I am not diabetes
Something happened the other night that caused me to think of a blog post that I wrote two years ago about the false perception of bravery. I'd love it if you could click over and read 'Bravery' before you continue but, if you can't, I understand.
Bravery is defined as the quality that allows someone to do things that are dangerous or frightening, but I think that's a romantic notion. Bravery is staying alive, it's fighting when things get messy because the alternative is terrible. Bravery is the reaction of the living when faced with peril. No one wants to be brave, we want to be safe, happy and warm. Bravery is fighting when circumstance takes away all of your other options.
People do amazing things everyday, things that look brave to onlookers who have yet to face such challenges. The uninitiated will refer to the actor's response as brave, but the people who fight the fight... they call it staying alive. Being thrust into a situation that requires bravery will take its toll - it ages you - seasons your mind and steals your innocence. Given the choice, I'd rather be uninitiated than thought of as brave, at least I would when it comes to my children's health.
Last evening I found out for sure that Arden would also choose the former. Arden and I were discussing something for school, something that required her to tell a story from a personal experience. She was having trouble deciding on a topic, so I shared with her that I like to write about things that I know a lot about because my experience helps me to tell a truthful and relatable story. I began to suggest diabetes as a topic when I was reminded that bravery is just another way to say that you are stuck, and have no other choice.
Arden tensed up and then exploded. Tears, anger and sadness poured from her as she bellowed, "I am not diabetes, everyone just sees diabetes".
Then she told me that a girl, who she didn't know, walked up to her at school recently and asked, "Are you the girl with diabetes?". When Arden responded the girl just walked away, her fact-finding mission having been completed. Arden may have perspective about diabetes, but she clearly doesn't want it... not yet at least.
Arden isn't brave, she's stuck. She's not resolute, she's trying her best to live her life. We can apply labels to people and actions, labels that make us feel better and maybe that's okay and needed for most days but please, take it from me, don't ignore that those words are only shields. Band-Aids that keep us from recognizing and treating the real hurt. The conversations, the ones that need to be had, are based in the truth given to me by my nine year old daughter on this day. The truth is, she is tired of pretending to be brave.
The conversation that Arden and I had after she calmed down was one of the most honest and valuable conversations that I have ever had with one of my children. Though I would have in the past, I never once told her that she was brave or that I was proud of her. I told her the truth. We aren't brave because we want to be, we do it because bravery is living and it's the best weapon we have and often the only good choice in a situation that is mostly devoid of freedom. We are brave because diabetes is unescapable, but it is not insurmountable and perhaps we should explore how to conquered it without wearing a mask.
I know we can do it, I just have to figure out how. How do you embrace the honesty of living with diabetes without letting it permeate every inch of who you are? Is the answer as easy as acceptance - it may be - but how do I help a nine year old to make that mental leap? Can I even begin to be a part of this understanding for her or is time the only real teacher of this lesson.
How to spot a D-Parent
Spotting a D-parent in the wild is easy if you know what to look for. Common indicators on stubborn BG days include, but are not limited to:
Needs haircut/The ignoring of personal grooming
Vacant stare from too much carb counting
Unshaven
Bed head
Dark circles under the eyes
Overall exhausted appearance from lack of sleep
Be advised that on days blood glucose values are in range, parent may appear normal. On those days you can approach* the parent as you would any other. However, if the subject has one or more of these indicators giving them a hug is currently the best known form of treatment.
*Please use your good judgement when engaging a D-Parent on days like the one shown here. There is no way to know how they may react. Arden's Day is not liable for any injuries that you may incur while attempting to have a conversation with a D-Parent in distress.
This has been a public service announcement.
Holiday Shutdown
Today as Cole and Arden prepared to leave for school, it appeared as though they had completely forgotten even that smallest aspect of their morning routine - and that's a good thing!
Cole overslept by at least twenty minutes and then proceeded to take a leisurely shower that did not reflect the urgency of his lateness. After fifteen minutes of coaxing, Arden was able to get out of bed, but when she appeared in the kitchen as I was packing lunches some time later - she stood before me without her socks. Arden went on to forget her CGM, supplies that she needed to take into school and the sweatshirt that she wanted, more than anything, to wear today.
This morning in our home must have closely resembled the scene that transpired just before the phrase, "You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached", was first uttered.
At first I was a little annoyed as I pressed the kids to hurry multiple times, but later as I surveyed the post-holiday clutter and formed a plan to get the house back into order, I realized that their confusion was a great thing. My wife and I had successfully created a holiday break that included a real break from reality. Children are so much more scheduled in today's world. Sports, school, friends and now social media - they hardly have a chance to stop. Well, apparently our kids stopped this Christmas season and I'm grateful that we were able to provide such a mind-numbing vacation. I don't think that I'll soon forget the sight of Arden standing, fully dressed, sans socks and saying, "Huh... I forgot my socks". Hopefully they are feeling recharged and ready to tackle the winter months in school.
I hope that your holiday was everything that you wanted and much more! May you have some difficulty remembering to put on your socks as 2014 gets underway...
I found the feeling that I want to hold onto during 2014
I found the feeling that I want to hold onto during 2014 in a review that was just left for 'Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal'. This year the people who read my book and left reviews made me believe that I am a writer... I can't thank you all enough for your kindness. Happy and healthy!
"I proudly placed his book in my personal library next to Darwin's The Origin of Species and Tolkien's The Hobbit"
5 most popular Arden's Day Instagram pics of 2013
Its fun to look back... But I love looking forward.
