#422 After Dark: Amy

ADULT TOPIC WARNING

Amy has a crazy story and type 1 diabetes.

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**DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to Episode 422 of the Juicebox Podcast. This episode is a little different in that I did something I don't normally do. I reached out to a virtual stranger and asked them to be on the show just based on something I saw in their social media posts. And I have to say that this episode did not in any way, go the way I thought it would. And that led to this being the happiest surprise of 2021 for me.

Unknown Speaker 0:36
Wait, do you meet Amy.

Scott Benner 0:47
I thought I was having Amy on the show to talk about her weight loss. And then I realized I didn't know the first thing about Amy. But by the time this was over, I knew about 40 things about Amy. And most of them led this to being another episode in the after dark series. Amy's story is so eclectic, that I didn't even know what to call this episode, which is why it ended up being called after dark. Amy please remember while you're listening that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, please always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan or becoming bold with insulin. There are going to be a lot of sensitive topics in this episode. So if you find yourself easily triggered by things like suicidal ideology, miscarriages, anxiety, I don't actually have a full list but Amy's got a couple of things going on. But I'll tell you one thing about me that I'm 100% sure won't trigger you. She's 100 million 1000 100,000 million percent, like really delightful. And she did this episode outside. So the Snow White fans here are going to be thrilled because there's a lot of birds in the background. And it's not something I normally would have went with but Amy caught me by surprise. And I just kind of fell in love with talking to her and I stopped caring about the birds. I hope you find them delightful, at least as delightful as I found Amy g vo Kibo pen has no visible needle, and it's the first premixed auto injector of glucagon for very low blood sugar and adults and kids with diabetes ages two and above. Not only is Jeeva hypo pen simple to administer, but it's simple to learn more about. All you have to do is go to G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juicebox g vo shouldn't be used in patients with insulinoma or pheochromocytoma. Visit je Vogue glucagon.com slash risk. Many of you may have been watching my blood sugar's live online last week at Juicebox podcast.com forward slash CGM Live, it's not live anymore. Actually somebody else's blood sugars up there now person with insulin resistance. Later there'll be other people sharing their blood sugars and bolusing methods and we're gonna start getting into some type ones in the new year. Anyway, I bring this up because I tested my blood sugar a lot over the last 10 days checking it against the Dexcom g six that I was wearing. And it was terrific. But I gained an even deeper love for the Contour Next One blood glucose meter during that time. Because thus far I've been telling you about my experiences using the meter for my daughter as a caregiver, talking about the bright light, easy to read, easy to hold easy to transport the great Second Chance test strips. Well, now I got to use it for myself. And I have to say it performed exactly the way I was hoping it would stuck in my pocket. It was easy to find in the dark. The light shone bright in the pale moonlight, and I was able to test my blood sugar with no trouble at all points if you sang deep in the heart of Texas after that. This meter is an industry leader in accuracy. And I hope that you check it out to Contour. Next one.com forward slash juicebox. There's links in the show notes where you can just type in the URL. I really hope you give it a try. Too often, people get stuck with the meter that their doctor gives them. And that meter could just be you know, the one the salesman left in the drawer or one that the doctors just gotten accustomed to prescribing to people. Maybe your doctor hasn't looked into meter accuracy in a long time either. But there's no reason that you can Contour Next one.com for slash juicebox check them out, check out all the sponsors the end of the year, get festive, go in the shownotes and click around a little bit support the show. Alright guys, I put the ads up front so that you can just sit back and relax and soak in Amy.

I'm recording now, just so you know, let me just check that I have your voice correctly. Say anything. Hi, good. Okay, we are recording, I'm gonna ask you to introduce yourself any way you want to be known. And then we're gonna start talking, but just so you know, I can hear the birds behind you. So you're just gonna really be Snow White. Just say. Sounds like you have this little blue bird flying behind. It's very nice, actually, finally relaxing.

Amy 5:56
So I'm Amy. Um, I'm just here today. So I'm a type one diabetic. So yeah.

Scott Benner 6:04
Amy, you got on the show. Unlike the way most people do. I don't usually reach out to people. But I want to, I want to tell people what happened. So I sent you a message. You follow me on Instagram? And I said, Yeah, so I just kind of assumed you listen to the podcast. And so I sent a message to him like, Hey, I don't know if you listen to podcasts. But I'd like to have you on. And you responded back with like, No, you were so like, it was funny. Do you listen to the podcast? You said no. And I was like, Oh, this is the feeder. Okay, nevermind, I'm gonna go to martial law here and see if I can see if I can get through. But the reason I reached out to you, and what I want to learn about today, among other things, is that, you know, it's weird when 1000s and 1000s of people, like, follow you on Instagram, and then you follow them back. And I used to do that and really enjoyed it. But then Instagram kept me and I can't, I can't seem to follow more people which I I hate because I like seeing what everyone's doing. But I don't know everybody when it's that many people, but you would go by in my feed and confuse me because you're in your photos. I hope you take this Well, I hope you're with me take this away intended. It appeared to me like there were two separate people in your photographs.

Unknown Speaker 7:23
I get that a lot.

Scott Benner 7:27
And it was confusing as you're kind of whipping by and trying to keep up with all these people and, and I just was like, This is strange. So one day, and I hope you take this the right way. You have a really pretty face. So I stopped longer. I was like hold on what's happening here? And I started picking through. You've lost an insane amount of weight, haven't you? Yes, I have.

Amy 7:51
I've lost like over 156 pounds.

Scott Benner 7:54
Jesus, that's a person. Okay, this is what I want to know about. Alright, let's start slow. How old were you when you were diagnosed?

Amy 8:02
I was actually 23.

Scott Benner 8:04
Okay, so And how old are you? Now? You can't be that much older than that.

Unknown Speaker 8:07
No? Okay.

Scott Benner 8:09
So five years ago diagnosed with Type One Diabetes. Can we do you mind giving context? Like, when you were 23 How much did you weigh?

Amy 8:19
30 565 pounds around there. That was like the last time I weighed myself. Okay. I just graduated college. So I was at my biggest

Scott Benner 8:28
where you did college add to it? Great. Kind of continued.

Amy 8:34
No, I just actually kind of always been a big girl around that point. And then, um, pretty much it kind of continued a little bit, but I think like, around that time. Yeah, I just was that much and I was trying to lose weight and I was down on myself.

Scott Benner 8:51
How tall are you? 511 11 Okay. All right. Big people in your family. Or no?

Amy 9:00
No, it's actually kind of weird because my dad he used to be a big guy before he married my mom and then he actually lost a week after he was like 30 and then my mom's kind of like, just over wait a little bit. But my sister on she's a she's a bigger girl. But um, she can be like a plus size model like so it was like kind of that so while everybody else my family is pretty much kind of like it and everything like my cousins and my uncles and aunts and stuff like that.

Scott Benner 9:34
So So now that you've now that you've lost weight, can you tell me like what led to it? Is it was it just the eating habits or nutrition?

Amy 9:44
So a little bit was eating habits will probably go back to like when we kind of first got diagnosed because I was at my biggest actually was misdiagnosed as a type two diabetic. And then I had all these doctors telling me Hey, you need to lose 14% your body weight You won't need insolent you'll be good. I was 14%, like to the point where I was crying because I didn't want to be a diabetic. I thought it was my fault I was I was so big. And I got to the point where I did lose that 14%, I got down to 300 pounds, and I suppose my insulin actually increased. So from there, the doctors are still yelling at me. And I was still a type two diabetic, I'm actually ended up getting an eating disorder. I'm trying to lose weight, which I didn't even know anything of. But I figured out, hey, if I just keep not taking my insulin, and my medications that I'm not supposed to, because I also was on that form, and I was losing weight, like crazy. Um, and then I actually got down to about 290. And actually, when DK and actually went out to a facility for my eating disorder treatment, because I was to the point where I was killing myself every day.

Scott Benner 11:02
Did you find that the need to lose weight over? Like it? It didn't, it made everything else not important. Were you just like solely focused on that. And if not taking this medication was doing it, then that's what you are going to do?

Amy 11:16
Yeah, pretty, pretty much like, to me it was a doctor's yelling inside my head, like, you need to lose weight. So you won't be on insulin, you need to lose weight. So you get off this. So like, I was like trying to be so persistent. I'm not being a diabetic. So I was like, okay, we're gonna get this weight loss off. And if I can do it this way, then I do this way. But when I reached out, yeah, so when I reached out to Minnesota, and then I went to their eating disorder, eating disorder treatment center. And they actually retested me and and I, I turned out to be a type one diabetic.

Scott Benner 11:48
Yes. So am I right to say that in the back of your mind, you thought, it doesn't matter if I don't take this medication? If it's gonna lead to the weight loss? I'm not gonna have diabetes when it's over anyway.

Amy 11:59
Yeah, so that was that was when I was like that. I was like, yeah, cuz, you know, just eat and then take your medication, you'll be fine. Like, Oh, all right, well, let's do this. But then I after I found out it was like a type one, everything just made more sense to me. And then my eating habits has changed, my physical fitness has changed and stuff like that. So after that, I started gradually losing weight. But then at the same time, I did relapse towards my eating disorder, which was not good. But I did lose a couple more. I think I lost about 30 pounds then. And then but I was sick. I actually was in the hospital 13 times that year. So I just felt horrible. And then, so I got back on track. I found a job that I love. And I don't want to mess it up. So lately, I just been keeping track of what I've been eating and exercising and my job is very demanding. So it actually really helps out.

Scott Benner 13:04
So the jobs almost like exercise for you where it is,

Unknown Speaker 13:07
all day. Yeah. Excellent.

Scott Benner 13:09
I need a job like that sit in this chair is not good for me. I can tell you that much. I feel that some days. Like today, I'm recording twice. And there is this part of me that's like thinking like you got to get up and get moving when this is over. Like you can't just because I want to edit a show now. And if I do that, I'll roll from two recordings to editing and I'll be in here for six hours before I know it. Yeah. And then the guy's gone. And it's not good for you. So I have a lot of questions. I don't know how to like, I don't know how to order them yet. So I'm gonna feel my way through this. I'm sorry.

Unknown Speaker 13:41
You are good. Okay,

Scott Benner 13:42
great. So your Are you around 200 pounds now?

Amy 13:45
I am actually 220 right now to 20.

Scott Benner 13:48
You you I guess your height helps because your photos I give you made me guess your weight. There's no way I would have I would have gone there. Like with that. Not that there's anything I'm not saying there's anything wrong with I'm just saying you don't visually. And I wonder if that's a problem? Because I've had that before where people tell you like you carry your weight well, so you just think well, if I don't look heavier than I don't care, like I've had that feeling before too. But I guess I want to know first so that so they just don't you just stop eating to lose those first like 65 pounds and get yourself to 300 there was no

Unknown Speaker 14:22
No, no,

Scott Benner 14:24
I ate more. But didn't take the medications. So you drove your blood sugar up to lose the weight?

Amy 14:29
Yes, yes, I ate more than anything and then everybody asked me how to use your weight and I didn't say I just ate more. They don't usually understand but

Scott Benner 14:41
that's not an Instagram. How did you lose five pounds I eat more food.

Amy 14:48
I do it now still but it's because I know what to eat when to eat and like I don't starve myself.

Scott Benner 14:54
So have the things that you're eating changed.

Amy 14:59
Oh, like well, you I definitely so I remember it. So my mom's a nurse. So I remember when I texted her I used to work in a restaurant. And I texted her when, when I was like almost being diagnosed, I think she remembered me drinking a pitcher of water. And she's like he was last time you checked your blood sugar. And I said, I don't know. It was during hunting season. I was, you know, when diabetics get high, they pee all the time. I couldn't hold it during hunting season. So I went to my mom's on lunch. And she's like, She's like, um, test your blood sugar. And I tested that she had this ghost face on her. So the one thing I've noticed is actually I drink a lot more diet, and I drink a lot lot more water than anything. Even if it's like, like flavored water. Yeah. So I don't I don't drink saucers. I don't know.

Scott Benner 15:47
I have to be honest with you. I drink water and like, unsweetened tea a lot. That's pretty much Germany like some like crazy kidney stone one day, it's just gonna come flying out and kill me. I don't I don't drink a whole lot else. And so Wait, you're a hunter. I seen you on your Instagram with a boat. Do you just bow hunt?

Amy 16:04
Oh, no, I bow and rifle hunt.

Scott Benner 16:06
Okay, are you within? You know, don't tell me the town you live in. But where in the country? Do you live?

Amy 16:11
I live on the border of New York and Pennsylvania.

Scott Benner 16:14
Oh, gotcha. So that's sort of the I say so you're more like North? Well, not really like,

Amy 16:23
No, I'm like Central New York. Okay, central middle of the middle. borderline interesting.

Scott Benner 16:29
Okay. Okay. So hunting is a big deal around, like, where you live? And then something, how did you get into it.

Amy 16:36
So I feel like most of my family actually hunted. And I was actually jealous because my cousin always hunted with my uncle. And then I just ended up finding a boyfriend that hunted and then I got because I've always wanted to do it. Because nobody in my family like my mom or my dad and do it. So I actually got it that way. bow hunting was actually kind of my own thing, because I thought it was more of a challenge. So I love that. But even then I had a weight problem because you know, tree stands have a weight limit. So

Scott Benner 17:08
you couldn't get into a tree stand like you weren't allowed.

Amy 17:11
Yeah, because like the weight limit was I think there are like three things. I know. Some of them are 150 and then some of them are not no 250. And then some of them are like three 300

Scott Benner 17:25
that would really add insult to injury if you were 365 pounds, do you have a tree stand? You just probably lay on the ground and go Okay, I'm just gonna die here. I guess I could give up. You know, but but it's, it's really First of all, you know, listen, we can't overlook it to a mass 365 pounds and 23 years is in and of itself some sort of an accomplishment to be perfectly honest. I guess not. I don't think that was easy to do. Were you just eating? constantly everything? Was it calories? Like how did how did that manifest for you?

Amy 17:57
I think it because when I was a kid, I actually was very active. I did. I played sports all the time, all four seasons. And then I think I actually, like when I went to treatment, I really, like suppressed so much. And I found out that one of them was that after my parents divorced, I stopped doing sports. And all I did was eat I go to my dad's on the weekend eat junk food. My mom just easiest meal for a single mom is like spaghetti. That's all I I hate red sauce to this day.

Scott Benner 18:31
You just think that the like the dissolving of your parents marriage just threw you into a depression or

Amy 18:38
I think a little bit depression because I did go to therapy. But I thought also because I actually because when you're at like 10 years old, you can't control your diet. So your parents are the ones who feed you. So I actually kind of reflect on that because I remember the first stretch mark I ever got. I was like awesome video, I was freaking out but I was like, Okay, um, because I was like, was that changing period for every human. So I, I remember I ate like, cans of frosting and stuff like that. And and, and, like, it was just what was like, a drink so much soda, and stuff like that. And I think it just accumulated slowly and slowly, slowly and slowly. So it just, it really does reflect like today I eat more protein than anything actually do not like bread that much. I really don't only if it's like garlic bread and Alfredo because that is my carb carb choice. It's amazing. We got some good pretty good Italian restaurants around here. So um, so yeah, so that I pretty much like looking back. That's how I looked at it because I still was active. I always was active I played I still play basketball. I played football cheerleading golf track in high school. So I did all that I write rode my bike around like from LA Thomson, I still couldn't lose weight, like it was just still there. But I think as much as I was pushing out for calories, that was pretty much taking a double.

Scott Benner 20:09
Right? You could be as active as you wanted to be, there would be no way to get rid of all the calories that you would take in in that sense. Yeah, I mean, honestly, weight loss is its calories, right? Like, it's not much more than that. It's calories activity hydration. I don't think there's a big secret to how how people gain and lose weight, you know, aside from people who have actual medical conditions where those factors end up not impacting them the way they should, but for most of us, it's just that do you do any, like intermittent fasting now? Or do you have any, like other ways that you try to maintain or go are you trying to get lasser Are you trying to lose weight,

Amy 20:50
actually, I'm still trying to lose weight. I actually did get down to 200 I was super comfortable then. I tell you one thing when you go from like 300 pounds down to a 200 level, buying clothes is so much more enjoyable. It's I have I have to make clothes now have like two closets full of it's so much more enjoyable because you can actually like fitness things and and actually enjoy it. So because I I did gain a little bit of weight. I am trying to lose it but I'm doing it the healthy way. During work my work schedule is crazy. So I work from like 1239 all day going in and our customers house climbing poles and stuff like that. So sometimes I don't even get a lunch sometimes. So pretty much usually I fast. I usually do for the first couple hours of the day. And then usually I come home and I eat when I come at night. Usually it's not by choice on weekends. I I really just go not full blown by usually eat regular like church and Sunday. I usually we go I get breakfast I go get lunch, I get dinner with a family and stuff like that. So it's

Scott Benner 22:01
like Sunday's your big day. And then it's Sundays.

Amy 22:03
Yeah, Sunday's my big day. Gotcha. I love my Sunday.

Scott Benner 22:09
Alfredo sauce and garlic knots and things. I don't see how we're gonna say no to that. How do you manage your type one now? Are you pumping? You have a glucose monitor? Do you have anything like that?

Amy 22:19
Yes, I am actually the G sex and I'm on the T slim. Um, so that is how I'm keeping track of everything. I yeah, I was on some other things. I was on the Omnipod. But it kept I kept with my work my job I kept pulling my pump off, which was annoying because it started screaming and stuff.

Scott Benner 22:39
So yeah, you couldn't find a place for it that that worked for you that wasn't in the way while you were working.

Amy 22:44
Yeah, because sometimes I'd crawl up in attics, and then they crawl under houses and in crawl spaces and stuff like that. So I'm like every single angle possible. And then even when it was like around my belly and around, like anywhere, especially on my belly, I had like my tool belt and my climbing belt. So sometimes they would yank and pull off. So So I ended up going to Tucson because I can, I don't know, I feel a little bit more freedom. I know a lot of people say they feel freedom with the Omnipod, which I kind of did when I was at my previous job. But at this job I feel more freedom with a pump.

Scott Benner 23:19
You're able to like hide it differently because the set and

Amy 23:23
yeah, it really depends how how long my tubing is. So like sometimes it's just in my pockets. And then I get customers that asked me like what it is. And then I had like a lady yesterday say, Oh, is that the G six? You're like, Oh, I thought you only put that in your stomach. And I said, Well, I said you're only supposed to but there's pages out there that like some people do other places and had good readings and they said this is one of my best readings because it's on my forum. And so I love it and they even have like a tattoo. Um, that is actually a molecule for influence. So that on your

Scott Benner 24:00
waist. This is gonna get creepy. I know too much about you

Unknown Speaker 24:05
know my left arm.

Scott Benner 24:06
Oh, yeah, the thing gets flipped in the we're all backwards on Instagram. I hope everyone everybody, everybody's been bid mirrored. I was watching. I don't know if you know the comedian, Deon Cole. But he's been during the the Coronavirus thing. He's been DJing on his Instagram Live and it pops up in front of me sometimes, but it always freaks me out because he's got something on the back. Behind him. It's a science. It's like the ankle calm or something like that. But it's backwards and it always catches my eye and I'm like, Oh, that's right. We're all flipped around backwards and but but yeah, I saw you so it's a it's a big tattoo the molecule like you have the whole molecule out like on the top of your forearm, right?

Amy 24:48
Yeah, well, it's not the whole night here. If you look up the whole night here, that's pretty long, but it's pretty much the basic one. Okay, yeah,

Scott Benner 24:54
that's very cool. I saw you mentioned. So there's a couple of things that I've been paying closer attention to you now because I knew I was going to talk to you than I normally would. So just don't feel too creeped out.

Unknown Speaker 25:04
But you already do. It's fine.

Scott Benner 25:08
It's your fault. You've lost all the weight. No, it's not me, I didn't do it. Sometimes you talk about anxiety. But moreover, I see you talking about being uncomfortable with the loose skin that you have now. And first of all, in my opinion, is meaningless to you, you're really a beautiful person. So I know you shouldn't. Like, it doesn't matter what other people think, etc. But, you know, I'm trying to find out what that's like, like, you've lost so much weight? How much skin? Do you have that you need to do something with? and What? What's the play? They're like, what do you do?

Amy 25:44
Okay, so actually talk to my doctor about the surgery I'm getting, it's protecting me or something like that, which is the bottom half, which is like, like past your pelvic bone, depth below your belly button. And he said, we're gonna have to wait on a little bit, because I do have a lot of anxiety and stuff. So he wants to get that all controlled first, before we do that. But other than that, he really doesn't want to do anything about it.

Scott Benner 26:11
Does he think it's gonna shrink up on its own?

Amy 26:17
I should not worry about it, and just try to deal with it. Okay, um, he said that I would have to go see a plastic surgeon myself. So, so I'm trying to look into that and see how much that's gonna cost because I kind of really want it done. It's not It's not because it's like a, it's a little bit it is an image issue. Um, because I, like I know people like I, I used to wear a bikini, I was like, body positivity around like 290. And I wore a bikini at a theme park. And I was like, you know, I don't care. It's like, the 2000s we can do anything we want these days. But I still get those looks those concerning looks like if I go to a hotel room or something like that has like a pool or a private setting. And people just look at me. And I think people and then I had some comments like, you shouldn't be worrying socially around, like, certain kind of people. And I'm like, Okay. Like, some people like they're all around, like your co workers or your stuff like that. And I'm like, oh, okay, like, I'm like one, like, I don't think they really care. I don't think I know, some people probably think or why she nap, stuff like that. And it kind of a little bit of it. I don't like it, it just hangs and it just it does bother me. But at the same time, there's a little bit of body positivity in me. But at the same time, it's like, I really just want this gone. And then plus, I think some, like a lot of it. I mean, my doctor told me that is probably like, about 15 pounds of loose skin 15 to 20 pounds on the skin. So then I'd be like, so we're just Yes.

Scott Benner 28:02
Is it shrinking at all or no.

Amy 28:05
On some places it has like, like, I think because I was big for so long. It's not going anywhere. It's not like I got big and then went back down. It's like because I like was big for very, for most apartment. Well, not in most part of my life. But like my teenage years and stuff like that when your body is pretty much in their growth rate. Yeah, so. So pretty much like my legs. My arms aren't too bad. It's actually around like my back and then like pretty much like a domino in my lower abdominal and like, my upper back is everything I want to get done.

Scott Benner 28:40
What's up? It's a astonishing I guess people are you cool if people check you out on Instagram, or do you want to mention your handle? Or? No, it's okay. If you don't?

Unknown Speaker 28:49
Yeah, definitely.

Scott Benner 28:51
So what is it? How do they find you? It's

Amy 28:54
so my Instagram. I know you're

Scott Benner 28:58
breaking up. Don't say, john, you broke up. Don't say that. There you go. You're back.

Amy 29:07
Alright, so my Instagram. I know what I'm looking at. Yeah, Rob. I look. Good. Dragon Warrior. rugged, warrior,

Scott Benner 29:16
rugged period warrior. And yeah, it's mean, what you did is I know it didn't start out the right way. But the I guess the focus on not wanting to do you think that was the case? Do you think if you would have found out you had Type One Diabetes immediately. Do you think you'd still be bigger?

Amy 29:35
No, I don't actually I really don't because like, I'm actually a couple months ago. I went to a doctor and they're like, we're gonna retest you. Because I had severe lows. I was in the hospital for a week because I couldn't stay above 40 I ate I literally two days I was eating everything I could to the point that I was like, Alright, I need I just need food, food, food food. And I got to the point where I was like, I can't Do this no more, we have to live in emergency room. And I remember I was getting the sugar shots, glucose fixed shot, so you know what they called? I got seven of those within four hours. So one my veins, her and then they're like we're gonna retest you because we don't think you're a Type, Type a type one. And then I guess they did the one test again. And then they did like an insulin in your body test and I guess it came back in, like I don't even know I think low or something like that. So, um, so then they were like, okay, so we don't know what's going on here. But we think they're a type two, and I literally cried. Because I was like, This is my fault. I am big because of like, all this weight in my head. I'm like, I lost all this weight and I'm still on insulin. This is just a weird week. I said, I'm still on insulin. I still have like today. I mean, I still have to count my carbs. I still have a G six. Like, my, my endocrinologist knows I was at a different hospital. So they tested me and then it was just weird. And I literally broke down in tears because I thought it was my fault again, because everybody,

Scott Benner 31:05
maybe you were just gambling. Maybe you just had maybe you using maybe your pancreas just kicked back in for a little bit. During that happens.

Amy 31:13
I have no idea. I have no idea what happened. It was last year and I have no idea what happened. Like I was like

Unknown Speaker 31:21
I was like,

Scott Benner 31:24
dammit, leave me alone. You mentioned anxiety a second ago? Is that been a lifelong thing? Or is that since your parents divorce?

Amy 31:33
Uh, no, actually, it's kind of been recent. Um, I had it actually kind of got worse since I've been diagnosed, um, to the point where I'm actually on medication for it. Um, yeah, so actually, since I got diagnosed, I have been taking, um, anxiety and doing like DBT skills and stuff like that I've learned in the past couple of years. So and I and I am a true believer that managing your blood sugar does affect your hormones in every single way. Like even if you're angry, sad or anything like that. I truly do believe because when my sugar was high all the time, I was having panic attacks left and right. And I was crying all the time. And I was like, angry and I was sick and everything like that. So does the

Scott Benner 32:25
anxiety stick with you? No matter what your blood sugar is?

Amy 32:29
Um, so if a tie I am freaking out every two seconds like it's not because I just my boyfriend can tell you that that's the case. I'm He's my emotions are all out of whack. But when I'm usually stable between where I should be I'm usually having my life is awesome. It's kind of like having rose colored glasses like if your sugars out of whack everything's just like seems all colors go. And then when it's like right in perfect range. Everything's just perfect. And you think your life is great.

Scott Benner 33:03
You're really interesting. I do know that like your your there's a very thick you keep saying things that make me feel like they would come from a different person, but they're all within you, which I think is great. Like I didn't meet the gloss over earlier. But you're climbing through basements and attics and up polls. Are you installing some sort of utility?

Amy 33:21
Yeah, so I'm Kate. Yeah, I'm a cable technician.

Scott Benner 33:25
Okay. All right. So that at least makes sense. I'm like, Why is she in people's basements? People. Hi, it's me. You may be from Instagram. I've lost a lot of weight and I'm in your basement now. Just I figured that was what was going on. Is it scary to climb a pole with without a CGM? Like is it like it's an interesting paradox that you're an anxious person but at the top of a telephone pole. Does that make you anxious?

Unknown Speaker 33:55
so much? Well, yeah.

Amy 34:00
I love heights. I know top a telephone pole. And usually like, even when I didn't have my CGM I was totally fine. Um, I cuz I didn't really give a crap at that time.

Scott Benner 34:14
Probably really high. Not. Wasn't low ever, I would imagine.

Amy 34:17
Yeah, it wasn't low. Yeah, it wasn't lonely time was when I had that week and I was out of work for a little bit because they didn't want me climbing poles or driving. But other than that, no, I love heights. I really do. I actually love skydiving, actually that as soon as I got to the weight, I went down and I jumped in. Everybody's on you scared? I said no, I've been waiting for this since I was 18. And I was the happiest person I did not hesitate one bit. I can't I'm so glad that this Corona thing starting to lift because they have opened up and I'm going to go again. And I actually I was mad because they actually canceled the halo jump which is like where you it's like 23,000 feet and you drunk with an oxygen tank up in

Unknown Speaker 35:01
Yeah,

Amy 35:06
they got cancelled because of the whole Corona thing. So, but I am so excited to go jump again. I love heights. Yeah, it's one of my favorite things.

Scott Benner 35:17
That's, that's astonishing. But I want to dig into it a little bit for a second. So your anxiety is more? Is it more personal? is it and how did you manage it before the medication?

Amy 35:31
So I didn't manage it. I was actually self mutilating. It wasn't because I wanted to die. It was more of a it stopped everything rushing in my head. You were cutting? I was cutting. Okay. All right.

Scott Benner 35:47
I have more context on that. I don't know if you heard I know you don't listen to the podcast, maybe that's fine. Don't worry about it. But there was a we had a self harm episode recently with a person who also cut like so now that you're talking like, it makes more sense to me than it would have the first time like eat your story. If I heard it the first time I would have been like, No, wait, what but now I I know how it goes. For some people. So I'm, I'm a little more, a little more educated, educated around it now. So. So anxiety starts in your teens, right?

Amy 36:20
I yeah, I didn't really have much like, I mean, life was okay. I would say okay, high school wasn't bad, I lived it. I lived in a small town, small school school. So everybody knows everybody, you're friends with the popular kids all the way down to the non popular kids. And that was kind of popular because I played football. And everybody kind of looked up to me. And so that was kind of cool. But other than that, just my living situation wasn't the best. So that was a little bit part of my anxiety. But I'm like one of those people say, that's a very independent person. Um, I try to do things by myself. And I kind of don't reach out for help if I don't need it. I'm learning a different way. But yeah, so like I said, my anxiety didn't start until I became like, type one. And those doctors were just telling me, you have to lose weight, you have to lose weight. I'm not till this day. I still have like, if I start gaining weight, I still have those doctors in my head and I have to tell myself, this isn't my fault. It is an autoimmune disease. I know you can gain like 1020 pounds here and there. You know, maybe it was like a big barbecue weekend. So I like tons of cake and ice cream and meat and regular soda. And then so I literally have to like don't tell myself all this stuff and like, just be like, you know, just give it another week you'll be okay.

Scott Benner 37:50
Well, that's just because it's gonna stick in my head if I don't ask organized football like for high school, or when you play school football? Yes,

Unknown Speaker 38:00
I did.

Scott Benner 38:01
With position.

Amy 38:03
Tackle garden tighten.

Scott Benner 38:05
No kidding. Nice all fans can catch a ball. And guys, you guys were okay. Like, hitting you. They did you ever like did people ever not?

Amy 38:16
There was like, No, I actually, I don't know, I once you put that helmet on. I don't think they knew who they were up against. But I know a couple guys on my team didn't want me there. And they laid me out during practice. Sometimes I remember the coach yelling at them. But no other than that, like, I I had a blast. I know they say like, being on high school, something that they usually tell boys is something that you're gonna it's like the best time in your life.

And it is. I mean, it was it was amazing. So I'm glad I got it was one of the lifetime things that I do not regret cool.

Scott Benner 39:02
No, I wouldn't think you would regret it. It's just that I keep wondering how much longer I would have to talk to you before you'd say something else that I didn't expect. So because for clarity so far, think about it. You're 28 years old in those 28 years. It sounds like you survived a divorce that wasn't particularly fun for the child. You gained. Your your weight was 365 pounds. You've lost like 160 pounds of it. You found that you had type two diabetes, you didn't have type two diabetes, type one diabetes, you climb polls for a living you like to jump out of airplanes, and you played football in high school. Like, what else don't we know about you?

Amy 39:41
know, everybody says I should be writing a book.

Scott Benner 39:48
What did she just say? And you know, it's I'm trying to figure out you know, oh my god, and you live by the way your your internet connection, flies in and out every once in a while with Don't worry about like, I'm living through it because I'm just like, I'm not telling her that I can't hear you because your voice slows down like, but you live in the like you're in the woods, right? Are you not?

Unknown Speaker 40:10
Yeah. Yeah,

Scott Benner 40:12
yeah, you should get a cable company to bring in a better signal for you.

Amy 40:15
Was it I came in get I get free internet and I can't even get cable to my house. I have to have satellite.

Scott Benner 40:26
If only you knew somebody, alright. boyfriend, you mentioned a boyfriend. How long have you been with this guy that you're with them?

Amy 40:33
This is this is a complicated part of the whole thing. So I actually live with my boyfriend and I live with it. So hold on,

Scott Benner 40:42
hold on. Your voice broke up and we're not losing this. Hold on. Let's get a hold on a second. We're not we're not listening this. Okay. Let's take a breath. You have. Okay. All right. You're still breaking up. I'm trying now. So fast.

Amy 41:00
Wait, hold on. Let me let me walk. Now, am I good?

Scott Benner 41:07
Yeah, stay on the microphone. All right. Okay. You're with your with your boyfriend who you've sounds like you've had for a while.

Amy 41:14
Actually, our one year anniversary is gonna be 20.

Scott Benner 41:18
Okay, so you've been with this guy for a year, but you live with an ex fiance?

Unknown Speaker 41:22
Yep. Okay,

Unknown Speaker 41:24
hold on.

Scott Benner 41:26
Just wait. Does the boyfriend live with you too? Yep. Okay, so you, your boyfriend, your ex fiance live together? Let's keep talking. This might turn into an after dark episode. It's fine. If it does. Are we? Are we like a throttle? No, okay. No. So there's no fun stuff between all three.

Amy 41:46
No. So my pretty much my expense. I just kind of grew out of our sexual interest with each other.

Scott Benner 41:57
By the way, every married person is laughing going. Yeah, me too. But go ahead.

Amy 42:04
So Well, no, he's like my best friend. He has been. We've been pretty much I would say we were dating for about 766 years. And we did get engaged, but we never got married. And it was just it just never happened. I mean, we never were in a financial state to get married. We were always too busy. and stuff like that. And then but he's my best friend to this day. If anything, if I'm having anxiety. That sounds so bad because I have a boyfriend. I'm having anxiety. or something's going wrong. Or, like, we still have our dog something wrong with our dogs. I forgot something, I'll call him. He is literally my best friend. He actually is training my boyfriend how to take care of me. And it's the greatest thing because my boyfriend will call him and be like, what does he like on your pizza? or walk with me like this? Like, like everything or like Amy's like panicking. I don't know what to do. Um, can you come over like, Oh, it's like, this is like before we live together and he's like, can you come over? and stuff like that? So but they get along great. They hang out. So there's nothing they never fought or anything. And it's been a year. So yeah, plenty.

Scott Benner 43:20
Were you with him at all. Wait, the fiance like were you 365 with him? And 200?

Amy 43:26
Yes. So so he's been like with me, like since I got diagnosed, and then he has, he knows my eating disorder. He knows when I'm like, like, my ketones are higher. I'm not feeling good. And he knows when I'm low and like you I don't even have to tell him and he's like, Are you feeling okay? And then he'll just go grab my, oh, he won't look at the CGM. Well, sometimes you will, but he'll go grab my poker also, because you know, sometimes that can be off a little bit, and hold testing and stuff like that. My boyfriend doesn't do that. He's getting there. But don't worry.

Scott Benner 44:00
Your fiance will get your boyfriend trained and then you'll be fine. There's a sentence I never thought I would speak out loud. It's fine. That's that was very first of all, that's incredibly progressive and and I like that you're still friendly with a person who means something to you. And I hear that so you know, that's cool. Did he prefer? I this is such a weird question. But sexually did he prefer you bigger? Or

Amy 44:26
he said he said he loved me in any single way. That's like me anytime. Yeah.

Scott Benner 44:31
Nice. I don't see why you wouldn't. I'm just wondering if like, like now I was like literally thinking like, was there? Like, did he have a fetish? And then he was like you lost weight? And he was like, Oh, no, forget it. Now if you're gonna be 200 pounds, like I'm out on this, but no, you guys were together together like in your minds and your hearts. Gotcha.

Amy 44:51
Yeah, so today like he's my family. Like I really don't really have any family out here. Even though my family's from here, but some have passed. My mom there. Arizona sister doesn't really talk to me because she's up there Bluefin but so I'm pretty much like so he like so we've been through everything like financial struggles on to like me getting diagnosed and other illnesses and stuff like that so like it's so we're tight.

Scott Benner 45:21
Listen, I'm not judging I just didn't expect again did not expect you to say that. Right? So let's, let's find something else to ask you about that you're gonna say something I can't imagine what is your a one c right now?

Amy 45:38
Oh no, I just got back it was a bad day. Actually Was it the front? Yeah, I go the first every month, the first Monday of every month. It was a 15.20 my

Scott Benner 45:53
gosh, okay, so alright, so you have now let's figure this out. Let's figure this.

Unknown Speaker 45:59
Wait, wait, can I tell you what my last agency was? Is it gonna be like four and

Unknown Speaker 46:04
I'm gonna be flipped out there. What was it? Good?

Unknown Speaker 46:06
6.2. You went

Scott Benner 46:08
from 6.2 to 15? Yeah, is that eating cake and soda at a barbecue like that?

Amy 46:15
There's a lot of birthdays.

Scott Benner 46:17
People You know, I've got it's not me.

Unknown Speaker 46:22
But that's

Unknown Speaker 46:23
birthday. So

Scott Benner 46:24
that's super interesting, because that's it. I mean, a fairly massive swing, like from like one quarter to the next. You know how to keep an agency in the sixes like when you had it in the sixes? Was it because of a lot of lows? Or was it you were doing things that were leading to like a stable six?

Amy 46:41
All right, you ready? For another surprise thing?

Scott Benner 46:43
I don't think it's gonna be a surprise at all. But go ahead, whatever you're saying.

Amy 46:46
So when I was pregnant, my sugar stayed at a constant level would mean barely taking an insulin.

Unknown Speaker 46:54
Do you have a kid? How come? I don't know?

Amy 46:56
I do not. That's why. So I actually went, I was 2323 24 weeks, and then I had her. So then after that, things didn't work out, which is okay. I'm kind of a little glad because during my pregnancy, I couldn't take any my pretty much my mental medications, which I was going insane. And I was doing self mutilation again, and I was like, I can't do this. I can't be a mom. And then I was back and forth about having a kid and I was actually really suicidal too. And then I was having pseudo seizures. Which I don't know if you know what those are. Those are the ones Yep, they're not epileptic. I can't say the word. Yeah,

Scott Benner 47:47
I can say epileptic.

Amy 47:51
Yeah. So they're not those seizures. See, the seizures is actually when your mind gets like, a bunch of chemical imbalances in that and it shuts down. So then you have a seizure. So I was having tons of those I wasn't having regular seizures. At the point in my pregnancy, so my life so I couldn't work. I couldn't do anything, even though I'm the kind of person that was kind of cool was pregnant. Some people might not like that, but I like to have a stable income.

Scott Benner 48:20
Climbing. I guess you're pregnant, by the way. So you're, so wait a minute, I and I feel like we're being we're bouncing around from serious to lighthearted, so much. I don't know what to say ever. But you, you the pregnancy ended with a live birth or no,

Amy 48:36
no, no. Okay. All right. I was I was at 24 weeks, and she had a heart condition.

Scott Benner 48:41
Gotcha. I'm sorry, first of all it but I but I hear what you're saying about the the other stuff. So when you're pregnant, you can't take all those medications that are keeping you where you need to be with your anxiety and and all that.

Amy 48:57
Yeah, even if I don't take my anxiety meds, I'm usually I'm pretty good for the day. But you know, every person says, a pregnant lady is not who they really are. Because they're sometimes a monster. I don't

Scott Benner 49:08
know who says that. Amy. I don't say that. Anybody would never hear me say that. My wife was completely normal the entire time. She had children just so you know. That's

Unknown Speaker 49:18
okay. Okay. So

Amy 49:23
so I had like, the extra extra hormones running through me. So everything was just super bad. But my sugar did stay in like the range the whole time with very low insulin. So that's why my last a Wednesday was in the sixth.

Scott Benner 49:40
So this was very recently so this pregnancy is with your boyfriend. Yes. Gotcha. Okay. I'm okay. I'm getting it. So you're making me feel old just in case you're wondering what's going on over here. Like, I just I went to high school and I got out and I was like, that girl seems nice. And then I just, you know, I made a final Yeah, let's go. But you you're having more fun than I did. But, so Okay. So pregnancy wasn't on purpose I'm imagining.

Unknown Speaker 50:11
No, it was.

Scott Benner 50:12
Are we doing stuff now to make sure it doesn't happen again?

Amy 50:16
Yes, I did. I got the ID you IUD Marina IUD.

Scott Benner 50:21
Now I hear that's helpful with blood sugar's actually, because it keeps you know it's finding that because I bought what's been told to me is that that keeps you from me keeps you from having a period is that right?

Unknown Speaker 50:35
Yes. Okay.

Scott Benner 50:36
I know. It's so because there's hormones on it. Maybe it doesn't keep you from having it here. But there's hormones in there. Those

Amy 50:41
keep like after like six months, you shouldn't have it no more, but it does like the hormone thing. I haven't know. I don't know. I learned another thing. While we're on this topic, I, when I was a big girl, I used to never get them. I probably got one a year. Okay, one a year. So I was like, I ain't getting pregnant. Well, wha wha. And so and I lost weight. And then I started getting them regularly, which that means you're more healthy. So I was like, when I started to hate him. I didn't like him. I was like, This is the dumbest crap in the world. I was like, why am I a girl? This is so dumb. I was like, I liked it. When that was like the one positive thing of being a bigger girl. Like I was like, No, no, yeah.

Scott Benner 51:33
It's the worst idea. Like the plant. It's the worst plan. Like it's somebody. Like, I mean, whoever designed it is just, they weren't thinking yeah, there's a better way.

Amy 51:42
Yeah. So I so I was having unprotected sex. So I didn't think anything of it. I really didn't. I was like, it's not gonna happen because I was so used to not getting one and then, and then like, a month went by, and I was like, Oh, that's okay. And then. I really was so yeah, it was July, when it was conceived. I went to the hospital for the August 2, Pregnancy came back. Negative. So I was like, Okay, I'm good. September came around. I went to the hospital again. No, no, it's weird. I didn't even go to hospital. I had an interview somewhere else. And I was like, I kept seeing babies everywhere. And I was like, I should go get a pregnancy test. And I did it. And I was like, oh, and then the first person I called was my ex fiance. I didn't call my boyfriend.

Unknown Speaker 52:44
I was like I

Scott Benner 52:46
said, Listen, I hope you know something about babies, because you're gonna have to teach my boyfriend about it so. Well, I mean, that's Listen, obviously, that's none of those things were intended or went away. I guess anybody would hope for them. But no, but I mean, as long as you I mean, if you take steps moving forward to stop that from happening, you know, and get yourself you know, if you want to have a kid one day, you're you're gonna have to think it through like you're gonna have to have a plan because obviously just you know, hey, here we go isn't gonna work out for you. So yeah, you have to know what you're doing when you want do you think you want kids one day? Or is that

Amy 53:24
still up in the air there's this world is crazy. If I want to raise a kid and at the same time, like even before that, like I was like, open air about it, but like, I think now since I hold her, I was like, I could do this. I can be a mom. I think the next time if I do get pregnant, and I'm like off medications and stuff like that, I will remember that moment. Like, I can do this. And it's actually quite interesting. I'm kind of glad that I kind of went through it because there's so many extra steps a type one diabetic has to do to even before you get pregnant like you're a one sees me to be Ranger sugar not even just your even sees like your sugars need to be like soup, because you can have a 401 day and then like, like, and still have a good day one See, your sugars have to be like in line all the time, even before you get pregnant, like about six months to Have a Healthy Pregnancy throughout. So I'm glad that I know that now because like I have my blood sugar's were a little bit high before that, because my agency was like 10.6. And that was they said that, that could cause heart problems. So so I kinda feel bad. That was my fault that I couldn't bring a beautiful person in this world. But at the same time now I know for next time

Scott Benner 54:40
you really did Oh, right. Like the all that stuff is a little lost. I mean, everybody doesn't get great, you know, information when they're diagnosed, then some people do and some people don't. I don't know that that's anyone's fault. Sometimes it's where you live or the kind of insurance you have. There's all kinds of reasons why, why it varies around I'm going to say something to you don't usually pitch my own show to people. But because you haven't listened, I'm going to give you a link to something. And I'm going to, I'm going to see how interested you are. But there's a grouping of episodes within this podcast. They're called, like, diabetes pro tip. And I think if you listen through them, I don't think your agency will ever be 15. Again. So and it's not about restricting food or anything like that. It's just about understanding how insulin works. And you have the right tools to do it with with a pump and, and that glucose monitor that CGM is is a quality device. So you'll be able to I love it. Yeah, it's been it's really fantastic. So I will, I will give it to you when we're done. I'll send it to you. But it's just diabetes, pro tip calm that way. You don't have to listen to the whole podcast, you can just kind of hit some of that. I think that might be helpful. The, the anxiety part though, it it's involved in everything. And I don't know that people understand that because everybody gets anxious sometimes. But the difference between anxiety that needs to be medicated and not like I now understand better from talking to someone else, that it can hit you out of nowhere and cripple you. Right? And then the pain is just it's massive. And then, you know, prior to I guess the anxiety, medication, everything you were, I didn't understand cutting until someone really explained it to me, but it's that it's a relief in a weird way. Right? And have you done that recently? Or do you not do that any longer? What's the

Amy 56:31
last time I did it was when I was pregnant? Because I was freaking out. So I mean, but before that, I think was about a year and a half ago. Um, yeah. So what I wasn't actually I was getting medicated for my ADHD and a DD. So my doctors like, you know, let's throw these out. And let's try anxiety meds. So that's what we did. And I'm so much better now. Um, the thing is, I think the big part of it is like, even though like you totally understand it, I and then you get to the point where you want to quieten everything. It sucks when you're having an anxiety attack, and then you're getting upset that you're having an anxiety attack, because you're like, this is not the place in time to be doing this right now. So then it just gets even worse. And you're like trying to calm down and you can't really do anything. Like actually, the last panic attack I had was actually a couple weeks ago in Walmart. And I don't know why I think I had a little bit that I was noticing all the shelves, were getting super low again. And it wasn't being explained. Like I don't know how everybody else's world is out here. Like there was no TVs on a shelf. There were some game systems, there was no like food, baby stuff as though everything. And this is only a couple weeks ago, we're kind of coming out of the cold stuff. So I was like, What is going on? And then I actually was walking down an aisle and I said, Oh, what should they eat? And I said she get something healthy. And then it was down like a snack aisle that had all these snacks, it said and that was in my mind saying no, no, no, no to all this food. And I was getting anxious about that. And I literally got into the frozen food aisle squat down and like starts bawling my eyes out. And and I call called my ex fiance and he's like, I don't know what's going on. I am like freaking out right now. And then the Walmart employees helped me and it was a it was it was a whole deal. Like I it was I haven't had one since I was pregnant, even though it was like recently, but it was like earlier in my pregnancy. And it just sucked because i was i was i was good. I was good. And as early as

Scott Benner 58:42
I think that it's it's visual, right? And there are things that you just expect to be there. And then when all of a sudden they're not there and then more and more things disappear. like okay, like in the beginning you think oh, people are hoarding food that makes sense. Toilet paper, like I understand that people are doing that. But when a television disappears, you're like, wait a minute, where are the PlayStations at Little League? Like Wait, wait, why is everything gone? And it feels it could I can see how it would make you feel it because I've had that thought too. I've walked this store and thought Hmm, supply is really low on a lot of things. One of the strangest things is you can't buy a flower pot anywhere. I know that's a weird thing. But you can't find a flower pot. I'm just like, I'm like the duck did COVID-19 hit the flower pot industry extra hard, you know, like, like, you know, very interesting thing, but then I don't have anxiety. So then I just noticed that I move on. But

Amy 59:32
no, so I didn't give me exactly yeah, the one thing I think that did give me anxiety so I'm in a great financial position. I'm really good. I love my job. It's really good. I have a place out in the country. And then so I was like, last four years. I was like mega pool. I'm going to get a pool to pool All right. Finally I have enough money. I just go out by pool whenever I want. I cannot and i and i don't know if any other diabetics are like this. I hate summer. It hurts. I don't know why I since I've been diagnosed, I cannot stand here. Even though I'm outside all day, I'm glad I can go into my air conditioned van when I need to. But like, it bothers my skin like I don't like it I get angry. I know some people just like get angry when they're hot. But it really is a very discomfort feeling past like 78 degrees. So I need like I need like, I was like, I'm going to the pool. So I can just come home and just go in the pool or break before work. And I can't find pool anywhere. And then if you do look for pool, they are price gouged so much like a normal pool that will cost like 350 bucks is like, like almost $1,000 I was like, Nah, not gonna do that. Never do that.

Scott Benner 1:00:43
Well, I have to ask, have you ever had your thyroid checked your thyroid levels.

Amy 1:00:50
So I saw because I seem like that dirt the first Monday of the month. So it was like a week or two ago. Actually, my thyroid wasn't large. My thyroid wasn't large throughout my pregnancy, other doctors that said, Oh, it's because of the pregnancy, after the pregnancy hasn't went down. I actually had an ultrasound on a Monday, Monday. And I have to go get a biopsy now.

Scott Benner 1:01:15
Okay, and have them just keep on top of that, because an inability to regulate your hot and cold could be from thyroid, thyroid autoimmune, like type one. Diabetes is not uncommon for a person that have type one diabetes and a thyroid issue. So check into that. Because maybe that that might help you with some of the other with some of the other stuff, especially with the heat. And I know that both my wife and my daughter have hypothyroidism. So there are nights when I get in bed, like I bought my wife one year as a Christmas present a ceiling fan that runs so fast that it's like a jet engine and my children as I'm wrapping it, my kids were like, you're getting mommy ceiling fan for Christmas. And she's not going to like that as a gift. And I was like, No, you don't understand mom's gonna love this. And so it, it this thing, just it makes a turbine of air that it cools the air in the room to the point where sometimes it's hitting me in the face, and I'm like, I can't breathe. And I look over and I look over at her and she's so happy. She's like, it's nice, just nice and temperate in here. And I'm like is it because I'm freezing my nipples feel like they're gonna fall off.

Amy 1:02:24
I love the cold everybody hate later on the gold bar drops so hard when it's cold is a little harder. But I will I will take the cold any day of the week, then

Scott Benner 1:02:34
levels check while they're doing this other work on you and keep taking good care of yourself like that. That's I mean, in the end, that really is going to be your pathway to to everything. I don't know. I don't know if that the anxiety. Listen to my opinion, the anxiety should be treated as much with medication as it should be with therapy. I don't know how available therapy is to you. But like there's So here

Amy 1:02:56
it's it's horrible.

Scott Benner 1:02:59
That bird behind you or something like that

Amy 1:03:01
I that's it out in the woods is pretty much as good as talking to anybody in this town. Yeah, honestly, do they I even had a therapist out here say that the health, the mental health care system out here sucks. That's how bad it

Scott Benner 1:03:14
so here's an idea. Maybe you could do telemedicine with a therapist that's not in your area.

Amy 1:03:21
I have to write because not a bad idea. Because if you

Scott Benner 1:03:26
could find ways to lessen your anxiety aside of medication, that might be a big deal for you, you know, because I'm going back to the Walmart story. And I'm hearing that like, and you said something prior to that, that I didn't want to skip over which is you have an anxiety attack. And then not only are you anxious about the thing that made you anxious, you're now anxious about being anxious. Yeah, that's screwed up. Like that's not a big deal to me. Like that's difficult in a way that people won't understand if they don't go through it. And I didn't previously understand either, but now you're now it's just coming at you from both sides. And what are you doing? You're telling yourself Don't be anxious. That's not a plan.

Amy 1:04:08
There's a I've learned DBT skills.

Scott Benner 1:04:11
Tell me about that. What does that stand for? You want me to look it up because I just lost your audio anyways. Let your audio come back and I'll figure it out.

Unknown Speaker 1:04:23
Is it back?

Scott Benner 1:04:24
Yeah, you're back mindfulness. distress tolerance. mindfulness can go a long way but isn't always enough. Die.

Amy 1:04:32
Yeah, diet to diet.

Scott Benner 1:04:36
therapy. Why? Why do things have to have? Why can't they just say DBT and let it be. DBT refers to dialectical behavioral therapy. It's an approach to therapy that can help you learn to cope with difficult emotions. Today it's used for eating disorders self harm, depression, substance use disorders at its core DBT helps people build For major skills, mindfulness, distress, tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation, it's helping

Amy 1:05:09
sometimes. So there's like different things like grounding. Like if you put your hands on your legs while you're doing stuff take deep breathing talent. There's another one that I don't know what it is. But it's like you see two things smell one thing, see a color and something else and just focus on those people. Put your mind somewhere else. Um, I can't Brown, I tend to kind of dig into myself a lot on so I can't do that. Breathing is my biggest thing I try to breathe on that day at Walmart. Even prior to that day I was having. I was very anxious the whole day. So I was trying to breathe through the day. And it just moment just made it worse. So just so I learned that and I even like go to see these other doctors because it's, it literally has learned he took me about five years to see a psychologist. Pretty sure that someone that's prescribing medication. And this is actually

Unknown Speaker 1:06:05
prescribed. Yeah.

Amy 1:06:06
Yeah. So it took me about five years in this area to find one, even after I got out of the eating disorder treatment center. And she was like, I can't help you. You need to get control. You're eating the server's Well, a little bit. I, you know, I, I know. She was like, I can't help you. Control your eating disorder papers. If your primary peers like I'm doing your medication, just have him do it. And he doesn't feel comfortable with it. Especially he does also this substance abuse. So anything that is a narcotic, he doesn't want to give me so that's kind of hard. And it like I said, it took me five years to find somebody to talk to them for the first time for an hour to tell me that they could not help me. And I've had a couple doctors tell me that and that I cried that day. And I was I was I was kind of a little bit suicidal that day, I was like, I can't do this. I'm never going to be fixed. I said, Nobody can help me, bla bla, bla. And even like, there's a point where my medication I get to the point where I can tolerate them. And then my anxiety gets a little worse. And then I notice it and then I'm like, I get anxious because I don't my doctor is like, well, maybe you should just deal with your anxiety a little bit. And I don't like that because once my anxiety starts a little bit, I don't want to go to that dark rabbit hole, which scares me, which causes me anxiety. So I don't want to go there. I was very suicidal. I actually tried to do suicide with my insolence several times. And luckily, my ex fiance knows how to use Google gone and forced me sugar things while I'm like almost passed out, so

Scott Benner 1:07:52
and what and that feeling of being suicidal, it's just that idea like, this is never all gonna be okay. Like I can't Yeah,

Amy 1:07:58
like I'm never gonna be fixed. Like, I'm like, there's a there's like, now I'm good. I like, Alright, we're medications are doing pretty good, we're good. My doctors following up with me more, I see him about at least every four weeks now to make sure that everything's good. Um, so it was good. But between, like, I don't know, like, I thought every, like, nothing was going good. Like, I was having a hard time. Even if I like, was struggling at work. Or just like most of it was because I my head wasn't straight. And I have been trying for years like I've been on medication since I was a kid. And I've been trying for years to get my head straight to the point where everything is okay. And I it's it sucks because this area sucks in mental health. I had a good time getting to where I wanted to be when I was out in Minnesota. My doctor wants me to go back out there and so that was my boyfriend and the next day but I did say I've been doing good and in the last year so I'm pretty good but I just want

Scott Benner 1:09:02
you had Karen Minnesota that was better for you you think Yeah.

Amy 1:09:05
Oh dude. So there was actually eating disorder treatment out here to the point you gotta walk to the facility they have like housing for you. You had to walk to the facility that was like a block away. No, sorry, not block away, like eight blocks away. And even if it was in the middle of winter, which it gets like negative degrees out here. So you had to walk there, then you're there and then they had this eating thing and I noticed a lot of eating disorder clinics don't treat all eating disorders they usually just focus on anorexia and that's that sucks because I they give you a piece of paper where you had to eat Yeah, they eat this many fats this many this and this many that. The thing is, is I didn't have a problem eating and I think a lot of type ones like that have died, believe me and stuff like that. A lot of us love it that we can eat anything we want and lose weight at the same time. So literally When it came to eat, I was fine. I eat whatever I want. But the thing is, is then it got to the point I remember I was on the couch, it was like a break time I was on the couch, and I did not feel well. And I did have my pump on me. And I like, literally rolled to the floor, and I thought I was gonna die. And I took some insulin. And then I remember the next morning was, I had a walkover and and I my ketones are super high. And neighbors sent me to the emergency room. And I said, No, I'm fine. And then they told me if you don't take your insulin that we're going to have to kick you out. And I'm like, this is why I'm here. I'm struggling to take my insulin because of fear of weight gain and stuff. And you're telling me that if I don't take it, you're gonna kick me out. So actually reached out to the diet, believe me on page, and I called them and they actually found a place with my insurance and stuff, and they got me to Minnesota, the only thing to do is find a way to get there and I got there. And that place was amazing. They have a special group for diabetic patients with eating disorders. And they have a mental health care, and they do so much like it's it was the greatest waste, like I couldn't ask for better treatment than any anywhere else. And with that said, like they had nurses that give you your insulin, and if even if you didn't want to take it all, they would talk to you about it to get you to take it. So it was it was like it was it was a really good treatment to the point where I was taking my insulin again. Um, so that was that was in the eating thing. It still went towards the people who had anorexia, who are anorexic, and I ate. So I don't know if anybody else but I heard a lot of people who restrict your insulin and then go back on insulin, they turn into a garbage can like they will eat anything and everything in their sight that that they can eat. Because for some reasons, like your body, start your body for so much. And now it can take all that although carbs that it can take that you've been like not giving it. And

Scott Benner 1:12:16
so you don't gain a lot of weight right away by re No. And using your hands.

Amy 1:12:21
No, I did I know. But you turn into a garbage fan like I wanted. Rise, I wanted this, I wanted pizza and it got to the point. So I got to the point where we were all eating around a table we all eat together. And then I got to a point where when I got done with my plate, I still wanted more. So that wasn't normal, so that I was considered an overeater at that point. So it got to the point where they're like, okay, so one through 10 How do you feel sevens where you want to feel 10? Is that your point that you feel like you're at a bus. So it actually got to the point where I was there and I had to tell myself to stop eating. Because for some reason, I don't know if you ever, like you know how you get like a chocolate bar, you're like, Oh, we just got a little piece. And now you want the whole thing. So if I went past that part of eating over that seven, like I already ate, I had like a balanced meal. I would eat, eat that one little bite. And I was like, Alright, let's just finish it. So though I had did come into a conflict, what we're all eating. And my therapist said, we'll talk to everybody there. And when you get to seven, you can stop eating. And remember, this girl said no, you can't stop eating. And I was like I was told to you that I can. And she's like, No, you have to eat our food. And just run you already ate my portion size. Like I already ate more than enough. And, but they only look at the people who didn't want to eat, who didn't want to touch your food, who was a fearful of her food to the point where I just wanted to do this. And I remember I shut down for like three days. Like I shot right down. Everybody's like me, you're not acting normal, like what's going on? Like, I was quiet. I was like, Okay, I'm not gonna eat no more. I was like telling myself just become anorexic. But I did work through it. And then they recognize that and it was it was good thing. But I think you have to be careful when you go to some places because they're not gonna focus on what your true eating disorder is, especially one that has to do with diabetes. But they did really well out there. So

Scott Benner 1:14:23
Well, I think that it sounds to me at least like you should find, even if it has to be through telemedicine, like find somebody who's better equipped to help you in your local your local area, that person doesn't exist. I still think it's good for you to have somebody to talk to because it sounds like it went much better and you are in a good place there. And this is obviously a maintenance thing. It's not going to right it's not going to go away on its own out of nowhere, like you're gonna have to maintain and maintain and is that the goal to like someday? Like I wonder what that did they ever excuse me Did they ever share with you what your goal should be like what it is you're trying to get to?

Unknown Speaker 1:15:05
Like a weight goal?

Scott Benner 1:15:06
No, like a, like a psychological goal, like,

Amy 1:15:10
yeah, you should be happy with yourself. And that's pretty much it. But there's days and I and I know everybody strolls. And my boyfriend didn't really understand it a lot, because he didn't understand suicidal. And I don't think a lot of people do. And I still I still, that's why I'm really open to it. So when people ask me about my cut marks, I tell them about it. And some people are like, Oh, why don't you cover them up? And I'm like, because I want to tell them my story. I want them to be educated about the same thing with my CGM on my phone, like you asked me about it, I'm gonna tell you about it. And my boyfriend's like, oh, people get down all the time. And I used to not believe in depression at all. I really didn't. I just thought somebody had a million dollars, maybe fine. That'd be okay. You know, if they had their family around them the whole time, if they had what they truly wanted the whole time, they'd be fine. No, it really I remember, I was crying one day, and I didn't know why. And Dylan, like ex fiance, was like, This is depression. And I said, I don't know why he's like, this is it. And then I realized, okay, I'm depressed, I need to get this treated. Like I didn't want to take medication for I didn't, because I felt like if I did take medication for it, that meant that I was sick, I was sick. And I wasn't like everybody else. And I and I, I'm glad that a lot of people are speaking out from this from like, celebrities all the way down to just me to say that it's just a chemical imbalance in your brain, it has nothing of being like a sick person, you're just, it's just like, somebody being diabetic, something doesn't work, you have to take medication for it, it's not making you any different than what you are. Hey, so I actually

Scott Benner 1:16:52
think that's a perfect way to end this too. Because I, I've been struggling for how to bring this to a close and, and I think that's exactly right. Just, you know, do what you need to do to live your life. And don't you're not, you know, if your pancreas doesn't work, your pancreas doesn't work if you know, and whatever else comes along, but I completely agree with you. Depression, anxiety, those things from the outside can be looked at, like they're, you know, like, oh, they're just crazy. But that's just the case. You know, it's, it's, it's very simple. Like you said, there's an imbalance of chemicals that lead you to feel more strongly about empty shelves, and I felt about them. And yeah, and I think a lot of us, you know, in regular everyday life prior to COVID-19, specifically, our lives were pretty comfortable. Like we had a, you know, it happened in a certain way I get up, I do this thing, like I have coping mechanisms. And now all of a sudden, those coping mechanisms are shot. And visually, everything seems different. And you're seeing people reacting to these things differently. And you're right, somebody has to share what's happening to them. So someone else knows. Otherwise, they're gonna think they're crazy and not just know that there's help to be had. So yeah, I appreciate you doing this very much, especially because you don't listen to Why are you following me on Instagram, by the way,

Amy 1:18:16
because I follow other type one diabetics on Instagram. And then you came up a lot. So I was like, Okay, I'll follow this. And I was gonna listen to podcasts. I'm a very busy person.

Scott Benner 1:18:29
You got to play football. You got to talk to Paul.

Amy 1:18:37
Meaning to like, there's like other podcasts that I've been meaning to listen to. And I just don't get around to it. Yeah, this

Scott Benner 1:18:43
is the one Don't worry about the other ones. Well, I really appreciate you doing this. I want to thank you. And I'm going to stop for a second stop recording you because I want to share with you, you know, what I think might help you a little bit. So and I've mentioned it here already, but I want to make sure you have the information. So thank you very much for doing this. I really appreciate it. It

Unknown Speaker 1:19:06
was a pleasure. Oh, thank

Scott Benner 1:19:07
you. For me as well. You really are delightful. I hope nothing but the best for you because I think you deserve it. And not that everybody doesn't. But you've come a long way and I you know, I'd hate to see it. I hate to see it not finished for you. Like I think there's whatever it is you think finishing is. I hope you get to it. I really do.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:30
So looking for that.

Scott Benner 1:19:31
I hope you find it. A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, g Vogue, glucagon, find out more about chivo chi Bo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juice box. you spell that GVOKEGL Uc ag o n.com forward slash Juicebox Podcast To learn more about the Contour Next One blood glucose meter, check them out at Contour Next one.com forward slash juicebox. super accurate meter, incredibly easy to use and carry, really, really, really take a minute to look at it. The website has a ton of stuff, including links to their test trip program, and you may even be eligible for a free meter. I want to thank Amy for coming on the show and for being so incredibly honest. And for just going with it and continuing to tell our story after it became obvious that I didn't even understand a tiny bit about her when I asked her on the show. I really sincerely thought I was just asking somebody who had an incredible weight loss to come on and talk about it. I did not know where any of this was going to go. Thank you so much for listening. If you're enjoying the show, please give it a great rating and review on Apple podcast. Tell a friend, subscribe in your podcast player, support the sponsors. Whatever you can do. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. But there are more shows coming in 2020 this show does not stop still coming. A great chat I had with Jenny that kind of rounded out the year we just sort of sat down and talked. I have a defining diabetes coming. And I just recorded a show that I think I'm going to launch 2021 with that was really spectacular. I'm super excited to keep bringing you the show. I appreciate everyone's support. I'll talk to you soon.

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