What Lies Beyond My Understanding
That's Kris in the red shirt
I like to wonder about the things that I struggle to understand. I find it relaxing to think about something that I can not fully absorb and then push myself to grasp every facet until I can feel my mind stop trying. That point is the wall, it's the end of my understanding. The topics vary, often I think about type I diabetes, my marriage, my children, what happiness is. Lately, if I'm being honest, I think a lot about how to help my book to find new readers.
I love the quiet that exists when my brain doesn't know where to go next. I don't consider hitting that wall as an impediment, I find it exciting, I trust that new concepts will eventually appear and that anticipation is electric. Sometimes nothing comes, I take those moments as a sign that I'm in uncharted waters, a place that I've yet to explore and I find the challenge to discover new ideas to be intellectually sexy.
Recently at the 2013 Lilly Diabetes Blogger Summit, I realized that there was a new place where answers about type I lived, a place that I didn't yet understand how to get to. That moment was exciting because it meant that one day I could do an even better job of keeping Arden's BGs in range. I like that idea very much.
Olympic skier Kris Freeman visited with our group at Lilly and during part of the discussion that we had with him, he spoke about his team. There are people that help Kris to optimize his insulin regiment so that he can perform at the peak of his promise. His team has, of course, access to machines and monitoring equipment that I don't have. More importantly they posses the know-how and intellectual prowess (far beyond mine) to read Kris's data and implement changes. Now, I don't have a team and I'm not a doctor but neither of those truths brought me down, on the contrary... they made me feel hopeful. If a bunch of smart guys can figure out how to keep an Olympic skier's BG from fluctuating, I can figure out how to mimic that response in a little girl whose sitting in a third grade class and playing softball a few times a week - right!?
It should be known that despite the vigorous testing, his team's calculations aren't always fool proof. Kris told us a story about a wildly varied BG that snuck up on him just before a race. His tale left me sure that diabetes is a wild bucking stallion for everyone at times. I loved how normal I felt listening to an Olympic athlete tell me that his BGs got crazy just like Arden's, it was so genuinely comforting to hear him speak those words.
Back before I knew what a CGM was I would test Arden's blood glucose at odd times just to see where meals and insulin would take her BG. I remember this one day in our Endo's office, Arden's NP asked how her A1c was so good when all of her BG checks where so high, I said, "Oh don't pay attention to those numbers, I'm trying to figure something out". I didn't exactly know what I was doing back then, what I did know is that there was some variable that I was struggling to comprehend, I could feel that it wasn't right to shoot insulin and then just except that the next three hours where okay. Today, thanks to those BG checks at crazy times and the advent of CGM technology, Arden's BGs are far more level and controlled. Tomorrow, thanks to Lilly and our meeting with Kris... I have something new to wonder about, something that may well bring all of this into even better focus. I can't wait to find out what lies beyond that thought.
There's always an answer. Please don't stop looking for it just becasue you've reach the end of your ability to understand. Push yourself, experiment and ask lots of questions until your conversations bring you the answers that you deserve.
Lilly Diabetes invited and paid for me to attend the 2013 summit. Airfare, lodging, food and transportation was all covered by Lilly. I did buy a jammin' lemon pound cake slice for myself at the airport. They never asked me to write about my experience or in any way tried to sway my opinions.
How I See Motherhood
I saw a movie back in 1996 called Microcosmos. It’s a documentary about insects. The filmmaker used incredible close-ups and time-lapse photography that gave me as the viewer the feeling that I was standing next to some of the most amazingly varied and fascinating living things on the planet. Slowing down the filming let me examine each step of each frame in a way that left me feeling like I’d experienced the subject’s entire life in just a few moments. As truly awe-inspiring as the film was, my real takeaway leaving the theater was the knowledge that all of this was going on all around me and I never knew it.
It may sound a bit crazy, but that is how I see motherhood. Each day is full of wondrous and critically important moments. Endless decisions are made and carried out by our moms in homes all around the world. Each step holds the hope of survival, growth, and prosperity, but as important and plentiful as these women and their work are, it goes unseen by most. When someone does finally pay attention, it’s unlikely that the viewer will take the time to learn about the complexities of these seemingly simple tasks. You can watch bees collect nectar and dismiss it as just bugs eating, or you can spend a few minutes understanding how their repetitive act literally makes the world spin.
This chapter is dedicated to the women I know who asked me if my book was going to help their husbands to understand what they do all day. I hope this is what you had in mind, girls. I don’t just think that you are the center of everything, I know that you are. I may not be a woman, but I try very hard to be even half the mom that I know my gorgeous wife would have been if our lives would have gone a different way. I hope every day that I am making Kelly proud, while properly representing all that you ladies do, feel, and love so diligently when no one is looking.
Diabetes Co-Stars
Click to help DHF
Sanofi US is supporting the Diabetes Hands Foundation with an initial $10,000 program sponsorship. But, when this documentary reaches 10,000 online views, Sanofi US will double that sponsorship for a total of $20,000! Please consider clicking over to help DHF receive this donation.
What is the Diabetes Hands Foundation?
At the Diabetes Hands Foundation, we believe no one touched by diabetes should ever feel alone, because together we become stronger and have the power to generate positive change in ourselves and our community.
Diabetes can be a very isolating disease, so we provide platforms where people with diabetes and their loved ones can connect and have an open dialog about their experiences with this chronic condition. Instead of looking at the disease, Diabetes Hands Foundation seeks to understand, connect and energize the millions of people living with this condition.
Diabetes Blog Week 2013
Diabetes blog week is the reason that I didn't give up on blogging a few years ago when I began to feel like my voice was necessary in the community.... so I love it!
You can (and should) find out more about Karen Graffeo's wonderful creation at this link. I'll be doing my best to keep up with the topics next week... Here is the list of topics from Karen's blog:
Tears of Insulin
images courtesy of Lilly Diabetes
Recently, I attended the 2013 Lilly Diabetes Blogger Summit in Indianapolis, Indiana. One part of the visit allowed us to witness insulin being manufactured and I'm here to tell you that the experience brought me to tears.
Maybe it was the overwhelming feeling that Arden couldn't live without the concoction or perhaps it was when I realized how many dedicated people it takes to make the insulin that Arden needs so desperately. I'm still not completely sure why the sight of insulin production was so moving to me. All I can tell you is that as those little glass vials were zooming past me and as I watched the mechanical arm fill them, I cried. There I was in a viewing room with my fellow D-Bloggers, all of us clad in hairnets, masks and gowns, when tears suddenly began to roll down my cheeks.
Arden doesn't even use Lilly's insulin and still the thought of this place existing was too powerful for me to ignore. So many people that I love, and so many of you that I call friends depend on places like this. I never really thought about it before, never considered the scope and effort that went into the production of insulin. It was amazing and overwhelming to behold. "Arden wouldn't be here today without out companies like Lilly", I thought as I watched the vials fly by... Then I looked around the room and saw so many friends and fellow D-bloggers who all could make similar statements about loved ones and themselves.
I found the hours that we spent on the production floor to be altering, they filled me with gratitude and humility. Diabetes did it again, just when I thought that my perspective on life was as clear as it could possibly get, diabetes brought things into even tighter focus.
This visit was as close to spiritual for me as anything that I've ever experienced. I went to the place that makes the very substance that my daughter needs to stay alive. What an amazing day, what an honor!
Lilly Diabetes invited and paid for me to attend the 2013 summit. Airfare, lodging, food and transportation was all covered by Lilly. I did buy a jammin' lemon pound cake slice for myself at the airport. They never asked me to write about my experience or in any way tried to sway my opinions.