Sesame Chicken you Motherless $%&^@

It was a long Sunday and the nights hours were burning away quickly. We just wanted to have a fast and easy dinner when we made the call. It ended up being anything but.

I pre-bolused. I counted carbs. I over-estimated those carbs. I set temp basal rates. I did everything that I know how to do and two hours later, it appeared as though my foresight had won the battle. Arden's BG was 150 two hours after insulin and some ninety minutes after she finished eating. I was victorious!

That victory was however, short-lived - Chicken and rice... not so nice

The next few hours were a slugfest. I traded punches with diabetes all night. It hit me in the jaw, a countered with a bolus. It responded with a gut punch, I shot insulin with a needle. Uppercut, water bottle. Jab, Temp basal. We went back and forth like two prize fighters in a ten round fight. This exchange went on until four in the morning, I was staggered by the unrelenting nature of the attack. Defeated physically as well as spiritually.

We just wanted a number four with dumplings

It's so incredibly frustrating at times. The old diabetes adage really does stand true. You can do everything that you did the day before in the exact same situation and get completely different results. We don't make a habit out of Chinese take-out, but I was certain that I had developed a great system for combating those crazy carbs. Not on this night I guess, my best laid schemes failed me.

 

But little Mouse, you are not alone, In proving foresight may be vain:

The best laid schemes of mice and men

Go often awry

The most difficult part of staying up overnight in these situations isn't the loss of sleep, though that did eventually catch up to me. It's the stillness of the dark and how it allows you the time to reflect on what the high BG is doing to your child's body. The darkness makes me want to be better. Do better, make better decisions. I do a fair job of not beating myself up in these moments, I try to learn their lesson. Knowing that you are standing in the dark with me helps keep that attitude in the forefront of my mind. We are only alone in these moments if we forget that somewhere, there is another person just like us, having the same doubts, fighting the same fights. The DOC is always with you!

The Descendants Made Me Cry 3 Times

WARNING - This post is full of spoilers for the movie.

This past weekend I found myself exhausted but unable to sleep. Remarkably, it wasn't diabetes that was keeping me up (like it did the five nights prior), this night I was trying to stay awake so I could pick my son up from a party at 1 am - so I turned on the television and found that 'The Descendants' was about to begin.

The movie follows a man (George Clooney) as he comes to terms with the news that his recently comatose and soon to be dead wife, was cheating on him. There is a scene toward the latter part of the film where the wife's father (played by Robert Forster) puts his hand on his adult daughter's head and kisses her while he is coming to terms with the fact that she won't be waking up. That made me cry the first time. It was a small moment in the film that was very touching, but did not effect me personally.

After the movie ended I made my way to Arden's room so I could make some last adjustments to her basal rate. When I was finished, I bent down and kissed Arden on her head just as I always do before I leave her room when she is sleeping. It was then that I began to cry for a second time, this time it felt personal. This time I thought about losing my daughter as the man did in the movie. I thought about how hollow the world would seem without Arden, and I wondered if I would want to exist in the void that her passing would leave.

I never thought about diabetes...

Until I did

I walked into our bathroom to collect myself because Kelly was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her. It was dark and so I could only make out shadows. There are personal photographs in that room and one of them is of Arden standing on the beach, it's from a few years ago and she is walking toward the surf with her hands stretched out to her sides. I took that picture as I watched her walk away from me. She looks like she is trying to absorb how wonderful the moment was... like she wants to hug the sun. I love that picture.

I just about had myself together when I heard Arden's CGM beep

Then I thought about diabetes and all of the things about it that we try to guard against but don't speak about very often. I thought about the possibility of long-term complications. And that's when I fell apart.

I was okay a few minutes later. I pulled it together and reminded myself that I get extra emotional when I'm tired and then I went back to Arden to check on that CGM.

I'm sharing this story today because I imagine that something very similar to this has happened to you - and it will happen again. It's totally normal, expected and human and I wanted you to know that it happens to me too.

BTW, I really liked the movie, if you've never seen it you should check it out sometime.

From Stay-At-Home Dad to Published Author and all the Laundry in between

From the Trenton Times. Photo by Christina Izzo 

From the Trenton Times: 

Scott Benner said he had his first introduction to writing books when he was a child in school.

“We used to write them and bind them and then they would go on a library cart and go from class to class,” he said. “That’s the part I really liked — that the book was somewhere else and someone else was reading it.”

Benner, who grew up in Bucks County, continued writing through his teens and early 20s, trying his hand at writing movie scripts and fiction, but he said he found that he was writing stories that were already written.

“I felt that I didn’t have anything to say,” he said. “I felt that if I kept saying stuff that somebody else had already said, either it isn’t valuable or I’m not at a point yet where I should be doing this.”

But after being a stay-at-home dad for 12 years, Benner said he found something to say.

You can read the entire article in today's edition or online here.

If you are in the Central NJ area, please come out tonight at 6:30 pm for my first book signing at the Barnes & Noble in Hamilton, NJ.

Guest Post: I wrote a piece for WEGO Health about the Power of Communication

From the WEGO Health Blog

WEGO Health is proud to announce the recent publication of Scott Benner’s first book: Life is Short, Laundry is Eternal: Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad. Scott is the 2011 winner of the WEGO Health Activist Advocating for Another Award, and an amazingly engaged member of the WEGO Health network. In honor of this outstanding accomplishment, WEGO Health is giving away three copies of the book to members of our community. Today is the last day to enter the contest, so head on over to our Facebook page and share today’s post about Scott’s new book for your last chance to win a copy.  Not a big Facebook fan? You can also retweet WEGO Health to enter!

I hope that you can take a few moments today to read my guest post over on WEGO Health's blog. Here's a snippet of what I wrote:

It’s possible to face your challenges alone; I know that because I tried. But eventually the burden becomes too heavy and it can begin to drag you down. Alone you are one person pulling a mountain, but together, together we are unstoppable. On the days that are too much for me, I look to others to find the strength to carry on. Those people, those sometimes faceless friends that I have found online, they hold me up until I can stand again. Before I know it, I’m fine and ready to help them during their tough times.

WEGO is giving away three copies of my book today when you retweet or share their blog entry - good luck! Hey, even if you don't win today there is still time to enter my GiveAway for a signed copy of 'Life Is Short'.

What have you always wanted to say to your child's teacher

Is there something about type I diabetes that you always wanted to say to your child's teacher but just couldn't? A fact or maybe a personal story? Have you ever dreamt of telling the administrator (that looked at you cross when you asked for an addition to your child's 504 plan) that you haven't slept through the night in countless years? Have you even once considered telling someone to go $%#@ themselves but instead smiled and nodded?

Tomorrow I will be giving a workshop at the Hamilton, NJ Barnes & Noble to fifty teachers about 504 Plans from the families perspective. We'll be talking about why I think that forming good relationships is so vital for not just the child, but the family, the school and the educator.

If you have something that you'd like me to pass on into the world, something that you think would help an educator to better understand our lives - I'd love to carry your message to them. 

I genuinely believe that if the school could just get a glimpse into the world that we live in, they would become better partners in our children's education... and not just for children with type I diabetes.

There are so many families that would benefit from that understanding. Tomorrow I'm hoping to send a message that will reverberate beyond the few districts that will be represented. I want to leave them with a story that they will be touched and informed by, one that they will want to retell.

More information about the event is here on Barnes & Noble's website.