entire company. (46:29) And they wanted somebody from each, you know, kind of part of the company that's higher up to be involved a little bit. (46:35) And so my wife said, god. (46:37) They've reached out to me for this.

Scott Benner (46:39) And she's like, I just I do not have time for this. (46:41) And I was like I'm like, no. (46:43) I I know. (46:44) And I was like, are you gonna do? (46:45) She's like, I'm gonna do it, I guess.

Scott Benner (46:47) You know, it's it's it's a meeting a month. (46:49) Like, I can do it. (46:50) Like, my my wife for those of you who don't understand what it's like to have a a type a lady, in your house, My wife got up this morning at 05:00, got in the shower, was on a call at six. (47:03) She will do calls until one, and that's when she'll start working. (47:08) And then she'll work till 10:00 tonight.

Scott Benner (47:11) Yeah. (47:11) You can't talk her out of it. (47:14) It doesn't matter. (47:15) You could say whatever you want. (47:16) That lady needs weed.

Scott Benner (47:17) She gotta relax. (47:18) Whatever you're gonna it doesn't matter. (47:20) Like, she's type a. (47:21) She's Catholic. (47:22) She's she's responsible.

Scott Benner (47:25) She works hard. (47:26) She's the person you want. (47:26) You should any anyone listening should hire my wife. (47:29) You're gonna get an amazing employee.

Anais (47:31) Good value. (47:32) Good value. (47:32) Oh my god. (47:33) Yeah. (47:33) You're gonna

Scott Benner (47:34) yeah. (47:34) Whatever you're paying her, it it's you're getting twice the work. (47:36) It may and maybe twice as even undervaluing her. (47:40) But, you know, she took this this gig and she then you know, this extra thing, and she's in a meeting and somebody's talking and and she realizes, like, nobody's opening up. (47:50) So she started talking about, like, what it was like for Arden to be diagnosed.

Scott Benner (47:55) And in five minutes of being open, which is not really my wife's vibe, she's very Irish. (48:02) And so and, oh, you're French. (48:04) You really know what that means? (48:05) Yep. (48:06) Unfortunately.

Scott Benner (48:06) And she she opened up a little bit, and she said, Scott, it was like it was like cracking the seal on a on a old fire hydrant. (48:16) She's like, everybody just started talking. (48:19) And it was a lot of people with big titles who don't wanna be seen as weak, who were not gonna speak up in that room, and then they did. (48:27) And she's like, and now the whole thing is moving, and then the people under them realized they could open up. (48:32) And then people started talking about their struggles at work, and now they're gonna identify what's causing people issues, and they're gonna have a better workforce because of it.

Scott Benner (48:39) And people are gonna feel better, you know. (48:42) So and that comes from Kelly's growing up, you know, as an adult with a kid with type one. (48:48) So

Anais (48:48) Yeah. (48:49) That's awesome. (48:49) I mean That's pretty cool. (48:50) That she was I mean, you have to be a little bit brave. (48:53) I mean, I don't know if I'm if I'm there yet.

Anais (48:55) I mean, I I guess I'm on the podcast. (48:57) But

Scott Benner (48:57) No. (48:58) You're getting there. (48:58) Yeah. (48:58) No. (48:59) No.

Scott Benner (48:59) That's that's Yeah. (48:59) Pretty good stuff.

Anais (49:01) But I think there is you know, work is there is stuff that should stay private, obviously, but I think it's good that they they're trying to improve mental health because that's super important for sure.

Scott Benner (49:19) This episode was too good to cut anything out of, but too long to make just one episode. (49:24) So this is part one. (49:26) Make sure you go find part two right now. (49:28) It's gonna be the next episode in your feed. (49:31) Today's episode of the juice box podcast is sponsored by the Dexcom g seven, and the Dexcom g seven warms up in just thirty minutes.

Scott Benner (49:39) Check it out now at dexcom.com/juicebox. (49:44) Today's episode is also sponsored by Omnipod five. (49:48) Omnipod five is a tube free automated insulin delivery system that's been shown to significantly improve a one c and time and range for people with type one diabetes when they've switched from daily injections. (49:59) Learn more and get started today at omnipod.com/juicebox. (50:04) At my link, you can get a free starter kit right now.

Scott Benner (50:06) Terms and conditions apply. (50:08) Eligibility may vary. (50:09) Full terms and conditions can be found at omnipod.com/juicebox. (50:14) Okay. (50:15) Well, here we are at the end of the episode.

Scott Benner (50:17) You're still with me? (50:18) Thank you. (50:18) I really do appreciate that. (50:20) What else could you do for me? (50:22) Why don't you tell a friend about the show or leave a five star review?

Scott Benner (50:26) Maybe you could make sure you're following or subscribe in your podcast app, go to YouTube and follow me, or Instagram, TikTok. (50:34) Oh, gosh. (50:35) Here's one. (50:36) Make sure you're following the podcast in the private Facebook group as well as the public Facebook page. (50:42) You don't wanna miss please, do you not know about the private group?

Scott Benner (50:46) You have to join the private group. (50:48) As of this recording, it has 74,000 members. (50:51) They're active talking about diabetes. (50:54) Whatever you need to know, there's a conversation happening in there right now. (50:58) And I'm there all the time.

Scott Benner (50:59) Tag me. (50:59) I'll say hi. (51:01) The Juice Box podcast has been in production since January 2015. (51:05) And in that time, we have amassed just a fantastic catalog of information for you. (51:10) The defining diabetes series, also bold beginnings, diabetes pro tips, small sips, fat and protein, algorithm pumping, mental wellness, ask Scott and Jenny, diabetes variables defining thyroid, after dark, the math behind Omnipod five, pregnancy, how we eat, grand rounds, cold win, GLP meds, the quick start guide if you wanna get going with the podcast but you don't know where to go.

Scott Benner (51:33) Diabetes myths, there's even a type two diabetes pro tip series. (51:37) All of this is at juiceboxpodcast.com. (51:40) Go to the menu, click on series, and they can all be found right there. (51:45) If you go to juiceboxpodcast.com/lists, you'll get all these great downloadable lists of all the different series so you can save them on your phone, keep them for later. (51:54) Every episode is listed along with its episode number.

Scott Benner (51:58) So you can go into Apple Podcasts or your, you know, wherever you listen to your audio, and say you wanna hear episode fourteen sixty nine, steal a one c overnight from the small sip series. (52:08) You just go to the search bar, type juice box, one word, and then the episode number, fourteen sixty nine. (52:13) It should be the first return you get. (52:15) If you have a podcast and you need a fantastic editor, you want Rob from Wrong Way Recording. (52:21) Listen.

Scott Benner (52:22) Truth be told, I'm, like, 20% smarter when Rob edits me. (52:26) He takes out all the, like, gaps of time and when I go, and stuff like that. (52:31) And it just I don't know, man. (52:33) Like, I listen back and I'm like, why do I sound smarter? (52:35) And then I remember because I did one smart thing.

Scott Benner (52:38) I hired Rob at wrongwayrecording.com.

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#1758 Body Grief: Apology and Fault

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.

This discussion focuses on the emotional progression through Apology and Stage: Fault within the context of living with Type 1 Diabetes (T1D). These stages explore the transition from apologizing for one’s existence to searching for a cause for the condition.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner (0:0) Hello, friends, and welcome back to another episode of the Juice Box podcast. (0:16) Body grief is the sense of loss and mourning that comes with living in an ever changing body. (0:21) And in this new series with myself and Erica Forsyth, we're gonna talk all about it. (0:29) The podcast contains so many different series and collections of information that it can be difficult to find them in your traditional podcast app sometimes. (0:37) That's why they're also collected at juiceboxpodcast.com.

Scott Benner (0:41) Go up to the top. (0:42) There's a menu right there. (0:43) Click on series, defining diabetes, bold beginnings, the pro tip series, small sips, Omnipod five, ask Scott and Jenny, mental wellness, fat and protein, defining thyroid, after dark, diabetes variables, grand rounds, cold win, pregnancy, type two diabetes, GLP meds, the math behind diabetes, diabetes myths, and so much more. (1:03) You have to go check it out. (1:04) It's all there and waiting for you, and it's absolutely free.

Scott Benner (1:08) Juiceboxpodcast.com. (1:11) Nothing you hear on the Juicebox podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. (1:16) Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. (1:30) I'm having an on body vibe alert. (1:32) This episode of the Juice Box podcast is sponsored by Eversense three sixty five, the only one year wear CGM.

Scott Benner (1:41) That's one insertion and one CGM a year. (1:44) One CGM, one year. (1:47) Not every ten or fourteen days. (1:49) Eversense cgm.com/juicebox. (1:52) Today's episode is also sponsored by US Med, usmed.com/juicebox, or call (888) 721-1514.

Scott Benner (2:03) Get your supplies the same way we do from US Med. (2:06) The podcast is also sponsored today by the Tandem MOBI system, which is powered by Tandem's newest algorithm, Control IQ Plus technology. (2:15) Tandem MOBI has a predictive algorithm that helps prevent highs and lows and is now available for ages two and up. (2:22) Learn more and get started today at tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox. (2:29) Erica, we are back again to continue our body grief series.

Scott Benner (2:33) Why don't you take a second to, tell everybody what we've talked about so far in the previous episodes very briefly? (2:39) They can go listen if they haven't. (2:41) And then, what are we gonna be talking about today?

Erika Forsyth (2:43) Great. (2:44) Yes. (2:45) So we have discussed body grief through kind of we did intro was the of our first episode and reminding you the definition of body grief is the sense of loss and mourning that comes with living in an ever changing body that's as defined by Jane Mattingly in her book, this is body grief. (3:06) And then in episode two, we went over the stage one, which is dismissal, and stage two, which is shock. (3:16) And so today, we're gonna move into stage three, which is apology.

Scott Benner (3:22) Apology. (3:23) What does that look like for people living with type one diabetes?

Erika Forsyth (3:27) Okay. (3:28) So apology sounds like when you hear yourself saying either externally or internally, I'm sorry for being me. (3:38) I'm sorry that I have to ask you to wait while my blood sugar comes up. (3:44) I'm sorry Maybe you're, you know, hiding and doing your, you know, site changes privately. (3:52) There's nothing wrong with that, but we'll get into what what's underneath those types of actions and thoughts.

Scott Benner (3:57) Okay.

Erika Forsyth (3:58) So apology, it it might look like you're trying to be polite and considerate Mhmm. (4:04) By altering what your what your reality. (4:06) Right? (4:07) Like, but maybe you're trying to accommodate other people's comfort. (4:10) Maybe you're trying to accommodate other people's expectations.

Erika Forsyth (4:14) But you also simultaneously might be regulating yourself as well. (4:19) Well, you're saying, I'm sorry, you know, trying to be considerate to other people, and it looks maybe very socially acceptable, you also might be regulating your own discomfort around what is happening, like what is causing that body grief. (4:35) And, obviously, in the context today, talking about the diabetes, but this could be about any new sudden injury or loss or physical illness, you know, relating to your body.

Scott Benner (4:48) So a shame or embarrassment even that could come with the fact that your body's doing something that you would not have chosen for it to do, but it's happening anyway. (4:58) And now it's going to inconvenience you and by extension other people around you, and then you're apologizing for that. (5:05) But the underlying aspect of that is that you're really apologizing for something you can't control that you wouldn't have put in this situation to begin with. (5:15) Does that feel that's about right. (5:16) Right?

Erika Forsyth (5:17) Yes.

Scott Benner (5:18) Yeah. (5:18) Okay.

Erika Forsyth (5:18) Like, something that's out of your control, you also might be trying to avoid feeling what you're feeling in the moment. (5:26) Right? (5:27) So you're trying to just okay. (5:28) I'm sorry. (5:29) And and it it again, it can be very convenient or socially acceptable, but when you're in this stage, it actually doesn't lessen the pain even though you think you're you're trying to dismiss actually what's happening.

Scott Benner (5:44) Okay.

Erika Forsyth (5:45) Again, whether you're trying to accommodate other people's comfort or your own, really, you're you're in this space of not allowing yourself to feel what you what you feel or or give your body what it needs in that moment.

Scott Benner (5:57) It it feels a little to me like when I hear adults say this is a thing that's been said to me so many times over the years, and I I never don't feel terrible hearing somebody say it out loud. (6:07) When they refer to themselves as a bad diabetic. (6:10) Right? (6:10) Mhmm. (6:11) Like, it feels like I don't even know what.

Scott Benner (6:14) It almost feels like they're trying to get out ahead of your under I don't know. (6:17) I don't know how to put it. (6:18) It's such a complicated thing. (6:20) But they're apologizing for not being perfect based on some set of standards that somebody set up for them. (6:28) And, gosh, I have to dig deep into how I feel about this when it happens when when somebody says it to me.

Scott Benner (6:34) I feel badly for them because I feel bad that, a, they didn't that they don't feel like they're doing a good job for themselves, that it's possible that somebody set up an expectation for them that was unfair to begin with that they didn't prepare them for dealing with, and that they feel compelled to externalize that to strangers or other people. (6:56) That's the part I find heartbreaking, and I can't tell you why. (6:59) I just know that I do. (7:01) And it makes this makes me feel like that too. (7:04) You know, that you are, you know, sitting on a park bench waiting to not be dizzy anymore, looking at your friends, realizing everybody wants to be, you know, ahead of where where you were going, but they're not.

Scott Benner (7:15) They're waiting with you. (7:16) It appears to them that you're at fault, but you're not a willing participant in what's happening right now. (7:22) I mean, I guess what we're trying to help people feel is the the separation between their decisions and things that are out of their control. (7:31) Right? (7:31) Like, you don't wanna be your body.

Scott Benner (7:34) Is that am I getting to anything here, or am I not making any sense?

Erika Forsyth (7:37) Yeah. (7:37) Okay. (7:38) So you are making sense. (7:41) I'm I'm gonna

Scott Benner (7:43) Please.

Erika Forsyth (7:43) Kind of include what you just shared and then share an example that just happened. (7:47) Right before we were recording

Scott Benner (7:49) Oh, that's right.

Erika Forsyth (7:50) I noticed that I might I added, diagonal ink arrow down. (7:54) Mhmm. (7:55) And I was one seventeen, and I noticed I didn't have my glucose tablets on my desk like they are. (8:00) And what did I say? (8:01) I said, I'm sorry.

Scott Benner (8:02) Oh, that's right. (8:03) You apologized.

Erika Forsyth (8:04) I said, I'm sorry. (8:05) We can't record yet. (8:06) I need to go to the other room and grab my my glucose tablets.

Scott Benner (8:09) Right.

Erika Forsyth (8:10) I guess, so in that moment, I felt ill prepared. (8:12) I felt badly because I was gonna have you wait for another minute or two. (8:17) Know?

Scott Benner (8:18) And I have experience, so I didn't think twice about it. (8:21) Mhmm. (8:21) But other people are like, oh, great. (8:24) The lady with diabetes are holding up is holding up the thing. (8:27) Right.

Scott Benner (8:27) Oh, oh, oh, So I And you're aware of that?

Erika Forsyth (8:30) Yes.

Scott Benner (8:30) Yes. (8:31) Okay.

Erika Forsyth (8:32) But I I I instinctively apologized because then I realized, oh, no. (8:37) Is this gonna be inconvenient for you? (8:39) Because I'm not prepared.

Scott Benner (8:41) What's the difference when that inconvenience stems from your body and not, like what if you just needed a pen and you realized you didn't have a pen? (8:48) You're like, oh, I'm sorry. (8:49) I forgot to bring a pen. (8:50) I gotta go grab a pen. (8:50) And you got up and you walked away.

Scott Benner (8:52) That wouldn't feel the same way as, hey. (8:56) I have to go get glucose tablets now because my body doesn't regulate my glucose properly and blaze. (9:01) Like, right. (9:01) Like and so that connection point is the unfair connection because at least you can take responsibility for forgetting to bring a pen, for example. (9:11) Mhmm.

Scott Benner (9:11) But you can't take responsibility for your pancreas not working well or the fact that you have to use, you know, insulin or other means to to control it, and sometimes you get low afterwards. (9:20) So that's what this that that part right there, whatever that is, that's what this whole series is about. (9:26) Yes. (9:26) That that spot.

Erika Forsyth (9:28) Yes. (9:28) So in that spot right there, thankfully, I think in that context, I knew you would understand. (9:34) I still felt like I wanted to apologize for, you know, creating a pause. (9:39) Right. (9:40) And I did have a minute of, like, oh gosh.

Erika Forsyth (9:42) I thought I you know, I really tried to be particularly when we record Mhmm. (9:46) To be really stable in a in a good place with my at a healthy range. (9:51) And so I had a second of, uh-oh. (9:53) What if I go low? (9:55) You know, this is this all this is like Happens

Scott Benner (9:57) right away.

Erika Forsyth (9:57) Split second. (9:58) Yeah. (9:58) What if I go low? (9:59) And even just now as we're talking about it, I was looking. (10:01) I'm like, okay.

Erika Forsyth (10:02) No. (10:02) I'm I'm good. (10:03) I'm stable. (10:04) But it can it can very it can slide so quickly into that shame, and that's what we're gonna get into if we're of you

Scott Benner (10:13) know? (10:13) Okay.

Erika Forsyth (10:14) Oh, I'm a bad I'm a bad diabetic. (10:16) I'm I didn't prepare.

Scott Benner (10:17) In that moment, did you think, oh god. (10:19) What did I do before that caused this low?

Erika Forsyth (10:21) No. (10:21) Because I knew I I gave a bolus of two units earlier. (10:24) So

Scott Benner (10:24) You already knew what you

Erika Forsyth (10:25) did. (10:25) Down.

Scott Benner (10:26) Right. (10:26) Right.

Erika Forsyth (10:27) So That might have been a little aggressive, but, actually, it worked out just fine.

Scott Benner (10:30) You didn't end up needing the tablets?

Erika Forsyth (10:32) Oh, I took two. (10:33) Yeah. (10:33) Yeah.

Scott Benner (10:34) You're like,

Erika Forsyth (10:35) oh, no. (10:35) Now I'm stable.

Scott Benner (10:36) No. (10:36) I needed them. (10:37) So you ate you ate them on the way back to the desk.

Erika Forsyth (10:39) I I chewed them very quickly on the way back.

Scott Benner (10:41) Yes. (10:42) Wow. (10:42) Boy, that is a lot. (10:43) I okay. (10:44) Good.

Scott Benner (10:44) You you keep moving forward. (10:45) Thank you.

Erika Forsyth (10:46) So, yeah, it's in that that space. (10:49) Right? (10:49) And that I'm sorry, you know, I'm sorry for needing to take a few minutes too. (10:53) I mean, that's in my notes as an example. (10:56) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (10:56) And this is a natural part of living with type one. (11:01) We are negotiating these things all the time. (11:05) And what we're wanting to recognize, though, for, like, the example of maybe you're leaving your room leaving the room to site change or inject or or treat Lowe's. (11:13) I did all of those things, Demio. (11:14) Maybe your that that feeling of, oh, no.

Erika Forsyth (11:18) I can't start the meeting yet because I'm low, or the feeling that you have to if you're playing in a sports game and you have to sub out because you're going low or high Yeah. (11:28) And then you feel that responsibility. (11:30) Right? (11:31) And, like, I'm sorry. (11:32) Should I keep going?

Erika Forsyth (11:33) Sorry. (11:34) Gonna say something. (11:34) Something out.

Scott Benner (11:35) Yeah. (11:35) Do you know that, like, you've had other I mean, we've done this a number of times together, like, over the years. (11:40) Right? (11:40) Mhmm. (11:40) You've had to got get up and walk away a number of other times.

Scott Benner (11:43) This is the only time you muted your microphone and shut your camera off when you walked away.

Erika Forsyth (11:48) Oh, really?

Scott Benner (11:48) Yeah. (11:50) Because it it struck me. (11:51) Was like, that's odd. (11:52) She never does that. (11:53) But it now I'm wondering if you didn't subconsciously not want me to hear you have to open the tablets or take the

Erika Forsyth (12:00) or, like,

Scott Benner (12:00) I Chew. (12:01) Or chew or what I I wonder. (12:02) Like, I don't know. (12:03) Maybe I'm I'm looking too deeply. (12:05) Yeah.

Scott Benner (12:05) But you've walked away, you know, half a dozen times to go talk to your husband or figure something out. (12:10) You've never shut the microphone off or shut off the camera before.

Erika Forsyth (12:13) So Very interesting. (12:15) Well, may and I this wasn't on purpose for the illustration, but it's you kinda

Scott Benner (12:19) Listen. (12:20) I've been making this podcast a long time, and one thing I know for sure is that a new example comes up every day for me to talk to. (12:26) So that that's not

Erika Forsyth (12:28) surprising. (12:29) That could be all of that, or maybe I just didn't want you to see the mess in my office. (12:32) I don't know.

Scott Benner (12:33) I don't know. (12:33) I I just it was very I just really I found myself thinking when you walked away, she's never done that before. (12:39) So, anyway

Erika Forsyth (12:40) And and another one other quick story, but you probably I might have already if I already shared this, please tell me. (12:45) But the flying back and forth for college, and I would constantly in the beginning so this would be, you know, five years No. (12:55) Six six years into diagnosis. (12:57) Mhmm. (12:57) And I would go to the airplane bathroom to take my blood sugar and inject because I was not comfortable doing it in bringing in the airplane seat.

Erika Forsyth (13:09) Now after freshman year, I went on a pump, and I still remember going to the bathroom, which is highly you know, that's pretty gross to take my blood sugar

Scott Benner (13:20) Yeah.

Erika Forsyth (13:20) And then bolus from my pump. (13:22) It was around halfway through sophomore junior year that I said, this is gross. (13:27) I'm I'm not going to apologize if this makes somebody else uncomfortable.

Scott Benner (13:32) Right.

Erika Forsyth (13:32) And so I remember putting down that tray table and doing my thing. (13:35) I probably didn't wipe it off. (13:37) But you

Scott Benner (13:38) didn't go into the p place.

Erika Forsyth (13:39) I didn't go into the

Scott Benner (13:40) bathroom. (13:40) Yeah.

Erika Forsyth (13:42) And so I have this vivid moment of that transition of, like, you know what? (13:46) This is I'm not gonna apologize for this, but that took me that was, you know, seven years

Scott Benner (13:51) That's something.

Erika Forsyth (13:52) Into living with type one. (13:54) And so I just share that and that everyone's on their own journey. (13:57) Yeah. (13:58) You don't have to be you know, we we always talk about the devices, you know, wearing them publicly or not, and there's no right or wrong way. (14:06) But I think what I would invite you to consider is what noticing the why.

Erika Forsyth (14:11) Like, what are you embarrassed? (14:13) Are you worried about making other people feel uncomfortable?

Scott Benner (14:17) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (14:18) And and reflecting on that. (14:19) Is there shame underneath some of those actions?

Scott Benner (14:22) Yeah. (14:23) I see it in so many different places, the strangest first of all, I wanna say that I I is that the diabetes mile high club, like, testing your blood sugar in the bathroom at the airplane? (14:32) Is that the equivalent of that? (14:33) Because that's Oh

Erika Forsyth (14:34) my gosh. (14:35) I know. (14:35) It's it's still it's really kind of gross to think about, but I did it.

Scott Benner (14:38) Yeah. (14:39) No. (14:39) And it's funny too because you were younger, so I get how it could have happened. (14:42) And I was older when Arden was diagnosed. (14:44) I would never let Arden go in the bathroom to do anything.

Scott Benner (14:48) Like, I would Mhmm. (14:49) I would always just say, like, no. (14:51) Like, just do it here. (14:52) I don't care if people are uncomfortable. (14:54) I couldn't possibly care less.

Scott Benner (14:55) Like, you are not going in the bathroom to, you know, to do this. (15:00) Well, I I the way I used to put it in the in the blog is we're not going in the bathroom to open up a a hole into the inside of our body. (15:08) Like like, it it in a restaurant. (15:10) Like, that just seems like a bad idea. (15:15) This episode is sponsored by Tandem Diabetes Care.

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Erika Forsyth (17:42) And did she do you think she internalized that and adopted that mindset of, not not apologizing?

Scott Benner (17:48) She does not give a who sees her with her diabetes. (17:52) But I will say this, that last night, she did tell a story about, like, having to change a pump or something, and she had to leave where she was. (18:03) And then I I guess something happened, and I guess she realized that it was gonna be an inconvenience. (18:09) And she said, no. (18:11) I'm not gonna do that.

Scott Benner (18:12) I'll wait here. (18:13) And it was her boyfriend that said, no. (18:15) Take care of yourself, not the group. (18:19) But she was gonna defer something about her own care to help other people not feel inconvenienced by her. (18:26) That is interesting.

Scott Benner (18:27) It just did happen last night. (18:29) How about that? (18:29) Okay.

Erika Forsyth (18:30) Yes. (18:30) So that's and that's that's just such a tough space. (18:34) Right? (18:34) Because you wanna be considerate of other people's timeline

Scott Benner (18:39) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (18:39) What whatever it may be, comfort, expectations, and yet it somehow feels like it'd be selfish to ask them to wait.

Scott Benner (18:48) Yeah. (18:48) No. (18:48) I think there's and it and they're you're not wrong. (18:50) It is something about the diabetes piece of it too because she is not that I mean, she's considerate. (18:57) She's actually very considerate of other people's time, but I do wonder how much of it is the fact that it's you don't wanna give in to the diabetes.

Scott Benner (19:06) Is that one way to think of it? (19:08) I don't know. (19:08) Like, you know, does that make sense? (19:10) Like, you don't want it to be the lever that causes the problem?

Erika Forsyth (19:13) Right. (19:14) Or have it to it almost is like a control situation. (19:19) Right?

Scott Benner (19:19) Like It's in control of you. (19:21) Mhmm. (19:21) That's it. (19:22) You don't want the diabetes to be in control of you.

Erika Forsyth (19:25) Right.

Scott Benner (19:25) You being polite to people, that's fine. (19:29) Like but you don't wanna be forced to do it. (19:31) Okay. (19:32) And then the connection to it being back to your body is the part that makes you feel helpless.

Erika Forsyth (19:37) Right.

Scott Benner (19:37) Okay.

Erika Forsyth (19:37) Right.

Scott Benner (19:38) Okay.

Erika Forsyth (19:38) Yeah. (19:39) I guess there's there's so many different emotions that can happen in that moment when you notice yourself feeling like you need to apologize for something related to your diabetes. (19:49) Right? (19:49) And and yet we are forced to have to negotiate that space

Scott Benner (19:54) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (19:54) All of the time. (19:55) And then that can lead to the the shame, the blame, the anger, the sadness, the grief.

Scott Benner (20:01) I gotcha.

Erika Forsyth (20:02) And I think that's part of you know, we hear a lot about the experience of of beeping and making noise in in quiet spaces.

Scott Benner (20:13) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (20:13) And so often, myself included, feel like we need to apologize for that, you know, that noise. (20:20) I mean, this is it's all very similar examples.

Scott Benner (20:23) Could you do that thing where you grab your phone and, like, hug it to yourself to, like, when it gets loud? (20:30) Why would you settle for changing your CGM every few weeks when you can have three hundred and sixty five days of reliable glucose data? (20:38) Today's episode is sponsored by the Eversense three sixty five. (20:42) It is the only CGM with a tiny sensor that lasts a full year sitting comfortably under your skin with no more frequent sensor changes and essentially no compression lows for one year. (20:55) You'll get your CGM data in real time on your phone, smartwatch, Android, or iOS, even an Apple Watch.

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Erika Forsyth (21:34) Yes. (21:35) And I I'm even hyper aware of my, I mean, the I wear the Moby, and the actual clicking sound is a little bit louder than the t slim. (21:43) Like, not much, but I'm I'm aware of it even when I'm sitting with clients who have diabetes. (21:48) And I can hear their clicking, and I can hear my clipping clicking. (21:52) And I'm not necessarily embarrassed because I know they know, particularly in that situation, but you're just so hyperaware.

Scott Benner (21:59) It's in your head.

Erika Forsyth (22:01) Mhmm.

Scott Benner (22:01) Yeah. (22:02) Jeez. (22:03) Is it wrong for me to say tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox if you'd like to look into a Moby or a t slim? (22:08) Thank you very much. (22:09) Keep going.

Scott Benner (22:09) Erica, thank you.

Erika Forsyth (22:10) Not wrong. (22:11) Not wrong. (22:11) I love I love my Moby. (22:12) The sense of, you know, even just, like, beeping. (22:15) One of the first things you hear when people go to a conference, almost the first response is it feels so good to hear all the beeping in the room because it normalizes your experience if your alarms are going off or whatever.

Scott Benner (22:26) Right.

Erika Forsyth (22:27) And I think that's why, you know, it is so important and effective in our t one d. (22:33) Our diabetes community at large is so unique and special and tight because you don't have to have that gut response of needing to apologize in that space.

Scott Benner (22:44) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (22:45) There's automatic understanding, and normalizing. (22:50) And so if you're in if I think if you are in a space where you feel like you're living in this world of needing to apologize either to make other people feel comfortable or yourself kind of regulate your own emotions, you're not enjoying that experience, I think that would be a wise choice if you're able to to go to an in person conference or event to experience that. (23:13) Oh, I don't I don't need to do that here.

Scott Benner (23:15) Because you can give that away when you walk in.

Erika Forsyth (23:16) That's right.

Scott Benner (23:17) Right. (23:17) Like, because everyone here just like you didn't need to apologize to me to walk away to get your tablets. (23:22) Everyone in that scenario was me, and I'm just like, yeah. (23:25) It's fine. (23:25) I don't I I wouldn't think twice about it.

Scott Benner (23:27) Like Right. (23:28) Never, you know, because I've I've I've lived so closely to it. (23:32) My oh, yeah. (23:32) Okay.

Erika Forsyth (23:33) And and your automatic response was actually going back to this first example was, oh, yeah. (23:37) No no worries. (23:37) No no problem. (23:38) Like, don't worry.

Scott Benner (23:39) Like I just turned to my other computer and started doing something else. (23:41) I was like, well, I have time to do this now. (23:43) Yeah. (23:43) But other people do. (23:45) I guess I know that.

Scott Benner (23:47) But until you sit down like the like we are now in a quiet moment just talking between the two of us and to to really like, for me, I'm aware of it, but it's not a thing I think of because it's not happening to me. (23:59) Mhmm. (23:59) And even when it happens, when Arden's with me, I'm not worried. (24:05) Like, I don't have that gear where I'm not embarrassed or feel ashamed. (24:09) Like, I'm worried for her, but, like, not for myself because I really don't care what people think.

Scott Benner (24:15) And I hope that she feels that way too, but I don't think I don't think there's any way to actually a 100% feel that way. (24:21) I think on some level, you're always fooling yourself a little bit if you say you don't care what other people think. (24:28) You know? (24:28) It's tough.

Erika Forsyth (24:30) Yeah. (24:30) It is tough. (24:31) I mean, it's human nature to to care what people think to a certain degree.

Scott Benner (24:35) My son is 25. (24:37) He said to me the other day, is there a way to take this label off this jacket? (24:41) And I was like, what? (24:42) He goes, oh, it's my jacket I wear. (24:43) He snowboards?

Scott Benner (24:44) He's like, it's my snowboarding jacket. (24:47) It's a great jacket. (24:48) Keeps me really warm. (24:49) I love the pockets. (24:50) It's really comfortable and everything.

Scott Benner (24:51) Goes, but and I'm like, what do you wanna take the name off it for? (24:55) And he's like, real serious snowboarders see it as, like, not good gear. (24:58) And I went, do you really care about that? (25:01) And he paused and didn't even know how to answer me. (25:03) And he was like, I guess not.

Scott Benner (25:05) And I was like, okay. (25:08) Because I don't think of him as a person who's running around. (25:10) Like, that's a strange thing to me. (25:12) Like, when he said that, he he stopped me. (25:14) I was like, what the heck just happened here?

Scott Benner (25:16) But it's a good example of it outside of the diabetes. (25:18) Like, that's a thing that occurred to him at some point. (25:21) So when I started doing this, I bought this jacket. (25:23) I didn't know this wasn't the end thing to do. (25:26) I'm a much better snowboarder now, and I don't want those people to think I'm not.

Erika Forsyth (25:29) Very normal. (25:31) Very normal.

Scott Benner (25:31) And that's all unspoke all unspoken in your head. (25:34) Mhmm. (25:34) You know what I mean? (25:35) Mhmm. (25:36) Oh, boy.

Scott Benner (25:36) I don't know. (25:37) Well, don't worry. (25:38) AI will take over all of our jobs. (25:39) You have plenty of time to think about yourself and get this all worked out. (25:42) I'm sure it'll be fine.

Erika Forsyth (25:44) Know, noticing you said it was all in his thoughts. (25:45) Like, so if you are noticing that you are very mindful and thinking a lot about what you know, if they look at your device and you're trying to mind read or if you're feeling embarrassed or ashamed, one another tool, you know, instead of that gut reaction of I'm sorry is thinking about reframing that automatic thought. (26:08) And we've talked about CBT before and that cognitive triangle, how our thoughts impact how we feel and what we do. (26:15) And that all goes, you know, backwards and forwards in this triangle. (26:19) One thought that I think is particularly helpful is to think this might sound like a little bit like we're blaming the other person, but it's actually not.

Erika Forsyth (26:29) So it is other people's lack of knowledge or understanding about t one d that makes me apologize for beeping or or fill in the blank. (26:39) Mhmm. (26:39) It is not my job to apologize for that. (26:42) So it that again, it it might feel like, oh, is that harsh? (26:45) It's it's other people's lack of knowledge or understanding about t u n d that makes me apologize for beeping, but it's not my job to apologize for that.

Erika Forsyth (26:52) But so kind of just you could fill in the blank, but have this thought kind of percolating in your mind of, wait. (27:00) Why why am I apologizing for that? (27:02) Yeah. (27:02) Oh, it's because they don't understand, but I don't need to apologize because they don't understand. (27:06) Does that make sense?

Scott Benner (27:07) Yo. (27:07) You can almost take it one farther. (27:09) They're not asking you to apologize. (27:10) You've you right? (27:11) You're you're you feel that way and and Yes.

Scott Benner (27:14) But you feel that way because they don't understand. (27:17) And listen, you apologize to me when you didn't need to, but I hope that the next time something like that happens, you'll think of me as a comrade. (27:23) This you won't apologize to me. (27:25) Like right? (27:26) Mhmm.

Scott Benner (27:26) Mhmm. (27:26) But for a a, you know, I don't know, a stranger or somebody that's just in a situation with you once, that sentence gets you to, don't need to apologize. (27:37) If they understood, I wouldn't have to say anything. (27:40) So you're not really blaming them. (27:41) You're just telling yourself if they were a different person, there'd be no re there's no reason to apologize here.

Scott Benner (27:46) I only feel like it because they don't understand what that beep was just now Yes. (27:49) Or the click. (27:49) Yes. (27:50) Okay. (27:50) Alright.

Scott Benner (27:51) And that

Erika Forsyth (27:52) and that takes, you know, that takes work and practice because we are you know, we have these automatic thoughts that we are that impact how we feel

Scott Benner (28:00) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (28:00) And then what we do. (28:01) So it does take time to reframe that. (28:05) But I think having just that question of, like, why why did I apologize for that?

Scott Benner (28:09) Yeah.

Erika Forsyth (28:10) Do I need to next time is a is a gracious way to to come to speak to yourself.

Scott Benner (28:15) How do you stop yourself from thinking about stuff like that? (28:17) Because I'm gonna give you an example outside of what we're talking about for a second, but I think it fits enough. (28:24) You and I are looking at each other. (28:25) Mhmm. (28:26) You and I have been in each other's presence.

Scott Benner (28:27) We've sat across from each other, had private meals together. (28:30) We know each other pretty well. (28:31) Mhmm. (28:32) I'm uncomfortable with how my shirt is sitting on me right now. (28:36) But you're not noticing that at all.

Scott Benner (28:37) Right?

Erika Forsyth (28:38) No. (28:39) Well, now, mean, I'm looking, but no. (28:40) Not before. (28:40) No.

Scott Benner (28:41) But my shirt's grabbing me in, a strange place. (28:43) Right? (28:43) And I'm at a weird angle. (28:45) And you and I are talking, and I have found myself three separate times in the last half an hour adjusting myself so that the fabric doesn't and I'm like, what am I doing? (28:55) And, like, so, like, when I

Erika Forsyth (28:56) I didn't even notice that.

Scott Benner (28:57) No. (28:57) No. (28:57) But so after I did it the first time, I thought, don't do that again. (29:01) And then and I'm looking at you, not at me. (29:04) And, like and then once in a while, my eye goes over, and I'm like, oh, and then I'll, like, move my hand to kinda, like, like, to put myself into a different position.

Scott Benner (29:12) And now I know I don't I know I don't care. (29:14) I know I don't look bad, but I still did it two more times. (29:20) How do I stop myself from doing that? (29:23) How does somebody hear the beep and not go right to, oh, I'm so sorry, or even feel like they should be Mhmm. (29:29) In that situation?

Erika Forsyth (29:31) It's it's such a great example. (29:34) Yes. (29:34) And it's so even like, some people might not even hear the beep. (29:37) Just like, you know, I didn't notice Yeah. (29:39) I didn't notice that the shirt adjustment.

Erika Forsyth (29:42) Right?

Scott Benner (29:42) Yeah. (29:43) Oh, and I kept my hand across my like this. (29:45) I crossed my arm across myself once. (29:47) Like, I was doing all kinds of stuff. (29:49) And I and I by the way, this is nobody get a podcast because you end up saying stuff like this, and you just hear, god.

Scott Benner (29:53) I wish I didn't know to tell people this stuff. (29:56) But I do think that telling people helps. (29:58) Also, you can tell when people are thrown off by your devices because the people who are genuinely scared by it usually go, what the hell was that? (30:08) Like, do you ever notice that they're just they're, like like, there's the people who are starkly shocked by it have an honest response to being shocked by something. (30:17) It's, you know or you see people look around a little bit, like, wonder what's going on.

Scott Benner (30:21) Sometimes people try to say something funny, like, is the microwave done? (30:24) Like, what's going on? (30:25) Or, you know Mhmm. (30:26) But, I mean, listen. (30:27) I'm waiting for it.

Scott Benner (30:28) And sometimes when it's so loud, scares the hell out of me. (30:31) Mhmm. (30:31) So I can't imagine what it does to somebody who wasn't expecting it. (30:34) You know?

Erika Forsyth (30:36) Well and even just thinking about, you know, for the students in the classroom, you know, when the beep goes off and the teacher's response is no mobile devices, you know, no cellular phones in the classroom. (30:49) And then everyone's looking at you because they heard the beep go off

Scott Benner (30:53) Right.

Erika Forsyth (30:54) Right. (30:54) Towards your near your area.

Scott Benner (30:55) And you're thinking, I didn't choose this life. (30:58) Yeah. (30:58) But yeah. (30:59) Or more importantly for our conversation, I didn't tell my body to stop making insulin. (31:04) You know?

Scott Benner (31:04) So but it still feels like it's your but is you know what? (31:08) It it it seems to tie closely to I watched my wife go through this because there's autoimmune on my wife's side of the family. (31:15) Like, she felt responsible for Arden's diabetes. (31:18) It's so interesting because, like, my wife has brown eyes. (31:21) My kids have brown eyes.

Scott Benner (31:22) She doesn't feel responsible for them having brown eyes, but this thing, she does. (31:27) And by the way, she is the reason my kids have brown eyes. (31:31) If my eyes are beautiful and it would be lovely if they had my color, but they don't. (31:34) They have her they have her brown eyes. (31:36) There's nothing wrong with them.

Scott Benner (31:37) Your mind doesn't think of it as a thing you did to them. (31:40) But if my kids were I don't know. (31:42) If they had, like, a horn growing out of the right side of their head and so did everybody in her family, then she'd think, oh, that's my fault. (31:48) But it's not your fault. (31:49) It's it's how genetics work.

Scott Benner (31:52) And you know what I mean? (31:53) Like, the fault pieces seem similar to me.

Erika Forsyth (31:56) Well, you're you're just moving us right along into the next stage, which is false.

Scott Benner (32:02) But did I did I do it too soon?

Erika Forsyth (32:04) No. (32:05) Okay. (32:05) So the I think but before we move into that, that was a great segue because it is it they do kind of connect that just a challenge and something for you to think about is where can you take up more space. (32:20) Right? (32:20) How do you interrupt that automatic kind of knee jerk response to apologize?

Erika Forsyth (32:26) Mhmm. (32:27) And whether it's at work or in school, I mean, obviously, there are certain accommodations that you can get set. (32:32) You know, with five zero four plans in your work, you can have certain accommodations created. (32:38) But also just for yourself, Where can you take up more space in your life? (32:41) And maybe it's even just a challenge of, I'm gonna try changing my device in the family room when we have friends or family over and see and see what happens within you if that's something that you don't typically do.

Erika Forsyth (32:54) You don't have to you don't have to do that. (32:56) But just to to notice, are you are you isolating yourself for diabetes related purposes because you're wanting to ignore any of the pain or prevent pain, perceived pain, and and maybe just intentionally creating some exercises around that.

Scott Benner (33:12) So you said something earlier that I agree with, but I do think there's more to it than what you said. (33:17) You said that no matter how comfortable or not comfortable you are with being public, for example, with do testing your blood sugar or giving yourself insulin, there's no right answer. (33:26) You're on a journey. (33:27) I agree with I would also and I I tell people that all the time, like, your level of comfort is what's most important. (33:35) But I do think that the end goal, if you can get to it, which is that I like, just I don't care who sees this.

Scott Benner (33:42) I'm not hiding in the bathroom. (33:45) I have found that to be a more, I don't know, healthy place to be in your mind. (33:50) You know you know what I mean? (33:51) Like, if you can get to it, I do think you'd find it to be a place of glory. (33:56) And and you would look back on that other time when you weren't willing to do that as transition out of a out of a tough time and and getting past it.

Scott Benner (34:06) I I I hope that makes sense. (34:07) Like, I'm not telling you if you're not comfortable with it, you're doing something wrong. (34:10) I am telling you that it that is a fight worth having with yourself to get to that spot.

Erika Forsyth (34:17) I would say that the the benefit to that Mhmm. (34:22) Is the decreased sense of isolation. (34:26) So when I hid, I was just personally, when I was I hated having type one. (34:32) I still do sometimes.

Scott Benner (34:33) Yeah.

Erika Forsyth (34:34) But in that, like, preteen teen years, I didn't wanna talk about it. (34:37) I didn't want anyone to know about it. (34:39) That's why I was hiding and doing everything, you know, behind closed doors. (34:43) I also didn't get to receive the community and comfort and emotional support that is so needed to continue. (34:52) And so I think sometimes the, you know, hiding the diabetes can be connected to even feeling more alone.

Erika Forsyth (35:02) So the benefit to once you're open to talking about it or being more open with your devices, the benefit is that decreased sense of isolation usually. (35:12) But, also, I know plenty of people who it's not it's a part of them. (35:18) It's a part of their identity. (35:19) Yeah. (35:19) They manage.

Erika Forsyth (35:20) They don't talk about it all the time. (35:22) They don't wear pumps, and nobody really knows, and they're a healthy

Scott Benner (35:25) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (35:26) Contributing member of society. (35:27) Yeah. (35:28) So I hear you, but there there are circumstances where it's maybe not that has to be that way, but there are benefits.

Scott Benner (35:35) Yeah. (35:35) No. (35:35) I I I yeah. (35:36) I I wanna say that. (35:37) Like, I'm not just saying, like, if you don't if you can't do it, you're wrong.

Scott Benner (35:40) I'm I Right. (35:41) I I understand that there could be a real struggle there that you can't get through or past or maybe there's a good reason for it or a million other things. (35:48) All I'm saying is that the people I've seen get to that spot seem lighter once they get there. (35:53) And if so I'm saying I hope you can get to it. (35:56) I do I think it's worth trying to get to if you can.

Scott Benner (35:58) Anyway, you can figure it out. (35:59) I saw, one of those arguments online the other day where somebody said they were talking about curing diabetes. (36:08) And I've this is not, surprising to me. (36:11) I've seen this said, over and over again over the years. (36:14) A very few people will say that they are so connected to who they are because of diabetes that they felt they they're comfortable telling you they don't want it cured because they don't know who they'd be without it, which I think is such an interesting look into people's minds.

Scott Benner (36:29) You you know? (36:30) Like because that seems like a no brainer. (36:32) Like, if I could snap my fingers and make it go away, do you want that? (36:35) And everybody's like, yeah. (36:36) But there's always a couple of people who go, I don't know.

Scott Benner (36:39) Like, I I'm so connected to this is who I am. (36:42) Like, what if I I don't know if I can take you just changing all that at once. (36:47) Anyway, it's my point is is that, you know, we're complicated and

Erika Forsyth (36:52) Yes.

Scott Benner (36:52) One person's glory might not be another person's. (36:55) So anyway Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (36:57) No. (36:57) I think I think that's a great conversation and place to can yeah. (37:02) Just to to explore as there's so many different ways to see it.

Scott Benner (37:06) It's not a common feeling. (37:09) It is more common than you would think it would be. (37:11) And it and for the people who don't understand it, it's shocking to them to hear it. (37:15) Like, really, because I watched the the argument starts right away. (37:18) Mhmm.

Scott Benner (37:18) Like, you know, like, well, I don't know. (37:20) I don't I I don't think I'd want it to go away. (37:21) What's wrong with you? (37:22) Blah blah blah. (37:23) Like, you know, like, oh, alright.

Scott Benner (37:24) Just be just let everybody have their feelings. (37:26) Anyway

Erika Forsyth (37:27) Yes. (37:27) That's right.

Scott Benner (37:28) Erica, we're gonna keep going with, with fault. (37:32) And I appreciate the first half of this conversation. (37:34) I hope everybody does too. (37:35) I like keeping this maybe in one episode. (37:39) Yeah.

Scott Benner (37:39) But, when we get done, we'll make the final decision. (37:41) People will know when they're listening what we decided to do. (37:44) I apparently brought up fault by mistake a moment ago. (37:48) I want everybody I've said this a million times, and I'm gonna reiterate it here. (37:51) You do such a good job of laying out our conversation in your mind ahead of time where we're gonna go.

Scott Benner (37:59) And then you do such a good job of walking me through it that when I end up having a question at the end of one part, I often ask the question that leads into the other part. (38:09) And you say, what a great segue. (38:10) And I think you're giving me credit for making a great segue, but what you don't realize is I have not read ahead. (38:15) I don't actually know where we're going. (38:17) So

Erika Forsyth (38:18) Sometimes I do. (38:19) I think what did he read the next

Scott Benner (38:21) Yeah. (38:22) Section? (38:22) I am woefully unprepared. (38:24) You were doing a great job of leading the conversation. (38:27) I I I wonder if people realize that or not.

Scott Benner (38:29) So when I asked about fault, it was not because I looked forward and thought, oh, well, let me get her to fault now. (38:37) Like like, let's move the conversation forward. (38:38) It just seemed like the next obvious question. (38:40) So, anyway Mhmm. (38:41) Please continue.

Erika Forsyth (38:42) Yes. (38:43) Which is why it's kind of the next again, like, as stages, we often talk about them linear in a linear fashion. (38:50) They aren't always that way, but it it does often go that way, as it did today in our discussion. (38:57) So to fault sounds like the why me question, which we so naturally ask ourselves upon diagnosis. (39:07) Why me?

Erika Forsyth (39:08) Why did this happen? (39:10) And as caregivers, you know, experiencing that, you know, did I do something? (39:15) Could I have prevented this issue? (39:19) And it comes most often, again, at diagnosis, but it's also really normal and really natural to experience this fault, this why me? (39:27) Why do I have to deal with this disease?

Erika Forsyth (39:30) Year five, year ten, year thirty five. (39:33) It it can pop up Mhmm. (39:35) At any various points in your journey. (39:38) So just wanted to to normalize that experience. (39:41) It's not like you go through it, and then it's you kind of move on.

Scott Benner (39:45) I find it to be one of the more interesting parts of the conversations I have with people in the other episodes Mhmm. (39:51) When people are so focused on, like, how did this happen? (39:56) Right? (39:56) Like, did did I get a virus? (39:58) Then this happened or, the and they they really they dig hard to find out.

Scott Benner (40:01) And I always ask the same question. (40:03) I go, why does it matter? (40:04) And I don't mean, like I don't mean that in a scolding way. (40:08) Why does it matter? (40:09) I mean, why?

Scott Benner (40:10) Like, why do why are you driven? (40:12) I keep waiting for somebody to tell me and nobody ever can. (40:16) And that's why I know that's why I know it's a good question. (40:19) And it's funny. (40:20) I I was listening to an interviewer the other day on another topic, and he asked the question of the person he'd been interviewing.

Scott Benner (40:27) And the guy goes, oh, that's a really good question. (40:29) I don't know the answer. (40:29) And I heard the guy say, that's why I keep asking it. (40:32) I keep waiting for somebody to explain it to me. (40:34) And I feel that way a lot of around this.

Scott Benner (40:37) Mhmm. (40:37) Why do we need to know who or what is at fault so badly? (40:41) Not just, diagnosis, but a lot of things. (40:43) So, anyway

Erika Forsyth (40:44) Hopefully, we will get to some maybe some understanding around that. (40:50) So and I think I think the author Jane does a really great job in this in clarifying, at least for me. (40:57) So she it she talks about, you know, what we asked this question, why me? (41:02) Because we believe if we can find the problem, if we can find who's to blame, then that pain that we're experiencing as a result, you know, the loss and mourning of the change that if we can find out, like, who can I place this blame on, then that will get rid of that pain, the anger, the sadness, the the physical pain, whatever that is Mhmm? (41:25) That we're experiencing as body grief.

Erika Forsyth (41:27) It stems, right, from this this real valid fear of being sick, of experiencing pain. (41:33) We've talked a lot about in the beginning, in the intro episode about, you know, in our society, we believe that we're kind of entitled to this pain free life, and that's what we're we're you know, we receive a lot of marketing around that

Scott Benner (41:47) Yeah.

Erika Forsyth (41:47) Of, like, you know, take this, and and everything's okay. (41:52) And we believe we kind of are entitled to a a pain free, illness free life. (42:00) And so when this interrupts that mindset, the automatic response and thought is, well, why why did this happen to me? (42:09) And it's not necessarily why didn't it happen to my neighbor? (42:12) We're not like it's not about, like, well, why didn't it happen to this guy?

Erika Forsyth (42:15) Right. (42:16) But we experience it as this you know, it's unfair.

Scott Benner (42:20) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (42:21) Why did this happen? (42:22) And that leads to a lot of the feelings of blame and shame that we've been talking about. (42:28) I I wanna read this quote from the book because I think it's it's explains it really clearly. (42:33) And she says, when we are in apology, what we just talked about, the, like, I'm sorry stage, we take on the responsibility for holding and managing that pain, discomfort, and inconvenience of what of whatever is driving our body grief.

Scott Benner (42:48) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (42:49) But when we move into fault, that's when we begin to ask why have we been saddled with this burden. (42:56) Okay.

Scott Benner (42:57) Well, maybe if

Erika Forsyth (42:58) make sense.

Scott Benner (42:58) Well, if people grew up in the seventies it does make sense. (43:01) If people grew up in the seventies like I did with their parents listening to bad country music, don't you think this would have been answered for them when Lynn when Lynn Anderson said, I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden? (43:11) Is that where I learned it? (43:13) From that's the from an eight track tape in my dad's car? (43:16) Yeah.

Scott Benner (43:18) Anyway, the rest of that the rest of that opening, lyric is along with the sunshine, there's gotta be a little rain sometimes. (43:25) Uh-huh. (43:25) It really is interesting, isn't it? (43:27) That, like, that expectation, this should be perfect. (43:30) And if it's not, somebody did this to me.

Scott Benner (43:33) Something did this to me. (43:35) I need to I guess it's I need to place that fault to alleviate the shame or the guilt that I feel for not being perfect. (43:45) Is that about it?

Erika Forsyth (43:45) Yes. (43:46) Okay. (43:46) And and I think there's this the split second feeling, it can temporarily make us feel better because we're not we're not feeling the we're not feeling the sadness, the anger, the rage, the disappointment. (43:59) We're gonna think, I'm I'm in control. (44:02) I'm gonna find who's to blame, and that's gonna make me feel safer.

Erika Forsyth (44:06) You know, we know this occurs at diagnosis, but also maybe when you're looking at your results, your a one c results, or your time and range, or whatever kind of feedback you're looking at, we can quickly go into this. (44:18) Why me? (44:19) Okay. (44:19) Who can I blame? (44:20) And I'm gonna try to make myself feel better and safe because I don't wanna feel the feelings I'm having right now as a result of this.

Scott Benner (44:28) You you would know obviously much better than I because you have diabetes. (44:31) But, like, is there a situation then where you just say to yourself, like, this is what it is. (44:35) It's not gonna get any better than this. (44:38) Because what do you have to do? (44:39) You have to get to some sort of acceptance.

Scott Benner (44:40) Right? (44:41) And then Yeah. (44:42) But that acceptance could be dangerous if you accept it before you've got all the ant like, what do I mean by this? (44:49) You could spend your whole life trying to fine tune your health in a way that you never will actually get to and make yourself miserable the entire time saying good's not good enough. (45:00) I gotta keep trying.

Scott Benner (45:01) I gotta keep trying. (45:02) Or you can get to a place where you're healthy and you're gonna be okay. (45:06) It's not as good as it would have been if this didn't happen to you, but, you know, I'm not in a bad spot. (45:11) And then just accept, like, this is who I am. (45:13) This is my situation.

Scott Benner (45:15) I think I get worried as a parent that they'll get to that point before they've exhausted all the things that would actually help them day to day. (45:22) If you know what I mean? (45:23) Like, what if you got to the because I see it happen to people. (45:26) They're like, I have an 11 a one c. (45:27) It's the best I can do.

Scott Benner (45:28) And then they they were on their way, and I'm like, that's not the best you can do. (45:31) Like, we could figure out a way to do better for you than that. (45:34) What if they absorb the acceptance too early in the journey? (45:39) That is what I mean. (45:40) Now you tell me what you think about those words.

Erika Forsyth (45:42) Okay. (45:42) So can you absorb the acceptance too early in the journey?

Scott Benner (45:47) And cheat yourself out of health.

Erika Forsyth (45:51) I would maybe suggest that perhaps you're not necessarily at acceptance, but it might be kind of avoidance, kind of dismissal. (46:03) Like

Scott Benner (46:04) Feels like you're given I can't can't feel it anymore.

Erika Forsyth (46:06) Yeah. (46:07) I can't quite feel all the things that I need to feel right now, so I'm gonna just stay right where I am. (46:14) But that might look like acceptance, but underneath, I would maybe argue or suggest that there's some other feelings of of anger, of avoidance. (46:23) Because of their journey of grief, that is where they are right now.

Scott Benner (46:28) Right. (46:29) Is that burnout?

Erika Forsyth (46:31) And yeah. (46:32) I was just gonna say that could be that could be a burnout phase of this is this is the best I can do. (46:38) But, also, because we are going on the other kind of side of the pendulum of, like, a hyper fixated, I'm going to overwork, overproduce, try like, nothing is good enough.

Scott Benner (46:52) Yeah.

Erika Forsyth (46:53) And that also leads to burnout too. (46:56) Like, I think that's, like, interesting question of can you get to acceptance too early before feeling all the feelings and moving through all the stages That might not be true acceptance, I guess, is, like, the the simplest.

Scott Benner (47:09) It's still a pause in your Uh-huh. (47:12) In the trying to because I think there's a spectrum there. (47:16) I've definitely seen people online who are like, I have a, you know, I have a 5.5 a one c, but I know it could be better. (47:22) And I'm like, I mean, why? (47:24) You know, like, you're doing really well.

Scott Benner (47:25) Like, I mean, awesome. (47:26) If you wanna drill down to get a five two or something like that, like, right on. (47:30) But I don't think I mean, I might be wrong. (47:32) I certainly don't have a crystal ball, but I don't know that a five five or a five two are gonna drastically change your, you know, your outcomes. (47:40) But they they'll spend their whole life, like, drilling down on that.

Scott Benner (47:43) Maybe and maybe that's part of how they stay connected to it or I don't know. (47:48) There's so much to this. (47:50) Mhmm. (47:50) You can't really say anything in this space and not be oversimplifying something.

Erika Forsyth (47:54) Right. (47:55) Right.

Scott Benner (47:55) I don't know if this is obvious or not. (47:56) I'm just having a a conversation hoping that the people listening will hear something in that of themselves and and work on themselves deeper on their own, you know, and try to drill down.

Erika Forsyth (48:06) Yes. (48:07) I I think what what can happen is when you're in this why me state, again, totally normal and natural and healthy to ask that, most often, we land at this, well, my body betrayed me. (48:23) Right? (48:24) Like, even if you're trying to say, well, was it me? (48:27) Did I should I have not taken my kids out and they got sick?

Erika Forsyth (48:30) And then that triggered the autoimmune response. (48:32) Like, is it family genetics? (48:34) Is it God? (48:35) Who can I blame? (48:36) Is it the universe?

Erika Forsyth (48:37) You know, a lot of if only I had done this, then this might not have happened. (48:41) That is, again, you're trying to find that control, trying to find to alleviate the pain they're experiencing, and you all most often end up as like, well, I guess my body just you know, my body failed. (48:54) And you go back to that perceived body betrayal experience that we talked about again more thoroughly in the first episode.

Scott Benner (49:01) Are we the only living things on the planet to do this? (49:04) The labor unchangeable realities about ourselves? (49:09) Like, other mammals don't do that. (49:10) Right? (49:11) Like, how would we know?

Erika Forsyth (49:12) I mean, I I have not studied all mammals, but I mean, it's probably is.

Scott Benner (49:16) Because what a what a terrible conundrum to be in. (49:19) Like, you're put into a situation that's livable and you busy you spend your whole life bemoaning it instead of just living in Like, it's and it's not a thing you're consciously doing to yourself either. (49:29) And it it happens to some people and doesn't happen to other people. (49:32) It almost it almost feels unfair in the way that anxiety feels unfair to me. (49:36) When I meet somebody who has anxiety and then I meet somebody who doesn't, I'm like, god.

Scott Benner (49:40) What a burden you didn't ask for. (49:42) We should be able to wipe ourselves clean and move forward every once in a while. (49:45) I think that would be nice. (49:46) Whoever made this, they weren't thinking. (49:48) You should have been able to do a clean install once in a while.

Scott Benner (49:51) You know what I mean? (49:54) Just throw away the stuff you were worried about before and move you know, I I think it's funny. (49:59) You're I think of a friend of mine whose mom has been gone for so long now, but when she comes up, it still feels like she died yesterday. (50:07) And I always feel terrible for her that that's how it makes her feel. (50:10) And, I'm sorry.

Scott Benner (50:11) I'm get I'm going down the wrong rabbit hole.

Erika Forsyth (50:13) No. (50:14) No. (50:14) I yes. (50:16) And there that is hard to see because I wonder too, like, she's reliving the the pain and the grease as if it just happened, and so she might be stuck in a loop. (50:29) She might just be quick to tears.

Erika Forsyth (50:31) I'm which I can be also. (50:33) So

Scott Benner (50:33) All these conversations just remind me that, like, this is where, like, some hardheaded person who just yelled, like, just accept it. (50:41) Move on. (50:41) Mhmm. (50:42) This is where they were, but they were talking to somebody, and they're like, I don't know how to help you. (50:45) We gotta keep going.

Scott Benner (50:47) You know, if you think of humanity walking through time, it's different. (50:51) Right? (50:52) Like, you say, like, some of us are build out a harder stuff. (50:56) We kept going when it was tough, like, blah blah. (50:58) We're still here because people lived through an ice age.

Scott Benner (51:00) Whatever. (51:01) However you wanna think of it. (51:02) Big picture, that all sounds well and good. (51:04) But when it's micro, when you're talking about, you know, Kathy, Kathy is not an expendable thing that falls into the chasm because she was too cold to walk further and, oh, well, it's so much different when you talk about it like this. (51:16) And yet, I talk to people every day, interview people all the time who are I'm sure you do too, are stuck at somewhere along their path where it just feels like it it would be not just fair, but lovely if someone could come up behind them and just shove them forward a little bit and be like, keep going.

Scott Benner (51:34) Like, we can't get stuck here. (51:36) Like, this is we're gonna die here. (51:37) Keep moving. (51:38) You know? (51:38) I don't know why I'm saying that.

Scott Benner (51:40) It's not valuable at all. (51:41) It's just how how I feel when we talk about stuff like this.

Erika Forsyth (51:43) Yes. (51:43) So Well and, yeah, and hopefully, as we talk about this false stage of what it looks like, you know, noticing, are are you in this stage? (51:51) And it's so it is so easy to get stuck in this stage at any point in your journey. (51:55) You know, it's it's as we were talking about acceptance earlier, it's it's hard to get to a state of acceptance of of thinking, okay. (52:03) I there's no one to blame.

Erika Forsyth (52:04) There's no one thing to blame. (52:07) This is how it is. (52:08) This is how things are in a deeply genuine way, not in a, like, oh, you know Yeah. (52:14) This is just how it is. (52:15) And it's hard.

Erika Forsyth (52:15) It's hard to stay in there. (52:16) So noticing, like, if you are this happens a lot again after diagnosis, you know, getting stuck in the search in the Google searches, trying to find why. (52:25) How could I have prevented this? (52:26) Looking for cures. (52:28) You might be feeling like something or the world or god or the universe is out to get you.

Erika Forsyth (52:35) You might experience feeling like a failure, right, if you then can't pinpoint the answer. (52:40) You can't find who is to blame, which, again, you know, leads to that shame, and and my body failed me. (52:47) You might be seeking comfort in food or drugs or alcohol to override that discomfort, that uncomfortable feeling that your body failed you or the world is out to get you. (52:59) If you're noticing that you're in this kinda stuck in this cycle, you're trying to find a reason why your body is defective or not normal, Sometimes it's helpful to remember that there really is no such thing as normal because we we compare, you know, normal pay pancreases to failed pancreases, but sometimes we forget that, you know, the person with a normal, quote, unquote, pancreas might have a lot of other issues

Scott Benner (53:24) Yeah.

Erika Forsyth (53:25) Going on too.

Scott Benner (53:26) It really goes back to the beginning. (53:27) It's expectation of perfection Mhmm. (53:29) And that you feel like you you were promised a a, you know, a nice clean pathway to walk on and everything was gonna be alright. (53:36) Maybe the saddest human part of all this is is that as long as you wake up every day, if you're caught in that struggle, the struggle continues. (53:43) But when you watch people have end of life that comes slowly and you see them accept death, and this is probably not where you thought we were going with this.

Scott Benner (53:51) But, like, when you see people accept death, it is such a peaceful thing.

Erika Forsyth (53:57) Mhmm.

Scott Benner (53:57) Right? (53:57) Like and and I realized while we're talking, it's not that they realize they're going to die that and that they've had some big epiphany about life because they're gonna be gone in a second. (54:07) It's all gonna just gonna be over. (54:09) Like, the beautiful part is the acceptance. (54:12) Right?

Scott Benner (54:13) This whole thing right? (54:14) That's your whole job, isn't it? (54:15) Right? (54:15) Just to get people to accept their situation and am I not am I right about

Erika Forsyth (54:20) that? (54:21) Our goal. (54:21) Yeah.

Scott Benner (54:21) And

Erika Forsyth (54:21) that's the goal that we're working on.

Scott Benner (54:23) Yeah. (54:23) You're working in.

Erika Forsyth (54:24) And so And, like, integration.

Scott Benner (54:26) Mhmm. (54:27) If you could just get a little piece of that perspective, right, you shouldn't have to live to the verge of death to have that perspective. (54:33) It sucks. (54:34) Like, I I think over the last, like, week or so of my mom's life, and she was just so zen. (54:38) Like, you know what I mean?

Scott Benner (54:39) Like, she's like, oh, I'm sick, this is probably it. (54:41) I'm like, okay. (54:42) And everybody's here, and that's good. (54:43) And that was just sort of like it. (54:45) You know?

Scott Benner (54:45) And I even look at her and all the things she struggled with throughout her life. (54:49) She could've used a teaspoon of that along the way once in a while. (54:51) Like, right? (54:52) Like, the guilt, the shame, the lost expectations, the feeling that you got cheated somehow. (54:58) Yeah.

Scott Benner (54:59) But that's where all these t shirt slogans come from. (55:01) Right? (55:01) Life's a life's a gift. (55:03) Treat every day like it's your last. (55:04) Blah blah blah blah blah.

Scott Benner (55:05) Mhmm. (55:06) We don't even need psychology. (55:07) Just use your t shirts.

Erika Forsyth (55:08) Buy a t shirt.

Scott Benner (55:09) Yeah. (55:09) Just buy a t shirt. (55:10) It tells you what to do, and then just do it. (55:13) I don't know what to tell you. (55:15) It all sucks.

Erika Forsyth (55:16) Oh gosh. (55:18) Okay. (55:18) So we'll let

Scott Benner (55:19) you end with some all sucks. (55:21) I'm sorry. (55:21) Okay. (55:22) So Make it not suck. (55:24) Go

Erika Forsyth (55:24) ahead, Erica. (55:25) Okay. (55:25) So instead you know, again, this is kind of, like, the the tool right at the end. (55:30) Instead of asking why me, she offers, you know, ask what now? (55:35) And, again, it's important.

Erika Forsyth (55:37) We're not saying it's it's wrong to ask why me. (55:40) It's definitely important to feel all the emotions, to feel the anger. (55:44) Mhmm. (55:44) But it also you know, the anger and the why me can lead to that feeling of self pity and stuckness. (55:51) So we want to feel the anger, but use it in a healthy way.

Erika Forsyth (55:55) Jane, the author talks says that healthy rage can flip us out of dismissal or apology and help us take up space by advocating for our needs. (56:05) So that kind of connects to the apology. (56:08) Right? (56:08) So if you're feeling like, why me? (56:10) I'm feeling this is not fair.

Erika Forsyth (56:12) Using that anger and healthy rage to then advocate, take up space, get you know, ask for what you need.

Scott Benner (56:20) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (56:20) But anger anger is an important emotion because it it shows us where we need to act. (56:28) Right? (56:28) Even if if we're feeling the why me, feeling the unfairness, then we're gonna move. (56:33) We're gonna feel that and acknowledge that and then move on to what can I do now? (56:37) We're gonna get to some practical tools in a minute.

Erika Forsyth (56:40) But we don't wanna ignore it. (56:41) Like, anchors can be scary. (56:43) Right? (56:43) We don't wanna ignore it. (56:44) We don't wanna repress it because it'll it'll show up in your relationships and your work, how you treat yourself.

Erika Forsyth (56:49) You might be you know, you numb or yell or even, you know, self harm. (56:54) So when we get stuck in this blame and and fault cycle, we we then continue to stay angry and resentful. (57:02) We'd always land as my body failed me. (57:05) Right? (57:06) So we want to move through it.

Erika Forsyth (57:07) So what can we do? (57:08) So these are, like, tools that we owe we've talked about, you've heard, but it's noticing when you're feeling that the distress, the rage, shame, maybe even feeling hopeless. (57:20) Okay. (57:20) What can I do right now? (57:22) It's as simple as, okay.

Erika Forsyth (57:24) I can take a deep breath right now. (57:26) Mhmm. (57:26) I can raise my hands up in the air and take a deep a big stretch. (57:31) I can reach out to somebody I know and say, hey. (57:34) I'm I'm so angry right now.

Erika Forsyth (57:37) You can look at your blood sugar right now or your child's care blood sugar and treat it with that judgment. (57:45) Like, oh, this is my number, and I'm going to correct or treat if needed. (57:50) One quick story. (57:51) Should I did you wanna Oh,

Scott Benner (57:53) I'm listening.

Erika Forsyth (57:53) Say something. (57:54) So just to to kind of normalize, you know, this the why me experience, I think I've shared on here that I had some I was diagnosed with some retinopathy, like, fifteen years ago, fifteen to twenty no. (58:11) Fifteen. (58:11) Fifteen years ago.

Scott Benner (58:12) Okay.

Erika Forsyth (58:12) And treated it with some laser. (58:14) It was stable for a while. (58:17) Had a little pop up come out come up, and that's not the right tech tech term, but you get it. (58:22) Had some retinopathy show up again about a year ago, and I was so sad and went through this why me, why I've been working so hard. (58:33) You know, the the retinopathy about fifteen years ago was felt like that was, you know, from my for early years of management, and I felt burnout.

Erika Forsyth (58:44) I felt stuck, all of these things. (58:46) And I reached out to a colleague and a friend who has been living with type one for a similar amount of time and just said, hey. (58:55) I'm I'm, you know, I'm feeling burnout. (58:57) Can we talk? (58:57) Now the irony is that we actually never were able to schedule based on time zones and work and life.

Erika Forsyth (59:04) We never could get the call, but I experienced such relief in reaching out and letting her know where I was. (59:11) So it there it wasn't it was just that small little thing, and it feels so power it feels so maybe hard in the moment.

Scott Benner (59:18) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (59:19) But I think the when you're feeling overwhelmed in the why me, what now to reach out to someone and just say, hey. (59:26) Can we talk? (59:26) And even if you never talk, I guarantee that, like, that reach out will help.

Scott Benner (59:31) Yeah. (59:31) Just makes it all feel a little doable. (59:34) Right?

Erika Forsyth (59:34) Yes.

Scott Benner (59:34) Yeah. (59:35) Yeah. (59:35) Like, there's somebody there and a little bit of support for you.

Erika Forsyth (59:38) Yes. (59:38) And interrupts that loop. (59:40) That's what we're that's what all of these tools do.

Scott Benner (59:42) Okay. (59:43) The self reflection versus see, isn't it funny you're talking about this? (59:48) I've been on the side. (59:50) Sorry. (59:50) While you're talking, I'm listening to you.

Scott Benner (59:52) I promise. (59:52) I've looked up, is there science about people's desire to be too self reflective in a modern age? (59:57) Did this exist, say, two hundred years ago? (1:00:00) And it's talking about that self reflection is healthy, but rumination is unhealthy. (1:00:05) So when when you get caught ruminating, you gotta break that cycle.

Scott Benner (1:00:08) That's what you're talking about. (1:00:09) Mhmm. (1:00:10) Mhmm. (1:00:10) See that? (1:00:11) I'm paying attention.

Erika Forsyth (1:00:11) Yes. (1:00:12) Yes.

Scott Benner (1:00:13) Mhmm.

Erika Forsyth (1:00:13) Yes. (1:00:14) Reflection brings awareness, but then we don't want to yep. (1:00:19) Kind of the rumination, the hyperfixation can keep you stuck and trapped. (1:00:24) Again, feeling the feelings is is healthy, and then noticing that you're feeling those feelings and then doing something to help you move through them.

Scott Benner (1:00:32) Yeah. (1:00:34) It's the difference between yelling this sucks and then keeping going and yelling this sucks and sitting down and not moving again and just yelling this sucks over and over and over. (1:00:43) It gives so many interesting examples that I'm not gonna bore people with right now, but it goes back through different it says in 1774, the viral sadness of the eighteenth century. (1:00:54) Goth published The Sorrows of Young Werther, a novel about a young man who thinks about his own feelings so intensely that it eventually kills himself. (1:01:02) The result is in triggering a massive cultural phenomenon across Europe.

Scott Benner (1:01:05) Young men started to dress like the main character and wallowing in melancholy. (1:01:10) It got so bad that copycat suicides occurred. (1:01:13) And then it jumps ahead to fourth century when something happened again, nineteenth century, where melancholy again became popular. (1:01:21) It's it's interesting. (1:01:23) It it says in in modern times that TikTok might be the example right now.

Scott Benner (1:01:29) So Yes. (1:01:29) Yeah. (1:01:30) Yeah. (1:01:30) It's just interesting that, like, that it's such a human thing that it it repeats over and over again through time. (1:01:36) So it's our goal.

Scott Benner (1:01:38) The goal of of of therapy and and being reflective in a thoughtful manner, it's your goal to break what appears to me to be pretty human feelings that for reasons that we don't completely understand are detrimental to you being happy and and moving forward. (1:01:55) So that's what you do the work for, to accept it and go on. (1:01:59) That's it. (1:02:00) Right? (1:02:01) That what they call enlightenment in other parts of the world?

Erika Forsyth (1:02:05) Oh, yes. (1:02:08) I would say, yeah. (1:02:09) Enlightenment, understanding. (1:02:12) So there yeah. (1:02:13) There's the really two I mean

Scott Benner (1:02:15) gotta get to a

Erika Forsyth (1:02:16) different path.

Scott Benner (1:02:17) Just rolls off your back. (1:02:17) That's what we're saying, really. (1:02:19) Right? (1:02:19) Yes.

Erika Forsyth (1:02:21) I mean, it depends on, yeah, your goal. (1:02:22) Right? (1:02:23) Like, if if therapy you're seeking that to understand your past and your patterns. (1:02:28) That's kind of part one. (1:02:30) And then part two is, okay.

Erika Forsyth (1:02:31) Then and then what now? (1:02:32) Mhmm. (1:02:33) How what do I wanna do with that information, and how do I wanna move forward and make changes?

Scott Benner (1:02:38) And live kind of an unburdened existence. (1:02:42) Like, it was the last five days of your life, and you knew it, and you were okay with it. (1:02:45) But you get to do that for thirty years, not three days.

Erika Forsyth (1:02:50) Yes. (1:02:50) But that's my goal. (1:02:51) That's that's hard. (1:02:52) That's that's complicated.

Scott Benner (1:02:53) I'm working towards it. (1:02:54) I don't know how I'm doing. (1:02:55) That's all. (1:02:56) I mean, for a guy who said that his shirt was bunching up at the wrong place, I'm probably not killing it. (1:03:02) And it occurred to me ten minutes ago to ask you after the recording was over, like, do I look fat right now, or is that just in my head?

Scott Benner (1:03:09) Don't answer. (1:03:10) Don't answer.

Erika Forsyth (1:03:11) Oh my gosh.

Scott Benner (1:03:12) Don't answer. (1:03:13) Are we done? (1:03:13) Is there more? (1:03:14) I'm sorry.

Erika Forsyth (1:03:14) No. (1:03:14) We're done.

Scott Benner (1:03:15) Okay. (1:03:15) I appreciate you doing this with me as always.

Erika Forsyth (1:03:17) You're welcome. (1:03:19) Thank you. (1:03:19) Yep.

Scott Benner (1:03:26) Are you tired of getting a rash from your CGM adhesive? (1:03:29) Give the Eversense three sixty five a try. (1:03:32) Eversensecgm.com/juicebox. (1:03:35) Beautiful silicone that they use. (1:03:37) It changes every day, keeps it fresh.

Scott Benner (1:03:39) Not only that, you only have to change the sensor once a year. (1:03:43) So, I mean, that's better. (1:03:46) US Med sponsored this episode of the juice box podcast. (1:03:49) Check them out at usmed.com/juicebox or by calling (888) 721-1514. (1:03:58) Get your free benefits check and get started today with US Med.

Scott Benner (1:04:02) Today's episode is also sponsored by the new Tandem Mobi system and Control IQ Plus technology. (1:04:08) Learn more and get started today at tandemdiabetes.com/juicebox. (1:04:14) Check it out. (1:04:15) Okay. (1:04:16) Well, here we are at the end of the episode.

Scott Benner (1:04:18) You're still with me? (1:04:18) Thank you. (1:04:19) I really do appreciate that. (1:04:21) What else could you do for me? (1:04:23) Why don't you tell a friend about the show or leave a five star review?

Scott Benner (1:04:27) Maybe you could make sure you're following or subscribed in your podcast app, go to YouTube and follow me, or Instagram, TikTok. (1:04:35) Oh, gosh. (1:04:36) Here's one. (1:04:37) Make sure you're following the podcast in the private Facebook group as well as the public Facebook page. (1:04:43) You don't wanna miss please, do you not know about the private group?

Scott Benner (1:04:47) You have to join the private group. (1:04:49) As of this recording, it has 74,000 members. (1:04:52) They're active talking about diabetes. (1:04:55) Whatever you need to know, there's a conversation happening in there right now. (1:04:59) And I'm there all the time.

Scott Benner (1:05:00) Tag me. (1:05:00) I'll say hi. (1:05:07) Hey. (1:05:07) I'm dropping in to tell you about a small change being made to the Juice Cruise twenty twenty six schedule. (1:05:12) This adjustment was made by Celebrity Cruise Lines, not by me.

Scott Benner (1:05:16) Anyway, we're still going out on the Celebrity Beyond cruise ship, which is awesome. (1:05:20) Check out the walkthrough video at juiceboxpodcast.com/juicecruise. (1:05:24) The ship is awesome. (1:05:26) Still a seven night cruise. (1:05:28) It still leaves out of Miami on June 21.

Scott Benner (1:05:31) Actually, most of this is the same. (1:05:33) We leave Miami June 21, head to Coco Cay in The Bahamas, But then we're going to San Juan, Puerto Rico instead of Saint Thomas. (1:05:40) After that, Bastille, I think I'm saying that wrong, Saint Kitts And Nevis. (1:05:45) This place is gorgeous. (1:05:46) Google it.

Scott Benner (1:05:47) I mean, you're probably gonna have to go to my link to get the correct spelling because my pronunciation is so bad. (1:05:51) But once you get the Saint Kitts and you Google it, you're gonna look and see a photo that says to you, oh, I wanna go there. (1:05:58) Come meet other people living with type one diabetes from caregivers to children to adults. (1:06:04) Last year, we had a 100 people on our cruise and it was fabulous. (1:06:09) You can see pictures to get at my link juiceboxpodcast.com/juicecruise.

Scott Benner (1:06:14) You can see those pictures from last year there. (1:06:17) The link also gives you an opportunity to register for the cruise or to contact Suzanne from Cruise Planners. (1:06:22) She takes care of all the logistics. (1:06:24) I'm just excited that I might see you there. (1:06:27) It's a beautiful event for families, for singles, a wonderful opportunity to meet people, swap stories, make friendships, and learn.

Scott Benner (1:06:37) If you have a podcast and you need a fantastic editor, you want Rob from Wrong Way Recording. (1:06:43) Listen. (1:06:43) Truth be told, I'm, like, 20% smarter when Rob edits me. (1:06:47) He takes out all the, like, gaps of time and when I go, and stuff like that. (1:06:52) And it just I don't know, man.

Scott Benner (1:06:54) Like, I listen back and I'm like, why do I sound smarter? (1:06:57) And then I remember because I did one smart thing. (1:07:00) I hired Rob at wrongwayrecording.com.

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