#472 After Dark: Living with Bipolar

ADULT TOPIC WARNING. Today's guest is a type 1 living with bipolar disorder and thyroid issues.

TRIGGER WARNING: This is a frank discussion with a female living with bipolar disorder.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to Episode 472 of the Juicebox Podcast. Today's show is another in the after dark series, the After Dark series deals with topics that people don't often speak about out loud topics such as, believe me, and type one diabetes, heroin addiction, PTSD, sexual assault, bipolar disorder, divorce, intimacy from both male and female perspectives, in all, a lot of things that you just don't talk about that frequently in mixed company, but we talked about it here on the podcast, I'm always looking for more people to add to the afro dark series. So if you've had an experience that you think fits, or you'd like to talk about something that's normally a little taboo, send me an email.

Even though in Episode 384, we did bipolar disorder and type one diabetes. That episode was with a guest who was much younger, and had different perspectives. Today's guest is a little more mature, has been dealing with type one and bipolar for longer. And to be honest, their story's completely different than the first one we heard. I hope you enjoy it. Please remember, while you're listening that nothing you'll hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. or becoming bold with insulin. You're going to hear short gaps of silence in today's episode. That's where the guests name was spoken, and we later took it out. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is here to help you the SH m h essays national helpline is free, confidential, open 20 473 65. their phone number is 1-800-662-4357 where you can find them at www.samhsa.gov. Today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor, find out more and get started dexcom.com/juicebox. Want to find out if you're eligible for a free 30 day trial of the Omni pod dash tubeless insulin pump omnipod.com/juicebox. And of course, whenever you want to see good things being done for people with type one diabetes, all you have to do is go to touchedbytypeone.org or find them on Instagram, and Facebook.

Anonymous Speaker 2:54
My name is and I've been diabetic since December 12 1994. So this December will be 27 years and I was diagnosed with bipolar on September of 2003. And I don't work right now. No one else's.

Scott Benner 3:16
It's so hard for people to describe themselves as fascinating. It's my favorite part of the show. I'm going to a clean piece of paper here on my thing. How old were you when the bipolar came?

Unknown Speaker 3:28
2323.

Scott Benner 3:30
And you probably thought, well, things can't possibly get worse. And then next year you got diabetes?

Anonymous Speaker 3:36
No, I was diagnosed with diabetes in 1994.

Scott Benner 3:39
Oh, how much? So how old were you when the diabetes came?

Anonymous Speaker 3:43
I was a month after turning 14.

Scott Benner 3:46
Oh, I'm sorry, 14. Let's just do that joke backwards. So you got diabetes, you probably thought this can't get any worse. And then right? Yeah, nine years later. I got it. Okay, we're good. Okay, now I understand. Oh, wow. So I guess let's talk first, about your recollection of diabetes through your teens in high school, etc. Well, I

Anonymous Speaker 4:09
was just listening to your interview with Caitlin. And we sound very similar. I actually didn't have to go to the hospital. When I was first diagnosed. They told me I was tied to and then pretty soon after that, I went to a place in Denver called the Barbara Davis center. And it was like an intensive Type One Diabetes camp. And then I don't know I remember going to the grocery store. And like bawling because my mom was like, Oh, you can't have this anymore. I can't have this anymore. You have to have sugar free and it was really emotional.

Scott Benner 4:44
Yeah. So your mom took you to the grocery store to show you all the things you couldn't eat.

Unknown Speaker 4:49
Yeah, that's horrible.

Scott Benner 4:50
Oh, nice. That's great guy. Does anyone remember Cocoa Puffs, as if it was a version therapy. Do you think she was like She wasn't smacking you as we're looking at. No.

Anonymous Speaker 5:03
No, I think she was trying to be honest.

Unknown Speaker 5:05
I know I understand hit

Unknown Speaker 5:06
me hard.

Scott Benner 5:07
I can't imagine it wouldn't at 14 like it is interesting. I have to say from a parenting perspective. You try to be very honest with your kids. And honesty comes, I mean, at least for me, it comes in, like sort of a dry adult way, like, hey, you're going to get a test today, they're going to draw blood, this is going to happen, like you're trying to lay it all out. It is almost impossible as an adult to put yourself in a child's shoes when they're hearing it. Like, yeah, you're kind about it, and you want to be gentle. But you also want to be factual. And at the same time, I don't know if there's actually a way to impart some pieces of information that are Stark and an in, like, firm contrast to how you've been living your life prior. without it being upsetting. You know, I mean, can you you don't I mean, like, what, what would the way have been? Exactly. And how long ago was that? You're 14? Would you say? 20? How long ago? Was this? 27 years?

Anonymous Speaker 6:07
Yeah, yeah, this December will be 27. So,

Scott Benner 6:11
I mean, what could anybody have possibly taught your mom about Type One Diabetes 27 years ago? That's probably what they told her. Right?

Unknown Speaker 6:19
Yeah. Yeah.

Anonymous Speaker 6:20
We went to the Barbara Davis center, and the nurse bless her heart was having my parents give her a shot. The poor lady had this arm, and she probably gotten how many shots from people learning. So instead of putting in an orange, she had my parents do it in our arm. And that was an interesting experience, having to deal with arm shots. But then they first put me on regular, right, and NPH and I had to wait 30 minutes before I could eat and my mom would freak out. If we go to a restaurant and the food took a little longer. She's like, she needs to eat something right now. And she would freak out.

Scott Benner 7:01
We're getting to this. So you met a sadistic CDE in Colorado, who was getting strangers to help her with her love of being stuck with needles. It sounds odd.

Unknown Speaker 7:15
Yeah. Like why

Scott Benner 7:16
not a banana or an orange or something? Like why my arm? Do you think? Oh, all right. We can't dig into that. But if that woman's listening, you're on the show. I want you. And is your mom. Is your mom alive? Yes. Okay. Are we going to is she is your mom. reactionary? in general? Or did this really get ahold of her? Do you think?

Anonymous Speaker 7:41
I think it really got a hold of her.

Scott Benner 7:43
Yeah. I can imagine we wish she married then.

Unknown Speaker 7:47
Yes, she still is.

Scott Benner 7:48
So was your dad. Like? Like, I mean, was it like classic? Dad? 30 years ago? Was he like, I'm just gonna go make money while you girls take care of all this? Was it that vibe? Yeah, it was. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 7:59
he nailed it.

Unknown Speaker 8:01
I'm gonna go to work. You guys. Good luck. Yeah, as my dad was like, we see people arguing he just he just like, boom, right out the door.

Scott Benner 8:13
Goodbye. My job. Title doesn't include Listen, everybody yell at each other for some reason. While that sucks? Is there any? Do you guys ever talk about it now in present day?

Anonymous Speaker 8:27
Um, she's still old school and on things that I can't have anything with sugar in it. And when I do, she really kind of glares at me. Which, which is kind of hard because I'm trying to explain to her I can't I can't have it. I just watched myself like I test afterwards and stuff like that. But she thinks that I should live in eliminate it completely. So I'm under a lot of stress when she's here. Not only with the bipolar, but with the diabetes, too.

Scott Benner 9:01
Yeah. Oh, so she's just she got indoctrinated at a certain time. And you probably only I mean, how long did you live with her after you had diabetes?

Anonymous Speaker 9:11
Well, I was in eighth grade. So three years, five years.

Scott Benner 9:15
And then that's it. So her her understanding of diabetes is 27 years old. And that's it. And she stuck on that. Yes. Yeah, that seems fun for you. And when you when you explain it to her, she doesn't care to hear it. Have you stopped trying to explain it to her?

Anonymous Speaker 9:30
I really want her to listen to 371 your episode that explains it. And I think that would be a less of a blow. Like it's nicer than me saying, Oh, I can't eat it and like starting an argument.

Scott Benner 9:44
I have to tell you, the older I get, the more I believe that people who you are close to need to hear things from somebody besides you. Exactly. It really is difficult for people to accept new or challenging information from someone that's too close to them. It really I it's just you just need to hear it from somebody who you don't have other entanglements with, I guess, you know what I mean? Like, who doesn't look at you like you're a little kid, or right? Or even? I mean, I know, a couple of people who are bipolar. And as supportive as I see their family be like, to their face, like behind their back. I always, it's, it's judged as a you know, it's a mental disorder that is judged by other people. Like, it just really is. It's how do you find that? I mean, I'm sure you have like, some people in your life, we're just like, you're that's that. But are there other people who don't see it that way? You mean, like, do you think? Do you think you're judged harshly by others? For the bipolar? Like, you know what I mean?

Anonymous Speaker 10:58
Yes, yeah, I try and keep it hidden. But then sometimes my, I act impulsively, or I go on, spend a lot of money or do something that kind of, I'm embarrassed on myself. And that's when I'll be like, well, I am bipolar. And this is what's going on and talk about my mania. And just say, this is one of the symptoms my my brain isn't working correctly. I'm sorry, I said something. mean, I didn't mean it harshly. I don't know my tone.

Scott Benner 11:26
Yeah. So you can't I get your so you can't have it. In a moment when it takes over. You can't not explain it to somebody.

Anonymous Speaker 11:35
Yeah, do you? Sometimes it takes me a little bit to apologize, because I don't realize they did it.

Scott Benner 11:40
So yeah, let's um, do you mind digging into that? Like, what's their? What's the, the general flow of how this goes? Like? Does it go in blocks? Like are you like, like manic sometimes? And how long does that last? And then what like, what's the transition? Is it just in a circle? Does it just happen over and over again? How does it work?

Anonymous Speaker 12:03
Um, when I was first diagnosed, I was on my honeymoon. And it's hard to describe, my husband can explain it better than me. But he's told me that I would hide myself in the place that we slept and I would lock the door, and he would freak out. And then I wouldn't sleep when I walk around the boat. And I want to we came back because we were on a cruise boat, we came back into to the emergency room, and they didn't know what was going on. So I think my diabetes is kind of put on the back burner, because of me dealing with a bipolar. And I've been in the hospital twice. And both times I needed to change my medicine drastically, in order to see an inpatient to see how it's gonna affect me before they let me go. Um, but I, I know that we try and stay under the best control and my husband has like this radar. And he's like, Okay, we got to nip this in the bud before you have to go to the hospital again.

Scott Benner 13:07
So there are things he sees behaviorally that indicate medication needs to be fine tuned. Exactly. Okay. So can you stay in front of it that way? I mean, I realize you're waiting for a symptom to change the medication so you're not really in front of it. But that's the goal. You're just it's sort of like changing basil rates for for a woman who's of menstrual age, like you just like you're like, oh, something's happening. More basil here, like, and then you go through the cycle and you're like, take it away. But do you ever take it away? Or is it always just increasing?

Anonymous Speaker 13:41
No, I'm fall as usual, my hardest time of the year. That's when I was first diagnosed. And just because everything happens within the span of four months. Um, so we have taken away over the summer.

Scott Benner 13:57
Oh, so not not completely gone. But

Anonymous Speaker 14:00
no, not completely. We've lessened it.

Scott Benner 14:02
Right. Wow. And he's helping you. I'll tell you what, first of all, good guy. I might have jumped. Oh, yeah. I'll be honest, I've been like, I don't know. I haven't been around that long. I got to go. on a cruise ship. Yeah. Oh, my God. That sucks. Yeah, I

Unknown Speaker 14:21
don't even know another way to say that.

Scott Benner 14:23
You were on your honeymoon on a cruise ship when someone realized you had bipolar disorder. And may I ask what happened that made someone realize was it just the locking in the room thing? Was that it?

Unknown Speaker 14:37
Oh, no.

Unknown Speaker 14:38
There's a story.

Unknown Speaker 14:40
There's what?

Scott Benner 14:41
There's got to be a story like you were in Puerto Vallarta at a stop and what happened? You know what I mean? Like that kind of thing.

Anonymous Speaker 14:48
Well, my mind wasn't really there. Like my mind was racing so much. I remember like waiting in line for one of the buffets and getting pizza or I don't remember what food was. But I, my mind was racing so much that I felt like everybody else was moving really, really slowly. And so I flipped out. And we had landed, or we had docked someplace and my husband was snorkeling or something like that. And I freaked out not knowing where he was, like, had a run in the water. We knew something was going on. But it took a while to get the diagnosis.

Scott Benner 15:26
Do you? Um, there's, there's a little bit if you do some googling, right? bipolar and immune, autoimmune, are a little connected, aren't they? Do you? Do you ever? Have you ever read some of the articles that say that?

Anonymous Speaker 15:43
No, I've always felt like I'm the only one.

Scott Benner 15:45
One of the more recent discoveries in the study of bipolar disorder is that autoimmune disease may play a role and it's in the conditions development. Studies have found that having an autoimmune disease or suffering a severe infection increase the risk of also having bipolar disorder. I mean, you got to be like the third person who's on the show who's like, hey, I've type one diabetes and bipolar disorder. And I'm thinking that I remember, you know, when you meet somebody you don't really know about their extended family, like my wife has extended family that I've never met, like, real extended. And I feel like there's a bipolar person back in her line to somewhere just super interesting. Like I I mean, I don't know, obviously, anyone who listens to the show realizes I have no medical training, but I just I make sure wonder, I mean, it just, it's weird. For certain I don't know that you're the only one Have you never heard Jonathan on here?

Anonymous Speaker 16:43
No, I'm actually new to listening to the podcast. Oh, wait, he was the child right.

Scott Benner 16:50
Now, there's another person, another person you? I'll show you later. But there's a there's a an afterdark, about bipolar? And so how does it? How does it intersect with the diabetes? Because you said it one's got a backburner? And I understand what you mean, you know, there's only so many hours in the day to apply to trying to figure out your medical things, call doctors get appointments, do stuff like that make changes the medication? Does. Does your diabetes take a big hit? Like Where does your a one c set?

Anonymous Speaker 17:25
Um, the last time that I was supposed to go in to get my a one c tested, because I go every three months? It was right around seven. But when I was pregnant, it was in the sixes.

Scott Benner 17:38
Yeah, well see, that's not too bad. But you're saying that sometimes you just you can't think about it. Because like, what, what keeps you from thinking about it? I guess is my question.

Anonymous Speaker 17:49
I guess I'm so focused on trying to be normal. And having both of these conditions makes me not be normal in my mind. So I guess I try and pretend like I'm not diabetic. And I try and watch what I say and watch what I do. And to not make it obvious that I'm bipolar.

Scott Benner 18:15
So you don't want to be in a situation where somebody just real really sees either of those things about you

Anonymous Speaker 18:22
know, right. And usually I talked about being bipolar or diabetic over being bipolar. Because sometimes my blood sugar will drop or sometimes that I, I can't drive because on the Starburst haven't kicked in. And that's when I'm like, Oh, yeah, I'm diabetic.

Scott Benner 18:40
I have. I can't drive right now. Are there any people in your life who know that you have one, but not the other thing?

Unknown Speaker 18:51
Um,

Anonymous Speaker 18:53
you mean like family members? Or just people?

Scott Benner 18:55
I don't know, right? I'm not sure what I mean. Like, I'm wondering if you've like, had to tell somebody about the diabetes, but the other things never come up. So that just stays away. By the way, everyone has medical issues. No one runs around telling everybody about them. It's it's the stuff that's forward facing that might impact somebody else, like you're saying, so you feel like you have to say, you know, my outburst or I'm sorry, I'm dizzy or that kind of thing. That's just I guess, common sense, honestly. But nobody, like I have, you know, I struggle with like low iron. It's not anything like this, but I don't meet you and go Hey, how are you? Sometimes? Not the second thing that comes out of my mouth when I meet somebody and I really understand the idea of wanting to keep it private. Especially when, hmm, but but how much of a struggle is that for you? Like, is that a portion of your day? like trying not to tell people you have these things?

Anonymous Speaker 19:48
Oh, yeah, trying to hide it. Yeah,

Scott Benner 19:50
the best that I can show the hidings a job.

Anonymous Speaker 19:55
I really don't feel like I like to explain it to like I almost want to say okay, bye color. This is what happens by,

Unknown Speaker 20:02
huh?

Scott Benner 20:02
Have you ever seen that? That card that Steve Martin carries? It's a business card, and it said you've had a brush with greatness. And when people ask him for a signature or something like that, he just hands it to them. Maybe you need that.

Unknown Speaker 20:17
That's great.

Scott Benner 20:19
Maybe you need to like, you know, bump into somebody yell at them for no reason. Just pull a card out of your pocket and go, boom, here you go and wander away from them.

Unknown Speaker 20:28
I wonder if.

Scott Benner 20:32
So my question is when you do end up telling people, is it bad?

Anonymous Speaker 20:38
Now most of the time, they're very receptive.

Scott Benner 20:41
So then, you know, the question, I'm gonna ask you Next, right?

Unknown Speaker 20:45
Why don't you

Unknown Speaker 20:46
get why are you bothering hiding it from them?

Anonymous Speaker 20:49
If it's cost, I want to try and be normal, I think.

Scott Benner 20:54
Listen, those two things feel in Congress just so you'd like. Because what we've learned so far is, it doesn't seem to my people don't seem to mind when you tell them but you don't like explaining it. But once they know it's no problem, but hiding it from them is stressful.

Unknown Speaker 21:11
You nailed it.

Scott Benner 21:12
Thank you. And I've googled Steve Martin's card. It's signed by him. So he's not a not a deck. He actually signs it. But it says, this certifies that you have had a personal encounter with me, and that you found me warm, polite, intelligent and funny. Steve Martin.

Unknown Speaker 21:31
There you go.

Unknown Speaker 21:32
Let's get you a business card company. I think we're

Unknown Speaker 21:35
all love that idea.

Scott Benner 21:38
Oh, my God. Apparently, Nathan Fillion does it too. This is to certify that you just met Nathan Fillion. How did you do? Great. He was impressed and now calls you friend. You called him captain. And it was good. It was friendly. Oh, it's got like choices for you to tell people about what people are geniuses. Alright. Can you imagine? How many people bother Steve Martin?

Unknown Speaker 22:03
You know, they

Scott Benner 22:03
mean, like if Steve Martin, I think I would like a little girl yell. Oh, my god, you're Steve Martin. Then he'd be like, Yes, I know. And people tell me every 25 seconds. Thanks so much. Here's a card Leave me alone. Even the cards probably not fun anymore. But okay, so back to you. Seriously, listen, everybody in the world does something that doesn't make sense, right? Because of some sort of, you know, you know, an internal reason. But I don't you just described something. It sounds like you like better when you tell people but you want to be normal, but I don't know what normal is. So

Anonymous Speaker 22:43
I feel like I have to be in the mood. Like I understand. When I had the insulin pump, I whip it out and I do my Bolus and train my banglori or cover it in the movie theater. I said when I first got it, like, that's when you turn on the light is when you're in a movie theater, and you have to cover it with insulin. But if I pull it out, and you're like, Oh, that looks like a pager? Or what is that kind of thing, then sometimes I'd go into detail as much as I wanted to. And other times, I'm like, it's just an outside pancreas. Don't worry about it.

Scott Benner 23:16
So when we sit in a movie theater, if we're right up on people, I will turn to the person next to me and say, Hi, how are you? And then they have a horrified look on their face because they're trying to see a movie and not gonna bother you again, just wanted to let you know my daughter has type one diabetes, I might have to take my phone out to give her insulin, I'll do my best for it not to bother you enjoy the show. And then I turn away from them. And that's that. But I am not encumbered by the need to feel normal, which I'm assuming everyone listening is not laughing about because they know but I don't have like I don't have that I heard somebody talking about recently about people rush through lines, like when you're in, you know, in line getting food and there's people behind you that a lot of people rush to they feel very pressured that there are people behind them. And I thought Huh, I've never really felt that way. Like I mean, I want to do I am one of those people like I sit at a traffic light and when it's my turn I go because I am cognizant that there are people behind me. I am cognizant of other people, but I don't feel rushed by the knowledge that they're there. And but it feels awkward to see you have a much different like, you know, story like you were diagnosed when you were 14. When did you first get a pump?

Anonymous Speaker 24:38
Right before I went to college in 1999. I had good old Kaiser. So I did do all kinds of readings and my agency and I think I had to fast and I think the two things I could have or mustard and celery and get blood sugar readings for that. So it took a while. That's actually the only time

Scott Benner 25:00
What you just said something that most people can't even fathom? That's how long ago you've had diabetes. So you had to prove what did you have to get to show them fasting blood sugars? Yes. Because if they were still high, then you needed a pump.

Anonymous Speaker 25:15
Apparently I needed to be under good control to be enabled. Yeah, it's kind of backwards.

Scott Benner 25:22
It's all just inch. I bet you I have no idea but I bet you it's all just insurance bs that they were just looking for ways to restrict what they had to pay for for some people. Because that, that literally sounds like three people have never seen anyone with diabetes. You forgotten a room. I was like, what should we do to make them get a pump? We can make it a little girl eat celery. That'd be great. Let's do that. My maniacal laughing. So you had to prove to them you needed a pump. You got it right around college. That's a real new thing at that time in the world. So that's definitely something you were trying to hide. I imagined but yet, not real high level back then. Right?

Unknown Speaker 26:03
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 26:05
How are you?

Anonymous Speaker 26:06
Well, it was able to be hidden because at that time, people had pagers.

Scott Benner 26:12
Oh, so you can play it off that way?

Unknown Speaker 26:14
Right. Gotcha.

Unknown Speaker 26:16
Can you just pretend that you're a drug dealer?

Anonymous Speaker 26:21
Well, I heard I actually went to diabetes camp, and one of the lady said that she was giving herself her insulin in the bathroom. And someone came in and saw her and she they thought she was taking illegal drugs.

Scott Benner 26:37
So they called the cops

Anonymous Speaker 26:39
now that I think they just approached her and they're like, what are you doing? And she's like, Oh, I need to do this. It's okay. Please don't turn me in. See.

Scott Benner 26:50
I my friend Mike used to just tell people he was shooting up. And then he would say things like, I can't I can't deal with you guys. Unless I'm high. Like stuff like that. I had to, you know, and he would shoot right in his stomach. Do you remember where you would give it like, you know, I said, the ordinary day, you've never given yourself a needle in your stomach. And she's like, people do that. Oh, yeah. All the time. She goes, Oh, I'm not doing that. I was like, okay, she went to her buddy there. Oh,

Anonymous Speaker 27:20
I have a funny story about that. My, my routine when I was in high school is I would test my blood. And then my mom would leave a needle and then I take my insulin, do my shower, get ready and stuff like that, and come up and have breakfast. And before that she used to give me a shot. And she did it in my butt and got a big old bruise. And after that happened, I was like, okay, you're you. It's my turn. From now on. You lost your excuse me? You lost your privilege. Yeah, you're not doing that again.

Scott Benner 27:52
Isn't that great? She hit a blood vessel and you're like, that's your fault. Aren't we be like you she stills? Like, we don't do it that often. But we do it so infrequently that everyone looks at it sort of like Pulp Fiction, you know, where it's just like, remember how to do this. Let's try here. It's just it's interesting how, how things have changed, but at the same time you hit off the college. any signs of man, can you look back in retrospect and see bipolar coming? Or does it just come like a light switch? How does it start? Was it a slow progression or quick?

Anonymous Speaker 28:34
Honestly, I think the stress of the wedding just finally caught up to me. And then you would think that honeymoon would be like I would be relaxed and not a stress. But I think that leading up to it didn't really cause a bipolar but kind of made it come into fruition.

Scott Benner 28:55
You just got pushed over a line. You hadn't been passed, but was planning a wedding. That's stressful.

Unknown Speaker 29:01
Yes. Is it? Yeah,

Scott Benner 29:02
I don't know. If I got my wife and I decided to get married. And we're married like I think seven days later so I didn't have a lot of Oh my goodness. Yeah. But that's so what is it like a year lead up to a wedding and you're like buying cakes and dresses and is it pressure from outside? What makes it stressful wanting it to be nice or people's expectations?

Anonymous Speaker 29:28
Well, both of those and also financially. Ah,

Scott Benner 29:31
so you're trying to hustle money to pay for it as well? Yes. We got married to park I think we had to pay a fee of $20 to the park for us. For them to let us use it and we had to pay a justice of the peace. I think $100 to show up and do the ceremony. The whole Wow. Yeah, that we went on the cheap. We did buy a dress for Kelly. Very nice.

Anonymous Speaker 29:55
We got married at the top of Vail pass and Um, my father in law helped build some cabins up there. Yeah, for cross country skiers. So we did it off season. And it wasn't for everything that we chose to do.

Scott Benner 30:18
Yeah, I am. I remember, one of my sister in laws was getting married my father and I was like, I'll just give you $20,000 if you don't have a way. And, and I think if you found her today, she'd be like, I should have taken that 20. But I understand it, I understand the idea of it, and I get the pressure. So the pressures building because of the wedding, it just you make it to the thing. So not that like if you said to your husband, like, How long were you guys courting before you were married?

Unknown Speaker 30:51
Um,

Anonymous Speaker 30:53
I had just gone to college in August, and then I met him that January or that February? So I told him, I wouldn't marry him until I graduated. So in May of 2003, I graduated. And then that September, we got married.

Unknown Speaker 31:10
Yes, you did college stress and marriage stress on top of each other? Yes, that's interesting. And I said, courting, which I've never said before in my entire life.

Scott Benner 31:22
I really don't know where that came from. Sorry. I'm all over the place today.

Unknown Speaker 31:28
We might want Okay,

Scott Benner 31:31
we might want to test me. I just there's a lot to wrap your head around. When you're when you don't really understand that a lot. And it just is. It's a it's hard not to feel like a lot of compassion for you when I'm talking. And at the same time, I don't want to in any way in for pity, because I don't feel pity. You don't mean? Like it's it's hard to try to be compassionate without seeming or maybe that's just my hang up? I don't know. But I wondered if the medication for the bipolar affects your blood sugar at all?

Unknown Speaker 32:15
Um,

Anonymous Speaker 32:18
I think it depends on which medication I'm on.

Unknown Speaker 32:22
does it vary?

Anonymous Speaker 32:24
Yeah, it's changed throughout the years, but I really don't think it affects it because I've always thought that stuff with hormones checks it. But all the medicine that I take is anti psychotic or seizure medication and mood stabilizers. So in all honesty, I don't think it affects my blood sugar, but other stuff that affects my blood sugar, but not my meds.

Scott Benner 32:49
do those things have other impacts? Like what are some of the side effects of the meds that you take?

Unknown Speaker 32:56
Well,

Anonymous Speaker 32:59
I recently had a colonoscopy, and they put me on oma protocol. And I have to wake up an hour beforehand, because I also take thyroid medication, and then I have to test my blood and then eat 15 minutes later. So my morning is pretty chaotic, and then I have to take medicine throughout the day.

Scott Benner 33:19
Okay, so it's like scheduling, it definitely throws you off. So I hear what you're saying. So the weight the oma persol What is that for? What do they find in your colon?

Anonymous Speaker 33:28
know if something my stomach, your stomach, like some, some juices or I don't know, I could look at it, but don't

Scott Benner 33:34
pick with stomach juices. That's better for the podcast. Okay, so they found some weird stomach juices put you on a med, but you can't overlay that med with your thyroid medication you left out? Are you hypo or hashimotos?

Anonymous Speaker 33:49
Um, I don't know the difference, but I know that I'm on a pretty high dose. Okay. And they took it out completely. Oh, it's gone.

Scott Benner 33:56
Gotcha. Was there a cancer?

Anonymous Speaker 33:59
They had, they had ultrasound it. I guess that makes sense. And so they checked it and they found some nodules. And then when they checked it a year later, they had gotten bigger and they're like, we don't want to mess with his he's got to come out.

Scott Benner 34:14
Okay. So when they found the nodules the first time did you go on medication?

Unknown Speaker 34:19
Not then. No.

Scott Benner 34:21
What year was this? Where are you living in the country? We need to get you to a to a population center so you can see a doctor. Wait, no. Wait, so wait, what year did you find out about the thyroid?

Anonymous Speaker 34:32
Um, not that long ago. Okay, maybe three or four years. I guess the dates kind of mixed up on

Scott Benner 34:38
that but three or four years ago, they find nodules on your thyroid, but don't give you thyroid medication, which by the way, would have helped with that. And so what did they tell you like your your? You they tested you and said you're in range? Did they tell you that bullshit?

Friends, the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor not only shows you your blood sugar, it shows you what direction it's moving in. If it's moving in a direction, and what speed, it's moving in that direction. I do this almost every ad I will now open up my cellular telephone, go to the Dexcom app and tell you that my daughter's blood sugar is 79. She's in school right now. And I can see the last three hours of her blood sugar. I can actually turn my phone and just run my finger along the graph. Listen to the numbers 9190 490-685-9491 80 780-580-4380 7877 This is me just dragging my finger through the last three hours of Arden's life. Isn't that magical? You can do that on your iPhone or Android phone. And not only can I follow Arden but so could nine other people if that's what we wanted. up to 10 people can follow her blood sugar's and see them in real time, and get alarmed if they go above or below a setting that we decide on. My alarms, for instance, are set at 65 and 120. My wife's alarms are set at 70 and 139. Interesting customizability you get to decide you want your alarm set at 150. That's where you put it. You want to set it at. That's where you put it. And it will tell you hey, Scott, you're dropping below 80 you're going over 150 BB a little beep. What does this mean? I see even the beeping tells you two beeps is higher. Three beeps is lower. You get to know this information is at the core of how we make decisions about Arden's insulin. Does she need more? Does she need less? Should she take in some carbs? Or just a few carbs enough to stop this fall? This information is I don't want to say life changing because people say that all the time, but it is it's life changing information. If you're using insulin, check it out. dexcom.com forward slash juice box. You can learn more for Get started today, right there at that link. That's talking about having your life changed. When Arden was four years old, we decided to get her an insulin pump. And luckily we got her the Omni pod. She's been using it every day since then. Since she was four years old. She's going to be 17 soon 13 years wearing an omni pod every day. You heard those blood sugars back there in the Dexcom add. Where do you think they come from? They come from the ability to change. Basil rates make timely boluses extended boluses through high fat meals. Arden can wear the Omni pod without convergence while she's showering, sleeping, running, playing, working out doing whatever it is she does. Arden has a tubeless insulin pump. It doesn't get caught on doorknobs. It doesn't have to be taken off to bave shower or swim. It's a special device. One that I'm thrilled My daughter has. And you can find out right now if you're eligible for a free 30 day trial the Omni pod dash at Omni pod comm forward slash juice box. There are links in the show notes of your podcast player and at Juicebox Podcast comm to Dexcom on the pod and all of the sponsors, even in fact touched by type one.org. You have to be impressed I did that all in one take off the top of my head and use the word cumference properly.

They tested you and said you're in range.

Anonymous Speaker 39:02
Yeah, I think they did test my blood. But then they also gave me the option of taking out half of it.

Scott Benner 39:08
But they never just tried to give you like Synthroid

Anonymous Speaker 39:12
not until I was sticking out

Scott Benner 39:14
until it was until it was gone. Okay. Alright, so you need to the Synthroid, you take and it needs to be away from food or other medications. So that's what I'm talking about. So you have to get up in the morning. Take the Synthroid, wait 30 minutes, take more and then eat or something like that. So your whole morning's kind of like screwed up like that. Yes. And Okay. And then the, what's the cocktail for the bipolar? Like? Do you mind sharing that?

Anonymous Speaker 39:42
You mean the specific drugs?

Scott Benner 39:43
I mean, if you want to if you don't want to, if you don't have to,

Anonymous Speaker 39:48
um, I take Seroquel. Um, I take Depakote and what's the other one? lamotrigine,

Scott Benner 40:03
I don't know why they can't give you things better names. And

Unknown Speaker 40:07
would be easier to remember.

Unknown Speaker 40:09
Really,

Scott Benner 40:10
why not call it like, I don't know, nevermind, I just I don't I actually understand the naming system through the FDA and why they make it, why they make them do it like this. But it's just, it's just difficult to remember when someone's on a drug their whole life, and they can't say it, that's a problem happens to everybody. So you take these three medications, that they have to be with food, or at certain times a day or anything like that.

Anonymous Speaker 40:34
Um, the circle needs to be spaced out through the day. Um, I take a pretty high dose that night, and then I take the other one in the morning. And then in the middle of the day, I take another one at lunchtime. And it usually makes me sleepy. So I'm probably the best time for me to drive is in the afternoon before dinner. So this is because of the medication. So

Scott Benner 40:58
this is one of these things has a very short half half life in your bodies, you have to keep taking it to keep the efficacy built up. Is that how that works? Yeah. Okay. And if you don't take that, what happens?

Anonymous Speaker 41:12
Um, the mania starts kicking in.

Scott Benner 41:14
Okay. Do you know what mania looks like? Or do you not know, you're like, do you not recognize like, I'm talking to now the person you are right now on using the medications? Do you fully understand what it looks like when you're not? Or do you not have that kind of recollection of it?

Anonymous Speaker 41:32
Um, I'm aware of it. But my impulse control is not there my tone, I could go to the grocery store. And in my mind, saying, I, I need this when it's actually a want. So I'm like, oh, like throwing things in the cart that I don't need. But my mind, I'm like, Oh, I, I need this, I just don't want it. And then so I spend a lot of money. And then I don't have a filter. So certain things that I say, should not be said to a certain person, or they can take offense to it. And that's not what I'm doing. And for some reason, I send out a bunch of cards, to friends, and like people that I know is thank yous and stuff like that. And if I start like, doing five or seven a day, it's kind of a red flag.

What else happens? I can't think of anything else that happens right off the top of my head. Well,

Scott Benner 42:30
greeting cards is, I mean, at least it's not like I kill five or seven cats a day, it's I send five or seven greeting cards. I mean, there's a high side here for certain, but spend a lot of money like, have you ever gotten in a situation where you've had to go and say, Look, this happened? I need to return these things. Like, is it been that bad? Or is that always something you guys can kind of cover on your own?

Anonymous Speaker 42:54
My husband really doesn't like returning anything. So he just kind of holds it over my head. Like,

Unknown Speaker 43:01
is there a mania room full of stuff you don't use?

Anonymous Speaker 43:04
No, it's actually not that bad. Because we usually hate sometimes when I'm at the store, I have to contact him and I'm like, Can I get this? And he'll either say yes or no. But I went to Costco, and which is not a very good place to go when you're manic. But I had bought this huge thing of powdered Parmesan cheese. And I and then I returned it and he needed it. He's like, Well, where is it? I'm like, well, you got so mad at me I returned it.

Scott Benner 43:39
Just imagine you're carrying a 50 pound bag of Parmesan cheese or something. He needs three pinches for something then goes for it. It's not there. And so some stuff, but we had 50 pounds of it now I just need three little benches.

So So anything you ever tried to hurt yourself or anything like that,

Anonymous Speaker 44:00
um, I was on material for a little while. And one of the main symptoms that got me was confusion. And that's when I had suicidal thoughts. with one eye when I was confused again, it's different from psychosis. psychosis is my mind. wouldn't let me go to sleep and it would just keep running. And then like I would walk around in my underwear, I would do like weird stuff. Like I would stare at the ceiling. It was bizarre, so I forgot where I was going with that.

Scott Benner 44:40
You were just telling me about psychosis. But I think we all got lost imagining you're walking around in your underwear and thinking we all thought holy real psychotics because it was walking around in my underwear like two hours ago. psychosis may occur as a result of psycho psychiatric illness. like schizophrenia and other instances that may be caused by health conditions or medications or drug use. So this one medication gave you these, these symptoms, you had to stop taking that. Yes, gotcha. How do you feel? Like, personally, can you separate the illnesses from you? Like, are you sad that this happens to you? Or have you made your peace with it that this is like how your life is? Do you not? Or you're not able to think about it that way?

Anonymous Speaker 45:33
No, I feel like I'm still in denial that I have it. I wish I could get over it and just kind of embrace it.

Scott Benner 45:41
Yeah, I don't I mean, how old are you again? 40. You're halfway there. I mean, I know we all want to think we're gonna live forever. But yeah, I saw my mom trying to get out of a chair the other day. Trust me. If you're still alive. It's not great. You're not in a you're not in a commercial. hanggliding 78 years old? Yeah. You're at home going? I hate the news. But I watch it. So Well, look, I gotta be honest with you. It's gotten me this far. I don't know that that's a terrible thing. And I don't is it denial? Or is it just the idea that you don't want to say it out loud? Because you're afraid of what will happen? Right? Because it's not Yeah,

Anonymous Speaker 46:30
I don't want to be judged.

Scott Benner 46:32
But it's not like you think the bipolar thing will go into another gear, if you just say, I'm bipolar. And I have type one diabetes and all this stuff, socks, but this is what I got to do. You don't think it'll get worse if you like, just give yourself over to it?

Unknown Speaker 46:49
You mean?

Scott Benner 46:51
Like, I guess what I'm asking is, are you worried that you're on a precipice, and by not fully accepting that you have bipolar disorder that you're stopping yourself from? something worse happening? Or he just is to just suck to say out loud?

Unknown Speaker 47:10
It just sucks to say it out loud.

Unknown Speaker 47:11
Okay. All right.

Anonymous Speaker 47:14
That's why it was so scared. Like, that's why I kept emailing you and be like, Okay, I need to prepare for this. I don't know what I'm gonna say. Can you ask me the questions beforehand, so I can be ready with the answer. Well,

Scott Benner 47:27
that's why that's why my next question was going to be why in the hell did you want to do this? Is this you're trying to accept it. thing?

Unknown Speaker 47:35
Yeah. No,

Unknown Speaker 47:36
do you think it's gonna work your help?

Anonymous Speaker 47:39
Well, I can listen to it as many times as I want. You definitely can.

Scott Benner 47:43
Hey, that's a good point. If I just had enough people with enough problems, come on, I could get my downloads up by them just re listening to their basically, free therapy thing that we do here on the podcast.

Unknown Speaker 47:54
That's why I'm feeling it's like,

Scott Benner 47:56
is it hell? I mean, we're 45 minutes in How are you feeling?

Anonymous Speaker 48:01
Like I have more to say. lay it all out.

Scott Benner 48:05
Yeah. Well, then go ahead. What do you want people to know.

Unknown Speaker 48:09
Um,

Anonymous Speaker 48:11
one kind of fun thing is when I went to diabetes camp, they were called juice ferries. And because you're so active, and you had to walk to do everything and walk to the bathroom and walk to eat and stuff like that. They would test you before you went to bed and they would come and they would test your blood and give you juice and graham crackers with peanut butter. And they're called the juice fairy and then they leave you alone.

Unknown Speaker 48:39
So the juice fairy comes and Jacks up your blood sugar and then lets you sleep.

Anonymous Speaker 48:43
Yeah, basically. Well, if your blood sugar was high enough, obviously, they wouldn't give you anything. But

Scott Benner 48:51
I'm just thinking that the next time I have to go into Arden's room, I'm gonna say, hey, the juice fairies here. Never thought that before my life, but now I say it out loud. Yeah, I don't it's that that makes sense. It. The juice fairy is a is a nice way to how old were you when people you weren't like 20 years?

Anonymous Speaker 49:14
No, um, I think it was right after I was diagnosed. I was diagnosed in December. And because I was 14, I was still able to go to diabetes camp. Yeah. So I hadn't been diabetic for very long before I went there. Okay, I guess is what you do.

Scott Benner 49:32
I think if I ran a diabetes camp, it would look much different than other people's diabetes camps. And back in the day, I mean, 20 years ago, I did use very makes a lot of sense, but I was just thinking about that. I was like, what would you do? I get everybody together and we get their bases all straight and get their blood sugar stable, and then we go do a bunch of stuff. And that'd be it.

Anonymous Speaker 49:54
No, this is when everybody was on shots.

Scott Benner 49:56
Yeah, right. Just shooting and Hoping and if you got dizzy ate something

Anonymous Speaker 50:03
that was like a bonding time.

Scott Benner 50:06
I get that, like you're all waiting around to be dizzy. Did it happen to some people more than others? Yeah, were you one of those people? Or were you fairly? Not Not so much. So

Anonymous Speaker 50:21
what cuz I was still trying to figure out what to do. I think they had to test me a lot. Yeah.

Scott Benner 50:27
All right. Okay. Listen, a minute ago, you were like, a split second from your coming out party. And I was like, tell people what you want to know. And you're like, there were juice fairies a diabetes camp. That is not the way I thought you were gonna go? Did you check it out? Or is that the first thing that popped into your head?

Anonymous Speaker 50:44
No, when I was going over this morning, in my head, what I wanted to talk about that was the first thing that I thought was kind of fun,

Scott Benner 50:50
cool. It's definitely fun. But I want you to unburden your soul. Like, I want you to get out of this at the end and be able to walk around and treat your self the way you want to be treated. Because I feels like you want to be one way and you're stopping yourself. Because you don't want people to know. But I mean, you're aware, because I have not hidden it from you. I got a lot of people are going to hear this. So you're good now, like you told people and it's green because as many people here it, probably not one of them will know you. So it's true. Yeah. So you have you get the you get to have the reality of unburdening yourself and telling people without the unpleasant part of your dentists looking at you and going, I didn't know you had diabetes, or you know, something like that. So, I mean, I guess put yourself in that position, somebody is in front of you, and you want them to know, but you don't want them to judge you. What do you want them to know? You said, What do I sorry? You just cut out? No, I'm sorry. What would you want them to know? about you?

Anonymous Speaker 51:58
I think that I'm, it's not my fault. Like, I want them to know that. Because I have bipolar, there's something in my brain that's not working like you would think. And then it wasn't my fault that my pancreas decided to die. Like, I want to be able to express that and explain why I do the things that I do. And it's not my fault, that what I do, yeah. Does that make sense?

Scott Benner 52:26
No, it does. So similar to the idea of, you know, you're afraid if you if you if somebody is afraid if I say I have cancer, someone's gonna think well, what did you do to get it? diabetes? What did you do to get it you? Do you? I hope you understand, and maybe you don't, but my belief is that that reaction from other people is self defense. Like, they don't want it to happen to them, which is an obvious reaction. And the end, because it's nebulous, because there's no reason why you have bipolar, and I don't, or my daughter's thyroid works, not as well as someone else's. There's no reason for that. So the fear when you see it happen to other people is Oh, my gosh, this could just randomly happen to me. I don't want to deal with that feeling. So I have to ascribe a reason why this happen, and then avoid that reason. So you smoke, you have cancer, that's your fault. I don't smoke. I'm never going to get cancer. And then which isn't true, but makes people feel comfortable. Yeah. And, and for you, the most important thing is for people to know, like you didn't make some bad decision that made you bipolar, or, you know, eight, you know, 819 pounds of sugar, like some people just seem to assume that's how diabetes happens. And yeah, and that makes a lot of sense to me. It really does. Because, like, you didn't like smoke some like laced crack or something like that. And like, all of a sudden, you were bipolar. It just happened. Right, right. And even if you did, by the way, I want to say, I've never said this before. If you did smoke crack, and it messed you up, it's still not a good reason to just like, make you feel bad about it later. Like, I mean, it already happened. You don't mean, you didn't hurt anybody but yourself if that's what happened. So I don't know. I definitely understand what you're saying. So what's the fear? What happens to you if they say to you some version of what did you do to yourself to make that happen? If that's what they think, why does that matter to you?

Anonymous Speaker 54:41
Basically, I shut down.

Scott Benner 54:43
Ah, okay. So just the assumption that they think you've done something to cause it kind of pushes you into a different and bad place.

Unknown Speaker 54:54
Yeah. Got it. Okay.

Scott Benner 54:58
So you can't just ignore it. The way I would write, alright. Like, I don't actually care what other people think. I mean, I do in some very specific and important situations, but like in the grand scheme of things, small things that don't matter, your opinion of, you know, my politics, I don't care about you like that kind of thing. Like, you know, if I, my neighbor cuts his lawn in a really specific pattern that makes me think he has a mental illness. And I just sort of go around the perimeter of my house and cut wherever, like, I don't think I've ever cut my lawn the same way twice. I'm just like me, and I got the edge and it means nothing to me. I don't want to wake up And see the lines in the grass. I don't care. I just want the grass to be shorter. But if someone said that to me, like you don't cut your lawn, right? I'd be like, what? Whatever. And then that would be and then I would never think of it again. But that could actually make you go inside and say, I don't cut my lawn right? And you shut down, then how long does? How long does that last for? If you get pushed into that situation?

Anonymous Speaker 56:10
I think it depends on the person.

Scott Benner 56:13
So how much you feel it from them dictates how long you feel badly about it afterwards? So it would mean more coming from your husband or your mother than it would from someone you just met in the store or something like that?

Unknown Speaker 56:28
Yeah. Okay.

Scott Benner 56:31
You alluded earlier that having your mother talk to you about your diabetes was not good for you? How often does is she involved still? How often does she get to say to you, you shouldn't eat that?

Anonymous Speaker 56:47
Only when she comes to visit? Oh, well, we ever since COVID, we've been talking or playing a game called trickster online. So we're able to play cards with with them in Colorado, because we're in South Carolina. And she doesn't really get to say what I eat until she gets here. And then my anxiety is going up because of her visit. And then my blood sugar's way out of whack.

Scott Benner 57:17
And just saying to her, Mom, I need you very I need you not to comment on my food. Why? And I don't want to see any side eye or stinky face or anything like that, when you see me do anything, because it really is bad for me. That wouldn't stop her from doing it.

Anonymous Speaker 57:33
I don't know what happened because I've never tried it.

Scott Benner 57:36
This is while we're playing trickster, we start we start talking about this a little bit. Or maybe you just have to. I mean, I assume the obvious answer is you need to call her on the phone and say, hey, look, there's no way you would ever know this. And I'm certainly don't want you to feel badly about it. Although I imagine you might. But please try not to for long. This is got an impact on me, I really need for this not to happen, you know, very matter of factly. Like, this is what happens. This is how it makes me feel. Can you please not do that? I know you have an understanding of diabetes that's a couple of decades old. And I appreciate everything you did for me back then. But the way people manage is really different now. And so when you tell me not to eat something or judge it, it's really hard for me, I really need you not to do that. Would that not put an end to it? Do you think

Anonymous Speaker 58:32
wide open would open our eyes to how she's been acting and that she's is living in the 1990s rather than in the 2020?

Unknown Speaker 58:46
range? feel bad, but a long time later. Right?

Anonymous Speaker 58:51
Yeah, don't. But that's why I want her to listen to your episode. And then we can talk about it afterwards. And I can like you, you know, I've kind of been feeling like when you come here I'm attacked. And that's not healthy for either one of us.

Scott Benner 59:09
Yeah. Well, you know, normal situation. By the way, it's not healthy for either one of you. But you have an extra layer with the bipolar. By the way, why could it not get a better name than bipolar? Maybe it's

Anonymous Speaker 59:21
exactly what used to be called manic depressive. manic depression.

Unknown Speaker 59:25
That's not it either.

Anonymous Speaker 59:27
No, that's not

Scott Benner 59:28
what's the name of that elephant in that Pixar movie? Maybe they should just pick like a random word. You know, Billy, and then just go you know, Billy, oh gal upset. And then I think it would be nicer anyway. We are not having a contest to rename bipolar disorder here on the podcast. Well, I hope that helps. I hope that um, that letting me basically let me do the heavy lifting part and then you come in and say, Hey, you heard that like, please don't do that anymore. Yeah, well, if she ever Listen to this like, Mom, you know, ease up. It's not that big of a deal. Like just she's doing something you don't understand and, and people don't. She's not using that old what we're using back there regular and mph mph. Yeah. Your daughter's using this fast acting insulin now it works so much differently. You don't have to do things the way you used to. And you can still get really great outcomes. And and you know, reduce variability. Are you going to CGM. Now surely I'd like you to have a CGM. But do you think it would make you nervous or upset?

Anonymous Speaker 1:00:41
No, I did try it probably in the pre stages. And I couldn't figure out how to make it. Oh, it wouldn't beep when I would become an arranger, because I was, I probably should have learned more about it before I put it on. But it would wake me up in the middle of night and he get mad. So I got so frustrated with that I even donated all the supplies back to my endocrinologist. But I I do feel like I've had it for long enough that I can tell when I'm higher low and I just have to test to confirm it.

Scott Benner 1:01:17
Okay, two things. Did we just assign the pronoun heat to bipolar? Or were we talking about your husband, he would get mad

Unknown Speaker 1:01:25
husband, okay.

Scott Benner 1:01:26
It's like maybe we're renaming bipolar right now. Just calling him. And that's not how that's gonna work like you. So you don't stop it from beeping, by learning how to turn the beeping off. You stop it from beeping by learning how to use your insulin. So you don't leave the range. Right? Yeah. But you didn't have the time like so you basically threw it on before you knew how you were going to use it. And then that starts beeping all night long. And I will say this, and I mean this with love. How you feel is not important to what your blood sugar is. If if people could just know what their blood sugar was by how they feel, then that's what everyone would do. And no one would be wearing a CGM. But the truth is, is if you put a CGM on and you can start looking at how different foods impact your blood sugar's you can start making different decisions about when the insulin goes in and stop those spikes and those falls. I know you haven't listened to the podcast that long, but if you ever feel like digging into the pro tip episodes, it was it'll walk you through all that stuff. And CGM work. I mean, I don't know how long ago you tried it the first time? Which one? Did you try it? Was it the Medtronic back then? Or was it the Dexcom? Like, seven plus, which one did you have? Do you remember?

Anonymous Speaker 1:02:44
I think, yeah, cuz I was on a mini med pump.

Scott Benner 1:02:47
So you had the Medtronic one. It is widely accepted that that Soc. So so now that Now Dexcom has something called the G six, or the g7 should be out pretty soon. There's another company called libri. That does like a flash CGM where you like hold your phone up to the thing and it gives you your blood sugar so you can see it more frequently. There's a lot of different ways to do this, where you could really kind of like manage your stability. And not I would tell you that I think that most most days, my daughter's blood sugar does not go over 140 even with food. And a major mess up would be 180.

Unknown Speaker 1:03:36
Wow. I used to have to calibrate it.

Scott Benner 1:03:39
Not anymore.

Unknown Speaker 1:03:41
Oh, wow.

Unknown Speaker 1:03:41
I mean, that was huge.

Scott Benner 1:03:42
Yeah, the caliber it used to be had to calibrate like every number of hours or something like that. g six does not require calibration. I have found sometimes at the end of a sensor, it you know, it starts to get a little wonky, then it might need a little help to get you to the last day, but it's fascinating. I'm looking at her last 24 hours now. And actually to go to our last 12 hours. Arden's blood sugar has been between 112 and 71 for the last 12 hours. And over, over 24 hours, there's Chinese food in there.

Unknown Speaker 1:04:22
Oh, wow.

Scott Benner 1:04:23
On a pump after a pump change, so her pump ran out of insulin, right. And we changed it and ate Chinese food in the same 20 minutes. 169 was our highest blood sugar. Wow, it only lasted for about 30 minutes before we got back to 118. So I think you can do that. I think anybody can do that. be perfectly honest with you. And I do wonder how much better you'd feel. If you cut some like spy And variability out of your life. Like maybe maybe you could maybe you could take some of the, you know, the thinking you have to do around diabetes and lessen it over time. Like I'm not saying you would learn in a day. But if you gave yourself time to absorb the ideas, listen through the episodes, got a CGM, I'd say six months later, you'd be in a better place. And you wouldn't have to rush yourself in that. Do you have the the my real question is do you have the ability to do something like that without letting it overwhelm you? Or do you? Can you do that?

Anonymous Speaker 1:05:37
If I take small steps?

Unknown Speaker 1:05:39
Yeah, you should.

Scott Benner 1:05:42
I mean, you should pick something. Tell your mom. Get a CGM. Do one of those things. Seriously, right outside your house right now. yell out loud. I have diabetes and bipolar disorder. Okay. By the way,

Unknown Speaker 1:05:58
if anybody's listening, well, that's

Scott Benner 1:05:59
perfect. Then you get the freedom of feeling like you did it. No one knows. So you said something earlier that I just have to ask about you said you. You were pregnant. Like how many children? do you have?

Anonymous Speaker 1:06:11
Just one, one of them?

Scott Benner 1:06:12
How weird is it to make a decision to have a baby when you have bipolar?

Anonymous Speaker 1:06:18
Well, when I was pregnant, it was under pretty good control.

Unknown Speaker 1:06:21
Okay.

Anonymous Speaker 1:06:23
I don't even remember it. She's 12. So it's been a little while. I was vegetarian at the time working in on the pump. So I would have to go to see the endocrinologist every week, every other week. And then the times in between those I went to get ultrasounds to make sure that she was okay. And diabetics typically have bigger babies. So she was nine pounds, nine ounces. And she was one day shorter being three weeks early.

Unknown Speaker 1:06:52
So

Anonymous Speaker 1:06:55
that's my pregnancy in a nutshell. Can

Scott Benner 1:06:57
you take the meds for the bipolar while you're pregnant? See, that's

Anonymous Speaker 1:07:00
what I was wondering. I think I had to lessen or I didn't have to have any at all.

Scott Benner 1:07:06
You had to for the baby. Yes, gotcha. But it's so longer you don't really remember the whole thing like,

Anonymous Speaker 1:07:14
this is not that long.

Scott Benner 1:07:15
Are you kidding me? What would you give to me? 12 years younger? I mean, I don't think I'd murder a stranger. But I think there are some things I would do to be 12 years younger, like, I think you can pretty much get me to probably like commit a small crime. I think 12 years is a lot I would take it. But there's no fear about like, even just like, did you think about what if I have a baby that ends up having type one diabetes? Was that a concern? Yes. Okay.

Anonymous Speaker 1:07:47
She's actually had the antibodies test and she passed it. So it it supposed to predict whether she has antibodies in the next five years to develop type one.

Scott Benner 1:07:59
Does she have What does she have any of the anybody's if there's like five they test for?

Unknown Speaker 1:08:04
Nope. Oh, that's lovely. She's good to go.

Scott Benner 1:08:07
Excellent. And do you worry about the bipolar thing? Like do you owe yourself like, try not to stress her and things like that?

Anonymous Speaker 1:08:16
Right. And try not to call attention to it. Anything if I start seeing symptoms in her I don't want to make her even more self conscious. Yeah, right. She's, she's in middle school and wants to fit in. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:08:30
And aren't there certain ages? That bipolar rears more than others? preteen teen like 1314 and then college age, right? Aren't those the two? I think I think it seems to come it's more specific ages. But I don't know if you've ever heard that or not?

Anonymous Speaker 1:08:50
No, I have.

Unknown Speaker 1:08:51
You have?

Scott Benner 1:08:55
Yeah, I mean, that would I just I think in general. I feel like that all the time. Like with the kids. I'm like, oh, if you can just get them past this age right here where this stuff usually happens. And then this you don't I mean, like you always just sort of feel like, I mean, while it's nothing you can you really can't control anything, right? Like what are you going to do just not be stressed out your entire life? Yeah, doesn't seem reasonable. The average age of onset is about 25. But it can occur in the teens were more uncommonly in childhood. Okay. So, you talked a lot about mania, but do you get depressed?

Unknown Speaker 1:09:33
No. You

Scott Benner 1:09:35
get more on the manic side but you don't ever get depressed. That's interesting. So is that definitely bipolar.

Anonymous Speaker 1:09:44
I don't even know if it's should be considered bipolar because bipolar obviously with the by it's the depression and the the mania or the anxiety. And you could also be rapid cycling. So you could have both but No, not really.

Scott Benner 1:10:01
Alright, I'm googling mania without depression. Okay, I'm gonna second.

Anonymous Speaker 1:10:06
I'm curious to know what it is to.

Scott Benner 1:10:08
You shouldn't go to all this stuff but I will Don't worry about there are lows minutes depressed. Wait, what's bipolar two? bipolar two involves a major depressive episode. Well, it's not you mean he is.

Anonymous Speaker 1:10:29
Bipolar two usually doesn't have psychosis. But

Scott Benner 1:10:32
do you think that's from the medication?

Anonymous Speaker 1:10:37
For type one,

Unknown Speaker 1:10:39
or type two? No. Do

Scott Benner 1:10:40
you think the psychosis came from that medication? Or do you have that with or without the medication?

Anonymous Speaker 1:10:45
When I was first diagnosed it, I had no medication. Right.

Scott Benner 1:10:49
Oh, okay. And that was what was happening. Yeah. So you there's so many different like, so self centered concerns and attitudes inflated self esteem, grandiose ideas. Do you have any of that?

Anonymous Speaker 1:11:03
grandiose ideas? Yes. Okay. Like you feel like you can take on the world and you, I can do all these projects in the house. And I'm like, I'm going to clean my closet and give everything away. And I'm going to clean every room in this house. So it's like speaking spans, so people can come over and visit and usually I don't finish the projects. Like in my mind, I'm like, Oh, yeah, it's gonna happen. But then I get distracted. You're very swell.

Scott Benner 1:11:29
You're so sweet. Like you thought of grandiose ideas is cleaning the house not like I think I can fly like nothing like heightened levels of energy, decreased need for sleep. Increased physical activity, feeling jumpy. any of that. Yeah, all the above. Okay. Rapid abstract speech. Excessive talkativeness. talkativeness. Frequent interruptions.

Unknown Speaker 1:11:50
Yes.

Scott Benner 1:11:52
You're not doing that today.

Anonymous Speaker 1:11:54
But I am random today.

Scott Benner 1:11:56
No, I am, too. It's not very helpful. Plus, I didn't like whoa, hold on. We'll talk about that in a second. racing thoughts, abrupt changes of mind frequent shifts in topic?

Anonymous Speaker 1:12:06
Yes. randomness. When it first starts happening. And my husband tells me afterwards, we'll be at dinner. And sometimes I make like they'll be talking about spaghetti and all of a sudden I'm like, oh, what about meatloaf and it completely Besides its food? It just completely blindsides everybody.

Unknown Speaker 1:12:26
You keyword it,

Anonymous Speaker 1:12:27
I didn't see that bridge

Scott Benner 1:12:29
you keyword jumpers that even more random than that, like, I know.

Unknown Speaker 1:12:33
It's topics.

Scott Benner 1:12:35
Like I know somebody like you could be talking about the fall of the Roman Empire. And and at some point in that conversation, like someone could just say, it was it was there were blue skies that day, and they're like, we should go on vacation. Like Like, right, like that. Okay.

Anonymous Speaker 1:12:51
Right. But in my mind, it makes sense.

Scott Benner 1:12:54
Yeah, well, why not your blue skies. Hyper focus on non essential tasks excessive and idealistic planning for future conduct? restlessness, motor agitation, like, I guess your limbs. Not so much. Not so much impulsive decision making poor judgment, reckless behavior, what's the most expensive thing you've ever bought? That you shouldn't have bought.

Anonymous Speaker 1:13:21
Um, I went to my eye doctor and had gotten my eyes dilated. And I told my husband that I was going to go to Costco and get like those really cheap glasses, like reading glasses, or universe caption but get the frames that are really cheap. And I went to the I looked in the Yellow Pages and found an ophthalmologist and went to see them. But $600 frames are with my glasses. He was not happy.

Scott Benner 1:13:52
You really are delightful. Like your biggest like, even with bipolar disorder. Your biggest spending spree was a $600 pair of glasses. Yeah, is that you didn't buy a car or person like you didn't like nothing crazy, right? You didn't like you didn't get involved in like human trafficking. Like you just just bought a pair of glasses. See your I think it's possible. This isn't as bad as you think it is. No, but seriously, it's it's very, I think, I think quite obviously the medications working like if you didn't have this medication, you'd you'd be out like yacht shopping or something like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So well, that's good. That's really great. Your husband's not independently wealthy or anything like that.

Unknown Speaker 1:14:39
No, no.

Scott Benner 1:14:42
worries. doesn't tell you. A giant pile of money somewhere. He's like, Oh, we can't tell.

Unknown Speaker 1:14:50
So take it go.

Unknown Speaker 1:14:52
Oh my god show by so many parents.

Unknown Speaker 1:14:57
are like by the glasses by the sunglasses.

Scott Benner 1:15:00
I thought for sure you're gonna tell me like you got laser eye surgery or something like that. Like you're like I, you know, decided screw this I'm getting my lenses reshaped. They're doing that now. Did you know that there? It's sort of some version of like the cataract procedure, but it's for nearsightedness, so you don't need reading glasses anymore?

Unknown Speaker 1:15:19
Wow.

Scott Benner 1:15:20
I'll tell you, I might do that. I hate that. As I get older my visions. Like that's one of the things that bothers me more than anything else. It's just like me complaining to you.

Unknown Speaker 1:15:32
I can't read close up. Here's like my pancreas. Working.

Unknown Speaker 1:15:41
Sorry.

Scott Benner 1:15:45
Oh, my gosh, you are really lovely, by the way. Oh, thanks. Yeah. What was the concern about not knowing what we were going to talk about? While we were talking? How did that make you feel?

Anonymous Speaker 1:15:58
anxious. Well, excited and nervous. Also,

Scott Benner 1:16:02
did it end up mattering? where an hour and 15 minutes into this didn't matter? Oh,

Anonymous Speaker 1:16:07
my goodness. Seriously?

Scott Benner 1:16:09
Yeah. Did it end up mattering to you? No, no. Is that a lesson that you can do? Is that a lesson you can take with you? Or will it not work that way?

Anonymous Speaker 1:16:19
No, it's definitely a lesson.

Scott Benner 1:16:21
Yeah. I there's a handful of people and I don't remember them by name anymore. But it's fascinating like, because I'm very loose about how I booked the show. Like, there's, there's certain little protocols you kind of jumped through. And then once you've done that, you have to pick a time to record that significantly in the future. Now, you didn't have to do that. Because I've learned that people who have depression, or anxiety or mania, that kind of stuff, it's not good to put something too far off in the future for them. Like for the same reason, I'll put your episode up sooner, I will not make you wait six months for this to come out. Because it'll kill you. Like I've learned that. It's so I know out of kindness to you, this needs to go up pretty soon, right? You need a little time to think about it. And then it needs to appear. But for most people, most people have to like there are it's February right now. Actually, my son's birthday today. And oh, well, happy birthday to him, I will definitely tell them that. And I can tell you that I can scroll forward. There is someone booked to record this show as far out as the latest one I have right now is a woman named Leanne who's recording on November 2 2021. And there are so many recordings between now and that date, like well set up. And then so you have to want to be on the show because you have to book something out in the future then. And then I do very little to make sure that you're here. There's like I think two automated emails you get right, like one the day before and something. And then, but do you know that I've never turned this thing on and the person's not been there. They're always here. And that's how I make sure that I get people who really want to be on the podcast. Right. But that process did not work for you at all, and has not worked for a handful of people in the past. And I've learned to like accommodate that. But the problem is, I don't know what I'm going to talk to you about. And so I can't give you questions ahead of time. That makes me feel terrible. But I felt like you handled it. Okay. But I probably had to reassure you four to four times you think

Unknown Speaker 1:18:37
at least

Scott Benner 1:18:38
Yeah, we were married there for a minute. I was like, hold on let me help. But, but you never got to to work. Like you were worried. But it seemed like every time I I explained it to you were okay again. Was I reading that writer? Were you not okay.

Unknown Speaker 1:18:57
No, you were reading it right. I just need to be reassured.

Scott Benner 1:19:00
That's what I thought. Yeah, like, it's gonna be fine. Don't worry, it's gonna be great. You're gonna be great. I'm not gonna ask anything you don't know the answer to. And you even before we started, excuse me, you said like if I asked, like, if you ask something that I don't want to answer, what should I say that I come close to asking you something you didn't want to answer. Can you hold on a second? I apologize. What's a question? I don't know if this is the right thing to ask or not. But what question Could I have asked you that you would have said no, I'm not going to answer that.

Um, it does one come to mind without even telling me.

Anonymous Speaker 1:19:51
Um, maybe the fact that I've been hospitalized because it's such a stigma that in Till now, I don't like to talk about it.

Scott Benner 1:20:03
Interesting because the craziest thing I thought of asking you that I didn't ask you was Has this ever led to any weird sexual encounters that you regret? that literally is one of the questions I had.

Anonymous Speaker 1:20:16
That was one of the symptoms of bipolar Taiwan, right?

Scott Benner 1:20:19
I don't know. I'm just I just been like, since you emailed me months ago. I'm like, I wonder if they just run around banging people before they know about the medication and stuff. Does that but I don't want to ask like that. Because well, seems rude. But that's that's one. You don't have to answer by the way, but like, that's one of unless you want to

Anonymous Speaker 1:20:38
know, I can answer. It's not that's not the case.

Scott Benner 1:20:41
Didn't happen for you like that. No. Does it happen to some people?

Unknown Speaker 1:20:45
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:20:47
Everything's just bang, bang time. Right, just based and that's the impulsiveness. And I would imagine there's impulsiveness involved feels like there's probably that whole like intensity and love. And like all that stuff probably gets mishmash together.

Anonymous Speaker 1:21:04
That's no conscience.

Scott Benner 1:21:05
Yeah. So it's just you don't have to worry that you don't know the person or anything like that. But that hasn't happened to you. does it impact your personal sex life?

Unknown Speaker 1:21:18
Stop

Scott Benner 1:21:18
jealousy. We found one I knew I could be if I tried hard enough. So yeah, you don't I that's, that's, that's all I was saying earlier. Like, just say, Don't ask me that. So now, how do you like knowing you're not going to have to answer that question? Does it still make you uncomfortable that it was asked? Yes. Gotcha. Did I ruin something? Like, Did I ruin your day? By asking that or? No?

Unknown Speaker 1:21:44
I'll get over it.

Scott Benner 1:21:46
But it sticks with you for a second. Gotcha. Does it like? Is it like being excited or scared? Does it feel like somebody walked up behind you and said, boo? Or is it deeper than that?

Unknown Speaker 1:21:57
Think it's deeper? Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:21:59
that's really interesting. I appreciate you sharing this, because there's no way for me or other people to know about any of that. And the only way is going to be if people like you are willing to tell stories and answer questions and tell other people how they feel. Because there's no way for me to like I've had people ask me questions that I didn't want to answer. And, you know, eight seconds later, that experience is over for me. It's really something I'm sorry, by the way that this happened to you because it is really random. And you obviously didn't do anything to cause any of this. just bad luck, right? Is that how you want to think of it? What guide I'm sorry to mean to stop you.

Anonymous Speaker 1:22:44
I don't remember as in say, maybe that's a symptom of my medication.

Scott Benner 1:22:52
Seriously, it's just the thing that happens when you get to 40. I had a little glitch here. And then we had to stop for a second. But we were just really kind of up on it. And I wanted to, I wanted to thank you for doing this and see if there's anything left that we didn't talk about that you wanted to talk about.

Anonymous Speaker 1:23:11
When I was reviewing in my mind what I think I wanted to talk about, um, you had mentioned that asked me if I become depressed? And I said no. And it's usually because the little things in my life. Like I love wearing fun earrings, and I love wearing fun socks. And like my socks right now have little mice and cheese on them. So I think that's kind of puts my mind in perspective to not be depressed.

Scott Benner 1:23:40
So you have like, just little like things around you that that help you stay kind of focused on happy stuff. Is that fair?

Anonymous Speaker 1:23:48
Yeah. Yeah, pictures and good movies. And

Scott Benner 1:23:52
that's excellent. I that so that that's a part of your process for for living? Well. That's excellent. That and how did you figure that out?

Anonymous Speaker 1:24:06
Like, well, I was. I don't know about the Sox. I feel like that's always happened. But after I got my ears pierced at 10 it was just fun exchanging them and being like, okay, it's Halloween. So I'm going to put a jack o' lantern on my ears and it's gonna be Fourth of July. So I'm gonna put on red, white and blue and stuff like that.

Scott Benner 1:24:27
Just a happy memory from when you were a little.

Anonymous Speaker 1:24:30
Well, that's my golden birthday. Because I was born on the 10th of the month.

Scott Benner 1:24:35
Your golden birthday. I don't know what that means. Tell me what that means.

Anonymous Speaker 1:24:39
Well, whatever day you were born, like the number day, it's your golden birthday when you turn that age.

Scott Benner 1:24:45
Oh, so if I'm born in the 10th when I turned 10 years old. Yes. I think I've never heard that before my life.

Unknown Speaker 1:24:52
Did I make it up?

Scott Benner 1:24:53
I don't know if he made it up. But I totally missed my golden birthday when I was 12. I wish someone would have said something At least had to have been worth an extra gift. And now I got nothing out of it 24 maybe I can, I already missed my 48th I'm gonna have to wait forever for the next time for it to come around. Alright, I got this I got screwed. I I never know why people in situations similar to yours want to do this. But I'm always very grateful that they do. I think that for you this hour and a half will be one thing. And I think for people listening, it'll be something completely different. And so I wanted to share with you something that a listener shared with me recently, they said that they've learned so much about the world listening to the podcast beyond type one diabetes, because so many different people come on and tell stories that aren't, you know, specifically connected to type one all the time. And, and they thought they said that, you know, it's just, they never thought they would learn something about, you know, I, you know, I forget what the example was back then. But they learned something completely disconnected from diabetes from the show. And I think that you sharing this will help somebody else understand how you feel, and maybe that'll maybe that'll move people's opinions in a certain direction. So that one day someone in your position won't have to worry that, you know, a person will believe that they broke themselves or, you know, did something on purpose or, you know, by being just not careful and led to something like diabetes are order bipolar. So, I think you did that I think you definitely explained to so your, your you spoke to me for the last hour and a half. And I have to tell you, and I I don't know if you would believe this, but if you didn't tell me you had bipolar disorder, we could have just talked about diabetes, and I would have known. Well, that makes me feel good. I'm just gonna say, Are you aware of that? Or do you think that the minute you open your mouth, people are looking at you going there's something wrong?

Unknown Speaker 1:27:05
Um,

Anonymous Speaker 1:27:10
I don't know how to answer that. That's okay. Because it might be both.

Scott Benner 1:27:15
Well, okay, that's fair. But from my perspective, it's not. And I talked to a lot of people, a lot of people. So you don't, you don't make me think like, Oh, I wonder what else is going on here? You know what I mean? Like, it just doesn't, it doesn't seem like you're a person who's got some deep, dark secrets that they're hiding. You seem very real and honest. And then, yeah, you're lovely. You just seem nice. Cheers. Thank you. You're welcome. Plus, you said he threw you threw me off in the beginning, because you said Barbara Davis. But then you said bless their heart in like the same five seconds. How'd she get from the south to Colorado? And then I didn't want to get I didn't want to get sidetracked. So I didn't ask you. But But no, you honestly, if you think that people are looking at you thinking something's out of your out of line? I mean, I can't see you. But from talking to you, I have no, like, if you're wearing like a tinfoil hat, then maybe. Maybe you're not are you?

Unknown Speaker 1:28:20
No. Okay.

Unknown Speaker 1:28:24
I think you're okay.

Scott Benner 1:28:28
Can I ask you one last question before we stop? Yes, sir. Do you have any idea of how it feels for your daughter? To have a parent who has bipolar? Like, what's her? What's Is there a change to her life because of that or not particularly?

Anonymous Speaker 1:28:45
She definitely is her personality being an only child that she likes to be bossy. And when I would go through that confusion state, she would always say that she flips being a child to being an adult and to take care of me. So that's her, and she's very proud of it. She'll tell anybody. She's like, I gotta take care of my mom. She needs my help right now.

Scott Benner 1:29:12
Probably like being a lion tamer in those moments. Sharon a whip, right? She's like, I'm trying to keep her from buying glasses and a big bag of Parmesan cheese.

Anonymous Speaker 1:29:25
Well, she's just as bad as me when we go to the store.

Scott Benner 1:29:29
Well, listen, everybody loves to go shopping. I don't know. I think that there'd be a great game show or a reality show where we just take you off your medicine from it and give you $1,000 and see what happens.

Unknown Speaker 1:29:40
Oh, my.

Scott Benner 1:29:42
I feel like he would just buy bulk food. Oh my god at least promised me that the next time you lose it and go do something like that you pie something fun. Get yourself some air pods or something? I don't know. Oh my god. Alright, let's Let me say goodbye. And thank you very much for doing this.

Well, I want to thank you very much for being on the podcast today and opening up about her life with Type One Diabetes, or thyroid issues. And her bipolar disorder. Not only did we hear a real vibrant, lovely person, we have a better understanding now of bipolar. We heard it from a person who has a wonderful sense of humor, and a great sense of purpose. coming on the show to share these things cannot be easy. I really appreciate it when people do it. Thank you. Thank you very much. I won't say your name. Because I don't wanna have to bleep myself again. But I really appreciate you doing the show. You know what else I appreciate it, appreciate Dexcom on the pod and touched by type one. In fact, thank you to all the sponsors of the podcast for supporting this kind of content. Find out more about the Dexcom g6 continuous glucose monitor dexcom.com/juicebox. See if you're eligible for that free 30 day trial the Omni pod dash tubeless insulin pump at Omnipod.com/juicebox and of course, the greatest things in the world seem to happen at touched by type one.org. There are links in the show notes of your podcast player links at JuiceboxPodcast.com where you can just type those addresses into any internet browser. I'd also like to thank you for listening today for supporting and sharing the show and for leaving those amazing reviews. Wherever you listen. If you have a story that you think would be great on the Juicebox Podcast, either in these after dark series or otherwise, send me an email. I currently have some space available in the last third of 2021 for some recordings, maybe it'll be you.

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