#975 After Dark: Wrong Pew
Amy has type 1 diabetes and some mental health challenges.
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Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, welcome to episode 975 of the Juicebox Podcast.
Today I'm going to be speaking with Amy in an after dark episode. Amy's been type one for over 25 years. She's in her mid 30s. And she was diagnosed right before her 10th birthday. Amy story is so unique that I don't know how to explain it to you in just a couple of seconds. I do have a note here that I received from me the other day she asked me if I would read it into the podcast. Normally I do that at the end, but I think I'm going to read this one right after these initial ads, and then we'll let her story unfold. While you're listening. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. Today's episode is going to deal with anxiety, depression, cutting, growing up in a unique situation that I might consider to be cultish. It's hard to hard to exactly. Anyway, you'll see I don't know I'll let you decide. If you're looking for community around diabetes, check out the private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes and to keep up with the show proper Juicebox Podcast the public page on Facebook. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by two companies that have been in this house for a very very long time. First Omni pod makers of the Omni pod five and the Omni pod dash you can get started today or even take a test drive at my link Omni pod.com forward slash Juicebox Podcast is also sponsored by Dexcom Ardens warned a number of different Dexcom 's over the years right now she's wearing the g7 you could too dexcom.com forward slash juicebox links in the show notes links at juicebox podcast.com to Dexcom Omnipod and all the sponsors. Okay now I recorded with Amy months ago, but this note is from yesterday, and I told Amy I would read it to you in its entirety. It says Hey Scott, I wanted to write this follow up note to encourage those that are battling with their mental health, substance abuse and making difficult life decisions. After we recorded our podcast, I continued to abuse alcohol. Rather than addressing my pain. I was using alcohol to numb my feelings and mask the real problem. In May I stopped taking antidepressants and realize that this tool was another numbing agent I was ready to stop using. There is no shame in needing and taking medication that helps you through a difficult time. But I saw that that time for me was over. One night in June, I was struggling. I got drunk and self harmed by burning. When I woke up hungover the next morning with fresh scars on my leg. I finally acknowledged that I had to stop. Enough was enough. I couldn't let my past trauma continue to define my life. I stopped drinking on June 28 and I have not had alcohol since then. I recognize that I've been struggling in my relationship and realized I was buzzed for a good portion of it. I was drinking every single night. When I finally came out of the antidepressants, and then the alcohol, it really cleared my mind. My ex boyfriend is a good man. And I am so thankful that I met him when I did because he walked with me through a dark time in my life. One of the hardest decisions that I've made was saying goodbye to him. I started weekly therapy sessions, which I am such an advocate for I exercise daily, and I just ran the distance of a half of a marathon. I changed my diet, and I've continued not drinking. I found that when your mind is at peace, the body falls into line. For so long. I felt like I was drowning. Finally I have a clear mind. And I am learning to regulate my emotions rather than letting the pain and trauma define and control me. Sometimes the place you're used to being is not the place you belong. As I've begun to love myself, I have seen that my emotional trauma has been assigned that I was living against my own truth. It takes courage to change and the first step of change is to become aware of your own bullshit. This has been really difficult, but so worth it. To anyone who is struggling with their mental health. It does get better. It is not an easy battle, but it is so worth it to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And some days that is all you can do. Don't settle for just good enough. Make it a priority to put yourself first both mentally and physically. I have become not only an advocate in my diabetes care, but an advocate for my mental health and wellness. I've learned to focus my energy not on fighting the old but building a new me finally I'm seeing AMI shine through the AMI I thought that I lost for good. She is back and better than ever. Thank you for everything you do, Scott The podcast has helped me more than you will ever know. And I am very grateful for you putting the time and energy into it. You're such a gift. Thank you. And I know we will talk again soon. Best Amy. All right, I'm gonna start the episode and you can all find out how Amy got to where she is now.
Amy 5:16
Hi, Scott. I'm Amy. And I am I've been a type one diabetic for the past 26 years. Actually, this last Sunday was my anniversary. So it'll be 26 years.
Scott Benner 5:31
26 years. How old are you?
Amy 5:33
I am 35. I'll be 36 In a few months.
Scott Benner 5:37
So you were what? Like, nine or 10 when you got diagnosed?
Amy 5:41
Yeah, I was right before it was right before my 10th birthday.
Scott Benner 5:47
26 years ago. Yeah. Yep.
Amy 5:49
spent a long time. i The 9096 86.
Scott Benner 5:54
Okay, yeah. When you jump over the zero, sometimes my brain doesn't go far enough.
Amy 6:00
Okay. I was like, I'll try to figure all the math stuff out before the podcast and SCOTTON is enough.
Speaker 1 6:07
I don't know. I think I'm getting better at it. Because of this. I think you're due for sure. 2635. Now you were telling you're diagnosed 26 years. Okay. I'm going to start with you different a little differently. I'm going to kind of do you backwards. So why did you want to come on the podcast?
Amy 6:25
I think I had sent you an email. And I just was thanking you because I had been kind of going going through it. And so I just was I listened I listened to you more than I listened to the person in my head. So you're always running in our house. Like I have it. I wake up in the morning, I turn the podcasts on I do a lot of walking. I turned the podcasts on I come home, I'm cooking dinner. So it's just something that's always running in my house.
Scott Benner 6:54
What other voices in your head?
Amy 6:57
Oh, myself, you know, the little voice that's like, whatever it tells you whether it's good or bad.
Scott Benner 7:04
So we've we spoke about this Arden and bought art and brought this up last year, and we talked about it forever. About weathers how you hear your internal monologue. Right? And some people hear a voice and some people don't. Did you know that? Yeah.
Amy 7:24
I didn't realize that.
Scott Benner 7:26
Yeah, I don't hear a voice. I think and I can't even describe to you how I think. Isn't it strange? Like, hold on? I'm gonna practice for a second. You do the same thing. We're gonna both think about a red tractor plowing a field. Okay, go ahead. Do that. Think about it. How does that happen to you? Do you hear a voice say there's a red tractor plowing a field?
Amy 7:48
I see a video. Yeah, I see. I see images and then I can hear the farmer.
Scott Benner 7:56
So then I can't hear voices or sound. I see. I see the tractor. I picture a tractor from my childhood. And it's moving across the field because that's what I told him to do. And if there's no color in mind, and it's kind of for people who use like, a Photoshop or something the opacity is low, like the video I see is like at 50%. Like I can almost see through the images. And that's okay. But I don't hear once people like I don't hear the tractor. I don't hear rustling. I don't hear anything like that. And when people talk, I don't hear any talking.
Amy 8:31
Okay, I see a super clear video. It's a Massey Ferguson. It's, it's bright red. I can see a video, like the images in my mind. And you know, and then you think of, I guess it's like, thinking of something else you've seen or heard or watched. So you can hear the farmer, like yelling or doing whatever he's doing.
Scott Benner 8:54
I can hear people in my dreams,
Amy 8:57
though, I definitely do that. Yeah, I actually had a dream about you by like last week.
Scott Benner 9:01
Let's not talk about that yet. All right. If things go really well, I'll bring it up later. Yeah, I don't know. So okay, so, but you don't think you have like a, like a problem? You shouldn't be talking to somebody or something like that. Like skips? telling you to like, put a cat in a bag or anything like that and nothing. We're not at this time. Not currently. Alright. So So you listen to the podcast a lot. And it? I mean, you've had diabetes for a long time. When did you start listening?
Amy 9:40
Okay, so this is crazy because I have been doing I've been working with Jenny at Integrated diabetes for i I'd say about six years, maybe longer. Okay. I'm trying I was looking on my Amazon cart because I bought Gary's book. Think like a pancreas. See, and that was around the time that I had started. I want us to 2017 1819 2120 20 I think it was 2017. Ish. And so I had been working with her. She never brought it up. And then of course, in my emails with her, she has this long list of like, what an amazing person and how smart she is. And I didn't ever see.
Scott Benner 10:24
Is that what you think of when you see her emails like this? Yes. She's like, she'd be horrified. Oh, my God, she'd be horrified if she knew, you know,
Amy 10:35
I know. I know. So it says juice bottle Juicebox Podcast. And so I had started listening to podcasts when I was just struggling and needed to fill fill that monologue with something else. And so I had found some different ones nondiabetic related, really liked. And then I was like, man, it would be amazing to have a podcast that has, you know, diabetes related material. So I started looking and subscribe to a few and was just like, This is not like, I'm not that into this and you know, listen to one and then was like app. And so I came across yours. Really liked it, download, you know, subscribe to it. And then I was like, Wait, Jenny. And so then I asked her about it. She's like, Oh, yeah, I do those with Scott. That was like, Jenny, you've been holding back on me all these years. I had to get caught up like a little quicker than everybody else.
Scott Benner 11:42
I have to say you were so close to using a line from Forrest Gump that I would have made the title but then you didn't say that's my Jenny. So
Amy 11:50
she is she is my Jenny. Okay. So to to expound on that? I have. She's been working with me for seven years. She is and I know, she'll, she's like, I'm gonna listen to the podcast. I'm like, Oh, great. But she's an amazing person. And try not to get emotional, but she's really been there for me during some hard times. And she just is so she's so thoughtful and kind and then very practical at the same time, like, Well, you probably should do this or you probably should, like, take care of this. Like, let's pick out of the like, 900 things that you've written an email to me about let's pick four to work on.
Scott Benner 12:35
Please, please keep doing your Jenny impression. Whatever. Okay. Gonna say something crazy. Your general impression. Sounds like Colonel Potter doing an impression of father Mulcahy on mash, which is a no way reference, you're gonna understand.
Amy 12:55
Oh, no, I know what mash is. I haven't watched much of it, but I know what it is.
Scott Benner 12:59
Keep keep up with whenever you go to Jenny's voice, please go to that. Okay, so. Okay, so you let's talk about what gets you to Jenny, is it? I mean, you said hard times what is hard times mean?
Amy 13:14
Well, what got me to Jenny was actually my dad. So we live in a very small rural town in northern, northern Northern California. And the nearest, I don't know, growing up, we went to UCSF for all our endocrinologist appointments, and anything diabetes related. And so we aren't near anything. And once I graduated from UCSF, I didn't have an endocrinologist and I was working with my PCP. And he at the time, he actually was a type one diabetic. I had a primary care that had type one, which was really cool. You know, but very old, very old school diabetic, like, you know, and so, I was, for a while without an endocrinologist. I don't have an endocrinologist at this point. So I had just been kind of had not struggling like it wasn't horrible, but I'm definitely not. I'm definitely doing better now. And so my dad ended up finding Integrated diabetes and he goes, Well, Amy, I will pay for this if you want to try it out. And I was very skeptical, skeptical, like, great, like, what's a video chat was I'm going to do that's not going to help. And it it's been incredible. My agency now is up 5.8 She in the last six months, I started doing the DIY looping. I've been on the Dexcom since I think 2012. I started on the G four when it was the that was one of the newer ones. I wrote in my email that I'm on the G seven but I'm not I'm on the I'm on the G six currently
Scott Benner 15:00
As we're recording this g7 is only been out for five days. Correct?
Amy 15:05
Correct. And I just had an appointment with Katherine at integrated and she's like, are you going to try to get that? And I said, I, I would like to but I'm, I'm, you know how things are working. And you don't want to like screw it up with like, whether that's insurance or like just karma. Like, I do not want to bleep up my orders.
Scott Benner 15:29
That are like, you think that it would mess up your karma if you updated your Dexcom?
Amy 15:33
Oh, my God. Well, I have had so many issues with insurance where it's like, oh, we need to get this filled in. Oh, well, I have to talk to your doctor. And then you're just going back and forth calling, calling insurance calling the doctor's office calling insurance calling decks calm. So I'm at a good point right now when I don't want to eat or that.
Scott Benner 15:56
I completely understand. I think I had a prescription sent for g7 before g7 ever came out. And so the next time Arden's like her order flips over. We'll get it. Yeah, seven the next time. Very cool. But that's I mean, I don't know when that is. I don't know how many she's at school right now I don't, I don't know how many CGM she has. And, you know, I'm waiting for the text message that says, I only have one G six left, go. Where was that text when you had two left? Right. But she's pretty good about it. So she'll tell me when she's getting lower. And then I'll just have the next one center. But I take your point, like things are working. It's a tough balance, right? Because things are working. And you don't you don't want to rock the boat. And at the same time, you don't want to wake up like 10 years from now. And like, you know, somebody's wearing the Dexcom. I don't know g 24. Right. Wait, no, G 24 is like that conference about? Let's get that she's willing to? Wait, this conference is the g8. What am I thinking of? I don't know. I don't know Scott. Well, they ping pong. Oh, hold on. The Intergovernmental group of 24 on the International Monetary Affairs and development or group of 24 was established in 1971 as a chapter of the group of 77 in order to help coordinate what the hell anyway, I knew G 24 was a thing. But yeah, I You just don't want to get to the point where you're like, you know, like, imagine if you were using a Dexcom g4 right now. Yeah, you'd be missing out. But that's not what you're talking about. You'll update us things.
Amy 17:36
Oh, 100%. Yeah.
Scott Benner 17:39
So before Jenny, what was your one say?
Amy 17:43
It was a little higher. So I went, I was diagnosed, it was in it, I think it was like 15 or 16. And I was, I was in the like, I don't know, Nines at one point. And then I got it down, lower into the eighth, then I got down. So probably was in the sevens. Maybe like high sevens. When we started,
Scott Benner 18:07
what was going on that your you and your father were talking about it and that he offered to? Like he's like, here, I'll pay for basically, I mean, cons here, you're basically getting, yeah, yeah, you know, so
Amy 18:17
1000s and 1000s of dollars. He's taken care of for somebody
Scott Benner 18:21
to talk to you and go put your thing here and do this and try that. So. But what makes that
Amy 18:27
I think I think the biggest thing is my dad, because both my brother and I are type one diabetics. And so my dad is just so supportive of us and, you know, wanting us to live healthy and long lives. And I don't even know, I think he just was on Google. And he was looking at stuff. And I probably was complaining about it at the time. And so some I think he read an article. That's usually how he finds stuff. So he read an article, and then he's like, Oh, this website, why don't you take a look at this. And I at the beginning, it was so funny, because now I'm like, I don't I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that. Emotionally and diabetes wise.
Scott Benner 19:11
Does your does your brother sees me?
Amy 19:14
He does not. So he's, it's, it's hard because I actually had yesterday, Monday morning was a holiday and I get a call from my dad. And he's like, I declined it because we were in bed. And then he calls again, and I'm like, and so he sends me a text call me now. So I call him and he's like, John's boss is trying to get a hold of him. He went to the house, his work cars still there. He couldn't get inside. No one's answering. He's not answering his phone.
Scott Benner 19:49
Now let's talk about the Dexcom g7. The Dexcom g7 is a small and wearable continuous glucose monitoring system. It sends real time glucose As readings to your Dexcom g7 app, or the Dexcom receiver, use my link dexcom.com forward slash juicebox. To learn more and get started today, you will be able to effortlessly see your glucose levels and where they're headed. This way, you'll be able to make better decisions about food, insulin and activity. Once you're able to see the impact that those variables have on blood sugar, you'll begin to make more purposeful decisions and have better outcomes. My daughter has been wearing a Dexcom My daughter has been wearing a Dexcom product for so many years. I don't even remember when she started. But today she wears the Dexcom g7. And it is small and easy. And oh my goodness, are you going to love it dexcom.com forward slash juice box, you can head there now and click on the button that will get you your free benefits check or just hit that other button that says Get Started. When you use my links, you're supporting the production of the podcast dexcom.com forward slash juicebox. My daughter Arden has been wearing an omni pod since she was four years old. And she is now 19 That is every day wearing an omni pod for the last 15 years. I think what we love most about Omni pod is that it doesn't have any tubing. But I don't know is that the thing you love most about it? You don't have to take it off to swim or bave you can leave it on for activity and exercise. It's small. I don't eat I mean, it's so easy to put on. Right to fill it and to put it on. It's just it takes us no time at all. Yeah, I guess it's hard to figure out what my favorite thing about Omnipod is. I guess I'll just say that my daughter loves it. It's easy, and it's worked for her. For so many years. It's just such a friend at all this Omni pod.com Ford slash juice box, you can check your coverage there for your insurance. Or take a test drive, right? Would you like a free trial the AMI pod you can do that there as well. And you can just get started Omni pod.com forward slash juicebox. Now you have a decision to make. Do you want the Omni pod dash, which is an insulin pump? Where you make all the decisions? Or do you want the Omni pod five now the iPod five is the first and only tubeless automated insulin delivery system to integrate with the Dexcom G six. And it's available for people with type one diabetes ages two years and older. It features smarter, just technology. And it's going to help you to protect against highs and lows both day and night. That's an algorithm based system making decisions about insulin given it and taking it away. It's pretty damn cool. Omni pod.com forward slash juicebox the links in the show notes links at juicebox podcast.com. When you use those legs, you're supporting the production of the podcast and helping to keep it free and plentiful.
Amy 22:58
You know, and immediately I'm just like, Yeah, and so I called his girlfriend she didn't answer she was at work, and then gave her number to my dad. And I'm like, we're just gonna go over there. I'm like, I'll break in if we have to. And so I grabbed the glucagon and I grabbed the soda. And we started driving over there. My dad texts me the code to their front door. So I just barged into the house, go back to the bedroom. I didn't even knock. I was yelling, I didn't knock. I was yelling at this point like John, John John. And so I walked in and he's in bed and he was like, very, like not very coherent. And so I'm like, Are you having a low and he's like, gets up and he's kind of, you know, and I go you need to test now and he got up. So I was like, Okay, this isn't like that bad. And he ended up testing and he was really high. So he ended up you know, just taking care of it. And then I didn't even stay very long to talk I was just like, Okay, we're making sure you okay, go you call Dad call your boss and let them know you're alright. And then I'm like and probably want to let Sadie know to and so he anyways, he just got he had gotten really high and he was wasn't waking up. And we've had a couple of times where he's had some pretty bad lows. You know, both of us have. But it just it scares you. Yeah, does it?
Scott Benner 24:31
Do you and he have a relationship where you talk about this?
Amy 24:35
A little bit a heat where life is just so busy, and we do talk about stuff and I have been pushing on him. He's not on any, any devices. I'm like, get on the Dexcom like out of anything that you could do for yourself, at least do that. And he's an electrician, so he's, you know, crawling under houses and in attics and his whole thing is like I just can't get it to stay on and I'm like well that That's bullshit, because there are Olympic Olympic skiers and swimmers that were on. So you know, yeah, I think for him, it's, I don't know, I'm not sure why he fully won't try it. You know, he did the Libra at some point for a little bit. And he's like, I hated it. But I feel like the Dexcom is different.
Scott Benner 25:22
Did you? Did you ever approach it that way? The way he does, or have you always been trying, but not as successful?
Amy 25:29
Just to take care of myself? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I, I've been pretty on top of it. I mean, obviously. So I was diagnosed in 96. And my dad ended up. Well, Google wasn't in 96. But he got on the internet. And he looked it up. And he goes, weight loss, sweetness on the breath, extreme thirst, excessive thirst. And then he's like, Trey's, you take her to the doctor right now. And so my mom ended up taking me to our pediatrician. And they did a, you know, they did a blood test, and they're like, You need to go to the hospital right now. That they told my mom, my mom's like, well, she hasn't eaten can I get her food? And they're like, take her to her last meal. Like the Last Supper?
Scott Benner 26:21
How much? How long after your diagnosis was your brother's.
Amy 26:25
So two years later, and my parents I had I was hospitalized. But my dad was able to catch it earlier on with him, so he wasn't as high wasn't, you know, wasn't in DKA. And they were able to just, you know, set up an appointment and, and diagnose him and without having to do the whole hospitalization. And obviously, they had two years of practice before they write.
Scott Benner 26:55
What other you know, I was going to say, Are there any other but I have a strong feeling. So what other autoimmune issues are in your eye? God, Scott, oh, my God. You're not gonna beat the lady that I've recorded with yesterday. But go ahead and try. Okay.
Amy 27:11
Well, we always joke because my grandfather worked at Dow Chemical Company in Michigan, and my dad's like, something went on there. So my grandfather had multiple sclerosis. And this is on my dad's side of the family. My aunt has multiple sclerosis. My dad and I think two or three other sisters have hypothyroidism. I have hypothyroidism. I have two relatives on my mother's side that had type two diabetes. I'm pretty sure my mom has celiac, even though she hasn't had it tested. But it's, I Googled it. And I'm like, my mom has celiac disease. So I actually got tested for that recently, because I was just like, I kind of want to rule that out. I'm trying to think what else there? I think someone has rheumatoid arthritis. But you know,
Scott Benner 28:07
we're just and then you're just type one and thyroid. Type one and thyroid. Correct. Yeah, yeah. You do not beat the lady from yesterday. You don't even come close. So she had she had she had seven. Oh, goodness. Yeah. herself. Yes. herself. Oh, gosh. Yeah. mast cell activation. Type one celiac? Oh, gosh, thyroid. Raynaud's. Oh, my goodness. I'm missing one. But it was it was really interesting conversation. Okay, wow. So I want to I guess I want to go backwards a little bit. So you guys are diagnosed when you're pretty young, your brother gets diagnosed after that you're using are using regular and mph when you're first diagnosed?
Amy 28:52
Correct? Yeah. So clear, clear. Before cloudy. I remember that. My parents were drawing up our insulin, you know, at that point, but I pretty quickly was able to learn and draw up shots and you know, parents, my parents would check it. But I had did a lot of hands on. I'm very like, give it to me. I'll figure it out. I want to do it. And I just wanted that I wanted that freedom. I had a wedding in Washington that I was going to go to friends with go with friends too. And my parents were like, well, you have to be able to change your set. Because at that point I was on mini med five. Oh, wait, you got to do this. You got to do that. And I was like, Hey, bring it on. I'm gonna do it. Right. I figured this out. I need I need Yeah. Felicia little longer.
Scott Benner 29:42
No, of course. How old were you? When? When that happened? When you went to that wedding? Do you remember?
Amy 29:46
I think it was about 13. Okay. Yeah.
Scott Benner 29:50
Who did you know that was getting married? i This doesn't matter. But now I'm interested.
Amy 29:53
Oh, it was friends that at one of the churches up in Washington that we knew Okay.
Scott Benner 30:00
Okay, so you kind of took over your care. And when do you trans? Well, you started regular and mph, but didn't go too long because you moved to the mini Med, right? How?
Amy 30:10
Well I was on the regular and mph for a while the mini med was like, I think 13 is when I started that.
Scott Benner 30:17
Okay. That's about three years then. Yeah. Okay. How would you like characterize your care? Was it going? Well,
Amy 30:26
it was going pretty good. Definitely. It's interesting listening to your episodes, and just going like, there's so much outdated information. You know, like the, if you have a low 15 carbs, wait 15 minutes test again, and there's been, you know, oh, you only need eight carbs, or you you don't even need that much. If you're looping and you see you enter those carbs. You're like, oh, that's worth insulin. Yeah. And so I think a lot of that was just the kind of the era, you know, and I wouldn't say it was, it wasn't like it is now. My control. But it wasn't horrible. It was kind of like in the middle, like you do pretty good. You know, and it's hard to gauge that too. Because you have like, Oh, I'm 120 out of meal. Awesome. Oh, I'm 145 at a meal. Well, what happened in between those two hours? You know? Yeah, we didn't know. So
Scott Benner 31:23
but for that for the standard of care, then everything was going well. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so then as you move forward, how does it happen? Like, how does? Like, how do we grow? Is it is that that your doctor changes your expert, his expectation, or her expectation of you, and it's a number you're shooting for? Or do you think it's just that they add newer and better technology, and then things just norm? I mean, as a normal part of like, you know, what I mean, like, you throw a Dexcom on somebody, and, and put the range somewhere reasonable. And, and they put some effort into it, like they're going to meet that range. You don't I mean, like, they might not get to it, right. But they're going to least they have a target all of a sudden, or if they went from not having a target not being able to see their blood sugar, what's happening between the 120 to 145. At least now they can see it. Like, you know, I would say there's a couple of episodes of the podcast where it's talked about pretty specifically, but if you just lower your high alarm on your Dexcom Yep. Your, your time and range, you know, gets better your variability gets better, and your agency goes down.
Amy 32:34
Yeah. And that's what I ended up doing. When I started listening, I was like, Oh, what 120? Great. So what it says Hi, when the Dexcom clarity comes in, and it's like, hi, 11% I'm like, Oh, cool. That was like 134 and 148. Awesome.
Scott Benner 32:51
Yeah, I know, sometimes people put up things online, they're like, I was in range. All day today, then I look in the range is like, yeah, 60 to super wide. 50. And I'm like, Well, yeah, I mean, okay. But if that gets him excited, then I think that's great, actually, because then they can kind of ratchet it down slowly. But yeah, but do you see what I'm saying? Like, did you just move along through technology and expectations? It's never really spoken. Right. It's just kind of happens. Do you know what I mean?
Amy 33:18
Yeah, I think I think it's just a mixture of things. Like you see things coming out on the market. And, you know, someone tried it and mentioned it, or the doctor mentioned it, or, you know, you I mean not then but now you see a commercial for ducks calm. But I think it helped one that at the after I graduated from my peds doctor to my regular doctor that he was a type one. And both my brother and I went to him. So that that definitely helped. It was much, much more of a like, I don't know, it's not the care that I'm getting from Jenny, where it's like, Mike, we're not micromanaging. But we're like, micro going into things and like going, okay, so if you're exercising and you want your number to be at this level, and before you exercise, you're gonna you know, so we have all these like little things. It was a little more broad. And then he ended up moving out of the area. And so I was looking for a primary care and I'm just like, frantic, like, great, I need someone to give me an insulin prescription. And I ended up going into this doctor, and my first appointment with her was one of the most horrific, horrible experiences. She first at the time, I wasn't sexually active and she's like, You need to get on birth control. And I was like, No, I actually I really don't need to know it is it is important as a diabetic that you get on birth control. You shouldn't have an unplanned pregnancy, blah, blah, blah. bla bla bla bla bla, I don't need to get on birth control. And then she goes, Are you a lesbian?
Scott Benner 35:06
10 minutes into this, you're like, Okay, I was just like, what went half? way you gotta
Amy 35:14
not that that would have been a bad thing. But I'm like, lady, what the heck? Oh my god, and then she, she's sitting there and I'm like talking about stuff with her. This is our first appointment. And she goes, You know what? I don't think you're a type one diabetic. I think you're, I think you're a Modi diabetic. And I'm just like, you are looking insane. This is madness. And so I'm just like, holding it together. Like, God, get me out of this appointment. I just like let me get out the door. So they asked me an appointment ended and I was just like, I can't even talk. She goes, Do you want to reschedule your next appointment? I go, you know, I'm I'm gonna wait just a bit. I'll call back. Yeah, right. I did not.
Scott Benner 36:02
Did you get a script? No, I didn't, I would have got up and left in the middle.
Amy 36:07
Probably I probably should have I was so upset. I called my previous doctor and I just started crying. And he said the same thing. She's insane. And I was like,
Scott Benner 36:19
why is it so hard? That's hilarious. After
Amy 36:22
what, two years of having diabetes, and someone's like, you're not a type one diabetic. You're Modi.
Scott Benner 36:28
type one diabetic. You're a lesbian?
Amy 36:31
And that too? Yeah.
Scott Benner 36:33
That's the thing. Oh, my God, it was it was How old were you? When that happened? I was
Amy 36:38
in my 20s. And I was just like, shoot me, what am I doing. And then I had a girlfriend who was a type one diabetic. And she goes, Oh, my doctor is taking patients, and you should try to get in. And so I ended up getting in with him. Such a sweet guy. He's very, he's like, You remind me of my daughter. So it's very much like a father figure. I feel very comfortable with him. His knowledge of you know, it's it's difficult because I don't want to judge doctors on their knowledge of diabetes, but a lot of people just don't understand it. And, and the small ins and outs of it. And so I was very hands on, he would be like, kiddo, you're doing a great job, keep up what you're doing. And I'm like, geez, this is not helpful. And so that was what led to my dad finding the Integrated diabetes.
Scott Benner 37:34
I gotcha. Okay. So at that point, when that doctor is telling you, kiddo, you're doing a great job. Where's your agency, then? I was probably in the sevens I think. Yeah. So that doctor is just basically going on what the ADA says. And number seems about right. And he's like, it's perfect. Yeah, I get you. But did you know it wasn't? Or did you feel like no, I am doing right.
Amy 37:57
No, I definitely didn't feel like that. I felt like there's definitely more room for improvement. I mean, Scott, slightly a perfectionist. So if I'm, I have a very hard time just settling like, oh, something's good. I'm like, No, I want to 5.5 We're gonna get it down low. So I just I struggle with that and other things, just wanting it to be like, if it's not perfect, then just throw it out. And so I wasn't, you know, feeling like I was getting that. Perfection, like I wanted
Scott Benner 38:31
did once you got there. I mean, you have a 5.8 Now, once you got there, did that feel and go away? Like this isn't enough?
Amy 38:38
Oh, hell, no, I It's more, there's more. I can get it lower. I can do better. I can
Scott Benner 38:45
get my negative numbers. Scott if I try hard enough. So I mean, when you look at a five, eight, what are you thinking like, I want to see a 5455
Amy 38:56
That's my neck. That's my next goal. The other thing that I've been working on recently is just exercising and not having to eat either before during or after maybe a little before being able to almost live like I don't have type type one diabetes, even though I'm like psychoanalyzing everything down to the minute
Scott Benner 39:21
I'm trying to pretend I don't have it while playing well, so but I think that's important, right? The everybody makes statements that are so black and white, right? Like it's always everyone's always either or it can never be both but or a mixture or something just for some reason i i love this. I hate that I you know, five, eight is good is not good. I want 5558 is great. And so six two, and you only mean like these are great agencies. And also, you know, your your agency is fairly heavily weighted towards what your blood sugar squirt, like just prior to the agency being drawn? Correct, right. So I mean, you could have one great week and roll in there and knock a couple, you know, decimals off if you if you wanted. And that doesn't mean that your last nine months weren't, you know, five cents, you know, so it's, but I take your point about being very focused on it, but does it overwhelm your life?
Amy 40:26
I have occasional meltdowns.
Scott Benner 40:30
Okay. Are there other things going on? Amy, that we're not talking about.
Amy 40:34
There. There. There definitely was, I mean, and the fact that the fact that I'm still here now is kind of a big part of that. I had gotten into a relationship that was just that ended up being really toxic, and I was not gonna let it go. And it was affecting Wait
Scott Benner 40:57
a minute, you weren't? What does that mean? You weren't letting him out of it. That easy. He was gonna fix it.
Amy 41:04
Well, I so I, I had never, I didn't date growing up. So I grew up. I grew up in not quite like, not a Mormon thing. But like, you know, we didn't date and people in our church community would. It wasn't, it wasn't. Also it wasn't like when people were pairing people up, but it was just like, Oh, I like her. Oh, why don't you guys get to know each other in a group setting? So it was like, I guess you'd call it like, dating in a group. And so, which I was absolutely, like, I don't need men in my life. Like, forget this. This is too much work.
Scott Benner 41:48
You said when you weren't the new doctor, and you said you weren't sexually active. Did you mean ever or at that time?
Amy 41:55
Oh, never. i
Scott Benner 42:00
Okay, gotcha.
Amy 42:02
That's 31 Year Old Virgin.
Scott Benner 42:06
You're gonna make your own movie. Oh, yeah. But you live with someone now? Yes.
Amy 42:12
I do. Yes. So I'm with I'm currently with a boyfriend.
Scott Benner 42:16
And he's been making all your everything. He he was. He's been near all your parts and everything. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Oh, all of them. See over there. You're looking to your left.
Amy 42:27
No, no, right. Okay.
Scott Benner 42:31
So, okay, so you. Oh, that's interesting. So did you grow up? Sheltered? Do you feel or no? Okay.
Amy 42:41
Like, so I had, I didn't, I didn't really even have a sex ed in school. We went to a private school. And so there were a lot of things just outside of that, that I was like, very oblivious to innuendos, like this stuff. I'm like, I didn't know what it meant. People are like, Oh, God, keep your mouth
Scott Benner 43:05
shut. Were you particularly outside of it? Even in your group? Or did everyone that you grew up with kind of have the same vibe,
Amy 43:15
um, pretty much everyone had the same vibe and in the group I was in, and it was a good group of people. You know, I I really had some very close friends. I had my best friend and I had been Hi, I think 30 years, 30 years best friends for 30 years. So we were like, Hey, this isn't. This isn't a cult, right. Oh, God. People call it that. Okay. People do call it that. It's not it's not I wouldn't call it that.
Scott Benner 43:43
Okay. Well, you get your rural like your rural right, like, yeah, growing up. Okay. Yeah. All right. And all right. So how does that affect? How does that affect your mindset? Like how you attack things? Did it? Do you think it makes you more, like protective of yourself? Like less aggressive or outgoing? Or I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking. Oh, no, no,
Amy 44:14
I am. I'm very outgoing. I always have been, but I feel like just it made for a perfection, like things have to be perfect. And I realized that not everyone is built this way. Right. And other people wouldn't do things quite as perfect, but I just felt like I never like it was never enough. And I think that carried into all aspects of my life of just this. Like, it couldn't be better. If I if I had given an extra hour of practice to the piano, I could have learned that part. If I had done this for I could have if I had whatever not
Scott Benner 44:55
is that the religion part? know
Amy 44:58
a little bit I think it's a little bit the religion part I do my dad's that same way, he's just very organized. And I'm not a go getter, but just like, we're gonna do this, we're gonna get it done, we're going to do it really well. And so I just, I have a personality of like a crazy perfection and just
Scott Benner 45:20
gonna get those things done. I mean, I just I'm trying to figure out like how you get to that point, but, um, I don't know if there's a correlation or not between, like godliness, and a heavenly outlook and perfection. And then you're, you're shooting to get there and everything has to be on that path. Like, I don't know, like, I'm just asking you,
Amy 45:40
I don't I, a part of it is that I think just like, we're supposed to be this act this certain way, or do these things this way? And like, you feel like you're falling short or not doing good enough? I think part of it did have to do with, there were some very judgmental people that, you know, like, what are you thinking? What are your thoughts on that? Like, just kind of always feeling out? where you're at?
Scott Benner 46:08
What you're doing the right things?
Amy 46:10
Yeah. Like, are you talking enough? Are you doing like, are you in communion with people? Are you talking? And and I think at that point, it just may it may be a people pleaser, 100%. Just like, I my mom would get upset. She's like, Amy, you say yes to everyone, you need to say yes to yourself. She's like, you'll tell so and so you'll watch their kids that night. And so until you watch their kids that night, and then you have a practice that night and a practice that night, and you're going in this first this this morning, and she's like, You need to take care of yourself. So my parents were definitely like, like, flow down. Yeah, you know, and I get whipped up and just like, I don't have time to exercise and my mom's like, you make time to exercise.
Scott Benner 47:01
You make time. Okay. All right. I get it better now. All right. So, I mean, do you know any other people with type one besides your brother?
Amy 47:13
I do. I have. I had a girlfriend. She's out of the area now. But she was someone I was not super close with. But we definitely she worked at the gym, and I go and we talk about different things. And she was the one that sent me to my prime Mary care that I'm with now. And she was a really great person, just very upbeat. And then recently, I met someone on Instagram, and she's just a few hours away from us. So we've connected a couple of times in the past year. And we'll talk about stuff.
Scott Benner 47:50
That's cool. Okay, so now I'm gonna go back to when you said you were in a bad relationship. Yeah. And in your note to me, you said you want to talk about being in therapy as well, right? Yeah. Okay. So when? I mean, does therapy come first as a bad relationship come first? Like how? Like, how was there? Like some naivety? With 100%? Yeah. So you had you were naive person coming into like an adult world. And kind of telling me what happened there.
Amy 48:23
So yet another person I met at the gym, so he was at the gym, and I was I don't know exactly how it came up. Oh, I'm a little clumsy. Okay, so I was up in this like, upstairs area, and it was just the two of us and we're on different machines. And I got off my sheet machine and I ah, I fell. I hit my knee, my ankle rolled. I'm just like, sitting on the floor, like, Oh, God, get me up crack. So I get up and he's he's like, are you all right? Is everything okay? And I'm like, Oh, good. Like, it was so embarrassing. And he introduced himself and then I introduced myself and that was it. Then, you know, the weeks went by the month went by, he started chatting with me. And we're just, you know, small talk, found out he had a daughter, talk to her a little bit. And then one week, he was like, would you want to go out? And my answer? I don't date. You know, and explaining that to people is just like, slightly awkward, which I was very good at it.
Scott Benner 49:34
Why did you put me in that moment? Why Why were you a person who didn't date?
Amy 49:39
I think it was growing up. I didn't do it. The people I were with didn't date in the regular sense of the word. And so I just it was I had a quick answer. I was like, Look, I don't date I'm waiting for waiting for someone. I like how do you explain that to people? No,
Scott Benner 49:58
I'm asked you'd explain to me because I don't understand what you're talking about. You're waiting for what?
Amy 50:03
You're waiting for basically someone to come into the church.
Scott Benner 50:09
Ah, okay, you're waiting. Okay. See, now I understand
Amy 50:13
that you want someone that's involved in so my answer to him was I go, I want someone that's, you know, building in the church that I'm building and doing the same things basically, like wanting someone whose life aligns with mine. Yeah. And, and so he's like, Okay, well, where's your church? And I was like, oh, such and such. And he's like, Okay, well, maybe I'll come in. I was like me,
Scott Benner 50:40
you must have looked really good in those workout clothes. This isn't making a mistake right away. This this divining rod is no, hold on a second. This thing you hold out it leads, you know, I think I know what his was. Alright, so you've never heard divining rod?
Amy 51:02
No. But I think I know what your
Scott Benner 51:08
attempts they they used to use them to try to find it's ridiculous like to you. It's a fork rod believed to indicate the presence of water or minerals, especially by dipping downward when held over a vein like people would walk around with them in front of them. And they thought it led them to things divining rod and I'm just yeah, I'm saying yes. You understand what I'm getting at? Yeah. Okay. So he goes to the trouble, why he really did want to have sex with you. He went to the trouble of going to your church.
Amy 51:36
So he did. So the first Sunday, he came by himself. Oh, and I didn't tell him that was my dad's my dad's the pastor. Okay. I was like, Oh, I'll bring that piece of information. And so afterwards, he's like, You didn't tell me that your dad was the pastor. I'm like, I didn't know what to do. So anyway, so he comes. And then he comes again. And then he comes again. And it was super awkward, because I just have everyone in my life. Like, why is he here? Why are you talking to him? Why are you know, like, just like, Oh, I am so uncomfortable. And up until that point, like, I had guy friends. I had, you know, the people and I had I, easily, I don't have an issue like talking with guys. So I was just like, This is so different than anything I've ever dealt with before. I don't even know how to act. And so my dad's like, Well, why don't why don't we have a talk? Because like, if you're wanting to date her, and so he started meeting with my dad, and, and just talking about different things. And my dad's like, well, like what's your you know, what's your outlook on, on church and God and all those things. And his parents are Christians, and very, very good and kind people. I'm still in contact with his mom. She's an angel. Then we ended up swapping emails one week, because I was just like, Dude, I cannot handle talking to him in front of like, with these women standing next to me, like lay in the head.
Scott Benner 53:17
So they didn't like that you brought in somebody from the outside.
Amy 53:21
I think they just didn't, yes, but I think it was more like why is he here? Like, is he just here for you know, a
Scott Benner 53:29
lot of effort to have sex with you? Many many weeks in a row? Oh, yeah. Oh, but that no months? months, but that must have been impressive to you. Right? That he kept coming back?
Amy 53:38
Oh, 100% it like, like, my heart Slowly melted. I was like, Oh, someone cares. From our church. Okay, so
Scott Benner 53:46
how does this go wrong? He put in what did he do?
Amy 53:49
So things progressed. And we started emailing each other. And we were emailing back and forth. And now looking back at it, it's like, oh, I had rose colored glasses on and I wasn't seeing red flags. Like, I was looking at this situation of like, someone actually wants me, like, someone wants to get to know me. And I was just like, you know, kind of besides myself, like they're actually doing the work. Yeah. Like, maybe this will work. And one of the things why I think the relationship lasted as long as it did is I told my parents at one point like he was my lash shot. Like, I was looking at it.
Scott Benner 54:35
Oh, Amy, you are, but you're lovely. Why? Why do you think that? I don't know.
Amy 54:41
I made it to 30 years old and I was like, Oh God, I'm gonna die alone and get to buy more.
Scott Benner 54:49
Oh my gosh, Amy. No. I listen to it just seems to me like you were swimming in too small of a pool. Yeah. Oh, 100%. You just weren't seeing enough people. And you weren't seeing the person you were looking for in that group. That doesn't mean that there's no one for you. Just you were too limited. Yeah. Okay. And so,
Amy 55:08
and then it was a little now looking back again, a little bit of a love bombing, like him telling me like, you are the person that I've been waiting for my entire life. You know, and then I think I love you came out too quickly. Okay. And then having him tell me like, I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I thought I didn't want any more kids. But I'd, I'd want to have kids with you. You know, so you said all the right things that just made me go like, Oh, this is it. This is finally this is the person I've been waiting for my whole life.
Scott Benner 55:45
And how long does it take to figure out that's not true?
Amy 55:48
Well, things started. So we're so we're talking. And I wasn't telling people that I was talking to him. So my parents didn't know my friends didn't know, I'm just like having these emails and, you know, text conversations, occasional phone calls, and we're talking about everything. And so then it got to the point where we started meeting up. And you know, you know, where this leads, you know, so like, a few months later, we started meeting up, and then we're, you know, and then I had this point where I try August, September, so we're like, about five months in at this point. And I'm just like, I feel uneasy. I'm lying to everyone around me. So I'm like, that's kind of like partially killing me. But I'm like, Okay, we'll get past it because he's gonna marry me, and then everything will be okay, you know. And so we continued on, and things just slowly started to deteriorate. And he did not messaged me back, there was a lot of instances where I was like, I'd ask a question. And then I wouldn't hear from him for a while. And I was like, Okay, it's weird, you know, and then his daughter started coming to the school that we had. So I was her teacher in a couple of the classes. So I'm working with his daughter, and then the app. At one point, both of them got baptized. So that was even more like, seemed like he was in for it. Yeah, he was, he was there. And he was ready to do the work. And I understood, like, you can't have a full life outside of that environment, and then come in and be like, click, it takes, you know, time to understand what things mean. Do you
Scott Benner 57:36
think that after he acquired you that he lost interest and went off to Ohio or something else?
Amy 57:43
I felt that way. And so we so it was about, I think about seven months, and then we finally slept together? And so, you know, in me with like, I mean, it was luckily it was nice that it wasn't like a weird situation, but I didn't know what the hell was going on. And I'm like, Oh my God.
Scott Benner 58:04
I thought you're gonna say I didn't know which end was up, which would have been hilarious Amy, but nevermind. Did this happen to Rashid? Did it really? Did you like you didn't like, I don't know what religion you are.
Amy 58:18
nondenominational it's uh, we are have a background with like, kind of the Presbyterian Pentecostal ish. And then it got more into a Lutheran, not a Lutheran church, but like a Lutheran and Martin Luther. From the Reformation, and just more of a reformational Yeah.
Scott Benner 58:43
You're describing your courtship from the 1800s and 1920.
Amy 58:46
Yes, yes. Yeah, yes, Scott. I realized awkward first
Scott Benner 58:53
we talk and then we took a walk together he came to church and met my father. And yes, we spent more time at social events. Once we danced, it was it was very exciting. Years later, I let him see my flower with the lights off and
Amy 59:22
I will say I clicked into things pretty quickly. It didn't take much so obviously created to do that kind of stuff.
Scott Benner 59:33
Like I have my only fans now. I made that up. You don't have an only fans account. You don't know that? I don't. So like I don't want to be like, I gotta have an ad. He's like romcom but did like did that process light a fire where you like hey, let's do that more. And oh, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah,
Amy 59:59
I If I felt, and this is this is very toxic, but I felt like that was my connection to him. And that's what obviously he wanted. And so if I could have that short amount of happiness where everything was okay, like, great, like, let's do it as much as possible, because I felt connected to him and like he, like he really cared like, yeah. You know, and what was kind of awful leading up to it, because I was just very much like, No, I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for this. And he was understanding, you know, and obviously, I made him wait a while. And then at one point, he's like, You got to understand I have needs to. And that comment was what made me go, Oh, I'm just maybe I'm being selfish. Like, maybe I'm just like, yeah. And so that harshly led into it. I think just that that really.
Scott Benner 1:01:03
Like, to me, what occurs to be is that you basically had the sexual understanding of a 15 year old, and you're, you're dating a guy in his 30s. And his 40s is, oh, my God, please, listen, I've been married for I don't even know how long I can do the math for you real quick. 16. And then there's four more 24. And I've been married almost 27 years. And my wife is working downstairs. And when you and I get done with this, I'm gonna go downstairs and every effort I make is going to be about having sex. It won't work out. But that's not the point. So it just yeah, it so you don't know all that about boys. And he's, well now I do. Yeah. So Oh, wow. And so you had this? So you? That's where I'm gonna go back to what you said. So when he hit you with the I have needs thing? Yeah, instead of going, I don't care. I'm worried about me first. You were like, Oh, okay. Sorry.
Amy 1:02:03
people pleaser? Yeah. I mean, I had I think one of the Toxics toxic things from my past is just I had, I wanted people to be happy with me, you know, and everyone. I think it's difficult when everyone likes you, and you just float by in life. And my dad had said this, at one point, he's like, Amy, you are going to hit a time in your life where people just don't like you for you being you like you have to not prove it to them. But like, you're gonna hit people that don't just don't sync up with you. And up until that point, I hadn't had that. I just was happy go lucky. And people like me, and I'm outgoing, and I can talk and do all these things. And then you hit a relationship where you're like, Well, what if? What if they don't like me for me? Yeah. You know, and I had never hit that point. Up until then. And so,
Scott Benner 1:03:00
but this is you. I'm talking to you right now, though, right. Like, this is how you I mean, you seem like jovial and pleasant and you're animated and thoughtful and like, Yeah, okay. Yeah. It's just, you just shot you were just sheltered. Uh huh. That's really Yeah. Yeah. I mean, because there's, I mean, there are going to be plenty of people who like your personality, and I don't see why. Yeah, I understand. I think I understand what you're saying. Your dad said, not that you have to bend who you are. But, but that people might not naturally be like, Oh, this is and you might have dealings with them business or, yeah. Or something where you have to be a little more amenable to what they're looking at. Yeah. But you apply that to your, like, dating. So so there's some there's a there's a tipping point in there between, like waiting for good reasons and waiting too long. Right, like, like to get involved in like a, like a romantic relationship. Like, do you feel like you waited too long?
Amy 1:04:01
No, I feel I feel like everything was so unconventional. And so, you know, like, again, we're six months into a relationship and people didn't know I was talking, meeting up with him talking behind the scenes, like the people in my life that I had been so close with my entire life. I wasn't being honest with them. And it was because I was afraid of what people had to say. And I was afraid that they wouldn't think he was good enough. I was afraid, you know, and that wore on him. And it just it got to the point where he was like, I can't deal with this like this is too much.
Scott Benner 1:04:43
You also didn't have any practice like I can't tell you how valuable it would have been at 16 1718 years old to just date a boy and for that boy to start being a little too aggressive and up going like Get away from me. Like like you having the power because you would have been more mature. If that point then that boy and like you would have had an opportunity to express your sorrow and grow and say, I don't have to say yes. Just because this guy tells me he has needs because trust me if a 17 year old boy would have like, groped at you and been like I have needs you would have been like, I don't care. Yeah. Right. And you didn't get to have that experience?
Amy 1:05:19
No, yeah. And I think it was difficult to because I was like, again, this is it, this is my last chance. He has put in the time he's put in, you know, the work, he's doing it, like I, I took it on as, like, I have to make this workout. And whether that was, you know, giving him gifts or whatever, you know, I bought his daughter things for school, I, I was just like, I'm 100% in and I will give anything and do anything. And I'm here for you. And if you need that emotional support, I'm here for you. And I think he really had a hard time just emotionally opening, opening up. And he'd get angry. And, you know, again, I wouldn't hear from him for a while or he lashed back and I you know, it was like, so sensitive at that point, because I'm just like, carrying all this bullshit around. And so after that, it was a very short period, where he finally told me like, I can't do this anymore. I'm leaving the church. I'm taking my daughter. We're gonna go you know, we're not coming to church anymore. i So he met with my dad told my dad, he loved me, and, but just couldn't deal with the bullshit anymore. And he ended up leaving and cutting me off like we, you know, we met and we're like, I go for anything like anything that make this workout. And he just was like, No, I'm done. I can't deal with it anymore. It's over over
Scott Benner 1:06:55
sexual incompatibility. We're just the pressure of being in the church and
Amy 1:07:01
pressure. Yeah, that pressure? Yeah. I think that had a lot to do with it. Because we, actually, it was amazing. It was great. But yeah, like that was that was not an issue. But the issue was just, I guess, how much he had to give and how much you know, and then I was looking at myself going, am I asking too much? Am I asking him to change who he is? Am I so I'm overthinking everything just going like, maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe like the, you know, like, this is why I'm still single at 32 years old. And it really planted just an unhealthy seed in my mind of like, oh, that can that confirms everything I always thought see from
Scott Benner 1:07:45
I obviously don't know, every second of your life, but just from having this conversation for an hour, it seems to me like you're in an ecosystem. That is just, it's just uncomfortable for outsiders. Like yeah, and and it sounds like he tried to mesh with it, and it just didn't work didn't work out for him. Yeah. Would that make would that make you consider? Like, branching out getting outside of that bubble?
Amy 1:08:14
I haven't finished the story
Scott Benner 1:08:18
is this this is what a therapist holds, you
Amy 1:08:21
know, so what happened is, he ended up leaving, and then completely cut me off and was like, we can't talk for a certain amount of time. I'll contact you when I'm ready to talk again. So I'm just like grasping for, you know, like, anything. I just, I just want like him to respond to me. And so he completely cut me off. And I snapped. So the 910 months of me not talking about it not, you know, and so he's leaving the church. My parents are like apologizing to me. But my mom and dad don't know about what was going on. They don't. They don't know everything that led up to this. And the night that we said goodbye, basically, I came home, and I was a train wreck. So I told my parents I met up with him and he said, he's leaving. And my dad's like, Yeah, I know. I talked to him, which I already knew. And I said, I'm just tired. I need to I need to go. Go to bed early tonight. And so I I went in my bedroom, I took a large amount of insulin. I turned my phone off so the Dexcom wouldn't be on. And I went to bed. I think I took I think I took like a melatonin or something. And I was just like, I don't want my parents to know how awful I'm doing. I am done with everything that's going on. I can't deal with this anymore. And so I took it and I fell asleep. Eat. And I woke up to my parents shoving stuff in my mouth. And I was like, I didn't work. Is that really? Yeah, I was like, that wasn't good enough. And I was trying to make it look like it was an accident or like, you know, I just had a bad low I didn't want them to know. And about, I don't know, a few days later, I did it again. And I was like, I just don't want them to know how bad I'm doing. And again, somehow my mother who can like feel when my blood sugars are off comes in test my blood sugar. And I don't think my dad may have given me a partial glucagon at that point. Like, he didn't do the full one, but like a partial draw with a smaller needle. So I woke up again. And then the next day, I told my dad, I was like, Dad, I need to talk and just dumped everything. And, and told him like, I don't want you to tell mom, but both lows were on purpose. And, and I'm like, I just don't have the energy to keep going.
Scott Benner 1:11:18
And it was about social and personal stuff. It had nothing to do with your diabetes.
Amy 1:11:23
No, no, my diabetes was was doing okay. Like I was doing pretty good considering at that point. I had such stomach issues that I wasn't eating like Whole Foods. I was like, drinking blender smoothies for like breakfast lunch, and then I'd eat a little dinner. So I had dropped like 12 pounds. So I was like, probably at the smallest weight that I'd ever been at, you know, people are starting to comment on that. I'm like, I think I had hypothyroidism stuff going on. Because I was like, not able to go to the bathroom for like, a week to, you know, five days to a week. And so I'm like, my stomach is just completely. And then on top of that I'm dealing with all this stuff with you know, like the with my ex leaving. And then I just it was like everything piled on at once.
Scott Benner 1:12:14
Do you think you were Do you think you really wanted to die? I did. Yeah. Yeah. Have you felt like that since then?
Amy 1:12:24
I've had a couple times, not recently, not in the past couple years. But I had a few times after that. Where I just was like, I can't do this. This is so much work on top of the diabetes on top of dealing with the, you know, my whole relationship on top of like, it just felt like the shovel kept going like, Oh, guess what, you have hypothyroidism? Oh, guess what, you're now you're, you're, you're on medication for this Britishness. And so I just I was so worn down and physically, emotionally, I, I just couldn't, I couldn't handle it anymore. And I didn't want people to know. And then obviously, it like got out there. And there was like people like we need to have an intervention, you know, and they didn't know the stuff that was going on with my past relationship. But they're like, obviously, Amy's not doing well.
Scott Benner 1:13:22
Oh god, did they put you in a circle with the church? We had some
Amy 1:13:25
meetings not with everybody. Luckily, everyone didn't know even though everyone knew that something was going on. Because I was not myself. I mean, like you see me as this like, upbeat like bubbly person. And I was like, I was a zombie. And I had just started antidepressant. And so I had never been like that where I was just like, I like I don't give a shit about anything. Like I'm just I was a zombie.
Scott Benner 1:13:52
Yeah. Do you still take the antidepressants?
Amy 1:13:54
I do. Yeah, I do.
Scott Benner 1:13:56
Is it a different balance? Like was it out of balance? In the beginning? It was Yeah, I
Amy 1:14:00
think it was just that I had never taken anything before. And so I got on it and it was like, slow down a me who are gonna be like a normal person instead of a squirrel on caffeine. Oh
Scott Benner 1:14:16
my gosh, that's crazy. I appreciate you sharing that. I didn't realize that, by the way, like from your notes or any of the conversations. I didn't know that that had happened to ya. Did the guy ever did he ever call back and say I'm ready to talk.
Amy 1:14:31
So then a few months went by no contact. And I did text him that that the about the attempt and he ended up trying to contact my dad. And so my dad ends up finding out and I think that's how it ended up all coming out. Now that I'm thinking back like, he contacted my dad because I was like I you know, I attempted suicide. And I want to do it again. And so, you know, he he did care, but just not enough to deal with me.
Scott Benner 1:15:09
Well do. That's not fair, but I do still feel that way.
Amy 1:15:16
Yeah, there's more. There's more,
Scott Benner 1:15:19
you're there that you feel like you're too much for some people. Yeah. Yeah, I do. Well, what about the guy you're with now.
Amy 1:15:27
He's amazing. If I could go back, though. So my, my best friend ends up getting engaged, got married six weeks later. And I was at that point, just like, I couldn't deal with it anymore. Like, people didn't really knew what No, like about everything. And I was just like, I'm done pretending I am done. And so I, four days after that, I packed a bunch of stuff up from my parents house, and I moved out that same day, moved in with an older couple friend of mine that just kind of took me under their wings. And I was like, I'll figure this out. I don't know what I'm going to do. And I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I mean, to my parents, and I wasn't saying goodbye to them. But I left all my friends and all the families and everyone who I'd grown up with, without even saying goodbye. I just left Was that helpful? Yes, and no, I mean, I was still struggling so badly. And again, you know, my ex would like contact me not contact me, we'd hook up, I ended up paying for this vacation for us, so that we could go to Lake Tahoe for a little bit. And, you know, and just, it was so toxic in, you know, he was using me. And then I was just grasping, grasping for, like, please like, please, like, I love you, I'll do anything for you. And so that relationship went on like that, where he cut me off. And then we talk again, we hook up, and then he stopped talking like, Amy, you know, stop this or, you know, stop getting so emotional about things sometimes. And he said, sometimes you can. You're too much. And he's like, you say, I love you too much. And it's hard for me, because I don't want to say it back to you.
Scott Benner 1:17:29
So I'm sorry. That's horrible. But He's using you for sex, then.
Amy 1:17:34
Yeah, I think so. And then, you know, and things came out. Just recently, actually, like he was with someone else out one point. Yeah.
Scott Benner 1:17:44
That's how it's how it's how it sounded. It sounded like when he was having a downpayment with someone else he'd and that worked perfectly on you, because you'd get isolated. And then one more, because of the isolation, and then he'd opened the door back up, you'd run back through and when he was done, or, or whatever, he, then he dies, like you again. Yeah, it's terrible,
Amy 1:18:06
you know, and then just small things, like, not not even saying anything on my birthday. And I'm like, hey, it's my birthday. And he's like, oh, yeah, but I have such and such. Like, he just, he didn't want to be in a relationship, and I could let it go. I was like, I will do whatever it takes,
Scott Benner 1:18:26
because you thought he was the only chance.
Amy 1:18:29
Yes, and I really did care about him. I mean, I still do in a slight way. But I just, it was so difficult. And I would, I wouldn't, I refuse to let it go. And I was like, I will just I'm going to do whatever it takes. So you know, fast forward a little bit later, he gets a job offer out of state. And so I was like, I'll do whatever it takes to help you move and whatever. And so I ended up helping him pack and cleaning as I cleaned his apartment, he stored stuff at my apartment and the last gave him money, a good summer money and wasn't the first time I had lent him money either. And so then at that point, I ended up taking a vacation drove to Utah. So it was 15 hours away and had a trailer with his stuff in it dropped it off at his place. She you know was there for a little bit and at one point I said if I were to move here could even not living with you. Could we make this work out like I go I would do anything for you. I would give you if you needed my kidney I'd give you my kidney. Like and then he goes you know, I just can't be in relationships.
Scott Benner 1:19:57
Yeah, but that's not I mean, it doesn't sound like that's the whole thing. Sounds like he's just they just continue to use you. That's all.
Amy 1:20:03
Like it's Yeah. And so
Scott Benner 1:20:05
yeah, yeah, well, I would bet because it really does. I'm gonna go back to this again, it sounds like and I don't mean this in an insulting way. It sounds like I'm being told a story by an 18 year old girl who's going out with a 40 year old guy. And like you're having all that angst, the like problems that you would have is because this was your first time. Yeah, yeah. And no one around you live through these sorts of things, either. So no one could just say that to you like me stop, go beat a different boy. And try again. You don't I mean? Oh, and
Amy 1:20:38
they didn't even know I kept it secret here. So
Scott Benner 1:20:41
on top of Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. So So when he says no, when you're out in Utah, that doesn't go well, right?
Amy 1:20:49
No, I made him dinner, and cleaned his apartment. Cuz, you know, just keep giving, it's the gift that keeps on giving me
Scott Benner 1:20:58
I want to tell you something. If you took me to Lake Tahoe, I'd be way nicer to you. That just seems decent. So even after Wow, you realize you're not okay, then. When do you when do you realize when do you know I had
Amy 1:21:19
known this for since I left that since I walked away from like the church family and my friends I had known things weren't good. And in 2020, I started self harming because I was just like, I can't, like I have so much like pent up, not rage. But like, so much stuff going on. I just couldn't handle it. And I was watching a romance movie, which I really don't enjoy any more. And I ended up getting a razor blade and cutting myself. And it was like a relief like, okay, like, and then I continued to do that. And you know, and it progressively got worse and worse, like it was in the winter. And so I was like, keeping my arms covered. And I did it in an area where everyone could see if I didn't have if I had a t shirt on. So it was like, you know, stupid. Well, if I was trying to keep it a secret.
Scott Benner 1:22:21
So I've had that explained to me in the past. Like there's the tiny release, right when you when you harm yourself, but it doesn't last long enough to be valuable. So you have to do it again to get the release again. Okay, yeah. And, okay, is there any point because now you're by yourself that you're doing this, right? Yeah. So how do you get the help?
Amy 1:22:41
I took it took a while, I think I was at that point, too. I was working seven days a week, like I was just like, throw yourself into work at least, like do something profitable with your time. So I had, I wasn't making friends, like, you know, wasn't hanging out with people or going out and partying or going to bars or anything I just was working and working. And you know, had a few friends that I had made. I had worked in a car with a general contractor in town restoration, fire and water damage restoration and had friends from there. And so I did have people and the couple that took me in are two of the most amazing people, Fred and Linda. And they are just they were rocks when I needed them like a second their second parents to me. And so I had her encouraging me like you're doing good, just keep keep doing the work. Like this relationship isn't really working out. So she was kind of telling me things that my parents had been telling me all along, but I couldn't hear. And so the cutting continued that that did continue into even when I met my boyfriend that I'm with now. Like I was still doing it and he was like a mate. We gotta stop this. We got to figure something out for this. And it's gotten better. I so I ended up after the whole thing. I drove back from Utah. I cried the entire drive home and got back home, went to work the next day, you know, and told everybody what happened at work just like this is what happened. And they're like, Amy, you're better off like you need to close that door. And so I went for a year without contact. And that in itself was a really big deal for me, like that showed me showed myself like, you can do this, like you can get past this. And through our work. We have this therapy online therapy thing and so I ended up signing up for it and met this wonderful woman who is based in Reno and was doing sessions with her once a week and that was just so helpful because it was someone who was not attached. It didn't just like hate my ex's guts, because of the way he treated me but someone that I could talk through how I was feeling and you know, the feeling like, I'm not enough. And you know, it. It just it opened doors that I was like, Oh, I never thought of that, like, oh, that people pleasing. Oh, I've been doing that for so long or caring so much about what others think odd. That is, that's from my past. And so that therapy just kind of was like,
Scott Benner 1:25:42
Yeah, saying things out loud is helpful, especially if you grew up pretending everything was always perfect, then, I mean, because it isn't like nothing's perfect. So you're pretending if you're acting like it is, and then you don't know how to cope with like, no sadness, emotional pain, when you get mad or stressed out or anything like that. You have no coping skills. Really? Yeah. And then yeah, and then you get put in this situation with this guy. And you have nothing but a need for those coping skills. And you have absolutely none of them. Yeah. And then that spirals, right?
Amy 1:26:12
Yes. And it was hard for me to think I did talk to my therapist about my relationship with my parents, because I love my mom and dad, and they've been so supportive. And like, Amy, anything that you need, we are there for you. Whether that's, you know, your therapy, your diabetes stuff, you're just like, we're here, we're what we want to support you, we want you to keep living. And it's so hard because I walked away from something that I had grown up in my whole life, and it was basically kind of a little bit of like an fu to them. Like I'm done. I'm out. And so it made it. It has made it hard for me knowing like, I know, my parents care. I know they love me. I know. But like, did I drive a wedge? Did I? You know, and they would say no, you haven't like we love you. I know what my mom and dad would say, but I still just have this like, I'm not fully like, their family is the church. And I'm not a part of that. So I'm not a part of their family.
Scott Benner 1:27:18
Yeah, I think maybe I mean, from my perspective, what, what seems like it would hurt to me is that they created a world that you don't fit in well, like, that's not good. I, you know, you could make the case that they drove the wedge by doing that not on purpose. You know what I mean? Like, you're just rescuing yourself from it. Yeah, honestly. I mean, I listen, I don't care how people worship or what I have. No, but I mean, you're telling a story of a scenario where you just don't fit, like, at all. And and it retarded a lot about your growth. You know, like you didn't, you didn't meet people outside of that bubble. So you didn't have like dating experiences until you were older. You don't know how to cope with things because you weren't put in those situations. You're pretending everything's okay. All the time, which obviously, it can't be, like, you know, I think the only I think the most sane thing that you've described is leaving that situation.
Amy 1:28:15
Yeah. And it's difficult to because there are a lot of good things that came out of it. I have a really good work ethic driven. I really enjoy just helping people and serving and giving and, but I did have to stop and go. I am so willing to give and do anything for anyone else. But I'm not doing that for myself. Right? Yeah, you're not helping me. I feel like I don't deserve it.
Scott Benner 1:28:39
Right. And you could have put that effort into yourself for sure. And you obviously deserve it. So yeah, I don't know it just to me. It sounds like it sounds like you were in a situation that was pushing you in this direction. And you know, I understand why it was so hard to stop doing it. Yeah. So where are you? How old are you now? You're 35 a lot yeah, this is fairly recent. All it's so recent. Yeah. Wow. It's so weird. Because it's and I don't mean this like I know you don't take it this way. But I don't mean it in an insulting Wait, like part of it sounds like a story like seriously, like a 20 year old but tell me, like, I met a guy and this happened. He took advantage of me and I didn't know any better and but you know, like, like that stuff. Except? Well, is that hard? Like to feel like you? Yeah,
Amy 1:29:28
but yeah, it is. I mean, I've I've grown I've grown a lot last year, even the last year, year and a half, but it is difficult because it's like now and then you're coming into an environment where you're like, I am a newbie I'm, I'm in my 30s but I was like nothing, no coping skills for these situations. You know, and so that that was difficult.
Scott Benner 1:29:54
Yeah, no kidding. So did you find somebody who knows that life? You're dating him? or is it somebody outside of it who's just like a, like such a decent person that they're willing to help you?
Amy 1:30:06
So I am no longer I, when I left the church, I didn't go back. So I have never been back in the last since 2019. I am very close with my parents still, I visit them all the time. But I just, I guess their shame in it because I left the way it did and all the things that led up to it. So I I walked away from everyone I knew. Yeah, but
Speaker 1 1:30:37
I say who cares? Like, seriously? Like, I mean, I mean, if you're gonna feel shame, I can't stop you. But you shouldn't. Yeah, I mean, like, There's nothing. There's nothing. There's it's the opposite of that. It's you should. It's laudable that you did that. I mean, that's a hard thing. Also, we're not saying it, but your parents not
Scott Benner 1:30:55
guilting you about it is also very kind. Yes. Like, they just let you do it. Right. They did. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't give you crap about it, or try to make you feel bad or tried to bring you back that's really loving to. Yeah, I think what it indicates to me is that they didn't. I think that world they set up for themselves really works well for them. And it sounds like they were like, it doesn't work for me. So okay, good. Don't let her go do what works for her.
Amy 1:31:21
Yeah, I mean, I think it worked until it didn't. And that's like, kind of weird. And like, I don't know how to explain that better than that. But like, mine,
Speaker 1 1:31:30
was it is you're younger, and you weren't having interpersonal relationships with people and you weren't, like acting on sexual feelings. And like you don't I mean, like you weren't doing, you know, you weren't doing all the things you were like a, like a half version of a person. But you were doing some of the stuff, you know. Yeah, I get that. But yeah, I mean, so. I mean, look, I can't help you. But you should. You should. I shouldn't tell you, but you shouldn't feel bad about that. Thank you. So you should be, you should be proud of yourself, honestly. You know,
Amy 1:32:03
I'm getting to that point where I'm like, Okay, I'm, I survived. Yeah, I've made it this far.
Scott Benner 1:32:10
It's it. It doesn't even sound like is anything, like bad that you were running from it other than a place where you just didn't fit? Well. Yeah. And you were trapped there because of the insulated nature of how they have it set up. Yep. I got you. Okay, well, good for you. Congratulations. You're not still Are you still cutting now?
Amy 1:32:32
I self harmed a couple months back. I was burning. I would take a cigarette lighter and heat up a bobby pin, just sear myself. I am trying not to do that. It's gotten less and less over the last, you know, I mean, once in the last eight months. if not longer, you look back
Scott Benner 1:32:57
and see what precipitated that. Was it something super stressful? Or?
Amy 1:33:02
Yeah, there was like a couple situations that came up. And I was just like ignited stuff from the past.
Scott Benner 1:33:12
So but otherwise, talk therapy helps with that.
Amy 1:33:15
It does. I just I have some really good friends. I also have my boyfriend who's probably it's funny, because he has names. And he's everything that I wanted. Oops, you're gonna bleep that out. I wanted him to be right. And that's what it's to me. And so
Scott Benner 1:33:39
I'm yeah, I'm excited for you. I think that's wonderful. Yeah.
Amy 1:33:42
We met on our first date, because I was like, I actually had a ticket to Austin because I was planning on relocating. And I'm like, get me out of here. I don't care where I go. I visited Colorado Springs, I was gonna go to Austin, Texas. And I had the ticket. And we met and went on our first date. And then I was like, Dad, I don't know if I want to go Ross.
Scott Benner 1:34:06
Want a refund on my plane ticket.
Amy 1:34:09
And so he's like, Amy, you can do that later in the month or late later in the year. Like, why don't you see how this works out. And so we met and on my date. I told him I was still in love with my ex. So I was like, I gotta I gotta lay the cookies out here like you got to know everything because you might want to walk away really fast.
Scott Benner 1:34:33
Are you were you trying to sabotage with you think or do you want to test them?
Amy 1:34:39
I think I just wanted him to know everything. I was like, I went through a relationship where I held back so much of my feelings. I was like, I'm putting it all out on the table. I told him about the self harm. I told him about the suicide attempts. This is like a first date and I was just like, I'm not built my way through this and like waiting for dates in and being like, oh, btw,
Scott Benner 1:35:04
I'm trying. I'm imagining you unloading this stuff. He's still taking off his jacket. And you're like wondering where the waitress is. Waiting jig. What are nachos coming? And then I did this. And he's just
Amy 1:35:21
like, oh God. And so he ended up. So he ended up coming over, we hooked up. And he legitimately like never left. So I went from one relationship. And if there was time in between into this next one, but it clicked, something was different, right? And if I if our first date hadn't gone the way it did, I probably would have just gone. Like, okay, cool. That was a great day like we're done. But just the kindness of he's so thoughtful. He's sat with me on the kitchen floor when I've been bawling my eyes out like he's just there for me. Yeah.
Scott Benner 1:36:09
Maybe put your microphone down like a half an inch. Also, and we've skirted around it, but you're pretty Hornitos. So
my mom and dad are gonna they heard it, too. We all heard it. You're trying to pack in 10 years worth of, you know, missed opportunities. Which I don't blame you for. I'm thinking. That's a damn good idea. That's hilarious. So you got him. And now you How long have you guys been together?
Amy 1:36:44
Though? We have been together January 15 was a complete year. So it's a little over a year. And it's funny because he was like, Oh, I knew I wanted to marry you on the first day. I was like, Whoa, dude, I told you I love my ex still.
Scott Benner 1:37:00
Also, make sure you didn't miss that red flag. You want to look into him a little closer.
Amy 1:37:07
Like to soon and he's like, No, I could see who you are as a person.
Scott Benner 1:37:13
Oh, that's lovely. That's good. Very nice. Okay, well, I guess I'm just going to finish up by asking you. What, what is the dream? What is the dream you had about me? Oh.
Amy 1:37:27
So I had, this is so weird. This is like all everything compiled. So we were at my old church. I was there. You were there, too. And we were together. And we were talking. And you were like asking me about past stuff. But then you're like, No, I can see myself dating you. And I was like, I don't know.
I'm like, Okay, and so we went to tea, and we have tea. And then I ended up waking up and was just like, What in the actual heck was that?
Scott Benner 1:38:08
You and I had tea together? We had tea together. It's nice. So it was lovely. Tea for Two or other other people there.
Amy 1:38:16
There was a whole group of people, but we were like at the table talking.
Scott Benner 1:38:20
Yeah. Do you know what you're talking about?
Amy 1:38:22
I have no idea. I
Scott Benner 1:38:23
do. It's hilarious. All right. Well, I'm glad it wasn't like, weird. That's fine. I'm okay with us having tea in your drink? Oh, my God. I thank you very much for sharing this. Like it comes at a an interesting and strange time. Because tomorrow, there'll be an episode coming out with me and Erica about a discussion about suicidal ideation. Like being able to like recognize it, and help people. Because I, I went, I don't know how to say this. I almost said I went through, but that's not right. I had an experience a few months ago where a listener committed suicide. And that I had connection with their family for a little bit. And it made me want to do this episode to tell people what to look for. Do you think if people would have known what to look for? Could they have seen linear? Were you withdrawing like that kind of stuff?
Amy 1:39:20
Yes, but I was hiding stuff so well, like my mom and dad knew stuff was going on. But they didn't know how. How bad it had gotten. Yeah, they were worried. My mom. My mom called it suicide watch. She's like, I'm been on suicide watch for the last like, however long but they I think they knew. I don't think they knew how bad it was. I just I didn't I didn't want anyone to know I wanted it to be an accident. Or booboo. My cat's
Scott Benner 1:39:56
gonna say you're talking to a cat right? Yeah, yes. Uh, well, yeah, I just it's just been. I don't know, it's been it's been weird talking about this this stuff because again like you are now you're not even the first person that's told me that they've given themselves too much insulin. And and I'm, you know I've made this point in the past but I was just the guy who was like, well I'm gonna make a podcast about diabetes. So people like know how to like, you know Bolus three Bolus? Yeah. So things have gotten beyond what I expected. And I elated quickly, yeah, I always feel really grateful that people are willing to tell stories like this, because I know how much it helps other people when they hear it. And in ways you don't even expect, you know, like, it'll help parents to look out for things that will help adults say, like, oh, I maybe I should be looking into this for myself, and, and all other different kinds of ways. And plus, it just, I don't know, it just gives me more of a perspective on the outside, it gives me this podcast gives me what you didn't have growing up, which is a look into how a lot of other people do things. Yeah, you know. So I feel like
Amy 1:41:07
that's been, I'm just, I'm so thankful for you. And I be able to have something that I'm like, oh, there's someone else out there that's struggling as badly as I have been. And I'm just so grateful for you, for Jenny for my mom and dad. And these people that had taken the time to stop. Whether it was a podcast or Jenny listening to me, my, my dad pains. So I can see Jenny. And just knowing that there's other people out there that are struggling, and like, Oh, I've listened to so many episodes and gone like, Oh, I wish I could talk to talk to that person. Like, oh, I wish that like, you know, I could tell them this. And I think that's the biggest thing I've seen with your podcast is it draws people together. It just, it's a connection. And like, we're humans, and we fail, and we need help. And this, your podcast is just a platform for that. And I'm just I wanted to say thank you.
Scott Benner 1:42:14
You're very welcome. Thank you for saying that I just think of it is. You know, it's a way for people not to feel isolated. Oh, yeah, on so many different levels. And like you said, to have a connection to things you just don't have a personal connection to your, your example is just so almost cartoonish about how like, like, you know, insulated you were, but everyone's insulated to some degree or another, you know, you just, you don't think of it that way. But you're like he's become an adult, you get up and you go to work and you come home and you hit a routine and forget out you're not seeing people very often and just at work and it can happen kind of quickly, and you might not even notice it. So anyway, yeah, I really, I really do appreciate you sharing this with everybody. Thank you. Thank you. I want to start by thanking Amy for sharing that difficult story with us. And I also want to thank Omni pod. Don't forget to check out the Omni pod five, where the Omni pod dash at Omni pod.com forward slash fuse box and I think you can even take them for a test drive. Go check it out. Let's thank Dexcom makers the Dexcom G six and Dexcom G seven continuous glucose monitoring systems, you can wear the Dexcom G seven just like Arden dexcom.com forward slash juice box. There are links in the show notes and links at juicebox podcast.com to Dexcom Omni pod and to all the sponsors when you click on those links, we were supporting the production of the podcast and making it so we can hear more stories like Amy's.
Once there was a time when I just told people if you want a low and stable a one C just listen to the Juicebox Podcast. But as the years went on, and the podcast episodes grew, it became more and more difficult for people to listen to everyone. So I made the diabetes Pro Tip series. This series is with me and Jenny Smith. Jenny is a certified diabetes care and education specialist. She is also a registered and licensed dietitian and a type one herself for over 30 years and I of course am the father of a child who was diagnosed at age two in 2006. The Pro Tip series begins at episode 210 with an episode called newly diagnosed are starting over and from there all about MDI Pre-Bolus Singh insulin pumping, pumping and nudging variables exercise illness, injury surgeries glucagon long term health bumping and nudging how to explain type one to your family. Postpartum honeymoon transitioning all about insulin Temp Basal. These are all different episodes setting your base insulin, fat and protein pregnancy, the glycemic index and load, and so much more like female hormones and weight loss. Head now to juicebox podcast.com. Go up in the menu at the top, and click on diabetes pro tip. Or if you're in the private Facebook group, there's a list of these episodes right in the feature tab. Find out how I helped keep my daughter's a one C between five two and six two for the last 10 years without diet restrictions. juicebox podcast.com Start listening today. It's absolutely free. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. You know what else there's a ton more of these after dark episodes. You can go check them out as well. Look in the private Facebook group under the feature tab for a full list or you can go to juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and you'll see after dark
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#974 Diabetes Magnet
Rebecca is the wife of a type 1, mom of a type 1, mom of a Trialnet participant trying to prevent type 1, and a sister of a steroid-induced type 1.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to episode 974 of the Juicebox Podcast.
On today's episode I'll be speaking with Rebecca. Now in Rebecca's words, I am the wife of a type one mom of a type one mom of a trial net participant trying to prevent type one, and a sister of a steroid induced type one. That sounds like an episode to me, kids. While you're listening. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan, or becoming bold with insulin. You want to save 40% off your entire purchase of sheets and towels and clothing. At cozy earth.com you can by using the offer code juice box at checkout. You can get a free year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first order at drink ag one.com forward slash juice box and of course support the sponsors Dexcom. What else je Vogue hypo pan you know there are links are in the show notes all of the great sponsors that have been with the show forever. click on those links in the show notes if you're going to make a purchase. And don't forget to find the private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes on Facebook type one type two doesn't matter to me. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Dexcom Dexcom, of course, makes the Dexcom G seven and G six continuous glucose monitoring systems dexcom.com forward slash juice box my daughter is wearing the Dexcom g7 and we love it. Go check it out@dexcom.com forward slash Juicebox Podcast is also sponsored today by us med us med.com forward slash juicebox. That's to get started. Or you could call 888721151 for get your free benefits check today. And you'll be on your way getting your diabetes supplies the same way we do from us med us med.com forward slash juicebox
Rebecca 2:20
Hi, I'm Rebecca. I'm from New Hampshire and I live with two type one diabetics. My husband Matt was diagnosed back in 1975. My daughter is nine who just diagnosed last year and then my son Jack who's 12. He has five antibodies and is currently in trial net. And then the wildcard is my my little sister is 30 and she was just diagnosed with type one in January this year. So like 10 months ago. Alright, so I have all these diabetics in my family.
Scott Benner 2:55
I missed one Matt, diagnosed in 75. He's your husband and there's another. There's a daughter,
Rebecca 3:01
daughter, Kate, who's nine and she was diagnosed last June.
Unknown Speaker 3:06
Okay, a little over and then
Scott Benner 3:09
Jack is 12. He's in trial now because he's got he's got all the markers. Markers. He's getting diabetes for Christmas. Probably. Yeah, no, no, no, no. What do you think?
Rebecca 3:19
I hope? I don't know.
Scott Benner 3:22
Valentine's Day. What do you think your sister's 30 type one? And you're here to say that no one should live in New Hampshire. Is that correct?
Rebecca 3:31
Well, my sister lives in Maine. So no one should live in New England. I don't know. Or no one should hang out with me. Because I feel like in the last 18 months, it's just been like, don't talk to me because you're gonna get diabetes.
Scott Benner 3:41
Interesting idea, Rebecca, you're the problem. Is that right? Yeah.
Rebecca 3:45
I feel well, I when I emailed you, I said I feel like a diabetes magnet. Because in the last 18 months, it's just been a whirlwind. And all I talk about is diabetes. So it's like, why don't I go talk today about diabetes with Scott because that's what he does for a living.
Scott Benner 3:58
Apparently, that's what you do with all of your time as well.
Rebecca 4:00
I do I have a full time job. But I feel like my part time gig is you know, diabetes support.
Scott Benner 4:05
What do you do full time? Maple syrup?
Rebecca 4:09
No, I'm a data analyst. Oh, federal government. So
Scott Benner 4:13
how do you like that?
Rebecca 4:14
I like it. I work from home. That's great.
Scott Benner 4:17
Can you get my son a job please? He's sending out so many applications. No offense. I'm not going to interview you unless you get my kid No, My son just graduated with quantitative econ degree.
Rebecca 4:31
Yeah, so as well as picking around Federal Government tiring. So have them look at look for jobs.
Scott Benner 4:36
I certainly wouldn't government actually someone else who's listened to the podcast sent me a suggestion of the same thing. Said they. They said I work for part of the government. I'm not comfortable saying online, but we're hiring and I was like, oh, what part of the government is that thing? Yeah.
Rebecca 4:54
Yeah, typically, we don't say that. I'm not I won't say it either. But yeah, having Google Oh, All right, great medical benefits, you know, so if he if he ever gets diabetes, don't be good to go,
Scott Benner 5:05
Rebecca. I'm keeping them away from you. That's for sure. No kidding. Oh, all right. All right. Let's figure this out. You. See, here's the interesting thing. Your husband is not related to your sister.
Rebecca 5:18
That is, that's why she's the wildcard or again,
Scott Benner 5:21
maybe why you are. You're like the house nobody moves into because the electrical lines. Oh, my God. Do you feel? Do you ever feel guilty for not having diabetes?
Rebecca 5:36
Um, yeah, I actually did try on that for myself, because I'm 44. And you have to be under 45 and have all these relatives. And I'm like, Well, I have all these relatives. So why don't I you know, poke my finger and do trail net? Of course, I have nothing. I have no antibodies. I'm healthy. I have no thyroid issues. I, you know, I'm perfectly I have nothing.
Scott Benner 5:55
But though, but my question is, do you ever feel bad about it?
Rebecca 5:59
I do feel bad about I would take everyone's diabetes from from them. Just to make their life easier. That's I feel like that's what I do instead. Since I don't have diabetes. I'm like, Well, I tried to take people's a little bit of stress off them if I can.
Scott Benner 6:12
Oh, they got they got a sucker on the line. Now, Rebecca? Yeah,
Rebecca 6:15
I know. Yeah. You should look at my follow app on Dexcom. To just
Scott Benner 6:24
do the beep sometimes make music.
Rebecca 6:27
I actually have to change everyone's logos to different sounds. So I wouldn't get confused on if it's my daughter at school who's like my number one priority. You know, my husband can take care of himself and then my sister is new and hers is a baby cries if the baby cries, I text her like, Hey, you, okay?
Scott Benner 6:43
So if the baby cries, it's your sister. What's your husband sound?
Rebecca 6:47
It's like a like the siren. It's like II. Okay, your husband
Scott Benner 6:51
is the British ambulance.
Rebecca 6:53
Yeah. And then my daughter is just the regular low because we you know, when she's home, she has her phone. So I didn't want to change it. I'm used to that sound.
Scott Benner 7:00
Gotcha. Oh, my God. How old was your husband was diagnosed he was it wasn't 7570 times
Rebecca 7:05
two and a half. Oh my god. You had pneumonia. And he was in the hospital and they just poked his finger or did something. And he was diabetic. You didn't have DKA you just had pneumonia.
Scott Benner 7:18
Is there other autoimmune in his family? Yeah,
Rebecca 7:21
his family is littered another littered with a bunch of dirt like rheumatoid arthritis. His aunt had type one and rheumatoid arthritis. His mom has like Wagner's granular math, that ptosis or something which is like a weird autoimmune disease,
Scott Benner 7:37
or the other one's normal. Hold on a second. I feel like rheumatoid arthritis is pretty normal. Because you hear ads for it on TV. Hold on. So what's the other one? Her mom the mom
Rebecca 7:46
Wagner's Wagner's granular mitosis. It's like, inflammation in the blood vessels. Hers kind of manifested in the lungs, which is how they found it.
Scott Benner 7:56
Yeah, first I guess I got Wegmans when I was Googling it first.
Rebecca 7:59
No. Wagman
Scott Benner 8:03
wait granule low mitosis. Yeah, Wagner's that word is a rare long term systemic disorder that involves the formation of granulomas and inflammation of blood vessels, which is called vasculitis. It is a form of vasculitis that affects small and medium sized vessels in many organs. Commonly in the respiratory tract, lungs and kidneys. What's the impact on her life?
Rebecca 8:28
She's good. Now. She I mean, the acute onset was pretty severe. I mean, she was hospitalized. But she's, I think she takes medication for it. And it's manageable. But it's on the list of autoimmune, just kind of rare. And then you have rheumatoid and type one has had type one.
Scott Benner 8:47
You came up with a new one today. Congratulations that you know. I mean, we should have music and confetti should go off behind you. But I don't
Rebecca 8:56
know my mother in law. She could come along and chat about it. Well as she's She's a superstar because she she raised my husband and her husband her head. So my father in law also has type two. He was actually the first Omnipod user in our family. So what type two?
Scott Benner 9:10
Oh my god. How much money do you think like collectively you guys spend on diabetes here? 5050.
Rebecca 9:16
I'll actually did the math because my sister and I have been chatting with local people, you know, this whole insulin cap price cap. I was like, so how much do we actually spend? Because I was curious. And just my family. So my daughter my husband's diabetes costs $39,000 a year? Yeah, I bet those and then well, I mean, ours is like a fraction because we have good insurance. But like I actually like, looked at all of our receipts. And I was like, Holy crap. I'm so glad we have insurance. No, kids, we didn't.
Scott Benner 9:46
If you didn't, you wouldn't have CGM 's and insulin pumps for sure. And you know,
Rebecca 9:50
exactly right. And we've been through that like throughout like before we hit good insurance before it good jobs. You know, I've been with my husband 25 years. So we've been through all the phases of diabetes care and Yeah, we used to buy vials of insulin over the counter.
Scott Benner 10:03
I remember I remember. You needed a prescription for the needles, but not for the insulin.
Rebecca 10:10
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Like we go on vacation, forget a vial and we just go to CVS and ask for it. It's pretty cheap. Yeah, it's not cheap. We
Scott Benner 10:17
didn't send enough insulin. It's not cheap anymore. We didn't send enough insulin with Arden to college because we didn't the one. I've been saying this a lot lately, but the one thing I failed to prepare for sending her to school was that basically eating in the cafeteria was going to be like eating in a crappy restaurant every day. Yeah, so she's using more insulin. And so she texted me the day she goes, Yo, I'm not, I don't have enough insulin. I was like, I spent way too much. But I was like, okay. So I look in the refrigerator, I have a couple of vials. And I was like, but I was gonna order it, have it to the house, and then, you know, send it back with her when she went back again. But I was like, Okay, I'll hold on. And I, you know, I contacted the Endo. And the endo said something that shocked the hell out of me, Rebecca. She said, You haven't been here in a year. And I was like, that's not true. Like, that's definitely not true. But I realized that the COVID thing, oh, rolled everything into you, like, Don't come here, like zoom with us. And then when you walk out when you're in person, the last thing they do is they go, hey, when do you want to come back? And when you pick a date, except when you leave a zoom, nobody asks you when you want to do this again. And I thought, oh, but we've been working so hard on Arden's digestion issues and her hormonal stuff over the last year. I feel like I've been to the doctor every five minutes. And so I just like, Oh, I'm so sorry. You know, like, and she's like, Well, I'm not supposed to give you the script. And I was like, well just do it. Anyway, because Arden's in Savannah, and you know, I'll make an appointment. So I made an appointment. And then I had to find a, like a, like a pharmacy. So I said to Arden, I was like, hey, what pharmacy Should I send your prescriptions to? And she responded, I don't know. And I was like, Well, is there one near your dorm? And she said, I don't know. And so I pulled up a map, and I'm like, There's one here. But, you know, the town can get sketchy in certain directions. So I'm like, I don't want to just send her to, you know, a warzone. So I'm trying to I'm trying to figure out, I'm like, Well, how about where you get your groceries? I say they have a pharmacy? I'll send it there. And she goes, if you think so. And I was like, Okay, I see I'm in this on my own. Just, you know, but you know, they're gonna send her a script for her, like three months supply of insulin. And then I don't know how the hell we're gonna get it back here when she comes. Oh, my gosh. Anyway,
Rebecca 12:40
you okay, you can fly. She can fly with all that.
Scott Benner 12:42
Oh, let me just tell you, Rebecca. She does not want to fly home after the quarter is over. Okay? Because she needs to bring clothes with her to swap for the season. She told oh, yeah, we have to drive to Georgia to ship her to bring her clothes back.
Rebecca 12:57
Okay, we'll bring a bit cooler. We get together. And I
Scott Benner 13:01
pushed my wife on this. And I was like, We don't like just make her fly. And Kelly's like, what she really wants to swap her clothes. I'm like, you just make her fly. FedEx is for leave us out of this. Anyway. Anyway, so I want to know, I'm going to pick through your husband a little bit because that's a long ass time to have diabetes. So does he have any? Any impure effects from type one?
Rebecca 13:27
Yeah, he does. Like yeah, he's he has some retinopathy, that he gets laser treatments for. It's not to the point where he's blind or as even impaired vision.
Unknown Speaker 13:39
But, um, but they saw it and then get ahead of it.
Rebecca 13:43
Yeah, yeah. So they do laser therapy, and they kind of like Zapple zapped a little blood vessels that are popped in. So he does that. Every year or two. He needs those that he has some neuropathy and his feet and legs. Yeah, other than that, I mean, he has a trigger finger, which I guess is pretty common. With type ones.
I think his 20s his teens and 20s. Were a little rough. He was two, which was like the 80s and 90s. If you think
Scott Benner 14:16
Yeah. Are you a trophy wife, Rebecca?
Rebecca 14:19
Um, I mean, I met him when I was 20. He was 25. I mean, no,
Scott Benner 14:23
no, I was trying to do the math. Right.
Rebecca 14:24
We were still kids. We were still kids. You know, I just he was a friend of my college roommates, older brother and I we just met
Scott Benner 14:33
at a granola party.
Rebecca 14:35
I mean, not really know
Scott Benner 14:37
how New England are you do you need to comb your leg hair or like,
Rebecca 14:42
no, no, no, I was actually this was in New York. I went to Syracuse and we met Syracuse
Scott Benner 14:47
Syracuse, like like Syracuse, this New York event. I mean
Rebecca 14:51
Well, it's not New York City. Feel like you say Syracuse people know where
Scott Benner 14:55
I know where it is. 100% Okay, so Alright, so you guys have been together for A long time he's had diabetes for almost 50 years.
Rebecca 15:03
Right? You just turned 50? Yeah. Wow. That's good for him. That's, uh, and I thought I knew a lot about diabetes, because, you know, I was married to it. I, I mean, I've been around for a long time. I mean, I've been dealing with it's type one, but he was 25 when I met him, so he kind of dealt with his own stuff, you know, you're not a kid, he, he had it together, which I thought, you know, he just took care. And then my daughter is diagnosed. And I'm like, wait a minute, I don't know anything. And all these numbers that I like, I didn't know. 200 was bad. Like, I knew high blood sugar was bad. I knew her cute get grumpy and like the 203 Hundreds. I'd be like, check your blood sugar. And I knew what low was. I knew how to deal with that. But I like in the real, like granularity of it. I did not know anything. That's so I don't even know what a woman's body when she was.
Scott Benner 15:48
That's interesting. So when you met him, if you can remember back that far, because I'm having trouble remembering back that far. But do you do you recall? Like when you're like, Okay, I like a guy. He has diabetes. He uses insulin. Like I understand that much. He must have gotten a low at some point. So you had a feeling for that. But what did you expect the impact on your life was going to be?
Everybody who has diabetes has diabetes supplies, but not everybody gets them from us met the way we do us med.com forward slash juicebox or call 888721151 for us med is the number one distributor for FreeStyle Libre systems nationwide. They are the number one specialty distributor for Omni pod dash, the number one fastest growing tandem distributor nationwide. And they always provide 90 days worth of supplies, and fast and free shipping. That's right us med carries everything from insulin pumps to diabetes testing supplies, right up to your latest CGM like the FreeStyle Libre two, n three, and the Dexcom, G six and seven. They even have Omni pod dash and Omni pod five, they have an A plus rating with the Better Business Bureau and you can reach them at 888-721-1514 or by going to my link us med.com forward slash juicebox. When you contact them, you get your free benefits check. And then if they take your insurance, you're often going and US med takes over 800 private insurers and Medicare nationwide. better service and better care is what US med wants to provide for you. Us med.com forward slash juicebox get your diabetes supplies the same way Ardenne does from us med links in the show notes links at juicebox podcast.com. To us Med and all the sponsors when you use my links, you're supporting the show. Now let's talk about the Dexcom g7. The Dexcom g7 is a small and wearable continuous glucose monitoring system. It sends real time glucose readings to your Dexcom g7 app or the Dexcom receiver. Use my link dexcom.com forward slash juicebox. To learn more and get started today, you will be able to effortlessly see your glucose levels and where they're headed. This way you'll be able to make better decisions about food, insulin and activity. Once you're able to see the impact that those variables have on blood sugar, you'll begin to make more purposeful decisions and have better outcomes. My daughter has been wearing a Dexcom My daughter has been wearing a Dexcom product for so many years. I don't even remember when she started. But today she wears the Dexcom G seven and it is small and easy. And oh my goodness. Are you going to love it dexcom.com forward slash juice box you can head there now and click on the button that will get you your free benefits check or just hit that other button that says Get Started. When you use my links you're supporting the production of the podcast dexcom.com forward slash juice box
Rebecca 19:25
my life yeah. I mean, I mean we we just deal with like he taught me i when we first met and started dating, he taught me like where his glucagon was and like how to mix it. And like where he kept it and then he would showed me how to test his blood sugar. You know, we partied we were 20 Like, like he's like if I pass out test my blood sugar was like, okay, you know, drink too much
Scott Benner 19:48
didn't scare you. You didn't think like
Rebecca 19:50
no, I'm a really chill person like nothing. I'm pretty good at emergencies like it's fine. Like you're a chill
Scott Benner 19:57
data analyst. Yeah. Yeah, okay, so you, you wouldn't be a good actuary,
Rebecca 20:02
then? No, but like, I picked his I remember we were, we were partying once and we I picked him, he he, I thought he just fell asleep. But he was snoring really loud and I wouldn't wake up. And so I picked his finger, he was like 500. So I actually at that point he was on NPH are an MPH and it had taught me how to mix them. So I drew it out, mixed them and shot them up. And we woke up two hours later, and three hundreds and I was like, I must have done the right thing.
Scott Benner 20:28
I'm a wizard.
Rebecca 20:32
But like, overall impact, like we didn't get married. We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. We didn't get married for like 10 years. And we just, I don't think I ever thought about it. Like, we were gonna have kids with diabetes. Okay, are you a hippie? Am I hippie? No, I don't think so. Sure, my parents would think so. I'm sure my parents would call me that, I think in the 90s I was definitely like, into fish and you know, going to those big concerts, but I don't think I'm definitely on hippie. Now. I'm like a suburban mom.
Scott Benner 21:06
Do you think your parents have a curfew as a vagabond in, in private?
Rebecca 21:11
Ever? No. Well, my sister lives on a farm like 37 acres, or 67 acres up in Maine. So I think she's way more on the hippie spectrum than I am. So
Scott Benner 21:21
when Cole was recruiting for college baseball, a main team tried to get him to play there. And they called here. And I remember just watching him on the phone for half an hour. He had this look of horror on his face the entire time. And he gets off the phone. He goes, Well, here are the highlights. And I was like, okay, he goes, the field is heated, and so are the dugouts. And he goes, Why would that be necessary? And I was like, not sure he was. Yeah, he was I mean, the actual turf. The turf is heated. And I was like, what God Rebecca, you
Rebecca 21:53
know, will melt. You know, come on, it still snows into May.
Scott Benner 21:57
He's like, that didn't sound good. Then he goes, then there was a big selling point where the coach said, we all go on a hunting trip together after the season. And calls like, do I have to shoot something to play baseball in college? Because I don't want to do that either. And I was like, Yeah, I don't think this place is for you. Anyway, it sounds like he was
Rebecca 22:14
I grew up in Maine. I love it. But New Hampshire is great. Yeah, it's not that far from from New Jersey, really? The weather? I feel like it's, I don't know, cold and icy and
Scott Benner 22:23
oh my God, when we went on that tour up there, there was a school in Vermont that wanted him to play there, too. And we went there to work out in the wintertime in an indoor facility and just walking from like, the hotel to the car. He's like, I'm not coming here. And I was like, No, I didn't. I didn't think you were like, just finish the workout and we'll get the hell out here. Anyway, you Okay, so your husband's got all that going on? You don't know who's gonna curse? You don't know anything about diabetes, basically. And and that goes on for decades like that? Yeah.
Rebecca 22:57
Like, so he just took care of his stuff. You'd go the Endo. I never asked what to say when he was again, like he just took care of his stuff. You know, like, he's a grown up.
Scott Benner 23:06
Is that how you wanted it?
Rebecca 23:08
Yeah, I mean, he didn't he that's he's always been kind of private about is diabetes. Like he didn't? Really I mean, he would give insulin, you know, give shots in public and that's fine. But he never had tech. You never had a pump. Still doesn't have a pump?
Scott Benner 23:25
does pretty well.
Rebecca 23:29
This year, Oh, tell you about? I can tell you. That
Scott Benner 23:33
story told me.
Rebecca 23:35
Well, so we well, when my daughter was diagnosed, I think really quickly she realized like, Hey, why doesn't dad have this Dexcom thing. And, and she would ask them about it. And also like he he would always Bolus like rate when he ate, like, at the same time and, like they teach us you know, with kids like Pre-Bolus Yeah, like, and she's like, why doesn't Daddy Pre-Bolus Why doesn't daddy have a tech Dexcom so I think we have a chat like, hey, you know, you're a role model for her. We gotta you know if you're gonna if we're gonna make her Pre-Bolus You need Pre-Bolus
Scott Benner 24:11
Yeah, So Kate, Kate's like diagnosis kind of forced him into the into the President with taking care of is that right?
Rebecca 24:17
Yeah, yeah. And also, we went to Disney for the first time in May. And we were talking about that whole trip and that's actually what triggered he actually got the libre to first is no game the libre two and he used that for Disney. And then we just he just got the Dexcom and I think July okay, because the labor two is garbage. No, offensively. They're not a sponsor, but
Scott Benner 24:43
well, they're not. They're not now.
Rebecca 24:47
No, they're just for him. It wasn't great. It just, it was always off and the alarms are not helpful. Like they just kind of alarm on that he's high or low. It doesn't give you a number. So he switched over to Dexcom I'm in July, and I think he likes it. I mean, he doesn't. He doesn't like stuff stuck to him, but I am. I think he does help with the lows and now he can see his highs. Like how, what happens overnight and what happens between meals and
Scott Benner 25:13
I just I left him in the gutter back and it was not at you. I was picturing the low level PR person that I'm sure the libre people forced to listen to this podcast.
Rebecca 25:24
like crap. We're not sitting at their desk
Scott Benner 25:26
going no, stop. No, stop, stop.
Rebecca 25:33
I'm curious about that new one, though. That like gives the libre every minute. Yeah, it's tiny. Yeah,
Scott Benner 25:39
now they're getting there. They really are. I mean, it's you can't it cannot hurt to have competition. That's for sure.
Rebecca 25:44
That's what I was thinking. Yeah. So now he has a he has a Dexcom. His agency is seven, which I think is the best in his adult life. I remember numbers. So he I remember like, yeah, like 15 years ago, him telling me a number like eight or eight and a half. And I don't know what that you know, I didn't have context. So I was like, Okay,
Scott Benner 26:06
did you not want to know, I guess
Rebecca 26:08
again, he was just took care of it.
Scott Benner 26:14
I'm not coming down on you. I'm just trying to find out. And so like, here's what I guess what it was my question here. So you weren't pressing to find out? You could have used the internet to learn, right? But you cut off? Yeah, you were just like, whatever. And now like, but he's got a seven like if your daughter had, what's your daughter's eighth one? Say? Six and a half. Okay, if your daughter took care of herself the way your husband did? How many towns would you burn down to find out? Yeah.
Rebecca 26:42
Well, and then again, like he has a mom. So
Scott Benner 26:46
this is her problem.
Rebecca 26:50
That's a thing like you when you're someone's wife. You're not their mother. Like, that's
Scott Benner 26:54
really making me laugh for some reason. That's her son. Not mind. I just need that guy to buy stuff. Maybe you've been married a long time. You don't even need him for sex anymore. Really? So he just basically fixed the bathroom. You don't I mean?
Rebecca 27:13
Yeah, he's, he's remodeling the kitchen right now.
Scott Benner 27:17
Is anyone else ever amazed when I say things that I have no idea about? And people are like, oh, yeah, that is actually happening in my life right.
Rebecca 27:25
Now, no, but I think like my daughter's diagnosis really did I think he said he was I mean burnouts, a real thing. And I think he was kind of in a burnout place. So no, I
Scott Benner 27:36
understand. So do you think it read,
Rebecca 27:39
rejuvenated? His like, oh, yeah, I gotta be a good role model for her.
Scott Benner 27:42
Right. Do you think he uses a pump at some point?
Rebecca 27:45
I don't know. I keep pushing it, because I think it would help. He has some crazy swings. And I was like, wouldn't be great. If you could turn off your basil right now.
Scott Benner 27:54
Oh, oh, I see passive aggressively trying to get him to use a pump. Yeah, that's excellent.
Rebecca 27:59
Well, now that I know stuff, because in the last 16 months, I feel like I got like a crash course and diabetes. And I was like, wow, I knew nothing. Zero before this,
Scott Benner 28:08
Rebecca. Have you guys been together too long that you can't just use the girls to make this happen? You don't I mean? I don't understand. If I was a woman, this is how I handle everything. I know it's wrong to say but I know I would. I know I'd be a girl who would like tie up a shirt and wear a push up bra and ask for the kitchen to be remodeled. I
Speaker 3 28:30
know. I know.
Rebecca 28:36
If he wants to get a pump, because I'm happy with the Dexcom I feel like the Dexcom goodly be life changing.
Scott Benner 28:41
So I bet he comes along to it at some point. Yeah, I really do.
Rebecca 28:46
And I think the Omnipod five, so my daughter has Omnipod five and I think I like I'm selling that to everyone I know. And I think that that that technology may entice him.
Scott Benner 28:56
Good, good. That's excellent. Okay, so let's find out about your daughter's diagnosis. I mean, did you ever think, well, my husband has type one diabetes, there's people on his side of the family with type one. Clearly our kids are gonna get type one or did you not think of it that way?
Rebecca 29:12
No, I thought even when I was pregnant, I like Googled it. And it was like, when I Googled it, it was like 7% or 10% or something. Whatever, I read that 10% I'm like, Oh, 10% No biggie. I can handle that. And so I when they were little my kids were little every time they would get sick or they would wake up from like a night tear and just screaming for no reason we would poke their finger and test their blood because I was like, you know, if you're throwing up or you're screaming for no reason there's something wrong and I mean, their blood sugar's were fine. And my daughter eat so. So she's in first grade and she, we I think we even poked her finger, like three or four months before she was diagnosed. Just I think she got sick. We poked her fingers she was fine. And then that It was the end of the school year she had in her first week of summer camp. And she was at summer camp that whole week. She had been, you know, running around, like crazy, you know, at summer camp, and I was thinking, she's really tired. She's She was really tired. She was wetting the bed like, epically. And I was like, Oh, she's so tired. Like, she's not getting up in the night. That's, you know, crazy. And then the last day, we're driving her up to summer camp, and she gets out of the car, you know, to bring them over to the counselors, and I put her water bottle back in her bag. And I'm like, Honey, did you drink your entire water bottle on the way here to the cabin thirsty? That's like, really weird. And so that's what clicked in my head, like, oh, wait a minute, like, so when she got, but I didn't. You know, I was like, Oh, well, she's fine. We'll check her blood sugar when we get home. Well, that night, I forgot about it. And then at night, we gave her pizza. And we'd every Friday, we'd give pizza. And then at that time, I was a call. Yeah, I heard. She drank all that water. I need to check her blood sugar. So we pulled out our extra meter and checked her blood sugar and just said hi. And I just like, I instantly knew I was like, Oh, she's diabetic, like, but you know, at heart, like, like, I just knew, yeah, but it's like nine o'clock at night. So I guess called the nurses line at the pediatrician cuz I'm like, what do we do? Do we go the doctor? She's fine. Like she's jumping around, you know, but she's not throwing up. She's not like, what do we do? So we get called the nurse nurses line left a message. They left they didn't get back to me till the next morning. And they're like, You need to go the emergency room. And of course, then I felt like the worst mother ever. Because I was like, I just
Scott Benner 31:29
did you have no, like input on this?
Rebecca 31:33
Oh, no. I mean, he was like, I mean, it was just that night that we were talking about it. And you notice she's drinking a lot. And then when we took the high I was like, what do we do? And he's like, I don't know, what do we do? Do we go to the emergency room? Do we go to
Scott Benner 31:45
Rebecca, make a ton of money. That's all I'm saying. Also, I like mine.
Rebecca 31:52
My only solution was well, I'll just leave a message at the pediatricians office.
Scott Benner 31:59
Again, you guys are funny. Can I ask two questions? I loved your phrasing. This isn't a question give pizza. We give pizza on Friday. That was a fascinating like, like sentence structure.
Rebecca 32:08
That my mother my husband would call it a main ism. Because I mean, I feel like we we cut out a lot of words. My mom does the same thing. It's fantastic. Loves to mock me.
Scott Benner 32:18
We give pizzas like what in the hell? And also how do you get away with smoking weed when you have a government job? I don't understand. I don't smoke anyway. That's insane. That's not true. Are you drunk right now? Are you drinking? What's going on? Rebecca? I love you. This is the this is your you've got this new england vibe about you? How is that actually a thing? It's fascinating. Oh, no. It really is fascinating.
Rebecca 32:43
You like I've lived here too long.
Scott Benner 32:45
There's there have been other sisters that grew up around you that have been on the podcast? Have you heard them? I don't think so. Okay, at the end, I'm going to tell you who they are. Because there's a moment where I'm like, am I talking to one of those girls right now? Like I couldn't. You guys have like a very specific way about you? I love like the kids blood sugar's high. And you're like, I called someone.
Rebecca 33:07
Well, then, of course, the next morning that, you know, they call me back and they're like, Oh, you need to go to the emergency room now. And I'm like, Okay, I'm like, she's fine. Like, I mean, she was we were eating breakfast. I actually did check her fasting. I was like, oh, I should. In the morning. We checked her fasting. She was like 260 I was like, Oh, we really need to do something. So when they called me back, they're like, Oh, the emergency room because I was thinking oh, we just need to I just need an endo this kidneys insulin. Like I was kind of. I don't know. I didn't know what I know.
Scott Benner 33:35
I love you. I really do. I swear to you, I would when your
Rebecca 33:40
kids not lethargic. I'm the kind of mom like, you know, they have a fever as long as they're not lethargic. And they're not throwing up and listless. You know, they're fine. They'll they'll get their, their system will figure it out. It's when they're acting funny. And she was acting funny. She was acting normal. I
Scott Benner 33:55
should have married you. I swear to God, like I get my balls broken by a type A woman every 36 minutes. You're just like, it's fine. Don't worry about it. We'll see you tomorrow have pizza. Let me give pizza. Oh, I swear to God, I'm gonna go
Rebecca 34:10
eat strawberries and a bunch of breakfast in the we took in the emergency room.
Scott Benner 34:14
I'm gonna go smother my wife with a pillow and then I'm gonna come back and make a serious proposition to you. Okay, because I am tired of having my feet held to the fire.
Rebecca 34:22
I think my husband would have a problem with that.
Scott Benner 34:25
Well, I could take him down. He's got to hire a one. See, I think I can get him. No, but But okay, so you're at the hospital with her. You don't know what to expect. I also
Rebecca 34:37
and it's COVID so we're I was that's the other thing. I was like, I didn't went to the hospital because you know, middle of COVID and COVID would be way worse than diabetes at this point. But they got us right in her blood sugar was like, or 95.
Scott Benner 34:52
So like after that breakfast. Yeah. What do you have for breakfast again?
Rebecca 34:55
I was strawberries and you know, just real pure
Scott Benner 34:59
sugar. Like from Jesus or sugar Yeah, now she can't even eat cereal. So it's, I was thinking when you saw the 260 number, your husband was probably like, that's fine.
Oh, by the way, he's Zoey and Roxy are the girls I'm thinking of it's Roxy. Okay, Episode 376 and a follow up episode 522. If you don't listen to them and think, Oh, I live across the street from those people, I'm gonna be completely surprised, although I think they're from Vermont. But at this point, I'm thinking this is all the same thing. So
Rebecca 35:29
it's all the same thing. A lot of people think they're all the same. Yeah, so they got us right in. And then they did a saline drip and did some labs, and I mean, federal hot dog. It was really surreal. And then the pediatrician comes in, and she's like, well, she's not DKA. She's. And she said, Your, she said, your husband has type one. So you know what to do. We're gonna give you Hema log and basic lar, and discharge you and I was like, wait, what, what? And they actually said, Well, your husband is type one that he knows what to do. And he actually they got the gave us one of those carb counting sheets with them how to do a calculation for both your carbons, linen, your correction, insulin, and then they FaceTime with my husband, and it was like a test. Like, could he fill it out? Okay. He did, yeah, we pass. We could do the math, they gave us a really pulmonary ratio, like current ratio and correction factor. And pass the test. I can do math. Great. Thank you.
Scott Benner 36:39
I'm surprised the two of you are alive. What do you think of that?
Rebecca 36:42
And then they discharged us and they're like, well follow up with Endo. On Monday. I was like, okay, so we had two days of just like, giving my daughter insulin and
Scott Benner 36:52
not really knowing why or how or anything. Well, I
Rebecca 36:55
mean, we knew I mean, we fall I mean, we knew how to count carbs. We knew how to give insulin, but I was terrified. I was I think I poked her finger, every hour, because I was like, wait a minute liquid if she. But honestly, it was such a really planetary ratio that it barely got her in the two hundreds the whole weekend. Right? And I guess that's what they want to do. They want to bring you down look slightly, right? Well, you don't,
Scott Benner 37:16
I'm sure. I'm amazed at how, after all this time, it's just really fascinating. After all, this time with your husband, like you really had the exact kind of like, experience that everybody has, when their kids diagnose like, you're just like, I don't know what I'm doing. Please don't trust me with any of this. And you know, what
Rebecca 37:35
he did? Like, when we got home, I was at the ER with him because they only allow one person in the ER, I was at the ER with my daughter. You know, we're FaceTiming with him occasionally. And then when I got home, then he's like, he taught her how to give an injection. I mean, my daughter has watched injections her whole life. So that didn't freak her out. I mean, poking her kind of freaked her out. I think the worst part for her was the fingerstick. Like, you know, doing. Doing the tests. Yeah. No,
Scott Benner 38:00
I hear. Do you think? Was there any comfort in it for her that her dad had it?
Rebecca 38:05
Yeah, I think she I think she. Yeah, she's like, we're the same now. And yeah. When she was seven?
Scott Benner 38:12
Yeah. What does she think? I
Rebecca 38:14
mean, I think she was held. We say that again?
Scott Benner 38:16
A year later. Is it still striker the same way you think?
Rebecca 38:20
Um, I think so. I think she's, I think that the novelty has worn off for her. So she was on MDI for like six months. And then, of course, I listened to the podcast so I I did that 30 day trial for dash so we did the dash party in January. I know my my sister calls me fan girl because I like literally listened to all your all your ads. Oh, she's like, is there an ad that you haven't like, bought into? Because I did the trial not because of you. And then I was really mad because my son.
Scott Benner 38:48
The reason you know your kid is gonna get diabetes one day. Yeah. Okay. Well, first of all, how your sister Shut up, because I don't do the ads. You don't get the podcast, so I don't know what she thinks I'm doing over here. But I gotta I got bills to get an amen. Yeah. So yeah, so we
Rebecca 39:03
did dash with her. We did the 30 day trial, a dash. And then when Omnipod five came out. We had just changed insurances. And I was like, Oh, they're not going to cover it. And they covered it right off as soon as it was available in May, June, and we got it. first of July. Good. Wow. Good honor.
Scott Benner 39:21
Yeah. Okay, so let's, let's finish up. Although I'm gonna ask about your sister at some point. By the way, I meant to get to the on the pod five like a half an hour ago, but I swear to you, I love you. So we could do this forever. Doesn't matter to me if we ever talk about Omnipod vibe. So let me just make sure I understand the the timeline. Your daughter was on MDI for six months or so. On the dash on the pod dash. By the way, I don't usually do this but omnipod.com forward slash juice box and then and then from dasht in July, which is now August, September, about three or four months ago. You started on the pot five Yep. Okay, then obviously, it's the first algorithm. You guys are an amazing test case because you don't you've never used it before. She's fairly newly diagnosed. How are you finding it? Well, how first how was the transition from dash to Omnipod five.
Rebecca 40:14
I like jump for joy because we weren't getting great. So she came out of honeymoon, or I guess we still technically honeymooning. But in December, she was still in MDI. And she went from like, 10 units a day to like 20 units a day, in like a couple of weeks. And it was like a train wreck. We could not get her numbers down, and then she started dashed the next month, and we got it. I mean, we got it better. But we still that first agency in March was seven. She was 6.6 on MVI. And then I think the combination of coming out of honeymoon and just figuring out the pump. She went up to seven, and I feel like on dash, we kind of figured it out. But we still were like fighting with her. Getting her basil, right? And kidding that she gets a lot of every night nighttime spikes for hormones. She's grown like four inches in the last year. Yeah, it's, um, I feel like we never got a great, we got great results. With Dash, there's just a lot of fiddling, and it's just a lot of work, a lot of thinking. And then when we went to Omnipod, five in July, I felt like I could breathe again, because I wasn't up all night correcting, I wasn't, you know, then you'd overshoot and have to then correct lows, I feel like Omnipod five really gets all those lows. It also just simpler like the system is simpler. So there's, I like the in automatic mode, it takes away your temp, Temp, Basal and extended Bolus, because then just caregiving is easier, both on my part. And then when we give our caregiving to the school and to family members, all I have to tell them is like put in her carbs. And if she beeps high, try a correction on the pump. And it's very simple. And then won't you you know, you always teach them how to deal with low blood sugar. But the system itself is just simple. Like there's one button. I feel like then that's probably how they designed it just really simple.
Scott Benner 42:04
No, they made it for you. They really did. Yeah, yeah,
Rebecca 42:07
they made it for me and caregiving, like caregiving, I know people are, you can definitely get better numbers by settling but like you really like if you need simplicity in your life. Yeah, this was by far, so simple. You know, coming from the dash to write the Omnipod. Five, and we were getting, we're getting better results for way less effort. I mean, I feel like if we fiddled more, we could get her into the low sixes or fives. But, you know, I was ecstatic with the 6.5. You know, just
Scott Benner 42:37
No, I, I understand. And I actually, you know, first of all, there's no judgment for anybody's desires about their health, like, whatever you are shooting for is fine with me. But I've been making the point, I think for years now. While some people argue with me like, well, you know, I don't know, there's like a hierarchy. That's like a, you know, a drop down list of how hard people want to work or how much effort they want to put in like that you don't I mean, there's, there's different people, some people are fiddling constantly, and they're happy to be involved in that. Some people would prefer for it not to be so intensive. And some people would like it to just be like, Look, this thing does the thing, and I let it go. And whatever happens happens. And I like that, that everyone is represented in here. And I think only pod five is is set up exactly for that. It is set up for people like you who are like, look, I do not, I can't like I can't be fiddling with this thing constantly, like let it make some of the decisions. And I think you're the I think you're the majority Rebecca.
Rebecca 43:36
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I would love for it to be easy. I mean, we still correct a lot, especially at night. It does not keep up with those hormone spikes. We I mean, we correct between nine and 12 at night, every hour and a half, two hours just to keep on top of it. Because it just it can't candle it and I know it's for safety reasons. It's not going to dump this week when she was on dash her basil between 9pm and 12pm was five times per day, basil.
Scott Benner 44:00
Yeah. Oh, no. So I got like I said earlier, I don't know if it's when we were recording or not but artists at school and sick right now and has her period. And over the last like three days I've given her like she and I have like together talked about and given amounts of insulin that no one would tell you to do. And most of the time that's just keeping her under 200. Exactly. Yeah. And the like the algorithm based on your settings would never know like, you know, you can say like I was talking I interviewed somebody yesterday, using the 670 G six, eight iPhone Jesus, why does Medtronic name their stuff like that? Like why not just call it something like Shazam, so I know what the hell it is. But it's whatever their newest algorithm is. It's available only overseas right now. And as I'm talking to her, the girl goes lucky. You still have to be involved in these things. She's like, I'm afraid people think you're gonna put an algorithm on and never have to be involved. Again, that's not the case. It doesn't matter if it's tandem control like you on the pod file. Over the Medtronic, you need to be involved. It just the level that you need to be involved changes pretty significantly. And it does if we're being honest. You know, hormones are tough. So it could end up being easier for prepubescent kids and men, I'm guessing, you know, over women who get their periods. So, you know, anyway, but it sounds like you love it.
Rebecca 45:23
I do love it that mean, there's some things I the the hormone spikes can't handle. I don't love the activity mode on it, we don't use that. It's a little too good brings the target up to 150. And I think it lowers the algorithm or makes the algorithm less strong. We actually use when she goes cheap. My daughter's a dancer, and she's sometimes at dance class for like five or six hours. And we'll just move our target to like 130 for that period of time.
Scott Benner 45:49
Yeah. So the back when they're done. Yeah, the activities too aggressive. So you just you pick a higher target instead of though? Yeah, the one that
Rebecca 45:56
right. So she's at 110, most of the time. And then we do want 30 for dance. And that seems to work that we tried activity mode a couple times. And it just she would go one at 200 Just kind of creep up too much. Too much. But it works. That little tweak worked. And it's a little bit of a pain, because if you forget about it, you're like, Wait, why? Why is she creeping up?
Scott Benner 46:18
So so how when do you turn it on prior to dance? Or when dance starts? Or how do you handle that prior
Rebecca 46:23
to dance? Yeah, usually on the way there, I'll just go into the target glucose setting in there. And I'll just roll it up to one to 130. And then usually when she gets home, I'll roll it back to 110. But that's a manual thing that can't put a timer on that. I guess that you can put time slots, but she doesn't have to answer every day. So I do I do it manually.
Scott Benner 46:43
Oh, wait a minute. I didn't know that. You could time slot targets.
Rebecca 46:47
You can Yeah, you can. So you have kind of like a different overnight target. Different school target.
Scott Benner 46:52
I don't know. I don't know that. That's a great feature. Yeah, yeah. Except for you're saying you can't use it in this specific situation because she doesn't dance every
Rebecca 46:59
dance every day at four o'clock. I could Yeah, she doesn't.
Scott Benner 47:02
Okay, so. All right. So now you have like a year's worth of experience with diabetes. And you said her agency's like six and a half. That's excellent. Jack has how many?
Rebecca 47:17
Key? Well, the original trial net, you know, figure poke said three antibodies. And then when the Joslin diabetes Center in Boston called us, we came down for like a follow up, and they ended up finding five antibodies. So that was like three months later. And now he's in the pathway to Prevention Study, which is so he goes every well he was going every three months now he's going every six months, where they're you do an oral glucose tolerance test, every every time we go down to two hour test where he drinks 100 gram glucose drink. And then they test his blood sugar throughout the two hours. And the first time we did it, I thought I had another diabetic because they they came back with his his post to our glucose was 200. And I guess if you have two of those tests that 200 in a row that's diagnostic, clinically diagnosed as diabetic. And I was like, oh, but that so that was in March. They brought us back a month later, because they're like, We need to redo it because if he is diabetic, we know you need to go see the Endo. So we went back, he did the oral glucose tolerance test again, he was 173, which after the two hours, which is impaired glucose, which is like, I don't know if you've had people talk about the three phases of diabetes onset, but phase one is just just antibodies. Phase two is antibodies and impair glucose. And then phase three is clinical diagnosis. So he was kind of in that phase to this in April when he went back. And they're like, well, we'll just we'll have them back in three months. He's not diabetic yet, but just you know, watch him if anything happens, you know, you know what to do call the ER. Now go to the ER and then we just went in September and did his test. And he was his to our oral glucose tolerance test was 130, which is normal and his agency was also normal. So the only thing we added after talking to the endocrinologist at Joslin is we added vitamin D, a high dose vitamin D, and we audit added some high dose of fish oil, which there are some case reports that say it can extend honeymoon and it can also extend if you're predisposed can not prevent onset, but like delay onset. So at this point, we're just kind of trying to delay onset with whatever we can. He's 12 So if the endocrinologist said if we could get through puberty, that spike of hormones at puberty, get him on the other side of puberty before he's diagnosed, we'll just be in a better place. So that's where we're Right now we're just heat index, vitamin D fish oil. We get our oral glucose tolerance test every three months. And
Scott Benner 50:07
well, I have a question when you when you tell him this, how does he respond?
Rebecca 50:13
Ah, he first was like, I'm not going to do a study, like I use 11 At the time, and yeah, you know, I mean, he's a classic gamer kid 11. Like, just he was like, now, I'm not gonna do that. I'm like, Well, Jack, I mean, this, originally, we pose it as this study, you might be able to prevent type one, because at the time, we thought he might be able to get into one of the clinical trials for the prevention drugs that are out there. Yeah. So that's how we we posed it to him. We're like, hey, you know, if we can do these tests, maybe you can qualify for some medicine that would then prevent Type one from happening. And then you wouldn't get type one like, Dad and cape, so. And then he was like, oh, yeah, let's do that. And now he's, he was a little unsure about the first oral glucose tolerance test, because they had to put an IV in, but now he's pretty used to it. We've been on there three times. And he's pretty used to the vitamins. We tell him like, again, the vitamins might delay or prevent diabetes, but we're not sure. Again, I'm not holding out hope. Like, this is like a magical cure. But no, at this point, anything that helps.
Scott Benner 51:18
Yeah, no, I understand. I'm wondering more about, like, his, like, he knows he's, at some point in his life likely going to get diabetes. Yes. And but what's that? Like? I'm sure you had to tell him that.
Rebecca 51:30
Yeah, yeah. And we're still at the point where, like, you don't have diabetes yet. That's what we keep telling him like, then then we're gonna do everything we can to prevent that, but we might not be able to. And that's what we tell them. I'm like, we're not. So do you not gonna, I don't I never pose it. Like you're gonna get diabetes because of this, because that would terrify an 11 year olds, but
Scott Benner 51:48
no, no, I'm wondering if like he's using his kind of, you know, like, his age and his ability to just go like up, you know, anytime anything 15 minutes or longer from now is in the future. So, yeah, I just, I don't think about it, or do you think it like, have you seen any, like impacts on his psyche? I guess what I'm wondering,
Rebecca 52:08
no. And he's, he's a really anxious kid. And that's part of the reason why we talk about it. The way we do is he's, he has, like generalized anxiety. So he has anxiety about things. So we talked about it. We give them the facts, but we're not I'm not going to worry him unnecessarily.
Scott Benner 52:26
Oh, no, I wouldn't expect. I'm just wondering if how he responded, that's all
Rebecca 52:29
and he's fine. I mean, he seems fine about it. He's, he's, he. He likes his trips. Jocelyn. We get a Subway sandwich afterward. I think that's probably why. I mean, we have subway in our town. Don't think we're live so far away from real. We don't
Scott Benner 52:44
think subway is a treat. That's what you're worried people are gonna think right now.
Rebecca 52:49
Yeah, so no, he seems I honestly we talked about it, but I think he just doesn't want think about it. Like I think, again, like what you said, like, it's not gonna happen to him today. So he's not gonna think about it
Scott Benner 53:01
right. Now. That's how I imagined it would go. Honestly, I just was wondering,
Rebecca 53:05
when it happens, it happens. We're not I mean, yeah. Yeah, we'll deal with it with with what it comes
Scott Benner 53:11
by getting a part time job to pay for the
Rebecca 53:16
God that's like, do they have like a punch card? Well, at this point, my daughter and my husband are on the same. You know, they're both ANOVA log and they both have Dexcom. So we kind of just entered change the pile of supplies. Yeah. And actually over the summer, I plopped in old libre on on Jack just to see and I wore one too, because I like it. If you wear one, I'll wear one. And just fascinating. He actually had he didn't get over 100 The whole summer. You know he was eating eats? Typical 11 year old 12 year old.
Scott Benner 53:45
How were you? How were your blood sugar's when you were looking?
Rebecca 53:48
I mine are low. I like barely get over 70 You know, just sitting around and then, you know, I might get to 90, but really try. Yeah, that's something which is crazy, actually, that really, that really helps you kind of understand how the body works. And I don't, I never really freaked out about 70. But like, I really don't freak out about 70 anymore.
Scott Benner 54:10
No, yeah, no, I think wearing a CGM. If you don't have diabetes gives you a lot of insight into what your goals are when you're managing insulin. It did.
Rebecca 54:21
And those spikes are normal like, okay, yes, my daughter and husband spiked way more than I do. But like, I don't have a flatline either. Like, you know, I go up 3050 points and come back down. Like, yeah, like, that's pretty normal. Like,
Scott Benner 54:36
I think, I mean, if I can, I think the the idea about avoiding spikes with diabetes isn't that you are so worried if a blood sugar goes to 140. The problem is, is that the 140 turns to the 180 and the 180 turns to the two
Rebecca 54:48
stays there. Yeah, yeah, I get worried about with it stays there. If it goes up comes right back down. Right. I don't get too worked up about this, quote, quote, Spike. It's if it goes up and stays there, and then I'm like, wait So that's something else. Yeah.
Scott Benner 55:02
I think of the spikes more as indicators for like, generally speaking how well I'm doing with the insulin. Yeah, you know what I mean? So it's,
Rebecca 55:10
and then the hit of the food, like, we've kind of dialed my daughter's breakfast into just a handful of things that we know, she doesn't really go over 150 Because I just can't send her to school with her, like, pushing 200 Because she, when she gets over 200 She just is not in a good learning space. So we we have a handful of foods that you know, she eats bagels and waffles and English muffins or whatever, for breakfast, but we know how to dose for them. And I can you know, she just goes up to 141 50 comes right back down and hangs out. 110 pretty much
Scott Benner 55:40
all day long. Yeah, that's cool. That's, it's a man. So that
Rebecca 55:43
Omnipod five is really great for that. And then I know, like, I'm not worried about it over shooting on the bottom end, like, you know, maybe going down to 70. Because I know Omnipod will kind of dial down or Basal if if I if I missed it, you know,
Scott Benner 55:57
how many how many, like, serious lows has she had on all the power five?
Rebecca 56:02
Um, oh, God, I don't even think she had one actually a couple of days ago, but it was, we were in the car and we were eat, we ate McDonald's. I mean, we eat really healthy suffering. We were having McDonald's on the way home from visiting my brother. And she was like, I'm gonna have a cookie too. So we dose for the McDonald's and the cookie. And she didn't actually end up eating the cookie. And we got home and she hit 70. And I'm like, oh, you know, have a glucose tab. And and then she kept going on, like, what is going on? And we finally started going back through her dosing. And then I saw a 26 carb dose that my husband put it in while I was driving. And I was like, what was this 26 carbs? And he's like, Oh, that was a cookie. And I'm like, Hey, did you eat the cookie? And she's like, No, and I'm like, Oh, well, there it is. You have 26 carbs. For 26 carbs. We now No, but so that wasn't an Omnipod problem. That was us. misto. You know, right. This dose that she didn't eat the cookie, Rebecca. But other than that, no. Like, like she's,
Scott Benner 56:59
well, that's great. So I mean, that's not a low that's you guys. bolusing too much. But
Rebecca 57:04
exactly. But all the lows, I think she's had a couple that might hit the low 60s. You know, we do a glucose tab. Actually, that's what we've learned from you like what they treat, they say you need 15 grams of carbs. I'm like, Okay, I'm seven, eight year old does not need 15 grams of carbs. One. Yeah, right. It's one glucose tab usually is what does it for her? Sometimes we need a juice box. If if it's like a down arrow, down arrow then all
Scott Benner 57:31
it depends on the situation. Also, this sucks that this cookie story was about your daughter because I was gonna respond. Rebecca, Don't you hate it when they don't eat the cookie? But it's so inappropriate, because it was about your daughter. So I let it go. But I'm bringing it up now. Because it's allegedly that's all.
Rebecca 57:48
No, it's, I feel like Omnipod five that's like, if lows are an issue. Those are definitely that's where it shines. That's yeah, I agree. Yeah, the fact that it could just dial down enable dial down the the Basal away from the controller, which is even great. Like she was at the waterpark this summer, way away from me away from all our devices. And it just did its thing like it would like she's going on waterslides. And she's in the water. And it's talking to the Dexcom the whole time. And it
Scott Benner 58:15
can't be said enough that the algorithm lives on the pod. And the pod in the Dexcom are talking to each other and the controller or any other accoutrements, which there are none off. But the controller does not need to be anywhere near those two devices for them to work.
Rebecca 58:30
And that's also one of my favorite parts. Like she does not need to be tied to anything. So you know, yeah, so just put those stretchy wraps around it when she's in the water and let her go. That's
Scott Benner 58:40
excellent. Look at you. You've got this all figured out. Now, you went from not knowing anything to really being on top of this.
Rebecca 58:47
Well, some sometimes I have to say this podcast has helped a friend of mine. It was like a friend of a friend that Sunday that she was diagnosed, texted me on Facebook and was like, Oh, my friend, friend's son is diabetic. You should talk to her. So I messaged her and she's like, You need to listen to the Juicebox Podcast. I was like, What the heck's the juice? Yeah, I started listening to it that Sunday. So she had been diagnosed the day before. And actually that Monday, we went into the endos office, and I actually had heard a Dexcom ad. And we went into the Windows Office that Monday and they're like, What do you need? I'm like, I need a Dexcom.
Scott Benner 59:18
Oh, Rebecca, I appreciate you saying that. This is for all the sponsors. If, again, I know you're listening. I don't get credit when Rebecca goes to the doctor's office and buys Dexcom or when she gets an Omnipod five from the Endo, but I still sold it. So don't call me and Hawk me in China about clicks. Okay. That's so I'm sorry.
Rebecca 59:38
No, I knew about Libra because my husband had had gotten a Libra a years before. So I knew about Libra and actually, that's I was like, I'm gonna go in and ask for Libra. I didn't even know Dexcom existed. And then when I I'd heard a couple, I listened to a couple of the newly diagnosed episodes and I'm like, Oh, this Dexcom thing sounds awesome.
Scott Benner 59:56
Okay, yeah, I'm gonna edit this out and send it to people. They leave me the hell alone. Don't get us there. Listen, the advertisers fantastic. I've really good relationship with them. I just, there's this one aspect of it that it's not quantifiable. You can't capture that. Yeah. And you can't be captured. And we all agree that it can't be captured. But then when it comes time to pay someone were like, Well, what about the clicks? And I'm like, Well, what about the agreement? We have that I'm probably selling a ton of them in the freaking doctor's office, like, oh, yeah, I know. But I can't show that to my boss. And I'm like, I don't care. So anyway, that's basically the conversation. You people don't know how much work I put into keeping this podcast going. I'm telling you, it freaked. It's upsetting something,
Rebecca 1:00:37
obviously, the ads work because I'm like, you know, I think I've clicked on everything you've ever sold?
Scott Benner 1:00:41
Yeah, hey, you've gotten Athletic Greens yet, I just started with them. Athletic greens.com forward slash, just
Rebecca 1:00:50
be like, I'm doing all this work for you. You don't even have to do ads for this show.
Scott Benner 1:00:53
I really do appreciate that. Now, listen, I won't go into a long conversation about it. But cuz I still want to ask about your sister. But you don't know. It seems like you just you pick up your phone, and there's a guy talking to you. But I work about 70 hours a week on this podcast, I can't have a job, the ads have to work. And and then the advertisers have to keep coming back. You know what I mean? Like they it's year after year, or as soon as they don't come back, it's over. And that's you know, so there's a lot of pressure on my side to keep everybody happy. And I am. I don't take ads from just anybody, I could do that. And it would make my life easier. But I don't. So I stick with products that I know are great that I know you guys need. And, and then it's just there's a whole business side of this that I just I hate obviously, if you listen to me long enough, I really am. I'm not cut out to be in business. I'm cut out to make this podcast. So I was in a meeting the other day. And it ended. It tried to imagine I was in a meeting with two people from a PR company that work for a company. And then I was the that also in that meeting, were two people from the company. I know that's hard to understand. But there's a company I was meeting with them. They hire a PR company to manage stuff that happens. We're setting up an episode that I think is going to be great for you guys. And we're talking about how it's gonna get set up and regulatory things and what can't be said. And like, these are just mind numbing meetings. And it ended. And I realized that I had said fuck twice in that meeting. Because I don't belong in business is what I'm saying.
Rebecca 1:02:36
Well, it's obviously working. I mean, I wish they could count. You should like do a survey. Like how many of you have gone to your endo asking you for a Dexcom or Omnipod?
Scott Benner 1:02:43
Yeah, that's, that's your math brain. But what will happen is the number will come back and they'll only want to pay for that number. And I'll be like, well, the whole world didn't hear the survey. And they'll be like, there's no way to get around this. It's actually in their defense. It's an unwinnable situation, because they give me a link, and they can track the link and I can't Yeah, and then I have a link that I can track. But if you guys type it into a browser, then I'm not tracking it either. So I have no leverage, either. It's just a very weird position to ban. But it obviously works because I mean, this podcast is freakin huge. I don't want to be argued with this. What I'm saying Rebecca, don't trifle with me. All right, but you them. All right now. Are your sister diagnosed at 30 years old? Is that right?
Rebecca 1:03:32
Yeah. Well, yeah. Just before she turned 30, January of this year. It was kind of a it was funny, because at Christmas time, I saw her Christmas. So just a week before she was diagnosed, and she were, you know, having Christmas. We do Christmas Eve with all the siblings and we're having big meal and she was complaining how thirsty she was. And I was joking. I was like, Well, I've Kate's metered. You want me to test your blood sugar. And she's like, Haha, like, because I obviously, like you think everyone has diabetes? And I'm like, No, really, I'll test you. And she's like, No, I'm fine. And then she texts me the fourth of January. And she texts me she's like, I'm, I'm at my primary care. My agency's 14 I have diabetes. I was like, what? And they were like they're sending hold you? Yeah. I was like, well, if you'd listened to me, well, then they would have ruined your Christmas, right. But I was like, she's like they're sending me to the ER, I was like, well do and her husband is a technician. He works like in the northern part of Maine. So he's not there during the week. He's only there on weekends. And her I knew her husband was probably four or five hours away. I'm like, do you need someone to meet you at the ER and she's like, that would be great. So she was sent to the ER, and I live two hours away. So I started driving. I dropped actually I dropped my daughter off at dance class. I got in the car. I texted her I was like while you're waiting listen to this podcast and I actually texted her your first you know, newly diagnosed episode. Like while you're waiting Listen to this
Scott Benner 1:05:00
Episode Episode 210. Rebecca is the most popular episode in
Rebecca 1:05:04
Yeah, so I texted her that said, like, actually I listened to your podcast on the way up as well, that two hour drive. I didn't listen to that episode, I listened to a couple other ones and yeah, I met her I met some Well, it's of course it's COVID Again, I got to the ER, the nurse comes out. She's like, Yep, she's okay. She's on a saline drip. I've never seen this before. And I'm looking at this nurse. And I'm like, she's like, She's crazy. And she's like, never in my 30 years. Have I seen this before? And I'm like, What are you talking about a woman with a high blood sugar? Like, she's like, No, no, she just, I don't know what my sister is tiny. She's like 110 pounds. So they were they basically diagnosed her with type two diabetes, 110 pounds 400 blood sugar? or can anyone see type two diabetes? And I'm like, uh, are you sure? They're like, so when they finally discharged her though, they're like, she's they said, I have type type two diabetes, they want me to go get a meter and make an appointment with an endo. And I was like, that doesn't sound right. Like that, just so literally, I picked her up, we went and got sushi. We picked up a meter at CVS. And we went home. And I'm like, You need to call the Endo, like seven at whatever time they open 7am in the morning and demand that you go see them. Because this doesn't sound right. Your blood sugars are really high and they're not coming down. This does not sound like type two diabetes. I mean, we have, we have a couple type two diabetics in our family or our family. Right. And my father in law is of type two. I'm like, this doesn't sound like type two. And like the acute onset of it does not sound like type two. So let's go see an endo. So that next more I stayed overnight at her house next morning. She got into the Endo. I went with her but her husband actually finally got home and went to the Endo. Whether the only it was that was the only person that could go in I waited in the waiting room. And I guess the endo was one of these. I don't want to I don't want to swear but like aihole endos. It just literally came in hot was like, you don't have diabetes. And she's like, What? My agency is 14. My blood sugar is over 400 What do I have? He said it's due to steroids because she was getting steroid injections for a bulging disc disc. And there is a you can get hyper glycaemia from steroids. Yeah,
Speaker 3 1:07:19
but 400 Yeah. And I was like, Okay, well,
Rebecca 1:07:23
I mean, if that's it, fine. But he she started she had actually been having gastro some eyesight issues over for three to six months. He's been had, she'd like explained some other symptoms she'd been having for three to six months. For six months. Right. Yeah. And I think finally, by the end of the conversation he did he did labs, and he did prescribe insulin. He so he did actually do full antibody workup. And did actually she did leave with humulin. Actually, no. He will log and basic are
Scott Benner 1:07:57
well are doing anyway. What does she used what how's she doing? Does she still listen to the podcast?
Rebecca 1:08:03
She she does you actually I think is on your schedule for February. Oh, cool. She does. Cuz she actually she does. She's doing okay. She got rid of that Endo. Because he was just not helpful at all. He was he gave her a sliding scale. Just really crazy stuff. She does have three antibodies. So yeah, she's type one diabetic. She's actually in the topple study. Now. He's actually at Beth Israel. Deaconess, today, getting her. There's a 48 hour observation period after your first injection of the plasmids. So she's a we're big sciency family. So she's, she's a PhD candidate. And she's like, I'll, I'll do any trial that would, you know,
Scott Benner 1:08:46
ya know, how
Rebecca 1:08:47
about the situation. So I want to say she's in the topple study.
Scott Benner 1:08:51
I'm pushing that right now. Trial note is paying me to push that right. Yeah.
Rebecca 1:08:57
So she just got her first infusion. And yeah, it's supposed to slow or stop the immune system from attacking her beta cells because she actually still has quite a bit of Basal beta cell function. She's been honeymooning pretty hard. After that acute diagnosis, where she was on quite a bit of insulin. Now she's down to like 10 units a day. And, but she's pushing like an agency of 5.8. Like she's doing great. She's on a Dexcom. Good for her. Yeah, she's Yeah, she just announced she's doing this topple study. She's really hopes that because it was as an adult onset. And just having that endo experience and like the nurse telling her that she's crazy, and she's never seen anything like it before. I mean, she just had a much different diagnosis story than we had with my daughter. My daughter was very cut and dry. They were super nice. They were the endocrinologist and the diabetic educators we saw were fabulous. And we got great care and I feel like maybe where she lives or maybe just the endocrinologist he saw and her age, they just treat her completely different. Like you're not a diabetic and you know, we're gonna Give you a sliding scale and like a sliding scale like what does that?
Scott Benner 1:10:03
Well, here's what you've brought up. Don't go to the hospital in the woods. That's the first. Okay. Also sushi and Main. How is that? Yeah, okay. Yeah, that threw me for a loop where you were like, we
Rebecca 1:10:18
have a lot of great seafood and we're right on the coast great ports.
Scott Benner 1:10:22
I assume the food part and that I got but I wasn't sure about sushi. And the most important thing you've said today that people should take away from this, honestly, is listen to the ads. We think that's your best message.
Rebecca 1:10:39
I'm gonna talk for an hour and that's
Scott Benner 1:10:42
no doubt in my conversation. I'm fascinated by your, the trajectory. And you know about it all being around you but not being you.
Unknown Speaker 1:10:52
Me. Yeah.
Rebecca 1:10:53
So now my sister I chat. So my sister says on like her support system, because they really, again, she doesn't have a great support system. You know, this is new to her. She's like, she's like a you're the, the most knowledgeable person I know about diabetes. I'm like, really?
Scott Benner 1:11:09
In trouble. Let me just tell you right now,
Rebecca 1:11:10
I know. Because I was like, obviously, six months or you know, 18 months ago, I knew nothing. So. But she's, you know, she's actually created her own little Facebook group for adults with diabetes in Maine. She has like 20 people or so just because he shook the support system for adults is just not existent. Yeah, don't you she would be a great, I hope she does end up going on at your show. Because she's, she'd be a great person to chat about topple study alone would probably be interesting.
Scott Benner 1:11:36
Yeah. I mean, if she's on the schedule, then she's there. Yeah. And I would like to hear about that study. 100%. But I don't we're not be pimping out her Facebook group trying to what do you try to take people for me? I only have 20 people. 30,000. I can't afford to lose them. Okay. I've just, that's nice. I think that those local groups are really wonderful. Because then
Rebecca 1:11:58
I think they're hoping to actually get together and chat in person.
Scott Benner 1:12:01
That's what I was gonna say. Because they can actually, I mean, like for them, they'd have to get on four wheelers and pickup trucks and probably spent a couple days going to a centralized location, but it's nice to be local to somebody and be actually able to meet them in person. That's wonderful. Yeah, that really is cool. All right. Well, this was good. Rebecca. You did a good job. Yeah. Do you feel like you did a good job?
Speaker 3 1:12:24
I think so. Yeah. You're still nervous? No, no.
Rebecca 1:12:30
Give me more questions.
Scott Benner 1:12:31
You do? You don't want to go. Okay. Now, hold on, Rebecca. Let me get a drink. And then we'll figure something else out. All right. We'll do you. I'm good. No, let's do one more thing. You won't do one more thing? Sure. All right, hold on. I want to go back to the part where you said this is your husband's mother's problem. I love that. That was my favorite part of the podcast so far. So
Unknown Speaker 1:12:59
if you
Scott Benner 1:13:01
are all right, if your daughter gets married to a guy who doesn't understand her diabetes, will you be okay with that?
Rebecca 1:13:09
I think so, as long as he understands like the the highs and lows, like the emergent things that she can't you know, the things that she can't take care of.
Scott Benner 1:13:17
Okay, because I just did an interview with somebody recently. It's not out yet, but it'll be out well before yours is where the person the woman in the relationship needed emergency help. She was basically in bed with a low, but thought, how did this go? Her pump was beeping at her. She thought it was because the cartridge was low or empty. The husband was leaving for work early in the morning, she stops him and says hey, can you please fill out my cartridges and bring it to me, I don't feel like going and doing it. He does that. And when he comes back, he finds her fairly unresponsive. And so he knows enough to hit her with glucagon. But then doesn't do any of the things afterwards that needed to be done. So he like hits her with the glucagon and then goes out into the other part of the house to call his work to be like hey, I'm gonna be late my wife needs help with stuff like it was that low energy did not call nine one didn't really even like go back and sit with her. Just thought of it as I know this sounds horrible to people who understand it better. But keep in mind he really thought he was doing what he was supposed to do. He didn't understand like the bigger impacts that could have happened. And I'm just saying I don't know I think everybody needs to know
Rebecca 1:14:34
Yeah, I think what you definitely need to know what the what could happen like the worst case scenario how to deal with those. Right How to give glucagon what you know, if you're unresponsive stay with me. Come on.
Scott Benner 1:14:47
Let's see now see to you. That seems obvious but you but you said things today that sounded obvious to other people that you didn't know about. And this is my this is my point is that I understand not one wanting people to be up in your business? And but I mean, once you're married, like, I don't know, I think you just have to just be open about it. You know what I mean? Yeah, it just that's what I hope and I, and unless you can get your mother in law to help your husband was something and then I think that's genius, by the way, the power involved, although Do you don't want that right?
Rebecca 1:15:20
Oh god no, no, no, she's a wonderful woman.
Scott Benner 1:15:22
No, oh, no, I'm sorry, I did you misunderstood me. But that was hilarious. What I meant was, What I meant was when your son is 35 years old, you don't want to be in charge of something about his life. Right?
Rebecca 1:15:35
True. But also like, again, you're an adult, like you can you can definitely take care of 90% or even 95% of your diabetes. Like to be I mean, yeah, you got to give people credit. Like most people, most adults with diabetes can take care of their stuff. Like it's really just not even 5%, probably less than 1% of the time you you're going to need help. Help me like emergency help, emergency help, or like a reminder or whatnot. Well,
Scott Benner 1:16:08
let me play devil's advocate from it. Your husband talked about being burned out for a long time. What if you had some of the the burden? Maybe he would not have burned out like that? Is that possible?
Rebecca 1:16:20
I don't Yeah. I don't know. I mean, you really the you know, the dynamic relationship? Do you have to be conscious of that you? If your wife nagged you constantly? Yes. Bye about something? If, if Are you saying she does?
Scott Benner 1:16:36
It's her whole job? Oh, my personality? No, it's not a nag. Nag is the wrong word, constant input on what I'm doing. And what's the difference? I don't know, constant input. Like why you don't want an input this way. Now, if I mentioned something to her, if I'd be like, Hey, why are you doing it like that? She will judge me.
Rebecca 1:16:59
I mean, I can't even count on it. I can count. I mean, probably 10,000 times we're like, Hey, did you take your insulin to take her insulin? Like? Yes, I, but I wasn't like, what's your aim and see what you know, your blood sugar right now? Like, I wasn't sitting over his shoulder while he was poking his finger? You know?
Scott Benner 1:17:14
No, look, I'm not judging. First of all, I'm not judging you. And I'm not saying there's a right way to do it. I'm just asking questions. Yeah,
Rebecca 1:17:20
I just Yeah, I just, I don't know. I feel like you know, when you're, and again, I didn't know what I didn't know. Like,
Scott Benner 1:17:28
yeah, no, I know, you're a much more informed person today than you were a year and a half ago, for sure.
Rebecca 1:17:36
Oh, sure. And actually even says, he's like, well, well, and now he's like, you get it now. And I'm like, Well, I don't know. I don't I don't have diabetes, so I don't fully get it. But caregiving for someone with diabetes, at the level you need to care for a child. I definitely get well, well, that all the numbers mean and all that.
Scott Benner 1:17:54
That's an interesting statement from him. Did he think, why am I going to bother sharing it with somebody who doesn't understand it?
Rebecca 1:18:00
Maybe. And I but I also, I mean, I'm a I'm a sciency. person, I probably would understand if I if you wanted me to like if you wanted to share that much with me. You
Scott Benner 1:18:10
know what blame here is? This is his fault. I gotcha. All right. Yeah. He's I like it. He should have asked Damn it.
Rebecca 1:18:17
Yeah, yeah. You can edit this all out?
Scott Benner 1:18:20
No, what do you hear me? This is fantastic. He's not gonna listen. And your sister's not gonna tell him? She hates him anyway. I mean, not hates him. But
Rebecca 1:18:28
no, he doesn't actually I've sent him a couple episodes about complications and other things. And um, yeah, he had to say does not listen. Are you Catholic? Rebecca? I am not my mother is so maybe I have this like, I liked
Scott Benner 1:18:41
the way your Catholic guilt. Yeah. Like you're like, I could guilt him remotely with a podcast. This would work.
Rebecca 1:18:49
Maybe it wasn't to this one. How many of you are using
Scott Benner 1:18:51
the podcast that guilt people digitally? Is that
Rebecca 1:18:55
true? I have sent him several. Like, or one. There was one with a dad on it that I was like, I wonder if you'd get this? Because he was a stay at home dad for a long time. I was like, This guy's a stay at home dad and you might get him.
Scott Benner 1:19:08
This guy's a freeloader, so no, I'm just kidding. I wasn't there.
Rebecca 1:19:11
anymore. He was a stay at home dad when our kids were little though. Oh, that's
Scott Benner 1:19:14
nice. He seems like a good guy. Yeah, I'd be thrilled to talk to your husband.
Rebecca 1:19:19
Yeah, I don't know if I could give him no way he do it but I got a not a chance doesn't need
Scott Benner 1:19:25
to be him. Any guy like your husband?
Rebecca 1:19:29
Yeah, all his dark ages have diabetes. And all the crazy thing he did is in his 20s and not having the information because there were no CGM. Sure,
Scott Benner 1:19:36
no. I mean, even just the even just the the overall attitude towards diabetes. I'd love to pick through that with somebody who's had it for decades. I think it's interesting. So anyway, all right. Well, Rebecca, you were terrific. Thank you very much. Thank you. I really do appreciate it. Would you hold on for one moment for me?
Unknown Speaker 1:19:54
Yeah, sure. Thank you.
Scott Benner 1:20:03
Well, let's thank Rebecca for coming on the show and sharing her story. And of course, we want to thank the sponsors Dexcom, makers of the Dexcom G seven dexcom.com. Forward slash juice box. And us med us med.com forward slash juicebox or call 888-721-1514. There are links in the show notes of all the audio players you're listening in right now. And at juicebox podcast.com, to us med Dexcom, and all of the sponsors. When you click on those links, you're supporting the production of the show and helping to keep it free and plentiful.
If you have type two or pre diabetes, that type two diabetes Pro Tip series from the Juicebox Podcast is exactly what you're looking for. Do you have a friend or a family member who is struggling to understand their type two and how to manage it? This series is for them. seven episodes to get you on track and up to speed. Episode 860 series intro 864 guilt and shame episode 869 medical team 874 fuelling plan, Episode 880 diabetes technology episode 85 GLP ones metformin and insulin and an episode 889 We talk about movement. This episode is with me and Jenny Smith. Of course you know Jenny is a certified diabetes care and education specialist. She is a registered and licensed dietitian and Jenny has had type one diabetes for over 30 years. Too many people don't understand their type two diabetes. And this series aims to fix that, share it with a friend or get started today. Once there was a time when I just told people if you want a low and stable a one C just listen to the Juicebox Podcast. But as the years went on, and the podcast episodes grew, it became more and more difficult for people to listen to everyone. So I made the diabetes Pro Tip series. This series is with me and Jenny Smith. Jenny is a Certified diabetes Care and Education Specialist. She's also a registered and licensed dietitian and a type one herself for over 30 years and I of course am the father of a child who was diagnosed at age two in 2006. The Pro Tip series begins at episode 210 with an episode called newly diagnosed or starting over and from there all about MDI Pre-Bolus Singh insulin pumping, pumping and nudging variables exercise illness, injury surgeries glucagon long term health bumping and nudging how to explain type one to your family. Postpartum honeymoon transitioning all about insulin Temp Basal. These are all different episodes setting your Basal insulin, fat and protein pregnancy, the glycemic index and load and so much more like female hormones and weight loss. Head now to juicebox podcast.com. Go up in the menu at the top and click on diabetes pro tip. Or if you're in the private Facebook group, there's a list of these episodes right in the feature tab. Find out how I help keep my daughter's a one C between five two and six two for the last 10 years without diet restrictions juicebox podcast.com Start listening today. It's absolutely free.
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#973 Diabetes Myths: They are Hiding the Cure
A brand new series examining the myths surrounding diabetes.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to episode 973 of the Juicebox Podcast
just like that Jenny's back, and we're gonna do another diabetes myth today, today's myth is that there's a cure and they're hiding it. They, whoever they are, are hiding the cure from you. They have it, but they won't let you see it. We're gonna talk about that today. While you're listening. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan, or becoming bold with insulin. Save 40% off your entire order at cosy earth.com and use the offer code juicebox. Get a free year's supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first order at drink ag one.com forward slash juicebox and please don't forget to use the links for on the pod decks comm us med all the sponsors. They're right there in the show notes of your podcast player and at juicebox podcast.com. Jenny Smith works at Integrated diabetes and you can hire her at integrated diabetes.com Don't forget to check out the private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes doesn't matter if you have type one, type two Lada doesn't matter how you eat, everyone is welcome. Great conversations happening right now. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by touched by type one, and I'm about to speak at the next live touched by type one event. Sometime during this episode. I'm gonna give you all the details about that free event that's coming up soon in September of 2023. Come out and see me while you touched by type one.org. Okay, we are recording. Alright, Jenny, we are back to do another diabetes myth. And because yeah, you and I were just chit chatting. I don't have the document open. So just give me a second here to open that up. And let's see what we have done so far. A lot. We have done. We have we're getting through it. We're doing we're doing well. We did last week we did. The big one was that there are no diet restrict or excuse me that diet type ones have a specific diet restriction. And we talked all through that. So then we did complications are inevitable that blood sugars don't alter how you think. So today? Oh, you're ready to be snarky. Huh, good. I think we're gonna have to be a little snarky during this one. Okay. That there is a cure for diabetes, and it's being hidden from us.
Jennifer Smith, CDE 2:55
Oh, yeah. So that's such a hard one. Yes, honestly. And I don't I mean, it's, it's like a deep, dark, scary rabbit hole. If you're going to go down and talk about that. I mean, we know what we know. What I find astounding, personally, and kind of professionally or clinically, is that there are really cool things that come out, right? Like if this proved to be beneficial, yes, rats, or whatever they're studying it in. But we're planning to move into human trials. And you never end up hearing about those. And where did where did this product go to? Or where did this, you know, procedure? Where did it end up? Why is it not going any further. And there may be a very good reason that it never went to human trial that it never went any further and thus we never hear about it again. Right? But I think that's where maybe the myth comes from is, you hear something here like, wow, that's gonna be awesome. And then five years later, it's gone. It's a poof, gone. Where did the person disappear to?
Scott Benner 4:11
So what it reminds me of, and so I listen, I'll just say right now. That's it. That's a conspiracy theory. Right? Like, that's genuinely what that is and letter of the law. None of us know for sure. Maybe there are five really wealthy people who have been cured of their type one diabetes, we wouldn't know about it if that had happened. But it seems unlikely to me. But I think it gets perpetuated. First of all, because I think people's minds, like thinking about conspiracy stuff. I think it's kind of fun, right? But there's that story. I think everyone's heard a version of a story like this growing up. The one that was told to me was that, you know, decades ago, a guy invented a light bulb that never burned out. And he was super excited. And so he took it to a big probably General Electric or something like that went into a meeting. I had all this stuff, they're here with my light bulb samples, here's my, my work all my notes. I've made a light bulb that won't burn out. And they said, thank you very much, wrote him a check, took all this stuff and lit it on fire in front of him. Right, right. So that's the story that they told. And it's a, I don't know if it's a real story, or if it's a wives tale, but it's the idea of like, why would the company make light bulbs that don't burn out, they sell, they sell light bulbs, they want to keep making light bulbs. And then that's what happens around this. Why would a pharma company, you know, put themselves out of business, they're selling insulin. But here's the here's the thing, though, the people who sell the insulin, they're not the people who are looking for ways to cure diseases. That's not That's not the job's not the business they're in. Right, right. Now, somebody's gonna say, Okay, well, yeah, but they pay it off people and they're doing I don't know if that's happening or not. Let's be honest, that nobody knows for sure. But the way I always end up thinking about it is is that I don't know, when large amounts of people are involved in the conspiracy. It's difficult to keep it quiet. Like, you know what I mean? Like, do you think if there was a way to think about it? Yeah. Like, if there was really a cure for diabetes? Someone wouldn't whistleblow that. You know what I mean? Like, it would just take one guy with type one to know that to be like, Yo, and then I don't know.
Jennifer Smith, CDE 6:24
No, I yeah, I, I can see both sides. Yeah, I really can see both sides, I can see the standpoint of, as you said, the person or the business side of it selling, not really having any idea what's going on in the research side, they're just selling a product. I mean, it is a business, right? Well, whether it's technology or a medication or whatever, it's a business, sell the medication, right, get more users of this brand of insulin versus that brand of insulin, right. And I don't think any company wants to put themselves out of business. But that doesn't mean that they're going behind the scenes necessarily, and preventing research that could prove to many, many people an increase in quality of life from not having to manage like we do
Scott Benner 7:22
so. So oil companies aren't trying to figure out how to make electric cars, for example, but that doesn't mean that they're falsely propping up the gasoline industry. They're just that's not where they're putting their efforts. So that's the one thing so you know, people said, Hey, there's a secret cure, and Big Pharma doesn't want you to know about it. This is the thing that comes up so frequently online, like people, there are a number of people who are ultra sure that this is being kept from, it's why I put it in here, and I brought it up. Now, the next person says that it's even a myth that they're even working on a cure. And they say they again, like who the hell help, as you know,
Unknown Speaker 8:03
they right.
Scott Benner 8:04
But there are plenty of researchers out there working on cures for all kinds of things. Do they think they're going to come up with one? I don't know. I really don't know. Maybe they're just dorky lab, people who are going to make a living off of working on stuff for a lifetime. And maybe they literally think they're gonna get to it and etc. But it's happening. I've actually spoken to the people who are doing it like there are people working on it. I don't know that that means they're gonna figure it out. Right. And so I think that where that kind of comes like to ahead is the thing that almost everybody has been told, right. And I mean, I'm sure somebody said it to you and you were diagnosed, they said it to me when Arden was diagnosed, don't worry, a cure is like five years away. Touched by type one is a longtime sponsor of the Juicebox Podcast. And they are the people who gave me my very first chance to speak live to people living with diabetes. And I'm back at their event again, this year. Now go to touched by type one.org. Click on programs, then go to annual conference. And you're going to see that our free conference for individuals of all ages and backgrounds is coming up on September 16 2023. And the registration is open. The button is here and you can click it click on it. Click. I did it. It's free. What'd I just say? Registration is free. The entire day is free. I think they even feed you touched by type one.org. And I'm going to be there giving my talk he talks and guess who else I hear is going to be there. A little bird told me Jenny Smith is going to be there and know what is this? Jenny and Scott in Orlando on September 16 2023 for free. Are you kidding me? What are you people doing still listen been touched by type one.org. Get over there. It can it fill up? I think it could you know what I'm saying? Like don't wait. Yes. Do we know where that number came from?
Jennifer Smith, CDE 10:15
That's, I have. I've looked, honestly, I've looked where did it because when I was diagnosed, so many years ago, it was five to seven. That's what they're saying. That was the consistent thing that I heard all the way up until the point that I left for college. I heard five to seven years, five to seven years. So where did this random like? And where's their research? Like? Where are they getting it from? to actually pull a number like five to seven years? We're going to have a cure? I don't know. Yeah, they pulled it out of the atmosphere is? That's my honest belief. So
Scott Benner 10:55
my, my expectation is, it's an amalgam of things. So at some time, somebody must have said, well, there's this thing we're working on. And when we get over this last problem, it'll take us about five more years to get it out to the general public, right? And then someone hears that and goes, Oh, it's five years away. Correct. And then it's whisper down the lane. And then before you know it, you're in a room with a nurse who has been a nurse for two weeks, and she wants to be comforting to you, I guess it could be He, they want to be comforting to you. And they say a thing. This is where I think this comes from, I think it's meant to be comforting. That's really what I think, you know, yes. So
Jennifer Smith, CDE 11:33
absolutely. No, that's a very valid point. I think that's also what my, what my doctor, when I was first diagnosed, was probably trying to comfort my parents. And, you know, I was old enough at that point, to also have an understanding of what life with diabetes was going to look like and was in, you know, what I had to do. And so maybe it was also for my earshot, to hear something that was good. Like, you're not going to have to deal with this forever, just hunker down, and do what we're telling you do for a little bit of time. And then you'll get here, right?
Scott Benner 12:11
And then five years from now will tell you just it's probably just five more years like that. Yeah. Now the unintended, like significant health consequence of telling a person that this thing they were just diagnosed with, is going to go away in five years. Do you? Are you thinking the same thing? I'm thinking it's people then don't take care of themselves? Because they think it's temporary?
Jennifer Smith, CDE 12:32
Could be Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's the reason that when I heard that, from the beginning, I never really, I never took that, despite it coming from a clinician in a white coat in a very professional, you know, office space, my age, I just didn't take it for anything. I was like, I hear this great, whatever. But mom and dad are taking all the education that they were putting in, you know, to effect and teaching me how to use it incorporate into my life. And that was, that was what I did. The idea of something that was so unknown in what it could potentially be five to seven years from now. I don't think I even really considered that it was just do this, do this. And it means that I can do the other things in life that I've always been doing, and that I always want to do. But I think you're right. If somebody hears that in just a short time, maybe I don't have to really pay attention, because eventually, something's going to take care of this for me. So I just have to make it through enough.
Scott Benner 13:41
I've heard that from a number of people I've interviewed, it's one of the sadder things like Oh, it got away from me because I thought it wasn't going to be forever and then my health got worse and that and I didn't know really how to take care of it. So it all snowballed from there. Listen, generally speaking, I think people would think of me as cynical. I'm not cynical, I think of myself as realistic. Except this got the better of me when art was first diagnosed. So in a normal situation, if you told me don't worry, people are going to come up with a matte like they're going to, like, make a thing on the Earth that doesn't exist anymore, I'd say probably not. You know, like, as a species, we're not running around, inventing things constantly and making diseases go away. I wouldn't believe that. But when Arlen was diagnosed, and she was just a baby, the first time I saw one of those, those online things about a mice, you know, we cured a mouse and we're gonna move to human trials. We just have to fundraise a little bit like you know, it made it sound like they were just a check away from it happening. I went to my wife and another room, I was crying. Like I said, I said to her, how lucky are we that Arden was diagnosed with type one diabetes just a year before it was going to be cured? And that's actually how it felt. And so I for years, I go online around that time of year when everybody's out fundraising and I remind people this is just just this is them doing business, they're trying to make money to keep their lab going. They are not almost to a cure.
Jennifer Smith, CDE 15:06
Right, which is, I think it's fair and very important, to be honest about that, to be honest about we are fundraising for the company is the labs that are actually doing the work. We don't know how far they are in their work, but we have to continue their work. So your donations, your fundraising, will allow them to keep moving further in their research. But it doesn't mean that anything is right around the corner. No. And I think that's the hard thing. That's the hard thing to swallow, when you may be writing a cheque that you think is going to further it by leaps and bounds or sooner,
Scott Benner 15:48
yeah, plus, you have to make a decision about where to send that money, because and all those people are involved in a sales, that's a sales job to them, but they don't say come up with an idea. They think if we can put enough money into this, and time and effort, we're gonna get to something, most of them are going to be wrong. Like most of them are going to get to the end of their research and go up that didn't work. This didn't work or something else is going to come out of it. I think it's it's funny, though, because as I looked through people's comments, you know, 10 years ago, somebody told me 10 years, that was an 87, this person says 63 years, I've had type one diabetes, and people have been telling me since I was a teenager, it's gonna go away. Right? But where I get like, kind of sad, is that this person writes that a curious five years away, please stop blowing smoke up my ass, right? And you think, Okay, this is a person in line with what you and I are talking about. But then the rest of what they say My husband used to say there's no money in a cure. And I think that's how people feel. I don't honestly think that's right, though. I think if you could cure type one diabetes, there's money to be had. And, and my example will be prevention bio. Came up with tz yield, right? Yes. Which just is at this point, they just think it slows the onset of type one diabetes, right? By a fair amount? Yeah, no, no, it's exciting. But that's not my point. My point is that prevention BIOS sold themselves to Sanofi diabetes for $3 billion. That's money it like, I don't know, I don't have a billion dollars. So like, so there is money in that kind of stuff. Right? You know what I mean? Like it's, and I that's, I think,
Jennifer Smith, CDE 17:29
the point that you're also making is that it's not a fault of the company to further what they're trying to do and who they're trying to reach, there is still there's a goodness component there to what they're trying to do. And just because they sold and made money on it from a business side, they also sold to a much larger company that could potentially potentially propel it forward with much more strength than the small little company could potentially do
Scott Benner 18:00
those people, we're never going to be able to move it like that. Yeah, it's you need big entities that have the pockets to say, let's take a shot at this and see what we can do a company that if it doesn't go right, isn't going to fold for the $3 billion that they spent, which is crazy, right? But which
Jennifer Smith, CDE 18:15
then folds everything that they have worked to put together thus
Scott Benner 18:19
far. They also make insulin and other things. And I think similarly, in that vein, like, Listen, I'm, I'm not a cheerleader for the JDRF one way or the other. But when they started saying, you know that they were focusing on supporting people with diabetes, and helping them be healthy. I thought that was terrific. But that was met with a lot of backlash from people who were like, No, you promised a cure. Right? Like and that and they said, look, I mean, we're gonna start putting money into other things. And that made people upset, but some of the money they put into it led to some of these algorithms and to see GMs and great, not on this curse, but a lot of good stuff. Yeah,
Jennifer Smith, CDE 18:58
absolutely. Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing. I mean, in terms of fundraising, fundraising, can go many different avenues, right, it can go for more money to a particular scientists doing something that's really proving to be valuable thus far, and some of the money might go to support programs that bring families together so that you get to know other people who have diabetes, as well. And some of the money might go to, you know, underserved in a way that gives them more education and gives them more opportunity to understand and live well. So you have to look at the broad scope of where donations may go is not all going in one direction, nor do I think it should.
Scott Benner 19:44
But I just listen I personally believe that you know, I hear people sometimes complain about like, oh, the CEO of this company, they give you seen how much money they make, and I'm like that's, that's the person you want in charge of this. Like a person who wants to make money knows how to make The Business powerful so that it can make money like you want what the good that comes from that, that, you know, in health, but you can't have like some, like, you know, some lady smelling like petroleum oil can't, it might isn't going to make the whole thing happy. She was like, I want everybody to have everything for free. That's great. We got to build an infrastructure, we gotta hire people, we need to sell something so we can afford to keep the lights on like that all has to happen to right. But you know, back to the idea of the cure thing. And I get it. Like I get when people say that I get when people speak the way I talk, I'm not like, I'm not defending it one way or the other. I started off by saying, that wouldn't surprise me if there were aliens in a bunker somewhere. And that fiber optics were from something we learned from a spaceship and that Bigfoot didn't exist in Canada and etc, and so on. Like, if you showed me that stuff, I'd be like, ah, that's crazy. But yeah, okay. Yeah, I totally get it. Right. Yeah. And by the way, if those things don't exist, I get I get the flux that we're in here. But right, my bigger point, I think, is that for your overall health and happiness, whether it's true one way or the other, it's not healthy for you to sit around angry thinking, someone's keeping this from me. Because if they are, you're not getting it anyway. And if they're not, you're just worried about something, you're
Jennifer Smith, CDE 21:20
worried about something. And I, you know, I think the first time I can remember, like in my life, or my history with diabetes, of thinking down this conspiracy Avenue, was when I went to a, it was like a science based presentation. The JDRF had a group that provided new new technology information and what could be coming down the pipeline. It also had new scientific, like exploration into not necessarily cures, but more therapeutic kinds of things. And there was a scientist who came, and he presented on something that I think it was called smart insulin. And he, his presentation was phenomenal. To me, it was the idea of taking like an injection of Day of one kind of insulin that based on almost like a almost like a thermometer gauge in your body, the insulin would turn on at a certain level of glucose saturation. And it would turn off its effect based on a lower level of glucose in in the body, right? And it my first consideration to where did this go, because he had really good research. And then a year out, I went back and I remembered the presentation, I looked up information and like, where's the Cisco? Like, it's gone, like, go thinking, well, either somebody like stomped on this, or it proved to not be beneficial. So they didn't get to go forward with it. But I don't know. Like, where did it go? Who knows? So that was my first thought into.
Scott Benner 23:05
But some of the people here are thinking, yeah, yeah, well, it showed some promise. And one of the big insulin manufacturers came in and bought it and set it on fire because they don't want that. Meanwhile, you could sell smart insulin the same way you would sell other right. But anyway, I all finished with this. nearly 15 years ago, I did an interview when I only had a blog with a company who was working on implanting cells in a pouch and the pouch would stop your immune system from getting to the cells and attacking it. They make this little insertion put the pouch under you and it would this thing would act like a like a pancreas. Right? And when I was interviewing them, I said, so I said, just pretend for a minute. We got it all figured out today, right today. When do we see this? And he's and he really thought and he goes have 15 years maybe? And I was like I'm like, Wait, not what I meant was all the science is done. It's good. When do people hold it in their hands? He goes, Yeah, about 15 years. And he's like, you know, manufacturing, procuring the cells he'd like we'd have to start places to, you know, make the cells like all this stuff. And by the way, that thing still exists. I interviewed somebody in a trial for that recently. It was a blind study. So she wasn't sure if she got like, they cut her open, they cut some people are gonna put fake pouches in them, right? Because that's how the studies were. But she's like, I had the cells, I was barely using any insulin a couple months into it. So so it was working. And now other companies are figuring out ways to do that. And like, I mean, one of the big ideas there, the problem was at first, like your immune system would come after the cells. So they actually made a mesh that your immune system kind of like couldn't see through. But the cells could work to get out. I mean, I don't know all the technical words, but But point is is that it takes So long as time. And so like, I don't,
Jennifer Smith, CDE 25:03
not to mention approval, I mean, you have a, you have to have enough data points of information to even submit for potential approval for something like this. I mean, you know, things like insulin pumps outside the body or one thing, something that you're actually having to be invasive and cut into somebody, which could potentially trigger a reaction that you don't know is coming from that individual, you're gonna you have to have enough research that says in, you know, 99.9% of people, it has no detrimental effect
Scott Benner 25:36
also, no, it's not a forever thing, you have to get opened up, and it has to come out and they have to replace it sometimes. So like, there's a lot there. But and it's funny at the time, I asked my daughter, what would you think of that? And she said, I wouldn't do that. And I was like, okay, she goes, I don't want to go to a doctor's office every six months and have an incision made to like, she's like, I don't think I would do that. The first I would agree with her. And the person who had it done said it was fantastic. So even like, can you imagine working for 25 years to come up with something, you bring it to market? And people go? No, no, thanks. Anyway, I don't know what's real and what's not. But what I think is that you don't do yourself any favors by torturing yourself about one way or the other. Correct. What I usually tell people is that when they asked me if I think there'll be a cure for diabetes, which is a question that oddly, I get asked a lot. I say, I don't think there will ever be a cure in my lifetime. But I live like, there. I live like there won't be I hope, like there will be. So I take care of my daughter as if this is what that what it is. This is what it is. Yeah. And but I don't ever lose hope of it. Like it wouldn't surprise me. You know, like if somebody figured something out eventually. But you know, in a world where, you know, people have inflammation and they have joint pain from inflammation, and we can't figure out how to stop that. Like, this seems like a much bigger problem to me. So Correct. Anyway, yeah. Appreciate you doing this with me.
Jennifer Smith, CDE 27:05
Of course, yes.
Scott Benner 27:11
Jennifer Smith works at integrated diabetes.com. Go check her out, will you won't you, won't you please. I don't even I don't even know what I meant to say there. And don't forget touched by type one.org. The big event is coming up on September 16. It is free for everyone who lives with or is touched by type one. Head over there now and get your spot. Go hit that Register Now button. Do not wait. It will fill up. It has amazing speakers at it. I mean, of course it's gonna fill up. Wait, do you see when we're all in a room together? How much fun is going to be touched by type one.org I'm going to ask you to check out the private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes, go become a member get involved in the conversation. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. When you support the Juicebox Podcast by clicking on the advertisers links, you are helping to keep the show free and plentiful. I am certainly not asking you to buy something that you don't want. But if you're going to buy something, or use the device from one of the advertisers, getting your purchases set up through my links is incredibly helpful. So if you have the desire or the need, please consider using Juicebox Podcast links to make your purchases
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