Scott Benner 7/25/24 Scott Benner 7/25/24

# 1262 DKA In Our Town Part 1

Brianna recounts her son Kai's diagnosis with type 1 diabetes at nine and a half months old and their family's experience with autoimmune conditions.

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio - Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to episode 1262 of the Juicebox Podcast

Well, this is a two parter. We don't do this very often, but part one is today I don't usually like date my stuff, but today's Thursday you're getting part one and tomorrow on Friday, you'll get part two. It's with Brianna the mother of a child who has type one diabetes and was diagnosed at nine and a half months old. Not going to ruin the whole thing for you right here. But it's a crazy DK story involves a helicopter mom goes to the hospital for something else. There's a whole lot going on. Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. Don't forget, if you use my link drink ag one.com/juice box you'll get a free year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first order. And if you go to cozy earth.com and use the offer code juice box at checkout, you're gonna save 30% off of your entire order. Subscribing to the Juicebox Podcast newsletter is this easy. You type juicebox podcast.com and do a browser scroll to the bottom put in your email address click sign up. If you're looking for community around type one diabetes, check out the Juicebox Podcast private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes. Did you know if just one person in your family has type one diabetes, you're up to 15 times more likely to get it to so screen it like you mean it. One blood test can spot type one diabetes early tap now talk to a doctor or visit screened for type one.com For more info. Having an easy to use and accurate blood glucose meter is just one click away. Contour next one.com/juice box. That's right Today's episode is sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by ever since the ever since CGM is more convenient requiring only one sensor every six months. It offers more flexibility with its easy on Easy Off smart transmitter and allows you to take a break when needed ever since cgm.com/juicebox.

Brianna 2:27
Hi, I'm Brianna. I am mom to Kai, who is two years old. He just turned two in October. And he was diagnosed at nine and a half months old back in July of 2022.

Scott Benner 2:42
Wow. Okay, so not that long ago.

Brianna 2:45
Yep. Or almost a year and a half, exactly. Nine

Scott Benner 2:48
and a half months old year and a half with diabetes. And do you have any type one in your family?

Brianna 2:58
We do not have type one in our family that you know any anywhere that we're aware of? I do of course have hashey motives. Okay, so of course

Scott Benner 3:07
you listen to the podcast you like obviously I have a problem my thyroid

Brianna 3:12
Yeah, that's always the i It seems to come up a lot. And I found out I guess I found out more about auto immune after he was born or after he was diagnosed. And I have another autoimmune condition that was actually my first autoimmune condition. Geographic Tang

Scott Benner 3:30
Wai

Brianna 3:32
wait so I didn't realize until probably about a month ago that that was actually auto immune. But you know, I always when I was younger, I didn't realize you know that it wasn't normal, but my tongue was just kind of sensitive and I could like my tastebuds you could like they're pronounced and you can kind of like move that like they move.

Scott Benner 3:54
You know, Brianna you've done a thing here. You've said something no one else has ever said before. Or my memory is garbage but I I've never heard the words geographic tongue before hold on geographic tongue results from the loss of tiny hairlike structures on your tongue surface these structures are called puppy Elia All right pile in whatever the loss of these appears a smooth red patch was on different shapes and sizes of different shapes and sizes. Geographic tongue is an inflammatory but harmless condition affecting the surface of the zone seem harmless to you by the way?

Brianna 4:28
Yeah, I mean, it mostly has been but lately like you know, I've been running into you know, kind of my own autoimmune issues just trying to figure things out. And I saw an oral surgeon and he was the one who said You know, it was it was something that was auto immune and can flare you know, I had it since I was like eight or you know, eight or nine years old. You know, just kind of continuing on I just got done getting bloodwork done, you know for an autoimmune panel for myself. So anyways, just learned a lot like I didn't really quite understand you know what autoimmune was until my son was diagnosed with type One and then they started asking all of these questions.

Scott Benner 5:02
Do you think you're gonna come up with other issues you're having? Do you have other symptoms of things?

Brianna 5:07
I do i Yeah, spiraling from his diagnosis, you know, I mean, we're really sleep deprived and, you know, just really stressed out for, you know, the past year and a half and back in June, you know, just started kind of having some like Dizzy sensation and just like feeling off. And, you know, I had bloodwork done, you know, pretty much couldn't find anything and just continued to get worse. You know, we're really pushing into things because of the podcast, thankfully, you know, I asked them to continue because I have like every single symptom of hypothyroidism, and she did bloodwork and my TSH was like a 5.49.

Scott Benner 5:44
Mm hmm. So yeah, I was like, Can we

Brianna 5:48
please treat? And she's like, No, she's like, you know, I don't really feel comfortable. And, you know, it had been three months since my labs were drawn. And I'm, like, you know, can like just like prophylactically, like, see if it helps, you know, if she's not going to treat at that level, you know, she wanted to get additional labs. So I just got my labs back and they were 6.06 for my TSH. So she finally put me on low dose levothyroxine Oh,

Scott Benner 6:12
yeah, big difference from the five nine to the 6.06 really changed. I have to be honest with you, aren't you baffled that a guy with a pod? A guy with a podcast? Yeah. Is the one who asked to tell you something like this. And a doctor is like, Hmm, I see that you figured out what's wrong with you, but let's not do anything about it. Yeah.

Brianna 6:28
It's really frustrating. And, you know, even when I went to my family doctor the other day, she's like, Oh, that should be between two and three. So it's just crazy. And this was my endocrinologist that wouldn't treat me. So it's just crazy. Like, how how fast? It is?

Scott Benner 6:41
Yeah. Yeah. So how long have you been on it? And did you feel a relief? It's

Brianna 6:48
been probably about six days. So I can't really tell yet. But, you know, one of the biggest symptoms is just like low mood, and, you know, just like, like foggy and things like that. And so like, obviously, you know, with taking care of my son who's two, and you know, it's diabetes, and it's like, I want to feel my best. So, anyway, so here we are.

Scott Benner 7:08
I want to tell you that if there was a just if this was a just world, which is not, but if it was, married, men everywhere, would get together and build a marble statue of me. Okay. Just for the hours I've saved them of going, I don't know what's happening. Why is she yelling? And by the way, vice versa, vice versa. Like anybody, I don't care. I'm just saying, my personal experience. I was considering pushing my wife down a cliff when her thyroid was almost I was like, Why is she acting like this? But it's, it's crazy what it can do to you. Today's podcast is sponsored by the ever since CGM. Boasting a six month sensor. The ever sent CGM offers you these key advantages distinct on body vibe alerts when high or low, a consistent and exceptional accuracy over a six month period. And you only need two sensors per year. No longer will you have to carry your CGM supplies with you. You won't have to be concerned about your adhesive not lasting, accidentally knocking off a sensor or wasting a sensor when you have to replace your transmitter. That's right. There's no more weekly or bi weekly hassles of sensor changes. Not with the ever since CGM. It's implantable and it's accurate ever since cgm.com/juicebox. The ever since CGM is the first and only long term CGM ever since sits comfortably right under the skin and your upper arm and it lasts way longer than any other CGM sensor. Never again will you have to worry about your sensor falling off before the end of its life. So if you want an incredibly accurate CGM that can't get knocked off and won't fall off. You're looking for the ever since CGM ever since cgm.com/juicebox. Contour next one.com/juicebox. That's the link you'll use. To find out more about the contour next gen blood glucose meter. When you get there, there's a little bit at the top, you can click right on blood glucose monitoring. I'll do it with you go to meters, click on any of the meters I'll click on the Next Gen and you're gonna get more information. It's easy to use and highly accurate. Smart light provides a simple understanding of your blood glucose levels. And of course was second chance sampling technology you can save money with fewer wasted test strips, as if all that wasn't enough. The contour next gen also has a compatible app for an easy way to share and see your blood glucose results contour next one.com/juicebox And if you scroll down at that link, you're gonna see things like a Buy Now button. You could register your meter after you purchase it or what is this download a coupon? Oh, receive a free Contour Next One blood glucose meter do To tell contour next one.com/juicebox head over there now get the same accurate and reliable meter that we use.

Brianna 10:10
Yeah, and I, you know, Rob is my partner, you know, I've been telling him for, you know, months and he's so you know, I'm sure so tired of like me saying I'm like there's something wrong, there's something wrong. Like you said I maybe he'll feel a lot better whenever this starts to kick in. So I hope Fingers crossed. Oh,

Scott Benner 10:25
I would like a thank you card from your partner. Okay, seriously, I'm being well, I hope it helps you. I'm certain it will give you help. This, by the way, the treatment for the geographic, by the way, people don't understand how I think if you would have just written in your email, I have geographic tongue, I would have been like you're on the podcast, I don't even care about the rest of it. There's no real treatment, but like they tell you, like use a mouthwash with anti anti histamine medication to relieve allergic reaction. So you're having an alert, that's that freak you out a little bit? Or am I the only one freaked out by this sorry, from the very beginning, your kids mean everything to you. That means you do anything for them, especially if they're at risk. So when it comes to type one diabetes, screen it like you mean it. Now up to 90% of type one diagnosis have no family history. But if you have a family history, you are up to 15 times more likely to develop type one, screen it like you mean it because type one diabetes can develop at any age. And once you get results, you can get prepared for your child's future. So screen it like you mean it type one starts long before there are symptoms. But one blood test could help you spot it early, before they need insulin, and could lower the risk of serious complications like diabetic ketoacidosis or DKA. Talk to your doctor about how to screen for type one diabetes, because the more you know, the more you can do. So don't wait, tap now or visit screened for type one.com to learn more. Again, that's screen for type one.com and screen it like you mean it.

Brianna 12:07
It's just been so normal for me. So like I guess I'm not but yeah, the oral surgeon when I went to see him because I was like do I have like cancer on my tongue like, you know, what's going on? Like, why is it so painful? And he's like, Well, there's no pathology, you know, but he's like, I can give you this magic mouthwash. That's what it's called. So and it is it's lidocaine, Maalox Benadryl, I think those are the three ingredients. And they it's like compounded. So it's really hard to get actually Oh,

Scott Benner 12:33
it's for chemotherapy sores. Normally. Magic mouthwash is prescription mouthwash. It's made from a variety of medications. Yeah, I look at that. I literally thought you were making that up and you said it, but that's not real. Okay. Oh, Brianna, what a little love. Little a web URL. untangle. Okay, so are you in your 40s? Or 30s?

Brianna 12:55
And my 30s? I'm 30. Yeah,

Scott Benner 12:58
partner. Are you married too? Yeah. Yeah. So it's such a colloquial thing for people in their 30s.

Brianna 13:05
Yeah, so we are not married. And I just think probably friend sounds so juvenile, I guess like from the start, we've been together for 13 years, have

Scott Benner 13:16
a mortgage stuff like that? 15 years,

Brianna 13:19
15 years and a couple months. So yeah, it just was like something that I'm like, boyfriend, domestic domestic partner,

Scott Benner 13:29
I genuinely don't care. Like, and I'm only gonna spend three minutes on this. But why are you not married?

Brianna 13:35
I mean, we were just, I don't know, we were just together for so long. And it just kind of kept going on. And neither of us. I don't know if really felt.

Scott Benner 13:45
No, I don't. By the way, it's fine. I was just looking for some insight. Like it just not a thing that seems imperative to?

Brianna 13:51
Yeah, yeah. I mean, we were just together for a while, like he, you know, it was a dad already. Not like that has anything to do with you know, marriage, apparently. No, no, no, I mean, we were just kind of like going along. And it's like, you know, just having fun, we got together and, you know, it's like, Okay, five years went by 10 years. And then 13 years went by, and then we decided to have a baby, you know, after 13 years of being together. So it just was like one of those things. We were already like playing the part. I guess.

Scott Benner 14:21
I've been married for a very long time. And I feel like if I went downstairs right now, and I said to my wife, hey, if I waved a magic wand, we weren't married, but everything about our life was exactly the same and I asked you to marry me what would you say? And she'd probably be like, I'd be like, Get out of here. So I was just I didn't know if maybe like you made it past the like, oh my god part and you just got to the like, Can someone please wash my socks

Brianna 14:49
off? Yeah, I don't know. It was like I just was never the type that is like, I don't know, I didn't need like a ring and the wedding and Oh no, we just, you know, here we are. We're just living life and it's like time goes by.

Scott Benner 15:06
Now listen, I'm I'm okay with whatever you're good with. So you decided to make this baby and it pops out. Everything was okay through the pregnancy and the first nine months, it pops up. Did it not pop right out? Was it a bit of a slog?

Brianna 15:19
No. Just talking about the it part. Okay. Okay, so yeah, so I guess I should say that because Kai, you know, could be a boy or girl. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. So, no, we had a really, you know, healthy pregnancy. Like, I that was one thing. You know, we talked about the marriage, like, you know, I didn't necessarily need that, but I always wanted to be a mom. And, you know, he already had a son. You know, when we got together, he was, you know, five or six. You know, so I was kind of there through those years. But, you know, he actually came to me and was like, Do you wanna have a baby? It was his, his, his thoughts. So anyway, but so I was really excited. I always wanted to be a mom. And pregnancy was great. Like, I had a really healthy pregnancy, no major issues. They did have me I did have to see maternal fetal medicine, because some way my family doctor accidentally ordered a lab that she had no idea. She even ordered it and she didn't know what it was. It was called anti cardio Liping. And it was like a blood clotting lab. Okay, and it was positive. And so I had to see maternal fetal medicine because of this. And they actually started a baby aspirin because it was like the potential for miscarriage. So they started baby aspirin. And I also was on levothyroxine, because of my Hashimotos to help prevent miscarriage. So other than that, pregnancy was great. I was induced at the end. And the crazy thing about his arrival, we were actually in three hospitals, the first week he was born. So we really like after a healthy pregnancy, we really didn't have like an easy start, per se. So he was born, had a 99th percentile head. Sorry,

Scott Benner 17:05
I laughed, I was laughing at you another baby.

Brianna 17:09
And actually, like, really scary, like, the next day, they're like, you know, his head's really big to to go and ultrasound of his head, you know, because they were actually concerned about how was that I

Scott Benner 17:21
was shocked they were looking for.

Brianna 17:24
Okay. And so of course, like, I'm a new mom, you know, everything was like, good, you know, I was, you know, we're freaking out. Because, you know, that's really scary. And, you know, came back everything was fine. Send us on our way after two days, we actually had a pediatrician appointment the very next day, because of the head size. They like usually you don't have it for like two or three days after and they weren't even worried about that when we got there. They but his levels for jaundice were really high. So they sent us for bloodwork. And then they ended up sending us straight to the hospital to go for UV therapy, because his levels were so high.

Scott Benner 18:02
So put him under a plant light.

Brianna 18:04
Yeah, you went up under. And like the blue spaceship?

Scott Benner 18:09
Well, you know, at least you get put like an adult hat on him to keep it out of his eyes. Or sad or something would have been amazing. I'm sorry. Also, knowing that he's okay now makes us all like easier to joke about, but

Brianna 18:23
but go ahead. Yeah, exactly. So he had the UV therapy, everything was good. He, you know, recovered from that. We were sent home the next day. And like, I remember on the way home from there, I had a really bad headache. And I was taking, you know, Tylenol in the car on the way home, and we got home and you know, we were finally so glad to be there. And probably like, within a couple hours. I'm like, my head really still hurts. And I started seeing spots. Oh, Jesus. And I went and thankfully my OB had they were really awesome. They they do like a blood pressure cuff. Like when you get pregnant, they send out this kit and it has blood pressure cuff and all of that and you have to like report throughout your pregnancy. Anyway, I had this cough and I went and checked and my blood pressure was 166 over 110 Okay, so I knew what that meant, obviously, and I'm like, I went out and told Rob I'm like, I gotta go like I need to go to the emergency room. He's like, what? And I'm like my blood pressure. It's super high. My head hurts. I'm seeing spots. So you know here we are with our what's like three day old baby and I'm like I gotta go the ER sorry Bye. I gotta go call my mom she was there in like 10 minutes and came and got me and took me to the ER and now this is a different hospital because this is an our town. So this is now the third hospital that I'm at. You know, I explained to them whenever I checked in and like somebody from labor and delivery came down and got me right away and took me upstairs and Within 20 minutes, I was admitted, and within probably like 20 more minutes, I was hooked up to a magnesium sulfate drip. Okay, you know, and this is like during like, it's probably what a year after COVID. So protocols are still kind of in place where like things are pretty strict, and masks and all of that. And actually, so like this was not the hospital that I delivered at. And so, and they actually think had like a no visitor policy, but like, you know, I'm breastfeeding. My three day baby is a three day old babies at home with Rob, he's by himself, you know, with a breastfed baby. So like they had to make an exception and let them in. And so they were able to come in and stay. Brittany,

Scott Benner 20:41
did you have postpartum preeclampsia? Yes. Which is really rare. No kidding. It is. Yeah. Picking off rare things left and right geographic tone. By the way, so far, my I have our town seeing spots and geographic tongue as possible titles for your episode. got them written down on the side. I don't know why our town seemed nice. You're like that's the hospital in our town. I was like, it was not an old play. It never happens. Right? Like, it's very uncommon. It's

Brianna 21:10
super rare, especially because my blood pressure was absolutely on point perfect during my pregnancy. And I'm just really thankful that, you know, I was educated to know what those signs were. I was, I was super thankful that my OBS as advanced as they are, like, you know, being, you know, super prepared and having like every person who gets pregnant have a blood pressure cuff at home. So like, I just like

Scott Benner 21:34
I reveal for you really, that being in the house.

Brianna 21:36
It really is like that, you know, that honestly could have saved my life. You know, they get to the hospital. And you know, they're like kind of explaining things and like this, this, this is going to make you feel like a wet blanket is what they told me this this magnesium sulfate drip good times. Yeah, exactly. I'm like a couple days postpartum. And, you know, oh, and the other thing was, so when we were on our way to the hospital for his jaundice, like my legs were so swollen, way more swollen than during my pregnancy. Like my skin was like about ready to pop like it was it was really bad. So like, when we were at the one day appointment at the pediatrician, I was literally like, in there talking to the doctor with my legs propped up, like, above my waist, like, just like a really crazy time. So then I couldn't I actually couldn't hold Kai for the, for 24 hours then because I was on this. And it was like, basically makes you feel like you're drunk. Like probably way worse than that. I mean, I've I described it as like being in a limbo. Like, I was like, neither here nor there. Like I was just in this space. Like, I could barely talk. Like, my speech was slurred. It was just like, really?

Scott Benner 22:42
Have you ever been on morphine or been really high or something like that? Was that the vibe? You just like? Not quite conscious?

Brianna 22:49
Yeah. I mean, I've never been on morphine, or, but I do. But it was just, it was just a really odd feeling. And it was really hard. Because, you know, again, like I could see Rob sitting across the room holding chi, and it's just like, you know, you want to be able to hold your baby. You know, you're so connected. And it was just Yeah. So anyway, I, you know, the 24 hours went by and that like slowly wore off, I was able to hold him again. But then, you know, I was hospitalized for another three days. So it was four days. For me. That was actually the longest hospitalization for the whole week. So yeah, so he was born on a Saturday, and we finally got back home the following Saturday after those three hospitals.

Scott Benner 23:31
Then nine perfect months later.

Brianna 23:34
Oh my gosh, so yeah, and I mean, this kids like giving us a run for our money or this like entire time because there's been other things like we had to see a couple of specialists for some minor things, you know, just keeping us really busy. So, you know, we go home, you know, I took maternity leave, everything was great. I go back, after about three months, I worked in an ophthalmology office, I worked there for 11 years, I was actually going back in a new position as staff manager, I previously was in charge of the front desk, and, you know, so I'm new mom, you know, going back, it was really hard to leave ky. And, you know, he had issues with gaining weight from the beginning. And you know, I just always kind of questioned my supply. And, you know, we met with lactation consultants and things so like, like I said, that was like, just a really trying time. So I went back to work and it was crazy, because, you know, I was an under producer and I was actually running home at lunch to take Rob milk from my morning pumps, and then going back to work, and then, you know, it was just like the cycle so we're like super busy and you know, all of that and he would go for his checkups and he was gaining weight, but like it was really, really slow and he kind of like plateaued. Six months is when he plateaued like completely, you know, fast forward obviously to you know, he's nine months old. We it was actually the day before For my birthday, so this is, you know, July 27, we were eating dinner and he made like this weird, like, twitching. And I'm like, it looks like he like just had like, kind of like a seizure type twitch. And you know, he did it again. And it's like his body kind of like went stiff. And, you know, obviously we're really concerned. And immediately I'm like, Oh my gosh, like he's, you know, developing like a seizure disorder or something like that. Yeah. And immediately, I'm like, I know, I need to message the doctor right away. And then like, right after that, Rob said to me, he's like, do you notice that he's been breathing heavier, or faster? And without any hesitation? I'm like, Yes. And I had just nursed him like, I would usually do that whenever I got home from work. So before dinner, and I noticed that time, like, whenever I was trying to, like, he was just like, having trouble staying latched. And, you know, it was because of his breathing. And I was like, trying to put these things together. And I'm like, seizure activity, you know, is breathing like, again? Did it make sense to us, obviously. And then, you know, he did, he put them in his playpen, and he did that, like weird Twitch again, in his playpen that night. And so immediately I message the doctor, and you know, it's after hours. So he gets back to me the next morning, and we have a really awesome pediatrician who he calls us, like, right away, like you send a message, usually within like, a half hour hour, he's calling you to talk about it, which I love. You know, so he's like, what's going on? explained, you know, he's like, I'm not really like, overly concerned, like, obviously, like, pay attention to him. Like, if he keeps doing it, like, because it wasn't like, he was having a full blown seizure, it was just like, a weird, like, Twitch, and then he'd stop, you know, he was saying, like, we could schedule an appointment, you know, a certain amount of days out, etc. He's like, unless, you know, he's having like, you know, lethargy, or, you know, his demeanor is different, or his appetite, you know, things like that. And so, that was actually so the next day, it was my birthday. And I went into work late that day. And I was there for about an hour whenever the doctor had called me. And I went and immediately called Rob right away. So I should mention, he actually was stay at home dad. So I was working. We decided really early on that, you know, we wanted one of us home. And at that point, I obviously was at my job for a really long time. It was important for us, for one of us to be home with him. So he was stay at home dad, so I call him he's at home. I said, Hey, doctor said like, we don't need to come in, right away. Unless he's, you know, super tired, or he's just like, not acting like himself, or, you know, things like that. And he goes, Well, he actually just went back to sleep. And my jus, again, I'm only at work for like an hour. Yeah. And, you know, usually he would have like two to three hours in between, like his cycles of sleep. And he goes, and he drank his bottle, and he was still crying. And he's like, so I gave him more. So he had already had than, like, two bottles at that point. And I was like, alright, well, I need to call the doctor back. And obviously, let them know that. So I called him back. And he's like, Okay, you guys need to come in today then. So, I went back out to work and I, you know, sent to the girls, I'm like, Hey, I gotta go. I was only there for an hour. Like there was a birthday cake on my desk and blooms presents. And, you know. I mean, it was just like, such an odd, odd day. So anyway, I left I went home. And we had to wait a couple of hours for the doctor's appointment. So you know, we're just kind of like monitoring him and looking at him. And like, we just noticed that His breathing was, you know, kind of different. Still, it was, it was a little bit worse than it was the night before. And so that was like one of the main things we wanted the doctor to see. Yeah, so we get to the doctor, he on the way there. He was just like inconsolably crying. He never really was a car, baby. And he's sorry. He isn't either. You know, he's

Scott Benner 29:05
about to lose his gig as a stay at home dad.

Brianna 29:08
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So it was, you know, he's, he hasn't been, you know, a good car, baby. He actually gets carsick which really complicates things sometimes for us, but he just was crying the whole way there. And, you know, it was like a 20 minute drive and it was just almost uncontrollable crying. And, you know, we see the doctor and we told him, you know, his eyes seem a little crusty. His nose is like little crossties. Or, like, you know, he's getting sick, like, obviously, he's upset. And he did like a neurologic check. He's like, you know, I don't really see anything that's like concerning and he checked his ears and all of that. And Kai was crying the whole time. So the doctor actually could not see his breathing because, I mean, he was crying, screaming and so his breathing obviously was fast and you know, Ole Miss heart rate was going a mile a minute because he was crying. And so doctor said, he's like, you know, obviously, like, with what I see, like his ear actually looks a little inflamed, his throat looks a little inflamed. They did a COVID test and a strep swab, everything was negative. So he's like, I think that he has, you know, just like adenovirus, he's like, go home rest, give him you know, lots of fluids, you can do like PD light. And, you know, just kind of get some rest. Also with this, he might start vomiting. So don't be surprised if he does. And we're just like, okay, so we leave, there was no like medications or anything given of course. So we go home. And, you know, things kind of progressed into the evening where he does start vomiting at nine o'clock. And we're like, okay, like, we expect this, because the doctor just told us that could happen. His breathing continued to get heavier. And, you know, he was kind of like, rolling around on the bed. He was like, playing a little bit. And we noticed that he, like one of his toys that was kind of heavy, but like he could, you know, pick it up before, and he like, couldn't pick it up. And that was like something that stuck out in my mind. And then night goes on. We really didn't get a lot of sleep because he was vomiting all night. And, you know, we were trying to get fluids in him, but he really couldn't keep a lot down. He really couldn't nurse, right? Anytime he did, he would, you know, come back up. And by six o'clock the next morning, he was breathing so heavy that He was like, it was like somebody ran a race, but he was sleeping. And I said to Rob, I'm like, We are either going to the emergency room, or we're going back to the doctor. So get ready. So he went and got a shower. And I'm sitting there with Kai, and he's sleeping and in my mind, like, you know, because he had just diagnosed him with a virus. I'm like, does he have RSV, I had remembered a co worker talking about her daughter's getting RSV and like their chest retractions like that it was so deep. Like you can see their ribs. And so I'm sitting here looking up on YouTube like chest retractions. And it was exactly you know, like the video. And Rob got out of the shower. And I'm like, we're going to the emergency room. I'm not even messing around with like trying to go the pediatrician them sending us to the emergency room later. Like we're going good job. Yeah, so we take him to the emergency room. It's about eight o'clock at that point. And, you know, we get there and we're like, explain, we were in the pediatrician yesterday. And that, you know, things have gotten drastically worse overnight. Like he his breathing is obviously our main concern at that point. You know, like, this just doesn't make a lot of sense. And so, you know, they start doing all of his vitals and everything. And they couldn't really find anything. And so we were kind of like going down this list of like, What could this be? And like we said, like, could he have swallowed something that like we didn't see later on, like we so they ended up doing a an x ray to check his lungs and also to check for like a bowel obstruction or something like that. Like if he did swallow something that we just like, didn't know about? Yeah, everything was perfectly clear. And then, you know, we were like, well, he was in this like, Baby Pool, like the week prior. And like, what if, you know, there was like, I mean, it was new pool water. But what if there was like a bacteria, you know, could have gotten a bacterial infection. And, you know, like, they were just kind of perplexed because, you know, and we were seeing like, a, I guess it was a nurse practitioner that was in the RPA. There was in the ER, and she's just like, you know, honestly, like, we really, you know, just aren't finding anything, like, we think you should go home, get some rest, and, you know, kind of go from there. And she left the room. And Rob and I were just talking and I'm like, I am not leaving here until they tell us why he is breathing like this. Like this doesn't make any sense. He just had an x ray wire his lungs clear, but he looks like he ran a race. And, you know, he agreed. And she came back in the room and we said that and she just kind of you know, was silent. And you know, I think understood at that point, our our concern and our frustration with you know how things were going. At that point it had been like two and a half hours that we were there. And also like while we were there like he just kind of started deteriorating. They ended up giving him like Tylenol or ibuprofen, which was bright red, and he ended up that came back up pretty much like right away to they gave him that for pain in case like he was in some type of pain from a bowel obstruction before he had the X ray. It's

Scott Benner 34:42
still no one's checked his blood sugar at this point. No.

Brianna 34:46
Nope. And at that point, you know, she said she's like, well, you know, like very nonchalant, like we can page the pediatrician on call but it's going to take a while for him to get here and You know, kind of like, it kind of seemed to like pushing us away from that.

Scott Benner 35:03
babies dying. babies dying. Get Yeah, yeah, somebody?

Brianna 35:08
Yeah, like something something is wrong, like our instinct at that point was very strong. So we said yes, absolutely doesn't matter how long it takes for him to get here. Oh, wait. And so it took a while, you know, 45 minutes to an hour for him to arrive and he walked in. And within probably like five minutes, like, you know, he was so crazy because I will never forget that moment because he just was like, very soft spoken. He came in, he just like didn't say much. And he just observed chi listened to him with a stethoscope. Chi was actually sleeping at that point, but you could see his his breathing. And right away, like, within five minutes, he like, I will never forget, like, his, like, lock with my eyes. Like he said, DKA and I'm like, what? What's that? And then he's like, diabetic ketoacidosis. And like, I'm just like, no, like, that's that That, to me just didn't make any sense. You know, obviously, like, and he left the room. And you know, we're just like reeling then like after that, because, you know, like, that was just kind of like his like first thought like, is like on his differential list. And, you know, here we are, like, obviously clueless not knowing what that means. And, you know, he kind of came back in and he had talked to the hospital, that was the bigger hospital that he would potentially be transferred to. So like the talk went from like observation, he was going to get some labs drawn, this is what you know, this pediatrician was saying, so we're going to draw some labs, we're going to send them to this hospital for just like observation overnight, we're going to send them by ambulance. So he went and consulted with his hospital and came back had, you know, they collectively decided what labs they were going to do. And they started trying to take his his blood, and they were having a really, really hard time. Obviously, he's only nine months old. So his veins are super, super small to begin with. Obviously, as we now know, he was extremely dehydrated, they had one team that was trying to get the blood at first, and then they brought in a vein finder, and another team that was you know, kind of, like the go to people, once the first girl couldn't get it. And, you know, they're trying and trying to get his blood and couldn't really get it. And after that, eventually somebody came back in with the glucometer. And they're like, we're just going to take a blood sugar, and I'm standing on the left side of the bed there and there was now I think, the third guy in there trying to get a vein on the other side. And she starts, you know, trying to take his blood and like you hear it beep and the number popped up. And I and it just said greater than sign 600 And I said did that just say greater than 600? And she said, uh, yeah, and she literally like ran out of the room. And the guy that was on the other side of the bed trying to get an IV and Tocai his hands just like start shaking. And he's like You could tell he just like got super anxious nervous like he knew like how important it was that he needed to get that line in Yeah, get that line in so it went from okay go home and get some rest through overnight

Scott Benner 38:52
by the way Yeah, yeah,

Brianna 38:56
it went from go home arrest to okay, we're going to ambulance him to literally everybody just started running around like people were flying around us and it went from ambulance to we need to lifeline him and we need to send him right now. They were obviously needed to get an IV and and right away you know, they had consulted with the hospital they said you know you need to get a fluid started with him and you also like venous blood gas they wanted and you know, like the basic DK labs and they finally finally got a line in him. And they said like, okay, Rob, you know, we're gonna have her fly in the helicopter with him so you go you know, you can grab some things at home because we were only a couple minutes away from that hospital and then head up to the other hospital which was about 45 minutes to an hour away from us. And so he left which was like the hardest thing ever I mean, you're going through this like it's chaos like your baby's here like and the his like demeanor from the time that we like came in. To that point was, I mean, he was like slumped over, he was pale, his lips were starting to turn blue, he had just deteriorate. And that's what it actually says in the notes. So like prior to, you know, the recording today, I went back and, you know, was looking at his notes, which I've done before. But you know, you're just reminded, like, whenever you read it, and you know, like, one of the things that they described is like that he deteriorated drastically in the hours that he was there, and that he was like ashen in color. And it's really hard to see things like that. So he left, I'm there by myself with chi and scared out of my mind, obviously, you're here with your nine month old baby. And, you know, your life is just like crashing, you know, in that very moment. And so finally, you know, we're going to the helicopter, supposed to be there in a couple minutes. And then all of a sudden nurse comes in, and she's like, the helicopter won't fly. And I'm like, what, and she's like, Yeah, there's, you know, storms in the area, they don't feel comfortable flying, and we're going to do what we can to try to get another helicopter here, as soon as possible. You know, and so in my mind, I'm like panicking because I knew the severity at this point, with the way that everybody was acting like, you know, and the fact that like, he needs to go now. So, here I am sitting by myself in this room, like waiting for them to come update me on, like, what's happening, and, you know, they finally come back in and they said, there's another helicopter that's kind of going to come. So waiting, they said, it's going to be like another 30 minutes or so for them to get here. So they finally got there. And, you know, they came like busting in like, they were so loud, I guess from being like, up in the air, like, talking super loud. And they were just like, really kind of have like, happy, which was, you know, comforting. You know, these are the people that were going to take your baby, you know, and we were going to fly and they had this stretcher that had basically like it looked like tin foil, like this tin foil stretcher that he was going to be placed in and they went and they put them in, and they turned around, it was three of them. And they're like, Alright, we'll see you at the hospital. And I'm like, wait a second. No, I'm supposed to fly with him with you guys. And they're like, No, we actually don't have room for you. Usually, like, we only have the two of us. But today we have, you know, so and so's training, like there's three, so we can't have any more weight on the helicopter. And Rob's gone already. He's gone already. Okay. And we had to wait for that second helicopter. So like, so much time has gone by, like it's only 45 minutes away to the other hospital like he was already almost there. So again, panicking that, first of all, now I'm stranded at the hospital. And secondly, they're going to take my baby who is barely moving away from me. And so obviously, I had to give him up and, you know, say goodbye, which was the hardest thing ever, you know, watching him be zipped up in this tin foil bag and taken out of the room. And this sweet, sweet respiratory nurse who had came, who had come in, they had started oxygen on him because like, I guess prior to realizing he was in DKA. And so she was like still in the room. She was so sweet and so supportive. She was like hugging me and you know, just kind of like consoling me. I went out and called try to call my dad. He didn't answer. Try to call my sister. She didn't answer for somebody to come pick me up. And finally I called Becky, who is a huge part of our world. So that's actually Rob's son's mom. So shout

Scott Benner 43:39
out to her for answering Yeah, yeah. Because by the way, I have this horrible idea that you're about to tell me how you have to explain all this to an Uber driver.

Brianna 43:49
Yeah, yeah.

Scott Benner 43:49
How was your evening? Well, let me tell you.

Brianna 43:54
I'll reference our town again. Our Town does not have a lot of Hoover's probably none. So, yeah, so she actually I mean, we have a really, really good relationship, you know, which a lot of people don't have. And I'm really thankful for that relationship. And she literally was working from home that day, which she usually works an hour away. So it was just like it aligned. She dropped what she was doing and was there within, you know, 15 minutes to come pick me up and drive me to the hospital, got to the hospital. And I found out actually, you know, in talking about recording today, we you know, kind of just like went back and kind of reminisced on, you know, different things and I actually found out something I didn't know is that Rob did get to hold chi whenever he first got there by helicopter. They took them out of that tinfoil bag and you know, put them in his arms and they were kind of like assessing him, I guess after the flight and so Rob's holding him briefly after they realized then that Kai's IV his vein was blown it It failed some time during the flight And so he was now no longer getting, you know, the IV fluids, they very quickly scooped him up. And, you know, we're like, we've got to, you know, take him and try to get access again. So, you know, I arrived there a couple of minutes after that, and they had him in this procedure room, which was honestly, like, I swear, I think a broom closet. It was so small. And it wasn't like, you know, like, you see, like an LR, I've, you know, been in a bunch with with my job and, you know, having surgery myself, like, I expected this to be like, you know, just, I don't know, a different looking room for procedure room. But anyway, it was it was this little closet and you could barely fit, you know, more than four people in there. And, you know, I just remember this guy being sitting there on this stool. He comes in just like this very jovial, man, he was like, Oh, he's like, do you want to see him? And I was like, Sure, you know, I'm looking at him laying on this table, and Kai's, you know, what I would say is asleep. And I was just kind of like holding his hand and talking to him. And, you know, he, he was asleep. I felt like I was in there for a really, really long time. And like, I said to Robin, like, they just like, I felt like forever. And then all of a sudden, they're like, Okay, you gotta go, like, we got to do this now. And I really think that like time stood still in that moment. Like, I think it was really probably like, two minutes that I was in there to see him, but it felt like forever, but they like quickly pushed us out, and, you know, to the room across the hall. And ironically, that was the same exact room that we were in when he was there for jaundice. So it was like kind of comforting, because we had been there before, it was this familiar place. So that part was like, okay, and we also had a family member, who are a friend of the family who worked there. And she actually was, you know, in the room talking to rob, whenever I got there. You know, we're across the hall, and they're trying to get the IV and time's going by, and time's going by, and like, we're at, like, 20 minutes and 30 minutes, 45 minutes. And, like, he's still not out. And, you know, you can see like, our door was open, and the door was closed for the most part. But people were kept like running out and running back in and running out and running back in and you saw him grab, like the supply cart and take that in. And then like you saw them take this big piece of equipment in there. And it was just like, What is going on? And again, like, we had no idea what DK was at that point. You know, like, we're just like, clueless. And so, you know, we got more anxious as time went on, like, what is happening? Like, is he okay? Is he going to be okay, like, are Is he alive? Like, and then at that point, like, you started to hear that, like, machine, whatever, it was like beeping. And I just kind of spiraled from there. Because I'm like, Oh, my God, they're reviving him, they need to revive him. Like I'm thinking it's like an ad. And they're like doing, you know, like resuscitating we're gonna stuff. Yeah, like, that's what it sounded like. And actually, like, probably too, because like, I had just taken a CPR class like a week or two prior to those that work. And so like, That sound was like, That beeping sound was like, very familiar to me. And I'm like that, that was just the first thing that came to my mind. I'm like, Oh, my God, they're reviving him. And so like, at that point, I'm like hyperventilating in the bathroom. In this room that we're in, and I'm like, feeling like I'm gonna pass out probably like, you need to lay down. So I'm like, laying down on the floor, feet above my head on like, the toilet seat in this bathroom. Like, just couldn't even breathe because I'm like, Oh my God, he's dying. You know, finally Rob comes in. He's like, Briana, he's like, he's, he's back. And so like, I jump up, and, you know, they bring him in. And, you know, he's still asleep. And you know, he's breathing fast. But they finally got the IV and, you know, time goes by finally the doctor. So the intensivist and the endocrinologist on call, came and sat with us, like, I just, again, another moment in time that I'll never forget, because, you know, they kind of like pulled up a stool, like, we're gonna be here for a while feeling. And they just kind of, like laid it all out at that point, like, and explain to us exactly like what happened. Like, and then what, what was happening, like, you know, he's in DKA. He, we think he has type one diabetes, and also the whole IV issue. So the reason he was in there so long is because they just could not get an IV into him.

Scott Benner 49:42
Did they end up putting it in his leg? Or how did they do it?

Brianna 49:45
They Yeah, they did. So they he tried four times, and it was on the fourth attempt that he finally they did a femoral IV on his right leg.

Scott Benner 49:55
By the way. Shout out to Grey's Anatomy for me knowing that

Brianna 49:59
exactly how even kidding.

Scott Benner 50:02
For all your that like sometimes Scott really seems like he knows what he's talking about. I saw that on television.

Brianna 50:09
He actually told us to that he was, he had already called his colleague, and she was on her way, because he couldn't get the IV and and she knew how to do an IV into drill into the leg bone. And that was actually what they were planning on doing. If he didn't get that fourth, try Jesus, they were going to do it's like a shunt in the bone of your leg. Yeah. So, yeah, so she was on her way. And he actually, like, once he got it called her and said, you know, like, I don't need you anymore. You know, they explained, like, the whole process and like, you know, obviously, like, we need to his blood sugar's really high. At that point, I think it was, like 533 was what they had gotten at the hospital, and they, you know, explained about DK like, we have to do this slow, and, you know, it's going to be over, you know, the course of, you know, at least 24 hours, bring it down, you know, obviously, there, we can't do it too fast. There's the risk of, you know, brain swelling and things like that. So, eventually, he ended up opening his eyes. And, you know, he's nine months, so he really can't talk a lot at that point. He's like, Mama, Dada, you know, those, you know, a couple of words here and there, you know, but he was, you know, crying he wanted us he was like, once he got stabilized, he was pretty much like inconsolable, like, he wanted us but we couldn't really like hold him yet. And the other thing, too, is like he had an eat and he had, you know, he was vomiting. So he hadn't eaten at all, you know, he's barely on table food at that point, either. So, you know, over the course of the day, his levels they were going kind of back and forth. At one point, you know, things kind of went too fast where they were his blood sugar is too low gave him glucose, you know, constantly nurses in and out with, you know, bags, like it just was so crazy to me, like seeing all of these, like bags hanging, you know, the magnesium potassium, like the saline, you know, just they were just constantly in and out. And obviously, at that point, you know, he didn't have a CGM on so they were doing like, finger sticks and taking labs, I think he was getting labs, like, every two hours. And, you know, it's just, like, really hard to see. I mean, obviously, he was really upset. And, you know, he couldn't breastfeed at that point. And, you know, that's like, not only food, but comfort. And so it's just like, really hard. And, you know, his mouth like, because he was severely dehydrated, his mouth was his lips were dry, his mouth was dry. So we were like, using one of those little sponges, you know, that they have on the little stick, and, you know, putting, trying to wet his lips, and then he was like, trying to take in his mouth and like, drink the water, which was just like, it's just, like, heartbreaking. To see your baby like that. And things, you know, progressed, and obviously, you know, things went well. And the next day like he resolved, his DKA was resolved. And it was just like really hard hearing though to that, like the doctors like you would hear the one doctor who met us the first time. He had said, he's like, I couldn't sleep last night. He's like, you know, I was up constantly checking his labs that were being drawn every two hours. So like hearing that in hindsight, like you just know how severe it was. And looking back on his records, like it's, he had noted he's like, given his age and severe de DKA. He's at super high risk for complications. So from there the next day, you know, we're like, okay, he started like perking up he was he started smiling. You know, he was saying a couple words and things like that. And

Scott Benner 53:35
I did okay with you and Rob splitting up. Because I had to do that when Arden was diagnosed when she was two like I had to leave Kelly and Arden at the hospital to go get we took art into the hospital in the middle of the night. And my wife was in a bikini and a sarong, Kylie, she had sand and grass, you know what I mean? Like it was and and so we got there like, it feels like three in the morning if I'm remembering correctly. And then they put us in the crying room when they took her away, which is just this little like cubicle with a plastic sofa where you saw because you think your baby's gonna die. And then we passed out woke up. They brought her into the I guess the PICU where Arden had like 1000 tubes and all those bags like you're saying I made it through all this. Okay, I had to leave Kelly holding Arden in that little plastic chair in her bikini with a sarong on and drive an hour and a half back to this beach house we were at because we were on vacation, right to grab supplies to come back again. Like the longest ride of my life kind of thing. Right? I did okay with that when you were talking about that. And I did okay with all the other stuff that I've lived through. And then you said the sponge on the stick and my mom had cancer and she's passed now and I remember doing that for with the little sponge thing because it feels so it doesn't feel humane. It's like a plastic stick with this little hunk of sponge and you're dipping in A water and touching their lips and almost the way the way my mom went after it was she, she just didn't even look like a person. Like she was so like, you know what I mean? Like it was right, the whole thing's horrifying. Anyway, I did. Okay, right up until that then you made me cry. I'm okay now, don't you worry. Also, by the way, you're given me a day off. You're telling a great story, and I don't need to do much. So I appreciate except for the crying. This has been delightful for me. We're on the upswing, things are coming along. We're moving in the other direction. You're having these realizations that literally cried, almost died. I mean, while it's happening, you don't think about it. But they don't put a lot of nine months old nine month olds on a on a helicopter for good reasons. You don't I mean, so you were probably you guys probably left that hospital. And I bet you most of the people like geez, I hope that baby makes it. Like, oh, yeah, sure,

Brianna 55:49
I'm sure. And whenever the doctors came in to sit with us, and that serious conversation, they mentioned, the intensivist said, like, like, I'm so glad that you know, your parental instinct kicked in. Because if you would have went home, he wouldn't have made it the night. Yeah. 100%. Actually, he actually said a few more hours.

Scott Benner 56:09
No, I was gonna say yeah, I mean, listen, I brought a I brought a two year old into an ER that was in a pretty similar situation to yours. And that we got the whole like a she almost went into a coma. Like, Oh, great. And yeah, speaking.

Brianna 56:21
Yeah. Speaking of that, so later in our hospital stay that same intensivist. I said to him, I said, so How close was he to a diabetic coma? And he just like looked at me like, are you crazy? He's like, he was in a diabetic coma. Were there so like, so when I said you know, earlier, like, oh, he was sleeping. He wasn't necessarily sleeping like he was comatose at that point off.

Scott Benner 56:46
Yeah. Geez. Wow. That's crazy. So well, now we know the now we know the name of your episode. Have you? Have you ever heard DK on a speedboat? Yeah. And the plane. Okay, on a plane? I think this one's DKA in our town,

Brianna 57:01
in our town?

Scott Benner 57:02
I think so.

Brianna 57:03
Because I mean, we're only we're only a portion of the way through so it might change again,

Scott Benner 57:08
I'm assuming overly the story could literally pick up from there.

Brianna 57:10
I mean, yeah, so and that's the thing is like, I are DKA story, like, you know, like some people I feel like some of the episodes I listened to it's like the short thing but for us, it was like this very traumatizing thing. And so much happened in from, you know, the point of hitting the hospital to discharge. So we actually were there for 11 days. So let's continue on with next day.

Scott Benner 57:44
Pick this story up in Episode 1263. Did you know if just one person in your family has type one diabetes, you're up to 15 times more likely to get it to screen it like you mean it. One blood test can spot type one diabetes early tap now talk to a doctor or visit screen for type one.com. For more info. Arden started using a contour meter because of its accuracy. But she continues to use it because it's adorable and trustworthy. If you have diabetes, you want the contour next gen blood glucose meter. There's already so many decisions. Let me take this one off your plate contour next one.com/juicebox. I want to thank the ever since CGM for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast and invite you to go to ever said cgm.com/juice box to learn more about this terrific device. You can head over now and just absorb everything that the website has to offer. And that way you'll know if ever since feels right for you ever since cgm.com/juicebox. Alright guys, I'm out of here. Do me a favor if you need or want anything that is sold by one of the sponsors. Please use my links when you do that you are supporting the production of this podcast helping to keep it free and plentiful. And you're just helping me out. I pay my electric bill with this money. I keep the podcast going. I'm not saying buy something you don't want but I mean if you're getting an omni pod, then go to my link. You know what I mean? That kind of thing. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Tickets for the 2025 Juice crews are limited. I'm not just saying that they actually are limited. We have a certain window to sell them in and then that's it juicebox podcast.com Scroll down to the juice cruise banner, click on it. Find a cabin that works for you and register right now. You are absolutely limited by time on this one. I'm so sorry to say that it sounds pushy, but it's the absolute truth. Juice Cruz 2025 I hope to see you there. We're gonna get a tan talk about diabetes and meet a ton of great people who are living with diabetes. It's kind of going to be Like floating diabetes camp, but you won't have to sleep in a log cabin, you'll get a tan. And it's not just for adults or kids. It's for everybody. Okay, well, here we are at the end of the episode. You're still with me. Thank you. I really do appreciate that. What else could you do for me? Why don't you tell a friend about the show or leave a five star review? Maybe you could make sure you're following or subscribing your podcast app. Go to YouTube and follow me or Instagram Tik Tok? Oh, gosh, here's one. Make sure you're following the podcast in the private Facebook group as well as the public Facebook page. You don't want to miss please do not know about the private group. You have to join the private group. As of this recording, it has 51,000 members in it. They're active, talking about diabetes, whatever you need to know. There's a conversation happening in there right now. And I'm there all the time. Tag me, I'll say hi. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way recording.com

#1261 Unexpected Personality Shift

Nicole shares her journey of managing her daughter's unexpected type 1 diabetes diagnosis and the impact it had on her family's life.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to episode 1261 of the Juicebox Podcast.

I'll be speaking with Nicole who is the mother of a child with type one diabetes. Before her child's diagnosis, the kid experienced some pretty major personality shifts that included talking about suicide, becoming transgendered and becoming a cannibal. Nicole has celiac and diverticulitis, and she's had most of her colon removed. There's some hypothyroidism in here, as well as a great story. Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan, or becoming bold with insulin. Don't forget, if you use my link drink ag one.com/juice box you'll get a free year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first order. And if you go to cozy earth.com and use the offer code juice box at checkout, you're gonna save 30% off of your entire order. I know that Facebook has a bad reputation, but please give the private Facebook group for the Juicebox Podcast a healthy once over Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes

Today's episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, a company that's bringing people together to redefine what it means to live with diabetes. Later in this episode, I'll be speaking with Jalen, he was diagnosed with type one diabetes at 14. He's 29. Now he's going to tell you a little bit about his story. To hear more stories with Medtronic champions. Go to Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox or search the hashtag Medtronic champion on your favorite social media platform. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the only implantable sensor rated for long term care up to six months. The ever since CGM ever since cgm.com/juicebox.

Nicole 2:15
Hi, my name is Nicole. I am from Argyle, Texas. I have three kids, an eight year old son, a 10 year old daughter and a 12 year old daughter who is type one diabetic.

Scott Benner 2:26
Okay, hold on a second. eight year old son 12 year old daughter with type one. Yeah.

Nicole 2:33
And a 10 year old daughter as well. Gotcha.

Scott Benner 2:36
You didn't have to tell me you were in the South because a moment ago you asked your husband to bring you the piece of paper. And

Nicole 2:43
when that came out of my mouth, I knew you were gonna make fun of that.

Scott Benner 2:46
I'm not making fun of it. It was amazing. I was watching like my mic. The barber mandrill hour with my grandmother. And does anyone remember that? I'm very old. I just I don't unfortunately, there's your that's good. That means you're. You're not 50 years old. How old are you? I'm 40. There you go. That's a good age. Okay, three kids married because I heard the husband helped them with the headphones set up. Yes. Live in Texas. And your oldest has type one. When were they diagnosed?

Nicole 3:23
almost about a year ago. A year?

Scott Benner 3:27
Was it something you were expecting or completely unexpected?

Nicole 3:31
Oh, absolutely unexpected. Yeah, I had no idea. There's no I'm sorry. Nobody. Yeah. Nobody in our family has it. In our extended or anything.

Scott Benner 3:42
Yeah. Any how about with you or your husband? Any other autoimmune issues?

Nicole 3:46
I do. Yeah, I have. I am. I mean, I don't know if you would count this as autoimmune but I'm intolerant to a lot of food. I always thought that I was celiac, but I've never been diagnosed. They always say I'm not but I feel so much better when I don't eat certain things. My mom has tons of autoimmune issues. And celiac does run in our family. So

Scott Benner 4:11
you run through some of your mom's stuff. Yeah,

Nicole 4:15
I mean, it actually started when she was about my age. She had diverticulitis. She's had surgery to take out a lot of her colon, ankylosing spondylitis, interstitial lung disease are just a few of the things that she's How old is she now? She's 70. How is she doing? She's doing okay. She was diagnosed with that interstitial lung disease probably about six months ago. And that's been struggling. That has been a struggle for sure. She goes in and out about with things as you do with immune to see like immune disorders. So, but she's doing she's doing pretty good. They don't really understand her interstitial lung disease because it's not like a typical interstitial lung disease. They're seeing a lot of different and types of lung diseases now that are I don't know if it's COVID. You know, you don't want to blame it on that. But certain things that have just come about lately that are just not explained in the typical way.

Scott Benner 5:12
The internet says it's rare, a group of disorders that causes progressive scarring of lung tissue. interstitial lung disease refers to a group of about 100 chronic lung disorders characterized by inflammation and scarring that make it hard for the lungs to get oxygen. Yes, yeah, I'm sorry. Okay, well, that's your autoimmune tree right there. So,

Nicole 5:34
yeah, yeah. And then, of course, my grandmother had some stuff and my husband's grandmother's celiac and oh, so I mean, it makes sense.

Scott Benner 5:44
Yeah, no kidding. Just not a thing you would expect. Because yeah, yeah. Nobody, Nobody. Nobody. When you're growing up. No one says to you now, Mommy's got spondylitis. And. Right, right. Yeah, that's stocks, and talk a little bit about your eating stuff. What, what do you avoid that makes you feel better? And what does feel with better mean?

Nicole 6:07
Well, prior to her diagnosis, I had some bloodwork done, because I was just feeling terrible. And, in fact, some of the things that she had been feeling around the time of her diagnosis I had been feeling but you know, I have normal blood sugars. So I never was told anything about that. But I'm sure it's unrelated. But I have anxiety. And I have a hard time with gluten and dairy specifically, like I'm highly intolerant to those two things. According to my bloodwork, and just my life. I mean, when I was little, I was diagnosed as dairy intolerant. And then as I got older, I kind of just started eating whatever I wanted. And I noticed that it just really affected everything in my life. So I just cut it out. And I feel a lot better. But after her diagnosis, I went crazy and started eating everything I wanted, because I figured, like, I guess I was like depressed. And I just thought I could eat whatever I wanted at that point, because it was like nothing else matters. I gotta take care of this kid.

Scott Benner 7:04
Good god.

Nicole 7:05
Yeah. I was like, who cares about me? You know, I'll just, I just have to focus on her. So turn to do anything, which is the wrong thing to do.

Scott Benner 7:20
You don't have to say that. We all know. Yeah. But yeah, you're up in the plane. You're like, we're doing it. We have three kids, everything's fine, blah, blah, blah. Then one day, you're like, let's just crash this thing into the ground.

Nicole 7:32
Right? Like I was focusing so much on what she did and what she ate. And all of her things that I just kind of put all my needs. You know, all of what I know is right for me back in the backburner, so to speak. sounds

Scott Benner 7:44
fairly common. Yeah. Tell me what your anxiety looks like day to day.

Nicole 7:51
Before she was diagnosed, I had I mean, I guess I had just, it's hard to explain. Somewhere around puberty, I got I think maybe I've always had anxiety, just like an underlying anxious personality. And I tend to overthink things, which, obviously, in the world of type one, diabetes can be kind of a bad thing. Because I mean, as you know, it's not like you can really control it. Yeah, you can control what you can control. And you can't, we can't. So it's taught me a lot about that part of my personality in order to just calm down and take a deep breath and do your best. It's actually been kind of therapeutic for me to be honest. Because my whole life, I've spent overthinking things and kind of just ruminating too long on the things that go wrong and beating myself up about it. So that's just kind of

Scott Benner 8:44
how I was how I'm how's your energy? My energy? Low? You feel rested after you sleep all night? No. Do you? Have you ever had your thyroid checked?

Nicole 8:55
Yes.

Scott Benner 8:57
What was your TSH?

Nicole 8:58
My it was normal. I don't know the exact number. I've had it checked twice. And in fact, I just went to a hormone doctor. And she said, I have no testosterone. Like none. It didn't even show up in the test. So that's something and then I'm low progesterone. So I don't know. My you know, my mom's also I didn't say this, but she's hypothyroid. Yeah, so

Scott Benner 9:23
Nicole, you sound so yeah. Is there a way for us to while we're talking to find out what your TSH was because I'll say normal, but I'm going to tell you that over two or so probably needs medication. And if you're having hypothyroid symptoms, and you're over a two a good doctor would give you a little bit of Synthroid or something.

Nicole 9:40
Let me check while you're talking. It might take a second

Scott Benner 9:44
also Nicole, do you know how to make a hormone? No, don't pay them. I tell you something while you're looking. What? I hold that stupid joke in every time for 10 years when somebody says hormone And I realized today it's never going to stop that feeling I have until I just say at one time, so I'm saying it here was funny.

Nicole 10:06
I'm glad you got that out. Yes.

Scott Benner 10:08
I just I swear to you, I don't know how to tell you that every time someone says the word hormone, I think you know how to make a hormone. Don't pay them. That's not the worst dad joke ever.

Speaker 1 10:22
But nevertheless, yeah, so and I really want to know what your TSH is because you sound like you have hypothyroidism. You just I just sound like it. No, you do anxiety. Tire? Yeah. Does your hair fall out? Yeah, it's trouble losing weight. Yes.

Scott Benner 10:38
Are your nails brittle? Yes. skin dry?

Nicole 10:41
Yes. Yeah.

Scott Benner 10:42
Let's find that TSH number. Hold on. It's coming. Let's guess it's like a four. And your doctor said that's in range. And then that was the end of it. 1.6 Damn it. Not right. 1.6 1.6 should be okay to let you down. Damn. Did it vacillate? Has it ever jumped up and gone back?

Nicole 11:03
I don't know. I would have to go to my old doctor's records and find that which might be

Scott Benner 11:09
oh, do it on too much time. No, no. Yeah, do it on your own time. But if it's ever bounced around, I don't know be at 1.6 would be tough to get somebody but you have so many symptoms.

Nicole 11:20
I know and I have really low B 12. So I am on some shots for that.

Scott Benner 11:27
Are you gonna get some testosterone?

Nicole 11:29
I did. Actually I had my first injection last week. Oh, so what

Scott Benner 11:34
happens is you turn in the Hulk The Incredible Hulk. today's podcast is sponsored by the ever since CGM. Boasting a six month sensor. The Eversense CGM offers you these key advantages distinct on body vibe alerts with high or low a consistent and exceptional accuracy over a six month period. And you only need two sensors per year. No longer will you have to carry your CGM supplies with you. You won't have to be concerned about your adhesive not lasting. Accidentally knocking off a sensor are wasting a sensor when you have to replace your transmitter. That's right. There's no more weekly or bi weekly hassles of sensor changes. Not with the ever sent CGM. It's implantable and it's accurate ever since cgm.com/juicebox. The Eversense CGM is the first and only long term CGM ever since sits comfortably right under the skin and your upper arm and it lasts way longer than any other CGM sensor. Never again will you have to worry about your sensor falling off before the end of its life. So if you want an incredibly accurate CGM that can't get knocked off and won't fall off. You're looking for the ever since CGM. Ever since cgm.com/juice box. This episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box. And now we're going to hear from Medtronic champion Jaylen.

Speaker 2 13:04
I was going straight into high school. So it was a summer heading into high school

Scott Benner 13:08
was that particularly difficult,

Speaker 2 13:10
unimaginable, you know, I missed my entire summer. So I went to I was going to a brand new school, I was around a bunch of new people that I had not been going to school with. So it was hard trying to balance that while also explaining to people what type one diabetes was. My hometown did not have an endocrinologist. So I was traveling over an hour to the nearest endocrinologist for children. So you know, I outside of that I didn't have any type of support in my hometown.

Scott Benner 13:38
Did you try to explain to people or did you find it easier just to stay private?

Speaker 2 13:43
I honestly I just held back I didn't really like talking about it. It was just it felt like it was just an repeating record where I was saying things and people weren't understanding it. And I also was still in the process of learning it. So I just kept it to myself didn't really talk about it.

Scott Benner 13:57
Did you eventually find people in real life that you could confide in.

Speaker 2 14:02
I never really got the experience until after getting to college. And then once I graduated college, it's all I see. You know, you can easily search Medtronic champions, you see people that pop up and you're like, wow, look at all this content. And I think that's something that motivates me started embracing more. You know, how I'm able to type one diabetes?

Nicole 14:24
I did I just have no, no, no, I do feel like I have more energy though. I'm gonna say that. I don't know if it's the what does that effect where you think something? Yes, exactly. But I don't, I don't think it is I have more energy. It's a little bit harder to sleep.

Scott Benner 14:39
But how are they going to track it? And do you get more they're gonna do

Nicole 14:44
a blood other blood test at two months, and every you know, so she's just giving me a little bit every week and then blood tests, see how it's working, see how I'm feeling and then go from there.

Scott Benner 14:57
And I like this for you. Okay, so maybe maybe This mimics thyroid, and I'd love to know if that's the case. I mean,

Nicole 15:03
she did say I have the antibodies, thyroid antibodies. Oh, so she thinks I'm in the beginning stages of Hashimotos.

Scott Benner 15:13
Then would a tiny little bit of Synthroid not be?

Nicole 15:16
I don't know, I could ask her I would I mean, what that yeah, because

Scott Benner 15:20
first of all, I want to be right. But secondly, I want you to feel better.

Nicole 15:23
I do to dress me.

Scott Benner 15:27
Obviously, I want you to feel better, then I want to be right. But I thought it was funny or the other way. Yeah. So yeah, I mean, it just you sound classic. And I mean, the numbers obviously, not indicative, but Right. If she says you have, if she says you have the antibodies, then would the tiniest little bit of Synthroid not be

Nicole 15:49
valuable? Yeah. Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, I can ask her and see what she says it's a

Scott Benner 15:55
short life, Nicole. And I know, I know, short to be living like that. You don't I mean, I know trust me. So tell me a little bit about how we figured out that your oldest has type one.

Nicole 16:08
She started she got sick, classic, right? She got sick. And she after her. obvious symptoms went away. She still wasn't feeling right. And I didn't know I could. She was having a lot of anxiety. And I kind of thought, well, you're like your mother, probably. But I thought it was preteen issues. To be honest. She's almost 12, she had just started a new school, she, she seemed to have grown a lot. And you know, just her body is changing. And I thought maybe she was going through something emotionally. So I took her on a little mother daughter trip. And I just wanted to talk to her about things and see if there was anything on her mind that she just wasn't telling me and that she was going through because I couldn't really pinpoint anything, you know, physically that would be wrong with her. And it wasn't until that trip that I kind of noticed that she was, you know, urinating more frequently. She just didn't want to eat as much I would offer her all the sugar and treats and she kind of just not really want it, which is strange for her and we went back and she said she actually felt better. And she went back to school and got back into soccer. And I noticed that she was kind of acting like herself again. Okay. So I think it was obviously because she was doing athletics and her blood sugar was more stabilized at that point after the holidays. And then about a month later, we decided to go on a ski trip. So we were driving through the mountains on a 13 hour ski trip. And she had to go to the bathroom. What seemed like every 30 minutes. And my husband and I were just like pulling our hair out. Just what is going on. What are you drinking back? Do you have like a trough back there that you're drinking out of? We don't know about. And we feel bad looking back on it because we were kind of I mean, we were a little mean about it.

Scott Benner 18:05
We're trying to get somewhere we just

Nicole 18:07
you have three kids in the car, you know, everybody's got it's just madness. And we thought she was just being dramatic. But she ended up peeing in her seat at one point. And that's when I looked at him and I said there is something wrong. And then we got to the house we were staying in in Colorado, and I told my mom about all the symptoms, and my mom is actually a nurse. She used to be a pediatric nurse. Not in that way. She was in the hospital doing surgeries and stuff. So she didn't know too much about it. But she said, you know, it kind of sounds like diabetes. And I looked at her like, you're effing crazy. Like there's no, there's no way like, come on. And of course, my mind was going straight to all the worst possible scenarios at that point, like cancer and stuff like that, because she had been losing weight.

Scott Benner 18:55
Okay, that is that your anxiety by the way, go and write the answer. Oh, for sure.

Nicole 19:00
Like do not give me a Google for symptoms, because and that's why I didn't Google her symptoms, because I was I knew that I would do that. You know, I knew that I would assume the worst even though it was probably nothing. Which of course it wasn't. And my dad who's like the most laissez faire person alive. He was like, Uh, I think there's something wrong, you know, and he's, he never thinks things are wrong. Like he, you know. So we actually left early from the ski trip, I got her an appointment with her PR her doctor immediately. And I said, you know, she's going to the bathroom a lot and she's lost weight. And they're like, oh, that's probably a virus. There's stuff going around. It's super, you know, blah, blah, blah. And I said, I don't know, she's drinking a lot. And that's when they're little antennas went up and they finger poked her and she was at what like 460 or something and told us to go to the hospital.

Scott Benner 19:54
So yeah, and your mom was like I got it right. Finally.

Nicole 19:58
I know. I know. Insight is You know, it's like she didn't want that. But I think she was pretty, you know, content with knowing that she knew.

Scott Benner 20:09
That makes sense. Listen to call what I know is the mother daughter, like, dynamic is fascinating.

Nicole 20:15
You're like my mom. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Scott Benner 20:18
It's just fascinating in general. Like, I know, there's a split second where none of this was about your daughter. And all of it was about I don't want her to be right. And

Nicole 20:27
say, I told you so. Yeah, all that. Finally, I

Scott Benner 20:30
got her. Your mom's like, I got her. I knew I'd get her eventually. Anyway, well, that's Yeah. So did you go to the hospital in Colorado? Did you make the trip back? No,

Nicole 20:39
we made the trip back. So we had left a day early, so I could get her back. Because and also, I was thinking maybe it was a little bit of altitude sickness, because, you know, she was nauseous and not wanting to eat and just feeling over, you know, malaise and stuff like that. So I just thought, you know, could be explained by that as well. So, yeah, would have been nice. Yeah. Would have been nice.

Scott Benner 21:02
For sure. Yeah. But it sounds like I mean, fairness. You guys have a touch of the autoimmune. So yeah, yeah. Glad to know. I mean, all this stuff. It sucks. But it's better to know than not to know.

Nicole 21:16
For sure. Yeah. And now I do know, I mean, you know, before, I never feel like I lived such a easy life. I would say before all this and not that this is the worst thing that could ever happen to somebody. But when something like this happens, it does put things in perspective, you know, about your health and just being thankful for when everybody's healthy, you know? Yeah,

Scott Benner 21:39
certainly. I understand. Okay, so how long do you think this was happening before you caught it and ended up in the hospital?

Nicole 21:48
Looking back? I think January is when? So January of before that February, so maybe four, six weeks, something like that? Maybe Maybe, yeah, four to six weeks? And

Scott Benner 22:01
did it answer your questions about what you thought was her teenage angst?

Nicole 22:06
Somewhat? Because I know that affects your brain? You know, your blood sugar? Yeah, because that's all I thought she was going crazy. Like, I thought she needed to see a mental doctor. Really? Yeah, yeah, I thought she was because she had been learning all these new things in her life about, I mean, I don't want to say the word but like, she somehow she heard about suicide. And somehow she heard about transgenderism and things like that. And she was like, what if I do that? What if I'm an ISIS? What is going on? I mean, it's all of a sudden, she just started reeling on these questions and just thinking these thoughts that it was hard to talk her into reality. I don't know how to explain it.

Scott Benner 22:47
So not something that she had considered previously that all the sudden she was going down rabbit holes on she like

Nicole 22:52
she had talked about cannibalism. I was like, What are you doing?

Scott Benner 22:58
What she considering it? Yes. She

Nicole 23:00
was like, what if I am like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold

Scott Benner 23:03
on. Yeah. In the span of six weeks, your daughter said, what if I'm in the wrong body? What if I'm supposed to be eating human flesh? And what else?

Nicole 23:11
And what if I commit suicide? I was like, Oh, yeah. Where

Scott Benner 23:16
you and your husband in the other room going? What if we left this one in Colorado?

Nicole 23:19
I yeah, I just I didn't know what I I was looking up therapists, you know. I had no idea what was going on. And then when her blood sugar's got stabilized, all these things just kind of dissipated. I mean, she was dealing with obviously with a whole new

Scott Benner 23:38
She's not answering any of these questions any longer. No,

Nicole 23:40
not anymore. She just she's got, you know, she's able to talk herself through logic now. I mean, before it was just yeah, there's

Scott Benner 23:49
a episode of the podcast called altered minds where Jenny and I picked through pretty specifically how high low blood sugars impact your ability to like, have cognitive stability. Yeah. And so the high or vacillating blood sugars, and then, even just different thinking than you're accustomed to? It doesn't surprise me at all. Yeah, I was gonna say the topics are just in the zeitgeist, but I don't know where she got cannibalism from that was I

Nicole 24:15
that went through me as well. I would have been like,

Scott Benner 24:18
Oh, my God, what did we do?

Nicole 24:21
She heard about, like, people marrying their own family member and was like, do what am I supposed to marry my sister? And I was like, What do you mean, I'm telling you to rabbit holes? Yeah. And I didn't understand how to even approach it because I don't think she was coming from a place where she could even

Scott Benner 24:40
understand the conversation. Right, right. Wow, that's interesting. Also, maybe don't let her have tick tock.

Nicole 24:47
No, she does not have tick tock because she doesn't have any of that stuff. And that's why because I'm I'm a mom that's like, doesn't let them do much. She

Scott Benner 24:56
doesn't have that social media and you're a little you Have a little rural Is that correct?

Nicole 25:01
Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty we go to a Christian school, a private school. And, and she I was just like what is happening? I have no idea where she's hearing these things from what you know,

Scott Benner 25:15
now that she's feeling better if I was you, I would at very least ask where you found out about cannibalism and then call it that person. Yeah. So yeah.

Nicole 25:26
Maybe Maybe they were reading Lord of the Flies or something. Who knows

Scott Benner 25:29
that something? Wow. Okay. Yeah. And then and how quickly after the insulin starts working, do you think oh, wow, her personality is completely back pretty

Nicole 25:38
quickly. I mean, once her blood sugar's got stabilized, I saw the light back in her eyes, you know? It, just, you know, that went away. And I didn't really realize her eyes were just kind of fading, you know, and she looks tired all the time. And but after her blood sugar's got him or her. Everything got her whole look and demeanor changed back to how she used to be.

Scott Benner 26:03
Well, so that's something Well, I'm glad obviously glad you figured it all that. Yeah. But talk about, then what comes next? Because your note to me is pretty simple. It's about it says newly diagnosed and the struggles that come with it, basically, like what yeah, what happened next that?

Nicole 26:18
Well, I mean, I kind of told you, obviously, I'm high anxiety, and something like that, with a person who's high anxiety can really throw you for a big loop, to say the least. So

Scott Benner 26:32
what was happening to her before diagnosis started impacting you, which by the way, I'm just going to come out on in your defense and say that we'd all be thrown off if our kid was like, Maybe we should be cannibals. Right, right. But then from there, the diagnosis, I assume is incredibly impactful for you. Can you tell me how that made you feel first off

Nicole 26:51
guilty, at first for sure that I missed it, and that I was just so naive to her symptoms and what she was going through? And then obviously, I do something that caused this, is it something they did when she was pregnant? Is it you know, like, I'm googling, of course, Dr. Google over here, doing all the things that I shouldn't be doing. But I found you pretty quickly. And that really helped. I'm going to tell you that right now. I don't want to cry. But I might, because you put reason behind things. And you You made things really simple to understand. And a time where I felt like chaos could really take control. I just listened to your podcasts like, all day, every day, I feel like just to the you know, the ones that tell you the simple things, and then I listen to other people's story, I would kind of go through the newly diagnosed stories and listen to those just to kind of feel like I wasn't alone. And that really, really, really helped. Because I didn't know anybody. And I also needed to just get my head clear on the situation and, and what I need to do in order to be the best caretaker for her. And so I wasn't sleeping, that was the thing, and I lost about 15 pounds, because I was just not eating for three months, I decided to go to the doctor and get some happy pills. I could just get through that time. And that actually really helped. And I think I probably should have been on those pills for quite a while longer than I have been.

Scott Benner 28:23
Do you think even prior to pre diagnosed cannibalism, this would have been helpful for you? Yes.

Nicole 28:29
And I because I had always been like, I can handle it. You know, I can do it. I'll just exercise eat right. There are things sometimes i There's times when we need that help. You know,

Scott Benner 28:41
I'm gonna tell you, Nicole, I think your thyroid is at the basis of Yes, I really do. Yeah,

Nicole 28:48
I wouldn't be surprised for sure. Yeah,

Scott Benner 28:51
I think you have to lean on a doc because here's what I would say. I'm not a doctor. I think that's obvious, but because I think it's obvious because I'm heavily considering calling this episode diabetic cannibal. So I think I'm not a serious person, maybe. But I know that that TSH is so low, but I wonder if maybe it's a T three problem right now. Like maybe you're not, maybe you're not converting your T four properly. Right. And or, like, I don't know, like something's that you have too many symptoms for it not to be the thing. And there are a lot of people running around thinking they're depressed and anxious. Who just have out of whack? thyroids to

Nicole 29:30
Yeah, yeah. So I could see that. I mean, I'll go back and talk to her about it and see and tell her Mr. Scott said,

Scott Benner 29:39
see the guy on the internet who has access to a computer and a microphone to me. But, but I'm glad you're feeling better, obviously one way or the other. Yeah. Yeah. But but that's interesting that it took this for you to do you think you ever would have addressed that for yourself if she hadn't been diagnosed? No.

Nicole 29:59
Why not? I think I saw it as a weakness that I needed to deal with on my own. And I think that her diagnosis allowed me to say, Okay, I literally cannot get through this time. Like, I can't function unless I do something to better my mental health. And, yeah, so I

Scott Benner 30:23
wonder all the time, not just now but bring it up now because you're, you're talking about it, but I wonder what it is about some people, that gives them the idea that there is perfection, and that somehow not like your, I don't know how to put this, like your physical meat bag body that you are not in charge of that you didn't get to pick? Like, right? If it has, you know, a system where it doesn't work quite as well. Like, how is that a? How is that a reflection on you? Like,

Nicole 30:52
how is that feeling? Yeah. How's that meet? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Cuz

Scott Benner 30:56
like you're, you're you. I mean, listen, this is a little, but you're the thoughts in your head. That's who you are. And then this thing transports you around your body. And it's like, if Mother Teresa was driving an old beat up Pinto, like would, would she not still be Mother Teresa?

Unknown Speaker 31:15
Mm hmm.

Scott Benner 31:16
But your body's a little banged up? And you're like, Oh, I'm not. I'm not. I'm failing somehow. Does that make sense? Yeah,

Nicole 31:23
it completely makes sense. It really made me want to be as a mother, as a father, I'm sure a lot of times to in different ways we sacrifice things about our body and our mental health so that we, because we think it's helping our children, right. But I realized in that moment, that I'm not gonna be able to be her caretaker and do this. If I don't take care of myself, right and get and get better. I mean, it was like, do or die situation, it maybe not physically, maybe I would have survived and all that. But mentally, I wouldn't have been the mother that she deserves, or my other two children deserve if I didn't get help. Yeah,

Scott Benner 32:03
I don't know why we don't put more importance maybe on the unit, like the family unit, meaning like, why are we so focused on a meet a guy, I'll meet a girl, I'll make a baby, I'll keep it alive. And then I'll make sure it learns something. I don't know that something is how to, you know, change a carburetor or how to like, be an accountant. But I'll make sure it learned something. And then it's got to go, right? Because that's good for it. It's got to go on its own go away. And I'm not saying that your kid should live with you till they're 35. But but the knowledge that you're there even right, even even as an adult is very valuable, for sure. And you drop in dead when you're 50. Or, you know, whatever,

Nicole 32:47
right? isn't good. Mom's going into mental institution when she's 40.

Scott Benner 32:50
I call my mom and ask her this, but she's right now going. Right? So I can't get to her. Like so you being functioning properly, you know, is is important to her as well. And we say those things by saying like, put your mask on before the person next to you. But that's not giving it its proper amount of consideration. Like you're trying to build this ever changing structure. That is, you know, coach and player, father and son, mentor and Palawan. Like, you know, all like it's not just, hey, here, I kept you alive. Get out. Right, you know what I mean? So now that you Yeah, me and your dad are gonna argue until one of us gets cancer, because that's right. I think that's how a lot of people think about their

Nicole 33:44
lives. I do too. I see that. And a lot of people and I don't want that know, my family.

Scott Benner 33:52
I don't want the last 20 years of my life just me trying to outlive Kelly. So I go beater. Yeah, yeah. Because Because if you're married for a while, that a little bit.

Nicole 34:03
And it can and a lot of people, they just go through the day and think I didn't mess up my kid too much today. Maybe I did, but whatever. I don't know.

Scott Benner 34:15
Yeah, no, I know. I just like you take care and you're taking care of yourself. I like everyone doing that. I like you feeling your best. And listen, if you're depressed or anxious, you're depressed or anxious. But if it's just because of your thyroid, I don't like ignoring it for five years while somebody goes all the numbers right. You still have the problem? Yeah, yeah, you don't I mean, so how is she dealing with the diabetes and how she tried to eat her insulin pump yet?

Nicole 34:40
She hasn't done that. But she it's a journey. She definitely has better days than others. The beginning was kind of a struggle just to for everybody to understand what you can and can't do and and how school is going to work and obviously like I said she goes to private school. Little and she doesn't have a 504 plan there. I mean, they, they take it in, but they don't legally have to follow it. Okay, so that worried me because at when we put her in that school, we obviously she had just started going there, I didn't want to take her out, because that would just be a huge change again. And obviously she's been going through a lot. So I wanted to keep her in that school. After she was diagnosed, I went in and met with the nurse, the lead nurse is a K through 12. School. So they have two nurses for the entire school. And she immediately said she needs to be on Dexcom. I follow all my type one students on their Dexcom. I haven't right here in the office, we have two nurses. I mean, she made me feel so much better. And I was shocked at that level of knowledge and understanding at the private school level.

Scott Benner 35:46
But you think that was just because they had prior experience? They

Nicole 35:49
did. They had a few other girls that are type one that are older than her so and that nurse used to work at like one of the biggest public hospitals in Dallas. And so she was pretty familiar with it and helpful. Okay, so that made me feel a lot better that she's in their care. And it still does, how

Scott Benner 36:09
did it actually work out? Like meaning? Like, did you were you getting the outcomes that that effort? indicated? Yeah. might come? Yeah.

Nicole 36:19
Yeah. So I mean, listening to you, because I mean, to be honest, the endo was not much help. I mean, then the people at the hospital I, I just thought that it was I mean, you know how it is, you're in there, you're taking in information, but you're kind of you don't, it's crazy. Yeah, it's a crazy time. But listening to you and your podcasts, and just from other people's experiences. And at that point, obviously, we were MDI, I was able to just kind of that knowledge is power, you know, and I, it made me more confident and how I cared for her. I think her first agency was like, 6.3, after diagnosis, which it was, like, 11.4 diagnosis.

Scott Benner 37:03
So can I ask, maybe I want to say not ask, I don't maybe I'm going to thank you. I'm having a bad day. Oh, no, don't feel bad for me. I do this thing, where a person like you who I've never met before, 40 minutes ago, comes on starts telling me about a thing that I've done for them, and comes to the verge of tears has to stop themselves from crying. And yet on the backside, my job is so not personal, like, half of my job is to make the podcast, right and to conceive of ways to help people. And that all goes, I think exceedingly well. And then the other half of my job is the delivery of that to people who I don't know, can't see and don't know how to find. And that has recently, in the last handful of months been thwarted by of all things. Apple, the largest distributor of podcasts in the world is apple, the apple podcast app, people who hold Apple iPhones in their hand. And they about four or five months ago changed their algorithm. And now when I go to you have no idea how much work it is just to get a person to pick up their phone and subscribe to this podcast, it is a massive amount of work right to get that accomplished. And it used to be that that person would download a certain number of episodes every time they went into the app. And that was sort of regulated by the app. And Apple decided that they didn't want you to have quite as many. So they just turned it off a little bit. And so try to imagine if every person downloaded two episodes. Now they download one episode if every person downloaded 10. Now they download five, etc, and so on. And so my ranking hasn't changed. I still exist in the podcast world exactly where I have. But people are downloading fewer episodes, because you don't recognize how much your how much of your consumption is actually driven by the app telling you here's another episode. Okay. And so now that that's gone, people listen to the episode they show up today. And they listen, today's episode, they go, okay, and then they go off and go on their way and do something else. In the past, they'd get done the episode and the app would be like, Yo, here's another one. Or you might have missed this one for two from two years ago, but it's not doing that anymore. Oh no. And so that is impacting in two different ways. So in the first way, it's that people aren't staying involved in the information long enough to have good outcomes right? not everybody, but some people, the people who needed the pat on the butt, like stay in here, listen to one more. They're drifting away. And you're also not hearing the ads as much. And because of that, like ad clicks go down. And when ad clicks go down, and advertisers go, and then when they make that noise, then suddenly Scott works at Walmart. And like, they do you see, I'm saying, Yeah, I do. And so, I sit here, I was gonna use a Yiddish term, even though I'm not Jewish, and you're from Texas, but unfocus? Because I'm upset constantly, because I'm trying to figure out a way to make more people who have your experience. And believe it or not, the impediment at the moment is someone at Apple who was like, let's just try a little bit like this. And it's really frustrating. Frustrating. Yeah, yeah. And at the same time, there are so many people competing for your time. And so little time, that it all just sounds like noise. And I very desperately don't want to turn into a person who's like, subscribe and download, tell a friend, like, please listen to like, it just it sounds so simple ish. That's just not who I am. Right. But at the same time, your experience with the podcast is a lot of people's experience. Yeah. I don't want it to fade, if that makes sense. Yeah. I want a real job. Yeah. Like, I want to be clear. Yes. No, I really, I very much don't want a real job. No. But that aside, I think this podcast is perhaps so far, the most valuable thing I've seen for people with diabetes in the life. Sure. 15 years, and I've been involved in it. And in 20 years of art and having diabetes almost 18 years. Yeah. And so it's a strange thing to have something that works. So well be knocked off course by something that has almost nothing to do with it. But yet, somehow everything to do with it.

Nicole 42:11
I know. Yeah. Some guy like you said, just deciding to make that decision can affect somebody's health. And

Scott Benner 42:19
yeah, isn't that and that's exactly my point. Like, I'm not going to tell you that I wrote a letter to Apple trying to explain that, but I am not, by the way, as I was writing it, it was like, no one's gonna read this. But like, I'm like, I know what you guys are doing. Right. And by the way, I do know what they were doing, I'm going to bend that what happened is, is that some podcasters were putting out bullshit content to bump up their download numbers, so they could ask advertisers for more money. Okay, but I'm not doing that. I'm actually putting out content. Yeah,

Nicole 42:53
I don't penalize the people who are doing the right thing, right.

Scott Benner 42:56
I'm doing everything on the up and up, delivering great content for people five days a week. And now suddenly, I'm being treated like somebody who's trying to game the system. And in the end, what that means is that someone else isn't going to make it because it's isn't going to make it to the end. The the health and happiness because I'm also an acquired tastes like you can't just listen to me once and then be like, Oh, my God, this is amazing. I kind of like, I can come off like a dick sometimes. So like, like, you gotta hang in a little bit to get the vibe. You know what I mean? Right. Anyway, it's a, it was really nice to hear you say what you said earlier. And the reason I brought this all up, is because I actually like the rest of my day today is going to be spent trying to figure out how to get people from the Facebook group to try the podcast. And yeah, it just felt like I was depressed by the idea that this is what my day was gonna be.

Nicole 43:54
I can do an ad for you. Well, that's I wish I could help you

Scott Benner 43:59
know, you're very kind and like, countless people could. Yeah, but to who?

Nicole 44:05
I don't know, maybe on the Facebook group, they can you could have them share, like, once a week or something somebody like me share their experience and point them to certain episodes that they found really helpful. I don't know, Nicole,

Scott Benner 44:19
that's a great idea. And let me tell you something, no one's gonna do that. Up first, and that's fantastic. Yeah,

Nicole 44:28
I think they would I think they would I think you're under estimating people.

Scott Benner 44:32
No, I'm I know they went I've seen a lot of people do it. It's it's just they have a life to get it. Like you can't ask them to make my thing their problem. And that's how it feels. Sometimes it's just I say it all the time. 50,000 people in that Facebook group, like 30,000 of them a day are active. If they all just right now when and tried a series That would be, we'd be exactly where we need to be. But like it's impossible to get people to, to move. I guess. So.

Unknown Speaker 45:07
I don't know. Anyway,

Scott Benner 45:09
that's my boohoo story. Anyway, from my perspective, it's I said depressed earlier that I'm not depressed about it. But it's hard to get. It's hard to get motivated.

Nicole 45:22
Oh, I understand that. Yeah. It kind of threw you for a loop. And now you have to kind of you're always reassessing things. It seems like there's nothing like in I'm sure in your world, in the podcast world, they changed something like that. And it just like you had a system. And now you got to rethink things. And it's frustrating. There's

Scott Benner 45:39
no way around it, by the way, right? Like, I watched it happen. It was back in, I want to say September 2023, the end of September, maybe. I mean, I was I was doing so well, and everything was going so great. And I was like this is it. Like, I can really blow this thing up, and blah, blah, blah. And then all of a sudden, they were like, what if this happened, click, and then I was like, Oh, it wasn't too bad. But then I realized not everybody upgraded their iOS yet. So now over the last five months, as a person picks up their phone and goes, Oh, I'm gonna try iOS 17 Now, and then they get the new podcast app, and then boom, suddenly, they're not getting the episodes as much. And they think it's me. They just think the podcast isn't coming out as much. Yeah. Because people don't really understand how they don't pay that close attention to how things work. Right? You don't I mean, so if the content is not in front of them, then they just think I'm not making it. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, that was it. I don't want to say almost threw myself off the roof. But I don't do that. I did consider self cannibalism that day. Don't do that either. myself from my foot up and see what happens. Hey, that's a way to make the news. Podcast, go viral podcast are eating his foot to be taking forever. Anyway, sorry, I apologize. I know, and then I feel bad. I really do.

Nicole 47:03
No, don't feel bad. And I mean, just take heart that you are making a difference, you know, and it's, it's not going to waste for sure. And eventually, I mean, not eventually you will, you are making a big difference. So let me

Scott Benner 47:18
say I don't think any of this is a waste and to help. And I genuinely mean to help one person is, yeah, is really, I think I would, I would say at the kingdom of heaven when I got there, okay. Like, I'd be like, I helped one person, I'd be thrilled to say that right at the end of my life. But that's not how the reality works. The reality is, you listen, you get helped. You also click on a link, those people pay my electric bill, I get to make more content. So the next person gets the listen. Like, that's, that's the cycle. And if it doesn't work that way, then seriously, then I have an electric bill. And then I have to go do something else. Yeah. And that's, that's the thing I am trying very hard for not to happen. Yeah. But it's and I can joke about I don't want a real job. But like, I'm never going to help people like this again, in my life. You don't I mean, like on the scale. So anyway, I'm going to cry now. Because no, don't get an apple. I know. And let me stick up for them for a second. I'm going to bet that Madison Avenue came to them and said, Hey, we're getting screwed on ad rates on podcast for data that seems like aren't real downloads. And they probably fixed a massive problem, and along the way, screwed over a few people who didn't deserve it. And I happened to be in that very small bucket. Yeah. So and there's no way to fix that. And they're not even ever going to know, unless one of you has diabetes and works at Apple and then

Nicole 48:54
change it in the health realm of podcasts. Who knows? I don't

Scott Benner 48:57
know yet. Well, Nicole, here's the other fix, right? A billionaire, a millionaire, with the discretional income, feels very helped by the podcast and contacts me privately and says, look, what do you make on this advertising? Let me give you 10 years worth of it, just go make the show. Right? And then that be it that's not gonna happen either. But like, all I need is enough support to pay my bills. I just want to retire one day, you know, and help people like I just would like to do that for the rest of my time. And I don't know. Hopefully, we'll figure it out. But well,

Nicole 49:33
have faith you'll figure it out. Thank you something. I mean, you're like I said we making enough difference with a lot of people. And I it's probably hard to tell from your, your vantage point a lot of times but there are a lot of people out there rooting for you, obviously. So I appreciate your work.

Scott Benner 49:50
And I do I do know that I want to be clear like I'm not even complaining. I'm just trying to lay out the like this is it and every second that gets put on this is a second, I don't put into the AI thing that I'm building for people with diabetes, or the podcast or a new series that I want to make that I can't. Like, I can't seem to start this new series, because I wake up every day thinking. I got to save the podcast. Yeah. And by the way, that's also ridiculous. Because this day, I was number 27. In medicine on the Apple podcast list, like so like, Yeah, but if you see the big picture, anytime you start sliding the wrong way. You're like, I'm three years away from this exploding. And you have to like, you have to move it in the other direction. Like, it's, you know, anyway, it's not that much fun making a podcast in case everybody thought it was.

Nicole 50:43
Is it cyclical as far as podcasts listening? I mean, sorry, this is completely off topic. But when my daughter was dying, like so in the winter, when people are diagnosed, I feel like people are diagnosed and like more people in a specific time of year, maybe that's wrong. But viruses do you think feel like more people listen to you when they're diagnosed versus when they're, you know, one two years in? Well,

Scott Benner 51:06
you are talking to the right person to Scotty stares at this, like the Torah trying to figure it out. And so January is always a great month, there is absolute truth to the idea that people think that the renewing of the year is a renewing of what they're going to accomplish. And so there's always a big push in January, I tried to drop in some incredibly interesting stuff. This year, I did the cold wind series in January thinking like, oh, maybe I can grab some more listeners. I think that worked pretty well. Then it's all around. Holidays. Okay. Yeah. And so the first holiday that screws you is Easter. The other thing that screws you is football. Yeah, the Fourth of July. And then when school's out, like in the summertime, that takes the moms away from being able to listen as much. And then they flood back after school goes back. It's almost feels like January, January and back to school feel like the same? If that makes sense. Yeah, then the lead up to November 3 week of November is always big, because people are thinking about eating

Nicole 52:12
and holidays. How am I gonna get through this?

Scott Benner 52:17
As soon as Thanksgiving comes, there's a slow drop off that goes right to the end of the year. Okay, it's very cyclical, like you can see it happened over and over again. But that's not the problem. Like I want to be clear. The amount of people listening to the show are not the problem. It's the amount of episodes that their app grabs. That's the problem. The people are still there. But the downloads have been decreased by Apple, and not by the people or their desire, but by the the app not feeding them the episodes. The episode.

Nicole 52:52
Yeah. Which is how we do things like

Scott Benner 52:55
listen, everyone wants to think they're making their own decisions. But no, when Netflix says The next episode will be up in 15 seconds. There's a little like cokehead in your brain. That's like god damn right. Let's do it again. Yes, yeah. Yeah. And if that doesn't happen, you walk away. Yeah.

Nicole 53:11
Yeah, everybody's struggling for our attention, or pining for attention in some way. So they're gonna get it somehow, might as well be you.

Scott Benner 53:19
There are times that are stronger, and times that are weaker. And again, this sounds like complaint. It shouldn't sound like complaining. If you're listening and you think I'm complaining, I don't think you're hearing what I'm saying. But I am the biggest diabetes podcast in the world by a stretch. The second one, which I don't even know what it would be is, I would imagine that if you took the next 10 and added them up, they don't do what I do in a day. That's not what scales, right. Like, it's not how you get to more and more people help more and more people. And it's not how advertisers hang in, right? So that's the entirety of the entire thing. So what all I need is people to subscribe, and then, you know, listen, that's it. And if they if listen, if it helps them, tell your doctor, like all that stuff is incredibly valuable. But you know, I don't know, I have to be honest. When I launched the Facebook group, I did it for people who asked for it. But on my end, I thought, Oh, this is going to make more podcast listeners, but I think it's possible that it didn't work that way. Really. I think the Facebook group works so well for people. It's like their crutch like they're Yeah, they almost don't need the podcast. Right? Which is interesting. Yeah, because the podcast is so much more than the Facebook group but if you feel like you're doing okay, then why do I have to go find the diabetes pockets? You won't know till you get here that I don't know if you heard the episode the other day where the last 30 minutes of it the girl talked about her like her s&m lifestyle for half an hour. You will not hear that. Oh my God, please don't do not miss that. And you're not getting that in the Facebook group. You don't like the entertainment aspect of it or me bitching about right my life or whatever.

Unknown Speaker 54:58
Anyway, oh my gosh. It's funny, it's

Scott Benner 55:00
all bizarre because, yeah, this shouldn't even be a job.

Nicole 55:03
You know what I mean? Well, I don't know why not? Because

Scott Benner 55:08
like a job should be bending something or painting something or fixing something or helping. I don't know, like, it's I make a podcast.

Nicole 55:16
I don't know, it's weird to think that there's a whole spectrum of people that are able to just talk for a living do this, but it's Yeah, but it is. It's more, it's more important than you're giving it credit for. So thank you. I appreciate it.

Scott Benner 55:31
What exactly about listening to it helped you like was it just like nuts and bolts stuff like Pro Tip series, bold beginnings, that stuff?

Nicole 55:40
I think so I think it was definitely just the control aspect of at the beginning, just getting things under control as far as understanding how certain foods work, because when you're at the hospital, they don't tell me, the nutritionist came in with a box of Froot Loops for her to figure out how to dose for the first day and nothing against Froot Loops, whatever, but my we don't feed my kids, you know, we don't feed them Froot Loops or any cereal hardly at all in the house. Anyway. And so I was kind of shocked when she came in with that. And I thought, okay, how does that, you know, I don't know, I wasn't mad, but I was like, now she's like sugar, this is what I can eat for breakfast. But that's not something that we would normally feed our kids anyway. Not that that's a bad thing. People should do what they want to do as far as that goes. But

Scott Benner 56:26
she's not eating Froot Loops to begin with. And you're in the hospital. She's

Nicole 56:30
like, shocked at like, I thought this is if anybody from hospitals are listening, you should talk to the parents before about their kids, previous nutrition before you come in with what you're going to dose for, et cetera. Yeah, I guess I just feel like getting to know that families lifestyle prior to coming in and talking to them about it can help you. I don't know why you wouldn't do that. Yeah,

Scott Benner 56:54
instead of coming in with a lollipop and a bowl of sugar and go now lick lick this. Right,

Nicole 56:59
especially, it's just a little shock. You know, it's not that she went out the normal breakfast that you would have, and then Bolus for that, you know, so. But whatever. You know, I've never, I haven't been really pleased with the entire healthcare system. As far as it comes to diabetes. What's your experience been? Just like that, like, just treating everybody the same? You know, and I understand why they do it. But there's no personalization, there's no, I don't feel like they try to get to know you as a patient at all. They're just kind of like, they go through the numbers they go through, you know, what, oh, you look good. Like, bye, you know? And if you have a question, they're like, well, she seems to be her numbers look fine. And, and it's not like, well, at this time of day, I would like it to be this or why is it not? You know, around 100 At night, like it used to be? And how can we adjust that it's just the kind of look at me, like, I'm crazy, like, I'm expecting too much, or that my kids doing a lot better than maybe other kids. So why do I care? You know, why should I worry so much? And it's not that it's just, I just have a question, you know,

Scott Benner 58:07
that fascinates me that idea of like, other people aren't doing well, either. Right.

Nicole 58:11
And it's that all the time with I feel like it's the, the endo and the nurse practitioners, you know, you're like, you're just compared to the last person they saw almost, or something. And I, I just like it to be more personalized, like I'm paying money, you know, to go see, and, by the way, we don't have typical insurance, we have Medicare. So after six months, her diagnosis isn't even covered to our insurance. So it costs a lot of money for us out of pocket to go see these doctors, and they treat us I noticed in the beginning that it's just what the insurance is want, you know, so they think you're a part of the insurance, like, what they'll cover what they'll talk to you about versus what you want to talk about, or what you don't know. Yeah. So

Scott Benner 58:57
it's incongruent, if what you need versus what they're willing to pay for. And then because that's what they're willing to pay for, that's what the doctors offer. Yep. It's only in the last 10 years really, where they be like you should meet with the nutritionist. Right. And that's because the insurance companies will cover nutritionists so then they hire a nutritionist, then they go, you should meet with the nutritionist, because we can build for that.

Nicole 59:18
I used to sell insurance. So I understood kind of it was this was pre exchange, Obamacare, you know, whatever you want to call it. So it's changed a little bit now. But it's just so much different now. It's just less tailoring more what the insurance will cover. And they just put you in that group and send you on your way. So

Scott Benner 59:38
oh, the nutritionist is here and they brought Captain Crunch with them. Right? Right. Right. Nutrition is under the captain are going to explain everything to you now. Yeah. And by the way, you're gonna Bolus for that Captain Crunch. Your blood sugar is gonna go to 300 Stay there for two hours. Come back down and we're gonna say, Hey, if you Bolus and it comes back down, it's all

Nicole 59:58
fine. I know. That's just That's exactly the experience I've had. And it's just so frustrating. So, I don't know, I literally only want to go just to get her a one seat checked and be on my way, because I don't find it helpful to talk to them. So, but you gave me that confidence. You know, I feel like a lot of people don't have that, because they just assume these doctors and whoever's in a position of authority knows best. And many times they do, you know, they're there. For like the worst case scenarios, mostly. But if you really just want to take your health into your own hands, it's so much easier to do, you know, with through people like you and technology out there that are at our disposal, that I sometimes think that they wish wasn't there.

Scott Benner 1:00:48
Oh, wait, you think they wish what Tommy?

Nicole 1:00:50
I don't know. Because I brought you up actually, at my last and the chronologist appointment. And the nurse practitioner was like, Oh, he had somebody on there. I don't know about him. And I was like, why? She said, Because I said, By the way, my daughter's numbers are good because of him. So but whatever. She said, Because he had a guy on there that did the keto diet, and I just think that's really, really unhelpful, or a bad thing for diabetics to do. And I was like, It's a guy I said, but he doesn't follow that. And he says that you should eat, you know, dose for what you eat, or you need to learn how to insulin works. That's the whole premise of the podcast. And she just kind of scoffed at me and just walked out. We're

Scott Benner 1:01:32
gonna expect people not to take a tiny sliver of information. Anyway, they want to

Nicole 1:01:40
just assume you're, that's what I'm saying. They assume that you have nothing in your mind, you know that you're that you're just like the lowest of IQ, basically, when you're in there. Yeah. And that if they if you hear any information other than what they tell you, then it could be harmful. Or some, you know, that's how I assume, right?

Scott Benner 1:01:59
And by the way, if you've been listening to the cold wind series, this this year, you might hear a lot of people who are in those positions of power telling you we don't know what we're doing.

Unknown Speaker 1:02:08
Yeah, yeah.

Scott Benner 1:02:09
So you know, it's interesting, isn't it? 1200 episodes, and they heard one person, one who did a keto diet, and they're like that whole podcast not good.

Nicole 1:02:19
Exactly, exactly. And that's how people are about all these things. Now, it's like you hear one person says one thing on one thing, and then to whatever that cliche, and now that person is associated with that one thing, and they'll never live past it. It's just ridiculous. In this

Scott Benner 1:02:35
scenario, the nurse or the person who's making the, the observation is only making it from their perspective. So she probably met somebody at some point who did a keto diet, and it didn't work well for them. She's like, Oh, he said, keto, it's not good. So here's a great example. Let me see if I can find this for you. When you want to end on some bitching here, I'll bet with a second. That's one more Christian than that. Let's get to let's see here last night. So part of my job that I don't get paid for is I have to deal with lunatics.

Unknown Speaker 1:03:09
Online,

Scott Benner 1:03:10
not often, but every once in a while. So last night, someone put up a very reasonable post about a bunch of people being diagnosed around their house or something like that a bunch of kids, right. And someone then said, like, I'm an I forget, they were in healthcare at some point. And they said, You know, I really think that there's a lot of new diagnosis from COVID. Now, let's be clear, this person was not making some like COVID conspiracy comment, right? COVID is a virus right? Viruses often precipitate type one diabetes diagnosis is in people who already have the antibodies? Well, and

Nicole 1:03:53
it's been proven, by the way, like there was a study that came out and it said, 20% increase in type one diagnosis, like since the beginning of COVID.

Scott Benner 1:04:01
Yes. And by the way, if a different virus would have happened, right mass, then diagnosis would have went up from that, because I don't have time to explain to you every time. But if you don't need to, it's just common sense. It is very common for a person who has type one diabetes, auto antibodies to have a virus, then their immune system gets bumped, puzzled, and goes after your beta cells in your pancreas instead,

Nicole 1:04:23
especially after a new virus that nobody's ever seen before. So

Scott Benner 1:04:27
being you've got diabetes, right, so this is not a this is not a it's not even sure not a controversial statement. And, you know, as soon as that happens, I have people who helped me with with my group, that post gets marked as keep an eye on it, because at some point, it's going to attract lunatics, like like a rotten banana and fruit flies, okay, like it's just, it's going to happen. And so it starts to go in the little bit of the read, you start seeing it lean and you're like, oh, here it comes. And then somebody who clearly It is coming from like a fairly tinfoil hat like perspective, you know, is starts ranting about COVID It's the vaccine and blah, blah, blah, I'm like, Okay, here we go. Like, by the way, I ain't sticking up for the COVID vaccine one way or the other, I'm just telling you, like, I see how this conversation is gonna

Nicole 1:05:19
go. Like, it's just, there's no, nobody's gonna get anywhere in that conversation

Scott Benner 1:05:24
gonna go bad quickly. Yeah. And so it starts to go bad in a sub thread of this thread, the rest of the, by the way, the rest of the post is going fine. It's this one sub thread, it starts getting kinky. And then the person gets very aggressive and starts, you know, like, snipping at people and being nasty and everything. And so when that happens, I go up to the top of the tree, and I cut the branch so that it all falls off. So I take out the initial like, comment that was made by the person who, if I'm being like, if I'm being honest, from my perspective, it felt to me that they had specific COVID beliefs that they were commingling with what was being said, so that they could make the argument.

Nicole 1:06:07
Yes, to get that out there. Yeah. Because that's what they want to talk about. Yeah. Not

Scott Benner 1:06:11
because they were trying to have a conversation about what everybody else was talking about, right? So I cut it away. And that's it. And I put a nice note with it, like, Hey, listen, you know, I think it seems to me maybe you're, you know, commingling your beliefs with what's being said, here. This isn't what these people are saying. They're not saying COVID Call us diabetes. You know, they're saying that a virus can proceed type one and like, you know, and it's common knowledge and well researched and everything. And I said in your comments are starting to feel a little antivax. And I have to be honest with you, the Facebook algorithm looks for those. Right? I don't want the Facebook police looking at us. This podcast helps a lot of people. So does this Facebook group, we don't need a problem. I can't have this kind of conversation. Anyway. There's a rule about COVID conversations for this exact reason. It's why I removed your thing. Hope you have a good night, blah, blah, blah. Right? As soon as that happens, it's 1145 on a goddamn Monday night. All right. And this is what I'm doing. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, and now why is that important? It's important because 150 new people come into the podcast group every four days. And I don't need them thinking that the group is full of conversations and arguments and ranting and raving. Right? Right? Because it's a very small part of what happens. My group is really good. And so like, so we trim that away. Okay, well, 54321, here comes the direct message from this person. You know what I mean? And right away, you know, your liberal agenda. Oh, Lord, my liberal agenda.

Nicole 1:07:48
Oh, you shouldn't refer you need to refer that person over for my happy meds.

Scott Benner 1:07:55
Oh, my God, actually. So one of the people that helped me with the board was like, this is usually the Saturday night drinky group. This isn't Yeah. And so. So listen, I'm socially liberal in my thinking as much as that I hope that everybody gets a fair chance. And I would like them to, but I'm fairly conservative financially and like with other things, and I've never told you what I think of the COVID vaccine or anything like I've never spoken about it at all. Like, you don't really know what I think about that. Right. Right. And, and yet this person right away is like, you have disagreed with me. You err on the side? Yeah, yeah. If you don't like what I said, you're, you have a liberal agenda. And I was like, or I have an agenda where I don't let crazy people rant and rave, right? I don't think this person is crazy because of their opinion. I genuinely don't, I don't know that their opinions right or wrong. I think they're crazy because of the crazy way they're talking

Nicole 1:08:55
right online to a bunch of strangers. And it's, you're not going to change anybody's. Yeah, I know, not

Scott Benner 1:09:02
because of what they were saying. Yeah. Well, they were saying it. Now I'll take a deep breath, because this isn't going to end. I'm gonna get another direct message back. And it's going to be telling me I've been through this so many times the call, I actually know how it's going to go. This next part is going to tell me about all the wrong things that everyone else said. And then like clockwork, it comes. There's literally a comment that says this, and blah, blah, blah, and that's not right. And this has admitted and I'm like, oh my god, it's midnight now. And I'm like, okay, and then I don't respond because I'm like, What am I going to do? Right? And then I know that the next step is coming. Do you know what the next step is? No personal group. No, no personal attacks, I'm leaving this group. But first, don't just leave.

Nicole 1:09:50
Let me tell you real quick and then I'm gonna leave first of all,

Scott Benner 1:09:52
to insult you in every way that I can conceivably think of. And then I'm gonna leave. It's not His personal like, like hits, like you're pathetic. Which by the way, that's a that's a quote. You're pathetic. This is nonsense. This group has been falling apart for years. Like it's the biggest, most active valuable diabetes Facebook group in existence. Yeah, it's falling apart. I knew it. But now I'm out. Because now you said, right. I can't like and I'm like, Oh my God. And, and

Nicole 1:10:27
I'm like, sorry for you guys. I feel sorry for those people to be honest. I mean, I did. You almost like, there's, there's no winning that, like, obviously, that's what they want. But they're not going to do it in any part of their life. I mean, they're just going to, as soon

Scott Benner 1:10:41
as I tried to do the right thing, which was competently explain what was happening and why this was really about the health of the group and not about this conversation at all. As soon as I was willing to go back and forth. Oh, my God, I was like, I know this isn't gonna go well. And it certainly did. I enjoyed being called pathetic at midnight and being told that the effort I've been putting in for the last 10 years that has helped you and many people like you, was absolutely just disgraceful and falling apart. I was like, Oh, my God, now I let that run off me. Like I honestly, yeah, if you and I weren't talking about today, I don't think I'd ever bring it up. But it's just, it's another part of my job. That, you know, no, one's compensating me for, like, like, it's not like, like, I wanted to be asleep. I want to be clear. But you know, and anyway, that's it's fast. But But I brought it up, because it's the same mechanism. As the nurse who said, I heard the words, keto. I'm out and didn't

Nicole 1:11:46
even ask me about how, how did you achieve, you know, I can get that point was like a 5.9. A one C? You know, the second time we nothing about this guy has really helped me. It's just that one thing I heard about him gives me, you know that he can't be that great.

Scott Benner 1:12:05
Yeah, cuz yeah, you sat there and said, I have a five nine, a one C with my daughter who's 12 years old. This is not common. MDI, you're right. All this stuff, I wanted you to know that this is where I got this information from and why I'm doing so well. And that person basically turned and said he's got a liberal agenda.

Nicole 1:12:23
And I honestly, I think that it's these people like, not everyone, I'm sure there's wonderful nurse practitioners and endos out there, of course, and of course, they're held to systems that I mean, they work for corporations, most of them, so they have to do what they are told, you know, and they don't have a lot of time to spend with a patient. I understand all these things. But when somebody's telling you something that works for them, listen to them. I mean, give them give them a moment to explain how they achieved that. And you're not helping them, you're not making them want to come to you for anything, the if you just kind of throw that

Scott Benner 1:13:00
away. Yeah. So she, I'm assuming she I'm sorry. Yeah. So so she is incapable of helping you to this success on her own, but does not want to hear about how you accomplish it. Right. So is her goal to help you? Or is her goal to keep you reliant on her?

Nicole 1:13:20
I honestly, I look at it almost like a pyramid. It's like the worst you're doing the better a patient you are. I hate to say that, but sometimes I feel that way. And I don't know. Like, maybe they're more willing to help you if you're having a hard time. But but that's not how it should be. You know? So

Scott Benner 1:13:38
you were about to say it's like a pyramid scheme, weren't you?

Nicole 1:13:43
I hate to say that, but sometimes that healthcare, I mean, it kind of is so do look at it.

Scott Benner 1:13:48
But it sucks. But yeah,

Nicole 1:13:52
I don't think that they're wanting you to stay or keep up, stay unhealthy are bad things to happen. I'm not saying that. I just think that it's not even the way that it set up. The corporations in the system? I don't think it's meant to. For everyone. Yeah, they don't know how to say it. But I think that if you're a capable person, you're able to take care of yourself outside that system. Um, of course, you need it for some reasons, you know, go get your blood work, blah, blah, blah. But it's just a blessing that we have people like you that are able to take us to that next step, you know, and before I can't even imagine I say this all the time. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. But can you imagine 30 years ago growing up with this, and not having all these resources and technology. I thank God every day for that. Because, I mean, I literally wouldn't be able to do any of this or have faith that my kid could go out there in the world and deal with this disease and stay healthy.

Scott Benner 1:14:52
Well, I'm genuinely happy that it's been valuable for you sincerely. Yeah. Yeah. And I appreciate you being willing to say it and being willing to say it to the doctor and Oh, I'll

Nicole 1:15:00
say it over and over again. You're very nice. Stop me.

Scott Benner 1:15:02
I appreciate it very much. So I appreciate you being part of my liberal agenda today. Doesn't matter who I vote for. Isn't that interesting? You don't mean like,

Nicole 1:15:13
yeah, no, it's it's crazy that the leap that it takes to get, because, look, I'm conservative. But and I'll tell you, I'll be the first one to tell you like, I none of my family took the vaccine, you know, whatever. But I don't care if you did, and I don't care if you have opinions, you know, whatever. But the second you start getting testy with people and mean about it. Yeah, then it almost looks like you're not not confident in what you believe. enough to just say, like you said, the post wasn't even about that. It was about Yeah, COVID can make, you know, whatever. Maybe the two things can be true

Scott Benner 1:15:52
at once. You know, I can't go to sleep, by the way, while you're letting your crazy out on my board. Right. Right. It was attacking. And by the way, if you point that out to those people, they go, No, I'm not. I'm just telling them what's right. And what's wrong. I'm like, Oh, my God, like, dial it down a little bit. Like, I don't know, like, I just I always see those people. And I'm like, Oh, my God, your spouse must just be like hiding in a closet somewhere, right?

Nicole 1:16:16
That's what I was thinking when you were telling me about

Scott Benner 1:16:20
going yell at somebody who loves go yell at somebody who loves you leave me alone? Or just say what you think and move on? And move on? Exactly. There are conversations happening in that group constantly with people who disagree with each other. Right? Lovely people who have differing opinions who list their opinion, and then move on. Don't come back every five seconds going, Oh, yeah. And this and this, and this, and you and this, and what are you doing? Oh, so you're a healthcare professional putting things in quotes. I'm like, Oh, my God. Listen, if you want to, if you want to see the other side of it, you send your kid to a Christian school, I assume you're a fairly religious person, you call yourself conservative. I've been completely clear on this podcast a number of times, I don't believe in God.

Nicole 1:17:02
Right. Yeah, I know, you know, yeah, we'll get your

Scott Benner 1:17:06
diabetes information here. Like, means like, and

Nicole 1:17:10
the thing is, is like, you can still be helped by somebody who doesn't believe the same things that you believe. I mean, and if you think that they have to believe the vaccine was created to kill people, or whatever I don't know, like, that doesn't take away from what their, their core, you know, what they're doing and what they're helping with. And, and like I said, three things can be true at the same time, but it doesn't matter what you think about that specific subject, you are here because your kid has diabetes, and you want to get them better or yourself better, or you want to, you know, live a more complete and healthy life. Yes.

Scott Benner 1:17:47
Obviously, the vaccine was developed to test the populations willingness to fall in line, so that later we can be subjugated. I

Nicole 1:17:56
love conspiracy theory as much as the next person, trust me, I could get I could go down a rabbit hole, but I have to stay attached to realities. Listen,

Scott Benner 1:18:06
they're not not fun conversations. But yeah, you can't actually figure out if they're true or not.

Nicole 1:18:11
I mean, it's a thing and to argue as if it is true. And if you don't believe the same thing, then everything you're saying is invaluable.

Scott Benner 1:18:20
Nicole, I believe you understand my position. Yeah. Like, I'm not telling you, you're wrong. I'm telling you. What are we doing right now? Like, talk five people in a Facebook thread into this? Okay, you got them. Now what?

Nicole 1:18:33
But it's funny that you related it to the endocrinologist office, because I said that one thing?

Scott Benner 1:18:40
Oh, it's that thing to me. It's the same thing. It is the same

Nicole 1:18:43
exact, it's like a religion or it's a it's a conspiracy. I don't know what it is. But yeah,

Scott Benner 1:18:49
I don't want to listen, I'm not gonna bore you. But I've Yeah, I don't know where else to say this. Because if I start talking about it on a regular episode, I'll go on for two hours. But I have the very quick story is that I just began keeping chameleons a few months ago. And I random Yes, it is. And I didn't know anything about it. And it was kind of dropped in my lap as a gift. They're very difficult to do. And there's a lot of technical stuff that you need to know to accomplish it. And the information you get from pet stores is not accurate or good. Sound familiar? Sound like diabetes do a little bit right. And so I had to go off into the world and find a person who was having a lot of success, and figure out how to mimic their success. Sound familiar, Nicole? Right. And then I did all that had my success. And then I started paying attention to the person as a content creator. And every once in a while just like I did today, you get overwhelmed with the mountain of that you have to overcome to tell somebody about how to well hydrate their chameleon or to how to Pre-Bolus for their meal. And you start seeing them as a person who's trying to get through the roadblocks that Apple puts up the road boxset Instagram puts up that Facebook puts up that all these things happened to get you this information. And I looked one day and I went holy, this guy named Bill is me. Mm hmm.

Unknown Speaker 1:20:11
He Scott,

Nicole 1:20:13
chameleon, chameleon world.

Scott Benner 1:20:15
And I'm Bill of diabetes. And he and I are having the same exact thing life. Mm hmm. And the same, the same problems, the same interactions with good people and with people who are a little nutty, and with people who are defending their ego and with people who are defending their opinions and their perspective, and I'm like, Oh, my God, it's the exact same thing. And then I was like, everything's the same.

Nicole 1:20:40
It is. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, it is.

Scott Benner 1:20:44
Everything just breaks down into these small subsections of how people react, and then how they react inside of the ecosystem, and how the ecosystem can handle it or can't handle it and how the person at the center of it is put in charge of trying to keep it all from spinning off its axis. And I'm Bill and Bill is me. I am Bill and Bill. i There's a Beatle song in there somewhere. Anyway, fascinating. And I've spent the last couple of months not only learning incredibly well from a man named Bill strand, how to manage chameleons. But I got a mirror held up to me. And I was like, Oh my God, that guy's existence is my existence.

Nicole 1:21:26
Yeah. I wonder what the online chameleon world is like? It's

Scott Benner 1:21:30
exactly like the diabetes. It's exactly the same. I wonder

Nicole 1:21:34
what the conspiracies are there. Oh, yeah. Oh, interesting. Here's

Scott Benner 1:21:38
one for you. Here's a major argument in the chameleon world, right? How you hydrate your chameleon. So chameleons don't drink like you can you don't put a bowl of water out for them, for example. But if they're dehydrated enough, they will lick liquid off of like dew off of leaves and places like that. So there are people who like massively soak the cages so that they the chameleons Can, can drink? Well, a handful of or more years ago, and this is me talking a little out of school because I don't have the depth of history on this one the other people do. But people realize that if you use fog, to bring up the humidity in the cage overnight, that the chameleon breathes that in overnight, and then does have no need to drink. The caveat there is that if you don't dry out the the enclosure, then you could get mold and fungus and the communities could have problems on their feet from touching wet branches and everything. So there's a balance to have between the humidity, and then drying that humidity out over and over again. Right. And they argue about that. The same way people with diabetes argue about low carb. That's funny. It's insane. how similar it is. Oh my god. Anyway, oh my gosh, chameleons are very well hydrated. And I don't spray them incessantly with water to accomplish that. And I learned how to build my own fogger which I'd be happy to explain to you Nicole at another time.

Nicole 1:23:06
I'm going to be taking on the chameleon listing role. Can

Scott Benner 1:23:08
I tell you something about this Fogra that I've built also work as an amazing humidifier in your home.

Nicole 1:23:13
Oh, yeah,

Scott Benner 1:23:14
I can see that. I live in Texas. So maybe you do need my help. I don't know it can get pretty dang humid here. So I imagine the winter it's not but am I wrong? No. The winter

Nicole 1:23:24
isn't as humid for sure. But the summers can be pretty brutal. For sure.

Scott Benner 1:23:28
Cool. You've been really lovely to listen to my complaining and then to say nice things in between. So I'm so happy for you and your daughter and please get your thoughts on that and send me a note and I'll

Nicole 1:23:41
let you know message you if I hear anything from them, but appreciate it.

Scott Benner 1:23:45
I really do. I hold on second for me. Okay.

Jalen is an incredible example of what so many experienced living with diabetes. You show up for yourself and others every day, never letting diabetes to find you. And that is what the Medtronic champion community is all about. Each of us is strong and together, we're even stronger. To hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community where to share your own story, visit Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox And look out online for the hashtag Medtronic champion. I want to thank the ever since CGM for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Learn more about its implantable sensor, smart transmitter and terrific mobile application at ever sent cgm.com/juicebox Get the only implantable sensor for long term wear get ever since. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. If you're not already subscribed, or following the podcast in your favorite audio app, like Spotify or Apple podcasts, please do that. Now. Seriously, just to hit follow or subscribe will really help the show. If you go a little We'll further an apple podcasts and set it up so that it downloads all new episodes. I'll be your best friend. And if you leave a five star review, oh, I'll probably send you a Christmas card. Would you like a Christmas card? I was looking for a way that we could all get nice and tan and meet each other and spend some time talking about diabetes. How are we going to do that? On a juice cruise? Juice cruise 2025 departs Galveston, Texas on Monday, June 23 2025. It's a five night trip through the Western Caribbean visiting of course Galveston, Costa Maya and Cozumel. I'm going to be there. Eric is going to be there. And we're working on some other special guests. Now, why do we need to be there? Because during the days at sea, we're going to be holding conferences. You can get involved in these talks around type one diabetes, and they're going to be Q and A's. Plenty of time for everyone to get to talk, ask their questions and get their questions answered. So if you're looking for a nice adult or family vacation, you want to meet your favorite podcast host but you can't figure out where Jason Bateman lives so you'll settle for me. If you want to talk about diabetes, or you know what, maybe you want to meet some people living with type one, or just get a tan with a bunch of cool people. You can do that on juice cruise 2025 spaces limited. Head now to juicebox podcast.com and click on that banner. You can find out all about the different cabins that are available to you. and register today. Links in the shownotes links at juicebox podcast.com. I hope to see you onboard. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way recording.com

#1260 After Dark: Anonymous Return

A returning guest shares her progress since episode 336, discussing her journey through depression, diabetes management, and raising children.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, welcome to episode 1260 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Today I'll be speaking with a returning guest. This anonymous female was initially on Episode 336, after dark depression and self harm, and today, we're going to get a follow up from her. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. To save 30% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com All you have to do is use the offer code juice box at checkout. I just got a package from cozy earth this morning and I am super excited to put on my new shorts. Tickets for the 2025 Juice cruise are limited. I'm not just saying that they actually are limited. We have a certain window to sell them in. And then that's it juicebox podcast.com Scroll down to the juice cruise banner, click on it. Find a cabin that works for you and register right now. You are absolutely limited by time on this one. I'm so sorry to say that it sounds pushy, but it's the absolute truth. Juice Cruz 2025 I hope to see you there. We're gonna get a tan talk about diabetes and meet a ton of great people who are living with diabetes. It's kind of going to be like floating diabetes camp. But you won't have to sleep in a log cabin, you'll get a tan. And it's not just for adults or kids. It's for everybody. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by ag one drink ag one.com/juice box. head there now to learn more about ag one. It's vegan friendly, gluten free, dairy free, non GMO, no sugar added no artificial sweeteners. And when you make your first order with my link, you're going to get a G one and a welcome kit that includes a shaker scoop and canister. You're also going to get five free travel packs in a year supply of vitamin D with that first order at drink a G one.com/juice box. The episode you're listening to is sponsored by us med us med.com/juice box or call 888-721-1514 You can get your diabetes testing supplies the same way we do from us med this show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries G voc hypo Penn Find out more at G voc glucagon.com. Forward slash juicebox. Everyone I'm back with a returning guest who will be remaining anonymous as they were in their first episode, which was called it was episode 336. It was in one of the first after darks it's called depression and self harm. We had to call you something though. or Now do you just do want to make up a name? Do we make up a name last time?

Anonymous Female Speaker 2:53
We didn't make up the name. Alright, well

Scott Benner 2:55
then let's not make up let's stay consistent. Don't make up a name. So you were 24 Then, and I really suggest to people to go listen to the episode, you were one of the first people to be that incredibly honest with me that and it was really eye opening for me taught me a lot. But then afterwards, you and I maintained contact for quite some time. So yes. Can we start with that? Why did that happen? And was it valuable to you? Etc?

Anonymous Female Speaker 3:26
Yeah. So after I reached out to you, I was in a really, I feel just I guess lost spot. You and I kept having our conversations and you really wanted me to reach out to a therapist or just somebody, not you that could help me truly helped me and not just be like a sound support. I feel right. And so I started doing that. And and that was really helpful it you know, I have more than just like depression issues and self harm issues, since she was really able to help me dive deeper into, you know, what's the root of my issues, I guess. And then I thought I was doing really good being in a better place. And then COVID hip. And that wasn't Yeah. And then it pretty much took me back to square one because you know, the media tells you diabetics are high risk in and all of that stuff and it just scared me. Okay, so then I went into a major depression like I would shower 10 to 15 times a day, because it was something I could control.

Scott Benner 4:42
Wow. Let me ask you a question. Because if you asked me to recall that time, I would say that beyond last. I couldn't tell how much I didn't know what you were in control of for yourself. Like the important like the important thing is not like you know pretend control where you're pretending to control something but like, do you recall, for example, that I researched and called a mental health facility for you? See? No, you don't know you don't know that to you. Hmm. That that is exactly what I've always been wondering, because I don't know the word to describe your state at that point when we were talking. But I remember saying, like, hey, I really want you to get in touch with somebody. And then you sent me a lot of messages. Some of them were disjointed. And at some points, my wife would say, Oh, you're not ever going to be free of this puppy. And, and, and I was like, no, no, no, I'm like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna help her. And at one point, I ended up online, I found, because you couldn't I forget why you couldn't figure out where to go. But I actually called a place I spoke with him. I remember starting the conversation by saying this is gonna sound incredibly odd. But I host the podcast, and someone who was a guest on my show recently needs help. And they're not going to get it without somebody, like setting it up for them. And I set that first meeting up for you. While you don't remember that at all, huh? Oh, wow. He's nuts. Is that odd for you to hear? Yes. Yeah, no kidding.

Anonymous Female Speaker 6:15
I'm in such a different mindset now. And just my whole life is so different from four years ago.

Scott Benner 6:23
Wow. Yeah. So okay, I'm sorry. So we're, we're in the shower and COVID I don't know when you're eating because 15 times is a lot every day. And can you walk through the COVID time without it like being triggering to you?

Anonymous Female Speaker 6:37
Yeah, yeah. And I was, I was a senior at my university. And so I was student teaching kindergarten. And all of a sudden, because I remember talking to you about the struggles of some of my kindergarteners and how it was really affecting me. And I couldn't figure out how to deal with that. But all of a sudden when COVID hit I never saw any of them again. And that was pretty traumatizing. And then when I thankfully my now he's my ex husband, him and I had a beautiful property that we just hunkered down and stayed there for a while. I never went out i i started well besides cigars I started smoking pot a lot more just to kind of take myself out of my inner body I guess and you know, change my mental state. So I wasn't so focused on everything around me. I

Scott Benner 7:41
do recall like your those little kids problems were getting imprinted onto you. And you were kind of suffering with them and unable to help them and then you're saying then then having them taken away from you was bad because then you didn't know if they were okay was that the problem? If you take insulin or sulfonylureas you are at risk for your blood sugar going too low. You need a safety net when it matters most. Be ready with G voc hypo pen. My daughter carries G voc hypo pen everywhere she goes because it's a ready to use rescue pen for treating very low blood sugar and people with diabetes ages two and above that I trust. Low blood sugar emergencies can happen unexpectedly and they demand quick action. Luckily, G voc hypo pen can be administered in two simple steps even by yourself in certain situations. Show those around you where you store G vo Capo pen and how to use it. They need to know how to use G Bo Capo pen before an emergency situation happens. Learn more about why G vo Capo pen is in Ardens diabetes toolkit at G voc glucagon.com/juicebox. G voc shouldn't be used if you have a tumor in the gland on the top of your kidneys called a pheochromocytoma. Or if you have a tumor in your pancreas called an insulinoma. Visit G voc glucagon.com/risk For safety information.

Anonymous Female Speaker 9:12
Yeah, and I still have never even seen feet like pictures faces. Nothing ever again in four years.

Scott Benner 9:21
They're okay trust me. They're in like third grade. Now they're balling out of control. No kidding. Living their best life. They're fine. So along the way, I didn't know that about the COVID thing. But I do remember you reaching out and saying like I'm getting married. And I remember thinking oh, I don't know if that's a good idea or not. But and it was only and it was only based on like what you had shared, obviously, all of this what based on what you shared in the podcast and you know, sometimes back and forth in writing, but I felt like and I guess you can tell I'm in hindsight. Now, my remembrance is that I don't, I don't feel like you're you had a very sexual relationship with him when you were just dating. Is that correct? That's, that's correct. Okay. And then how do you get past that and move to getting married?

Anonymous Female Speaker 10:16
Well, cuz we had been together, basically all through high school all through college. And I think it just made sense for both of us. And I, he was a year behind me at the university. And we get married in the summer. And I had graduated at that point, I found a job teaching while he was still getting his teaching license in school. And unfortunately, the job was, like, three hours away. Thankfully, I had family down by my teaching job, because I just kind of moved in with them. My husband and my ex husband, and I thought everything was going to be fine until he pretty much didn't want to be in my life. He I would I was the only one making a point to try in our relationship. Okay. And so I just was like, I'm not going to be in this, if I'm the only because he pretty much told me. I'm done trying.

Scott Benner 11:23
And in fairness to him, were you blocking his advances when he was trying? No, no, you are open to it at that point. Yeah, I gotcha. Okay.

Anonymous Female Speaker 11:33
And then we ended up getting a divorce. And I, my current husband, Tim, and I knew each other from school, he's a little older than me. And we just kind of reconnected after that. And now we have two kids, and he has a stuck, son. So it's been, it's been so much better just, I think finding a person that I connect with, but also knowing that my mental headspace is in a better place. But it has been rocky with postpartum and those type of things with both of my pregnancies.

Scott Benner 12:16
No, I want to know about that. But first, your first is with your ex. And the second is with your current. Is that right? No, they're both with my current. Oh, okay. Oh, this so his steps on is not with you. It's with somebody else I understand. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because that was, like, just hearing you now say that you were divorced. I thought that doesn't make sense. She has those kids. This has been such a short amount of time. I was like, How could that be? But now Now I got I'm completely like, square on what's going on? Before you had children? How much time was there between divorcing your ex and marrying your current husband? Like how how much time was in there?

Anonymous Female Speaker 12:56
My first child was more of a surprise. He was very fresh, almost divorced. And then my husband and I didn't get married until last August. And my husband, my son will be two in a couple of days.

Scott Benner 13:15
Okay, so maybe you had a baby together for a year and a half or so before you got married? Yeah, I gotcha. All right. Well,

Anonymous Female Speaker 13:22
then, and then our second. Our daughter was born this last summer in July just

Scott Benner 13:28
recently. Oh, congratulations. Very nice. It's lovely. You stop. Trust me stop there. One of each is perfect. You don't really need to do more.

Anonymous Female Speaker 13:35
Oh, i i There's no chance I can now. Why is that? Well, I'll back up with my boy. When I was pregnant with him. I ended up getting Bell's Palsy and occipital neuralgia. Did it go away? Yes. Eventually the Bell's palsy I got in September, had my baby boy in October, and it didn't go away until January. Oh,

Scott Benner 14:00
wow. That's a long time for something like that. Did he tell you why it happened?

Anonymous Female Speaker 14:05
No. I have no idea. I woke up the morning of my baby shower. And my mother being a very honest person going What's wrong with your face? I don't know mom. I'm just here. So then the next day I went to the hospital and

Scott Benner 14:22
Bell's Palsy. Were you preeclampsia by any chance?

Anonymous Female Speaker 14:26
So with with my son No, with my daughter this last pregnancy? Yes.

Scott Benner 14:33
I asked because I looked online and it says that Bell's Palsy is very uncommon during pregnancy, but if it occurs, it may be the primary sign of preeclampsia.

Anonymous Female Speaker 14:43
Yeah, so I was never diagnosed with preeclampsia with my son, but with my daughter this summer, I had preeclampsia with her and ended up getting trying to be induced at 37 weeks. She didn't take the Pitocin. And so I ended up having her via C section. And 37 weeks she was over nine pounds.

Scott Benner 15:10
Oh my gosh, how was your blood sugar's during the pregnancy? The

Anonymous Female Speaker 15:13
best in the I've been diabetic 16 years now. I had the best a onesies during that my two pregnancies. Okay, excellent. For my son my highest a one C was 6.6 in my third trimester. And that's when a lot of the insulin resistance happens. Yeah. And then with my daughter during my third trimester, the highest was 6.4.

Unknown Speaker 15:40
Okay.

Anonymous Female Speaker 15:43
Yeah, and then postpartum because my daughter ended up staying in the NICU for over a month. Sure blood sugar's weren't even registering on the machine or equipment, whatever, when she was born. And so she went straight to the NICU and I didn't see her for about five hours.

Scott Benner 16:02
She was born with low, like a low blood sugar. Yeah,

Anonymous Female Speaker 16:06
the my heart sugar wasn't even registering on the

Scott Benner 16:11
like when they took it. Oh, wow. Did they ever tell you what they thought that was?

Anonymous Female Speaker 16:15
They just kept referring to her as like IDM. Like, oh, this is really common with an IDM. And they're like, you know, an infant of a diabetic mother. And I was like, Well, none of this happened with my first so it's I guess it's not that common. It's all new to me.

Scott Benner 16:33
And scary. And thank you. Yeah. And

Anonymous Female Speaker 16:34
so while she and my husband went to the NICU, I opted for to get my tubes tied.

Scott Benner 16:42
Oh, I see. Gotcha. You're like we're done. That's good. Yeah.

Anonymous Female Speaker 16:45
Because I had a very difficult time with just my body with both pregnancies.

Scott Benner 16:52
How so? What What were some of the issues you had?

Anonymous Female Speaker 16:56
Just with like the Bell's Palsy and the occipital neuralgia. The local hospital is not the best hospital and so I ended up with my son getting delivering him three hours away. And then with my daughter, three hours a different way, in actually a different state.

Scott Benner 17:17
I looked up the occipital neuralgia because I didn't know condition in which the occipital nerves the nerves that run through the scalp are injured or inflamed, causing headaches that feel like severe piercing throbbing or shock like pain in the upper neck, back of head and behind the ears. That's what you had. Yeah, yeah, I don't want that either.

Anonymous Female Speaker 17:39
And I couldn't when I would go lay down at night. I couldn't sleep for longer than 10 minutes. Without that pain shooting up the back of my head and like dispersing throughout my whole head.

Scott Benner 17:55
Oh my gosh. Okay, I want to go backwards a little bit. So we're in COVID you're having a bad reaction and COVID Are you taking any kind of medication for them? And can you tell people what if any diagnosis you got through your mental health care since you've been on the show, you've probably heard me talk about us Med and how simple it is to reorder with us met using their email system but did you know that if you don't see the email and you're set up for this you have to settle up they don't just randomly call you but I'm set up to be called if I don't respond to the email because I don't trust myself. 100% So one time I didn't respond to the email, and the phone rings the house. That's like ring you know how it works. And I picked it up I was like Hello. And it was just the recording was like us med doesn't actually sound like that. But you know what I'm saying? It said hey, you're I don't remember exactly what it says. But it's basically like hey, your orders ready you want us to send it. Push this button if you want us to send it or if you'd like to wait I think let you put it off like a couple of weeks or push this button for that. That's pretty much it. I pushed the button to send it and a few days later, box right at my door. That's it us med.com/juice box or call 888-721-1514 Get your free benefits check now and get started with us med techs calm Omni pod tandem freestyle, they've got all your favorites, even that new eyelet pump. Check them out now at us med.com/juice box or by calling 888-721-1514 There are links in the show notes of your podcast player and links at juicebox podcast.com. To us Med and to all the sponsors. Ag one fits perfectly into my morning routine. I get out of bed, head downstairs, say hi to the dog let him outside while Basil is running around. I mix up my ag one drink it down, rinse out my container. And by the time he's done doing his business, ag one has me ready to do mine. Ag one posts online about their studies and here's some interesting stuff that they've learned at the 30 day A mark with a G one 80% of people in a research study noticed less gas and bloating at 60 days. 91% of people in that research study noticed that they needed less coffee. And it 90 days after just three months with ag 190 7% of people in a research study felt digestion has improved. If there's one product I trust to support my whole body health, it's ag one and that's why I've partnered with them for so long. It's easy and satisfying. To start your journey with ag one, just try ag one with my link. And you'll get a free one year supply of vitamin D 3k. two and five free ag one travel packs with your first purchase at drink ag one.com/juice box. That's drink ag one.com/juice box, check it out. Well,

Anonymous Female Speaker 20:47
I continue to take Prozac. They put me on that. And I feel like I've done really good on it. As I well in high school, I got Seasonal Depression was my tie, I guess the title of what I got my diagnosis. And of course living where I was in college. Seasonal Depression is very common, just because it's it does not in the winter. It does you never see the sun. You could not you don't, it just rains all day long, every day. And I even tried getting one of those like special lights that you put on, right, that just gives you the vitamin D or whatever. Just trying different combinations. I would say my drinking, and my pot smoking went up a lot. And so I think at that point, I was still needing some type of support. Where I didn't really have it from my ex husband. So I found it in drinking and smoking. Yeah.

Scott Benner 21:59
And that support really from from the alcohol and the weed that's just trying to get out of your own head. Right. Yeah, yeah. Because when that when you weren't doing those things, how are you feeling?

Anonymous Female Speaker 22:12
If I wasn't doing a project or like if I didn't have my mind, busy with something, I was sleeping. So I literally didn't have time to myself, I guess in my own head.

Scott Benner 22:25
Okay. Okay. Yeah. So just constant thinking, worrying. obsessing on stuff, that kind of thing. Yeah.

Anonymous Female Speaker 22:33
And then, when I started teaching, by then I had my own classroom and stuff. My family also has a ranch. And so on the weekends, I would just go help my family on the ranch. Just to get you know, get so tired that I would go home, take a shower and be out by seven o'clock at night.

Scott Benner 22:59
Just the day just ruined you almost just took everything out. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Jason. So is your is your regimen pretty much the same? And then what do you do when you're pregnant? You came to you can't take Prozac when you're pregnant, can you?

Anonymous Female Speaker 23:14
Well, I was I did. You did? Oh, no, let me let me change that. I was supposed to the only thing I ended up just taking because with both pregnancies, I was extremely nauseous. The morning sickness was not very kind to me. So I stopped taking all medication for everything but like my Omni pod, and my Dexcom. Like those were just easy. But I also take thyroid, I take levothyroxine. And, and my Prozac and I and at the time prenatal? I couldn't take any of that.

Scott Benner 23:50
They just all made you feel nauseous. Yeah,

Anonymous Female Speaker 23:53
more than the baby.

Scott Benner 23:56
Did the thyroid not having the thyroid medication. Does that get things out of whack for you? Yeah, it did. Yeah. Right. You can't be without that law. And that stuff has a very short shelf life and your body like it doesn't last long if you're not taking it. So

Anonymous Female Speaker 24:13
yeah. And then with my second pregnancy, I ended up having to like almost triple my thyroid medication. But and I was also seeing a doctor like literally every other week, whether it was here or my endocrinologist three hours away.

Scott Benner 24:31
And you were able to tolerate it with a second pregnancy just not the first. Yeah, the medication. Oh, that's interesting, too. Yeah, bodies are weird. That's uh, did that noise just stay with you for nine months or did it leave at some point?

Anonymous Female Speaker 24:48
Nausea. It left. Eventually, like by the halfway through my second trimester it was gone. But then it was kind of when not enough. sort of the preeclampsia started, I found out about a month before I had her. I was at a maternal fetal medicine appointment. And they had done bloodwork and the doctor came in and goes, What is your blood sugar right now? And I mean, it was under 130. And he goes, I don't think you're in DKA. But your blood work is showing me that you're in DKA. And I was like, my last day when see was 6.2. My blood sugar rarely gets above 150 Right now, and I ended up getting hospitalized for the night. Because after running more tests, they realized that I, I was eating so little, just because I wasn't hungry. I was eating so little that the food that I was eating was going straight to the baby and leaving my body in like a ketosis state.

Scott Benner 26:02
Yeah, I was gonna say you're in ketosis, which can be confusing when they look at at some basic testing. Oh, okay. So you weren't in. You didn't have ketones from high blood sugars. You have ketones from like, starvation, almost?

Anonymous Female Speaker 26:15
Yeah, yeah. Because I never. Because with my first child, my starting base weight was 160. And well, and I'll tell you, I kind of skipped this in between my son and my daughter, we experienced a miscarriage. And that really played a toll on my depression. Just because it was, you know, very early. We just never, there was never a heartbeat. But of course, that, you know, plays a big toll because I my body missed it. Like I never exceed, like, naturally had the miscarriage. I had to go get a DNC.

Scott Benner 26:59
Oh, geez. Yeah, that's a lot. Yeah. And so how soon after your son's birth was that? Well, it

Anonymous Female Speaker 27:07
was June of last year. So 22.

Scott Benner 27:13
Okay, Jesus, what is it look like when you're depressed now? So like day to day, how would you describe your, like the lightness or lack of lightness in your mind,

Anonymous Female Speaker 27:25
I would say, it's gotten better in the sense of, since my daughter was born, she spent 33 days in the NICU. And I was there the whole time. With my job, I was, well, I was on maternity leave. But with my job I was able to work from remotely. So my husband had to come back home. And thankfully, we live in a small enough area that my in laws and my my parents helped with my son and my step son, and just trying to make sure somebody could stay with my daughter, or our daughter, those over a month. And so being three hours away from home, being alone, being in a very depressing place. I mean, I was very thankful that my daughter was a chunk. And I could she was at the point that I could hold her, like in her crib. They have different stages of cribs, and I was she was at a point that I could hold her. She wasn't fragile, like some of her neighbors and, you know, in boxes, but it played a toll on me. And it got to the point that I would get there go later. And later in the day, all I wanted to do was sleep, because I thought this is such a depressing place. And then I would hold her for six or seven hours solid, put her down. Because I knew she was getting taken care of I knew they were feeding her. She was the biggest baby in the NICU. So people loved holding her. And I would just go to the bar and drink.

Scott Benner 29:08
Oh my gosh, how long was she there for 33 days? You drink while you were pregnant? No, no. And how did you stop yourself from smoking weed and drinking while you were pregnant?

Anonymous Female Speaker 29:20
The drinking was easy, because I didn't want to do anything. In the beginning of my pregnancy, when I was nauseous, I would smoke just enough to like curb the nausea feeling. So it wasn't like I was smoking blunt after blunt or you know, those types of things. It was literally maybe one or two hits and it curbed it. So then I could go take a shower or go do something and not feel like crap. Yeah,

Scott Benner 29:54
I understand. So but as soon as she's there, you the alcohol kind of holds you back. likely,

Anonymous Female Speaker 30:00
yes. Well, and especially because we live in a row marijuana state, that where it's legal, and we had her in a state that it wasn't legal. Do you

Scott Benner 30:12
think if you were at a hospital where it was legal, you would have smoked instead of drank? Yo, yes. Yeah. You're just going for what was available? Yes.

Anonymous Female Speaker 30:21
And I realized, like I realized very quickly, I remember why I slowed down on the drinking is I hate the feeling that gives me but it didn't stop me I would go every night. Because it took me a long time to get out of the hospital once I had her because my preeclampsia stayed for like two more weeks. And I ended up having to get a magnesium drip line. And it was just a very traumatizing for

Scott Benner 30:54
me, where's your husband and your son while you're at the bar?

Anonymous Female Speaker 30:58
They were back home because my husband continued to work.

Scott Benner 31:03
Oh, so you were you were by yourself at this hospital?

Anonymous Female Speaker 31:08
Yeah, I was by like, I stayed at the Ronald McDonald House, by myself, would walk over to the hospital and be with our daughter, by myself. And my husband would come over like on his weekends.

Scott Benner 31:24
When you're in a bar in the evening, in that scenario, Does your husband know that? Yeah, yeah. And what is were you managing with alcohol? Have you been managing with alcohol all the way through just not during your pregnancies?

Anonymous Female Speaker 31:37
I really, my husband's family doesn't really drink. And so like, my mother in law might have like an occasional cocktail, like if we go out for something special, otherwise, they don't drink. And so I just like, I'm not going to buy. At this point in my life, I'm not going to buy a 12 pack of something, and be the only one to drink. So

Scott Benner 32:02
you weren't drinking much at all, for those couple of years there. But once you were, what would you tell me was driving you to go to the bar after the baby? Like was it anxiety or depression? Or what did you What do you have going on as soon as she was born?

Anonymous Female Speaker 32:20
I feel a lot of it was like, what you said anxiety and depression trying to figure out, like, just how to escape my mind, because they couldn't give us a timeframe. You know, it's all up to her when, because she her blood sugar's she had so much fluid in her lungs, and she came out like purple. And so she just instantly got a feeding to put in her nose, and a CPAP machine. And she was on those for at least four or five days. And then nobody could, you know, she was struggling eating in general. And that's what kept her in there. Because she couldn't figure out how to take milk from a bottle. Why? Because with both of my pregnancies, I wasn't able to produce milk.

Scott Benner 33:11
So you knew you knew you weren't gonna breastfeed immediately when she was born? Yeah.

Anonymous Female Speaker 33:15
And so that was also one thing I knew I could go and have a couple drinks and not affect her.

Scott Benner 33:25
Well, that's a lot. I saw her being sick. Was that a driver for you? Was that upsetting for you? Was it just that you were by yourself? Or that you were far from home? Do you think it was all those things together?

Anonymous Female Speaker 33:36
Oh, definitely a combination. Because then I was trying to figure out, you know, my, I was talking to maternal fetal medicine once a week because they wanted to do like checkups on my blood pressure and my C section incision. So they always said, you know, postpartum depression can be very real when, especially with when your babies in the NICU. So please don't, don't feel like you're a burden to reach out to us, because we will find somebody for you to talk to. I never reached out. But I, my husband was, you know, him. And I talked a lot and every time the doctors made their rounds, I'd call him and give him the updates and, and all of those things. And so I think as the weeks went on, that it, you know, she wasn't leaving there. That's when you could just I could just feel the shadow or the darkness. Just continue to, like spread inside me. And because there were days like at the beginning, I would go see her at 7am and by the end of it I was seeing or oh one two in the afternoon. I'd stay until four I arrive, and then I'd go to the bar

Scott Benner 35:02
when you get home. Does all that just stop?

Anonymous Female Speaker 35:07
Or do you continue? Like when we like when we finally came back home with her out of the hospital? Yeah,

Scott Benner 35:14
yeah. Are you drinking again? Are you like, well, I drink now again? Or is it just go away?

Anonymous Female Speaker 35:19
I might have an occasional like hard cider. But I only limit myself to one. And it has to be after six o'clock. But I smoke a lot more weed

Scott Benner 35:34
to try to maintain it. What's your diagnosis? Again? Can you remind me? For what for?

Anonymous Female Speaker 35:39
Why you taking the Prozac? Anxiety and depression? Okay,

Scott Benner 35:43
there's no talk of like bipolar or personalities? Not just okay. If you didn't smoke, we see you smoke weed daily. Is that right? Yes, yeah. If you didn't, what

Anonymous Female Speaker 35:56
would happen? I don't I try not, I don't do it. When I'm alone with our kids, because it gives me paranoia. Okay, because I'm scared that I'm gonna fall asleep or something. And so usually I just do it at night to go to bed. Because that's the hardest time for me is at night, going

Scott Benner 36:19
to sleep is hard. Yeah, your mind races can't stop thinking about things, that kind of stuff.

Anonymous Female Speaker 36:24
Yes, because I feel like I have, like, with my job and my, my master's program and our children and just, I feel like I'm going nonstop. And that's really the only thing that kind of just resets me, and I'm able to fall asleep within minutes,

Scott Benner 36:41
I see. But the rest of the day, you do well with the kids,

Anonymous Female Speaker 36:44
if they're not driving me crazy, because my son is in the terrible twos. So

Scott Benner 36:51
just running around screaming and throwing things. Pretty

Anonymous Female Speaker 36:55
much. And so a lot of the time, like, when they're both sleeping, like I'll take it that my shower about like midday, to try to recenter myself, because that's always worked for me, like during COVID. And when I was younger, so that helps me a lot through like the rest of the day. And

Scott Benner 37:15
none of this is hidden, like your husband knows all about all of this. Yep. Is he involved in helping you at all? Are there things that you need from him,

Anonymous Female Speaker 37:23
him and I every evening, like before I actively try to go to bed. And then I sit and talk like, after we put our kids to bed, we talk just about our day and and when I'm struggling, I don't wait to text or like if he's at work, I don't wait to tell him about how I'm doing that night. Usually, I will text him or call him if I am like really struggling. And he is able to just help me. You know, you're a great mom, just affirmations that I know, I try really hard to be a great mom. And so I there are times that I might smoke just a little bit just to have the edge off. And then I can really focus on being present with my children, because, you know, they from zero to two is so developmentally important. Yeah, they need a lot, that's for sure. And so just by taking that edge off, I sit with my like, I'll hold my little girl and play with my two year old and, and we go on walks, and it's just I don't have the mental load on anymore. And which is very comforting. And and I think my children are benefiting, you know, from me not having to deal with everything going on in my head. Right?

Scott Benner 39:04
Do you have any issues, any intimacy issues with your husband, like you did with your, the previous person?

Anonymous Female Speaker 39:11
No, it's completely like, different 180 Okay.

Scott Benner 39:16
And you don't have any intimacy issues with the kids. It doesn't sound like so it sounds like you're, you're close with them and loving with them and all that stuff. But it's just it's one of the things that stuck out from the conversation last time with me. It's interesting. So my next question is, Are you actively cutting yourself? No. Oh, good.

Anonymous Female Speaker 39:38
But the but the thought is always there. Okay. I haven't taught myself since. Well, the beginning of COVID. That's a long time but yeah, but I would say I probably think about that doing it like the act of When it Oh, at least once a month, okay, but I never go, i never go through with it. But I'm like that I know that something I can control. I control how deep it goes, I control how many times I do it. And to me that was like one of the biggest satisfactions

Scott Benner 40:22
of the of actually the process of doing it. Yeah, all the control that was involved. Yeah, yeah, no, I remember you trust me. I remember you explaining it to me. My conversation with you last time is it helped shape a lot of things that I didn't understand previously. Yeah. And I just you, you would, you would expose me to so many ideas that I didn't know about. And you were just so clear, and, like honest about them, that he taught me a lot. But I'm, I'm thrilled for you. That's really exciting.

Anonymous Female Speaker 40:54
Yeah, I feel I mean, in such a better place overall, right now. Your

Scott Benner 41:01
speech patterns even different? Really? Yeah. Yeah. It's really something it was. I remember talking to you and thinking that at the at the end of every one of your sentences, it almost felt like, there was a voice that wanted to go, Oh, my God, everything's terrible. What was me Help me please? Like, like, every at the end of everything you said it felt like that was gonna keep coming. And you don't sound like that now. It's really, really interesting to talk to you again. It'll

Anonymous Female Speaker 41:29
be interesting to hear my first episode, because I have because I remember, one of the things I remember you telling me was, don't listen to your episode. Don't do it. Right. Did you ever and I listened to it, like, probably a month after it came out. And I listened. Probably not the best, like situation. But I was alone in like, my bedroom. And it was completely pitch black. And I just sat there with my eyes closed.

Scott Benner 42:01
What was your takeaway while you were listening?

Anonymous Female Speaker 42:05
Well, part of me thought, and I've haven't listened to it reasonably sure. Because I probably think differently. But I remember thinking, like just the honesty, and not on my own, almost not thinking it was me. Because of I don't know, just because I, when I remember listened to it, I was like, that doesn't sound like me, that that could be anybody. But it's not me. And then as it kept going, I was like, Oh, my gosh, this is my story. This is this is what's happening, and what has happened to me. And so I, I probably listened to it three times of like, one after another. And I've listened to it over again.

Scott Benner 42:51
I well, I

Anonymous Female Speaker 42:52
can tell you this, but then I would like

Scott Benner 42:56
go ahead. No, I was just gonna tell you that, you know, I've recorded well over 1000 interviews, you're the only person I've stayed in contact with afterwards. Really. I mean, there's just there would literally be no way to do it. I get done talking to some people, I think I can be friends with these people, you know, but I can't, I can't add a new person in my life every day. You don't I mean, but for me, like, from my perspective, what I thought was, you're not going to be okay, if somebody doesn't help, because there was no help coming from your extended family. You had a very strange relationship with your boyfriend at that point. In my estimation, I didn't see how he was going to be helpful. He was too young, you were young. And I thought, I actually thought If I don't help her, this isn't going to end well. And I'm gonna feel like I was responsible. And I don't I don't want that for me. And I don't want that for you. So why not? Like, let's just keep talking and see what, see what happens. I'm very excited for you, honestly, like, I don't know if I sound like that. But it would have been easy to record with you and think, Oh, that girl is not going to make it. You know, and just and just be done. Like when you told me you were pregnant the first time I thought that's absolutely out of this world. Like I couldn't imagine that happening. Like I don't even mean just in no way shape or form that you were like, having a baby and thoughtful about it in your email, like your note changed, like the tones of your note changed and just seem so much more together for the lack of a better word. I was like, Well, I think she's doing it. You know, that's pretty cool. Because it would have again, if I had to bet after I talked to you, like if he took my hard earned money and said, How's this gonna go? I'd be like, I don't think it was gonna go well. Why haven't you given up? Like given it?

Anonymous Female Speaker 44:45
Well, I think once before the pregnancy, I'm not sure. But once I was pregnant with her son, that's when I completely like that's probably when I started caring In about my diabetes the most in my life, because I did want to be obese in my, in the future suffers. And so I just had that in my mind the whole time and, and thinking, you know, it's not about me anymore, so I have to keep it together for this innocent human thought, you know, they never asked to be in the world. Yeah. And then every day since, because with him, I had him naturally, probably not the best decision. But with her, I had her C section. And my two recoveries have been so different. I think if just with everything, if I would have had the same stuff happened with my first pregnancy, I don't think I would have made it just because I really experienced postpartum depression. With my first child.

Scott Benner 46:03
You did not know, okay.

Anonymous Female Speaker 46:07
With her, I feel like it's not this huge, dark cloud over me every single day. But there's, there's a cloud. And sometimes it's, it's hard. And I started going back to work. And so I'm working from home a little bit. And just really just trying to take in having children and trying to be like the best mom I can be. And that's I feel like kind of my new goal. When I started having children, like everybody wants to be the best parent. But it just gave me a sense of purpose that I feel like, four, five years ago, I had never dreamed of having. So there was no goal with that.

Scott Benner 46:54
It's easier to take care of yourself knowing that if you don't, you won't be able to help them. Yeah. And with the diabetes, especially if I'm remembering right, you are not exactly on top of things when I talked to you the first time. So yeah, it was one of the it was a I remember your diabetes being an afterthought. Is that about Correct? Like you give yourself insulin if you had to like that kind of stuff? Like when, like your blood sugar's got high. Was that the vibe before?

Anonymous Female Speaker 47:22
Yeah. Or, like, when I was younger, in high school, I would just like stick it empty Omnipod on me. So it would suffice my mom. Yeah, but because I could I didn't care.

Scott Benner 47:35
Yeah, well, the depression and the mixed with, I mean, with the pressure from the diabetes, and you weren't, you weren't even trying to stay alive. Really? Right. Like, there was no feeling of like, it's imperative that I go on. You were you were that depressed. Yeah. And that was for a long time in your life. Oh, my God. I'm right about that. Right from How old do you think you were when you started feeling depressed? Probably

Anonymous Female Speaker 48:02
a sophomore in high school. So at least well, that was over 10 years ago. Because I'm, I'm 28. Now.

Scott Benner 48:11
Wow, that's even weird. I'm getting older. You guys are just you're aging nicely, and I'm getting old. How old? Were you were diagnosed? Remind me 1212. Okay. 16 years ago? Yeah. And then five, six years later, in that range, you start feeling depressed and your mom has depression? No,

Anonymous Female Speaker 48:32
but she doesn't like acknowledge mental health or mental illnesses, like a normal like she, her thought process was, you have a good home. There's no reason for you to be depressed. Like, she didn't understand, you know, the underlying issues. And I think I remember telling you that I tried to go to therapy in high school. And the therapists that I saw, he ended up committing suicide.

Scott Benner 49:04
I do remember that. Yeah. That's a tough one. Yeah, that's yes. And so

Anonymous Female Speaker 49:09
it that really traumatized me as well. And so I still have, like, I feel really good opening up with my husband, even though he is no way licensed in any way. But it's just somebody that literally whenever I need to talk, he is there for me.

Scott Benner 49:29
Speaking with him is helpful to you. Yes, yeah. So you're not seeing anybody to talk to anybody right now.

Anonymous Female Speaker 49:35
No, I'm not. How long did you? Oh, probably four or five months of like, sometimes it was two or three times a week. And sometimes it was once a week or every other week.

Scott Benner 49:52
And you found it valuable overall.

Anonymous Female Speaker 49:54
Yeah, I there was a lot of things that I just let go I have in my life because I thought, you know, that is so much like, No wonder I'm constantly stressed and constantly having headaches it like all of these little backpack things off of my depression. And so I finally, like toxic people in my life, no longer talk to like, I could just instantly cut those ties. It helped me. And so I, I wouldn't say live like a very minimal life, but not a lot of things like get under my skin anymore. And that has helped tremendously well. So

Scott Benner 50:39
generally used to be you live with that, like kind of like drifting cloud that sometimes it's heavier, and sometimes it's lighter, but it's always pretty much there one way or the other. Yes, yeah. I mean, just the anxiety of raising children and the pressure of that, that doesn't bother you. You're you do okay with that?

Anonymous Female Speaker 50:56
Yeah, I will. We take I take a very, like natural consequences approach if my son is going to run. And like, eventually he's going to fall. He looks at me and I do not react. He doesn't react, he gets up and just keeps running. That kind of stuff that I'm like, if I don't react or have a big emotion, it'll be better for him. Because he doesn't need me to react like that.

Scott Benner 51:26
And by taking that tactic that helps you not to feel stressed. Yes. Interesting.

Anonymous Female Speaker 51:33
Oh, that's interesting. And we live in a very rural town, there's, I mean, not even a warning light or a stop sign, or a stoplight. And so he has no fear of the road as a two year old, he'll just like, we don't live on the main road. But he'll go and he grabs his like Toy pirate ship, and he'll just go, like, we just go play in our little cul de sac. And, and he is just fearless. Yeah. And so I think with him having that demeanor, I am able to, I never say like, be careful, or don't do that. Unless it's like a safety issue. Of course,

Scott Benner 52:17
do you find that his? I mean, that that feeling that he exudes? Are you able to kind of feed off of that a little bit off of that? Like, don't be scared feeling?

Anonymous Female Speaker 52:27
A little bit? I think that when you put it into words like that, yeah. Because I'm he's like a spitting image of me, and with red hair. But he just has this little personality where he just is an explorer and an adventurer and wants to go and do. And that at this point in my life, that's the complete opposite of me. And so I just go with it. We make messes we, we do so much, try to do so much experience stuff, that even though he's too he's probably not going to remember. But there's so much good with letting your child be messy and just doing those type of things.

Scott Benner 53:19
It's nice to it sounds like it might be freeing for you as well. I have a question. You've scheduled this recording and pushed it a number of times. I know. And what an I, every time it happens, I'm just like, that's cool. But there was a moment where I started to worry. I'm like, oh, maybe she's having like, like issues and they can't bring herself to do this. But do you remember? Was it just life stuff? Or did you have moments where you're like, I can't rerecord this right now.

Anonymous Female Speaker 53:48
It was never that I think it was more well, our time difference doesn't necessarily help. Not at all. That was kind of a struggle, because then I'd kind of you, I put you in the back of my mind. And then I'd be like, Oh my gosh, I I'm supposed to do this. But I'm working that day or, you know, different things or when I was pregnant. I just didn't want to I guess because and when I was pregnant, I really tried hard to listen to the pregnancy episodes. And I think I got through about 10 minutes of one. And I just sat and cried. Yeah, I because unfortunately, I should probably listen to the podcasts more. I really have to still pick and choose what episodes I listen to.

Scott Benner 54:41
I say they can have an impact on you too harshly.

Anonymous Female Speaker 54:46
Yes, yeah.

Scott Benner 54:49
Well, listen, I'm just glad to hear that you weren't like I you imagined from my perspective after the first second third time I was like, Oh, she might not be okay. Was my was my worry. I'm glad just to hear that. That That's not the case. Yeah, yeah. No, that's, that's good to go. So when you hear some people's stories, when are they hard to listen to? If they're too close to yours? Or if there's something you can't accomplish, or what? Where does it get to you?

Anonymous Female Speaker 55:14
I feel that like, any time, like one that really sticks out in my mind, is the mom that lost her diabetic son. I want to say in the car. Yes, yeah. Like, those type of things where I just feel like I'm not, I am mentally stable. But I just feel like my emotions are still pretty unstable. And now adding postpartum that doesn't help. Right. But those types that it's just kind of pulling at your heartstrings. Yeah, well, that's where I struggle,

Scott Benner 55:55
I have to tell you, if if it makes you feel any better, it's was hard for me to talk to her. And it's still one of the, like, conversations I've had that sticks inside of me. So I mean, I don't think that's, that might have nothing to do with your, your history, to be perfectly honest with you. It's just hard to listen to.

Anonymous Female Speaker 56:12
Yeah, well, and then I listened to a lot of like the after dark ones, because I know those just have a different tone. Usually, it can be a lot, a lot more heavy, right in the conversation. But I'm like, You know what I? Like? If this person can do live and do things, I sure as hell can. Oh,

Scott Benner 56:36
it does give you that feeling like, Gee, they're going through this, I can do my thing. Yeah. Oh, that's excellent. I'm glad to hear that. Those episodes, my hope with those episodes is sort of like, partly I think people coming from my perspective, can get some understanding for how other people's lives are. And then I also hope for people who are struggling to hear somebody tell a story of going through a similar struggle, and then getting out of it that that can feel hopeful. So I'm glad about all that. That's really interesting.

Anonymous Female Speaker 57:06
And everywhere I go. I like Have you listened to Juicebox? Podcast? It's phenomenal.

Scott Benner 57:13
Thank you. You're so nice. I think that your story will like stick with me for my whole life. It really well. It was one of the first times that somebody ever opened up like that. Talking to you really helped the podcast to grow. Because I mean, I think you're like the third after dark episode of fresh one. Yeah. So basically, my idea back then was like, well, like you smoke weed you drink, we'll talk to you people, right? And then I don't know where I thought it was gonna go from them, then I get this note from you. And I was like, alright, well, I guess I said I was doing this. So I'll do this. And then we have this conversation. And it's so like, eye opening for me. And at the same time frightening to me, like because I think there's no way you're going to be okay. Not because of you, but because you were isolated. Because from family because family wasn't that supportive of their mental health struggles to begin with, because the guy you were with was young. And I just I remember feeling like that kid doesn't have the tools for this, that you know what I mean? Like, I'm 30 years older than him, and I don't know what I would do. And then your notes. He just felt like you weren't okay, and that you really needed help. So, like, even just being involved in, like, I stepped over a line for myself calling a place for you. Like that was not that's not a thing I should have been doing. Like, you know what I mean? Like, but that was the situation the situation was so upside down. Like, you know what he mean? That it needed something that ridiculous to happen, a stranger to call across the country and try to help somebody? Yeah, you know, I don't know, it just it changed the way I look at some of this stuff. So, you know, like in the future, like, I can tell you that without without your conversation. The day I get an email from this woman who says, Listen, I was sexually assaulted in college, and it impacted my life with diabetes. And I want to tell that story. Had I not spoken to you? I don't know what I would have done when I got that email. because prior to that, I would have thought this has got nothing to do with this podcast, and I don't have the skills to have this conversation with her, you know, like, like that. By the way, I still didn't feel like I had the skills to have that conversation with her if I apologize to her before we started this, like, I'm not gonna do a good job. You know, like, I don't know what we're talking about here. And afterwards. I'm like, was this okay? And she's like, No, it was terrific. And, but I really think that the conversation I had with you opened a lot of that up for me. So yeah, I appreciate it.

Anonymous Female Speaker 59:49
Yeah, I mean, it's amazing how something like depression or anxiety even because I did not experience anxiety. I thought anxiety was like was a fluke, until COVID hit, and that's when my anxiety really ramped up. And I could understand like, oh, I, I understand why people have anxiety now. And so it's, it's amazing how an event or just something like that can trigger. And then I mean, diabetes is not simple by any means. But then how it trickles down to even that, or some, you know, an event like being sexually assaulted how that trickles down to your diabetes? Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:00:36
When she even said that when that person said that, in that note, I was thinking, I don't understand how that impacts that, you know, like, I don't know what she's talking about even but I figured, well, she knows. And I have enough dexterity conversationally to get through this. So I'll learn something that people listening will learn something and, you know, will add to the fabric of the podcast that way. But yeah, no, seriously, talking to you was a was really helpful for me. So, you know, a lot of what's come since then, is based in the what the word is. But the courage I have that to believe that I can do that. Have that conversation, you know, so anyway, I appreciate it. Thank you very much. So you have like, it's early in the morning. Your kids are still asleep? Yes, they

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:01:25
are. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:01:26
Are you like we're doing it though, right. We're getting through this without them waking up. So that's pretty cool. Yes.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:01:31
It's nice.

Scott Benner 1:01:32
I have to tell you your note yesterday, it was in two parts. The second part said, I just had a minor heart attack. Like, and right. So I'm trying to imagine I'm coming out of the grocery store yesterday. And I flipped my phone up. You know how the iPhone does the thing. Now we're like, you get like, you're like there's a bunch of stuff on the main screen, they start to stack up a little bit, and the most recent one is on top. So yeah, I look and it's from you. And it says, I just had a mild heart attack. And I thought, oh my god, you had a heart attack, like so I like sit in my car and I whip it open. And I'm like, I'm getting rid of let's say like, all I can think is like wow, the people love this podcast so much that even after they have a heart attack, they still think the message. And instead I realized that it was the extension of your first message, which is hey, my kids are sick and like blah, blah, blah. And I just realized I have this recording with you tomorrow. I just had a mild heart attack like you were being you know, you were joking. Yeah, for but for 35 seconds. I thought you had like a health issue. And I was like, oh my god, like it was like so stunned. Like when I got I got in the car at the grocery store. Anyway, I'm glad you did I have a heart attack.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:02:46
Me. Yeah, me too.

Scott Benner 1:02:48
Right. easy thing to be glad about. Is there anything that we haven't talked about that we should have?

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:02:53
I don't think so. I feel like just the first time like the tones in my mental load. Obviously, it's different now. But it's night and day different I feel. And I feel like even listening, like and you listening to me right now, while we record this. I just feel like it could almost be two different people. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:03:22
anybody who hasn't heard your episode goes back and listens to this. They're gonna think I can't believe that girl's alive to have that second conversation. Seriously? Yeah, for certain episode 336. After dark depression and self harm. It was back. It went up on May 14 2020. We're recording now in October 2023. So this is over three years ago.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:03:47
Yeah. And I think at first I was trying to do like a year after Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:03:53
Now you've rescheduled more times than I have fingers on one of my hands. I think so. And I'll be honest with you, I once said to my wife, so I'm like, Hey, I gotta go record. And I went upstairs, and then I realized that you'd canceled it. And I came back down and my wife goes, what happened? And I said, Oh, the they rescheduled. And she goes, okay, and it happens. I don't want to give people the freedom to like do this all the time. But I'd say three or four times a year, somebody rescheduled the last moment, and a couple times a year, people just canceled the last moment. It's part of the it's just part of it. It's how it goes right? Sometimes I'll come downstairs and my wife will be like, what just happened? I said how they flaked, you know, like, just forgot the day or something like that. So my wife goes to the person flake, she's using my words. And I said, Oh, no, no, it's and I told her your name. I said, you remember her from this conversation? I was like, oh my god, do your pen pal. And I was like, Yes, her and and I said, I honestly don't think I'll ever record with her again. Like so that we're doing this today is even a little shocking to me, because I thought for sure this was going to just be a thing. We'd Did where you take up a day on my schedule, but we never get back together again. I actually, I really did think that's what was gonna happen. I'm thrilled. It's not. That's why I asked you about it. Yeah,

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:05:11
well, and I feel part of it maybe, maybe was the anxiety of like, not necessarily reliving that time in my life, but just

Scott Benner 1:05:21
having to remember that that was you.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:05:25
Yeah, because I tried very actively, to not remember, like our converse, like, you helping me, I remember that, sure, to a point. But like our conversation where I was in my life, I try really hard to not remember that. So it's kind of, you know, hard to go back three years, when I've grown so much.

Scott Benner 1:05:52
I know, I don't blame you at all. Like, there's part of me that just thought, like, if you and I ever talk, it'll be an amazing sign of like progress for you a second time. And that is how I feel now talking to you. I'm so thrilled that it kind of went the way I expected it to. But yeah, part of me just thought like, letting you keep that date on the calendar, maybe. I don't know what's good for you somehow. So I just because my wife would say, you know, you can't give these dates away all the time. You're gonna, you'll get behind and I was like, now for her. It's okay. This is special. It's alright. Because there are other people, by the way that after, like, they'll like if they cancel once. I'll be like, it's fine. You can reschedule it. And if they cancel a second time, I don't say that's fine. You can reschedule. I just go okay, well, I'm sorry, this didn't work out. Because they're gonna be habitually flaky. I just didn't feel that way about you. I was like, I'm happy if this stays on my schedule forever. So

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:06:44
yeah. Well, and then one thing I tried to do, like, I will not actively because I, you know, ebb and flow of you, filling my mind, or like your podcast or talking to you or whatever. And so then I was like, every now and again, maybe I should message him and give him a little update on how I am and what I'm doing. So he doesn't think I'm dead. Or

Scott Benner 1:07:11
I like don't worry. Yeah.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:07:15
You know, yeah, well, I I'm still a functioning person, I guess. Yeah. Listen,

Scott Benner 1:07:22
it all very, it's very helpful to me at times to like, I'm, I get a lot of messages. So I'm not the most communicative like quickly when I get messages sometimes. But do you remember the after dark? Did you listen to the after dark with the girl who was the stripper? No, you didn't hear that one. So she said something like, I mean, a couple of things that were really worrisome while I was talking to her. And she's another person who like I think about sometimes like, I hope she's okay. And she sent me a note a couple of months ago, about some like pretty big changes and improvements she made in her life and things that I'm that she realized. It took, like a long time after she recorded the podcast, but she realized like that what I said there was like, That's not okay. I don't want to live like that. I was thrilled to hear from her. Like, just that she had made an adjustment and a change and that things were going good for her. Yeah, I like that. I think there trust me there's people in my head I'll never speak to again that I think about a lot from the show.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:08:23
Yeah, well, and and I never expected like for you to respond or even like a, you know, a thumbs up. I would have been fine with from you just cuz I was like, he needs to know that I'm mental. Like I'm just in a better place. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:08:42
no, I appreciate it. I really do. Thank you, man. Thanks for doing this again. And thanks for taking good care of yourself. Do you ever consider dry vaping your weed instead of smoking it?

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:08:55
No, no. I've thought about I've thought about tinctures and like RSO oil. And so I have like a tincture that I'll put in like my coffee in the mornings just to mix it up. But I stay away from edibles because they do a number on my blood sugars and it's not worth it to me,

Scott Benner 1:09:18
right. I was talking to somebody recently I don't think her episodes up yet but she has a number of different autoimmune issues. And she's like smoking CBD and, and like a whole bunch of different stuff trying to like help it and it's interesting what people are doing to try to try to help themselves honestly. Anyway, I'm just happy for you that you know, you found I don't I don't even think that you found like where you're going to be it sounds like you're still moving in the right direction. Like you haven't leveled off. It sounds like you're still moving.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:09:50
You know what I mean? Yeah, I feel like I feel as long as like my kids are growing up, which I guess they'll always grow up but be and children, specifically, I think, as long as their children and like, need me that like I will always be moving in a forward direction, because they give me purpose, and they give me a reason to manage my blood sugars and make sure that, you know, in 20 years, I don't go blind or you know, all of those complications that could happen. I, and I, you know, there are most most days, I do not want to do anything, but my son loves to be outside, it could be 10 feet of snow outside. And he wants to be outside. And so he gets me out of my comfort zone and going and doing and just living. And so I think he doesn't know that I think him for it. But I thank Him every day for just getting me out of bed.

Scott Benner 1:10:58
Well, and then do you think long term, you'll be able to find a reason that doesn't involve another person that hopefully when they get older, you can, you know, find some happiness for yourself and then still be there for them as an, you know, a mom who's not with him every day?

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:11:15
I hope so. And maybe as I get older, or you know, since I'm only 28. And so maybe in my 30s I'll like I don't know, if it's a light bulb or just working in that forward direction of life, I guess and not going backwards. Yeah. Maybe I'll figure something that gives me inner peace. And I don't need to rely on a force outside of me. I guess. I

Scott Benner 1:11:48
wonder too, if they won't make if they won't make some more advancements in that use of psilocybin for depression. Because there are a lot of there are a lot of trials going on. Now that say that. People report that they do these, I don't know how, listen, I don't know how they do it, right? This mushrooms and basically low dose mushrooms or something like that. And they I don't know exactly what they do along with therapy, but people then they're doing it with a lot with military people and PTSD and depression and things like that. And people report really like astonishing changes for themselves.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:12:25
Yeah, I know, I know a couple people that go on mushroom retreats, where they are paired with like a therapist, and then they micro dose on mushrooms. And they just sit with the therapist. So it's a controlled environment, right. And whatever happens happens.

Scott Benner 1:12:47
And a lot of people describe like rewiring and like a loss of their depression and things like that. Actually, there's a lot of work at Johns Hopkins University with this. I mean, they're really yeah, they're doing like, if you Google Johns Hopkins psilocybin, you'll, you'll see they're doing looking at treatments for major depression. They say that the I remember an article from a year or so ago, I could probably find it. But they were saying that for up to a year after this the therapy that people were still doing well. So wow, it's really crazy. Anyway, I feel like something will happen there. You know, and eventually, eventually, drug companies are going to figure out a way to monetize weed and mushrooms and stuff like that. So No kidding. Yeah, once they once they decide they can make money with it, then they'll figure it out pretty quickly. Yeah. So anyway, I'm really I'm so happy for him. So I can't use your name. I a couple of times. I've wanted to call you by your name, but I'm really thrilled for you.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:13:49
Thank you, I It's been a long, three or four years, however long it's been but I feel like you're our first conversation. And what you did for me really cooked like, projected, not necessarily like where I am now. But it felt so much I think because, you know, my ex husband didn't know what to do. My family didn't know what to do. And just you going out on that limb. I think I realized like there are people in the world that truly care about me. Oh, and so and like three timezones away. I'm

Scott Benner 1:14:33
sure everybody listening cares to you just never you'll never meet them, you know? Well, that's really lovely for you to say, I appreciate it. I was it was my pleasure. And it was uncomfortable for me. I mean, I can tell you that, but it just felt not just necessary, but I don't know how a person would have met you and walked away from you that situation. Like I can't imagine that. So yeah, seemed odd. Yeah, and

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:14:59
and it's been, you know, like, when my episode came out I, because you shared it on the, I'm assuming if I remember correctly, like the Facebook group and that and, and just reading some of the comments. That's where it got, like where I started to get affected like, oh my gosh, these people listen to me and just them I guess, the community that you unknowingly, we're going to we're, you know, building. It's such a strong community I feel and it's people from all different backgrounds. And so it's nice to just because I've pretty much put taken like the Juicebox Podcast and like, put it on the backburner right now, just with my master's program, and two children under two. Life, yeah, I don't commute as long as I do, or as long as I did, and I had that time. And so I'm, unfortunately not as up as I should be. But definitely, I probably go to your, like the Facebook group, oh, four or five times a week. And that's kind of how I have stayed connected. Not with you, but just with the community, because it is a very close knit community. And that, even though I will never meet any of these people, it's just nice to know. Like, there's other people in the after dark series, I reached out to one of the after dark people, and we messaged a little bit, and I followed him on Instagram and that stuff. And so I just played I kind of am like a shadow in this world. In the sense of, you know, yeah,

Scott Benner 1:16:53
I get my mentions, and there are times I'll see your name, like your message. And I'll think, Oh, good. She's out there. You don't I mean, like, it just, it's a nice little, it's a split second, you know, I see your name roll by on my, my mentions, or I'm not bragging, but my mentions are like, hellacious they're just, they don't stop all day long. And it just to see your name, like pop up in that list sometimes like, Oh, good. You know, like, that's great. And to your point about the group, being kind and diverse. I'm never not amazed by it. You know, like, you'll watch somebody, literally from Australia, ask a question that's answered by somebody living in India. And then you know, it and before you know it, you realize years, people from Mexico and Canada and the EU, all over the US and Germany, France, like the UK, they're all talking to each other. And they all have something to add. And even just hearing you now talk about how it even felt supportive, just to hear people like conversate, about you, and your episode to say like, Oh, I heard that and, you know, have feedback and how that feels supportive to you. I mean, even those are things that I mean, I can imagine them if I stop and think about it, but day to day, as the minutes are clicking by and I'm doing all the things I'm doing. I don't stop the thing. Like, oh, that really helps them that post actually supported you like that. That's really cool to hear. So I'm glad you said that. It

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:18:23
was really like hard to a listen to my first episode. And then let's like, read those comments. I think just because being you know, slightly in a, you know, a different mindset then. And not, you know, none of them, obviously could reach out because of the me being anonymous and staying anonymous. But just knowing that there are people out there, that's more than like my husband or my family. Yeah. It's, it's been very, it's really great to have just this outlet of, and I don't really post in it or anything, I might tag the Juicebox Podcast every now and again or whatever. But just knowing that when it comes to such a large part of my life of the diabetes, I know exactly where I can go to have 100% support from people. Literally, like you said, literally 1000 miles away, right.

Scott Benner 1:19:26
And you get to be yourself and the person from the episode, but you don't have to tell anybody that that's me. And I would imagine there's some freedom in that as well.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:19:38
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:19:39
I've seen people do it both ways. And doesn't seem like there's a right way. It's, you know, whatever makes the most sense to you and what's most comfortable for you, but I've seen people be like, That's me, and you know, talk to them and but just to know that you could see it and they they were talking to you and they didn't know it like it's all very good. And by the way that they were kind and, and generous and lovely and not, you know, I mean, you could have easily clicked on that link and somebody could have said something off the wall and it might have been bad for you. So that's great. All right. Okay, good. I'm gonna let you go. You got to at what, by the way, what's wrong with your kids? Right, what kind of illness they have?

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:20:16
Well, I'm currently being treated for pneumonia. Oh my God. And the littles just have, like, stuffy nose, runny nose, cough, just cred. Yeah. And so it's not a very happy place in our home right now.

Scott Benner 1:20:37
Yes. Nobody wants to be sick, that's for sure. But I hope everybody feels better quickly. And seriously. Thank you so much for doing this with me.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:20:46
Yeah, no problem. I'm so glad we were finally able to connect.

Scott Benner 1:20:49
Yeah, let's get you back on the schedule now so we can record again in five years. Okay. Hold on one second for me.

I'd like to thank ag one for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast and remind you that with your first order, you're gonna get a free welcome kit. Five free travel packs in a year supply of vitamin D. That's at AG one.com/juice box. A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, G voc glucagon, find out more about Chivo Capo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com Ford slash juice box. you spell that GVOKEGL You see ag o n.com. Forward slash juicebox. Arden has been getting her diabetes supplies from us med for three years. You can as well, US med.com/juice box or call 888-721-1514 My thanks to us med for sponsoring this episode. And for being longtime sponsors of the Juicebox Podcast. There are links in the show notes and links at juicebox podcast.com. To us Med and all the sponsors. I was looking for a way that we could all get nice and tan and meet each other and spend some time talking about diabetes. How are we going to do that on a juice cruise? Juice cruise 2025 departs Galveston, Texas on Monday, June 23 2025. It's a five night trip through the Western Caribbean visiting of course Galveston, Costa Maya and Cozumel. I'm going to be there. Eric is going to be there. And we're working on some other special guests. Now, why do we need to be there? Because during the days at sea, we're going to be holding conferences. You can get involved in these talks around type one diabetes, and they're going to be Q and A's. Plenty of time for everyone to get to talk, ask their questions and get their questions answered. So if you're looking for a nice adult or family vacation, you want to meet your favorite podcast host but you can't figure out where Jason Bateman lives. So you'll settle for me. If you want to talk about diabetes, or you know what, maybe you want to meet some people living with type one, or just get a tan with a bunch of cool people. You can do that on juice cruise 2025 spaces limited. Head now to juicebox podcast.com and click on that banner. You can find out all about the different cabins that are available to you. and register today. links in the show notes links at juicebox podcast.com. I hope to see you onboard. If you're not already subscribed or following in your favorite audio app, please take the time now to do that. It really helps the show and get those automatic downloads set up so you never miss an episode. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way recording.com